# When to talk about IBS



## star (Dec 7, 2000)

This kinda relates to a post here already... BUT I was wondering for those of you who have boyfriends/girlfriends how did you tell them about your IBS? Also how do you get by the first few dates, and how much do you usually tell. The thought of telling someone that I was dating about this would just kill me. So far I have kept quiet... but I am curious to see how you guys handle it... The fact that I have this keeps me from dating a lot of the time... because of what if situations... also how do you get over predate jitters (w/o meds?)Thanks, Star


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## UKgirl (Sep 10, 2001)

It's a tricky one - and luckily for me I have been with my partner from the onset of IBS, so he has gone through it with me. But when thinking about just telling other people I have found that IBS has now become fairly well known problem, that when you mention it most people are sympathetic and appreciate what it means for you.Hopefully no one would be in a situation when they told a date that they had a problem and then the date walked out on them - if they did, then you've probably had a lucky escape from them anyway. I had Cog. Behav. therapy, and my tutor told me to run through the ultimate of "What if's" when I get stressed out. A date-related one might go:What if I have to rush out of the cinema/restaurant during the date?1) I'd just come back when finished and you can get away with one bathroom visit no problem.But what if I have to go again?2) I'll explain that I have a "dicky tummy" (my favourite description) and that I'm sorry, but I have to go.But what if he thinks I'm weird?3) I'll explain about IBS, and if he doesn't understand then he's not a good choice.And basically you just keep doing the what if's and then realise that there's nothing ultimately terrible that will happen. Another thing to remember is that IBS is nothing to be ashamed of - sure it's embarassing sometimes, but truly, no one ever died of embarassment, and if you try not to let it embarras you as much as possible, then people don't get embarassed on your behalf - does that make sense??Sorry for the long post - it's just that I don't want you to miss out on all those fab dates!!HugsUKGirl


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## linds1979 (Sep 7, 2001)

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## star (Dec 7, 2000)

Thanks for your replies... (Linds congratulations on your engagement, that is SO exciting. One of my good friends is getting married this year and I am one of her bridesmaids, so I am really excited for the wedding. When is your wedding going to be?) You guys are right... I will just have to go out and see what happens (It is easy to say now... but when it comes down to it, it can be a little harder) Take care, Star


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## kinetic (Oct 19, 2001)

Well for me when I'm dating someone I've always been really open about everything... so I think it's been easier for me to tell people about being sick, cuz I'm not used to keeping things secrets... that and since I started having problems, I've not been able to be out and about as much, so a lot of the people I know i've met online... which makes things a LOT easier cuz you only havta type it and don't havta look them in the face







but with my current boyfriend, I did tell him in person... we talk about absolutely everything, and he's really understanding which makes living with IBS a lot easier for me to handle cuz I know he's there for me if I need him... and just knowing that someone understands and cares about you even if you are sick, helps so much... now if only my parents were like that too... but you can't have everything, and I think i'd much rather have the support of my bf, than that of my parents, cuz he's a more important part of my life than they are... (sorry mom & dad)







anyway.... in general I usually start telling someone by saying i have stomach or digestive problems, and maybe progress to telling them that certain foods make me sick... I usually don't go into the graphic details or anything, but I explain enough so that they know a little bit... enough to understand somewhat, but not necessarily all the embarassing details... usually that approach works best... and then you can tell by their reaction what else to tell them, and whether they're receptive to learning more or not... and if you don't want to tell them everything, there's plenty of sites online that they can look at to find out more... and.... i'll shut up now cuz i talk too much


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## linds1979 (Sep 7, 2001)

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## slammjamminlammy (Sep 10, 2001)

hey all,just thought I would jump in. My IBS started up fairly recently, so the beginning of this semester was non-stop "explain why I feel ****ty to all of my friends" time. Not quite the same as dates, but still weird. And, I had a date that I used this tactic with, too. I tend to go with the vague, funny approach. i.e. Friends/date: "Sarah, why are you ditching us to sit in the bathroom all night?"Sarah: "My body and I are at war, and my body just launched a surprise attack"or, because my symptoms appeared with a whole bunch of other fun and fabulous problems, primarily premenstrually, I always like this one:Friends/date:"Sarah, why do you get sick every single month, make us all sit with you while you throw up, and then cry a lot??""My hormones took up bungee jumping without asking me along"People who really want to know can then ask more, or everyone can chuckle and not know the gory details.







[This message has been edited by slammjamminlammy (edited 10-24-2001).]


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## kinetic (Oct 19, 2001)

sarah~nice to see someone at least has some humor about the topic







being able to laugh at yourself tends to have the effect of making things seem less bothersome... you made me smile... yay for you! hehe


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## UKgirl (Sep 10, 2001)

Hey Linds - Congrats on getting married!! How exciting! I have got a couple of friends weddings coming up next August and I am soooo looking forward to it. Have you done lots of planning yet? How lucky you are to find a wonderful guy!HugsH


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## linds1979 (Sep 7, 2001)

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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Bump


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