# Surprise! Day 16



## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

I couldn't let everyone else have the life-changing experiences, could I? So I had to start these tapes, which I have had for some time and just kept on a shelf. Some surprises and some problems.I am in a post-Chemo state of fatigue much of the time, and also, due to Chemo, having increased digestive problems (more acid in throat) more bloating and diarrhea. The Gerd thing is improving on its own, I guess, and not interfering with my relaxation as it did the first few days. Surprise: no matter how tired I am in the mid-day, I find myself immediately reinvigorated after the tapes. It's uncanny. I am enjoying them very much.Coupla problems: I started them before bedtime, but then, have been trying them in the day anywhere from 3-5 PM, whenever I find I'm just too exhausted to continue my daily tasks. However, that's just when the outside noise seems to invade. Unbelievable -- Wednesday, it was hammering next door, Friday, all of a sudden, a lawn blower outside. And yesterday, from 5-8PM, high-pitched children's squeals and a hard ball bouncing at a huge, noisy party in the back yard across from me. My stomach tightens up, I get angry and unable to "let the sounds drift away." I'm bad about noise, anyway. Yesterday, when I was supposed to be bathed in pink light, I was seeing red. Quite a few days, what I've done is either restart the tape, or repeat it later. Is this OK? I also did this a couple of times during Tape 1, side 2. Should I try and concentrate on Mike's voice and how good I can become at letting sounds "drift away?" Last night, somehow on the second try, with a small tape recorder almost in my ear and a plug in the other ear to muffle the squeals, I managed to even drift off during the tape (to the point where I didn't get to push the foot pedal, however).One thing, if I'm supposed to feel light and excited after dumping the packages in the well, I don't quite. I can still feel myself bloated. I can very easily slow down the wheel, but still don't feel comfortable. And even when I've come back from the castle and standing where I started, it's hard to imagine myself feeling all new and light again. I almost feel like doing all of that side for another week.Also, a small confession: when I look at the packages in the laundry basket, I let one of them be labeled "Gerd." Since Gerd is organic, that won't help, but I can't help it. So maybe they should all be IBS?Is that enough problems for you?







[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 04-22-2001).]


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## kcarbs (Dec 5, 2000)

Hi. I had a couple of thought after reading your posts. I am on day 64 and I had the same problem in the beginning. I found that even if there was things going on around me, I still listened to the whole tape. There were days when I didn't feel focused but I kept listening to the end. Now, I have no problem focusing no matter what is going on around me. There could be an earthquake and I don't think I'd notice (Unless of course, I need to, like Mike says on the tapes!) So, I would keep listening even if you don't feel focused. (Just my advice!) As far as the well, I think that it may just take some time to get to where you can let it go. I know that when I listen to tape 4 now with the starflakes (you'll get there) I feel so much better when they are taking the discomfort out of me. I think that it might just take some time and that some people are more resistant to it even if they don't realize it. Hope this helps.... Good luck!Kim


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## Sherlock (May 14, 1999)

Hi Pers. Just a suggestion...are you using headphones? I think if I didn't use them, I'd never settle down. I'm really bad about noise, too, and living in a tiny apartment with two other people and two cats I'd never be able to tune them out without the headphones on.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persistance, I am in shock.







I am very glad you started to do this way to go!Lets see if we can help you out. I think Sherlock has a good ide with the noise issue and Kim is right about being more focused and able to focus as time goes on, its part of hypnotherapy really as you practice. Other then that just try to find the right time for you with the least distractions.Glad to see they are invigorating for you as that is part of hypnosis as well and shows it is helping.Resarting or sarting where you left off is okay, but see if you can't fix the noise issue some how so your not interupted and so the time is for you.On the package dumping, don't worry to much how you feel as you will feel the way you need to in time. However, label and throw the gerd package in the well with the IBS it doesn't matter if its organic or not, throw all the pacakkages you want to label that are a problem in the well. "You don't need them anymore."







If you want to relisten to a side that is fine, but then follow through with the schedule as it says.I am really glad your giving this a go, way to go!







