# tears



## Guest (Jun 28, 2000)

I found this place by accident. I read some of the posts and all I seem able to do is cry at the moment. I don't know if I'm relieved or horrified that there are so many of us, but at least I know I'm not alone. I was diagnosed in 1992, I live in a very small town with a high shortage of doctors. Until last year I coped fairly well, but this past year has been awful, so awful that I started wondering if I really want to live to be a senior. I'm a 35 year old mother of 4, self employed, I started my own home based business because I couldn't function within another employers schedule, now though, my own business is suffering, sales have dropped to a quarter of what they were 2 years ago and it looks like I will have to give it up completely. I have been thinking about having a serious discussion with my Doctor about my future outlook and also his opinion on the whole topic. Even after all these years he has never told me where he stands. When I go in to complain about pain or symptoms he shrugs and says he can't help and I have to learn to live with it. My sister who suffers also is now a prescription drug addict, thats not a future I want. I've bought books, read articles, tried to find out everything I could, but I learned more here in 30 minutes, and some of the info I discovered will arm me for my "serious" talk with my doctor.I admit I'm feeling sorry for myself and what I really need is hope, something I haven't felt in months. Thanks for the links, I'm definately headed there.Is or has anyone else been prescribed Celebrex? and was it helpful? Did it cause stomach irritation? PS If no one has covered it yet, I found info a couple of weeks ago that black licorise can help with stomach discomfort caused by pills, as well as IBS, well I tried it, skepticly, and it did help, alot! The old fashioned licorise works best, and it can also be purchased in pill form for anyone who has access to a health food store. It may not work for everyone, but it helped me. Thanks everyone


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Hi Lori Ann:Welcome fellow Canuck. Please remember that you are not alone. We have shared many happy and sad moments on this board. We are here to lend an ear. I know what you mean about the shortage of docs, I just moved from a small town (pop. 1500) and the poor town doc there was going bonkers. They've since hired a nurse practioner to help him out. How far are out away from a specialist (rheumy)? Sounds like you've gone through a lot this past year. Please don't give up, things will get better. Have a heart to heart talk with your doc and tell him/her how you feel and what can he do for you? Maybe he can refer you to a specialist. If he/she still can't help you then it's time to find another doctor. You need someone who will guide you through this. As for the Celebrex, I have never taken this med. As for the pain, I've been able to manage over the past few months (had a bad bout in the winter). I take flexeril (muscle relaxant) when the fm gets real bad (it helps me relax and sleep). But when I take this med I don't do much, because I'm very dopey. I know some of the gals on this board take Celebrex. Maybe they can give you their experience with it. Thanks for the black licorice tip. I love the taste of licorice, so I'll see if I can pick-up some at the health food store (is it the one that looks like bark?) Where there is life, there is hope. Take care and let us know how you are doing. Join us on Monday evenings for our chatnite (9:00-l0:00 p.m.) eastern.


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2000)

Hi Lori Ann,I'm a newbie too having just found this forum a couple of days ago. And I'm so sorry you feel so "down". Is your crying due to depression or pain, or both? Your feelings of "lack of hope" sounds like depression. I know, as I am confronted with it almost daily. However, I think you are fortunate that you are able to cry. They pretty well know that it is very therapeutic and releases toxins. I very, very seldom cry. It's as if my heart has just turned to stone.About the Celebrex. Yes, I just started taking it a couple of nights ago and it has made a world of difference in my pain level. No stomach irritation, at least not yet. This was my third 200 mg capsule about an hour ago. Will keep you posted if any adverse effects show up. I'd certainly say it is worth a try though. My doctor gave me a sample bottle of 14 caps and also wrote a prescription for them.Keep your chin up and welcome to the board. There seems to be a fine group of folks here and I'm looking forward to interacting with all.calida


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2000)

Hi Weener!Thanks for the welcome. I'm in agony from an all day session in front of the computer, reading many posts and following links but I'm in much better spirits now than I have been in weeks. The nearest specialist is about 2 hours away, unfortunately they leave more often than they arrive and the wait is six months to a year. I damaged my shoulder in May of last year, and was scheduled to see the specialist this May for cortisone injections, he however decide he was over booked and cancelled, saying he wouldn't accept any new appointments for 3 more months! I feel sorry for him, more sorry for myself and others in the same situation. (the injections didn't do much for me in the past but it was worth a try)So in light of my expected wait my GP prescribed Celebrex, within 48 hours my shoulder was great, but combined with the Elavil, I ended up with ulcers. Why is that we always seem to trade one problem for another?


