# Issues with friendships?



## 22443 (Apr 12, 2005)

I don't know about you guys, but IBS has really put into perspective who my real friends are. A lot of my friends have drifted away from me ever since I started telling people that I have IBS and it's really kind of getting to me.It's not my fault that I'm sick. I don't choose to live this lifestyle, I have to. They don't seem to get it at all. Anyone else have this problem? I don't know what to do. Is it even worth salvaging this kind of friendship? I mean, wouldn't a real friend stick by you if they knew you were sick?


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## 23032 (Jun 16, 2005)

Hi there. I've been suffering with IBS-D for over 10 months now and I am kinda going thru the same thing with my friends.You have to understand that unless they are going thru the same thing as you they will never completely understand IBS and what we go thru every day of our lives.In my experience it puts a major stress on all of our relationships because you cant always go out or do things with people and you tend to drift apart from alot of the people in your life.You have to weigh up which friendships are worth fighting for. To me, this is the people who stick with you and help you live with this problem.The most important thing i find is to make sure they understand, as well as they can, what happens to you when you have a "bad day". The ones who accept and dont run or gross out on you are usually the ones worth keeping around.


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## 23032 (Jun 16, 2005)

(This post didnt stay up before. Hope it works now!)---Hi there. I've been suffering with IBS-D for over 10 months now and I am kinda going thru the same thing with my friends.You have to understand that unless they are going thru the same thing as you they will never completely understand IBS and what we go thru every day of our lives.In my experience it puts a major stress on all of our relationships because you cant always go out or do things with people and you tend to drift apart from alot of the people in your life.You have to weigh up which friendships are worth fighting for. To me, this is the people who stick with you and help you live with this problem.The most important thing i find is to make sure they understand, as well as they can, what happens to you when you have a "bad day". The ones who accept and dont run or gross out on you are usually the ones worth keeping around.


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## 14285 (Jun 13, 2005)

I know what you're talking about completely. Some of my friends acted disgusted by my condition (IBS-D)which didn't help matters. I found that throughout college if I hung around the non-partying groups it was much easier to make friends. Some of them knew about my condition, but others had no clue. I didn't feel as anxious about what if we go out on Friday night or stuff like that. A few of my very good friends though stuck by me and understood that if I didn't want to go to the movies or out for dinner it was because I was having a bad day and would often stay home with me. We would watch rented movies and stuff, so I didn't feel left out or depressed because everyone else was having fun. There are people out there, it's just sometimes hard to find "real" friends.


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## thegirlleastlikely (Feb 7, 2005)

many people don't understand IBS. it's not a talked about illness. i learned the hard way whom my friends where. the funny part is that it seems guys are more understanding. my best friend is a guy and he'll be like "we're going out. if you feel good that is." LoL!


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## Tamera (Apr 18, 2004)

Yup I sure understand I lost a lot of friends. I've always had friends come in and out of my life though before I got IBS. They abandoned me. That sux but you know what true friends will always be there for you no matter what. IBS really affects your whole life. Keep you head up I know it gets really hard sometimes but we have to try and stay strong.


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## 16138 (Jun 4, 2005)

OMG! I am so sorry that you guys lost friends over this!! That is so ridiculous. I guess I am very lucky. All of my friends were incredibly supportive. They were with me before I was wheeled into the OR to have my colon removed. They were there with me when We'd have to pull off the highway so I could make a dash to the bathroom, they were there when I would begin vimiting bile...they were always there for me and never turned their backs on me.I'm so so sorry you guys lost "friends" over this illness. But, now you know who your true friends are! The people who ditched you are NOT and never WERE true friends.


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

Unfortunately it's a way of life... some people are shallow but theres a good thing IBS can help you find people that are good friends, who will support you whenever you need them







theres no shame in what we have. When people drift away remember one thing: it's not your loss.


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## 19649 (Jun 22, 2005)

> quote:Originally posted by collegegirl333:I don't know about you guys, but IBS has really put into perspective who my real friends are. A lot of my friends have drifted away from me ever since I started telling people that I have IBS and it's really kind of getting to me.It's not my fault that I'm sick. I don't choose to live this lifestyle, I have to. They don't seem to get it at all. Anyone else have this problem? I don't know what to do. Is it even worth salvaging this kind of friendship? I mean, wouldn't a real friend stick by you if they knew you were sick?


