# Best Way To Help My Spouse



## Guest (Jul 12, 2000)

In Feb. of this year my husband was diagnosed with the fibromyalgia. This is after 8-10 orthopedic surgeries on his elbows, knees, shoulders, a raidal head removal on his right arm...etc. He works for a Automotive Mfg. and his job is running machines of heavy iron parts 10-12 lbs. and it seems everytime they put him out on medical leave, he thinks he can go back and handle it. Yet, it calls daily begging me to have the doctors call him in more pain meds. He takes two Viox a day, with 2-4 Vicodon 7.5 Mg along with his Effexor and Sonata for sleeping. We have three children all daughters 2,6,10. I recently lost my job due to having to leave and take care of my husband and them. Do you think it is realistic that he will eventually find the right meds and be able to make it through work for the day or not?


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2000)

Hi there & Welcome,Wow, you have all been through a lot. You have come to the right place for info though, if we can help in any way we will.You asked a very tough question. I've had FM for 8+ years, and I have not found the right combo of meds. Even if you get a good combo there are still flare ups that can last for weeks, even months. I twisted my ankle 2 years ago, not broke, just twisted, but it still hurts, sometimes badly. If your husband has had that many operations,he may never be pain free.The fact that you are asking questions is the first best thing you can do for him. This is a complex disease, with complex symptoms. What works for one person may not work for another.Doctors don't seem to be too interested in doing more research on FM and therefore most aren't equiped to provide good treatment. So make sure you have a good, understanding Dr who knows what he is about. Even better if he/she is a good listener. You need a doctor willing to consider alternative treatments, who doesn't write a prescription every time you walk into the office. Some Doctors check to see how good your drug plan is and then get writers cramp taking advantage of it.Many FM sufferers believe special diets can help, such as cutting out sugars etc, but there are others here who know a lot more about that than I do.Acupressure has helped me some - you can get books at your local library.Acupuncture aslo helps some - many doctors offer thisVitamin therapy- certain combos help othersnatural remedies- I actually studied the Wiccan religion for 4 years to learn more about healing plants, roots, herbs etc. I have learned that verbena tea helps you sleep, so does valerian tea - but it smells foul - better to get it in a capsule - willow bark tea is very helpful for pain, but people sensitive to aspirin should NOT take it, licorice root settles indigestion, a pinch of ginger in regular tea will cure a sick stomach. There are many, many more but it will take research, and trial and error. Start with a health food store, they frequently offer pamphlets and good advice. You have to be careful not to mix certain natural remedies and prescription meds, check at the pharmacy, they will be able to warn you about interactions.I don't want to scare you but I have to say the amount of drugs he takes is worrisom. My sister has FM, several years ago she was in a serious accident and fractured her spine in three places, she didn't sustain nerve damage and was able to walk again, but combined with FM the pain took its toll. She is now, and has been for years, a prescription drug addict, she lost her husband, kids, home and generally speaking, her life. The sad thing is that she doesn't care, as long as she can have her pills. Her pain is real, but once she was hooked on pain killers she would no longer consider other treatments. In view of this I try to stay away from pain killers unless I'm really desperate, I never take them for more than 3 days in a row, and even then I only do that once or twice a year. My husband thinks I'm one of the toughest people he has ever known, I'm not, I'd love to pop a pill and get on with my day but it wouldn't end there and I won't let FM steal my life.Although it is rarely prescribed anymore for FM, Elavil gave me great relief for about 6 years, it is an anti-depressent, but in small doses it is used to treat a variety of chronic pain problems. Celebrex is a fairly new anti-inflammitory, it works amazingly well, but it isn't like others, it is a pain blocker, so it doesn't treat the problem,it only convinces your brain that you don't have one, this can make matters worse, because if you can't feel the pain, you may continue to cause damage to the joint, only a doc can decide if its right for your husband. You can find out more info on Celebrex and FM by following some of the links at the top of the page, there is wealth if info here. It seems the major complaint about Celebrex is headaches, they can get pretty bad, but I found that by setting my dose to every second day instead of each day, it has worked wonders for me and I don't have the headaches anymore.Advil-(or the generic brand is ten times better for helping joint pain than tylonal), if his stomach can tolerate it.I hope I have been of some help to you. Both you and your husband are very welcome to join us for Monday night chats (but most of us have memory problems and sometimes forget) chat time is usually listed in the posts, and post when ever you have a question we might be able to help with.Good luck with your search for info.Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2000)