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2000)

Hello Calida,Perhaps, with the support of the great people here we can tough it out better. I can't say why exactly I burst into tears when I found this forum, but I'll bet I'm not the only one who did. It was just a sudden release, like a lifted weight. I had so many questions and I had felt so alone.......but I definately felt better after. I'm not given to tears often, and when depression creeps up on me I usually throw myself into some huge project and work through it. I know the Fybro has been on my mind alot lately and I guess thats why I found my way here.I found the Celebrex great for joint pain but it does nothing for my muscle pain but I will take what I can get. I hope you have a drug plan..celebrex is expensive...it costs me $2.50 per pill but its probably cheaper in the US.I too have noticed over the past 2 years that I have become bitter, chronic pain does alter the mind, I think its an unavoidable side effect. I think I needed a palce like this for a long time, I love my husband dearly, he is very supportive, but he doesn't, he can't really understand what its like to live inside this body. And I don't want him to see me as a whiner, I'm afraid he won't want to be around me if he does. I have grown bitter over the little things, not just the pain. Like having to plan every little trip from my house around public washrooms (IBS), having to cancel family outings, having to tell my kids everyday that there is something else I can't do with them anymore. Dreading the changing seasons instead of appreciating them, and knowing that if I stray, if I do something I know I shouldn't I will pay for days, weeks, even months. These are just some of the things that have made me bitter. I want to overcome it but I don't know if its possible. Some of the people here seem so positive, were they always? or have they learned to be? Maybe it will rub off.....I hope so, for both our sakes.


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## Marsha (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi Lori Ann, Welcome! I have taken Celebrex and had to stop due to stomach upset and it caused my migraines to be more frequent. I found Vioxx worked better and didn't cause the side effects but it still doesn't help on the bad days. I take flexerel (muscle relaxer) at night to sleep and relieve pain. On really bad days I take Vicodin, so far nothing else helps. I get very irritable at times but I try to control it, sometimes I can not always. I pray a lot. I hope everything works out for you. There are a great group of people on this board. I learned more here than anywhere too. God bless and I will pray for you all. Marsha


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## Guest (Jun 29, 2000)

Hi Marsha,I've taken flexerel too, but it didn't do much for me. I'm having major headaches with the celebrex too but the doctor said if I stick it out for awhile it will eventually stop. I wonder if anyone else had similar problems which eventually went away?PS Its so nice to meet you!


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## Marsha (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi Lori Ann, If you continue to have the headaches with the Celebrex I would insist your doctor change your medication. I wasn't going to keep taking something that made things worse. I had enough problems with the fibro, I didn't need anything added to it that I didn't have to put up with. I have had migraines all my life but they aren't as often but are more severe, so I sure didn't want anything to make them more frequent and that is what happened with the celebrex,(3 days straight). I have heard of people getting good results with it, but for me it didn't work. I was put on Vioxx at 12.5mg then 25mg. It doesn't help all the time but I was changed to something else and found that Vioxx works better so I put myself back on it. I hope I didn't bore you, I tend to rattle on, mainly because I don't talk to many people about what's going on so I let loose here. Hope this helped some. I am glad to add you to my list of friends and to pray for you along with everyone else. God bless, Marsha


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2000)

Is the drug you mentioned an anti-inflamatory or antidepressant? I think I will have to ask for a different drug. The headache I had yesterday was the worst yet. Your absolutely right, we have enough problems. I said to my husband that all we seem to do is trade one problem for another. I hate to add this bottle to the growing pile of things I can't tolerate, we don't have a drug plan and its such a waste, oh well, live & learn.


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## Guest (Jun 30, 2000)

You truly have found a wonderful place. Rest assured that I (and probably everyone here) felt empathy and compassion upon reading your post. We have all been there, are there and/or will be there again. I find that this has been a place where I have finally felt the big N word. NORMAL. The others and their postings make me realize that I am not alone and that there are others who are unfortunately feeling very similar to me. Some days the pain is so bad I just want to cry. Some days I feel like a major whiner - when in reality/logically I know that to be untrue as there are not enough hours in the day to list my complaints and I really just keep on trucking for the most part. I wouldn't wish this "affliction" on my worst enemy and yet it is comforting to know that I am not alone. And this THING seems to be so connected to other things - that is seems to be never ending. I have been suffering a deep depression for the last six months and have been trying hard, through prayer, reading, and now this site to fight out of it. I have been successful for short time periods (hours not days) however I will not give up!!! Life is seasonal in so many ways (some of them very painful) but because of the fluctuation of seasons - I know this to will not last - and can look forward to change. I am rambling when all I really wanted to say was WELCOME and God Bless. Stacey


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2000)

Hi Stacey,Thanks for the encouragement. I think rambling comes with the territory, I do it all the time when I'm tired, which is most of the time. And I love to read the posts so ramble anytime. I just have soooo many questions after facing this for so long alone. I think I could post a hundred questions and still not be done. I'm wondering who (on the board)has had fibro the longest.....its not a competition thing but I wonder about the range of emotions over long periods of time......like hope, self pity, anger, grief, guilt etc. I was diagnosed 8+ years ago, once I get through all the emotions I seem to start over again. I see so many people here say things about prayers & blessings.....and I have to say that my faith has taken as big a beating as my body. Its not that I don't believe, I still talk to God so I must believe, But I'm so angry with him sometimes. I also know that happens when we have no one else to blame. I miss the blind faith I use to have, and I marvel at those of us who manage to keep their faith, but I feel like there is a big void in my life and I haven't a clue how to get that faith back. I do know that it was so much easier to live with this when I beleived that God had a purpose, it was part of a bigger plan. Half the time these days I don't know if I'm coming or going, I live in a fog 24/7, putting books in the fridge and milk in the dresser. If I have just one good hour a day, it helps restore my faith & Hope. I read somewhere that Fibro has bad spells and remissions, that eventually the bad spells get closer & closer until there are no remissions, has anyone else heard this? I wonder if I'm at the point where there will be no more remissions. I'll mention you in my prayers also, I'm just not sure God is listening to me anymore...... Take care Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2000)

