# Eric & Tom: Info Seek vs. Venting



## Guest (Oct 23, 2002)

Eric, Tom,I don't know if anyone has ever brought this up before, but given the nature of IBS with all of its potential behavioral health implications, I was wondering if any thought had ever been given to providing a Forum or even just a single thread here on the HT/CBT Forum that is designed purely for the purpose of venting? You know... so that people can sound off, get things off of their chest and even flame if they feel the need to do so? Rules could include that no one can say anything in rebuttle to them. It could be a place where they know they can go when they have a bug up their *** and need to vent it out.... not at any specific persons.... but in general. That way, the informational threads could be devoted to exchange of ideas without "venting intrusions" which often result in our losing track of the main purpose of the thread to begin with. The "Venting Forum or Thread" could be for any topic.... and people could know that they were safe there and it was OK to vent if they needed to... and nobody was going to try to hurt them back for speaking their minds.Such a forum might actually end up being therapeutic in that some of us might begin to take a long look at what we are saying and the upshot is that we might also be able to learn to laugh at ourselves a little bit more... and lighten up the atmosphere here a bit. Any thoughts on this? Just a thot, Evie


----------



## Guest (Oct 23, 2002)

P.S. An alternative to the above option might be to ask members to add the word "TRIGGER" to their post which would indicate that they were venting.


----------



## Guest (Oct 24, 2002)

Should I have addressed this to Jeff, perhaps?


----------



## Guest (Oct 25, 2002)

Ok... so nobody thinks this is a feasible idea then?Well... I had to ask.


----------



## zayaka26 (Jul 5, 2001)

I really would not have a problem with this. Now there is the anxiety forum which I guess could serve a purpose as well (in venting from anxiety, that is). But I know there is some wonderful people in this forum who always make us feel welcomed and who we have built a trust with, so I guess you could feel better posting here.I do not know for sure.







Perhaps somebody else has something more to add?


----------



## Guest (Oct 25, 2002)

Well... I appreciate that...however I cannot say that I have ever really felt welcome here. It won't stop me from trying to help, however.Evie


----------



## Guest (Oct 25, 2002)

Zay... this IS the anxiety forum, isn't it?And this is the forum where I run across the most "discomfort".You know... it's often real tough for me to interact here. I can see people where I've been, and I want to give them the benefit of the experiences that I have had because I believe them to be helpful... but somehow I don't seem to be able to convey without getting people pissed... and that is not my intent.My feelings about people get in the way.... I want to help so much that I get too involved.I guess maybe that is why Eric and Tom are so objective with their posts here.I guess maybe I am also sinking into depression again tonite... so I am going to try to get some sleep and maybe things will look better in the morning.Thanx for trying to help... Zay.


----------



## Jeffrey Roberts (Apr 15, 1987)

Evie,I've always felt that the Meeting Place was the best forum to vent.Jeff


----------



## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Evie, I agree with Jeff.Besides I thought we were sometimes venting here yes?There are many reasons for this I believe, not that you can't post things and experiences.I hope things look better and you feel better in the am after some sleep.


----------



## zayaka26 (Jul 5, 2001)

Yes, this is the anxiety forum, or used to be. From what I understand now this one will be used for information, questions, etc. about hypno and CBT and an anxiety forum has been created (it's new). For me this still is an anxiety forum as well and I know I have vented over here as well. I'm sorry you do not always feel welcomed.







Jeff is right about the Meeting Place as a forum to vent, even though not many people feel welcome there either, LOL. We are all human and dealing with life and IBS which makes things not easier and I guess that is a normal dinamic in such a large group.


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

I see there is a new anxiety forum which I think is a good idea. but I'm not sure why this forum isn't a part of it as HT and CBt are good ways of managing anxiety? I think most places on the BB are a combination of enting places and information places. the problem with any bb is not what people post, it can be a problem for people who read too much into what;s posted at times though.tom


----------



## Guest (Oct 25, 2002)

Thanx for all the replies everyone. I guess I didn't know there was another separate forum for anxiety. I'll check it out.As far as the Meeting Place... I always thought that was more for the upbeat kind of messages that aren't even necessarily related to IBS... you know... for the good stuff...fun... jokes... etc.One of the other on-line boards of which I am a member, uses specific forums for times when their posts may be "triggers" for flaming or when they involve serious issues such as suicide thoughts... etc. We members on that board are expected to include the word, "Trigger" in the subject line of any posts that contain such volatile thoughts or feelings. I thought thought that might be helpful here at times as well, especially on this CBT forum.I did get a good night's rest lastnight, Eric. When I read the supportive messages here, I started to cry. I know it's the BPD. Hubby just gave me a big hug before he left. Hugs are good..... do we have a "hug" emoticon here?<HUG>


