# How do I explain to my parents?



## vic890 (Apr 9, 2013)

I'm an 18 year old female in the first year at an all-girl's school. I'm not on any medicine for IBS (IBS-A) because I haven't seen my doctor since I was diagnosed a month and a half or so ago. Also, sorry ahead of time for the long post.

I've tried to explain to my parents that I'm 'okay' when I'm in the bathroom for two hours straight (my mom worries that I'm going to hurt myself or do something drastic if I'm in there that long, HELLO I'M 18 I THINK I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF). I've tried to explain to them that the reason I don't want to eat some foods is because they make me feel crappy (Example: salad makes me bloat so bad I can't stand up straight, milk products seem to make me gassy, cheese for some reason may give me the runs, though I'm not certain about that yet). I've tried to explain the symptoms and how they affect me.

My parents still think this is 'all in my head' and that I can control it by 'eating more fiber and a more balanced diet'. The meal plan at my school has a lot of grain, substandard fruit (bruised and not ripe at once, somehow), occasional vegetables (they only ever get steamed broccoli right, and that's on rare occasions), fried meat (actually, breading with a bit of meat in the center), and spicy food. I get vegetables and stuff them down no matter how disgusting they are because I can handle them. It's hard to eat a balanced diet here, because they don't have all the ingredients for a balanced diet at each meal and it's hard to plan out what you're going to eat in advance. Because the meals vary so much, it's hard to find a common trigger.

For some reason, I get stressed and then have horrific dreams. My most recent one was today, and in it, a group of rapists (actually, two that worked as a team) came to my school, broke in to the residence halls, and then raped every girl who let them in their room. They continued until the girls became pregnant, then waited until they were near full term, kidnapped them, and cut the babies out and left them to die. After this dream, naturally, I couldn't fall back asleep. After dinner, I had a horrible flare-up with near-liquid feces and terrible abdominal cramps (which is usually what my flare-ups are like).

My questions are, has anyone else explained to parents/friends what it's like and had any success? If so, what did you use to explain it? (website, book, etc.)

Also, what symptoms do you usually have before a flare-up? (not GI symptoms, unrelated things like dreams or non-GI effects)


----------



## rellybelly17 (Jun 10, 2011)

Noooope. My parents were the kind that insisted I eat everything on my plate and that all my tummy aches were in my head. It wasn't until I moved out and could do my own shopping/cooking that i got my IBS under control. Nowadays my parents are much more understanding and my mom even helps me write my recipes! Are you able to make anything for yourself? Do you have access to a frige or microwave? Hang in there, it will all be ok!


----------



## Capabilitea (Apr 8, 2013)

I have had problems with IBS since birth so have never had to explain to my mum. However I have had to explain it to my friends and basically I just told them how it is. Some have accepted it and try their best to understand, while others keep insisting that I just need to "drink more water and do more exercise". I told them to google it. I don't have any non-GI symptoms.

About your school, are you able to request a custom meal plan? Schools have to cater if you have a medical condition. They can't discriminate! Good luck.


----------



## vic890 (Apr 9, 2013)

I'll check out the possibility of a custom meal plan for next semester, as there are only five weeks before finals for this one.

About the microwave/fridge, there is a microwave that's constantly in danger of being taken away (it's a communal one, much like the fridge, so it doesn't get properly cleaned out...) and a fridge, but no one respects belongings put in the fridge. My roommate put an ice cream container in and had her name in sharpie on every surface, and within a few hours, half of the ice cream was gone. I don't really want to put food in it for that reason, and there's not much healthy sort of food (I'm going to try the Paleo diet over the summer and see how it works out for me) that can be left out to sit for days until it's eaten.

Also, have you noticed that your symptoms get worst around your period? Mine seem to be, but I may just be stressed about future events...


----------



## Naiad (Apr 9, 2013)

IBS is a strange disease. It's not seen nor heard nor detected by doctors. When we are unable to get to a bathroom in time and have problems with gas, nobody's going to tell us outright that we're smelly. As constipation, diarrhoea and finicky bowels are not acceptable social subjects; I don't want to talk about it to anyone, not even my closest friends or school staff who want to know why I'm always absent. We just suffer in silence, and isolate ourselves. This is IBS: a disease that silences its victim for life.

However I have told my parents, who, for a long time, have refused to believe me and kept saying it's my imagination. They kept telling me this over and over and it was so weird for me. For a time I thought that maybe they were right and I really was going insane. But they have come to believe me now, after I went on a long-distance train journey with them, during which I really got tired, stressed out and suffered. Yet they still don't really understand that this is a medical condition, they keep repeating the same old advice (you shouldn't think too much, what you need is exercise, you should go out more...) and so on. This must be one of the hardest diseases to find someone supportive or someone willing to understand because of its anti-social nature.


----------



## vic890 (Apr 9, 2013)

I've found that those who suffer from celiac disease can be sympathetic because they have similar issues if they accidentally eat something that offends their intestinal tract. But they don't sympathize with the feeling of isolation, because they have a more widely recognized disease. No one tells them it's all in *their* head... -______-


----------



## rellybelly17 (Jun 10, 2011)

Periods are the worst thing ever, I always flair up. Good luck with the paleo diet!


----------



## EvelynBliss (Sep 29, 2013)

When I sat my parents and close friends down to explain what I go through with IBS-A, I wrote out on a pad of paper what I go through with descriptions of the pain and how I feel and any further reactions. I have showed them a four month long planner with everything I ate on a day to day basis to show them that I am trying to fight this and that yes it effects me on a day to day basis. I decided to do this after my husband said something to me off hand about calming down and trying to take some pepto and at this point at had lost 23 lbs in 22 days so I had an anxiety attack that had me screaming at him. At first I just screamed and threw a lamp at the wall I was so frustrated (luckily I didn't break anything) and started shouting at him about my pain, food and telling to throw everything he thinks I have out the F****** window. Now, I can get away with this with my husband because at the end of the day he will come to understand and he in his own way has to handle my health too because he suffers from insomnia and when I wake up rushing to the toilet you can bet I woke him up and it will take him an hour or more to try (key word being "TRY") to fall asleep. Due to this outburst I decided to sit down with the close people in my life to show them and explain IBS and my specific IBS-A plus all the different therapies that we have to sift through to find a solution for each individual.


----------



## cmg1217 (Nov 1, 2013)

I know how frusturating it is that no one understands how I feel. Im glad to know I am not alone


----------



## Kristi12 (Nov 2, 2013)

Hi!

I usually get my major flare ups the week before my period. But other than that, they just come in the middle of the night and last for hours. It take Gas-X during this time to release some of the gas. My doctor prescribed me a stomach relaxer but I have yet to find it working so I sort of stopped taking it. He said I can try 2 next time so we'll see.

I've had these attacks since I was about 13 and being in the middle of the night I always woke my mom up to "comfort" me (I still do sometimes.) Just having someone there with you makes me feel better (even if she is half asleep sitting on the ledge of the shower.)

Anyways, it'll be hard for your parents to understand until they really see you in pain. My cousin and aunt didn't understand for the longest time and thought I was making it up until I had one of my attacks in the middle of the night when I was sleeping at their house.

I hope you feel better and find some relief in something! I have IBS-A too so feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I'm going on 10 years!


----------

