# How much more?



## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

How much more? Does anxiety kick in when your mind is idle as opposed to when its occupied by other thoughts or focus on something?


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## Guest (Oct 20, 2002)

When I am not medicated, anxiety is present whether I am idle or busy.


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

Anxiety for me seems to be at times untraceable. Much like my pulse, there are times when I have no clue as to when it ,might kick in.Other times, I know what provokes my anxiety which I will discuss further down.However, there are many many times when anxiety comes upon me even when my mind is occupied or when I am happy or even when I am sleeping.Here is one example of a sleeping anxiety:The sleeping thing I finally figured out might some times be with physical disturbances in my body.I never figured that out until last year when I had an internal spasm so bad that it woke me up out of sleep literally seeing red. Yes, the color red was like a cloud all around me and it was hard to get out of bed because of the pain and disorientation of being awakend by pain.I had spasms so hard that night that I felt like throwing up but my vomit response kept gettingcaught some where in the middle and then I lost control of my urine function so I wound up standing in the shower trying to throw up while urinating because the spasm took all my energy away to where I was not able to control my functions.when the morning came I was still in a lot of pain. I went to the ER with elavated vital signs and I was put on an I.V of demerol and phenegran.The ER doctor did a lot of tests and finally he came back and said that he thought I had a uterinefibroid.It took a few more monts of my complaining about my pain to finally get anyone to do a laproscope to see what was going on.I can tell you absolutely, that from the time of my mystery pain and the diagnostics regarding my CT scan that I was horribly horribly anxious all the time. And I can tell you absolutely, as I had to fight with my gynecologist about my pain and my "feeling" that I had a gynecology problem,well, I just got more wound up and crankey and anxious.So between December and April the time from my ER trip to my hysterectomy surgery, that I grew more and more anxious and depressed and frustrated and quite truthfully just really scared because I knew that there was something bad in my body and the gynecologist kept telling me that I did not have the intensity of pelvic problems I thought I had.My gynecologist felt that maybe I had just a tiny bit of developing adenomyosis.Enough to warrent a hysterectomy as preventative maintenance and pain management.So that was a whole event in which my angst began out of a sleep and I awakened to a big medicl problem.In the end, it turned out that the Gynecologist was wrong.after all was said and ddone and the pathology report came back, it was revealed that I had more than just a little adenomyosis going on.the report stated that I had EXTENSIVE adenomyosisalong with a uterine fibroid, cycts and most of all my colon was fusing to the ovary and those two things were stuck up against the pelvic wall with massive and dense adhesions that had grown with endometriosis.The ovary and colon had to be cut away from the pelvic wall. then the colon and ovary had to be separated.It was a very painful expereince both before the surgery and after.So I suppose I might be one of those people who senses when things aren't right and because I sense the imbalance I get real frustrated and anxious when the answers don't arrive as soon as my body would like so it can stop being in pain and then I begin to second guess my self and I wonder if I'm making it all up because during the whole diagnostic time I keep getting told that I'm just a nervous person but then my pulse always goes up over 100 when I reach a certain level of pain intolerance and then I'm told that I should be able to control my pain with my mind and since I try and try and used all the wisdom I know, and I still can not over come the whole condition of my body I then increase in my frustration and angst and I begin to wonder....is it all in my head!And then, then, when I finally get medical confirmation that yes indeed we DO in foact have a rather serious body malfunction going on .....well then I just get mad that I had to push so hard and that no one listened and that it takes going into physical crisis before anyone will even consider my complaints of escalating pain.So that whole little story took months to unravel and so, too many months down the road anxiety just might then be a condition.Now then, there are other times,as I mentioned above, when I know what provokes my anxiety.For example: I don't like crowds. I don't like huge malls, I hate driving(probably because I was in a bad car accident) I hate going out and doing things alone, certain people give me anxietyI have vomiting aanxiety since I tend to manifest a lot of nausea with my various conditions, I have developed an aversion to vomit and consequently when I get nauseas vomiting is a difficult project because I'm sure it is my unhappy memorries of vomiting that make my throat close up and push the vomit back down into my stomach. so I KNOW I have anxiety when I get a vomit episode.So those are a few things that I know produce the whole irrational subject of known anxiety.There is also another type of anxiety that I call psychic anxiety and I can be going along fine and doing things and even handling everyday stress pretty okay and then wham here comes anxiety and here comes dread and here comes sleepless nights and waking up at all hours and just plain feeling totally freaked out but not able to attach it to anything so then we think, oh it's just an anxiety attack.but then usually with in 24 to 48 hours I get a phone call that some crisis is going on with someone I care about or like with my animals, I get anxiety when they are really sick and I know they are a veterinary emergency.Example:I had one horse who escaped from his pasture and spent all night having a feast on the corn feed in the hanging feeder for the deer.So by the next day the horse, lays down in the pasture and when we drive up and when I see my horse laying down in the pasture, but not laying down as in stretched out but laying down sitting up as horses are prone to do. So immediately, upon seeing the horse, I get a terrible case of anxiety and I tell everyone call the Vet, the horse is sick!And eeveryone says....the horse isn't sick, he's just hanging out with the cows. So I get even more anxious and the whole thing escalates and we can't find the Vet and by the time I go home I'm a nervous wreck worrying about my horse.So the next morning, I have worried my self into a tizzy and I go down to the barn and see the horse and he's pooping liquid green poop and we take his temperature and he's got a fever so we call the Vet and the vet says get some banamine in him so he load up the syringe and give the horse a shot of banamine and when the Vet gets there he pulls me over to the side and says....Your horse has the founder and he is very ill and we have to work fast because horses can die from this.So then here comes more anxiety and more anxiety escalates over the days because I have to spend the night at the barn tending my horse who is too sick to get up.And then by the end of the illness that lasted a few weeks, I'm a nervous exhausted wreck and then I get weepy.So that's how I experience psychic anxiety.But mostly, when I'm occupied, which is most of the time, I don't generally feel anxious.I can even go for long periods of time feeling just fine and totally capable of handling most situations with the exception of driving and that pretty much makes me anxious just thinking about the task.I didn't ever have anxiety when I was diving even though they say those who are prone to anxiety don't make good divers. but I liked diving and I always felt comfortable in a little cavern 50 feet down where there was no light and it is very cold and primal.If anything, I was a little sad that I couldn't really risk my health, having hypertension,to move forward and work on my certification for cave diving. That kind of thing is just not real sensible for a hypertensive.However, now, because of my on going gynecology and pain problems I still can't get back to the water and dive so I would suppose that it could be said that I have gotten a bit anxious and maybe a bit depressed since I can't ride horses anymore because of my adhesion condition and I can't dive because of my unresolved medical problems.So for me, that's what happens.Kamie


