# I've Had It



## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Hello to our newbies and oldies. I haven't been on the board much, so I need to catch up on the posts. Something happened at a dinner party yesterday that I went to and I need to share it with you. I guess what I need to do is vent. I've been getting together with 3 other ladies for the past 20 years to celebrate our birthdays/holidays. We use to work together and have remained friends.Usually it's just us ladies, but at this friend's house her husband is the cook in the family and he usually stays around and cooks for us. Which is lovely, because he is a excellent cook.Anyways, after dinner we are sitting around and he asked me if I was sorry that I left my place employment. I said that I had no choice because of my health. Then he asked me what I do with my day. So I proceeded to tell him that I had fibromyalgia and he asked what that was. He said that chronic pain was not a disease and I agreed. I felt like I was being grilled. I felt like telling him to you know what!!!! Then to add insult to injury he asked if I've ever been to see a psychiatrist for my condition. I was fuming at this point. If I hadn't ridden in with my girlfriend I think I would have left. I'm so angry and hurt by what he said. Over the past month I had 3 similar incidents with people questioning my fm. I thought I was good at answering them, but I find that it's bothering me too much. I ended up getting quite emotional about it and left the party for awhile to go for a walk. I'm just so sick and tired having to justify my illness and people questioning me. I know that we've had this question before, but how do you answer when questioned about your fm? I've decided from now on that I won't be pulled into this line of questioning my answer is - "I have a medical condition and I would prefer not to discuss it". Eventually, he left the room and went to the family room and us girls sat and had coffee/cake. I ended up with a headache from all the crying. I'm still angry today and I feel like sending him literature on fm to read or need I bother with someone like him. Anyways, thank you for letting me vent. I feel a bit better now.


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## ShellyMcG (Jul 29, 2002)

I am so sorry that you were sucked into this discussion with someone who is uninformed, and just plain insensitive. (I am trying to use nice words because I am furious.)







Isn't is nice that you had somewhere to vent?--and venting was sure needed.We --in the FMily-- do understand, and we do care.







A long time ago, I had a similar discussion with someone, and finally said--"This discussion is over, and we will never speak of it again". We have not!Here is a ((Soft Warm Hug)) from 'ol Shell


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Oh, Weener, I'm so sorry you had to have that experience. What a clod he is! Double whammies from me to him.














You know, I think that's precisely what we have to say to these people. Tell them that the subject will not be discussed and it's none of their business. And, quite frankly, it isn't. He sure had a lot of nerve pumping you about the Fibro and saying what he did. How about sending him a bunch of info----typed in huge lettering so he can't miss it---explaining what Fibro is and how it effects people. And printing in red letters on the envelope FYI. No return address, no nothing. Oh, and address it to "Mr. Clod".


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## kestral (Nov 2, 2002)

What a turkey that guy is! Aren't you glad you aren't married to the jerk?When I get people like that I strongly contridict them and make a point of telling them they are misinformed and that there is a lot of "old information" and myths about fibro. I then launch into a LONG discussion about the truth, invisible disabilities, etc. Probably way more information than they ever wanted to know.If they insist they are right, I simply tell them they are wrong and they need to get some current facts.I would then send them some information.I would also tell him how hurtful it is to have someone question your honesty. If you aren't up to all that (I actually like to debate and argue - even tho it makes me MAD), then I would either ask "why are you asking me about my health?" or simply say the conversation makes you uncomfortable and drop it.I'm sorry you had that experience, its unbelivable what some people will say.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Aawww honey (((hugs))) poor Weener. I think we've all been there, and the way I answer varies from day to day with how I feel. I was just asked about it today, and I explained it this way: "I have an immune system dysfuntion. Doctors aren't sure exactly what triggers it, but one theory is some mega virus (like Epstein-Barr) triggers the immune system, and it never turns back off. Then, over time it exhausts your resources and you begin to get very ill." Then, she asked about the prognosis. So I said: "Well, there's no definitive 'cure'. Doctors treat the most bothersome symptoms over time the best they can." Now, this person actually DID care, so it's different from your experience. I'm so sorry that happened, I probably would have reacted in just the same way. Next time have him get on here so I can tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine!





















People are so thick-headed and rude! Sorry it happened to you (((hugs)))


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Thank you Shelly, Feisty & Kestral for your support. I'm not sure why I let people like him get to me. If it was a stranger I'd probably not even give my time, but it was someone I've known for many years and it was hurtful. The conversation did get fairly heated after awhile and one of my girlfriends actually was sticking up for me. Her brother has chronic fatigue and she understood my condition a bit more. I know the cloddy husband had been into the wine that night, but that doesn't excuse what he said to me. Yes, thank God he isn't my husband because I would have kicked his butt long ago.


