# Suicidal thoughts



## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Is it just me, or does anyone have these thoughts? IBS has ruined my life. I feel that I cannot do anything in life. It's like I'm a living dead. House bound, jobless and living in constant fear of having diarrhea.


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## twonK (Oct 30, 2006)

substitute C for D but otherwise, yes. Are you seeing a PDoc or taking meds? They can help.


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## ShaneM (Nov 12, 2014)

Irritable Bowel Syndrome is definitely not a fun condition to have; but at the same time nor is it even close to a reason to consider suicide. Having lived with extremely severe Irritable Bowel Syndrome since I was 12 all the way throughout middle school and high school, I'm fairly accustomed to how difficult it is to live with. Now, in 2013 I also developed chronic bilateral hand pain - which has stopped me from using my hands for everything that I love to do. I can tell you, from the perspective of someone who has had both conditions, that the chronic pain in my hands is at least 3 times worse than having Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I can't do anything at all, I have to type this with voice recognition software, and even if I'm not homebound by Ibs there's no way to function in society without using your hands.

As depressing as this is, the point I'm getting at is that I have never had any suicidal thoughts nor would I ever; and my position is worse than yours. The end of your life is not something you should ever consider in any situation; you should spend the time that you spend considering that instead researching ways to either improve or cure your condition. If you believe those thoughts originate from a mental disorder then try to seek out psychotherapy.


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## twonK (Oct 30, 2006)

> Irritable Bowel Syndrome is definitely not a fun condition to have; but at the same time nor is it even close to a reason to consider suicide.





> As depressing as this is, the point I'm getting at is that I have never had any suicidal thoughts nor would I ever; and my position is worse than yours.


"my pain is worse than yours and I'm not suicidal" is not useful input.

Also, how can you say you'll never have any such thoughts? Not everyone has cast-iron control over the things that pop up in their brains. I for example have OCD. I have OCD about suicide, to be precise. Are you saying that I "shouldn't" have these thoughts? In the same way, "shouldn't" you just not have IBS pain?


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## acureisoutthere (Jun 28, 2014)

Jill83,

Please listen : you CAN fix this. It is being done. It works.

http://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/topic/243081-i-recently-fixed-my-ibs-d-its-gone/

Don't ever give up please. You can beat this !

trying to help


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## StopTheMadness (Aug 12, 2015)

hmm when you're having an episode .. and you start to realize that this episodes are becoming frequent .. the invebitable questions always pops out .. the questions are "is it life always going to be like this?", "is it worth to live like this?", and the answer (between our frustration and panic) is "if life is this then its simply not worth it".

Whenever i have an episode i feel completely lost in the world .. i ask myself "why is this happening to me?" .. so yes suicidal thoughts i hate to admit it but are quite frequent while and right before having an episode .. whenever i have this thoughts i instantly think of my sister and my mother .. think of someone really important in your life .. suicide its a very selfish action .. think of something/someone bigger and more important than your condition .. try to block at all cost this thoughts .. IBS can tear apart my way of living .. but i refuse to let it beat my life .. at least i think this way .. till my next episode..

If im not being positive im truly sorry .. but IBS sure isnt positive .. try to be strong .. all of you that suffer from this .. my thoughts are with all of you

STM **


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## ShaneM (Nov 12, 2014)

twonK said:


> "my pain is worse than yours and I'm not suicidal" is not useful input.
> 
> Also, how can you say you'll never have any such thoughts? Not everyone has cast-iron control over the things that pop up in their brains. I for example have OCD. I have OCD about suicide, to be precise. Are you saying that I "shouldn't" have these thoughts? In the same way, "shouldn't" you just not have IBS pain?


I know I will never have such thoughts because I place an undeniable value on my life which I would never give up regardless of what hardships come my way. If I were to ever have suicidal thoughts, I would've had them already with the situation I'm in. Also, I have far from cast iron control over what comes into my mind. I suffered from horrible OCD for 4 years; I showered 3 times a day an hour each, constantly washed my hands, and would repeat actions hundreds to thousands of times because my mind would tell me something horrible would happen if I didn't. Not to mention I have a ridiculous amount of anxiety at all times, there's never a moment where I'm not on edge, tense, or sweating. I realize that suicidal thoughts may not be something you can avoid; just like when I had OCD they may overtake your mind and engulf you. The part that bothers me is that people ever truly consider taking their lives. When I had OCD thoughts were always constantly there that were suicidal; thoughts like "it would be easier if I died because I wouldn't have to deal with this unbelievable anxiety." - But I never ever gave these thoughts any ground to stand on. The whole purpose of living is to stay alive, you're trying to avoid death; being homebound by IBS will not kill you, IBS will not kill you, so why would you let it? What I found with OCD and anxiety is the more ground you give the thoughts, the more you focus on them and consider them to be possibilities, the worse they get. You can't ever let your thoughts control you, when it's you who's in control. This is difficult to do, I know - but it's how I have beaten severe OCD 2 times now without anyone else's intervention.

