# Not doing well



## Patrick70 (Oct 15, 2007)

I have been posting a lot lately it seems.I am just not doing well. I am still having worries about colon cancer - even though testing so far has been negative (getting another barium enema at the end of this week - I had one 4 yrs ago - it was fine). I am 37.I am having so many weird symptoms. I get incomplete evacutation feelings, feeling like something is stuck in my butt, feeling like I have to constantly go - but cannot. I am not constipated since I go pretty much every day or every other day. I get trapped gas - that I have to strain to get out. When I am out and about I feel like I have to go too - and that I have to release gas but I can't. I only can do that when I am home (I have always been that way - my bowels shutdown when I am not at home - but now I am getting the feeling when I am out that I have to go - and I cannot even release the gas till I get home).I am so deathly afraid I have cancer - I just am having trouble coping here.My GP upped my Effexor dosage and I have been on that for a couple of weeks but I don't think it is helping. She did give me some Xanax to help me along till the Effeoxor kicked in - but I have to take a lot of it to calm me (at least 1 mg - and the prescription was for .25 mg pills - 34 of them).My sleep is horrible, I don't have much appetite - and am losing weight, I feel jittery and yucky.I talk to my significant other - and he is very patient - but I think he getting overwhlemed with my problems. Talked to mom and cried on the phone yesterday. As the days go by I am getting more certain this is cancer and I am probably dying from it.Everyone thinks I am overreacting and that stress is causing all this.Getting through each day is very very hard now.


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## Guest (Nov 12, 2007)

Oh hun - this rang so many bells with me - it doesn't seem to matter how many tests you go for - you cannot get yourself out of the mindset that its the big C. I don't suppose me telling you - if the tests are negative - chances are it isn't is going to make an iota of difference.You do need to concentrate on your mental wellbeing - or you could find yourself descending into really severe depression - you are going to have to work very, very closely with the professionals here - whilst you will have to be patient (and I appreciate how difficult that can be when you are in this mind-set) - these things do take time to work - you also have to be proactive so that, as the weeks go by and you are seeing no improvement in your anxiety - you have to go back and back. There is a medication/combination of medications that WILL work for you, I promise - I got there in the end - but it might take time and I know how difficult it is - each day seems like an infinity doesn't it.I also appreciate how hard it must be on your partner - my husband was a total saint I must say - but he says in all honesty - he doesn't know if he'd ever cope if things got worse again!!!! So I suppose - keep the lines of communication with him as open as you can whilst not bending his ear every 5 secs about your mental torment.I wish I could offer more practical help - but believe you me, you are not alone on this one. I am now well, happy and working again and have been for 20 months so please take heart - you WILL get better than this and no, I'm pretty sure you have NOT got cancer.Hang in there OK.Sue xxxx


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi PatrickI am so sorry things have been this tough. Completely understand and can't say this better than Sue has. And from what you have described and also from your other posts that I remember, me either don't feel that you have cancer -- although I do completely understand and sympathize with how you feel.Just to piggy bank a little on what Sue said -- one way to try temporarily not to think too much about it (I know how hard this is) is to do something really engaging, like when you're not at work, try some relaxation exercises or try making something like assembling a small piece of furniture or playing video game or whatever that you usually are interested in. I know it doesn't make your IBS physically better, but for some hours it can at least kind of remove your thoughts from thinking about the worst and this may give you a break even if it may just be a short break.I totally empathize with your lack of sleep -- it alone will make one feel horrible, and not to mention that we have ibs and anxiety. And everything in turn can just significantly diminish one's appetite, esp when the stomach area feels bad on a daily basis. I'm wondering if you have tried some sleep remedies (not really meds now maybe, cos you've already gotten a lot of meds and don't want to over complicate what's already prescribed)? I know your sleep problem is caused by your IBS/anxiety, but maybe try something and then sleep a lil better will help a little? Cherrie


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

Patrick:I'm right there with you at the moment. Had a couple of bad weeks, then a couple of good weeks, and now I'm losing it again.I just don't understand why I seem to get new symptoms. The past several days its been fatigue and dizziness. And I have very little appetite. I've been sleeping more than usual.So, my mind goes back and forth. This is IBS and my mind is playing tricks on me. No wait, there HAS TO BE something wrong with me. So I search google for "dizziness, fatigue, etc" and a whole host of horrible diseases come up. I pull myself together and remind myself how stupid this is. But after I try for a while (relaxation, a hot bath, whatever) and I still don't feel great, then I slide back into worrying about what horrible disease I might have.I've lost a few pounds lately, but have no idea why. Probably from not eating enough, but sometimes its all I can do to force food down my throat. Am I depressed? I just can't even tell anymore the difference b/w normal and abnormal. What symptoms am I experiencing? I don't know!I want to crawl into a hole. I want to break down in cry (although I'm at work right now, so that's not an option). I want to quit work and do nothing. See what happens. Do all of my symptoms disappear? Do they continue?I feel like a failure. I've failed at maintaining my strength and my confidence.  I've failed at letting go of control.


