# A Worrying New Trend



## Guest (Jan 5, 2009)

There must be at least 3 or even 4 what I'd describe as "obsessive worriers" that seem to have emerged in recent days and weeks. I sympathise, god do I sympathise - I've trodden this black and gloomy path many times - though not I confess in the public scrutiny of a Bulletin Board.The point is - what DO these people want - reassurance, sympathy or somebody to tell them that they haven't go disease A, B or C? Probably a mixture of all 3.None of us on here are medically qualified - and whilst plenty of folk on here have turned their lives around with a proactive and can do approach to their physical ailments, I suspect that these type of posters are not really LISTENING to what people are saying.I know when I was clinically "anxious" and depressed - I would listen to nobody - though I did have the good grace not to air every mental wrinkle on a public forum. I think there are 2 groups aren't there. Those that are genuinely curious and energetic and WANT to live good and busy lives and those that use up too much time on the computer and aren't really prepared to do much about it - other than scare themselves rigid by reading sensationalist literature.If you belong to the latter camp - you need professional help; Cherrie, M&M, BQ, Baz and I and plenty of others have stressed this time and time again. It is NOT doing ANYONE any good either reading or writing this stuff and I urge those of you who refuse to do anything than post extensively to get busy and go out and get some help.I'm not unsympathetic - I HAVE been there - but at the end of the day - my help came from a 6 week stint in a psychiatric unit and a "failed" suicide attempt - don't go as far down this road as I did without HELPING YOURSELVES.Sue


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## baz22p (Dec 1, 2008)

I must support Sue with this, and 'second' all that she says.I would add this: we are fully conscious of the purpose of this forum, i.e. to give help and advice to those who need it, and to share our experiences for the benefit of others - and this we do without condition, and we will continue to do this unreservedly. However, it does become difficult to do this when the person posting the thread is an 'obsessive', and no matter who says what in helpful reply, the advice given is just ignored. A fact that we have to bear in mind is the limitations on the advice and help we are able to give. As Sue has already said, we are NOT doctors (or any other qualified professional). Also, we must remember that IBS is not necessarily the same for any 2 sufferers - therefore, we can only generalise. Our sympathy and empathy is REAL. We are truly concerned, and genuine. We are limited by what I've already said - therefore, we do find it difficult to continue giving our help and advice beyond our initial posting. Of course, you are perfectly free to accept or decline what we say - we are NOT experts by any means, but if we can help then we WILL (and normally this help and advice will be supported/backed-up by others who also want to help).Please be assured that we are all committed to continue to give whatever help and suport that we can.Baz


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## Patrick70 (Oct 15, 2007)

I really don't know what to think - because I can be really obsessive. I worry about my health but I am working on it (hypno tapes - ibs 100 and Antidepressants). For me, when I came listing my symptoms - I wanted someone to reassure that it probably is nothing. I know that I cannot get a diagnosis from an online forum (which is why I did get tests done). But it still nice to a) hear it probably is nothing to worry about and







others are in the same boat and can relate and c} maybe get some ideas about how to address the problem.I know people get frustrated, but people who are anxious get frustrated too - and it seems to me (and this is just my little ole opinion) that the tone on the general board has been rather short lately with the worriers (not all responses but some). I don't really think that will help.[Okay we didn't need the snapshots of poo  ]


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2009)

Patrick - this was NOT directed at you. You have genuine concerns and you have posted them on the appropriate forum. There are 3 or 4 other people who have started posting obsessively, both within the general IBS forum and even less appropriately, on the Lounge.Nobody minds helping anyone and you know my history, I'd be the last person not to reach out to somebody - particularly if they post on the Depression threads and acknowledge that they have mental health issues. What was making me abit short on sympathy were the "oh god, tell me I haven't got colon cancer, do these poos look normal" and worse yet NOT EVEN TAKING ANY NOTICE OF THE RESPONSES - just simply posting about another physical ailment.Does that make sense?????Please don't think I'm short on sympathy for you.Sue