----------



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Im sorry, i don't see what the point of putting word triggers into the subject line in a BB that is not like the one you go to. I looked at your BB and maybe triggers is needed there because of the nature of quite a lot of the posts i read! A lot of suicidel thoughts there.Here i feel that is someone wants to vent let them vent. Its likely to set anyone else off if they read a message with someone not happy, if you know what i mean. Its the different natures of the board.


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

The reason there are many "trigger" posts on the other BB which I belong to is that it is very carefully monitored and everyone knows that flaming is not allowed. And if a post is damaging to another member, it is not posted, period. We are free to express our inner selves without fear of being lambasted.There are many "volatile" people on this board as well. Sometimes they flame. More often they probably refrain from posting out of fear of what others will say.IBS can be closely related to several behavioral health disorders. Many people are reluctant to talk about those relationships or attempt to engage in treatments that could help them. This is unfortunate.Here, sometimes even when posts are benign, informative and express opinions, members take things personally and they flame inappropriately.I find this distracting, unsupportive and unnecessary. "A wise doctor once said to me "If you're not going to take responsibilty for your own health and engage in the treatments/therapies that are recommend for and can help your health issues, you also forfeit the right to complain."Evie


----------



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

But if we had to add things like "trigger" into the subject line AND then have every single post vetted before it went online then we would have no freedom of speech and no way of expressign ourselves.It wol be too much. I think plenty of venting goes on on the BB without needing a special forum or thread for it. I like the layout now. I would not wish to change it.


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

Nikki,First off, I am not suggesting that every post be checked before it is posted. What I am asking for is to foster mutual respect by alerting others that your post or thread contains potentially negative elements or ideas or opinions that could be easily misunderstood. A lot of people have difficulty with that concept... especially people who are sick and who have more than just IBS going on... As Tom posted above, things are often read into posts that are not really even there. It's not the same as being face to face with someone and being able to read their face and body language. Wrong conclusions are often drawn which can result in bad feelings or result in people not posting here because they are afraid they will be lashed out against.... quite possibly people who really need to be able to speak their inner selves and know that they are not going to be judged or targeted for it.When we become more self-aware and are able to speak our inner selves and interact with others who have similar issues going on.... it is the beginning of a healing process for those of us who deal with behavioral health challenges as well as IBS.We need to be open to the needs of everyone here. That's why I brought up the idea of having a thread or a forum where people can safely vent. I am hoping the new anxiety forum will provide that enviroment.I have had a chance to visit the new anxiety forum, and I do think that is a good start. I hope that Eric and Tom and Dr. Bolen will spend some time there as well.Nikki, Honey... it's only when we can step out of our denial and admit that we have problems... that we can begin to start the process of healing. Otherwise we are fooling ourselves.Maybe some people with IBS do not feel the need for this..... but many of us DO.I am very encouraged by how I can see people opening up on some of the forums and in some of the threads. People need more positive reinforcement when they do finally take a step towards self awareness, recognizing their needs and working towards healing themselves from the inside out.If you don't feel the need for support and positive reinforcement when it comes to behavioral health challenges, then of course you are free to try and manage your issues on your own. But from what I am reading here, it sounds like maybe things aren't going so great for you either. Yes... it's always nice to get "hugs" from people here..... but sometimes it's better when those who understand what is happening encourage you to seek therapy because they know it will help you. The trick, is being able to open yourself up to the therapy. If you resist, it won't help you.Those of us who do want that support and positive reinforcement when the bottom falls out.... would like to know that we can safely vent or express opinions or experiences without being targeted.I do believe that more people would be willing to join in the posting as well as make donations to this board if we could work on creating an even more positive spirit among those who have difficulties in the areas of behavioral health... and trust me, there are many of us here who do.Nikki.... I have huge behavioral health problems and they seriously affect my physical health.... and more often the reverse is true. I don't want to be put down because I have the courage to admit that I needed help and I sought help. I and others like me want to be commended for getting the help that we need.... and not feeling as if we have to walk on eggshells around others. I am not alone in this desire.If you don't want to seek a therapist to help you with your issues... that is your perogative.Those of us who choose to seek a therapist and work on the kind of self healing that we need to better ourselves and effect positive changes in our IBS.... should be able to do so without being made fun of.Can you take what I've just said in stride and not come back at me for it? If you can... then I commend you. If you can't.... get a therapist.I, too, need positive strokes from you, Nikki.... Hugs, Evie