Oh Lori Ann your post made me want to cry - I am so sorry you are in the pit and so totally understand. As far as your remission theory I truly hope your information is wrong - however I have never heard any explain it quite like that - and, I have heard of cases where people have had complete and seemingly total remissions due to lifestyle changes, etc. Was never really sure if I believed it or more specifically believed they had started with what I believe we have (our affliction/fibro) exactly. Hope you understood that. I think that this board really helps with our being able to vent and reading other posts and I hope you continue to use it. I understand having strong faith and then being lost for long periods - I said earlier that (in some post) that I had been and am in a deep depression for last six months that I am continuing to fight out of. I have found relief, at times, but only for short moments that are spread way apart. They were mere hours and even minutes. Still haven't managed even a day. But I still feel like I can get there and that if I continue to try I will. I know that a major part of this is my distance from God. It all plays together, you cannot tell what came first, pain, depression, wavering faith, etc. And at this point I don't think it really matters - just have to keep on working on all of it. I must cannot allow myself to sink into this ###### and be here forever (sorry about swearing) - but it is ###### and it sucks and I want OUT. But it is so discouraging and I get so tired, mentally, physically and emotionally. But I do not want to be here and all I know how to do is to cling on the walls of my pit and keep trying to get out - maybe desparetly and foolishly but I cannot imagine the alternative. Sitting, living in the bottom of my pit.Please be encouraged by the friendships formed and empathy displayed at this board. Know that I am praying for you and probably others and that everyone regardless of faith or lack of it is thinking about you and your individual struggle. And that the people here can truly understand. God Bless and continue to feel free to vent anytime. I hope I haven't bored you - just really wanted you to see I really can feel where you are coming from and so can probably most everyone here. Continue to visit with us and maybe we all can continue to help each other. Stacey


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## Guest (Jul 1, 2000)

Hi Lori Ann, Welcome! I have tried Celebrex also, it seemed to help with the inflammation. But, I too got headaches from it. I know the feeling about not wanting to live like you are, but hang in there and be patient because eventually you'll see some brightness in your life. I have been very lucky to have a psychologist that knows CFS very well. I also think of the people in my life that love me and what it would do to them if I committed suicide, that has always made me change my mind and not be selfish. You have found a great place to vent and ask questions! DeeDee


