# Any IBS person with a non-IBS partner spouse ?



## storyofmylife (Jan 26, 2013)

Do you have a partner/spouse who is with you despite your IBS and also knew it well in the beginning of the relationship ? If your partner came to know about it late in the relationship or if your IBS came late well after marriage, then I won't be as interested in your case.

Does IBS affect your relationship and hapinness seriously ?

I have never been in a relationship thus far (I am 25) because of problems caused diretcly and indirectly by IBS and some other things. So, I am curious to know these things

in case I get into a relationship. I have serious doubts about that happening, but lets see.


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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

i've had chronic constipation problems for over 50 years. initially i was dx'd with what they then called spastic colon--now ibs-c. after both failing the sitz marker test and the defogram i am now dx'd with slow transit constipation and outlet problems--pfd, a rectocele and a vaginal prolapse---and the over the years the constipation has just gotten worse.

my hubby and i have been married for 31 years and oh yes, he did know from the beginning that i had constipation problems. i also have mitochrondrial disease and problems related to that as well. i feel he is truly a saint--lol--so patient --i am lucky to be with him. he's stuck with me through thick or thin, better or worse as they say. and i know that my health problems affect him too to some extent. of course they do-- i've heard it said that anytime someone has chronic health problems, their partner has them too... my husband always says he wishes he could help me feel better and i tell him he does--he listens to me, he supports me..that's so important!

but yes it is possible to have a relationship despite all this. when someone truly loves you, they love you no matter what....

wishing you all the best.


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## Diana63 (Oct 20, 2009)

I have had health problems for over 30years and i have been married for 27years so i was ill when i met my husband and unfortunately as i have got older things have got worse.I have chronic fatigue syndrome,skin condition-urtucaria,chronic dyspepsia,severe IBS,pelvic floor problems and i had a rectal prolapse surgery in December 2012 which unfortunately has not helped matters and my symptoms are even worse.My husband has always been there through everything and as they say he is 'my rock'.He only wishes he could help me to feel better but him just being there is of great support to me.My husband is fit and well but i can see how worried he gets seeing me so ill on daily basis.As annie said above, i am also extremely lucky to have a wonderful husband.
I am sure you shall meet someone loving and caring,who will love you,no matter what your problems are.
Take care.


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## faeriegirl (Apr 14, 2013)

My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years, he has known from the beginning I have IBS, he noticed immediately and asked why I hardly ever go to the bathroom. It does affect our relationship he gets frustrated because I feel bad a lot and there isn't much that helps. However he loves me enough to deal with it. It was harder when we first got together when he would want to go out and I just wanted to stay home,but you just have to be able to be able to compromise.


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## storyofmylife (Jan 26, 2013)

You know what....what you just said seems so unreal to me, even if it is true. Maybe I have not seen people who are as adjusting as your partners.

Anyway, good luck to all of you.


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## wigglesmom (Dec 12, 2002)

I have been with my boyfriend (we live together) for over 5 years. He is extremely understanding in regard to my IBS. In fact, he is picking up the slack in terms of finances right now after my decision to take a less stressful job recently. Doing this has improved my IBS symptoms, and he felt it was worth the sacrifice.


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## pepperidge (Mar 26, 2013)

I wish I'd be as blessed in future. I'm turning 22 and never had a girlfriend because I just can't imagine anyone I know would be so kind. Also, when I fancy someone, the last thing I want is to be the vulnerable one. It's quite old-fashioned but that's the way it is in my family anyway - mum relies more on dad who is the strong "man of the family." So when I've fancied girls at school, I do the opposite and actively avoid coming into contact with them.

Not being manly with constant GI problems is one thing. The main thing is: I look at myself and am so frustrated/disgusted/unhappy myself, who can possibly put up with a partner like me whose life is run by his GI tract that spasms when it pleases, that runs either too fast or too slow but never just right, that gurgles and groans incessantly and generally has a mind of its own? My friends have all got it on with their girlfriends (if you get what I mean) but I can't imagine getting intimate with anyone - they'd all run if they knew what might happen, heck I'd run knowing what might happen.

Anyone who chooses to be with me chooses to shoulder my IBS afflictions too. Growing up, my own family didn't understand and for the most part didn't even believe me. My parents would lose their patience with me and leave me to care for/clean up after myself. I've grown accustomed to keeping my day-to-day pain/problems bottled up (until I found this forum of course







)

I think only someone else who goes through what I do can possibly understand. Come to think of it, if my partner has IBS too, meals together would be much better as we can have the same bland/safe foods. Presumably we'd have to explain ourselves less. Also, we'd share the same preference to stay at home for recreational activities. And we can build for ourselves a nice little IBS haven.


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## storyofmylife (Jan 26, 2013)

pepperidge said:


> I wish I'd be as blessed in future. I'm turning 22 and never had a girlfriend because I just can't imagine anyone I know would be so kind. Also, when I fancy someone, the last thing I want is to be the vulnerable one. It's quite old-fashioned but that's the way it is in my family anyway - mum relies more on dad who is the strong "man of the family." So when I've fancied girls at school, I do the opposite and actively avoid coming into contact with them.
> 
> Not being manly with constant GI problems is one thing. The main thing is: I look at myself and am so frustrated/disgusted/unhappy myself, who can possibly put up with a partner like me whose life is run by his GI tract that spasms when it pleases, that runs either too fast or too slow but never just right, that gurgles and groans incessantly and generally has a mind of its own? My friends have all got it on with their girlfriends (if you get what I mean) but I can't imagine getting intimate with anyone - they'd all run if they knew what might happen, heck I'd run knowing what might happen.
> 
> ...


Well, I hope you find someone. Until then, hang out with friends do fun things, and keep yourself occupied to leave no time for these thoughts to enter your mind. Get a dog for companionship and love.
As for the other stuff, go download a torrent or something.


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## horridguts (Apr 30, 2013)

I have no desire to get into a relationship, for several reasons - and IBS is one of the biggest ones.

Previous partners were not understanding... but for me, IBS makes me want to be alone a lot of the time. It just seems easier to deal alone. I am often irritable and very tired, and I don't want to go out much.


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## mmchawley (May 1, 2013)

I have IBS-C and my fiance is a perfectly normal, heatlhy individual when it comes to digestion and the function of the g/i tract. I told him about my IBS very early on in our relationship because I wanted him to understand why I needed to skip out on certain social events and how I have good/horrible/ok days. I'll admit I was really nervous to tell him because most people don't understand what IBS is/think it's no big deal. However, he was understanding and really wanted to listen to me explain my disorder. When I was first diagnosed with IBS (I was 17 years old) I often worried about future relationships and how anyone could want to be with me/love me when I have "all these problems", but I guess when you find a person that truly loves you for who you are and not what illnesses you have, you realize it's gonna be ok. My fiance doesn't completely understand what I go through because he obviously never experiences my symptoms, given that he doesn't have IBS; however, he is always supportive of me and is very flexible with me and how I'm feeling (since you all know things can change on a daily basis and can interrupt social events, etc...). I certainly don't feel normal or great most days, but he is always supportive of me and trys to help in any way he can.


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