# awful ibs/relationship problems...



## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Hey guys...just sort of needed somewhere to rant. Last night, my boyfriend of almost a year decided we need to take a break. I am absolutely devastated, and my IBS is apparently taking that into account and is launching an attack on me. I had NO idea that anything was even wrong with our relationship...we get in little tiffs every now and then but it's never been anything that can't be talked about and resolved. Anyway, we got in a little fight last night but fixed things up, or so I thought. Right before we went to bed he told me he needs some time to himself because he isn't sure how he feels about me anymore. Then he went to bed.(yes, I was sleeping at his place, and had no way of walking across campus back home alone in the middle of the night...) So I had no idea what to do, so I spent all night lying next to him crying (very pitiful, I know...). This morning I was hoping he'd be rational and remember he loved me, but he just made things worse, saying he's felt different lately (I had no idea) and he needs some time, but he doesn't know how long. Of course, the second I made my way home, I was so upset I ended up in the bathroom with awful D that's been ongoing all day, on top of all the crying. I feel like such a loser for like, sitting around and crying about it all day, but I have no idea how this could have just randomly happened when things seemed so great. I feel so stupid for not seeing that he was feeling different toward me, especially because I finally thought I had found the perfect guy for me. I can understand he needs time to himself, I just don't see why we basically have to break up for awhile for him to get it...I'd be more than willing to give him more space to himself, it just seems so drastic to cut us off for awhile. I'm just so frustrated right now, and blaming myself, and I finally gave in and took an Imodium (I usually don't take it because I'm normally IBS-C) so hopefully that will take care of that...just felt like ranting because I'm too upset to even get the whole story out to my roommates. Thanks for listening







and here's to hoping things turn out okay (the sooner, the better).-Erin


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

You poor thing *hug*. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I hope things work out with the boyfriend situation, whether it means getting over him and finding someone you love even more, or sorting stuff out and getting back together.Hang in there xxx


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## asian_girl (Aug 22, 2003)

hey erinki know how you feel. ibs, constipation or diarrhea, has taken a toll on not only my school, but also my personal life. There are countless times whereas my bf and i would fight over my ibs. he said its all in my head but has no clue to what it really is. i would always insist on bringing him to my doctor to explain to my bf what ibs is about, but he would refuse. anyway, we broke up and im now better off without him. my advice to you is if it doesnt work out, dont get a fit. i know its hard, but if something happens, it happens for a reason. and youre in college as well, there are plenty of guys roaming around on campus. or maybe you should focus on yourself and your health.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hey Erink,Last night i got really upset at work over my manager, who i like, taking some slapper upstairs in the pub to stay with him for the night. I cried my eyes out. lol. He came down, saw me upset and asked what was wrong and that made it worse. Ive had D all day today. It sucks butt.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Thanks for the support guys







I went out last night in hopes of partying my sadness away and who was at the same party but him...go figure (out of all the parties on campus...). He saw me and I didn't want it to look like I was leaving because he was there, so I sucked it up and stayed. Eventually he came over and we made very awkward small talk. Later in the night, he came over and said he missed me already and maybe we should talk about this. Anyway, things are awkward right now but much better. I'm hoping it's something we'll be able to work throught, at least. Nikki, sorry to hear about the guy who took the girl upstairs







. Why is it so hard to find a nice, normal man who can understand IBS!? Lol...we will probably be perpetually looking.Take care, everyone. Thanks again.


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## jrs (Jun 18, 2001)

Hey, I'm glad to hear that things are working out better for you now. My only advice though is to take it easy with him now -- clearly there's something going on that you don't know about, and it's probably better to do a lot of talking before investing yourself fully back in the relationship. It sounds like you're in pretty deep already, but just use this shock to try and get some perspective in what's going on now that you know that he's having some problems. Also, and just as an aside with the knowledge that I know nothing about the situation or the people other than what you just said. You might want to take into consideration the way that things went down the other night -- any quality guy, even if he's breaking up with you, would still try to ensure that you are not put in a worse position than you have to be, and it doesn't sound like it happened that way from what you said. Anyway, I'm hoping that this resolution helps you out with the D -- have you considered looking into either yoga or meditation (or other self-centering practices) that might help you out with the stress?


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

You bring up some good points, jrs. We've decided to give each other a little space...clearly trying to break it completely off for a bit didn't work out, so we decided to just give each other a little space. My time is so wrapped up in homework and classes and making time to see him that I'll have a little bit of extra time now. Maybe I'll do some yoga. I've never actually thought about the idea but I'm sure it would help the IBS, too. Maybe I'll buy a book on yoga and take some time every day to do that...I could definitely use some relaxation. Thank you for the suggestion.


