# Having a social life again



## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

I've avoided going out with my friends for a while now out of fear that I'll have uncontrollable gas or D and not be able to get to the bathroom or that I'll go to the bathroom at a bar or something and everyone will know. Even on days when I feel well enough to go out my anxiety is so bad it's crippling (I have OCD too, so I have panic attacks every day). I take Ativan and Xanax but they don't help enough. Has anyone gotten over the anxiety and gotten their social life back? If so, how? Please help me. I don't want to spend the rest of my twenties on my couch watching tv.


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## 21857 (Aug 15, 2006)

Hi Althea!I have had anxiety and depression for the kost part of my life, and when I was told I had IBS D, things didnt get to much better for me. I dont want to take meds for my anxiety cos I have seen people who have and I just thought their personalities became so different, and I wanted to deal with things myself.I wouldnt say at all that i have gotten over the anxiety attacks, cos yeh i still have bad days, but what I try and do is keep everything in my stride. By thinking about the 'what if's' all the time, i would probably just sit in front of the tv for the rest of my life, and thinking like that had caused me to miss so many days off work to.Instead I try and think, if i need to go to the toilet i need to go, if someone knows what im doing, oh well, everyone does it. Yeah it is not nice everyone knowing that you have to run off with D, but if you keep it to yourself then it will get you down. If you tell people you will be amazed how many people experience the same problems as you. You just need to get your confidence back, have some really good days, without worrying and then you will feel better about things.Hope all is well, and let me know how you go!


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Althea:I've avoided going out with my friends for a while now out of fear that I'll have uncontrollable gas or D and not be able to get to the bathroom or that I'll go to the bathroom at a bar or something and everyone will know. Even on days when I feel well enough to go out my anxiety is so bad it's crippling (I have OCD too, so I have panic attacks every day). I take Ativan and Xanax but they don't help enough. Has anyone gotten over the anxiety and gotten their social life back? If so, how? Please help me. I don't want to spend the rest of my twenties on my couch watching tv.


No, I haven't gotten over my anxiety, and I probably never will. I spent the majority of my 20s sitting on a toilet, and I'll probably spend the majority of my 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s.... doing the same.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

Zoe, thank you so much for your advice. Your right. Maybe I'll feel better once I've had some good days. Flat, I'm sorry you haven't gotten over your anxiety either. I hope you will one day. The world is waiting for us.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Althea:Zoe, thank you so much for your advice. Your right. Maybe I'll feel better once I've had some good days. Flat, I'm sorry you haven't gotten over your anxiety either. I hope you will one day. The world is waiting for us.


I think the world's done forgot about me and moved on.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

I don't think so. There's tons of people out there waiting to meet you. I have a panic attack just thinking about going out some day. I panic before going to work, the doctor. But I really don't want it to be that way anymore. I want to have fun. I want to meet new people. If you do too, make it happen. It's going to be really, really hard. I know that. But for me, I think its worth it.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Althea:I don't think so. There's tons of people out there waiting to meet you. I have a panic attack just thinking about going out some day. I panic before going to work, the doctor. But I really don't want it to be that way anymore. I want to have fun. I want to meet new people. If you do too, make it happen. It's going to be really, really hard. I know that. But for me, I think its worth it.


I feel the same way....that I'm sick of being a prisoner in my home, but it really doesn't matter how I feel. I poop (more than) half my day away, and I MIGHT....MIGHT feel better by about 2pm. If that's the case, I don't spend any time waiting to get out of the house.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

It sounds like your better off than me then my friend.


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Sometimes I go for weeks seeing only my boyfriend and making dashes to the shop. I really do want a social life because I get really down staying in my flat for days on end.When I don't mix with people at all, even passing them in the street terifies me. Before I came to uni I never really had a social life because my dad was strict and didn't like me going out. I met my boyfriend in my first year and we go out to parties and bars. If I get slightly drunk, my social anxiety disappears and I can chat easily to people, also I stop worrying obsessively about the loo.







