# School issues for my teenage son...



## angeluv

First, I have to say, I am so thankful I have found this site! I am the mom of a 17 y/o son that was diagnosed with IBS a year and a half ago. He was treated for an "ulcer" a year and a half before that...which, come to find out, was not the proper diagnosis. He has had an awful time in high school, has missed out on so many events, activities, sports, etc. He is a great kid and it saddens me that he has difficulty dealing with his IBS...he has low self esteem problems now as well. He is tall and healthy looking. I say that because some of the school staff (and sometimes other family members) have a hard time believing that a healthy looking boy can be so sick and miss as much school as he does. The bathroom/privacy issue is a problem at school, as I am sure you can imagine (not that the school bathrooms is a good place to be even when you do not have IBS!). We have placed him on part-time homebound to help with the absences, etc. He is due to graduate this year. His best subject is not taught on the homebound program, unfortunately, and that subject (and teacher) seems to be the best thing he has going there for him at school. But as you all know, IBS has a mind of its own and can strike anytime and he still misses some of the classes he is taking at school. He has gotten into trouble for taking too long in the school bathrooms (they say he is cutting) and has been punished for that, he has been accused, several times, that he is using IBS as an excuse, and because he does not open up to the teachers, deans, etc., and is quiet, not belligerent, they think he does not care. (He asked one teacher for make up work 3 times last year, she told him to get away from her desk each time, he never approached her again, he failed. But, she told me he is was the best behaved student she had and too bad they do not give grades for good behaviour in high school.) Yes, I complained, he still had to repeat the class. They just do not understand. I have fought and fought for so long, to keep him from falling through the cracks in the system but things always fall apart. I am at my wits end. If they tried to understand or cared, they could make things much easier on everyone, calmer for him, and he would feel much better about himself, about school, about life. Is that too much to ask for??? They fall over backwards to try to get kids that do NOT want to be in school, to stay there!!! One thing I was excited to find on the site is "Molly's" brochure. Thank you, Molly! I am going to be making copies of it to pass out to the Deans, Attendance, Teachers, Guidance, Principals, School Board, etc. and family. I know what he is dealing with...I have had colitis since a child (diagnosed in my 20's). Things are different these days and it is harder for kids, I think. And, everyone's case is different. My son was in tears the other day...he has pain on his left side, around belt level, a complaint we have seen the doctor about several times. He thinks no one believes him, so he suffers in silence, keeps it to himself. That is so sad. It breaks my heart.We had been told by the local specialist that "there is nothing more we can do for him in this area" and to look into taking him to Cleveland Clinic. I called the family doctor yesterday and told them we are going to work on a more aggressive plan...I have to do something! We have an appointment on the 28th to figure out the next step. Thanks for listening.


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## BW415

Angeluv,I went through basicly the same thing your son is going through. It wasnt easy, and I missed most of my Jr. year and all basicly of my Sr. year. I was upset by it but, learned that its just a couple years big deal, I graduated high in my class, got great grades, etc. All with home tutors provided by the school. Now if your son is going to attend school great for him! I have a couple tips that might help him out with bathrooms etc. Go first to your doctor or specialist, have them fill out a form for IBS or a Doctors note that say the YES he does have IBS, copy that off, and give it to the school even though you probably allready had to do that due to absenties, I dont know FL law with that but if you havent done it do it! It will help alot with the teachers, etc. Next go talk to the guidence consuler and see if he can get a private pass to use the bathroom as much as he needs for long as he needs, and even if they are like my old school have teacher bathrooms which are private, see if you can get a key for him to use one of thoese. That will help out big time. Also is he seeing a psycolgist <spelling> because the school might be able to help there with the schools one. Hope this helps,BW415


