# IBS and depression



## mxajxa21xx (11 mo ago)

I've been suffering from IBS (uncontrollable gas) for almost 2 years. 

I am so restricted in my life. Everything feels heavy and on bad days I already start crying while getting ready for school because I don't know how to get through the day. Going to school with IBS is challenging. I've been missing a lot of classes since December and my grades are dropping. I'm trying though. I really am. I wish people would see how much. A boy in my class called me lazy. As if it was fun ruining my grades and skipping school, knowing it will only cause more problems.

In my flat (I moved in 2 weeks ago, this should be a happy time and not depressing), I mostly stay in the bathroom (to keep the smell there) I basically sit on the floor with my blanket and pillow. I literally sleep in the bathtub because I don't dare to sleep in my actual room. I'm constantly anxious about my neighbors noticing. It's not just all in my head. I mean I know I smell, I must, with the (nearly constant) gas problem. And let me tell you, I am so ashamed. 

I hide away in my tiny bathroom, unable to meet friends, often unable to go out. I miss my old life before the IBS. And I wish I had appreciated my health. I know I need to improve my diet, but I feel so lost. As soon as my stomach feels good for like two seconds, I seem to forget about the mental hell my symptoms will cause.Times like this make me realize just how badly I DO want to live, but can't. Or I wan't to fall asleep and not wake up. Preferably, I want my life back. 

I'm in therapy and my therapist knows and she sees how I'm struggling. She tries to encourage me with saying we'll run every test possible to sort out the mess in my digestive system. I am aware that there is no magic cure for this. And my diet has to be well. My bad coping mechanisms have to stop for good. After all, my IBS started when I was abusing drugs and got stuck in an Eating Disorder. Sometimes I dread to fall asleep because the morning comes so fast and at the same time, I want to escape reality. I know there are better days. I know there are good days. I'm awake and I'm already exhausted. It seems so ridiculous, all of this just because of my gas, yet it steals away the years that are supposed to be my best. I'm only 18.

I dreamed of living alone for so long and now I can't even be happy about it. Everything is closing in on me. I don't want to die. I KNOW there is so much more to my life. I'm so young and yet I feel so fed up with life. I can't talk about it as it's embarassing and no one would get it. When my gas is bad, I don't even leave the bathroom. 

I never had much self confidence and if I had, my IBS crushed it. I'm afraid to hope because I'm afraid to lose it and I'm afraid of not having any options anymore. 

I'm currently waiting for my anti-depressants to hit in (was dumb enough to stop taking them in December). Maybe it's the 'it gets worse before it gets better'. But even if they work again, I won't be happy as long as I have this problem. I'm scared. I'm so scared. What if there is no solution? What if I can't be cured? I don't want a life like this. And I wish my brain would finally decide what side to pick because hanging between wanting to give up and wanting to live is so exhausting.

I'm holding on. I've gone through so much worse, I can't give up now. Sometimes I got hope and think I can take it. On other days I feel hopeless.

I'm sorry, this got really long, but I needed to get it off my chest. Even if no one will read it. And if somebody does and relates to my story, at least you know you're not alone.


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## Silviegee (Jan 12, 2021)

I am so sorry you feel like this sweetheart.
I am nearly 69 so old enough to be your gran! and can relate to much of what you tell me you feel.

I am glad you have a therapist working with you. She sounds very nice and very thorough. Don't give up hope of her being able to help you.

I have a homeopath working with me, and have noticed some changes over the two plus years of my IBS. I am no way out of the woods yet, but there have been some good "normal" times.

Don't worry about a long post. Personally, I like a good read, of how someone is feeling.

Yes, IBS can certainly get us down. I get the same thing with mornings. I go to bed feeling okay and wake up feeling uneasy, farting all over the place, and have loose bm's. (most days anyway.) I absolutely hate mornings because what's going on in my gut affects my state of mind and it can make me feel weird mentally and sad etc.

