# IBS-D, depression, suicidal thoughts......



## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

My IBS started off when I was 14 and in Year 9(Form 3 in Hong Kong) after a bout of food poisoning that made me have watery diarrhea for 20+ times and was treated by antibiotics. I did endoscopy and colonscopy in May 2012 which came back normal. The enema taken for colonscopy made me have explosive watery diarrhea for 50+ times. This was one of my worst experiences in my life definitely.

I visited two gastroenterologists and underwent two stool culture tests in 2012. Still nothing wrong was found and I was diagnosed with IBS-D. I am now 18 years old and going to university in September.

Since then, I live like in Hell everyday. I often had diarrhea at school which affected my academic studies considerably. My teenage growth and my life have been devastated by my IBS for sure. I have never been normal since I picked up IBS-D.

I live in pain everyday. I feel depressed everyday and I even tried to commit suicide two weeks ago, but I have never seeked help from any psychiatric or psychologic professionals because I don't want the worst side of my conditions to be known to my parents, who I don't suppose them to know so much about.

My depression, though not formally diagnosed, is caused by a myriad of factors that stemmed from the start of my adolescence......It's really complicated and only a few of my friends can really understand how agonizing the pain is in my body both physically and psychologically......I have suffered a lot of psychological trauma due to those factors, with my IBS-D being the predominant factor but not completely the culprit. If it were not my IBS-D, I would have lived happier than now and would have not thought of suicide constantly.

I missed out a lot of good stuff to which I was supposed to be entitled in my journey of growth. I had little gathering with my friends and high school classmates owing to my fear of ingesting some food that disagree with me and lead to the outburst of diarrhea......and my parents just said that I can't live like this as if I have no friends. They seem to be discontented with my seeming refusal to the participation of social occasions. They don't understand me at all and simply use their standard to judge me......I feel really upset upset and upset......

Whenever I see my friends uploading photos of nice dinners together or joining different activities which have a lot of fun, I will become really envious and dejected. I seem to be engulfed by loads of grey cloud everyday which obscure my vision and disable me from seeing hope in my life. I seem to have my heart burned subtly and anguishly in turn everyday. Yes, everyday, I ain't kidding at all.

Many people, including my ignorant parents, simply dismiss my suffering due to recurrent diarrhea as being too nervous. I feel totally disregarded and disrepsected as if I am not even a dignified human being. Having your pain, struggle downplayed and dignity demeaned by unsympathetic people really hurt the most however. I have no way to vent my disgruntlement but to post here. I sincerely hope that someone will give sympathy to me here......


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## Lorelei56 (Apr 7, 2014)

We all hear you and all have had similar thoughts. I have had IBS all of my life and, until I found this forum, have blamed myself for my symptoms because everyone else did, including doctors. This condition is a rotten çurse. Not only is the pain excruciating, people are disgusted by your symptoms. They offer all kinds of stupid advice and get angry when you try to explain why it just won't work. Every other illness, it seems, will garner sympathy. Not this. That's why I am so bitter about having IBS.
I say all this to validate your feelings. Yes, it is miserable. But there are some people who actually understand and will remain your friend. I am 57 and remember all too well the isolation I felt at your age. I know it's rough, but when you feel suicidal, please try to reach out to either one of us or a counselor. I don't know the availability of counselors in Hong Kong but maybe your school can help you find one? Please don't give up. I have felt like giving up many times but then life turned around and I was so glad I didn't go through with it. Keep trying different medicines. Never give in to this curse, OK? We are rooting for you.