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

PatienceI really sympathize and empathize with you -- I could have written what you just wrote a year plus ago (except the dizziness part). And I can totally relate to what it feels like to feel losing control. If you're not eating enough and if you are ibs-d and are losing a lot of electrolite (sp?) from losing water, then that may be where the dizziness comes from (although one does need to read a complete description of your symptoms to really know). If you're not eating right, losing a few pounds can be explained by that. And please don't self-diagnose -- it very often lead to no worries; and do see/talk to your dr about your new symptoms if you worry that's something other than IBS. However from what I've read from your post, I do feel that you have some telling signs of depression besides being anxious about your health (although I'm not a dr and cannot diagnose you). Fatigue, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, feeling sad (feeling like crying), feeling that you've failed, losing confidence or control seem pretty consistant with symptoms of depression. It hurts to suffer like this -- I've been there too -- and so please DO go see a dr/professional about the way you feel. And you do NOT have to feel like this although at the moment before talking to a dr you may not realize that you can be helped, AND a dr _really can _help. IBS wax and wanes -- having a flare up does feel terrible, but please also know that you WILL be able to get better and return to those good days just like you have before. And if your feeling of sadness and losing control persists, please please do seek professional help.Cherrie


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

Thanks Cherie. I do have a doctor's appt after Thanksgiving, a new doctor. I'm hoping that I can start fresh. Explain my past history, my tests. Talk about where I am now. See what he thinks.Its so weird how I can feel so up and so down all in the same day. Woke up with hope. Felt good in the morning. Afternoon was horrible. Down, depressed, considered going home early. Nausea, feelings of incomplete evacuation, dizziness. Then within a few hours I felt good again. Hungry, better mood.I thought about the dizziness being a side effect of not eating and/or the D. But I don't think that I have D that bad. Yes, some days its 4 BM. But most days (including lately) its been 1 or 2 BM. I didn't think that was enough to cause dizziness. However, I must admit that I drink NO water. Yes, I know. Bad. But I hate water.I've been keeping track of my calories and know that I am not getting enough. Only around 1200 on average instead of the at least 1800 I should be getting. But even when I eat something heavy and good, I still feel dizzy.I know that I have anxiety issues, and possibly have some depression. I've been given lexapro, but stopped after 1 dose because of the side effects. I've decided to give them another try (starting today). I know that the side effects may stop after taking them for a while. Just need to get through the rough period.Like right now -- I'm literally typing this message at the speed of light without error. Pretty soon I'll feel very aggitated and stiff (which I hate, because I feel like I can't control my emotions or motor coordination). That's the side effect that I hate the most. Its much better than others I"ve taken. Prozac made me feel like I could kill someone at any moment. I also am taking lexapro in the evening, so that I can function during the day w/o feeling like this.


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi PatienceCompletely understand the mood swing. Not fun at all...Now if you have 2 MBs a day, D shouldn't be the cause of your dizziness unless it's very watery. It does look like it is your decreased appetite. And I have to say that drinking no water until the end of the day may also be a contributing factor -- wouldn't make a person without IBS feel very comfortable either. And bulk drinking at the end of the day is totally not recommended (_in fact, suddenly drinking a huge amount of water can cause a healthy person to faint_). Is it possible that you try drinking a little bit (like a sip at a time) during the day? I'm wondering what other meds you're currently taking? While feeling less in control of one's emotions can be a side effect when first taking lexapro, loss of motor coordination is NOT. If you're taking other meds have you and your dr discussed possible drug interation?Cherrie


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## Guest (Nov 13, 2007)

Interesting what you say about Prozac Patience, it made me horrendously agitated, randy as hell and very, very thin (my husband loved it - just joking!!!!!) didn't suit at all - yet a mate of mine can hardly stay awake on 15mg of Prozac. I'm a Brit so I'm not familiar with lepraxo - I'm on 30mg Mitrazapene which I take at night and it makes me drowsey - though not unduly so - other than a weight gain - I'm symptom-free. They really are ideosyncratic "beasts" aren't they?Anyway Patrick - back to your thread - I hope today finds you a little brighter? Please keep in touch.Sue


