# Hi, I need some help



## katza (May 28, 2003)

Just yesterday I found this great board and this is my 1st post on this discussion board. so Hi. I have been suffering from severe anxiety, mood swings and depression for almost 3 yrs. My life in hell all started when I had my 1st ever anxiety attack caused from having murderous thoughts and feelings about harming others. It freaked me out having these thoughts so I had a severe anxiety attack, vomiting, sweats and diahrea. I went and saw at 1st a phychologis about this and then after a few months he recommended I see a psychatrist. At this time I still didn't have a anxiety problem like I have for 3 yrs. The have tried Celexa, Serzone, Zoloft, Paxil, Remeron and about 7 tranquilizers. Only Larazapam and Klonopin which is what have been taking now for a year didn't make me very sick and worked. I also tried Gabitril and Lexapro along with the Klonopin and they made me sick and moody. I presently take Inderal at times with the Klonopin to slow my indraline down when I need it. The Inderal worked great for 2 weeks but doesn't help much anymore. The Klonopin helps prevent anxiety attacks with daily life. However I still have anxiety 24/7 and freakout when I have to go somewhere different that's not a part of my daily life. All this has caused me to have IBS, which is as bad as the anxiety if not worse. I have tried reading books about anxiety and they don't work. I am always anxious even when I exercise or am at the beach, which I haven't been going to these places as often as I used to because my stomach is always bothering me. Intense exercise sometimes causes me to have loose stool and the shakes. My mood swings are really weird. I think I might be manic depressive because I will be pissed for 10-15 mins and then I'm fine and then I'm shaking. I get very depressed alot and when I am depressed all I think about is that I wish I could kill myself. I hate myself and like causing pain to myself. I like punching wall sand other things that cut up my fingers. I also have burned myself by taking a screw and lighting it with a lighter and pushing it against my skin on my hands, which causes blisters. I also scrap my skin with screw drivers and my fingers. I think I'm crazy at times, but I know I do this out of frustration. I don't know what to do? I don't know if I should try another drug or what? Any advice is greatly appreciated.


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## KRAPPY (Apr 26, 2003)

Hi duckdive, I don't have any answers. I suffered with anxiety for years and it effects my GI tract with pain and diarrhea. I've been in psychiatric therapy for years--it has helped but my anxiety brain center is still active. Just to let you know your not alone--Rich.


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## katza (May 28, 2003)

Finding this and other sites alike have made me know I'm not alone and there are lots of people that have much worse problems with anxiety and IBS. I called my pscyhiatrist yesterday and I'm waiting for him to call me back. I think I need another med or up the dosage of the meds I'm on now. I've been uphappy my whole life, 29 yrs before I ever started having anxiety and IBS and now I feel that if I can't find a way to do the things I used to do I would rather be dead. I live in Southern Ca and love to surf all year round and summer used to be my favorite time of the year because of the warmer water and seeing all the beach friends I have. The last two yrs I haven't been able to stay longer than I couple hrs because if I got hungry I was affraid to eat at the beach. The mens restrooms are as bad as a high school bathroom. I didn't really have any stomach problems though. I made them up in my mind, but now for the last 8 months I do have stomach problems from everything I eat on most days. Monday and wednesday I had no stomach problems. Today I have the craps and some big D. I never know if my stomach is gonna act up or not. I used to have a bulletproof stomach. Only large amounts of soda's or chocolate made my sick. Sometimes I think about going to my doctor again wheither it be the family doc or GI. I sometimes wise somebody would hit me real hard in the head with a object and maybe get lucky and get abnesia, know I didn't spell that right. Maybe I'll die early from all the stress.


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## sickofsick (Nov 4, 1999)

Hi duckdive,You said you think you might be manic depressive. I have read that taking antidepressents for this may make it worse, actually causing manic episodes. A manic episode is not always a high, it can show as anger and aggitation. I would speak to your doctor and see what he says. There are other drugs that can be very effective for this.


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## KarenP36 (May 24, 2001)

Hey duck. From what you're saying it sounds like you "might" have a bipolar disorder (the mood swings, one extreme to another), and the disturbing thoughts, do you WANT to hurt someone or worried that you will? I think there is a big difference. Sometimes when people worry that they will hurt someone it is part of OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. Many people think that OCD is just compulsive stuff like hand washing or fixing rugs, checking doors, etc. Actually it can be with obsessive thoughts, like worrying you will harm others or embarass yourself, etc. I don't know if this will help at all but they have to find a medication that works for your diagnosis. Don't stop looking for the right doctor to help you...Good luck.Karen


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## katza (May 28, 2003)

The thoughts I had worried me that I might do such a thing, even though I knew I wouldn't act to them. I also had unwanted urges toward harming people. I stopped having these thoughts about 2 yrs ago. I don't want to try another psycharist since the one I have to very kind and hasn't given up on me. I have been seeing him for 3 yrs and haven't found a combination of meds that works for lond periods. We both know that any type of serontin drugs I can't take because of my very senstive system. For the past week I have been shaking badly inside and outside. Sometime when reading the newspaper the paper is vibrating in my hands. My psychiatrist is gonna have me try a stronger Beta Blocker. I haven't got it yet and don't remember the name but I sure hope it helps. My parents think the shaking is from the klonopin I've been taking for a yr now. For my IBS I ordered a herbal med called Herb-A -Calm. It has Valarian, Peppermint, Calimon, Ginger and kettle leaf. If I take it with every meal is helps but I didn't with my last one and now have a gargly stomach. I'm not gonna give up with finding meds for my anxiety, but 3 yrs of trying about 20 different kinds I think I may have screwed up my stomach and mind. My ability to remember things is not there. Also I have a very difficult time typing and writing. I constantly leave out words and have a writing level of a 1st grader now. I wish I didn't ever start taking meds. I'm only a 29 yr old male My mind and stomach weren't to bad until I started with the meds. As far as mood swings I have days where I have none so I think I don't have a problem there. I wish I could just be the person I was 3 yrs ago. Even with harmful thoughts. I've had a extremely bad temper for my whole life. I hate myself and my life. I hate the whole deal with living. I would just like to be able to hangout at the beach this summer. Fat chance of that happening. I have to make a BM after I eat everytime and sometimes have other stomach issues.


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## artist (May 15, 2003)

God bless you duckdive, you are going through some rough times. Please don't give up. Keep working with your doctors. You mentioned your parents, can they provide some emotional support? Keep trying, you are worth it. It takes an incredibly strong person to deal with this kind of stuff, you should be proud that you manage to stay on top of this. The answers are out there. Best of Luck.


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## katza (May 28, 2003)

I got my new med today, another beta blocker except one much more potent. It's called Atenolol. I am hoping it will help and work for a lond time instead of a few weeks like the inderal. My parents can't totally relate to my problems. My mom more so can since she suffers from depression at times. She also takes beta blockers, but for aregular heart beat. The herbal pills I got for my IBS haven't really helped yet. The valarian makes me hungover. I used to take lots of valarian before taking meds. If the Atenolol doesn't work then my pscyhiarist is gonna have me try a time release beta blocker. I looked up online about this med and it says that it works very well for anxiety and aggressive behavior. I am so glade I found this site. I thank everyone for being so kind and supportive. I will let everyone know how I am doing on the new med.


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## artist (May 15, 2003)

Hurrah for you duck! You sound more positive. It's ok if your parents don't completely understand what you are feeling. Somestimes just knowing you are loved and valued gets you through another day. Keep up the good fight.


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