# Any advice greatfully received!



## Reclamation Project (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi, I've been suffering with IBS for about 6 years now (since I was 24). In that time I have just about managed to keep my career going (although travel and visiting clients is a nightmare), but outside of that not much else. It has very much been like a 'rollercoaster ride' for me. This time last year, for example, I was in much better shape than I'm in now.Right since the beginning of my IBS, I have suffered from social anxiety..... inevitably I feel, and any bad episodes I may have experienced whilst 'out' tend to get logged in my mind as a sort of point of reference. It is all too easy now for my symptoms to be brought on by my anxiety.... like a vicious circle really.Over the more difficult periods I have a tendency to withdraw and hide away in the safety of my own home. Whilst this can feel like a great relief, it comes at a great cost.At the beginning of this year, I decided that I was going to focus my attention on my final professional exams, the perfect excuse to hide away and not feel bad about it. Well, my exams have come and gone, and now I find myself feeling particularly isolated.I have neglected my friends, having recently justified my 'withdrawal', and now my anxieties feel even greater, as if I'm more 'sensitive'. Even queueing at the supermarket is a highly stressful experience!I guess I'm writing this because I want and need to change. I'm not expecting to wave a magic wand (although it would be nice!) and be cured of the more purely physical problems that I suffer, but I just wish I could deal with things better.In the past I have forced myself to go out, as if it were something I feel I should be doing, and then ended up being consumed by my anxiety and not really enjoying myself. Its like all my focus is on my bowels and I can't really properly focus on anything else and live in the moment.Inevitably self-image suffers as well, as it is all too easy to identify my entire being with my bowel-function.Dating, rather obviously has been difficult, if not non-existant! In the last 18 months or so, I've probably been out with 2 or 3 women, and at first, if I can get through the first couple of dates unscathed, it feels like a success. However, as the other person begins to want to meet more often, I feel a great pressure and anxiety, as if its getting progressively more difficult to hide my 'terrible secret'!!.... and so inevitably I have tended to end things rather quickly. At the moment dating feels like a million miles away, and I realise there are other things I need to work on, but it does get very lonely sometimes and so it is something which is often on my mind!So basically, the way I'm feeling right now is that things have got to change - which at least is positive I feel!If you've taken the time to read this I'm grateful, and I'd be interested in any feedback or advice as to what might be a good way to properly start re-engaging in life. At the moment it just feels like my only option is start forcing myself to do things - but I don't want fall back into forcing myself out and then not enjoying myself.... perhaps this is where I have to start.Thanks.


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## editor (Jun 20, 2004)

Greetings,I think you've made the hardest step of all by actually managing to write down how you are feeling. Yes, deciding to take action is an incredibly positive thing to do! Well done for that. Writing things down sounds so easy to do, but in reality, it can be very hard and not many people are able to do it. Not many are brave enough to do it.Why is it a good thing? Well, for many reasons. It's the first step in taking back control of your life. Many people with IBS "put up with it" and end up fighting it: "It's not fair? Why is this happening to me? Look at what it's costing me?!" and on and on, which are all valid, but feeling like that doesn't help anything to change. "Putting up with" and "accepting it" is not the same thing. Accepting that you have these conditions means that you acknowledge the effect they are having on you, and that is quite empowering. Sounds trite, doesn't it? It is not meant to be. If you acknowledge something, you take the fear out of it and you can decide what you need to do to change things. The good news is that you *can* do something about it. Writing things down also highlights areas of your life that you want to change: it gives you better clarity of thought. From that, you can make a plan and take action.Sometimes, making such changes can seem very overwhelming, but stick with it! The key here is to make very small steps towards getting better, and towards getting your life back. Start small and do not underestimate what you achieve in any given day, no matter how inconsequential that achievement might be to you. Don't beat yourself up with negative thinking patterns: all those "shoulda coulda wouldas" and watch your Inner Dialogue of Doom too.You've already found that by withdrawing (a natural response), it makes your anxiety a whole lot worse. It will do and yes, you need to address that. You can do it - there are various coping techniques and strategies available to you (drug free too) and I have posted these on my own site. (details in the profile) If it's any consolation, standing in supermarkets freaks me out too







At the moment, most things that "normal" people do might seem too big of a step for you - and that's ok. Don't compare yourself to others. If you feel overwhelmed, it means you are doing too much, too soon, eg: going shopping on a Saturday when it's packed. So, step back a bit and try and something smaller. Can you go when it is less busy? As much of a pain in the behind it might be, can you get your shopping on a "little and often" basis, so that you are at least making yourself go into the store regularly? Once you have built up to regular trips, and you find you are ok (even if the first few times, you only run in there for some bread and milk, and run straight back out again) - it's a start. And *that's* what's important.Enlist the help of your friends too: tell them that you are feeling anxious; ask them to help you to become desensitised. Don't be embarrassed either! At least you have your friends, it's sure hard to deal with this if you are in professional hermit mode







