# what have I done to deserve this?



## fedup123 (Dec 19, 2009)

I am getting so incredibly tired and depressed about this stupid illness. I can't remember the last day when I didn't have pain or some kind of problem with going to the toilet. I'm 19 and at college, these should be the best days of my life! I've been having pain and problems since I was about 12 and I really don't know what I have done to deserve this. I'm a good person! and I've never abused my body I've always looked after it!The worst thing is, I know my life could be so good if it wasn't for this. I have a wonderful boyfriend and great friends but i'm drifting apart from everyone. I've been too scared to leave the house for the last 3 months because of this terrible D and pain. I can't stand to have my boyfriend touch me and I can't bring myself to tell him why either because I feel so embarassed. And what's even stupider is I know I shouldn't be embarassed! Why should I be embarassed about something I can't help?? Everyone is out drinking and having a good time, IF i do go out i end up sitting in the corner because i can't eat or drink anything other than water without having the rush to the toilet.I can't see things getting better. It seems as though they will only get worse. There are so many things I want to do in life, have a good job, finish my degree, travel and see the world but I can't see myself doing any of that at the moment. I feel as though I'm going to be confined to a ###### life of eating tasteless food, hardly leaving the house and constantly worrying about where the nearest toilet is. I don't even feel as though I can tell anyone, I'm too embarassed!! I don't want this to ruin my life but at the moment it's completely controlling it. I just want it all to stop.


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

> I can't see things getting better. It seems as though they will only get worse.


_Of course _things can get better. It is all how one thinks about it isn't it? I find negative thinking leads to more negative thinking. And conversely positive thinking leads to more positive. Many people find symptom management, whcih , yes, WILL take perhaps MUCH trial and error... but it isn't impossible. Or for others, their IBS symptoms just seem to resolve on their own. There is MUCH to be hopeful about so try not to be overly discouraged... as that won't help you feel any better and might even make you feel worse.Try to keep good thoughts going...


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## Chic_Icelander (Dec 28, 2009)

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 19 also and I can't even get myself to go to college because of my IBS. I can't go outside of the house for long because I ironically have a fear of using public bathrooms along with the IBS but if it's an emergency I'll force myself to use the restroom. Because of my IBS I had to be homeschooled for the last 2 1/2 years of my high school career, missing out on tons of fun and new opportunities. You're not alone. It took me years to overcome the embarrassment of IBS and I would make up so many excuses as to why I didn't want to hang out with my friends, why I never ate when I was out in public, etc. A few months ago I ended up telling my friends the truth and they all accepted it. They didn't laugh at me but are instead helping me with this. I also told my boyfriend and he is very accepting and helpful. If you open up about it, you might find that it helps. I wish you the best.


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## claire_louise (Dec 8, 2009)

I know how you feel too. I've just turned 24 and have suffered horribly for the past 3 years, the only difference being that my IBS is constipation predominant. I can no longer work and am doing a degree part-time from home, although I'll be finished with that in the summer and have no idea where to go after that. All I can say is that BQ is right - despite having days when I feel suicidal I do still have hope that eventually I will find something to help me. The good thing about IBS is that there are countless treatment options and there are always new drugs coming out. The trick is to find a really good doctor (preferably at a decent hospital) who will stick with you until you find the right treatment. I really do wish you all the luck in the world - please don't give up.


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## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

My problems started when I was in my early twenties and it totally changed my life. I totally understand how you feel as it so hard to deal with. I did find that once I opened up and told a few people (at the time I was devastated to have to do this) it did makes this better for me actually. I wish I had done that sooner. I tried to hide it all for so long that I ended up getting more stressed out about than if people I worked with and my friends new from the beginning. Because I didn't confide in anyone it took me years to even get to the doctors, so my advice would be to tell those closest to you. Be open and tell them what the problem is. I basically became a recluse and turned down my friends everytime they asked me anywhere that in the end they didn't bother any more. They assumed I just didn't want to go out with them anymore. I stupidly thought everyone would work it out - but I guess I did too good a job hiding it. Make sure you go to the doctors and tell them that this is totally causing havoc with your life and they'll try to help you. Tell your college teachers exactly what the problem is and they will help you. I SO wish I had been honest but it isn't very attractive is it especially when you are young. That is my biggest regret and now I am older I would definitely do things differently. If you see a doctor there are tablets that can help your diarrhea so that getting out can be a bit easier for you. I really feel for you because I know how alone I felt with it all. I honestly thought I was the only person in the world with this so you're doing better than I was already. Claire


