# Home to visit my parents...worried



## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Next week I'm going to stay with my parents. I'm at uni and try to avoid going home as much as possible, as my dad's v.strict. Having D is awkward and embarassing, and the anxiety makes it worse.When I'm home all my childhood memories of being yelled at/kept in/ridiculed/trying to hide my iBS symptoms come flooding back to me. My Dad thinks IBS is totally psychological- he doesn't know I've got it but some of my relatives have- but I think he suspects as he makes a fuss if I go to the bathroom more than once a day. I always spend the week drugged up on benzos trying to keep a bright smile on my face.Anyone else feel their IBS is connected to family problems? Anyone got any tips for coping?


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Good luck Sukie.I know how that stuff is.My sister has chronic cystitis. She has a "real" condition. So if she needs the bathroom, she gets it. If i go in- "Get out. You are always in there".My tips for coping are stay out of the house as much as possible. lol.Not good- sorry.


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

My dad was similar.I did something very unorthodox. While I regret what I did, I'm not upset about the consequences. He really started getting on my case one night (being sick all the time, taking longer in college, medicines/doctors [bills])... so I judo threw him on the ground (gently) and put him in a pin called "knee on belly", which is just how it sounds... I put my knee on his stomach and used that to hold him down. I began to ask him calm questions like "how do you feel? do you feel like being social? do you think you could concentrate on taking a test right now?" So I got off of him when he was very appollogetic. I never hurt him... these are very controlled moves that only cause discomfort. He got up, hugged me, said he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again.Did I mention that he's an abusive alcoholic to boot? I regret that I snapped like that on him, but how can you reason with an abusive alcoholic? I was tired of being berated. Since all that has happened, he's been ultra supportive. So much so that I'm getting skeptical. Oh well.







I hope things get better Sukie. But you might want to "have it out with him" so to speak, in whatever way you feel comfortable. It might be good to loudly express what's going on?good luck.


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Angst, it sounds like you did the right thing. You made him look through your eyes and get a taste of what you go through.Unfortunately it's tabboo in my house to mention bodily functions.When I'm home I never know whether to lie low and try and keep the peace with my dad, or be more assertive and hopefully gain his respect. I guess when I'm nolonger financuially dependent on him it'll be easier to stand up to him. I did judo for a few years







but I don't think I'll risk taking on my dad as he's about twice my size and weight, with big muscles from digging the garden! Saying that, a tanniotoshi might make him re-think his bullying!


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

I did a Sukui Nage. As you can see, it's very gentle. I'm not advocating expressing yourself physically... I'm just telling you what I did and the results that it yielded. If you did judo you should know that it's one martial art that truly uses someone's weight, strength, and momentum against them.http://www.judoinfo.com/images/animations/blue/sukuinage.htm


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## 21198 (Dec 10, 2006)

suki dont be worried about ibs around your parents , I had to get weekly enemas from my mom from age 14-19 to get thru constipation /megacolon/and IBS symptoms !! It was embarrassing as hell to be naked on my hands an knees naked in front of my mom , but mom did it every week no matter what.I was also afraid of friends/neighbors knowing and she promised to keep it secret and she did .Why dont you ask your mom or dad to buy you a Fleet enema if youre backed up when there,millions of people of all ages get enemas every day ,in facvt enemas outsell aspirin in drug stores. Or youll have a bigger problem if you hold it until you leave!!


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

Maybe she has IBS-D?


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

I do have IBS-D. I've had it since I was a young child, but back then my parents just thought I was making a fuss over nothing. My mum used to give me enterotabs but my dad used to blame it on me refusing to eat 'healthy' food like salad and tomatoes (2 of my worst triggers!!)I'd love to make my dad see through my eyes for a change, but judo is out of the question (except in my imagination!), partly it would enrage him and partly becasue I haven't been to a class since I was 10. I had a rather unorthodox teacher who liked to show off and send the skinny people flying, he once strangled someone unconscious at a grading.I will try and be more verbally assertive with my dad. And try and stay cool. And remind myself I'm an adult who can escape!


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

Damn... That's not unorthodox, that's wrong. The only time our instructor touched us was when we got a promotion. He'd give us a judo handshake (we'd get tossed, lol). In judo we were always drilled "take care of uke (your opponent)"... Nobody ever got hurt in a judo class of mine.I had a minor injury, but I fell wrong while sparring with a 300 lb guy and he fell on me. It caused a compressed knuckle in my chest.Maybe you should plan out a few premises to a good argument and let him have it when he starts in on you.


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