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## RitaLucy (May 3, 2000)

I know this will sound weird but really I think for me it is when I am not expressing myself. Being idle, being bored, not having enough of what makes me tick to do. If you have ever heard or know anything about blocked creatives...that is how I would describe it.


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

RitaLucy, I am a blocked creative. I paint.I get to a place in a project and I go only so far and then technical discontent sets in. So I sit up all night pondering the problem, I walk away with angst feeling anoyed with my skills and then I return for another critical analysis and finally after about 3 days of being blocked, I get some sleep and wake up and move on to the next part of the creative sequence.with blocked creatives, one must always walk away from a project and give some breathing room because at a certain point in the creative process the project reaches a point where it takes on a life of it's own and the creative person has to step back and view the unfolding new energy that many times is a suprise, and one must then get a new prespective of the creative piece as it's own living energy and then to go back and approach the new "entity" (such as) and then there is a place of release that we give to the creative project to show us another dimension of the creative evolution.At some point, I think we release our personal contol to a bigger direction which seems to be steered by the tappping in to the creation energy.Just my perspective.Kamie


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## zayaka26 (Jul 5, 2001)

Hi eric, I see you are online.







Very interesting Q. For me it is most when I am not occupied or when I have to wait. I hate to wait and I have noticed it brings on anxiety as opossed to when I am told to do something NOW. If I do not have time to think about it it is less probable it will affect me.However, there are times I have ended up in the ER for no apparent reason, but it has been at times like when I had to take our equivalent to the SAT, first day of school or when grandma died. I have not felt the pressure on a conciuos level but somehow my body just shutted down.







But in general terms distraction is good.


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2002)

So far it looks like I'm the only one who has an anxiety problem severe enough that requires medication. I am a total anxious, emotional flake without medication.When ON medication... I agree with all of the above.... what helps is distraction and creativity....as well as exercise.Speaking of creativity.... everyone loved my dance performance today....... there were photographers here from Madison with cameras on tripods snapping pictures left and right. I don't know if it will actually happen, but I could end up in Dance Magazine. If nothing else my performances are drawing more funding for the dance company. Anyways... this is my creative outlet... it is also a way for me to productively use all of this kinesthetic "anxious energy" that I sometimes have.We all need something in life to be passionate about, no?RitaLucy... I've read your poetry... you are quite an artist with your words.All of us have some unique niche in life..... it's just a matter of finding it and tapping into it... provided the brain/body chemistry is cooperating... that is.....