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

Sue - I totally understand you and back you up...THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE: But I seriously DON'T understand how anyone (especially my age - 22... even though the IBS started at 20) can think they're suddenly dying of colon cancer or something. I mean, we all have worries, but if I were to think such a thing, the first person I'd be yakking to is my doctor!And honestly, go ahead and hate me if you will... But I DO understand what it's like to have depression and anxiety on TOP of health problems: I'm deaf, have died twice as a baby, lived at Sick Childrens Hospital for 6 months, have asthma, allergies to every food, tree, grass.. you name it, have been called anemic, been told I have high cholesterol, low B12, have 2 damaged discs in my back.... I don't even want to finish that list! Point is (and my anxiety is AT IT'S WORST right now - officially diagnosed not even a month ago with "social anxiety", which didn't surprise me) if somethings ever wrong, I just deal with it like the damn system wants me to - even though sometimes that means being ignored by a doctor...It's just gotten to a point where if someone wants something to worry about - I'll give you something to worry about! My brat of a little cousin emailed me a couple months ago complaining of a headache/fever, said she needed a ride to the hospital. I told her to take Advil.. she thought she was dying! Well, I told her to shove it!







I really can't stand listening to the simplest of things anymore - I personally think I might have FMS, but can't be bothered to go through the checklist because honestly, I can't even pin point my pain anymore. I ALWAYS experience weird twinges throughout my body, as well as joint pain and swelling. But it's like headaches for me now - I just ignore it.. it'll go away! If it doesn't, then I deal with it.Sorry, just coming off sedation from my procedures today and felt like spilling


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2009)

You spill away duck. You have had a basinful haven't you Ash but you talk more sense than just about anyone else on these boards - well you and BQ anyway.So yes - please - we are not short on sympathy - but as Ash says - if you have a medical concern - go and see the quacks - they are paid enough aren't they.Sue


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## evawes1 (Nov 24, 2008)

Sorry Ash, but just coming from my background which I believe is quite opposite to you, I'll have to disagree a bit. I guess I've never had any health problems in my life worth worrying about, and because of that I've been very very confident in my health and my future. Seriously I had a lump in my scrotum and I still thought that i was ok. Perhaps thats too self-confident, but it still turned out ok.It took my body's introduction to IBS that sent me into spirals. Having never had anything I would consider serious or even prevelant, to having a constant feeling that something is wrong was pretty hard. I can't speak for anyone else, and it may seem un-intuitive, but I think it just made it worse. The daily reminder in the bathroom, which an unhealthy curiosity during those early days, put a stupid burden on me which I had never had before.So basically my point of view is that you have learnt to deal with things your entire life, while I haven't. And although it might not be rational (of course it isn't), I personally get frustrated when people dismiss my concerns. Because you know how to deal with and understand the reality is not a reason that NO ONE can think theyre unhealthy and can be frightened about it. Although its simple to you, it was frightening to me, and if everyone thought that they can't be bothered listening to people's simple problems anymore - then I guess there'd be a lot of frightened people.And I think theres a difference there to being obsessive. Sue might know that I was closing in on obsession... but I'm pretty sure I found the right points of advice on this forum at the right time. Although it took me a while to focus on them, and put them into place.Poor me and my simple problems.......


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2009)

Eva - you and I have "talked" haven't we and I'd never for a moment dismiss anyone's concerns about their health and I really, really, really DO know about the hell these obsessives are living through - after all, I was one and I'm not saying I'd never get hung up about health again - but what I think concerns alot of the regulars here is this constant pandering for reassurance about things that we are not qualified to comment on. More to the point, the posts are almost identical - 10s and 10s of them and there seems to be no acknowledgement of anyone else's opinon either - its just symptom piling up upon symptom. What can any of us do about that?Sue


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## evawes1 (Nov 24, 2008)

