# family and embarsment



## misssmaz (Dec 26, 2003)

how do you guys cope with ibs around family, friends and a loved one?i find it really hard to see my boyfriend even though he says not to be embaresed if i get ill i cant help it and get anxiety attacks over it therefore dont get to see him much.any suggestions to cope?


----------



## brit_girl (Nov 21, 2003)

This probably isn't the advice you want to here, but in my experience the more time I spent with my partner, the more he understood my problems. We live together now and he couldn't be more understanding about my IBS. I also get anxiety attacks, and having someone to talk to about it really helps... I would even go so far as to say that it's one of the things that makes our relationship stronger. If you're still in the very early stages of a relationship then it might be wise to 'test the water' with how much you can share with him/her.


----------



## misssmaz (Dec 26, 2003)

weve been together for a year and seven months and ive had a lot of problems.he says he wants to help me and look after me when im ill but i just find the thought of being sick round him hard even though we will move in together one day. where do i start?thanks.


----------



## brit_girl (Nov 21, 2003)

Does he know what kind of thing to expect? I think that the only way you can ever be completely comfortable with the situation will be when you've witnessed him being ok with whatever cr*p you throw at him (perhaps not literally as that would be gross:0)So I guess that there isn't really an easy first step. You might have to spend some time around him being sick and feeling embarrassed before it feels ok.... How would you feel about jumping in at the deep end though?For what it's worth he sounds like a gem...and I'd bet that after a week of living together it'll stop being difficult.


----------



## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

It definitely takes time. You have been together for a while, but it also depends on the depth of your relationship (I'm not implying that you don't have a deep relationship, please don't think that). I think depending on how you speak to each other and what you share has a lot to do with it. When I began dating my boyfriend, I was sooooo embarrassed about my IBS that I would lie about how I felt and what I was doing so that he would not know. Eventually, as all things probably do, the truth came out slowly. It turned out that he has is very sensitive to carbonation (like in soda) and also has episodes similar to IBS-D. So this whole time, we could have been more open about it. Go figure. I think the easier your relationship becomes and the more time you spend with each other, the easier things will be. Eventually it might even be something you can joke about. Let me tell you that sharing will probably even lift a HUGE burden off you for all that you hide from him. I feel so much better now that I don't have to lie about what I'm doing in the bathroom or why I can't go to a certain restaurant or whatever. It's like finally it can be the truth, even if it is kind of gross. Trust me, if he loves you, it won't gross him out. It will just be something else for you to deal with together.


----------



## misssmaz (Dec 26, 2003)

he is a gem. and he said to me that we can deal with it together but any little pain i panic and it makes it worse. He's only known about the ibs for a week, same as me really, when i was diagnosed it was before i started college and i got better and forgot about it and i dint know what it was anyway as my doc didnt say alot, when i left college i got ill again and last week it finaly clicked in my head, before i was told the pain was in my head but now i know its not its helped a bit. All ive told him is its why i get ill so much and get the stomach pains and cant eat certain foods. most of it i really just dont know how to explain as im still taking it all in myself. sometimes if i see him i think to myself, its ok think of it as hes just coming home as im gona live with him one day and it shoudnt matter.its even harder as i live with my dad who is never home so when im ill ive always been alone anyway.


----------

