# DON'T KEEP IT A SECRET LIKE I DID!



## housecat (Jan 8, 2008)

Long story short, I've felt the symptoms of IBS-D coming on for years starting around the time I was 16 or 17. My symptoms were annoying, but manageable and since I was embarrassed about them, I kept them a secret from friends and family.I'm now 22, and about 8 months ago, I moved from the Southwest to the Bay Area. Over the past few months, my symptoms have grown insufferable despite numerous lifestyle changes over the last two years. Diet, working out, etc.As a result, I cloistered myself away from friends without giving them an explanation, I left my job indefinitely -- consequently drying out my savings account, and still kept all of this a secret from my family when they got in touch. The last three months have been the worst in my life. I didn't leave the house for a month, really. I drank a lot, etc. I thought my life was over. I looked to the future and felt all my hopes for it were dashed, and so on. I was scared to walk across the street, drive in my car, etc.Today I finally "broke down" and told my Mom what has been troubling me for the last few years, and she immediately came to my rescue by looking for Gastroenterologists in my area. It was such a relief to have someone else there to calm me down. It was very hard for me to tell her, and very very very emotional for me, but what a breath of fresh air to have someone say, "It's okay. It's okay," and to have them mean it and maybe be right, also. I know it's the first time in months I've felt like maybe things are okay, or if not, that I'm being an adult about the situation, acknowledging there's a problem, and taking on the responsibility of making an effort to correct it where services are readily available. I mean, this whole thing has left me feeling very powerless, and ashamed, and juvenile, and so many other things I'm sure other people are better at giving names to.Anyway, my point is, I'm sure there are hundreds or thousands of people who are going through the same thing I am RIGHT NOW and are keeping it a secret because they are as embarrassed of their symptoms as I am. Personally, I wish I was as evolved as many of the other people on this board who are willing to talk about their symptoms explicitly, no matter how aesthetically unpleasant, and offering advice to others. ESPECIALLY advice to the much younger people on this board. My heart goes out to all the younger teenagers.So while I am only just starting to look for help myself, I just wanted to share with anyone else who's symptoms have made them hermetic that telling someone else has been the biggest relief in the world to me, recently. I wouldn't presume that everyone is as fortunate as I am to have a supportive family and friends willing to help, but I thought it might be nice to encourage people to avail themselves of any support they may have in any capacity -- even if it might just be sharing your story on here. I don't know, but it's funny how just saying something or giving it a name makes it feel smaller for me.Obviously, I can't promise there's a cure in it, but this has been something of a relief and revelation for the people closest to me in my life in explaining some worrisome behavior they've noticed on my part over the last few years, and an even bigger relief to myself. Like the story says, "a small, good thing," at least.Thanks for reading,House Cat - Bay Area, CA


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I'm glad you feel better after telling people- its good to get the weight off.


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## Al89 (Nov 25, 2008)

I've just been diagnosed after ignoring my symptoms and just passing them off as stress and nerves for 3 years. I nearly lost my friends, I've had a terrible time at university and my parents didn't know how bad it was until I went home two weekends ago and told them about the tablets I take and my doctors appointment and the extent of my symptoms. They don't completely understand it becuse they don't have it, but it was still a relief.I'm so glad you told your mum and it has made you better. Bottling all this up has made the last three years of my life even harder than they should have been becuase I've had to tell so many lies to cover up for my disappearances and my anti-socialness. Talking really does help.


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## degrassi (Jun 10, 2003)

Its definitely better telling people and most understand, or atleast try to. I wouldn't be able to do it without my family and friends. My parents have been great and completely understanding. They see how bad it is and do everything to try to help. My friends are also great. They know sometimes I will have to cancel plans at the last minute or that I'd rather stay home then go out. They understand and never give me a hard time about it. It is hard making new friends and trying to tell them but so far everyone has been cool about it. When they want to make plans I usually just say "I'll have to see how I feel that day". IF I can't do something one day, there is always next time. I'm glad you told your parents. I hope you can find a bit of relief for your IBS now.


