# feeling really alone.



## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

Hi Everyone,I'm not having a very good day and feeling really down. Does anyone else feel really low and so fed up that even the most basic things are a major hassle. Even when I have a day off from work, to just go to the shops is such a performance. I'm tired of always sitting on the toilet and having to get out of bed at 6am when I start work at 9.30 just so I can get there. I have had 5 bad years and just wish I could wake up and be anybody but me!!!Most of all I'm sick of having to carry and handbag the size of a suitcase with me everywhere I go so I can carry my basic "get through the day" essentials. Seriously does anyone else have to carry a bottle of water (immodiums make me very thirsty), wet wipes, spare pair of knickers, endless tablets and tissues in case there is no toilet roll. SCREAM.I know there are worse things but it dosen't always feel like it. It would just be so nice to be able to go out without having to worry about where the nearest toilet is and actually feel that I am able to manage wearing a skirt without a major panic.Sorry for the rant but you know I actually feel a bit better now. Does anyone else ever feel like this?


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## Drewbee (Jul 22, 2002)

Yes. You have my empathy. Only those with IBS can really understand what we go through. Even my family, whom I love dearly, and have to be over 600 miles away from for the next 8 months, doesn't quite understand. "Well did you take something?" Is the standard response. If only it were always that easy. Take care.


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2007)

Hang in there Claireuk,Sorry to hear you're having a tough day. Had my share of them also.I too carry a briefcase type of bag with 2 pairs of underwear, wipes, toilet paper, creams i.e. Proctacylin (spelling?) and enough medication to take down a horse.I get up very early so that I do not have to rush... relieves some of the anxiety. I do not bother eating breakfast until I get to work (bring a bagel from home). A few times I've soiled myself... very humiliating thus, returned home. The "D" and severe pain/cramps drive me nearly insane. Many times I cried out that I can't handle this anymore (I'm not suicidal) but at wit's end. I know exactly how you feel, and many times I ranted myself. Exasperated with doctor's, etc. Tried talking to my employer, etc. Have no sick days left. My social life has dwindelled... no one wants to hear about IBS. Foremost thought is where's a washroom.But, there's hope. This site has many supporters, info & friends. My family has become more supportive... largely due to communication and coming with me to the doctors to confirm the pain. My "D" and pain has increased a lot in spite of taking a controlled narcotic. I was pain-free for about 3 weeks and the narcotic caused constipation thus, a win/win situation for me however, I guess my body is wanting more drugs but, I cannot. However, I was tested recently for C. Difficile as I have used many antibiotics these past 4 years and tested positive. Too much bacteria. I finally tested positive for something!!! Now taking Flagyl (antibiotic to fight what antibiotics did???). Still believe I will have IBS as I have had it for a good 10 years now.I have not been to a support group... none in my area. I do a lot of reading about IBS. I no longer feel guilty for missing work. Actually, been on disabilty now for 14 months but, my doctor started me in August on a back-to-work trial. I've missed 3/4 of the time & it's only 3 mornings per week! I should expect an apology from my doctor for being flustered with me. Egg on his face and also my disability's health consultant. I've ranted to them but they think (I believe) that I'm just trying to get out of work??? I love my job! My mind is willing... but my body is not!Well, I do not worry about wearing a skirt... I'm a 49 yr. old male, ha ha. I have used the ladies washrooms though.  You have to go, you have to go. I'm a regular at a bar half way home from work and I do not even drink, lol. I have a portable toilet in my car... if used, I still must return home... what to do with it. Well, as you know we can rant and rave quite a bit. You're not alone... though at times it sure feels like it.Keep the faith and check out the Lighter Side forum. I have a dog and love the post "Dear Cats & Dogs". Tony (nice guy in rural Saskatchewan, Canada)


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## pro211 (Nov 24, 2007)

You're not alone . I feel the same way . Its a big major deal to go anywhere . First I have to make sure I feel up to it . Then its checking the pocketbook to make sure I have all I need . If I'm halfway to my destination and realize I forgot one of my essentials it sends me into a panic . I have been having a couple good days . But always wonder when that will change and where I'll be when that changes . I'm seriously considering ordering the hypno cd's . At least they might help me deal with my anxiety.Hang in there.


