# Half the man I use to be



## BOGGS (Apr 1, 2000)

Hi everyone , I am having a very bad day . I get so frustrated with all this pain . I can't do half the things I use to be able to do . That makes me feel like I am half the man I use to be . I know that I am just feeling sorry for myself but that is why I come here to this group . I come here to express all these feelings inside that I hide from everyone else in my world . I got up feeling half way good . I did yard work that needed done . It was just simple yard work and it put me in so much pain that I could have cryed. In fact I did cry . The frustration of not being able to do the things that I use to , drives me crazy. I have always been very active until all this stared . I still walk everyday and exercise everyday . But after that sometimes I am in so much pain . Well Monday will be a new day and I will try my hardest not to let this pain win . I just wanted to come here and get some of this off my chest . I hope you people understand where I am comming from and don't think I am just trying to play poor me . Everyday I think that today is the first day of the rest of my life . Thanks for letting me vent . Pat


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## squrts (Aug 14, 2000)

im not glad your in pain,but i sure am glad someone knows where IM coming from.i was embarest after my post,and now youve made me see im not alone.thanks,and be happy,where ever you are.(i should practice what i preach)denny.


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## Guest (Aug 29, 2000)

Pat, read the reply I sent to LoriAnn's "I don't think I can do this." Don't forget, it's easy to be a hero for the glory, but to live in pain and do your best to function anyway, to do the best you can in spite of the suffering..that's a REAL man in my book. God bless you.


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## BOGGS (Apr 1, 2000)

Hi, Thank you Dixiebell and squirt . Dixie what you said does make me feel better . I am having a better day today . I know better than to push myself so hard . Sometimes I just try to think that I can do the things that I use to do . I pay for it everytime , so I will stop feeling sorry for myself and use my head . Thanks again for letting me vent and for your replys . I will keep comming here for the support that you all give me. God Bless and Take Care Pat


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Hi Pat:Sorry to hear that things are so rough for you. I know it is hard to accept our limitations. That was the hardest thing for me to accept in the beginning, but I've learned over the years (and I'm still learning) that I can do things as long as I know when to take a break. Please remember that you are not half a man, but a whole person who has a few limitations now. Please don't be so hard on yourself and know that we are always here for you (in good times and bad times). God Bless


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## Guest (Aug 30, 2000)

I really understand how you feel, I think everyone can relate. We are all tough people, and you are tougher than you realize, but no matter how tough we are we all reach a point, (every couple of weeks) when we have had enough and we don't think we have anymore strength to draw upon, but then, suddenly, out of no where, comes a moment of grace, one moment, where everything around us stills and from somewhere deep down that strength surges again, and we pull ourselves up and move forward, all the better for it. Its a bit odd, but I think that when we give our strength and support to others, we grow stronger ourselves.Half the man but twice the person? Not too many people know that I am technically the "man" around the house. Kevin is like "Tim the tool man" He either breaks things, hurts himself, or me. I love him with all my heart but the man should NOT be allowed to have tools. I make the repairs around here, carpentry, roofing, fixing appliances, you name it, I do it. But Kevin is a fantastic baker, mouth watering bagels and bread, prize winning apple pies. To our neighbours we are a strange couple, one day I was fixing our leaky roof and Kev came out and yelled up to me that the bread was almost done and half the neighbours sitting outside looked so stunned I thought they would start drooling. Our strangeness I think is what has made us such a good match. We share our strengths as well as our weaknesses. My dad always said "there is no such thing as "mens work" or "womens work", just work that needed to be done, and people with the gumption to do it." What I'm trying to say, is that your wife loves you, so do your kids, let them help you. It is a sign of personal strength to be willing to accept the help of others. It doesn't mean that you can't do anything, it just means that you should find different ways to contribute to family life, and let those who are willing and able, prove they can be there for you. I know when my dad got sick and we had to take care of him, and do the things around the house for him that he could no longer do it was the hardest thing he ever faced, it made him feel weak and useless, but we loved him, and it was our chance to repay him, in some small way for all he had done for us. It was my greatest pleasure. So relax, take the best of life and put aside the rest, don't put too much stock in those things that you can't do anymore. I mean, 50 years from now, no body is going to stand over your grave and say, "Boy! Did he ever keep his yard nice!". I'm babbling more than usual, I'm sooo tired......but you take care of yourself and let the rest slide,if live wasn't a roller coaster, the ride would just go straight down. Lori Ann


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Pat...I just saw this post...I am sending you some cyber (((*HUGS*)))...I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. Every response here says it all...and LoriAnn, I am jealous of you!!!!







Pain is the hardest thing to deal with. People even get used to the idea that you have pain, and so those around you get weary of it too...that's why I am alone now....except for my kids, my son understands to a degree, and so does my daughter, but their life goes on whether or not you are in pain. So I know what you mean. But now my son does his own laundry, cooks somewhat, or gets his own food, my daughter brings me stuff, and though they are still used to me waiting on them, they have to deal with it. You are going through some of the same thing...it is hard to let go and to "hold it in" and remain stoic and brave all the time. But your kindness, compassion and caring about others is a real strength that in my opinion far outweighs a fit, health-club going strong man. You are the strong-man... Your wife and kids are very lucky to have someone who is caring and though your pain is betraying your body and its expectaions, your spirit is forever soaring to greater heights...those of which many do not even experience. I have a friend who has M.S. He is now pretty much wheel chair bound most of the time. Actually, he was my ex's buddy...they used to go to hot rod car shows..when he got M.S., my ex stopped calling. We then became buds. (When I got IBS....well, it was a big part of it, you get the picture)Anyway, this friend tells me when he is dreaming, he can walk...he dreams he will be cured..that he can jump on a trampoline...etc. Sometimes I cant believe the courage he has...he makes me feel like I'm a wimp. He knows that his prognosis is dim. But he calls to see how I am doing!!! Just like you do....you are in pain, and you reach out to others....that is the sign of a real man, a real human being. You are God's treasure, Pat, and a gift to us all...







God bless you and everyone.... Take care.------------------"Cookies" alias Marilyn


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Pat, I really couldn't say it any better than Lori Ann and Cookies. Print out their replies and hang them on your bathroom mirror or carry them in your wallet, etc. And every time you get "down", take them out a reread them. Your spirits will soar!! I know mine did when I read them. Wow, do I wish I had a Dad like Lori Ann's. He sounds like a "gem". And, of course, so does her hubby, don't you think? Pat, you have a family that cares about you as you do them. Just keep giving them love, the rest will fall in place. You are more of a man than you think you are. Take care. THINKING OF YOU.Karen


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## BOGGS (Apr 1, 2000)

Hi, Lori Ann , Marilyn , and Karen . Thank you all for such sweet words . Words alone can't explain how you have touched my life . I felt so much better after reading your replys . This is what a support group is all about. We are all here to help each other when we feel like giving up . I feel this board is such a blessing and I thank god everyday for you all . The replys I got from this post is really shocking . I thank everyone who has replyed . I hope that someday I can repay the blessing that you all have giving me. God Bless and Take Care . Pat


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2000)

You already do Pat, you already do.Lori Ann


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## moldie (Sep 25, 1999)

Hang in there Pat! Ditto on what everybody had to say. You 'guys' are the coolest (you included Pat!). Is this a great board, or what?


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