# Telling new people about your ME



## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

How do you go about bringing up the subject of your ME with new people when they invite you to go out socially with them and you know you are going to be too tired?I've had the problem in the past where people who didnt understand it very well thought I was just making excuses because I didn't want to be bothered and have lost friendships over it.I now have a new room mate moving in and she is very nice, fun and lively and she has invited me out for new years straight after i have finished work - now I know with all the work I've been doing recently and how I feel today that I'm more than likely going to feel dreadful tomorrow by the time my work is finished.I just didn't know how to bring up the subject without her thinking I'm snubbing her and her friends...so I left the subject open then I just sent her a text saying I think that its more than likely I will be too tired because of a hectic work schedule recently....I feel like a bit of a coward, but I just dont know how to casually drop it into conversation with someone I don't know that well....with my close friends they have all known for a long time so they know to expect cancellations and the sort.....Maybe I'm obsessing about it too much, but I don't want to get off on the wrong foot with someone I'm about to live with.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Oh this is such a difficult situation! No matter how many times it happens, it's really hard, and I still am not sure what is the exactly right thing to say.Usually, I go the route of just saying "I have some serious health problems", or "I'm disabled with some chronic health problems".More recently, I went as far as to tell someone I had "ME". They asked what it was, and I explained that it's very similar to MS. They seemed to understand, and have become very supportive and understanding about it.I think for me, it might be easier, because I am disabled and can't work. So people are like, oh, ok you're very limited. But for you, it's probably more difficult, since you DO still work, they probably assume since you can work, then you must be fine.When I really have to go into a more detailed explanation with someone who I've only recently met, I usually give them a brief recap of that essay "The Spoon Theory". (I think it maybe is in the FAQ) But that's if the subject arises again once I've told them vaguely that I have health problems.I honestly try to be very vague usually, and I NEVER say "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome", because that ALWAYS gives people such a bad idea of what it is. I always call it "ME" when I have to mention it specifically. I am not so sure that being vague is the best option though, because if you just say "health problems", that really doesn't give them a fair picture of what it is you deal with everyday, or how it limits you. So maybe it is better to call them "disabling health problems", or "serious chronic health problems" - I'm really not sure.I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I can understand wanting to have a good relationship with this gal, since you're going to be roommates. I sure hope she will understand! I've found the outcome of that conversation depends a LOT on the person you're having it with - whether they're compassionate people, or self-centered and not understanding.I do think it's better to just put it out there right away, instead of tiptoeing around it. If you just always cancel, they might think you're snubbing, but if you explain from the get go that you have very limiting health problems, they're more likely to realize that you're not snubbing them. Also, if you treat it like it's some big, embarrassing secret, it might become a bigger deal than it really is. (If that makes sense.)Keep us posted. This is so hard. It's like trying to find an answer when I meet someone new and they say "What do you do?" LOL


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