# Really bad day...



## WhisperintheWind

I suffer from anxiety, depression, social anxiety, and IBS. The anxiety and depression started after my great-aunt died when I was 9. It went untreated, mainly because there were no noticeable symptoms. It really only emerged when I got picked on 5th-8th grade. I started to get social anxiety about school. When I was 14, I had strep, scarlet fever, a stomach virus, and mono all at once. This greatly increased my anxiety, and the strep spread to my stomach, which led to my IBS. The stomach condition was clearly worsened by anxiety. I was prescribed Zoloft for everything, Diazepam for panic attacks, and saw a therapist for about a year. He said I was good to go, yet he often spoke down to me, and that surely didn't help. Somehow, I made it through high school, graduating 3rd in my class, and I even played in a few rock bands. I started college on Monday. I was nervous, as was usual, but took half of my prescribed Diazepam and made it through, shaky.I don't even know what happened today...just awful. I was sitting in my Political Science class, the professor was just talking, so I was just sitting there...but the class was a bit hot....so I started getting a little messed up breathing-wise, so I was monitoring that, controlling it. I breathed in fine, but when I breathed out, it felt incomplete and...not right. I managed to hang in there for a half hour, but eventually I just had to get up and walked out...I just threw myself into a chair in the lobby and went through an entire panic attack...then I calmed down enough to go to math. I had to take a second half of a pill because the half I took 2 hours before I left clearly did nothing. I made it through math somehow, and walked around jelly-legged the rest of the day. I've had D since last Friday out of nerves and I'm on Zoloft. I just don't know what else to do and feel like I'm at wit's end, like I'm some sort of failure. I don't want to withdraw from school, especially in today's world, but I feel like I have a legitimate problem that's not seeming to get any better. I feel like I need to sit down with a doctor and explain my problems, since the Zoloft does not seem to be doing the job. I think I need something catered to anxiety, as my depression is minor in comparison. Also, Zoloft is sometimes prescribed for C-dominant IBS, whereas I have the D variety. I just don't know what else to do. I have 9 credits already, but still need a hell of a lot more for any sort of degree. What the hell do I do? Advice?


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## BQ

Hi and Welcome!








(Fair Warning: I'm the Mom of a kid who started College yesterday too....)Now.....Let me get this straight..... Today was your VERY _SECOND_ day of College...ever. You get there.... on time.... to your Poly Sci class. You begin to feel warm. You _notice_ your breathing is a bit off.So what do you do???You attempt to manage that symptom of anxiety! And>>>>>You are _successful_.. for an entire *30* minutes!!!!Yes... a whole Half Hour!!!!_That_, hon, is impressive! Please take a moment to allow that success to actually sink into your soul! You were a success right there today!Then you realize.. nope.. this is getting ahead of me.. I need to get out of here and be by myself. Very astute observation and good decision.You go out to the lobby and proceed to feel the anxiety all the way through. THEN though.... you CALM yourself down! You take the med. In other words... you manage your anxiety!Do you see that is what you have done? Because that is what you did! You managed it and talked yourself down! And you did so in enough time to get to your next class!AND then... you were able to attend that whole class!I hate to break it to you... but the way I see it.. YOU had a Very successful day today. Look Monday was rough.. it was your first day. And you managed. So... today..???? maybe your body had a delayed reaction to Monday. NO BIGGIE! And this doesn't necessarily mean the Valium did nothing. But perhaps you needed a FULL tablet while going through some very stressful days here. If the Valium (or diazepam) makes you feel too sleepy.... there ARE other doses or types of anti-anxiety meds to choose from.There are also other Anti Depressants to choose from. Some are better for D types...Discuss your meds with your Doc. And maybe make some changes there. Many folks have to road test a few different meds to find the ones that work best for them. So again.. no biggie to change yours and try something new.Hon.. you managed today and I'm proud of you. But truly... YOU need to be proud of you._You did it today *despite* the anxiety._Can ya cut yourself a little break here... don't be so hard on yourself.What do you do??? My advice??? First make an appointment to talk to your Doc about better medicine management. I truly think there are better options out there for ya.Second... think about your successes!Third.... get up and get yourself to class tomorrow... and the next day and the next. You can do it! You can do whatever you put your mind to!AND I wish you all the very best!BQPS Congrats on two very successful days of College!PSS ((((HUGS))))


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## M&M

Can't say it any better than BQ. I want to agree - it's important that you sit down and really give yourself credit for the fact that you got through the day, and even made it successfully through your classes. Totally agree too, call your doctor, if you don't feel "heard", ask around and find a new doctor. While I think you're managing beautifully, if you can find a way to get a bit more relief it would be even better for you.Nice job today! Keep hanging in there!


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## WhisperintheWind

Yesterday's success wasn't exactly repeated today.I woke up this morning feeling relatively calm and okay. I headed towards school, and as I pulled up in front of the school, I got hit with the panic attack. At the same time, my stomach starting cramping up too. I attempted to compose myself, and I attempted a half dozen times to get out of the car, but every time I did, it came back a bit stronger. I had to just turn around and go home. I had taken my diazepam, but it did nothing. I just couldn't do it and I feel horrible.At this point, it's obvious the Zoloft isn't working for me. I think I need something more tailored to anxiety. Today...just horrid, and I feel awful. I'm disappointed in myself, and I feel like I let my parents down, though they're supportive. I just don't know what to do--I'm going to try to talk to a doctor, to an academic advisor or something. I have to change something to fix this.I...don't know.


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## cherrypie09

Perhaps you could ask you doctor about Buspar, it is a tablet taken three time a day for anxiety, works similar to diazapam but not addictive like diazapam. and you take it regularly not as when needed.


