# Terrible terrible day I want to give up



## whitescarf (Jul 11, 2011)

I was supposed to be going to my old high school today to visit a guy I did charity work with last year and I was really looking forward to it. This morning I had a bad bowel movement and I took an immodium. I was ready and I sat down in the living room because I felt like, you know, the feeling you get when your bowel is being a ###### and I wanted to see if the immodium would kick in and make me feel better. It didn't so I think I took another one. I eventually just left in the hope that I would be ok because of the immodium but I didn't feel any better on my way there and ended up taking two immodium instants (bad, I know, but the normal immodium wasn't working) and hung around outside trying to work up the courage to go in. I guess the stress didn't help either. Eventually I just decided to go in so I signed in but when I started to go upstairs I started to panic and I felt really bad but I went in and said hi. At this point I felt terrible, maybe the anxiety was making it worse, so I went to the toilet and had diarrhoea. I couldn't believe it, 2 immodium and 2 immodium instants and STILL it happens?!! I had some pie and fries for dinner yesterday, could it be that? Anyway I took another immodium in the terror of it all and made some excuse that I left my keys at home and ran home. Luckily I don't live very far from it. I've been lying on the sofa ever since wondering what the meaning of my life is and how I'm going to live it when I start college next week and have to get 2 buses there and back because it's on the other side of town. What if it happens then? What if I'm in class and the lecturer won't let me go to the toilet? It's a wonder how I managed to do my exams, I was really scared but afterwards I felt amazing, I guess I thought 'if I can do that. I can do anything'. I was doing really well for a while and then over the summer I spent most of my time inside or not having to go out, and it crept up on me again. I think my ibs is a lot worse now, though. Bloody hell, I'm only 18. I don't know what to do now, at least before I thought I had immodium for a quick fix, but it seems it doesn't work for me now. I cried for a while when I got home. I know it sounds really drastic and selfish and pretty crazy, but I have actually thought about killing myself. I can't do it, because I can't put my family through it but I feel like I'll never be able to live my life properly and seeing all the people on here who say they've suffered for years has scared me even more. There are only two ways out of this, controlling it or death. I guess I'll have to try and gain control again, but it seems that almost everything I eat has a bad effect now and it's actually the ibs now, not the anxiety, that's the biggest problem. I guess I have to try. It's the only option I have







sorry this is so long, and sorry if I upset anyone. I love you all, you're the only people who understand <3


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

So sorry to hear that you had a bad day. We all have bad days and the good news is that there are also always good ones! Today was a not-so-good day for me. Just felt generally crappy all day, had no appetite, several bad bowel movements. I almost left work but then decided to fight against it. This was a small win, just like when you went to meet the guy anyway. You gave it a try and that's what counts!


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## cheweg (Apr 2, 2011)

Hi whitescarf. I have had many many years of IBS-A and GERD. From my experience with IBS, I find that when my IBS was in its worst, nothing could improve it. Restricting my diet and reducing stress did not improve my conditions. Medicines and alternative therapies had no effects on my IBS. Suicide was one of the options I was thinking about. Another was resigning from my job. I did the latter (5 years ago). My situation has become better since. For the past 5 years, I have had a good control over my IBS.One month ago, I took up a full-time position. Although it is the least stressful job I can get, I find that my IBS worsens slightly for the past 1 month, but has never been as bad as more than 5 years ago. The points which I am trying to make is:1. When IBS is at its worst, almost nothing can help. At this point, you may have to resign, take up a less stressful job or studies and lower your expectations in life. I am sorry but it is true. 2. Only when your IBS subsides that you will have some control over your IBS. Only during this time that your fight against IBS is effective and you can expect to have a more normal life. I am making these points based on my own experience. Of course, different IBS patients have different experiences. But if you need some advice, my "advice" for you is probably to drop your studies for some time if you have the luxury to do that. You body may need a long time to recuperate. When your body has regained its strength, take up a significantly less stressful job or studies and try to live a "humble" life. I do not mean to discourage anybody but I do think that IBS sufferers have to live a different life from the "normal" people. At least in my case, I have a different but much happier life now than I did 5 years ago. whitescarf, this is my suggestion to you but of course you have to make your own decision. Do come back to this forum if you need more help. I wish you all the best.


