# Ex doesn't understand son's IBS, trying to take sons away for missing school



## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I am so upset. My oldest has IBS. He has missed alot of school because of stress that his father and new stepmother are giving him. Now my ex has brought a lawsuit to take both my boys away from me because (in part) of the school absences. He has always just rolled his eyes whenever my son has talked about his IBS. He told my son that he needs to come over and have a "good meal" to get him over his IBS. Even though told what he can't eat, the new wife gives him stuff that upsets his IBS, and then they drop him off at my house and I have to deal with the school and all the absences. We are horribly upset. The boys do Not want to live with their father. I just know that my son is going to be missing school this week, which gives my ex more ammo. Sorry, I just needed to vent. Mom & Son


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

This website might help.http://www.aboutkidsgi.org/questionsandanswers.html#ibsamand you should show him this also.http://ibsgroup.org/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/71210261/m/369100861Mind-Body Technique Eases Kids' Gut PainKids Have Fewer Days of Abdominal Pain When Using Relaxation Techniquehttp://my.webmd.com/content/article/72/81542.htm


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

I feel for you after reading your post.Why is it that kids are used as "pawns" when a marriage breaks up? your poor son all this aggro is not going to help him at all...My x husband loves playing "games" i.e trying his best to turn our kids against me, alas he has not succeeded, if these peeps only knew the pressure they put onto others... on here you will always have peeps who will listen to you and to try and offer you some support.I hope things start to get better for you and your boys.. best wishes to you all..


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## 15185 (Mar 28, 2005)

Hi Mom. I'm so sorry that you and your son have to deal with this. Thank goodness he has one parent who understands. If this is the only reason he has for filing for full custody, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. All you need is your son's GI's testimony. My sister went through this type of thing only, my neice has UC. I know a "disease" is looked upon with more understanding and respect, which is so unfortunate as I see people suffering with IBS and some of their symptoms are even worse.Please don't allow yourself to get upset over this and really, really try to keep your son away from any bickering, etc. We all know that stress will just exacerbate it. Also, does he have a 50? plan at school (I can't remember the number, but I know it's a nation wide medical release type plan) because of his condition? If you're not familiar with them it's sort of a like and IEP (Individual Education Plan) for children with medical conditions so that he can do what he needs to do during the day at school (go to the bathroom whenever, necessary, be excused without reprocussions, etc.). It may be a good idea to get that in place before court...not only will it help him in school, but it will be more confirmation for the judge.Good luck!PS....Joolie, the only thing your x will accomplish by playing those childish games with your kids is turning them against "him". You just keep on being the mom you are and nothing will ever be able to come between your relationship with them.


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Dear Mom&Son,I am so sorry for you that your ex and his new spouse are so ignorant. Although other members have suggested that you give them some reading material I fear that they more than likely would not understand it anyway.I am not a lawyer, but have successfully gone up against both a hospital and the county I live in pro see because I couldnâ€™t afford an attorney. My best advice to you is as follows:Start keeping notes of conversations with your ex. Your sonsâ€™ days of missing school (be specific as to why you kept him home). When one is under pressure it is too easy to forget something important.Gather your own printouts of the suggested websites others have given you.Do your own research on the Internet â€" print all pertinent information.Get a statement from your sonâ€™s doctor, if he is hesitant about appearing in court.All of that should supply you with a substantial pile of documentation for the judge. I donâ€™t know what your financial situation is, or whether or not you have an attorney. If you do, a file like that would provide him/her with ammo.This old rule works very well: â€œIf you canâ€™t impress them with brilliance â€" dazzle them with BS.â€Good luck!


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

My daughter has missed school due to anxiety attacks, and they are more prevalent when she is around my ex - so I can relate so much what is happening. please take a look at my links below - How old is you oldest with the IBS?Many children have been treated very successfully for IBS with the IBS Audio Program - a clinical hypnotherapy program from England - one of the children who used this method missed out on 2 full years of school due to IBS, and is now fine. If you have any questions, feel free to ask here or to email me. I did this program as a last resort and it has helped several children whose parents posted on this BB looking for help for them. It works effortlessly and Eric used it as well.I know how hard it is to see your child's pain be "dismissed" - have the same situation, and it isnt easy. Dont let the ex take your child's illness as ammo - your child needs care and understanding. It is a real disorder with real pain, and your ex's attitude will only make the condition worse.Hang in there...


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Hi. All the advice you have been given is really good. I had the worst number of days abscent in high school in Year 10 in my whole year, mostly due to my IBS, not that we knew what was wrong with me then. I second Nanette on getting statements from any doctor and/or specialist who has seen your son, that way you can prove that you are not just keeping him home from school for no reason. I hope it all works out for the best. We have to have faith that the justice system will make the right decision. Good luck and I'm sorry you and your sons are going through all this. I'll be thinking of you all.


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## 15544 (Oct 17, 2005)

I agree with screamer 100%No court will blame you for you're childs IBS. The thought is just ludacris. Good luck. I'm currently in a battle with my father in court so I'm rooting you on!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thank you to everyone that wrote. My son (with IBS) has a note from his Doctor about him missing or being late to school. He is 17yr. My other son has a tendency to get nauseous (I think when he is nervous), he is 14yr.. The boys never got along with their dad, he has OCD (sorry OCDers) and was hell to live with. They were sad that the family broke up, but they have been glad that he is not here. The visitation was changed to give them a say on when they see him. He is suing me for custody, saying that I have poisoned them against him and that he had a loving relationship with them. He is an attorney, and yes I have an attorney. My ex is an Emotional Abuser. I have had him talk to Dr., read articles, etc. He just rolls his eyes and tells my son "your fine!" We tried counseling, we have the 'hypno tapes' (didn't help him). It is all a vicious circle with my son. His dad makes him upset, he misses school and gets behind in his work, that upsets him also, and his grades suffer (which my attorney just told me that the judges look at that). Both my boys just keep saying "how about we all 3 just die, then maybe dad will leave us alone." So sad to hear that so young. They don't mean it, it is just a way to blow off steam, we have talked about it.Thanks Everyone, I'll keep you posted. Mom


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Wow, I am so sorry you are going through all of this - there is a lot going on beyond the IBS, and I would suspect that his IBS would improve at least a little bit, if dad would be more understanding. Sorry the hypno didn't work for him, and my heart goes out to you all. Sending prayers and thoughts your way that you can beat this... ((hugs)) to you. Print up everything you can on IBS and teens - the IFFGD has publications you can get that outline the condition with kids. The judge will know that you are looking out for the best interest of the kids, and I do believe they take them alone and ask which parent they would prefer to live with - that in itself is weighed heavily in the decision.Best of luck to you and your boys... thoughts are with you. Marilyn


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi everyone, Update: Tomorrow is the day that we have to go to mediation. My attorney has told me that I am not to sign ANYTHING. To say that "I have to talk to my attorney." Even if the boys break down and say "OK," to whatever they offer. My ex is very intimidating. My oldest (w/IBS) was home all last week because of the stress of this. He has gone to school this week because I have tried and tried to make this seem like it is "no big deal." But I am dying inside. I also have IBS and it is really acting up. Please pray for us tomorrow. Then we have to go to court on Nov. 9th. As far as I know the boys do not have to be there. I hope they don't. Thank you all for your understanding and help. Mom


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Just to say that I am praying for you and your sons - I am praying you have the strength to get through this, and that your sons will remain with you and that your ex will get some understanding and guidance - perhaps he will be made to attend a class on parenting.(((HUGS))) to you - this isn't easy, but hopefully it is the first step to some healing and peace for your family.Stay strong. xx Marilyn


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

Im just wondering if your x is my x husbands long lost brother im kidding of course, guess im trying to take your mind off things... My ex (adolph) was a living nightmare, sneaky, patronising, and a complete control freak, he put me through hell i.e using the kids as pawns, i suffered terribly as did my kids..What makes men think they can treat us like this?I know there are a few peeps on here who think i just utter #### all the time, and give peeps the wrong info, anyway enough about them, not worth the bother....I wish you good luck when you appear in court, try and stay calm and dont let this a** h*** get to you, he seems like a silly wee insignificant man... good luck


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

I'll have my fingers crossed for you that all goes well tomorrow. A very big good luck from me


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## SpAsMaN* (May 11, 2002)

Usually,the *judge WILL give the child to the mother!!! * in a tie situation!!!TELL THE JUDGE DIRECTLY THAT HE HAS A "GENETIC STOMACK DISORDER" IN THIS CASE IBS(WE ALL KNOW IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY) AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE DIET TO FEED HIM ETC..That should works but talk to your attorney about it since beeing a sick person could gives your ex some munitions.


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Joolie!Adolph - eh? Was the last name ###? He sure sounds like that creature.Mom!I hope all the best for you. Sorry I'm a bit late in crossing my fingers, byt hurricane Wilma put me "out of business" for a bit.


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

lol nanette, his name was robert, and believe me he was the devil himself...In most cases the mum normally always gets custody..J has not seen his 9 yr ols daughter for over 2 yrs, she lives with her mum only a few miles away, he has had to hire a private investigator to get her exact address, take it to court and try and get some kinda access,its no wonder J had 2 heart attacks because of the amount of stress he is under...


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## 19408 (Aug 19, 2005)

Mom&Son,This is my first post here, but I couldn't resist breaking silence to say how much I can relate to what you're going through. First, let me say that I hope everything went well at mediation and that everything goes well in court next week. I am so sure that you & the boys will be fine and have nothing to worry about. I suffer from IBS and so does my son. His GP has informally dx'd him with IBS-D and IBS-C, and he fits the criteria and most everything has been ruled out, but I am pushing for a specialist to confirm and treat him regardless. My boy will be 8, next month, and has had symptoms for several years now.My son's father and I were never married, but I left him when my son was 5 months old... as soon as I wised up to the fact that he would never be able to provide and support for him as a Dad. He has remained very unsupportive and never accepted any of my son's medical concerns, even doing as your X has and feeding him foods that are "forbidden" or smoking around him (he's asthmatic). He also started the kick a year ago with trying to threaten custody, but I know it'll never happen. he causes my son more stress than anything.Like your son, my son's school attendence really suffers from IBS attacks. We had a "plan" lined out with the school last year, and backed by the doctor, that stated that he would be expected to frequently arrive late or be absent due to his symptoms. This way I wouldn't be pressured to rush him to the doctor's all the time. This year we are having to start all over (new administration) and they are not accepting the same procedures we had in place before. His actual attendence has improved, but his latenesses are still consistent. I try to encourage him to take his time in the morning and not rush through eating, getting ready, etc. The school has a breakfast program, but he's had issues with them not reserving non-dairy products for him (he's intolerant) and I prefer to make sure he gets something in his belly before going to school, so he's not tempted to eat/drink something he shouldn't have. The stress of worry about IBS and school is enough for a kid, but then to have to worry about their father not being supportive and adding to their stress is horrible. Best of Luck to You,Kisster


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Joolie!I am so sorry about J's frustration in regard to his daughter. Yes, stress can be a powerful enemy and, of course, doesn't help at all if a person suffers from IBS, let alone a weak heart.Hope things will soon get better.Nanette


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thank you everyone. Both my boys were so nervous yesterday that they had to stay home with nausea and diarrhea. We were able to take care of the diarrhea before we had to go to the mediation, but the nausea came and went. Funny, my ex's name is also Robert. The mediator talked to us (parents) first to see if we could come up with a compromise. My ex, being an attorney, had this paper all written up stating what he wanted to happen. As one of you said before, there is alot going on in this than my son's IBS. I am being attacked in a bunch of ways. I told the lady that my sons want the same visitation as we already have, 'that they have full discretion on when, where, and if they see him.' I could tell that he was extremely angry. The lady talked to my sons, and the oldest (w/IBS) did all the talking while my youngest just sat there and agreed (he is very quiet). My oldest told her about alot of things that they didn't like about being with their dad, and all about his IBS and his dad's attitude and what he fed them. Come to find out, this lady also has IBS and said that she understood what my son was talking about. I told her about this website and how supportive you all have been. I don't know where it will go from here. She said that she just makes recommendations to the judge, but is not allowed to tell him why. And that the boy's ages has no bearing on where they want to be. This upsets me. I have to go back into the courtroom on Wednesday, Nov. 9th at 8:30am. They said the boys could come, but they have to stay out in the hallway. I don't think they want to come, but I bet they will be so nervous that they will stay home from school again. I so appreciate all of you and your thoughts and prayers for us. I could feel that I had alot of people pulling for me, and I felt fairly calm during the whole thing. I am usually a worrier and go into tears when I have stressful things happening. Thank you so much!! Please continue praying for us, especially on Wednesday! Mom


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Mom...your boys are lucky to have a parent like you...full of unconditional love. You're doing all that you can and being a great role model for them.







Your X is going to get just what he deserves and that certainly doesn't include custody of those boys. The mediator heard your sons, don't worry and his/her opinion has a LOT to do with how the judge rules (at least in our state), especially at their ages. My thoughts and prayers are with you.







Sandi~


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

Thanks nanette, it is getting more unbearable for him as each new day arrives, it does put a strain on the relationship, but after 2 and a bit yrs we are still together..


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

> quote:but after 2 and a bit yrs we are still together..


.... and it will continue with a little bit of patience and lots of love.Every relationship has its ups and downs. I donâ€™t think itâ€™s possible that two individuals can be of the same mind at all times. Just remember an important advise my Granny gave me many moons ago: â€œNever let the sun set on your anger if you donâ€™t want it to fester at dawn.â€ Itâ€™s not always easy when one is royally peeved and I for one do not always follow the rule. But I have learned that I am the one who suffer as hubby never remembers a thing the next morning (at least he pretends not to remember ;-0 ).Good luck to you Joolie.


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Rest assured that the mediator's recommendations will weigh heavy with the judge. I hope I speak for all of us here on this board when I say: We'll all be rooting for you!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hello Support Group!!!! Went to court today. My attorney and I think that my ex was just using the IBS and a bunch of other things to "get my goat." My attorney has met my ex (and read all the things he has written for our divorce, etc.) and is confident that my ex has a screw loose somewhere. Right now, the boys are commanded to go to counseling WITH their father for 10 weeks (once a week). My boys are supposed to get everything out about they and their dad. My atty says that the boys are too old to be just taken away from me. Finally, someone else will hear about my ex's weird ways and ideas and how he has made my son's IBS worse. Though I have to admit that I hope the counselor isn't like others we have gone to that say that IBS "is all in your head." I found out that the mediator (that has IBS also) only said to the judge "parents could not agree." I was hoping for more from her. We have till January 25th and then we have to have another hearing. Have to admit that I don't know what for. Found out that my ex told his atty that some of my earlier emails to him "made him scared and he felt threatened." My sister and I laughed so hard. He is the intimidating one, and I hope the counselor for the boys realizes that he does that to the boys. I want to thank you all for your support during this time of crisis. My IBS son couldn't go to school today bacause he was so nervous. He told me "thanks mom, for going to court for us and fighting for us." Made my heart feel good. Thanks again. Love, Mom


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Glad all is going fairly well so far. I agree with you about the mediator. I would have expected a little more than "cannot agree" also. I'm surprised at your court system. Over here by the time kids are your boys age they generally hear the kids in court and they get quite a hefty say in where they want to live and with whom (obviously some circumstances are taken into account but otherwise).I'll continue to wish you and your boys good luck. I'm sure things will go the right way for all 3 of you and good luck with the couselling sessions. I'll hope also for as sympathetic and understanding counsellor (in regards to the IBS).


