# New Mom - Constant Episodes - My Story



## Lalala118 (Nov 23, 2014)

Hi

This is my first post here although I am constantly on this website reading other posts - which is always helpful because its nice to know I'm not alone. But here is my story - I am 30 years old and I have had IBS-D as far back as I can remember, although it definitely became drastically worse and more debilitating probably about 7 years ago and I was diagnosed 5 years ago. I definitely have some sensitivity to lactose and also have GERD (so I avoid acidic foods), both of which I learned the hard way, but other than that food doesn't seem to be a huge trigger. My doctors and I seem to be in agreement that my number one trigger is anxiety. Whenever I am in a stressful situation of any kind (good stress or bad stress) my stomach reacts. I can feel like I can handle it emotionally - but bam my stomach will react.

So - it gradually got worse and worse throughout graduate school and went insane once I got engaged. Planning a wedding sent me to having painful D episodes at least once a week regardless of avoiding foods or probiotics or anything. So my doctor put me on Effexor (antidepressant/antianxiety med). I was on Effexor from January of 2013-May of 2013 and for those 5 months - it worked! I felt healed. I was eating PIZZA! I hadn't eaten pizza in years! I still had a few D episodes here and there but they were not nearly as painful as normal and went down to like once a month - if that.

BUT of course - the Effexor had side effects. I would sweat profusely at night and had hot flashes whenever I had even a SIP of alcohol, but the worst was that it made my sex life miserable. It became painful and climaxing became impossible. So I decided to go off the meds before my wedding so that I could enjoy my wedding night and honeymoon and plus I had been feeling pretty good with my stomach so I thought maybe it would stick.....yeah it didn't. I used Xanax to get through my wedding and honeymoon and it helped...but not as effectively as the Effexor had. I was still having lots of episodes and if I didn't take a daily Xanax I was in trouble. But the Xanax was working if I took it daily and I wasn't having any side effects so I kept it up...

I was on Xanax from June 2013-February 2014 until I got pregnant. I was always on a low dose - never more than .5-1mg a day. I weaned off the Xanax as soon as I found out I was pregnant in January and was off of it by February. My pregnancy was overall a good one - I had some nausea and a handful of D episodes in the beginning - but overall it seemed that my D episodes were drastically reduced by pregnancy. They even had me taking extra iron supplements and it seemed to actually make me regular for once!

So - I gave birth to my daughter in September 2014 and for the first 2 weeks I was still relatively okay. Recovered from my regular vaginal delivery without too much trouble at all. No constipation...kind of stayed normal. Then - boom. I had an episode every other day for 3 weeks. Craziest amount of D episodes I've ever had at once in my life. So I stopped taking the iron and the prenatal vitamins that I had been throughout my pregnancy. I was going from super constipation to massive D attacks and I thought I was going to die. I'd have a crying infant in one room and I'd be crying on the toilet in pain and knowing that I couldn't come out to feed her. I was and still am exclusively breastfeeding which is really important to me and something I really want to continue to do. The beginning of nursing was extremely painful and hard for me which I think added to the huge stress of being a new mom. After the episodes started - I always made sure to have a bottle of milk pumped for my husband to give my daughter in case I was stuck in the bathroom. This helped and got us through those beginning weeks...and it did start to get better...my episodes went down to once a week.

But on top of all of this - my husband and I were also buying a house! We tried to get this accomplished while I was pregnant...but of course we had a million issues along the way. The first house we put a bid on ended up having a huge oil tank problem and we had to pull out after months of waiting. Then we found a second house when I was 9 months pregnant...and all was looking good...until the sellers had issues which pushed our closing date from the end of September to the beginning of December. But in the end it worked out and we closed.

We needed to move in a hurry because we were living in an apartment above my father's house. My dad remarried just about the same time my IBS-D flared up (coincidence?) and my step-mother is unbearable. Sweet to your face but nasty and manipulative behind your back. Living with her was super stressful and I thought was a cause for the majority of my stress. Even though my dad always tried to help us and make it easier - she constantly manipulated him to her whims making life difficult for me and my husband. She always made us feel like we were intruding in HER house - the house my father owned for years before she ever came around. Yet her spoiled brat daughter (same age as me) could come and go as she pleased and bring random boyfriends in and out as she pleased. So clearly - we were living in a very stressful situation and my husband and I decided that getting out would only help us.

