# Newbie: I really need your help...



## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

First of all let me start by thanking you ahead of time for taking the time and effort to read this, and hopefully (I am crossing my fingers) provide your insight/thoughts/opinions/recommendations, etc....Second - I hope this is an okay place to post this...I am I am surely on target with the 'constipation' - not quite sure if I have any form of IBS - but I could....who knows, so I hope I can get some help from all of you experts here! I have been reading (lurking) here for the past week....although I just joined today so I could finally build up the guts to take some action, ask you guys for help, and change my life (I hope)....I am 26 years old - female. I started using laxatives (the generic brand of correctal...the pink womens, aka for women) at the age of 16....I think (It was a long time ago...therefore it's hard to remember when this all started). I still use them, or should I say abuse them. Although now I use them out of necessity...it is so true that you become dependent on laxatives (stimulant ones that contract your intenstines, or whatnot). So, here I am, like 10 years later...dependent on these damn laxatives just to go #2.Back when this vicious cycle started, I turned to laxatives for, well...I suppose a sense of control. I couldn't even begin to tell you when I became dependent on them...but after much abuse whenever I have tried to stop using them I just cannot seem to go. I hate it. I LOVE to eat....eating without pooping equates to MUCH discomfort, bloating, my lower tummy extends so much and gets so full and it hurts and is not comfortable and my clothes begin to not fit around my waist. I cannot live without pooping...who could? So, I turn back to laxatives...damn them....Now, at 26, I use them out of necessity. Please help me. What can and should I do to "wene" my body off of them and train my poor abused body how to go on its own? I have tried Citrucel,...I eat All Bran Buds cereal (not always, but a few times a week for breakfast), I eat lots of fruits (not too many veggies as I am not a huge fan) I eat only whole wheat bread and whole wheat pasta (unless at a restaurant and they don't offer it).....What else?I just picked up some Miralax on Tuesday and have been taking one dose (17 grams...or one capful) every morning since then (so this was day three) - but as I have just started the Miralax I am still taking my correctol laxatives because I am too scared to stop taking them due to all of my previous failed attempts...I am scared if I stop the correctol I won't be able to go and this scares me.Also, please answer this honestly....is there a chance that I have hurt my body (digestive track) so bad due to my 10 years of correctol usage that I will NOT be able to ever heal myself...ever going on my own? This scares the bejeezers out of me...just that possibility. I think I might have done that.Note: I often take....this is hard for me to admit, 180-200 correctol tablets a day. Yes, you read that right. I will take 20 at a time, throughout the day. NOT ALL AT ONCE. so like 20 pills x 9-10 times daily. There are days when I will only take 100 or whatever....I probably average 160 a day. This is because after time the body builds up a resistance to the laxatives....so I begin to not poop, and to fix it I have increased the amount I take. Yes, this has been a VERY expensive habit....Like I have said above, I hate this....I bet you are starring at your computer screen thinking "180-200 laxatives tablets a day?!?!? This girl has got to be so messed up, her body will never be able to function without the laxatives". That, that is what I am petrified of. And, I do not want to live the rest of my life taking laxatives.Please, please offer some advice. I know you are all busy people with busy lives of your own...but I am really alone in this. I figured you folks were the best people to turn to. I am so glad I found this forum. I was like "Wow, other people with pooping problems like me...I am not all alone in this....".Thanks, again....in advance...I cannot wait to read what you all have to say.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

WOW. I might use 200 suppositories in a year, but in a day?! that is very extreme assuming this is for real. I think you may need to consult a therapist or addiction specialist, again, assuming this is real. I think there are some more serious issues which need to be addressed other than your having become severely addicted to laxatives. How did this all start? Why did you want to "control" a natural body function? You may have indeed ruined your digestive tract for life. Not only that, but you may have also created some liver damage, as well as damage to your heart and kidneys.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