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!Well, at least a few steps in the right direction. I do understand your disappointment in regard to the IBS-lady's non-support.Word from experience: If you have any further email communication with your ex, make sure that you keep a print-out of both his and your own.Crossing fingers and toes for you.Full steam ahead!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I was feeling pretty good till today. I believe that I understand my ex's plan. My boys have said before that he badgers them till they can't stand it and they just blurt out something so he will stop. I believe that this whole lawsuit thing was to get the boys into counseling with him so he can get them to say things to implicate me (I think that's the word I want) in "alienating them from him." Remember, he is an attorney and is very smooth and can usually get people on his side, so I'm sure he will convince the counselor. I have been told to "stay out of it" in regards to their relationship, so I feel that I can't even warn them. If he can get the judge to rule against me, I wonder what will happen? Anyone have any ideas? My IBS son was still home today with terrible cramping. I think he is thinking about this and is worried, but I can't talk to him about it. Still not over. Mom


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

thanks nanette you are a very lovely person


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Joolie!Keep me posted on the progress - will you?Nanette


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Who told you to â€œstay out of itâ€?As I understand it, the boys live with you. They may be minors but they are no longer babies. Whoâ€™s going to prevent them from opening a conversation with their mother and you responding? Are you just expected to walk away or cut them off? I am sure you are intelligent enough to keep the conversation in such a way that it isnâ€™t a â€œwarningâ€.This whole thing does not make any sense to me.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, My attorney told me that I have to stay out of it because of my ex's accusations of 'poisoning them.' He said it would be in my best interest. It has been so confusing because you hear 'because they are older, they have a say in what they want to do' but when I specifically ask if that is true, I get the answer, 'well, they really don't listen to the kids, and if your ex calls the police to make them come, they have to go!'(this is when we had the other 'visitation schedule') This whole thing is just stressing me out. I am trying hard not to let the boys see, but my boys know when something isn't right with me. I just know that when they get into the counseling session they will be asked if I told them things before they came in. Of course the boys will have to answer 'yes,' if they want to be honest. My youngest doesn't care if he lies, but my oldest tries very hard not to. I'm scared. I have no idea what is going to happen. Thank you for being so supportive. My kids ask me why I am on the IBS website so much lately. I tell them that you all have been so supportive and I need to have friends around. Off that subject: I just sent away for the Ibsacol. I read alot of input from people here and I thought we might try it. I usually experiment on myself (since we have pretty much the same symptoms) before I try things on my son. But I wonder with all this stress if we will get a true reading of whether it will help him or not. We can but try. Love, mom


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Mom&son, I would like to make a donation to you of this if you let me know where to send it I will purchase it and send it to you.IBS Companion - CD or Cassette An informative and instructive guide about IBS for the non-sufferer. All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect on the lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled or restricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This short recording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative tests that IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around the sufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it can be a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it to others. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of the IBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patient approach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too. http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/new_audio_titles.htm


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Eric, Thank you for the offer, but I have given my ex everything that I can find for him to read or listen to about IBS.We have the Hypno CDs and we gave that one to him. As far as I know he never listened to it. He is determined to think what he wants to. We even had doctors tell him, but he just turned his head away and rolled his eyes so the Dr wouldn't see. The trouble is, we have gone to 2 different counselors before (my son also has a little bit of OCD like his father), and those counselors believe that it is ALL IN HIS HEAD. We've all heard that before haven't we?! No one can get through to him. He believes that he and his new foreign wife can give him better food to get him completely over this (she is the one that gave him food that was really bad for him, even after we had given her a list of what he Cannot eat). She has gotten involved and written me nasty little letters. When we were still together, we would go on trips and he would NOT STOP for my son to go to the bathroom. I started carrying a little porta-potty that he could use in the van since his dad wouldn't stop (it has saved us many a time). I would have to get really belligerant with him and make him 'stop the car NOW!'It always made him extrememly angry with me, but I figured my son's welfare was worth more than this man's OCD problems. I got my son a little pickup because he wanted to be able to leave any time he wants to when he visits with his dad. It is so sad that he is such a moron.I'd like to hit him over the head sometimes. mom


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

to my x and id like to hit him with something bigger than a hammer


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Joolie!Try a sledge-hammer - it's quite effective.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Can I borrow the sledgehammer when you are done with it?Last night I found an old email from my ex that tells me that he 'is going to make me pay for all the horrible things that I have done to he and his wonderful wife and the boys.' He sent it right before he started the lawsuit, back in June. I am depressed. But you guys always make me laugh and feel better, THANKS!!! mom


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

yes i will thanks marilyn, at the mo the private detective is breifing J's lawyer.


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## 14013 (Nov 12, 2005)

i know exactly what your son is going through so can totally relate. I first got my IBS when i was staring secondary school i was 11, im now 20. and i missed so much of my first year especially because of IBS, i was actually scared of going because it was so embarressing, i kept having to ask to go to the toilet, i would usually end up saying i needed to go to the medical room, luckily the teachers at school were really good with me and let me go, i think my mum and dad were the other way around though, my mum started off supportive but it started to get on her nerves after a while i think because it was her that had to deal with me, my dad was really good for some reason which is weird because he is so impatient. I had some awful experinces at school because of IBS, is your son having any problems with wanting to go to school because of IBS? i know i certainly wanted to avoid it if i could


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Sophie22, I have tried for years to get him to go to this website to talk to people about his IBS, but he just won't do it. I think it would be so good for him to actually talk to others that suffer the same as he does. He has a Dr. slip that we have given to the school, and all of his teachers and counselors (and the attendance people) know about it. At the beginning (7th grade) he missed alot of school (because he didn't want to use the boy's bathroom), but after the office said that he could use the office one, he went to school more. Now high school. He had a tough time freshman year. That's the year his dad left us. He would stay home quite a bit, or if he did go to school he was in the nurses office alot and I would have to go pick him up. Sophmore year was a bit better. We had cut down on his stress, changed the visitation with his dad so he could decide if he wanted to see him, changed some of his classes, didn't make him do soccer anymore (his dad demanded he had to do it). He might have to go to the nurse, but he would take his Imodium, feel better and go back to class. This year, Junior year, has been really bad. His dad (& new wife who they can't stand) has been giving them constant stress. He has had alot of cramping that not anything we try has helped. He stays home alot. He is behind in his work, which makes it worse. I also have IBS, pretty much the same symptoms that he has, but I am not as bad. I have to admit that at times I get impatient with him (there have been some times that he said he could have gone to school). When I get really impatient, I usually get hit with really bad IBS symptoms myself. Then I am more patient. Some of his friends think that he uses his IBS to get out of things. They just don't understand. He worries about getting a job and keeping it. My new Mom&Son picture (my youngest did it for me), is a picture of our little Angel. Her name is Pippin. She has the body of a Bassett and the head of a Beagle. We consider her our angel because right after my ex filed for divorce my sister found her. Pippin has a way of always making us smile. We have another dog, but Pippin is unique. My boys will even tell me, when they know I am feeling down, "mom, come look at Pippin. She will make you feel better." And we always laugh. We love her so much, she is a blessing from God right when we needed it. Sorry to get mushy. mom


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## 14013 (Nov 12, 2005)

hey mushyness is great, im a massive dog lover, we have a st bernard called leo, hes a big slobbery thing (well hes my boyfriends families dog so when my boyfriend and i move out we want to get a bassett, my boyfriend loves the ears!)actualy i think its theraputic to have pets, helps de-stress. your son sounds exactly like me. i was exactly the same at school and i recently ended up quitting university because of being ill so much (there were other reasons though)but hopefully im starting back with a midwifery course in may!why is it that he doesnt want to come on this place and talk about it? ive only joined today but already feel better for finding somewhere to talk to people, but then again i guess its easier for girls to talk than it it guys, some crazy male gene!







it sounds like cutting down on his stresses is a good plan, its kind of hard though when his dad is with someone else, is he especially close to his dad? i know i dont get on that well with mine, my parents have totally been on the edge of splitting up very recently but ive always said as long as my mum is happy (as he doesnt treat her great) then she should do what she wants and not to worry about us


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

No Sophie, they don't get along. His dad Thinks that they do, but they don't like him at all. They love him because he is their father (God made us that way), but they don't like him at all. They think he is not a nice person at all. That is why their dad is suing me, because they don't want to be with him. Their dad lies to them constantly, breaks his promises, was never interested in Anything they did. I always had to badger him into going to things that they were in (school things, soccer, boy scouts, church things), and he would sit there and not care if they heard him tell me that 'he hated being there, when could he leave?' And he is the one that pushed for our boys to be in soccer. He has OCD (have you eve watched 'Monk' on TV?), and was hell to live with. We could NEVER do ANYTHING right for him. You are absolutely right about most boys don't want to talk about things. My son is embarrassed about me writing on here about him. It's not as if anyone knows who he is! He just doesn't like it. And he hates it when I talk to people about IBS. I think everyone should know about it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. But I always tell him that he can blame things on me (my IBS) when people see our porta-potty in the van. I don't care if people know, and it makes it easier on him.


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## tltrull (Nov 12, 2005)

I would definitely have atleast a letter from the doctor for the judge. Also given the ages of your sons the judge should also take into considerstion what they want as well. A psychological evaluation should also bee done, this may help your case. If seeing or staying with their father is too stressful this could definitely be grounds for changing the visitation and help decide the outcome of a custody hearing.


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## 14013 (Nov 12, 2005)

it sounds like you are rather peeved to use a politer word with your ex, and rightfully so. its a weird coincidence you mention monk because the first time i ever saw it was last night on sky i dont think its anything to be ashamed of but i know i get really embarressed if i have to actually talk to anyone about it that isnt a doctor, for some reason im okay with doctors. Maybe its just an age thing. how old is your son? im 20 now and i know ive got better as ive gotton older in the way that i feel like im better at handling situations that i used to be. school and IBS is the worst period of time to get it, you are arlready going through an age where you are sensitive about your body and for your own body to seemingly wage war against you it is very difficult to deal with. i have to admit it kind of made me lose faith that there was any sense of justice in life as i felt that i was a really good person, never did anything wrong to anyone and was always polite and friendly, always did the right thing and then there was my brother who just seemed such the opposite to myself, would always be hitting me and making me feel bad about myself and yet he never got anything wrong with him he was always in great health where as i was a walking disaster zone. definatly shattered my view of karma!


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Make sure that you give a copy of that e-mail to your attorney and that he/she makes use of it.As for Pippin, she's adorable. When I feel blue, the one thing that can always bring a smile to my face is my little 14 years old â€œhotdogâ€. She will always be my baby even though she is â€œolderâ€ than I am.It's OK to get mushy over animals and children or anything else you care about in this topsy-turvy world.Hurricane Wilma did such a destructive job to S. Florida that about 80% of the tree canopies are gone. Every morning I watch the birds from my window â€" blue jays, cardinals, doves, crows, mockingbirds, sparrows and hordes of small green parrots. They too have lost a big part of their homes and are desperately looking for food. I am almost embarrassed at my own enjoyment over being able to see them so clearly. Yesterday a small humming bird flitted around my bushes out in front for a long time. It was so adorable to watch the tiny little thing moving around with the speed of lightning. So here I am MUSHY and not one bit embarrassed over it.







Full steam ahead!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, Did you get hit very hard where you live? Speaking of the birds, I have a video of Pippin laying by our fence and looking at us while a Blue Jay (I think it was) bounces off her behind at least 10 times. Pippin didn't even look at the bird till much later. My boys want me to send it in to the show "Funniest Animals." We just laughed and laughed while we were filming it. Thanks for your encouragement! mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

My ex just left a message. He went against what my atty said was going to happen. He said that he already made the appointment tomorrow afternoon with a counselor. He would not leave a name or address. He said he would give the address to my son. Said that if I didn't agree he would see the counselor by himself tomorrow. I left a message at my atty's office (have no idea when he will get back to me) explaining it. Sent an email to my ex at his work that the boys would not be going tomorrow. That my atty is supposed to give me a name so I can ok or veto it, and that he needs to go by what was set up by our attys. I told him to get in touch with my atty. I plan on vetoing this counselor because my ex will already have used his slick ways to prejudiced him against my boys and I. I also plan on making sure that the counselor that is chosen does not believe that IBS is all in the head. The IBS thing is going to play a big part in this (I think). My sister is furious at my ex for the underhanded way he is doing everything. I can tell that my IBS son is starting to be upset at all this. He probably won't go to school tomorrow again. He wasn't there Wed. or Thurs. (Friday was a holiday) This is so hard, I feel like he just wallows in the misery. I can't protect him from all this. Some people think I should, but others say "he's 17, he needs to grow up." It is so difficult to keep the pressure off of him so his IBS will let him go to school. Please be thinking of us for the next 12 weeks?! mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hey Mom!PRINT A COPY OF THE E-MAIL AND GIVE IT TO ATTY!!!!Your ex is a perfect scumbag from the way you have described him. All the same your IBS son is 17 and should start to take his own stand. Next birthday his father can't exercise his powers over him any longer, I believe.As for getting hit hard by hurricane Wilma: Yes, we were hit hard! Lost every tree but two coconut palms on our property - broke my heart as we planted every one (12) ourselves and they were our babies. We watched them grow for 21 years. FEMA has been of no help. I was just notified that we had "Insufficient losses" to qualify for any assistance. It just frosts me because the regulations call for "sanitation". Drying out broken and overturned trees would have caused a fire hazard as well as a perfect breeding habitat for rats and snakes. Isn't that "sanitation"? We have a very limited income because my husband only collects the minimum SS. Lost my job in July as I could no longer work because of the broken hip I suffered in March and my Workers' Comp case is still pending â€" the insurance company is trying to get out of it, claiming that I donâ€™t qualify because I reside in Florida, and my former employer is in NY. Iâ€™m insisting that my residence is none of their darn business (what if I commuted to NY on a daily basis?). The employer is in NY and my pay-check came from NY, therefore I want the compensation due me as my accident happened while I was on the job.We shelled out more than $1,200 to have the trees removed and still have to pay additional (the Lord knows how much) to have the root-grinder people come in and we also have to redo the entire sprinkler system. Luckily the damage to our house is not too bad, but we won't be able to collect from our homeowners insurance because we have a mandatory 2% deductible based on replacement of the structures.No wonder my IBS is kicking me in the butt again!!!!





















Full steam ahead!


