# Friends and IBS



## MeaganC (Jan 9, 2004)

Hey everyone, this is my first time to this site. I was reading some of the posts and it was like reading my own thoughts and words! Finally a place where people understand and know how I feel (Though I wish no one had to go through this ####!) I was relived to know that I wasn't the only one out there living in constant fear of finding the closest bathroom! I'm what some would call a "closet case", no one (not even my best friend) knows I have IBS. It's not that I don't want them to know I just don't think they would understand. As it stands now, most of them think it's "all in my head", if they only knew...... I want to tell my friends, but I just don't know how. It's not something you just bring up in daily convo, "Oh by the way.... I have IBS..." So if any of you could give me ideas about how to tell them.......


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## Sarah Akerman44445673 (Dec 21, 2003)

Well.... most of my mates dont know i have IBS. i just havent found the right way of putting it. BUT im off to Cyprus with college in Feb so i spect i'll tell them then cus i've had to ask for a fat-free diet and stuff and they'll notice that! im just hoping i dont get sick!if i was u id tell the friends who you're closest too. its a personal thing and so dont feel like you have to tell everyone if you're not comfortable with that. if they're mates, they'll be supportive to you.good luck!Sarah


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## misssmaz (Dec 26, 2003)

ive recently told my boyfriend, dad, grandma and two close friends.i could only tell my boyfriend and close friends by text messages or online as i found it too hard the other way. telling isnt always a good thing coz of the whole "it's all in your head" "get on with it" thing which i got from doctors and family.I choose carefuly who i tell and the ones who i have may not understand but try and be supportive.One of the main reasons they don't understand is i partly find it difficult to explain and also get highly embarrased but for certain people had to be done as i get anxiety attacks about being sick around everyone and they were geting worried as to why i haven't seen them for months.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Telling your friends is hard. I still have not specifically come out to my roommates and been like, "I have IBS and this is what happens," but they know I have IBS because of the Zelnorm commercials when I took Zelnorm for awhile, and they're in the apartment with me when I'm in the bathroom for hours, so...they know enough.I told my boyfriend gradually. I used to just lie my way around it. For me, it's always been a better way out to tell people I "felt nauseous," so I could excuse myself to the bathroom, turn the faucet on, and have time to myself. So my boyfriend really had no idea what I had specifically for a long time...I guess he just thought I had a sensitive stomach and that I threw up a lot, lol. Eventually, though, I told him in little bits and pieces and now we can joke about it. There are still times when I'm uncomfortable about it. My IBS-C likes to become IBS-D when we go out to dinner, so often I have to excuse myself for a while during dinner. That's really embarassing...My friends from home still really don't know. I go to college in Ohio and I got IBS while I was here, so they weren't really around for it. I am still having a hard time telling them specifically, so they know I have a sensitive stomach but not what entails it. I was quite healthy around them for the most part in high school and it's pretty hard for me to come out and be like, "sometimes I barely make it to the bathroom before I go all over the place." So I'm working on that...I guess it's mostly embarassment.I would tell those closest to you that you think would understand. Be careful about people who might embarrass you in public or who might blow it off. Also show them Molly's brochure on this website...it's somewhere on here...It's hard telling those closest to you, but it's also easier than trying to hide it. I'm not constantly worrying about everyone wondering why I've been in the bathroom for an hour, and it's nice to excuse myself and have it be okay if I'm gone for awhile...no one asks, "Where'd you go? Did you fall in (hahah...)?" So think about telling those that are the closest to you because it might take some things off your back







.


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## jsaunders99 (Jan 19, 2004)

Hey there! I totally know what you're going through, although I seem to have had a pretty easy time of telling people about my IBS. Since I was constantly complaining about stomach pain and feeling sick all the time, I think it was actually quite a relief to everybody when I was actually diagnosed with something and given some medication! I have been with my boyfriend since before my symptoms got really bad, and he is pretty supportive, although I'm sure he really has no idea what I'm going through (he keeps trying to tell me about "that one time he had diarrhea," which doesn't really come close - at this point I'd be excited if I even had "normal" diarrhea! ha ha). Anyways, the more people I have to tell, the more people I come across who have IBS themselves or know someone else who does. It is also becoming easier to "come out," I think, since there are commercials and stuff now and people have some idea about what IBS is and does to our lives. Now I can call up my friends and get sympathy for the hour I spent in the bathroom in agony yesterday - it's very freeing, really







Good luck!