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## Annalisa (May 23, 2011)

Your not selfish because you are worried about your situation. I love this forum because we all do understand the terrors of 'having to go instantly'.I could of written your story. I have all the same worries that you have written here. I just came back from a holiday, armed with lots of immodium and I too cried a number of mornings about how I just wanted 'it' to go away as I had diahrrea and we were due to go on a tour and the stress of folks waiting for me made it worse.How do I manage? I think of plan b, c, d and e....up to z if necessary for each situation I am in. I find that if I have a back up plan or an answer about what I don't feel as stressed. If you have to travel on the bus, know the routes and say to yourself "if I feel sick at first street, I can go to the bathroom at ?", if I feel sick at second street, I will go to the bathroom at X and so on. I'd have a word to your teachers to say that you have a few issues. I would be embarassed to admit that I have 'poo problems' so I would imply that I have some other sickness where I need to go outside suddenly. To me it seems less embarassing to say "I have to go outside right now as I am going to vomit" as opposed to.."I have to go outside as I have Diahrrea". Well, that's me. If it is College/University the teachers may not care if you have to come and go, but just perhaps speak to them after the class and say you were sorry you had to duck out as you were not well. You may feel better if you do.Good luck xx


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## bardamu (Sep 7, 2010)

I know what you feel. In high school, on start of the school year I was in the classroom and started to feel a huge pain and a very urgent need to go to the bathroom. I wasn't confident enough to ask to go to the bathroom so I held myself as much as I can. I did it until my way home. I was running and suddenly "it" came out. I crapped my pants. It was a total nightmare.During the rest of school year I used to go out during the classes and go to the bathroom. Sometimes I had to go back home because I felt too sick. At the beginning of each day when my mom drove me to school I was literally scared. I didn't know about imodium at that time. It came to a point where I couldn't bear it anymore and diarrhea was more and more frequent so I went to the psychiatrist and she gave me Anafranil, a trycyclic antidepressants which act both on obsessive thoughts, anxiety, depression and it has this side effects where it makes you constipated. It was a wonder drug for me. Sure there are nasty side effects but I found it a good trade. The diarrhea and the fear of it, the fear of going out, the fear of #### your pants, the fear of "what if I can't find a bathroom ?" is something we all know about and I know it's hard to live this. There are plenty of trycyclic antidepressants so maybe you should give it a try. I did some amazing stuff while being on Anafranil. I took the plane, went to parties, had a girlfriend, did long car trip, took the bus daily for hours, attended college and everything went fine. I forgot that I had this bowel problem. Living this daily life of IBS-D is really stressful and maybe it could give you some break. Trycyclic antidepressants can be a good help. It has this shotgun effect where it acts both on the mind and body. But side effects can be difficult to bear.


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## renny (Sep 11, 2011)

i feel so bad for all of us. I am 65 years old, work a fulltime stressful job and live my myself. I have to go to work sick because I cannot afford to stay home and I would probably be let go. I am going to see my son for Thankgsgiving. I live in Florida, he lives in Connecticut. I am so worried about getting on the plane. I literally do not eat a couple of days before and take immodium. I cannot enjoy the dinner as I always get sick after I eat. I do not eat as much as the rest of them, but I still end up with diarrhea. Sometimes I feel like just jumping off of a bridge. I am not trying to get sympathy and I do not like feeling sorry for myself, but I just feel overwhelmed with all of it. This is not fair for any of us.Renda


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## lib2266 (May 29, 2009)

I agree with what the poster said about having a plan b,c,d.. I was recently on a plane and stuck in a window seat (which I hate). I started completely panicking about an hour into the flight and had to use the ONE bathroom on the plane and was in there for about 15 minutes. How embarrassing!!!? I then had to return to my seat and startedd panicking again... at that point I had to accept that there was an hour left in the flight and I had to pull it together. I started thinking if I have to go, I just have to go. I've seen people get up on the plane more than once to use the restroom after drinking, I've even done it myself after enjoying cocktails in first class ;-). I have a friend that admitted she goes one time when she gets on the plane and before they land because she drinks so much coffee and water (not D). Gerard Depardieu pee'd right in the aisle. People do crazy things on planes.. .sure enough me going to the bathroom twice is fine. And will I ever see this guy again? If they're a nice person, they'll understand. I also found myself having obsessive thoughts that were causing more anxiety so I actually just started saying some prayers in my head which helped ease some of my panic. You'll figure it out. Just remember to think about yourself first and foremost and try not to worry so much about what others are thinking...chances are--they're not paying that much attention anyway.


