# Dating and New Relationships



## mc123 (Mar 30, 2012)

I have been diagnosed with IBS for about two years and I am now 21 years old. I used to look forward to dating and the initial excitement of new relationships, but now it makes me very nervous because of my IBS and chronic fatigue issues. I have started learning to cope better with everything, but I am still going to bed very early, usually around 8 or 9 pm even on weekends, unable to drink alcohol and in the process of doing an elimination diet (on top of already being gluten and lactose intolerant and allergic to potatoes). Another main problem is that if I push myself to do a lot one day, by staying out late one night for example, it will result in a bad day the next day or two. Other than the tiredness, eating and going to the bathroom more frequently than most people, I am relatively normal most days, especially since I have started taking new pills three times a day for chronic pain, that have helped with the pain a lot and decreased bloating. I still have "off" days every few days, but this is a huge improvement from all day, everyday. Most people I know always say that they would never know I was sick if I hadn't told them since I am still very positive and outgoing. This leads into my concern about dating and new relationships. A few guys I know have told me that they are interested in going out on dates, and I have been very hesitant. I used to be very social and a frequent partier but now I seem to isolate myself because of my problems. I am interested in getting into a relationship but I am also realistic about my issues and know that it is going to be difficult for new guys to date me since I can't eat out, drink, or stay out late. Thankfully the few guys that have expressed interest do know that I have been sick, but do not realize the extent of it. I think I am just nervous because I hate having to cancel plans with my friends when I get sick out of the blue, let alone plans with someone new. I don't want them to think I am cancelling plans because I don't want to be there, or making excuses. I recognize that I do not have a life threatening illness and that things could be so much worse, but I think I just have difficultly understanding why someone would want to date me now that I have changed so much and have these possibly life long issues that have the ability of holding them back from doing things as well.Any tips or insight into this would be greatly appreciated


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## TxCowGirl12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi there







I know exactly what you are going through! I am 22 and just ended things with my fiance (we dated for 6 years) and i don't know where to start! Are guys going to be grossed out by me? And I can't drink so I'm not much of a partier.... and like you i get tired "early" as my fiance used to say. I'm usually in bed watching something on NetFlix by 10:30 then asleep by 11. I was just put on medication and it has really helped, but not helped my confidance much.


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## Tibeau (Jun 26, 2012)

I think it is important to find a person that you can share your pain with. If the person you are dating does not even try to understand your sickness and work with you then that person is probably not who you should end up with. I've been with a guy for ten months now and it was hard explaining my IBS to him at first (and it still is a bit of a struggle)but he has been one of the greatest support systems in my life. He is willing to (and even wants to) talk to me about my symptoms and help me figure out new treatments (especially as during the past 3 months my IBS has been very bad). Some guys will really surprise you! You just need to be open and willing to share your story with who ever you are going to date. One thing that has helped me is planning the dates myself. That way I know what is happening and can plan what I can eat, where the closest bathroom is, how close I am to home.


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## mc123 (Mar 30, 2012)

Thanks for the replies! I agree that it is important to find someone who is understanding, I would not be able to be with someone who didn't at least try to understand when I wasn't feeling well. Especially since being nervous and excited about going out is probably going to cause more flareups. Cowgirl, I am glad to know that I am not alone. I am hoping as I continue to improve managing my IBS I may be able to stay up later and will start to feel better about myself and more confident, as I'm sure you will too! I think the hardest part is initially having to explain to people what IBS is, I am always embarrassed to say that I have it because there is such a negative connotation associated with anything to do with your bowels. That, and the fact that I feel like I am explaining my issues ALL the time and I'm even getting tired of hearing myself say it haha!


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## malibu33 (Mar 16, 2011)

mc123 said:


> Thanks for the replies! I agree that it is important to find someone who is understanding, I would not be able to be with someone who didn't at least try to understand when I wasn't feeling well. Especially since being nervous and excited about going out is probably going to cause more flareups. Cowgirl, I am glad to know that I am not alone. I am hoping as I continue to improve managing my IBS I may be able to stay up later and will start to feel better about myself and more confident, as I'm sure you will too! I think the hardest part is initially having to explain to people what IBS is, I am always embarrassed to say that I have it because there is such a negative connotation associated with anything to do with your bowels. That, and the fact that I feel like I am explaining my issues ALL the time and I'm even getting tired of hearing myself say it haha!


hi there! i'm 24 and I can really relate with you how hard, stressful, and anxious dating with ibs can be! Quite honestly I've never told a guy I've dated about my IBS b/c it's just too embarassing for me to go into. I'll hint that I have stomach problems or I don't like certain foods b/c they upset my stomach, but that's as far as I'll go. I also go with the dieting excuse sometimes to explain my limited eating. I've worked out a system on the days I know I'm going out with a guy or friends. Basically I don't eat anything or barely anything the night before or the day of. I take 2-4 immodium a few hours before I go out and most of the time that does the trick! I can usually can even get away with eating a meal with a guy/friends as long as I've taken immodium before hand and I'll be fine for the rest of the night. I don't know what I'd do if the immodium didn't work. It still is really annoying- I always hide extra immodium in my purse and I have to just limit my eating or eat really light non-greasy food like chicken. I'm nervous about going away on an extended trip with a guy and I'm scared to hell to live with a guy if I ever get that serious in a relationship. I mean I guess if you're ready to move in with someone you should be comfortable enough with them to talk about your medical problems, but it's just such an embarassing topic I'd rather avoid bringing it up for as long as possible. I'm not sure this answer helps, but that's my two sense. I just can really sympathize with you and wish you the best of luck with it! it's nice to know you're not alone. still sucks going through it. I'm still being treating by a GI but so far nothings worked except for the immodium, which is a band aid, not a cure.


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## Hope4Health (Jul 21, 2012)

I can relate to this as well. My boyfriend is aware of my stomach issues to some extent, but I don't think other people can truly understand what IBS sufferers go through..all summer I've just been sitting inside for fear of even leaving the comfort of my house. I feel like I'm holding my boyfriend back from the things he may want to go do. Or I feel like I'm disappointing him because I'm being "lame" and don't feel up to going places. He says he doesn't care and he understands, but I care...I don't want to live my life like this. I don't want to dread my wedding day, having children, starting a career..I don't know what else to try at this point. I tried soooooooo many things and had so many tests done.


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## Katrina the cat (Aug 7, 2012)

Hey Girls,I can really relate, I have IBS and it really hard to be social. I find it is really hard to be go out with friends. Eating out and drinking is hard for me and I try to eat foods that upset my stomach less but it really hard. I frequently end up being in increased pain and come back home in a lot of pain ( I am in pain all the time so in a sense it's just a matter how strong the pain gets). I haven't dated for a while and now trying to date, I think my IBS makes it really difficult to do it. I agree with Tibeau about planning where you go helps. I try to plan where I go out with friends and it does help me. I also try to eat food at home or something that I bring form home (if I go out directly after work) this way I am not very hungry and can better manage what I eat. mc123 , I can realy related to what you wrote: _"I think I just have difficultly understanding why someone would want to date me now that I have changed so much and have these possibly life long issues that have the ability of holding them back from doing things as well." _I feel the same way but you need to try to keep positive. Don't let IBS to be your only characteristic, there is lots of good things about you. P. S. I didn't get the hang on quoting function on this form yet


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