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!I forgot about the bluejay!!!It was more than likely gathering fur from Pippin for a nest or I may have had hatchlings in a nest and Pippin was too close for comfort.You really should submit the video!!!!Full steam ahead!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Oh joy. The boys went to the counselor. They are not to tell me ANYTHING of what went on or was said. I have gleened a few things and it doesn't look good. My ex is moaning about my emails to him, and my son lied to the counselor for Me(he thought I would want him to), and now he will be caught by the counselor. They didn't even talk about the IBS. My ex isn't supposed to tell his wife either, but we are betting he will. The boys have no one to talk to about this and I can tell it is bothering them. They are really grouchy. I have to admit that I am grouchy because I am not supposed to know what is going on. And it doesn't help that they both have sore throats and are feeling sick, but my IBSer has already missed over 35 days of school (3 within the last 6 days). I feel overwhelmed. But my mother says to act all sunshine and happiness. I can't. Please keep praying. mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

After much thinking I was finally able to make my son feel better about the "lie." At my atty's suggestion, I told the boys to write down all the things that bother them about their dad and their relationship with him. I took those lists and typed them up. I then had the boys edit it (which they did change a few things), and then date and sign it. I may have typed them, but it was their words that I typed. I think he feels alot better now. But now both boys have colds and are miserable. Thank You All. Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Both boys have terrible colds and I am having a tough time trying to figure out which symptoms to give medicine for. My older son (with IBS) is really miserable with his cold, but also having IBS cramping. Can hardly send him to school with both things bothering him. And his dad has asked him for his report card. Why now? Is it for the lawsuit? I plan on making him work for it. If he wants it, he can call the school. It has been misplaced here at home. As if I would help him take my boys away!!!! My younger son has a bad cold also, but he is totally nauseous off and on. So, which symptoms to treat.They are feeling a bit better, but they both still have the other symptoms. I can't find anything to control the cramping. Peppermint makes my IBSer son nauseated, and Bentyl never helped him at all. I have been trying Beano (and thought that was helping), but it didn't help today.I have been trying real hard not to even mention their father to them, because this whole counseling thing with him makes them so upset. They have to go next Wednesday, but my older son has consented to see his dad Sunday. I feel that when he does this he makes his IBS worse, but he feels that he needs to see his dad to get him off MY case. I've told him he doesn't need to do that. He still feel that he needs to.Thanks for letting me vent. mom


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Mom, I am so sorry you are dealing with such a jerk X. Don't ever allow him to make you feel inadequate as a mom. You sound very loving, caring and committed to putting your children first and really focused on making sure they have a soft place to fall, even while you're dealing with so much stress and negativity. Don't forget to take care of their mom, too.







Sandi~


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## degrassi (Jun 10, 2003)

> quote: Both boys have terrible colds and I am having a tough time trying to figure out which symptoms to give medicine for.


Try using Neocitrin(that lemonade stuff you drink). MY naturopath recommended it because it doesn't have as much if the additives as cough syrup does. I used to react very badly to cough and cold syrups but i didn't notice my IBS getting worst when i take neocitrin(it also comes in a bunch of different kinds for different symptoms)


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

I agree with sandi, god this guy is a total tosser,it seems to me you have been to hell and back with this guy..Be strong, remind yourself that you ARE better than him, dont give into him...I can relate to you so much having been through a similar scenario myself.. take care, be strong..


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

It's so nice to have a supportive cheering section!! Thanks!!!





















mom


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

no problemo


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

We just received our order for the Ibsacol from New Zealand. We will start trying it today (since it is a weekend). We will keep you posted on how it helps.The boys are feeling so much better now from their colds. We were able to go see the new "Harry Potter" movie yesterday. Enjoyed it!mom


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

good stuff mom, glad your boys are feeling better, harry potter must have been what the doc ordered







ps: harry potter written by a scotswoman


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

joolie, we are Scot-Irish (plus English & German). Can trace relatives to County Antrim in Ireland and they origanally came from Scotland. My aunt said something about some King being mad at them, and they went to Ireland to escape. That's about all we know. We are very proud of our Heritage!!














hope I put the right flags?love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi, Just an update (for the ones that didn't read my 'appendix' one).My son's IBS has been alot worse, cramping and nausea. Went to Dr. and he put my son (I'll call him M), M on generic Donnatal for the cramping and Prevacid for his nausea. We figured that he is soooooo upset and worried about the lawsuit/counseling with his dad, that he is making his IBS really bad. The boys have another session with him Wednesday. To know that they have to do this till the end of January is so upsetting. We try not to talk about it. The boys feel like their dad is ruining our Thanksgiving, and they also know that he is going to pressure them into having Thaksgiving with he and his wife (by the way, they refuse to see his wife. She is a nasty piece of work that has written me some nasty little letters and won't keep her hands off of the boys).I know that alot of you don't have a holiday right now, but I will wish you a HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!! anyway.I love ya all!







mom


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## lyonskitten (May 15, 2003)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your boys as well. I certainly hope things get better for you. Ex husbands can be so hard to deal with. My sonuse to start vomiting and having D whenever his father would come to visit with him on the weekends. He has since moved to another state thank goodness and my son has grown up and deals much better with his father now. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Guys, I just don't know what to do. The boys have been so upset about this forced counseling that they are so totally nauseated. They haven't gone to school for 3 days now. M tried to make himself throw-up, but he can't get it out. They are supposed to go tonight. We can't do this for another 10 weeks. And I'm sure that their dad will use this in some way against me/us. I am at my wits end. The new meds aren't helping (Prevacid and Belladonna), M is still cramping horribly. I just gave him another Belladonna, even though it is supposed to be after 8 hours (it's been about 3 hours). I feel like hiding in case the school sends someone. When M was in 7th grade (while we were trying to get a Dr. note for his IBS), he missed alot of school and they sent a Truant Officer to come get him. I cried for hours, wondering how he was reacting to that. The whole family is paranoid now, when they are home from school and we here the dog bark at someone. I guess I need to call their counselor. I have been sending them email updates on what's happening. Their dad always seems to do something to upset us during the holidays. This is the 3rd year in a row that he has messed with us. My attorney told me that he is just messing with me and to try to ignore it. It is REALLY hard to ignore.








mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I have a call into M's Dr. to see if he can prescribe an anti-anxiety medicine for my son. He used to take Clindinium (I think generic for Librax), but it never helped him at all. I take it and it helps me but not him. He had some left and I gave 1 to him. No good. I have never seen him so stressed as he is today. No matter what I say he cannot be talked into calming down. I think that we will have to make all the counseling sessions on a Monday, because he is sorta OK After the session is done, but as it gets closer he gets extreme symptoms. Maybe having it on Monday will let him go to school a bit more. I so hope the Dr. will prescribe him something that will help! It would be great if he could do it in the next couple of hours. Such wishful thinking!!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Me again. The Dr. never called back. My oldest told the counselor and his dad all about his missing school because of his IBS and the terrible stress that the whole thing is causing him. Their reaction: "Well, we'll have you start to come in in 2 weeks. I'm sure you'll be just fine by then.You will be used to this."It makes me so sick the attitude alot of people have about IBS. I am so upset about this (it also doesn't help that I know the horrible things that my ex said about me in the session). Hopefully the Dr. will have given him something for his anxiety by the time 2 weeks is up.I hope everyone will have a wonderful Thanksgiving.mom


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## SpAsMaN* (May 11, 2002)

Use children suppository when needed,it works for trapped stools etc...


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

The doctor returned my call about the anti-anxiety medicine. He said that the Belladonna has the ingrediant that an anti-anxiety has, just not as much. He said that my son is still considered a child and he can't be given the things like Xanax, etc. We agreed that the Librax doesn't help him. He said to keep using the Belladonna and see how he is in a week. Well, he doesn't have to see his dad in counseling for over a week, so how am I gonna know? He said that if that doesn't work he would see what he could do for M.Haven't had a good day, sorry. Someone that I looked to for support just pulled it out from under me today. Been crying alot lately (I have been having physical problems too and can't afford the doctor visit).We DID have a good Thanksgiving! One of the boy's cousins (who they really like) was able to surprise us all and showed up. It was nice.mom


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## 18694 (Oct 6, 2005)

I have been following this thread and am just so sorry all this is going on. The stress isn't good for anyone, especially those with IBS. My heart just goes out to you and I pray that your ex-husband will find a new hobby that doesn't include torturing you and your sons.


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

hello and welcome laurie


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi Laurie, Thank you, we can use all the prayers that we can get. There are other things going on with my ex that I haven't even put on here because it doesn't have anything to do with IBS, but they do affect both my sons health. Everyone on here is great! I welcome you!







mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Well Mom!You had a nice Thanksgiving. Something positive in your otherwise rather unsettled life.I can relate to the financial woes in regard to medical expenses â€" even though I presently have health insurance, my monthly out-of-pocket co-payments for doctors and Rx exceed $200 and am petrified thinking about the fact that come January I will no longer have insurance unless I find a way to pay the $500+ for Cobra. Disability application and Workersâ€™ Comp. still pending and with zero income since July I am just about tapped out. Hurricane Wilma was more than my finances could handle and it doesnâ€™t look like there will be any money coming in from my homeowners insurance because of the almost $3,000 hurricane deductibles I am forced to accept by law. FEMA turned me down flat with the excuse that I have insurance and that the damages to the house were â€œinsufficientâ€. We lost all our food in the fridge and freezer (had just stocked up on everything the Friday before) as four days without electricity defrosted it all. FEMA advised me that they do not cover loss of food, but that I could get a hot meal at Red Cross. Try to stand on line for whatever length of time with a broken hip. I do try not to be bitter when I hear about all the â€œgoodiesâ€ received by others who are better off than we are. But it isnâ€™t easy.Itâ€™s going to be a very meager Christmas this year, but I have promised myself that I am going to do my best making things a little more cheery with some light decorations both inside and outside the house. Luckily I keep the lights in a downstairs closet so they are accessible. The beloved tree will not be decorating my living room this time around as I am unable to get up in the attic to get the boxes and Hubby canâ€™t do it alone.So, dear Mom, count your blessings that you have your sons and pooch to share the holidays with and keep your chin up. All the upsets are devastating to IBS â€" I can attest to that.Nanette














Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, Any good things happening for you? All the things that you have told me about what is happening! It seems that when it rains, it pours! Take care!mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!You're right, when it rains it pours. Here in S. Fla. it's more like cats and dogs. So many poor critters on the loose. I have fallen in love with the sweetest, prettiest long-haired rust and white cat with yellow eyes, pink nose and the longest white whiskers. He/she favors hiding under my car in our driveway. I call "it" Wilma since it showed up shortly after that god-awful hurricane. Wilma demands my attention with loud meows and a gentle nudge of a soft paw on my leg when I go outside. So we then have a little scratching session and the purrrrrs sound like a well-oiled luxury car. Unfortunately I am highly allergic to cats and have to rush inside to wash hands and face. But itâ€™s every bit worth it. Every evening we set out a small container of food (leftover chicken, fish, etc.) and some warm water with a dash of milk. I obviously canâ€™t give Wilma an inside residence but luckily our roof overhang provides plenty of cover if itâ€™s raining. How I hope the rightful owner will show up one day.So, in answer to your question: Yes, I do find some positive in the negative.Hope your situation has improved.Nanette







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nannette, my younger sister loves cats (& dogs). I think she has 5 cats now, and 2 dogs. She is not allergic to them, but my brother is. His wife has cats. He didn't like them at first, but he loved his wife, so he gets shots from an allergist. He now loves cats, can't imagine life without them. Rained all day here today. My mom says that I am 'morbid' because I like rain and fog. I feel more energized when it is raining or foggy. Odd, I know.mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!It's so nice to read about people who love animals.Unfortunately allergy shots wouldn't work for me because I'm not allowed any kind of antihistamine to be mixed with all the other medications I am on.Wilma and and side-kick Schwartze Nasse (Black Nose) had a real good dinner today. My husband went and bought a 10 lb bag of chicken legs (thighs and drumsticks) on sale at 29Â¢ per lb. Boiled up three of them, pulled the meat off and we had a huge portion to be given to Sisse -our dachshund - and the kitties. For the cats I mixed in some cottage cheese and they got their usual milk thinned with warm water. What a concert! Purrrrs enough to entertain the whole neighborhood. I so wish I could take Wilma in, but the moment I touch her/him my nose and eyes start itching and running and I start having trouble breathing. It's really strange that it's not all cats that give me that reaction. Siamese have never bothered me. Barbra - a white Siamese that showed up on our doorstep a couple of years ago and for whom we made a shelter in the shed and two of her kittens were no problem at all. The rest of them I don't know about as they were feral and I couldn't touch them let alone get near them. My girlfriend's Himalayan was a problem. I guess it may be the shaggy fur that I react to. But oh Wilma is so absolutely precious that even my husband has fallen in love. Have called around to various shelters, but none of them are taking in any more animals. They are just flooded - especially since S. Fl. shelters accepted so many of the poor critters from New Orleans. Yes indeed, Florida "stepped up to the plate", but I didn't see any other states coming to our rescue when it was our turn to get hit so severely. Makes one wonder about the balance of things.














Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Tomorrow the boys have counseling with their dad. I can already tell that they are getting uptight. M is grouchy and difficult to even be around (though he IS a teenager, haha). He hasn't had too much IBS problems for a few days. Please think of him and his brother tomorrow.Thanks, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

MY FINGERS AND TOES ARE CROSSED FOR YOU.I'LL EVEN WEAR MY HAIR IN A BRAID ;-0)







Full steam ahead!!!


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

> quote:I am so upset. My oldest has IBS. He has missed alot of school because of stress that his father and new stepmother are giving him. Now my ex has brought a lawsuit to take both my boys away from me because (in part) of the school absences. He has always just rolled his eyes whenever my son has talked about his IBS. He told my son that he needs to come over and have a "good meal" to get him over his IBS. Even though told what he can't eat, the new wife gives him stuff that upsets his IBS, and then they drop him off at my house and I have to deal with the school and all the absences. We are horribly upset. The boys do Not want to live with their father. I just know that my son is going to be missing school this week, which gives my ex more ammo. Sorry, I just needed to vent.Mom & Son Dizzy


I'm sorry you're going through this. My dad is the same way. He thinks if he gives me a "good meal" that I'll be fine. I still get diarrhea regardless. Good luck. As a product of divorce, I hate custody battles.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Angst. Well... M didn't go to school today due to intensive cramping and nausea. Called the GI and told them. Been waiting all day for him to call back. Boys were supposed to go to counseling with their dad tonight (like in 30 minutes), but M called his office this morning to tell him that he was feeling bad and to cancel it. The b... didn't get back to M till around 4:30pm, wondering 'what is going on.' M did Not tell him it was his IBS (why I don't know), but that he just didn't feel good. The b... asked a bunch of other questions about why M didn't see him yesterday as planned, why did he cancel, and if he was sick, why did he call from his cell phone? Notice all the questions that an attorney would ask? I think we are getting into deep doo doo here. I asked M why he didn't tell him the truth? He just said that he didn't know what would be best to tell him.I am sooooo tired of this. Thanks for prayers. I think they have another session set up for next Monday.Must go and help finish the Christmas Tree!Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

The saga continues... Their dad called back after he went to the counselor. He asked M a bunch of questions. M finally told him that it was his IBS. The idiot says "where does it bother you?" M says 'my stomach.' "Well, where in your stomach?" 'ALL OVER!' Their dad then says that he is going to come over tomorrow to see how they are doing. He never comes over (I also wouldn't let him in my house). This leads me to believe that he has something up his sleeve, like a visit from 'whoever gets involved in these cases.' The mediator had told the boys earlier that she may come out to the house to see how things are, sometime. I am so uptight and suspicious. I don't know whether to tell my attorney about any of this. He basically told me that there is nothing he can do till the hearing January 25th. I'm sure this is because M cancelled on him Sunday and then didn't go tonight (as ordered by the court). I'm sure I won't get any sleep tonight!














mom


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## 14135 (Sep 22, 2005)

Mom, you should call your attorney immediately. Gary


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Gary101, I sent him an email (in the middle of the night since I couldn't sleep). He doesn't always get back to me in the morning, sometimes it's after he has gotten back from court in the afternoon. Still waiting to hear from the doctor. M is really bad today. Thank goodness his brother goes to school regularly (even he is a bit nauseated from stress also).mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Just called Dr. again. We have an appt. this afternoon. I Pray that he will give him Something to help with his nerves! He is just frazzled!mom


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## 14135 (Sep 22, 2005)

Mom, I'm glad you contacted your attorney. He needs to be aprised of everything your X does.Also, do you think that if you pushed (gently) M a little bit to go to school, even when he isn't feeling 100% it would take his mind off of all of this. I know for me even if I don't feel great if I push myself to stay busy it helps. I remember my mom gently pushing me when I was young and I am glad she did. I don't mean to imply that what your doing is wrong because you sound like a great mom. I know you are going through alot right now but try not to let guilt get in the way. This is just a suggestion.