But to respond to Sue's original post, i'll agree with what you're saying, and coming from someone who was on the verge of entering group 2 (if not actually entering it). I was lucky to find some timely advice.Its amazing that after a month of visiting here and posting, it took Kathleen one reply to tell me that if I don't have enough symptoms to 'qualify' for IBS, then thats nearly always a good thing. Wow. Where was my mind at before she said that??But do you know how to hard it is to stop worrying about your symptoms if you haven't accepted it?I must point out that you two (Sue and Ash) seem to have dealt with your IBS and have felt pretty good and confident with your health for a while now. I'm still on the downwards slope on the anxiety mountain (with the peak being a height of anxiety - lol I know I'm mixing up the standard symbolisms), so I guess I can kind of sympathise more with the people who aren't dealing with things very rationally. My biggest concern (after my doc diagnosed me with IBS) was living a good and full life. But I was seriously held back by my doubts and inquisitions. I hated how all the things I used to enjoy in my life were ruined by my worrying.Whats my point? I'm being the devil's advocate a bit, but I believe that the obsessive people are going through something that they don't know to how to deal with. I definately didn't, it was entirely new to me and buggered things up royally. Or perhaps *I* buggered things up royally. I was already in a state of mind before I went to the doctors. Not a good one.Your advice not to read sites prepared by generic McGIDoc is fantastic Sue. The absolute best thing you can do is not read those, and see a GP who will provide you with some context. Thats the best thing my doc did, provide me with context. However after I read wikipedia, and some google searching. I mean... general malaise??? What kind of symptom is that to get worried about Ev??? Man.....Its so hard isnt it. Providing reassurance is good, however it usually is only lasts temporarily.


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

Oh evawes - No, I think maybe you read me wrong.I think I probably went off on the wrong side of the track, but my point is... with everything I'm listing that's wrong with me, do you see me everywhere? No, either because it's small enough that I just suck it up, or I see a professional. That is the problem that seems to be going on - anxiety problems or not, there must be a point of realization where you have to come around and finally give in to the fact that only YOU can do something about what's wrong with you!And why people who might have seemingly nothing wrong with them go looking for reasons to think they may have a chronic condition is BEYOND me - BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT IT! It's not just on this board either that I've seen people who have NOTHING wrong with them suddenly think they're dying from cancer - like WTF?!WHY? is all I can say...Even with all I put up with, I realize only one thing - I'm still alive (I feel like singing the song with GLaDOS) and I make every day count, even if I wither in pain, or finish the day in debt, or don't accomplish any work like I think I should be doing (except realizing that something as simple as that makes things harder). I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I have, or how unhappy I am in general, or how USELESS I feel because of everything that's wrong with me -- but still, I take it one day at a time because I won't get another chance unless there's a miracle cure for everything. Why anyone would want that... I would dare you to explain it to me. Either way, this is it, and I'm going to try and make the best of it... I know there's dozens of ways that we can all die from nowadays anyways (lung cancer even if you don't smoke... gosh knows any other kind of cancer for no reason), so am I afraid? No... it's NOW that matters.


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## evawes1 (Nov 24, 2008)

SueV said:


> Eva - you and I have "talked" haven't we and I'd never for a moment dismiss anyone's concerns about their health and I really, really, really DO know about the hell these obsessives are living through - after all, I was one and I'm not saying I'd never get hung up about health again - but what I think concerns alot of the regulars here is this constant pandering for reassurance about things that we are not qualified to comment on. More to the point, the posts are almost identical - 10s and 10s of them and there seems to be no acknowledgement of anyone else's opinon either - its just symptom piling up upon symptom. What can any of us do about that?Sue


Yep, I get you Sue. So I just replied with another big message lol. Ignore that if you will.Ok devil's advocate again... perhaps theres specific advice that we (the general IBS supportive community here) need to give, and figuring out what is the specific worry that these people are posting about. I mean that, perhaps they're posting symptom after symptom and not taking your advice, but what they really need is something else.Kathleen replied to me once telling me that if I don't necessarily have all the symptoms for IBS, then thats nearly always a good thing. It did WONDERS for me. I worried about specific symptoms, but never saw a context. Thats what my GP did for me, provided me with context, and he specifically acknowledged that that was what he was doing.No solutions here though. Maybe theres nothing to do?


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

evawes - I'm sending you a PM.You are reasonable though, let me tell you! I just don't understand those that are so desperately looking for something to be wrong with them - not even IBS specific... but something.. anything!THAT is what causes anxiety and makes people go crazy! If I spent too long worrying about myself, I would drive myself up the wall!







You know what I mean? I think that's the bottom line we're getting at.I remember replying to a concern of yours waaay back (can't remember), and you were just generally concerned - don't take it personally! I sincerely hope you are okay and am glad to hear that your doctor is actually helping you out (by the sounds of it?).


