# BAD night



## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

I have just had one hell of a night. I started the hypno program over again last night, so I was good and relaxed and falling off to sleep when right around midnight, my heart started to pound out of my chest. It was very fast and very hard. Usually when this happens, I can settle it down fairly quickly and then it either doesn't happen again or only happens once more, well, between midnight and 1 it happened four more times. I would just get the heart slowed and it would speed back up. Very disturbing. I got up and walked around the house for awhile and then watched tv until I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep at 4. Then, I was brutally awakened at 5 with the heart pounding back out of my chest!! What is up with this? It never happens to this extent. I also had chills, hot flashes, D (continuing today), stomach upset, general anxiety ####. I called my doctor today and she told me to take a higher dose of my medication for a few days (I take Inderal for rapid heartbeat that wakes me up at night).Here is the biggest problem of all...my mind is trying as hard as it can to find something to blame. This is by far the worst night I have had in a LONG time. I had developed some control over it and could calm myself down, but last night, NOTHING would work. So, I think of what I did differently yesterday...I started a new cream for a yeast infection, doctor said it is VERY unlikely that was the cause. I started the hypno over, I know that wouldn't do it. But now, very irrationally, I am scared to use more of the cream, and there is a slight twinge about the hypno.Today, I feel pretty bad. I am very tired from only 1 hour of sleep and lots of adrenaline pumping throughout the night. I am very jittery and still can feel the nerves. I feel like my heart would still be pounding away if I hadn't medicated it as much as I have. I am quite runny and still a bit scared about it all. I so badly want to be past all this. Last night totally threw me for a loop. I know it will take a few days to recover from such a bad episode, I just pray it doesn't happen again tonight and will just keep getting better and not worse again. I know you all will understand...I'M SCARED!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I can't really help, but i am sure someone will jump in and help you out soon.Hope your feeling better soon. Heres a big hug ((((BIG HUG))))Spliffy


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Laura...What is happening is that you are "anchoring" a bad night and all that you endured, to things you did surrounding the evening. Since you used the cream and the hypno sessions when this happened, you are making a connection that these things are a cause. If you had watched a certain TV show, or used hand lotion, and this happened, most likely you would not label these as causes, and your mind would not "anchor" them as such because they are common to your life. But the cream and hypno are new things, or not done all the time, and are new, so your mind makes an ILLOGICAL link as cause and effect. This is the very thing that Mike addresses in the introduction. Sometimes people are sick and they may blame the cause on a certain food, or whatever, and then never take that food again, even the sight of it brings up the unhappy reaction. But the reality is that the food, or the incident, etc. didn't actually cause anything at all... it is your perception or reaction that is the cause to it, and this is done on a very subconscious level... that is you aren't really aware of it. Sort of like you hear a loud bang, and your heart jumps. You don't cause it, you can't help it, it's automatic. Well, somehow these reactions become "automatic' and your brain mistakenly "learns" that when innocent "a" happens you will have "b" reaction.It sounds like you have a good physician, and you should address your concerns with her; much of what you describe here goes well beyond IBS, and in that regard, we here on the BB cannot address it, but only give you support and encouragement.As far as the IBS goes,and the use of the tapes, this would not cause nor exacerbate your anxiety/heart rate condition; but please be aware that Mike has said that sometimes other factors needing attention in one's life get focused on first before the IBS is addressed for some people.Take care and hope you are better soon...


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## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

Spliff, thanks so much for the hug. I really needed that today!Marilyn, I am very guilty of illogical cause and effect. My husband told me the same thing. He said I analyze why things happen too much and that causes me to place blame where none should be. I definately anchored the cream to the anxiety attacks and the palpitations. After being reassured by two doctors that the cream would not cause anything like this, I used it again today. Even though LOGICALLY I know there is no connection, sure enough, after I used it, I felt the panic creep back in. So, I went outside and played with my kids and I am happy to report the feelings passed! I know that a lot of what happened to me is beyond the scope of the BB, but I sure do love the support and encouragement I can get here. Marilyn, you told me exactly what I needed to hear, that I am making something a cause that is totally unrelated. It helps to see that in writing. So, how can I "unlearn" that innocent "a" causes reaction "b"? And, how do I keep myself from analyzing everything to death? I have had several tests on my heart and everything comes back normal. The doctor does not understand why it wakes me up at night and has for now attributed it to anxiety. I read somewhere once that adults can have night terrors like some children have. I think that is what happens to me.Thank you so much for being there for me. I do feel much better now and have my fingers crossed for a good nights sleep!


