# the dating scene



## dima (Aug 11, 2000)

how's the dating scene for you guys? if you would like, share experiences with the rest of us.dmitry


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## lindsay* (Jul 23, 2000)

i've had a few dates recently and they've all gone pretty well. i actually asked for advice on the message board before the second date. i ended up taking two immodium before i left and another after dinner. that helped with the anxiety. i set little goals for myself and kind of scope out where bathrooms are. i've even found myself drinking more (not alcohol) in those situations so that it gives me an excuse to have to run to the bathroom a lot if i have to. for some reason i find it easier to say that i drank too much and have a little bladder than saying it's because of D.


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## Guest (Oct 12, 2001)

I really don't understand how a person is suppose to look attractive saying" Well I have IBS. Ya, it's this thing where I have to have a bowel movement four times a day and it's usually D, oh and I can't eat what you eat becuase that triggers it. And I get horrible pains so I might have to call our little thing off early. Oh, and I've had to try 13 different medications to get where I can go out with you tonight." Ya, I know I'd think I was sexy after saying that. I know I haven't told most of the people I've dated unless they have a sense of humor abotu the whole thing.


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## Serendipity (Oct 14, 2001)

Few people can discuss D and C with a straight face. Plus it's not a topic you want on the first cpl dates. When I feel I'm in trouble I remain vague. I tell them I have a "stomach" condition. I might elaborate about the abdominal pain and anxiety. People will be more sympathetic to a mysterious stomach condition, than hearing you have the runs. :-/Once we become closer as a cpl, I can explain to them the specifics of the problem.


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## Guest (Oct 15, 2001)

I want all of my fellow IBSer's out there who are frustrated with the dating scene or their body's response to the dating scene to know that there are wonderful men out there who are very understanding and who have the PATIENCE of a saint! Right when my IBS was beginning, I began dating a wonderful guy. I couldn't have been happier! Then, within a few months, my life came down all around me due to my IBS. I was a sophomore in college and living in a dorm (i think of it as the year from hell). I coudln't leave my dorm except to go to class for several months. I was severely depressed!! I'd never been very emotional but all of the sudden I could go from very happy to breaking down and crying. Through it all, he stood beside me, rubbing my stomach during the terrible pains, sitting in my room while I spent my time running back and forth to the bathroom. We couldn't go out to the movies, to restaurants, to anything. But that was okay with him because he said he didn't care what we were doing as long as we were together. I've always thought that God put him in my life right when He knew I'd be needing extra support. I doubt I'd still be in college, and although I've never ever seriously contimplated suicide, there were many times when I didn't want to go to sleep at night because I didn't want to have to wake up in the morning and go through another day in such pain. But Dave stood by me through it all.It's two years later, and I know this is only the beginning of our lives together. My life is still far from normal, and every day is a struggle. I'm able to get out more than I used to, but restaurants, late nights, long drives, places without bathrooms, etc. are all out of the picture. My emotions are still crazy at times. As we all know, this is a very difficult disorder to control, but even more, it's harder to find understanding and supportive friends and family members. I was blessed with one of these rare gifts. I'm writing this not to just share my "luck of the draw" but to let you know that when you think there could be no one out there who could understand and accept your disorder and ALL that comes with the package...there is someone. Be patient (i know it's hard!), but he (or she) is out there waiting to find you.Don't be ashamed of your IBS!! By opening up about this illness (you don't have to share everything on the first few dates! ;o)) you will be able to see who cares enough about you not to let a "little thing like IBS" (haha) get in the way of a possibly wonderful relationship. Your soul mate is out there, searching earnestly for you. Don't me unfair to him by giving up your search!! I'll be praying that you find these special people....GOOD LUCK!!!


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## Tamgirl21 (Sep 2, 2001)

Augustsb, That was a great story!!!!! You are very lucky you have found such a compassionate and understanding boyfriend. I have IBS since I was around 15 and it has always been an embarassing issue for me to talk about. I would avoid it all together actually. My boyfriend now of almost a yr kinda figured it out on his own, he knew something had to be wrong b/c I would sometimes cancel my plans with him due to a stomach ache. He basically asked me point blank and I told him everything. He was wonderful about it. I think some guys are. I think girls are more sensitive to the "poop" subject...lol.. Most guys talk about it freely and don't think anything of it. So I am also here to say there are wonderful guys out there who love you for you, IBS and all!!!!


