# Dating and IBS



## Carrynx (Jan 7, 2003)

newbie here. A question to all of you, how do you cope with dating and trying to mask your IBS symptoms when dating someone new? any suggestions? I had given up on dating anyone for a long time, but I realised that IBS should not stop me having any fun... I have too many regrets about the way my life has turned out already. Thanx.


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## kyestar (Nov 26, 2001)

Hey there,Welcome to the board!







I wouldn't try to mask my IBS symptoms too much - that is likely to make it worse. Instead, I would tell the person that I have a bit of a sensitive tummy, and take it from there. Usually that will be sufficient. When the relationship progresses, you can tell the person more about it.I think that the ball is really in your court. If you make an issue of it, then it will become an issue for your partner as well. If you don't stress about it, neither will they. And if they do - no big deal, not the right person for you!! Remember that many IBS symptoms can be worsened by stress, so try not to worry about it (easier said than done, I know!)Good luck!


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## jennieb54143 (Jun 30, 2002)

secret is to find someone whos understanding. i dont mention the ibs right away but after a few months i tell them.


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## Carrynx (Jan 7, 2003)

Thanx for the replies kyestar and Jennie.The problem really is ... who would want to go out with someone who is gassy all the time? If there is anyone out there who suffers with excessive gas and still dates, I would like to know how they pull it off. It's not like it is news that u can keep to yourself for months, it's hard enough explaining to someone that i have your "digestive problems" ... seems like there is not much hope for a normal social life. oh well, all part of trying to survive being a victim of IBS.


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## NZChick (Nov 19, 2001)

Hi there! I totally know how you feel. I have real bad gas problems and I STILL date (even though it's a huge effort). Why should we not enjoy life as much as any other person with a dissability? What I do is try and organise the first few dates (or as long as it takes) to be in a place that I know will be noisy enough to not be a problem if my tummy starts to get really noisy (worse when holding the gas in). I have the bad stinky type so I try to eat really moderately before a date so there isn't much gas there and avoid fatty foods or anything that I know would cause more smell. I even take a bismuth product a few days before (it helps sometimes with smell). After the first few dates I generally get a feel for if the guy is someone I want to see more of (so I get the impression he's already an understanding and sympathetic guy) and then I'll start to add little comments about my tummy trouble without making it sound like a huge drama. The poster above is right in that if you are calm about it then the guy will realise that you don't need a nurse to look after you and can relax and like you for you. My last boyfriend told me it was never a problem for him because I tried to my hardest to stay positive and find ways to still enjoy life even though I couldn't do all the things other healthy people do without a thought. And he was always there for hug when I got down about it because he knew I wasn't going to go off and shoot myself...I'd move on and try to cope. It's so hard to date when you already feel nervous...but I tell myself that I'm a lovely, kind and intelligent person that a guy will be so lucky to have in his life and then I don't feel inferior to him. Having chronic illness makes us really special people who sometimes have a better outlook on life than others who have never had this experience, I've found that guys actually are attracted to that more than turned off. I'm determined to make my ibs make me a stronger person not a weaker one. You'll know when the right time is to start dropping little hints about the severity of your problem. I told my last boyfriend on our second date that I have a chronic stomach problem and left at that. After a few dates we were both farting in front of each other (it was sooo funny)! We made a joke about it. After a few months I told him how much it affects my life and he understood. I'm single again now after 8 months with him. Getting out to meet other guys is a scary thought but I'll keep trying. I'll post here and let you know how I get on!


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## Carrynx (Jan 7, 2003)

Thanx Flowergirl. Your positive outlook is terribly inspiring. You are right, why should we miss out on the fun things that other people get to do?I recently went out on a date with a guy when I went to the coast for a vacation, we ended up going to the beach. Just being there really relaxed me and I was able to just enjoy the date without being anxious. Being out in the open helped with the gas. I will plan dates to be outdoors till I get to know the guy and then tell him about my IBS.


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## Kestrel (Dec 19, 2002)

Hey! Don't worry about the dating scene...eventually there will be a guy who will understand! I've been really lucky so far that my bf has been w/ me for the whole thing...At the begining I was REALLY nervous about spending time w/ him ....'cause instead of getting really gassy and stuff...my intestines 'rumble'...kinda like how your stomach rumbles..but REALLY loud sometimes...which is kinda hard to hide if its just the two of you watching a movie...so I used to blame it on my stomach. Then this year when the pain was getting so bad that I finally went to see a doctor he came to every test and apt w/ me. He's also following my new diet w/ me so that I don't feel so bad about missing my favourite foods. Its nice to have someone who really understands and has listened to all the doctor's as well. I find that most people say that they do but really have no idea....and its not their fault really 'cause if I hadn't experienced IBS-D for myself then I think I'd have problems imagining it too...Anyways...good luck to you! I'm sure there is a Prince Charming waiting just for you!







Hugz,Kestrel


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