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## BQ

(((Hugs)))This is a BIG week.. no? Starting college is nerve wracking for ANYone. Don't think for a minute that those sitting around you don't have inner engines revving on high as well. They may not show it.... but they are nervous and stressed too. You are not alone there.. by far. So try not to be so hard on yourself!Hey.. I _really_ think school is still possible for you and, obviously, so do you. That's why you are mentioning speaking with your Doc and advisor etc. Again those statements.. are manifestations of positive, constructive and productive thinking. Now, just convert them into actions. Be gentle with yourself...It may just take time for you to adjust to school. You might need to get on some better meds & perhaps get yourself back to a therapist or counselor etc. Remember...It's only day *3*.. try to relax and also try _real hard_ *not* to minimize the adjustment you all have to make when beginning Univ or College. It is a *big* adjustment! And you really didn't know WHAT you would need til you started... so now make that assessment and get the help you need. Think about it like the same as you would anything else you got in preparation for College. Like a back pack or whathaveyou. You get one that you think will be sufficient and you arrive at school only to find all of your texts will never fit in there. What do you do? You must get something else to help you carry your books.This really isn't any different:You thought your meds were ok... you thought you could do it (adjust to college) without any professional help... but maybe now that you have started... you see you may need to make some med changes and get some help. So... get about getting those things for yourself. You have the right mindset to succeed... you just may need to tap into some resources to help you do that. That's all.. nothing more sinister than that.You are the leader of your life. You have some long term goals you would like to achieve.You have shown you have the initiative. Now all it will take is getting some help from some good resources. Just because you think you are having a shaky start doesn't mean you won't finish strong! Take it a day at a time. And PLEASE take at least 5 minutes out of every day to focus soley on your successes.How about making some short-term goals for the rest of the week:Maybe tomorrow:Call the Doc to see about some better medicines. (While at the Docs or even on the phone with the office staff..Ask for referrals for some counselling perhaps to help you through this adjustment period.) FOCUS on successes for 5 minutes.Perhaps the day after:Speak to your College advisor. Let them know you are making plans to help yourself through this adjustment time and ask about any services they have or if they don't know.. where you can find out for yourself. FOCUS on your successes for 5 mintues. (Remember... 3rd in your class and all of that???? Hmm???








)You get the idea...







So all is not lost.. is it? You can do _this_! So get started on those short term goals and let us know how you do with the Doc and finding a therapist.All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

I have class again tomorrow and I'm going to do my best to get through it. When I get home, at 10:40, I'm going to call the doctor and schedule an appointment. I'm just going to try. The thing is, it's not like I just want to give up and not go. I genuinely have the ambition, it's just a matter of working through this.If tomorrow if still no good, I figure it might be a good idea to take a semester of medical leave to get this sorted. I've been living like this for too long. Anxiety and depression at age 8, IBS at 14.... I just want some sort of reprieve.I'm already getting anxious about careers! Writing and music, two things I'd love to do, both seem to be dead-ends, which is horrible. I...need to just take it a day at a time.And I most definitely owe all of you a word of thanks--support is the one thing we could all use and I appreciate it immensely.


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## BQ

> I'm just going to try.


 Exactly.. Just try.. that's all.


> The thing is, it's not like I just want to give up and not go. I genuinely have the ambition, it's just a matter of working through this.


Absolutely... I totally got that attitude from you fairly early on. And you know what?? I think you _will_ be able to work through it.


> If tomorrow if still no good, I figure it might be a good idea to take a semester of medical leave to get this sorted.


Um I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on you or tomorrow. See how you do after you see/talk to the Doc. I can't tell you how much a difference a simple medication change can make. I've witnessed this with my own eyes. Give yourself a break.. slow down a bit. Tomorrow will be whatever it is.You know when drop add ends. You know those deadlines at the Coll you are at...so give yourself at least til then or when you won't lose much $$ before deciding to pull out for a semster. Now if that deadline is like tomorrow.. sure... you might have to pull out in order to save your bucks and just take a semester to get yourself together. And begin again in Jan.BUT take it a day at a time like you said..... (Let's keep jobs and careers on the rear burner for now... plenty of time for that later!







It is just getting mostly your basics in the first two years.. so.. no rush!)At the end of the day... you _will_ eventually get your degree! I see that drive within you.. it will happen. And you will end up exactly where you are supposed to. It's all a journey... so enjoy the ride as much as you can. And it takes different things for each of us to find that enjoyment. So no comparing yourself to others.... promise? We are all unique. And so are our journeys.So keep us posted and know I'll be thinking of you over the next few.All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

BQ said:


> Exactly.. Just try.. that's all.Absolutely... I totally got that attitude from you fairly early on. And you know what?? I think you _will_ be able to work through it.Um I wouldn't put that kind of pressure on you or tomorrow. See how you do after you see/talk to the Doc. I can't tell you how much a difference a simple medication change can make. I've witnessed this with my own eyes. Give yourself a break.. slow down a bit. Tomorrow will be whatever it is.You know when drop add ends. You know those deadlines at the Coll you are at...so give yourself at least til then or when you won't lose much $$ before deciding to pull out for a semster. Now if that deadline is like tomorrow.. sure... you might have to pull out in order to save your bucks and just take a semester to get yourself together. And begin again in Jan.BUT take it a day at a time like you said..... (Let's keep jobs and careers on the rear burner for now... plenty of time for that later!
> 
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> 
> 
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> It is just getting mostly your basics in the first two years.. so.. no rush!)At the end of the day... you _will_ eventually get your degree! I see that drive within you.. it will happen. And you will end up exactly where you are supposed to. It's all a journey... so enjoy the ride as much as you can. And it takes different things for each of us to find that enjoyment. So no comparing yourself to others.... promise? We are all unique. And so are our journeys.So keep us posted and know I'll be thinking of you over the next few.All the bestBQ


Thank you BQ. Your words, as well as the words of the rest of this community have helped me immensely. You must be a terrific parent. My mother is very supportive, patient, and understanding as well, and it is an incredible blessing. Your children (if you have more than the son you had mentioned) are incredibly lucky to have someone like yourself for a parent, as I know I'm very fortunate to have an angel for a mother.The reason I come to the forum is because of my wide range of ailments. My mother has gone through anxiety, but it didn't hit her until the last few years. (She's 55 at present). I've been having the anxiety since I was 8, and add in the depression and IBS, it makes for a bit of a difficult time. She's 110% understanding and supportive, but I come here for further support, reinforcement, and hope. It sure means a lot, so I sincerely thank everyone.I'm going back tomorrow and I'm going to do my damnedest to hang in there. I still am going to consult the doctor, as I haven't gone to school without nerves for 10 years now--to the point where I can't eat. So, whether I stick with it or take a leave, I think it is still important to visit the doctor as Zoloft is clearly not the drug for me. The problem with that is that I've been on Zoloft for 3 years now. I've asserted I didn't think it did anything, but the doctor (a different one) assured me it did. Zoloft is supposed to be more for depression. I have much more anxiety than depression, and I'm not, nor have I ever been, suicidal anyway. Since I've been on the Zoloft, it means I have to lower my dosage to nothing, and I can't take anything new until 6 weeks after the last of the Zoloft, so I might need the time. Furthermore, I've always had trouble sleeping, and Zoloft isn't more IBS-D. It's sometimes prescribed for IBS-C. In ADDITION (never-ending, I apologize  ) I've also learned that there's quite a history of this sort of anxiety in both sides of my family, as far back as my grandparents. Clearly, it's a personally-influenced mental illness, but I'd be hard-pressed to argue that there is not a genetic factor. Okay, so in conclusion, tomorrow I'm going to go to class, and for better or for worse, I'm going to call the doctor and schedule an appointment. Again, I sincerely thank everyone from the bottom of my heart, truly.All the best.


