# I Know I'm Being Vain but....



## Guest (Dec 12, 2007)

I know, I'm a very lucky girl - since I've been on the anti-depressants that got me my life back - I've been extremely well and have no adverse side-effects except that I'm FAT!!!! For ages, this seemed such a tiny price to pay for the mental hell I'd been languishing about in for months - no sleep, anxiety off the graph, unable to go anywhere without Paul, drinking uncontrollably - etc etc. I'm well now and continue to do better and better - I'm not being complacent - not for a minute but as a woman who was always about 9 stone, slim, with a waistline - I still have a problem with being very well-stacked up top and struggling to get into a size 14. Its Christmas, party season, we are going to a wonderful formal event in less than 2 weeks and I can't find anything that makes me feel sexy and feminine.I sound so vain don't I. All my nearest and dearest say they love me like this - my sister says I was always supposed to be Ma Larkin but all my cousins and my sister, and my mum are thin and I don't like it.I've tried cutting down on food - I can honestly say I really don't overeat and finally decided that I would drink no alcohol at all except on social occassions (ooops) but nothing seems to make any difference at all. I'm perfectly fit, play badminton, walk the doggie everyday but I just don't like looking like this.So, what to do - maybes in the New Year - with the doctor, I might at least try to reduce the medication. I had always resigned myself to a life on anti-d's and if push comes to shove - its much more important to be a decent wife and mum to the family and a decent human being to myself.Has anyone else had any experience about tapering off - I know its not a picnic by a long chalk and am I being unbearably selfish by putting what is essentially my appearance over my mental wellbeing???Difficult isn't it.Sue


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Hey Sue, I´m sorry you´re going through such difficult decisiomaking. I guess I´m not the right one here to give any suggestions since I have no experience with antidepressants. But I think it´s important to have a talk with your doctor and be very careful. Anyway, I know I´m not much help, but I hope you´ re gonna be happy whatever your decision


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

{{{Sue}}}I totally get you -- although mine was not caused by antideps, I was there before with being over-weight and I'm still being super careful now everyday (in a healthy way) so that I won't get back to where I was (knock on wood). So, I really understand how you feel... Evu has a great point here -- it's very very important to talk to your dr about reducing dosage -- and who knows, may be the dr has a good way for you to lose weight without having to change the dosage. For now you could probably try to reduce red meat and barbonhydrates/sugar and increase veggie/fruits in your diet -- if one eats a normal amount, it's usually what is in the diet that makes a difference. I know this isn't a quick fix and is for the long haul, though... Hope you find a good solution CherrieP.S. to Evu ~ I promise I _will _PM you back tomorrow. Hugs, C.


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2007)

Ah thanks yous 2 - and nice to see you here Evu.You know I rather wished I hadn't posted this - seems so trivial in the cold light of day.I actually do eat a right healthy diet - and I'm not trying to duck the issue but I do genuinely think it is the medication that is making me stay heavy - but of course it never hurts to eat well and cut out the booze does it (though funny time to be doing it just before Xmas).Thanks again.Sue xxx


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## Lillett (Jun 4, 2006)

SueI heard the other day that the average American woman is a size 14. I know that's probably not helpful but thought it warrants mention. And no it's not trivial to discuss it. Women are so hard on themselves about how they look thinking they need to be the perfect model size. I am usually a size 6 but with the IBS my tummy blows up and I affectionately refer to it as my "beer belly". I don't drink because that will give me a case of the D's but my husband always laughs about my references to my "beer belly" in the absence of consuming beer. Today my pants are saggy in the back. If I didn't have my beer belly I could probably wear a 4 but I will suffer through with my saggy pants today because I was too flaky today to remember to put a belt on. Serves me right. What I am trying to say is that I don't feel very cute today and I am sure many women feel the same. You are such a great friend, many times saved me from flipping out, that I don't care what size you are. I am just glad you are here to share with. Take care.


