# My story



## 20608 (Sep 16, 2006)

This is an essay I recently wrote for class. I thought it was the best way to introduce myself since im new to this forum. Im 20, male, and much like most of you, battling with IBS. This is my story.September 14, 2006More Then I Can Stomach After my relationship with my girlfriend ended, after I quit my job, and after I dropped my classes, my life came to a halt. I was at the lowest point of my life because of an embarrassing problem, IBS. IBS stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome and it is what at least a dozen doctors have diagnosed me with. It is a condition which, when under extreme mental stress or anxiety, causes excessive gas. In a society where flatulence is an unspoken taboo, confiding in another soul about the condition is almost as bad as the condition itself. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, or, even worse, I was on the verge of that unmentionable last desperate act. I knew that finding a greater purpose was the only thing that would help me come to terms with my affliction, and this would eventually lead me to change my perspective on life. In high school I read a book entitled Like Water for Chocolate where a girlâ€™s pregnancy causes her to have the most rancid stench. I could not help but think it was humorous that her husband would dread being near her. Perhaps some ironic twist of fate has made an example of me. Whatever it was it had a devastating affect on my life. My relationship with my girlfriend faded away, and this increased my anxiety. This increase in anxiety perpetuated my condition. I started wondering if I was ever going to get better and eventually doubted the idea. My self-worth was non-existent at that point. My condition increased dramatically to a point that was unbearable to others. I would avoid people as much as possible at work. My mind and stomach would struggle in a tug-of-war. I prayed for my stomach not to act up, but my stomach would not answer my prayers. Each time I was in proximity of a person, the tugging would begin, and my stomach would almost always win. The offended sometimes shot comments and glares in my direction. I sympathize with their feelings toward the unsettling environment I put them in. The level of my anxiety would be measured by the rate of my heart beat, which was usually racing. I did not know how to apologize, so I quit my job. This anxiety led to my state of depression and it took its toll on my schoolwork. Much like my ex-girlfriend, my academic motivation walked out the door. I withstood the embarrassment of social rejection in school until I was overwhelmed with depression. I attempted to sit as far from other classmates as possible, but this became too difficult when the class started to fill up. I once asked the teacher if I could take the test outside. I gave him the excuse that I had been taking some medicine and it was making me gassy. It worked, but classmates on their way home asked me why I was outside. I told them jokingly that I got into an argument with the professor and he made me sit outside. They did not really believe me, but it seemed to ease their curiosity. I eventually stopped going to class altogether. At one point in my life I could not bear the way things were going. I made a conscious decision to stop caring about what people thought of me. I was able to mentally drown out the glares and comments that once filled my mind. I realized that my condition was not the worst thing to endure and that I can manage living with it. I came to terms with being alone, and I stopped being so dependent. This gave me time to set a clear path towards my goals. Now, I am more focused to find a cure for my condition, which would also benefit others in my situation. This tragic event has made me a more assertive, more determined, and less self-conscious individual.


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## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

Wow what can I say? Your story touched me so much. I couldn't help but relate to your feelings of depression and embarrassment. I'm just the same at school. My friends know about my condition but even though they know it still doenst make me comfortable about sitting with them in class when I am feeling terrible. I know its not nice to sit next to someone who gases all the time or has a rumbling belly and such but now I am in that position its just so difficult to cope with. The bad thing with me is that I expect for something bad to happen in class, I'm waiting for the gurgling noises of my tummy, gas or need for the toliet and then it comes. I wish that I could just erase it from my head and be normal again and I know that some people are worse off than me but its just effects so much of my life. Im scared of trusting people, getting into a relationship or going round my friends houses. I want to just lock my self up in my house where I feel safe but then I know I can't live my life like that and I need to get rid of the self pitty and move on with my life. There are so many things which I want to do but I am the sort of person who cares too much about what people think of me. I think that needs to change because it has been a big issue with me along with my lack of confidence. I really admire your strength to get back up onto your feet and continue to live your life knowing that you have a condition but knowing that you can fight it. I think that all we need it a bit of positivity and we can learn to deal with IBS.


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## rarr (Nov 2, 2003)

I can relate. It's amazing what this one condition can do to someone...how it is ruining the lives of many...yet goes unmentioned...b/c of the taboo...the embarassment...our fear of what others may think of us. ..it's embarassing, it sucks, it kills the social life, dating becomes terrifying, work is stressful whether it's w/ keeping the job or attempting to get one, basically what once felt like a "normal" quality of life has crumbled into a million little pieces. ...it slowly eats away at us and what strength we have left of us... but once this is all done and we are broken. ...the only thing that is left is to get up...and put the pieces back together. ..definitely easier said than done. BUT...we can do it. I too have questioned the "unmentionable last desperate act" ...but couldn't bear the possiblity of letting "it" win. There is no way we can let IBS take or ruin or run our lives. Instead, let's ask ourselves this "How do I use who I am on this earth for a purpose that is greater than myself?" I guess you could say that I too reached the point of being okay with being alone (not saying I will always be alone, but I truly believe that in order to be with someone else, you must know yourself first), being independent, strong and driven. Sure we'll always care (up to a point) of what others think of us..this is normal...but think of it in a different way...care about what they think of you as in what you are doing with yourself, how you are doing with your life and what you are making of yourself...not what they think of how much you're going to the bathroom or how you look or how much perfume you wear. Care about what actually matters.


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## 14849 (Aug 25, 2006)

Great story, but are you sure you want to share that with your class?


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