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## JeanG (Oct 20, 1999)

Laura, Marilyn had some very good advice there for you. Keep working with your doc on the rapid heartbeat issue. The hypno would not speed up the heartrate, rather it would slow it down the more you relax.I, too, have had a rapid beat for several years now, although not to the extend you have, and always test ok. I have atenelol that I take when it gets started.Hang in there, and keep us posted on how you're doing.JeanG


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Laura.... In regards to your question, seriously, I would keep on with the IBS tapes, because I do believe it will address many of your concerns, even other than IBS. When I first did the program, I just had surgery, divorced, and numerous health issues beyond the IBS. What happened was that I was able to better cope with my surgery results and all the other things I was handling at the time. My IBS at that time was addressed too, but my subconscious figured the other stuff was higher priority and helped me thru. So I would suspect for you also, that your tendency to analyze an innocent incident (how is that for alliteration?) into something would be addressed to some degree.The tapes also help you to sleep and to relax, and this can only be helpful to your other areas of concern. After a while, you get so you just don't bother with trivia; and you are able to move on to what counts. Just keep with the tapes, and if you need a "booster" Mike says you can do the same session again leaving a 6 hour gap between sessions, which may be helpful to you.Now, remember, the hypnotherapy sessions are speaking to your subconscious mind, so just relax and go with the flow, even falling asleep is OK, it still gets in... I tended to rewind if I didn't hear it, etc. and that was a no-no. Just relax with it. You don't have to do anything.Anything else you would do, would be on an active thinking level... or conscious level. You would have to "do" something. That is OK too, if you want to go that route.There are two ways to go:One is by focusing on something else when you start to feel your heart race; as you did by playing with your kids; you were distracted. Your mind can only occupy one thought at a time, so if you are focused on something else, then the physical response dies down. (Eventually, the hypno will make the association automatically.)The other take on this, is the opposite, but for some people it helps. In your situation, I would ask the doc first, or make sure you are in a situation that someone could be there. But that would be to take the situation into ridiculous proportions. Several people on the BB have mentioned this method, and I have used it for stuttering patients. That is to imagine for example, that your heart is pounding so hard, that the buttons on your blouse shoot across the room (are you laughing?







) then it makes your chest wriggle around like a jumping bean, and then it sticks out and pounds like the cartoon rabbit in love, etc. so ridiculous and preposterous that you give yourself "permission" to have an out and out heart beating attack that it just peeters out to nothing. Now, I don't advise this unless you speak to your doc, and have someone with you, because, I don't know you personally and if this would make you go into a state of panic or something, and we can't have that of course. But the point of all this is that YOU are in control, and YOU are doing it to yourself (not wanting to do it, when it happens to you,) but then the imaginery silliness extreme, puts it into your control! You could also desinsitize yourself, in that, not only does the cream cause heart racing, but scratching your nose, blinking, etc. so silly and totally illogical that your mind recognizes it as such and then shuts out any future comparisons when it realizes you are putting everything on the same level.I hope this helps a tad bit... it does give you something to think about anyway, and some alternatives to try. Sometimes just knowing you have options can put these feelings at bay.It is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you will have an attack, then you will. And if you do, then you must always have one in those circumstances again; this gets reinforced over and over and then it becomes an automatic response. This is what happens with IBS; and it is being carried over to your other areas.Hang in there, continue the IBS audio program as scheduled and keep us posted... sending postitive thoughts your way..... and (((HUGS))) to !!


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

laura, how are you doing now?