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

hey,i just tell friends that i have a really bad digestive problem. i don't go into the details (haha), but i tell them that i have to watch what foods i eat and that it is damn painful...'n all that stuff.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I told my boyfriends in a text message about it too. lol. I told most of my friends face to face though. When you do it more often it gets easier to tell peoples reactions. I have no problems telling people now that i have IBS, and im much more comfortable at work knowing that they know- so if im sick- i can disappear for a while.Nikki


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## abcdef (Jan 2, 2004)

I could barely tell a doctor about my symptoms at first, I was so embarrassed. I told my sister first, then my roommate, then my roommate's boyfriend who practically lives with us. It makes it a lot easier for me. If I have a bad day, I know that I can tell my roommate about it. The more I talk about it the easier it gets. But I still don't talk about it all the time! Only when I really need to tell someone (especially if something has happened which embarrassed me socially). My ibs is a problem that when I am nervous, I get gas. The last time I went out to a nightclub (to hear Hawksley Workman) I had a bad attack. I think it was the stress of the social situation plus the beer. Anyways, the place was packed and so everyone was affected by it, you know what I mean. My friends indicated that they thought it was the guy in front of them and I went along with it. But I think the people behind me had another suspect. Anyways, I don't ever ever plan to tell that friend of mine about my ibs because I never want her to realize that it was me that night...So, I guess some people I tell about it and some I hide it from.Carrie________________________________________ps - I am not officially diagnosed because I officially hate doctors but I'm pretty sure I have IBS-C. I don't have a family doctor because there is a shortage in Ontario and the ones my university offers at its clinic are either flaky or rude or worse. The last doctor I saw there (last week) walked in and basically said "What do you want?" really rude and arrogant. And after running through my history, when I suggested that I might need tests done (barium swallow etc etc) she looked at me like I was crazy and told me that they are very unpleasant tests and left it at that - they're not for me apparently, case closed. I'm not going back. It's self-diagnosis and treatment with diet, exercise and whatever I can learn from the internet for me (this site being a major source of help). I really really hate doctors. It feels good to say that publicly.


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## Kyleogeous (Dec 26, 2002)

I ended up telling my friends because I would disappear in a restaurant for a while. They also saw that I would not eat much at dinner. So they asked me if I was sick. I just told them the truth because we are all fairly close anyway.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

ABC, Self diagnosis is not a clever idea. You need to be checked out before you do ANYTHING for your IBS because there are many potentially life threatening diseases with symptoms very similar to IBS.YOu need to go back to a doctor and explain your symptoms properly. Stool tests, blood tests, sigmoidoscopy/colonoscopy are a good idea.Nikki


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## caz255 (Jan 26, 2004)

I've suffered since I was two, so luckily most of my family are used to my disappearing acts. My boyfriend was getting a bit worried when I kept disappearing during romantic meals,so I had to tell him but he is great about it and my flat mates all understand. I agree with Nikki about self diagnosing, I've had blood test after blood tests, two endoscopes and biopsys and because they din't know what was wrong with me was diagonised as having IBS.


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## LD1 (Jan 20, 2004)

I don't know how to tell my friends. I feel bad, I've just stopped talking to them without explanation. I don't think they want to hear about my problems and I am not much fun to hang out with anymore anyway....


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## sum1tryingtogetby (Feb 11, 2004)

my mom knows and thats it.im 25 live 900 miles away from the nearest person who knows and i plan to keep it that way for a long time.im not worried about the its in your head talk its more the label that would be placed on me.


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## candywithaholeinthemiddle (Dec 9, 2003)

Hmm... where to start..I'll start with me: I have told all of my friends in one way or another. I was really sick for a really long time, so they knew that anyway - then it wasn't too far off from there to say I have IBS. I don't think friends need to hear details (unless they ask...lol) but certainly telling them SOMETHING is important, I think. For a couple of reasons: first of all, there will be moments here and there where someone WILL understand. And that makes a HUGE difference. and secondly, if you think about it, by not telling your friends you are basically saying you don't trust them. you don't trust that when they find out about your health problems they will be supportive or understanding. and if you are friends with people you don't trust ... well... that's your own decision.Truth be told, for me - I'm very glad that I am open with all my friends but there are still those moments when I get really sad and think that they really don't understand..they can't understand. but that's what this place is for. i have said it so many times, and i've read other people post it here so many times: reading and talking to people who are going through exactly what you are going through (like we do on this message board) is soooo relieving and comforting and helpful. !!!!!so, in short, while i understand why some of you don't want to tell your friends about your IBS issues - it's just fear and it's not helpful in the long-run. Support is good. Honesty is good.(and to Nikki -- Bump!







