# Coping with missing work



## Noremacam (Sep 12, 2006)

New question for you guys. How do you cope with missing work? I've started a new job about a month ago, and overall, I'm doing good - today is the second day I've missed the whole month. My last job I was missing 2 days a week - so I consider this an improvement.I attribute this to better diet, fiber, and control on my anxiety.However, I still get terribly depressed when I miss work. I even feel guilty, even though I know if I came in, I'd be completely useless. Like today, I am so nauseated and I'm having diarrhea(in spite of the fiber I'm taking, which disturbs me).I don't know why I feel the way I do. It's kinda feels like I'm "skipping work" even though I know that's not true. Perhaps it's because I've missed so much in the past. Ideally the problem would be solved by not missing work, but I don't know if that's even possible for me.You folks have any advice?


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## 14416 (Jun 21, 2005)

Hey I'm from Indiana as well. Hello to a fellow Hoosier







!My advice to you is to keep trying...don't worry about missing work. You're missing work for a legitimate reason; believe it or not, there are lots of people that just miss work because they don't want to go in. I know, because my brother was one of them. He'd stay out all night and then call into work the next day because he was too "tired".I know it's hard...but think about all the times you don't miss work. Keep on adding up all the days you go before you miss...you're making improvements. Before it was 2 times a week, now it's only 2 times a month. Before you know it, it will be once a month, and then you might go without missing a day. The fact that you're making improvements is a good sign. Keep reminding yourself of that.


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## Noremacam (Sep 12, 2006)

Thanks. That's definitely true. It's just really taking a toll on me. I finally got my bills paid off and the bill collectors(most notably college loans) off my back.I just got a call this afternoon from the employment service I went through to get hired. They were asking me about why I missed. I told them why. It's so hard to be casual and just lie to them "oh this is just back luck; this doesn't happen this often." It was especially hard since last time I missed I was like "oh this sort of thing happens just once a month for me". I felt dirty for lying, but I can't just say "Oh, I'm not reliable, and I'm not even sure of any way I can be more reliable." I hate lying.Anyways, in the call, she was rather upbeat, but had a veiled threat."Will you be in tomorrow?""Oh yes definitely""Great! Because I don't want anything to happen to your job."So I'm definitely on the verge of something bad. It would probably be wise to start looking for another job. While I'm confident I can maintain my attendance/absence ratio, it looks like they're going to require more of me.Ugh this is depressing...


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## 21485 (Aug 2, 2006)

Wow, that sounds like such a bad employment service woman to be 'threatening' your job like that







Is there any way you can have a word with your employer and explain the situation? IBS is a medical problem after all, most employers are very helpful.I have a small cleaning job, just 5 hours a week. First job in about 9 years due to my severe mental health problems. I work for an association that supports the disabled, they employed me through a Mental Health drop in centre. I miss days (though not that regularly!! woot!!) I just e-mail my boss saying I'm having an anxious cant-drive day and she says its ok. She goes out of her way to make it as easy as possible for me to come to work. All the staff know if I'm quiet or walk off mid conversation its because I'm panicky. Everyone is very understanding, it's fine if I start crying or stop coping and have to come back later.. or the next day. Nothing is too much trouble.Maybe you need to find out if your boss is supportive, if they are not find someone who is!!







Elly*who is proud of her small job!!!*


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## Noremacam (Sep 12, 2006)

Well, it's a factory job, and if I don't show, it taxes everyone else significantly. From their point of view, I can see why they wouldn't be happy with me.I can't be honest now, because I practically have been stretching the truth(lying) this whole time. I mean, I had to. I was 30 days late with my college payment, I almost didn't have car insurance, and I needed car repair. Not to mention, I was trying to get health insurance at the time(which flopped anyways). During the interview, she was incredibly impressed with me. Although that wasn't hard for two reasons: First Reason. In college I got the highest in the class in the practice interviews the last time through. I would've done better the last time, but I only thought of 2 of 3 questions that I could ask the interviewer. Before IBS, I loved to be around people, and I have natural confidence.Second reason: I was the first person she interviewed that didn't look like a stoner.I warned her, albeit casually like it wasn't much of a problem, "I do have trouble with irritable bowel syndrome, and I might need a break every now and again." She was like "Oh that's no problem, _I had a little bout with that years ago_. I mean, I wanted to mention that I had IBS, but I didn't want to disqualify myself because I was so desperate for a job. If I told her at my last job I missed twice a week, she'd have waved me out the door! I was able to lie about why I lost my last job because the reason I gave was actually one two reasons I lost it. The last guy I worked for is a one man business upstart, and he's still trying to make the money he spent on investing in the business. Hiring me was unfortunately probably more of a burden than a help. He's got a wife and kid, so I'm not about to put any sort of health sympathy guilt trip on him! So I told my interviewer that I lost my last job because because the business couldn't afford to keep me.


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## 14416 (Jun 21, 2005)

You sound exactly like me...it's kind of weird how similar peoples' stories can be.I was looking for work through an employment agency again (factory work) because I'm desperate for work. I wonder if it's the same employment agency. LOL, that would be weird.I've been taking my classes online and am getting my B.S. in Accounting, so I'm hoping by the time I'm finished, there will be more advances in IBS treatment. I really want to go to grad school.Did you get your degree in Indiana? What's it in? Can you find a job with your degree that might be more suitable for "IBS"? I know with factory work, you have to stay at the assembly line a lot of times (depending upon which factory you work for). An office job might be more accommodating to your IBS. I know that's one of the big reasons I'm going into accounting (always will be a bathroom handy!). I also like it, surprising to most people.


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## 15017 (Nov 14, 2006)

I suffer from anxiety, depression, and was just told today that I have IBS by my gastro specialist. I was out of work today due to stomach problems and, like you, I feel VERY guilty and worried when I miss work. I am a teacher, so missing work means they have to get a substitute to cover my classes, I have to send in lesson plans for the sub, and I always have this anxiety hanging over my head that I'm going to get called in about my absences, etc. Last year was when my IBS really started to flare up. I've always had stomach problems (used to take Librax when I was in high school) but my stomach problems were never diagnosed as IBS until today. My doc wants me to try Pamine Forte. I also take Lexapro every day as well as Xanax for anxiety. Hoping tomorrow I will feel well enough to go to work. I don't even eat lunch when I'm at school for fear of an attack -- I eat a bagel in the AM, and then nothing all day until I get home. Would like to hear more about how people deal with IBS and missing work. I have a lot of posts to catch up on here. Glad I found this board. Kevin


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## 21185 (Dec 31, 2006)

If you have an understanding boss and HR department, you can tell them briefly what you are experiencing. That way you have kind of CYA.It's up to you.Depression is covered under the ADA.


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## 23682 (Jun 24, 2005)

I've worked for my temp agency for 2 years now, I'm such a part of the company that they have me working at that I no longer call my agency when I have to call in sick. I just call my boss and tell him I'm sick. The people I work with know I have stomach probs and pretty much leave me alone about it. Every month or two I'm out a day. I dont see it as such a problem when the company has full-time employees of their own who are constantly out.


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