# advice needed



## SLBEL3 (Jun 1, 2000)

does anyone know of any bb sites like this that deal more with depression? I am having serious problems dealing with my sister and my entire family and really need to get some help on that area. I am at a complete end of my rope stress wise and feel that I need to get any type of help with this depression and stress and how to deal with my family. but how do I do that when all I want to do is just finally die to get away from it all. I cannot deal with anymore of the #### I've been dealing with. I am at my breaking point and am about to snap.







thanx,


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## Susan Purry (Nov 6, 2001)

Hello Sandi. I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment due to family problems. You have our support. {{hugs}}First of all, I suggest you visit your doctor and talk about how family problems are getting you so down. Feeling depressed is a natural and common reaction to what life can throw at us, but it is important to seek help when the low mood persists, inteferes with your daily life and preferably before it gets to the point where you can't hack life anymore. Your doctor can point you towards offline support (counselling, local groups) and can evaluate your symptoms and decide whether you need medicinal intervention. If you have already visited your doctor for this, then consider reviewing your situation with her or him. I'm going to ask Jeff if he has considered starting a depression forum here. Here are some depression links, most of which are Bulletin Boards. http://www.healthboards.com/cgi/forumdispl...opics&number=40 http://depression.about.com/cs/messageboards/ http://pub79.ezboard.com/fdepressionforumfrm1 http://www.mhsanctuary.com/depression/ http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/depressionmenu.cfm http://sitelevel.whatuseek.com/query.go?qu...459b9a513c88b59 If you are feeling acutely suicidal, please telephone a crisis line so you have somebody to talk to at anytime you might need to. You can find numbers in your phone book, or at this site, which lists telephone numbers by state: http://suicidehotlines.com/ Please post here if you need support or just some encouraging words from us until you find somewhere more specific for depression, or just anyway! Depression is something that I believe is experienced by a lot of people here, because it's more common when dealing with chronic ill health. All the best,


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## LoriAnn (Jan 31, 2002)

Hi,lately I haven't posted because I feel so awful but when i saw this I just had to. I understand more than you realize how you feel, and I know how hopeless it feels, I'm a little short on hope myself lately but what little I have I will willingly share with you. My heart goes out to you and I will be thinking of you. I get through life these days, one minute at a time, I don't think about tomorrow or next week. When my teenage girls would come to me thinking there life was over and I would put my open hand an inch from their face, they would say "whats that suppose to mean", I said, "it means worry about whats right in front of your face, you have to get through that before you worry about whats beyond it" I try to remember that during these difficult days.Feel free to talk to us about what is troubling you, this is a great bunch of supportive people, I couldn't manage without the friends I have made here. I don't know about depression boards but I think Calida does, she doesn't post here much these days but she does stop by to read, maybe she could help you.I can only offer one more peice of advice, don't look at all your problems at once, try to deal with them one at a time, then they are not so overwhelming. Will be thinking of you, and sending hugs your way.  Lori


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Hi Sandi:I'm also sorry to hear that you've been going through a rough time. I noticed that you haven't posting much and I wondered if you were okay. I agree with the other posts. You need to go back to your doctor and see if he can refer you to some type of counselling. I am not a professional, but based on my own experience it is wise that you acknowledge your feelings and seek help now. You don't want to get into that dark hole. I ended up on anti-depressants and they have saved my life. I know a lot of people wouldn't take this medicine, but for me I truly believe I have a chemical imbalance. My life has changed and my outlook on life has changed. There are still bad days, but not as often. I combined that with family counselling. If you go to the government section of the phone book you should find a phone number for the Mental Health dept. I went for therapy for a year and dealt with issues from my childhood that I had buried (or I thought I had) and it was amazing all the #### that came out. I think you made a big step by admitting that you need help. Good luck and please let us know how things are going. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me.


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## Guest (Feb 28, 2002)

Dear Sandi,I can so thoroughly empathize with you. But, sweetie, you don't want to die. You just want to get a handle on it so that you can deal with all the problems and the stress.You've gotten some excellent advice here from Susan, Weener, and Lori.Wow, Susan...you've given me some new boards to check out! Thanks.Sandi, I read quite a bit on one of the depression boards at About.com. This one: http://depression.about.com/mpboards.htm with Nancy SchimelpfeningI'm afraid I get more help from them than they do from me. I hope it won't always be that way. I have dealt with depression and anxiety, off and on, for most of my life and I'm 64. Right now, I'm not so bad but I have been in some deep and dark places so I know what it's like.Please check out my profile and e-mail me if you want to talk. I'm here just about all the time. I'm not a psychologist or anything like that but I'm here to listen anytime. (And you can't beat my rates!)  I don't take any meds for depression. I do take 0.5 mg of lorazepam for anxiety maybe once, sometimes twice, a day.I know this situation seems hopeless right now but, believe me, it will get better. I find one of the worst parts of depression is that it seems to paralyze one. Seems almost impossible to decide on some course of action.Please keep in touch, either on the board or, like I said, e-mail me.Hugs and stuff,calida