----------



## BQ (May 22, 2000)

Evie, It has been my experience here on the BB that when one wants to "vent" one puts that word in their thread title and that lets everyone know that it _is_ just a vent in that manner. Depending on what your vent is about, depends on which Forum you post it. Anxiety vents would be good to place on the Managing Anxiety Forum, IBS vents if they are of a symptom nature would go on the Forums that cover that symptom; vents about the weather lol or telemarketers kinda show up in the Meeting Place Forum. Just letting folks know in your thread title that you are venting or "on a rant" should do it for you.







( Btw Evie, I'm a tad confused about your response to Nikki above. Perhaps you meant to post that portion of the above on another thread? I know I have done this from time to time in error. Like somehow I can talk to everyone via my one post, lol... cover all bases with one "click". Well I can dream can't I?







)BQ


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

Yeah... I know what you mean, BQ..... I've just been upset tonight, feeling overwhelmed, and tired of being poked at. I sometimes get "lost" in all the threads. However, this IS still the CBT forum... and that is basically what I am discussing.I don't have all the answers. I am a very sick person in many ways... but I do well in my life with what I have... I never run away from a challenge.... and I never lose my sense of humor...... I do so appreciate your understanding.You once wrote to me in private and told me some things that actually propelled me to get help... even if they did hurt at the time... and I want to thank you for that BQ. Hugs to you, Evie


----------



## BQ (May 22, 2000)

((((Evie)))) You think you are overwhelmed... lol It seems like I spend much of everyday in that condition. lol With moving and all I'm not quite myself here. Like I'm trying to find the person who stole my multi-tasking abilities, lol. They were right here a month ago... LOLWorry not. Yep, last I checked this is the CBT/Hypno Forum.







However seeking any therapy is ultimately up to that individual and it can be very beneficial. I know for myself, it took quite a bit of courage and believe it or not, fear for someone other than myself to propel me into therapy. I often wonder if I wasn't so very concerned for someone else if I would have attempted to go to therapy. Whatever, everyone that chooses that course gets there in their own way. And they are usually right on time.







Evie if there were a way to somehow step outside of ourselves and observe _objectively_ our own behaviors, life would be a bunch easier. And yeah, probably wouldn't hurt so much. But I have learned, the more I hurt inside, the more I can clear my perceptions with the utter rawness stripping all else away and, you guessed it, the more I learn.We are all lovable and capable people. At times, we are lovable and capable despite our illnesses. I don't think you are a sick person. I don't think I am a sick person. I think we are all just lovable and capable people who happen to have illnesses. If gut pain bends me in half, I'm still me. I don't become incapable or unlovable. I'm just experiencing pain. Underneath that pain is me. And as me the best I can do is learn to manage that pain. I am so grateful to do that learning here with such a great bunch of lovable and capable folks of which you are one. No one has all the answers. Heck this place wouldn't exist if that were so. But each of us can offer our strength and our experience. And each of us chooses to learn what we can, when we can. And in between...............there are lots of hugs. (((((((Evie))))))))  BQ


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

BQ....It sounds as if you have somehow learned the secret of loving yourself.I used to think that I had learned how to love myself, but Heck... I don't even know who the real Evie is these days....that's what stress does to me..... so I don't know if I love myself or not... I love parts of me....







That's the fun of being a borderline..... it's not HOW you are.... it's WHO you are...







I use all the "personalities" to quell the pain. (and it isn't the same as schizophrenia... I am aware of all of my "personalitites")One of these days..... Evie will be WHOLE. Until then... I'll just keep on dancing......