Gary


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Gary101, He has extreme cramping. I have tried making him go before, but usually the nurse will send him home. She said that he pretty much knows what he can take and stay in class (she has been helping him for 3 yrs now). He HATES staying home, so if there is just a little bit of problem he usually goes. I have talked to him about being busy, that it might help him. He said that when he gets into the extreme nausea and cramping, he just can't concentrate in class. He has always (so far) been honest with me, even if he knows that he might be in trouble about something. With my youngest, yes, I have to Make him go to school. He doesn't mind stretching the truth.Thanks for your suggestion.mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Here we are. The doctor prescribed Domperidone for M. Of course we got the generic. I don't remember anyone mentioning this medicine, though I haven't read everything from everyone. Has anyone had any luck with this?.When the boy's dad stopped by this evening (outside), he wanted to know what was wrong with M. M told him that he has been really, really bad with his IBS, and that he went to the Dr. twice and has been given different meds because the others weren't helping. I asked M what his dad said to that? He said that his dad tried to change the subject. And I assume that M let him.It's early, but I am tired (mentally and physically). I think that I am going to watch the new "Bermuda Triangle" that I recorded, then go to bed. Goodnight Everyone!!! Take Care!!














mom


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## 14135 (Sep 22, 2005)

Mom hang in there. It sounds like you are doing evreything you can. Remember that good things come to good people.







Gary


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hey Mom!Your X should be hung by his toe-nails - ### style. He seems to have as little regard for "real people" as that maniac did!!I'm rooting for you and your boys.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

You guys bring me such love and joy!! I don't know what I would do without you. M took the new med last night. Had a bit of cramping and a little nausea, but not as bad as usual. This morning he was feeling about the same, but couldn't go to the bathroom. One of the side effects is (maybe) constipation (oh joy). He even took a suppository but it didn't help. But he DID go to school 4th period!! Yeah!! That's sure better than he has been. Goodnight All!!love, mom


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## 14670 (Sep 3, 2005)

I realize I haven't posted here in a few months, but I just wanted to tell you to keep your chin up, and all that. My doctor also gave me donnatol and it didn't work, in fact it made me worse. But there are a few things I have found that DO help me (aside from ant-nausea med's, soluble fiber, and peppermint oil). The first thing that I drink in the morning is Yogi Tea "stomach ease" tea. I won't lie, it doesn't taste great, but it does make me feel better, and if I'm feeling particularily sick I will only drink that. On days when even the anti-nausea drugs don't help I use these accupressure bands you can get at any drug store for motion sickness. I was really skeptical at first, but one day I was feeling so miserable I was willing to try andything for releif, and they really did help quite a bit.I do sympathize with you and your sons. when my parents got divorced it was missery for me. Members of my family also aren't very understanding of my sickness, and think that I just don't want to eat, or I have nothing worse than indigestion.So...{{{hugs}}} to you and your sons.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hey All, I think that the new med is helping. M actually went to school on time yesterday,and just missed 1 period of school this morning (he just left). He is still doing the Calcium thing for the actual IBS, but the new med for his nerves seems to be working (so far). Though he hasn't had to actually go to a counseling session with his dad yet while on this med. That happens on Monday. The other day he asked for one early (after school) because he was so stressed about some computer problems (with the New computer).He loves playing WOW with his friends & Battlefield. We have been having computer problems for several months now, and getting all stressed out about all the money that we have put into it, and lack of help that the computer people are giving us (like not getting back to me, so I call and call). You know how it is.So I guess Monday will be a test of the new med.Thank you all for your support. M is fascinated that so many people care about what is happening with him (just as long as you don't really know who he is).I have told him how many people have read this and how many have responded and what you all say. He just says "wow! all those people care. Cool."love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!If M. is getting constipation from the new med. you might want to give him a "stool softner" - not a laxative. While I was in the skilled nursing facility back in April I had a very bad bout with C due to the pain killers I was on. My doctor ordered Kaopectate Stool Softener (you can get it OTC)and it worked like a charm and didn't cause the D at all. Check with his doctor if it would be OK.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, he seems to be over the constipation now. He said that for the last 4 times he has gone it was normal (we won't hold our breath). Maybe it was him getting used to the new med. I don't know.How are things going for you in Florida? I think about you, clear over there on the other side of us. I hope things are better.love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Hanging on by my toe-nails, so-to-speak. Still haven't received the flood insurance money for the damages caused by Katrina (that was in August) and was told yesterday when I called them that it will be another 3-4 weeks.Then there's Wilma. Adjuster didn't get out here until October 28. He told me it would be 4-6 weeks before the report would get to the claims department. Meanwhile I have shelled out close to 2K for "emergency" repair and my resources are totally tapped out.Not a lot of fun here in this end of the US, but like I keep on saying to my husband when he complains: "We are luckier than so many others. We are alive and still have a roof over our heads!"Hope you're enjoying the week-end.Nanette


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, that is so maddening. You have to wonder if they are deliberately taking their time. Hang in there, by your toe-nails!! You sound like a very strong person. I will pray that you get some relief soon. If I pray for others, I don't concentrate so much on myself. I have little post-it notes all over the house with different peoples names on them. When I see them I pray for that person. It helps to remind me and to think of someone else and not me. Have a good weekend everyone!!







love, mom


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## 22770 (Aug 18, 2005)

Hey mom!I have been keeping track of this post. Hang in there, you are all doing great, given the circumstances.IBS is hard for all of us on a normal day, your son is doing so well really. I am not surprised he has been ill, but to put on a brave face and go off to school when he feels so bad, good on him!And you have Nanette on your side!! (She's lovely isn't she!!!)You take care of each other.Best wishes and lots of love and luck your way.lisa


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom & Lisa!Thanks for the encouragements and words of praise. So much appreciated and does my IBS-torn tummy a lot of good.Hubby is cooking today - melanzane con mozzarella - (eggplant with fresh plum tomatoes, garlic and mozzarella cheese baked in the oven). Although I don't have a lot of appetite, right now my nostrils are flaring at the wonderful aroma emanating from the kitchen. Wish I could share some with you.Hugs,Nanette














Full steam ahead!!!


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## 22770 (Aug 18, 2005)

I wish you could share it too!! lolHope you're feeling even a little better Nanette.You take care!!







Lisa


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Yes, the food sounds wonderful!!!Thanks for all the encouragement and for being here for me when I need someone to listen. Here's hoping that tomorrow will be good for M. May tomorrow be good for all of us!!mom


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## 14988 (Aug 10, 2005)

Goodness, this post has had a long run. Glad to hear things seem to be getting better than in the beginning of the post. I didn't get through the entire post, but if your son ever has a month or so to test it out, I have tried Metamucil (many on here don't like that type of fiber so they do citrucel). Metamucil took a month before it became normal, & I only take 1 tablespoon before bed, but even when I feel icky I feel like I have my secret weapon. Even when I'm sick my poops look normal, they don't disintegrate into nothing. This is so corny, when I feel iffy, I think "Go Go Gadget Metamucil" (like inspector gadget) & have to smile to myself because it's so corny. I think now that if I had no anxiety, I'd be IBS free. The food part of it is more of a natural reaction to food, like a very healthy eater would get when they eat lots of junk food, that's how I feel when I eat lots of trigger foods. But the random D is gone. I'm listening to Audio 100 CDs for the anxiety, but have to talk as well so I go to counseling. That part I struggle with. But I've had some long drives recently where I talked myself out of being sick. Feels good. I can really understand the anxiety your sons may feel. And I'm quite the worrier, so I really feel for you having to understand everything your son is going through & having to let him figure out what works for him. Sounds like you have a really supportive household. My mom used to tell me to "eat right" too. Good luck. Marilyn (the other Marilyn)


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All, I tried to log in last night, but for some reason it wouldn't let me. Just feeling very blue right now. I just went out and did a "Jennifer Aniston" with my wedding dress. Felt so good to burn it up. Yesterday, M felt he needed the other half of his new med in the morning (nerves about the counseling). He went to school after 1st period and had a pretty good day. Got home and felt he needed another half (it's ok if he does) to be able to make it to the counseling. This morning he started cramping and having nausea some. Gave him a whole tablet and the Prevacid. He finally went to the bathroom (a bit loose) and took 2 Immodium and went to school after 1st period again. Youngest is having nerves too about the counseling. Had to bring him home from school yesterday with nausea. Has nausea again today. Is home, trying to get him to feel better for the boy's Finals at school starting tomorrow. Boys are a bit upset that it seems their dad has charmed the counselor into being on his side. All the times he and I went to a counselor I hated it. He could sound so logical and just charm the pants off of them. Makes me sick. Marilyn, we have tried all of the fiber things, tablets and powders. They just usually make him constipated, no matter how I tried the different ways of dosages, when and how. He goes from D to C, and back again very easily. The calcium seems to be the only thing (plus the Domperidone for his nerves) that seems to help him. We are having computer problems AGAIN with the boy's NEW computer. I have to take it back again today for them to look at it. M is very upset about it (which doesn't help one bit).Take care all! Will keep you updated on what's happening!much love, mom


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## DireWeeYah (Sep 27, 2000)

Mom,It is quite uncomfortable to read about what is going on with you and your ex and kids. I hope it all resolves okay. I also think it is great that you are receiving some comfort talking about it here. However, with that, comes a word of advice: If your ex is really that sneaky and scummy he is most likely also reading your posts to use against you. He might be disguising that action by saying, "I don't believe in IBS and I don't want to even look at the damn websites you keep pointing me too." Sadly, he probably already is. I tell you this as a soldier by your side, and not as a bearer of bad news.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

DireWeeYah, I appreciate the warning. I could be wrong, but he has always been very innept at doing things physically. He has no commonsense. He can't use a remote for a TV/VCR, we had to do it for him. I have written and rewritten this several times. Keep finding myself telling everyone all the stupid things about him (I keep erasing it). I haven't told him about any website but Heather's. And I honestly don't think he even looks at anything about IBS. But I will keep in mind what you said.Thanks, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!DireWeeYah may have a very good point. He may be all thumbs with electronics (how about his wife?). There could be a slim chance that M. may have mentioned this web site at some point.Be careful.














Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

M said that he has never told his dad about any websites. If he says anything, it is usually about the doctor and what the dr. says. But I will keep this in mind. Good news! M went to school for the last 2 days ON TIME!!! And he had pretty good days! I am so happy!







We just got back from watching "Narnia." It was ok. I guess I was expecting something on the scale of "Lord of the Rings." I guess that LOTR kinda spoiled me for other Fantasy movies. Though I do love the story of "Narnia." I have the family coming this weekend, so I may not get back on till next week. Take care everyone!!







Love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

ENJOY YOUR "FAMILY" WEEK-END.







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

We had a good family get-together, but the nephew that we changed the date for couldn't come at all. One of the other nephews can come on the 24th, and some of the family will get together again, which is nice. The new med seems to be working pretty good. They have to go to the counselor tonight again. They are both not looking forward to it. My ex has been doing a few things just to make me mad so I will blow my top and ruin our chances in court. I have been getting mixed advice of whether I should go in to talk to the counselor. Some say "no" because I could get all emotional and blow it (yes, I am an emotional person). My attorney won't even get back to me on anything. I'm told this is common among attorneys in the aftermath of cases. They are kinda tired of messing with the "little stuff." Here's hoping the meds work for my son tonight!!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Well, the meds worked fine last night, though there is no school to go to this morning to test out if they are really working or not (school AND counseling make him nervous). The counseling didn't go so well last night, though the boys think it did. They have consented to something that will ultimately make us lose our case. It would be too hard to explain since you don't know all of it. But the boys feel that since this is Court Ordered Counseling, they HAVE TO do what the counselor suggests. The counselor twists their words all the time, and I can't seem to get into their heads that they can just say "no" to the counselor. I have a call into my attorney this morning (been awake since 4am from worry and upset). The counselor wants to see me now. Oh joy! My IBS has been really acting up.mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

We had a nice time with family. It is always nice when there is a 'little one' around for Christmas (he is 18 months). The boys saw their dad yesterday. They weren't happy. Their dad gave M some brochures about IBS, and said that M might want to take a look at them. I should be glad that he is FINALLY recognizing M's IBS, but it makes me so mad because the brochures talk about the things that we tried when his dad was still home, and M was in 6th grade (been there, done that!!). M is now a Junior in high school. M asked if he had listened to the CD that we loaned to him from the hypno tapes. He said he doesn't remember any CD. M told him that if he finds it, to listen to it and then give it back to us. M and I are totally disgusted with his dad. He is acting like we haven't done a dang thing about the IBS, and we need to start doing something.














I have an appt with the counselor on Wednesday. I am a nervous wreck. My IBS is going from C to D and back again. I am so afraid that I will say or do something and mess things us for my boys. It is hard not to stress. I get nauseous when I stress.mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

HANG IN THERE, MOM!I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT - IF NOT FOR YOURSELF, FOR YOUR BOYS.







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Nanette, I am going to try.I am so nervous and stressed. I am horrible to be around. I am trying to calm down and act normal with my boys, but they know. I am sitting here doing the "deep breathing" exercise. It helps while I am doing it. I may be doing this ALL DAY!







love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Have you ever tried Valeriana Officinalis (you'd find it in a health-food store)? It comes in capsules and in tea-form and is a natural herb which has never bothered my stomach. It's a very old remedy much used in Italy and from what I have been told the pharmaceutical companies copied its effect to develop Valium, which is, of course, much stronger. Here is a website that will give you some information about it: http://www.betterbodz.com/library/valeriana.html. You may want to try it for those frazzled nerves of yours.







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, I have written that down and will definitely look into that. Thanks!







Went to see the counselor. I honestly don't really know how it turned out. He is nice. I let him know that the boys and I feel that he is twisting the boy's words. He kinda explained that, sorta. He wants the boys to tell him EVERYTHING, but they are scared to. I found out that he didn't even know that this is court-ordered counseling. He said that he has no plans on taking sides in court, or even going to court. He seemed surprised. I didn't get to say everything that I wanted to, though it is always later that you think of something that you wished you had said (and I even had stuff written down that I never looked at). All the boys and I want is for them to continue to have a say in when and whether they see him or not (like it is now). The counselor wants me to be in one of their sessions with their dad. But he said that he needs to work with them awhile yet before he wants me in there. Thank you all for praying for me. I could feel it. Does anyone know of a place where divorced women can vent about things? I have tried googling for it, but I haven't had much luck.much love and thanks!! mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Have a look at these websites - it looks like it may be what you're looking for:http://www.sassypinkpeppers.com/home.asphttp://www.icq.com/groups/group_details.php?gid=11982310







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, thanks for the websites. I received my order of Align today and started M on it. He wasn't having a very good day (& last night) because we ate out for my birthday yesterday. He ordered steak, hadn't eaten all day, and had a rich clam chowder first. Align gives you a little notebook thingy that you can keep track of how you feel while taking it, to see if you have any improvement. The boys have to go back to the counselor on the 3rd (and back to school that day too).














