# I'm a mess and really down.



## Kiwichick (Aug 13, 2007)

I have IBS-D most of the time but sometimes I think it's alternating. I have pain all the time just the strength varies. I am taking Buscopan (antispasmodic) and flying on a wing and a prayer. I have restricted my diet to just a few foods and only drink about 3 cups of fluid (water) a day. I cut the water down on purpose because in my mind if you don't drink it you can't turn it into diarrhoea. But my problem is I am very anxious and agitated all the time. I am also depressed and have OCD and a germ phobia. No wonder my gut plays up. The doctor has given me Paxil but I am to scared to try them. My biggest fear being that they will cause diarrhoea, which really unsettles me cause i always think i have a bug! Then the phobia kicks in and I have to go round being hypervigilant and cleaning everything with bleach so no one else gets it. That makes me really anxious and agitated and round and round I go. I also can't aford to be anymore agitated or anxious and that is also a side effect. It seems my mind never gets a rest from thinking and worrying over almost everything. My sleep is heavy and lifeless and I wake up hungover everyday. I just don't know wether to give in and take the Paxil or just keep trying to get on top of things myself, which I'm not being very sucessful with. In fact I think I'm getting worse. I am seeing a psychologist for the phobia and OCD but have only just started and she says it will take along time.Life really is miserable at the moment and there is no joy in anything, I just keep thinking it would be so nice if it were all over, and i was normal. I tried Prozac once and felt suicidal, thay called it a paradoxical effect, and that is scary to.I don't know what to do. Anyway just offloading. Any ideas?


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## MyOwnSavior (Dec 21, 2006)

Kiwichick said:


> I have IBS-D most of the time but sometimes I think it's alternating. I have pain all the time just the strength varies. I am taking Buscopan (antispasmodic) and flying on a wing and a prayer. I have restricted my diet to just a few foods and only drink about 3 cups of fluid (water) a day. I cut the water down on purpose because in my mind if you don't drink it you can't turn it into diarrhoea. But my problem is I am very anxious and agitated all the time. I am also depressed and have OCD and a germ phobia. No wonder my gut plays up. The doctor has given me Paxil but I am to scared to try them. My biggest fear being that they will cause diarrhoea, which really unsettles me cause i always think i have a bug! Then the phobia kicks in and I have to go round being hypervigilant and cleaning everything with bleach so no one else gets it. That makes me really anxious and agitated and round and round I go. I also can't aford to be anymore agitated or anxious and that is also a side effect. It seems my mind never gets a rest from thinking and worrying over almost everything. My sleep is heavy and lifeless and I wake up hungover everyday. I just don't know wether to give in and take the Paxil or just keep trying to get on top of things myself, which I'm not being very sucessful with. In fact I think I'm getting worse. I am seeing a psychologist for the phobia and OCD but have only just started and she says it will take along time.Life really is miserable at the moment and there is no joy in anything, I just keep thinking it would be so nice if it were all over, and i was normal. I tried Prozac once and felt suicidal, thay called it a paradoxical effect, and that is scary to.I don't know what to do. Anyway just offloading. Any ideas?