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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Candy- Thanks


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## Kaylis9d9 (Mar 15, 2004)

Anyone who hides from their condition is only hurting themsevles. Playing a game by hiding things creates stress which will only hurt your stomach more. I have had it since I was 16 and I was with my girlfriend for 9 months(long at that age!) and she knew about it. My family knew, my friends knew... I never had a problem. If you have good friends, they don't judge you. I went to college, had 2 serious girlfriends, both were told immediately about it, and one is now my fiance. She has lived with me for a year and a half now and is very supportive, which is hard to believe, since she never even gets a cold!, let alone understands what I go through. Back to college, I lived in a single room with my own bathroom for the first year and a half. By then I had adjusted enough to try living with good friends of mine. Since they were understanding, I never had a problem living there. I then moved with my now fiance, then girlfriend, along with 2 other girls into a 4 bedroom one bathroom apartment. Of course I still had my problems, but I was able to deal with it. The girls knew about my problem and we worked around it. My parents have tried their best with doctors etc, and they didn't understand it at first, but everyone that becomes aware of the condition gets used to it. My point is this... if people will judge you, then they aren't people worthy of your friendship. It is similar to saying that they wouldn't be friends with someone in a wheelchair because they would have to push them up the ramp on the side of the building and they wouldn't be able to play basketball with them. Being honest will help your condition, and your quality of life around other people.


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## MeaganC (Jan 9, 2004)

You guys are right, if they are true friends they will understand. I have only had one friend that I ever flat out told I have IBS. We were best friends and practically lived together. She was very understanding and actually made me feel okay about it. Unfortunetly we had grew apart and are no longer friends. So when I posted my problem none of my friends knew about my IBS. I have done my best to explain my situation to my two best friends, although I have not told them it's IBS or all the lovely things that go along with it. They know I have stomach problems, that I often don't feel good and that there is a lot of stuff I can't eat. I don't think they get it though. One of them drives me mad telling me it's all in my head (even though I told her I was diagnosed with a "Stomach condition") and that if I ate salade I would feel better! I can't stand when people think they know the cure! The other friend doen't get that I don't want the whole world to know about my issues. In fact just the other day she told a guy that I was interested in that I can't eat a lot of food because they make me sick! I was so embarassed to see him again. I barely tell my friends, I'm not about to tell a guy that I like about my IBS. It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I get stressed out when my friends do know, because I'm afraid that they will tell others and have to deal with the constant "This is what your problem is..." And I'm screwed if I don't tell them because of the stress trying to hide something like this. Hopefully everything will work it's self out. Thanks for all the advice!


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## Kaylis9d9 (Mar 15, 2004)

Again, I have to say that you have nothing to be afraid of. There is no reason not to say to a guy that you like that you have "stomach problems" as I like to call it. You shouldn't even worry about finding a good time to tell them. Honestly, it just doesn't matter when. Good people will be supportive. I am guessing from the thingsy ou talk about, that you are on the young side... That is the only reason you are getting responses where people tell you to eat salad. That is simply a child's response(yes, up to 18 or even sometimes 20 year old responses). Of course, you could always print them out a diagnostic outlay of the disease proving them wrong, but it is a waste of time. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you could live a fine life with this condition. Unlike people who waste their bodies by drinking alchohol or drugs, you have a unique perspective on life. You appreciate every moment of feeling good. This may be stereotypical, but guys do love to take care of their girlfriends and such. Of course, being a guy, I am in the opposite position because I am the one with the problem and since she never gets sick, I never get to take care of her! Excuse the off topic talk. There is nothing to be embarassed about. You aren't damned if you do or don't. There is only so much I could say online, but I cannot stress enough how wrong you are about your perspective. Here is something to think about. I am assuming you like guys and want to eventually find someone to spend your life with. Therefore, dating is a method of screening out guys to find the one that is right for you. Don't you think that this is a good test? If you explain that you have stomach problems and they can't handle it, then it saves you the headache of having to get to know them just to eventually learn what a loser they are. When explaining it you don't need to go into details.. As you are around them more, you will become more comfortable, and over time you could explain things more. I really don't know how young you are, and I feel like a fool saying this, since myself am only 22 come the end of this month. You need quality people in your life. And at the risk of repeating myself yet again, you must learn to deal with the fact that you have stomach problems. Integrate it into your life. Professors will understand, friends will understand, job employers will understand, and most certainly your future husband will understand. It will build your confidence to find people to support you and not bring you down because they are too weak and pathetic to understand you are one of thousands and thousands that have this or any other more debilitating problem.


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## Vicky19 (Mar 17, 2003)

i'm a very open person and i think thats the best way to be sometimes. i dont tell everyone and anyone but if people have to know for my own safety, then i try to put it as plainly as possible. i dont go into details. what i say is that i have a functional gut problem - as in, my system doesnt work quite right. i usually have my hand on my tummy at this moment and they normally shut up! LOL!!!


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