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## SarahLund (Aug 16, 2010)

whitescarf said:


> I was supposed to be going to my old high school today to visit a guy I did charity work with last year and I was really looking forward to it. This morning I had a bad bowel movement and I took an immodium. I was ready and I sat down in the living room because I felt like, you know, the feeling you get when your bowel is being a ###### and I wanted to see if the immodium would kick in and make me feel better. It didn't so I think I took another one. I eventually just left in the hope that I would be ok because of the immodium but I didn't feel any better on my way there and ended up taking two immodium instants (bad, I know, but the normal immodium wasn't working) and hung around outside trying to work up the courage to go in. I guess the stress didn't help either. Eventually I just decided to go in so I signed in but when I started to go upstairs I started to panic and I felt really bad but I went in and said hi. At this point I felt terrible, maybe the anxiety was making it worse, so I went to the toilet and had diarrhoea. I couldn't believe it, 2 immodium and 2 immodium instants and STILL it happens?!! I had some pie and fries for dinner yesterday, could it be that? Anyway I took another immodium in the terror of it all and made some excuse that I left my keys at home and ran home. Luckily I don't live very far from it. I've been lying on the sofa ever since wondering what the meaning of my life is and how I'm going to live it when I start college next week and have to get 2 buses there and back because it's on the other side of town. What if it happens then? What if I'm in class and the lecturer won't let me go to the toilet? It's a wonder how I managed to do my exams, I was really scared but afterwards I felt amazing, I guess I thought 'if I can do that. I can do anything'. I was doing really well for a while and then over the summer I spent most of my time inside or not having to go out, and it crept up on me again. I think my ibs is a lot worse now, though. Bloody hell, I'm only 18. I don't know what to do now, at least before I thought I had immodium for a quick fix, but it seems it doesn't work for me now. I cried for a while when I got home. I know it sounds really drastic and selfish and pretty crazy, but I have actually thought about killing myself. I can't do it, because I can't put my family through it but I feel like I'll never be able to live my life properly and seeing all the people on here who say they've suffered for years has scared me even more. There are only two ways out of this, controlling it or death. I guess I'll have to try and gain control again, but it seems that almost everything I eat has a bad effect now and it's actually the ibs now, not the anxiety, that's the biggest problem. I guess I have to try. It's the only option I have
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## SarahLund (Aug 16, 2010)

I've been suicidal over it too, many times. Luckily, a great guy i know, cheers me up everytime i think of him. He's called Greg. You know, if you feel you need to cancel a trip if you're having a bad day with i.b.s, then do just that. Only you and us know what you're really going through. I get slightly irritated when people moan to me about the smallest things, e.g: The weather, the cashier at the clothes shop, someone not winning enough money at the races, etc. I'd like to see how they'd complain if they had i.b.s like us. lol. I almost walked out on my mum, as she tends to look at i.b.s in a very childish way. I told her if she had a problem with it, she'd better come tell me, otherwise who is she to judge? Bet she felt similar spasmic pain while she was giving birth. Just remember all the nice things in your life. I know it really isn't as easy as that, but when you're in sever pain, i think it helps lessen the stress of the pains.