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Sandi,I, too, have been "there" and your first step was a giant one by posting and asking for help. The suggestions given here are all excellent ones. And this Board has been a life saver for me as well. I do hope you can find a counselor who can help you through this. Sounds like you need a good, neutral, "sounding board".I don't know what I would have done had I not sought counseling through the years. And----I have all my friends here, too to be so thankful for. It's been my "lifeline" for quite a while.Take care.I'm thinking of you.Karen


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## SLBEL3 (Jun 1, 2000)

thank you all for responding. I am so gratefull for this BB. I have checked out some of the sites you sent me. Done a lot of reading so far. I did put in a call to my doctor but haven't heard back yet. I am trying to cut all ties to my sister at this time. I just can't deal with her. Although the hard part is that my son's birthday party is on the 10th of March and while I told my sister she is not welcome in my home I know she will show up here. Don't know how I am going to handle that without it ruining the b-day party.Will keep you posted.thanksa again


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## LoriAnn (Jan 31, 2002)

Hi Sandi,Boy, you and I have more in common than you think. I had to cut ties with my sister, I just couldn't deal with her anymore, she had so many "issues" and I had problems of my own to deal with.I can't believe she would show up where she isn't wanted. At least my sister knew I was serious and kept her distance (although she flys into a rage everytime my name is mentioned) We have a family who always does the holidays and special days together, but we have had to make some compromises because we can't stand each other. I call her my mothers other child. I do things in shifts to avoid her. Unfortunately, if the party is at your house, its difficult for you to get control of the situation. (Its a bit ironic to have less control in your own home)Do you have a husband or older kids who could run interference for you, to stop her before she gets to the door? Or do you have someone who could take over if you need to slip away? I don't think there is anything more stressful than relatives!One of the things I have learned, especially in the last year or two, is that you have to walk away from stressful things sometimes,we have to be able to see when we are in over our heads, and there is nothing wrong with that, we are not super human, no body can handle the worlds problems, especially when we don't feel well to begin with. I started with my sister but it didn't end there, I also cut loose so-called "friends" who only caused me grief, and even my daughter, I didn't cut her off but I put my foot down with regard to her being so needy and dependant on me solving all her problems (I think she is a better person for it) I'm not saying its easy but it can be done, you just have to tell yourself that its OK to put yourself first sometimes and if other people care about you they will understand that.(you could tell your sister that if she shows up she will be removed by the police, and try warning your mom ahead of time that it may be necessary. (once word gets back to her she will probably stay away) Take care of yourself, you have the right to, let us know how you are doing.Thinking of youLori


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Right on, Lori! I was thinking the same things myself.Sandi, I've had to deal with family issues, too and decided about 18 years ago that I would no longer have contact with my Mother or 2 of her younger children (they have been in trouble with the law, served time in jail and prison, etc.) and my Mother didn't really care about anyone besides herself. There were no feelings for her left in me and for years I thought there was something wrong with me. My oldest brother and I were raised by my Grandparents and Aunt and Uncle and I considered them my parents. Of course, my Aunt had a hard time accepting my decision (she kept saying, "well, I'm sorry you feel that way and I know your Mother has done some very wrong things, but she's my sister and I can't feel that way toward her." and I told her I understood that, too, but this is what I needed to do for my own sanity. I know I sort of put her in the middle, but at the same time I needed to make her aware that I no longer wanted her to be this "go between" (keeping my mother and me updated to one another---what a bunch of bologne!). Anyway, it was one of the most important steps I could have done for my own mental health. It was time to put myself first for a change and not just try to be and do what everyone else thought. My whole life was to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I still revert back, but not for long. I'm getting smarter and more sure of myself every day. (I'm heading for the ripe age of 53 -- ouch!!)Lori's got some good advice here.Please keep us posted. Remember, we're here for you if you need us.Take care.Karen


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## Susan Purry (Nov 6, 2001)

Sandi, how are you doing? Keeping you in my thoughts,


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## Courtney (Mar 4, 2002)

Oh the family, to be there till the bitter end. Until you really need them. Well maybe try and look at it this way, they don't know how much pain you in. It would sometimes be easier to have cancer I think because everyone is there, but if they don't see it they think its not serious. I was alone and survived. You can to. Maybe if your really lonley look into getting a pet. I have two jack russels and they are the pure joy in my life. They fill that empty void. And they make me laugh all the time.Good LuckPS we can survive without family but we need someone there who understands and we are all here for ya


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