# Sexual Question



## Cartoon Creature (Jul 12, 2002)

Hi everyone,Just to pre warn everyone this is a sexual question about my boyfriend and I.I have been dating a guy for about 5 months now and through out our whole relationship sexually everything has been a disaster. To cut a very long story short my boyfriend loses his erection just before sex. He will be compeletely hard, but just before penetration is goes completely. He also looses his erection when we bring out condoms or lubricant. So we have tended attempt sex without condoms. But in doing that i tell him he isnt allowed to "orgasm" (if you know what I mean), whilst I am on the pill, I do have D up to 10 times a day and i dont know if that will affect the pill. Because of this, after a few minutes he will looses his erection inside of me







All this has had a huge emotional impact on me, my self esteem has hit an all time low and I feel very undesirable and not very sexy at all. In turn I am now afraid of sex. I am scared to do anything sexual incase it begins to lead to sex, cause I am afraid he will have his problems again and I dont know how much more of it I can take.My logical side tells me not to be worried and that it is a psychological problem for him. He has had a VERY sheltered sex life, and every girl he has been with has done all the work and he hasnt had to do anything, also this is the first full-time relationship hes ever had, he used to work in the mines. But my emotional side is screaming.We have a really good relationship in every other aspect but that one..... therefore I ask myself how much emphasis should I put on the sexual side and how much that hurts. I women needs to feel desired..... I dont need to wex itself, I need the emotional satisfaction I get from knowing he wants me that bad.I dont know what to doPoo Pea


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## *Luna* (Nov 19, 2001)

It really does sound like there is something psychological happening with him that makes him lose it when things are about to escalate.Is he able to maintain an erection and orgasm when you do non-penetration things together?How about putting the condom on, and continuing to stimulate him with your hand or whatever to bring it back up? Maybe experiment with some different stimulation and techniques and make penetration a more seamless part of things instead of something with buildup that he can get nervous about? Try not to make a big deal out of it when he loses his erection.I really don't think this problem has anything to do with you. I'm guessing it's something he needs to cope with. I suppose there is a chance of a physical problem that would make it difficult for him to maintain an erection, but if he's able to come with other methods with you then probably not.


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Does he only lose his erection when you use a condom? My boyfriend hates condoms, even the sight of one will make him lose his erection. We used to get around this (to some extent) by putting the condom on quickly then playing around until he got hard again. Giving a guy oral sex usually gets him back in the mood! I suggest you try a different type of contraception that's not effected by D. The pill can be injected (depo-provera 3-monthly injection). Or you could have a coil fitted. Or use a cap/diaphram. Theres female condoms too, though I've never got the hang of them! The problem with not using anything is that tiny amounts of sperm can be ejaculated BEFORE he orgasms. So you could get pregnant even if he doesn't come inside you.


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## 21881 (Sep 11, 2006)

As I man, I can understand his issue as I am the same way. I dislike condoms with a passion. There's a saying... wearing a condom is like taking a shower with a raincoat on. His loss of erection might be due to a lack of sensation. Is the condom material thick? There are "thin" condoms that help with sensation. Is his condom too tight? I had this problem before Magnums came to the market. Some men to not like to ejaculate wearing a condom. Another consideration is the way the condom is being put on. Does he put on it immediately before? This has a tendancy to "kill the moment" from my perspective. Try a more intimate, perhaps naughty way of putting it on for him. Sukie's question about only when wearing a condom is important. If he doesn't experience a loss of erection without, then it's likely to be him and not you. Consider trying other birth control methods, spermicides, diaphram, etc. Don't have intercourse when you are at your peak 48 hours of fertility since some birth control methods are not 100%. When you stated that when you have intercourse without a condom and he cannot orgasm inside, does that mean he doesn't not pull out when he is having one, the famed coitus interuptus method, commonly known as "you're what?! take it out guick!" method







If yes, then he might be a affected by the idea of not being allowed to have an orgasm. The man's brain works in funny ways when it comes to sex. We are quick to get excited, we are quick to have issues


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