So even though we were in the midst of one of the biggest changes of our life - the birth of our child - we moved into our new house on December 7th. Needless to say the stress was unbelievable - so episodes continued once a week. But once we got in the house - it was like I got a break...so I got hopeful. Maybe being away from my step mother would really finally stop the stress and therefore stop the D episodes. But then the holidays came - adding more stress. So on Christmas night - one of the worst episodes I've ever had and now I'm back to once a week stomach aches.

I've been hoping and praying that as the big stressors in my life decrease that my episodes will stop, but so far it hasn't happened. I've also been hoping that once the holidays passed that things would improve, but here I am...just had another episode tonight. My doctor has suggested I go on Zoloft which is the "safest" for breastfeeding...but I am so hesitant to take any sort of medication while nursing....and the thought of having to give up nursing because of my stupid stomach breaks my heart. 

Also a little background - I've been tested for gluten - all came back negative. I've also had an endoscopy and colonoscopy which both came back clean. Endoscopy did show a very small sliding hiatal hernia (probably why my reflux is bad). I've tried probiotics - they tend to make me go even more. I've tried avoiding leafy vegetables - tried gluten free - tried totally dairy free - tried avoiding processed foods - nothing helps. I currently take protonix (antacid) daily which helps with my reflux.

My parents have been divorced since I was 7. My mother remarried a legit psychotic asshole when I was 8. He emotionally and verbally abused my brother and I until we each moved out when we turned 18. I vividly remember having D episodes at my mother's house while he would be banging on the bathroom door yelling at me to get out of the bathroom and mocking me. Brutal. I've lived with my dad and grandparents since I was 18. My dad met his current wife when I was about 21 and married her in 2008. From 18-21...I remember my IBS being at its best. My step mother moved in and took away my one safe place. Although the only time she is nice to me is actually when I'm sick with a D episode...which I hate. I also went back to graduate school in 2010 and graduated in 2013 with my masters degree. Got married a month after graduation - started my career after my honeymoon - got pregnant a few months later and am now home taking care of my daughter. My relationship with my mother and step father has improved since I've moved away from them. My step father has definitely been remorseful of the way he treated us growing up - and we are more civil now although he is still a psycho. My mother has actually come around and been a big support with my baby. She realizes her husband is a psycho now so our relationship has been better for it. I hardly see my father since we've moved out as he is busy with his wife and her nutjob daughter. When I do see him - there is a lot of tension because he is aware of how I feel about his wife. My husband - has been a huge support for me through all of this - even though it is hard on him. Having me be locked in the bathroom with diarrhea while we have a screaming baby has caused fights between us...just out of stress...but over all...I am totally open with him about my IBS and he supports any decision I make with regard to it. He is the one good thing I've had in my life the past 10 years.

Needless to say - I've had a stressful life...and did a lot of big stress things all at once. I know this...which is why I do believe that my IBS is definitely tied to my anxiety/stress. I've always been a strong person and I grin and bear all of it and try to maintain good relationships with my family despite all of the drama they put me through, but I think this is why my body reacts for me. My body can't handle it anymore, but I am desperate to be drug free and be healed at the same time. I don't know if its possible...but I just want to be better. I don't want my stomach habits to influence my daughter in any way. I don't want her to grow up thinking this is normal and I don't want my stupid stomach to effect my ability to be there for my daughter and be a good mother. She is only 3 months old now - but I just want to do what's best for her. I'd love to continue breastfeeding for a full year....

I don't know what to do - endure it and sacrifice for my daughter and just hope it stops when the stress slows....or give up breastfeeding so I can take a drug which may cure me (which also may have side effects) so I can be a better mom and not be stuck on the toilet whenever an episode strikes??

I've been in therapy for the depression all this has caused - it helps but doesn't stop the episodes.

I know this was really long - thank you if you actually read it - any advice - help....I'd appreciate it.


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