# had an accident last night, too embarassed to confide in my boyfriend



## windemere (Sep 25, 2011)

Last night I had a horrible flare and didn't make it to the bathroom in time. It wasn't a terrible accident...I thought I was going to pass gas but it wasn't just gas...but it sent off my anxiety because I've only had that happen once before...8 years ago. So I had an awful panic attack and was too embarrassed to tell my boyfriend what caused my anxiety. So he got frustrated with me. How do I explain myself? I'm so embarrassed and I don't want him thinking I'm gross.


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

Hand him this brochure to read:

http://www.ibsgroup.org/brochures/Aboutibs.pdf

Been where you have been.. I have had many accidents and.. it is always unpleasant. Foruntately I don't have any additional stress from my family as they all know this happens to me sometimes. My best advice is honesty. But if you are not ready for specifics... just tell him that you were afraid the IBS was going to ruin your evening... and.. it did. And maybe next time just tell him you are not feeling well.

XO


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## Aelise (Feb 10, 2012)

I know how you feel, I have had to deal with this nonsense during two different relationships. The first relationship (which ended several months ago), fortunately, we had been together for several years already and there really were no secrets anyway anymore. This is when my IBS started and I was fortunate enough to be completely honest with him about it, as he was fully aware of all my symptoms already. It's hard to hide putrid gas on a daily basis when you share a bed with someone after all. We mostly just laughed about it and were open about it. I do recall a day when I mistook a fart for a shart and I was embarrassed. I intended to keep it a secret but as soon as he got home and asked how my day went I blurted out "I SHARTED TODAY." His response was "ewwwwwww" followed by lots of laughter. I laughed too. I couldn't help it, it's not my fault, I didn't mean to, it was an accident, and it was funny as hell. Might as well laugh because at least I was at home and not in a public place!

Now we fastforward a few months later and I'm in a new relationship and did not know how to handle it the second time around. I kept it a secret for about two months before I finally had to be honest. I just sat him down, told him I had a secret, and told him I had IBS. I explained that it makes me feel really sick a lot and that's why I frequently don't want to go do things, or eat out, or whatever. And I am working on getting better so it doesn't impact my lifestyle so much. He asked a few questions (like do I "leak"... lol) but otherwise didn't care. If anything, sharing an embarrassing secret brought us close together and he said he was glad I told him because now he understands why I just "don't feel good" so frequently. I make light of the situation often but try not to be too graphic or gross, as my boyfriend is by some miracle more mature in this regard than I am. While I avoid going over the top with details, I will be vague in a humorous way. For example, I printed out a "biohazard" sign and I will put it outside my door on any gassy evenings I may have. So he knows better than to just open the door and walk in lol. He chuckles when he sees the sign. I may tell him I feel bloated and uncomfortable when it happens, I sometimes admit that I need to go "decompress" (fart up a storm in another room), and if we are out and about I might even admit that the "I'm going to shit my pants" feeling is creeping up on me. Embarrassing as it can feel sometimes, I have found that honesty is the best policy and if you aren't TOO graphic about it your boyfriend likely won't care at all. It's embarrassing to those of us that deal with it, but others are surprisingly non-judgmental I find.

If you guys have been together for a decent amount of time you should just be honest. Another thing I've generally noticed about men is if THEY feel comfortable discussing "personal" habits, it generally means they are perfectly comfortable hearing about them. You can hide it all you want but the simple fact is IBS ain't pretty and shit happens! No pun intended.


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## windemere (Sep 25, 2011)

I had more urgent and horrible diarrhea last night. I didn't tell my bf about my accident the other night but made him aware that my diarrhea is a bit worse than usual and its making me anxious. He helped calmed me down by helping me realize that our financial stress is probably a huge contributor to my worsening ibs symptoms. And he reassured me further by telling he's even had a few problems with D since starting to struggle financially. I'm glad I finally talked to him. A huge weight feels like its been lifted off my shoulders. And I'm not as concerned over the worsening diarrhea because I've been under huge amounts of stress for a prolonged period of time. It just took someone pointing that out to me to help calm some of my fears.


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## celestin (May 20, 2004)

hi Aelise: you've written a nice and useful text...


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## Aelise (Feb 10, 2012)

Celestin, I WISH I could hide it from people! The only ones I can hide it from are people I don't see all the time, like my classmates (university). But people I live with? Not a chance!


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## Trudyg (Aug 16, 2002)

I think we can all identify with accidents. For me, even with an understanding spouse, you just don't really want to share it all. I've had episodes where I soil myself while I"m asleep--can't hide it when you're up stripping the sheets hoping you didn't ruin the mattress! The dr sent me for sphincter training, but the problem is that I'm asleep! Could make a run for it if I was awake.


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