Warm Regards, Evie


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

So how many of you here get psychic anxiety?The kind of thing that arrives before a difficult event or something that makes your warning signals trigger?We often call it "the I should have known when moment"The angst would be followed by a precognitive event or linked to the feeling in some way.Kamie


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## Guest (Oct 21, 2002)

How would we be able to tell if what we were experiencing was "psychic anxiety" ?I know this sounds weird, (and my husband can validate this) in the past I have had "psychic images" pass through my head prior to actual events. (e.g., the night before Red Skelton died, images of him came to me and I mentioned them to others. I also knew when my son was going to get 2 traffic tickets, which he did a few days later. One of the scariest events of all was when a week before an entire family of 4 neighbors were all killed in a car accident, I knew something awful was going to happen but I couldn't hone in on exactly what it was.) I didn't experience any particular anxiety with any of these "events". These occurrences come without warning, I am not always able to interpret them, but I find them more intriguing than anxiety-provoking.Was that what you were referring to?Evie


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

I would define psychic anxiety by things that tend to follow a pattern that in the unfolding of future events come to pass and we are aware that we some how "knew" in advance.Example: Before my Dad died I dreampt that my grandfather called and told me of his death.A few months later the exact dream sequence played out in daily life as a matter of fact.When people get psychic anxiety it also is often a different feeling than just the jitters or obsessive compulsions.There might be a whole set of physiological changes.But the proof is only in the future when the event happens or we get to a point of decision making.After enough psychic anxiety events one learns to distinguish between precognitive events and angst.Knowing the difference is helpful because those who are sensitive can then learn which feelings have meaning and which feelings are basically like the satalite dish picking up many frequencies floating around.For a lot of people psychic anxiety is very frustrating until they learn that some things just float in and out and there are often times where one is just an observer in life.Kamie


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## Guest (Oct 23, 2002)

Oh... Ok, Kamie... I see what you mean... you are sort of referring to "Deja Vu"?I can relate to your experiences a great deal. When my grandmother died, I woke up, came downstairs, walked into my parents' bedroom, saw my father standing at the window, and there was "etherial music". Not sure that I know how to describe it. I was about 10 years old at the time.Then, about 3 days after my uncle committed suicide, I had a "dream" about his bedroom which I had never before seen in realtime... and being quite the artist already at age 13, I sketched a diagram of the bedroom that I saw in the dream for my dad.... including the black rocking chair that began to rock in the dream and frighten me. He told me that it was an exact replica of his brother's bedroom. Most bizarre.There was also sometimes what I will describe as a "white lady" floating in the hallway whenever I would get up out of bed to go to the bathroom. She never seemed to want to hurt me, but I was unnerved, nonetheless.One day my best friend at school told me that the night before both she and her sister who shared the same bedroom awoke to the sight of a "white robed lady" floating in their bedroom. When I returned from school that afternoon, my father told me that he had "visited" my friends during the night. Tell me that didn't spook the daylights out of me!My father would also often speak of "apparitions" that he saw either in the kitchen downstairs or leaning on our 1960 Ford Starliner in the driveway as he was on his way to the outhouse. (We were poor)Yes, these experiences did create a great deal of anxiety for me.No folks, I am not a nut case, my oldest sister can validate these "occurences" and "sightings" as she was equally "gifted" and unnerved.... I think perhaps the reason the anxiety was so intense and persisted for so long was because I was too afraid most of the time to mention this stuff to anyone... thinking they would think I was crazy.I still have "visions" from time to time... and I have no control over them. They come and go with a mind of their own. I have never been able to "harnass" them. Kamie... do you think that you could help me to define what is happening here and figure out what is a premonition and what is just pure anxiety?Warmly, Evie