Don't forget that anxiety in itself causes certain physical symptoms, and when you have IBS too, it's as if the two are working as a tag team and all you feel you can do, is collapse in a heap, or end up spot welded to the toilet: too scared to get up, too scared to sit still. I think everyone who has anxiety and IBS will know exactly how you feel! You're not alone - even if sometimes it feels like you are. You can manage the physical symptoms, and you can manage your anxiety once you know how to: make up and carry a survival pack with you - "just in case." Curiously, having a pack with you is reassuring and most people find they are ok - no attacks. Don't ask me how that works, I don't know, I just know it does. *grin. On dating: eh....I totally understand. But! Remember that IBS (and anxiety, which is a separate thing, don't forget) is *nothing* to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Anyone that tells you it is, or that you should "pull yourself together" needs a poke. *grin. Before you work towards dating, work on going out by yourself first. See if you can make yourself sit through a film at the cinema for example; or take a walk in the park - even if you only manage 10 minutes at first. Hell, you might only manage one minute, but who cares? It's a start. Keep going! "Do nothing, nothing changes."What do you enjoy doing? What do you do for fun? Or, what might you like to do for fun? What hobbies do you have? I ask because if you like walking around art museums (for example) it's much easier (and far more pleasurable!) to start this whole thing with doing something you actually enjoy doing. As you have correctly said, doing something you don't like, is not a good motivator for you - and that's totally understandable. Just think, if you'd like to go out a bit more, it doesn't mean that your first trip out is going to be to the dentist.







Sorry this is a bit lengthy (heh, I really should write a book







)but I hope some of it helps.Best of luck to you!


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

I would definitely recommend seeing a psychiatrist. GI's did nothing for my D, but a psychiatrist put me on Xanax, a true anti-anxiety medication, and it stopped my D within days. Then added Effexor, which is anti-anxiety/anti-depressant, which improved my ability to cope with things. I believe it is difficult to stop the anxiety merry-go-round on your own, but with the right meds and therapy it can be done. I have since reduced the Xanax three times and now only take .25 in the am. I plan to begin reducing the Effexor soon and will see how I feel. So I would defintely recommend psychiatric assistance to get your anxiety under control. Take care.


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## Guest (Jul 12, 2004)

I understand as I am the same.


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## Floyd (Jul 13, 2004)

I have figured that Stress is what causes my IBS. I know it was a vicious circle. I was worried about my stomach, and that made my stomach worse. I can relate about working with clients, and or traveling. Man, I knew when that plane backed away from the gate, it was going to be awhile before the ï¿½fasten safety beatï¿½ light goes out! The thing of it is, is that I take a low grade volume for flying, and my wife notice that the days I fly are the days when my stomach is the best! Between the medications for IBS, volumes seem to help too now. I must be blessed, but my medications work really good. I take two pills in the morning, and Iï¿½m normal the rest of the day. My question is, Are you all taking medications? Or are you trying to live with out them?


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## Reclamation Project (Jul 12, 2004)

First of all, I'm really grateful (see I really can spell it!!) for the responses'Editor' - thanx for taking the time out to give such a lengthy response.... I will indeed check out your website - do you know, after I posted my initial message I probably had the worst symptoms I've had in some time - As I struggled home on the train I was just filled with rage, that I had come to some sort of decision and then immediately felt like my symptoms were getting in the way.... perhaps a little more than a coincidence! Anyway I had the day off work yesterday, staggered into work today, and I'm trying to build myself back up again! Life is hard!Cali 123 - thanx also for your message - you may be right.... perhaps I need to see someone, but I feel especially reluctant to start taking drugs - I mean, in my experience, everything tends to have a side effect, and if I can possibly manage it I'd rather avoid taking drugs - longish-term antibiotic use is possibly one of the reasons I'm in this state at the moment!Sweetcheeks - great username!... is there anything that you have found to help you?Floyd - no I'm not taking anything at the moment - when I was at a particularly low point a couple of years I was given something for my anxiety but I just felt totally 'zombified' and couldn't even focus on my work properly - what is it you take?


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## editor (Jun 20, 2004)

Hiya,my pleasure.you might have noticed worse symptoms because you *did* decide you would do something to make a positive change. Stick with it - through hard days and good days. I think you are right to be very reluctant to try anti anxiety meds (or even depression meds): whilst they do help a lot of people, I think there is a culture which has developed where people are almost afraid of actually feeling. Feeling anything at all. Not for you, but in general terms: "Hey, the cat died! I need something to make me cope!" "My boss was mean to me / I might be laid off / My partner treats me badly" etc - a magical chemical bomb isn't going to cure those actual problems. Find out why you let your partner / boss treat you badly, and then deal with it.On the other hand, taking something that will stop unpleasant symptoms of diarrahea and nausea etc, is a different thing entirely, and, if such things are available to you, use them. This can be a good way to build up your confidence. For example, you might be able to make it through a work meeting without a bathroom break. Try a range of things at your disposal: learn relaxation techniques; use meditation or guided visualisations to help you cope with any stress - and stick with it! Do it for at least 21 times, not just once. 21 times = reinforcement and habit. Also, visualise positive outcomes to an event you've bene dreading: eg. going on a date.