I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I forgot to mention, it is my dad's birthday the 1st and my youngest son's birthday on the 2nd. I didn't want anyone to think that I was wishing myself a happy birthday! lol







mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

THAT'S A LOT OF BIRTHDAYS ALL BUNCHED TOGETHER WITH THE HOLIDAYS.HAPPY BELATED TO YOU!!!







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks for the birthday wishes!M is on the Align. He seems to be doing well so far (day 4). He did need to take a suppository to be able to have a BM this morning, but went to school just fine.







He needed the Domperidone last night and this morning and afternoon because of nerves about seeing the counselor. The boys said that it didn't go too great. All 3 of us were a bundle of nerves. But I must say that his meds seem to be working pretty good. The counselor Did say to all of them that he would not take any sides in court, that he just wants to work on the boys having a better relationship with their dad. They go again next Monday. Only 3 sessions left till the court hearing.







Thanks to All who have kept up with this, with me. I appreciate your interest and your prayers.







mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi, since M has been on the Align, he seems to be sorta C. He has had to take a suppository every morning (last 3), but this morning it didn't work for him. He went to school, but he was cramping some. Does anyone know if the Align would constipate him? He takes the Calcium twice a day. I'm wondering if he should take the Cal w/Magnesium in the evenings? Any thoughts on this? Sometimes when he is C, he will finally go, but then he will have D several times after.Thanks for any help you can give me!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

The boys went to school "on time" every day last week. M has been doing pretty well with his meds, but on Monday both boys were feeling kinda bad and missed 1st period of school, but went the rest of the day. They came home feeling not too well. M called his dad to reschedule their counseling session that night. It is set up for Wednesday night. I am getting ansy about the court hearing. I have heard from some that the judge listens to the kids if they are older, and some say that the kids have no say, that they aren't even involved in this kind of hearing. I am waiting to hear from my attorney. Take care everyone!mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!At least something positive is happening with M and his new meds. Nothing is fool-proof and with the nervous pressure their father is putting on them there will be some days when things are not going so great.







As for the court hearing, I am not much help there, as I am not familiar with the process, but being a reasonably rational person I cannot imagine that any judge worth his/her salt would not ask for input from an older child. It would be just too absurd. After all, the system is supposed to protect the interest of the children â€" not the adults.







Keep your courage up and your â€œshirtâ€ on. If you fall apart things can get a lot worse.







All the best,NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Nanette. I luv ya!! You are always here for me with your wisdom and wit. It's so nice to have friends.mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

It was horrible tonight. We are terribly upset. The counselor basically gave the boys an ultimatum (from their dad). If they cooperate their dad will postpone the hearing, otherwise, we go to court! My IBS is up in arms!!! M is really upset too, and his brother.Their dad hasn't learned a darn thing!!!! M is on the phone with him right now. AARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!mom


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Oh Mom, I feel so badly for you guys! What happened after the phone conversation? What exactly does he mean by "cooperate"? I know his demands have been ridiculous in the past and probably continue to be, but do you know exactly what he means and perhaps you can negotiate a deal that you can all live with (even though I understand that he has been as pig headed as a bull!).







I'm thinking about you and your kids and remembering you in my prayers! Sandi~PS, remember to take care of your boys mother. Without one healthy parent, they will have nobody to lean on. Be good to yourself.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

sandihasuc, We filed for the boys to have total say on whether and when they see their dad. After we did that they refused to go to his house. They would see him, but not at his house, and Never his wife (who has caused tons of problems). There were tons of little arguments and lies and blackmailing, which would result in the boys not seeing him for awhile. Thus this lawsuit to get the boys. He says that I did all this. If he can't get the boys, he wants the old visitation back. The boys say "NO!" There is another reason why they won't stay the night with him, but I am not at liberty to say. The counselor is pushing for them to go back to the regular schedule, even though he knows about this other thing! My ex is a big muckity-muck in our town and knows all the judges and attorneys. We are scared. This could very well lead to a big 'can of snakes' (not worms) being opened up. I called my attorney after hours and left a message. Haven't heard back from him yet.














Thank you for your prayers!!!much love, mom


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## kristyann (Feb 5, 2003)

Wondering if you ever considered home schooling for the boys. I did it for 2 years when my son was having some emotional problems. He was not able to cope when he left his grade school for a new middle school. There are a lot of resources out there now. The son in high school could pretty much do it on his own. Don't know your situation, but thought I'd mention it.


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## 23564 (Jan 12, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by Mom&Son:I am so upset. My oldest has IBS. He has missed alot of school because of stress that his father and new stepmother are giving him. Now my ex has brought a lawsuit to take both my boys away from me because (in part) of the school absences. He has always just rolled his eyes whenever my son has talked about his IBS. He told my son that he needs to come over and have a "good meal" to get him over his IBS. Even though told what he can't eat, the new wife gives him stuff that upsets his IBS, and then they drop him off at my house and I have to deal with the school and all the absences. We are horribly upset. The boys do Not want to live with their father. I just know that my son is going to be missing school this week, which gives my ex more ammo. Sorry, I just needed to vent. Mom & Son


Hello My name is Nicole im from canada and im 17 years old i suffer from ibs and really its a pain in the neck i missed 3 months of school and im always stressed out and i always just like to be by my self all the time now....and just lay down ..it hurts even to walk and when i eat it makes the pain even worse ..do u got anything to say about what i could do for the pain ?and discomfert?...i have just found out i have ibs...well bye Nicole


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Mom, I think this matter is really important and your attorney needs to advise you. I know what they're like and tend to put things off in a case until the last minute. You should put a call into him/her daily. Make sure you don't ever cry wolf, so he/she is clear that when you are this determined to speak to him/her, it's very justified.Although I know it's much easier said than done, you can only worry about what you can control. All you can do now is to be honest, make sure your kids know that you're there for them (which, you obviously are doing a great job of) and take care of yourself so that you can be the best you can be to stay healthy to fight this jerk with everything you have -- which is the truth!. I have a feeling that because he's abused you for so long mentally you are giving him a lot more credit than he deserves. He's convinced you that he is the master of manipulation, but I'm willing to bet, he isn't that great at it and many see right through his bs! You have to *believe* in yourself and *believe* that the judge and the counselor are going to see the truth. You have honesty on your side and that's the best ammunition!It WILL all work out, Mom!!







Sandi~


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Iâ€™m not sure I follow this one.








What kind of ULTIMATUM and what kind of COOPERATION is he looking for?From what I do understand he is a great INTIMIDATOR, MANIPULATOR and CON ARTIST and yet he comes across as an IGNORAMUS. Are you really sure that he isnâ€™t just blowing smoke out of his â€œproverbialâ€ you know what? It would fit the pattern of his wanting things his way regardless of the wishes of others.I am so sorry for you and the boys that he is in a position to cause such terror and turmoil. There must be friends or family members that your lawyer could draw on to witness on your behalf.







Today I went food shopping with my husband for the first time since my accident in March of last year and I am not going to do that again any time soon. I have avoided stores and public places like the plague as I am terrified of somebody bumping into me â€" one of the few times I did have to negotiate a public place was when I had to renew my driver license back in June, and wouldnâ€™t you know that a police woman was in such a hurry to go for a smoke that she walked so closely behind me that she stepped on the heel of my shoe and I would have fallen if it wasnâ€™t for the fact that I was clinging to my husbandâ€™s arm while he was carrying my walker? She must have been bloody blind and all I got from her was as sarcastic â€œExcuuuse me!!!â€ I could have smacked her. Well here I was today, hanging onto the shopping cart while looking for fresh produce when all of sudden I felt somebody shoving me out of the way. I almost completely lost it. A little old lady â€" barely reaching my shoulder â€" had made up her mind that her shopping was more important than mine. I scared the heck out of hubby when in a loud voice I yelled: â€œI have two ears and you have a mouth. If you had bothered to open yours I would gladly have moved aside, but donâ€™t you dare to touch me again!â€ Everybody in the store must have thought me a lunatic.







Well, here I am, back in my â€œcastleâ€ where I intend to stay put until my next doctorâ€™s appointment.Chin up, girl! You and the boys will prevail if you keep your courage.







NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I had written a lengthy reply a bit ago, but when I went to post it, it disappeared! It said that an error had happened. I couldn't get back on for a while.nicole18-Do you have diarrhea or constipation, or both? My son has both. He takes Calcet Calcium twice a day and Domperidone morning and night (for nerves and nausea), and Prevacid for nausea also. And of course Imodium for when he needs it for diarrhea. There is an Young Adult section that you would probably like here. You can talk to people your age that are going through the same things as you. This is a great place to be with helpful and loving people. Welcome!!Nanette, you made my day! Keep up the fight! sandihascu, thanks for your words too!love, mom







I hope it works this time.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

sorry sandihasuc, I got it wrong!


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## 17176 (Mar 31, 2005)

mom sorry you are still having to go through this with this man.. be strong, youll end up being the only winner..


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## Neverends (Jan 9, 2006)

The more I read, the more livid I become. I can't believe what he is doing to you and his own kids. It's obvsious that he cares only about himself. You are in my prayers. When does your 17-year-old turn 18? Won't that solve the issue with visitation and such with his dad?


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

He turns 18 in October. The trouble is, his brother, I'll call him P, is 15 and would have to still be involved, and he dislikes his dad more than M does. P begs me to not let it happen. He swears that he will run away, that he would rather live in Juvenile Hall. I keep telling him that he has no idea how bad Juvenile Hall really is. He says he doesn't care.Love Ya All!!!mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!M turning 18 is at least a good thing. Then his father can no longer "pull his strings" so-to-speak. As for P, if your X no longer has the "heavy ammo", it may not be as bad. I am really rooting for you.







NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All, P is sick with the flu bug (from M) and the session had to be cancelled for this week. Their dad made the next session for the night before the court hearing. Still have not heard from my lawyer. I called this morning and really asked (politely) if he would PLEASE get back to me today, since I am in the dark (totally) of what is happening and when.IBS for M has been going pretty well until M got his very first girlfriend. He is shy and nervous, so his IBS has been acting up at weird times. We are trying to figure out the dating, emotions, and IBS. I have been looking at the threads in the Young Adult section about dating. I can't answer his questions about 'dating emotions' and IBS. M's dad was my very first, and only, boyfriend (and I was 30 when we met). I feel totally unqualified to help him. But the good thing is that his girlfriend is taking his mind off of his dad and the problems he is causing.Hopefully, next week will end this saga.Thanks for your support and interest!much love, mom


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Remember Mom, you gotta *believe in yourself!!*


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi all, P is better, M's girlfriend broke up with him. Though he is not too upset, sorta relieved. My attorney's assistant finally called (after I left another message). The court hearing is the 25th at 8:30am (California time for those who want to pray for us at that particular moment). My atty is going to try to get the boys out of their last counseling session with their dad since it is going down hill very fast. It is supposed to be the night before the hearing. My atty is supposed to contact me about Monday or Tuesday.I'm trying to hang in there!!!love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!!"I am beginning to feel like that. :hammer There was a misunderstanding and the boys had to go tonight to the session. P sat there like a rock, and M had to answer all the drilling questions. Needless to say, they were fighting when we got home. The counselor and their dad think that the sessions are going to continue, so they made another appt for next week. Hopefully my attorney will nix that.My attorney did not see me. He is busy, so he won't see or talk to me till right before the court hearing. I am just a bit upset about that! I am going to be extrememly upset if he loses this for us. He seems to think that this whole thing is 'no big deal.' He's not the one that has to live it.














I am hoping that I can remain calm enough, and keep the kids calm enough, to go to school tomorrow. All the other times they were nervous and nauseous and stayed home from school. At least their counselor knows about the hearing. Thanks again for all your prayers. I will let you know tomorrow what happens. Then maybe they can end this saga on here. Won't everyone be happy about that!! Love, mom


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## 18694 (Oct 6, 2005)

Mom, I have followed your thread with great interest and lots of prayer. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am thinking about you today and praying that things will be okay. I hope the boys and you do well IBS-wise during this stressful time. I hope to hear good news from you! Big hugs. Continue to vent if you need to and know that we support you and are hoping for the best.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks 'L in Miss'







Can you believe the saga continues???? We are pretty much back where we started, except that the boys will get a new counselor. The boys still have 'discretion' on their visitation with their dad, but have to continue the counseling. March 22nd we have to go back to court to see how it is going. The boys will still have to watch what they say (poor boys) or their dad will use it in court. R felt so bad this morning that he stayed home from school. M went (Yes!!!)and was there all day. R is very upset about the whole thing, but M is refusing to even think about it. He is on the phone with a friend and bouncing off the walls (just like a teenager). My side of the family HATE counseling. We feel like our insides are being pulled out. The boys dad loves it. I have to choose a new counselor from a list that I will receive. I have to choose someone that is takes my ex's insurance. It's not a big list. I am going to try to make sure that the boys see this person First, and they get to tell their side without their dad.







I don't feel that I should make you all go through this whole thing with me again. I'm sure that everyone is tired of seeing this. SO I THANK YOU ALL, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, FOR YOUR FAITHFULNESS, LOVINGNESS (is that a word?), CHEERFULNESS AND SUPPORT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ORDEAL!!!!!!




























Much Love, mom


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## 16841 (Sep 20, 2005)

Mom, if you don't continue to post we will all worry about you, even more!







We are your friends and there is no need to keep apologizing. Anyone who is "tired of seeing your posts about this" can just ignore them. There are plenty of us who are genuinely concerned. If the roles were reversed and you were watching someone else struggle like you are, would you get "tired of it"? Please don't stop venting here.







Sandi~


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thank you sandihasuc.I have to admit that I was wondering if I would be shut down since this seems to be going on forever.I have called one counselor. The one my atty suggested. They have to get back to me about whether they are taking new patients. I've heard he is very good and understanding. I haven't received a list yet of other counselors from my ex's insurance.M still doesn't want to think about it. P is still kinda nauseous, but I made him go to school. I told him that he just can't do this anymore, that it plays into his dad's hands. He understood and went to school.We are having trouble with our internet. It seems that we have been having a lot of computer trouble for the last few months. I couldn't even get on this morning for several hours. So, have to wait for the internet 'people' to come. May not be on for awhile till we get this fixed.