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## BQ

Oh you are most welcome and I thank you for your kind words.


> Since I've been on the Zoloft, it means I have to lower my dosage to nothing, and I can't take anything new until 6 weeks after the last of the Zoloft, so I might need the time. Furthermore, I've always had trouble sleeping, and Zoloft isn't more IBS-D. It's sometimes prescribed for IBS-C.


Um.. that's not what I know about Zoloft. So I'm not sure that statement is true. Some patients are switched from one med to another with little or _no_ time in between. I know of patients where the Docs usually decreased one anti-d as they had them begin another... like simultaneously. So I'm not sure where you are getting that info from but....well.. it might be old info or something. If, however, you are getting that from the Doc you have been referring to in your posts... (Like if this is your PCP you have been talking about)you might want to seek out a psychiatrist to deal with this issue and not the Doc you mentioned. They specialize in this area and would be up on all the latest meds and techniques. See what the Doc (whichever one you end up with) says.. and just go from there. One thing and step at a time... and you _will_ get there!(Edited: I see now from your other post that the Doc you were probably referring to is a neurologist.. Well.. ok but if you are getting that weaning off of Zoloft info from him... I _still_ don't think it is entirely accurate. Sorry... Truly a Psychiatrist is probably the expert on these types of meds. BTW.. take some time to write yourself up a list of questions to ask the Doc.. so you have it right in front of when you call or go there.)All the best & keep us posted if you want.BQ


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## M&M

An excellent decision you have made! Definitely call the doctor one way or the other. No matter what you do, you deserve to have your anxiety under better control. I am blown away with how you handle your illness. You have accomplished a LOT even while dealing with it, there are many, many healthy, "normal" people who don't accomplish everything you have. That is definitely something to admire. You have a fantastic attitude, and I am sure that your story is helping a lot of people who only come here to read.


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## WhisperintheWind

BQ said:


> Oh you are most welcome and I thank you for your kind words.Um.. that's not what I know about Zoloft. So I'm not sure that statement is true. Some patients are switched from one med to another with little or _no_ time in between. I know of patients where the Docs usually decreased one anti-d as they had them begin another... like simultaneously. So I'm not sure where you are getting that info from but....well.. it might be old info or something. If, however, you are getting that from the Doc you have been referring to in your posts... (Like if this is your PCP you have been talking about)you might want to seek out a psychiatrist to deal with this issue and not the Doc you mentioned. They specialize in this area and would be up on all the latest meds and techniques. See what the Doc (whichever one you end up with) says.. and just go from there. One thing and step at a time... and you _will_ get there!(Edited: I see now from your other post that the Doc you were probably referring to is a neurologist.. Well.. ok but if you are getting that weaning off of Zoloft info from him... I _still_ don't think it is entirely accurate. Sorry... Truly a Psychiatrist is probably the expert on these types of meds. BTW.. take some time to write yourself up a list of questions to ask the Doc.. so you have it right in front of when you call or go there.)All the best & keep us posted if you want.BQ


BQ, I was told by the neurologist that it would take some time to get off of Zoloft completely. Six weeks was a general rule of thumb for stopping and starting anti-depressants that I had read _somewhere_, so who knows if it's true or not. I'm hesitant to try the approach that involved several things at once, simultaneously, or too close to one another. I have an aunt who suffered from anxiety and depression not much unlike mine, and when she left New York to live in Texas, it only got worse, as she was away from family. The doctor there tried this radical, experimental approach, which involved several anti-depressants each tried for a week or two back-to-back. As a result, she's essentially addicted to several different kinds of pills. This is a position I would never want to find myself in.Today was probably the worst so far--I feel absolutely ashamed. I think the fact that I've had 3 panic attacks in 3 days is slowly increasing the anticipation anxiety, to the point where I found it difficult to get out of bed this morning. I got myself together and got in the shower, but by the time I had gotten dressed, I was trembling and was pale. I'm going to give the doctor a call and schedule an appointment. I'm going to speak with him, and I'll most likely have my mother in tow to include anything that I forget or don't even notice.I seem to keep lambasting myself, saying "this isn't what's supposed to happen", "college is supposed to be a great time for everyone", "how are you going to make something of yourself?" and I have to realize that I'm not "everyone", that there is no general group known as "everyone" that fits every person. This "everyone" is merely a stereotype that we're supposed to buy into The fact is that we're all 100% unique and the only thing that binds us together is that we're human and we may follow a similar format, i.e. school --> career). Other than that, our journeys are individual and 100% unique.I'm not giving up though. In fact, I feel rather empowered to get the anxiety to a level where I can function--I'm sick of waking up to nerves and a stomachache, not being able to sleep through the night, and going through panic attacks. Right now, I feel rather horrible, as I feel like I wasted a lot of my parents' money and essentially let them down. They assure me it's okay, but I still feel it. Right now though, I want to see this doctor, get his opinion and advice, perhaps medication, and then see a therapist. I plan to go back to school in January with, hopefully, a better outlook and an improved perspective on things. Since I have 9 credits already, I won't be too far behind. For the time being, I'm just cleaning up my room, trying not to get too down, trying to get out of this after-nerves comedown, though it is difficult.It seems like this time in everyone's lives is one of transformation and radical growth, and for those of us with things such as anxiety, depression, and IBS, they simply serve to make the change just a bit more difficult to go through. I suppose, like everyone else, I simply have to do my best and see where life takes me. All the best.EDIT: Upon reading this back, I can see the pull between my optimistic side and my anxiety side.


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## BQ

Ok On the meds... Yes it may indeed take 6 weeks to be off of the Zoloft completely...however... from what I know, typically, (course depends on the patient and loads of other stuff) they will wean off the Zoloft a few days ..on to lower that level in your system and then introduce another med...slowly. So as one med is being lowered .... another one is being introduced and raised. Do you see what I mean? Like they wouldn't want you on *2* full strength (therapeutic level) anti-D's at the same time! So as they lower the dose of one, they start & then slowly increase another.The trying a new med every two weeks type thing, that happened to your Aunt... sorry, never heard of that. Sorry your Aunt is having some trouble. But that doesn't mean you will have trouble. Bring your concerns about the meds themselves up with the Doc. But.. if one needs to be on an anti-d for a while... so be it. Some folks need them for life! And there's not a thing wrong with that. Whatever is messed up within their bodies is somehow being helped by the anti-d. And in some cases it helps so much that it allows the person to live a normal productive life on the medication. That's a good thing in my book. Smae thing goes for those that end up needing an anti anxiety med. Sometimes with both anti-d and anti anxiety meds though, getting some therapy along _with_ the medication is key.Reminder: Having anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. You ARE going to get this managed. Only a matter of time.Reminder: Write a list of your questions & concerns so you have it in front of you at the Docs. (I mean I'm glad your Mom will be with you... for support & also as another brain to remember things...but _try_ to do most of the asking of questions yourself & bring paper to write down the answers yourself. Even if you leave it in the car.. just jot down stuff as soon as you get back in the car. Take charge of your own care.... you are an adult now after all. But I think it is great that Mom is there for you. But also.. it _is_ time for you to take the driver seat at the Docs.... no more riding shot gun.. ya know what I mean?) Reminder: (And I know you Know this but... ): "If I worry about the _anticipation_ anxiety, I will feel _______________."(Multiple choices: Better/Worse).Reminder: Did you or did you not manage an anxiety attack completely on your own on the 2nd day of school? (Just saying....)Reminder: Have you been focusing on your success for at least 5 mintues out of day? If you can't remember.. take one of those brandy new notebooks and write them down. This way you can just read them anytime.


