# I am just so depressed. I hate my life.



## ..::v0kaledGe::.. (Feb 1, 2003)

My life is the supposed to be wonderful right now. If only I didn't have this constant nagging worry about what all these symptoms are. The docs all diagnosed me with IBS after a couple of cheap x-rays and a stupid ultrasound that doesn't even diagnose G.I. problems. I am so fed up. I can't even yell or swear to describe the pain I am feeling. Nobody, nobody at all understands or cares. I feel so alone. I thought my boyfriend would make it better but he makes it worse. I just wish everything would be better when I wake up. I wish I could just have a nice dream where I am finally not in pain or uncomfortable and stay in that dream forever. I wish my life in reality is a dream. I am so afraid I'm gonna die. Please help me. I don't know what I should do to get through to all of you. I may sound crazy but I frankly don't care. I don't want to go to school. It's so uncomfortable! My stomach bloats up EVERY NIGHT. It's just too much.-	Bloating after eating and when Iï¿½m crouching or sitting down, I can expand my stomach to look like Iï¿½m really pregnant itï¿½s very uncomfortable and happens mostly after eating and I notice it more after dinner. It is worse on some days for no apparent reason. My stomach is uncomfortable throughout the night, waking me up a lot lately and it is better in the morning but my stomach is just uncomfortable 24/7 lately. Itï¿½s getting worse and worse!-	Burping & Passing gas so much. Yesterday for 2 periods I passed gas at school like 30 plus times and the other day I was having cramps in my back like period cramps but I felt I needed to have a BM and I already did that morning but I still felt bad. I still didnï¿½t get my period I was supposed to a week ago or so. Burping & passing gas sometimes make the bloating a little better but it is still uncomfortable. Usually when I burp, I burp up the taste of what I ate like an hour or two ago.-	There is an uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen. This is probably the worst of all the symptoms. It has gotten a lot worse lately and I always feel like there is so much stool or something inflamed there. It is SO uncomfortable, I canï¿½t describe it. On the lower right it is tender and a bit painful when you press there. There are two long hard lumps that I can move on the right and left side and they connect to another one in the middle of my stomach. I really think this is abnormal and I wouldnï¿½t be complaining about it if I didnï¿½t really think too much about it, please take it seriously!!! I am pissed off!-	When I pass a BM it is sometimes long & dark & hard or just a bit of cramps & then it is softer, lighter & a lot of it. After going I feel better for maybe 2 hours but thatï¿½s it and then I only go for 2 or 3 days never everyday. I have small ï¿½rabbit pelletsï¿½ too. -	I wake up at night frequently now. -	Iï¿½m not sure about weight loss but I went to my friends house first I was 95 then in 2 weeks 99 then another 2 or 3 weeks later Iï¿½m 102 then another month and Iï¿½m 110 on her scale and then I go to the pediatric G.I. and Iï¿½m 97. Iï¿½m not sure about my weight!!-	I have noticed some red flecks in my stool. Sometimes they are just bright red when I took the fleet enema and liquidy but other times just a bit darker. And I also sometimes have very dark, tarry stools which I heard could be from blood that is digested. I always feel so uncomfortable 24/7 and Iï¿½M FED UP!!!


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## Auroraheart (Aug 8, 2000)

Have you already started your elimination diet? I found using a daytimer and writing EVERYTHING I put in my mouth down. Gum, food, water and how much of everything. I also knew stress was a factor for me so I would mark down how stressed I was too.If you haven't done this, then you need to. Most people start to see a pattern forming. eg eating steak causes pain/IBS problems of either type, lettuce/onions are also common, gum chewing etcThe other thing I am concerned about is your outlook on life right now. That is one thing you DO have control over. You can go through life hating it and wanting to die, or you can look at the good things in it and concentrate on them. Sometimes depression is caused by our bodies. Have you mentioned this to your doctor? Some people have found that when they went on antidepressants their IBS also got better. Counselling also helped others. I think it was Jeanne or BQ who once told me every day to write down things I am grateful for. Silly things like a beautiful sunrise to more meaningful ones such as getting through a day that was not as bad as it could have been. (or has been) And, in a weird way, knowing others have it much, much worse than me on my worst days helps me too. (though not diminishing what I know I am going through..or what you are)I see you are in Canada. I think here we sometimes think our regular doctor is the end analysis. It's perfectly okay to get a second, a third opinion. Your doctor is human and a result of his medical training and experiences. Maybe the next doctor has seen what you have before and has an idea on how to help. A gastro doctor is also a good idea to go to. (you need to be referred by a regular doctor)Bright red blood from what I recall generally means an anal fissue. Sounds like you maybe constipated as well, and that can happen. I'm normally D myself, but I have been constipated after my barium enema, and I had that. I still get it once in awhile if I am straining. Again, a doctor can tell you for sure. (be prepared for a finger up your butt, it'll hurt but that is how my doctor checked mine)Please take care.


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## devorahb14 (Jan 13, 2002)

Dear 03 Bonnie,I really understand how you're feeling. I also suffer alot from severe IBS and other stomach problemes. When you're feeling emotionally down, it really makes everything worse. I would love to write to you, do you have an e-mail adress?


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## shadow (Nov 30, 2000)

Bonnie, you need to get your parents to schedule you with a GI doc. Have you had a colonoscopy?Pat


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## cherronatl (Mar 14, 2003)

You know some days I do feel the same way. I want to die than going through the pain I am going through. I am 18 yrs old and about to graduate, so you think I should be out there having fun but I am not. I sit at home all the time now because I am tired, no energy, depressed, naseous (hopefully I spelled that right), feeling like I have to go have BM, and plenty other symptoms. Well one day I found something that has help me alot through this. I turned my life around and started to get more religious and asked God to heal me. Now I am not saying you should do that or that's the best way to go for you but what I am saying is if you start to believe in yourself that you will get better you will. This IBS thing has taken a toll on my life and I have to adjust around it now. Another thing that helped me was finding out information about IBS. Finding out information about what to eat, what to do when you have an attack, etc. So there is a way to live with this thing. I know where you are coming from and I hope you do take some of the advice and live your life to the fullest.


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## Taylor Wilkens (Mar 26, 2003)

sometimes i wish i would die. because i have really bad ibs things.i wish i whould pull out my hair and scream and die. HELP ME


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## sickofthis (Apr 14, 2003)

We all understand and we all care, believe me. We know what the pain is like. And it can be so hard when you are young trying to cope with IBS and get a grip on what's happening to yourself. But you wouldn't believe how many people actually have IBS....it affects something like 1 in 5 women.....that's a lot! So you aren't alone. The best thing for you to do is get your parents to talk to your guidance councillor at school. I did that when I was in high school and they actually gave me a key to a teachers bathroom that wasn't really every used so I could go there when I was sick or just when I needed to chill or anything. Good luck. hang in there.


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