# Not Feeling Good



## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

It feels like the anxiety and panic is back with a vengence








Pretty much since the beginning of July I've been having dizzy spells, nausea, etc. I went to the doctor about that and had an EKG and blood work but apart from a low B12 level, nothing came back out of the ordinary. I don't know if those are symptoms of anxiety or some kind of physical ailment that is causing me to feel anxious







I had a total break down over the weekend. I had big plans on Saturday night, going out to a Comedy Club for a friend's birthday and then to a house party. I wasn't feeling well at all before I left the house (extremely nauseous) but I decided to stick it out. I made it through the comedy club event and managed for an hour or so at the party when all of a sudden I felt *so* nauseous. I grabbed my boyfriend and told him I had to go outside. I started dry heaving as soon as we walked out the door. I thought maybe at the beginning of the night I was feeling sick because I was anxious about going to this thing but figured I'd be okay at the party. I still don't know!At that point I decided I should just go home. So I did and cried all the way the way there and cried myself to sleep. I spent a good party of the day on Sunday crying too. I'm just getting so fed up with the anxiety and IBS. I mean, I don't think the IBS was what made me feel sick on Saturday but whatever... I'm just sick of it all. Most of the time I feel like I can manage the IBS but the anxiety is too much. I really thought I was getting better but now I'm struggling again. I'm starting to panic when I'm driving in my car and of everything, that upsets me the most because I always felt like, "as least I still have the freedom of driving". At this point I feel like I've lost that too. I'm working on my coping skills, ie; breathing, positive self talk and I don't know where I've gone wrong that it's 'coming back'. I feel like I've lost all my freedom and all my independence.Most mornings I wake up and wonder how I'm going to get through the day and what kind of surprises am I going to get. I feel as if everyone thinks I should be "over it" by now and the only person who really knows how I feel is my boyfriend. We spoke the other night and he made me feel a bit better by telling me not to worry about him and that I need to work on getting better for me. That was a bit of a load off but I still can't help but take his feelings into consideration when I start freaking out about doing something or complain about feeling ill and of course guilty for ruining our plans way too often.Anyways, I just needed to vent. I'm thinking of getting into contact with the psychiatrist I saw almost a year ago and discussing anti-depressants with her (again). She prescribed me Celexa last November but I was reluctant to take because I wanted to give myself a chance to get better on my own without meds but now I'm beginning to feel like maybe medication might be the route for me to go in the meantime and get myself back into therapy and start working on this again. I really am starting to feel depressed and that worries me too (what doesn't







) because almost every person on my Mother's side of the family has suffered from severe depression at one point or another. I had an Uncle who commited suicide on Christmas one year even.I'm sorry if I sound like I'm feeling really sorry for myself, it's just that I'm feeling sad and hopeless right now and have been for the last few months. One thing that might be bringing these feelings back is that it's been almost exactly a year since this all started. Last fall was a very rough time for me and with the season changing I can't help but be reminded of all that happened at this time a year ago







So that's all. Somedays I feel hopeful that I'll feel better but lately I'm feeling like that day will never come. Probably a poor attitude to have but all of this is starting to get to me and I'm having a hard time coping with it.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown[This message has been edited by shyra22f (edited 09-25-2001).]


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Shyra, sorry to hear your not doing so well. Hang in there. You will feel better soon.We all have our ups and downs and your right about attitude, thats important.Just know were here for whatever you need from us.Hang tight and be strong.Are you getting any excersise, this is important and can really help with depression. Not the only answer I know, but a good start.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## linda2001 (Apr 14, 2001)

I'm sorry you are not doing too well. I've sent you an email.Hang in there.Take careLinda


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Oh Shyra! I'm so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I can relate to how you are feeling (things being back with a vengence and all). I feel that my depression/anxiety attacks are cyclical. They have been better since I started on the beta-blocker, but they haven't gone completely away, not sure if they ever will. (horrible thought, isn't it?)Try to think of what you were able to accomplish rather than what you missed. (it is so much easier to give advice than to take it, you know