Try to stick to a routine in the morning, one which gives your gut time to settle down. If you are on the commute from hell, see if you can break the journey down a little bit? Step out at each station if you can, and if you need to. Tell your boss how you are feeling and the difficulties you face? Perhaps they will let you set up a home office and do some work from home, if you have a bad day? If your firm offers flexible working, maybe you can go in later? That way, you avoid the worst of the rush, and your gut will settle: mornings are usually worse.Other things: keep a diary of the times when your gut plays up. It can be a great way to make a link between the food you eat or stress, and attacks. Also, thoughts lead to a physical change: if you can nail the thoughts, you stand a chance of being able to alter them too.Don't forget: you can sometimes do everything you can possibly do, and still have an attack. Try not to be disheartened! Your gut is sensitive, that is all. This is what I meant by acceptance above, you know?Don't forget: you took the hardest step already.


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

Hello there Firstly welcome to the board , glad you found us sorry you have to be here. I really think Editor has given you excellent advice.Are you from london UK ? If you are there is actually a IBS meet-up on sunday the 18th , I know this would be a major step step for you but there will be other IBS sufferers there.I all to well know what anxiety is like , I have just started Mike's hypnotherapy tapes to try and deal with my IBS and anxiety , its suppose to be good but im not far enough into to tell you if its good or not.There dont seem to be much help for IBS over here in the UK which is a shame really.A lot of us on here deals with anxiety issues as a result of IBS , we seem to be more and more homebound and as you said in the end even a small thing like standing in a queue at the supermarket seem to be a major problem which is almost impossible to overcome.People have said that "kalms" herbal tablets are suppose to take the top of the panic but I have not tried them myself. I tend to feel like a zombie on anxiety medication which is why im giving the hypno a chance ( my who so dont believe in hypno LOL )About the dating well maybe you should tell the people that you have problems , i have really found that it has been well worth being honest and open about my problems . There is a great brochure on here somewhere you can give to family and friends explaining IBS.Anyway I hope you get the help you need on here.


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## kschultz (Jul 8, 2004)

Apparently Kava has shown to be effective on an as-needed basis to produce a calming effect before a stressful event, etc. It can also relieve the heart palpitations and intense periods of anxiety associated with panic attacks. Kava can be used alone, or with St. John's wort, ginkgo biloba, or 5-HTP to relieve anxiety in those with mild to moderate depression. http://www.wholehealthmd.com/refshelf/subs...525,798,00.html


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## kschultz (Jul 8, 2004)

Oooh and something interesting for Shadowz:"Unlike prescription tranquilizers, kava doesn't appear to dull the mind, and, according to some studies, it can even improve alertness and reaction time."(from the same site - very unbiased info.)


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## kschultz (Jul 8, 2004)

Damn government has to spoil everything: http://www.mydr.com.au/default.asp?article=3759 Kava is only recommended for use for up to 4 consecutive weeks. The woman in the article took it for four months. Now it appears we can no longer purchase this product in Australia.What's the current opinion of it in the US ?


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

tropigal - I dont think you can buy any of them in the UK


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## Out of the water closet (Jul 14, 2004)

Wow, I can relate to everything you're going through.I'm 37 and have had IBS-D since 21. My job in sales required weekly air travel (I FEAR the seatbelt sign more than death) and face-to-face presentations with clients. As a single guy, dating had been particularly nerve wracking (what if we get stuck in traffic en route to our first date?). The anticipatory anxiety became so overwhelming that I also began to turn down many social invitations (I didn't visit my parents during the 2 years they lived in London because of IBS anxiety). All of this was exacerbated by the fact that I felt I couldn't tell anybody about my fears or my condition.After trying to fix my issue on my own by experimenting with coffee, hypnosis, colonics, immodium, fiber, etc, I decided enough was enough. I broke down and went for professional help. I began to see a psychologist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm not cured in any definitive sense (I still have occasional bad days), but I learned how to get a grip on my anxiety - a major breakthrough. The list of activities that cause my bowels to freak out has gone from 30 down to about 2 or 3. I feel like I got most of my life back.You definitely have the right attitude - don't let IBS rule your life. I found that reclaiming my life was only possible within a disciplined, structured therapy program (no drugs, either). You may want to at least consider this approach.Lastly, I've begun to tell almost everybody I know about my condition (even girls on first dates). I was prepared to be shunned by one and all, but was completely surprised by most everyone's supportive reaction. That alone has also helped ease the anxiety tremendously.Good luck.