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

Deja Vu is a feeling of having done something before or having short precognitive recognition such as knowing the next words or action in any given circumstance.Deja Vu happens quickly and rarely lasts longer than a few seconds and it is immediate.Precognition that might cause psychic anxiety would happen anywhere and any time prior to the event.Some people have charted their own timing sequence such as three days or a few weeks.Many people who suffer from irrational anxiety are often found out to be sensitives.Like those people who get migraines with the weather.The in and out of basic energy and excess information seems to bother some people like too much unseen stimulus.The answer for finding out which kind of feelings are which could be found in keeping a journal.When the disruptive feelings arrive, write them down and make note of what is happening.It's a slow process because many things apply.There are seasons and times of day and matters of circumstance as to when and how often the feelings and apparent other worldly appearances occur.Working within a physical discipline that is meant to help the individual find the best place of balance in the body is the type of thing that is needed before anyone can sort through their in coming psychic/paranormal occurances.Far too often people who are in search of answers are not content to go slow and take the road of personal self development.Too often people go on the wild ride of exploring the unknown with no true grounding and then of course that just turns out to be a huge mess.The best way to approach the understaning of such energy is to begin in the physical with a physical discipline.Things such as yoga or tai chi or akido or any of the meditative practices that would require ones involvement with a teacher over a long term are good choices.I can not stress enough the necessity for long term commitment when undertaking any kind of exploratory path.When making a choice in paths it is wise to talk to teachers and interview them and their mode of operation and find which personality and modality fits best with ones personal body ability, ones personal belief system and as personalities that vibrate to each other.Sometimes finding the right teacher can be a revealing journey all to it's self.But the bottom line, the goal is to create a foundation of balance and structure so one will be physically able and emotionally able to handle the energies that they are so sensitive to in the first place.I also find that Chiropractic and Body therapy are useful in helping to balance the overload of psychic disturbence.The goal is not to expereince more psychic disturbance.The goal is to remain functional and able to manage even when disturbances happen.The key to finding and knowing lies in the body and it's alignment. At some point it becomes a very physical thing.Probably yoga or tai chi would be a good place to begin.Practitioners and teachers are easily found in those modalities.Those are also two of the easier systems to begin with and to get to some sort of working progress.When beginning with a teacher it is also important that you let your teacher know of any physical problems and brain chemical problems and all medications you are taking.Each system addresses many real physiological circumstances in the body.For one student who might have a heart problem the exercises might be different than for a person who is working out an orthopedic injury.Or a person with life long anxiety would benefit from different postures than someone who might be dealing with, say, a stressful working environment.The best working situations come when the teacher and the student are knowlegable of the given circumstances and the student is content to simply be the student. When we arrive knowing nothing all things are exciting and beneficial.Kamie


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## Guest (Oct 23, 2002)

Wow...Kamie.. that is so interesting. That means I might not be a total flake after all ?I regularly see a chiropractor (2-4 times per month). I have GENTLE massages occasionally. And my modern dance is a very full "soul" experience. It addresses my needs physically, mentally, emotionally, creatively and spiritually. Our 45-minute warm-up workout is designed to get us in touch with our "centers". It is an experience in well-being.As my technique instructor puts it... "Feeling good has a lot to do with feeling the flow of energy. Sometimes simply placing ourselves beside a river can be a tonic for our soul. So, too, can consciously breathing deeply, or listening to a melody seamlessly connecting a series of notes. The study of dance can also be used to develop a sense of 'energy flow' within the body and through space which can be deeply satisfying, especially when it draws upon our mental, emotional and spiritual capacities as well.The dance classes I teach are designed to enable my students to feel the flow of energies in body movement. A series of body-on-the-floor stretches and contractions promotes awareness of the energy line of the spine, as well as strengthens the torso, the center out of which, and back to which, all movement flows.Half of each ninety-minute class is spent in a full body warm-up, leaving the second half for moving the body through space, enjoying not only the motion of the body, but also the EMOTION that it awakens.My classes respect the physical limitations, age levels and experience or non-experience in dance of my adult students, but they also challenge those students to realize remaining potential, whether a student desires to perform or prefers to use the class simply for personal enrichment.It takes time for the body to learn to move fluidly; it takes time to develop consciousness and strength in parts we have neglected, to find a way in through the pile of stuff we plow through each day. Plan on a year of study, at least, to begin this important, liberating work."... Michael Doran, InstructorIn 3 years time, I have come so far with this creative endeavor that I have astonished myself.Two months after I began my study of dance 3 years ago (and keep in mind that I never ever danced before a day in my life)...... Barry Lynn and Michael Doran asked me to consider being one of their performers. Apparently I have the performance gift... I have "it"...and according to them, it isn't something that can be acquired... it is either there or it isn't. For a long time, I hesitated... my anxiety disorder got the best of me. Then I went on medication... and spectacular things started happening for me. First I began to perform briefly in group pieces... then a year ago I choreographed a group piece... the idea for which I came up with on my own.... then I choreographed half of a duet in which I was honored to perform with Lisa Ornstein of New York.... and more recently I choreographed my very own solo. I still cannot believe that I have finally done this! I actually achieved one of my personal dreams in my lifetime! No... I don't perform for millions of people... we are lucky if 30-50 people pile into our renovated schoolhouse...which is designed as a beautiful theatre...all glass on the south side... track lighting..... curtains.... and outside there are ponds and flower gardens and a creek that flows through ChaliceStream. Any more than 50 people and we are hard-pressed to find room to dance....  I am also not a religious person but I relate spiritually very intensely to others. As I was focusing prior to Sunday's performance.... Michael put his hand on my shoulder and wished me well... we then hugged each other in a very healing, energy-invoking embrace where I gave back to him the same energy that he bestowed upon me. For me, this kind of dance is the most healing and spectacular experience of my entire life!!!!!!!Thank you so much for the interpretations, Kamie. They are very helpful and you are a very insightful person.Warmly, Evie


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

well then, it would appear that all you need to add would be that journal.Keep up the good work.Kamie


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