# attending funeral



## cw_2009 (Apr 10, 2005)

Hi i was wondering how you cope with ibs d... and attending funerals.I may be going to a funeral within the next couple of weeks.. as my best friends dad passed away this morning, from cancer.I have only meet his dad on one occasion, should i go to the funeral, or just the wake.. Also when do you think the best time is to get in contact/visit the family? As i feel the family need to be left alone.. as its a upsetting/terrible timeMany thanks


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## em_t (Jun 8, 2010)

You could go to the funeral but take a seat at the back so that should you need to make an unexpected exit you can without too many people noticing. People will probably just assume you had to take a call. If you do go to the funeral, make sure to find your friend at some point afterwards and offer your condolensces. I would go to the funeral rather than just the wake, your friend will probably appreciate you making the effort and the support of friends and family at such a time is really important.Depending on your relationship, sending a wee text tomorrow to say you heard the bad news and how sorry you are lets them know you are thinking about them. I probably wouldn't ring them because they're probably being inundated with calls and organising funeral arrangements. Also ask them if there's anything they need, sometimes its good just to get out of the house for a cup of coffee to escape the atmosphere.


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## cw_2009 (Apr 10, 2005)

i texted this morning, saying how sorry i was and said if u need anything or someone to talk too.. you know where i am..think i will text/call in a few more days.. we dont normally call each other so not sure what to do.think i might ask if he wants to pop round for a cup of tea tomorrow or wed..


em_t said:


> You could go to the funeral but take a seat at the back so that should you need to make an unexpected exit you can without too many people noticing. People will probably just assume you had to take a call. If you do go to the funeral, make sure to find your friend at some point afterwards and offer your condolensces. I would go to the funeral rather than just the wake, your friend will probably appreciate you making the effort and the support of friends and family at such a time is really important.Depending on your relationship, sending a wee text tomorrow to say you heard the bad news and how sorry you are lets them know you are thinking about them. I probably wouldn't ring them because they're probably being inundated with calls and organising funeral arrangements. Also ask them if there's anything they need, sometimes its good just to get out of the house for a cup of coffee to escape the atmosphere.


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

If the friend is a close one I would go to the wake and the funeral & just focus on your friend. Do whatever your friend needs you to do.


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## cw_2009 (Apr 10, 2005)

The funerals in a couple of weeks.. think im going.. i know sounds terrible but im dreading the funeral just because of the whole toilet situation... Think we will sit near the back.. as not being family or close family to the deceased.. Even just thinking about it is making me worry.. :-( How can i cope, with this??


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## peaches41 (Nov 26, 2008)

I'm going to a funeral on Monday, and ever since my brother-in-law died ten days ago I've been dreading the funeral. I've had griping tummy for three days, terrible gas and loose motions. I just know I will be better after the funeral, but it seems so wrong that I should be selfishly worrying about how I'm going to feel instead of thinking about my sister-in-law and her loss. But try as I may, i still feel rotten.


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

> How can i cope, with this??


Stop worrying about the IBS and focus on your friend instead.


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## cw_2009 (Apr 10, 2005)

ill need to get up really early in the morning.. and take loads of imodium


BQ said:


> Stop worrying about the IBS and focus on your friend instead.


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## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

Hi Claire, I totally understand why you are both worried about going. The last time I had a funeral to go to I just didn't go. Selfish as I may be, I couldn't handle it on top of everything else. I tend to avoid christenings, weddings etc.. I've had so many near misses in the middle of nowhere that I decided selfishly to think about myself for a change. I do regret not being able to go to the last funeral but I know that she wouldn't have wanted me to put myself through that. I also had the same problem when an immediate family member died and it was so awful being really upset on the one hand and worrying about having diarrhea at the funeral as well.I think if you take your immodiums and get yourself blocked up early enough, you should be fine. I have decided to take off 1/2 hour from the time when I have to leave home. No matter what time I need to leave, I always then have to go just as I'm going out the door and then I'm late. So perhaps aiming to leave earlier would mean you might be able to leave on time, if you have the same problems as me. Honestly, if he is a good friend, I think you should call him. I know a txt is easier but often people don't speak to the family because they don't want to upset them. He is still the same person and if he is your friend, I would wait a day or so and then ring him and ask him how he is. Sorry the hypnosis didn't work Claire, it didn't for me either. Claire


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

> ill need to get up really early in the morning.. and take loads of imodium


Well maybe your friend is worth getting up real early in the morning and taking imodium.Only you can decide that.By the way there is nothing wrong with taking imodium. It is an anti-diarrheal medication. So if you have D.. use it!


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## Tallgirl (Nov 14, 2007)

Hi cw.I lost my Mom on Jan 1st and going to her funeral was horrendous. I have IBSD which has led to anxiety, panic attacks and I am now agoraphobic. I can travel short distances (15 minutes or so) but anything longer or anywhere that I don't normally go sets me off in to the vicious circle of anxiety, D, more anxiety etc etc.My Moms funeral was 50 minutes travelling, so as you can imagine that caused all sorts of problems. I took immodium, but still had D just as I was about to leave the house. By the time I got to the church I was in a massive panic. I sat at the back and literally could not stand during the service as I felt so faint. I lasted for 50 minutes (it was a catholic service), but then I had to get my husband to take me home.I missed the rest of the service, the burial and the wake.As you can imagine I felt massively guilty, but at the end of the day, I tried my best and that is all you can do. My Mom wouldn't have wanted me to go through all that anyway.If people don't understand then it's just tough! People that don't suffer from this stupid illness can't possibly imagine what we go through. Same way that I can't understand what someone with cancer is going through as I've never had it.Basically what I'm trying to say is do your best. Speak to your friend and explain your situation (if they don't already know). Take immodium and prepare yourself as much as you can. Hopefully that will help you and you will be fine.All the bestTallgirl.


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