# Loving Ourselves



## Guest (Feb 8, 2003)

http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/life_topi...p?uniqueid=6713 Evie


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Hi Evie..What great information you have shared, and just when it was needed in the worse kind of way. My daughter-in-law is going through a really tough time during the first three months of her pregnancy. She is so mentally unbalanced from a tramatic childhood, that she can't focus on anything except fear that she will lose her baby. I know she will be a great mom, even though her own mom has set very bad examples before her. I printed this article out, and intend to take it to her to read. I think this is going to be a eye opener from this. Thanks for your research. Keep helping us. This article was even good for me!


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## Guest (Feb 12, 2003)

Glad if it helped, Rowe..... and I certainly hope things work out for your daughter-in-law. With Mom-in-Law like you, she can't go wrong....







Love, Evie


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## celticlady (Aug 6, 2001)

Interesting article. Part of our learning process as a human being is to love ourselves.We must also be careful not to always think "I,I,I " and disregard or lash out at our fellow human beings,either. This only hurts ourselves in the end.


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## Guest (Feb 16, 2003)

Thanx Celtic, for that gentle reminder. I have a horrible time trying to control my emotions when I am under severe stress... (obviously).... but I can't beat myself up over it, otherwise I'll lose my Spirit and then I will die.Evie


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## celticlady (Aug 6, 2001)

I know, it is a "fine line" to walk.....its really hard for me,too. But- I try to keep reminding myself,I am doing the best I can,each day. And trying to keep it honest and REAL without stepping on too many toes...yikes! I know I struggle with that. I know for me,by being loving to myself,it is making me a better parent to my son....sometimes I have found I push my needs aside,then both my son and i "lose" 'cause I havent fulfiled my own needs,so I cant fulfill his as well.....Anyhow,just rambling.Have a good day,all.Celtic


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## Guest (Feb 16, 2003)

You are correct that we do need to take care of ourselves first. I feel as you do... if I don't take care of myself first, I am less productive and a whole lot crabbier....







I am also one of these idealists who envisions a better world.... but it's unlikely that will come about until this one is gone. Most of the people in my realtime life are very nice, caring and loving people. If they weren't, I probably wouldn't be doing as well as I am.Sometimes here I feel as if people enjoy taking pot shots... and when I am already depressed, stressed and sick, I can sometimes react to it very badly. My limbic system is shot. Period. I know this is difficult to understand and I fully expect that some of the taunters might try to hurt me again, but once I get past a certain point in a BPD episode, there is no going back. It's almost like being in another world (except I don't hear any voices....







) Very often the best remedy for it is crying. Somehow that helps... I don't know if it is physical in that it actually does remove some toxins from the body, or if it is the emotional relief that it provides? Maybe both. I just know that I can't handle stress very well and I fall apart very easily.So my biggest challenge is being able to avoid the triggers so that I don't get TO that point. Don't get me wrong.. I don't go around hurting people in my real life. Usually I withdraw until I am feeling better. But the Hubby does put up with a lot some days....







I also have this screw-up in my parasympathetic nervous system (smooth muscle system) which aggravates me to no end. I have chronic bladder sensitivity & pain (spasms), esophageal spasms and ofcourse the IBS (D & C). Add the fibro pain to that and the chronic fatigue and well, I'm a real mess even without the depression/anxiety & BPD. Sometimes the only thing I think keeps me going is my own stubbornness (That's the part that kicks in when the Loving people aren't there.)I have sculptured out a life for myself that helps me to avoid some of the biggest stressors in life... but obviously not all of them (The HMO has denied us EVERYTHING. Hubby will continue to fight...but I have to put some distance between me and it because I can't deal with it at this time.)Celtic... you've recently had some awful things happening to you in your life as well. How are handling all of this stress? I am afraid that I would crumble under such duress. You must be very strong inside.Well... Now I'm rambling......... Thanx again for your insight, Evie


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## celticlady (Aug 6, 2001)

Evie,thanks for your post.We have a lot of the same stuff going on.I have severe bladder pain and frequency(sometimes go every 10 minutes!) have been housebound/bedridden since Aug 2002 for 2/3 of the time, and in addition I have 5 discs that are"shot" in low back,3 in neck,had spinal fusion for 3 discs in neck(April 2002) and have a wonderful but emotionally disturbed son (severe depression and anxiety,but with good prognosis for future).My husband who is severely depressed but wont get help(I tried for 2-3 yrs, but He chose not to get help,if he would have gotten counceling we could have saved our marriage,it is really sad),and now we are divorcing but he ReFUSES TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE. (Mty attorney said due to the abuse I am that close to being able to get a restraining order and get him kicked out,but he has been "good" lately,House is about 800 square feet usable living space, so is hard to avoid each other. He has callled me things such as a "psychotic b&tch" and worse.I am not trying to have a "pity party" but i willl admit it is tough right now.How do I get by? I dont know! Due to stbe(soon to be ex)'s control issues,and my poor health,I have lost a great number of friends.My goal is to get more of my friends back,and make new friends.I need a supportive social circle. I also want to join a Fibro support group.I also enjoy good humor-Monty Python,or Fawlty towers,for example. Lots of prayer helps.,too.I try to find humor in the situation,also.I am glad for the little things-I have a roof over my head,I have my son,I have several REALLY GOOD friends who "get it". So-this is how I cope .No magic to it.Just struggling along like a lot of us in this life.Good luck.Celtic


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## Guest (Feb 18, 2003)

OMG, Celtic !! You are a remarkable woman to be able to live with such abuse and under such duress as well as live with all of your physical illnesses!! When I read about all of this, I actually begin to cry.... because no one should have to live like that. Can your husband talk to his doctors about getting on a medication that might make him feel a little better? That might be needed to pave the way for marriage counseling.And yes.... developing a supportive network of friends is amazingly healing, no matter what the circumstances. Do pursue that avenue !Humor is also the savior of mankind! Even though at times he is gross... I never fail to tune into Robin Williams ....







I can sure identify with the struggles as well as the coping mechanisms.....







You're a good lady, Celtic..... and I salute you for your courage as well as well as well as your *Spirit.Love, Evie


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## celticlady (Aug 6, 2001)

Evie-Thanks for your kind words.It is hell right now,but I have faith it will get better.i am sory i complained so much.Just needed to get this "off my chest" so to speakI beleive the man upstairs is trying to teach me a lesson and I will grow from all this chaos....Taking it 1 hr at a time...Sincerely,Celtic.


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## Guest (Feb 19, 2003)

Don't ever feel bad about complaining.... God knows I've done plenty of it...







And even if the answers aren't clear or forthcoming, just being able to vent can be therapeutic in itself, don't ya think?With what you are going through, you very much need to be able to come here and let it out.I, for one, will never judge you.What I may do, however, is write a poem to address this strife. With a little luck, it may even rhyme







Love, Evie


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## mclark (Feb 11, 2003)

Hi Evie, just dropped in to say hello. Hope your spirits are high today.Keep dancin' love.










































........Mike


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## Emmy Beth (Feb 20, 2003)

Hi everyone....I just wanted to let you all know that I am really glad I found this site a few nights ago and you are all some of the strongest, most compassionate people I have come in contact with. I truly believe that people that suffer as we all do are stronger than most people think because we are living through so much each and every day. Right now I am trying to keep in my mind the saying "God doesn't bring you to something that He won't see you through." Please take care of yourselves and know that in time things will get better.....


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Welcome Mollie







You will benefit from this board. I have. I also know their are a lot of caring people on the board. It is nice to share your pain, grief, and happy times together. You sound like a positive person. Stay that way!


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