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Lori Ann, Stacey and everyone: Hang in there guys! I know that sounds stale, but I know. I've been there. That "black hole" is terrible, but at the time, it seemed like the only place to be. I had given up on my marriage, family, friends, and life. I just slowly shut the door on everything. Stopped talking to anyone, would no longer answer the phone, and finally told my husband that if anyone asks for me, I'm not available. I would only answer the phone if it was one of my sons----and that was only because I didn't want to add another burden to their life by letting them know how bad I was. But, my oldest son put it together fast, just by the way I sounded on the phone. Guess I was vague and distant. He called his Dad and told him that he better "listen up" and put more into this marriage, because if he didn't, I wasn't going to stick around anymore. Guess it scared Larry enough---he finally called my doctor and set up an appointment for me the next day. When the doctor asked me if I had ever considered suicide and I said yes--it shook Larry up good. And it had only been the day before that I had decided I would just leave the garage door closed and start the engine and just let 'er run. The only thing that stopped me was thinking about my 2 sons and what I would do to them if I actually did choose to end it all. It's just that when you are lost in that black hole, nothing else seems like the answer. The Doctor wanted to admit me for my own protection, but I refused. Just telling my story now makes me cry. And I spend a lot of days "down". Then he changed my anti-depressant, told me not take any for three days and then start the new one. Well, guess what? On the third day the fog started to lift and then I got angry and I started to get my fight back!!! I refused to take anymore of that stuff and went cold-turkey. It was rough. I was hyper and agitated for about three weeks. Couldn't sleep, etc. I felt really rotten. I felt sick all the time and the Doctor was concerned about other health problems resulting from stopping so suddenly, but I was determined to get it out of my system. It took about 6 to 8 weeks before I started feeling good. Cold turkey off anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds is not smart, but I was just so damn angry. About everything. And so, so very tired with everyone telling me I had to learn to relax and not to worry, and not to dwell on things. No ###### Dick Tracey!!! They have no idea. Never did and never will. I don't have much support from family. The less they know the better. So, I no longer tell them much. "I'm always fine". My in-laws are people who have always lived that way. Can't deal with anything any other way. And I was raised by my Aunt and Uncle and whenever I tried to talk to my Aunt, she would always tell me not to feel sorry for myself. I should just get out and do things and forget about everything. Good Grief!!! I told her this wasn't a matter of feeling sorry for myself. This was real life pain and suffering and it will be with me for my entire life and all I want is for people to understand for a change. Understand that I may look fantastic, but I'm hurting so bad I can hardly stand it. I had started my own business---a Nail and Tanning Salon out of my home 4 years earlier, and I had to close up because of the headaches and the pain and the bowel incontinence. And you know what my Aunt told me? She said she thought that was an excellent idea, because Larry works hard and he should not have to spend his evenings alone because I was working downstairs! I had a duty to my husband and it was selfish of me not to give him more time. Don't that beat all!!!! She still didn't get the rift!!! So, you see, I know exactly what you are going through and I fight with depression every day also. I know what you're going through. My faith is almost nil. I want to know why God dealt me such a horrible life from childhood on through. I must be paying for my Mother's sins. And I was chosen. A lonely and unhealthy childhood, sexual molestation by step-father (I call him the snake), denial by my Mother, a severe hearing loss, school was a nightmare for me. I was picked on and singled out because I was "different". (Lived with an Aunt and Uncle instead of Mother and Dad.) I was a skinny, puney, child and extremely shy and unsure of herself. I still lack self-esteem. I grew up thinking and feeling ugly. Then I married and those feelings still held me back even though my husband told me I was pretty and he liked me "small". Then I blossomed after the boys were born and they became my whole life. Larry is a perfectionist at his job and a work-aholic, and everything centered around his schedule and his stress. Then tons of medical nightmares with Lance due to congenital birth defects. Heart defect, Hirshsprung's disease (colon problems), etc. Years and years of constant hospitalizations and surgeries. The poor kid was in the hospital more than he was out for the first 7 years of his life. Then I learned to do a lot of things for him at home so he wouldn't have to be hospitalized so often. Then more surgeries and worries. We almost lost him a number of times. And then the "nightmare" of his 14th and 15th years. So, so close to loosing him and then his illeostomy, etc. And then spinal fusion and complications. And medical bills beyond belief even though we had insurance. There was so much going on, and of course, your own mental and physical self gets put on hold for your childrens sakes. I think I poured every ounce of strength I had into Lance to get him through everything and there just wasn't anything left in me. It took it's toll. And the worry never stops for your own children. Lance is 25 now and lives on his own and works as a web developer here is town. But, there is never an end to his health problems. He says he'll never marry because who would be interested in him after all that!!! I'm hoping he'll meet someone who will accept him and his limitations and give lots of love. He needs it. And the other son says he will never marry (he's 29). And I always thought he would make a good husband and father and he has always been comfortable with infants and children. He's got the heart of a child himself and can sit down and play with them better than I can. He always find something to laugh about with them. Good qualities, don't you think?! Well, I sure have rambled on again. It's so good to spill this. I can not talk to my husband about my feelings. He thinks he has to instantly find a solution to the problem and if he can't he doesn't want to hear about. He considers all our troubles "in the past" and asks why I have to bring them up....I keep telling him that I do because none of these issues have been worked out, so therefore, they are still very much in our present. Know what I mean? He refuses counseling after a record two sessions a year ago!!! He doesn't like it because the problems are brought out and he doesn't want to hear them or deal with them. And, besides, he doesn't have any problems....I'm the one who does! Sound familiar anyone? Or is it just me? I won't take up anymore space. I wish you both the very best and please, by all means, keep in touch. That's important for all of us. A connection. Too bad we couldn't plan a reunion or something sometime and somewhere. Wouldn't that be neat? Take care everyone.


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2000)

hi, beleive me I know how you feel. Have you ever tryied malic acid/magnesium combo this has done wonders for my fatique and pain. Also whatch your diet. I myself have FM and have worked with clients who too suffer, and the diet plays a big part of how you may feel from one day to the next. Yeast, wheat, sugar, caffine these are all common offenders, and when I cheat and eat one I pay for days! Try to avoid fast and junk food and processed food as it is high in preservatives wich irritates FM. Good luck------------------shayHerbalist


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Hi, Shay! You know, you may be right about the diet part. A year ago I saw a Physiatrist, Dr. Hauser who has his own alternative clinic in Ill. He did a lot of testing. Blood, urine, saliva, hair. When the tests came back, he put me on a bunch of supplements and told me I had to avoid wheat, and dairy due to testing sensitive. Also, avoid yeast and sugar. (I am hypoglycemic---border line.) They just feed on one another. So for 3 months I lived on protein and vegetables to rid my body of toxic levels and to try to balance things out a little. I made several trips back to see him, but he was so far away that it was hard and besides, my insurance did not want to pick up the bill. I did some searching and found a D.O. close by who believes in alternative treatment if at all possible. Through him I learned about the book called: Eat Right For Your Blood Type. Very interesting. For 6 months I followed that book to a "T"----I'm blood type O. And I did feel better. I lost weight (needed to), wasn't so bloated all the time and my skin had such a healthy glow to it and I had more energy. I was also taking a very good Multi-Vitamin. Hair improved too. Then......I gradually started eating anything and everything again and now I have at least 10 lbs. to loose, etc. I think I'm going to start the Type O diet plan all over again and accept that I can't eat everything others can. How much of the Malic Acid/Magnesium combo do you suggest? How will it affect stools, etc.? I'll be checking the contents of my vitamins to see if it contains some. Let me know, Okay? And thanks! Feisty


