# Need Support, Please



## BR (Apr 12, 2001)

Hi Everyone,Background: I did Mike's tapes about 3 years ago and had such relief I felt I was actually cured from IBS. I did so well, that I pretty much dropped off the boards because I didn't feel I could be that helpful other than to keep pushing the tapes. I also found that when I read the postings it had me feeling like the IBS would come back (I'm pretty suggestive, I guess!) Then I had a setback where it was almost like I first had IBS and had to relearn how to deal with it. The anxiety was worse than ever and I wasn't coping with it very well. I relistened to the tapes a couple times and again was much improved. But the fear remained. I realized I was doing especially well when I was in my normal routine (home/work) but anything unusual brought the panic/fear which would sometimes bring on symptoms. I also found I couldn't tell what was just fear and what was actually D starting.Now to the problem. My friend is getting married in a couple weeks and I'm in the wedding. It's a Catholic service with a mass expected to last a little over an hour. Of course I'll feel trapped and will be totally out of my usual routine since we will be staying at my mother-in-law's since the wedding is about 2 hours from our house. I am listening to the tapes again to help prepare and I got Lomotil to take as a precaution but I don't know what to do about my panicky feelings.I know this is the only place where I will be truly understood so anything you can say to help will be sooooo much appreciated! I am so upset about this that I am not able to enjoy the wedding.


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi BR ~Nice to have you on the BB again, but so sorry to hear about your setback. Firstly, please email me at: timelineus###msn.com if you would like me to ask Mike personally if he has anything to add that might help you- but knowing from past experience, he most likely would have you remember that you were helped in the past and what is happening to you now doesn't have to be a part of your future. But the fact that you have done the program again a few times and now have a new set of anxiety shows that you are linking being out of your routine with the D, fear and anxiety, etc. Since your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between reality and thinking about it, you might try to think about the event and going through the weekend symptom free, rather than actively thinking about all that could happen. Because all that could happen that weekend is in the future, and has not taken place - if you picture yourself as fine and keep doing that, you will have a higher chance that this will be the case. Having the meds on hand is fine too, whatever gives you peace of mind.Another way to think of it, is what is the very worst that can happen? Envision that, and then take it to absurd proportions, and give yourself permission to let that happen, sort of like, if that happens, it happens, big deal - yeah, it sounds weird, but it sort of desensitizes you to the reality of it. Otherwise you will have a self-fulfilling prophecy.I am in a high time of stress right now - and have had to travel as well - and what I have done is push it out of my mind, saying to myself, I am going to do great, and have a wonderful time - and I was able to travel the 3+ hours by car in stalled traffic, etc. Expect the best, and get it!Another thing to do, if it is possible, is do mini trial runs out of your regular routine - just taking the time to do a different routine away from home - nothing monumental - the more you do that, the better it is to cope and it becomes less of an issue, so something to try if you can.As I mentioned above, if this info here doesn't suffice, email me, and I will ask Mike if he has any ideas for you. No matter what, though, I think you will be fine!All the best, and have a wonderful time at the wedding!


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## BR (Apr 12, 2001)

Oh Marilyn, thank you so much. I knew you would come through for me. These are some great ideas and I will give them a try. I did tell my friend that I was worried I would have to run out of the church because I'd be so nervous I might have to throw up (not quite the reason I'm worried about but another possibility!). She said not to worry even if I did that it wouldn't ruin the wedding.I will work on your suggestions now. A new concept for me. Focusing on the best happening!


