# Nightmares



## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

Last night I was plagued by nightmares possibly tied to rougher BM symptoms yesterday.

I woke up once right after falling asleep but the bad one was about 1:30am - I woke up shaking with cold and upset and crying. My older brother whose apartment I share was at my side in 30 seconds and soon had me in his arms trying to warm me up and calm me down, kissing my head and gently massaging my back the whole time. It soon worked - I woke up at 5:30am this AM with my brother's arms still around me and with the lamp still on. My poor brother had not slept at all but didn't want to wake me once I'd stopped shaking and crying. I'm sure he wanted to wake me if only to get me to change the VERY visibly soggy disposable diaper that was embarrassingly visible through semi sheer panty portion of my tights from yesterday's outfit that I'd fallen asleep in (I was mortified but my brother said nothing) 

In any case I had a good day today...and hope for a much better night.

I'm VERY lucky to have my brother.


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## Itsmillertime409 (Oct 11, 2014)

I've noticed that you mention how expensive diapers are, and that you consider depends to be cheaper. If I may ask, how much do you spend on diapers per month? Depends actually end up being more expensive than premium diapers because of how little they absorb. 3 depends would equal 1 molicare. Have you looked at Abena? Or secure x plus? If you buy in bulk, youl be able to save a lot of money and have the benefit of stand up leak guards. Abena pullups even have leak guards. Depends are just terrible all around. Noisy and as absorbant as a paper towel.


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Miller Time -

I use about 8 diapers per day, or about 3,000 per year at a cost of about $4,000 per year. I've had both urinary and fecal incontinence for almost 10 years so that's 30,000 used diapers and a fortune buried in the local landfill. 

I use so many in part because I change as soon as I wet (or have a BM obviously). I hate the feeling of a wet diaper, and I usually wear pantyhose or tights over the diaper to help quiet and disguise it under my skirts and dresses, and the compression from the hosiery may reduce the capacity of the diaper somewhat. The pair of pantyhose I wore to church today had a control top panty top that compressed things way too much, but they were the perfect shade of taupe for my skirt. When I had a BM in the grocery store afterwards it was hard for my body to push it all into my Molicare and the snugness was unpleasant because the bloating and chills started before I could even walk to the restroom to change. In any case I tend to pee a LOT so when I go I usually need to change and I like the feeling of having a diaper that is ready to fully protect me for whatever happens next, even if it gets expensive.

I have ordered some Secure X Plus based on your suggestion- they look great and at $1.37 per diaper not bad. I usually wear TENA slip or Molicares (both great), but sometimes money gets too tight for me to buy pricey diapers and I buy Depends with tapes. I'd love to wear reusable cloth diapers and my brother even ordered me a set I wanted that had a soft plastic outside and Velcro closures. They fit great and were super comfortable even though they were like $26 per diaper. I wanted to like them but dealing with somehow bringing them home once "used" in a plastic bag and then having to keep them in a pail until washing them really grossed me out. I threw away the first one I had a BM in (I wasn't at home at the time), and decided they weren't for me so I wore the other five as really pricey disposables for special occasions and disposed of them that way.

Thanks so much for your suggestion!


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

The Secure X diapers arrived yesterday - I love them! My brother took me out to dinner tonight and I tried them out.

The outside of the diaper is a quiet plastic to begin with, but underneath the pantyhose I was wearing with my favorite little black dress tonight the diapers were super quiet and slim and comfy.

My new protection did a great job and I changed my diaper three times during our outing due to 2 heavy wettings and 1 huge bowel movement when we were walking back to my brother's car after dinner (not exactly diarrhea but a LOT of noisy soft poop). I did bloat afterwards so the extra elastic waist was appreciated on both the soiled diaper until I could change as well as the fresh one.


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## IndianRopeTrick (Jul 25, 2013)

Sorry to hear about this. Does your health insurance cover this ? I am not going to complain about cost of living and commuting anymore


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi IndianRopeTrick -

No, my diapers are not covered by insurance, but next year with my new job I'll be able to set aside $$$ in a tax free account then submit receipts so I'll be able to save some that way.

My brother (who is also my roomate) sometimes will help me out and surprise me with a package or two of diapers which really, really helps.

They're expensive but the way I look at it $4 worth of diapers kept me protected and allowed a nice evening possible last night 

Heather


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## Itsmillertime409 (Oct 11, 2014)

I'm sorry I didn't reply to this sooner! The forum notification didn't work. I'm really glad you enjoyed these! I knew you would like them. Will you be wearing these every day now? If you need thicker, dry 247 is great. Something like 3800 ml. They're my favorite.

I wear because I have an autonomic disorder that makes me pass out if I have a full bladder. The diapers have given me my life back a bit, and I'm really enjoying how they feel too ya know? It's so reassuring and I feel more secure in them. I don't have IBS but I didn't have am episode on Wednesday when I had a super sudden urgency, and couldn't make it the block back to my house. I wasn't wearing a diaper for such a short trip to the grocery store, so I ended up ruining one of my good pairs of jeans... But... I'd rather have an accident than pass out of from the pain.

If you have any diaper questions please let me know!


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

Thanks for the tip, I'm all set for now - the new diapers work great and I've only used up about 18 diapers out of my first package of 48 so I have enough for a few more days. Be careful with fainting, I've done that - not good.


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## Itsmillertime409 (Oct 11, 2014)

It's really frustrating. Doctors think I have small fiber neuropathy, and one of the top autonomic doctors in the country told me that my case is very "atypical". Being able to pass out sitting, laying down or even asleep.