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2007)

You lovely woman Lillett - actually I think your sizes are abit different - I loved the US sizes - cos, for the 1st time in ages , I was a 12 when we went to New York last Xmas!!! Still, you are right - and I'm being daft - its not as if I'm 22 for gawd's sake and was never exactly Kate Moss in the look's department but at t'end of the day I like to look nice - same as anyone else and around Xmas with all these lovely dresses - abit depressing to say the least. We are going to a very special 50th party next Saturday. We lost our wonderful best man Charlie to cancer about 20 months ago and this is his big brother Nick's party - its great that, at last, the family can move on abit and have some fun and I really wanted summat great but at the end of the day just being there and having fun - thats the main thing and it is only trivial really.Size 4 - cripes luv - you want some mine!!!Thanks again for all your support hun - lawyers - who says we haven't got compassion!!!!Sue xxx


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## Lillett (Jun 4, 2006)

Yes but I am short so a size 4 and or 6 doesn't mean I am slim. We were talking about that at church the other day (I live in the town I grew up in and we know each other from high school) about how our cute figures went by the wayside after kids. But I could take little from you for the top, you know. I am not exactly curvy...Enjoy your party.


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2007)

Thanks darl - sure I will - actually I was laughing - my middle one Clare said t'other day "mum, why are you always flashing your boobs" - I told her that if folk looked at my norks, hopefully their eyes won't get down to the joke that was once my waistline!!!!!Sue xx


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## jms1963 (Feb 23, 2007)

Sue -I too have gained weight from being on anti-depressants and of course being over 40 ...I was always too thin, even after I had my son. I think my anxiety issues always played a part in my weight. I was often asked by doctors if I had an eating disorder. When I finally went on the anti-d at age 33 or 34 the pounds seemed to appear overnight and then later when I hit 40 it got worse. I have spoken with my doctor about this and of course it is one of the side effects of the anti-d I am on - I would rather have the extra pounds then go back to the anxiety ridden life I had before. Although I'm not a size 6 anymore I feel healthier and stronger now than ever. (plus I actually have boobs now !)I have tried to keep it in check, not let it get too out of hand before it's too late ... I go to circuit training (try to get there 3x a week) and have cut back on the greasy fried foods etc. I do notice that cutting out sweetened drinks/sodas seems to help me alot. I weigh myself every day and if I see it going up (3-4 lbs) I make a effort to cut back even more until it comes off.Don't be too hard on yourself ... you look great !!!Jodie


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2007)

Oh thanks Jodes - you know what did it - for some reason Paul and I had a trip down memory lane - well, we were supposed to be researching Canadian campsites and sort of got diverted onto old photies - these would be pre my bad bout of depression and I just could NOT believe how slim I once was - mind no boobs then either!!!! I think also I've just seen my 3 cousins who I'm very, very close to who are all mega-athletic and slim - so I feel abit like a lump of lard.Anyroad up - my darling mum shoved a cheque for £100 in my greasy little mitt on Monday "go and buy something for you" she said. So I'm going to have a trawl around the shop tomoz - see if I can find something that will show off my best assets and skim nicely over my midriff!!! I'll let you know how I go on.Thanks anyway love - you are always such a mate.Sue xx


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey SueV,Sorry to hear that a little excess weight is upsetting you at the moment, as a women I can completly understand the desire to be slim and sexy. I think about it often myself. However...... the quality of life you have on medication with a little excess weight is much much better than the quality of life you may have off the medication and slimmer.Do you think you ar able to come off meds and be ok? Maybe consult your doctor and do it with them, Also maybe you can take diet pills with your medication to help speed up the metabolism and eat up extra fat. Surely there must be some options avaliable to you..... I really hope there are.In the end I try to tell myself that im a good person and im pretty, no matter what size. And that we only get one life so we might as well enjoy it and not be to concerned about our dress size. I think if you eat right and exercise then your healthy and thats the most important thingI think your beautiful!!!!!Poo Pea (((hugs)))


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2008)

Oh god bless - gosh this was an old post but you know what - that party - well I found a right good little number in red velvet and got some killer heels - felt a million dollars and was told I looked it too (shh shouldn't be vain but its rare an old trout like me feels or looks a million dollars) - so yeah in the cold light of day - this post was ludicrous. Yeah, I'm going to try and lose abit with the new year and all - but I tell you Poo, having read your posts - blimey does that make me feel humble - all you've been through.Thanks anywaySue xxx