The only other people I meet up with are 2 old schoolfriends, one who luckily lives in a city close by. We meet up to go shopping quite often, and sometimes they come to stay at my flat. That's my entire social life at the moment, and i'm clinging on tight to it. I carry Immodium, Lomotil, Clonazepam and Xanax at all times, because it makes me feel safer. And I carry change for taxis just in case I need to make a quick exit. I also take buspirone for anxiety, I think it's helping a bit. And I try to get out as much as possible, even if it means wandering round town wearing giant sunglasses and drugged up on benzos!







This autumn I start my MA and really hope I can build up a social life. I feel so much better when I interact with people and go out.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Sukie:Sometimes I go for weeks seeing only my boyfriend and making dashes to the shop. I really do want a social life because I get really down staying in my flat for days on end.When I don't mix with people at all, even passing them in the street terifies me. Before I came to uni I never really had a social life because my dad was strict and didn't like me going out. I met my boyfriend in my first year and we go out to parties and bars. If I get slightly drunk, my social anxiety disappears and I can chat easily to people, also I stop worrying obsessively about the loo.
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Yes, it definitely feels better to socialize with people than to stay holed up in a bathroom for your entire life.....If I go out, I just make sure not to eat anything. That really sucks, because most of the time everyone ends up out somewhere to eat. And there I sit, staring at someone's delicious burger that occupies the plate across from me.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

Thanks Sukie and Flat for your input. My brother took me shopping yesterday and it was the first time I left the house in a week other than work. I was alright the first hour and half but after that I started panicking and getting the urge to go but as soon as we got home I was fine. I no longer had to go to the bathroom. Sometimes its really just all in my head. Your both right though, it does feel better to socialize with people. I'm going to try to force myself to go out somewhere (other than work) at least once a day, even if its just to walk around a store. Maybe the anxiety will start dying down.


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## 22771 (Aug 27, 2006)

Social events are scary sometimes but when I feel comfortable to the people that I socialize with, it seems that I forgot that I have an ibs and it feels so great, but not always because some people are intimidating.I dont hang out much with my friends anymore. I'm out of their league now. But we still manage to contact each other however. And my only bestfriend now is the bathroom.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

I always just remember a little something to keep me cool at social events-"Every party needs a pooper. That's why they invite me."


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Juris07:Social events are scary sometimes but when I feel comfortable to the people that I socialize with, it seems that I forgot that I have an ibs and it feels so great, but not always because some people are intimidating.I dont hang out much with my friends anymore. I'm out of their league now. But we still manage to contact each other however. And my only bestfriend now is the bathroom.


Don't ever be intimidated by people. They're only people.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

> quote:I always just remember a little something to keep me cool at social events-"Every party needs a pooper. That's why they invite me."


Flat, I think that's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Thank you.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Althea:
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> > quote:I always just remember a little something to keep me cool at social events-"Every party needs a pooper. That's why they invite me."
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Glad I could be of service.


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## 21857 (Aug 15, 2006)

Hey Sukie!When you said you keep all those things in your bag, it made me smile! I thought I was the only one that had an entire chemist in my bag!! I have been thinking recently of buying a new handbag just to fix all the tablets and stuff in haha


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## 14730 (May 20, 2005)

I used to get problems going out and meeting people, especially where I knew i'd be some distance from a toilet.I realised this was completely in my head, and although it took some time and 'practice' I have now completely overcome this. I don't carry any drugs around with me at all either.There is merit to the saying "it's in your head", because for most I'm sure, a certain aspect of it is.I look on the bright side of life, I'm alive, I've got a #### bowel and a few other problems, but if I mope around and don't go out and enjoy life, then life will really suck. So I take every opportunity to have a good time.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

> quote:I used to get problems going out and meeting people, especially where I knew i'd be some distance from a toilet.I realised this was completely in my head, and although it took some time and 'practice' I have now completely overcome this. I don't carry any drugs around with me at all either.There is merit to the saying "it's in your head", because for most I'm sure, a certain aspect of it is.I look on the bright side of life, I'm alive, I've got a #### bowel and a few other problems, but if I mope around and don't go out and enjoy life, then life will really suck. So I take every opportunity to have a good time.


