# It's taking over my LIFE



## ERC399 (Sep 3, 2011)

Hello. I am 100% new here and have been battling IBS since I was 17 in high school. It was my senior year and when my parents divorce hit an all time low that's when my symptoms began. It seemed like once I realized that I could have a problem that it all started. I began to get nervous in class that I might have to go and then I would get embarrassed and that thought has carried me into adulthood. My IBS is at it's worst when I go somewhere and I have the fear of having to go in a public restroom that is not 1. large 2. have doors from floor to ceiling and 3. where a lot of women will be inside. The fear of being in there and someone knowing what I'm up to or seeing me exit or hearing me makes me nervous and as soon as I get to the place I have to go it hits! And of course I end up having my fears actually happen. It's a wicked psychological cycle that has stopped me from going to bars, clubs, certain restaurants and even simple trips to Target or the grocery store. I've had problems at my nephew's soccer game because the bathrooms are park bathrooms. I currently have a beautiful 2 and a half year old and I try to not let it stop me from doing the things I want her to experience. There was a time when it hit and we had to go home early and I cried because I felt like it was now interfering with her experience in life and it's not fair to her. I live in a constant bubble of fear and nerves that I might have to poop that it literally is making me sick/nauseous and antisocial. I'm almost 29 and I feel like all through my twenties I never did anything. I never went out and had fun like most twenty year olds because I was scared that I might have to poop and someone would know it was me who did it. I have a fear of pooping in public places and getting caught or blamed I guess. I have had 1 and a half ovaries taken out of my body and I have had borderline ovarian cancer. I have been through all of that and being told I may not have a child to getting pregnant 2 months after surgery and yet I cant handle or live with IBS. Also the oncologist said he thinks that the borderline cancer could have made my IBS worse for years. I am addicted to Imodium. It's my lively hood. I used to feel more confident when I took it but now I still get sick and nervous knowing I just took 2 capsules and should be fine. When that happens I get the IBS cramps but no poop which makes me not want to eat. I feel too sick to even eat. I no longer enjoy eating out. I've become a homebody. I have had doctors tell me to take Beano, Metamucil and even at the age of 22 I had a colonoscopy because the IBS would wake me literally out of my sleep. The Imodium works for a day and a half to two days now and sometimes I'm so backed up that once I get through the normal "poop" I get to the diarrhea and it's the worst gas pains and bathroom experience. I've had a child and sometimes this bathroom experience feels worse. The cramps/gas is unbearable and I usually end up in the bathroom for an hour in pain crying. I'm just sick and tired of it! I have no options for a real recovery that I know of. Everything triggers it. I'm lactose intolerant and any green veggie triggers it! Forget caffeine or coffee. Soda is out for me now. Fried foods is obviously out! Salads are out. If it isn't protein then my body wont accept it. What are you guys doing? Using? Any help or just advice on how to calm down? I feel like a ball of stress, nerves and fear every time I go anywhere!I've had docs want to prescribe me calmer's but then if I take them it goes on my medical record and guess what psychological meds can make your insurance more expensive so I refuse them. Anyway thanks for reading this long rant/story! Any advice or support would be great because I need to feel like I'm not alone in this anymore. No one understands in a sense of relating to me and I feel alone and embarrassed. It's stopping me from truly living and experiencing things and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of IBS controlling my life!


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## Anna Young (Sep 21, 2011)

ERC399 said:


> Hello. I am 100% new here and have been battling IBS since I was 17 in high school. It was my senior year and when my parents divorce hit an all time low that's when my symptoms began. It seemed like once I realized that I could have a problem that it all started. I began to get nervous in class that I might have to go and then I would get embarrassed and that thought has carried me into adulthood. My IBS is at it's worst when I go somewhere and I have the fear of having to go in a public restroom that is not 1. large 2. have doors from floor to ceiling and 3. where a lot of women will be inside. The fear of being in there and someone knowing what I'm up to or seeing me exit or hearing me makes me nervous and as soon as I get to the place I have to go it hits! And of course I end up having my fears actually happen. It's a wicked psychological cycle that has stopped me from going to bars, clubs, certain restaurants and even simple trips to Target or the grocery store. I've had problems at my nephew's soccer game because the bathrooms are park bathrooms. I currently have a beautiful 2 and a half year old and I try to not let it stop me from doing the things I want her to experience. There was a time when it hit and we had to go home early and I cried because I felt like it was now interfering with her experience in life and it's not fair to her. I live in a constant bubble of fear and nerves that I might have to poop that it literally is making me sick/nauseous and antisocial. I'm almost 29 and I feel like all through my twenties I never did anything. I never went out and had fun like most twenty year olds because I was scared that I might have to poop and someone would know it was me who did it. I have a fear of pooping in public places and getting caught or blamed I guess. I have had 1 and a half ovaries taken out of my body and I have had borderline ovarian cancer. I have been through all of that and being told I may not have a child to getting pregnant 2 months after surgery and yet I cant handle or live with IBS. Also the oncologist said he thinks that the borderline cancer could have made my IBS worse for years. I am addicted to Imodium. It's my lively hood. I used to feel more confident when I took it but now I still get sick and nervous knowing I just took 2 capsules and should be fine. When that happens I get the IBS cramps but no poop which makes me not want to eat. I feel too sick to even eat. I no longer enjoy eating out. I've become a homebody. I have had doctors tell me to take Beano, Metamucil and even at the age of 22 I had a colonoscopy because the IBS would wake me literally out of my sleep. The Imodium works for a day and a half to two days now and sometimes I'm so backed up that once I get through the normal "poop" I get to the diarrhea and it's the worst gas pains and bathroom experience. I've had a child and sometimes this bathroom experience feels worse. The cramps/gas is unbearable and I usually end up in the bathroom for an hour in pain crying. I'm just sick and tired of it! I have no options for a real recovery that I know of. Everything triggers it. I'm lactose intolerant and any green veggie triggers it! Forget caffeine or coffee. Soda is out for me now. Fried foods is obviously out! Salads are out. If it isn't protein then my body wont accept it. What are you guys doing? Using? Any help or just advice on how to calm down? I feel like a ball of stress, nerves and fear every time I go anywhere!I've had docs want to prescribe me calmer's but then if I take them it goes on my medical record and guess what psychological meds can make your insurance more expensive so I refuse them. Anyway thanks for reading this long rant/story! Any advice or support would be great because I need to feel like I'm not alone in this anymore. No one understands in a sense of relating to me and I feel alone and embarrassed. It's stopping me from truly living and experiencing things and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of IBS controlling my life!


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

ERC try adding something _to_ what you are already doing with the imodium. Like look at "Linda's Calcium" thread thumbtacked to the top of this forum.People find that a combination of treatments working together helps best.


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