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## kschultz (Jul 8, 2004)

Shadowz, I believe St John's Wort and 5-HTP are available in the UK.Here is a site that I found that might help http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/remedies.htm This site stocks 5-HTP http://www.elixirhealth.co.uk/asps/Search....erotone%99+5HTP and St John's Wort http://www.elixirhealth.co.uk/asps/Search....E+St+Johns+Wort


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## kazzy3 (Apr 11, 2003)

Thanks Editor, for the great advice. It all makes perfect sense.


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## Reclamation Project (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi everyone, how are you all doing?Well, Operation 'Conquer Anxiety' is off the ground, although things have been a little up and down!I have been trying to get out some more lately, with a little success, although it is exhausting!I even managed to get to the cinema!!..... and survived the experience, probably because Spiderman II was just about good enough to wrestle my attention away from my gut!When I do go out though, it feels like I'm on the clock, like I'm a ticking time-bomb, like its some sort of 'Cinderella complex' (for turning into a pumpkin at midnight, read guts exploding/spontaneous combustion probably well before 12 - it ain't no fairytale!)Baby steps I guess! At the moment I'm trying to spend time with people who I'm comfortable with, and place myself in situations where I'm not gonna panic, although the cinema felt pretty daring for me!Its exhausting as I say, and I feel impatient, like I want it all, right now, all those things I've been denied or I've been denying myself in recent timesA couple of observations about myself, which I'm trying to correct, (I know there are a lot more than a couple, but baby steps right!)..... I think its inevitable that I'm gonna have especially bad symptom days, but I'm trying to react differently to this - My usual impulse is to hit rock bottom and feel doomed every time this occurs, but what I'm trying to do now is to brush this off as just a bad day, just one day (or just a bad week or whatever), and try and carry on from where I left off when feeling betterJust one other thing that I've noticed - I think my IBS has made me feel disgusted with myself a lot of the time - then I think I attribute this feeling to other people, and feel that other people are gonna be disgusted with me, like everyone is being judgemental and critical etc etc - I think this is contributing a great deal to my anxiety! And so, I am trying to let go of this feeling, not sure how, apart from trying to be aware of what I'm feelingIts all so bloody exhausting, everything is uncertain... there are no guarantees!The saga continues.....Anyway hope you're all well and wish me luck!


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## Sara Mudie (Apr 16, 2004)

Definitely wishing you luck. Know you have many supportive people on here and I will definitely be thinking of you - please keep us informed of how you are.I had to respond to this thread and all the courage being shown. Everything is relative and we all deserve some joy in our lives. I think what I'm saying is that we all need to rediscover that joy. I too struggle daily with anxiety and worry over commitments. I worry I am not doing enough to get on with my life but I think we all need to step back and make realistic goals - along the lines of editor's advice.I have found getting out of London after 11 years of stressful work there helped somewhat (been in the 'country' for 6 yrs now) but as I say, it's all relative. I'm now living a healthier life but the demands of work and socially continue and I find it hard to get close to people too. I try to count my blessings and not feel sorry for myself but it is hard living with this condition. The hardest thing is the unpredictability of it all. I think I could cope better if I knew when an attack would pounce and how long it would last. Hate not having control. Anyway, your last post shows you are getting a grip of this and accepting things better. Just don't forget to also give yourself a break and reward yourself for all your accomplishments -- small and large!Wishing you well. Truly.


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## valtaya (Jan 3, 2003)

I just had to post a message to you. When I read your post it was like I could have written it myself a few months ago. Its hard, it really is hard work to get yourself out there and at points you will feel your doing so well, have an attack and then feel so down about it.. but please try not to let it get you down or send you backwards. We have to accept that we WILL have attacks and that we just have to carry on after they happen. Ive been homebound for about 3 years now and have only just started to fight back. I have done the IBS hypnosis cd's by Mike and they helped me so much to get on to the starting block.I didnt want to take drugs either, was so sure I could beat this myself. My docs where useless anyway and told me I had food poisening for 2 years!! They have offered me no help at all and said its all in my mind.. but what do we in the UK expect? I do take Kalms when needed, which do work, cant take too many tho or else you just walk around with a silly smile and a glazed look in your eyes I have also just started to try Imodium but only when I know Im gonna be outside for a while. They have just brought out a new version which is recommended for IBS sufferers. Imodium melts. Melt straight on your tongue so are good for when your out and about. If you go to the Imodium website www.imodium.co.uk they will send you a money off coupon too.. always useful Also it is useful to start up a relaxation routine. I do Yogalates now (mix and yoga and pilates) which strengthens and relaxes which is good, but I also just lie on my bed, lights off and listen to my fav music.. enough to put me in a good mood and chill out. These little moments we take to pamper ourselfs give us the strength to fight alittle more.. Keep a journal too if you can.. Im like you and my mind logs the bad things only.. but if you keep a journal of all you have achieved then you can read back and feel good about yourself and all you have done to get your life back. Write down even the smallest of things and you will see that the good really does outweigh the bad.. I have found (in some strange way) that right after an attack (even tho I dont feel like it) I go out for a small walk.. even if its just down the street.. just to try and not let my mind associate having an attack to staying home.. Anyway, this is really long so I better go..Take care and let us know how you are doing. XX


