# Fell Off the Wagon and need some advice please!



## AB (Sep 12, 2004)

Hey y'all, Wow, it's been such a long time since I've posted. For a while, I haven't had to. Let me back up a step. I started IBS 100 about 2 years ago and it worked great. I was able to take car rides again, and I got married and had an awesome wedding with no problems. OK, I did take a half a Xanax facsimile and a couple of Immodium just in case. But, thanks to Mr. Mahoney's techniques, I was able to calm myself, and I had so much fun. In my opinion, it was the most fun I've ever had. Anyways, I've been married for a year and a half, and things have been going so well than I had a set-back a couple of weeks ago. A friend of mine invited my husband and me over for a weekend. I panicked like I had not done in a very long time. You see, they have an apartment, and I assume they only have one bath-room. The thought of the 4 of us there with one bath-room freaked me out. For some reason, even typing it right now is making my heart beat faster and my palms sweat. It's bewildering me. It's not like I've never slept over at friends' apartments with one bath-room. So, I really don't understand what has come over me. The fear of going over there has led me to do something I'm not proud of. I've lied to them in order to get out of having to go over there. I wanted to tell them the truth, but the concept was so frightening that lying seemed like a better out. Now, for the past two weeks, I've felt very unsettled and stressed. My stomach has been going crazy. I feel the doubts and fears creeping back in. I haven't listened to Michael's CDs in over a year, so I really need a bit of advice on how to proceed. I also have the follow-up CD. Should I restart the program? Should I only do certain parts? I really need some help here. Thanks guys. This is the only place that I know I can come to, be totally, honest, not feel embarrassed, and not be judged. This service is priceless. I wish IBS was more in the spot-light, so that we can finally find a cure. Thank you so much!-(Used to be AB) AC


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi AB,and welcome back!







Firstly, don't beat yourself up about this - you know you have done very well, and you know you can do well again. Everyone has tummy issues from time to time, and everyone has anxiety issues now and then. It's just with IBSers, that is our area of vulnerability, and sometimes those old areas can get triggered again.But not to worry. I would advise to begin the program again from the beginning if you can - if not, then listen to your favorite sessions as you like, but the best option is just to start again - you need a 'top-up' as Mike says.Secondly, if you can do this - I would call your friend and be straight with them - If you cant say it, then have them listen to the IBS Companion. Once you break that 'embarrassment' barrier, you would be surprised how much your IBS will lighten up. If you kid around about it, say, like I will bring my own supply of matches and air freshner! It may be just the thing that will break the tension. If they are any kinds of friends at all, they will be cool with it. I know all my friends are - it is no big deal - in fact, we IBSers make more of it than others usually. (That's for friends anyways.)Now if they are not understanding, or you think they will freak at this,then, that's a different thing, and it just puts more pressure on you - then maybe what kind of friends are they? I have sat in the bathroom and shouted out to folks to just come on in the house and I'd be out when I could - they understood.The more you lie and try to get out of stuff, the worse the IBS is gonna get - you are just then reinforcing the old connections. You know you did great and were successful before, so there is no reason you cant beat this again now!If you need encouragement, you can call me at 877-898-2539, leave your number and I can get back to you. I totally understand where you are and I want you to beat this thing now before it takes hold again - you can do it!So tonight, if you think its best as I do, get the CDs out and start session 1... and try not to lie.I remember years ago I was late to a hair appointment which I only did like once or twice a year when my IBS was really bad, and I went to the counter and said my babysitter was late (instead of saying I felt like #### after hours in the bathroom) - then I said, no, that's not really why - and the whole place got quiet - and I told them I had IBS - they were so nice - they knew of others who had it, did I want some water, or to reschedule - was I OK now... etc. they were so understanding that my tummy settled and I was fine the whole time - so you see, sometimes just telling it like it is removes a TON of weight off of you and is part of the solution to getting better. Worth a shot - and I know it is difficult, but ya gotta break that chain now...Good luck, and all the best to you. Hope it gets better for you soon.


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## AB (Sep 12, 2004)