I would to thank you so very much for your response. You mentioned your sister also having FM and we worry about the 10 year old because she constantly complains of her knees, back, cramping in her legs, sore necks etc. I have just been going thru so much trying to help my husband with his FM and trying to take on the resposibilites of the house by myself, that due to stress I get severe abdominal pain, chest pains, vomiting for 4 months now uncontrollably and have been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I hate to see people I love and others as well suffer so deeply and feel so helpless to them. My father has had Myatonicdystrophy and is not expected to make it much longer - the muscles deteriate and eventually affect the organs in your body as well. Thank you once again for your many suggestions, especially in re: to the pain meds. He has admitted becoming hooked on them and then gets very irrate when they will not call in anymore, but say he should be able to perform as a machine opperator on an assembly line doing heavy repetitve motions over and over again. By the time he gets home, he just wants to sleep. I try to let him have as much as he can when he can get to sleep. It is very hard taking care of the childeren, finances, and housework. I needed to go the ER room yesterday, and hated to even ask him to take me because I know what he is going thru and have another outpatient surgery tomm. and am finding someone else to take me. I feel so awlful for him feeling he has to work to provide for his family and incurr the daily pain, but I know he hated it just as much staying home all the time while on medical leave. We even had to get the Department of Justice involved over his absentism at work, due to their absentism policy not being in line with the Jepartment of Justice Labor Boards guidelines.


> quote:Originally posted by Lori Ann:*Hi there & Welcome,Wow, you have all been through a lot. You have come to the right place for info though, if we can help in any way we will.You asked a very tough question. I've had FM for 8+ years, and I have not found the right combo of meds. Even if you get a good combo there are still flare ups that can last for weeks, even months. I twisted my ankle 2 years ago, not broke, just twisted, but it still hurts, sometimes badly. If your husband has had that many operations,he may never be pain free.The fact that you are asking questions is the first best thing you can do for him. This is a complex disease, with complex symptoms. What works for one person may not work for another.Doctors don't seem to be too interested in doing more research on FM and therefore most aren't equiped to provide good treatment. So make sure you have a good, understanding Dr who knows what he is about. Even better if he/she is a good listener. You need a doctor willing to consider alternative treatments, who doesn't write a prescription every time you walk into the office. Some Doctors check to see how good your drug plan is and then get writers cramp taking advantage of it.Many FM sufferers believe special diets can help, such as cutting out sugars etc, but there are others here who know a lot more about that than I do.Acupressure has helped me some - you can get books at your local library.Acupuncture aslo helps some - many doctors offer thisVitamin therapy- certain combos help othersnatural remedies- I actually studied the Wiccan religion for 4 years to learn more about healing plants, roots, herbs etc. I have learned that verbena tea helps you sleep, so does valerian tea - but it smells foul - better to get it in a capsule - willow bark tea is very helpful for pain, but people sensitive to aspirin should NOT take it, licorice root settles indigestion, a pinch of ginger in regular tea will cure a sick stomach. There are many, many more but it will take research, and trial and error. Start with a health food store, they frequently offer pamphlets and good advice. You have to be careful not to mix certain natural remedies and prescription meds, check at the pharmacy, they will be able to warn you about interactions.I don't want to scare you but I have to say the amount of drugs he takes is worrisom. My sister has FM, several years ago she was in a serious accident and fractured her spine in three places, she didn't sustain nerve damage and was able to walk again, but combined with FM the pain took its toll. She is now, and has been for years, a prescription drug addict, she lost her husband, kids, home and generally speaking, her life. The sad thing is that she doesn't care, as long as she can have her pills. Her pain is real, but once she was hooked on pain killers she would no longer consider other treatments. In view of this I try to stay away from pain killers unless I'm really desperate, I never take them for more than 3 days in a row, and even then I only do that once or twice a year. My husband thinks I'm one of the toughest people he has ever known, I'm not, I'd love to pop a pill and get on with my day but it wouldn't end there and I won't let FM steal my life.Although it is rarely prescribed anymore for FM, Elavil gave me great relief for about 6 years, it is an anti-depressent, but in small doses it is used to treat a variety of chronic pain problems. Celebrex is a fairly new anti-inflammitory, it works amazingly well, but it isn't like others, it is a pain blocker, so it doesn't treat the problem,it only convinces your brain that you don't have one, this can make matters worse, because if you can't feel the pain, you may continue to cause damage to the joint, only a doc can decide if its right for your husband. You can find out more info on Celebrex and FM by following some of the links at the top of the page, there is wealth if info here. It seems the major complaint about Celebrex is headaches, they can get pretty bad, but I found that by setting my dose to every second day instead of each day, it has worked wonders for me and I don't have the headaches anymore.Advil-(or the generic brand is ten times better for helping joint pain than tylonal), if his stomach can tolerate it.I hope I have been of some help to you. Both you and your husband are very welcome to join us for Monday night chats (but most of us have memory problems and sometimes forget) chat time is usually listed in the posts, and post when ever you have a question we might be able to help with.Good luck with your search for info.Lori Ann*


