# Life with IBS.. the Spouse's view



## Guest (Jul 21, 2001)

I really don't know where to begin, so I will try starting at the beginning... In November of 2000 my husband got a 72 hr stomach virus, the whole family got it, but after a week his symptoms weren't easing up any. To shorten the story some, we spent the next 5 months or more in and out of the Emergency room, and in and out of doctors offices. Finally, we found a doctor willing to run a colonoscopy test. When we finally got the results back they told us that my husband had IBS.. At first we thought great ... we finally know what is wrong with him ... but then it hit us.. "What is IBS? and how do we treat it?" Since being diagnosed with IBS, my husband has had several different test run and has been on several different medications.. Ativan, BuSpar, Efflexor, Belladonna/Phenobar, Phenergan, Meperidine/Promethazine (which is Mepergan), Levsin, and Asacol, the most recent medication was Paxil (which only made the symptoms worse).. they have tried antispasmatics and they have tried anxiety medications ... nothing is working. We have a 2 yr. old son that loves to play with his father, and most of the time my husband's pain is so severe that he can't play with him. Which is stressful and cause his symptoms to worsen. Before November we had a normal life, he played with our son, we went out from time to time, we went shopping..... now there are days that I can't even get him to get off the couch. I read several posts about how IBS patients are dealing with the pain and suffering cause by this illness ... but the reason I am writing is to let other spouses know how I am dealing with it. There are days that I just want to sit and scream out "Why us?" I have tried talking to some of my In-laws about it, just to relieve some of my stress, but all they say is "Its in his head," or "Learn to cope with stress, I do." But I know that its not that easy to "deal with." I sit back and watch my husband's attitude towards life slowly vanish ... he makes quiet comments like "Why don't you just leave me" or "why doesn't someone just shoot me and get this over with." I watch our son have to sit and play by himself or with his mother when all he really wants to do is play with his daddy. And all of this tears me up because I can't do anything to help. I read about finding out what triggers the symptoms ... well.. we tried to do that and it seems that almost everything does. For instance.. he can eat a steak, but not hamburger meat. He can't drink milk, he can't have any fats, pork triggers it ... and so on... We have tried diets, exercise, and we are trying medications. Thankfully we have a very open doctor that has read the article on SIBO that we found and gave to him. He is now willing to try flagyl to see if that will help any. I hear everyone telling me to help "keep stress down" but what a lot of them don't realize is that with IBS its hard to do, the pain alone is stressful. I am trying to be a strong person and help my husband and our family through this, but it is a very hard thing to do when you don't have anyone to talk to about all of it. Especially when they keep telling you that it is all in his head. I can't talk to him about it.. because I don't want to upset him.. plus he really doesn't want to talk about it ... and I understand that.. In closing ... no I am not an IBS patient ... but I am a wife of an IBS patient.. and that is rough too ... so please.. those of you that are married ... understand one thing ... your spouse needs you just as much as you need them ... try to be understanding when they get just as upset and frustrated with IBS as you... And if anyone out there has any suggestions that I could give our doctor.. please Email me at Zappa1800###aol.com I try to check the post board but I just don't get on the computer much, except to check Email and research the new medications that they give my husband......... Thank you for listening to me and letting me relieve some of my stress.. Sincerely yours, Beth


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