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

Lorelei56 said:


> We all hear you and all have had similar thoughts. I have had IBS all of my life and, until I found this forum, have blamed myself for my symptoms because everyone else did, including doctors. This condition is a rotten çurse. Not only is the pain excruciating, people are disgusted by your symptoms. They offer all kinds of stupid advice and get angry when you try to explain why it just won't work. Every other illness, it seems, will garner sympathy. Not this. That's why I am so bitter about having IBS.
> I say all this to validate your feelings. Yes, it is miserable. But there are some people who actually understand and will remain your friend. I am 57 and remember all too well the isolation I felt at your age. I know it's rough, but when you feel suicidal, please try to reach out to either one of us or a counselor. I don't know the availability of counselors in Hong Kong but maybe your school can help you find one? Please don't give up. I have felt like giving up many times but then life turned around and I was so glad I didn't go through with it. Keep trying different medicines. Never give in to this curse, OK? We are rooting for you.


People in Hong Kong, are much less educated about illnesses as rare as IBS-D, which are seldom found in East Asian countries, than in America or Europe. What I can say is that MOST people in Hong Kong, though it may not be fair to generalize like this, are apathetic to people who have gastrointestinal sickness. They will just label you as being too nervous or stressful when you have something like IBS-D or gastric reflux. They mostly don't have the intention of offering you any help but rather stand next to you, seeing you drowned in the "pool" of IBS-D and making fun of you.......


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

Sorry for my lack of proficiency in English. I will try my best to improve my English.

My parents sometimes scold me for selectively eating food or cutting down the amount of food intake. They make me faulty for my dietary restrictions. Even though I repeatedly tell them that I don't want to eat some food that causes diarrhea and so I control the types of food I eat, they just say something like "Never mind, eat and poop, eat again after pooping", which is extremely humiliating and offensive to me. How they treat my illness infuriates me the most.

I can't see there is hope in my life and I feel being filled with despair every second. IBS tortures me really so much that I cannot live normally as a human. The stigma, frustration and embarassment resulted from my IBS are just unbearable for me as a young adult. I always feel that I want to cry but I have already nearly lost the ability to cry. Perhaps, I have learned helplessness that my emotions are already numb, which prevents me from being able to express my emotions anymore.

Concerning the school counselling services in Hong Kong, I can say that they are barely okay......But my high school social workers are always criticized by the students as being useless because they only know how to say something similar to "A mother is a female". They may be good at soothing people's bad emotions for a while, but are not good at helping people change their way of perception of their life.


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## Lorelei56 (Apr 7, 2014)

I am sorry. For many years it was the same way here. The patient was always blamed. I was told, "You just need to relax!" so many times I lost count. My doc even yesterday had the attitude of, "What is it THIS time?", dismissed the amount of blood I was passing as " Sounds like IBS to me." So it's not much better here. Some are a bit more enlightened but they are few. I know it hurts especially when it's your own family that does not understand. There are IBS penpals on this forum. I think it would be a good idea to contact one. At least then you could talk to someone who understands what you're going through.


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

Having IBS is really a curse


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## adamdaniel911 (Sep 8, 2015)

I am 25 i had been diagnosed with ins and lactose intolerance that causing me bloat . The diarrhea is patrolling me everyday and if i take anti diarrhea medication it will gave me a sensation of diarrhea and constipation which is worse and i dont know why .

My life is over . The phantom of ibs give me a creepy nightmare worse than any horror scene in my life . The is the lowest point in my life . I have ibs almost a year now . Well i am seeking for answer which i never found .

So no wonder kurt cobain killed himself because of ibs . Beside he was addicted to substance as well . Well thats him everyone different .

I heard that Professor in some university Has found blood in ibs patient is different , in pathological is it a disease . But they dont found the cure , they just said that bloodtest can yours different than other . Some said is it normal for ibs endo and colonoscopy shown normal healthy colon , but they are wrong , it is something that not right in our digestive system that break down food in different way and painful . Yes it may shown normal, but why we always in pain then .

Well i guess theres nothing we can do , medication is crap , some are worsen . Some just few hours and then its start to flare back .

I just want to hug people with ibs . Because we share something .

I am very emphasize with you . Since i know whats going on . I had 11 visit to the bathroom yesterday diarrhea.

I hope and hope with tears .


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## kals (Dec 8, 2014)

Im sure most of us in the world have thoughts of suicide, many times over. The problem with suicide is there is no real effective way to go without pain of some sort. If it was effective everyone would do it. Life if full of diarrhea.