Thanks DrDevil. How long did it take you to overcome the anxiety you had about going out?


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## 14730 (May 20, 2005)

Althea,It probably took me around a year or so. It really was in my head. I used to be a wreck before exams, before teaching, before meetings, etc etc. I just slowely taught myself that it was my fault entirely and to try and focus on something else. Also thinking that, yes, if I need to go to the toilet, then I shall just go - I'll worry about it if and when it happens - which invariably it doesn't!Try taking your mind off of it and doing something else, and with practice you will hopefully overcome it and it will no-longer cross your mind.


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## 14730 (May 20, 2005)

Althea, Just rereading your original post.You obviously are aware that your anxiety and OCD is in your head.Apart from IBS I also developed a stutter after watching a TV programme on it. It really became out of control and within a month or so I was suffering from it quite badly. But again, I knew this was in my head. It's kind of about confronting your fears, and thinking, well what's the worse that can happen, and if it does - so what! That's the mentally that's allowed me to overcome both of these anxiety related things, although don't misunderstand me, it took time (months) and practice.Go out - if you have an attack - so what? It's not the end of the world! My other fear was that friends would laugh at me or find out - but guess what - friends get D from time to time too and they understand. I just say: "I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me." Believe me, most people don't want to know that you've got D and will leave you to get on with it!I get an attack of D most times that I drink heavily - but I'd rather go out and have fun and suffer the D, than sit at home and be lonely and miserable.


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

Your right. I want to be able to go out and have fun, not sit here thinking about it. It's the fear of being stuck somewhere without a bathroom, or some sort of escape that often prevents.I did suck it up and take your advice on Sunday. I went out with a very understanding friend ALL day (road trip) and had a lot of fun. Because I was with her and felt comfortable, I wasn't worry and didn't have any problems. I knew if I had to go we could stop anywhere and she'd understand (she has her own issues after having her gall bladder removed).Yesterday I had to help my brother move into his frat house. I panicked like you wouldn't believe. I kept feeling like I had an emergency. When I finally got to a restroom that I felt was "safe", I didn't even have to go.


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## 14730 (May 20, 2005)

Althea,I'm pleased you had a good time on Sunday.I know exactly what you're talking about regarding your brother!! Sometimes I'm often surprised how people on here can describe things I have experienced so closely! I mostly overcome this problem now though, even for interviews and the things normal people get nervous about! It's all about, as you say, "sucking it up".You went to your brother's... what's the worst that would have happened if you had needed to go? You'd have been in the bathroom for a bit, he may have worried about you and asked if you're okay and you just could have said got a bad tummy and he'd have left you to get on with it!I've got my mind into the way of thinking that I can pretty much go whenever I want. Even if I'm teaching I've left the room before now to nip to the toilet - in front of a class of people! I just say you'll have to excuse me for a second, get on with ..... and no one thinks anything of it - afterall, I wouldn't if I were a student.I think we get ourselves into the frame of mind that everyone is scrutinising our every move, and really they arent..


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## 14646 (Aug 23, 2006)

> quote:I think we get ourselves into the frame of mind that everyone is scrutinising our every move, and really they arent..


I really do feel that way sometimes. Classes recently started up for me again and I find myself doing my hair and makeup as if I were going out on a date. I guess I figure that if I look pretty and normal, no one will suspect that I'm going where I'm going to do what I'm doing when I get up in the middle of class when I'm having an episode. I know it's silly because I could care less what anybody else is doing when they get up to leave the room.At work it's a little different (I work in the medical field). My job is gross so my IBS doesn't seem to phase anyone.


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