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## PrettySickly (Jul 14, 2011)

Its so weird how we all go through the same things but feel so alone! I first got terrible IBS when I was 19 and in my 2nd year of college. I felt the same way; I didn't drink, smoke, or treat people badly. Why me? I just graduated after three years (two with IBSD). Many things were difficult but parties are pretty easy to navigate compared to the rest. Here are a few things I learned about parties. When everyone is drunk, they don't really notice if you've been in the bathroom for 1 or 10 minutes. I often passed off having to run to the bathroom urgently and many times on the alcohol (which I didn't drink) and people never noticed because they were intoxicated and overwhelmed.The loud music is also really nice to cover up anything. When people asked why or bothered me about it I would say it hurt my stomach, which is so much less awkward than saying it gives me diarrhea. If people are paying attention and you feel pressure, fake it. Take tiny sips, then take your cup to the restroom and pour it out. Also bowel movements are much less common between 10 PM-8AM due to sleep schedule. Even though sometimes this doesn't apply to us IBSD sufferers, it always makes me feel a bit better about going out at night. I hope this helps a little. You deserve a college experience, even if you have to alter it a little.


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## CatherineKK (Jul 14, 2011)

Wow, i honestly never realised how many people have to suffer with this horrid syndrome...







I have IBS - PI according to my doctor, but only from last year, and i would give my left kidney away just to be able to lead a normal life againWat makes mine worse, is i am always trying to make excuses for why i am feeling "sick" and have "to go" all the time...i do it automatically because i am so embarrased to have to tell someone what i have one or two of my good friends know and they are really understanding but it is the people that dont understand that really just make it worse.I find that the more i think about it (which is incredibly hard not to.........) it makes it so much worse. But i do have those infrequent times in my life that i dont have any symptoms and i actually feel so much better. but those times are fewThe only hope that i have is the current herbal stuff that im taking, no more nice things in my diet and the near lost hope that IBS-PI can sometimes go away.I am always trying to be positive whenever i can, and i often talk about it with my two close friends. It really helps to have people who understand...and a toilet nearby...


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## Aerrow (Jun 27, 2011)

We all feel that way hun, but IBS is not a bad person's disease, it is not God punishing people for their sins, no matter how much it feels that way. This is a horrible freak of nature that many of us wish to stop, I'm 21 and having trouble too. They say that you can manage, and most can, with work and resolve but it can only take us so far. In my opinion, this is worse than cancer or HIV because with IBS there is no end in sight, ther is only living one day after another in fear that you will feel the pain again. The compensation with cancer and HIV is that it will, eventually, end, one way or another. We're stuck with this for the rest of our lives. On that note if there are any medical researchers reading these posts, in case you didnt get the message: "HELP US! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CURE US!!! WE CANT GO ON LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER!!!"


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## Jayufr6d54dsed (Jul 19, 2011)

Ah! I feel the frustration guys, I'm fairly certain my IBS is hereditary as everyone in my family has had gut problems and my sister had leaky gut (if anyone is unsure of what this is i recommend looking it up as it's a common offshoot of IBS) I'm 20 and have had these symptoms for years but in the past 3 years it's gotten pretty horrid