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## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

Thanks for asking Eric...actually I am very depressed today. It seems like things just never get better. I just add more and more problems to the list and none ever go away. I am a terrible wife and a terrible mother. I can't take care of my house or my children. I am sick all of the time and I know everyone else is tired of dealing with it and hearing about it. I honestly think my husband could pay someone who could take better care of my house and my children than I do. I have been awoken the past four nights with palpitations, easier to handle each night, but no less disturbing. My D is back full force. I am to the point where I don't even want to be around my kids. I know that is bad and it makes me a terrible mother. I have been crying most of the morning. I just want to leave and not come back. They would all be better off without me.


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Laura...







(((((HUGS)))))







It isn't easy is it? I know just how you feel. When you are a mom, everyone needs you, and when you are feeling ill, you also add guilt for feeling ill and not being there. Believe me, I know, and I could write pages to parallel your feelings. My heart goes out to you, and I just want you to know that there is "light at the end of the tunnel." Sometimes I have to remind myself of the same thing, and as Mike says, remember the tunnel isn't straight, the light may be around a curve just around the corner, very near. Here are some things to do to help you, in addition to being in close touch with your doc. Get out in nature. Even if briefly, digging around in the dirt and plant even just one posey, or just sit out... I personally also feed squirrels, but that is another story!







Do this as often as you can, if you need to take the kids with, do it...even just the back yard. Listen to your favorite songs that were playing when, say you were younger, or that link to happy times. Sing along.... my kids tell me to can it, but I just sing all the more, and they both sing as well. Lots of music in our house... if you play an instrument, play it, even if you stink, like I do, so what... get the emotions out thru music, or just beating on a makeshift drum with your kids.Change the pattern of your day. I am bad on this... I get into a routine, but I find if I mix it up a little, do something in another order, I am happier. Also, cleaning, and decluttering.. this has become a mountain for me, but if I take just one task, then I find I feel happier...it can be really small. On the reverse side, perhaps let something go, and opt to do something fun or just for you. There are both extremes on this.... ladies who shop constantly to "fulfill" an emptiness, and those who never shop for themselves only for others. You will know where you fall on this one.Also, get out with others. I am the social director of my buddies, even though I have the most health problems. If iI didn't organize little get-togthers, dinners, etc. we would never see each other, with one exception. Even just a daily phone call from or to a friend is helpful. And too, visit or call someone who is also lonely, now and then, if you have the connection. you will know if that is good for you.You certainly don't have to do any of these things. I don't know where you are in your scheme of things. I only mention it, because I have gone through quite a bit of heavy-duty life stuff, not all mentioned on this BB, and I know what helped me get thru it...and I still am a work in progress with a long way to go...One final thing, and I mention this with respect and only as something close to me, is my beliefs. You may or may not have a faith, so I respect wherever you are on that, but for myself, this is the core to everything else mentioned above....And too... I send you my good thoughts, prayers and wishes to lift yourself out of this feeling, and to feel the love and power of those who care for you in your life. Your children and husband do love you unconditionally, hold them close and they will hold you too.With love and caring ~ Marilyn


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## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

Marilyn,Thanks. All good suggestions. I know I do feel better when I get out and do stuff instead of just sitting around the house. The problem is that I fall in the category you mentioned of shopping to fill an emptiness. It never seems to work. I often think about how my life would have been different and possibly so much beter if I only would have made smarter choices. There is a lot that I have never mentioned on this board, too. I have a hard time looking to the future because I spend so much time wanting to return to the past. I want to go back to a point before I started being so stupid and re-do it all. I keep thinking about what I did differently then (I felt good then) so I can do those same things now. I live with many regrets. I have not forgiven myself for my bad choices because I think my quality of life now (including my IBS) is a direct result of the choices I have made. The more I write here, the more I realize I should probably go back into therapy!Anyway, I have gone off on a tangent. Again, thank you for the suggestions. I know what I need to do, I just have a hard time doing it. You have really been there for me and I appreciate it.  ,Laura


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## MaggieMae (Feb 8, 2002)

