# Keeping Control - When The Mind Is Scattered



## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey Everyone,Something I have been wondering is how do you keep control when your mind is scattered and there is nothing to fill your time with. I so badly want to have another job and to get involved in a hobby. But its just an aweful time of year to be wanting these things. I job search every morning but ther are so few jobs being advertised. I try to write up a calander to fill my time and days, but its gets to a point where you have done everything you can and there is nothing left.I have cleaned my house everyday, cleaning up after everyone, rearranged my room several times lol, set everything up for when uni goes back in Feb, hung out with my friends, train everyday at the gym and in the pools (being doing it for the last week, finally able to walk and do triathlons)....... there are massive empty spaces in my day. I even applied for a volunteer job which i find out about in Feb.I find my mind wondering to my ex, not thinking anything positive i might add, but thinking i bet he is happy and having fun and never thinks about me. Yet he is the mean person who did nasty things and cheated on me, he deserves all this bad luck!!!. But then i kick myself for thinking about it, cause in the bigger picture who cares about that, its a useless thought.I want to be happy, i want a forfilling life filled with friends, work, hobbies, training and love. But sometimes i wonder where does one go to find these things. The state i live in is very clicky and anti-social, you ahve your set group of friends and thats it. One of my biggest fears in life is that i may not find a man who loves me and i love them and we will get married and have kids. Im not ready for any of that at all right now, but i fear when i am ready i may not find it. Im getting old..... there isnt that much time left. Also good men these days are hard to find. It is oh so easy to cheat these days, women are giving up sex on one night stands like hotcakes... men dont have to treat a girl well or commit to just one, cause they are getting it all without the commitment. Sad really.Sorry to vent, if you read it all you deserve a hug and a well done lol...... just my banter of concerns and thoughts. It really frustrates me and makes me sad sometimes.Ive decided to go and buy a good luck charm today lol, i know they are silly but maybe it will ahve a placebo affect on me Poo Pea (((hugs)))extra hugs if you read it all lol (((hugs)))


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi {{{Poo Pea}}}sorry I was tied up with some stuff and only able to write now.I'll continue building up on this message. Just want to post this first to give you a BIG HUG...Cherrie


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

(Continued...)I hear you about all you've posted and totally get you about the racing mind vs empty space kind of thing.And I personally think that you have done amazint things already to not only get through the day, but also filling your time as much as possible with meaningful activities and positive attitudes. This is already a very big step towards the goal you are aiming at. So, please do not beat yourself up with the idea that you're not doing everything -- yes you are and you are doing everything you can think of. And do acknowledge and congratulate yourself on what you have already achieved. You _are _a very brave fighter against all these struggles.And please believe that all of these WILL eventually pay off and that you WILL get to the end of the tunnel and stay in a very good place full of light and happiness. You WILL. I have confidence in you. And please do have confidence in yourself and in what you're doing to achieve this. As for your ex, he _may _be "enjoying" his life _*for now*_, BUT in the long run if he keeps being a dishonest person and a cheater, he will learn big lessons sooner or later. So, trust that -- and believe that when humans can't see for the time being, God (or whoever you believe in) sees all the time. A good person like yourself WILL eventually be rewarded in abundance and a cheater like your ex will get his due, also, in the future if not now. I _know _it is very very hard not to think about what you've thought about (and it is natural to think that way), but trust me, the universe always has a way to be fair and just in the long run -- and I say this from my own personal experience. So, please do trust yourself and what you've been doing and celebrate what you have achieved (although it may not seem like you've achieved much in your own eyes, through what you've written, you really HAVE in my eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of everyone else who read your post).And you are NOT getting old. And there are plenty good guys out there. People fall in love and get married at all ages. While it is true that in today's world it feel that they are not as easy to come by, but they _are _out there. Again, I am confident that once you've reached the end of the tunnel, you will meet the right guy and you will love again and be loved and cherished.For the time being, it may be an idea to find some hobby that's not too mind-boggling, but very engaging and needing you to concentrate? Maybe like learning to paint (even like taking a painting class), or a golf class, or learning to play a musical instrument? I personally find these things can usually occupy my mind with beautiful thoughts and feelings...Also, I think the good luck charm is a GREAT idea -- I have lots of them myself  ... Do fill your place and more importantly your thoughts and your heart with the thought of good luck! Your time will come, sooner or later...And remember, we're all here for you, always! So do post as much as you feel like {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}Cherrie