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

A couple more things BR and you can email me also if you want. Also you have recgonized this is anxiety based and there are things to do for anxiety.But think about this quote hard."worrying does not change the outcome."In fact worrying will bring on negative body reactions and positive thoughts will bring on positive bodily reactions.Also distracting your mind from the upcoming event can help greatly also, until you have to go. Think about other positive things, they can be anything you like just focus on them.also this is on going to the dentist, but its a good example of changing your thoughts, just subsitute IBS for goig to the dentist here. But you will see the connections.The key to being relatively calm in the dentistï¿½s chair begins wellbefore the actual visit. I say relatively calm because if youï¿½resuffering from dental phobia and have been for a while, itï¿½s unlikelythat you will feel "perfectly" comfortable your first or second visit.Each of us must take an active part in overcoming our fears. Peopledonï¿½t get over their fear of heights for instance, in an flash. It takespractice - practice changing your thoughts. Long before thedreaded event you must take charge of your thinking. If youconsciously make an effort at being more calm, you will be morecalm. Letï¿½s create a mental picture. Youï¿½re sitting at your desk and glanceat the calendar. You notice your dental appointment is only twoweeks from today. Immediately your mind kicks into overdrive. "Iknow itï¿½s going to be terrible. What if I get nauseous while Iï¿½m in thechair? What if the anesthetic doesnï¿½t take hold quickly enough? Iknow itï¿½s going to hurt. Iï¿½m grateful I found a new dentist whoadvertises gentle procedures, but can I trust him to be gentle withmy mouth? Oh I remember that awful antiseptic stench from when Iwas a youngster. I wonder if theyï¿½ve found anyway to correct that?"As you think about the upcoming visit, your body begins respondingto your fear thoughts. Physical sensations can range from mild tosevere depending on how vivid a scene youï¿½ve painted in your mind,and how long you engage in the working up process. Yourshoulders and neck may feel tense. Your jaw may start to hurtbecause youï¿½ve got it got your teeth clamped together so tightly.You may find yourself short of breath or a headache may belooming on the horizon. Your stomach may be churning and yourinsides trembling.Actually these body signals can be viewed as good instead of bad.They are a sure sign that you are thinking fear and a signal for youto take action. You see the body doesnï¿½t know the differencebetween an imagined experience and a real one. How can that beyou say! If you doubt my words, think about a frightful dream youexperienced, one where someone or something was chasing you.You awaken from the dream feeling as though your heart ispounding out of your chest, perhaps even perspiring. Your bodywas reacting to an imagined fear, thoughts you were having in adream state. The character in your dream was not reality, yet yourbody responded as if he were genuine.Each and every time you catch yourself anxious about yourupcoming appointment, stop and W.A.I.T. Stop and ask yourself:What Am I Thinking? Rather than letting your thoughts control you,take the time to control your thoughts. Consciously toss out theunhealthy fear thoughts and replace them with healthy secure andrealistic thoughts. Using the picture we created earlier, here are a few ways toreprogram whatï¿½s going on in your mind. The original thoughts are initalic, followed by the replacement thought(s).Your dental appointment is only two weeks from today You can view that fact insecurely, the appointment is onlytwo weeks away, or securely - the appointment is still twoweeks away. I know itï¿½s going to be terrible You really donï¿½t know how uncomfortable itï¿½s going to be.The anticipation is always worse than the actual event. What if I get nauseous while Iï¿½m in the chair? Feeling nauseous is uncomfortable, but doesnï¿½t necessarilymean that anything worse is going to happen. Feelingnauseous is distressing, but it is not dangerous. Feelingsand sensations will rise, fall and run their course if wedonï¿½t attach danger to them. Take away the fear (danger)and your stomach will quiet down on itï¿½s own accord. What if the anesthetic doesnï¿½t take hold quickly enough? If you feel the first poke of a dental instrument, speak up.Tell the doctor it hurts. If you begin to feel pain while thedrillingï¿½s going on, hold up your hand as a signal to thedoc. You may not be able to speak clearly with theposition youï¿½re mouth is in, but you can make some kind ofsound, Grunt if you need to.- but do show some sign thatyouï¿½re feeling pain. Remember your pain receptors are inyour body. Even though the dentists fingers are in yourmouth, he has no clue of what youï¿½re feeling unless you lethim know. Do not suffer in silence. And if youï¿½re concernedabout sounding a bit odd, donï¿½t. Dentists, assistants andhygienists are used to hearing us "talk with our mouths full."I know itï¿½s going to hurt The replacement thought here is simply: I donï¿½t know if itï¿½sgoing to hurt - because you really donï¿½t know! None of uscan predict the future. Iï¿½m grateful I found a new dentist who advertises gentleprocedures, but can I trust him to be gentle with my mouth? Realistically there is no guarantee. But in all probability theman or woman is more compassionate and caring than thedentists of long ago. Oh I remember that awful antiseptic stench from when I was ayoungster. I wonder if theyï¿½ve found anyway to correct that? Most probably they have. New technology dentistry nowincludes pleasant flavors for the things they place in ourmouths. If the flavors have improved, so have the scents.Everything on the patient end of dentistry Is moreuser-friendly these days. And all those physical sensations you experience two weeks beforeyour appointment are the direct result of your fear thoughts - theytoo are distressing, but they are not dangerous.Practice in reprogramming thoughts has two beneficial effects. Itcalms down the anticipatory fear you have before your visit, andmakes it easier to calm yourself down at the office. Itï¿½s much easierto recall secure and realistic thoughts if youï¿½ve taken the time to usethem before. You can have them at your fingertips or the tip of yourtongue, ready to use while youï¿½re in the chair.Another excellent method for stopping racing thoughts is objectivity- the process of thinking of something measurable and verifiable.This is a great technique to use, when youï¿½re stuck "in the chair."Think about your automobile and picture every detail - interior andexterior colors, number of doors, the shape of the door handles, allthe indicators on the dashboard, the type of fabric on the seats.The list is endless. If you donï¿½t own an automobile, think of aspecific room in your home. Think about the size of the room -length, width, height of the ceiling, how the furniture is placed, thecolors, lamps and all other accessories. Itï¿½s a fact that we can onlyhave a single thought in a single instant. Describing in your mind(thinking about) an object or objects that are familiar to you doesnï¿½tgive the mind a chance to harbor racing, upsetting thoughts. Fearthoughts are persistent and they will try to sneak back in. Whenthey do, simply bring your attention (your thoughts) back todescribing your chosen object or place.When you have a fear of dentists you really have the choice of twodiscomforts -the actual discomfort you may feel during theappointment (notice I said "may" have), or you have the discomfortof not going and having the needed work done and beating yourselfup for giving into your fear. The dialogue goes like this: Iï¿½m such acoward. But I canï¿½t help it. Iï¿½m scared. But I canï¿½t admit it toanyone.Every act of self-control produces a sense of self-respect. Alongwith the relief you feel for having the dental procedure behind youinstead of staring you in the face, I guarantee you that when youface your fear you will gain a realistic sense of self-pride. This nextstep is important whether you do it immediately after you leave theoffice or later on in the day - take time to give yourself a mental paton the back. You deserve it! No one else needs to be aware of it. Itwas your effort that got you through. Itï¿½s your victory and you canbe proud of it.Whether your fear is dentists or tax audits, driving or diving, theabove tactics will work at reducing anxiety. If your anxiety hasgrown into a full blown phobia, itï¿½s merely going to take more ofyour effort. The key as with any life skill is do put to use whatyouï¿½ve learned. Changing thoughts is the first step in taking backcontrol of your life.Print this article and carry it with you for easy reference. Memorizeand use the phrase "distressing but not dangerous." Do whatever ittakes to help you be an active participant in reprogramming yourmind.Itï¿½s true - Change your thoughts and change your life.1998 Rose VanSickleAuthor - Peace of Body, Peace of Mind


