# How do you tell you family and friends?



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I thought i would post a little something here about parent issues, hopefully i'll get a few responses because any extra thoughts would be greatly appreciated.







How many people here have problems explaining your conditions to your friends and reletives- or even to your parents and siblings?I thought this thread could be of ideas of what and how to tell boyfriends, friends, family etc what IBS is and _how_ we feel without making ourselves look like complete social freaks.







Well, the first thing i would personally recommend is Molly's brochure which is designed to explain to people close to you why you might be funny about some things, or a late very often.I know quite a lot of us would rather keep it to ourselves. I know i feel like that most of the time. But with close friends i find this is just not possible. As much as i _would_ like to keep it hush hush they are eventually going to work out that something is wrong.







I have discovered that honesty is the best policy and if they are true friends then they won't just run away in disgust.







I will write more about this later but please write down what it is that you all do! I hope this will help new members in the future.







Spliffy


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## NO1Batgirl (Oct 7, 2002)

I simply don't tell my friends the intricate details of IBS, or that it is IBS for that matter. The age old explanation I give them is I have an anxiety problem that usually makes my stomach hurt as a side effect. Nothing is mentioned about diarhea or constipation...I dunno, I guess it's just one of those things friends don't really need to know.


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## Godsent316 (Sep 9, 2002)

I told my best friend last year finally, after living with it my whole life and being her friend for 5 years. It came down to that I had to, because I was telling people that I had the flu almost everyday and people were starting to think I was dying. Normally, I just say that I have a health condition that is worsened by stress, anxiety, nervousness and certain foods. Usually, just saying that I have a health condition shuts people up, they dont' want to hear about it. Some of my closer friends though, know about it like Molly's Brochure info because I have to keep cancelling. If any of you are wonderin how to deal with work, this is how I did it. At our staff meetings, they always bring in fast food. At first, I told them I had alot of allergies, but when all their suggestions were not allowed by me, I finally said I had a health condition and that it was in my best interests not to eat it. I tell them not to worry and usually I bring crackers and water with me. Although, being a teenager with this problem is a problem in itself. Many of my teachers think that I am anorexic, one threatened to talk to the guidance counsellors if I didn't provide proof that it wasn't anorexia. (all she ever saw me eat was baby crackers and water). So.. that's how I deal with it. My immediate family knows due to my mom having the c type, so it's not a problem, but my other family doesn't really know.. althought they're doctors and nurses but I can see them having a problem and not believing me.. I already got in trouble for bringing Imodium on vacation with me when I was 8...


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## WaveyR (Jul 22, 2002)

Spot on Spliffy







- honesty is the best policy.Personally, I work on a need-to-know basis.Telling immediate family wasn't a problem for me, I wouldn't know what to do if it was







. Extended family shouldn't need to know, but if they do, I just say I have a stomach condition and I get sick easily. They all knew I got travel sick anyway, they just think its related to that.Friends are a bit more complicated. Most of my friends know that I have a "stomach condition". My housemates inevitably know quite a bit more.







I'm very lucky because I have one or two friends who I knew wouldn't mind knowing the full details. Once there is someone around who knows exactly why you can't go out (for example), you have someone to back you up against people who don't understand. (I hope that makes sense)A huge help/relief for me was telling my lecturers. Telling a someone who is almost a complete stranger was the hardest, but it makes life so much easier. I can't imagine how I lasted so long without telling them. I no longer need to worry what they think about my poor attendance record, or just walking out in the middle of a lecture.Telling a potential







girlfriend







about IBS: Answers on a postcard.







Sorry, I have no idea.







Since getting sick, I haven't really had any interest. IBS is not terribly sexy. Besides, I don't meet many new people because I don't go out nearly as much as I should. I suppose that if things keep on gradually getting better, I will go out more. Hopefully by then my IBS will be easier to explain away.







Overall, try to make things easier for yourself. I hope I've helped.Wavey


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

OK Spliffy's half arsed attempted at telling a potential love interest:
Make sure you are comfortable with them.
Make sure they are the kind of girl/guy you can trust, not judgmental, maybe a bit open minded.
I waited for 3 months before i told my boyfriend, but it doesn't really matter how long you wait or don't wait as long as you are comfortable with telling them.
Come armed with literature, like Molly's Brochure (the link on my original post).
If all else fails cry. Thats what i did and they can't be mad at you!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Bump for Jcervantes.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

I usually keep it to myself because everybody has weaknesses and I do not think it is necessary to tell everybody I know that I have IBS. The few people I have told are those I really trust or see me suffering and have questions.


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## kat* (Dec 7, 2002)

my close family i had no troubles telling because they are relatively open.the rest of my family i wouldnt have a problem telling but i have refrained from telling them to save them the embarassment because i just know it would make them feel uncomfortable.i find it hard to tell my friends.i just say i have a digestive disorder and that i have stomach cramps and feel sick alot...i could never mention the rest.....id be so embarssed....i found it hard to tell my bf...but hes very understanding now he knows....hes very thoughtful.....always makes sure i know where the loo is whenever we go out etc......its a big relief to get it off your chest....i sugest telling people....but only if youre the type who likes to speak openly about your problems.