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## inlimbo (Jan 28, 2015)

I'm still waiting for a diagnosis, but I have many symptoms similar to IBS, namely gas, bloating, diarrhea and fecal incontinence. I never thought I'd say this since I'm only in my fourties, but once I got over the stigma, I'm almost always diapered and glad I am. It took multiple humiliating public accidents, ruined clothes, damaged bedding, and stained furniture before I broke down and ordered some Abenas online. I remember how ashamed I was the first time I put one on and how self-conscious and afraid I was when finally worked up the courage to wear it outside. Boy what a difference a couple of years make. I'm more nervous and afraid now of leaving the house undiapered than wearing one in public. After I realized no one could tell I was diapered and my diaper saved my dignity a few times, I realized I wasn't house bound. They gave me my freedom back. I can even call them diapers and admitt they are mine with only a little shame. Millertime is right. I learned that cheap diapers aren't cheap and my dignity was worth the extra money for premium diapers. Unless complete discretion is called for I now always wear Confidry's because I know I can trust them to always protect me even if I have very large loose void. I find the bulky feeling of diaper reassuring and really can't relax unless I know I'm protected from an accident especially in public. Before I overcame the adult diaper stigma, I rarely left my house. It is a shame that what is really just plastic and absorbant material caused me so much shame. I'm still waiting on a diagnosis and treatment, but I can at least get on with my life until then. Accepting my need to wear diapers and adjusting to the reality of wearing them everyday has also reduced my anxiety about my diagnosis. My doctors keep running tests and telling me to be patient. At least my life is not on hold now. I hope it is not necessary, but if I have to I know I can manage my incontinence even I'm stuck in diaper's for the rest of my life. I don't enjoy wearing them, but I'd much rather be diapered in case of a public bowel accident than not diapered. I never want the humiliation of obvious bowel accident again. Sometimes it does bother me that I've accepted wearing diapers and am OK with it. How can a normal person be ok wearing diapers everyday for the rest of their life? Maybe I'm not normal or sane but it would be nice to get on with my life as I'm tired of all the doctors and tests and time spent. I guess the stigma isn't completely dead. But it is what it is. I'm thankful I can have some sense of control and can lead mostly normal life.


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## Itsmillertime409 (Oct 11, 2014)

inlimbo said:


> I'm still waiting for a diagnosis...can lead mostly normal life.


You know, I have opened up to a few friends about the need to wear diapers, and they honestly have never noticed. Even when it feels like you're wearing a crinkly pillow between your legs, nobody really looks at your behind and says "hmm, that person must be wearing a diaper!". It's stigma more than anything else, and so much guilt and embarrassment when it's not needed. Hang in there, and im glad you invested in a Dry 24/7. They're more for wetting and large voids, but absolutely a premium diaper with excellent leak guards. Abena is great in bulk, and in a pinch, tranquility ATN has leak guards too.

Xpmedical ( http://www.xpmedical.com/briefs.html ) is a fantastic site for ordering diapers. Affordable, and the owner is very nice. Lost a package of dry 24/7's (stolen from the front of my apartment...boy were they in for a surprise) and he helped me file a claim to replace them.


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## jaumeb (Sep 1, 2014)

I used to have violent nightmares some years ago. I am convinced they they were just another symptom of my digestive problems.


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

I agree with you. I had another bad nightmare last weekend. Woke up upset, shaking, crying. What was horrible was that when my brother was comforting me, I suddenly had full-blown diarrhea in my disposable diaper and it couldn't contain the mess, making me even more upset. My poor brother who was hugging me at the time trying to stop the crying just told me "it's ok.." And after a shower, a 2am trip outside to the dumpster with my soiled diaper and tights by my brother, and another long hug - it was ok. I don't know if the nightmare and getting upset caused the diarrhea, or vice versa. I honestly don't know how he puts up with me, but I love him dearly.


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## jaumeb (Sep 1, 2014)

There exists a gut-brain axis. Brain doesn't work properly when gut doesn't work properly.

It's good to have someone like your brother that is always ready to help.


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

I think there is definitely something to what you say about the brain-gut axis.

I had the issue all over again several nights in a row - bad dreams, waking up crying and shaking with fear and cold, followed by nasty messy diapers which never happen at night otherwise.

I was afraid to sleep, so I asked my brother if he'd lay beside me, and he said he would be happy to. He laid with his arms around me all night, and at bedtime he massaged my tummy and had me wear one of the expensive purple plastic backed Molicare disposable diapers he'd bought me under my tights as they hold a lot more pee than my Depends which would keep me drier and wake up to change less frequently.

His suggestions worked...I fell asleep almost instantly feeling VERY loved and I didn't have a single nightmare, getting up only once in the night to change a wet diaper. It probably sounds weird that my brother and I are so close physically sometimes, maybe it is, but I love him, always have, and we've always been close this way - it got us through a rough childhood together.


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## jaumeb (Sep 1, 2014)

I recently read an article about how probiotics can have an ansiolitic effect. Just another proof of the existence of a brain-gut axis.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0006322313004083


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## Heather1973 (Oct 1, 2013)

That IS interesting..I take probiotics, and they do help - but none with FOS, those made me feel REALLY sick for about 3 days each time I took them


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## jaumeb (Sep 1, 2014)

Heather1973 said:


> That IS interesting..I take probiotics, and they do help - but none with FOS, those made me feel REALLY sick for about 3 days each time I took them


Good to know. I don't take FOS because it is not allowed in the SCD diet. Now I see that there is a good reason.


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