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2000)

Everyone here has been so great! I don't ever want anyone to worry about boring me or rambling, I do the same thing and I love and appreciate your posts.Today was a terrific day! Its Canada day, its a yearly ritual to attend a parade, and town fair, and fireworks at night. I dreaded it yesterday, I woke up today and I felt like ####, but I found a Robaxicet pill(correct spelling?) in the cupboard and then I curled my hair (as you know, getting our arms over our heads is nothing short of amazing) we have to walk to everything as our streets are closed to traffic. Well, I made it! About 3 miles of walking all together. I even ate fries and ice cream with no emergency trips to the parks outhouse(yuck). It wasn't a pain free day, I don't think I ever had one of those, but I feel pretty good, even now. I was surprised how much relief a pill for my back would give my headaches, maybe the headaches aren't from the celebrex, tension related maybe? I even had a nap before the fireworks and I actually slept! To me it was an almost perfect day. I also want to thank you all for giving me so much to think about. Today, when my husband opened the door for me I realized how hard he works to make the little things easy for me. He opens every door for me, including the car door. He lets me sleep in every morning, I never have to get the kids ready for school, because he knows every minute of sleep counts, he makes my morning tea every day because he knows I'm stiff and disoriented, always reminds me to take my pills. Not once in the 20 years I have known him has he ever said a cross word when I get really sick, or said "What did you do all day?...or "Why isn't the laundry or dishes done?" Until read what Fiesty wrote about her son not wanting to inflict his problems on a wife did I really stop to appreciate my husband. I hope you tell him for me,that unconditional love is possible. When Kevin asked me on our first date, I told him up front I was "sickly" and he might be better off looking elsewhere, but he insisted. On our first date we went dancing (of all things) I didn't feel well at all, we left early, by the time we got to my door I started hemorrhaging, the Hospital was less than 5 min away, by the time we got there, I and his truck were covered in blood, he held my hand and watched me sleep though the night. Our second date wasn't much different, we spent the night in emergency, so Kevin asked me to marry him right then and there. I was shocked, (and I thought he was a bit crazy) I told him I wouldn't say yes then, but if he still wanted to in 6 months to ask me again. He agreed but said he wouldn't change his mind. Six months later he gave me my ring and said,"I told you I wouldn't change my mind". And tell your son something else for me, if it were my husband who was sick, nothing would change the way I feel about him. The right woman is definately out there for him, if I can find someone like that, anyone can. Actually, my daughter is a drop dead georgeous girl, (I don't say that because she is my kid because she didn't get it from me LOL) petit, blond,and built, with a heart as big as all outdoors (the word sucker sometimes comes to mind) she is the kind of girl boys flock to, its some kind of aura. Anyway, I've seen her turn down the popular "athletes" (often) and go off to the prom with the "sickly" boys or the unpopular boys. She is the kind of person who would never consider a birth defect or disease a problem. Last year she went to the prom with a boy who had a termnal bone disease, he was tiny and crippled, she had to ask him because he never even considered going,and she thought the world of him. They never became an "item", because he was 3 years younger than her. Anyway I'm babbling, the point is that he shouldn't give up, there are so many women who just want real love, after all, thats the whole point of being here.You know Fiesty, reading your post was like reading about my own life, I was a scrawny, sickly kid who got picked on a lot. I wasn't molested but I was grabbed on a public street in broad daylight, raped and nearly murdered by a total stranger. But at least I dealt with that and it only bothers me now if I dwell on it, he is in prison and has been these many years, and he murdered someone while he was out on a day pass, so he will never get out again, justice has been served (in as much as it can be). Has anyone else got a similar background I wonder?Stacy-the book I got the remission thing from was, "Fibromyalgia: a comprehensive approach" by Miryam Ehrlich Williamson. I pray its not true either. I'm the workaholic in my family, I'm driven, thank God, if I weren't I might not get out of bed. I work an average 18 hour day, and sometimes a 26 to 38 hour day, I figure if I'm going to be awake I might as well make good use of the time. Until a few weeks ago I ate enough chocolate to be on the Hershy Board of directors, 3 to 5 lbs a week, and thats not counting the cakes or cookies etc, the only thing that has kept me going I think is that I love veggies just as much. I have put off life style changes because I didn't want to give up the few things in life that gave me a measure of pleasure in this misery, but thats changed. I'm just afraid that if I do, I won't feel any better and I won't even have the little pleasures either. I'm afraid that if I stop moving I will seize up permanantly. But I'm trying, I gave up the chocolate and cut back on alot of the foods I know I shouldn't eat, I'm trying to get to bed a decent times instead of working until the sun rises, and I'm trying to remember how to laugh. As I typed this post I turned 35, and I have made up my mind to give one more good fight, give it my best shot before I quit. Well I can't quit, I have so many people depending on me, and if my husband can put up with all my #### he deserves to have me put up with it too. (I can only say this because I'm having a rare good day) It certainly takes courage to live our lives. You know, all the "stuff" some docs say about this being in our heads, if they only knew what its like, they would be amazed at how well we cope, and they would be amazed at our strength and tolerence for pain. We should all be damned proud of ourselves! We are a bunch of strong people! I hope all the American posters have as great a day July 4th as I had today, (the 4th is my anniversary)Actually, I hope everyone has a great day, no matter where they are!Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2000)