"If this is real indeed" - why would you say that. This is INDEED real. My situation is real, and I am real scared, have been for a long long time....maybe keeping it inside was best..... I do not know why you would say that, I do not know why at all. Why did I feel the need to control a body function? Well, actually I felt the need to control my life. I was being sexually abused by my older brother, who was later (in his mid 20's) diagnosed schizophrenic (sp?) amongst numerous other issues that he had. He has since passed away....I did see a therapist, that is when i really tried to stop with the laxatives. I also got a full physical check up at my doctors office, and I disclosed to him all of the laxative abuse. This physical was in February of this year. My liver was (shockingly) healthy...he looked into all of this, well - for the obvious reasons; there was as strong possibility that I did do perminent damage - but he said I had not (at least not to the liver). My hearty and Kidney readings also came back in the normal ranges. I sure was relieved...I must ask: why would you put it out there that I very well might have permenantly damaged my digestive track without giving me any recommendations or help as I had asked for? Why feel the need to be cruel and scare me more than I already am.I hate this cycle - didn't that come through loud and clear in my original post.You offered no advice, or kind words. You only insulted me, the honesty of this post, etc....I put myself out there, already acknowledging the fact that I know what I have been doing isnt good, healthy, or 'normal' - and you have to slam me. After all of the lurking I have done and reading of past/current postings...I saw no responses like yours at all. I was hoping to get advice, help....not put-downs.Thanks for all of your positive advice on maybe foods that could help, HEALTHY medicines, etc....much appreciated.


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## SKZ (Dec 1, 2007)

HI there,I feel your pain and fear. I am almost 52 and I am laxative dependent on Milk of Magnesia, which is less harsh than the Correctal. Since I have a son who is your age, (and a 22 yr. old daughter) I am going to tell you what I would advise them. This isnt going to be easy, but you need to make an appt. with a Gastroenterologist and just be totally up front as to exactly what you said there. Trust me, you are not the only one that has done this behavior. They have heard it ALL. That is the only way you will be able to wean off those laxatives and onto the Miralax, for a start. You have to realize (which I know you already do) that it is abuse. You dont want to end up pregnant one day and still be dependent on the Correctal. The doctor wont be judgemental about it. And you will feel really good that you are finally starting to get off of those things. I cant manage without Milk of Magnesia. Even magnesium tablets dont work that well for me. Please please please keep us posted, ok?Sue


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## Ohana (Dec 14, 2007)

Hi thereWhatever has happened in the past has happened I am sorry you felt the precious poster was insulting you, I am sure they did'nt intend too but they may well be wrapping their head around your situation. I am glad that you ahve no liver damage though thats great news.Is it a good idea to go back your doctor and get a referal to a health nutritionist as well as go and see a doctor who specialises in this are (there is a name for them it escapes me!!)Apart from that drink lots, plenty of fresh fruit, fiber and exercise is a good start although in your situation with the level of laxitives used I would really recommend getting professional advice,Good luck, hope all works out for you.


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## SKZ (Dec 1, 2007)

IBSinGeorgia,Do me a favor, please and learn some tact.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

I certainly do apologize if I cam off as uncaring. I most certainly did not intend to. I kept saying "If this is real" because I am all to familiar with people who try to make a mockery of people who need to use laxatives because they suffer from chronic constipation. I assumed incorrectly that you were one of those people. I am sorry !!!I am glad that you are lucky enough not to have caused any permanent damage to your bodily organs. In your first post you made no mention at all of sexual abuse. I suspected there was something such as sexual abuse below the surface of this. I'm sorry your Brother did that to you, and even more sorry that he has now passed away. The most important thing I can tell you to do is throw away the Miralax. I mean absolutely no disrespect to you, but it could be a dangerous temptation to have it around. Kind of like a smoker kicking the habit who still keeps his cigarettes and ashtray around. IF you absolutely need the Miralax in order to retrain your bowels to function properly, ONLY use the recommended daily dose maybe once or twice a week. NO more than that. You might want to also consider Metamucil or Fibercon or some other fiber which is safe to use every day. THose will work to retrain the bowel and restore the natural function. It may take a while--a few weeks or a month or so because you became so very dependent on the Correctol. When you take these remember to drink LOTS of water during the day. If you weigh 109 lbs, you should drink 109 oz of water each day. In other words, whatever your body weight, drink that (in ounces) of water a day. This will also help immensely to rehydrate the bowel. Lastly, try a probiotic--either in pill form or in some yogurts. Those will help to restore the good bacteria needed for a healthy functioning digestive tract.again I didn't mean to come off as insensitive.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

SKZ said:


> IBSinGeorgia,Do me a favor, please and learn some tact.


see my post below Above^^^^^^^


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

SKZ said:


> IBSinGeorgia,Do me a favor, please and learn some tact.