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## Blake

Well that definitely sounds familiar. I'm going through the exact situation. I've had IBS since I was in late 7th grade (1997). Things have just gone down hill since. I'm currently in 11th grade, have been off and on homebound from 9th till this year. I've been kicked out of a special school program I was in, then later kicked out the actual school. Currently the homebound director is becoming aggitated with me going on and off the program and has issued an ultimatum. Either I attend school for at least 2 classes in the afternoon and co-enroll in homebound or they totally drop me. Of course I had no choice so thats the current plan but unfortunately I don't feel it will work. This week has been AWFUL for me IBS wise and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. My mom is going crazy with doctors and school personnel that just don't understand, or want to anyway. I've even seen a psychiatrist, put on Paxil and am currently seeing an excellent psychologist locally who understands my situation and is sympathetic. I'm thinking at this point of just dropping out and listing myself as a homeshcool student and taking online courses which are offered through the state to high school students.Good luck with you and your son, hope you both feel better and find some type of sollution.


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## angeluv

Hello BW415,Thank you for the advice. We have done all you mentioned. He has not gotten a "pass" for the teacher's bathroom. We have an appointment with the doctor this week so I am hoping we can find out what they will do for the pain he has on his left side. The tutor from the school board is really a great person and such a big help. She is trying so hard to get things moving along for him but there is only so much she can do. The rest is up to the school, the teachers and my son. Good luck to you!


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## newlearner

Hi angeluv,I am totally understanding of your problem. The only difference is I suffer from irritable bowel and my son suffers from depression and low self esteem and is considered special ed. I have been through hell trying to get services for him that he is entitled to. Finally I consulted with local parent advocates and attorneys. There is something called IDEA (the individuals with disabilities education act) which is a federal law protecting students with any kind of disability. You can get information on the web. When I cited certain provisions to the committee that met with me on my sons behalf, I was able to put him on homebound and see that he will be helped in every way when he goes back. (the threat of a law suit makes the school district take notice.







In addition we live in a state that has compulsary attendance were referred to truency court and the judge didn't even want to look at the letters from therapists stating why my son was absent more than allowed. We were fined $600.00 .


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## angeluv

Hi Newlearner,Yes, I would say you do understand. I am sure the stress you have been through has not helped your health issues either. I was threatened to be turned in for truancy once, last year. So far, it was never carried out. My son fell through the cracks alot last year...one teacher did not have his "504" papers in his folder and more or less accussed him of fibbing when he told her he was on that program. She never checked it out to be sure and he never fought it. Unfortunately, he never told me all this until he had failed in that class. He had to make it up in night school/summer school.The appointment with the doctor is this afternoon so, we will see what happens there. I hope things are better for you and you son now. I can't believe the judge was so harsh in your case and even fined you! Documentation means nothing to him?Take care!Angeluv


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## newlearner

AngeluvThere is so much the school needs to do and I'm sorry about what your son has gone through. I hope the doctor supports you in everything you need...try to speak to a few parent advocates to get advice.The woman judge we saw thought she was Judge Judy"but I didn't find her amuzing at all. She would not look at any paperwork and when I said my son was missing time because of depression she looked at me with no understanding at all. In fact when the case was over and we waited another "truent" was speaking to the judge and said "I've been depressed" the judge said "it seems alot of that seems to be going around" to which I replied very loudly "I don't think thats funny." We paid the $600 today and I asked myself "Is this american justice?"


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## angeluv

Hi Newlearner,Well, so far the only treatment plan for my son is to try massage therapy. We will at least go for consultation...insurance will not cover those visits, I am sure, but if we have to, we will pay. We are still looking into further, more aggressive treatment too. That requires the doctor's office calling around for us this week. The doctor we have been seeing is writing a letter to the school on behalf of my son...she is appalled at what he has been acussed of, etc. (acussed of using IBS as an excuse to get out of class, etc.). She is also researching alternative treatments, etc. It feels good to know at last someone is listening FINALLY!I have a question...Does anyone out there experience pain on your left side (front, around belt area) even when you are not having an attack of diareha? I have taken my son in several times, when he has complained of the pain to see if there is something other than IBS causing it. I know about the "waves" of pain in the abdomen during an attack as I have IBS too. But, I am curious about the pain in the side and what may be causing it. There has been no conclusion made about the pain yet. I mentioned your "Truancy" issue to someone the other day and they told me that something like that is going to start here too. I hope my son gets to graduate this year!!! I will always be in trouble if he doesn't! Thanks for your concern and good luck to you all too. ~Angeluv


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## newlearner

angeluvI'm glad some positive things are beginning to happen for your son. I hope your son gets to graduate on time. My son likes homebound very much. If I have to keep him on this in order for him to get an education without all the rediculous stress that goes along with it, I willdid your son have all the tests that would help with his diagnosis? Have you been to a good gastroenterolist?