DeeDee,Did you stop taking the celebrex or did the headaches eventually go away? If you did stop the celebrex, did you try something that was better?Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 2, 2000)

Hi Shay, everyone (again - getting annoyed with me yet? Hope not)I never took vitamins, well I mean I tried and my stomach couldn't tolerate them, I had to have iron shots (very painful for anyone who doesn't know, tastes like you have a penny in your mouth for days too). I've tried alternatives, like St. John's Wart, Valerien (smells awful), willow bark tea, etc, I took allergic reactions to most of it. And it was hard to get in this rural area, I had to have a relative mail them to me from the city.I'm blood type O too- a connection maybe? Any other type O's on the board? I bet if doctors and reasearchers dropped in to read the posts, they would come up with the answers alot faster.Lori AnnPS Shay & DeeDee Nice to meet you both, I hope I didn't forget anyone. Memory is a BIG problem these days.


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2000)

Hello to everyone again=} Lori Ann you just go on rambling I like reading it. I also was a scrawny sickly child; I was hospitalized in 2nd or 3rd grade and was released with no results (probably faking I'm sure), I was also raped twice as a very young adult and grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home (Although my family has grown quite a bit and we have a very close loving relationship now). Every time one of us goes on a rambling rant I recognize and empathize with so much of it I feel as if I could have wrote it. I am so happy that the Canada holiday was able to be enjoyed and that you had a good day. We have to take them when we can. As I said I have been fighting this depression and I am still living a very isolated life - reading everything has made me realize I need to work on that issue too. Another thing to work on Great!!! Seriously though I plan on it and will let you know if I actually follow through. My first step will be to say yes to my best friend and go to the pool with her on the 4th. At this point she will probably expect me to cancel. Everyone please keep posting - you cannot imagine how I look forward to reading them. I am in the office today just to get on the web to "see" you guys (don't have anything at home). Love - stacey


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2000)

Hi Stacey,Today was another good day, I didn't take the celebrex and I didn't have a headache. My morning started off great! Kev made a big fuss over my birthday, which he hasn't done in years. We went swimming in the local heated pool and that was great, although I only lasted an hour and I'm getting sore, it was worth it. You should go, you will be glad you did. Sometimes I don't mind paying the price, if its worth it. We had a BBQ, and a Lazy-daisy strawberry shortcake. It was another rare, perfect day. Come to think of it I haven't had an IBS attack since I started taking Pantoloc a couple of weeks ago, I think I'm going to gain alot of weight if the pills keep working. I'm so tired and stiff but it really was a great day! Keep writing everyone....it does make a big difference.Lori Ann