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## priya (Dec 6, 2002)

It was such a big weight off my shoulders when i finally told my boyfriend. I wish i had done it so much earlier as he has been so understanding and caring about it.It's nice to be able to joke with him about my bathroom habits rather than wonder what he's thinking when i visit the bathroom ten times a night!I would advise anyone to tell their partner as soon as they feel right.I used to tell him I had a tummy upset on a number of occasions so when I finally told him, it wasn't too much of a shock for him.I should be finishing my degree next year but am petrified about what to do in a new work environment where nobody will know. Is it advisable to tell someone of authority early on so that they understand why u have to leave a meeting in the middle etc?


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## Jules1199 (Nov 12, 2002)

I am pretty open about it with my best girlfriends... they hear all about how many times i go or dont go. I was a lifeguard last summer and everyone got quite the kick out of seeing my bloated tummy.... looks like im 6 months pregnant. With my other friends I pretty much just "always have a tummy ache" as they would say. AS far as my family, my mom knows everything b/c I tell her almost everything. My dad has gotten the occasional request to run to the store b/c I'm out of laxative... that's as far into it we get. I"ve had many times where I can't go out b/c of my IBS and I usually jsut tell people that I have a tummy ache. All my friends are very understanding and i really haven't had a problem with it. And you know what... even if they weren't understanding, I"ve gotten to the point where I really son't give a ****... my life revolves around it and if they're my friend they can listen to me whine about it.. that's what friends are for right???- Julie


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## Brockbaby (Aug 27, 2002)

Here's my problem...I try to tell people about it (and b/f's) but they just think that I throw up b/c of it and say that its no big deal....so then what am I supposed to say? correct them and say, "actually I don't throw up, its the other end"? That's a little embarrassing! And if my b/f wants to get together but I have gas, I don't want to say "sorry hunny, i smell"!! haha ss


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Bumperoony!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

bump


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## Engine23 (Nov 19, 2002)

I tell everyone. I dont care what they think. We all have problems. Some of us are to skinny or overweight, some have hairloss, and whatever else simply makes us human. I know firends can be frustrated when i cancel plans or dont feel like playing golf all day 10 minutes from a toilet but in the ned they are understanding.


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## angylroses (Feb 27, 2003)

My roommate gets the full gory details of it, especially when I don't feel good. But she's like a sister, so telling her was no problem. We even laugh and joke about it sometimes and she helps buy foods that agree with my tummy now.My parents know already because they were the ones who went to all the doctor appointments with me and were there when I was diagnosed. They know what it is and the effects, but I'm not quite sure they know all of it.As for my boyfriend, he knows I have a stomach problem that causes stomach pains. I just recently tried to explain to him about it a little bit, telling him that there are certain foods I can't eat and that sometimes anxiety and stress cause them. But I haven't gone into the D or C part of it. He just knows that sometimes I need a bathroom ASAP and I think he's fine just knowing that part.







If he asked, or if it came up, I'd probably tell him the rest. I guess it depends on how comfy you are about it.I'm also lucky that my boss and I are really good friends. She's almost like a second mother to me so she knows all about it, especially since I've fainted at work because of it. If I ever go to another job, I don't know what I'll do when I have to dissapear into the bathroom for 15-20 mins at a time.As for everyone else, I like the answer given earlier.. they're on a need to know basis.


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## dexychica2 (Aug 24, 2002)

i tell people that i have ibs. why hide it? there's nothing that i did to get it, so why be ashamed? i simply tell them i have ibs- and that if they want more information on it, to look it up lol.


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## DannyLQT (Jan 14, 2003)

I don't tell my friends. I don't think they should know. My family knows cause my mom and brother suffer from it too. I told my best friend last year about it and she was ok with it. I knew she would be. So if we are shopping, she comes to the bathroom with me so I'm not alone. LOL I told my boyfriend a year ago, 3 years after we had been together. It's now been 4 almost 5 years. He doesn't care and is understandable about it. What he didn't understand was why I would always complain about being sick b4 I told him. But now he knows the reason.


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## Kyleogeous (Dec 26, 2002)

My dad is a nurse and my mom has IBS, so I am lucky there. When I had my colonoscapy I had to tell a teacher or two about it. Some other people overheard it and now most people at my school know. It is not that bad, there are some people who have laughed at it (some find IBS books in my car) so I just tell them the facts of IBS and that shuts them up. Nobody treats me diffrent (hey we all have problems.) When I have an attack with friends around I just get up and leave. They all just know that I leave alot. I sometimes even joke when I return, "To many girls calling my cell phone!" or "That is my favorite bathroom in the city!!" if you can not tell I am just think laughter is the best medicine for IBS.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I totally agree that just being upfront is the best policy, but i do tell people on a need to know basis.If you can laugh at yourself then that is even better, even if it doesn't feel like a laughing matter most of the time.I told the guy i am seeing about it recently, and feel so much better that he actually knows now. I don't need to make excuses.


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