# Really gross but got to tell someone...



## claroj (Aug 6, 2002)

My problem is really gross but after a lot of thought I need to express it somewhere and as I think you lot are pretty unshockable when it comes to bowel movements, thought I would post it here.As a bit of background, I have had IBS both C&D for 10 years. Last year I had a very long,bad period of it which led to depression and eventually into a nervous breakdown. I lost my job and am now in recovery. My IBS at the moment is under control because of my anti depressants but my pyschologist who is helping me with my emotional issues has said that until I face up to whatever it is I'm hiding (she's very good!lol!) then I will always feel dirty, ashamed and humiliated about having IBS.So I thought sharing my problem/secret on here is my first brave move to accepting/acknowledging it.Basically every time I have a bowel movement I have to stick my fingers up my bottom and drag 'it' out, I then continue dragging stuff out until I feel really empty. This is the only way I feel 'empty' inside and can relax.However, this leads to a complete obsession about toilets because:a) I'm in there for ages at a time I am petrified that someone might see me and what I'm doing, so I have a phobia about toilets with no locks, sharing toilets, anyone being outside the toilet door...etc...etcc) It's obviously pretty disgusting and can't imagine that it's doing my insides much good either.Not sure what response I want but definately not one telling me how 'DISGUSTING' that is...cos I know







Think it would be nice to know that there are other people out there who do pretty grim things in the bathroom out of desperation...Very sad, but glad I've made a brave step and finally admitted it to someone!Thanks


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## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

thank you for sharing.tom


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Ashamed, hey no worries, its better top get things off your chest and we certainly understand. I would tell your gi doc about this as well as your therapist. Its harder to keep these things hidden sometimes then get them off your chest, but it makes a big difference really.But also maybe look into this, because there can be some reasons for incom,plete evacuation also which it kind of sounds like.Are you C normally?This is something to know perhaps."Outlet obstruction type constipation pelvic floor dyssynergiaThe external anal sphincter, which is part of the pelvic floor normally stays tightly closed to prevent leakage. When you try to have a bowel movement, however, this sphincter has to open to allow the fecal material to come out. Some people have trouble relaxing the sphincter muscle when they are straining to have a bowel movement, or they may actually squeeze the sphincter more tightly shut when straining. This produces symptoms of constipation. " http://www.iffgd.org/GIDisorders/GIAdults.html A treatment for you perhaps could be biofeedback where you can learn to have more control over some of these muscles and hopefully be able to learn how you can relax them.I am glad you took the steps you did here, we don't judge anyone, and hope you tell the doctors as it will lift a heavy load off of you I believe and that in itself may help you feel better.I think in all the years IBS and functional disorders have been around, the docs have seen it all really. I would not worry, you have a physcial problem and I think it can really be helped.


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## nmwinter (May 31, 2001)

heylike tom said, thanks for sharing. I hope it helps to tell people this. I don't think it's something to be ashamed of at all. while I don't have to resort to this, I can empathize with the pain of C and needing to go and not being able to. I'm also C/D so have problems dealing with both - treat one too aggressively and the you go too far the other way.definitely tell both docs about this. make sure that you haven't been doing harm. and then work with them to find alternative solutions. I don't see this as your problem but rather a solution you've found to a problem - the C. You just need to find a better solution if possible.good lucknancy


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## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

If it helps any I can speak as a professional here and tell you that an important factor in diagnosing phobias and obsessions is if the fear or obsession is unjustified. And with IBS both are 'justified"tom


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## Guest (May 15, 2003)

No need to feel ashamed in any way, shape or form. This board is here for help.... and it's good to vent. At times I have also had to go through all sorts of "contortions" when my IBS has been leaning towards the "C" end of the spectrum. Thank you for sharing..... and you're definitely NOT alone!  Evie


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## Bewitched (Jul 24, 2002)

That is why i do a warm water fleet everyday.I feel dirty if i don't.You should never feel ashamed with us.Chances are,we have eather done it or know someone on this board who has


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## Guest (May 25, 2003)

Ashamed,Read CathrynJames post on the main ibs board-"recanting being cured" post. She talks about having to self-assist, and it turns out she did not have ibs afterall.-S


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## Ganas (Jun 24, 2003)

thanks for sharingMay want to ask the doc about different ways to help you. I would be concerned that it may not be good for sphectster(*sp)muscles and such, ask them and see what they seeAs a therapist I can say that there is nothing abnormal about wanting to feel emptied out, just keep exploring other ways that are less invasive


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