I suggest the OP of this thread seeks help for dealing with these thoughts; and does what they can to overcome them. Your life has an undeniable value and it should be the most important thing to you, don't take it from yourself; protect it and do everything in your capability to better the situation which is bringing about those thoughts.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

I know that I should not have these thoughts, I know that there are people in this world who are in a worse condition than me and I try and rationalize that I have been given this life and as long as I'm breathing, I have to fight and survive. But once the flare up starts and the panic, the pain, the embarassment, the feelings of self-pity and sadness, that I lose all hope. All positive thoughts are drained down the toilet. And I feel, is this life, is this how I'm going to live, till one day I die friendless and without money? It feels like a dark cloud has decended on me and it is choking me. I'm sorry I don't want to depress anyone, but I had to share this


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## ShaneM (Nov 12, 2014)

It's not that you shouldn't have the thoughts; the thoughts are what they are, they aren't bad or dangerous. I still have OCD thoughts quite frequently, it's just that they no longer bother me. Also take some time to sit back and realize that IBS is not a chronic debilitating condition - there are hopes for a cure, and there are an abundance of diets and life changes one can try to improve the problem. Regardless though I do understand, when OCD was at its worse for me I would lie on my bed crippled by the thoughts and had no way to combat them. The problem here is I'm not sure what to say; no one around me was able to help me relieve myself of these obsessive thoughts. No matter what others told me, or what advice I got online or in the real world in the end it all came down to a battle within my own mind that no one else could have helped me with. Try this, when the suicidal thoughts come about - take 3 deep breaths, ignore the thoughts completely and clear your mind, then throw yourself into something that takes your full attention. If you completely disregard the thoughts, after a while they give up - and then after a longer while you no longer care about them. It's extremely difficult to do, but it's the best advice I could possibly give you.


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## ShaneM (Nov 12, 2014)

Also, I want to let you know that there is definitely hope for completely and entirely resolving ibs. More and more research is going into fecal matter transplants; and I've heard countless stories of said procedure entirely resolving ibs. I'm personally undertaking the same procedure, and you can follow my progress regarding that  here. I'm afraid I can't vouch for this procedure until I have done it myself, but I do suggest researching it.


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## Karenab (Aug 14, 2015)

Yes. Many, many, times over the last 30 years, since initial onset. Like you, I felt that it ruined my life, and that I never had a life because of it; which made me very bitter, as well, as I grew older. Couldn't travel, couldn't participate in activities. Couldn't even go out to dinner, or to the grocery, or to my children's sports or music activities without destroying myself. Had to live on bottles of Imodium each day, and keep a couple of change of clothes with me at all times. And the effect that it had on my marriage and intimacy,...eventually caused me to end it.

But doctor after doctor, one test after another, there was never an answer or a solution. And it caused depressions that were so bad that I could barely function for days at a time, several times every month. But, I kept going. I taught pre-school for 20 years, and then for a major catalog retailer for seven more afterwards - enabled, only because I always had close access to a bathroom.

The causes are different or unknown for each of us. But for me, finally, after seeing one more Gastro doctor last year and describing my symptoms of daily, watery, bright-yellow, mucousy diarrhea, for the umpteenth time, she actually listened and had me tested for a bile disorder and placed me on Cholestyramine Resin. It has not cured me, but it has made a monumental impact on my life in that I no longer deal with a watery diarrhea. Because of the thickening of the bowel movements, I now have a more "normal" sensation of having to go, with time to get to a restroom.

And because of the improved quality of my life, I began seeing a therapist for the depressions and the other issues that IBS-D had caused for me. Now, I feel that life is worth living, and I look forward to this new chapter in my life and many new adventures, and perhaps, finding love again.

So hang in there. It's NOT over.