> I seem to keep lambasting myself, saying "this isn't what's supposed to happen", "college is supposed to be a great time for everyone", "how are you going to make something of yourself?" and I have to realize that I'm not "everyone", that there is no general group known as "everyone" that fits every person. This "everyone" is merely a stereotype that we're supposed to buy into The fact is that we're all 100% unique and the only thing that binds us together is that we're human and we may follow a similar format, i.e. school --> career). Other than that, our journeys are individual and 100% unique.


Yup!









> I'm sick of waking up to nerves and a stomachache, not being able to sleep through the night, and going through panic attacks.


I can tell. This will be motivating.....AND...before you drop _any_ classes.. see if you can switch at least SOME of them to online courses. Or change your schedule (using drop/add) to incorporate only online courses this semester. See if that is a possibility before you completely throw the towel in on this semester, ok? Just look into it.And when you are feeling the stomach ache & the nerves... tell yourself... that's just my body flippin out again...and soon it won't flip out as bad, once I get on better meds and/or see a therapist. Think of those as just symptoms.... because that is all they are. Don't make them ALL important...so as to allow yourself to become paralyzed by them. They are just symptoms. Make a plan _when you are feeling calm_ for when you are *not* feeling calm. Make it an easy step-by-step process to calm yourself down and avert your thoughts away from negative thinking to positive thinking. You know what it feels like when those symptoms are JUST starting... make a plan to nip them in the bud. Pick a key calming positive statement to tell yourself and/or a distraction technique and/or a self relaxation technique... whatever will work for you. (A therapist can guide you _much better_ with this kind of thing so make that appointment too!)The glass is half full.... really it is .... And you _will_ reach your goals in your own way and in your own time.All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

Taking your advice, I made a list of things I've done and things I want to do. Thus far, the list reads as follows: Things I've Done-On 3rd grade standardized tests, received a perfect score on the math test.-Graduated elementary school near the top of my class-Taught myself guitar, bass, and some drums-Received a full scholarship to high school-Took part in 2 bands (played a show with one)-Scored an 1870 on SAT, more than 300 points above average-Wrote several short stories, wrote for the school paper-Had an essay in the literary magazine, complete with illustrations.-Graduated high school-Graduated 3rd in my high school class-Achieved an A+ in College English, under a professor that was considered immensely difficult.-Started a novel-Received my license-Began collegeThings I Want to Do-Finish a novel.-Graduate from college.-Play guitar/bass and sing in a band. (In works)-Sign a record deal.-Write for a website.-Own a car.-Write an album's worth of songs.I feel that they're all feasible. Thankfully, there were no classes today. They resume on Tuesday due to Labor Day, so I suppose this weekend I'll have to have a conversation with my mother to decide the best course of action. It's easy for me to say right now, "Oh, I'll go to class" because right now, I'm myself, albeit a bit down, but once the anxiety kicks in, all rationality goes out the window, so I'm hesitant to commit to it JUST yet. All of my family members who have had anxiety within my generation or one back have had success--my uncle is a firefighter, works side jobs, owns 2 houses, and is married with a child. My cousin is married, owns a house, and is able to go work. I keep reminding myself of their successes as a guide for myself, to show that it is impossible to be in the midst of this #### and still come out swinging.Right now, I still have a bit of resentment for myself, but it's fluctuating every few hours. It still feels like a bit of a bad dream, to be honest.I might go completely bare bones and take just my math and political science course, only 2 days a week. I'm not sure, I have to speak with my mother, my doctor, and my academic adviser. It's just a difficult and confusing time, but one I plan to work my way out of in time.


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## overitnow

I've been following this thread and just wanted to jump in to say a couple of things. Firstly, please just ignore what I said about my own anxieties at your age, your problems are clearly more difficult than mine. Secondly, looking at that list, you have achieved more at this point than I have at 64. I'm pleased to know you, just a little bit, from this Board. I know it is an empty kind of compliment to say "I know you will work through this;" but, from your prior accomplishments, I do believe that is true. And when you finish your novel and when you release your first record I would appreciate a chance to read and hear them.Hugs. (And I don't give them often to men...)Mark


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## mindnbody

WhisperintheWind said:


> I suffer from anxiety, depression, social anxiety, and IBS. The anxiety and depression started after my great-aunt died when I was 9. It went untreated, mainly because there were no noticeable symptoms. It really only emerged when I got picked on 5th-8th grade. I started to get social anxiety about school. When I was 14, I had strep, scarlet fever, a stomach virus, and mono all at once. This greatly increased my anxiety, and the strep spread to my stomach, which led to my IBS. The stomach condition was clearly worsened by anxiety. I was prescribed Zoloft for everything, Diazepam for panic attacks, and saw a therapist for about a year. He said I was good to go, yet he often spoke down to me, and that surely didn't help. Somehow, I made it through high school, graduating 3rd in my class, and I even played in a few rock bands. I started college on Monday. I was nervous, as was usual, but took half of my prescribed Diazepam and made it through, shaky.I don't even know what happened today...just awful. I was sitting in my Political Science class, the professor was just talking, so I was just sitting there...but the class was a bit hot....so I started getting a little messed up breathing-wise, so I was monitoring that, controlling it. I breathed in fine, but when I breathed out, it felt incomplete and...not right. I managed to hang in there for a half hour, but eventually I just had to get up and walked out...I just threw myself into a chair in the lobby and went through an entire panic attack...then I calmed down enough to go to math. I had to take a second half of a pill because the half I took 2 hours before I left clearly did nothing. I made it through math somehow, and walked around jelly-legged the rest of the day. I've had D since last Friday out of nerves and I'm on Zoloft. I just don't know what else to do and feel like I'm at wit's end, like I'm some sort of failure. I don't want to withdraw from school, especially in today's world, but I feel like I have a legitimate problem that's not seeming to get any better. I feel like I need to sit down with a doctor and explain my problems, since the Zoloft does not seem to be doing the job. I think I need something catered to anxiety, as my depression is minor in comparison. Also, Zoloft is sometimes prescribed for C-dominant IBS, whereas I have the D variety. I just don't know what else to do. I have 9 credits already, but still need a hell of a lot more for any sort of degree. What the hell do I do? Advice?