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## editor (Jun 20, 2004)

Hi *Reclamation Project*,I was thinking about you the other day and was wondering how things are going. Thanks for posting and keeping us all up dated.Congrats on the cinema trip! That's really excellent news. I think if you break it all down, you'll see just how big a deal that actually was:#1: deciding to go (and then actually doing it! - the two are not the same







)#2 the journey there (and back!)#3: standing in the queue#4 going in#5: staying put and enjoying the film#6: getting home after a great night out, and no worries!I think you should give yourself a reward for what you have achieved. Are there any books or new cd's you fancy?







For every step accomplished, reward yourself. Of course, that might get a little bit expensive, heh, but it can be something small, like buying something to eat which is a little indulgent and which you wouldn't have ordinarily. Also, I think it's absolutely great that you have started to change how you react to a flare up. There will be some days which are not so good, *but* if you are stuck in the house when it happens, do something that you enjoy. Again, think about any hobbies you might like to take up that you can do at home? Or, rearrange your entire cd collection? Or sort out your photos etc. It doesn't have to be: "take down the dividing wall and remodel the kitchen."







That was such a good point made by *Sussex Girl* about looking for and creating, enjoyment. Given the lives we lead, we forget that: or, if we manage to have a long soak in a bath of bubbles, we're thinking we can't possibly "waste so much time" being in the bath for an hour, "doing nothing." Relaxing *is* doing something, and it's something constructive. Don't feel guilty about it. I think the unpredicatability of the conditiion does wear people down. Similar for anxiety and depression. It always reminds me of a roller coaster ride in that regard.I think your "Cinderella Complex" is exactly right. That's a great name for it - I think we all know the same feeling, heh. I know *I* do.Also, there are some great suggestions from *Valtaya* about keeping a journal of _good_ things which happen in your day. Again, even this doesn't have to be "I won the lottery!" but small things - even if when you are well, you would normally take these things for granted, as most of us do. And, try and do something for someone else - it'll make you feel great. Even if it's opening the door for someone, or smiling at a random stranger -doesn't matter if they trample on your feet through the door, or they don't smile back. Miserable lot


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## Reclamation Project (Jul 12, 2004)

Valtaya, Sussexgirl and Editorï¿½. How are you? Many thanx for your kind posts.Your messages really help my outlook and go a long way in maintaining my faith in the human race! I have to say that when I got into work and read your posts I felt lifted and was set up for a good day! You guys!!Well, the last couple of weeks have been a little strange, because I have been feeling quite cheerful despite suffering some symptoms and being in a little pain. My 5 year-old niece was staying with her Gran last week (who doesnï¿½t live too far away from me), and so every day after work I went and visited for a couple of hours. Exhausting, but definitely worthwhile! She is amazing and Iï¿½m sure had a lot to do with my good mood. Then at the weekend, I had my best mate from uni come and stay with meï¿½. We didnï¿½t do much but we had a really good laugh and watched the footie! I feel that despite me being busy last week and having enjoyed myself, I didnï¿½t really push myself much and I remained in quite comfortable situations. Perhaps Iï¿½m being a little negative, but I still feel that Iï¿½m hiding, or that I have to shy away from certain situations! The thought of going out to a restaurant, for example, just feels like too much! Yesterday I was out at a clientï¿½s, who have quite small offices, and several people working close together. Crowded environments are a big issue for me, and I had a really tough day yesterday ï¿½ but its work and I have to stick it out! Very draining though!At least work seem to be happy with me at the moment ï¿½ they just got me to sign a notice period extention with a little ï¿½sweetenerï¿½! ï¿½ it really helps that my efforts at work have been acknowledged ï¿½ it helps me keep going.Sussexgirl, moving out of London was something I was actually considering, or some sort of lifestyle change. Has it made a big difference to your life and level of stress? (Presumably you live near the sea! That must be cool!) I decided for the forseeable future that Iï¿½d stay, rather than uproot, for a variety of reasons really. Change is really scary, especially when Iï¿½m managing to get by, by sticking loosely to a routine. In any case, I think my problems would probably follow me around!!Valtaya, so do you do Yogalates at home, or do you go to classes? I have done Yoga before, but often didnï¿½t feel like going to the classes. It is something Iï¿½m interested in, but I never carried on with it. There are lots of things I do to relax at home though. Its as if I recharge my batteries when Iï¿½m home, and then, as soon as Iï¿½m out of the door, I gradually start running down! Because of this, I am really aware how important it is that I have time to relax.You mentioned Immodium as well,......I did used to take it as a sort of confidence booster and ï¿½safety netï¿½, but with time I found it was messing up my systemï¿½.. for me it was really a case of ï¿½short-term gain, long-term painï¿½!Editor, I am often at home and so have many many things/hobbies to entertain myself! I have become expert in this side of things! I guess my current frustration comes from lack of human/physical contact, and thatï¿½s whats started my recent chain of thought.Well, you all mentioned rewarding oneself in your posts...... and so we come to my one great achievement over the last couple of weeks ï¿½ over the last few months I have desperately needed a new pair of trainers, but, rather ridiculously, have felt too anxious to go into a shop and start trying anything on ï¿½ however, I actually managed to buy a pair last week, so Iï¿½m feeling really happy about that! (........warm applause!)Anyway I better go ï¿½ once again thanx for the messages, and wish me luck ï¿½ my exam results come out on Monday! (actually am probably more in need of a miracle!)Take care


