# Social Situations



## KittyKat12 (Jul 16, 2006)

Ever since I've had IBS, I honestly hate social situations. It feels like it just stresses me even more...the great "unknown" of what might happen when you are with others. How do you get over that?


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## overitnow (Nov 25, 2001)

I used to leave the room a lot. Also, quite seriously, I allowed our dog to take a certain amount of blame for my gas.Finding a treatment that stopped the D has greatly reduced any social problems. I know it is easier said than done; but there are approaches on the Board that seem to work for many. No reason you can't be among this group.Mark


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## Rachel (Dec 31, 1998)

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## 20287 (Apr 29, 2007)

I have to agree with you that social situations (especially with people you don't know too well) suck. I just tell my friends that I have IBS and they understand and we all just joke about it. but sometimes I always try to find an excuse to say home or I get really bad diarrhea before I have to go out. seriously you never know what could happen. also when I'm out with boys (I'm a teenager) I get so scared of what could happen. so I take a lot of imodium and try not to eat at all. but in the end I always end up having a good time and I don't even think about my ibs. if you don't think about it, nothing will happen.


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## 21857 (Aug 15, 2006)

I found the best way to go about it was to be honest with my friends, not one of them doesnt know i have ibs. But then my friends are very understanding, and they werent really surprised with the amount of time i spent on the toilet already. Of course this isnt always going to happen, so the best thing to do is not talk yourself into it, the more you think about having an incident, the worse your stomach will feel. Just try and settle yourself down.Best of luck!


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

I dread most social situations, but once I get there I'm usually OK. What often happens is I'm so nervous about going out I have an IBS-attack while I'm still getting ready, so I have time to take Immodium and codeine and feel like I've got the worst over with. I don't mind parties so much, because I can drink to relax, and there is usually loud music, dim lighting and enough people that I can slip away unnoticed if I need to. A few years ago, before my anxiety kicked in, I was more laid back about IBS and sometimes had attacks when out shopping with friends or in town with boyfriends. I'd just tell them I had my period and had bad cramps (somehow much less embarassing than having IBS!) Now my boyfriend and two closest friends know but I'd still be embarassed to tell them if I was having an IBS attack. I'd probably say I had a migraine or felt nauseous.


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## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

I use the nauseated excuse a lot. I take preventative measures (like imodium), and always carry an extra pair of panties, extra imodium, and preperation H wipes (good for hemmies but also just cleanup from bad D). My friends think I'm nutty, but very few know I have IBS and the rest have just become used to my suddenly leaving, although they don't know why. My boyfriend knows I have IBS so he usually gets what I'm saying when I say I need to leave soon. I always drive seperately so I can come/go as I need to.


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## dreday (May 4, 2007)

Im going crazy replying to everything because I just need to talk to people who have this! But ya, my social life is zilch. I cry all thetime about it. You guys seem to have ti under control, which is where I my whole life with this problem until 3 months ago. Now, I hate hate hate going out but I have to. And i get sick everywhere with everyone. So i avoid ppl who dont know about my ibs and panic and stress. My boyfriend is alwasy sending me flowers and candy and cards to make em feel better cuz I am always crying. He is the greatest and I dunno how he is still attarcted to me and love sme. W/e. This is depressing me more.


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## mattfraser (Feb 18, 2003)

Hi all.You guys (and gals) are really lucky if you have friends that are understanding. The few friends that i have told (my closest friends) i get no sympathy, no understanding and all i ever get is that horrible saying "Oh, you will be alright."I have tried explaining how bad it is. They may start to understand but the next time i see them it's the same old story. I even get the pi55 taken out of me in front of others which is really embarrasing and on occasions has got me really angry.On a lighter note my girlfriend is brilliant with me Matt


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## dreday (May 4, 2007)

mattfraser said:


> Hi all.You guys (and gals) are really lucky if you have friends that are understanding. The few friends that i have told (my closest friends) i get no sympathy, no understanding and all i ever get is that horrible saying "Oh, you will be alright."I have tried explaining how bad it is. They may start to understand but the next time i see them it's the same old story. I even get the pi55 taken out of me in front of others which is really embarrasing and on occasions has got me really angry.On a lighter note my girlfriend is brilliant with me Matt


My family says "It's in your head! Relax!" Im rightly sick of it. My friends call me the diarrhea queen. I mean, its always soemhting you are going to be humilated by. My boyfriend made fun of me one time cuz I said somehting insensitive about him, he was like, well what if I told you that you poop a lot?! i wanted to blow my head off and un away. There's a lot of #### with the occasional goodness. Im bitter right now as you can see.