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

Before I turn this thread back into my problem, I wanted to shout out to Patrick. Didn't meant to steal your thunder, so to speak. Hope you are feeling better. Let us know.....I probably shouldn't have used the words "loss of motor control". Its not that I fall down or can't use my hands or anything. But I become so jittery, and my muscles tense up to the point where I feel like my hands are completely shaking beyond control. And my jaw becomes clenched. A very uncomfortable feeling.Finally after calming down from my medicine last night, I felt hungry. But it was 11pm and I was laying in bed! I woke up hungry but not in a good way. In more of a "my body is hurting because it needs to eat" kind of way. I've had coffee and a poptart this morning. Am feeling shaky, but can't stomach anything right now. I've had 2 BM and still don't feel completely evacuatedOn top of everything else, I have blood in my stool. Its day 3. Seems to be bright red, on the outside of my stool. And I do feel like I have a tear right at the opening of my anus -- its irritated right there. So I'm assuming that its a cut or something. And my first BM of the morning was not pretty. Undigested corn and peas! I have overdone it on the veggies the past few days, and I never completely digest corn. So, I'm trying to rationalize these two symptoms (blood and undigested food) so that I don't allow myself to go nuts again today.I'm just back to being at the breaking point again. I really want to go to the walk-in clinic today. Have them check my bum for hemmies (or is it hemmys?). And talk to them about the medication side effects and purpose. I was given lexapro for anxiety but am wondering if it works just as well for depression. I know people who are on it for depression. But I just want to make sure.And I'm feeling like I need to talk to someone before I lose my mind. Its all I can do right to keep from breaking down. And I have to go to a long meeting at 12:30pm.


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## Guest (Nov 13, 2007)

Patience - I'm pretty confident that the blood you describe is related to hemmies - nowt more sinister than that - but I'd get it checked out just to be on the safey!!!I've no idea about lepraxo - but anxiety/depression - stem from the same sort of thing don't they - perhaps you need to up your dose abit - again, you need to seek professional help on this too.Sue


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Great advice on the hemmies, Sue! Patience, I used to take lexapro and yes it is also for depression for sure.You're just beginning to take the lexapro, so need to give it 14 days to see how it works and during this adjustment time it's highly likely that you're going to go through some side effects that'll hopefully eventually subside after 2 weeks or so. _*And please do not up your dose until you're used to the existing side effects and please do not decide to up the dose without dr.'s agreement and supervision, as every time there is a change of dosage, there may be side effects and risks for this particular drug*_ .I can't open the official page of lexapro somehow today, but here are the websites that may be useful to read --(1) A very detailed description of everything about lexapro: http://www.drugs.com/lexapro.html(2) lexapro Q&A: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/FAQ/2259​And I just looked it up for you -- _*please call your dr immediately*_, if you have tremors, shivering, muscle stiffness or twitching -- was this what you are experiencing? If yes, PLEASE DO CALL your dr.CherriePatrick -- I am really sorry to have digressed from your original post so much, just thought that this is important for Patience and maybe many other members to know about Lexapro (as well as about many other anti-deps). Truly sorry, though!


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

Thanks guys! Went to the clinic and everything is fine.Hemmies are due to a small tear. No big deal. Doesn't hurt, and isn't bothering me. But I've never had the bleeding last so many days before. The doctor has ok'd the drugs. She said that my side effects are okay, and that I need to give it a week. Its only been two days, so I just have to push through. I'm only taking 1/2 a pill, and have no plans of upping the dose unless it starts to make me feel better. Then she said that I could take 1 pill/day.She also gave me xanax which is fast acting. I am only supposed to take 1/2 or even 1/4 of a pill. No worries about mixing it w/ the lexapro. Completely safe. But xanax makes people really tired, so I can only take a very small amount at a time. And its on an as needed basis so that I can function right now while I'm waiting on my lexapro to kick in.I also talked to her about my other worries (other conditions) and she confirmed that there is no reason to believe I have anything else. My white tongue/cotton mouth is due to being very dehydrated and not eating. Thus, I am treating myself with a protein smoothie right now I also called and vented to my mom, who shared some new stories with me. I know she went through a bout of IBS (though for some reason it stopped for her and she's been fine for years) and has dealt w/ anxiety and depression. She too used to worry about severe diseases (cancer, etc) and had herself very messed up. Meds helped her immensely.I'm hoping that Patrick is cured and doesn't need this forum anymore


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2007)

Well done Patience - sounds like you've cleared up a few worries there right enough. Yeah, be patient with your anxiety meds - these things do take time but it sounds like you've a pretty decent family doctor so work closely with her? and you'll be grand.Sue


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## Patrick70 (Oct 15, 2007)

Thanks for all the kind words everyone. You don't know how good it makes me feel to get such support.I am feeling a little better. Today I am on day 2 of a prep for another Barium Enema (I would rather have a colonoscopy but those require refers to a GI doc and unfortunately there is quite a wait [Canada]- esp if they don't consider you high risk - and since all my workups so far have been fine I must not be high risk).I am a little hungry today And a little cranky too.I just took my Fleet phosphasoda so I don't know how much time I will be able to spend on the boards today. I cannot wait till the testing is over and I have the results.Can I pry a bit here and ask everyone on this thread what sort of testing they had to get to the IBS diagnosis? I just think you guys and gals here are the greatest. I love the support.I will let you all know how it went.