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## SMcD

Hello Angelum. Your story sounds almost exactly like mine. I am also the mom of a 17 year old boy. We too have experienced all of the issues and roadblocks that you are talking about. My first advice would be to see if your son can be classified as in need of special consideration under the American's with Disabilities act. You or anyone else can refer him. The process can be long and does not offer immediate help, but for others who are in this mess refer your child for special ed right away. Students can be classified as fragile health, can obtain special classification for depression (called a 504)


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## NiniJA9

Angleluv Your son's story sounds very familiar to me. When I was in my sophomore year I was diagnosed with IBS. My junior and senior year were the worst. I was afraid to go to school because I did not want to have an "attack" I am not sure who sugeested to the note in a reply to you, but that is what my mom and I ended up doing. We had an excuse from my doctor. I had a wonderful school nurse whic helped, she had a private bathroom in her office which she told me I could use anytime I needed to, which really helped. I ended up finishing high school on time and college, but I know how he feels and school is not the place you want these things to happen. I hope everything works out for your son and he graduates on time.


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## Nikki

Oh please let me email him. I am 19, living in UK. And know how he feels totally.If he wants to talk to someone around his own age then i am happy to email him.Send me a private message if you are interested.


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## angeluv

Hi Everyone,Thanks for all the replies. We are still waiting to hear if the referral to Cleveland Clinic came through or not...We have not had gone to the consultation for massage therapy yet. In answering some questions...Yes, he has seen a good gastro. He pretty much said he has done all he can do...We have written notes, filled out the forms for homebound, doctors have been notified, etc. I think the school needs to become "informed". I plan to do that. I am reading "IBS: A Doctor's Plan for Chronic Digestive troubles" (great, I might add) and "Tell Me What to Eat if I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome". I hope to inform people there that they cannot accuse him of using IBS as an excuse. I am sure they would not like it if it were them having the problem. He has been on the 504 plan for asthma (taken off last year). I will ask him if he would like to "speak" to someone younger than Mom. Thank you for offering.







We are going away for a few days. The semester isover, tests have been taken, one more semester to go. I hope we can all relax a bit for a few days. Thanks for all your encouragement, advice and understanding. Even though I have IBS too, our symptoms can be so different and we deal with them differently. I am also learning more than I ever learned in all the time since I was diagnosed. I was told nothing! It helps me to help him as much as I can...Thanks,Angeluv


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## Viki_j

Hi, i am a 16 year old girl and get crippling pains on my left side at belt area in the place u said, but i dont get attacks of diarhoea, i get constipation and bloating and sometimes really bad gas. Its so embarrassing, and no-one at school believes i have a proper medical problem, they think i'm trying to get out of lessons.If you or your son wants to email me that would be nice coz i've never known anyone to have a pain on the left in that place before. I thought it was just me. My email is: viki_j###hotmail.comThis may sound weird but does he get pain in his shoulder sometimes along with the low left side pain? Sometimes i do, but usually only when i'm lying down.Thanx for reading this, its nice to finally talk to people who understand.


