# Moms overwhelmed?



## trying2bgood (Sep 19, 2007)

Having another day of feeling very very low and overwhelmed and no where else to turn. Guilty, frustrated dealing with this disease. I know my son is suffering but he blames me for the condition and tells me that I am stressing him out. Besides being worried about him 24/7 I am the one dealing with the school and doctors. I am his biggest supporter and always going to bat for him, but I am constantly urging him, begging him to try to go to school, every 1/2 hour until it is too late and I just have to call it a day. I am getting the feeling that the school and doctors are getting soooo tired of me. When my son feels good, he does not always eat carefully....I feel guilty for either giving in or having not-so-good food choices in the house. "Managing" the condition has turned so high maintenance that it is affecting my work, his school, and all family and social life. There. Now I am feeling even more guilty for complaining about ME. How do other moms (or parents) cope with the worry, guilt, and frustration?


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## sazzy (Nov 27, 2006)

HiyaWell i'm not a parent but I think when I was diagnosed my Mum went through the same thing. Thinking back I was very difficult about everything when i'd first been diagnosed, I wouldn't leave the house and gave her hell for about the first 3 months. Things have changed since then. I realise now that dealing with this problem is a 2 way thing. It's great that you're being supportive but your son needs to learn to starttaking responsibility himself. He'll need support but he also needs to know he can't just sit back and point the blame at who ever takes his fancy. No one is to blame for IBS, it happens and that's life you've got to work around it. Sit down with your son and try talking to him, tell him you're there for him but he needs to make more of an effort so you two can meet in the middle about this. Try putting him on a high fiber diet, can work wonders with both problems and isn't to hard to get used to. It's a good idea for him to try different things that may help IBS, as when he finds something good it'll help the both of you.It's brilliant you're being supportive of you, but don't feel you've got the whole burden on your shoulders. Me and my mum practically hated each other to start with when I was diagnosed because neither of us wanted to accept the fact that I was stuck with this. But now we're both making an effort and we get on like a house on fire.


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## trying2bgood (Sep 19, 2007)

sazzy,Thank you SO much for replying to me. Your words are very encouraging. I admit I was expecting that maybe another parent would respond saying that they have been through the same thing, OR afraid that someone would blast me and say 'if it's hard for you, think about how hard it is for him...' but I was so delighted to hear support from the "other" side. You do indeed sound very wise, and I'm happy that now you get along "like a house on fire" (that's a good thing, I hope? ;-).You have some very good suggestions too, and it's comforting coming from someone who has indeed been there (is still there?). And, I know a bad day is a bad day. I don't think he really meant what he said but I think it's just the frustration talking. It must be hard to feel lousy most of the time and then feel like you're being "harassed" by parents or teachers too. Wishing it away certainly doesn't work. I do so worry about his physical and emotional state too. We have read about the fiber but have not tried that specifically. My own mother has IBS as well, only totally different symptoms. She does not tolerate any fiber well--it has the total opposite effect on her. In fact she cannot eat any fresh fruits or fresh vegetables. But in some people, the increased fiber makes all the difference. I think it is worth a try.Again, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. You really made me feel so much better on a day when I needed it so much. I hope you have many smiles in your day too. Tell you mom to give YOU a big hug....for me.


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## 15226 (Apr 30, 2007)

Hola,I'm not a mom either, but this topic really caught my eye. I'm 17 yrs old, and I've had pretty severe IBS since I was 14. Yet, since then, my mom has been in the same position you are in. She has been the one who's stayed up with me all night when I'm sick, has run back and forth to the school, taken me to the doctors, and has always been there for me. I know how overwhelmed and upset she gets, so I can only imagine what you must be feeling now. Frankly, I took all of her work for granted at one point, but now I realize how lucky I am to have a mom like mine. Just like your son is extremely lucky to have you. :] Some parents don't understand IBS and how debilitating, emotionally and physically draining it is. I'm really happy you understand, and continue to support your son. I know it can be really hard for you, seeing your son suffer and everything. My mom sometimes blew up at me, but it was only because everything was so frustrating, and for awhile there, I didn't have the best relationship with my mom. But now everything is cool. I think your son needs to realize how hard you work for his sake, and how it takes a toll on you, instead of sitting there and putting the blame on you. Sure, it is pretty hard to cope with this illness, but I know personally that I can't sit there and point fingers at people and say "they're stressing me out and cause all of this", because that isn't true, and I'm the one who has to deal. Just like sazzy said, he needs to take responsibility for himself. Sure, there may be things like the begging him to get out of bed that actually might stress him out a little bit, but honestly, I know you are probably doing it because you want him to go to school, and have a normal teenage life, and succeed. You sound really supportive and encouraging, which is great.I think sazzy has the right idea about taking your son and talking with him. Explain to him how you feel about this whole situation. And, honestly, I think he needs to take responsibility and learn how to handle this better. He really does need to make more of an effort. Just because he feels good, doesn't mean he needs be eating bad. It doesn't matter that you have those certain foods around, don't feel guilty, he needs to be helping himself by not eating like that. What are you doing to treat his IBS? Does it work? There are many different treatments and stuff that will lessen the pain, anxiety and everything else that comes with IBS. From medicine to basic pain management and diet, there is something out there that will most likely help him deal with his symptoms. Some minor thing may help, or it could be a bunch of things combined that will help. Either way, your son must be willing to make an effort to try. My mom and I have had our really rough times, but she is so understanding, and I am really appreciative of all that she has done. I am being home schooled for my senior year, and I know that it'll help my mom a lot, and me a lot. You just have to compromise sometimes, I guess. I hope everything works out well. :]


