# UGH Had to leave work AGAIN! :(



## prettykitty (Jun 6, 2007)

I am new to this board. I joined today, as you can see. I already feel better about my situation the more threads I read. I thought I was the only crazy out there!







I have been working solely overnights for almost 2.5 yrs and it's made me fear going back to work days!I think "What if I have to go to the bathroom, if I have a panic attack and my car is parked really far and I would have to see people..EVERYWHERE!" It's really sad how many situations I can create in my head to keep me from doing things.I have panic attacks almost nightly at work, and my ibs is always right there with them. They are best friends. I feel bad that I need to leave work sometimes, and financially I am not in any shape to be missing work.This just adds more to the pile...makes me more anxious. I really think that I spend at least 70% of my awake time thinking about my anxiety/IBS/trying to control my thoughts at the same time...I even have panic attacks in my dreams..what is that about?Last night at work I was feeling great for the first time in a long time, and that didn't last long. Some stoner punk they hired 3 weeks ago wasn't doing what he was supposed to because no one in charge was there. I wanted to say something to him because I was getting aggravated, and this led to me feeling nauseas and flustered. Wasn't like a normal panic attack, it was in slow-motion. That is exactly what I felt like. I calmed myself down a few times, only for about 1-2 minute intervals, and this went on for over an hour. Finally, I just gave up and told my throwing partner that I just felt too funny to stay and that I was going to leave. The entire time I was thinking, is my stomach hurting? Is it going to be upset? Oh gal, a tiny pain, it's coming. I got home and before pulling into my driveway I fought with myself over just going to the hospital and freaking out there, asking for something, anything to make me not think these thoughts. I think the only thing that kept me from going there was that it costs money. Oh, and what if I had to poop and I was at the hospital? Ya, I won't go anywhere if I can go at my house. I think I'd rather mess myself than use someone's bathroom..it's not a sanitary issue..it's an embarassment issue. I know everybody poops, I just poop more..and sometimes less..and sometimes not at all.I have taken just about every anxiety medication they make and my hope is fading. This has been going on for at least 11 years now. I am at my wit's end, and all I think about EVERY day is, am I going to be able to make it to work?? Through work??? I only work exactly one mile from my house, and anxiety is very much an issue for me.Right now I am on my second time around on Remeron, 60mg (higher than FDA approved amt) and Xanax 1.5mg per day.It seems every medicine I try works at first then trails off after about 3-4 weeks. I am convinced that I am just sleepy from the new meds that I am not fully awake and am not at full attention. I like it that way.Even with what I am told is a high dose of Xanax and the drowsiness from the Remeron, I am still ALL ANXIOUS ALL THE TIME!! Alcohol seems to help, after 1-2 drinks, I loosen up. That's not a good sign.Either way, I just wanted to vent how much work stresses me out. If I don't work, I can't do anything else I need to without money. Is anyone else in the same boat? I have been at the point sometimes where I think I'd rather be committed or something, I think that would make me more comfortable.My work is super laid back and now it's like...any job I could go to now would be like prison. Excuse me for thinking that way, but I have been at my place of employment for 8 years now. I am only 23 and really want to go to school for nursing. I want a career. I'm stuck working at a job I won't advance in by working overnight, and my pay is capped. I can't live on what they pay me. I can admit that I am supersmart and I think a great mind is going to waste here. I did my 4 yr high school career, but I was only in the classroom 66% of that four years. That is missing one out of every three days...Ya, I'm whacked. Anyone that can try to console me or can relate to me, please leave your comments/advice or even try contacting me to chat. All of my contacts are listed.Thanks people!


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## 13787 (Aug 25, 2006)

Sorry you had such a bad time at work







I went to my doc about my xanax not cutting either for me, so he said I can either up my dose or go with another script, so he prescribed me klonopin. It stays in my system longer and I'm not having anxiety nearly as bad as I did when I was on Xanax. I feel the same way when it comes to bathrooms.. I could be in agonizing pain and the gurgling/sloshing noises and I still will not use someone elses bathroom. It took me over 2 years when I was with my ex to even pee in his bathroom. I never went #2 in there but it took me that long to pee. I used to work an overnight shift at target and I too was worried about my stomach acting up, but turns out that I went C when I was working there. I would go a day or two without going once. Then the seasonal position ended and I'm back to the same as I was before. So right now I'm doing work at home jobs and if I have to go I just put down the laptop and come back and finish my work. Its nice As far as school goes, I'm thinking of going back into nursing. I have a bachelors degree in computer science, and sitting at home doing what I'm doing isnt using my education at all. I went back to school and went to community college for nursing, then I became pregnant and I was due with my son when clinicals started. So I had to drop out of that because I really didnt want to be changing adult diapers 9 months pregnant and around all those sick people on top of it. I just have to get the motivation back to get off my butt and finish that up so I can be productive. I wouldnt mind being a RN in the ER or the OR, I just dont want to change diapers and deal with potentially getting cdiff again. I'm so stressed myself and people keep telling me that its going to end up killing me. My old GI even told me I need to be on some sort of mood drug and I looked at him like he was nuts and never went back to him. I now have a wonderful GI who understands and listens. hang in there!!! you can talk to me whenever you want, i can give you my messenger info if you would like


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## Jannybitt (Oct 13, 2006)

Hi and welcome to the board! This is a great place for information, but more importantly, for support. You are definitely not alone. I know you said you were on anti-anxiety medication, but are you also in therapy to deal with your issues? The two things can sometimes be just the key to success. Sometimes the meds have to be played with also, say combining an antidepressant with an anti-anxiety med. My antidepressant deals with depression and anxiety and pain. It sounds like you really want to make things better for yourself, but first things first and that is getting your emotions a little more stable. What do you do to control your IBS? That is one of the things I learned is that I came to the conclusion that I will NOT let IBS control me; that I will control "it" to the best of my ability. There are many ways to help with that. Some use medicines, some therapy, some probiotics, some a little bit of all. It's about finding what works for you. Do you have a good working relationship with your doctor? That is so important.We're here for you. Answer any questions you feel comfortable answering, and keep reading and posting. Things will get better. It's a slow process with no miracle cure. Don't let anyone tell you that; it would be highly unlikely or a scam! Welcome again! You're not alone!


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## 14013 (Nov 12, 2005)

prettykitty said:


> I am new to this board. I joined today, as you can see. I already feel better about my situation the more threads I read. I thought I was the only crazy out there!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


okay this is really freaky! im about the same age as you had IBS for the same time and have exactly the same thoughts as you in regards to IBS and i was going to go and be a student nurse, i got a place but i didnt take it because i didnt think i could handle the pressure combined with the working hours and my needing to go to the loo in public places. i also worked at a hospital but quit in jaunuary and havent been working since because i realise now how easy going my job was, alot of the time no one would be around and i could go to the loo with no questions, no one noticing i am gone and no body about, and pleanty of toilets to choose from. now im scared to get a 'proper' job because it means responsibility and commitment meaning i have to do long hour sthrough out the day, even now im going eithe rback to uni or the same course at a college, the problem is it would be financially better for me to do the college course but its proper full packed weekends, all weekend so no gaos if i have a bad day and id miss too much even missing one day, where as uni would put me mor eout of pocket but its more spaced out, an hour here and there through outthe week, just its more inconvineant and i have an interview this saturday at the college so i have to choose! i dont know which to do


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