Me learn some tact? I am confused???Thanks for the last few posts (the advice) - that is what I appreciate I am going to look into seeing a GI specialist...since I have not been. When I saw and disclosed this all to my doctor in February I told him of the extent of my laxative abuse - and although he did order all those blood tests (kidneys, liver, heart, etc...) I am kinda shocked (now, after having read all of these posts and other threads from those with IBS issues) that my doctor didnt recommend that I see a GI specialist....hmmmm.....I just finished graduate school (masters in education) and until I have a full-time teaching job (hopefully starting in September for the 2008-2009 school year) I do not have that good of insurance. I have my own insurance - which is mainly meant to assist in case of a huge emergency (think Cancer, etc.... those possibilities)....although I am getting married in May and can then be on the fiance's insurance...but until then any BIG expensive medical bills would be solely covered by me (in the form of debt.....hello credit card).....which poses quite the problem assuming I see a GI specialist (Which I am going to research for doctors in my area) and there needs to be extensive testing - that could be really pricey!Also - I am well aware that this is an addiction. the advice you provided was great, and I soooo appreciate the way you offered it to me I thank my lucky stars that I have healthy genes and a very strong body that has remained strong through this. I was shocked when my results came back as normal (heart, kidneys, etc..) - although who knows what my intestines and colon look like...geesh that could be scary........If anyone here knows a lot about what kidney levels (and heart, liver, etc...) should be at (in terms of the blood tests I had done) I would love to share my #'s (they mean nothing to me, meaning I have no clue what they mean I was just told they are all in the "normal" range). I think I kept my lab results sheet in my filing cabinet.....Thanks again. Any other advice is, of course, much appreciated.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

Oh I get it - I thought you were telling ME to learn some tact. Sorry!


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

Oh I get it - I thought you were telling ME to learn some tact. Sorry!


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## SKZ (Dec 1, 2007)

Chicago:I was talking to IBSinDGeorgia about the tact. We sorted it out, though. I wrote you both a private message by the way.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

SKZ said:


> Chicago:I was talking to IBSinDGeorgia about the tact. We sorted it out, though. I wrote you both a private message by the way.


And I tried to reply but it wouldn't let me. Yours was the first PM I ever got on this site.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

It's okay. I am glad that you didn't mean to come off as harsh.... I was upset because I thought you MEANT to come off that way...obviously you did not.I didn't mention the sexual abuse because, well, I was hoping I wouldn;t have to. It is still hard to think about, and typing/talking about it is when I would, naturally, think about it. He was troubled, he is in a better place now. he has been troubled in the mind since he was young....never properly diagnosed until his 20's (b.c you cannot be diagnosed with those type of psychiatric illnesses until your 20's at the earliest).....He was never really happy or "living", as we know it....I hate saying this - but I was put at some sense of peace with the whole thing when he was freed of his life also....that sounds weird. If you knew him, my family, etc - you would understand and it would make more sense....I would never make a mockery of IBS issues, or any health related issues. BUt, then again, you don't know me so how could you have known that?Isn't the Miralax meant to be taken daily though?Also, back when I had my testing done (Feb) I was seeing a phychologist who specialized in sexual abuse, and a nutritionlaist who worked with her (meaning on the phone, they had communication...they had worked together before with various patients).... Anyhow - my nutritionalist was slowly "wheening" me off the laxatives. One week I was at 200. The next 180. the next, 160, then 140, etc.....This way - the hope was my body would adjust better....and not get thrown into a total constipation tail-spin (in which case the patient, me, would normally run right back to the laxatives). Is that a good approach to use again? Versus just trying to stop cold turkey? my fear is that stopping suddenly will totally confuse my body and without the abilty to "go" at all, I cannot fathem not using the laxatives.....Advice on that? Also - what is best for my situation - soluble or insoluble fiber. Obviosuly both are needed, but which should I focus on?