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## Intestipoppin (Nov 1, 2011)

I am new to this site and I have read all of your posts. I finally don't feel alone anymore. I feel like I have a curse or something. I have IBS-D and sometimes I can't leave my house because I'm stuck on the toilet all day with cramping, pain and diarrhea. I have missed so many days of work due to this condition and I'm afraid of being fired. But honestly sometimes I don't care and want to just stay home and rest. But then my bills will add up and I will go broke, so I can't do that. It's tough to be like this. At times I really don't want to live like this. I am engaged and my fiance is so frutrated with me and my condition. It makes me more upset which causes more intestinal issues. I have anxiety because of my intestines. It's like a domino effect. One thing leads to the next and after a while you don't know how it started or how to stop it. I am currently seeing a chiropractor for my ibs-d. He promises he will help me. I have been seeing him for 2 months now. I was starting to feel better and the last couple of weeks I have been getting bad ibs-d symptoms once again. My intestines were cramping for over 6 hours yesterday. I wanted to die. No matter what I took, it didn't stop. Eventually I took a 1/2 xanax which calmed my intestines down after a while. I don't want to live off of xanax for the rest of my life though. But for now it seems to calm things down after the cramping and pain starts. I have tried every medication, probiotic, diet change, but no matter what, I still suffer the same way. I have women hormonal issues which add to my ibs symptoms. My symptoms get worse right after and during my menstrual cycle. I seriously feel so lost sometimes. Thank you for this forum. I know how you guys feel =).Karen


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## overitnow (Nov 25, 2001)

renny said:


> i feel so bad for all of us. I am 65 years old, work a fulltime stressful job and live my myself. I have to go to work sick because I cannot afford to stay home and I would probably be let go. I am going to see my son for Thankgsgiving. I live in Florida, he lives in Connecticut. I am so worried about getting on the plane. I literally do not eat a couple of days before and take immodium. I cannot enjoy the dinner as I always get sick after I eat. I do not eat as much as the rest of them, but I still end up with diarrhea. Sometimes I feel like just jumping off of a bridge. I am not trying to get sympathy and I do not like feeling sorry for myself, but I just feel overwhelmed with all of it. This is not fair for any of us.Renda


Hi Renda. I'm a senior as well, 66, although fortunate to be able to retire. I had a very active case of IBS D from my early fourties to my early fifties. In my case it was from smoking; but the direct cause and effect was likely from the minor inflammation it gave me. Once that was in place, my body just reacted to more and more foods that I would consume, and the D and GERD just kept getting worse. This continued over 10 years on a daily basis until I lucked into trying a grape based flavonoid supplement for my cholesterol and slowly, over the next year, my D retreated to what can best be considered mostly an inconvenience. There are no guarantees of anything that helps one person helping another; but if you are fresh out of ideas, it might be useful to give it a try. Drop me a line if you would like to talk about it.Mark


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## whitescarf (Jul 11, 2011)

Hi guysSince there have been a good few posts on this thread recently I thought I'd give you a little update.My original post was almost 3 months ago and since then things have changed. My anxiety is a lot better now, I'm generally not afraid to do a lot of things. It's now just the IBS that holds me back. I started college in September and as you've read I was completely terrified before hand since I had about a three month long summer where I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything in particular and I receeded back into my little hole. Well, after my first class I felt amazing. I was too scared to go on the first day but I forced myself to do it on the second and once I got over the initial fear and got comfortable I was absolutely fine. Of course I still get worried when I go to classes in case I get that feeling, but overall I'm perfectly fine with it.So like I say, anxiety isn't really a problem now. But just when things started to go well, my IBS got a lot worse. I started taking calcium carbonate over a month ago and it isn't working properly for me. I'm managing but it's causing me a lot of problems and I'm finding it very difficult to enjoy life. I'm extremely confused about eating and it seems that everything Itry doesn't work. However, I've been talking to Linda and I'm going to get as much advice as possible. I'll try different things and hopefully find something that gets the calcium working so I can start eating other foods too. Since I'm at college though I'm quite scared to try certain things because it's very likely that some will have a very bad effect and this is not good when I have assessments coming up.I know you may think that I should feel great since I don't have much anxiety now, and I am very grateful, but it's extremely depressing having one stupid thing holding me back and not being able to eat anything I want to eat and developing such a bad relationship with food that I can't eat it without worrying about what it will do to me. Thanks for reading.