Bless you for your caring and insight, Love, Evie


----------



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hi Evie,I don't see where in my posts i have been getting back at you or putting you down. Please don't look so far into the threads. You are finding things that aren't there.There is no denial on my part just so you know. I am fully aware i have issues, i don't let them consume me. I have had a bad week- granted. But everyone has them. I don't see that as a reason to seek a therapist and feel like i am being railroaded into doing things i don't want to do. I will do what i need to do for me when i feel ready.At the moment i am happy with the course of action i have taken and am willing to wait and see where i get to from that.I have my friends around me to help me through when i need them and as Marilyn said on another thread it is difficult to find a therapist that you feel comfortale with. Thanks for your concern but it is unneccesary (Im sorry, i cant spell).Spliffy


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

Nikki,Since most of what you posted is "general", I won't take offense.Just so you know, one of the things that I am trying very hard to work on improving right now is a very prominent borderline characteristic that entails having an exaggerated response to most everything. It happens because my limbic system is out of whack.... but it IS possible for me to try & curb it. Some days I am better at trying to logically work my way through these exaggerated responses than others. Just know that I care about you, but if my caring comes off the wrong way ... as it often does .... all I can say is that I will keep trying to put things into better perspective... inasmuch as my limbic system will allow me to do it.I am certainly glad that a few people cared about me enough to "railroad" me into seeking more help.Where I work, it's a standing joke that I can be demanding.... and these days it no longer upsets me.... I am learning to accept myself for who I am, faux pas included, not beat myself up for it, and smile as often as I can.I'm sorry if it appeared as if I were trying to railroad you into anything. I care about you, Nikki.... and I hope things get better for you.Love, Evie


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

very self perceptive insight, evie. tom


----------



## Guest (Oct 26, 2002)

Appreciate that, Tom. My therapist, Pat, also tells me that I am making great progress (as in leaps & bounds) when it comes to my level of self-awareness as well as acting on what I am discovering. But on those days when I get sassy.... just ignore me and it'll pass.  Thank you, Evie


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

evie, either someone has 'disappeared' one of your responses or I can't locate it. it was about writing groups. please repost as i was thinking about how to answer your question.tom


----------



## Guest (Oct 30, 2002)

Oh... I think maybe you are thinking of what I suggested for the new anxiety forum, Tom. I thought that might be an ideal place to start a poetry thread. After all, it is a creative way of venting, is it not?I could start such a topic over there, but I think you have the expertise when it comes to structuring the format.Is this what you were referring to?Evie


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

that's a pretty complicated question, evie, and I'e only started thinking it through but let me give you a couple of answers and I am open to suggestions.1. as far as you are concerned personally I'd suggest you talk it over with your therapist but I would be willing to work with you as part of your treatment and I think your insurance company could be persuaded tocover it. The first step in doing this would be to sign a release form that your therapist can give you so that she and I can communicate.2. as afr as any group goes one of the problems I've encountered is getting people to make a commitment, and a commitment is really necessary for it to have any benefit. it seems like there are many people who might think writing is a good way to deal with problems and they might try it once or twice but there are not many who would agrre to something like this if it would mean agreeing to do it six times?3. 3. as far as the bb and forums go, I think this is something that works better if there are no experts and is done as one sufferer to another, something like AA. when you get 'experts' involved they seem to get their egos easily bruised.so I would suggest you contact me bc about help for yourself and also think about starting a group or thread here or in the anxiety forum and then I could joinyour group as a sufferer. or you could start a thread on writing as a method of treating and I could repost some of the informationI posted awhile back that is scattered all over the bb?tom


----------



## Guest (Oct 31, 2002)

Tom,Not sure I know what you mean by:"I would be willing to work with you as part of your treatment"Are you suggesting more of a one-on-one writing therapy if my therapist agrees to it and signs off on it for you so that the two of you can communicate?I think you may be right about experts tossing around their "opinions", but I still think it is good for a forum to be moderated by someone who has access to and can post relavent factual information about topics. Posting information or facts as stated by others, doesn't leave much room for quibbling among the experts, does it? Besides, differences of opinion are good... and most experts are able to maintain objectivity, are they not?About the other possibilities you suggested along the lines of developing threads to encourage members to write poetry to help them express their feelings, I think the best route might be to start a topic (I can do that) and then you can post information that you've already posted in other forums related to the writing exercises. Personally, my feelings often change from week to week, day to day, hour to hour... even minute to minute.... it's the borderline thing.... you know what I mean...You've probably had patients in the past who had this disorder. And you know that when severe stress exists, medication is mandatory. So what I'm saying is that I'm not sure how consistent I could be with this.I see Pat tomorrow. I will ask her what she thinks about this. May I give her your email address?Evie


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

you can give her my email address, evie.tom


----------