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## Poetess (Oct 4, 2001)

OKie dokie. Dating? Hmm. I get nervous going anywhere! So dating is really hard. I have been talking to a guy for about 2-3 months now, and like him alot. I used the excuse (which is semi-true)that my parents dont trust me do to my past, which is why I can't go out with people, or him. Then, a few weeks later I was diagnosed with IBS, and gave it a shot at trying to explain it to him, why I don't go out much and have become a pure homebody! At first, I tried to somewhat build up his esteem, by saying stuff..that I just get nervous around him cause I really like him and afraid I'll make a fool out ofmyself, and stuff like that. Then I went on to say, that sometimes when I get nervous enough, I get sick...and either feel faint, nautious, or have to use the bathroom. Those were my words! It took forever for him to say something, and my face was becoming very red! Then he replied, "Well that makes me feel good." Then I said, "What does that mean?" And he said, "Well your saying when you get aorund me you feel sick, that makes me feel real good." The boy took it personally. And I had to continue to say that it happens everywhere I go, or anyone I come in contact with and want to get close to, and being in any environment I don't know (meaning, dont know where the pot is) freaks me out. And he said "Oh."... so I'm still not comfortable around him unless we're in a group..due to his misunderstanding and lack of sympathy. I still like the guy alot, and gradually going out with him, only if my close friends are with me. Another thing is I'm real blunt, and dont get too embarrassed talking about it, except with him..cause I care what he thinks. But I totally relate to the girl who talked about saying you just pee alot instead havin to poop every second. I mean there is NO appealing way to say it, so why beat around it. It's just his response..(taking it personally)..made me feel really bad. So...yep..still not seeing or dating him unless more peeps are around...!!hehehe. More about me.. http://www.envy.nu/eadon ------------------"If someone in their right mind, were to use their left mind, they would have to leave their mind, and in the process, might lose their mind."


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## lilymaid (Jan 3, 1999)

I started dating my now-husband (my first kiss, my first boyfriend, etc.-- but not first date!) right after I developed bad panic attacks, anxiety, and raging, raging IBS. I remember demurring on saying yes or no to going out with him different places, but for some reason, he was just really patient. I didn't even really totally know what was going on with me, because although I had had IBS for about three years at that time, no one had really given me any info about it, and all this panic/anxiety stuff was new.Slowly, somehow, I think I filled him in a little on my IBS and my fibrous dysmenorreah (a bad period problem). I don't remember when-- iut just happened. He was easy to talk to. And he didn't get scared off.And then a few months after we had been bf/gf really steadily, his younger brother died of an epileptic seizure. So we went through that. Then I started coming down with yeast infections, thrush, etc... and after a few months, I finally found out I had a serious case of mono! And then I was STILL dealing with all the other stuff... and he helped me start going out to restaurants and dealing with the panic... and so on. All with great patience!And a bunch of other #### happened, but we hung through it all.... together.Then, after two years together, he moved to No. CA for grad school. We stayed together.Then I moved up to start work... and after a year, my IBS got even worse. He hung with me through strenuous IBS diets, therapy, taking medicines, making sure I eat even though my IBS is acting up (because I'm hypoglycemic, so I gotta keep a good blood sugar level!), etc.After three years up north, he and I both moved to the Silicon Valley so I could start my M.A. program (I decided not to attend my Ph.D. program in 1996 due to family problems).We got married one year later, after seven years together. We've been married about 1-1/2 yrs. now.So WHAT MADE HIM STICK AROUND? I tell him that although he APPEARS to be super-functional, he must be DYSfunctional to be with me!







Trust me-- he's been through a lot, and still goes through it with me... with my health problems, my panic/depression/etc., blah blah blah.But then I think about his past: he grew up with a younger brother who was always very tenuous... he would sleep in the car with his other two siblings in the parking lot of the hospital while his parents took his brother to the emergency room after a middle-of-the-night seizure. He KNOWS how to deal with illness in the family, and all the adjustments to lifestyle that must be made. AND when he was younger, his father worked away from the family for nearly 2 years-- his mother, therefore, had a lot of influence on him, as to how to understand women, what physical things they go through, etc. He is a realist, an optimist, a teacher and a listener, all built into one. I guess I just got lucky. Meanwhile, HE thinks that HE'S the lucky one. I'm like, "But you got ME! The sickie! The weird one!" He's like, "What? Don't say that. You're the perfect girl for me. We're perfect for each other! We're a team, remember?"Whaddya know. I mean, I know a lot of nice guys. But now I know it's possible to GET one!!Regards, Lilymaid[This message has been edited by lilymaid (edited 10-15-2001).]


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## dima (Aug 11, 2000)

that was truly beautiful. thank you lilymaid, and all of you for your sincere responses.dmitry


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## Guest (Oct 22, 2001)

hi dima, I too get nervous about the dating scene. I'm never sure how they will react if i tell them. It's always such a big issue of if and when to tell them. It's not easy to deal with. It's good to know that there are others of us out there going through the same thing. i also want to thank those of u who posted your encouraging stories. it's nice to know that there are guys out there who will care for u and love u IBS and all


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## linds1979 (Sep 7, 2001)

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## bubbles (Apr 7, 2000)

Lillymaid, You are truly lucky to have found someone so wonderful


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