My teen years parallel yours with the depression, anxiety, and bullying. However, I didn't have digestive problems. Just a few pains here and there in social situations.I won't get into the specifics, but I had a myriad of problems in my teen years. These problems were not addressed at all. I grew up in the late '50s and '60s, and very few parents sought psychiatric advice for their children. I can't give you much advice with your digestive problems. My IBS was fairly minor until three years ago. But I can give you advice as to your depression and anxiety problems.You've taken meaningful steps to change your life. That's good. It may take a while to find the "right synergies." Some people are lucky finding the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect everything almost instantly. But for most of us that doesn't happen. Keep trying. If you can, don't let these problems keep following you for years. I don't know what your major is, but talk to a job counselor. And also talk to a different mental health professional. Hopefully they can help you. This severe recession will change the employment landscape for decades. Make sure you're on the right career path. It would be a mistake to major in Eskimo Studies, Art History, Philosophy, Latin, Communications, or Religion. Something like that .If you can, find a career that you love, you're good at, and that will be adding jobs in the future. Having confidence in your career choices will help your depression and anxiety.I chose the wrong major, the wrong career path, the wrong school and almost the wrong everything. Not good! Good luck to you!


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## WhisperintheWind

mindnbody said:


> My teen years parallel yours with the depression, anxiety, and bullying. However, I didn't have digestive problems. Just a few pains here and there in social situations.I won't get into the specifics, but I had a myriad of problems in my teen years. These problems were not addressed at all. I grew up in the late '50s and '60s, and very few parents sought psychiatric advice for their children. I can't give you much advice with your digestive problems. My IBS was fairly minor until three years ago. But I can give you advice as to your depression and anxiety problems.You've taken meaningful steps to change your life. That's good. It may take a while to find the "right synergies." Some people are lucky finding the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect everything almost instantly. But for most of us that doesn't happen. Keep trying. If you can, don't let these problems keep following you for years. I don't know what your major is, but talk to a job counselor. And also talk to a different mental health professional. Hopefully they can help you. This severe recession will change the employment landscape for decades. Make sure you're on the right career path. It would be a mistake to major in Eskimo Studies, Art History, Philosophy, Latin, Communications, or Religion. Something like that .If you can, find a career that you love, you're good at, and that will be adding jobs in the future. Having confidence in your career choices will help your depression and anxiety.I chose the wrong major, the wrong career path, the wrong school and almost the wrong everything. Not good! Good luck to you!


Thanks you for the advice and the well-wishes.Life is one hell of a ride, isn't it? I'm looking forward to it. The pieces of the puzzle lay before me and it's just a matter of me seeing the piece at the time the open space is presented. If not, I can always get it the next time around. We're always learning, always growing, and always changing. It's lovely to be human--difficult, but lovely.Life has an interesting way of working. While in my younger years, going through the bullying, pro wrestling gave me such an escape. Every week, I'd tape the shows and be glued to the television. I was absorbed in the characters, the art, the entertainment. I wanted nothing more than to be like Jeff Hardy, performing a flip off of a 20 ft ladder. I wanted to be AJ Styles, flipping through the air as if physics didn't exist. Etc. etc.I feel that this was a piece I needed--it gave me an identity at that time, something to look at, enjoy, and appreciate, something to aspire to, away from everything that happened in my daily life. As I grew into my teenage years, I realized that, at 5'5" and 125 pounds, I wouldn't be much of a wrestler. But there's still things to be learned. Jeff Hardy, along with his older brother Matt, overcame the death of their mother at a young age, poverty, and all of the odds against one seeking a career as a pro wrestler. They trained tirelessly and worked their tails off, and now, they're successful and doing the things they love.Allen Jones (AJ Styles) was rather similar--he became a breakout star in Total Nonstop Action and grew up in a poverty-stricken family in North Carolina. Now, music has filled some of that void, but I still occasionally tune into wrestling, and I get a nostalgic rush, a feeling of comfort, and yes, I still feel that tinge of aspiration to be a wrestler. My point is, life tends to throw a lot of obstacles in your way, but if you're strong and persistent, you can do whatever you want. You may not be the most famous or most well-known, but you can make it a reality.So...just like these fellows, just like so many of you, I have my own obstacles and struggles to overcome. I'm going to do it. I'm going to write a novel, I'm going to make an album, write poetry, create art, and maybe, just maybe, you can catch me on television one day, ignoring my usually introverted personality and trash-talking some guy three times my size. Even if I get my severed head handed to me, at least I'd be doing something I love.That's what life is about, and that's what I'm seeking to achieve.Thank you all for the support--I mean this truthfully and honestly, with as much genuine gratitude as I can muster.I'll continue to update this thread perhaps day to day, to sort of document my fluctuations and to take note about why, or how, my mind changes as it does. And I will do the things I set out to do--and I have my family, friends, and so many of you to thank for the undying support and belief in me. Thank you. Thank _*you*_. THANK. YOU.


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## M&M

I'll look forward to your updates. Reading your positive attitude is SO encouraging, and just really a heartwarming thing to read during the day. I also want to remind you that a LOT of people visit this site just to read, and never do post - so your story is probably helping hundreds of people who are simply reading here, people you may never hear from, but your help will be very real to them, just the same!


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## mindnbody

WhisperintheWind said:


> Thanks you for the advice and the well-wishes.Life is one hell of a ride, isn't it? I'm looking forward to it. The pieces of the puzzle lay before me and it's just a matter of me seeing the piece at the time the open space is presented. If not, I can always get it the next time around. We're always learning, always growing, and always changing. It's lovely to be human--difficult, but lovely.Life has an interesting way of working. While in my younger years, going through the bullying, pro wrestling gave me such an escape. Every week, I'd tape the shows and be glued to the television. I was absorbed in the characters, the art, the entertainment. I wanted nothing more than to be like Jeff Hardy, performing a flip off of a 20 ft ladder. I wanted to be AJ Styles, flipping through the air as if physics didn't exist. Etc. etc.I feel that this was a piece I needed--it gave me an identity at that time, something to look at, enjoy, and appreciate, something to aspire to, away from everything that happened in my daily life. As I grew into my teenage years, I realized that, at 5'5" and 125 pounds, I wouldn't be much of a wrestler. But there's still things to be learned. Jeff Hardy, along with his older brother Matt, overcame the death of their mother at a young age, poverty, and all of the odds against one seeking a career as a pro wrestler. They trained tirelessly and worked their tails off, and now, they're successful and doing the things they love.Allen Jones (AJ Styles) was rather similar--he became a breakout star in Total Nonstop Action and grew up in a poverty-stricken family in North Carolina. Now, music has filled some of that void, but I still occasionally tune into wrestling, and I get a nostalgic rush, a feeling of comfort, and yes, I still feel that tinge of aspiration to be a wrestler. My point is, life tends to throw a lot of obstacles in your way, but if you're strong and persistent, you can do whatever you want. You may not be the most famous or most well-known, but you can make it a reality.So...just like these fellows, just like so many of you, I have my own obstacles and struggles to overcome. I'm going to do it. I'm going to write a novel, I'm going to make an album, write poetry, create art, and maybe, just maybe, you can catch me on television one day, ignoring my usually introverted personality and trash-talking some guy three times my size. Even if I get my severed head handed to me, at least I'd be doing something I love.That's what life is about, and that's what I'm seeking to achieve.Thank you all for the support--I mean this truthfully and honestly, with as much genuine gratitude as I can muster.I'll continue to update this thread perhaps day to day, to sort of document my fluctuations and to take note about why, or how, my mind changes as it does. And I will do the things I set out to do--and I have my family, friends, and so many of you to thank for the undying support and belief in me. Thank you. Thank _*you*_. THANK. YOU.


Life is a learning experience. Most of us make mistakes along the way. Some of us more than others. I was in your position many years ago dealing with many of the same teenage issues as you. That phase of my life is long gone. Hopefully I can give you a little input. I've been there. Unfortunately, the world has radically changed in a short period of time. And for a young person, navigating through this uncertainly is very difficult. Career choices that may have been appropriate two-years ago may no longer be appropriate today. I do think that many college-age students are going to face a lot of challenges. You're a very bright and intelligent young person. That's a huge plus. You graduated near the top of your class which is indeed a huge accomplishment.I think you should look at the big picture and not get lost in the small details. You may make some mistakes, but try to maintain a good self-esteem.I can recommend a good book for you. It was specifially written for people with health problems. I'm not sure as to whether I can mention the name of the book, which might be a violation of the TOS. If you'd like, I could give you the name of the book via a PM.


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## Kathleen M.

You can post names of books or products you found helpful.You can't post them just because you are selling them and you are trying to get people to go to your website and buy them from you so you make money off of them. If you want to advertise your goods and services there are ways to do that here, but we don't let you do that for free.If anything the "PM me for more information" makes you look more like a sales person than just saying the name. Often when people don't want other sales people getting the commission so will only tell you if they can convince you to buy it from them behind "closed doors". (because people will just google it to buy it rather than buy it from them).


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## WhisperintheWind

The thing that sucks is that I make the plans to go back to school, but then when the time comes, the anxiety sets in again. My IBS is a thing that comes and goes. Most times, I can't eat ice cream. I ate some last night and I was fine. Yet, I bet if I eat it today, I'd get sick. It sucks, quite terribly. Right now, I'm planning to go to class, and I'm hoping that pans out. We'll see.I'm an optimistic person, who, due to the neuroses and ailments I have, turns into a pessimist when negative things happen. It sucks I tell ye!


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## we'reoutoftoiletpaper

After looking at this thread, I feel I may have a few insights.Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? From your list of accomplishments, it seems as though you are a self-motivator and that you aren't really an "average" achiever. I'm the same way and what it sometimes means is that we are very defeatist which seemed to be present in your fist couple of posts. Although BQ made a very good point in saying that you should be thankful for small successes, your very next post said that "yesterday's successes were not repeated today." All you could do was see the negative. If you're like me, it is very hard for you to take a compliment and to accept good things when they happen to you. I have struggled for years with this. I have gotten much better in taking compliments especially when I tell myself that it's rude not to and it makes people feel good to give them.I believe anxiety plays a HUGE role in our ailments (I say "our" because I have many of the same things). This is actually a huge factor in my pursuance of a career in psychology. I have gotten more out of my psychology classes than any counselor I've seen. Knowing about the mechanisms that drive us has done a considerable amount to calm me and give me perspective. The human body/mind is an amazing thing. We are actually quite efficient although I know it doesn't seem like it. A lot of stress has to do with your appraisal of a situation. When we appraise situations as bigger than us or as threatening, our body goes into a fight or flight response: very useful for ACTUAL fight or flight situations ~> but not so much in everyday life. With all that excess energy, where does it go? High blood pressure, excess cortisol in the system and upset stomach. When you are stressed out, blood is drawn AWAY from all your organs, including the gut. No wonder it doesn't work right!Because you are already in school, I'd like to suggest that you take an Intro to Psychology course or a Stress and Coping course. I don't know if they offer the latter at your school, but def the intro to psych. I think it would do you a tremendous amount of good, and you're a good student so I think you'd get a lot out of it. One more thing, as some of the other users have already said, BE THANKFUL FOR SMALL SUCCESSES. Every minute you do not have an episode, anxiety or stomach, be thankful! The more things you are thankful for, the more they will outweigh the bad and pretty soon, you'll get used to seeing the good without the bad. The bad will still exist, it just won't phase you as much. You should type out that list you posted earlier in a big, pretty font and post in on your wall where you'll see it. Post awards and other things that remind you of your successes and also just things that make you happy. Take some time to stop and smell the roses, the world is a big beautiful place and you don't want it to pass you by. One of the things i enjoy most and is a big stress buster is being in my backyard amongst my mom's flowers and reading or doing a crossword puzzle. Find a quiet sanctuary where you can escape for awhile and just enjoy your surroundings. Books are good for escaping as well. And the next time you have a panic attack at school, try taking a short walk, it'll help get rid of some of that excess energy and help you to feel as though you've gotten away or had a break. I'm interested to know how you're doing so keep us all posted.Be happy and well.~ili


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## BQ

> I'm an optimistic person, who, due to the neuroses and ailments I have, turns into a pessimist when negative things happen. It sucks I tell ye!