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## evawes1 (Nov 24, 2008)

Ashers86 said:


> Oh evawes - No, I think maybe you read me wrong.I think I probably went off on the wrong side of the track, but my point is... with everything I'm listing that's wrong with me, do you see me everywhere? No, either because it's small enough that I just suck it up, or I see a professional. That is the problem that seems to be going on - anxiety problems or not, there must be a point of realization where you have to come around and finally give in to the fact that only YOU can do something about what's wrong with you!And why people who might have seemingly nothing wrong with them go looking for reasons to think they may have a chronic condition is BEYOND me - BELIEVE ME, YOU DON'T WANT IT! It's not just on this board either that I've seen people who have NOTHING wrong with them suddenly think they're dying from cancer - like WTF?!WHY? is all I can say...Even with all I put up with, I realize only one thing - I'm still alive (I feel like singing the song with GLaDOS) and I make every day count, even if I wither in pain, or finish the day in debt, or don't accomplish any work like I think I should be doing (except realizing that something as simple as that makes things harder). I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I have, or how unhappy I am in general, or how USELESS I feel because of everything that's wrong with me -- but still, I take it one day at a time because I won't get another chance unless there's a miracle cure for everything. Why anyone would want that... I would dare you to explain it to me. Either way, this is it, and I'm going to try and make the best of it... I know there's dozens of ways that we can all die from nowadays anyways (lung cancer even if you don't smoke... gosh knows any other kind of cancer for no reason), so am I afraid? No... it's NOW that matters.


I get your point Ashers, and I think its a great way to live, with or without daily reminders. I've been a person in the past who looked to the future a lot, and thats partially what made it hard for me to deal with. I think people want reasurrance and are scared of facing reality (ie a professional doctor). Believing you suddenly have cancer from relatively simple symptoms I think is a product of excessive information available. All the symptom checkers on the internet, the warnings on back of products. No context is given, and most of it is to provide a legal protective blanket for companies and online doctors (in my opinion).And that sucks. And cancer, as a word, is thrown around a lot. I think two things did it for me originally: reading for the first time that constipation is a symptom of bowel cancer, and the back of Metamucil saying that I should see my doctor if symptoms persist longer than a week. Its so easy to dismiss, but not everyone is as fortunate as you Ash.


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## evawes1 (Nov 24, 2008)

Ashers86 said:


> evawes - I'm sending you a PM.You are reasonable though, let me tell you! I just don't understand those that are so desperately looking for something to be wrong with them - not even IBS specific... but something.. anything!THAT is what causes anxiety and makes people go crazy! If I spent too long worrying about myself, I would drive myself up the wall!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You know Ash, I really don't understand that either, the desperate need to look for something to be wrong. Thats one of the questions I've been trying to get to the bottom of - because it plagued me for a while, and sometimes still does during those irrational nights of mine (which are nowhere near as bad as they used be though).So we're in agreement! lolPerhaps people look for something to be wrong because its an explanation. Cancer is just a reasonable option because its thrown around so much. There comes a point where so much media attention and fund raising will put it in vulnerable minds. I believed that I would be fine and that cancer wasnt a possibility, but not long ago (weeks we're talking about) it was a semi-reasonable solution. Because..................


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

I think you just brought out the concern that needs to be addressed with EVERYBODY - the internet is not the place to look for an answer!I will gladly give advice and answer questions to those who fit the description of IBS and think they may have it, but bottom line is, you got to see someone and be sure.And yes, unfortunately, the word 'cancer' IS thrown around waaay too much. I don't think it is something that should be mentioned around here unless someone has officially been diagnosed with it. It is just hard to be forward and reasonable with those who have a bigger issue on the inside - we here cannot diagnose anyone, only advise. Ultimately (and why not? I believe it would be the ultimate reassurance) you should end up in a doctors office demanding answers in you really are having a big problem.I still have my mental issues with trying to live with IBS... but that's not what I'm referring to here.


