# Doctors?



## Guest (Nov 2, 1999)

Thought everyone might enjoy some humor!The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated>by physicians ...>>1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.>>2. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had>completely disappeared.>>3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she>was very hot in bed last night.>>4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in>1993.>>5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to>be depressed.>>6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.>>7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but>forgetful.>>8. The patient refused an autopsy.>>9. The patient has no past history of suicides.>>10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.>>11. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant>with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.>>12. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.>>13. She is numb from her toes down.>>14. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.>>15. The skin was moist and dry.>>16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.>>17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.>>18. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.>>19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until>1995 when she got a divorce.>>20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical>therapy.>>21. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.>>22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.>>23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as>a stockbroker instead.>>24. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.>>25. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.>>26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should>sit on the abdomen and I agree.>>27. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.>>28. Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.>


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## moldie (Sep 25, 1999)

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks for the laughs djr. I got something similar when I was in nursing. Most of these are new ones to me, however. I think I remember one that stated: "The patient was prepped and raped."A rather dreadful typo. Now I'm going to have this picture in my head of this big brown turd walking around, thanks to you djr! LOL!







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## beansy (Aug 26, 1999)

I am still laughing!!! Those were so funny







Thanks for sharing.Maria


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