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## Guest (Jan 5, 2008)

Poo - you are such a special person - somebody will come along I'm sure.But you are right - you've got to be right positive in the here and now - and sounds like you are getting out there are making the best of the situation you find yourself in now.I think volunteering is a great first step into the working world and into finding like minded people as well. I know when I wanted to do something when the kiddies were teeny - I went to work on a Saturday afternoon (couldn't do it during the week - my hubby worked away/abroad during the working week) in an Oxfam shop - now it wasn't exactly a hotbed of sexy men or owt but at least got me back some much-needed confidence.I'm not sure what you said you were volunteering in - but there are loads of different things I'm sure you could get involved with - a mate of mine does "SaneLine" (for folk with Mental Health issues) over the phone from home. I work 1 day a week in an 18th Century Cotton Spinning Mill - might not sound a barrel of laughs - but I've met some wonderful people and armies of great and not so great school children that I take around each week. There really is no end to getting into something that takes your fancy and might even lead to paid work - it did in my case through the Citizens Advice Bureau.I'm not a great "hobbies" girlie - maybe you are - if you are creative - there are probably hosts of wonderful things you could do - you ask our Cherrie (sorry hun - haven't had time to read your response but I'm betting you've given Poo lots and lots to think about).You're already well on the way to getting out there - you're positive attitude speaks volumes about the kind of gutsy girlie you are Poo and we're here for you every step of the way.Sue xxxx


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

"I want to be happy, i want a forfilling life filled with friends, work, hobbies, training and love. But sometimes i wonder where does one go to find these things."Aww, this sounds so familiar to me. Where did I hear these thoughts? Eh, they´ve been in my head for a long time. I can soo relate to that. Sometimes it´s so frustrating to see all of my friends being independent, happy in their lives, studying in colleges and having their whole grown- up lives while I feel this weird emptiness and it feels like I got lost at some point and don´t seem to be able to move on. Anyway, back to your problem, cause this is your thread, of course. I´ve wanted to let you know that you´re not the only one feeling this way and that I´m here for you if you´d like to talk to someone. I haven´t found the solution neither the key to happiness yet - obviously - but don´t give up and never stop searching- I won´t stop, either.


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Just sending ((hugs)). Totally different but my 2 youngest are starting school this year and I have 8 whole hours a day which I am looking at filling up with I don't know what, so I understand the feeling of being lost and feeling empty at times. With your ex, I feel your pain on that one too. The boyfriend I had before I met my husband was a chronic cheater (although he still denies it to this day, only problem was he went for DNA testing on his ex's baby which she conceived while we were still together and yes, he was very freaked out about it!). It's not an easy thing to get past, I still have moments of doubt with my husband, he works part time in security at a nightclub and I'm well aware of what girls much younger than me in skimpy clothes are after, however deep down I know that I can trust him. There is a man out there for you, you just haven't found him yet. I don't know that I believe completely in what goes around comes around but in the end, you'll find someone and be happy and your ex will be nothing more than the odd thought in your head of "I wonder what ever happened to .....".


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Just fyiChanging Our Negative Thoughtshttp://www.4woman.gov/editor/2007/08/


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## Poo Pea 2 (Jan 4, 2008)

Hey Sue, Cherrie, Evulienka and Eric,Thank you so much for your kind words and support I really appreciate it With the last of my money i bought a braclet for health, a necklace for good luck and a stone for stength. I got talking so much to the lady there that she even gave me a stone for love for free . There are some nice ppl out there. Her kindness made me smile all day.Im trying to emit positive energy and thoughts and create a positive energy around me. Thank you again!!!!Poo Pea (((hugs)))


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## Guest (Jan 8, 2008)

Oh good for you Poo - and you are right - sometimes you find right nice folk in really unlikely places too.Keep in touch won't you.Sue xxx


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