We _all_ have things that are not perfect about ourselves (or ou bodies). We _all_ need to work on things. But>>>>We _all_ have _many_ choices.. and that includes _how_ we think.Negative things happen to everyone... That's just life. It's how we learn to cope with them and how we think about them that's important. It has been my experience that many of the negative things that happen in my life present me with opportunities to learn and grow. Of course I could choose to just look at the negatives and _only_ the negative and how awful it is or how much it sucks. But I choose _not_ to think that way. Yes.. it is a conscious choice I make and one anyone can make.I have found I am just spinning my wheels.. taking up air space if I do not live life on life's terms. So that's what I try to do.I really think you could benefit by some treatment... besides just meds.. like therapy and I'm sure with that you will be feeling much more positive.All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

we said:


> After looking at this thread, I feel I may have a few insights.Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? From your list of accomplishments, it seems as though you are a self-motivator and that you aren't really an "average" achiever. I'm the same way and what it sometimes means is that we are very defeatist which seemed to be present in your fist couple of posts. Although BQ made a very good point in saying that you should be thankful for small successes, your very next post said that "yesterday's successes were not repeated today." All you could do was see the negative. If you're like me, it is very hard for you to take a compliment and to accept good things when they happen to you. I have struggled for years with this. I have gotten much better in taking compliments especially when I tell myself that it's rude not to and it makes people feel good to give them.I believe anxiety plays a HUGE role in our ailments (I say "our" because I have many of the same things). This is actually a huge factor in my pursuance of a career in psychology. I have gotten more out of my psychology classes than any counselor I've seen. Knowing about the mechanisms that drive us has done a considerable amount to calm me and give me perspective. The human body/mind is an amazing thing. We are actually quite efficient although I know it doesn't seem like it. A lot of stress has to do with your appraisal of a situation. When we appraise situations as bigger than us or as threatening, our body goes into a fight or flight response: very useful for ACTUAL fight or flight situations ~> but not so much in everyday life. With all that excess energy, where does it go? High blood pressure, excess cortisol in the system and upset stomach. When you are stressed out, blood is drawn AWAY from all your organs, including the gut. No wonder it doesn't work right!Because you are already in school, I'd like to suggest that you take an Intro to Psychology course or a Stress and Coping course. I don't know if they offer the latter at your school, but def the intro to psych. I think it would do you a tremendous amount of good, and you're a good student so I think you'd get a lot out of it. One more thing, as some of the other users have already said, BE THANKFUL FOR SMALL SUCCESSES. Every minute you do not have an episode, anxiety or stomach, be thankful! The more things you are thankful for, the more they will outweigh the bad and pretty soon, you'll get used to seeing the good without the bad. The bad will still exist, it just won't phase you as much. You should type out that list you posted earlier in a big, pretty font and post in on your wall where you'll see it. Post awards and other things that remind you of your successes and also just things that make you happy. Take some time to stop and smell the roses, the world is a big beautiful place and you don't want it to pass you by. One of the things i enjoy most and is a big stress buster is being in my backyard amongst my mom's flowers and reading or doing a crossword puzzle. Find a quiet sanctuary where you can escape for awhile and just enjoy your surroundings. Books are good for escaping as well. And the next time you have a panic attack at school, try taking a short walk, it'll help get rid of some of that excess energy and help you to feel as though you've gotten away or had a break. I'm interested to know how you're doing so keep us all posted.Be happy and well.~ili


I think I'm very much a perfectionist Ili. Very little I do is up to the standards I set for myself. And you're correct about my self-motivating aspect. I do things because I want to do them, not because someone wants me to. I often believe compliments aren't true, and therefore I have to work that much harder to succeed at something. I tend to drive myself nuts, working my ass off. Anxiety is my main problem, but it's with school. Nothing else gives me anxiety like school does. I love writing, and I love music, so writing is my pursuit at school, as it's easily utilized in a variety of career fields. I find it almost irritating that my school has me delve into other areas that I'm not really interested in--science, math, etc. While they definitely have a practical use, I'm not going to be doing as nearly as well as I'd do in a class that I'm legitimately interested in, such as English. I did take a basic psych class in high school. It was very basic--I learned more on my own reading Wikipedia articles and such. No textbooks, no notebooks. The entire half year course I had on one sheet of paper. I aced the class, got an A+, but it was something I was interested in, as well as it being very easy. But it was too easy for my tastes--I was unchallenged and bored.I read, but not nearly as much as I listen to music--music is my release. Writing is another one. Sorry this is so brief, I'll expand on this later on. I'm going to see how it goes in the morning, but I think I have to be honest with myself and know that, as much as I want to go and get my degree, I have to accept that I'm not doing well right now and I have to take care of these things.


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## mindnbody

Kathleen M. said:


> You can post names of books or products you found helpful.You can't post them just because you are selling them and you are trying to get people to go to your website and buy them from you so you make money off of them. If you want to advertise your goods and services there are ways to do that here, but we don't let you do that for free.If anything the "PM me for more information" makes you look more like a sales person than just saying the name. Often when people don't want other sales people getting the commission so will only tell you if they can convince you to buy it from them behind "closed doors". (because people will just google it to buy it rather than buy it from them).


Thanks for the information. I was hesitant to go forward with the book information.I don't have a hidden agenda. I can assure you I'm not here to make a few bucks. I'm not affiliated with any business enterprise. None! And I certainly don't know the author of the book, nor do I have affiliations with the publishing company.Due to the state of the eonomy, maybe there's a few people here with dollar signs in their eyes? And I suppose it is difficult for moderators to assess posters' motivations, when they mention a book or something of that nature. I guess I'll talk about the book. I bought the book about six-years ago. It was published in 1999 so I'm not even sure if it's still in print. This book may be listed here as a reference book. I don't know? This site provides excellent resource information. The name of the book is: "Living Well with a Hidden Disability" by Stacy Taylor, M. S. W., L. C. S. W. and Robert Epstein, Ph. DBelow the title of the book are the following words: Transcending Doubt and Shame and Reclaiming Your Life.As far as I know, Stacy Taylor was/is a psychotherapst in the San Francisco Bay Area. She excercised a lot, and while she was exercising at the gym one day she had a minor injury. She perceived the injury as minor at the time. But it was anything but minor. And this injury got progressively worse. This injury changed her entire life. She became a totally different person. Her friendships became problematic. Everything became problematic. And she wrote this book addressing the needs and problems of people with hidden disabilities. And especially for people with newly-diagnosed hidden disabiilties like: chronic pain, diabetes, colitis, Lupus, depression, etc.This book is definitely one of the better self-help books.


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## WhisperintheWind

Alright, well, ultimately, I've decided to sit this semester out. I think it's the best thing for me in the long-term. I can get on a new medication that will work and take the time to get everything in functional condition. If I go to class, I'm obviously not going to be on my A-game, and I'll probably miss enough days between the IBS and anxiety problems that I'll fail anyway, so why waste the money?My father is not so happy and neither is my oldest brother, but it's my life and I have to do what is good for me in the long-term and I'm the one who has look at myself in the mirror.


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## overitnow

WhisperintheWind said:


> it's my life and I have to do what is good for me in the long-term and I'm the one who has look at myself in the mirror.


Bravo on that. I am currently taking some introductory art courses at the age of 64. My adviser suggests if I truly want to pursue the area I am interested in, I will need to take a Masters. At 70! I am not so sure about that; but these opportunities never really go away. You can definitely work on your music and your writing, even if you are not taking an Intro to Sociology (or some such) this semester. All of that will keep.Good luck to you.Mark


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## BQ

> but it's my life and I have to do what is good for me in the long-term and I'm the one who has look at myself in the mirror.