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## mattfraser (Feb 18, 2003)

Hi dreday"It's in your head", "oh, you'll be fine". If we had a £1 (or $1) for everytime we hear this. It's so frustrating when nobody close to you takes this condition seriously.I'm off on a stag do on June 1st to Brussels with these friends of mine that only ever say the above things to me. I am dredding it. Been worrying about it for months and as it approches my stomach is getting worse and worse thinking about it.........hang on, so maybe it is in my head to some extent.............but isn't that sometimes the hardest thing to get over, the mental side of having IBS.People who don't have it will never understand fully, even the people that are helpful and nice to you about it!Matt


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## dreday (May 4, 2007)

mattfraser said:


> Hi dreday"It's in your head", "oh, you'll be fine". If we had a £1 (or $1) for everytime we hear this. It's so frustrating when nobody close to you takes this condition seriously.I'm off on a stag do on June 1st to Brussels with these friends of mine that only ever say the above things to me. I am dredding it. Been worrying about it for months and as it approches my stomach is getting worse and worse thinking about it.........hang on, so maybe it is in my head to some extent.............but isn't that sometimes the hardest thing to get over, the mental side of having IBS.People who don't have it will never understand fully, even the people that are helpful and nice to you about it!Matt


My hats off to you. I would die if I had to go on a trip right no. But my anxiety im sure is much worse then you. I just refuse. I have all these plans for when I get better.....but I feel that won't ever happen. I just need to learn from this place I'm going to, how to handle stress. If it doesn't work, I am geting an anti -anxiety/depressant. But i have to wait 2 months till the traetment is over to see if it worked. For now, I am literally losig my mind. I just popped a sleeping pill which I never would do before now. I need it to kick in soon! Oh by the way, I know how you feel about the dreading it emotion. I have that everyday. But I had to go on a trip with my best friends to Berkely, in northern California. It was a nightmare! I held them back soo much while i got sick every night. theyw nanted to be young and party, and that made me sooo nervous. They didn't let me go home alone but ended up blaming me for the bad trip. I cried to my boyfriend every night about how much I wanted to go home. thiking about it freaks me out all over again.


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## 20004 (Feb 27, 2007)

I empathise with all the posts. I turn down most social contact and only a few people close to me know why.I do also believe the 'its all in your head' is a very large part of my problem. I anticipate disaster and often make it happen unintentionally. I had CBT about 11 years ago and it was slightly effective at changing my thought patterns for a short time, but then the whole IBS got worse and worse. From these boards I heard about Mike's hypnotherapy tapes and I am just past day 52 (out of 100). It isnt a miracle cure yet but I think about the IBS differently and am a lot calmer and less depressed generally. I have had issues with going to the toilet for as long as I remember so maybe I need to repeat the course to undo the engrained responses to anxiety. I would highly recommend everyone giving them a try if you havent already, its not a cure for everyone but the effects are certainly not negative and lots of people have reported considerable success.


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## mattfraser (Feb 18, 2003)

HiI am under no allusions that most people on this board are worse off than me nowadays. It wasn't always so. When i first started having IBS problems i was going to the toilet (D) between 30-50 times a day. Seems a ridiculous amount but i would literally spend all day on the loo for the first 6 months.I could never go out anywhere. I was 19-20 years old when this happened. I went to the doctor during this time and had some tests done but was told i would need to see a specialist and that s/he would contact me via letter. When the letter came my appointment was in 6 months time (NHS - how fantastic!) Anyway, what i am getting to is for about 4 years my life was hell so i can relate to what people go through and i really feel for them, gradually over years (am now 28) it got slightly better. Nowadays it is the best it has ever been providing i stick to routines. Anything out of the ordinary and i am screwed. Also every now and again, perhaps every 2-3 months i go through a bad patch of 2-4 weeks where nothing i do can help me. I have permanent stomach aches, constant D, bloatedness, constant need to visit the loo even if i don't need to go.....the list goes on!I should point out at this point that i have a liver disorder called 'Gilbert's syndrome' basically i have an enzyme called the 'Jubin Johnson' missing in my liver. The function of this enzyme is to clean the blood of any poison as it passes through the liver. As you can imagine without this the poison level in my blood is sky high permanently and am sure this has not helped me over the years. (although doctors say it has no effect?) But over years the body learns other ways to get rid of the poison. Whether this helps my IBS or not i'm not sure!How old are you? How long have you had IBS? I'm not saying it's the same with everyone as we all know IBS is different for everyone but with me it has got better as i get older and i hope it continues that way. I am getting married next year and will probably try for kids within a couple of years of getting hitched so am hoping to be a little better by then but who knows!There is also a family history of IBS. There are many people on my dads side that have IBS-D which makes you wonder if it's hereditary in any way. All doctors i have talked to rubbish that idea. I think i will feel really guilty if any of my future kids are IBS sufferers.Any history of IBS in your family?Gonna stop now or i will natter on for ages Matt


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## KittyKat12 (Jul 16, 2006)

Thank you for all the feedback. It is comforting to hear some of the other ways people deal with it. After looking and looking and reading and reading, I finally ordered Mike's CD's. I figure some people have had good success with it. I am hoping to start it tonight.You know, it is weird how the brain works. I logically know that I will be fine as long as there is a bathroom where I'm going. But, for some reason, I still worry about going out esp. to a restuarant. Maybe the cd's will help me get out the anxiety phase. My husband has asked that I go on lake boat ride for work in a few weeks. Every though he is generally understanding about the whole deal, I know he will be disappointed if I don't go. Just the thought of being "trapped" on a boat....