I love you all!!!! What would I do without you! mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I heard from the counselor's office that I called. He isn't taking any new patients. Maybe that is good, because they recommended someone that is upstairs (I imagine they are friendly with each other), and I said "NO!" The one upstairs has been seeing my ex for his OCD for years now, and it hasn't helped one bit. My ex thinks it has, but it hasn't. That counselor has OCD also (my ex told me that). No Way!! So now I have to wait for the list from the attorney's office. I was so hoping this one would be it. Sigh!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I am so totally frustrated!!! I called my attorney's office this morning to ask about the list of counselors. They said they would get back to me. That was 6 hours ago. I have been waiting by the phone ALL DAY! I won't let my boys use the phone at all, just in case the atty might call. I think that my "2 to 3 days" to get a counselor are up by now!! I have a friend (she gave me the atty name) that has a different case that goes to court tomorrow with our mutual atty, so I know that the atty is busy, but it seems that his assistant could call me back! Yes, I am venting!!!M's IBS is going back and forth because he won't remember to take his meds when he is supposed to. The boys had a 3 day weekend (back to school tomorrow), and M just kinda forgets about taking his meds. Gets upset when 'irritating mom' gets on to him about taking his meds. I told him that he needs to be consistant in taking them if he wants his IBS to be (sorta) under control. All I get is a 'yah, yah.'







mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Finally heard from my atty office (after a couple more calls). My ex and his atty are supposed to get the 'counselor list' to me. We are just to do nothing till we get it. My boys are happy since they get a small reprieve from counseling. So we are just sitting here waiting. I Have called a few people to find out about some counselors so I can be ready. I asked if I would get into trouble with the court for not setting everything up yet. They said "no," that the ball is in his court and to just enjoy the time off till he does something. I'm sure I will hear something soon.Nanette? How are things going for you in Florida? Are things any better for you?love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Sorry I didn't respond to you earlier, but I have been feeling really under the weather lately. Chest pains, shortness of breath - the works. This past Friday I spent most of the day in bed, chest afire. Tried all the antacids, etc. but nothing helped. Woke up Saturday morning with the feeling that an elephant was sitting on my chest and hubby rushed me to the ER where they thought that I may have had a "silent" heart attack, so I was admitted to the cardiac ward. Just got home late yesterday after undergoing the Lord only knows how many different tests. Had to take the chemical stress test since I can't walk the treadmill. Horrible experience and result indicated that not enough blood was pumping through the lower part of my heart when in motion, but showed OK when I was still. What am I supposed to do â€" stay in bed or in a chair when I am supposed to get as much exercise as possible for my hip? Next step was Left Heart Catheterization - they had to go through my right groin where I already have a large scar tissue and got too close to my damaged femoral nerve. Have to take pain-killers to be able to walk (or hopple). Well the good news is that this test showed that there was no blockage. Now I have to go through more tests on an out-patient basis for Gastro-Intestinal procedures as they suspect that my troubles may stem from GERD and they want to make sure that my esophagus problems havenâ€™t resulted in cancer. Help!!!!







This is just no fun at all!!!!Hope things will soon get better for you and the boys. Keep on thinking positive thoughts. It's the only way to get through tough times.







and hugs,NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I'm happy to hear from you (and you are always cheering me on), but the news has me







! You poor dear! I will be praying for you. I hope that you start feeling and doing better right away. What a lot you have gone through, yet you keep your chin up. I look up to you.Hang in there, you have people here that care.God Bless Ya!!Love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!Thanks for your words of comfort.







Any news about some counselors?If the "control freak" hasn't come up with some answers yet, let's just hope His Nibs hangs himself.







Hugs,Nanette







Full steam ahead!!!


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## 19883 (Jan 30, 2006)

A very similar situation happened to me when I was in high school. I first developed IBS-D in my freshman year. After a year of missing school or going in late, they threatened my parents with fines and worse. It was a horrible experience to go through. My father (as well as several others- including doctors) believed that I was making it up- that there wasn't really something wrong with me. It was overwhelming stressful with school and even more devistating to have people not believe me when my life felt like it was being taken away from me. What we ended up doing was finding a specialist who examined me and wrote a note to the school and explained things and excused me from the days I had already missed. I also had to have my general doctor write me an excuse for every day that I was absent after that. It was an awful experience, but to add some hope to you and your son's future- it does get better. After we had the doctor's note, then the school couldn't touch us. I finished high school and am now in college where rules on absences are more relaxed. I still struggle, but have learned to manage my IBS so I can now lead a normal life.Also, maybe it would be a good idea to have the doctor write a note specifically to your ex and their spouse. Maybe the doctor could invite them into the office to explain some of the symptoms and triggers including types of food. It would probably have more value to them coming from a professional. Good Luck!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

jkat222: my son does have a doctors slip for school, which helps a lot. His dad Has seen M's doctors, but he just turns his head away, so the doctor won't see, and rolls his eyes. The doctors are from UCLA, and they come to our city several times a month. But he still thinks it is all in M's head. No word yet from my ex about a list of counselors. M saw him Saturday for lunch. Not a word was said about the counseling or lawsuit. I think that HE thinks I am hanging myself. I am wondering if I am hanging myself. I don't know whether I should believe my atty or not. He is so busy with other clients. This counseling has to be done. I don't know whether I should mention to him (in email) that we are waiting on him, and let him ask his atty to find out what I am talking about. I need to find a counselor this week (just in case). I have been putting it off because I have been involved with a family problem (involving my sister and her fiance). BIG MESS!! Police there several times. But I need to get on the ball here.







mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

> quote:I don't know whether I should mention to him (in email) that we are waiting on him, and let him ask his atty to find out what I am talking about.


Mom!I would not "wake" him up. The less contact you have with him, the less chance for him to "prove" that you're interfering, as he claims.














NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

As if there is not enough going on, M had a car accident yesterday, his fault. To get it fixed will cost more than what I paid for it. And of course the insurance will go up a lot. M was so upset that his IBS was acting up, and he took a whole Domperidone after we got home from the accident. Of course I was angry, which didn't help him at all. The other car needed to be towed. Since M's truck is older, I don't have coverage for damage to it. So it is out of pocket. I am going to see if just the barest fix will be ok. M tried to get hold of his dad several ways (hoping for some sympathy), but his dad didn't get back to him till about 5 hours later. He is always hard to get hold of. He never turns on his cell phone. And then his dad is heading in the direction of blackmailing M (to pay to fix his truck). I told M "no.do not let him blackmail you. we will handle things. do nothing till after the court battle is over." M knows that we don't have the money, so he is doubly upset about the accident. I am taking money out of my retirement account to handle things. A friend of mine said "WHAT NEXT!!??" Satan is sure at our throats lately. But M has been in school!!!! Thank God for that!!And it always helps to talk to you guys.love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

UPDATE; Sent an email to my ex on Friday, letting him know that "we are waiting on him and his attorney" about the counselor list. Havent' heard a word yet. Have tried finding a counselor, but no luck. They either don't take my ex's insurance, or they don't want to be involved with 'court-ordered counseling.' I am feeling pretty discouraged. I have a feeling that this case will be going on forever in the courts. My ex has money coming out of his ears and can keep paying for his attorney. I can't. Both boys are home sick. They said that alot of kids at school had been sick this past week. I only had 2 hours of sleep last night because of worry about the future. I know I shouldn't worry, but it sure is hard not to when you can't see a solution in sight. I need to go to the doctor (money! no insurance!) because I think I have an ear infection. My one ear has been closed for a week now. Sure drives a person crazy.Take care all! Will let you know what happens.mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!Sorry to read about your new woes. I shall address some of your remarks below:â€œHave tried finding a counselor, but no luck. They either don't take my ex's insurance, or they don't want to be involved with 'court-ordered counseling.'â€If the court has ordered counseling it would stand to reason that the court should be able to provide a list of counselors that do accept this kind of task. Have you inquired?â€œI am feeling pretty discouraged. I have a feeling that this case will be going on forever in the courts.â€Well, that may not necessarily be a bad thing. If it drags on â€œforeverâ€ both boys may be of age by then and can tell their father to go shinny up a lily-bush.â€œMy ex has money coming out of his ears and can keep paying for his attorney. I can't.â€Have you considered â€˜going it aloneâ€™? No court can force you to have legal representation and somehow â€˜poor beautyâ€™ vs. â€˜rich beastâ€™ might just earn you some brownie points with the judge if you explain that you no longer can afford legal counseling. When I went up against the County Commission here, I apologized to the Judge for going it pro-se and he responded: â€˜Madam, the Court is yours! It is your right to represent yourselfâ€™. Lo-and-behold I won the case.â€I need to go to the doctor (money! no insurance!) because I think I have an ear infection. My one ear has been closed for a week now.â€You may have a wax build-up. Go see your friendly pharmacist for an over the counter ear-wash first. On the other hand if your problem is painful your best bet would be to go to the ER at a County hospital. They cannot refuse to treat you even if you do not have the means to pay. I would not tell them that your trouble started a week ago. Just say that the pain is severe and otherwise â€˜play it by earâ€™.Sorry for the pun.







Nanette







Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Sorry all, I have been sick. I got what the boys had And the ear infection. Thanks for the suggestions Nanette. I finally received the list of counselors. A friend that has gone through this helped me pick a few names. I will be giving them to my attorny today. There was a cross communication in the situation. At the time that I sent my email to my ex (asking about the list), he was meeting with his attorney and wondering why I hadn't gotten back to them with the names. His atty said that she mailed it to mine earlier and wanted the names by that day, but my atty said that he didn't receive it till after. THEN he had to mail it to me. He knew that we were all sick last week, so he told me that it was no hurry, since they are the ones that 'dropped the ball' on this. We shall see what happens now. We have an appt for M (try again!) to set a day and time for his wisdom teeth to be taken out. I had to notify his dad so he wouldn't set up a counseling session for that day (we are thinking it will be on Friday). This is one of those days when I can't sleep at all, and I even took something to help me sleep!Later All! mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

M had his wisdom teeth out yesterday. He has chipmunk cheeks. He thought (teenager thinking) that mom was wrong, and that he would be out and about today. Well, he is living on pain pills. When they are working, he has an attitude. When they wear off, then mom needs to be around to help. His dad actually asked him to go out to eat today. I had to tell M to tell him "no, that he can't." He plans on taking M to eat tomorrow. I told M that he still won't be able to eat out yet, maybe a milkshake. There doesn't seem to be any effect yet on M's IBS. He just started taking an antibiotic, and of course he is drinking alot of juices. I just wonder if he will be having an explosion some time soon. I hope it is before he has to go back to school on Monday. I know that my ex got the counselor list, but we haven't heard one word yet, and the court date is in 2 1/2 weeks. He can't seem to understand why our youngest doesn't want to go anywhere with him. He can't figure out that this lawsuit makes his youngest dislike him even more than before. He seems very perplexed, but M won't tell him when he asks where his brother is, M just shrugs. Take care all!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

M is in alot of pain, still on the pain pills and looking like he will float away with those cheeks. Odd thing, he has not had a bowel movement since before the surgery. And he hasn't had any cramping or anything. He just doesn't feel like he needs to go at all. I guess I thought that he would go with all the meds and liquid diet. I sure don't know if he will make it to school tomorrow. He called his dad this morning about not meeting him for lunch. So his dad came over and they talked outside. Still nothing about counseling.Later, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All,M is pretty much normal now from the surgery. Still in some pain, but doing well. Took Vicodin at school and everyone thought he was very silly and cute. He caught his brother's cold and is feeling not to well about that though.I guess the Vicodin kinda made M constipated some, though not too bad. His truck refuses to go forward (but will go in reverse), so I guess we are looking at a new transmission for it. If it isn't one thing, it's another. A lot of stuff going on, but just received an email from my ex. The new counselor wants to see M first, by himself. But it won't be till April 5th. I had left a message on her voice mail asking for an appt. and that I would like her to see the boys first (before being with their dad). I never heard back from her, but I guess she took my suggestion about seeing them alone. I have since asked my attorney if the March 22nd court hearing will be postponed. I'm sure hoping so.Take Care All!!!







mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Not much news. Just that the court hearing has been postponed/extended to April 18th. M is still scheduled to see the counselor on April 5th. I think that we are starting to get a bit uptight as it gets closer. The boys don't want to talk about it at all, but it's there.Take care All!!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All, M went to the dermatologist the other day (he obsesses about his face). The Dr is starting him on Accutane. It talks about giving you depression, hearing voices, violent actions, and some people have committed suicide. But it is supposed to clear up your face really fast, and lasts for 2 years. He really wants this. Trouble is, depression runs in my family, and I think it is in his dad's too. He is already depressed about the divorce, lawsuit, school, IBS, you name it. I talked to him about it. I told him that he needs to tell me if he feels more depressed than usual. It says that it can make the person more irritable and angry. We laughed about that, because he is a teenager. He said, "wow, I'm going to be worse? you better stay out of my way! ha ha!" I wonder if I should have vetoed this treatment? I am going to have to watch him really close.- I don't know whether to tell his dad, because everything I tell him, he sticks it into his lawsuit against me. I had told him that I would leave it to him to tell the boys about the April 5th counseling date. He threatened to go to the judge because I said that, and plans on putting it in his lawsuit. But this depression/Accutane thing is something that I think his dad should know about. I am at a loss of what to do about it. I will just have to pray about it.Love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!The FDA has the following to say about this medication:"FDA ALERT [7/2005]: Suicidal Thoughts or Actions: In addition to the strengthened risk management program, FDA continues to assess reports of suicide or suicide attempts associated with the use of isotretinoin. All patients treated with isotretinoin should be observed closely for symptoms of depression or suicidal thoughts, such as sad mood, irritability, acting on dangerous impulses, anger, loss of pleasure or interest in social or sports activities, sleeping too much or too little, changes in weight or appetite, school or work performance going down, or trouble concentrating, or for mood disturbance, psychosis, or aggression. Patients should stop isotretinoin and they or their caregiver should contact their healthcare professional right away if the patient has any of the previously mentioned symptoms. Discontinuation of treatment may be insufficient and further evaluation may be necessary. [Action taken 08/12/05 Labeling revision]" That is enough to scare the heck out of me since M already has other medical problems and under so much mental pressure. Is this dermatologist aware of what your son is presently going through?In my humble opinion your X may very well use it against you to prove that you are irresponsible.Sorry girl - just trying to be helpful.Hugs,NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## degrassi (Jun 10, 2003)

I wouldn't recommend taking acutane. My brother was on it(on and off for years) and my mom eventually called the doctor and told him to stop giving it to him(even though he would ask for it). My bro already had anxiety and depression problems and being on acutane made it WAY worse. Also its a very dangerous pill health wise. You have to go every couple month for liver tests to make sure it hasn't damaged your liver. The pills also come with a huge booklet of warnings. Sure acuatne does what its supposed to do, clear up acne, but unless your son has a horrible case that is severely affecting his life i wouldn't let him take it, esepcially since he already has anxiety and depression issues. There are other less drastic acne meds out there to try first.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks guys. I am checking into all of this. M has to go back next week to get some stitchs removed (Dr took out a cyst), and I will watch M closely till then and also discuss this with the Dr.Thanks All!mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!The following has nothing to do with IBS but I want to share with you and all the others that read the postings here as it is too important not to be shared."We can now add to the list of victims the retired 77 yr. old TCU professor from Ft Worth whose body was found last week in Oklahoma--and the 11 yr. old in Sarasota, FL. Because of these recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know. After reading these 9 crucial tips , forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. 1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! 2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE ! MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location. 5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) 6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!) 7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.! RUN,! Prefera bly ! in a zig -zag pattern!8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the! sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim. ************* Here it is *******9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby ----This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well. Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.Shannon LaForgeCourtroom Deputy to Judge Robert JunellU.S.District Court for the Western District"Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All, Tomorrow afternoon starts up the counseling again for the boys. M is to be seen first. We are all not talking about it. We are all apprehensive (need a little icon guy for apprehensive). My attorney wanted me to send some papers explaining things to the counselor. She should get them today. I sure hope it helps and doesn't hurt. There have been a few things going on here with their dad that would be just too hard to explain, but I sure hope they don't affect this whole mess.Please pray for M tomorrow. And I will let you know how it went with the counselor.Love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!My thoughts are with you and the boys.Keep us posted.







Full steam ahead!!!