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

I was thinking of you already being dependent on laxatives when I suggested taking the Miralax once or twice a week. I wouldn't want you to add to your problems. Check with your therapist or physician and see what they say about it.Your therapist does have the right idea of gradually weaning you from the correctol instead of having you go off them all at once. That might severely constipate you to the point where you would need a manual disimpaction which is NO fun at all--I speak from experience!I would say that you need both soluble and insoluble fiber equally to restore the natural muscle function and moisture content of your feces so that they will pass easier.I'm not too sure, but I think years ago doctors would recommend Fleet enemas as a method to retrain the bowel in cases of laxative dependency. Maybe Cherrie or someone could give some info on this?


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

FWIW: I am no longer seeing the nutritionist and therapist. Reason being: I saw them for months, weekely at first and then decreased to bi-weekly. As time went on I had the "nutrition" part down to a T (I totally know what foods soluble and insoluble fibers are in, I know a lot about nutrition, well compared to what I used to know at least!). And, I had talked out all of the issues with my sexual abuse past and its influence on my current relationships with my therapist.....it was getting to the point where I was coming in....having conversations like "so, how was my week? I did X, Y and Z, this is new, this is also new, I did this, went here and there" blah blah blah. I felt we had talked out my past and I had finally "dealt' with it.....My problem now is learning to to HEAL my body so I can STOP the laxatives.My problem last time is once I started slowing down with the #2 I went right back to upping my laxatives. I am back up to where I started (180 or so a day). I have been back up there for some time now. Next move: Call a GI specialist to make an apt. AND - start to slowly decrease the laxatives I am taking....I will do what my nutritionalist had me doing previously.....decrease by 20 pills (which is what I take at one time) a week.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

Chicagogal6 said:


> FWIW: I am no longer seeing the nutritionist and therapist. Reason being: I saw them for months, weekely at first and then decreased to bi-weekly. As time went on I had the "nutrition" part down to a T (I totally know what foods soluble and insoluble fibers are in, I know a lot about nutrition, well compared to what I used to know at least!). And, I had talked out all of the issues with my sexual abuse past and its influence on my current relationships with my therapist.....it was getting to the point where I was coming in....having conversations like "so, how was my week? I did X, Y and Z, this is new, this is also new, I did this, went here and there" blah blah blah. I felt we had talked out my past and I had finally "dealt' with it.....My problem now is learning to to HEAL my body so I can STOP the laxatives.My problem last time is once I started slowing down with the #2 I went right back to upping my laxatives. I am back up to where I started (180 or so a day). I have been back up there for some time now. Next move: Call a GI specialist to make an apt. AND - start to slowly decrease the laxatives I am taking....I will do what my nutritionalist had me doing previously.....decrease by 20 pills (which is what I take at one time) a week.


I feel for you. I really do. When you do return to normal bowel function, which includes at least occasional constipation for everyone at some time or another, what will you do then? It would be ok to take up to FOUR correctol at a time(its been a while since I used correctol but I think thats what the directions say) but it can take a while for correctol to work(at least it did with me) a better solution--ONCE you get weaned off the correctol and have occasional constipation--would be to buy a SMALL pack of dulcolax suppositories that contain four or five suppositories and only use ONE of those when you ABSOLUTELY can't go any other way


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

Thanks for thinking ahead Georgia! (My aunt, uncle and cousings all live in Georgia...Marietta (sp?)!Actually, the way you worded that "when you return to normal bowel function".......the "when"...made me smile. This is what I fear - that my body is so messed up from what I have done that I will not be able to return to "normal" bowel function...this fear scares me to death!


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

Chicagogal6 said:


> Thanks for thinking ahead Georgia! (My aunt, uncle and cousings all live in Georgia...Marietta (sp?)!Actually, the way you worded that "when you return to normal bowel function".......the "when"...made me smile. This is what I fear - that my body is so messed up from what I have done that I will not be able to return to "normal" bowel function...this fear scares me to death!


