# Honestly I don't know how much longer I can take this...



## miss sick (Apr 14, 2012)

All my other threads I have tried to be positive, tried to find ways to cure it. But right now I just need a bit of a cry and some support.I have been through so much in my life, from physical and mental abuse, to drug abuse and severe depression, several suicide attempts and mental illness. But I have always stayed positive and social. I feel this is the thing that has finally destroyed me.Just three months ago, to the day (two days before my 21st), I was saying how great my life was. I had finally worked through my substance abuse issues, and had a great social life with drinking only once a fortnight. My anxiety wasn't at its best, due to cutting down drinking (which was like a medication to me), but it was certainly manageable. I had two jobs and a great income. I had just moved in with my best friend, and was 'seeing' an amazing guy I had been friends with for years. I was managing 12 hours (out of the house) a day between work and friends and still felt great. Generally, I felt I was at the best point in my life and everything was going just right.Through that, I had some bowel issues, but obviously nothing that hugely detracted from my life, the occasional sickie from work due to nausea, some sudden cramps, that usually went away after 20 minutes or so, and some horrible two day hangovers full of D were about the worst.Then I went out for my mums birthday, the 3rd of Feb. I had an amazing night, partied way too hard (my mum is an alcoholic, so it was like a big night out with friends) and stumbled in the door at 5am. Woke up the next day for my own birthday party feeling pretty horrid, but assumed it was a normal hangover and dragged myself to my family lunch. Managed this ok not drinking or eating, but gradually felt worse and worse. By the time it got to my party that night, I was having horrible D and vomiting, which was a nightmare as I had quite a few people over, and actually ended up sleeping through the majority of my own party just to get away from it.Things never really got better. For weeks after I had D everyday, getting to work was a chore, I very rarely saw friends. Got a bit better when I discovered Immodium, but eventually, about a month ago, the strain got too much and I lost both my jobs. I've hardly left the house since. Maybe once or twice a week. I've completely given up drinking, which lost me lots of friends, as we were all party people.The ironic thing is, I haven't actually had an attack in over a week, but the anxiety (due to mental illness) and the grumbling in my stomach, are enough to terrify me. The last straw was when I got depressed and ended it with the guy I was seeing this week. He knows whats wrong, and was completely understanding, and actually said I would need a better reason to leave him and tried to convince me not to, but I just couldnt deal with it. I have an irrational fear of 'going' while people are around, so couldnt bear the thought of him being here if I got sick. And I know he loves partying and I felt that I would be holding him back from having fun so much.I have now lost all my friends (besides the one I live with, who avoids being home most the time), my jobs, I'm close to losing my house and government benefits hardly cover rent (and I can't live with family, so have no where else to go), the guy I very nearly love, and any form of fun in my life. I am a fun, happy outgoing person who has become completely isolated and housebound.After everything I have been through, this is the last thing I thought would destroy me, but it has. Its taken away everything. I honestly dont know how long I can live like this. I have never been a defeatist, but I just cant see the light at the end of this tunnel.Sorry for the rant and the length, but I really needed to get it all out, and I really need some support.


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## Cheryl1967 (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm so sorry about everything that you're going through. I can relate to most of it. Mine started shortly after Christmas last year I had a bad bout of diarrhea. I've been saying a lot lately tat I feel as if my life was just swept right out from underneath me. I too was very happy. I have 5 children, 3 of which are 11, 9 and 7. Luckily my husband has been very supportive. Is there anyway to try an apply for any type of disability in Australia? Or perhaps you can find one of those "work from home" jobs? I recently started taking enteric coated peppermint oil capsules and they seem to help. I also drink a lot of chamomile tea. I do hope you work things out ((HUGS))


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## refuse to live this way (Apr 25, 2012)

Please try to hang in there. You are much too young to think about ending your life and I'm sure your old friends and boyfriend would be devastated if something happened to you. Please try going on a pro-biotic. Floristor is the one I started on and added another similar to Align to the mix. I have felt so much better since I started this. The D is gone so far and I feel back to normal. Just to let you know, drinking is probably causing the D to be even worse. I would recommend staying away from drinking if at all possible. You can still go out with friends, just drink soda or water. If anyone gives you any grief over this, let them know it is better then having D and feeling sick for weeks after a night of alcohol. They will get used to the idea and will just be glad you are back to living a normal life. Please try the probiotics, they won't hurt your problem at all, only help. And best of luck to you. Hope you are back out with your friends soon. Please hang in there.


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## miss sick (Apr 14, 2012)

Thanks for the support, both of you!







Its just so hard feeling like everything you knew has gone. I'm sure for everyone, in different way, this changes their life. But for me being such a social person that thrived on being out and busy and partying, I feel like its taken everything.I'm trying to focus on the positives and organizing to study (hopefully atleast partly from home), also planning on asking the doctor this week for a referral to a psychologist to help with the anxiety and depression. I dont expect my life to ever be the same again, but I guess focusing on the bad will only make it worse.I'm going to talk to my doctor this week about porbiotics, the pharmacy near me (which has a lovely lady whos daughter has IBS), is a bit hesitant about selling me the strong ones until the doctor is 100% positive (I still have a couple of intolerance tests to do, but its pretty much confirmed), but I will see what the doctor reccomends with them Yet again, thank you. Just having support from people helps so much


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