# Some progress



## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

I thought I'd get away from my other thread, there's too much unpleasantness there. Anyway, yesterday I turned 22. I had my first counselling appointment at Uni, so I didn't eat and filled myself with Codeine and Imodium and I got there and did it. My plan was to just do that, but I also took my medical certificates and some vouchers I got for my birthday in case I felt able to do things. I filled out the disablity forms with someone AND went shopping too. It was the most I've done for absolutely ages.


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## Cartoon Creature (Jul 12, 2002)

thats awesome Masterplan... i hope that means things r on the up and up for you.Poo Pea


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

Actually, maybe not quite so great. Today I think I got a bit of a lesson in what happens if I take too much of everything. ***WARNING - DON'T READ THIS BIT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ANYTHING GRAPHIC***When I went to the toilet today, it was all solid. In particular, one bit really hurt. When I wiped there was quite a bit of blood, although I couldn't see any in the stools and two wipes got rid of it. I think this one stool must have ripped something, I don't think it's any more serious than that.***YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW IF YOU SO WISH***But anyway, I feel a bit more upbeat now. Had a truly awful day with my girlfriend on Sunday but that seems to have passed. I talked about a lot with the counsellor. He made some very interesting points to me. I have a few things to think about improving somehow.P.S. PooPea thanks for emailing me. I feel a bit guilty now for not getting back to you, seeing what's been going on. I'll get round to it, don't worry


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

OK, goodbye progress. I've had a really terrible morning. My girlfriend came round yesterday lunchtime, then again when she finished college and stayed until the morning. I made her food three times. I let her watch the stuff I'd recorded for her because she couldn't watch it at home. Apart from the horrible claustrophobia in my kitchen while we were cooking together I enjoyed myself. She enjoyed herself.But she knows that I hate the mornings and I hate being around anyone in the mornings when I'm going to and from the toilet. And yet she stays around, lying on the sofa. She keeps asking "Do you want to me to go?" HOW THE **** AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT? SHE ****ING KNOWS I WANT TO BE ALONE, SHE JUST WANTS ME TO BE THE BAD PERSON WHO MAKES HER LEAVE. Eventually, after I've been to the toilet for about the fifth time she asks again and I tell her I have things to do (which I do - I have shopping arriving, I have to phone the Uni, work and my counsellor) and she leaves all angry with me.Why can't she just accept that we can have nice evenings together, but when I'm ill I don't want to be around anyone? Why does she get angry when she knows why I'm upset? Why make it so difficult for me? As soon as she got out of the door I just broke down and started crying and throwing things around the room. I can't take this. I started clearing up and getting all my pills together again. I'm just edging closer and closer.


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

When neither of you are upset it might be worth sitting down and having a talk about this.Try to avoid being confrontational about it. A when this happens I feel this way rather than why don't you ****ing understand.She may not know how you are feeling, you may not know what she is thinking/feeling. I know we like to think those in our lives should just know what we are thinking or feeling they never do. They may or may not be good at guessing. Also most of the time what we think they are thinking/feeling is not what is going on with them either. The only way for them to know about you and you to know about them is to have an intimate talk about your feelings and thoughts. If you talk this out at a time when it is not going on you might be able to come to an understanding and work out a way to make this less frustrating for both of you.K.


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

The problem is that she knows, we've talked about it before. Even before I got ill I told her that I needed more time alone. She still lives with her parents so I guess she just doesn't realise. My house is a complete ****hole almost all the time because she's always here and I hate doing things like cleaning when other people are around. It's the same when I cook, I hate having people watching me. When she's not here I try to do the things that I should but I want to do the things I do alone - play games, play guitars. I don't think she understands that my alone time shouldn't have to be spent cleaning and paying bills and stuff. I need time for that as well. I try so hard not to be confrontational, that's why I never just tell her I want her to go. But she knows when I want her to because that's when she asks. WHY ASK? She just wants to pile all the guilt onto me and I don't need guilt, I just need my time for myself.


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

It can take more than one discussion before someone really gets it and understands it and takes different actions.I'd do a sit down and say I feel bad when I need my own time and I want to be able to tell you to leave or not come over when I need time to get my stuff done. How can we do that.Or, if you are going to be over here all the time you are going to have to help me with the cleaning when it is time to clean. Either you can give me the time I need to do that as I won't do it when you are here or we can do that together while you are here.If you can't work these things out now, I'd actually see if there is coupl's counseling so you can both figure out how to get what you need or how to give the other person what they need and how to communicate this so it isn't a fight, etc.This sort of thing really does take a lot of work between two people so that both people can be in the relationship. We like to think love should mean all that work isn't needed, but love actually seems to often make it harder.You'd tell a friend to get lost so you could clean up if he was over there all the time, but to tell a girlfriend/boyfriend the same thing is a whole different kinda situation.K.


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

From a girl's point of view...It sounds like she felt pushed away/rejected by you. Illogical, yes, because you'd had a lovely evening together and she knows about your morning problem. But women often react emotionally rather than logically to things and she might have assumed 'he's pushing me away/he doesn't want me' in the heat of the moment. By waiting to see if you asked her to leave, and then asking you if she should go, it sounds like she was testing the water. 'Do you want me to go?' was probably an indirect offer to stay and nurture you, to keep you company while you were ill, and when you made excuses it sounded like you couldn't wait to get rid of her. You need to explain, gently but firmly, that when you are ill you want to be on your own. BE REALLY CLEAR ABOUT IT. If she hangs around in the morning again, gently remind her straight away, instead of hoping she will get the hint. And tell her that you love her, reassure her it's not her fault, confirm you had a great time the evening before. Take it as a compliment that she doesn't want to go.I have to be alone when I'm having D. My boyfriend took a while to understand that I don't want him around at this time. He kept trying to be 'supportive', and got upset when I left/asked him to leave (sometimes in the middle of the night). I explained how embarassed and awkward I feel if he is there, and that I deal with IBS much better on my own. He understands now, but it took a while.I suggest you be patient with her, and maybe make more time to see her in the evenings. Try not to go cold on her (it makes women panic and act irrationally) and don't just assume she understands things- sit down and explain them.Good luck.


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

I'm just really disturbed by what it's done to me. It was 4 hours ago and I haven't stopped crying yet. I think I really need some help but I think going away or being signed off work will make things worse. I really really don't know what to do.


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

Try taking a moment and write out all the things you are feeling/thinking. Actually write it down, or type it out. Sometimes setting a time limit for this helps. The for the next 30 minutes I will write about it then go do something else.Sometimes that exercise can help you get it out more than crying or trying not to cry.Once you've written it down (and sometimes deleting it or ripping it up is best you just want it out, not kept around) find something to do to distract yourself. Go to work, clean the house, play the guitar, whatever. If you get too worked up again tell yourself you have 15 minutes to write about it, toss it out then go do something else. Sometimes giving yourself the permission to feel what you are feeling or think what you are thinking with a time limit allows you to move on and do something else so at the end of the day you can feel good about the day overall.K.


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

I tried it and I can't. Seeing it all written down just makes it even worse. I've been crying for five hours. I just keep looking at my pills and I can't stop it. I want to try to see my doctor tomorrow but I can't even make the phone call. I don't know what to say or do or anything.


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