Well if there's one thing that I know from this site, "normal" really is in the eye of the beholder. At the very worst you would most likely end up like most of us here, with either IBS-C, IBS-D, or a combination of both. When you get to the point of "normal" bowel function and you WILL get to that point, you will have to experiment like so many of us to find what works for you, what doesn't work, and alternate back and forth, left and right, up and down with what works at any given time and stops working for a while, then starts back at some point in the future. I think now that you know about laxative dependence you can and indeed will be careful with taking too many. If your all your liver kidney and heart tests have come back normal, I don't foresee any problems in the immediate future. At the very least you will simply be prone to chronic constipation. Think back to before this all started: did you ever get constipated as a child and as a teenager? How did you manage it then or how did your mom or dad manage it? BTW--I'm only two years older than you, so I know what its like to be young and constipated all the time.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

I did it. I really did it. Thanks to all of you, who made me see that I really needed to see a GI specialist...I got an apt!Listen to this - I actually called the doctor referral services at Northwestern Memmorial Hospital last night, to leave a message. I go to NWM hospital for my doctor, and OBGYN (they are part of the hospital, their offices are within blocks of the actual hospital....you can pretty much see a doctor for anything you need over there affiliated with that hospital - its a HUGE campus located in downtown Chicago (about a mile and a half south of me - as I am in Lincoln Park).So, this incredibly sweet lady, Anette, called me back this morning. I wanted to make sure I got an apt. with a doctor who specializes in my area of need...so I actually told Anette what I needed, what I had done...I even told her that scary (and embarrasing) number *180* pills many days. I kinda felt bad after I told her all this...I could tell she got really worried. She said something like "Oh my gosh sweetheart, we have to get you in here". She told me how backed up the GI doc's were....lots of peeps with tummy troubles (we all know about that here, haha).....so actually said "Instead of me giving you a number to call, in which case you might have trouble getting in within the next few weeks, if at all, prior to seeing a general doctor to get a direct referral to a GI doctor...would you like me to see what I can do?" I was shocked...she was going to actually take the initiative to help me directly....which isn't really her job. SO said "Oh my gosh, are you serious, yes, yes and thank you so much for actually caring a taking a personal interest in this. I just want to be able to stop using these laxatives so bad and I cannot seem to do so on my own....I need help (or my body does) so that I can somehow learn/teach the body how to once again poop by itself......"She literally called back within 30 mins and said " I am so happy, it must be an early birthday present for you (she had already asked my birthday, which is on Tuesday), there was a cancelation and Dr. Greg Cohen's assistant was able to get you in on MOnday (this monday!!!!) at 1:00PM.". She continued "Lindsay - the best thing about Dr. Cohen is that he has the biggest heart. He WILL be able to help you, he has seen stuff like this before."It is like a load off my shoulders you guys. I mean, there is help. There are things I can be doing, Healthy things, that can assist me. I am NOT alone...on my own to deal with my "going" issues. I am so thrilled. So thrilled. Here is the Doctors website: http://www.cohengastro.com/He specializes in multiple GI issues...one being CONSTIPATION!YAY. I am so excited....isn't that funny? Excited to see a GI doctor. I am also kinda nervous...okay really nervous. And - in addition to being excited and nervous, I am also worried about how much this all might cost me....OUCH.....Again, thank you all. Help (I hope) is in sight.


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

That's great







I'm so glad you are on the way to being able to combat this monstrous addiction. Please let us know what they say on Monday. BTW, My Birthday was just Last Friday, so we're only a year apart or so I thought about your situation last night. I kinda got scared myself. I know I haven't used correctol, but I have been using suppositories a lot more lately and that kinda scares me. Today I'm having a little trouble going--not much compared to what I normally have, so I am kinda fighting the urge to take a suppository. I ate some Krystal (southern hamburger chain..kinda like White Castle for those of you in the north and east) and that always gets me going.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

I will definitely keep you guys posted. Hopefully I can post back here on Monday about my appointment...it might not be till Tuesday though - going out to dinner on Monday with my loving fiance (birthday dinner, b-day tuesday but going out to eat on monday for it. Not sure where...he planned it







)I use suppositories once in a while also. Not good, not good at all...I know


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

Chicagogal6 said:


> I will definitely keep you guys posted. Hopefully I can post back here on Monday about my appointment...it might not be till Tuesday though - going out to dinner on Monday with my loving fiance (birthday dinner, b-day tuesday but going out to eat on monday for it. Not sure where...he planned it
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Happy early Birthday What kind of suppositories do you use when you use them. My Doctor told me that using glycerin suppositories occasionally--even somewhat frequently--was ok as long as I didn't use them every day. It still kinda scares me though. Usually I use one jar of Fleet glycerin 100 count in a year...This year, I have had to use almost two complete jars.