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## Guest (Nov 19, 2007)

Hiya Patrick - great to see you posting again.Mine was more by process of elimination until things took a downwards spiral (in fact it was depression making my symptoms worse) - this prompted me to go for a round of investigations; initially colonscopy - which they couldn't carry out satisfactorily cos I have an extra loop in my colon - so then I had a virtual colonscopy - more, gruesome preps beforehand and alot of blood tests.I think often it is the testing thats the worst bit and the waiting for the results too.Good luck anywaySue xx


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## patience2 (Sep 26, 2006)

Hi Patrick! Glad to hear from you and that you are doing better.My testing wasn't too extensive. I am young (30) and have been fairly healty considering. At the time IBS started, I was in school and had no insurace. So, in the beginning they did simple blood and urine tests. Kept a log of my symptoms/complaints. I'm a girl, so I also had a pap smear, pelvic exam, and ultrasound to check for issues in that area....Eventually I had a lower GI (barium enema) as well. Again, lack of health insurance made a colonscopy too expensive. My lower GI came back fine. They said I could get the upper GI, but I put it off to pay for the lower one and then ended up never rescheduling.That's about it. Obviously they usually want to do a few of the standard tests to confirm everything working (colonscopy or BE). Some people get the breath test or have their gall bladder checked. But usually its simply a matter of keeping a journal of the symptoms and seeing what happens.They usually want to know the important stuff -- do you have blood in your stool? Do you have black stools? are you losing weight for no reason? are you vomitting? etc, etc, etc. These are all signs of other problems. So, if the answer is no and your few medical tests are fine, that's normally all they do!


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## Patrick70 (Oct 15, 2007)

Well I got the double contrast barium enema results back:Everything is normalSo too is all my bloodwork: including the CEA and FOBTDoc says that she is 90%+ certain I don't have cancerbut to settle my fears for definite she is going to refer me to a specialist for a colonoscopy. Barium enema's can miss small cancers (I have read that the miss rate is 5 - 10 %) but if my symptoms were caused by a a cancer it would be a much more advanced cancer. Also colon cancer at my age - 37 - is very rare. So from this moment on - I consider myself colon cancer free!She is also adding Remeron to my Effexor to augment it - to help me cope with my anxiety - and to help me sleep better.I am feeling a little better. The barium enema was an awful experience - when they pumped the air in I got awful cramping but I am glad I went through with it.


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## bettyblue (Nov 13, 2007)

hi Patrick, i'm new here. i take effexor also, have been on it for 5+ years, and have also taken remeron when i had a lot of anxiety, my boyfriend is on it too, just be careful and watch for side effects, he gained a lot of weight on it, although he could afford too, and it causes nightime munchies. which could be good or bad depending on what you think







where in canada are you? i'm in Ottawa. i had my gallbladder removed in august, and have had severe pain since. they diagnosed with I.B.S and i have had a killer time with G.I's who only have tried to put me on another anti-depressant and told me to do yoga. that was their advice.i have an upper g.i and lower bowel scope in jan. after fighting for one, i am in pain every day and take tramacet for the pain. my doc wants me on one to two daily..which is basically a joke. i need at least six to get through a day at work. i can only work three half days as it is now. anyway, just wanted to sau hi, and i'm here for you and if you have any advice i will gladly welcome it! take care, Sheri


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## survivor3 (Nov 20, 2007)

Patrick,Glad to hear all your tests came back normal. I am 41 and was diagnosed with rectal cancer in May (yes, it is rare for someone under 50+). It has been a crazy ride of chemo, radiation, and finally surgery. I was reading your post from the 12th and you described my symptoms to a t ( I thought things would actually improve after surgery, but I'm having so many symptoms... incomplete evacuation, always feeling like I have to go, rectal pressure, etc). Can you please advise me if and what was given to you to help ease these symptoms.


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## Patrick70 (Oct 15, 2007)

Hi Bettyblue - I am from Saskatchewan Canada.And sorry but I really don't have any answers to your problems - I am unfortunately full more more questionsthan answers. But I do sympathize. There are tons of people that do have info - so asking on the general forum might be a better way to go.Survivor3: I haven't really been given anything to deal with the problems of incomplete evacuation/rectal pressure etc. And I am not really sure there are any good answers







Some people have seemed to find relief from incomplete evacuation feelings using hypnotherapy (mainly Mikes IBS tapes), others through anti-spas drugs, some through diet - fiber and some through low dose antidepressants.  So far I am in the experimenting stage to find something that works - but I haven't so far.I am curious did you have these symptoms when you were diagnosed with rectal cancer - or did they only come about after the surgery and treatment ? Maybe asking your docs for ideas? - I dunno - it is very frustrating and all I can say is that I share your frustration. If you happen upon something that works for ya - let me know - and I will do the same.


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