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey SueI think girls being girls it wouldnt matter what was going on in our lives we would still say to ourselves "bloody hell if nothing else at least make my bum look good in this" lol.Glad you found sexy red dress to wear , ill bet u were a head turnerPoo Pea (((hugs)))


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## Guest (Jan 4, 2008)

Oh love you - well doubt it - t'was a 50th birthday bash - but it was right special - it was the 50th birthday of our wonderful best man Charlie's brother Nick. We lost Charlie (aged just 44) to pancreatic cancer in the spring of 2006 - and I don't think any of the gang (we're all very very close and old mates from the Wirral peninsular over near Liverpool) felt much like celebrating anything much for a very long time. It was all the more tragic cos he left behind a widow aged 38 and 2 teenies aged 5 and 2 (think they were when he died).Still time passes doesn't it - everyone was there and I had wanted to dress up which I did - well everyone looked great - we're all a little older but we were together so that was the main thing.I'm sure (as ever) my bum probably looked massive - but I think the cleavage did too - so hopefully no-one looked much beyond that!!!Sue xxx


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Sue, I feel your pain. I've never been curvy at all and then when I got sick a few years back I was so painfully thin. I wanted to put on weight. I'm starting to think being so sick stuffed up my metabolism or something because now, even with exercise and a good diet the weight either hangs about or I just stack on more of it







I used to be a size 10 (I think that's an 8 in UK sizing) and am now hovering around a large 14 (I think a 12 bordering on a 14 your sizes). My husband constantly tells me I'm beautiful, and that I should be glad I look at great as I do after having 3 kids and he LOVES the new cleavage (where once before there was nothing but flat chest) but I just can't get used to the new me. Nothing in my wardrobe fits, I'm tired of not needing the bakery cause these days I have my own rolls, I feel depressed looking in the mirror and I think there's been like 3 photo's taken of me in the last 2 or 3 years because I don't let anyone take photo's of me (and they're truly awful photo's anyway the one's that were taken). No I don't think it's silly for you to feel like you would like to give the anti deps a break and it's good to remember that if you come off them, be aware of any signs that you need to go back on them (I've become good at recognizing when I've hit the time to see the doctor). In the long run, yes, it's more important that you are well and mentally healthy but you have to be happy with yourself too. I really get mad at society these days for making it so popular to be thin. I wish I could find my curves beautiful but I don't, I just find them lumpy. The thing is though that I admire the bodies of plenty of women with curves and a lot of them have more curves than I do!


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2008)

Oh god bless you Amy - you've articulated my thoughts just so well!!!Perhaps thee and me should go on Gok Wan's "How to Look Good Naked" - don't know whether you get him over in Oz - he's a camp as a row of tents Chinese fella who loves, loves, loves women's "racks" - just think you and me - he'd be in heaven!!!!!I really am going to have to address my eating habits - kids are back at school tomorrow - so no excuse!!!!Sue xxx


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Yup, no one feels like cooking with kiddies (no matter WHAT their age) hanging about complaining and fighting. My excuse is it's summer...too hot to cook!Hmm this fella you speak of sounds intriguing. I'll have to go and do some googling, I don't believe he's hit the telly screen over here yet!


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## Guest (Jan 8, 2008)

Oh you'll know him when you see him luv!!!Sue


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## 23208 (Jan 22, 2006)

Sue,Be happy that you are healthy and happy now and don't worry about your weight. I have been overwieght all of my adult life and most of my childhood. I don't eat excessively and I exercise but I am still overweight. So was my mother and my grandfather. It has never bothered my husband, my children, or the rest of my family. Nor did it bother any of my former boyfriends, who were all thinner than me. Please talk to your dr. before stopping your medicine. I know where you've been (two attempted suicide attempts in my teens and one in my twenties) and you don't want to go back there.Best of LuckShannon


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## Guest (Feb 11, 2008)

Oh blimey - this was an old post - but your answer is a good one Shannon. Funnily (well not funny - but you know what I mean) - I was brought up short - I had a really bad day last week - hideous panic attack - so I know whats good for me - and you are right, in the great scheme of things - being abit "Ma Larkin" is NOT the end of the world - particularly when you have family and friends who love you for who you are rather than whether or no you can slide into a size 12 dress!!!!!ThanksSue xxx


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