WOO HOOI do want to mention something here as well though, I want to be careful how much we talk about specifics of the tapes as people are in different stages. Its better to email Mike specific parts and talk more in generalities here on the bb, so as not to disrupt other people listening or how they may percieve something. Just FYI, no major deal at the moment.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## AZmom1 (Dec 6, 1999)

Persistance,I'm glad you're using the tapes. When I do them during the day, I feel as if I've had a refreshing nap.Don't worry about the Gerd. I often add in other packages not related to IBS. Once, when I was really stressed, I imagined the cart full of all sorts of things from the past. I guess you could say I cleaned out the attic, and got rid of the rubbish.It sounds to me like your conscious mind is too involved. That is where the negative thoughts come from. The subconscious believes everything it is told. It cannot tell between fiction and truth. So if your conscious mind is filtering out some of what Mike is saying, you get the negative responses, and don't feel comfortable and light. Your state of hypnosis may be a little too light. The trick is to not concentrate consciously on Mike's words, but allow the sound of his voice to sort of wash over you. Actually, many people worry that when falling asleep they are not getting the benefit of hypnosis, when in fact, if the conscious mind sleeps it cannot interfere.This is why affirmations do not work. Say I look in the mirror and tell myself "I do not have IBS." My conscious mind says "Yes you do," so the subconscious does not believe the affirmation, and does not change thought patterns. In hypnosis, the conscious mind is moved to the side, which allows the therapist to reach the subconscious without conscious editing. The subconscious is always trying to protect you. It thinks it is doing the right thing, so IBS is perpetuated. Over time, with hypnotherapy it will begin to make changes, and the subC see that these changes are positive and beneficial. There may be setbacks at times while the subconscious sorts out what is best for you, but in the end, you will see improvement.AZ


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hey, Persist!! I didn't want to be left out, so here is my take on things, from my past experiences.The extraneous noise: Yes, I too have kid noises, train noises, carpentry noises...you name it! What we do at our house is this: in every room we have a small electric fan. This creates white or grey noise. If you don't want the "breeze" turn the fan away from you. This is what I do..and depending on the noise level, I put it on high, med or low. And yes, if I have it on at bedtime, and do the tapes, the fan is on all night, if I fall asleep. Believe me, it works. You can get a cheap fan for under $15 bucks. I know it sounds silly, but it has drowned out many an obnoxious sound for me, yet it is not so overpowering that you cant hear what you need to hear.The packages and the well: Hummmmm, how do I say this? Well, I will just say it. I was SO naughty with this part...I would actually stop the tape at this point, because I had so many issues at the time to be dumped. Yep. I did that. ...Not just IBS..I put labels like, "the ex" , anger, disappointment, various things that were bugging me, etc. And I also threw over the shopping cart/basket into the well along with the parcels! I did this for a long time. Finally, I got to the point, where I was "working too hard" and I just didn't think of anything on the parcels...and eventually I just "went with it" as AZ said..I let his voice wash over me, and didn't think about it. Like you, I had lots of other issues (not as serious as what you are going thru...you have the top dog), but nonethe less...my subconscious mind had to deal with those issues before it even got a start on the IBS. So most likely, you have chemo on a package, and fatigue on another, and nausea, fear, etc. That's OK, but you are doing just like I did. Don't worry about it, you can't do it incorrectly...just relax,and let the parcels fall where they may!!!! (I think we have some sister-like tendencies, here, Persist!!!







)Also, if you can get head phones..it is the way to go. But if not, the fan will help.Keep us posted. And remember to keep at it...everyone is different in the "result" department. Some feel better right away, ala Eric and BQ. Some of start to feel better long after full completion of the sessions like AZ and myself. And since you are dealing with a very serious condition, allow yourself that time...knowing that in advance will save your nerves and help you to mellow out. Thanks to AZ, she helped me to mellow out so that I can now say I am still improving..and I finished a while back.Is this reply long enough for ya????







I'm done. Love and (((HUGS))) to you...and to all...







