# Is it just me getting frustrated?



## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

Just lately I seem to be getting very frustrated and annoyed and upset at people in my life for their lack of understanding/compassion with my medical condition.Maybe I am just going through a bit of an emotional wobbly, but I had thought I had come to terms with my limitations and accepted them. The last few months I feel that all I have done is have to justify my actions or lack of them (where ME/CFS is concerned)to other people.Its not from lack of me trying to explain it, its from these people failing to put in the effort to get to know what its about. I always thought that if you cared about someone as a friend, relative or loved one you would be concerned enough to get educated but it seems a large proportion of people in my life carry on ignorant and saying things to upset me even when i have explained it at great length to them.Sorry for ranting







its just I feel sick to death of my illness and how it makes me deal with stupid people at the moment. With the restrictions my illness has on my life I'm not exactly overbrimming with close friends, but right now I feel like cutting out the one's who continually make jokes about my 'laziness' and who get irked when I can't make a social gathering.OK got that off my chest - feel better now


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Clair,Many many ((((hugs))))I think this is one of the hardest aspects to grasp with having a chronic illness. It really is frustrating to be around people who are ignorant of our health limitations. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling down. You have very good reasons to feel sad right now. I go through the same thing. It seems like the majority of the time I have a very healthy emotional outlook. But, I also have my moments of feeling completely and totally overwhelmed, and underhelped, and underappreciated. Be gentle with yourself. Most people just never have to deal with anything like this, so they don't understand. I really doubt they intentionally try to hurt you, they just do it out of ignorance. (Some comfort, eh?)Maybe you could email some of your friends "The Spoon Theory", or some of the other information for friends and family on the FAQ's.Wish I could say something more helpful...Just know you're not alone in your struggle, and we're all here to support each other (so that includes supporting you right now).


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Clair, you are definitely not alone in this. I've experienced so many ignorant people over the years that I've lost count.I've considered some of them friends, but no more. Some of them were spouses of friends others are family. I find that depending on how I'm feeling I can get my fur up easily when asked about my condition and why I'm not working.Now, I say if they are seriously interested in knowing more about my condition they can look it up on the internet or I can send them some literature. These are usually from people who have never suffered from any serious illness. I've come to the conclusion that I have to live my condition every day and no one knows my body better than I. For all those negative, jealous people that I thought were my friends, I don't need them any longer. I give my energy to the people who really care about me. So, don't think your alone in this. I think we've all gone through this sometime during our condition.


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## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

Thanks MrsM and Weener







its nice to have people know what I'm talking about for a change!







I guess the bit I find hard is when people say they care about you but show no interest or sympathy or support for you in your times of need, and then on top moan that you can't go out to a nightclub with them...the ones that act like your being boring and selfish.I have to say to some extent my boyfriend does this, he is most of the time lovely, but after wanting sex three times a day (ok sorry probably a bit too much info) he moans when I say I'm too tired to go out to the pub with his friends. I have tried in depth explaining my ME to him, but he just doesn't get it then wonders when im exhausted why I get all crotchedy with him. I have said 'look if you want sex 3 times a day, then you can forget me going to the pub as well - i dont have energy for both'. then he acts like im being difficult. I just don't know where to go with it...seems like I end up talking to a brick wall and he refuses to read anything about it - so do I say 'if you can't get educated...its goodbye?'I begin to wonder if perhaps I'm foolish to try having a relationship when I can't manage all the things other normal people can dh well, off to bed with a good book for now







xxxxx


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

> quote:I begin to wonder if perhaps I'm foolish to try having a relationship when I can't manage all the things other normal people can do.


Oh dear one (((hugs)))It's not foolish to want all the normal things other people take for granted. I also believe it _is_ possible to have success in a relationship, even when chronic illness is an issue. I think you just have to find a very special person who is willing to take the time to understand. I can imagine how bad it must feel for your boyfriend to say those things to you. It hurts extra bad when it comes from someone who's supposed to know, understand, and love you all at the same time. I know I can't fix your situation, but please know we all *do * understand, we all *do* care, and you can tell us about it whenever you want to.







Enjoy your book


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