Hi there, sorry to hear you're so down at the moment. Lately I've been feeling the same way, so I can definately empathize with you.I don't think there's one thing that can help you. Still, I think you've taken the right step insofar as you are seeing a counselor to deal with the phobia. I can't help too much with the emotional end of it - I wish I could, but I've never encountered an approach that helped me, to be honest. So I can't really recommend anything to you ... I can only hope that what you're already doing will help you in the end.I don't know much about Paxil, but I take Cymbalta to eliminate (or at least reduce) most of my IBS symptoms. Honestly, before I started taking it, I would have a fair bit of D, like 5-6 bowel movements per day. They say one of the side effects of Cymbalta is C, which I'm imagining would help you out quite a bit. After being on Cymbalta for only a few weeks, I noticed that I only would go once a day (rarely twice), and it would be considerably less watery and all that stuff (sorry for being so descriptive but I'm sure you can understand why I have to be in order to make my point adequately). Also I've been taking Align along with it - maybe it's just one, or maybe it's a combination of the two of them - that is helping me. Either way, I'm not complaining about the results. I can't say much about it's effect on my depressive symptoms though. There are still some days when I just feel empty - when I just feel like crying for who knows what reason. There are some days where I just don't feel like I can control myself emotionally - where for some reason I just get emotionally immature. And it's weird - I can see myself doing that but I can't do anything about it. It's like I'm watching someone else or something. And it's not the Cymbalta causing it or anything, because I've always kind of been that way - it's like a part of me that never matured, and just kind of emerges from time to time...So anyway, in your case I would recommend the Cymbalta just to kind of "constipate" you and thus get rid of (hopefully) the D you've been experiencing. It also works well for pain too; I can't believe how much better I feel physically as far as the IBS is concerned. I never thought I'd be this improved - but before when the pain was basically uncontrolled and was ruling my daily life I was considering suicide, much like yourself. And even today, I can't get rid of the desire for that - even though I got rid of a lot of the reasons why I thought I wanted that in the first place (i.e. the IBS ruining my life). Best of luck, and be sure to update us on how you're doing.


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## Guest (Dec 3, 2007)

Well you've come to the right place hun.There seem to be a number of issues here don't there - physical and mental. I'm a Brit, so I'm afraid I don't know much specifically about Paxil - is this an anti-depressant. You have to remember 2 main things about anti-d's - they are ideosyncratic - so what might suit one, might not suit you. I was tried on Prozac with disasterous side-effects but I know folk who are well and happy on them. I had to try 3 anti-d's before I found one which suited me, I've been on Mitrazapene for about best part of 2 years and am well and happy and working on it - the only side-effect is weight-gain and I've learnt to live with that.The other main feature of any anti-d - is that it might well take 6/8 weeks to work - so be patient. You are clearly unwell at the mo - so it might be worth starting your anti-d - work closely with the doctor and see how you go on but don't expect miracles or probably anything much for those first few weeks. Be alert but not alarmed by side-effects. The information that comes with them is alarming - I understand why it has to be - but just take it seriously but don't go OTT with alarm.I'm not much help I'm afraid with the D - but many others will be able to help. Have a look on the other forums - specially IBS-D and see what others have done to help at least control their symptoms.Please remember - life is obviously very tough for you at the moment and I can totally empathise here - I have been down in the pits - really - and in hospital with depression for 6 very long weeks - but things WILL get better. You are just going to have to be proactive and robust and really work with any sympathetic health provider.I wish you all the luck in the world - please keep in touch.Sue, Manchester, UK


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## Lillett (Jun 4, 2006)

I went through WelButrin and Lexapro. They both gave me horrible side effects but I have a friend who does well on Lexapro. Like Sue said, they are very unique to the person who is taking them. I am now taking the anti-D Nortriptyline and it is working so well. It eliminates any pain and I don't have D all the time. Granted I had to have a breakdown in my Dr's office last year to get them to prescribe it to me because it was after all, "just IBS". I also take calcium and fiber (tips taken off this board), watch what I eat, exercise, use the boards daily, and I read Heather V's book, "The First Year with IBS" which saved me. Keep trying and like Sue said take some time and check out the postings in the forums. Others have had success with other remedies.


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## kitkat17 Lady of the Loo (Jul 21, 2005)

I have tried about 8 different anti depressants and CANNOT take any. I freak on the darn things. I wish I coudl find that miracle pill too. I am really thinking baout asking for Cybalta since I read a while back that it causes C. I would welcome some C anyday.I take Xanax too everyday fror anxiety and panic attacks. I wish you were feeling better. I know the depression you feel. I HATE IBS. I hate what it has done to my life.Take care . Hope you find the right meds to feel betterKat


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