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## Sara Mudie (Apr 16, 2004)

Hey Reclamation Project (great name by the way). Great news on the job front - that's a big achievement and fab that your efforts are being rewarded. And lovely that you could spend time with your niece comfortably.I share your worries about crowded situations but make sure you reflect on your recent client visit and remind yourself how you coped and got through it - this means you can do it again if in a similar situation. I know what you mean about feeling like your 'copping out' a bit if you stay in comfortable routines but DO NOT punish yourself for this - it's called survival. IBS is extremely distressing and you need to give yourself a break. Going to a restaurant is a challenge too far perhaps right now - but that doesn't mean you will never go out for dinner/lunch again. Step by step, day by day.I would agree that staying in London for now is probably best as you need routine to help with the strengthening process. My move out was scary as I changed jobs at the same time but the new job was so massively different it strangely took my mind off my stomach for a while. It didn't solve things for ever and yes, I brought my problems with me but overall, my lifestyle is much much better and more manageable. The main benefit now is my two dogs and I strive to spend as much time as possible outside, off the beaten track, walking. It's great for the exercise but mostly it's the security of feeling I'm getting away from it all and, should I get an attack, there is lots of cover to use if necessary - the 'safe' feeling I get from this eases things and attacks while out walking are very rare.I am fortunate that I work from home mostly and then have a second job which is about 15 minutes away and they know about my condition and are 'mostly' understanding. I do miss human contact with the home working but try to get out at lunch time and at least go down to the town and into a few shops to exchange a few words here and there.I wish I didn't but I always measure things up in my life and, even though I'm essentially a 'good' person, I never feel I deserve any good things happen to me - almost like I deserve the hell of IBS. I had a very strict upbringing with the 'guilt' type of religion drummed into me and I'm sure this carries on subconciously now. Anyhow, that's a whole different thing and I'm really writing to say keep up the good work, if it 'floats your boat' get out into the woods for a walk. Stop and breathe, it will help, I promise. I don't know which bit of London you're in but it is a city blessed with much outdoor space... hope you can find some where noone else can bother you.And, I'll be thinking of you on Monday. Really good luck with your results - tell us how you get on. Oh, and no I'm in 'inland' Sussex but about 45 minutes from the water - would love to be closer but live in a truly beautiful part of the world and am ever thankful. Some people just don't notice what's in front of them and the only positive thing I can say IBS has given me is the ability to look closer at what's on my own doorstep - and it ain't half bad.Here's wishing you all well, the strength to carry on and the patience with your own body to forgive it.


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## valtaya (Jan 3, 2003)

Hiya again and thanks for the reply I cudnt go out to classes either and so I have dvd's and video's at home, so I can do them in my own time. Sure there are times when Im bloated and dont feel up to sitting in certain positions but in my book I also has it does state that Yogalates is GOOD for bowel problems, so I make myself do it. The programme I have you have to do 3 times a week. Its called Yogalates by Louise Soloman.. there is books and dvd's you can get. Its easy to follow and not too much strain. Worth giving it a go I try to relax as much as possible, even just 5 mins between things just to sit and breath and focus.. makes all the difference. Ive actually started job hunting again now so (fingers crossed) I may be able to start getting my life back on track...Let us know how you are getting on..


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## editor (Jun 20, 2004)

Hi Reclamation Project,heh, you say you haven't achieved much, but look at what you *have* achieved! You had a friend not only come and visit you, but stay too. I know a lot of people where that in itself would be too much of an :







: factor. Heck, I've felt like that (err...feel like that?!