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

evawes1 said:


> So we're in agreement! lol


Eva - I think you understand the true context of the thread now


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

A lot of people need some reassurance and there certainly is a lot of very scary information out there even when the companies do it just to cover their butts.Heck even medical students during the year they learn what symptoms go with which diseases get a bit jumpy about every little thing their bodies do.When someone has their anxiety/obsessiveness/worry under control getting a bit of reassurance and talking it over really seems to help them self-calm and get some perspective.When the anxiety/worry/obsession has control of the person, no matter what you say the worry will use the information to make things worse.When someone is trapped in the vicious cycle they tend to seek out someone, anyone, that will help keep the cycle of escalating worry going. Almost like an addict needs a drug. There are a lot of anxiety self-help resources out there and a a lot of professional medical help. Unfortunately the worry doesn't want that, the worry wants more things to worry about.Sometimes they do see what they are doing through our eyes and seek that help. Sometimes they just keep going in the same vicious cycle until they've chewed up everyone they can. Some people hop from site to site looking for the next person they can suck into their worry cycle.It takes awhile to work out who is able to process information and use it in a healthy way and who is just looking for one more reason to panic. And even people without anxiety disorders can be in an unhealthy relationship with information for awhile. Just can you take the step back, take a deep breath and calm down or not. If you cannot and are actively seeking more reasons to panic there isn't a whole lot we can do for you. I think it is sometimes like having to stop giving money to a junkie. And like a junkie all you can do is point to the rehab clinic and say the answer you want is over there and I can't do this for you.


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## baz22p (Dec 1, 2008)

Hi, I didn't intend to post on this thread again as there seems to be a bit of contention creeping in,; however, I feel that I wanted to add one brief point: the sympathy and empathy are NOT with-held - support is, and will be, given unreservedly. But there is a limit to 'our' comfort zone when it comes to giving help and advice to others. NOBODY wants to give false or inaccurate support to ANYONE, and, therefore, it is felt by 'US' that there comes a time when we ought to be replaced by a professional (ie doctor). We are NOT qualified to make assessments on anyone, particularly 'obsessives, and NOT on a forum such as this. We are willing to help in whatever way we can, to EVERYONE, but we are NOT counsellors.Is this of any sense?Baz


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

baz - I agree 110%... it's just for some reason this topic has tickled me personally on the inside so I've allowed my thoughts to pour out...I DO sympathize with EVERYONE here... even if it is an undiagnosed problem, and is still a problem, it's no fun! And I for one COMPLETELY understand the anxiety of being sick and not knowing why or what to do....BUT as you stated, there needs to be a line drawn. Some people do have issues that we can't help them with, and even though it's the end of the world for them to do so, seeking professional help is the only way it can be done!I suppose that since these are only words typed into a screen, that it is hard to try and make someone get the REAL help they need... This place is for support, and it's fantastic this way, but I think there may need to be a reminder that there's no one here who can diagnose, only advise.


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## Guest (Jan 6, 2009)

Wow this thread has been "busy" since I've had tea.I'd just like to add a positive if I may - the positive effect of getting "well" from chronic anxiety has been, for me, almost like a new life. I've done all sorts of things since being in remission (I'd never be glib enough to consider myself cured) - from stupid things like getting my ears pierced at the age of 45, to doing a high-ropes assault course (and if you could see me, I'm not exactly built for speed!!!!), travelling all over the place, meeting Mark (Overitnow) and getting to know him and Mariann his wife, seeing my 3 kids do all sorts of amazing things - and I've made a promise to myself - IF I can get off my antidepressant medication - I'm taking myself to Seattle - a place I'm totally intrigued by - as a 47th birthday present in September (precarious finances as ever allowing).THERE IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS HOPE - just get energised and go and get the right help.Sue


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

I get you baz.I really want to help everyone as much as I can, but I can only answer the same question so many times before I finally get it that on some level that a reasonable answer isn't what they want, or need.Sometimes what people need is a good therapist or other help that I am not trained for nor equipped to give. All I can say is look I think you need something we can't give here, at least go see someone and get that evaluated.The first couple of panicky posts is really normal. A long standing pattern of refusing to acknowledge that you've been talked down off that ledge 275 times already, I think, maybe, is not.I'm not suggesting anyone stop providing help, advice, whatever answers they have, what worked for them, etc. The question is what do we do the 276th time they announce they are on the same ledge and just waiting for someone to push them off so they can have a really scary panic attack this time.I mean we can post a list of websites with self help information on them, we can say talk to your doctor, but at what point do you cut them off because you can't be a part of something that unhealthy any more.


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

Just wanted to echo Kathleen's response because that is the case - it seems that there's not much left we can do but let it be because so much gets repeated!And dear Kathleen - the patient Saint she is.. answers every single question, and I can't even count how many times she would've repeated herself to SO many people!THAT is the point here... I'll leave it at that.


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