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## 20708 (Mar 28, 2005)

I've been following your story all along, it has some familiar rings to it. I 'experienced' the California Family Court system for nearly 12 years while my ex constantly took me to court for the kids. It can be taxing, I know. And it can get really frustrating with the counselling appointments and all that. My heart is really with you and the boys at this time. I can tell you're a great mother


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks guys, you got me crying here. I so appreciate that. I am sitting here praying for the counseling session. M told me that it (the whole mess) has been going on so long that he has forgotten alot of things, he doesn't know what to say. I told him to tell her that, and to say that all he knows is that he wants to keep the visitation like it is (where they have the choice) and that he would like to have a good relationship with his dad, if his dad would change. It is raining cats and dogs here, and I am also a bit worried about him driving home in this. He doesn't have much experience driving in the rain, and this is extreme. Even the 'high' windshield wipers didn't help much.I'll keep you posted! Love You All!mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi Again! M got back safely. He seems to like the new counselor. He said she is about 60yr, and funny. He won't really tell me anything, but he did not seem upset (he went to a friends house). I'm sure that I will be slowly hearing more as the days go by. The counselor made an appt for R, but it is not till April 26th, which is a week after the new date for the hearing. I have sent an email to my attorney to let him know and to ask if the April 18th hearing will be postponed too?Thank you all for your many prayers. It means so much to us. I hope everyone has a good Easter vacation!Love, mom


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## 17190 (Apr 1, 2006)

Hi,I am new here, but I understand your plight. I too was a single parent with teenage sons to raise. I will think good thoughts for you. Please hang in there.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

I received a letter from the new counselor. I had sent the stuff that my attorney told me to send to her. What she wrote hit me between the eyes, but I have to admit that I am thinking "Good For Her!" She sent it to my ex and myself. She states that she is there for the boys and not for either parent or our attorneys. She will not meet individually with either parent. Later, when she and the boys think they are ready, we will be able to go in with them. And she says that we can send the letter to our attorneys if we want. I am happy for the boys, but yet, the "deserted and persecuted wife" in me is a bit nervous. "What will the boys say?" I am just going to try to depend on God and hope for the best. As always, I am eternally grateful to all of you that have hung in here with me. By the way, the Activia yogurt seems to be helping R, and I think M too.Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Finally heard from my attorney (after an email, letter, and phone message). They said that I got the hearing date wrong, it's not April 18th, it is May 3rd. My ex has decided not to help pay half of M's truck's transmission, because he is mad at R. What they have to do with it, I don't know, but he will do anything to not put out any money. M found out that he is leaving the country for 2 weeks. Won't be back till the day before the hearing.We continue to press on!!Love, mom


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## 17190 (Apr 1, 2006)

Thinking good thoughts for you and your son.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hello Support Group!! Tomorrow R has his session with the new counselor. He is getting very nervous and saying that he is 'Not Going.' Of course he has to. He has been nauseous alot lately. Please pray for him, especially at 3:30pm. Their dad is still out of the country, but the boys haven't heard a word from him in a week, he will be back in another week (day before the next hearing May 3rd).Both boys stopped taking the Activia. They felt that it was making them constipated. And I have to admit that since they have stopped, they haven't been C. I don't know!We may have to sell the house because my ex is bleeding me dry on the money. The boys are very upset, as this is the only house they have ever known (this is the longest I have ever been in a house, almost 20yrs).







I hope that you all are doing OK. I Luv U Much!!Love, mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hey Mom!My thoughts will be with R tomorrow, and of course he has to attend.	â€œTheir dad is still out of the country, but the boys haven't heard a word from him in a week, he will be back in another week (day before the next hearing May 3rd).â€What a shining example of an attentive father!!! As far as I am concerned, heâ€™s a slime-ball.â€ We may have to sell the house because my ex is bleeding me dry on the money. The boys are very upset, as this is the only house they have ever known (this is the longest I have ever been in a house, almost 20yrs).â€You poor thing! I can certainly relate to your misgivings about possibly having to leave your house. I have lived in mine since 1984 and now find that I am forced to sell because I can no longer handle living in a two story house and have to find a one story. This is a rat-race since Iâ€™m trying to get all the repairs taken care of since Hurricanes Katrina and Wilma, so that I may be able to get the best price possible for what I have.My love is with you,







NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Nanette, that sounds so difficult for you. I know that I don't have near the 'fix it' things that you have, but I understand. My ex told our boys (right at the beginning of the divorce) that the house had too many things wrong with it, so he was leaving it to me. And it just seems like things keep going wrong with it. The bath tub faucets haven't worked in about 7yrs. We tried to have them fixed once, but the man said that the faucet system is pretty out-of-date and they would have to take out the whole wall to fix it. I am not looking forward to trying to sell the house with all the things wrong. I will be praying for you about the house.







R liked the counselor. I met her yesterday. Seems very nice and down to earth. They hadn't set up an appt, and I told her that if he decides not to see her, their dad would find another counselor. She seemed shocked and surprised and made another appt for the boys. It is May 10th, after the hearing on May 3rd. I wonder if it will be postponed Again?Both boys have to go to summer school. Their grades (and attitudes) have degraded so much. And now my sister is trying to get me to move to another state with her. The boys are extremely upset. I have told them that I wouldn't even think of that until they have left home. It just seems like there are so many pressures going on for them. And we are so easily stressed out. We keep having to tell ourselves "calm down, calm down, take it one problem at a time."All of you take care!!!


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Mom!You and your boys sure have a lot on your plate and you're right, the only way to overcome the situation is to take on the problems one step at a time so that you don't go totally nuts.I sure hope things will be looking up for you sometime soon.If you are going to be forced to sell the house and want to have an idea what it's worth (other than what the tax-man tells you on an annual basis), here is a website that may be of some help: http://www.zillow.com/Enter your address (this is not one of those websites that want to "get back to you" so that they can add your email address to their list and bug the heck out of you later) and it will give you an appox. value right away. You can also check comparable sales in your area, check value of your neighboring properties. If you find it confusing you can click on: How to use......You can even enter information to update the value by adding improvements made or deduct approx. cost for improvements needed as a negative amount. Itâ€™s really quite nifty.Be aware of, though, that there are some urban areas that they do not have any details for. My friendâ€™s property in the El Dorado are is one of them.Good luck!







NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Nanette, I hope the fires in Florida are no where near you.Every time I hear of something happening in Florida, I think of you.







I might have mentioned it before, but both my boys Have to go to summer school because of not passing some classes (you know how divorce will do that). Anyway, their counselor told me that they cannot miss more than 3 days or they are OUT. I asked about being late (poor M), but that counts as a missed day. I just don't know what we will do if he gets put out of summer school. It will be his senior year, and he doesn't have enough credits. This divorce and IBS has just messed his high school years up.







Still haven't heard from the ex. I'm hoping we can use this in the hearing Wednesday. I just want this to end!! Then the boys can go back to seeing him if they want, and won't feel like they are being manipulated for a court case.Take Care All! Love, mom


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## degrassi (Jun 10, 2003)

Hi, I've been following your thread and keeping you and your boys in my thoughts. I do have a suggestion about your son's schooling. With my IBS i wasn't able to attend highschool anymore so i know how hard it can be. One thing your son might want to look into is doing correspondance/homeschooling or a cyber school. I've done both and i'm just finishing up my last correspondence course to get my high school diploma. Doing homeschooling has saved me. There was no way i'd be able to get my high school diploma without it as i couldnt' attend school. So if your son has a few courses he needs to catch up in over the summer that might be an easier route then having to attend classes everyday.He'd be able to work at his own pace and not have to worry about being sick. Just thought i'd let you know there is other options out there.Good luck


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## 17190 (Apr 1, 2006)

If home schooling is not an option, the idea of house bound schooling is an excellent idea. When we were living in Tucson, my older son's asthma got so bad that he wasn't able to attend school. He was in junior high at the time. All I needed was a doctor's note and he was able to finish the year while at home. It was done by telephone. He was fine once we left Tucson. He had become very allergic to the vegetation in that area and that caused a bad flare-up with his allergic asthma.So, it is worth a try. Ask your school system if it is possible.


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

"I hope the fires in Florida are no where near you.Every time I hear of something happening in Florida, I think of you."Thanks for thinking of me, Mom!So far the wild-fires have been happening in a safe distance from our home. But just thinking about what could have happened had I not spent all that money (money that I really couldnâ€™t afford Iâ€™d like to add) on having our toppled trees removed after hurricane Wilma is scary. After this unusually dry winter we would literally have been sitting on a tinder box.Others have given their input in regard to home schooling for the summer. I donâ€™t know much about those things, but if itâ€™s an option available for you, it sounds like a very good idea!Stay strong,







NanetteFull steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Well All, supposedly it is over. I just got back from court.The judge ordered my youngest, R, to have 4 hour visits with his dad every other weekend. R is the one that hates his dad the most. I am totally dreading when he gets home from school today. The judge also said that I have to 'encourage' him to go. My ex brought in the counselor that we got rid of. The man said that he would NOT testify in court, but he sure went in today and said that I am impeding the visitation. The B......!!! For the first 4 visits, no one else can be there (that's so he won't bring his octopus wife), but after that he can. M, being older, isn't included in the judgment, so he can still have discretion on visits. If the new counselor feels that the visits with R's dad are causing problems, I can go back to court and try to get it changed. I feel like I have let my children down. They have said that they expect me to protect them. My attorney had said that if the boys had talked about their dad's 'innappropriate behavior' at bedtime, with the counselor, that could have been brought up and things might have been different. But the boys don't want to talk about it with anyone. They just want to forget it. He had stopped it with M right after the divorce, and the boys haven't spent the night with him since Sept 2004, so who knows if he would have continued it with R.I know that alot of people will tell me that "it's for the best" "they should see their dad" I just don't want to hear it right now. I am not going to tell any of my friends until I can come to terms with this. *Thank You All for all of your support through this whole stressful time with me. Your support was sometimes all that got me through. I love you all!!*mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Sorry Everyone!! I didn't mean to sound so abrupt with you. I was speaking about people that I know and will see. There will be all the trying to comfort me with the words I don't want to hear.To me, "It's all for the best" is NOT comforting. I wasn't talking about any of you. You are the ones that I leaned on and got comfort and strength through this whole thing. M told R on the way home from school (M had come home for lunch and caught me crying). R is taking it ok,he said that he figured something like this would happen. Of course, though, he doesn't have to go till May 13th (I arranged with their dad to change it from May 6 to 13). I think that once that day gets closer he will be very upset. M stayed home from school yesterday, saying that his stomach hurt (no IBS) and he didn't know why.Come to find out later, he said that he was upset about having to see his dad for 4 hours, and he thought that was why he felt sick. I told him that the court order does not include him, just his brother. M has been seeing his dad once a week for about 1 hour, so that plus his age makes him not part of the court order. I tried to get the same for R, but my ex's attorney wouldn't take it, it had to be 8 hours. I think my attorney argued and the judge made it 4 hours. I was not present when all this was going on. They had me out in the hallway.I am still upset, and I haven't told any family or friends yet (except my sister). I wonder if they have heard somehow. Probably heard all the celebrating my ex and his wife did!My love to you all! mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Things not going too well here. M's IBS is acting up really bad. Missed 2 days of school this week mostly due to nausea.







We have been fighting alot lately. You name it, a teenager will fight with you about it. A friend (that has been in court alot with her divorce and things) told me that she thought that the judgment went against us because M has been seeing his dad all along (just 1 hour a week), and the judge probably figures that if M is seeing him at all, then they should Make R see him for 4 hours at a time. M can't stand to see his dad for more than an hour. So, shame on me, right in the middle of an argument with M about his dad and other things, I tell him what the friend said. I'm sure he feels guilty now, plus, he has OCD about his face (acne) and the accutane isn't working. His face looks worse than it did before. He was in the bathroom yesterday more than 20 times looking at his face. He is also worried that he will be dropped from summer school for IBS absences. All these combined and he is staying home from school.Nothing seems to help the nausea. I need to keep my big mouth shut to him. I was just so mad at him. He has such a teenage attitude and I blew it! Now we are all miserable.Take Care. mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All, Things not going too smoothly here. The boy's dad is causing more problems. If there is something that he doesn't like, he whines to his attorney. Poor R has to see him tomorrow for his 2nd visit. And come to find out, there was some stock that was supposed to be divided evenly after the divorce that my portion would be close to $30,000. It wasn't divided and my ex knew about it all this time. I just happened to come across a paper that said something about it.So my attorney has had to file papers with the court to get him to divide it. He has been ignoring the order to do this for 9 months. There was finally a deadline made for him, and he waited till the deadline to do it. My boys think their dad is gutter-scum, but they can't tell him that. M's IBS is still going wild because of alot of things. I have reordered the 'Align' for him. When he was taking it before, he also had his first girlfriend, and everything was just wonderful. He figured that the Align wasn't helping, that it was his 'state of euphoria' about his girlfriend that was helping him, so he stopped taking it. We will try it again. I just wish it didn't take so long to come when you order it.I hope you all are doing well?Love, mom


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## 18829 (Mar 20, 2006)

omg i feel so bad reading all this it really is terrible the kids have to go through this here in uk its not so bad if a kid over 12 doesnt want to see a parent thats final and children over 8 are allowed to express their veiws i nearly cried when i read that there was innappropriate behaviour from your ex im sure that alone holds many factors to the way everyone is feeling cause i know that no matter how well things may be going there is always that little hidden memory tucked away somewhere that can cause so many problems and erupt later in life i really hope the kids are able to deal with any issues and talk about them because hatred shame and fear can cause alot of serious problems later on but the most important thing in recovery of any kind is having support and having someone believe you and believe in you and you sound like a fantastic mum i only wish i could have shared with my mum the things your children obviously can with youi hope as a family you can move on in the future and hopefully the near future and put any bad things behind you and just remember your ex at some point will get his comeuppance bad things come to those who have horrible hearts


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## RailFan (Aug 29, 2004)

Mom&Son, I grieve deeply for you in this horrible situation. I came into this thread rather late, and haven't read the whole thing, but what I have read leaves me floored. You and your sons will be in my prayers.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thank You Railfan and geemel79. Your thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated. R is with his dad at the moment. He is hoping to see a movie so he doesn't have to talk to his dad much. We received our two 28 day supply of Align just a while ago. M took one immediately. We had run out of it about 4 days ago (what I had left over from before). M is obsessed with his face (acne), and the accutane doesn't seem to be helping alot. M is quite depressed about it. The Dr. said to give it time. M told me that he thought his acne cleared up a little when he was taking the Align. I don't know if that is true, but for his sake (the depression) I hope it is true.







