# Getting over the past.



## XJ6Jaguar1985 (Aug 4, 2007)

Hi guys,Since I'm home alone right now, I'm doing what I do often-thinking of the past. It's amazing how sometimes you become so weak mentally, you give in to stupidity. I remember moving to Florida from Rhode Island and how it was so tough for me to adapt to a brand new area, I would often find myself smoking like a fiend and drinking a 6 pack of beer a night. I decided to move back to Rhode Island last October much to my disdain, and I channeled any feelings I had into alcohol. It didn't help that my job as a mechanic was so stressful, I found myself "unwinding" with a crapload of beer to relax. However my drinking became a serious problem as I was drinking litres of hard alcohol (Gin, Liqueur, Vodka) a night...I got to be so pathetic, I don't even remember the month of January, 2007...Nothing...My mind goes December '06 straight to February of '07. Sad huh? I finally quit boozing in February and endured 16 days of sheer hell, but I made it through. (Withdrawal)..However I'm reminded of my stupidity almost every hour of the day with every bloating, uncomfortable feeling that arises from my abdomen that I've forever changed my life. I once was healthy as an ox, I could eat and drink anything. One time at a party, I drank over 30 beers, and I didn't even have a hangover the next morning. Now I am severely nauseated after having just one beer. I miss the days of having a nice, juicy steak accompanied by a tall, cold beer. Every damned day I am reminded of how stupid I was to let my emotions get the best of me and become emotionally numbed so I wouldn't have to deal with my trivial problems. I have numerous horrific memories of me being intoxicated, and how embarrassing it was to be me. I remember one time I drank a litre of Vodka before going to my Composition class that was at 4PM. I was woken up at 9:30PM by a janitor who said "Hey are you okay?" You know how that makes me feel? It makes me feel like I don't even want to be alive because I did something so STUPID. (I'm getting heartburn just thinking of this stuff...) Other embarrassing moments include: Passing out in my car while driving and waking up to see dozens of orange barriers fly behind me, waking up face down in random parking lots, projectile vomiting, and getting drunk at my job. Today I am almost positive that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome as my bowels are as finicky as the food I have to choose to eat to compromise my bowels. I guess what I am trying to say is I hate myself for what I did to my body, and I feel like I can't move on and get over this because my body isn't the same and every time I don't have a normal bowel movement, get heartburn/nauseated,cramps/bloating in my abdomen, I get upset because I used to not be like this. Don't get me wrong, I've been doing much better with my gastro-problems-I can eat almost everything, but that beer seems to be out of reach. And I know there are MILLIONS of people...check that BILLIONS of people who would trade their lives to have mine right now, but it sucks when you realize what you had and you realize you squandered it all because of your stupidity. How does anyone get over their foolishness when their body problems are the result of their own stupidity? How? How? Because all I can do is dwell on the fact that I screwed up a good thing.


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## 22943 (Aug 27, 2005)

In all honesty, you've just pretty much have to say, I screwed up, I'm not going to do it again. Get a doctor, talk to a therapist, whatever helps you to get those feelings out. Many young people do foolish things, it's just sort of in their makeup. You're not the first person to drink until you can't drink anymore and you certainly won't be the last. If you haven't yet, check out a support group. They will give you some people that will stand behind you as you fight to regain everything you say you've lost. Yes, it's going to take work, but just know that if you lost it, it can be found again. You just have to believe in yourself and go for it. Have you thought of writing out some goals for yourself? Maybe knowing where you want to go will help you get there. Good luck!


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