# Struggling to have a relationship



## wishingforchange (May 26, 2013)

Hello all,

I am 16 years old and I have suffered from IBS-D on and off for nearly my whole life, although it has gotten much worse in the last 5 years. Currently, I struggle to go to school daily and am worried about college courses I am supposed to be taking next year. It is hard to be a teenage girl, and having extreme social anxiety about whether or not I will need a bathroom at any given point and if I will make it to said bathroom in time has not made being 16 any easier. I have countless stories ending in very deep humiliation associated with ibs. I generally am able to handle embarrassing situations fairly well, because I have to, and I try my best not to let my symptoms interfere greatly with my life, although of course they have some.

This past year though, I have gotten very close with a boy, and have been with him for about 7 or 8 months. I didn't tell him about this to preserve at least a little bit of dignity, but he started to wonder if I had an eating disorder, because I never ate around him and I cancelled dinner plans and such very often. I felt I needed to tell him before things progressed even further. I explained as best I could the extent of this issue, and he said it didn't change anything, although I'm not sure he entirely understood why this is such a big deal. A few days ago I got uncontrollable diarrhea at his house and had to go home, and though he acted very normally and said it was fine, I couldn't help but feel extremely embarrassed and humiliated once I got home, and I have not been able to shake this feeling. I worry that as we get closer I will continue to be embarrassed around him and have ongoing anxiety about getting sick around him. Any advice for how to maintain my dignity around him? How have others dealt with being in relationships while having severe ibs symptoms? I wonder if down the road I will ever be able to have a normal career, or family.


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## Inneedofadvice (May 6, 2014)

hi hunny. im 25 years old. i can relate to this. when i first started ibs i was with a guy and it was very difficult to talk to him or tell him what was going on. long story short we moved in together and i had to tell him. he was very understanding. and now we are married. i understand that it can be very embarrassing and difficult to talk about but i see it this way....either you tell him and hes ok with it and you live on happy... you dont tell him and you end up trying to hide it causing stress and maybe even making it worse.....you tell him and he doesn't want anything to do with it and if that's the case hes not worth your time. you have to come to terms with your condition and understand that some people will accept you and some people wont, but it is up to you to tell him and find out, otherwise you will never know. i hope this is helpful xoxo


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## Mandabear (Aug 28, 2013)

I completely get where you're coming from. I was very lucky to have IBS-C-like symptoms when I was your age, but still was pretty sick. I can't say I ever really had a relationship that ever worked out, but I'm still only 21. Inneedofadvice is completely right though, if someone can't handle you telling them that you have this condition, they are not worth your time. I'm pretty open with my condition when I've known someone for a bit, because it's not something you can really hide. It's like trying to hide a hippo under a napkin! And please, don't try to be "normal," because it doesn't work that way. Don't compare yourself to healthy people, compare yourself to you, and how you have progressed. And do what you feel is best for you!


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