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## Chic_Icelander (Dec 28, 2009)

I kept it a secret from my friends for years after I was diagnosed. I always made up excuses as to why I couldn't hang out with them and why I had to be homeschooled for the last 2 years of high school because I was so embarrassed. Finally, I broke down and told one of my friends, expecting him to laugh at me or make a joke but instead, he listened to me. After I poured my heart out he told me that I should tell a different friend everyday. At first I thought he was kidding but he wasn't... so for a week straight I told a different friend about my IBS and was generally shocked at the support I got! Now, instead of my friends getting mad and me having to make up excuses because I blow off plans, I just tell them my stomach is acting up and they totally understand. It was such a relief to finally let my friends know what was really going on and like I said, you just might be shocked at the support and understanding you will receive.


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## Ginge...:) (May 7, 2010)

I battled with my IBS for 2 years, from the age of 14, on my own before telling my mam about it (i am now 17). I only really spoke to her about it when i found that she developed it around the same time that i did, because of a traumatic event that took place in the family. After speaking to her i finally got the courage to go to the doctors, get some tablets and start learning how to control it. I find that people knowing about it makes it easier and people are much more understanding than i had thought. Most of my family know about it and i have confided in a couple of friends, all of which are supportive. However, i am now in a relationship and am finding it difficult to cope with. For example, i had a family bbq yesterday, which he came to. The day was brilliant, i actually managed to eat a lot of food and it did not cause issues. However, he wanted to stay over my house as it was late by the time he was going home. I found this made me feel nervous as mornings are usually difficult for me. I would have loved him to stay over and i feel like im stopping myself getting close to him because of my symptoms. Should i tell him about my IBS? My mam thinks i should, but it is difficult and embarrassing and i am scared about how he would react...


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## anonymous313 (Jul 6, 2010)

Ginge...:) said:


> I battled with my IBS for 2 years, from the age of 14, on my own before telling my mam about it (i am now 17). I only really spoke to her about it when i found that she developed it around the same time that i did, because of a traumatic event that took place in the family. After speaking to her i finally got the courage to go to the doctors, get some tablets and start learning how to control it. I find that people knowing about it makes it easier and people are much more understanding than i had thought. Most of my family know about it and i have confided in a couple of friends, all of which are supportive. However, i am now in a relationship and am finding it difficult to cope with. For example, i had a family bbq yesterday, which he came to. The day was brilliant, i actually managed to eat a lot of food and it did not cause issues. However, he wanted to stay over my house as it was late by the time he was going home. I found this made me feel nervous as mornings are usually difficult for me. I would have loved him to stay over and i feel like im stopping myself getting close to him because of my symptoms. Should i tell him about my IBS? My mam thinks i should, but it is difficult and embarrassing and i am scared about how he would react...


I have had parents who don't/won't understand. I have dated and kept it a secret popping pills looking like some drug addict. That being said, I HATED the nervousness caused by worrying about the morning. I always hoped there were 2 bathrooms (in case of smell). Now that I am upfront with my partner now, I feel a lot more comfortable saying "hey gotta run to the restroom" and she understands. The anxiety caused by just not telling the person and worrying about it isn't worth it in my opinion. Plus anyone decent will put up with it, it's not as horrible to put up with as it is to live with!!!!!


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## Ginge...:) (May 7, 2010)

anonymous313 said:


> I have had parents who don't/won't understand. I have dated and kept it a secret popping pills looking like some drug addict. That being said, I HATED the nervousness caused by worrying about the morning. I always hoped there were 2 bathrooms (in case of smell). Now that I am upfront with my partner now, I feel a lot more comfortable saying "hey gotta run to the restroom" and she understands. The anxiety caused by just not telling the person and worrying about it isn't worth it in my opinion. Plus anyone decent will put up with it, it's not as horrible to put up with as it is to live with!!!!!


Heyy, i hhave told my boyfriend abou the problem, it was eating away at me and starting to cause problems.i feel happy that he understands it now ad i can relax a bit more around him i still havnt had the guts for things like sleepovers or out, but im getting there now that he understands why i sometimes cant see him. talkig about it is definately better than staying quiet!!!


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