# Sex Life



## ibshelpibshelp (Jul 1, 2010)

Hi,Please don't think I am pervert or sth,..I really like to know how is sex life for those who suffer with IBS. I mean with so much going on in stomoch, do you really feel like having sex. I mean i try my best to avoid presence of another human being near me(After i developed IBS), and I would prefer to be left alone in my room.I am assuming the above is true for all IBS sufferers. So if that is the case, how do you bear the contact of another person during sex. I mean so many intimacy things,.. How do you bear it,..?How about your partner? Is he/she ok when you say regularly you are not feeling like having sex,..... How are you able to manage a successful marriage? Unless your wife/husband also had severe disease, i don't really see why your wife/husband sticks with you and your problems,..I am not married so I really don't understand how the above works and my brain can't imagine the above things,..Any input is appreciated. Please dont give me false hopes, please tell me truth,..Thanks


----------



## Siea (Jun 21, 2010)

ibshelpibshelp said:


> Hi,Please don't think I am pervert or sth,..I really like to know how is sex life for those who suffer with IBS. I mean with so much going on in stomoch, do you really feel like having sex. I mean i try my best to avoid presence of another human being near me(After i developed IBS), and I would prefer to be left alone in my room.I am assuming the above is true for all IBS sufferers. So if that is the case, how do you bear the contact of another person during sex. I mean so many intimacy things,.. How do you bear it,..?How about your partner? Is he/she ok when you say regularly you are not feeling like having sex,..... How are you able to manage a successful marriage? Unless your wife/husband also had severe disease, i don't really see why your wife/husband sticks with you and your problems,..I am not married so I really don't understand how the above works and my brain can't imagine the above things,..Any input is appreciated. Please dont give me false hopes, please tell me truth,..Thanks


I got IBS so I preferebly don't want to leave the house alot. But having sex is different. Besides you should be so comfortable with your mate that you can tell him/her that you need to go. And he/she should also understand you on this matter. Maybe he/she gets turned off for the moment but you can always continue later that day. Or in time he/she get used to it and don't think about it anymore.You can also time it so you go to the toilet before it is time to have sex. Aswell as not having sex right after dinner or at times when you usually have to go.Sex is necessary for me, almost like food. I'm not myself without it.My body generally is better during the sex and that combined with good timing is probably the reason I have not experienced any problems with sex.


----------



## IBSD88 (Mar 23, 2009)

i'm the same, not only do I not know how people manage a relationship with IBS I dont know how you find it.My IBS is 1000x better now than it was but I still keep to a very loose schedual. I dont preplan things futher than planning the cinema in a few hours so something like a wedding is a nono, a non flexible expensive preset date that you cant move is a total not going to happen in my books.as for just meeting people I rarely do anymore, I used to have big parties to which I would invite random strangers thats how I made most of my friends and dated most of my girlfriends but now the idea of 20-50 people round occupying the toilet is a defo nono,


----------



## Hester (Jul 5, 2009)

Since the IBS-D/SIBO, I have no sex life. Between the pain, the drugs needed to control it and the "IT", I have no sex drive at all. I accommodate my partner as best I can but he gets very frustrated with me. I do not know if our relationship will survive the IBSD. After eleven years and countless stresses from death and financial loss, to kids, pets and illness issues, this one just might be the deal-breaker.


----------



## ibshelpibshelp (Jul 1, 2010)

Thanks all for sharing your honest opinions, exp,..Thanks once again


----------



## Robin_W (Jul 4, 2010)

My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half. When we first got together, I was not officially diagnosed with IBS, and we had known each other as friends about 5 years prior. When we were originally friends, I was in my teens, and led a reasonably active lifestyle with no problems. When we began dating each other, was around the time when I began having more symptoms and problems. Yes, it was awkward describing my problems to him, but he was very understanding. Over a year later, he not only took me to the doctors to be diagnosed, he insisted upon it. He also went into the doctors room with me to make sure that I didn't miss any details. Whenever I have an episode, he will run to check the bathroom for me (to see if anybody is in there), so I don't have to get up to check myself because I am in pain. When I come back from a painful BM (like I did today) He will hug me and kiss my tummy saying "Sorry, honey". He will drive out of his way to make sure I get to a bathroom I am comfortable in. We have stayed home from parties, left early, and even missed out on a few activities that he was looking forward to. I understand that this isn't a really common relationship, but it is out there. As far as the sex-life goes, he is very understanding. If I don't feel into it, it's okay, and we'll try again later, or the next day. I have also found, that if I am not feeling well, if I really focus on what is going on, kissing, etc, I barely feel any pain. All in all, it IS possible to have a good relationship, and a good sex life with IBS. If you are embarrassed about your condition, it will make the other person uncomfortable and embarrassed. Be upfront about it, and even make light of the situation if that seems natural to you. Don't expect everybody to be accepting, but at the same time, don't expect everybody to reject you.


