# Poo Babes - Check in With Us Please?



## Guest (Jan 12, 2008)

Just wondering how you are doing - abit better I hope.I know we'd all love to know you are OK but wanted you to know I'm thinking about you hun.Sue xxx


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## John (Aug 6, 1999)

Where's Poo ?


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

I hope you´re doing better, Poo


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey Sue, John and Evulienka,Thank you so much for thinking about me, it means alot. I have certainly been better than i am at the moment. I ended up getting drunk again (which is so unlike me), and ended up chatting to the ex. Its crappy really. That said my friends are rallying behind me and being very supportive. They are dragging me out of the house and trying to make me laugh.I have a dr appointment on Tuesdays to get me onto a mental health plan and hopefully from there I can get in to see a pysch.Thanks again!!!!Poo Pea (((hugs)))


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Good to hear from you, Poo!Just wrote to you... {{{Big HUGS}}} and many good thoughts...Cherrie


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## Guest (Jan 13, 2008)

Well done Poo - thats 2 positive things - great friends (and where would we be without them) and hopefully the start of some better mental health support.Good for you.Sue xxxxx


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

As i sit here at my computer i wonder to myself why am i having an internal battle about self harm, why do i so badly want to do it, will it really make me feel betterm answer.... yes, for a moment it will, but then when ppl see the cuts, answer.... no it wont at all. I am a very smart girl, yet i sit here fighting the urge for the knife. Does this make me stupid, does this mean i am less than perfect, that im unworthy. Should u just walk into the kitchen and grab a knife and do what needs to be done, or should i go to the one person who is talking to me at this late hour... my ex. If i didnt do it with a knife would the thoughts over come me so badly that i would just scratch myself all over with my own nails. Ohh how the mind ponders, how each of us think. I bet many ppl dont have these thoughts, does that mean they are better than me, stronger than me, less wierd than me. Do i really need help, do i need the protection i want so badly, will anyone give it. They dont seem to have, how could these bad things have happened to me in my life, why was no one watching out for me then when i was younger. Why did no one stop the pain then. Should i even care, should i even think about it, maybe only a loser ponders these things, a weak person. I dont want to be weak, i want to be likable and strong. I can fix this on my own surely. I feel like a sane normal person am i not. I want to have control, i do have control, please let me have control. The thoughts going though my head a million mile an hour, if only to scream and...... and......i dont know.......


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## Guest (Jan 13, 2008)

Oh god bless you Poo - no you are not a loser - just somebody having a bloody awful battle with their mental health at the moment - I've never had the urge to self-harm - well not in the way you describe - but I did down a lethal mixture of anti-d's, migraine tablets, paracetamols, St Johns Wort and just about anything else I could get my hands on - I'm a very lucky girl to be here to tell the tale - I'm only telling you this - to show I really do what its like to be staring down a black hole.I can't take that urge away from you - but whilst the urge is strong - I'd do the sensible thing - bundle up all the sharp knives and anything else you feel the urge to "use" and take them somewhere out of harm's way - your dad sounds like a sensible bod - I'd get him to take them away for the time being - at least then you cannot physically hurt yourself with those things.You shouldn't be on your own whilst you are feeling like this - is there somebody sympathetic and non-judgemental you could go and stay with just while you are feeling so unwell????Are you getting to a doctor's tomorrow - I appreciate its not easy getting access to a professional over the w/e - though if you are feeling suicidal - just ring somebody now!!!!PM me if you need more support - I'm here all evening and most of tomorrow too OK.Sue xxx


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

I am not allowed to ring my father after 9pm at nite, it is a strick rule he has placed upon me. My mother has severe mental illness and would only serve to make the problem worse. The only person right this second is my ex, and ive been saying no, but im so alone. Do i go over there


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

What do i do :-(


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## Guest (Jan 13, 2008)

Oh god bless - Poo - I don't really know your situation and I'd hate to make things worse - what does seem evident however is that you can't battle on alone.What is your relationship like with your ex - might that make things worse? If not - then thats better than being alone right now isn't it.Will you ring your dad first thing in the morning though - I know if a child of mine was feeling like this - I'd want to know and know straight away - though I do understand if your mum is ill - you don't want to compound the situation.I'm so sorry - don't know what else to suggest - though if you feel like wanting to cut now - you should ring an out of hours doctor - or do you have a community psychiatric nurse - I am still assigned one, even now.Sue xxx


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey SueV,I ended up going to the ex... as it would turn out it was the best thing to do at the time. He knows that i cut and was able tto offer support and a hug. Thankfully he kept his hands to himself and was supportive. I did tell him however that i do not wish to get back together. He said he is there for support for as long as i need him. I dont think i should use him very much as i dont think it is healthy. But for tonight it worked. For that i am grateful.Thank u so much for being there with me tonight Sue!!! It was a low moment and im lucky to have had you around. I didnt cut and im feeling much better. For me the sadness and urge's seem to come in waves. One minute im ok the next ive fallen apart. Its odd.Im a lucky girl tonight.Poo Pea (((hugs)))


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## Guest (Jan 13, 2008)

Thats my absolute pleasure my darling - I'm sorry you hit such a rough spot but good for the ex - it sounds like he was supportive and there when he needed to be and maybes now you two can be good mates - it can happen - though didn't sadly with either of my 2 ex fiances.Promise you'll go and see the docs tomorrow - cos you need some more resources don't you if you hit another rough patch but remember I'm always here for you too.God bless.Sue xxx


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Oh my {{{Poo}}} -- I'm so sorry it was another rough night for you (sorry I wasn't able to be there -- I've been feeling very sick and took a long nap) -- I'm so grateful and relieved that Sue and everyone else have been here when you need someone there the most. {{{Sue}}} you're _the _best!!! And Poo, like Sue said, you can't be battling this alone -- good thing that you'll be going to the dr/psychologist very soon -- it is very important that you pull all the help that you can and it is also such comfort and relieve to know that there are so many people there when you're in time of need. And yes it is absolutely the right decision to call the ex for support for this once -- after all he's been part of the problem. Glad to see that he was supportive in the right way. AND you're also so right about not letting him back -- his being nice and supportive shouldn't become pressure for you to be willing to take him back. If he's a cheater, you do need to be clear with him about that -- and bravo for both seeking help and for holding your ground with him. You've successed before and you successed this time in not cutting, and so be confident that you will succeed again and eventually you won't be even thinking about it anymore with the right longer-term professional help.Please please do keep up in updated on how you're doing.Cherrie


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