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## angeluv

Hi Vicki,I have sent you an email. Thank you for the information on the fiber. We will look into it further and see if it helps my son. We have tried the lactose free diet and some times he was ok and sometimes not. He is not than crazy about the rice milk and the soy milk either but fortunately, there are a few soy milk products that are not too bad and come in vanilla or chocolate flavors. They are found in the dairy section in the stores. There is also some rice cheeses that we have been able to use in some recipes that taste ok. They come in flavors of cheddar, yellow American, provolone and mozzarello.We are still waiting to hear from the doctors office for the referral to Cleveland Clinic. So much for our getting excited about the doctor's office finally helping him. It has been weeks and weeks. Take care, Vicki.Angeluv


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## Raquel85

Angeluv, I totally understand what your son is going through. Just reading your story puts me in tears for you. I was just diagnosed with IBS-D, but I've had it for about two years. I'm a Junior in High School and it can be VERY hard dealing with all the pressures of teacher's, friends, and then having to make several embarrassing bathroom trips everyday. Thank God my parents let me be home schooled! I'm doing very well with it too, I don't know if you've ever heard of Correspondence High School. It's a God sent for me! It's the same equivalent as a High School diploma. You might want to consider it. Your son is really lucky to have such an understanding mother. My parents thought that I was making all of it up just so I wouldn't have to go to school. They FINALLY started listening to me when I went to the doctor just last week and got diagnosed. Has your son tried any medication at all? I know of quite a few that I got off of this web site. Just let him know he's not alone.P.S. Here's a list of medications I know of you could ask your doctor about, and the address and phone number of the Correspondence High School...Medications: Lomotil, reliv, "bowel support" from GNC, zofran, probiotics, cilestron, remeron, liberax, Intenstive, caltrate, pamine.Correspondence High School:American High School2200 East 170th Street, Lansing, Illinois 60438Telephone #: (708) 418-2800


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## slacker

Raquel85,You found a doctor to prescribe you Zofran for "just IBS."?


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## My Name is Melinda

Hi Angeluv.I understand what your son is going through. I was lucky enough to attend a very small high school where the staff knew of my health problems (I also have migraine headaches, hypoglycemia, and at the time was dealing with some menstrual problems) and was very understanding of my absences. I was able to graduate at the top of my class with honors.However, I have not been so fortunate in college. I dealt with IBS for over a year before I received the diagnosis--the doctor thought it was just a side effect from some of my meds or "stress". Since I didn't have a specific diagnosis, most of my teachers thought I was just using "I'm sick" as an excuse not to attend classes, and since my college had an attendance policy, I was dropped from most of my classes. I managed to get credit for my first semester, but I had to withdraw from my second one to keep from failing. Over the summer, I didn't have as many problems, so I thought maybe I was well enough to go back to school. I was okay for about the first month, but got hit with the stomach flu and strep throat and went downhill from there. The strep got better...the "stomach flu" did not. The doctor finally ran some tests (ultrasound, upper and lower GI) and concluded (or maybe I should say "inconcluded" since my test were inconclusive) that since the tests didn't show anything other than some "minor inflammation" that I had IBS. I finally had the diagnosis, but for most of my classes it was too late. I ultimately had to withdraw once again.It was hard living in the dorms because the teachers would see me there and then think I was skipping when I didn't show up for class--they didn't realize that that was where I lived. But I knew if I moved back home, I would have trouble making the hour-long commute, and at least if I was already on campus, I could make it to a few more classes because I would already be there. Unfortunately, they didn't understand what I was going through, and I couldn't explain it to them because I wasn't really sure myself.But after losing the scholarship that was paying for me to live on campus, I moved back home and switched schools this semester to one that is about twenty minutes away. The teachers there were more understanding; unfortunatly, I've still had to miss so often that I am having a hard time keeping up. At least at my other school, if I missed, I was right on campus so when I did get a rare moment of feeling better, I could go talk to the few understanding professors I had and get my work, but in the situation I have now, though I might feel like walking across campus for five minutes, I'm not as able to drive twenty. Plus from the time I leave my house until the time I get to the school, there is only one bathroom stop, and it isn't even until I get almost to the school. That makes me very nervous. I have also had a harder time making friends at my new school, because I haven't been there enough to really get to know anyone. So when the teacher says "Get the notes from someone" I don't really have any "someones" to get them from.While there is so much assistance available for kids in K-12 and people in the workforce, there isn't much for people in college, perhaps because college is "optional". But I am also aware of how difficult it is to receive the assistance even though it is available. Like you said, they bend over backwards to try to help the ones who don't even want to be there and then the ones who are really trying can't get anything.It makes me want to become an educator or a lawmaker or even a doctor so I could do something about it, but how can I when I can't even make it through college because of the hold IBS has on me? It is so frustrating!