) You did go to the club and to part of the party. Could there be another reason for the way you felt, like a flu or something? It is good that you have such a supportive boyfriend. I know we have exchanged a post or two about having supportive S.O.s and how we worry about how they feel.It will be good for you to see the doctor again. See if the medicine can help you. You mentioned that you have a family history of depression, so that would mean it is hereditary. Try thinking about depression like you would, say, heart disease. If you had high blood pressure, you would take the meds, right? You wouldn't feel "guilty" about not feeling well, right? We have to think of our problems the same way. (advice courtesy of my mom). I'm sure recent events have not helped how you have been feeling either. I think a lot of us are seeing our anxieties and depression level increase. (By the way, my dizzy spells and nausea where related to the tension headaches I get. Do you ever get headaches that feel like sinus headaches, do you have allergies?)Re-read the quote you have at the bottom of your post. I'm sure you put it there for a reason. You are a success







------------------Mï¿½dchen


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## Melissa V (Feb 7, 2001)

I tried to send this via email to you but for some reason it wouln't let me.Hi Shyra, I too suffer from severe panic attacks. What you describe is what I have dealt with for the past 15 years. I have also been going through a "bad time" of it recently...can't really pin it on anything except the time of year and too many changes and memories of the past haunting me. I have been taking panic and anti depressant meds for 4 years now and it has only been within the last year that I think my doc and I found the right combination to keep things in check the majority of the time. I too have a family history of mental illness (clinical depression, manic depressant, panic/anxiety disorders) and was told by the doc I am working with now that most likely I have a chemical imbalance and will need medication for the rest of my life. There are still "bad" days for me...but i tell myself that EVERYONE has these type of days and I also have a VERY supportive husband. I was sick on our dates constantly and he still married me







With the medications I have been on a cruise, to Disney, the beach, airshows....things that before would have really set me off....I still will get the "what if" thoughts but am learning with therepy to cut these thoughts off before they run me off the track so to speak. Don't be afraid of the meds...just be very aware of what you are taking and what the side effects are...make sure the benefits are going to outweigh any negative side effects. I take Xanaax for my panic and am very aware of how habit forming it can be. I am very aware of how much and how often I take it. Right now, I am very stressed out and have needed a dose or 2 every day..I don't like to do that but I need to so I can be a decent mom to my kids and continue to take care of my daycare kids. I only take it when the anxiety is begining to push towards a real panic attack...otherwise I try and talk myself out of the anxiety. During vacations I need high doses but when i get back home I just wean myself back down to nothing...this works for me but it takes a lot of self montitoring so that the drug is not getting abused. Hope I helped at least some I know I rambled on a lot....sorry. Email me if you need to...Melissa


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Shyra, feeling any better?------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Eric, Linda, Madchen, and Melissa, thank you so much for your support it means so much. I had a better day yesterday... compared to the days before it anyways. I left a message for the psychiatrist and now I'm just waiting for her to return my call. Eric, you asked if I was getting exercise and yes I am. I tend to excersise _more_ when I'm feeling like this because the anxiety feels like all this excess energy I need to get rid of.Linda- Thank you for the email







Madchen you made a very good point about taking medication when you aren't feeling well. You have a very wise Mom







Melissa- Good for you! That's great that you don't let it get to you and still get out travelling. Thank goodness for supportive husbands/boyfriends. My boyfriend has been my crutch over the last year and I'm _so_ greatful for him. I'm glad you've found the right combination of medication. I was prescribed Ativan last year and have been using it on an as needed basis over the last year. And when I say "as needed" I don't take it unless I feel that I *have to* just like yourself.I believe I'm going to give the anti-depressants a chance. I have nothing to lose really. Should I experience side effects.. well.. I've been feeling so crappy lately it wouldn't make a huge difference (as long as the side effects are temporary of course). When the psychiatrist phones I'm going to discuss my options with her and let you guys know what's happening.Once again, thank you all.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

Sounds like you are taking great care of yourself here Shyra. Doing lots of good things for you. Your decisions are admirable and I'm sending lots of good wishes for much more success. Hang in there. BQ[This message has been edited by BQ (edited 09-27-2001).]


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Glad to hear that you are feeling a little better, Shyra.







Let us know what you decide to do.


