# What do you do when you have a guy stay over and you have an attack?



## nrep (Jun 19, 2007)

I'm a single, 30 yr old woman and I am so worried that I'm never going to be able to have a serious relationship. My ibs has only started acting up really badly in the last few years, though I've had it for over 10 years. I'm scared to get close to someone, because I don't want them to know about this. I don't want them to see how much time I spend in the bathroom. I'm worried about thefirst time I have someone stay over and if I have an attack and have to spend the whole time in the bathroom. It's not very attractive. And, it makes me feel like I'm disgusting. I know its not my fault that I have this. It's not any of our faults. But, now I'm just realizing that this is a real fear of mine.


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## borfis86 (Oct 26, 2007)

I can really relate to this and I know how hard it is to get close to someone when you have IBS-D.It's so much more socially acceptable to tell someone that you've got to vomit, rather than you've got to go and empty every ounce of poo from your body... So if ever i get an attack I lie and say i'm feeling really sick and I think I need to vomit then suggest they leave my place or I leave their place.Also, perhaps try to schedule dates when there isn't a meal involved... go to a movie and don't get food or something.Or have immodium before they come over.It's such a difficult thing to deal with- I hope that nothing embarassing happens to you during the dating process! It's such a personal condition but if you feel as if a budding relationship could become long term, I would take the step and tell the person you have IBS. It's such a common condition that i'm sure they would know a friend, family member who has it.I was lucky enough to find a boyfriend who has IBS so as embarrassing as it still is, we both understand what each other is going through and give the toilet a wide burth when the other is feeling ill!


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## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

ha! I'm online right now because I have a guy over, but I woke up with horrible D. He's asleep, but I don't know if he heard me. I figured I'd hang out downstairs for a while until I know the attack is somewhat under control. I don't want to emphasize the problem by getting in and out of bed 5 times!Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. It's a reason I avoid sleeping at others' houses, and I always blame it on my having to go take care of my dog (even though, in reality, she'd be fine with my staying out all night if I wanted to). I do the vomiting thing, too (telling them that that's what I'm doing), but of course that doesn't work when they can actually hear me. Honestly, until the last couple weeks I've been able to take Imodium and then be confident for the rest of the night. But these past couple weeks have been inexplicably HORRIBLE and it doesn't help that I've been hanging out a lot with someone I'm trying to get close to!I don't know much what to do, except fess up. If they ask why I'll never stay over, or let them stay over, I'll avoid it until I'm comfortable (or chalk it up to generic "tummy problems") and then there's not a whole lot to do except tell them.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I had this last time my bloke stayed over. It was quite a bad one by my standards, and I didn't tell him what the problem was. He is a doctor tho- so if i had told him, he'd have been understanding.Any man worth his salt won't be put off by you having a medical condition. The worst thing you can do it worry. It'll only make it worse!


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## lawstudent (Nov 22, 2007)

i also use the vomiting excuse everytime im having lunch/dinner out with my friends ... wonders of wonders it seems more acceptable to them that im suffering from a kind of eating disorder rather than doing the disgusting thing in the loo. but then it gets really insulting when they start preaching about eating disorders and psychologial stuff and how you're not fat and ure just doing this attention. u just feel like screaming.sometimes it works, but it depends on the environment. since i started driving, the staying out has become more under contorl .. i just say im tired or fed up and disappear.


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## IBSHATER2 (Nov 23, 2007)

Wow--I feel so relieved to know that other people think about these things like I do. I am always worried about having an attack when I have a guy over or any other guest. Frequently, I will wake up from a sound sleep and have a terrible episode in the middle of the night. I don't want to get in and out of bed a million times and draw attention to myself so I try to stay up for awhile in another room and hope it passes. Although, it never fails...just when I think I am good enough to get back in bed as soon as my head hits the pillow, I need to run to the bathroom again. This issue became a joking matter with an ex, but it still was somewhat embarrasing. Now, I have a new bf and I decided right away that I wasn't going to hide this because it stresses me out even more if I try to hide it so I just came out and told him about it.....he actually was very receptive to it and said something along the lines of, " I know its not something you can control...and just let me know if you ever feel sick and I will try to make you feel as comfortable as I can". I was blown away that I got that response. Usually, if I try to explain it to people, they don't "get" it...he seemed to understand exactly what I was talking about. He even tried to be cute and say.."I still like you!". lol So, my advice to people is to just be blunt about it. It's not something I wanted to say face to face, so I sent an e-mail with an attachment to a guide about what every IBS sufferer wanted non-IBS sufferers to know about IBS. It's written in a way that is very easy to understand IBS since it is written by IBS sufferers themselves.


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## gsxr60097 (Dec 4, 2007)

I had a girl quit dating me because this happened when she spent the night. I had a bad episode in the middle of night and went downstairs and fell asleep on the couch instead of goingback upstairs. I guess that put her off. I still didn't tell her why. I am better off without her.


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