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2000)

Marisa,You are doing the best thing for your husband. I think that you are really reaching out trying to get some great answers. Being well informed is the only way to get on the road to healing anything. Keep posting, asking and we will keep trying to help and supporting you. It's like we are helping each other to heal. We all play a part in giving everyone some comfort. I hope that your husband can get the pain meds under control. I think that he would feel better off them and trying anohter form of treatment. He is obviously built a tollernce to them and may need to try something different that will give him better relief. Well, I need to go I am in need of rest tonight.Welcome, I will pray for us all tonight.lexa


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## Guest (Jul 13, 2000)

Hi Marisa, nice name (my daughter's name is the same!) You've been given some great suggestions so far. I would like to add checking into getting some vocational rehabilitation. The work your husband is doing is obviously tearing his body apart! Not to mention the stress it is putting on your family. With the referral of his physicians/surgeon I would hope that getting trained for a more suitable line of work would be the way to go. I pray things start looking up for you.


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## Guest (Jul 14, 2000)

Dear Marisa,I'm so sorry to hear about all your problems. I know all of this is very stressful for all of you. Well, you've gotten some very good suggestions here and I'm afraid that I really don't have anything that I could add to that right at the moment. Judging from the ages of your children it would appear that your husband is nowhere near retirement age. And SSDI simply would not cover your needs.I will keep you in my thoughts and if I think of something to add that might be beneficial, I will do so.Take care,


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## Guest (Jul 14, 2000)

Thank you all so very much for your helpful advice. Sometimes it helps just as much when you know there are others going thru the same things. Perhaps that is why one of my favorite books to read is "So Stick A Geranium In Your Hat and Be Happy." I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Guest (Jul 15, 2000)

Marisa,Since you have a computer and you are online, maybe you could start a home based internet business. I do some business consulting on the side, I know US laws are different but I could help with ideas if your interested. We are all learning as we go. I hate the IBS problem, it has made me a prisoner in my home, so I can totally relate. Did you know that 70 to 80% of people with IBS have FM? It started me thinking about the mycoplasma angle again, Marisa, if you haven't read that post you should go back and find it, it may be as eye opening for you as it was for the rest of us.Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 15, 2000)

Oh I forgot to mention, since I stared taking Pantoloc for my stomach I haven't had an IBS attack, its another drug I have to take it every other day to avoid headaches but its been great!Lori Ann


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## Guest (Jul 18, 2000)

Marissa,The reality may well be that your husand is going to have to look at other work options. Repetative work is about the worst thing you can do with FM. The pain is unbelivable and for him to be doing this day after day is madness. sorry to be so negative!!!Just to polish my car in a rubing motion on a sunday afternoon means I am in pain for two or three days later, so the pain he is going through is scary.and really the only answer in the long run is to stop, rest and learn what your body can take and can't take...Is he reading this stuff???It's important he gets to know and accept it's not in his head and that there is others out there like him.