------------------Marilyn


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Wow, I feel so -- so helped -- by my friends! Concrete things Ifrom Sherlock and Marilyn I can do tomorrow as well as more abstract ideas (the first should hopefully help the second). And then - some just plain comfort. Will respond at a more decent hour tomorrow. BTW, I'm through with Chemo -- the fatigue just lingers.Eric, you know that word "surprise" was for you!







Been terrified to come out and tell you!No more detail if I can help it -- promise.[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 04-23-2001).]


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## JeanG (Oct 20, 1999)

Hi Persist:There's nothing I can add to what's already been said, but I just wanted to say, as Mike would, enjoy your journey!







JeanG


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persistence, I kindof figure that surprize was for me.







Try not to put any pressure on yourself and like I said I am thrilled your doing the tapes. Keep us updated on your progress and remember were here when ever you need us.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## Guest (Apr 26, 2001)

Hi All,Persist







If you need any off line support or issues to thrash out email me direct.Enjoy your journey







Best RegardsMike


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## Lotronexlvr (Mar 8, 2001)

Marilyn, i had to LOL when i read your post about labeling those packages and even dumping the cart over! oh girl! thanks for the chuckle!


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Yep, Lotronexlvr...







That was how I felt about it!!! Figured I might as well chuck it all over!!! LOL







Sometimes I feel like I need TWO carts!!!------------------Marilyn


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Persist...How are you doing anyways...???? I haven't seen you post lately...think you are due for an email from me!! Hope you are doing better...and keep us posted, ok, hon??((HUGS))







------------------Marilyn


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Thanks for inquiring about me Marilyn. Mike, it's wonderful to get your response -- the master himself! I have so many (problems) that sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to go into a complete trance, here at day 31. Or maybe I have, and don't know it. I figured out, the post-Chemo state (four months later), is partly what lessens my concentration somewhat, and also, having been thrown into a menopause I thought I already went through (because of my operation last August), this may be what has heightened my sensitivity toward noise. No matter what time I lay down to listen, it seems in this poorly-insulated place, the pesky neighbors choose to do something disruptive; I hear their dog yelping, I hear a thud, I can even hear them talking through the walls (and I have not wanted to do it at night, since I'm not weaned off the Ativan I took for insomnia during Chemo, and want to do the tapes in a drug-free state). BTW, I do have headphones (altho the sound only comes into one ear!) and I put on the AC for comfort and white noise (although the JOLT on and off definitely breaks into my state for a second -- not sure that's good for the hypnotic state). And for 7-10 days, I was running back and forth in the heat and in my weakened state, trying to get my tape recorder fixed, and it would come back worse, so I think I associated that unpleasantness with the tapes as well! What a struggle to do this!Yet, I persist, and I WILL persist, and Mike, your voice is the most calming thing of my day and I so look forward to the tapes. I don't know if any of this warrants an e-mail. Perhaps it IS all private stuff. But side 4 is simply wonderful, my favorite so far -- and I WILL practice and practice and practice until I am aglow with positive feelings, some kind of "other" reborn, creature, floating almost above myself in space, yet with myself, and I usually pretty much get there (did I give away too much, Eric? That's just my own interpretation).I have noticed -- or rather, remembered, from earlier therapies -- that I am a resistant person, and when I first started Side 4, at the first instructions, I found myself saying, "Aha! Trying to hypnotize me, are you?! I'm on to you! I'm way too smart for that! I know EXACTLY what you're doing!" Now, that's dissipating, and I am not so scared. I WANT to go into that state, but I know the resistance may crop up again.In any case, this is just the right thing for me at this time. If I don't succeed -- well, I WILL succeed if determination has anything to do with it.[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 05-10-2001).]