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## indigoshade022 (Jun 10, 2015)

Yes I also have dark thoughts when it's particularly bad, but I have to say that it stems from my depression. I see people my age having fun and living their life as 20-something year olds. I need to lie down most of the time so the pain is bearable and people see me as lazy. The anxiety caused by the fear of IBS accidents and the fear of 'THE pain' makes everything even worse and triggers yet another flare up. The vicious circle goes on and on and I can't even imagine what life without that would be like. I don't remember what it's like to feel 'free' and to feel happiness and I know that if I hadn't got IBS, my depression would probably be a lot better. The fact that I have to hide this bowel condition and act normal when I really am not, is simply tiring. The prejudice, the fact that people see anything bowel-related as 'icky' and disgusting makes me feel even worse.

But I do not give up, and I find myself feeling better knowing that there are other people like me who hang onto life.


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## Leo41 (Dec 13, 2010)

When this gets really bad, and hits daily I think most people will at least have those thoughts creeping in, I know I have.

The thing for me is pain in the guts changes you. I mean if my hand was killing me from an injury it would hurt, but I could deal with it. Chronic stabbing spasming cramps in the guts with painfull D just make you want to die. When this is consistent it takes you to a dark place.

I was there. Thing is it does change, this comes and goes. I have researched and tried things to the point where I am much better than I was. A 4 month IBS flare forced me to lose weight, which I now carry on, and unbelievably am weightlifting again.


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## twonK (Oct 30, 2006)

I don't want to know the number of nights where I've just gone to bed at 8pm because I'm just exhausted, bored and sick of being in pain. It would be great if we could all find things that help.


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## acureisoutthere (Jun 28, 2014)

Dr Thomas Borody reports that he has had reversal of symptoms in patients with depression, Autism, chronic fatigue syndrome, Chron's , and IBS. The procedure he uses is a fecal microbiome transplant.

It works.

There is hope.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thanks everyone. It's comforting to have so much support on this forum


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## Coldspace (Aug 24, 2015)

You are not allone, sometimes i have suicidal thoughts too. I Think its normal, but i belive in that day when i get healthy and i will do everything for it.


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## I can't stop pooping (Jun 13, 2015)

I'm sorry about people saying you shouldn't be having those thoughts, when your ibs is so bad, i think it's natural.. I'm 17, live with chronic pain, severe ibs-d, ocd, depression, and i have no friends... and i get bullied constantly... HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SUICIDAL?!?!?!?!? I mean... i've gotten all the help i can get.. and i'm still like this, i'm not even allowed to see a stomach doctor till i'm 18, and i was denied service for my terrible ocd.. now i'm even more messed up. People like me, and anyone else with ibs or any other problems deserve to feel suicidal, it's not right, and it sucks, but it's mean to say you shouldn't be feeling like that and "oh i never have, and never will" it sounds so patronizing... I just want all of these horrible illnesses to be figured out.


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## marleyma (Aug 13, 2014)

You are not alone. It's very hard (for myself) to combat these thoughts. Dealing with this 24/7 is mentally and physically draining. All I know is when it is our time, we will know.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

I am trying to take each day as it comes, but it's getting difficult


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

I am on the same boat as you......Suicidal thoughts act like a soldier carrying a machine gun on the street and force all the pedestrians(normal thoughts) away from your brain......They just keep creeping up in your mind unless you find something really funny that can divert your sadness......


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## Goutham (Oct 28, 2015)

Hi friends I am 25 and I have IBS-D from 2 years and every day I am using loperamide tablet since 8 months , unable to control my bowel movements ,suicide thought is coming because I cant leave the home due to the motions 5 times per a day and unable to do the job also pls help me just message to WhatsApp number +919966512528


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## AnnaIreland (Oct 4, 2015)

having regular diarrhoea is going to effect your mood. And your basically shitting out all the nutrients. Food is passing through your system so fast it's not being properly absorbed or broken down. So all those mood boosting vitamins, minerals are a waste. Its a vicious cycle..because you're going to feel low from the effects it has on your life. But there are some ways to improve this. Eat light and often. Consider making nutrient rich smoothies/juices so they're easily absorbed..nothing too sweet in the fruit department..think berries like blueberries, raspberries, strawberries. Research various smoothie recipes that are ok for ibs-d. Exercise to boost mood also..start off light. Take a B vitamin complex and vitamin D.

relationships are important for your happiness too..reach out to friends, get one of them to call over for a tea and a chat. Or call or text message..keep those links open, they're important. With some guidelines you can help yourself. I also strongly recommend a therapist and nutrionist.

the best of luck. You can do it.


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