I had to quit my job and give up leaving the house pretty much, university starts soon and it's pretty daunting considering I don't know if i can leave the house without feeling sick or being in crippling pain. I think the worst thing is not being able to feel independent because i can't work and earn money, i just feel guilty and whenever i get called out on it I can't really explain why because honestly, who's gonna take IBS as an excuse when most people have absolutely no idea what it's like?I understand the embarrassment too, I was really sick just yesterday and ended up at hospital with my boyfriend who was present whilst the doctor was talking to me about all sorts of terribly embarrassing things! What I will say though is that people are pretty understanding about things like this, we've all got our issues and people do understand we do not live in movieworld and every now and then embarrassing illnesses destroy our lives. It's actually an incredibly good learning exercise in trying to be more relaxed and accepting of the fact that you need to look after yourself. Also, the absolute worst thing for IBS seems to be stress so we shouldn't have to be embarrassed and stress about that too! The best thing I find is to remind myself that all my idealistic/perfectionist views on how I should be are not true to who I am and honestly it doesn't matter, IBS isn't my life. It might dictate a lot of what I can and can't do but as long as i keep doing everything I can to look after my physical and mental wellbeing there's a light at the end of the tunnel


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## brm89 (Jul 21, 2011)

fedup123 said:


> I am getting so incredibly tired and depressed about this stupid illness. I can't remember the last day when I didn't have pain or some kind of problem with going to the toilet. I'm 19 and at college, these should be the best days of my life! I've been having pain and problems since I was about 12 and I really don't know what I have done to deserve this. I'm a good person! and I've never abused my body I've always looked after it!The worst thing is, I know my life could be so good if it wasn't for this. I have a wonderful boyfriend and great friends but i'm drifting apart from everyone. I've been too scared to leave the house for the last 3 months because of this terrible D and pain. I can't stand to have my boyfriend touch me and I can't bring myself to tell him why either because I feel so embarassed. And what's even stupider is I know I shouldn't be embarassed! Why should I be embarassed about something I can't help?? Everyone is out drinking and having a good time, IF i do go out i end up sitting in the corner because i can't eat or drink anything other than water without having the rush to the toilet.I can't see things getting better. It seems as though they will only get worse. There are so many things I want to do in life, have a good job, finish my degree, travel and see the world but I can't see myself doing any of that at the moment. I feel as though I'm going to be confined to a ###### life of eating tasteless food, hardly leaving the house and constantly worrying about where the nearest toilet is. I don't even feel as though I can tell anyone, I'm too embarassed!! I don't want this to ruin my life but at the moment it's completely controlling it. I just want it all to stop.


I know how you feel and I have been there. I am 21 years old and got this problem when I was very young, around 6 years old I started to get sick. For years my parents tried to tell me I made up my illness to get out of school. I would take a box of immodium a day every day to try to go to school and I still got really bad D. When I turned 17 I got put on Lomotil and it was like the miracle drug. As long as I took my medicine I had almost no symptoms. Now I am 21 and having some problems again but I am not sure if it is IBS related or something else since I just had a hernia surgery not long ago. You may want to try Lomotil because you sound exactly how I sounded. You shouldn't drink however on the medicine because it messes you up bad when taken with alcohol. Talk to your doctor about Lomotil if you haven't tried it. Good luck hun!


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## Kirballsorts (Sep 5, 2010)

If you live in the UK, its really easy to find Diocalm, pretty much everywhere, and its not really that expensive, like £3-4 for a pack of 18 (you have to take at least 2 for an attack, and only 6 in 24 hours, so enough for 3 attacks) its worked really well for me, been using it for years, but it is a medicine that the more you use it, the less effective it is, so i may have to change medicine soon, fingers crossed i dont, as the big bonus of this medicine.... you are allowed to drink alcohol!!!! yay! lolthere are no warning against drinking alcohol, and ive never noticed anything, and i have taken 6 tablets whilst drinking. so there are some alternative medicines that allow you to drink alcohol, although i understand if you dont want to try them, as if you have something that works, you dont want to risk changing it. (im the same lol)Also, pro-biotic yoghurt drinks really seem to help me. (like actimel, etc)i find that 1 a day helps sooo much, i went on holiday for 2 weeks and couldnt find any, and ended up having an attack, 10 days out of the 14. I came back, started drinking them again, and the attacks instantly reduced, and were not as painful.I hope this helps, i mean im 18 and i understand trying to balance having a good time with managing your IBS, we shouldnt have to, but this is sort of the what we've got to deal with for the rest of our lives, just take it one day at a time, theres so much to live for, and a little pain and embarrassment should not be allowed to interfere with your life. at least, thats what i try to think. Be positive







, life is so great, no matter the pain x


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