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

You are very welcome, BR ~ I will be thinking of you, and I hope the wedding is splendiforous!!! Good article, Shawn, you certainly have a knack for finding just the right articles!Keep us posted, BR, and all the best to ya!


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## BR (Apr 12, 2001)

Eric thanks for all of that. Marilyn's right - that is perfect! I do realize what you've both told me is so true and that I need to deal with the fear or I will be bringing a problem on because of it. At work today I was thinking, "gee I feel so good today and I know the HT works - I need to focus on having fun, being calm and expecting good things". I'll let you know how it goes!BarbaraP.S. Marilyn I hope the wedding is splendiforous, too!


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## kac123 (Aug 2, 2002)

Hey there, While I"m not as knowledgable as Marilyn or Eric, I thought i'd offer some support







I just got married about 20 days ago and for all of my worrying and panicking about how my stomach would hold up everything went perfectly! I was nervous and had a little bit of a hard time for the couple days right before the wedding - but i figured better then than on the day of the wedding! When I posted about being nervous because of the wedding on here everyone told me that everything would be ok and that everyone gets nervous (even those without IBS) - and they were all right! Everything will be ok! Good luck!-kac


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

BR, glad it might help, realization is first, getting busy is next and its important to stick to it for a while, turning negative thought processes into positive ones don't happen over night. But hope it helps.Kac congradulations and glad to hear it went well and the wrorry was just that, not reality.







And your support is greatly apprecated and very valuable.







Hope your doing well now.


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## BR (Apr 12, 2001)

Kac,Thanks for the support and congrats on the marriage! I am starting to feel more at peace and I appreciate all of you so much for helping me. There is no place like this bb for getting help when you need it!Barbara


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Barbara there is some more info here for you on all of this. http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/ultimatebb.php...ic;f=1;t=039268


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## kac123 (Aug 2, 2002)

BR and eric, Thanks for the congrats! I listened to Mike every night for about a month leading up to the wedding (my fav. session) and that seemed to help when I was overly tense. Everything will be ok for the wedding - we'll all be thinking of you and hoping for the best!kac


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