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Lori Ann and Stacey: Believe it or not I wrote you two another one of my ramblings and somehow this darn thing said it posted it, but there's nothing there from Feisty!!!! And my minds not too good at remembering what a wrote. Oh, yes, I did say that Larry and I saw two movies this weekend. Yesterday we saw "The Perfect Storm" with George Clooney. Very very good! Today we saw "The Patriot" with Mel Gibson. Excellent!! It wasn't without 3 or 4 trips to the bathroom during the movie, but that's the story of my life! Yesterday-----18 trips to the bathroom just for the "pooping part"!! I think my butt imprint is forever etched into most toilet seats within a 40 mile radius of home!!!!! I'm leaving my mark!!!!!!!!! And the toilet seat imprint is etched permanently on my butt!!! I don't need any tattoos--this one was done all on it's own!!!! Lori Ann, it sounds like you have had several wonderful days and I'm happy for you. What is Pantoloc? And what is the big difference between IBS and IBD? I'm confused. I rarely have a problem with watery stools (diarrhea), I just cannot take one or two "good dumps". I need 10 or 15 smaller ones to make up what we would consider a "good dump". And each time I go it feels like there's more, but at that time I cannot pass any more. But give me anywhere between 2 and 15 minutes and I'll have to go again. And can't hold it back. No way! Any one else out there with this "type of pooping" to add to our afflictions? Lori Ann----was wondering about your daughter Nicole. Have you tried to contact her and ask to sit down with her and discuss why she seems to be so angry and spiteful towards you? Perhaps she blaims you because she hasn't accepted responsibility for her own actions. Just a thought. My oldest son Heath is learning the hard way and is finally turning around after making some huge mistakes and loosing several jobs because of his attitude and paranoia. He's got a real problem with anger and a big chip on his shoulder. I've talked to him a lot about it and asked him why he's so angry at everyone and everything. Granted, some of it comes from his panic attacks. He's seeking help now and trying some medication and I hope and pray it helps. So far so good. He has even admitted to us that he has made some bad mistakes. That's a start. Just my thoughts---wondering if perhaps Nicole is this way, too. How is Rose doing? I hope she helps you around home. You need it. Is Rose the one who has the "heart of gold"? She sounds wonderful to me. You raised her well. And it sounds like you have given your family the best you can. You sound like a very good wife and mother. How old are your other two. Boys or girls or one of each? And.....Happy Anniversary to you and your Hubby! Isn't it kind of a coincidence that your birthday and anniversary is so close to my birthday and our anniversary? Amazing! And you're a Blood Type O, too. Do we look alike???!!! They say there's at least one other person on this earth that is your look-a-like! I just wish I was back to 35 instead of 51! Oh, the tricks gravity plays on us!!!!! Stacey.....Sounds like you had a pleasant adventure, too. Good for you!!! I've found that the more I keep moving; Gently, of couse, the better off I am. My Doctor told me swimming would be the best over all exercise for someone with Fibromyalgia. Remember, the more oxygen we can supply to our muscles, the better we will feel in the long run. Not to mention staying fit. It's important to have a good self-image. I should talk! I go from high to low continuosly, but on those good days when I can look in the mirroe and say....Yes, you do look good----they are a real "uplifter". Keep it up!!!!! I guess I'm going to have to quit for now. My arms and shoulders and neck are killing me just from sitting and typing-----oh for those good "ol days! Well, I'm going to run a tub full of nice warm water and soak this pretty butt of mine and then head to bed. Pleasant dreams to all of you! Karen (Feisty)P.S. Give that book some thought: Eat Right For Your Blood Type by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Lori Ann and Stacey: Just reread your posts and my God, you two have been to hell and back. It's horrible about the rapes. My molestations is nothing compared to what you two have been through. And Lori Ann, you are a real fighter. To survive such a thing! I'm so glad that "sleeze bag" is put away. And Lori Ann, your love story is beautiful! What a wonderful husband you have. To stand by you from the very beginning and never slack off----that's a special man you have there!!! Happy Anniversary to you both. Here's wishing you many more!!!! Karen


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## Guest (Jul 3, 2000)

Hi Stacey & Karen,I'm suffering from all my activity the past couple of days, but I wouldn't change a thing.I'm not sure what IBD is, Irritable Bowel Disorder? Pantoloc in the med I was given for acid reflux, I have a small hiatal hernia which makes it worse. I don't know why it helped the IBS but it certainly seems too. Time will tell, it could just be a coincidence. I had watched a program that said people with bowel incontinence could benefit from eating a very controled diet, what I mean is eating at specific times of the day, everyday and keeping track of bathroom trip times, after a couple of weeks of practice they can predict exactly when they will need to go to the bathroom, but then "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" Nothing ever seems to go as we plan.I couldn't imagine being molested, but I would never say you had it easier Karen. My daughter Rose was raped too, on her 14th birthday, while I was doing laundry, a guy (on parole for a previous rape)forced his way into our home and attacked her, it was so much worse to watch my child go through that. But one of the many things I learned is that no two cases are the same, no two reactions are the same, as individuals we suffer in our own way, what happened to you certainly doesn't seem less in my eyes.I don't know if I'm a good wife & mother, I have so much guilt for inflicting my problems on my family. I tried hard, I made lots of mistakes, (wish I had a dime for every time I had to tell one of them I was sorry) and I prayed for the best. But most days I feel like I failed them, Rose is the pregnant one with the heart of gold, and she is 19.......Nicole is 19 too, and the one that ran off,(I'll explain her age in a sec) Beth is 12, and James will be 9 in a couple of days. Nicole isn't my birth child, she is one of about 6 kids I took in off the streets and she was here for years, I loved her and looked after her as if she were mine and I will probably always feel that way. Nicole came to me with so many problems and I thought we had worked through them and she seemed to become such a sweet kid, but now I see that she has deeper problems and she has slipped too far away from me to help her now. I saw her at the town celebrations 2 days ago and she couldn't even look at me, I think she stays away because she is ashamed of her actions.I gave birth to Rose 13 days after my 16 birthday, as a child she had ADD, hearing problems and she was sickly, her temper and mood swings were famous but she always had a sweet loving side, she grew in to a sweet, big hearted and forgiving soul. She still has a temper but its been curbed alot over the years. She is strong too, stronger than me. She didn't fall apart when hubby ran for the hills, OK she cried for 6 weeks, but she pulled herself together and she doesn't even seem bitter, she said she could understand that he was scared, and that if she had the option of running she might have too. She said she will never take him back but she understands how he felt. She gave him more credit than I would have. She really has survived alot in her young life and she is a better person for it.Beth, my 12 year old is every parents dream child, she has held a part time job since she was 7! She saves all her money in a bank account, she is first in her class, never has to be told to do her homework. Volunteers at school and communtiy. Is a peer councellor, plays violin and piano. She does needle point, knits and sews, she makes a "to die for" meatloaf. Her teachers call her the little old lady. And thats what bothers me, we don't put pressure on her to be perfect, but she does. We keep telling her that no one is perfect, and that 95 is a perfectly respectable mark but she just keeps pushing herself. So having the "perfect" kid is still something to worry about.James is just the opposite, he is so laid back he could be called lazy, nothing seems to affect him, but he has a really big heart and is easily hurt but he tries to keep it in. I always know he is hurting over something when he snaps at Beth. He loves to be dirty and he is the typical "rough & tumble" boy. He is a great kid too, I love to (still) tuck him in at night, we always have these wonderful little chats, he loves to talk about the stars & planets. People are always telling me what a "polite young man you have there". He had kawasokies (sp?)disease as a baby and will have to have his heart checked and rechecked as he grows up.Being a parent is the hardest job there is and I never know if I'm doing the right thing but they are great kids. As for looks, I'm 5'9", 125 lbs, shoulder length strawberry blond hair (use to be natural, but now getting aid from "Nice & Easy"), blue eyes & freckles. Funny, it sounds better than it is...lol.....keep writting, I love to read the posts. I have been wondering if I should start a thread for people to list all the things they have been diagnosed with, I want to start a data base to see what I can come up with, all the connections are like arrows pointing the way to the cause. What do you think?Lori Ann


