# Nervous about a coffee date



## rugbygrl16 (Dec 11, 2009)

I am 27year female who has FBO issues due to IBS since i was 19. i've been in college for the past 4 1/2 years dealing with this. so as u can imagine my whole college experience has been a nightmare and over the course of these years its gone from mild to severly worse..these days i go to class and i'm virtually an outcast cause my college is very small and everyone pretty much knows about me..so my reputation is basically ruined..whereever i go people already know who i am, i get mean stares from strangers and i'm shun by my classmates on a daily basis..through this whole ordeal i try to keep to myself and mind my own business..i bascially don't have a social life..it better to stay at home outside of class instead of getting harassed when i try to social so i don't..weekends are just me on the couch with my roomates..other than class and shopping neccesities i don't go anyone that i don't absolutely have to go..as for my dating life,,its not existence. I am an attractive woman but with my condition i don't expect that any guy would want to date me in this time give my condition and reputation..anways in one of the classes i am taking, we were assigned projects and spilt into groups of three. on the last day of class on monday, the guy in my group at the end of class asked me out for coffee and i said yes..why i said yes i have no idea..the thing that confuses me is that in the class that i have with this guy everyone pretty much knows of my condition and reputation and have talked/joke/or made reference about my FBO at every class session we've had..I'm suprised this guy asked me out because i'm sure he has heard the way the rest of the class feels about me.my question if he has heard then why would he ask me out?..i was under the impression that if he like the rest of class didn't like me so i was shocked that he asked me ...anways i agreed and we are going out tomorrow evening for coffee..I'm extremely nervous not really sure what to think about the whole thing and i am wondering if he hasn't heard about my condition and reputation, do u guys think i should tell him myself because eventually he will probably hear it from someone else?


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## ThewallsRclosingIn (Feb 9, 2007)

He might just be a non-judgmental person. Everyone has problems, he most likely knows your more than what everyone talks about. I would hope that people can look past our imperfections and see what we can offer. Kind of sad to hear your story, i also am in college and know of the difficulties IBS can bring. So far I have been open with a few friends but none of them really understand. They know I have stomach problems but they cant really see how it affects me so for the most part im just dealing with it myself. I hate having IBS, it ruins everything. Ive been told by many friends that im a good looking guy but i have absolutely no self confidence since my IBS begun. I know it too, and i think i just get so down about my situation because its so oerwhelming everyday that I just dont feel good about myself. I just dont feel normal like everyone else. I go out on the date and enjoy yourself, take a few imodium as a precaution and just get some tea. You dont have to get coffee just have a drink in your hand to socialize over.


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Hi rugbygrl, I think he might be one of those guys who don´t care about rumours. I mean, everyone has their problems and their secrets, and even if your college is a small one, it´s college - a place for smart adult people. Seems like he is one of them. I can totally relate to you when it comes to non-existent social life, I´ve basically become a hermit over the years dealing with IBS and what else . When I consider all my other health/mental issues, I have zero self-confidence when it comes to guys. And yeah, I´ve been told by people that I´m smart and pretty, too ( and I don´t even consider myself smart and pretty, anyways) - my gastroenterologist once even told me - how could such a beautiful smart young girl like you have any problems? Which is ridiculous, happiness and health have nothing to do with looks and brains... and that´s the worst problem, we IBS people look totally normal from the outside but in reality we are broken on the inside most of the time. Anyways, if you like him and if he seems like a nice guy - just go







I don´t even think you need to mention your condition or anything - there are more interesting topics for a first date. And if he turns out to be a good guy, there will be enough space for more intimate conversations in the future. Have fun and let us know how the date went Everything crossed for you xxx


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## rugbygrl16 (Dec 11, 2009)

hey guys,here's an update on my coffee date..anways i went even though i was nervous and had the most amazine night!!!we left the coffee shop at 9:45pm have been there since 6pm..we just couldn't stop talking..it was just a really laid back atmosphere..we had such amazing chemistry that it really scared the hell out of me..we're so compatible its scary..only difference is that he's obviously more outgoing then i am.. I did however found out that he doesn't know anything about my fbo due to IBS and my reputation around town/school as a result of it...strange thing is he was in the same class with all those people who know and yet he hasn't figured it out nor has anyone said to him..how strange is that?Now i'm really confused cause i'm finding that i'm started to like this guy but yet i have this dark cloud over my head, just waiting and expecting someone to tell him about me and they expecting him to never speak to me again...i'm so confused i don't know if i should just tell him myself or stop talking to him so he can quickly forget out me..He's a very outgoing guy and goes out alot with friends..etc and i don't know how he could handle been seen in public with me knowing that people are talking abouting me and recognize as the smelly girl everywhere i go..what do u guys think i should do?


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## blondeoverblue24 (Oct 20, 2009)

I think you should tell him at some point, but try to figure out when would be the best time. It's hard to spring health issues on people you don't know very well and this is a tough one because there is potential for him finding out from someone else in the meantime. If it's any use, I wish I would have told my husband about my problems sooner (we had been dating for three years when my IBS started), but I know that's a little different because I knew him pre-IBS and it's easier for them to see the way it changes you when it happens. I know it sounds corny and might not be of much comfort, but you deserve somebody who wants you regardless of this. I hope everything goes well.