I hope you all have a good weekend!Much Love! mom


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## 16392 (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Mom!â€œThe boy's dad is causing more problems.â€Why does that surprise you, my dear?I do feel so sorry for your boys that they are stuck with having to deal with that scum bucket.As for you, itâ€™s to bad that you didnâ€™t wake up and smell the roses at an earlier time. Good thing that you still had that paper in regard to the stock.â€œHe has been ignoring the order to do this for 9 months.â€Thatâ€™s a full term pregnancy â€" smile







, but you do have something that should make you feel blessed: The love and the lives of your boys. I shall tell you why I write this to you.Night before last my neighbor â€" two houses removed from us - lost her 16 years old son and her 15 years old daughter was hurt â€" physically as well as emotionally. They were attending an end of the year festivity for their high school. The boy lost control of his car and plowed into a concrete post. The car broke in half and he was killed instantly. The four girls he had with him in the car (his sister, his cousin and two of their friends) were all hurt. One 15 years old suffered a broken pelvis and tail bone, lacerated liver and kidney, 5 broken ribs and is in serious condition.When we heard the news at mid-day yesterday we had a suspicion but werenâ€™t sure. This is the nicest Afro-American family we have had the pleasure of having as neighbors for about three years. Well mannered, friendly and cheerful.Here is a re-cap of what I emailed a friend today:â€œAlcohol or some other stimulating or "dummyfying" substance is present in most societies all over the globe -- be it betel nuts, cocoa or something fermented or produced in a still. It is sad though, that our sensation-seeking media immediately brought alcohol and drugs to the fore front. It just frosts me. Not this kid!! Yes, it was indeed T.J. (we didn't recognize him under the name Torin Jermaine given on the news yesterday) who died. Thanks God it was instantly. What a waste of a young life. He was an A student and made the honor roll at American Senior High. He played football at starting position as a tight end (whatever the heck that means - I know absolutely nothing about American Football) and worked at our local Wendy's. His mother told my husband this morning when he went to offer his condolences that T.J. had been in contact with her on the cell phone -- as instructed -- every hour during the celebration. When she didn't hear from him for almost two hours she tried to call him at a few minutes interval, but no answer. She then drove towards the hall in Hialeah and on the way saw the wrecked car, police and emergency vehicles. Can you imagine what a horror that must have been? They had already covered T.J. up and wouldn't let her see him at first. She said that the most amazing thing to her was that he didn't have a scratch on his beautiful face. It was his insides that had been totally crushed at the impact. His sister is out of the hospital and home again. She suffered some bad lacerations on one leg but only the-powers-that-be know what it has done to her emotionally. She crawled out from the back seat to her brother on the ground and cried: "T.J. are you OK? T.J. wake up. What's wrong with you?" One reckless moment in the jubilation of youth over a car that he cherished so much as it was a gift from his stepfather for doing so good in school and staying out of trouble. So many lives are changed. I am heartsick! We would like to attend his funeral next week - if we are welcome, since we will probably stick out like two white sore thumbs. Will speak to the mother over the weekend and ask if she would prefer flowers or if she is going to set up some kind of fund in T.J.s memory.â€So Mom, count your blessings and live life to the fullest!Hugs,Nanette





















Full steam ahead!!!


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hello Everyone, Who would have thought that the child that BEGGED you to help them would turn on you so badly. M is denying that he ever disliked his dad, refuses to do things around the house to help out, fights with me horribly, and has now started blackmailing me. If I don't stop making him do things he will go live with his dad and tell him EVERYTHING about me, and then R will have to go live with his dad. Said that he Knows that I need the money (that I get for having him live with me). So, in other words, I better back off or he will scr... me really bad. What happened to my sweet boy? I am ready to send him to his dad's. I even told him yesterday to pack his stuff. Of course he didn't. I have no idea what will happen today. I plan on telling him that he has to mow the lawn today. He totally blames me for what happened in the divorce and after. Denies that he ever asked (much less begged with tears) me to go to court for their sakes. R thinks that he is lying about everything. The teenage years are hell.By the way, the Align seems to be helping M some. His acne even seems to be a bit better.Love Ya, sad mom


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## 18694 (Oct 6, 2005)

This is typical teen behavior regarding broken homes. I know it hurts. I have been through that. Once I went so far as to pack her bags and make her get in the car. We went to her mom's (I'm the step-mother, my DH had custody of her when we got married - she was 6, now 21). I called her bluff. Her mom and DH and I had talked on the phone and we made her stay there for at least 2 weeks before we would allow her to come back home. She never pulled that again. We just had to put on a strong front and realize it was about teen angst and not us. It hurts like hecklas when they do it to you but stress, depression, angst, the IBS, the acne, etc., could all be factors in it.Think about what you know in your heart to be true and do not let him take that from you. Pray about it if you have a prayer life and know that I will be praying for you. It's totally normal for us to be upset when the ones we keep so close to us and go to bat for "turn on us." He's really turning on himself, not you. He probably thinks he's felt all the hurt he can feel and is directing it outward now. Even if he goes through a bad patch remember he is almost out of his teens and when they grow up it's soooooooooooooo much easier.Be confident and tell him all you need from him is his love and his chores done, that you have him with you for love and not the money. Matter of fact. Remind him that if he doesn't like the settlement he can move and go through the trouble he went through when he saw his dad more often. He may feel sorry for his dad even though he knows better. Emotional abuse will do that to a person. It did to me. Raised in the home of an alcoholic I got mad at Mom for picking up and moving us out, not my dad, who was the problem. Ugh. But I got through it. He will, too, and you'll both be closer for it.Hugs,Laurie


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

It is fairly normal for kids to make the parent that they live with after a divorce the bad person to blame for everything and the other parent a saint and if they only lived with the other parent there would be no limits or responsibilities at all ever. Sometimes the only way to break the delusion is move them to the other parents house until they find out they still have to do their schoolwork and chores and can't stay out all night, etc.You might see if there is a "tough love" organization in your area they can sometimes help get things going better again when teens go off on these sorts of power trips.K.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks, you guys can always make me feel better. I told him that he had to mow the lawn before he went anywhere. He didn't fuss much at all. A couple of hours later he did the lawn, took a shower then left to visit friends.He had said (yesterday)that he visited his friends alot because he couldn't stand to be around me for long. Boy, they sure know how to make you feel good about yourself, don't they? It is nicer around here when he is gone. Peaceful.







Thanks everyone! mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi guys! It's been awhile. It is way too hot for me. After having the kids and different meds that I am on,I stay inside all the time now. My electric bill is high. But my winter electric bills are really low because I don't turn on the heater very much (mostly just for the boys). Things are still going along almost the same. Maybe just a little less dramatic. My ex (according to the boys after they have been with him) is still trying to find any little thing he can on me. This is soooo tiring having to 'be on my toes' ALL the time concerning him. I really think it is true what someone said once "I think he stays up all night trying to think of things to do to you." And yet, he and his lovely wife have told me that I need to get on with my life. How? They won't let me. I am truly thinking of moving away after my youngest is old enough (you know, so my ex can't stop me because of the kids). I have now started my youngest on Align. His nausea and 'just not feeling well' had me wondering if it would help him. He seems to be a bit better since he started taking it. Maybe it is my imagination? We'll have to see. He is having ear surgery on Wednesday. He had tubes put into his ears when he was 14 months old. He has had 2 surgeries already to close up the holes in his eardrum (that never closed). Poor guy has had to wear an earplug ever since then. He is 15 1/2 yr. We are so hoping that they will close up finally. After M and I had a big fight recently, and I told him that his Accutane was making him more depressed and argumentative, he seemed to calm down. We still get into some fights, but they haven't been as bad. I have no idea how his IBS is acting. It is summer and he is hardly ever home, and doesn't want me to ask about it. Teenagers!! I hope you all are doing well. Thank you sooo much for your love and prayers and caring for us.Take Care All!! Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi Again All!The ear surgery went fairly well (except for putting in the IV). The Dr. said his ear looks pretty good, but we still have to wait awhile to make sure that no little holes show up.He is not to get any water in his ear at all for awhile. That will be hard on him because we are going camping at the beach.Can anyone out there tell me if they were in the Service with IBS? And how did that go? M says that he wants to join the Marines (I honestly can't see him doing that). I am not crazy about the idea. I have tried asking him how he is going to do that with IBS, that I don't think that they will let him just run to the bathroom whenever he wants. He is just kinda forgetting that he has it. With it being summer right now, and out of school, he is carefree and can run home any time he has a problem. He is not in school and being pressured to sit still in class. And his father is encouraging him to do this without considering his IBS. Anyone have any experience with this? Some of his friends (that are girls) have told him that they will beat him up if he signs up. We were joking around and I said that I was going to tell them that he has IBS. He got serious then and said that I better not, or they won't take him.I hope you all are doing OK? Still having trouble with the ex, so what else is new?Love Ya All, mom


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## 14416 (Jun 21, 2005)

Yes, there are people in the service with IBS.


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## 22943 (Aug 27, 2005)

There are people in the service with IBS. He will have to go through a medical exam and they may or may not allow him entry into the services. He also might want to look into the other branches, some aren't as picky or are more relaxed on certain things, some also may have more jobs that are easier on someone with IBS. They are getting really picky for some reason these days (hmmm, especially when they are screaming for more people, but that's another discussion.....) He might want to try looking up MEPS requirements on the internet. There's a site somewhere that will tell you what are disqualifying conditions (including some medications, such as the Adderall I take for ADHD.)


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## 14416 (Jun 21, 2005)

Disqualifying Conditions^That is a website that discusses the disqualifying conditions and enlistment qualifications.It doesn't specifically list IBS in the gastrointestinal section, but it does mention something about "taking excessive time away from duty" which IBS obviously is capable of doing.


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## 22943 (Aug 27, 2005)

Even a history of migraine (just one) can be disqualifying. I was talking to a girl at the grocery store who wants to enter the Coast Guard and at her physical they found out she had a migraine once a few years back and they were reluctant to take her. They have her rescheduled for a re-test in 6 months, if she doesn't have one by then, they will reconsider letting her in. For your son, it's going to be a tough road. Believe me, if he doesn't disclose it and they find out, he may end up being discharged. They don't screw around.If I were him, I would rethink the decision. I always wanted to be in the Coast Guard, but for health reasons, I can't. I've had to reevaluate what I want to do. He also needs to realize that if he's out there on the battle field, there's no bathrooms. Anywhere. You dig a hole and go. Even what I do in disaster work, we have a hard time finding working bathrooms or even a port-o-john. They don't have those in tanks or helicopters! Even on most of the small runabout boats the Coast Guard and Marines have do not have a "head."


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks so much for your help. Being a teenager, I don't know if he will listen to me. I can but try. I will look up these sites you gave me and then let him look at them.Lots a Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi All,M left yesterday for a trip with a friend and his family to a river. Had trouble with his truck. May have to get someone to tow it home on Wednesday. I sure pray not. Anyway, he called again and said that all the toilets are not working, and that they are a total mess. He couldn't say much with his friends standing right next to him, but I asked what in the world he was going to do? He just said that he didn't know. He was already having trouble before he left, he coudln't go to the bathroom. He always says "oh mom!!" when I tell him to take our 'Luggable Loo' along, so I didn't say anything this time. I bet that he wishes he had taken it.We still don't know if R's surgery went well or not. Just got back from the Dr. He said that there is a slight hole still in his eardrum, but that he had put several layers there, and it could be just the top layer. We still have to wait to see. I hope the heat isn't killing all of you. We are having 110 degrees here. Have to admit that I stay indoors almost all day. But I need to pack for another camping trip we are taking on Thursday.All of you take care!!!!Love, mom


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## RailFan (Aug 29, 2004)

> Originally posted by Mom&Son: I hope the heat isn't killing all of you. We are having 110 degrees here. Have to admit that I stay indoors almost all day. It's been hot here in the Midwest, too. I'm in Topeka, Kansas, and we're bracing for another streak of 100+ days, beginning tomorrow. Hope your camping trip goes well. I'm still praying for you and your boys.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Railfan, we can sure use the prayer.Getting more threats from the ex. I am not doing what he wants me to do (he wants to leech off of me and I am putting my foot down and saying 'no!') Didn't want to come home from the camping trip to face his threats.Just got back yesterday. Sunburned, mosquito bitten, and dirty. We all felt so happy to have a real shower. There were just outhouses there, so we used our porta-potties (with bags). The rest of my family used the outhouses. We shared meals, so M and I used alot of Immodium while there. But we had a good time. M did paintballing with his uncle and his cousins. He loved it! R wasn't feeling too good. I think it is nerves over his ear surgery. Dr. said there is a small little tear in 1 of the layers that he put in, and we won't know for awhile yet if the surgery is a success.M is now starting to look for a part-time job. Wants to try to find something that will be IBS-friendly. As you all know, that's hard.You all take care! I love ya lots!!Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Sorry everyone! I had been hoping that I wouldn't have to write about this subject again (and give you all a rest). But I am in need of emotional support right now.After a year of putting me off about some stock that I was supposed to have half of, my atty finally had to threaten my ex with going to court. That finally got taken care of, so I thought that we would have some peace now. NOOOO! After letting M have some food that he shouldn't have eaten the day before a school day, M was home for a couple of days with IBS. M was not in the mood to call his dad, so his dad has been blasting me in emails and sending them to his lawyer, saying that I have been defiant of court orders and not encouraging M to visit with him, and demanding that I let him call M on his cell phone. he won't help pay for his kids cell phone, and my attorney says that as long as there is a phone in the home that he can call, I do not have to let him leech off of me (as he loves to do so he can save money). M told him in a counseling session to 'leave mom alone! You are trying to make her lose all her money." (I have had to take out $31,000 of my retirement because of him, for different things) he just told M 'stay out of it, this is between your mother and I.' M was mad, and he is mad now that his dad will try to get me in trouble with the court because M didn't call him back. my ex has a bulldog of an attorney that won't stop. My stomach is in knots constantly, and it sure doesn't help my IBS. I haven't heard back from my atty yet. I think that he may be sick of our whole mess. He sure thinks my ex is a snake and will never give up.Sorry again. I just think that I need some loving right now.M turns 18 yrs in a couple of weeks. That's why my ex is after me while he can.Thank You in advance. It feels so good to be able to write about it, thereputic.Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi,







Found out from my atty that M is not under his dad's thumb at all anymore, and I don't have to tell M anything from his dad. That is all good. But, now my ex is mad about it and has been interrogating my youngest, R, about alot of different things. We think that he is going to try to take R away if he can. With M's money stopping at the end of school, and if he can take R away (and stop the money), he will be so happy that I have nothing. M knows that I can't help him pay for College, so he has told me that he doesn't want to, but his dad said that if he comes to live with him, he will pay for College and a new truck (remember I bought a lemon of a vehicle for him). M hates that he has to do this, but it seems that there is no other way.All of our stomachs are in knots. R said that he will run away rather than live with his dad.







mom


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## RailFan (Aug 29, 2004)

> quote:Originally posted by Mom&Son:Hi,
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, my God... hearing what you and your boys are STILL going through just horrifies me. Hugs to all of you, and I will continue to pray for you. Man, I thought MY life was complicated. (Well, it actually is... ) If it's any comfort to you, I am tied up in knots, as well. I've been away from the forum because I'm preoccupied with an ongoing re-evaluation of my career choices, and am also dealing with racism at work, both subtle and blatant. I'm in over my head.


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Thanks Railfan,Why does life have to be so difficult? M is just now starting to see that relationships are very difficult (with his friends & girls). He comes to me with questions (and just wants an ear), and I feel kinda like I am living my youth all over again. You hurt for people. And M hasn't even been out in the work world yet, that's a whole nother ballgame! I will pray for you too Railfan. I know that I had my share of work problems. They are horrible to deal with.Lots A Love, mom


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## Mom&Son (Feb 24, 2004)

Hi Everyone!







M is now 18 yrs old.He starts his first job tomorrow. He is really nervous. He had a really bad cold at the time that they had him take his 'drug test.' He told them about being sick and what he was taking. Hope that won't go against him.M sorta had an argument with his dad about a week ago. His dad was asking questions of him (like he was his brother, R), and M just flat out asked him 'why would you ask me that? I think that R is right, that you are trying to dig up dirt for a lawsuit!' His dad swears that he isn't. M told him that he isn't just hurting mom (me) with this, but that he is hurting his kids. That R is just now starting to have a little bit of fun with him, did he want to ruin that relationship before it gets started? And that even if he trys to take all mom's (my) money away, the boys will NEVER let me be penniless! M really told him just how it is and that he needs to back-off. His dad promised and shook hands on it, that he has no intentions of bringing another suit. Good for M!!All the meds from being sick, and then nerves from starting a job have combined to make M's IBS a bit off. He seems to be bouncing back and forth between C and D.Hopefully you won't be hearing anymore from me about this subject. I am trying to be careful yet on my toes concerning my ex.You All Take Care!! Love, mom


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