----------



## overitnow (Nov 25, 2001)

My bowel problems were generally resolved by about 2 PM. Sex was saved for the afternoon or evening or the morning, before getting up. It wasn't as stress free as before or after the 10 years I suffered with IBS; but I always felt making love was better than not.Mark


----------



## Miami25 (Sep 7, 2009)

I manage to have a healthy sex life even if though I am in pain a lot of the time. When my BF starts kissing me it takes my mind off it and I don't feel a thing! As far as BMs during sex...the only time I am worried is if he wants to have sex in the morning ( I have most of my "issues" then) but I usually manage anyways. It's like sex suppresses the bowel or something. I'm so happy my sex life isn't severely effected. Of course there are times I can't move so therefore can't have sex but he understands.


----------



## jennyk22 (Jul 3, 2010)

I still have a good sex life. My belly doesn't hurt during, but I do tend to experience abdominal pain immediately after.


----------



## Sick&TiredKat (Feb 2, 2010)

HI. It is possible to have a good relationship/marriage. I have been married for 17 years to a very wonderful and understanding husband and have two kids. I started having issues 8 years ago after the death of my father. My family has been very supportive. My kids have had me miss or cancel out on several events at the last minute. My husband has been ready to go out to dinner or visit with friends and I end up not able to go. They are all very understanding and never make me feel guilty. (I do that to myself). I just missed an evening with long time friends and fireworks for the 4th of July. I sent the kids and husband on w/o me. It is best to just leave me to myself. My husband knows when an episode comes on we need to find a restroom and has helped me through many embarrassing times. He can usually read my face and know when I feel the freight train moving through the intestines. We call my bathroom here at home the "tranquility room" he painted and decorated it so I could at least have some semblence of peaceful (if that is even possible) when I am going to be there for hours. In other words, when you find the right person he/she will be there through thick and thin. Most of my close friends and co-workers know of my condition and understand when I need to leave work immediately. Now if regards to the sex life. I am currently taking effexor and find that the sex drive is completely gone. I will be talking to the dr in the future to see what if anything can be done. But since being on the effexor, I have gone from 2-3 episodes a week to almost 2-3 a month. Huge difference. I wish you well and glad you have found this website. You will at least get comfort and good advice to help you with this difficult disease.


----------



## Cherokee (Aug 8, 2010)

I have IBS-D for 40 years, I'm 45 yrs old. Been married for 13 years and have a son. My wife and I had an active sex life for the first few years. It has declined over the years and my IBS has been a lot worse. It's just my opinion, but sex is a stress relief for me and without it, I'm miserable. My wife doesn't understand it and I don't know if she really cares one way or the other. It's frustrating to say the least to be close to anyone, let alone a spouse that doesn't seem to care. I'm committed to my marriage and have never strayed nor will I ever. Stress does strange things to the human body. Once you get over the initial obstacles of meeting someone, everything should fall into place. It will be more difficult than it is for people without IBS, but all things in life worthwhile take time and patience. I hope you find or are with someone who understands. I hope this helps and I wish you luck.~Cherokee


----------



## Murph (Jul 26, 2010)

I've been married for 12 years, 10 of which I've had IBS. We have a fine sex life! I'm usually fine if I take imodium, or it's after 10pm. I've never had to run to the bathroom during or anyting embarrasing, but after 12 years, it wouldn't actually be that embarrasing! He knows about the IBS and he'd be understanding. I'm with the others that during, I never notice my stomach at all.