) at the moment. "Professional hermit" is not a mile from the truth, for sure! Then, you also had fun with your family, and again, that in itself can freak some people out. Just think about Christmas when most of the population go into a meltdown wondering if they can make it through Xmas lunch without relatives having a full scale war. See? So there's an advantage to having limited contact.







Crowds are a problem: I understand; I think we all do. Perhaps you can build up your sensitivity a little bit? Sit in the crowded shopping centre - even if you are "only" in there for one minute. I think the key is to do it daily, but of course, overcoming that fear so you *can* do it daily, is a whole different thing.Well done for going shopping! You did it, nothing bad happened, so, what are you going to treat yourself to, for achieveing your goal?Yep, don't underestimate the power of small steps.







Sussex Girl mentioned about that whole guilt thing: I think that's common in people with IBS because we all tend to also be quite sensitive to our environment, and towards other people, caring, intelligent...also, I really think that this condition hammers our self esteem, which in turn dances a tango with an attack of the guilts and feeling as if we don't deserve understanding or if someone is nice to us, or does something nice (without strings!) for us. We just have guts and anxiety levels that drive us nuts.







The whole social isolation thing: eh....I was thinking it can be worse when you are stuck in the middle of nowhere, but equally, you can be alone in a city. Hrmm.







Maybe we could start a chat group or something? No pressure, no worries: and no, we don't have to natter about IBS, we can, but we don't have to? I bet you guys are pretty creative...maybe we could even talk about present craft / hobbies/ reads or something? Who got an attack of the giggles trying to follow their latest exercise video? (don't look at me!







)Does anyone use instant messenger? Could always post screennames through private message if you didn't want to be hit by spammers etc?I know, I know...don't freak out...just putting an idea out there.


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## valtaya (Jan 3, 2003)

Id be up for a chat  wud be nice to have sum people who dont think im making this up or look at me like im nuts, and who can do the same things as me.. wud be encouraging i think.. I have aol, yahoo and msn.. take ur pick lol


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## Reclamation Project (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi everybody.... how are you all?Well the struggle continues - the temptation to slip into familiar old ways is great - its really important that I try and keep up this new level of self-awareness!..... although at times it really does feel that ignorance is probably bliss!!Generally my mood has been good, noticeably so, especially if you consider that my symptoms haven't be so good latelyI suppose things continue to be quite up and down though, for a number of reasons - whenever anything bad happens the temptation is so strong to fall into a slump, and there has been so much going on for me in just the last week that it is hard to stop myself from falling back down.... but I won't bore you with the details!At least my exam results were much better than expected.... I passed 2 and referred the other, so I have only one left to do now and then that will be it!As I have mentioned earlier, I feel I'm in a slightly odd phase at the moment, where I'm not really in the best of shape, but have, until the last couple of days, been in good spirits - I'm not really sure whether I'm turning a blind eye to my problems, like I'm trying to ignore them, or whether I'm accepting the situation and trying to make the best out of it - its difficult for me to tell which Anyway I have taken these last couple of days off work, as I've earned a well-earned break - to be honest I feel like I really need a rest - but usually 'rest' for me means hiding from the world and not having to deal with anyone.... having a rest from the tube, the train, clients etc etc - and I have to say my overwhelming impulse is to lock myself away - so much so that I had to force myself to go to the cinema yesterday even though I wasn't feeling very well - 'The Bourne Supremacy' is fantastic by the way - it probably would have been even better if I had managed to focus on it more - alas I did spare a fair amount of time just being anxious! Its funny... just an observation, but when there's a lot of action and a lot of noise I am far more relaxed than if the action stops and it all goes quiet!!By the way... thanx again for all your replies - both Sussexgirl and Editor mention the 'guilt' thing and this is certainly something I can empathise withSo I was just wondering how you were all getting on - I mean you've all been really supportive in all your posts, but I guess you still have things which you battle with - so I was just wondering what sort of stage you guys are at, how you are getting on and coping with stuff. Is there is anything in particular you struggle with or anything which is particularly frustrating to youAnyway I better go..... a chat group sounds like a great idea - unfortunately I don't have internet access at home!.... but if anyone feels like having a chat please PM me and I'll send you my email address - I can get access to the internet, but only sporadically!Take care


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## editor (Jun 20, 2004)

RP,heh, it's a rollercoaster for sure! Personally? If I had a choice, I think I'd prefer to hang out on the water rides







You're probably starting to feel better "headwise" because what you are managing to do, is starting to lift the depression you were feeling when you first made your inital post: so, that's a good thing! Congrats on the exam. results!







I'll PM you later tonight most probably. Valtaya - that'd be cool. I'll PM you too with some details.