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Lori Ann, You sound "drop dead" gorgeous yourself kid, so stop knocking yourself down!!! You are an amazing person! I admire you immensely for taking in other children besides raising your own, and not being well yourself. It just shows how much love you have in that heart of yours---it's no wonder your kids are so caring themselves. Just like Mom and Dad!!!!! I'm just 5'5''---all arms and legs and a short torso. Boobs--not bad after a breast reduction I had 4 years ago! Took some of the muscle aching and spasms away through my back and shoulder blades anyway. It was a wise choice. I always said that when the Lord created me, he did the arms and legs first and then ran out of room!!!!! My weight right now is around 135. I'm hoping I can get it down to around 125 or so in the next couple of months. I feel better with less weight to carry. I have brown hair with some golden blond and reddish highlights (but only my hairdresser knows my real color). I'd be more grey if it weren't for the hairdresser's help! And naturally curly hair that is fine and thinning!! I have Hazel colored eyes with gold flecks (cat-eyes). I'm not the prettiest thing on this planet, but I guess I'm okay. When I was a little girl I had this gorgeous blonde hair with natural curls---until I got to be in 4th grade. Then it started to get darker and ended up being brown. Same thing happened to each of the boys. With my light skin, though, if I had blonde hair now, I'd look really "washed out"! Well, the laundry is calling to me, so I had better go. When that is finished, I'm going to try and get outside and fertilize all the landscaping plants. They need a little help! And, by the way, stop sending all that cooler air down here!!!! We just seem to warm up a little and then another cool air mass moves in and then it rains and cools off and then in a couple of days it's warm again and the cycle starts over. We have some pretty short summers as I'm sure you do, too. So.......keep it up there, we don't want it.!!!!!!!!!! Feisty she is today!!!! Take care and stay in touch. Exactly where are you in Canada? Karen


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## Guest (Jul 5, 2000)

LoriAnn, I stopped taking the Celebrex for two reasons, the headaches and I acquired a rare blood disorder from a flu virus and have to take coumadin for the rest of my life. Celebrex and coumadin don't mix! Hope things are going better for you. DeeDee


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## Guest (Jul 7, 2000)

Lori Ann and Karen, I am sorry I didn't respond to your posts earlier, out of town and then out of the office till yesterday/today? Took my daughter (14) to an adoption conference with me last week (our 4th annual) that she loves and has a great time at (she is my birthdaughter however, not adopted). You guys are so great I read your posts and I feel like I am talking to you and that I am getting to know you better and better. More good friends!!! I love it. I am 5'7" and about 145 lbs, blonde hair and green eyes with long legs. In addition to all the other crab (Fibro, etc.) I have an extra bone in my left hip (could have been born with three legs LOL) which tightens that hip, make the left leg shorter and completely screws up my back and neck. You know the deal. Fortunately, none of that is obvious so I look like a normal human being - but we all know better. You two of course sound beautiful. Staceyp.s. I am 34, been single/divorced for 12 years and have one child a girl age 14 named Sophia whom I love with all my heart.


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Hi Everyone:How is everyone doing today? I'm a little sore after working in the garden all day yesterday. When will I learn! Today will be a low key day. I'm going into town to pick up a birthday present for my brother who will be turning 35 tomorrow. Stacey, I discovered this year from my new chiropractor that I have one leg shorter than the other (my left leg too). He also told me that I have scoliosis (curvature of the spine). He ended giving me a lift for my shoe to even out both legs. It seems to be working especially for my lower back. He will increase the height of the lift in a couple of months. There is almost 1" difference between legs. Do you use a lift?He also wants me to improve my posture. I told him that when I'm in pain I tend to hunch. It's never ending, eh. Take care.


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