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## AZmom1 (Dec 6, 1999)

Hi Shyra,This is just a setback, and they can be expected. When you have these setbacks, stop and think what stresses you have been under. Of course, the terrorist attacks have stressed everyone out. You may think you are not affected, but you are. Watching those horrible pictures over and over...it's not good for us. Perhaps you have had other stresses on top of what is going on in the world? The fact that you had increased feelings of anxiety is perfectly understandable for what has been happening. Go easy on yourself. Look at your stress as something your body is trying to tell you. It is saying, "Hey, something's bugging me and it needs dealing with."I'm glad you've decided to take an antidepressant, there's nothing wrong with it. You have already done, or are doing the CBT work that you need to do. Keep up with that as well, it is extremely important.Think about Mike's tapes too. I think you'd really enjoy them, and they might just complete your recovery. Take care,AZ


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Thank you so much everyone. I finally feel like I'm in a better state of mind today. I had a *really really* good weekend so that made up for the weekend before







I even went to a movie <woo hoo!> I've been taking a little more Ativan than usual (no more than my maximum dose) to get me through but it's helping me manage with my coping skills.The psychiatrist still hasn't called me back







but I'll try getting in touch with her over the next day or two.BQ- How are you holding up? I hope you're doing okay.Madchen & AZ; thank you once again for your continued support. Really, it means so much to know that I have friends who have been where I've been.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## GailSusan (Dec 23, 2000)

Shyra, I used to get really bad panic attacks, but haven't had them for years now. Also, suffered from depression years ago. I only mention this because it sometimes feels like the bad times will last forever. It was a combo of medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, and hypnotherapy that helped me get better. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us know how you are doing.


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Shrya, I'm glad to hear that you had a good weekend.







What movie did you see?


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Shrya, glad to here thinks are looking up.Good your getting excersise thats important for this and health in general.I was just gonna suggest this book to read for the sake of it and to my surprize its online free. Its worth reading.Keep us updated.







http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/life1/ ------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Hi Madchen, we went and saw "Hearts In Atlantis" it was really good but I think I need to read the book now. It's a good date movie if you want to take your hubby out







Not a chick flick but something both of you could enjoy. I just love Anthony Hopkins!Thank you very much for the link Eric. When I get home I'll print it out and read through it. It looks like something a person could keep by their bed side table and read through from time to time


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Shyra, just fyi because there are other books of his he has online worth taking a peek at as some are on depression. http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/ I think yoou will enjoy these books.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

Hi ShyraSorry to hear that you've been having a rough time of things, but glad to hear things are a little better now.I know its hard but just take one day at a time and try to celebrate your successes no matter how small they are.Since my IBS began 15 months ago I have struggled through an IBS - Insomnia - Depresssion cycle and sometimes I felt that I didn't want to go on living.Your not alone, we all find it hard to carry on sometimes - but its important to remember that there is life outside IBS and to try not to let it rule your life.Perhaps you could ask your doctor about some anti-depressants or anxiety meds?I take a very low dose of Cipramil (Citalopram Hydrobromide) 10mg a day and it has helped tremendously with my depression where prozac and effexor failed and I've had no side effects whatsoever.Cipramil is also used to treat anxiety - so just wondering if it may be a possibility for you to try.You sound like you have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend which is good, we all worry sometimes that maybe they will get fed up with the IBS and other things but if they are worth their salt it wont make a blind bit of difference to them. I'm still with my boyfriend of eight years and he's been through a lot with me and always been supportive - so there is hope! Hang on in there and hopefully things will get better soon,(((((((((HUGS)))))))))Clair


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Hi Eric, I printed off the first chapter of the online book.. looks good so far! (It takes me awhile to read anything







)Thank you Clair... those are some very wise words of advice. I have more of a problem with anxiety than IBS. Actually.. my IBS has been under control for the last month. It's my fear of fear that's causing me problems.I went to a hockey game last night and it didn't go so well







I wasn't anxious getting ready, I wasn't even anxious on my way down there but once we got there and I was walking through the crowd the anxiety hit but I tried talking to myself saying I'd be okay, etc. Well our seats turned out to be the 20th row on the second balcony. I'm *deathly* afraid of heights so that just set me off. Looking down at the ice was making me dizzy and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It took a good 20 minutes or so before I felt comfortable. My first instinct was to bolt but I didn't. I think this is the first time too that my boyfriend has actually *seen* me anxious. Other times it's not that obvious but last night I was tense, shaking, etc. And I totally panicked when he told me he was going to take the train home (city transit)







that meant I would've had to take a cab home alone which I didn't feel comfortable with _at all_. He ended up taking a cab with me back to my place and I drove him home from there but I felt like a fool







Once again he said he just wants me to get better and I need to start facing up to some of my fears on my own. I could've started crying.Oh well. The psychiatrist finally called back. She had been on holidays and I might be able to get into see her next week which will be good. I'm getting fed up and I figure that it's been a year since this all started and I need something to supplement my 'recovery'.Thanks for listening once again







------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown[This message has been edited by shyra22f (edited 10-04-2001).]


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