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## over-it (Nov 20, 2011)

whitescarf said:


> I was supposed to be going to my old high school today to visit a guy I did charity work with last year and I was really looking forward to it. This morning I had a bad bowel movement and I took an immodium. I was ready and I sat down in the living room because I felt like, you know, the feeling you get when your bowel is being a ###### and I wanted to see if the immodium would kick in and make me feel better. It didn't so I think I took another one. I eventually just left in the hope that I would be ok because of the immodium but I didn't feel any better on my way there and ended up taking two immodium instants (bad, I know, but the normal immodium wasn't working) and hung around outside trying to work up the courage to go in. I guess the stress didn't help either. Eventually I just decided to go in so I signed in but when I started to go upstairs I started to panic and I felt really bad but I went in and said hi. At this point I felt terrible, maybe the anxiety was making it worse, so I went to the toilet and had diarrhoea. I couldn't believe it, 2 immodium and 2 immodium instants and STILL it happens?!! I had some pie and fries for dinner yesterday, could it be that? Anyway I took another immodium in the terror of it all and made some excuse that I left my keys at home and ran home. Luckily I don't live very far from it. I've been lying on the sofa ever since wondering what the meaning of my life is and how I'm going to live it when I start college next week and have to get 2 buses there and back because it's on the other side of town. What if it happens then? What if I'm in class and the lecturer won't let me go to the toilet? It's a wonder how I managed to do my exams, I was really scared but afterwards I felt amazing, I guess I thought 'if I can do that. I can do anything'. I was doing really well for a while and then over the summer I spent most of my time inside or not having to go out, and it crept up on me again. I think my ibs is a lot worse now, though. Bloody hell, I'm only 18. I don't know what to do now, at least before I thought I had immodium for a quick fix, but it seems it doesn't work for me now. I cried for a while when I got home. I know it sounds really drastic and selfish and pretty crazy, but I have actually thought about killing myself. I can't do it, because I can't put my family through it but I feel like I'll never be able to live my life properly and seeing all the people on here who say they've suffered for years has scared me even more. There are only two ways out of this, controlling it or death. I guess I'll have to try and gain control again, but it seems that almost everything I eat has a bad effect now and it's actually the ibs now, not the anxiety, that's the biggest problem. I guess I have to try. It's the only option I have
> 
> 
> 
> ...


whitescarf, i suffer from IBS-D that is caused by anxiety (social situations, going to university, public transport and the fear of not being able to make it to the toilet). At the start of each semester i feel so ill, but once i have been to a few classes i dont get anxious,im hoping this will be the case for you. I take Valium sometimes to go to work (i usually have attacks on the train to work), perhaps you should discuss this with your docotor; however remember that this drug is highly addictive, so should only be taken when it is extremely needed. In regards to your anxiety with the bus to uni, I have this exact same problem with the train.. I find it easier to leave 15-30 minutes earlier in case i need to get off at a early stop to use the bathroom. I suggest you do this and memorise where the toilets are located on your trip (i find this helps reduce my stress as i know there is one there if i need it. Lately i have been extremely depressed about the condition and not being able to lead a normal life (all i want to do is be spontaneous- which is impossible with IBS-D), the only thing getting me through is the thought that one day i will come out of this (as its caused by anxiety) and be able to live a normal life. Do not let it ruin your life !!


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## over-it (Nov 20, 2011)

whitescarf said:


> Hi guysSince there have been a good few posts on this thread recently I thought I'd give you a little update.My original post was almost 3 months ago and since then things have changed. My anxiety is a lot better now, I'm generally not afraid to do a lot of things. It's now just the IBS that holds me back. I started college in September and as you've read I was completely terrified before hand since I had about a three month long summer where I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything in particular and I receeded back into my little hole. Well, after my first class I felt amazing. I was too scared to go on the first day but I forced myself to do it on the second and once I got over the initial fear and got comfortable I was absolutely fine. Of course I still get worried when I go to classes in case I get that feeling, but overall I'm perfectly fine with it.So like I say, anxiety isn't really a problem now. But just when things started to go well, my IBS got a lot worse. I started taking calcium carbonate over a month ago and it isn't working properly for me. I'm managing but it's causing me a lot of problems and I'm finding it very difficult to enjoy life. I'm extremely confused about eating and it seems that everything Itry doesn't work. However, I've been talking to Linda and I'm going to get as much advice as possible. I'll try different things and hopefully find something that gets the calcium working so I can start eating other foods too. Since I'm at college though I'm quite scared to try certain things because it's very likely that some will have a very bad effect and this is not good when I have assessments coming up.I know you may think that I should feel great since I don't have much anxiety now, and I am very grateful, but it's extremely depressing having one stupid thing holding me back and not being able to eat anything I want to eat and developing such a bad relationship with food that I can't eat it without worrying about what it will do to me. Thanks for reading.