Hey Marilyn, thanks for replying to me so quickly. I knew it was a good thing I turned to the group for help. You are so right! I've realized that it's my "embarrassment" that holds me back most of all. The what if questions that plague my mind. What if I'm with a group of people and suddenly have to go to the bath-room? What if I'm in there for like a half an hour? What are they going to think? Are they going to laugh about it? Am I going to be asked 10 million questions when I come out? All eyes will be on me. At least, that's what is going through my head, and it got me in the butt, so to speak, tonight.The husband and I were supposed to go to a friend's apt with some other people, and my anxiety of it just got the best of me. A couple of hours before we were supposed to go, I had a bad "run-in" with the toilet, and my anxiety ran into over-drive. But, instead of being forthright about the situation with my husband, I kept it to myself, thinking it'll just blow over. Well, it didn't. My husband and I got into a big fight, not because I wasn't able to go but because I kept my feelings hidden from him and until the last minute. Now, he just left by himself, and I feel so hurt and disgusted with myself. I'm crying as I write this. I keep thinking, will it ever go away? Am I going to have to live like this forever? Will the second I think I'm finally getting better and past this, it'll just come back and throw back into the past when things were at their worst? My husband is so caring and understanding, and he hates that I sometimes don't include him in this problem. He said I did so many brave things. Despite this, I got up and moved to another country where I didn't speak the language. I made a whole new life for myself. I said those things were easy. It's the small stuff I can't seem to handle. The 3 hour car rides are a joke. It's the 10 minute ones that get me all sweaty and nervous. Why is that? I sure as hell don't understand it.I want the courage to get past this. My body is screaming to get dressed and go out, but my brain is saying no you can't go because this and this and this will happen. How do I finally, once and for all, reconcile the two? I feel that I'm worse off in some ways and way better in others than I was a few years ago. I remember this time when I wanted to support one of my college room-mates, so I decided I was going to go to her basketball game. It was 2 hours away, on a bus with no bath-room and a bunch of people I didn't know. About a half an hour before the bus was scheduled to leave, I went to the bath-room because I was nervous. So, when the time came to leave, I told her that I was sorry, but I couldn't go. As I watched her getting on the bus, I thought to myself that I could do this! So, just before the bus left, I grabbed my coat and got on it. I looked at my room-mate and said that this was for her, and she had no idea how hard it was for me to do this. Sweating and freaking out the entire 2 hours, praying that the bus will finally reach its destination, I did it. And, I was so happy. I felt like I had accomplished something huge! The way back, I didn't even notice the ride, pay attention to the time, or acknowledge my stomach. Now, here's the problem for me, I think. I attended all of her games that season, even-though even the home games were 45 minutes away. Every time, game day came along, I would have to psyche myself up again to go. It would be like the first time every time. Why? Because every time my brain would tell me, "just because the last time, you had no problem, doesn't mean this time will be OK. This and this and this might happen. What if, what if, what if???" Now, I feel like I'm right back in that place. Only this time, I didn't have the courage to just grab my coat, go, and sweat it out to feel the accomplishment of doing it. In that sense, I feel that I'm worse.What's the answer? Can relistening to Michael's CDs help me regain that confidence? I need it so desperately. My husband thinks that this means we'll never be able to hang out with our friends. I don't want that to be true! Thanks so much for your support and for taking the time to listen. It means so much to me.-AC


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi AC,Everything you wrote I can totally relate to, and believe me, I have talked to folks all over in the US, UK, etc. that have similar thoughts and feelings that you have.I believe that you can beat this - do listen to Mike's program from the beginning and follow the schedule - I did it 3 times - and like you, I had all the cancelations, missed out appointments, etc. but once I started to get out there and not let it rule me, I was fine.You can also do some cognitive stuff - like ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen to me? Then imagine it - filling streets with an "accident" in front of thousands of people... that is ludicrous, and of course, never would happen - most of what we imagine could happen, never does.Have your hubby and you listen to the IBS Companion together - he is understanding and this reinforces what he seems to be about. He is frustrated because he feels helpless to help you - and the only way he can help you is if you share when you are feeling badly. Being stoic and secretive about IBS I have found, does not work to our advantage - it makes it worse. When I am upfront and tell folks that I am having tummy issues, I have found that this alone makes me feel better, and most likely because I know they know I might have to excuse myself, it usually ends up that I am fine! And on those times that maybe I am not, I get through it way better, because they already know. So do share with your hubby - you are already ahead of the game in having him be understanding.The more you run these "what if" scenarios in your mind, the more you are just adding to the ingrained mind-gut connection. How about running the what if I feel fine once I get there, and what is the worst that can happen, and so what... put it into perspective. Even President Bush senior lost it in Japan on tape - he came through it - you will never be on TV with this! LOL Well,you get what I mean - exagerate the worst, and you see it can be ok.And - you have been better before - so you know you can be - instead of worrying about will it come back, think, I was better before and I can be even better again. Hypno is a gradual process- I felt the same way in terms of , oh no, it is worse than ever, I cant beat this - until one day automatically, I felt like an impending attack, and was able to get out of it automatically - it never took hold.You CAN overcome this - I was the poster child for the worst refractory IBS there ever was - hours and hours of sitting on the pot in total pain and agony - resulting in surgeries, meds for IBS, meds that have been off the market, used off label, SSRIs and mind meds - you name it,I was on it, and hypno was the best thing to help me - so why shouldnt it help you again too? You are ahead of me - you have support - I had to go it alone,and with lots of negative forces around me.So listen to the program again, don't give up - you did it before, you can do it again, dont give the negative what ifs a hold on you. Go out with your friends and to other events - the more you go out (no matter if you have an IBS incident or not) the easier it gets. Once you start avoiding stuff, you will make it harder on yourself to climb back - it is your own self limits that does this. You are not your IBS - you are you, and you can do it - you proved to yourself that you can do it !!!So there. A bit of cheerleading for you --- good luck and all the best to you. My offer still stands if you need to chat.Start listening tonight to session one - 100 days or sooner from now, you may just find yourself back on track! I wish you well.


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## AB (Sep 12, 2004)

Thank you so much! You are so right! I'm just sitting here beating myself up over this. We're going out tonight, and I've been thinking of ways to get out of it. Well, I'm not! I'm going! I'm going to restart the program! Sorry, everything is in exclamation points, but you and my husband have renewed my determination! I'll keep you updated on my progress, and will try to implement your suggestions. You're right. I have to work to get over the "embarrassment what if" scenarios. Those are the things that are killing me. I can do this! Thanks for the offer to talk. I think I will take you up on it.-AC


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Whoo hoo!!!! That's the spirit!!! YAY!


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## AB (Sep 12, 2004)

Marily, I can't thank you enough! Here's the update. I restarted the program on Monday, and I already feel rejuvenated. If anything, I have no trouble falling asleep with it. I have trouble falling asleep. I've had this problem for about 3 years, since my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. When I listen to the CDs, I have absolutely no trouble falling asleep. In fact, I usually fall asleep before the session is over and only wake up when Michael counts to end it.In any case, my husband and I have gone out every-day this week, and I am feeling like I've gotten back on the horse. It's been a bit of a struggle, but I feel like I can get back to where I was. Thank you so much. I will keep you appraised of my progress and will call you if and when I need some more support!-AC


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