# Hell on Earth?



## trapped inside (Dec 14, 2012)

I accidentally posted this in the General Discussion section, not realizing it actually belongs here.

*DISCLAIMER: This is a long story, maybe too long, and for that I am sorry. Perhaps it should be in a different section. I've never belonged to a forum before, but I have reached a state of desperation beyond anything I have experienced. So here goes nothing: *

For the past 4 months, beginning in early September, I have had I.B.S., even though the several doctors I have seen have yet to diagnose me with it. After all, it is one of the worst things to have because, according to the medical world, there is nothing physically wrong with us; and according to my psychiatrist, it is "all in my head" and due to "stress". Who wouldn't be stressed when you're in a state of constant, unforgiving pain -- a pain that goes away, but comes back like a boomerang.

Anyways, back to the story: 

Beginning in September, I had what I considered a day or two of constipation. This was accompanied by slight but manageable abdominal pain, which I attributed to my lack of bowel movements over the past few days. Anyways, I picked up some laxative suppositories (it feels somewhat embarrassing to be typing this sort of ######, if you will, but we can all relate), and they helped.

Anyways, one night, I felt extremely nauseous and sick, waking up throughout my sleep with fiery pain in my stomach, a burning, and I felt extremely nauseous. I couldn't lay on my stomach or fall asleep. It was miserable. Little did I know what was yet to come... The next morning I woke up constipated, used a laxative, and had no resulting BM. I, again, thought it was just a weird phase I was going through, or possibly a side effect of the Wellbutrin medication I was taking. 

Five days later, the abdominal pain had reached a peak, I couldn't sit down, I couldn't stand up. I couldn't move. It felt like the devil was trapped inside my stomach, trying to get out. (I am not a satanist or anything, that's just how it felt). I couldn't eat, and I couldn't sleep. I wanted to sleep so much so I could escape the pain. At this point, it had been six days since I had last had a BM.

Eight days later, I am feel like I am dying, or more so, I felt like I would rather die than continue to feel this way. The worst parts are: nothing helped to relieve my symptoms (I tried laxatives, enemas, herbal remedies, drinking gallons of water, exercise, etc.) AND no one believed or understood what I was going through. At this point in time, I had yet to read or learn about what would soon become my worst enemy: Irritable Bowel Syndrome -- I thought it was simply occasional diarrhea.

Finally, I end up in the Emergency Room, begging for help. I am 23 year old male and it was one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life, to wind up in an ER because you're so constipated that it is beyond-belief painful. Anyways, as is usual with doctors under these circumstances, they dismissed my symptoms after a brief X-ray, which showed, according to them, that I just had a giant 'fart waiting to come out' and a lot '######' (their words, not mine). They laughed, and told me to take some Gas-X. I was humiliated and in so much pain. (Sorry to sound like such a whiny complainer, but this hurt like hell). 

After 12 days of constipation (sans the occasional explosive and purely-watery diarrhea ,I finally had what I thought would solve all of my problems: a bowel movement. Boy, was I wrong. The BM I had was disappointingly small. How could that be all, after 11 days, I thought. (Again, sorry if this is graphic, and it is intended for mature IBS sufferers only







. Still, I was absolutely ecstatic that at least something had happened after hours spent on the toilet praying to God for the pain to stop. (And I am not a religious man.) 

Immediately afterwards, I did everything I could to stimulate more of a BM: I did inverted yoga poses, ate six Activas, went for a run, drank a gallon of water, ate prunes, drank coffee, smoked a disgusting cigarette (hey, it's supposed to stimulate your bowels), ate two Fiber One brownies, etc. I could increase the list ad infinitum. Nothing happened, so I eagerly waited for the next morning, hoping to finally flush my system out. I was still experiencing throbbing, sharp, needle-like pain through my abdomen. When I took a deep breath, it hurt; I couldn't even laugh (a 'belly laugh') because it hurt. I was so alone at this time, too, I must mention. I felt trapped inside my head. 

The next morning, I wake up. I drink coffee, do my yoga poses and all of that other stuff. Long story short: barely anything happens. A small, odd-looking and, once again, disappointing BM. Whatever, I think, at least - still! - something is happening. This continues, and has up until present day. The pain comes and goes, but is almost constantly there. I have one BM in the morning that, if I am lucky, is big enough to relieve some of the symptoms. Every BM I has is an incomplete evacuation - it always feels like I still have to go, like there is an intestinal traffic jam inside my abdomen waiting to clear up. Once every three weeks or so, I will have mild diarrhea that lasts for a day, and then devolves back into constipation. My lower back hurts, throbbing each morning from, what I assume, is from my intestinal burning. 