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## Guest (Nov 18, 2002)

Honey, I'm not sure why this guy was such a jerk to you about your FMS, but I understand and feel for you. Understand that he is merely uneducated in that arena. Sometimes it is helpful to get into CBT when we are having difficulty in dealing with all of the pain and fatigue, but we don't have FMS because we are nuts!It's never easy to deal with the "guiltors" in the world... and there are plenty of them.Confidence is what might help you here, Weener. When we are educated about our own illness and we have confidence in what we are doing, we can keep those nasty guiltors at bay.That is one way where CBT might help. It did me.Don't develop any headaches or lose any sleep







over that jerk,Evie


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Thanks MrsM & Essence for your replies. I've decided to print off some info for all those ignoramuses that have questioned my illness. I've decided that enough is enough and I will be practicing my speech.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Woo hoo Weener!!! To quote Mr. T (ok, to misquote him







)I pity the poor fool who makes light of your FM!!Now, where are my gold chains?(having a silly night







- But seriously, I'm glad you're preparing yourself. You know what they say...An ounce of prevention!)


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

I received an email from my friend today apologizing for her husband's behaviour. She said that she will make sure that he is busy the next time us girls have our get together at her place. I had a much better day today. I went to the dentist for my routine 6 month check-up and an lady sitting across from me said that "I looked nice". It made my day.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Wonderful Weener! (((hugs))) That's just great!


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## BOGGS (Apr 1, 2000)

Hi Weener, I have not been on the board much but I read your post and had to reply . I fully understand the hurt that comes with trying to get people to understand what we are going through EVERYDAY!!! People like that just make me so mad at times . We are all here for you and come and vent anytime God Bless and Take Care


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## moldie (Sep 25, 1999)

Hi weener. I am so sorry I didn't see your post sooner. When I log on to this website, I pretty much click onto the "Meeting Place" and don't click on the other boards here as often as I used to, as I once said. I apologize to all of you for this. I know how frustrating it can be. I don't always have the answer that will satisfy the questions that come up about it, and usually am caught off guard about the way to respond to it. But the doctors don't have all the answers yet about this illness either. There-in lies the problem. People don't believe that it is legitimate then.Maybe the answer is to tell people that this illness is like ulcers and asthma used to be viewed as "just all in people's heads". Later it was proven that the symptoms patients were experiencing were not all in their heads, and that with research, good treatments have been made available to help prevent the symptoms from developing. If you find the direct cause, such as a bacteria or allergen in these cases, it becomes easier to treat.Because not enough is known about the cause of fms/cfs, the treatments have not been as effective. It is almost like having a mild case of MS, I suppose. Not all was/is known about that illness either. They have been able to come to a better/more definitive diagnosis now with MS though. The disease is a little more severe and has a faster progression however, but in many ways it is like FMS because it can affect a number of systems in the body. This does make the diagnosis and treatment more complicated. Also, like MS, although there are common symptoms, not everyone's illness progresses at the same rate. As more body systems become affected, there is more debilitation and more to treat. There also seems to be remissions in some cases. There has been no indication that FMS will eventually lead to death though, as in the case with MS. It does seem that the body of FMS patients age sooner though. I know people are wondering why I am not working as well. I don't collect unemployment and am not on disability, so really they should have no beef with me. I do feel that I lose respect in their eyes because I am "making" my husband be responsible for it all as far as finances are concerned though. I have all I can do to keep myself healthy and the house clean. My husband has witnessed the bowel, fatigue, and pain problems I suffer with. Believe me, if I felt healthy enough to work, I would be working. If you are on disability, then it has to be proven, so they should have no beef with that either. They should just be thanking their lucky stars that they haven't been subjected to the health issues that you have had to deal with and butt out. Some people think that a lot of people are taking advantage of government assistance. It may have been easy to get away with that years ago, but is not easy today (at least in the U.S.). Just because some are trying to pull one over on the system doesn't mean everyone is.I think you handled the situation as well as can be expected. I am glad to hear that your friends do not hold this against you and are there for you.







God bless you my cyber friend!


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Thank you Boggs & UnMoulded for your replies. I think there are people out there who think the same of me UnMoulded when it comes to financial support in my household. I figure if my husband doesn't have a problem with it, then they shouldn't. I'm not sure why I'm running into so many confrontations about my fm lately. I had one with my new family doctor today. Her big theory is 1)our perception to pain is heightened that 2)meds aren't the answer 3)and if we exercised more we would create endorphins and wouldn't feel the pain as much. Tell me something I don't already know!! Then she began to tell me about the power of the mind to make us feel better. After she finished I decided to give her my 2 cents worth. I think she felt a bit sheepish afterwards.


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Hi Weener.Good for you! I wish I could have been there to hear you! You go, girl!


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## kestral (Nov 2, 2002)

I'm glad you spoke up for yourself! I bet you know more about fm/cfds than she does!


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Thanks Feisty & Kestral for your support. I guess I'm usually quiet and keep things in and finally I explode. I'm trying to get my point across now without losing my temper, but it takes a lot of practice. I actually felt good yesterday standing up for myself (especially with the doctor). I've decided if my doctor continues with that type of demeanor I will find another doctor.


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## Mio (Dec 19, 1999)

Hi weener







he seems like a big jerk! Has he always been like that? Itï¿½s always more hurtful when friends say things like that...Good to hear that you told your doc what you think!







/Mio


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