----------



## Kate Thornton (Mar 26, 2010)

Hi...i am 44 yrs old...been married for 21 yrs....sex life is just fine. My husband completely understands my ibs...and when i say no....he backs off. He basically knows when i cannot handle it. In the beginning it was quite embarassing, but that didn't last long. You can't be that way, have ibs, and be married. Just doesn't work. They have to know everything about you and your condition, and be understanding and patient about it. If they love you, they will understand. My advice to you is always tell the person you are with, b/c if they don't know, then they cannot understand what you are going through, and if they don't understand, they are not worth your time in the first place. Good luck to you.


----------



## lmchibimoon (Aug 30, 2010)

Robin_W said:


> My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half. When we first got together, I was not officially diagnosed with IBS, and we had known each other as friends about 5 years prior. When we were originally friends, I was in my teens, and led a reasonably active lifestyle with no problems. When we began dating each other, was around the time when I began having more symptoms and problems. Yes, it was awkward describing my problems to him, but he was very understanding. Over a year later, he not only took me to the doctors to be diagnosed, he insisted upon it. He also went into the doctors room with me to make sure that I didn't miss any details. Whenever I have an episode, he will run to check the bathroom for me (to see if anybody is in there), so I don't have to get up to check myself because I am in pain. When I come back from a painful BM (like I did today) He will hug me and kiss my tummy saying "Sorry, honey". He will drive out of his way to make sure I get to a bathroom I am comfortable in. We have stayed home from parties, left early, and even missed out on a few activities that he was looking forward to. I understand that this isn't a really common relationship, but it is out there. As far as the sex-life goes, he is very understanding. If I don't feel into it, it's okay, and we'll try again later, or the next day. I have also found, that if I am not feeling well, if I really focus on what is going on, kissing, etc, I barely feel any pain. All in all, it IS possible to have a good relationship, and a good sex life with IBS. If you are embarrassed about your condition, it will make the other person uncomfortable and embarrassed. Be upfront about it, and even make light of the situation if that seems natural to you. Don't expect everybody to be accepting, but at the same time, don't expect everybody to reject you.


Congratulations, you are a really lucky girl. When I was first diagnosed with IBS, my boyfriend at the time wasn't really patient, he got really upset and I felt like I was crazy and inventing everything. In my new relationship, he is more understanding and pampers me a lot and rubs my belly when it is in pain. It is very nice to have someone to support you in those bad moments, he even took me to ER at 4 am because I was yelling for the pain and he stayed with me while I got saline and tests until 10 am. All I can do is thank to God for putting in my way someone who understands me and supports me so much!!


----------



## lmchibimoon (Aug 30, 2010)

Sick&TiredKat said:


> HI. It is possible to have a good relationship/marriage. I have been married for 17 years to a very wonderful and understanding husband and have two kids. I started having issues 8 years ago after the death of my father. My family has been very supportive. My kids have had me miss or cancel out on several events at the last minute. My husband has been ready to go out to dinner or visit with friends and I end up not able to go. They are all very understanding and never make me feel guilty. (I do that to myself). I just missed an evening with long time friends and fireworks for the 4th of July. I sent the kids and husband on w/o me. It is best to just leave me to myself. My husband knows when an episode comes on we need to find a restroom and has helped me through many embarrassing times. He can usually read my face and know when I feel the freight train moving through the intestines. We call my bathroom here at home the "tranquility room" he painted and decorated it so I could at least have some semblence of peaceful (if that is even possible) when I am going to be there for hours. In other words, when you find the right person he/she will be there through thick and thin. Most of my close friends and co-workers know of my condition and understand when I need to leave work immediately. Now if regards to the sex life. I am currently taking effexor and find that the sex drive is completely gone. I will be talking to the dr in the future to see what if anything can be done. But since being on the effexor, I have gone from 2-3 episodes a week to almost 2-3 a month. Huge difference. I wish you well and glad you have found this website. You will at least get comfort and good advice to help you with this difficult disease.


What a nice detail having your bathroom painted and decorated!! I am going to try to do in mine just to see if it is possible to have a little more comfort.


----------



## Kerrys (Apr 19, 2010)

I've had IBS-D for over 20 years and been married for 18. I seem to have my flare ups in the afternoons and of course hubby works through the day so I'm usually in pain or extremely tired when he gets home. I've learned to pretend I'm not in pain so that he can enjoy a healthy sex life. True, it's not healthy for me but my marriage is extremely important and I love my hubby alot.