Lauralee, you sound so much like me. Whenever I get down, I start thinking of all the bad things I've done that affect my children, my parents, my friends, my husband... And, I wonder if they would be better off without me. I don't know why I do this, but once I start, it's usually all down hill from there. And, it takes a while to get over it. Later, I feel better and a little silly for having gone through all that, but it's my way of coping I guess. You have really been in my thoughts the last couple of days. I'm praying that you'll be able to pull yourself out of this depression. Once you do, you'll realize that your family loves you, depends on you, needs you and would be devastated if you were gone. Imagine if it were your husband feeling this way... would you want him to leave because he felt guilty about the impact his health was having on you? Most likely not.My husband used to get so frustrated with me when I got into that spiral, but he's starting to understand better and lately, he'll see it coming and try to head it off. He'll hug me and tell me things that reinforce how important I am to him. A lot of his understanding has come from reading the stories others post to this board.Ultimately, though, we are all responsible for our own behaviors. I have to keep reminding myself of that because I'm prone to relying too much on circumstances and other people in order to feel better. Lauralee, you'll remain in my thoughts. I'll check back to see how you're doing. MM


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

lauralee, marilyn is giving you some good ideas and suggestions.After reading your post, I think personally it maybe a good idea to see someone who does CBT. These kinds of things empower us and teach us ways to cope better. The better we feel the easier it is to cope. I know its really hard to get started sometimes as everything seems overwhelming, but in the end you will feel a lot better. Quite a few people here have been to a cbt therapist and can certainly help you out.







I personally think your being to hard on yourself also.Did you read the our thoughts and IBS thread. I am going to be posting more to that as soon as I can.Be well and remember were all here for you.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

PS, by the way to help you get started have you read Dr Bolens book?


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Actually there is another book I thinnk is very good.You can read it online, so you know.Its very good, filled with some great quotes also.







Life 101 http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/life1/


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## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

Thanks all of you for your support! I am in a much better state now. I get down like that every few months and it lasts a day or two and then I am fine, but it is hell while it lasts. I suppose I could blame it on hormones! Eric, I have been in therapy twice. The last time was about 3 years ago for post-partum depression. I do have issues that need to be worked through and I am trying to do that on my own. I have seriously considered going back to a therapist because I think some of it goes deeper than I can comfortably go on my own. The last therapist I went to was amazed that I was as sane as I am considering all I have been through! I have always been very hard on myself, I am my own worst enemy, and I think that is the hardest thing for me to get past.I have Dr. Bolen's book, but I haven't read it yet. I have the paperback version of the Life 101 book but its been awhile since I've read it. I will definately get to them both soon.Again, thanks, I love you all!!  Laura


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Laura, I am gonna bump the our thoughts and IBS thread up for you to take a look at.I highy suggest going through Dr Bolens book and some of the things you can do from it.there is some saying, although i can find it at the moment, something like life is 20 percent what happens to us and 80 percent how we react to it or something like that. Sorry I am quoting something I don't fully remember. LOLOne thing that has helped me is just to let the majority past go, although my past was for the most part very good really, its just focusing on it keeps us from focusing on the future I believe.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

I had the quote wrong. LOLHere it is."The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a companyï¿½ a churchï¿½ a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our pastï¿½ we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is to play on the one string we have and that is our attitudeï¿½ I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with youï¿½ we are in charge of our attitudes." Charles SwindollI think this is pretty good.


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## allinknots (Jun 29, 1999)

Lauralee, I have the same problem and i know what you are going through, with the night palpitations.That wasd my main symptom 6 years ago. I was helped alot by trying to get rid of my negative thoughts, which was very hard. Exercise I think was my main help besides them putting me on ZoloftI had to practice, practice, practice. It seemed like every waking moment. 2 weeks ago I started waking up the same horrible feeling, that night I think my sugar dropped, I had all the symptoms you had, so I automaticly think now when I wake up It's going to happen. so here I go again practice practice practice, and exercise, if you need to talk email me a PM.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

laura, how is it going for you? Keeping the faith?


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## jo-jo (Aug 19, 2001)

I hope this cheers you up, cheers me up every timeSunscreen Song Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99.....Wear Sunscreen If I could offer you only tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power of beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You're not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing that everyday that scares you. Sing Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either- your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time it's 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen...


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