# funny embarassing stories!!!



## 13299 (Aug 15, 2005)

I am a therapist at a prison working with sex offenders. I can not smoke on the property so I drove my car across the street. Well my stomach started churning so I thought I better get back to work. Just as I arrived back to the prison property I knew I couldn't make a move or else. I drove my car to the furtest part of the parking lot and found a trash bag and antibacterial wipes in my car. I thought thank God!! So I have a trash bag on my rear and my pants and underwear around my knees and who should come by but SECURITY!!! He pulls over gets out and ask me if I was there to visit. I quickly whip out my i.d. before he gets to close to the car. In the mean time I grab my umbrella next to me and open it up. (I was trying to cover myself). Since it wasn't raining I'm sure he thought I was crazy. After all who would open an umbrella in their car on a perfectly sunny day. I managed to put myself together, get ride of the evidence and go back to work. I knew there was not going to be away to explain what had happen. If you have a funny story share







Only other IBS people can see the humor


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

An umbrella?!? That's a great story. I guess it's true: Necessity is the mother of invention.If you're interested and have a few minutes to spare, one of my real-life embarrassing stories ("How NOT to treat IBS-D") is posted here: http://blogs.ibsgroup.org/blogs/TP/index.html


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

My funny story didn't happen to me. It was caused by me.Right out of high school, I took a job at a retail drug store. That was back in the days when merchandise had to be marked with the price. The UPC codes hadn't even been invented then. Back then I'm sure everyon's worst nightmare was to carry a personal item to the checkout only to have the clerk call for a price check over the loudspeaker. I went one better than that.I had a really nice lady waiting patiently in line with the merchandise she had decided to purchase. I had rung up everything but the last item. I reached for it and raised it to place in the bag as I entered the price into the register. As I raised it up, the little drawer of the box of Preparation H flew open and scattered all of the little suppositories on the floor in front of the exit. The lady looked mortified, and I rushed to pick them up before they could be ground into a gooey mess by the stampeding crowd of the customers hurrying home from their weekend shopping trip.I placed as many of the little torpedoes as I could find back into the box. They didn't look nearly as neat and tidy as they when they came from the factory in their nice tidy rows. Not to worry. I'd make it all up to the customer by getting her a new box.She assured me that it was unnecessary, but I didn't want her to go home with suppositories that had been on the floor. I reached for the loud speaker and loudly and clearly requested a large new box of Preparation H suppositories on register 2. Before I was finished with the loudspeaker, the lady threw the cash on the counter and fled through the door. I don't think I ever saw her again!


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

Sorry my funny story had nothing to do with diarrhea. I forgot I wasn't on the meeting place forum. Besides, I can't really remember a funny diarrhea story. I'm always so traumatized.


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

Slm - Hey, a funny story is a funny story. Period. And I thought yours was hilarious. I can totally relate to the customer throwing the cash on the counter and high-tailing it out of the store. I know that I've been so humiliated that I've pulled those kinds of dissappearing acts more than a few times. It's always funny when you look back, but when it's happening you just want to die.TP


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

Thanks TP. I really enjoyed your story. You have such a way with words that I knew you were a writer. I had to go to your public profile to find out for sure.


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

Thanks, Slm. You just made my day. By the way, I only became a writer when I couldn't handle my last job as a traveling mutual fund salesman. Because of my IBS (and anxiety), I developed a bad habit of canceling trips and meetings and not being forthcoming about telling my boss "why." Not surprisingly, they fired my a**. But hey, at least I get to work from home these days.TP


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

Too bad nobody else posted funny stories. I was looking forward to some good laughs.


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Yeah, me too







I'm lucky enough not to have anything worse than almost clogging up the in laws loo which was embarrassing but not quite as bad as some of you seem to have had.


