# Relationships, intimacy, and IBS



## Maegwin (Nov 11, 2012)

I'm reaching my wit's end about how to handle my relationship while dealing with my IBS.

I have chronic constipation. Physical activity is difficult at best and impossible most of the time. Intimacy with my partner requires that I starve myself until my body clears out, which can take 1-4 days. If you're like me, the last thing you want when you're constipated is to have someone poking around in there. Perhaps it's different for guys. Constipation may not effect their ability to have sex.

My libido is practically non-existent because I feel horrible all the time. Sex is so far down on my list of priorities. Even when my body does clear out my gut still aches and I find myself just grinning and bearing it during sex. Not saying my partner is horrible at it. Pain and hunger just dull my pleasure a lot.

I'm already having to eat very lightly because my gut hurts all the time. Have to fast as well sometimes, while my boyfriend is eating normally around me, is just torture. Sometimes he'll eat in another room but I can still smell his food. I'm aware of his needs and when he has to be abstinent for awhile he understandably gets grouchy which puts more strain on our relationship.

On the one hand, some days I feel like hitting the self-destruct button on our relationship because I can't take the constant food torture and starvation. On the other hand, with the depression I'm going through, my inability to work and socialize, and my fixed income, I don't want to go through this alone.

I just don't know how long I can keep this up. I feel like my mind is fraying. Does being a woman and having IBS-C mean I'm destined to be alone?


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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

Maegwin---i'm so sorry you're feeling like this...i do hope you and your boyfriend will be able to work through all this. he's stayed with you so far which is good. when someone really loves you, they stick with you through thick and thin....

i really don't think we're destined to be alone even though we have chronic constipation problems. my husband and i have been married 33 years. i had my c problems long before i met him. i do feel lucky---he's very supportive and understanding and patient. i have other health problems as well...

and i know what you mean about being all backed up and the poking around...but there's other ways...and cuddling is always nice...the important thing is to just let him know you love him, always.

i do hope somehow you can find a way to manage your constipation. and i really hope you can find a way to keep your nutrition up. i worries me when you talk of starving yourself. i'm never hungry--lost my appetite when i was a kid and all this started up. but i always force myself to eat--a low fiber diet but as healthy as i can manage. if you can't eat solid food can you at least manage to drink healthy liquid foods like juices---green and otherwise, healthy smoothies, nutrition drinks like boost with extra protein, protein drinks. it is so important to maintain your nutrition. our minds and bodies depend on it. otherwise our health deteriorates severely making us feel even worse. poor nutrition affects the gastro system as well as the heart, brain, bones,and all the vital functions...and the libido as well.

i do hope and pray things get better for you..please do take good care of yourself.


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## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about your problems. Did you tell your BF about this ? He might be able to understand. It seems that you feel that you might lose him if you refuse him physical intimacy. If that is the case, then I suggest that you try to overcome that fear and at least see how he responds.

As a guy I can tell you that its pretty much the same for me. My libido goes down when my symptoms flare up, but not to zero. I guess its just me. Perhaps if my symptoms were 2-3x more severe, it would be zero.

Hope you feel better.


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