# New Boyfriend and IBS



## niamh23 (Feb 5, 2014)

Hi Im new here and would love some help. Im 18 and have had ibs for 3 years. I have been on zoloft for anxiety for 10 months and my doctor is now helping me wean myself off of it. I don't know whether it's the withdrawal symptoms but my ibs is extra bad again, the main problem is gas. Lectures are hard to sit through and socializing isn't as fun when everyone is playing beer pong and Im sipping water!

Anyway I can deal with those things to an extent. My problem is that I've started going out with a guy from college. We've been going out for 3 weeks so we're still getting to know each other. Sometimes he invites me over to his house and I have to make up some lame excuse not to go because Im worried my stomach will act up and embarrassing gas and noises. Im even worries about going to the cinema with him this week!

I guess my main questions are, is this a deal breaker for some guys? Is it too soon to tell him? How can I stop beating myself up over having ibs? He's a lovely guy but I don't know him well enough to predict his reaction. I don't want to make it really awkward or turn him off. Please help!


----------



## jbosco (Feb 4, 2014)

To be honest - it could be a deal breaker for some people... *but not all*. There are some good folks out there who realize we're all only human.

You have to give people the benefit of the doubt. Honesty is always best - specially at the start of a relationship. It is only horrible if you wait until you or he thinks you're in love, then someone's heart gets broken in a big way[if IBS, or something else, isn't tolerable for you or him]- not a good thing. Trying to hide who you are is not good for a relationship. Not to mention, you may find he may have some issues himself, that he hopes you can deal with and is running the very same thoughts through his head.

I hope you the best and hope he turns out to be the wonderful guy you think he may be, good luck.

Oh, IBS doesn't make you a bad person in any way. It isn't something you did... and, in some ways, I think it makes us better people in that we truly appreciate the good times and good people more completely.


----------



## niamh23 (Feb 5, 2014)

@jbosco Thanks for the reply. I love going out to bars, gigs and night clubs with my friends and with him. I would never choose to stay at home just because my ibs flares up. I try to do everything healthy people do. By deal breaker I meant my gas and weird stomach noises. Im going to explain it to him within the next few weeks when we get more serious. I wonder if anyone out there was rejected by a guy/girl because of their condition?


----------



## german (Nov 22, 2010)

Look at it like this... If he truly likes you then "no" it's not a problem. If it does bother him then your better off with out a guy like that. I'd give that same advice to my daughter


----------



## Destinie (Oct 15, 2013)

If this guy really cares about you and values your relationship then he would be able to work with you and your health problems. Having IBS does not mean you will spend the rest of your life being single. (IBS is very common!) Remember: Everyone has their own problems that they have to deal with! I would recommend being straight forward with him to alert him to anything "embarrassing". Just mention that you have IBS, which means you will need to be near a bathroom and have certain foods you can and can't eat, etc...

If you need some reassurance: my bf of 8 years and I were married just a few months ago, even though I was diagnosed with IBS (among other things) and he still went through with it.









You can do it! Communication is key!


----------



## jbosco (Feb 4, 2014)

@niamh23 Yep, I know what you meant. Yes, I have been rejected for it, bummer. But I've also found some fantastic people as well. Last year I started dating this wonderful lady- and I was nervous about telling her about my IBS thing. But, a week into our relationship I nervously told her about it, I didn't want there to be any surprises - turned out, she had a very similar thing. I was nervous for no reason...


----------



## niamh23 (Feb 5, 2014)

Thanks everyone for the replies! Your comments have made me feel much better! Im going over to his tonight to watch a movie. I was considering not going but I will not let ibs control my relationship. Im going to think positive thoughts and if my stomach decides to make a dying whale noise then I'll explain it to him. I will tell him when arrive about my anxiety with unfamiliar places and situations. If he can't deal with it then I'll find someone who can.


----------



## jbosco (Feb 4, 2014)

That a girl! Let us know how it goes.


----------



## windemere (Sep 25, 2011)

My boyfriend of 2 years knew about my stomach issues before we even started dating. I used to bitch and moan about it to him. Sometimes my ibs frustrates him because when I'm feeling bad and in pain from it he doesn't know what to do to help. Most guys I've met don't really care. I think you'll be fine telling him.


----------



## niamh23 (Feb 5, 2014)

Thanks @windemere and @jbosco and everyone else. The moral support really helped me last night. No embarrassing moments really. My stomach got a little noisy before bed but so was his and he didn't seem to care at all. Managed to sleep over (nothing happened!) and really enjoyed myself! I feel more comfortable about talking to him about it when the time comes.


----------



## Destinie (Oct 15, 2013)

Glad to hear it went well!


----------



## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

niamh23 said:


> Hi Im new here and would love some help. Im 18 and have had ibs for 3 years. I have been on zoloft for anxiety for 10 months and my doctor is now helping me wean myself off of it. I don't know whether it's the withdrawal symptoms but my ibs is extra bad again, the main problem is gas. Lectures are hard to sit through and socializing isn't as fun when everyone is playing beer pong and Im sipping water!
> 
> Anyway I can deal with those things to an extent. My problem is that I've started going out with a guy from college. We've been going out for 3 weeks so we're still getting to know each other. Sometimes he invites me over to his house and I have to make up some lame excuse not to go because Im worried my stomach will act up and embarrassing gas and noises. Im even worries about going to the cinema with him this week!
> 
> I guess my main questions are, is this a deal breaker for some guys? Is it too soon to tell him? How can I stop beating myself up over having ibs? He's a lovely guy but I don't know him well enough to predict his reaction. I don't want to make it really awkward or turn him off. Please help!


I read that it went well. Good for you. I have been rejected by many people in general. But, I don't care about it now. Thats a part of life - you win some and you lose some. Life goes on.

I don't mean to be a spoilsport, but I thought that I should mention something. Unless you are looking for a casual relationship, just try to figure out if the guy is truly interested in you as a
person. I believe that with girls, things are a little different. Yeah, tell me more about how many guys date girls for "mainly companionship".


----------



## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

windemere said:


> My boyfriend of 2 years knew about my stomach issues before we even started dating. I used to ###### and moan about it to him. Sometimes my ibs frustrates him because when I'm feeling bad and in pain from it he doesn't know what to do to help. Most guys I've met don't really care. I think you'll be fine telling him.


What do you mean by "frustrates him" ? Most guys don't really care...I guess that is because they are guys. I am yet to see a girl that does not care (especially Indian and Asian ones).


----------



## niamh23 (Feb 5, 2014)

@IndianRopeTrick Thanks for the reply. We haven't had the "what are we" talk yet. He seems like a sincere guy and stressed to me how there was no pressure on me to do anything with him until Im ready. Right now we are enjoying getting to know each other and going out so Im not worried about labelling the relationship because I do know that he is not using me. We have lots in common, he's the sound engineer for my band.


----------



## windemere (Sep 25, 2011)

He gets frustrated because he can't help.


----------



## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

windemere said:


> He gets frustrated because he can't help.


Nice and interesting...a rare quality indeed.


----------



## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

niamh23 said:


> @IndianRopeTrick Thanks for the reply. We haven't had the "what are we" talk yet. He seems like a sincere guy and stressed to me how there was no pressure on me to do anything with him until Im ready. Right now we are enjoying getting to know each other and going out so Im not worried about labelling the relationship because I do know that he is not using me. We have lots in common, he's the sound engineer for my band.


I like music and I have been trying to learn electric guitar - on and off. What kind of music do you guys make ?


----------

