# Self-Respect, Self-Awareness & Controlling Anger & Shame



## Guest (Apr 8, 2002)

A new thread to talk about how we can help make better things happen for us seems like a good idea. No matter which pathway we are on in the journey of life, there are things each of us can do to help pull ourselves out of the depths of despair. For some of us it will take longer than others, but we can still get there and the rewards will be both satisfying and fulfilling. Self-Respect: Sounds simple enough, however many of us on this board may be where we are because we don't really understand what self-respect is or how to achieve it. When we have a good sense of self-respect, it directs us on to more positive pathways and life experiences. Self-Awareness: Learning to become aware of how our thoughts and feelings affect our physical well-being may be the challenge of the century for some of us.... but it's possible and very workable. Learning to have some control over those thoughts and feelings is a possibility that many of us never entertain, yet the positive things that come out of having a good sense self-awareness are worth the effort!Controlling Anger: Most people don't really know what to do with their anger. Though it is a natural part of being human, it isn't easy to handle and can cause us a lot of trouble. When we learn how to more effectively deal with anger, the end result can be very positive.Controlling Shame: Shame is something that most people don't like to talk about, and therefore remains somewhat elusive. Shame is a cue that there is something wrong between us and the rest of the world. While it can make us feel uncomfortable if excessive, it can also become a healthy and useful feeling. To summarize: AFFECT = EFFECT(Like most of you, I suffer from IBS, FMS, CFS, depression & anxiety)Recommended reading:LETTING GO OF ANGERNew Harbinger Publications, Inc.LETTING GO OF SHAMEHazelden Information & Educational ServicesBoth authored by Ronald and Patricia Potter-Efron


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## abcdefg (Apr 1, 2001)

What a wonderful idea Artspirt!I have had terrible shame about my digestive problems (always producing very offensive gas and of course aggravated by stress spasms). Have been isolated and never even had a relationship.So I worry when it sounds like some of the young bb members are taking the isolation route due to shame and poor self-esteem. I would also like to change my own situation. Have tried hard but no success yet.How are you doing with your ibs situation? Another book suggestion: Psychology of Self-Esteem (N. Branden I think)


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## Guest (Apr 9, 2002)

Excellent suggestion, ABCDEFG......... How am I doing with my IBS symptoms? Probably about the same as everyone else.... I just tend to view it differently, I think. In general, I vascillate between the D and the C and every day of my life my waist expands about 3-4 inches. I had a major gas attack today at work.... and just kept on trotting to the biffy to expel it







I tend to expel ALL maybe every other day or every couple of days in the form of D..... the cramps are excrutiating at times.I think we all need to find eating techniques that work for us, medications that helps us, exercise that increases our feelings of wellbeing, and a chance to teach our brains to try to view situations in a different light. We're sick... but we don't have to act it.... nor do we have to apologize for it.... it's a fact of our lives, just as having to take insulin and monitor carbohydrate intake is what a diabetic has to do. There is far too much stigma attached to G.I. distress and our society is totally to blame.... just as there is far too little understanding about disorders such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder and a host of other behavior dysfunctions. The bottom line is that we are all human and we all fart in the morning







I have made major progess in the areas of developing self-respet, self-awareness and learning to combat shame as well as anger. It's true.......people in our situation have to try that much harder to build their self-esteem... but we CAN do it !!In spite of my health constraints.... for the next 3 Sundays in a row..... I am being featured in a local modern dance concert (audience never exceeds 40 people).... and yes, it is a challenge, yes, I experience loss of confidence at times, yes.... it is difficult, painful and fatiguing..... but the wonderful rewards thereafer make every pain, fatigue issue and self-confidence issue one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever had the privilege to share.We are limited only by ourselves. There is much we can do in spite of our IBS and related problems.For starters...... one of my favorite things to do is "educate" the disbelievers. And I never back down from that challenge.... even on those days when I feel as if everything is crashing down all around me. Our bodies are capable of a certain amount of self-healing.... if only we will listen to what they are telling us.Thank you for your support of this topic. I hope that others will see that there is hope... and they can effectively alter their thinking, their behavior and consequently even sometimes their physical responses. I would never say any of this if I weren't also afflicted.... I've been there... and I know that it can be done.... it's a challenge.... it requires more energy than I'd like to expend some days.... but the rewards are well worth the effort.


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## Guest (Apr 9, 2002)

I just wanted to add this little tidbit.........Food for thought:No one ever told the bumblee that it couldn't fly ... yet scientifically it is impossible.Think about it (we worry too much about what others will think... and it ends up stunting our growth)


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## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

Controlling anger could perhaps be appropriately expressing anger?tom


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## Guest (Apr 10, 2002)

Tom,Correct...... they are one and the same. We all need to learn how to productively channel our anger. It's an enabling experience. And it can be a positive thing if it's done well.Anyone can learn how to use their anger in a productive way. But sometimes it isn't as simple as just restraining the urge to choke the daylights out of someone







We need to become a bit introspective.... that is begin to look inside of ourselves to see if we can discover where all the anger is coming from.Once we know from where it emanates, we can work on a plan to more effectively manage it. Example: Someone makes a snide remark about our bathroom habits. Instead of steaming inside or feeling an urge to smack them...... realize that they are simply not enlightened and offer to enlighten them. I think the most important thing is to not hold our anger in to the point that it begins to affect our physical well-being. I'm sure we all know the old saying: Psychology becomes biologyExample: When we allow ourselves to become angry but don't give ourselves any way to dispell it, the stress starts to affect us physically.... it changes our breathing.... affects our digestion .... and so on.Learning to manage anger is something that we can all learn to do.Anger and shame are also closely related... they feed upon each other. The way to deal with both of them the most effectively is to work on increasing our self-respect. In other words, when we know we're OK.... we can tell the non-believers that we're OK with conviction.I strongly recommend reading the books I cited in my first post. Spending a few sessions with a qualified therapist may also be beneficial. It's a learning process.... one that enables us to achieve greater confidence, which in turns produces a sense of inner peace.


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