I have seen 3 doctors, the most recent of whom recommended I take some psylium (sp?) fiber AKA Metamucil, some Citrucel, some Align, and, lastly, drink a lot of water. I followed his recommendations and had no positive results. Still a meager BM in the morning, with pain throughout the day. By the way, has anyone else found that the pain is hard to describe to other people without it sounding like it's not a big deal when, for us, it is a huge deal because we have to experience it for the majority of our waking hours? Anyways, I mention to the doctor that I am concerned I may have IBS and he dismisses this notion, saying "it's a strong possibility, for your symptoms match the diagnostic criteria to a T, but IBS is only a minor nuisance. Besides, we have new drugs to treat it." OK, I thought at the time, maybe there is some hope. 

Next up: a colonoscopy; I can't wait! What 23-year-old dude wants to get one - isn't it for, like, really old guys? Whatever.

These days, my life sucks. I try to manage and get through each day the best I can, but nothing seems to help. Exercise (like running) hurts, and only makes symptoms worse. Gentle yoga helps a bit, although some of the poses are extremely hard on my abdomen. Walking is alright. Eating better helps. Drinking water helps. My family is very supportive but doesn't understand how I feel. They are "just glad I have nothing seriously wrong with me". 

Nonetheless, I depressingly go through each day, gloomy about the future, about my life. I think of all the things I won't be able to do because of my 'syndrome'. I think of all the fun hiking trips I won't go on; the girls I will miss; the social gatherings I will avoid; the delicious food I can't eat; and - most of all - a sense of control over my life.

I need help. Doctors don't help. Psychiatrists don't help. Medicine doesn't help (although I am currently looking at the new Lizness drug, which I am very excited about; Walgreens doesn't have it in stock though). My family thinks I am complaining and whiny - they don't say that, but I know it's how they feel. If I was someone else looking at and listening to me, I would think I was being a wuss too. I mean, it's probably just a stomach ache, right.

I need advice, support, sympathy, help - anything! Please. Am I being a pessimistic wimp? Do I need to try something else? Can anyone relate to the way I feel? Does it get any better? I'm dying inside. Bring me back to life.


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## aislingcowan (Nov 28, 2012)

You poor guy. No you arent being pessimistic, IBS can be extremley debilitating and it sound slike you are having an awful time of it. I am a nutritionist, I have given up using Nutrition to treat IBS but have found something that works, this sounds mad but your bowels are so connected to your mind that its unbelievable. There is a second part of your nervous system called the enteric nervous system which connects your brain to your intestines. I have found something that works with IBS and that is Hypnotherapy. I have seen a good few cases of this type of extreme constipation, under hypnosis I ask the subconscious to show you the root cause or reason for this problem . With constipation it is trapped anger, Think about your life right now and in the past right and think really think on it...is there anyone is your life that you have due cause to be severely angry with? All things, your mother or father or siblings in particular, how do you feel towards them? How is your life emotionally? has anything happened recetnly of any strong emotions, any arguements, are you under alot of pressure right now?
I will give you an example- the first person I ever did this on was a friend of mine, she had severe constipation for about 15years. We sat down and drew out a map of when it was worse and when it was better, and a very clear picture began to emerge, it was WAY worse when she was anywhere near her father. I hypnotised her and when through all the things in her life which contributed to this, and eventually her mind brought her to a day when she was 6 years old, and her da was beating her with a stick in their house. She was in a good place, so what i made her do under hypnosis was truley and completely forgive her father and see him for the human being that he was, full of faults like everyone else, and it alllowed her to let go of her anger, then she forgave him under hypnosis and when you do this under hypnosis it goes into the deepest recesses of the mind and body. I brought her out of it and she said to me...i dont think this has worked, i said grand, we will do it again when you are back in ireland (we were on holidays when i did this for her), wel get it right the next time. Then we sat on for 10 minutes...and suddenly she says..."i need to go to the toliet" and off she went and had her first normal pooh in over 2 weeks, and her first comfortable one in over 15years. It was a great day for both of us and she has gone to strength to strength ever since. If there is no PHYSICAL reason that the docs can find for your condition, then TRUST me the problem is emotional. As mad as that sounds, I wouldnt say it if i didnt think it is true. The body and mind are completely interrelated. Man if I lived in seattle I would be delighted to help you out. If you have any questions let me know, maybe i could help you find a good hypnotherapists, unfortunately there is alot of bullshitters out there too. It would have to be a good one to this for you. Take care, Aisling


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## mswest95 (Nov 17, 2012)