I feel for you. A lot of my friends have left because I always feel bad. They stopped inviting me to parties and events because they knew I'd just spend the whole night in the bathroom. But looking back I'm kind of glad that it happened that way because now I know who really cares for me and will stick by my side when things get rough. Hang in there.


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## 14601 (Jun 24, 2005)

all ill say is having IBS sucks, but it does help to make you realise exactly who your true friends are.im really lucky i have a fella who understands- well i try to keep away from the details lol but he understands as best he can why sometimes i just wanna stay at home. I also have a brilliant mate whos supported me through the whole thing!there are a lot of self centred ignorant people, and if IBS helps filter then out of my life, then whilst its sad losing mates, in the end im glad because i can do without being made feel guilty about my condition.sorry if that sounds harh lol..


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## 20834 (Jun 20, 2005)

Yeah, I had to just cancel going to a party cause of cramping in my abdomin and I know that people sometimes aren't impressed with me canceling some times. Some of my friends know of my problem and others don't. And the ones that get angery about me not coming b/c i dont feel up to it... well I let them be upset... it doesn't phase me, like water off a ducks back. Im not going to let their words stress me out. All of us dealing with IBS need as little stress in our lives as possible. Let them be angery... as far as i am concerned, they are ignorant and have no intension of trying to understand what we all go thur.... which I will speak for all of us is a whole lot of ****!!Thank you for letting me vent..


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## 21973 (Jun 28, 2005)

im in the same situation with you guys. A lot of times, friends just want to hang out and have dinner...i cant do that. (especially when its downtown and theres tons of traffic and im not driving) Ive lost friends over this. But my bf is the most caring person in the world. WHat do you all do on a friday or saturday night? just curious. thansk for listening to me rant


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## Tamera (Apr 18, 2004)

I used to always go out like a normal young person you know hang out, movies, partys, etc. Now I've become a homebody because I lost some really close friends well I thought they were friends, but I'm not going to blame it all on the IBS. There was just so much drama going on but true friends should stay by your side no matter what. I had to learn the hard way because I also lost friends due to my fault.


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## 15241 (Apr 12, 2005)

I have trouble keeping friends because they get sick of me not showing up, even though I let them know my situation and explain it to them. I have a few best friends who are really understanding but even with them I'm still self-conscious, especially if I have gas or have a bad IBS-D attack. My husband is really understanding and we joke about it but it is making and keeping girlfriends that is hard. I understand why they find it hard to bother with a girl who can't 100% commit to anything, but it gets lonely.


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## 21438 (Apr 4, 2005)

Hi,I've been having this problem too. most of the time my D is under control but I get tired very easily and i'm simply not able to go out, I need to sleep! If I do have D it usually makes me just want to sit at home, for fear of embarassment. but my friends never come around to my house anymore and my self esteem is so low and because of that I find it hard to make new friends on the rare occasion I am out. It hurts when I find out friends have been out and didnt even ask because ironically it's when I'm well! My job is very important to me and I try to save my energy for that. I cant drink too much without getting a disgusting hangover so I get left out of the mid-week binges. I'd love if friends would invite me out more and I could accept their invite.


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## Kaylis9d9 (Mar 15, 2004)

My stomach problems started when I was 14... I am 23 now and have never had a friendship be affected from my condition... I don't see the relevance of stomach problems to friends... I got married last year.. still have my college and high school friends in tact... I guess if you pick quality friends, you don't have problems... If someone asks , just say you have "stomach problems". It is as simple as that. If they can't handle this fact, they are unworthy friends.


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## Mercedes . (Apr 4, 2003)

I lost a lot of friends when i had my operation, (long story) but find now that most seem to just except it, if they cant handle me avoiding certain food groups and not wanting to eat out at restauants and the like then tough! Itsa shame when you do lose friends like that, but as someone before me said, if you get quality friends they will stick with you through anything!?


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