Yes.. that's true. So get yourself together this semester.. get going on any med changes and FIND a good therapist and get started on _that_ work so by January you are in shape to study.All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

overitnow said:


> Bravo on that. I am currently taking some introductory art courses at the age of 64. My adviser suggests if I truly want to pursue the area I am interested in, I will need to take a Masters. At 70! I am not so sure about that; but these opportunities never really go away. You can definitely work on your music and your writing, even if you are not taking an Intro to Sociology (or some such) this semester. All of that will keep.Good luck to you.Mark


Mark, please allow me to quote Brandon Lee...


> We reduce ourselves at a certain point in our lives to kind of solely pursuing things that we already know how to do. You know, because you don't want to have that experience of not knowing what you're doing and being an amateur again. And I think that's rather unfortunate. It's so much more interesting and usually illuminating to put yourself in a situation where you don't know what's going to happen, than to do something again that you already know essentially what the outcome will be within three or four points either way.


I think he definitely had a point in saying this--shame he died so young. Glad to see you've embraced it though!I'm heading to see the Academic Adviser tomorrow. At least I can get half of the tuition back for my parents. Then I'll be visiting the doctor, writing songs with my band, possibly getting a job, and then just working towards making the new year a new, positive, better chapter in my life. I'll let y'all know how tomorrow goes.


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## WhisperintheWind

Just thought I'd write in.Doctor appointment for me on Monday. Hopefully I can get everything back on track.Band possibly this weekend.Just got home yesterday from NJ. My sister's pregnant and has bad morning sickness, so my mom, brother and I took the train to NJ for 3 days last week and my mom and I went for 2 more this week. Anxiety and IBS-wise, I was terrified, but managed the 2 hour trips.


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## overitnow

WhisperintheWind said:


> Anxiety and IBS-wise, I was terrified, but managed the 2 hour trips.


Congratulations. Everything is never perfect all of the time; but success does build on success. (Take some wipes and a change of underwear in your pack and go do something good.)Thanks for Brandon Lee. This week we have been looking at the cave paintings. Really looking at them. In the dark, with little fat candles for light, on some kind of scaffold, deep in a hard to get into chamber, in a cave which is only a temporary place for the clan to live, achieved by spitting a slurry of charcoal and saliva on the wall using the hand for a boarder; and the likenesses, especially of the horses, are really good. Then, 10000 years later, someone else comes along and adds more figures to it. Public art, probably supported and presumably enjoyed by the whole community: would somebody remind those people who always complain about spending tax monies on art that they are less than Cro-Magnons? (Sorry to highjack your thread.) Good luck with the band, the doctor, and getting something for your anxieties.Mark


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## BQ

Well good for you with doing so well with the travelling! I bet that won't be the first time you surprise yourself.All the best with the Doc.BQ


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## WhisperintheWind

I spoke to the doctor and voiced my concerns. He thought perhaps Lexapro would help, so he prescribed that to me. First I have to ween myself off the Zoloft during the next week before starting the Lexapro. He also gave me Xanax, but I told him I wouldn't use them. I also got a flu shot to be safe, especially after how debilitating it was last year. He also took blood to check my levels, just to be sure it's not anything else that could be contributing.


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## BQ

Good Luck with the Lexapro. And don't dismiss the Xanax. He is supervising your use of it so I doubt he would allow you to get as far as addiction. So I wouldn't worry about using it as he _prescribed_ it. Try to keep an open mind about it. Have you been able to schedule an appointment with a therapist yet?All the bestBQ


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## WhisperintheWind

BQ said:


> Good Luck with the Lexapro. And don't dismiss the Xanax. He is supervising your use of it so I doubt he would allow you to get as far as addiction. So I wouldn't worry about using it as he _prescribed_ it. Try to keep an open mind about it. Have you been able to schedule an appointment with a therapist yet?All the bestBQ


I've been taking it for 3 days now. I'm not noticing any immediate effects, but I remember with the Zoloft that it took about 3 weeks to build up to a suitable level in my system.The Xanax I, fortunately, haven't needed to use yet. I'm just to take it when having a severe panic attack, but I suppose just knowing that I have something that will obliterate the panic attack is helpful, as the Diazepam would calm my nerves and not necessarily my mind. Still, it's something I intend to take sparingly, and fortunately, I lack an addictive personality.I have to get some more blood work on Friday. Apparently my white blood cell was a bit high. I've had mono 3 times over the years--when I was 6, 12, and 14, and I remember another doctor telling me that the infection remains in your system and will always show on results. Also, I wonder if IBS has something to do with it. We'll see--hopefully it's all alright. I'm back in Jersey at present with my mother, relieving my sister and babysitting my nephew while she rests. She has bad morning sickness, so she's often feeling ill and is moody. I think my new band will have a practice Friday--it's something to do and keeps my mind busy. Thanks again to you guys for always having attentive and open ears--it really helps speaking to sympathetic strangers, though you rarely seem like strangers anymore.Also, the fact that 1,050 people have viewed this thread is mind-boggling. If what you're saying is indeed true and my story has helped/provided home to others, then I'm rather humbled.To any of you unregistered folks reading this--sign up and share your story--it's a great outlet.All the best, now and always.


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## WhisperintheWind

Well...Got more blood work done. The doctor said my bilirubin is a bit high, which is something I've heard before. My neurologist shrugged it off and said it's no uncommon with the medication I'm taking. This doctor, however, wants to look more into it. He's not really concerned, but he said it's definitely something to look in to, just to be sure. He said I may have something called Gilbert's Syndrome, but the ultrasound and subsequent appointment with the specialist will let me know.Hopefully, all will be okay. The interesting thing is that Gilbert's Syndrome may affect up to 10% of the population. More interesting is the fact that, in a study, 70% of Gilbert's Syndrome patients complained of stomach problems. Could this be my problem? Hm...this would also make me no longer part of the IBS group.


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## WhisperintheWind

Alright, so the ultrasound was done. The technician said she's not supposed to say anything, but she was giving me some information. She told me I have a beautiful liver.







Yeah, quite possibly the strangest compliment I've gotten.My spleen is slightly enlarged--possibly due to the 3 cases of mono I've had? I'm not sure. I also have a gallstone. Unusual for my age (18) but not unheard of. It just sucks! I don't drink, I've never done a drug, I eat very healthy--what the heck?! I meet with the specialist on the 22nd...hopefully he can help me.


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## WhisperintheWind

I just thought I'd post after all this time. I play in a band now, and I start school tomorrow. Wish me luck!


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## BQ

Wish you all the very best and hope your First Day was awesome!


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