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## Mominmiddle (Oct 1, 2007)

I am a mom who has just learned that my 11 year old daughter has IBS-C. For the past two months we have been to four doctors, had blood work up on five different areas, had an upper and lower GI - and now we have been told that it is probably IBS-C and can be set off by stress. Her doctor has put her on anxiety medicine for now - which seemed to be working for about one week, then it came back.She has missed about 15 days of school so far and I have been running to school and getting all of her test and homework. She managed to make straight A's on her first report card and took most of her test during one day at school. We just moved to a new state (new school) and she has been unable to make any friends - to make matters worse she is not being taken seriously by the school nurse (who still thinks she just has "stomach problems"). The school councelor has decided on her own that my daughter is "depressed" and that that is her only problem. My daughter is afraid to eat anything and has gone from 85 pounds down to 77. My daughter is not depressed - having IBS is not fun, but she is not depressed about it. She also is not trying to avoid school - in fact she loves school, when she is able to go and makes good grades. She is in the gifted classes and she plays piano and composes her on music.She is growing tired of all the stress related to this problem and all the things that she is unable to do now. I do not work and can stay home with her. I have no idea what I would do if I had to leave for work everyday. I feel like all my attention is going to her and my other daughter is being left out. I also think we are starting to obsess over every piece of food brought into the house. We are going to start a high fiber diet today and try it for a couple of weeks. We go back to the doctor October 10 - he has already doubled her medication strength so I don't know if he will change it to something new. It is hard for me to watch my daughther be left out of so much of her life.


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## Lillett (Jun 4, 2006)

That must be difficult. As a mom, my heart goes out to you. Remember, you have to advocate for your children. I do not defer to others when it comes to my kids. I used to believe everything the teacher, principal, etc said until my daughter was upset with me and said, Mom I just need you to stand up for me. Kids can't do this. They get pushed around by teachers, nurses, adults. They learn that they must do this or they will suffer the consequences. I don't think I am overzealous, though.I started giving my one daughter Benefiber in her soup, homemade pancakes, just a little bit in each. She does not get enough fiber. It dissolves easily and doesn't have a taste. Maybe give it try.Keep us informed about what is going on. My heart goes out to your little girl.


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## Dandaman (Jun 1, 2007)

You sound like a great mother, I wish mine was like you. I don't enjoy putting any blame or speaking negative about mine, but as much as she says she cares she always puts herself first and I see it in the way she treats my brother and sister. I'm grown now and I took care of myself and dealing with everything alone was very difficult. It sounds like you are doing your best though, just continue to be there for him but don't try to pry. Just make sure he knows that you are there whenever he needs you and just let him grow, I'm sure he will work it out eventually and also realize how supportive you are.


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## stressedmum (Oct 2, 2007)

I am sat here with tears in my eyes. I have felt so alone whilst trying to deal with daughters issues with IBS. I dropped her to school this morning only for her to be worrying about feeling so poorly. I feel so guilty for making her go. You are not alone and strangely enough I no longer feel alone and realise there are people out there with the same feelings I have.I hope this doesn't sound as if I am only concermed about me. I am extremely worried about my daughter and how she is getting on in school. Obviously she is staring her GCSE courses and I am finding it harder everyday to encourage her to get to school. Maybe in the longterm we will have to look at home schooling I have no idea. I do try to be here for her but I have no idea what to do to make it feel better or to help make the symptons go away. I do wish it was me and not her!!


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## Dandaman (Jun 1, 2007)

Stressedmum, you have to be considerate and understanding with your daughters issues, but at the same time you know you're doing the right thing. If you just let her sit home all the time, she's just going to get into a rhythm of doing that. She will just get used to it and give up on herself and you surely don't want that. So keep encouraging her to go, maybe she will get around it.


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## sazzy (Nov 27, 2006)

yeah I agree, when I was first diagnosed all I wanted to do was sit at home all the time. My mum and school forced me to go. Yes it was stressful for both me and them, with a lot of tears and tantrums but if they hadn't have forced me I wouldn't have started to realise this is something I can learn to deal with and move forward instead of feel sorry for myself all the time.


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## =). (Oct 6, 2007)

_i am a teenager suffering from IBS.the illness really gets you down, but my mum is really understanding, its not until today that i've relised how much stress & worry i put on her. but i really dont know how i would get throught the bad days without her, i really dont.im pleased that she pushes me to go to school even if at the time i really dont want to go. if i didnt have her i would just sit at home all day & thats not what i want to do.if your son/daughter gives you a hard time for it, its cause we really do feel like ####. but if your strong and determind it really helps us. also being able to talk about it with a parent makes it easier. if they say your stressing them out, leave them, they just need time to cool down.reading all these forums i know people have things alot worse than i do,but recently ive started to loose alot of weight & this website told me im not the only one, which doesnt make me feel so alone.i really don't know what i'd do if i didn't have the understanding friends that i do have,and the brilliant parents.every day is a struggle but you just have to get on with it,dont let it ruin your life._


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