sorry only just read this after i posted my last comment.... im glad to hear things have gotten better for you. in regards to assessments, i do my on campus in a small room with 0-5 students (rather then at the big hall with about 100+ students). if your exams will be held in a large room with many student i suggest you go talk to the office or student support staff at university and see if they can arrange a smaller venue exam for you... It seriously helps a lot with my anxiety and i can perform better in my exams. also i find if i keep myself cooped up in my room for a week or so my anxiety/IBS gets worse when i start to try and do things... maybe try and see friends or do something out in public at least once or twice a week in order to reassure yourself that everything will be alright. good luck with everything !!!!


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## overitnow (Nov 25, 2001)

over-it said:


> sorry only just read this after i posted my last comment.... im glad to hear things have gotten better for you. in regards to assessments, i do my on campus in a small room with 0-5 students (rather then at the big hall with about 100+ students). if your exams will be held in a large room with many student i suggest you go talk to the office or student support staff at university and see if they can arrange a smaller venue exam for you... It seriously helps a lot with my anxiety and i can perform better in my exams. also i find if i keep myself cooped up in my room for a week or so my anxiety/IBS gets worse when i start to try and do things... maybe try and see friends or do something out in public at least once or twice a week in order to reassure yourself that everything will be alright. good luck with everything !!!!


Just to add my own experience to this, last year I had two of my finals scheduled for the morning. In both cases I merely had to tell the profs about my condition--I didn't bother to say that it was in any way controlled--and they were more than accepting of the fact that I might have to leave a couple of times during the exam.I usually find that works pretty well. I have been ushered to an employee toilet in the Vancouver airport--not someone a member of the public would normally be allowed into--simply by saying "Irritable Bowel." Mark


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## AZGuy (Nov 15, 2017)

bardamu said:


> I know what you feel. In high school, on start of the school year I was in the classroom and started to feel a huge pain and a very urgent need to go to the bathroom. I wasn't confident enough to ask to go to the bathroom so I held myself as much as I can. I did it until my way home. I was running and suddenly "it" came out. I crapped my pants. It was a total nightmare.During the rest of school year I used to go out during the classes and go to the bathroom. Sometimes I had to go back home because I felt too sick. At the beginning of each day when my mom drove me to school I was literally scared. I didn't know about imodium at that time. It came to a point where I couldn't bear it anymore and diarrhea was more and more frequent so I went to the psychiatrist and she gave me Anafranil, a trycyclic antidepressants which act both on obsessive thoughts, anxiety, depression and it has this side effects where it makes you constipated. It was a wonder drug for me. Sure there are nasty side effects but I found it a good trade. The diarrhea and the fear of it, the fear of going out, the fear of #### your pants, the fear of "what if I can't find a bathroom ?" is something we all know about and I know it's hard to live this. There are plenty of trycyclic antidepressants so maybe you should give it a try. I did some amazing stuff while being on Anafranil. I took the plane, went to parties, had a girlfriend, did long car trip, took the bus daily for hours, attended college and everything went fine. I forgot that I had this bowel problem. Living this daily life of IBS-D is really stressful and maybe it could give you some break. Trycyclic antidepressants can be a good help. It has this shotgun effect where it acts both on the mind and body. But side effects can be difficult to bear.


I know this post is old and its been a few years. But curious if the Anafranil is still working for you?


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## minimalizer (Jun 8, 2014)

AZGuy said:


> I know this post is old and its been a few years. But curious if the Anafranil is still working for you?


I looked at their posts, and they haven't posted since then, unfortunately.


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