It's only my "soldier on" stoical survival mechanism that keeps me going, turning on the radio to cheer me up, getting on with my daily routines, putting a bit of make up on, checking out the garden, feeding the birds, calling my friends, going out for a walk, etc.

Obviously some foods make a gassy belly worse...cauliflower, lentils, beans and broccoli and brussels sprouts spring to mind! And my downfall is fizzy mineral water. I am addicted to it but that might surely not help.

I don't know if you drink fizzy drinks, but if you do, that might be partly to blame for your gassiness? Cheese can sometimes cause that too, I find (but I love cheese.) I wonder if the low FODMAP diet might help you?

I am lucky in that all the gas that comes out of me when I wake up has no smell at all. It just seems like air and I just feel like a balloon that has deflated.
I had smellier farts years ago when I felt fit and well and DIDN'T have IBS! My dog and I had farting contests under the duvet! haha

At least I completely understand because I get dark feelings too, and scared sometimes. Not of me being seriously ill, because the tests say I'm not. But of always feeling this way and never being able to trust my body and live like I used to in a more carefree way.

One homeopathic remedy which helped me with the gassiness a bit (given to me by my practitioner) was CARBO VEG 30C. But it didn't completely cure it. I have learned to live with it. I let 'em rip when I wake up. I'm fine and can handle that so long as my gut isn't too loose and I don't feel weary and unwell. But I don't share a flat with other people. I can understand you finding that embarrassing.


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## mxajxa21xx (11 mo ago)

Thank you so much for answering! It's really relieving to see people who understand you when you don't know anyone in 'real life' suffering from this condition.

Yesterday was a better day. The usual anxiety, but thank god, my mood wasn't as low as the day before. It scares me how dark everything can get sometimes. 

I don't drink a lot of fizzy drinks but as mentioned my diet is not good. I don't eat before school to not trigger symptoms (not like they can be prevented)
So often when I come home, I'm very hungry and don't make the best decisions regarding food. It's frustrating since it makes my symptoms even worse. 

The first time I went to see a doctor was already in 2020. I had a few appointments and we ran some tests. I would have continued the testing if they hadn't sent me away with pointing out how young I was and that it was IBS and they couldn't really help me.

Certainly, it's an embarassing problem. It was hard enough to do the first step and I was so discouraged.

My therapist recently motivated me to try again and recommended a doctor who appears to be far more empathetic about my situation. I'll keep my fingers crossed that she won't 'give up' on me too.


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## Kenny (Jan 28, 2020)

mxajxa21xx said:


> Thank you so much for answering! It's really relieving to see people who understand you when you don't know anyone in 'real life' suffering from this condition.
> 
> Yesterday was a better day. The usual anxiety, but thank god, my mood wasn't as low as the day before. It scares me how dark everything can get sometimes.
> 
> ...





mxajxa21xx said:


> I've been suffering from IBS (uncontrollable gas) for almost 2 years.
> 
> I am so restricted in my life. Everything feels heavy and on bad days I already start crying while getting ready for school because I don't know how to get through the day. Going to school with IBS is challenging. I've been missing a lot of classes since December and my grades are dropping. I'm trying though. I really am. I wish people would see how much. A boy in my class called me lazy. As if it was fun ruining my grades and skipping school, knowing it will only cause more problems.
> 
> ...


I have the exact same problem as you , constant gas. I don't go out because of this . I hope knowing that you are not alone helps you. My IBS started when I was 26 , I am now 34. Hang in there , we are all in this together.


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## kennedyaut (8 mo ago)

Trust me you need to go through this, don't worry you are not first and you are not last, sometimes these hard situation happens with people, don't let this situation break you, use this as the way to improve. If you will feel like your depression evolves maybe is better to go to the medical center for some time and https://www.andalahealth.com/condition/treatment-resistant-depression/ stay where for some time. Im am sure that people around you doing everything to help you, you are not alone buddy!


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