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## jamiethorntonlewis (May 22, 2002)

Hope it goes ok.


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## bad girl (Aug 19, 2003)

Giving each other space is a good idea. Sometimes it's so easy to get too wrapped up in spending time with a boyfriend. Then you get all smothered and co-dependent. Yuck! Have fun by yourself, or with friends without your boyfriend. Or try something new. Its so important to have an identity without your boyfriend, especially because we're still in college. Let him be a part of your life, not your whole life.







Good Luck.


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## CTgirl1984 (Aug 28, 2003)

Wow, I'm really sorry! I definitely know how you feel. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he thought we should take a break from eachother- and I thought things were going fine, too! He says he needs some space, and his time to just be a guy his age and not worry about being in a serious relationship for awhile. He needs some time to get his life together.Needless to say, I was devastated! THe first few days I couldn't eat at all, and I was an emotional wreck. I also had the worst case of D ever. It was horrible! I still haven't been sleeping too well, and I've been so worn down that I ended up getting a cold. So now I am upset, have IBS problems, and am sick with a cold. My roomate has mono so I just hope that's not what I am coming down with!Anyway, it's good to know that you're going through pretty much the same thing... just know that it will get better with time. I hope things work out for you (and I hope things work out for my boyfriend and me, also!)Good luck!


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## jrs (Jun 18, 2001)

Erin, just on the yoga thing -- my advise would be to see if you can take a class. I found that yoga was something much easier to understand once you had someone teach it to you, otherwise it just seems like a bunch of stretching. I don't know where you are (according to your profile it's either Wisconsin or Ohio), but if you're in university there should be some accessability to affordable classes. Even though they might have started already, they might still be able to squeeze you in. Good luck!


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## battle (Sep 13, 2003)

Hello Erin!I think you need to hear a man perspective on your situation.Whenever a man says he needs space 9 times out of 10 we up to no good.You need to watch him carefully.There is a 3rd party somewhere.Hopefully I'm wrong and you two live happily ever after, but I know men and how they act(I'm a man myself







.You keep your head up and remember you are all-woman.I will leave you with a word of advice.The man is the head and the woman the neck.I don't know a head on earth that turns without a neck.If you or any females are having problems(Males too)feel free to write and tell me your situation I might can help(I hope).


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## TheDude (Jan 2, 2003)

I agree with Male33.. There could very well be a 3rd party that either "caught his eye" or he may be talking to. Just be careful. Don't let him suck you back in and then a few weeks later end up back in the same mess. You might be better off giving him a taste of his own medicine and sticking to the original "break" if you want to call it that. Then if he is fine with that and keeps distancing himself from you, you'll know that something is up. Now don't let our "guy's perspective" throw you off. As I am sure you ladies know, many women out there pull the same "time apart" #### too. Believe me, I've had it done to me many times and yes it SUCKS! I never quite understood that one. If you love someone then how do you all of the sudden just "feel different" unless someone else has entered the picture? I realize you can't be around each other 24/7 and you each need your own time, but that is no reason to say "I think we need to put the relationship on hold so I can see how I feel about you."I better quit now so this doesn't turn into a rant!







Anyway... I hope things work out for you Erin! Just be careful, chick-a-dee!







Rock on and God bless...TheDude


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## battle (Sep 13, 2003)

LOL!!! I agree The dude! The door do swings both ways!! I forgot to mention that. You watch yourself closely too my friend.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Insightful replies! I am thinking he's most likely not cheating on me, for the simple fact that he's about as anti-cheating as they come (his ex had this fling type thing) and we spend a LOT of time together...our college isn't too big and I pretty much know what he's doing most of the time because of instant messenger and all that. He's always been honest with me (even when it wasn't at all what I wanted to hear) so I'm pretty sure that's not it (oh, but how mad I would be!!!). I keep my eyes and ears extra open. CTgirl1984, I'm sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend. I hope you are doing okay and that things work out for the both of you. We're just giving each other extra space right now but not too much and things seem to be better than they have in a LONG time. I appreciate all the advice







. You guys are great.


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## CTgirl1984 (Aug 28, 2003)

Erin,glad to hear things are going better for you!







I definitely know how difficult relationships can be, and having IBS definitely makes it worse. Every time I start getting upset about my boyfriend breaking up with me, I feel it in my stomach, and start feeling really nauceous. It's horrible.I wish I could say things were going as well for me. My ex is now seeing someone else. I'm not sure what's going on between them, but he told me they've kissed.







Needless to say, that's not something I really wanted to hear. Worst part is, every time I feel like I'm getting over him, he calls me to say he wants to see me, or something like that. And now he wants to be "friends with benefits."







Honestly... sometimes I just want to swear off relationships altogether!Well, anyway, hang in there!


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