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## Lorelei56 (Apr 7, 2014)

Ya'll may have food intolerances that go beyond the FODMAP list. It's a lot of reading, but please check this list out. I found I'm sensitive (aka the big D) to sulfites and salicylates.

http://fedup.com.au/factsheets/blog

Please don't give up.


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## SageofHeart (Sep 9, 2015)

Demise of commies, I have had the exact same experience as you. I left school for a semester because of my ibs. I was diagnosed with ibs in november 2014. I am in school again but it is hell, as I feel like I have to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes, and my classes are long. I want to go out and enjoy life as I used to, but because of my ibs, my social life is nearly non existent. I live with my parents and they act the same way towards me. I too was debating the same thing. I suffered depression before ibs d and it has only worsened my life. It is extremely difficult, but there is alot in life I want to do. I hate when people give me the advice of "just keep pushing forward, things will get better". And I do try to do that and while it has gotten me results a few times, in the long run, I still feel terrible. I relate greatly to your story. Just know that even though your friends and family might not understand, there are people who are going through the same thing you are are and are here to support you. We are here to help in any way!


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## adamdaniel911 (Sep 8, 2015)

I hope we have time machine to rewind our glory days that we dint appreciate


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

adamdaniel911 said:


> I hope we have time machine to rewind our glory days that we dint appreciate


Certainly. Be back to glory days without f**king IBS !


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

Anyone's out there?


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## teriobe (Apr 20, 2017)

Antidepressants help alot


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## BiancaBee (Sep 4, 2017)

I can relate to this so much.. I have had digestive problems all my life (not sure if its IBS or not still running around doctors to find out whats wrong with me)

Certain foods in certain situations trigger diarrhea in me. there is days I can eat certain foods and then theres days those certain foods cause me diarrhea bloating cramps and Im not eating for a couple of days till my stomach settles.

I often think of suicide because this life is not worth living. I see people enjoying food and I have to make sure that the product doesnt have something in it that will trigger diarrhea. (too much fructose, ascorbic acid, grease, oil, fat, fiber etc.)

I literally dont feel like Im human. I feel like a genetic messed up creature that desereved to be put down.

I travel to school 2 hours daily. So I often have these thoughts - what if it hits me on my way from/to school -

once it did. I held it in and I thought I was going to throw up or die , when I got home I sat on the toilet for almost 2 hours. It was awful.

I cant function properly cause my mind is always in my guts, every little grumble my stomach makes , makes me stress and panic

I really wish i could be healthy- I dont even know what that feels like..


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## acureisoutthere (Jun 28, 2014)

Some people in our lives are totally clueless as to what IBS is like. They just don't understand. They don't get it.

Maybe, you can slowly educate them about IBS and how symptoms can vary from person to person. You have to do your 'homework'. Maybe, you can learn about the human microbiome and explain to them how damage to it is affecting our health in many, many different ways. After all, the root cause of your IBS, your anxiety, and your depression, are all linked to the microbiome. I suggest you pour yourself into learning what this is. Read everything you can find on it. Eventually, you're going to figure this out, and you'll realize how loss of species,or imbalances of species, are the root cause of your problems. It can take a lot of reading, and looking, but this is where it is at. This is the cause of your problems in the first place.

Some encouraging words : Dr. Thomas Borody has reversed depression, and IBS, via an FMT. (he restored the health and diversity of the microbiome).


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## Desert Fox (Jul 24, 2017)

acureisoutthere said:


> Some people in our lives are *totally clueless* as to what *IBS is like*. *They just don't understand*. They don't get it.
> 
> Maybe, you can slowly educate them about IBS and how symptoms can vary from person to person. You have to do your 'homework'. Maybe, you can learn about the human microbiome and explain to them how damage to it is affecting our health in many, many different ways. After all, the root cause of your IBS, your anxiety, and your depression, are all linked to the microbiome. I suggest you pour yourself into learning what this is. Read everything you can find on it. Eventually, you're going to figure this out, and you'll realize how loss of species,or imbalances of species, are the root cause of your problems. It can take a lot of reading, and looking, but this is where it is at. This is the cause of your problems in the first place.
> 
> Some encouraging words : Dr. Thomas Borody has reversed depression, and IBS, via an FMT. (he restored the health and diversity of the microbiome).