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## meboubou (Dec 14, 2009)

Hey, I have to admit I'm surprised by your classmates reaction towards you... I did think that at somepoint, the living hell called high-school ended...! I'm sorry to hear about you FBO, it must be really difficult to deal with, especially if the people around you are to dumb to understand that a medical condition can't be controlled. All that said, maybe the guy you met is exactly the type of person I'm talking about, you know? The guy who grew out of his baggy jeans and t-shirt and realized life wasn't all bout high-school and who the coolest person is







At any rate, don't wait too long before telling him, if you two start dating it's something he will want to know, especially if your IBS keeps you home on a regular basis. My example would be not telling a guy I was epileptic... and having a seisure on our third date... he was a bit upset after that... though he did get over it.. hehe.


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## rugbygrl16 (Dec 11, 2009)

Yes i am totally suprised by this guy..he's totally amazing..i can't believe it myself.After our coffee date on friday..he come over saturday night to hang out and watch movies with me..we interacted like we'd know each other our whole lives..he told me that he's had a crush on me since the first day he saw me in class and waited till the end of the semester to ask me out and it was the things i said in class that stood to him...i still just find it strange that he never noticed my FBO at all cause he sat directly behind me the entire semester...i just don't know how he noticed/smell anything but the rest of the class did and treated me with cruelty.. I thought my FBO was consisently apparent all the time because i can always smell it the strange thing is that my own family has never noticed it. I 've also noticed that some people smell it and so don't..i've developed a tough skin over the 4 years i've been in college but still sometimes i am and amazed at how immature people can be..it was a nightmare going to that class everyday..i've had people label me a horrible person...before i met this guy i had gotten use to mostly keeping by myself and had accepted that i would never find anyone and would probably never get married..I had made my peace with god and myself..Right now i feel horrible about the whole situation and knowing that i will have to eventually tell him about my condition and reputation..today i was taking one of final exams for the semester at a different time scheduale then then had been offered. the professor had me take the final in another class in which he was giving a final..when i walked into the class i was immediately greeted with icy cold looks and stares before one of the students started talking about me saying i smelled bad loud enough for me to hear..this guy had been in many previous classes i had were i was harassed daily.. I rushed through my final and quickly got out the class...the rest of the day i just felt horrible and started thinking aobout this new guy i met....So far from what i can tell he a really good guy but I just don't know how he will be able to handle being seen with me in public or go anyway in public..I haven't had a social life since i was 19.. I'm not a normal woman..I just thinking it would be unfair for him to have to deal with all that stuff once i tell him..how could he not feel ashamed to be seen with me..I feel that i would be a burden for me..I guess i feel that the best thing i can do for him is to break off things and let him go so he can find someome normal with the FBO baggagee..what do u guys think?


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## blondeoverblue24 (Oct 20, 2009)

This might come off as really corny and sappy, and I try to avoid falling that category as much as possible, but I can't think of any other way to say it. Life is short and just because you have a condition that others might not have, that doesn't mean than you shouldn't try to get what you want. If I were him, I would be upset that you were making the decision for him. If he's already looked past what you've said is a fairly noticeable problem, then he just might have it in him to keep doing that. Perhaps he's heard everything about you and seen all the looks, etc, and he still wants to be with you. You deserve that. Don't cheat yourself out of somebody great just because you're worried about the what ifs.


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## meboubou (Dec 14, 2009)

Well said blondoverblue!


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

I agree with what everyone else said - and I want to say - he might have some problems of his own or someone close to him does . I mean, when I think about it I´ve got a few "invisible"problems of my own. From the outside I seem completely healthy but I´ve got my share of health issues. So when I think about it - a lot of people most probably have their problems that are invisible to others. I´m sure he´s not perfect - and maybe he´s been through something that has made him a sensitive and mature person. He might be worried what you think about him, too!







I think you deserve to be happy and from what you said he really likes you.


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## rugbygrl16 (Dec 11, 2009)

hey everyone,i thought i would give you an update on my story...i followed the advice you guys gave me and told the guy about my condition and was suprised to find out that he didn't care..infact he had never even noticed any strange smell at all and told me that he didn't care what others thought..he's studying biology in college and it turned out that long before he met me he had read a book what conditions which gave people strange smell and so and still had the book....anways ot shorten a long story, we dated for 2 wonderful months..he was talking about getting married in the future and plans for us after graduation and even mentione the L word and then at the end of the 2 months dissappeared for a few days on me and ignored my messages during that time and then broke up with me claiming that he just realized that he didn't want to be in a relationship but wants to focus on school and graduating in december 2010 and getting ready to apply to get into a chiropractic school halfway accross the country...i've been so confused and devasted by the whole thing..i'm now back to my old self..emotionally closed off and keeping to myself...if i see a guy trying to get my attention i just ignore it.....


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## Geethika (Nov 13, 2009)

May be he likes u as u are. Don' be nervous.Everything will go well.


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