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## LatrineQueen (Aug 16, 2007)

Well I can definitely relate. 90% of my pants have stretch waist. Yes I am overweight but I prefer them because I can get them down faster. I work at home, about 10-12 steps from the bathroom yet most people would be shocked to know how many accidents I have had. I am currently on Prevacid for reflux. Yesterday without more than 2 seconds warning, whoosh! Eck, shower again.... It's humiliating and humbling to say the least. I had a "friend" tell me recently she has never passed gas or belched in front of anyone in her life. All I could do was think "if she only knew". Yesterday's accident made me realize at least while I'm still on the Prevacid I should only wear dark colored pants. I kept thanking God yesterday that it happened at home and no one was around to witness it! I am absolutely TERRIFIED to be with multiple people at a house with ONE bathroom. I know it sounds silly but it definitely goes through my mind immediately. Even on that HGTV show House Hunters, when there is one bathroom in the home, I immediate think, "Nope, couldn't live there!" I have extra clothes hidden in a bag under my car seat. My kids want to know why. The younger ones just wouldn't understand and would probably tell the whole neighborhood! I even get nervous letting other people drive. Only my husband knows what I mean when I say I need a bathroom, NOW!!!!!Sometimes I really do start to feel sorry for myself but then I think things could be much worse. You see those people with no arms or no legs that still have to function, like the lady with no legs who pushs herself around on a skateboard, etc. It's true we all have our cross to bear...


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## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

Oh, you're not alone. I have a purse the size of a house just to keep all my #### in it. I feel high-maintenance because I won't go anywhere without my purse!As much as I hate the cold, part of me actually looks forward to the winter because I can carry a coat that covers my rear end.I really freak out when anyone drives but me. And that's no good, because my truck is small and LOUD and no one wants to go anywhere in it!I'm different than you in one respect, though: I wear skirts on my worst days! I wear skirts as much as possible. They're more forgiving when I'm bloated, and this will sound so stupid I know but I like them because sometimes if I'm running to the bathroom I think that maybe I've soiled myself a little but I'm not sure. But with the breeze that blows up, I can feel the air and I know. Plus, when you sit down with a skirt you have to push your skirt out of the way to sit down, so I can touch my behind and make sure that nothing's back there! Isn't that ridiculous?!?!Plus, I guess wearing skirts makes me feel pretty and feminine when the monster #### I'm about to take is anything but


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## overitnow (Nov 25, 2001)

A couple of years ago I put on a jacket I hadn't worn in years and there, in the pocket, was an old bundle of rolled up tp, a reminder of what you are currently going through. I couldn't even count the number of pairs of underwear that were discarded in gas station washrooms. Like you, LQ, I frequently couldn't even make it into the toilet next to our home office in time. I was a complete victim of this at the time. No doctor. No meds. No support group. Falling asleep behind the wheel. Doomed to live on the margin for the rest of my life.It was only because of the persistence of an acquaintance of mine, who had turned his own health around with the aid of a small group of supplements--and he has MS and has been confined to a cart for well over 20 years--that it ever occurred to me that I might have some options left to me. 10 years later, I do not know why I blinded myself to the possibility of recovery for so long. I know there are a myriad of causes for our condition; but you don't necessarily have to bear this as a cross or pack that bag wherever you go. Did you read Talissa's posting in the Probiotic Forum? She had disappeared for about a year after taking part in a number of great discussions, investigations, and therapies. Now she returns to say she is D free for 4 months. Cookies for Marilyn has been posting for years about her success with Mike's CDs. Ditto me with vitamins and flavonoids. Calcium? Fiber? Mangosteens?I used to think this was a "judgement" on me because of my bad dietary choices and habituations. And when I tried to make changes to those and the conditions carried on, I gave up. Don't do that. This doesn't have to be a life sentence. Feed your body. Give these things time to make real, organic changes in how you process food, and see how far you can go.Mark


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## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

Thanks to you all for your replies, you have all made me realise that I'm not the only one with this. No-one can really know what we are dealing with except us - so thanks it really does help to have a good moan and listen to other people going through the same things. Thanks everyone.CLAIRE


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## borfis86 (Oct 26, 2007)

Hi Claire.I'm exactly like you. My handbag is huge! It has a spare pair of undies, immodium, mylanta tablets, mintec tablets, gasbuster tablets, tissues etc in it.I find I just don't enjoy life as much as I did before IBS. I never just enjoy going out now. I always worry about getting an attack, fret there won't be a toilet close etc.I was offered my dream job today (i'm a journalism student and have been employed as a fashion editor of a magazine) and guess what, i'm not excited, i'm worried! I should be overjoyed that I got this job but all I can think about is how many toilets are there in the building? Will it be embarassing for me to get up from my desk to go? etc.I really do find this forum great to get things off my chest because I'm certainly not going to talk about getting D all the time with my friends and family!stay strong, borfis86


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## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

I know what you mean about the dream job! I'm working at a crappy job right now that isn't really what I want to do. But I have a lot of flexibility here and can come in late if I need and take off early if I need. And there's a bathroom I can use that is fairly secluded. It has saved my face on more than one D attack! And it's close to my home so I can go home for lunch if I need.And so even though this job stinks, I just can't leave right now because it's so IBS-friendly. I hate it! My colon should not dictate my career!


