# 4 Years and Suicidal



## meilyr123 (Feb 26, 2019)

Hi, I'm not necessarily using this as a last resort and I'm not ready to off myself but I do have a death wish and it all started 4 years ago when I started being unable to hold my gas. It's incredibly embarrassing, I was in high school at the time and everyone could smell it, people would give me dirty looks, it gave me severe anxiety and panic attacks, led to more than 4 suicide attempts. I skipped so many days that they told me one more day and I'd have to repeat school, and went from a 90+ average to barely 80. It definitely ruined the quality of my life. I can't seem to wrap my mind around it and accept it, my depression got worse, I went to doctors and had them pass it off as nothing and just an exaggeration and just me needing to change my diet. No matter what I eat, it happens. Uncontrollable, definitely slightly worse when im stressed, around people or in professional settings most often, but its still just as bad when im alone. I can't be around friends cause im terrified they'll think im disgusting and repulsive and bully me or something. I tried probiotics, that gas x stuff, herbal stuff that's meant to help, different vitamins. I've read some posts on here and I think I might have damaged something with those suicide attempts but the doctors won't give me any idea on how to begin the process to fix my digestive system, they think im making it up. I asked for tests done and they did, blood work, colonoscopy, and came up with nothing. I thought maybe it was a mental thing but Im starting to think even if I do cure my mental disorder, I have BPD and minor social anxiety, it still won't fix it. I know I'm not making it up, it's so bad, i have indigestion, too, it can't be in my head. Please, if someone can help me, I've tried everything I can think of. please


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## Livenice2815 (Feb 26, 2019)

Hey. Please don’t ever kill yourself as a last resort. There are thousands of people going through the same thing you are. I’m one of them, and I’m going through the same thing you just explained. It’s been hard, sometimes you ask yourself what you ever did to deserve this life. That is unexplainable. But I do know something, being alive is better than being stuck in a box you can’t get out of. You’ll regret it. Ignore it, live life and forget about what other people thinks. One day, there will be a solution but for now, work on being alive and finding some happiness in the midst of it all. God bless you


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## Uh_oh (Mar 13, 2018)

This sort of problem is especially hard for young people. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re going to find something that cuts the problem down by 15%, then you’re going to find something that cuts the problem down by 20%. And you’re going to keep finding ways to adapt until one day you realize you’re living your life and it no longer has the hold on you that it once did. Scientists are discovering new things about the human body every day. Back when I was diagnosed, the low FODMAP diet had not yet been developed, and it’s the single biggest thing that’s helped me manage my symptoms. It’s hard and sometimes you want to crawl under a rock but I promise you you’re going to get there in the long run. When you do, nothing is going to hold you back and you’ll cherish all of the things you can do. It takes all of our patience and courage.


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## Mariano (May 19, 2018)

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## stephaneG (Feb 28, 2019)

I had those problems from a very young age and they're still around after about 20 years. It is much better now than it has been and since you "only" had it for 4 years I think there is a good chance that you can get rid of it completely. There is a lot of advice on this forum that can help. It can take sometime to get better but don't give up. And remember to breath, deeply!


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## meilyr123 (Feb 26, 2019)

Mariano said:


> It´s your choice to live or die, nobody can really help you but yourself. Don´t use this problem as an excuse.


You have absolutely NO IDEA what I've been through, only your own experience with it, so don't you dare try to invalidate my experience. I didn't mention suicide for pity. Instead, I was trying to convey the how serious this issue was in ruining my life and how difficult it is to function in my day to day life. But yeah, thanks, hadn't realized my life was in my hands. Wonderful news


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## Uh_oh (Mar 13, 2018)

I wanted to add one more thing. A few years after I was diagnosed, my symptoms were at their very worst and I was struggling with the same feelings you're having. This post by a user named yolo really helped me. I remembered this advice every time I had a bad day and I felt like my life wasn't worthwhile. I hope that it helps you, too. https://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/topic/17223-coworkers-starting-to-notice/?p=343069


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## Mariano (May 19, 2018)

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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

stepping in as moderator here.

Mariano, please. this is a support board. please refrain from making hurtful personal remarks. if you don't have anything supportive or helpful to say to say, then don't say it.


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## Mariano (May 19, 2018)

Ok ok, just because you ask, i´m eliminating that.


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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

thank you.


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## Finacure (Mar 23, 2019)

Friends/family/ will never understand this.. You are not the only one. Dont think about suicide! Do not let them get you.


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## Rosequartz (Apr 11, 2019)

I'm 35 and have been suffering since the age of 8 with gastrointestinal issues & can relate to what you've described. Add to this needing to use the toilet up to 30 times each day, trying to hold down a job/relationahip/family etc. From a dietary perspective, I personally don't think that 4 years is enough time to totally combat your symptoms but it does put you at a very good starting point. I feel as though long term conditions require a long term commitment to treating and the length of time of your symptoms is usually a good indicator of where you can see yourself through your body's healing journey. Firstly, have you read the book "Gut" by Julia Enders? I would thoroughly reccomend it & may be useful in providing you with an overview of why your body responds in the way that it does. It is my belief that the gut-brain link can be harnessed as a powerful ally. There are certainly routines & behaviours that we can learn even without knowing that can be sabotaging ourselves. For me, this turned out to be the way I responded to the feeling of elimination urgency and I got very used to and relied upon this pattern of behaviour. Over time I have retrained my gut and my brain to respond to physical urgency differently. Have you ever tried any yoga? Yoga is fantastic for eliminating a build up of trapped gas at the time of your choosing. If you practice first thing in the morning for example, you can cleanse & clear your intestines for the day. Practice of an evening & before bed can do the same thing to help any effects of the day. Wishing you the best of luck. Know that you are absolutely not on your own & we have all been there. You have a lot more power over your own healing than what you think.


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