I wish that we could all get together and raise the awareness of IBS, but even though it is supposedly so common, it is so difficult to diagnose, is used as a diagnosis when they don't know what else to tell you, and is very hard to understand. These things combined make most just want to turn a deaf ear.I really hope that the next generation of IBSers will have an easier go at life than this one does.*Melinda*


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## ping898

I can say I know what evenone is talking about too. I was diagnosed about 10 yrs ago when I was 11 with IBS. School can be rough. I lucked out where most of my problems came in the morning and I had the school nurse on my side, where I never told her I had IBS she always helped me out with the fact that I never made it to homeroom or if I stayed too long in the bathroom. I did graduate and am finishing my 4th yr in college. I went so far as to become an RA to get my own bathroom so I didn't need to worry about the days and nights I spend in it. But anyways, I was actually posting to offer a suggestion, when i was about 15 I started taking karate. Was perfect for me, cause I couldn't do team sports really anymore cause I couldn't gaurentee I wouldn't need to leave in the middle of the game. So I've read talk of timidness/shyness/depression, I just found karate for me provided a place to get some great physical activity, learn some things as well as it helped with the things life self conifidence, self-control..etc. I even managed to earn my Black Bel before I left for college. It may not be the answer to everyone, but at least for me, provided a great place where for an hour I could forget everything, make a good group of friends and learn a lot. The key to it is finding a good family oriented school to go to. I lucked out and found one on the first try and as soon as I graduate will look for another. the best part about it is the classes are only an hour to an hour and a half depending on the school and no one really cares if you leave to go to the bathroom as long as you are working hard and doing your best. Anyways that's my contribution...it may not be any help and neither may I, but if you gots questions, I'll try and help if i can.....ping898###mail.com


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## Terra

If your son is going to graduate soon, I'd say just forget trying to work with the school. They obviously don't understand. Get finished with the work as soon as possible and be done with it. Once he graduates, you can start fresh at college. I'm a junior in high school now and I just missed my 40-something day last Friday and frankly I don't care anymore. They can't fail me if I'm passing the classes and as long as you have a Doctor's excuse you have the legal right to get any makeup work. Just think about getting through the next month.


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## Kitty19HasIBS

I missed a lot of high school my last two years, but with doctors notes they gave me assignments and I had to make them up right when I came back. They enver refused to give an assignment because it is law that if an assignment is excused they have to let you make it up. At least here it is. But without a doctor's note they had the right to not let me. Although some schools have a max day limit to miss excuse or not.


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## jennieb54143

i was just diagonosed last night. Im really freaked out about school starting. the school nurse we have is not a very good one. (how many nurses sleep on a cot for sick students and refuse to move for a sick kid.) this will be nmy seinor year. im taking all easy classes. Im worried about missing to much school cause iof ibs. we can only miss 60 days befor we have to repete the year. anyone got any advice on talking to the nurse and pricipal about this?


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## JackieGian

Jennie, You should definitely speak with people at school. How big is your school? Do you have a guidance counselor? Look into something called a 504. It's a modification of work for medical issues. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT give up until you get what you need from your district. They are obligated to educate you. If you have medical needs which prevent you from attending school, they are obligated to provide you with tutoring or to make whatever accommodations you need. You need to get your parents, doctor and school officials to work on this together.


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## jennieb54143

well were a retlitivty small scool (100 students graduated)we have guidance counclers but mine is one big jerk. she forced me to take a math class once that we knew i couldnt pass. she will be no help. as far as home tutors our district only has 3 and they are usally buzy with everyone else. the school nurse hates me and wont be much help. where can i find more infromation on 504?


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## JackieGian

Jennie, Start here http://www.504idea.org/ It's going to help if you have the cooperation and support of your doctor. Also, if you aren't getting help from school officials, call your Board of Education members. Start with the guidance office, then principal, then superintendent, then board members. Believe me it works. My husband is on our local board of education and he has eased the way for many such problems.