----------



## ConstantlyQueasy (Oct 15, 2010)

I'm 33, female and married with 2 kids. My main issue here is my near constant nausea. My painful cramps and diarrhea generally are worse in the morning and somewhat better by afternoon, but the nausea stays around for weeks at times. By the time the kids are in bed it's also a problem of bloating and gas - along with the nausea, I'm NOT feeling sexy or in the mood. My husband says that he understands, but makes me feel guilty when we haven't been intimate in a while. I honestly don't think he really gets it and thinks I'm just avoiding intimacy with him, which leads to me feeling overwhelmingly guilty and also depressed. It's really taking a toll on my marriage and I wish I knew how to make him truly understand how debilitating IBS is . . .


----------



## BQ (May 22, 2000)

Constantly Queasy have you ever tried Ginger Capsules?? They quell nausea quickly for me.


----------



## lib2266 (May 29, 2009)

I think, as other said, when you find the right person it will be ok. I've had IBSD for about,I don't know like 10 years now (I'm 31). I met my boyfriend when I was 28. I often didn't feel good and he was nice enough to stay home and watch TV with me or just hang in. I often told him 'my stomach hurts'.. he probably thought I was crazy until I finally explained everything to him. He's still a pain in the ass about it from time to time. He can't understand how I can go to the bathroom before I leave the house and then have to go again when we get somewhere, or have to turn around but I think deep down he understands and worries that my worrying makes it worse for me. We don't have a busy sex life, but that's usually just circumstance and we're both kind of shy but, like others said, I usually have a 'good' day the day after. Sometimes I'm so prepared for an attack the next day and then realize that I actually feel good! I'm very regular...like I'm healed. Sex has A LOT of healing powers...who knows!? Maybe IBS is one of them.(Also, I really hope you can find something that helps, you shouldn't feel like never wanting to leave your room or the house!)


----------



## lib2266 (May 29, 2009)

I also have one more thing to suggest to those who can't get intimate with someone because they don't feel sexy... we talk about everything on this board so I hope I'm not crossing the line. Maybe try being intimate with yourself. Yes, I mean masturbating (if you're not already). Maybe this will help you feel sexy. Let yourself go, fantasize... pretend your an amazing woman that doesn't have IBS!!!!!!! Maybe it will help you forget some of what your feeling.Like I said, sorry if I crossed the line....


----------



## SarahLiz1 (Oct 16, 2010)

Good god, you CAN NOT let IBS ruin your life!I have had IBS for 10 years. I have had terrible diarrhea for most of this time as well as extreme bloating etc. My stomach upsets led to anxiety about going out etc (I didn't want an "accident" to happen!) but after a year or so of suffering like this I discovered 2 things:1/ Immodium - It helps me get out & about and helps stop the frequency of the attacks (although I still get several each week)2/ You can not live your life in Fear.If you do - your basically letting a condition ruin your life. As for thinking you can't have a relationship becuase of IBS, what are you thinking? If your partner can't live with it then they don't deserve you! I have always had plenty of men interested in me and am now happily married. My husband knows I get stomach upsets a lot but so what? Obviously when I do I go to the toilet - it has no effect on our sex life what-so-ever! And it certainly doesnt stop me feeling like the attractive woman I am. I know IBS is uncomfortable & nobody feels "sexy" when they are in the middle of an attack (which I have had up to 10 times a day at times!) so I understand - however you have to learn to live with it & get on with your life or otherwise your letting it run your life (and it really does not have to at all!). Perhaps you should get some counseling as it sounds to me like you may be depressed. IBS is horrible to have but it is not life-threatening so don't let it ruin your life!


