# Depression due to grief?



## linda48846 (Nov 5, 2001)

My mother passed away Nov. 30, 2002 after a month of suffering from cancer. It was extremely unexpected and tramatic. Since that time I have gone through terrible depression. I had been on Effexor for my IBS-D, but that didn't work on the new depression. The dr. switched me to Lexapro. That didn't work, so he put me on Zoloft. Last week he upped my Zoloft dose to 200 mg. I felt like I had a rock in my stomach and was having some labored breathing. I dropped back to 150 mg and soon got rid of the unpleasant side effects. I have added 150 mg. of Effexor to the Zoloft. At first I was nauseous, but it's going away. Does depression from grief ever subside, or will I be on these meds forever?


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## honichou (Jun 30, 2002)

My mother died from cancer in April of 2002. Six months before her death, she had a backache. Six months later, she was dead. I know how you feel. I should add that I have been on Prozac for about 10 years, Lithium and Tegretol for I don't know how many years, and that I have bi-polar disorder.It does get easier, but only with time. Grief feels like a depression, but it's not the same thing. The medications, if they help, will only help a very little bit. The only thing that really helps is time. At some point, you won't be living inside the grief, it will be behind you. I think that that period of time is different for everyone. If you feel that the process is taking too long for you, maybe there is a bereavement group that you can look into. Today happens to be my mother's birthday, and believe me, I am not trying to make little of your grief. It is not an easy day for me. But, having been on a chemical cocktail for years, in my experience you need time and someone to talk to when you are ready to talk.All the bestSteven


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## sprite8 (Jul 21, 2001)

My Grandad died in Nov 2002 from cancer within a month of being operated on, he was home and doing so well, his death came as a great shock. My Dr has put me on Cipramil since Oct 2002, and I'm seeing a Grief Counsellor who is not just examining the symptoms of my grief but of how I am generally, this is helping. Feel free to e-mail me if you need a chat I understand what you are going through, and it does get better with time.Take Care J


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## MartyG (May 2, 2000)

I lost my Mom suddenly to a heart attack in '92. In 2000, my Dad was killed crossing the street in front of his house. I understand the grief and the depression that follows.It will lift, but it helps to talk to a counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, someone who can help you through this very intense period in your life.With time, it eases, but there are still days where I just cry out for my parents and wish with all my heart and soul there were still physically here with me.My prayers are with you.Marty


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## ruby333 (Aug 10, 2003)

Hi,I can completely relate to losing someone you love suddenly and unexpectedly. My father committed suicide 9 years ago and I've been trying to deal with the grief ever since. I suffered from an eating disorder and depression before this happened, but his death definitely exacerbated the depression. I've been on ADs ever since and, while they help with the grief, they don't make it go away. I don't think grief ever does completely go away, but I know that meds alone are not the answer. I think it's definitely a good idea to find a good therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist and/or a good support group to help you deal with your grief. It's an ongoing process and, while ADs may help dull some of the pain and help you cope, they don't make the grief disappear. I've seen a few different therapists over the years, but haven't found the "right" one yet. Best of luck to you and my sincere condolences for your loss.


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## bad girl (Aug 19, 2003)

It gets better. It gets a lot better. You will smile again. YOu will actually laugh again because you want to, not out of obligation. You will actually think of your mom, and smile, not cry!







My dad died when I was 16. My family was in a car accident, he died. The rest of us lived.I was emotionally crippled. My family fell apart and things got bad. I had to become the adult in the family becaue my mom spazzed out completely. But things got better. Its been 4 years. Mom is dating now. We talk about Dad and laugh, we don't sob. Now if I have a bad day, I think back to those days. The entire experience made me grateful. A day when I'm late to work, my shoes don't match my outfit and my hair is weird, is an okay day. Now I know what a bad day can be. I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful to have the rest of my family!It gets better. Have faith and a deep breath.


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## MaryR (Oct 26, 2003)

Hi, first of all let me say my prayers are with you. It is very difficult losing a loved one. Every situation is different too. My granddaughter,age 3 and 1/2 yrs. old died in 2000 from a rare brain disease called Krabbes Leukodystrophy; 4 months later her father, age 28, my only son died due to a motorycle accident. I thought my life was over. I have been on antidepressants and have had to change until I found what works for ME. I have IBS-C and Fibromyalgia which was triggered by the traumatic experience of the death of my son. It does take time and the length of that time differs for everyone. I was told by others that it usually takes a year for you to get over the loss of a loved one-HOGWASH, we are individuals and you can't put a time limit on your grief. I was also told it depends on the type of relationship you had with the loved one as to how long it will take you to move on. Be patient with yourself. Talk to someone who will listen and get professional help if needed. I go to grief meetings every month and it helps. Don't give up. We learn to adjust to the life we now have. Hopefully you won't have to be on the antidepressants the rest of your life. If it is of any help, it has been over 3 years for me that I lost my son and just recently I am beginning to feel like I want to get involved in living again. Feel free to email me at anytime if you want to talk.


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## Jan Faulkner (Apr 21, 2002)

Hello Linda, I'm sending you a hug!I've lost my F.I.L in 1991, a daughter to stillbirth in 1994 and a son to stillbirth in 1995 and my dad in 2002.My Daddy died on 29th September 2002. There, see, I've said it. It has taken me all this time to except it. Up until his first anniversary I couldn't bring myself to say those words or want to believe it.My Daddy wasn't ill - we had no warning. One minute he was alive, the next he wasn't. He was sitting in his favourite chair, watching TV, having just drunk a cup of tea and then, that was it. He was gone. He died in front of my mum.They had just celebrated their 51st Wedding Anniversary and had been together for 54 years.Grief is so tough. There is no time limit on it. There are no guidelines to follow. There are no rules. All you can do is go with it.When my F.I.L died, not his wife, or his son (my husband) or his daughters shed a tear for him. Only I cried for him and I wasn't even that close to him.So I think grief can only be got through according to who you are. Some people are tough and matter a fact about death like my in laws. Others are emotional beings like me and grieve long and hard.There is no right or wrong way to grieve - it is just a case of who you are and how you deal with things.I thought I would never smile again or how could I ever be happy again. Our Dad was the focal point in our family. Everything was centred around him.I spent the whole first year of him being gone, saying everyday to myself, oh this time last year he was still alive. Right up to 6.39pm 29th September 2003 the time he died and the date being his first anniversary.It was at that time that I really learnt how to let go and let my grief out.I seriously thought I had fallen down into the deep dark well of depression and that I would never be able to climb back up again.But I now realise that perhaps as already said, grief and depression can be 2 different types of feelings.I still get a little panic on if one of the family is late back - are they OK, has anything awful happened to them. Am I going to have to go through this again. But with reason, I can pull myself out of it.Now some 13 months on. I am having some warm thoughts and memories of my Dad. I wish, wish, wish with all of my heart he was still here. Life would be so much easier but there really is nothing to be gained by that. All I can do now is go forward.The tears still flow freely and I still sob but there are days now that are better and brighter.I wish you well and hope for the future.Regards,Peppermint Patty.


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