# My story



## dufusmatt (Jun 18, 2013)

Hopefully this will be therapeutic!

Hi everyone, I'm Matt!

I've suffered from CPPS/Chronic Prostatitis since I was 18. Basically that means I needed to pee all the time, and have constant pains in my pelvis. Oh, and when I say I needed to pee all the time, I literally mean it. Every minute of the day. I had to teach myself what sensations were real and what were fake, and I still get it wrong sometimes.

I'm now 26, and 8 years of CPPS has really changed things. I've lost almost all of my friends, I'm scared to do everything. I used to be so fun and outgoing, and now I like to hide in my bed with a good tv series. I stress nonstop about the simplest things, and for a year I had to give up driving because every time I sat in my car, I got the most overwhelming sensation to pee. The kind where you just have to stop what you're doing and get to a toilet asap. It's been really tough.

I also developed IBS when I was 23, probably because of the stress of life. But also probably because I was given months and months of antibiotics for the CPPS, which no doubt killed my gut immune system.

Initially, the IBS was a breeze compared to the CPPS, but now the fatigue seems to have taken over as the dominant symptom and there are days when I struggle to get up the stairs or lift my head off the pillow. I am a PhD student so I can afford to take days off to rest, but I am absolutely terrified about my future and whether I could ever hold a 9-5 job. Most mornings I wake up feverish and sick to my stomach. It takes a good few hours to get over, so I don't usually start my day until 1pm. I seem to get a burst of energy late at night, so I get most of my work done between 11pm-4am.

I wouldn't say I was depressed, just miserable. I had a bit of depression as a symptom of the IBS a few years back and it was much much different to what I feel now. Now it's more of a dullness to life, like I just don't care anymore. I am definitely not suicidal, but everytime I hop on a plane, I do find myself thinking "I actually wouldn't mind if this plane fell out of the sky" which is a horrible thought as there would be plenty of healthy and happy people on board with me that don't deserve a quick end.

I am determined to get happy! I have been seeing a woman once a fortnight who has been picking my brains to get me to question my fears and anxieties on life, and really focus on living with my health, rather than dreaming of a life where my health is great. I don't think it's worked that well as I am still scared of everything. But I am sticking with it and maybe one day I will be happier.

As much as this post is just meaningless words, I hope I've managed to convey some feelings too. And I look forward to meeting everyone (please say hi!) and hopefully share some of the knowledge I've learned over the past few years.

Oh, I'm also a scientist (my PhD is in antibiotics and drug development) and a gay man. And proud (of the gayness, not the science)







I also have the cutest pup in the whole world, if you want to see some pics - #dufusmatt on Instagram


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## zozyiy (Oct 28, 2013)

Hello Matt,

My name is Zoltan. I am 27 and I am from Hungary but live in London. I`ve got the same problem as yours. CPPS and I really want to solve it somehow because this is my life I am still looking for the way out of this hell. I am also gay and being gay is not easy with this disease.

I already adore you because you are a Scientist and that is my big dream anyway. So I really feel your pain and I really want get rid of it. I am seeking treatments in my country, Hungary and here, in the UK as well but there are not so many options so far.

The point is: if you want to be recovered, help me, please and I try to help you as my English knowledge lets me down a bit sometimes.

Do not give up, head up high!

Answer please asap.

With sympathy ;-)

Zoltan


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