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## jeanne2 (Jul 19, 2004)

Yeah- I have lots of stories, that I guess are funny in retrospect...the problem is, our culture provides enough Bowel and Feces laughs-and when you have IBS-D-we are pretty well programmed to think it is the very worst, most disgusting thing around. Hence, our fear of public places, auto rides, and so on.So- what is a funny story to someone with normal bowels, is not too funny to me. (if it relates to gas, pooping, wearing depends, etc)WE have a disability and to me making fun of people that have a bowel problem is like making fun of someone's wheelchair, seeing eye dog, etc etc.Not trying to be a downer here...but it's true-at least to me.Jeanne


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

Hi Jeanne - Fair enough. Everybody reacts to painful and unpleasant happenings in their own way. I think your point about how cultural preprogramming is largely responsible for our fear of car rides, etc is right on target.That said, I'd like to respectfully point out that I don't think this thread is about making fun of other people's problems. It's about making fun of ourselves. Personally, laughing at myself and the missteps I've made with IBS helps me cope with this serious and often debilitating condition. It seems to me that NOT adding a little levity to our plight is what exacerbates the tension and the stigma. The day I can't find some degree of humor in dealing with IBS will be a really depressing day for me.I'm not trying to be argumentative. Just offering a different point of view.TP


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

Jeanne--I see your point. In fact, I couldn't think of any funny poop stories to tell. However, I do find that if people tell a story on themselves that they are able to laugh at or at least see some humor in, it helps me to see that my plight is not so bad. I can look at it and say wow, So-and-so had this happen to him and made it through ok. If he was able to recover from that, I'll be able to recover from this situation.


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## d.mae (Aug 19, 2005)

T.P.:I must say that your story helped me to laugh on an afternoon that I really needed a de-stressor! I am dreading the evening...wine & cheese party on a boat with a large group of friends. Including a car drive with other people. Hopefully the wine will help. (?) My IBS is almost always triggered by stress.thanks again for the laugh.


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

Hi d.mae -Boat ride with a lot of friends, huh? Wine and cheese, you say? Hmmm...it sounds awfully challenging, but at least you'll have one worst-case escape plan if things go horribly wrong. You'll have to ask yourself two questions:1. How cold will the water be?2. How good of a swimmer am I?You can always say you slipped. Nobody would ever think you jumped overboard and swam to shore intentionally. Seriously though, good luck tonight.TP


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## d.mae (Aug 19, 2005)

Thanks for the support--and advice. Sounds much better than using the tiny, box-sized toilet on board the boat.


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## 19282 (Jul 19, 2005)

At the risk of wearing out my welcome, here's another embarrassing-but-true IBS story. This one's about a blind date I had right after college. Maybe some of you can relate.http://blogs.ibsgroup.org/blogs/TP/index.htmlTP


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## 14988 (Aug 10, 2005)

Good stories, that one was the best, had me cracking up. My mind goes at that same pace, with a few words here and there from my companion sneaking in as I am scanning the highway and offramps. I got paranoid just reading it. Wouldn't it be great if there was a real cure. Wow, I never even had that thought before because I've always figured it impossible. Who knows. I have many stories, I'll have to share tomorrow, I'm very sleepy.


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## 20371 (May 6, 2005)

I was in downtown Sacramento a few months ago with my daughter and all of a sudden I was hit with a "better find a bathroom now" problem. All the restaurants and stores have a sign that say "for customers only". Finally, I was going down the steps at one of the restaurants, when someone came out to challange me (it was only 10am). I could only look at the guy and say, "It's your choice, your restroom or your stairs"? Not another word was needed!


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## 14981 (Aug 21, 2005)

My boyfriend and I went for a drive in town. I saw up ahead a woman walking on the sidewalk back-to to us. She was wearing a white shirt, white pants. Even from a distance of nearly 200 feet, the telltale brown circle on the back of her pants told the story. It was too late for this unlucky lady who apparently suffers from my same malady.It was sad.. but funny for me too. I can so relate. But it appeared she had no clue that she had an "accident". She was wearing a fanny pack with the pouch in the front... my boyfriend said she should have at least turned it around to her backside!Cars were slowing down and drivers were laughing and blowing their horns at her. She seemed oblivious. I was mortified for her.I am more prepared than she, I guess. I always have a plan to not be further than 10 minutes or so from a restroom... and certainly not wearing white pants.


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## 14780 (Jul 19, 2005)

I posted this somewhere else, but I think it might fit in well here...I went out with family on the boat and it was still pretty earily - no one else was around (luckily). We were in the middle of this big cove and I had to _go_. Dad wouldn't let me use the head though! I thought he was joking at first, but he said that there would be no way the boat could handle me in one of _those_ times. And he wasn't going to move the boat away from his fishing hole. I had to get a life vest on, put TP and shoes in a bucket, jump into icy cold water, float the bucket while swimming across the river, put my shoes on, hike up in the woods, and do my business. Then when I was swimming back, like three other boats starting pulling into the cove. To this day I have never admitted to my dad that he was probably right.


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