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

You will do better..a lot of what you are feeling, I did feel too, though for different reasons, of course. I have a few ideas, and I will email you soon...You have gone thru so much, Persist, and I can hear so much of what you are saying in terms of "fighting it!" My catch phrase has always been "no one's going to tell me what to do!" But sometimes life throws ya curves and you have to do what you don't want to do, for a higher good. (Chemo...don't want to do it...higher good....you get better...) And of course, this holds true in the small daily insignificant areas (dishes to do...avoid rats...) LOL







And so, I totally get what you are saying. It is easy for me and all of us here to say "hang in there," be patient, yada yada... I don't know if I could do what you do..as I have said earlier to you..you are quite an inspiration to me! But the bottom line is that even as I fought it, and kicked, I finally got with it and did the sessions...it took longer because, like you, I had to have a few more items sorted out by my subconscious as I mentioned above...As far as your environmental factors of noise, etc. Let me think about that...perhaps there is still someway to get around it!!! But I do know what you mean...aggrevating isn't it???? grrrrKeep us posted, vent, whatever, Persist...I pray for you all the time....just know that we all care..Love and (((HUGS)))....







------------------Marilyn


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persist, just wondering why you don't want to do the tapes at night when your are on the drugs, because it doesn't matter if you do that, just so you know. In the begining, I was taking the valium while I listened at night.I know your Persistent.LOL Try not to read to much into all this and if you can get yourself to just relax and listen, barring any out side noices. One thing hypno does is increase your focus and its important I think to work on what that focus is on, just so you know. I also know you have lots going on and that makes it tougher, but I know you and know you will not give up your a fighter. However, try not to fight the tapes if that makes sense.LOL Hang in there and I hope your doing well in general, I know you stay positive despite whats going on and that is a major plus.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Thanks, friends. Marilyn -- thanks for the support and the e-mail and I answered it by venting and you sent another one, and I'll give you a break before venting again! *L*.Eric -- that's interesting, about doing it at night while drugged. I _know_ it's OK if you fall asleep during the tapes, but with the Ativan, it's almost sure to happen, and OK -- I guess I still wasn't convinced I'd get anything out of the process if asleep! Also, what do you do about the countdown, when he says "open your eyes and be wide awake..." Also, that's good to hear that part of this process is working on what to focus on. That does make sense; I thought of that. So, the more I do it, the less I let outside influences bother me (and that DOES seem to be happening, actually) (it's just that I let my anger run away with me at the despised neighbors at times). In general, yes, I am doing well for what I've gone through, and am told I look great (of course I fight that! LOL!). P.S. You back to normal yet, Eric (or is that posted somewhere else?)[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 05-10-2001).]


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## NancyCat (Jul 16, 1999)

Persist-Just want to throw my support your way. My favorite session is side 4 , I think it might have to do with the music. Glad to hear that you are done with the chemo, I hope the fatigue will lesen for you soon. Take care and its so good to read your posts.







------------------Nancy


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Persist...I always do the sessions at night...If I fall asleep, I don't worry..I actually like it when that happens, because then I am not consciously putting stuff into it. But if I am still awake, I pull off my headphones before the countdown...sometimes I awaken just as he says: "and now I am going to count..." So don't worry about the meds...I have been on various ones for my surgeries, and still did them...To be honest, I rather liked the combination!Talk to you soon...don't worry about time between ventings..if it is a few minutes or a few days...whatever ya need!!!!







(((HUGS))))------------------Marilyn


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## Guest (May 11, 2001)

Hi All,Been running around last week or so, sorry for delay. Persist, send me an email and I will look at ways of helping.







thanks all for your comments







Mike


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## Sherlock (May 14, 1999)

Pers, glad you're persisting.







If you haven't reached side 5 yet, you're gonna LOVE it! It's my favorite.


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## wanderingstar (Dec 1, 1999)

Hi Persistance. I listened to the tapes at bedtime, and I was 'drugged' then too from the Remeron, so I was always going to fall asleep pretty soon anyway, but the hypnotherapy still seemed to do its trick, even though I was asleep within minutes of turning on the tape.Re the parcels: I chucked EVERY DAMN NEGATIVE THING into that well!