Not that some of them do not understand, but they intentionally pick on people's pains. These people are either born to be apathetically wicked or mentally distorted by post-born encounter. I don't know whether they should be pardoned or loathed, since if we excuse them, how many more healthy people would come to care about us? Whom of them would apologize for what they have done hurting us for our suffering?


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## mark47 (Dec 4, 2017)

I can relate to this post alot. I feel the same way as the original poster, in that people with

cancer get sympathy and understanding, and people with ibs don't get that at all.

We get judged for what ibs has done to us.

I'm pretty much like some of you, suicide is ever present on my mind. I have a plan to suck up

what little energy I have left and give this FMT a go. And if that is unsucessful, its probably time

to wave the white flag.

Much like desert fox, my health has taken everything from me. My coinfidence, all my opportunities,

and my happiness.

I believe also too, that gut dysbiosis is the main cause of ibs. Some diseases, gut dysbiosis causes cytotoxins

to travel up one's nervous system to the brain. In this same manner, I believe its possible that many of us are

permanently depressed. And I don't mean, we have a disease, health issues, skin issues, mentally depressed..

But instead I mean we might be chemically depressed before we even wake up in the morning. The same way

anti depressents can chemically alter your mood, we might have depression molecules being sent to our brain's

everyday.

Anyways Dessert fox, your not alone. Your story isn't too much unlike mine. Smoking weed might help your

condition somewhat, and also your depression. Aside from that, you may want to at least educate yourself on

FMT, it might be the only chance.... GL


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## Vethe (Dec 11, 2017)

Hey guys, thought I'd throw my two cents in as well. I don't have a ton of positive news for you guys, as i've been dealing with "IBS" for 10+ years, and am currently 26. I've had my childhood stolen, my teens stolen, and now my mid twenties stolen from this disease... Friends, family, doctors etc..., all telling me to try this, or that. Try this diet, or try these three new medications and whatnot...

I've tried damn near everything to a T, and nothing helps anymore. I'm slowly easing into the low fodmap diet to give that a go, but I'm not very optimistic. I belch instantly even off drinking water, and had more tests than a 90 year old man by now, all coming back "clear".

Just know that you're not alone, and a LOT of us face these issues in completely different ways daily. I work a VERY stressful and fast paced IT job, and i can barely wake up for that these days. Juggling bills, fad diets, medications, doctor visits, my independence and my social life is impossible, and i see my health crumbling and deteriorating daily. I've recently lost just about everything that matters to me - My dream car and savings ($30,000 gone in a single crash), my girlfriend who was going to be "the one", and my parents recently went through a divorce. If i didn't live alone to play video games and chill with my two cats every night, i'd just leave this planet now to be honest. It's my only outlet now, and i'm honestly scared to think about how much money i've lost fighting this disease.

I truly hope some of you get lucky and cure yours, because I've written mine off at this point. I'll be this way for my short remainder on this planet, always cold, anxious and scared of food.

The only advice i have for you is to surround yourself with good people, which i know is hard when you're super negative yourself. It's not easy being positive in this situation, but i hope you can squeeze some fun out of life for the both of us mate.


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## chamois (Dec 13, 2017)

I finally found some relief by taking Imodium BEFORE the diarrhea, not after. This is called using it as a prophylactic. A preventive. (A condom is also a type of prophylactic..)

I basically took two Imodium right after every meal.

I also had a prescription for Lomotil, which I would take with my breakfast Imodium, because mornings were the worst for me. It worked for 3 or 4 years.

Now I'm back on the D train, but they were a great 3 years. Might work for you...


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