# Do you ever feel like a bad friend because you have IBS?



## kjanz (Apr 21, 2014)

Hi. I'm new here. In fact it was because my IBS is so bad today, and I'm wallowing on my futon trying to distract myself/keep close to the bathroom that I decided to look for a place like this. I feel like shit, and it happens a lot. And I feel guilty that I keep mentioning to my friends how bad I feel, or cancel plans with them because I can't go out. I hate how hard it is to find food at resturants as my list of trigger foods just seems to be getting longer and longer. I just feel so alone a lot of the time. I get jealous of my friends because they can eat whatever they want without wondering how they'll feel in twenty minutes. I'm 19 years old, I've had IBS since I started college, so about two years, and sometimes I wish that I just felt well for a change. I know I don't have it as bad as a lot of other people, but I'm just really frustrated right now and feel like I can't turn to any of my friends for support because I don't want to burn them out. Anyone know how I feel?


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## taro (Nov 16, 2013)

I know how you feel!! IBS has a huge impact on social life. I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel plans or stay home while friends were going to eat at restaurants which I can't eat at. You never realize just how big of a role food has in social interactions until you have IBS. And because of that, it's nearly impossible to hide your illness because people you're eating with will hear you asking the server questions about the food, or see you taking your lactose intolerance pills, or ordering bottled water because tap water is just a risk you cannot take... No matter how hard I try, everyone around me knows, and it's so hard being labeled as the girl who doesn't eat anything, especially in today's world where so many people fake food intolerances that people often question how ''real'' or how bad our situation really is... However I think it's really important to have at least one person you can talk to about IBS... I wouldn't suggest friends, because in my experience no matter how good of a friend someone is, no one wants to hear about other people's diarrhea, bowel movements, etc... For me, it's my boyfriend... You can talk to your mom too, and/or to a therapist.. I wish I had better advice for you, but know that you are not alone...


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

I know what you mean.... and there have been times when I felt like a bad parent too. But I have always done my best. Have I had to miss a few events?? ABsolutely! But I have gone out waaaaay more than I have stayed in. I decided long ago that* I should have IBS and it shouldn't have me*. Either I would eat before I went out and just have sparkling water with the gang or perhaps even ginger ale. Or I would wait til I got home to eat (obviously depending on what time the event or outing was). Or if I knew the place where we were going out to, had something on the menu I could tolerate... I'd take my imodium and eat there. Or a combination... eat so,ething lite at home a bit ahead of time and eat a wee bit there too... etc.

LIFE IS SHORT!! Go out anyway! WHO cares that you have to ask for a substitution on a menu?! Or if you have to take a pill here and there?! If the friends care.. they aren't very nice friends. Do your best.. If you need to drive everywhere yourself to feel comfortable.. do that! Do WHATever you need to to feel most comfy. (Make yourself an IBS "kit" to keep in the car or a large purse)

If your friends want to know why you need to drive yourself or anything else..... just tell them you have a stomach that likes to sabotage you! Hey.. you will probably learn that a few of your own friends might have trouble too!

Don't project problems... plan for them. Don't worry.. instead prepare and make yourself comfy as much as possible. And when you know your gut just won't cooperate.... know that sometimes you need to stay home to feel best. AND..... that is ok!


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