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

I use the generic (cheaper) version - walgreen or CVS, of glycerin suppositories also...not daily - not even close. Some times 2-3 times a week, sometimes I go weeks without using them.The Miralx seems to work for me (hard to tell though since I am still on correctol laxatives....but since I am seeing this GI doc tomorrow hopefully I can decrease those, on-going, until I am not using them any more......and then hopefully the Miralax still works for me like I am assuming it might be now!


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

Thanks for the early birthday wishes also!


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## IBSCinGeorgia (Oct 6, 2007)

You're welcome for the early birthday wishes I can't use generic anything as far as laxatives go. I tried generic enemas, generic correctol, generic dulcolax tabs and suppositories. None of the generic worked for me. How do the glycerin suppositories work for you when you use them? have you ever had an enema?Hopefully the GI will give you some good news and an early B-Day present


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## Chicagogal6 (Dec 14, 2007)

Yes the generic work for me when I use them (usually at least...70% of the time or so).I have never used an enema - not even sure really what that is...what is it exactly? Do they work better for you than suppositories???So mt apt. went well. GI was very very nice. He did tell me the amount I take at times (180) is the highest he has heard of (although he said some people may not be completely honest about the #'s as I was). However, when I do have bowel movements daily....multiple times, when taking 180...and they are never ever ever solid. Always watery.....completely loose stools. I cannot even remember when I last went #2 and it was solid...honestly it was THAT long ago. That being said - is great. B.c that means that with the # I am taking it is too much







I could take less and still have a bowel movement - so he says. So - we are slowing me down on the laxatives (like I thought would be the plan). Going to take 100 a day (started yesterday)....and not incorporate the miralax until later once I am going less than once a day...that will be the point that we need to add on something to replace the laxatives. I was told that Miralax is completely safe to take for long term use (forever for some people). Also - IBS can be "caused" - or brought on by an individual. I may have caused IBS (constipation, not diariah) - on myself....no way to know yet though.He said - because I am still going to the bathroom multiple times a day (and usually waking up at night to go too...who wouldnt with 180 laxatives - haha) I SHOULD (so he says) be able to return to normal (whatever that is for me) bowel function eventually (no clue when that would be). If I will need to take a medication, miralax, or something else to aide me, short term, long term, or forever, is unknown...but he said everything appears ok and healthy (at least to a point of healthy), at this point in time.Man - am I one lucky girl. For now the plan is to weene (sp?) me off the laxatives, and along the way when it appears it's needed add in something else.I am going to communicate with the doctor (directly, not some secretary) weekly (or biweekly) via email or phone. So - I will email him next Monday with the progress/process.


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## sally-p (Nov 1, 2001)

Chicagogal6: You certainly came to the right place. This board has helped thousands of people, includuing me. This is the place for information, inspiration, compassion, etc. When I joined this board there were 7,000 members, now there are 28,500+. Someone here has had your problem, knows your pain and can relate on many levels. Good luck to you and come back and "talk" to us again.Sally-p


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## R777 (Jan 3, 2008)

I think you're starting at the wrong end. The problem is not that you're taking too many laxatives, but that you're eating too much, and then you're purging yourself with laxatives so that you can eat some more. You need a medication to reduce your appetite, then you won't need that many laxatives. You need to see a weight control specialist or a psychiatrist. I'm not suggesting anything bad by advising you to see a psychiatrist, but I see a similarity between your condition and that of a bulimic who vomits her food after eating so that she can eat again. The ultimate goal is for you to have therapy to understand the reasons for your over-eating. Look I'm on your side, don't get upset by anything I write.


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