# IBS and communicating about my condition. Help Please!



## hope23 (Mar 28, 2014)

Hi all! This is my first post, hopefully I am in the right forum.

I am a senior in college, and I was diagnosed with IBS (D predominant) last year but dealt with it for a while before then. I am able to cope pretty well with my symptoms for the most part, since food and anxiety are my triggers I plan my school/work schedule where I have breaks where I can go home for a while and eat, try to avoid additional stress, and mainly just keep my life structured and controlled so I can cope to the best of my abilities. Social events, going out, extended obligations away from home, etc, are things I avoid when possible (it is a downer for my social life but such is the nature of this condition I guess). Its all very stressful but I cope best by keeping a predictable routine in my life. Anyway, this is sometimes a problem and it brings me to my current issue. For an organization that I am a part of through my university, we will soon be having a day of honors, awards, and a luncheon. I honestly cannot imagine being able to take part in this, since it is about 6 hours of activities and eating. Between the stress and food triggers, I would at best be uncomfortable and insecure about my personal issues. So, my question is, how do I communicate this to the head of the organization? This may sound simple but so far I have not been met with much understanding about my IBS and the lifestyle changes I have had to make, i.e. people not taking me seriously or thinking it is all in my head. So, I am extremely nervous about how to tell her that I am unable to participate due to this. Has anyone had similar experiences when communicating this issue? What do you do if someone doesn't think your problem is valid? I don't want to be judged or viewed as if I am trying to get out of this commitment, but I truly do not think I could partake in such an event.


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## daneekaj (Mar 18, 2014)

Hey! When I was reading your post it's amazing how much I related to you. I am a junior in college and I have struggled so much trying to determine how much I should tell my professors and my friends about my condition when it gets in the way of activities and academics and such. I also struggle with anxiety severely and have often backed out of things that if not for my health, I wouldn't have. But, to a degree, health comes first. Although there have been plenty of events that I have gone to and pushed through because they were important to me, it requires judgment and weighing the health consequences verses the emotional benefit of going.

It sounds to me that this luncheon doesn't sound terribly important, but that could be a judgment call I'm making. First of all, when communicating to someone about health, do it in person if at all possible. It's much more easier to read them and feel out the conversation. Secondly, be honest. Don't lie. That's ridiculous. People have compassion and attempted understanding for others who seem sincere. If you have to tell them, "I honestly don't feel comfortable sharing" then do so. It's an honest statement.

I like to start out a similar conversation simple. Basically just say you unfortunately can't make it because of health issues. And leave it at that. Some people will say they're sorry and let you go free. Others may frown and ask why. If they seem compassionate and gracious, maybe you'll feel free to share a little bit more. But you are NOT under any obligation to share anything you don't want to. Be sincere.

Also, a good idea which I have done is tell them you're able to come for two hours, and which two hours would they most like you to be there. Don't be intimidated, just relax and try to be honest. Most caring people will understand.

But I totally get it. I get anxious even thinking about trying to tell someone that I can't make it to something that they really want to go to! But best of luck... Let me know how it goes!!


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

I've never heard of one of those types of things being mandatory or you have to have give a reason you can't go.

If they require an RSVP just a declined with an I'm so sorry I won't be able to attend generic note should suffice.

I think we forget a lot of times that it really is OK to just say no to things, even when you don't have a health concern or other "darn good reason" not to.

I know people like to make us feel obligated to go to everything and fulfill every request and do every favor, but you are allowed to set your own boundaries and decide which things you will and won't do.

And generally there is no way to explain someone into understanding IBS (we have a brochure that can help http://www.ibsgroup.org/aboutibs, but usually the more you try to get them to understand the crazier you sound and the more uncomfortable TMI that gets said, and so I think a generic, I have a health condition and I'm following my doctor's care instructions. (because generally "reduce stressful situations" is a standard care instruction for pretty much everything anyway and they have no right to your personal medical information, either).


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## hope23 (Mar 28, 2014)

Thanks for the advice! I was upfront with her but vague, just said I wouldn't be able to make it because of a "health condition." She didn't ask any questions and seemed perfectly fine with it, I guess this is one of those events that isn't technically mandatory anyway. But thanks again!


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## soothe.mysoul (Apr 3, 2014)

I usually take anti-diarrheal drugs like Lopedium or Imodium in similar situations. They help me feel better not only physically but psychologically too because I know that I won't get diarrhea. People like us are always prepared for worst scenarios but they happen not so often, actually. So we can't refuse all opportunities life give us even sometimes it's not easy to take them.


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