Everything IBS and non-IBS related. I found it hard to feel 'light' too. My body didn't feel light, so I just pretended I did feel light, like visualisaing what I wanted to feel like. Sometimes sheer will power and determination can get you there girl!I also am terrible about noise - it drives me insane and makes me feel really depressed and irritated; that's partly why I ended up doing the tapes at bed-time when the world had quietened down.susan


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

I just wanted to acknowledge my friends that answered with support and encouragement, even though I know I shouldn't have my own thread and should be checking in on Eric's general "How is Everyone Doing?" thread.To Sherlock, thanks, can't wait for 5! NancyCat, Cookies for the suggestions, and Wandering Star for being a kindred spirit when it comes to the disruptions and the other things about dumping packages!Yes, Mike I will try to gather my thoughts enough to e-mail you. I'm slogging along in my own fashion. I too, by the way (as someone else said), try different ways of visualizing the star. Sometimes it IS pure energy, especially when it's close, at first I saw almost cartoon animation bright stars, now it seems like I actually imagine I am in some desert where the stars come really close (of course then Mike says, it takes over your entire vision, then he says it's still high above -- that always kind of gives me pause. 'Cause "entire vision" is right there. And I had a little problem visualing a star snowflake, but perhaps just the idea of light landing on a focus is the idea. Eey, yi, yi! P.S. Still probably need to e-mail Mike or ask someone about the countdown at the end if you're doing it at night and want to stay sleepy....???????[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 05-15-2001).]


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persist, sorry it has taken me a bit to reply.You know how I am.







I think like Wanderer said and I as well, that we were on meds while listening, no problemo. So if its easier to listen at night go that route. However, if your comfortable now and the distraction issue isn't so bad continue the course your on.On the count issue, I listened at night and I would acknowledge the count, but that would be it,and I would fall asleep. If it is waking you up however, ask Mike about that, it didn't effect me to much, but I can see what your saying.Glad your hanging in there and try not to put any pressure on yourself, but just listen and enjoy. On the star thing, I found that my imagination would do different things and I would stick to the one that came to mind first and work with that one. Sometimes incorporating my own imagniation into it.Hope your doing well all in all and don't worry about your own thread you deserve it, afterall you got me to do this, and I owe you big time.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persist, let me know how your doing?------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Hi Eric,Thanks for asking. I seem to be doing better in terms of being able to focus despite anything around me and my other physical problems are not bothering me as much. (Hard to say about the IBS -- tapes or not, soy milk will cause it every time!)Your idea about how to see the star image helps me --whatever comes to mind. I still haven't been consistent in when I listen (trying both ways), and do need to e-mail Mike on whether doing the counting can interfere with sleep or not. I guess not.I should really put this on the post about the new tapes (congratulations!) I'm thinking of ordering the insomnia tape and either the stress or relaxation tape (difference?). My major problem right now only relates to tapes partly -- I know I need to wean off the Ativan but I wake up five hours after it wears off, consistently, and so haven't even tried. I have trouble getting back to sleep unless I take something else (Valerian, Ambien or even another 1/2 Ativan), a horrid vicious circle which causes daytime drugged feelings. If I'm too exhausted, I find myself using the hypno tape during the day to revive myself. If not, I use it at bedtime and even then, sometimes can't get to sleep till much later, since I've slept too late. Ah well, too much for anyone to solve for me right now. I'm also thinking the only way I can get out of this current trap is to find a real good hypnotherapist here -- if I only could -- and work at the insomnia problem.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Persist, do you want me to look for a hypnotherapist in your area?Also, I recieved the pictures, very nice and thanks for sending them. Now I know what you look like.







Great Pics.I hope your doing well. I still have a problem with my email, but today hopefully I will get to the bottom of it.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Eric, Doin' okay, all things considered. I'd love if you found one in my area. I looked in the link someone put on here and there are maybe five in the whole L.A. area, but who can be sure how good they are? Like the address in North Hollywood isn't the best...P.S. Sorry about the e-mail; hope it resolves soon!







[This message has been edited by Persistance (edited 05-25-2001).]


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