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## Guest (Jul 18, 2000)

I think that he is finally coming to tems that it is not all in his head. Unfortunatly due to the area we live in over 20,000 people here in town work for automotive mfrs or industrial factories. So it has been put in his head tht he is not worth anything if he can't work at one of those places and bring home $22.00 an hour. He is 33 and I an 29, raising a 2 1/2 yearold of ours, and his other two daughters he has had full custody of since I met them 4 years ago and are now 6 and 10 all which we dearly love. There mom has never paid support as ordered so that adds more stress to him. He hated being Mr. Mom while they would have him off on sick leave absences, because he felt he wasn't "man" enough, but is the best father with his daughters. Last night he said he wanted to work 12 hour shifts for two months 7 days a week. There is no way I know he can do it and even today he couldn't get out of bed to go in early. The pain meds are what most worrys me. Now at 3 7.5 Vicodon a day plus the effexor, sonata, and ultrim. I appreciate your boldness and being frank. I do agree with you, and have even talked to his doctor myself on many occasions, but his doctors attitude right now is that he emotionally is doing better being at work and that millions of americans have to suffer thru work each day taking pain meds. I just don't know that I agree with that concept. And to pay $350 a week in childcare, I have decided to stay at home for another 4 weeks until the oldest two get back to school and then find another job. Thanks again.


> quote:Originally posted by Montanna:*Marissa,The reality may well be that your husand is going to have to look at other work options. Repetative work is about the worst thing you can do with FM. The pain is unbelivable and for him to be doing this day after day is madness. sorry to be so negative!!!Just to polish my car in a rubing motion on a sunday afternoon means I am in pain for two or three days later, so the pain he is going through is scary.and really the only answer in the long run is to stop, rest and learn what your body can take and can't take...Is he reading this stuff???It's important he gets to know and accept it's not in his head and that there is others out there like him.*


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Marisa, I agree with Montana. Your husband has got to take a good look at himself. He's got to ask himself if he's going to be worth anything to his children and to you if he continues the way he is now. Doesn't he realize he is only debilitating himself more. I understand his "job attitude", but what's more important to him? And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man being an "at home" father. The children would probably love it. And it would take the stress off of you. Granted, you would have to work full-time, but I gather that would not be a problem. I hope he thinks about this. Have him read our suggestions and responses. He is not alone!!! And----that Doctor of his has a few screws loose!!!! He should be sitting down with him and frankly discussing what he is doing to his body by pushing himself the way is now. If his Doctor would recommend him for disability, he just might win. Have you looked into that? Take care and keep in touch.


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## Guest (Jul 20, 2000)

Hi Marriss and WELCOME to you and your husband. I hope he is or has read all the reply posts and has gotten a sense of peace and belonging from them. We all understand where is and how he feels. I have always pushed myself and then crashed and regretted it. I really think if I would have started taking it easier on myself at an earlier age or an earlier time I wouldn't be as bad as I am now. I hope he decides to slow down - it really will be best for him in the long run. For example if he works the 12 hour days, seven days he will get a wonderful paycheck (if he makes it through) but, he will probably hurt himself so much that he will lose days and pay trying to let his body recover while continuing to push it. In the long run the damage he is doing to himself will only set him back. I hope he comes to realize that and cuts himself a break. He is by no means weak. He is very strong - just getting up to go to work is so much harder for us than the average person it is unbelievable. This doesn't however make us weaker. Actually we are very strong people who continue to persist in living our lives while others would probably give up if they faced what we did daily. So your husband needs to realize that he is STRONGER than the average man, not weaker. Good luck to you both and I will pray for you. stacey


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