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## thickthighs (Dec 10, 2007)

i can so relate..its as if you read my diaryi get up three hours before im due to leave the house because i go back anf dorth to the bathroom every day atleast 3 times..i cant live with naybody because they would never be able to get in the bathroom in the morning.i am too having trouble dealing with my ibs lately its getting depressingpeople who do not have it think im weird when i dont/cant eat or drink while im out in the street..never know when my bowels will start to act crazy


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## 14044 (Jun 9, 2005)

I have Crohns and empathise with your situation as I have had the occasional accident in my pants at very inopportune moments - I have even considered wearing a nappy or incontinence pants if I have a situation where I may not be able to get to the toilet - perhaps that may help you, at least give you more confidence? (Can always try them at home first before wearing them in public)


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## kitkat17 Lady of the Loo (Jul 21, 2005)

Count me in too. I too carry the biggest purse out there. And have had my fair share of accidents in public places. Also make a big deal out of going 10 minutes away. Hate going out the darn door.


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## celestin (May 20, 2004)

Claireuk said:


> Does anyone else ever feel like this?


YesMeSick Day and night, night and day.I am 52. It started when I was 25.


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## JJ+over_oldsabre (Dec 20, 2007)

Good god, don't I know it, I have been suffering with IBS-D for over 30 years. Everything you described I too, go thru, everyday, allday. some wonder how I even keep my sanity, others look at you like ... well,. you know. You are A lucky one, you still have your job. I do not. I haven't worked since 1999. I am currently on disability, And I ain't that "old" yet. Believe me, ALOT of people feel this way. Down, depressed, wondering why me, any and everything goes thru your head. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!


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## samesizefeet (Dec 22, 2007)

i so understand how u feel... but what u i dont understand is how r u still workin?? my ibs is so bad i CANT work.. i cant go to the local shop.i went to the hospital the other day to check up on how my baby is doing ( im 7 months pregnant) and i had to go pooh 3 times in mrning b4 i went and 18 times at hospital !!!!!! all this in 5 hours







(


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## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

I don't have much option. I have to go to work to earn money as I am single and I have no one that can help me financially. I am lucky at the moment as I have a job where I am mostly alone and if I have to go to the toilet I can lock the shop and go. I have to start between 9 and 9.30 and if I'm late there isn't really anyone to tell me off. Which is a godsend as with one of my previous jobs the old battleaxe used to wait at the door loooking at her watch as if I was a 10 year old. I was about 25 at the time. Which made things so much worse if I couldn't get off the loo. After all there isn't much you can do if you can't get off the toilet is there.I manage at the moment, but it is so hard sometimes. I don't go out much. I never go out in the evenings and lost all my friends who can't understand why I have changed so much as I used to be really ougoing and loved going out. Now I can't think of anything worse. I am proud when I manage to go to the supermarket and am taking it step by step.I am currently seeing specialists and had a sigmoidoscopy last week and I am really proud of myself. I don't think that in the UK there is any help for people with this and I really wish there was. It would be nice to have a day without constantly worrying about it. It would be such a relief not to have to go to work or even work a couple days.I am lucky at the moment that my boss is understanding and I told her all about this before I took the job. She knew me from before which really helped.I manage mostly with having to get up really early and sit on the toilet for most of it, and immodiums to help me through the day. Claire


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## shanesmummy (Dec 5, 2007)

claire, i just wanna say that i feel exactly the same way as you do, used to love going out etcetc now no one wants to know you cos they cant understand the condition you've got. also work is a big worry for me too. and my names claire AND im from the uk too! we must be twins lol. im 19 and i feel like a housebound incontinent old woman who cant control her bowels! a year ago i was so different and spontaneous- now everything has to be planned so i know exactly what route were going, where the toilets are etc. and dont start me on motorways! its illegal to stop on them which is why ive not been on one for a year! oh well just wanted to let u know ur not alone xxx


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## 14044 (Jun 9, 2005)

Well, just so you don't feel alone, I should have known posting on here was tempting fate! I was driving a van back from moving this morning and thought I would get back before the urge got too strong! WRONG!! It turned out I was overly optimistic and I ended up having a big accident in my pants! I have started thinking the only option for a relationship is to find a girl who suffers the same because how can one explain to anyone else that you sometimes poo in your pants?!?


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## shanesmummy (Dec 5, 2007)

i dont want to be optimistic anymore. i find that if i go out with optimism something happens and then it crushes me even more. oh what a really horrible condition this is. Will we ever lead normal lives??? APE: have you seen the website ibs dating? you might be able to find a girl on there who has ibs too. it was set up for people with ibs to find love.


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