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## jennieb54143

well the doc is part of the problem. he blows me off. im swicting doctors now to a doctor my grandma has. my doctor told me it was a food alergie so i have been suffering for two months that i didnt have to. I told my mom that i wouldnt let dr.B within a 100 feet of me. lol


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## PippylongStockings

Jennie they cannot force you to take a class. I had a guidance counselor who was like this and I told her it was my life and my classes I was not going to take what she wanted, she had no other choice because unless you have to go by a set cirriculum it's YOUR choice. Be firm with her. I don't think you need to tell your principal or guidance counselor about this. What you should do is get a note from your doctor to give to all teachers telling them that you need unscheduled bathroom breaks and to let you out whenever needed(also talk to the teacher about not having to raise your hand every time, tell her it might interupt her you would rather slip out quietly.) also in the note have your doctor state that you may miss class for this illness and it is beyond your control, that way they will not think you're playing hookie and be more likely to help on your return. Before I had IBS I didn't feel well at school, and my doctor wrote a note it even told them to let me lay my head on my desk and rest for as much as needed(I would pass out a lot). They were very understanding.


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## godsbabygurl777

ANGELUV,IM VERY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SON,IM ALSO ONLY 17 YEARS OLD (F) I HAD TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL AFTER ONLY 8TH GRADE, I WAS A GOOD STUDENT, AND ALWAYS HAD GOOD GRADES, BUT THAT ALL CAME TO A SAD END. I ALSO TRIED THE HOMESCHOOL THING, BUT THE DOCTOR WOULD ONLY SIGN FOR 1 YEAR AND AFTER THAT HE SAID IBS CANT BE BAD ENOUGH TO MISS SCHOOL OVER(WHICH IS A COMPLETE LIE!)WELL I HOPE THAT THINGS WILL START TO LOOK UP FOR YOU AND YOUR SON, AND IF HE EVER NEEDS SOMEONE TO TALK TO THAT IS HIS AGE AND UNDERSTANDS, HE CAN E MAIL ME AT FALLENANGELKLB###YAHOO.COM -KELLY-


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## Liz143

Hi I'm a 17 yr. old senior and I know exactly what your son is going through. If I can give any advice I would say to get on the 504 plan asap and get a pass from the nurse that says "to nurse any time as needed". I have one and I just wave it at a teacher and leave and no one can argue because I already have a pass. Then I go to the nurse's bathroom or any other one since I can be as long as I want. It sucks to have this in high school but make sure your son doesn't give up. I was on home school and I'm telling you he will regret all of the things he missed. Is he sickest in the morning? Try to get his easiest classes in the morning. I have gym first period and that really helps. Good luck!


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## Nolan

Hey Viki_j i read your reply and i get pains in both places yo do but im ibs-d when im walking i get a cramp in the bottom left and when im running i get a cramp in the top right...maybe its just my body not the ibs but i just thought id tell you


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## jennieb54143

I met the new school nurse! ICK!! this is going to be a long year. SHE REFUSED TO GIVE ME A BATHROOM PASS INLESS I HAD MY DOCTOR SIGN 6 FORMS AND CALL HER WITH PERMISSION!! then when i woke up I had a headache and felt nasuous. I asked mom to take me to see my doctor soon. so im going tommrow even though i feel better. oh well time for her to sign all the damm school forms and give me a new script.







oh and i get to miss school







school starts at 8:15 and my appomient is at 9 so i will miss at least 2 hours.Im gonna miss english:cries:


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## mishya

hey i was readin ur posts n was suprised at how misunderstanding skools can b...luckily i go to a small skool where the teachers n counsellor are very undersstanding...but i still hav troubles...i cant imagine a place where teachers wouldnt let u go to the toilet etc...i think u r all very brave n amazin peepz to b able to keep goin n facin each day...i no i find it hard enough even wit da support...just a simple q's..but if u dun go to a supportive skool...y not change skools?...in the long run..n even short...i wouldv thought dis would b better for both ur physical n mental health..just a thought..baiz


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