----------



## onyx (Jan 13, 2006)

I used to have a great love life. I had a few wonderful girlfriends over the years and used to have fun dating. Sex was fun, meaningful, wonderful. After I got IBS about 7 years ago I tried to find a way to keep a girlfriend in my life. I found it just so frustrating and embarrassing that after a while I just slowly drifted out of circulation. I was able to sometimes go on a few dates with someone and have a decent time, but sooner or later some aweful experience would happen to derail things. I found that IBS just basically destroyed my ability to make any kind of plans. I couldn't ask my girlfriend out to dinner or a concert etc. as I became more and more homebound. I became embarrassed to be with her when we were at home because of all the horrible sounds and smells that my new IBS-ruined insides produced. I just found it easier and simpler to be alone, even though it's sad to be so isolated. I used to really enjoy being in a relationship, but I just found with IBS I was too erratic to make it feasible. Let's face it, most people want a partner they can do things with, they can depend on, they can enjoy the world with.There are some people who say not to let it stop your life, and to keep living even with the condition etc. I certainly respect this attitude, but unfortunately I've found that for me being intimate with someone in a long-term relationship just doesn't really work anymore. Maybe it's my personality - at a certain point it's just more comfortable being by myself then trying to maintain a real relationship with all my problems. If I could be my old charming self, who was adventurous, loved going out, loved being sociable etc., then I would really enjoy being in a good relationship again. But the way I've been for so many years has so eroded my confidence, my joy in life, my desire to go out in the world that I think I may just remain alone for years to come. Not trying to bring anyone down, just telling you my honest feelings on this. For those of you who can manage to still have meaningful romantic relationships, more power to you.


----------



## Siea (Jun 21, 2010)

onyx.If you have trouble getting and keeping a relationship at all now due to ibs. I suggest you try to get in touch with other people with ibs and date them.10-20% of population got ibs. IBS-D probably only 5% or less...But anyway. Homosexuals got 10% to choose from so if you get 5% it still isn't impossible.Probably harder if you live in a small town.Moderators: How about making a dating section in this forum?I know this is more of a medical forum and that people want to be free from ibs. But many don't succeed and getting a date from here would be quite nice I believe.


----------



## BQ (May 22, 2000)

We already have this listed in our links section: http://www.prescription4love.com/main.cfm?id=ibs-groupYou can also utilize our Penpals section.. it's right up there on the menu bar. http://www.ibsgroup.org/ibspenpals


----------



## Olga_ath (Apr 15, 2006)

I agree a bit with everyone.I usually don't have a problem with sex. Maybe it has to do with the fact it's too relaxing but I also can't think of a way that the problems I personally have will show during intercourse. Though sometimes there are some positions that make me feel like everything relaxes so much down there and if I am gassy I'll have to add pressure so that nothing comes out. So it's not so comfortable. I try to avoid these but it doesn't bother me much.However, I agree with onyx, on that I can't see myself into a steady intimate relationship. IBS has multiplied my insecurities and I can't see how to share my everyday life, along with my toilet habits, with a man. Though, as far as I can understand, my IBS isn't as serious as many of the members' I see in here.


----------



## Olga_ath (Apr 15, 2006)

I agree a bit with everyone.I usually don't have a problem with sex. Maybe it has to do with the fact it's too relaxing but I also can't think of a way that the problems I personally have will show during intercourse. Though sometimes there are some positions that make me feel like everything relaxes so much down there and if I am gassy I'll have to add pressure so that nothing comes out. So it's not so comfortable. I try to avoid these but it doesn't bother me much.However, I agree with onyx, on that I can't see myself into a steady intimate relationship. IBS has multiplied my insecurities and I can't see how to share my everyday life, along with my toilet habits, with a man. Though, as far as I can understand, my IBS isn't as serious as many of the members' I see in here.


----------



## On Edge (Aug 25, 2009)

I am male. I will not give up the sexual aspect of myself. Offputting as it may sound to some, I find watching porn and masturbating and fantasizing frequently keeps things in perspective for me and pushes my IBSD to the distant background, keeping me feeling like a sexual being. It is often the case that we end up hating and not trusting our bodies when we suffer from something as humiliating as IBS, but you have to keep it in perspective, thay it is your gut that misbehaves, not your entire body.


----------



## Olga_ath (Apr 15, 2006)

On Edge said:


> I am male. I will not give up the sexual aspect of myself. Offputting as it may sound to some, I find watching porn and masturbating and fantasizing frequently keeps things in perspective for me and pushes my IBSD to the distant background, keeping me feeling like a sexual being. It is often the case that we end up hating and not trusting our bodies when we suffer from something as humiliating as IBS, but you have to keep it in perspective, thay it is your gut that misbehaves, not your entire body.


True. After all during sex many happiness hormones are released so after a good sex you will feel good afterwards and probably will have forgotten your intestines. We all know how psychology plays a great role in IBS. So forgetting about sex will only make it worse.


----------