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## Sara Mudie (Apr 16, 2004)

Hi fellow UK'ers Reclamation Project, Valtaya, Editor et al - been really busy so haven't checked in lately but glad to hear that, overall, things in your head have improved RP. Something I've learnt to accept (with a bit of a struggle) is that things won't improve quickly and that there will be down days always. The search for the magic pill is off - I've lost faith that it exists. Ha, reality bites.However, I've had a fairly positive ride lately as I've been fighting hard to not let the IBS take control as much. Some days you have to give in but the fibre supplement my doc has put me on and concentrating on my diet to really pin down danger foods has given a new focus which at least makes me feel I'm doing something about it. I got really down after my food tolerance tests came back with adverse reactions to wheat, milk, soya, egg white, cod (cod??) and peanuts. The latter I can avoid but wheat and milk make up so much of our every day diet and it's been hard. I've not cut them out - just back and it's difficult (love my fresh-baked bread). I hate having to read labels all the time and the focus on food means I'm thinking more than I'd like about the IBS itself. I know what you mean Reclamation about ignoring things (is that a good tactic?). Sometimes I think it is a good thing to give yourself time off from IBS - suffer the consequences later. Not a good thing to do too regularly and you still have to fight the fear that being carefree about diet etc means you need to be in a safe environment in case of adverse reaction - why can this thing not give us a rest? I know I don't have it as bad as some and I count my blessings for this - just pretty tired today and need a rest from it all.Ah well, life keeps on and we can try to turn things around and see the good side (not a complete Pollyanna attack - just a distraction technique). The world is full of good things as well as bad and I hope you can all see the good more and overcome the bad. Do email me if you want more personal chat - I'm not online all the time but check in regularly and hope I can give support if you need it or just chat about the state of the nation if that floats your boat!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hi RP,Im glad you are improving, it seems like you have really come on leaps and bound since the summer. I am very proud of you, you have done a lot of stuff recently that i wouldn't have even had the nerve to try, but i wont talk about that now.I hear you on the cinema thing as i am terrified on them myself. Maybe we will have to go together one day as i am in london also.I feel disgusting when i am having a flare up and wonder how anyone could possibly find me attractive when i feel so horrible in myself. I am quite bad with dates because i am worrie di will have a flare up. Even if it is someone i know really really well then i will not sleep at someone elses house. Even IF they know about my #### stomach. Its just pathetic really, but i dont know...Its something i know that i need to work on, because it is not healthy to keep thinking about all this. Ive upset a lot of my friends by being very selfish recently. I haven't meant to be, but ive been so worked up about my own health and my own problems that although i have been worried about others, and i really have- i haven't asked about it like i sohuld have done and listened properly. I was a #### mate.Ive had a bit of a wake up call recently...nikki


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## shoes (Dec 14, 2004)

Hi all,I am new to this BB. I have had IBS for 4 years and it wasn't really effecting my life that much at all. I was able to go out to movies, go to school regularly and have a good time and succeed at most of what I did. Only recently within this passed month, I had what I like to call an "identity crisis" at school, where my major just sort of got me sad because it wasnt keeping my interest. I thought nothing of it at first and thought it would just pass. But then I started feeling depressed. I ended up going to the psychiatrist and it seemed to help. I find that when I am keeping myself busy I seem to be fine, but when I try to relax its like i just cant. More recently, just this week, I have gotten really really low. Last Thursday was the start of my Winter Break at school and I even went out to the movies with friends and had a pretty good time. A few days ago it just got really bad somehow, probably because I realized I am in the middle of 3 weeks off of school and I am not enjoying it. I had a meeting with my family to tell them how bad my depression was getting, and how it seems like looking into the future that nothing is worth looking forward too. Its at the point where its like, "what's the point?". Yesterday I told my physician about my state and she put me on Zoloft, which is a very widely used anti-depressant over here in the USA. She also gave me something for my stomach which seems to help at times but also makes me nauseous and nervous. I try all the time to remember that this medecine will help me get better and that I will be going on and enjoying my life. It is difficult though when you are my age, 19, and feel scared when you are alone. It is difficult when you are 19 and not able to sit down at night and watch TV and relax. I sit down and watch TV, try to relax, and end up getting those heart palpitation things that totally freak me out.My point however is that after reading all of your posts, I have found almost a new confidence. I realize now that I am far from being alone with these symptoms and that people all over the world deal with what I deal with and get on with it. This BB has been a tremendous help to me and I look forward to further and increased correspondence.


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## shoes (Dec 14, 2004)

Sorry I forgot to say some things.What really effects me the most from this IBS is the feeling of uncomfort. When I used to go out places, I wouldn't be worried so much about haveing to use the restroom, rather, I would be worried about not enjoying myself because I would be there feeling uncomfortable.I think I am looking forward to life experiences though, but the struggle now seems day to day, and makes those experiences seem so very very far away.


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