I know how you feel, physically anyway. I have never been diagnosed with IBS because (as I'm sure you know) nobody can find anything physically wrong with me. But anyone who has it knows that it's not hard to mistake. I have IBS-A (which means alternate). When I was a junior in high school I didn't know I had it, but I had diarrhea almost everyday at school. It was humiliating going to the bathroom all the time, especially because if you're gone for more than two minutes everyone assumes you are pooping and that isn't something I wanted anyone to know. I eventually switched to home-school my senior year because I couldn't stand being in a public place for 7 hours a day. By then I knew I had IBS, but no one else did. I didn't even tell my mom that was why I wanted to be home-schooled. The whole time I've had IBS, though, I've had an amazing boyfriend. He knows I have it and takes care of me when I feel bad, but I don't think he gets it. Now, I have mostly constipation, with diarrhea once every few weeks, like you. Excruciating pain is so common for me now that on the outside it doesn't look like it's so bad. I'm used to dealing with it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. Because I don't writhe in pain 24/7 my family thinks it's not that bad. Even worse, my doctor says there is nothing that can be done for IBS-A. If I try to treat the constipation, I'll get diarrhea, and vice versa. It makes my life really crappy. On the days I feel good, even I think I might be making it a bigger deal than it really is, but when it does hurt, it hurts bad. I hate every minute of it. It gets so bad some days that I'll just sleep for hours so I don't have to feel the pain.


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## Morexer (Aug 8, 2012)

aislingcowan said:


> This sounds mad but your bowels are so connected to your mind that its unbelievable.


I've found that my bowels became neurotically connected to my mind and looking at my mental state has been really helpful for my leaky gas and incomplete evacuation.

For me, IBS seems to be mostly mental/anxious/emotional. I have leaky gas and constipation / incomplete evacuation, and I can say for sure that mine is in large part, if not entirely, mental. I went a GI specialist, had all the tests us IBSers seem to get (including a colonoscopy and an endoscopy), took all the fiber supplements, laxatives, changed my diet, etc., and nothing has seemed to help much. It's hard to say how much of my symptoms might be diet/lifestyle related, but I know there is a serious mental link for me.

I used to have very healthy, once-a-day BMs which came easily and were well-formed, but that changed when the leaky gas started. Lately, I've had some success with more completely evacuating my bowels by not trying so hard to have BM. The most useful thing my GI told me was that when I go to have a BM, to squat on the floor for 5 minutes and do deep breathing exercises (just take deep breaths and relax). She said that when some people try to strain to have a BM, the rectum (I think?) gets tense and closes up, so little to nothing comes out. Lately when I sit on the toilet, I don't try to push it out so much, rather just relax the muscles down there and don't try to force anything to come out. Sometimes, the stool comes out easily and I just barely have to push it out; these muscle contractions are different than the ones I feel when I strain. When I have BMs like these, they remind me of the BMs I used to have, which came very easily. It's like the stool has an open passage out, and there's just a small little muscle helper which gently helps push it out. The other muscles are relaxed. Some days it works better than others; some days I'm too impatient to sit and relax. I've been experimenting with the muscle contractions down there when I have a BM. I don't know if this will help. My old mental bathroom habits got messed up somehow. I became very neurotic about the leaky gas and my BMs, wanting to evacuate my bowels so that the gas wouldn't leak as much (and most BMs I would use my finger to stimulate some part inside my anus to make the stool come out - and now my bowels are much lazier, I would avoid stimulating your bowels like this if possible) , and wanting to hold in the gas and being mostly unable to. It's been a vicious mental cycle.

That said, my leaky gas and constipation have gotten better. I've been looking at the anxiety loops using meditation and have had success so far. Sometimes I'm not caught up in the usual, neurotic patterns of worrying and my GI issues are not as severe during those periods. In the past year, my relationship to the anxiety has changed, so that I'm not running from it as much. However you approach your mental health (therapy, hypnosis, meditation, ...), it would probably be a good idea to do so.


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## Morexer (Aug 8, 2012)

^Even though the doctors couldn't find anything with their tests, I think I might have a rectal prolapse going on FYI. Maybe due to all this straining to have BMs. That said, anxiety plays a big part for me


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## tinh (Nov 13, 2012)

Have you tried pelvic floor exercises? They are suppose to help with supporting the bowel


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## Morexer (Aug 8, 2012)

tinh said:


> Have you tried pelvic floor exercises? They are suppose to help with supporting the bowel


No I haven't, but that sounds like a good idea.

Edit - lol, I assumed you were talking to me.


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## Morexer (Aug 8, 2012)

trapped inside, in my post above I spoke of experimenting with the sphincter / pelvic floor muscles when I have a BM. On another thread here someone mentioned anorectal biofeedback therapy to treat constipation. I might give this a try; if your constipation is similar to mine, I think retraining these bowel muscles will help.


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