# not sure what I have



## nati (Dec 16, 2010)

hi all. I'm just going to go straight to it. I've been living this hell since I was in 4th grade (10 years old). I ate tons of junk food as a kid. 4th grade came, and I was always getting sick to my stomach. that left me with a fear of throwing up. since then, I tried changing my eating habits. nothing would work... I was sick all the time. as I grew older, I trained my body and my mind to try to avoid getting sick all together. basically, my stomach would feel disgusting, bloated, gassy, acidy, and somewhat heavy, and my esophagus would get this tightened, food stuck in my throat feeling. it wasn't hard to swallow, but I wasn't comfortable at all. I couldn't go to sleep at night, and if I did, I'd have to sleep sitting up because laying down made it worse. because of this horrible problem, I didn't have much of a life. it was hard for me to go to school... school was hell. my parents thought I was making all this stomach nonsense up, and because they thought that way, I decided to keep it a secret from others. I felt embarrassed. I have a fast metabolism to boot, so people would think I was anorexic of course since I'd lose weight due to this horrible, whatever it is. I had seen the doctor quite a few times, and they didn't help. they prescribed me to anxiety pills, gave me all sorts of tests in which I didn't qualify for acid reflux. everything seemed "normal" which was NOT the case for me. dr's felt useless to me. I felt like I was alone in feeling whatever I was feeling. my best friend thought this #### had to do with my hormones... I remember taking birth control for the first time, and once I took it, I immediately had my stomach problems for two weeks straight. it was a thought, but eh, not too sure.I did have a small break through in the beginning of 2008. like a flip of a switch, I was happy emotionally which led to feeling happy physically. I only felt sick once a month and had the time of my life all through out that year. I could eat most foods that I wasn't able to eat in the past. I felt so blessed. it lasted for about a year and a half. I even got a job in march of 2009 which I've been wanting to have for a long time but couldn't because of my issues. then in november of 2009, I got into a relationship with a guy that was totally different from what I'm used to dating. basically, he was more of an outgoing, kind of cocky but still down to earth kind of guy that had a short fuse when it came to patience. we started living together, and that to me was a huge major step because I get nervous around people in my living space. I started to get very stressed again, my work was getting busy, and I all of a sudden had my own apartment in July of this year. ever since then, my stomach problems have been MAD CRAZY. I recently lost my job (due to other reasons) and felt so happy because I didn't have to be around people as much. when I'm sick, I like to be by myself so I can just sit, do my thing of mentally trying to get myself physically better, eating the foods I can eat, or not eating at all, and not being questioned by any of this. but because I live with my boyfriend and another roommate, I feel trapped. I don't have anywhere to go to be alone and not be questioned and dodge feeling awkward. I must say, this has all been a good learning experience for me because I can't be living in a shell my whole life. as much as this situation I am in is incredibly stressful, I only hope it will allow me to get over this fear of people being around me when I'm sick. and don't get me wrong, my boyfriend has been so supportive and helpful. he has offered to sleep in the living room when I'm feeling this way, but this situation has just left me feeling more depressed than I have felt in a while. all in all, I'm scared that I'll lose my boyfriend because of this, and that I won't have a career, or a be able to travel like I want because this has gotten so bad again. like this month, I haven't felt good since December 1st. I don't have the money to buy healthy food so I can dodge feeling crappy, and my mind set is at a low point. I start thinking that I'm such a waste of space because I can't find a job... not now... not when I'm feeling this horrible. I have a feeling a lot of this has to do with my mind and my diet. in my mind, I'm scared of this feeling, which causes me when I'm feeling fine to fear the dreaded day of being sick again. and when I am sick, my mind is scared because I don't have my own space to be sick in. I'm also constantly stressing about money, and with having money I have to have a job, and with a job I have to work while I'm feeling crappy, and when I'm working while feeling crappy I have to be around people, and it's such a vicious cycle. right now, my goal is to work on my mindset again. I need to think positively because that really helped me out. and if my parents can help me, I'm going to try to get healthier foods so I'm not feeling crappy. since I don't have insurance, it's pretty much left up to me (it's always been up to me, but having help from a doctor would really help me figure all this out in case it's not all mental) to fix this. I came here to find support, and to just let all this out. I know I can get myself better again, at least to how I felt in '08, and I can live with feeling crappy once a month. I just hope I reach that goal. I don't want my career to be sitting in bed my whole life. wish me luck, and I wish you all the luck in the world. thanks for reading/listening.


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## SeanB (Dec 15, 2010)

Only advice I have to give you . . is for you to go see your doctor, Explain your symptoms to him, and there's a very good chance he'll be able to help you out. Wish I could help more,Take care, Sean.


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