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## mattfraser (Feb 18, 2003)

HiRemeber if it helps you.....trapped on a boat where there hopefully will be lots of toilets. Perhaps better than a city break where you could be caught short and not know where the next toilet will be!I might be a little thick here but where is the page with mike's CD information on it....i can't seem to find it!!!Matt


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## KittyKat12 (Jul 16, 2006)

The information regarding the cd's is under the treatment heading, I believe under Cognitive Behavior Therapy & Hypononis Therapy (IBS Audio Program 100)


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## dreday (May 4, 2007)

KittyKat12 said:


> The information regarding the cd's is under the treatment heading, I believe under Cognitive Behavior Therapy & Hypononis Therapy (IBS Audio Program 100)


Ever heard of IBS - Guided Imagery? I borrwed it form my social worker becaue I cant afforf a therapist. She isnt great tho. But the cd was kinda relaxing thr first time, then i could just never get into listehing to a voice for over an hour. I kept finding myself arguing back with her positive statements. I needs meds.


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## 15976 (Nov 22, 2006)

I tried guided imagery also but it is hard for me to see images in my mind, at least the ones they suggest.I have ended up just trying to not totally limit all social situations but I have limited some. I also find medication helps immensely. Right now I am off meds for the time being so I tend to not put SO many social situations back to back. Today I have to go do a presentation at someone's house I've never been to and other people will be coming with me in the car. That is a scary thing for me but I'm just going to do it and hope for the best. I will take an imodium an hour before and half an ativan also. I am trying to keep my social activities to the point where I can get out some but where I'm not totally overwhelmed by it all. That is why I work P/T instead of F/T also.


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## vgail (Feb 24, 2007)

Can I ever relate to everything everybody is going through. I know I work myself up before leaving the house, but how can that be helped. I have had so...many close calls and partial accidents. How can a person not be worked up thinking that could happen again at any time? Just the other night I went out to eat with my older sister and daughter before my daughter's band concert. I felt fine when I left the restaurant, but shortly after getting in the car and traveling to my daughter's school (with my sister following me in her car, she didn't know where she was going) my stomach started to rumble. The school wasn't all that far away, but there were no stops in between that I could have used and once I would have gotten to the school it would have been a 5 minute walk to get to the bathroom. How can a person not be anxious in a situation like that? I have a lot of problems with explosive diarrhea meaning a bathroom that is more than 5-10 seconds away is too far. I know I make matters worse by getting all that much more anxious, but how can you not? It is humiliating, embarrassing and the most uncomfortable situation to ever be in. If anyone has similar problems and has found a solution please let me know. I sympathize will all of you that go through this all the time too!


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## Chelc124 (Jun 1, 2007)

why cant we just be excited about trips and traveling?!?!?!? EVERYONE ELSE GETS TO! not fair!!!!


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## KittyKat12 (Jul 16, 2006)

You know, I felt the same way (about people saying the "I understand"). I finally told my husband that if I feel uncomfortable going somewhere, I usually feel bad, guilty about it anyway and that it would help me feel better (and less stressed about not going), if he said "I'm sorry you can't go, but I understand." I think that it really didn't occur to him how those few words would mean and help a lot to me. I was glad that I just laid it all out there.


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## Chelc124 (Jun 1, 2007)

KittyKat12 said:


> You know, I felt the same way (about people saying the "I understand"). I finally told my husband that if I feel uncomfortable going somewhere, I usually feel bad, guilty about it anyway and that it would help me feel better (and less stressed about not going), if he said "I'm sorry you can't go, but I understand." I think that it really didn't occur to him how those few words would mean and help a lot to me. I was glad that I just laid it all out there.


Oh, I always feel like I drag people down. The worst thing is their dissapointed face or their dissapointed voice over the phone. And I can't be confident when I back out of social events either because I already feel SO BAD about it. I always feel like I'm faking, but I really know that I'm not. I know my stomach hurts! Why do I play mind games with myself?


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## clareuk (Feb 7, 2006)

I understand all this. I managed to get rid of all my friends because I didn't want to be pressured to go out to social situations all the time. Work is a bad enough trauma. When I am home I feel safe and it got such a performance to go out that I just can't deal with it anymore. I have a wedding invitation in a couple of weeks and I don't think I am going to go. My mum and the family want me to go, and "it won't be the same without me" and "you'll be fine" is all I hear. I am also trying to think about them. If I go I will wreck the day for them. They will have a much better time if I don't go as I always end up feeling so guilty that I am ruining the day for everyone. Quite honestly I just don't want to deal with it all anymore. I have to get up at 6am everyday just so that I can spend a few hours sitting on the throne!!and take my imodium tablets - which I may add take 3 hours to work on a good day. I spend all day, every day thinking about it and I just want to be normal. I find myself getting angry that this had to happen to me. I also feel really lonely as I don't have any friends that I can talk to this about. They don't understand anyway. It is nice to know that we are all in the same boat as at least we can all help each other. But I do find myself feeling increasingly envious about people that can have a normal life and I want that back. I want to be "me" again.


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## KittyKat12 (Jul 16, 2006)

Claire UK - I completely understand, believe me! I look back on the life I used to have before all this ibs started and just wish I could even have half of that life back!


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