# Dating



## Guest (Oct 3, 2005)

I am dating a new guy and I am embarrassed to spend the night or to even spend a lot of time with him because my IBS has been acting up so much lately. Any tips on making it through the night? I'm not ready to tell him yet about my problem. And unfortunately, both of us have bathrooms attached to our room.


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## Guest (Oct 3, 2005)

maybe you should spend some time thinking about why you are so embarassed, and why you don't want to tell him about this... is it possible that you don't trust him or that you are scared of getting close to someone?my two cents is that if you really want it to work, you're going to at least have to tell him something like you "have a bad stomach", otherwise he'll wonder what the heck is going on.good luck!


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## 22264 (Sep 26, 2005)

I had the exact same problem. One night I spent the night with my new fella and I had a horrible attack in the middle of the night. After I had finished I told the guy I had to leave because I couldn't sleep and I was going to go home and do homework. This happened several times. I finally quit spending the night with him. I could tell it was really bothering him. Finally one night he got kind of upset with me and asked me what was wrong with him and why I wouldn't spend the night. I felt horrible because the whole time he thought there was something wrong with him. I explained to him that I have a really sensitive stomach and I have to go to the bathroom a lot and it embarassed me to use his bathroom. He was actually really relieved and told me I can use his bathroom any time I want. Almost two years later I live with him and use his(our) bathroom all the time!!! Even though it's embarassing it might be best to tell him as soon as you feel like you can talk about it. You don't have to share the gory details. I always tell people I have to go to the bathroom a lot and that's it. If you do get night attacks just try and be careful about what you eat at night. If I know I'm going to be out or staying somewhere I usually don't eat dinner and I eat a pretty mild lunch that isn't going to set me off. I also start taking immodium mid-afternoon. Good luck!!


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

As a guy I would think that when a girl uses the bathroom to do "#2" it's a step toward humaness, rather than trying to uphold the "good girl" image where one doesn't even expel gas.


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## 17902 (Sep 27, 2005)

I wonder how women would feel about a guy in a similar situation?...my experience suggests they are generally disgusted and prefer partners without IBS any day..to say the least, IBS causes one's value on the dating market to plummet almost to nothing


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

Yeah. It sucks to be a guy in this situation.


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## 22438 (Aug 16, 2005)

Hey everyone,yeah, i'd have to agree with midge and huggenkiss on this one. Best to be up front about it all, cause he'll probably end up thinking that it's something to do with him, and that you're not really that fussed for being with him.If he's into you, he'll stick about. I've been with my guy for over a year, and the first night he stayed at mine, I had my head in the toilet! Though I do sympathise. Even now, and everything we've been through and all the #### he knows about me (forgive the pun!), I still get worried if I'm not feeling well and im meant to stay at his place (which has an ensuite bathroom). Usually, I just go back to my place. (which does annoy him, but it makes me feel more comfortable).As for the dating market, I really dunno what it's like for guys. I haven't found that it's really been bad as a girl - most guys are pretty understanding.


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## 16448 (Oct 14, 2005)

It's interesting to hear guys say that it's sucks to be a guy in this situation - I happen to know one guy friend that has IBS-D like me, but his reaction to it is SO different than mine!I've always had a bit of anxiety about going #2 in front of people, or if they can hear me. It has always made me really nervous...so, of course it's ten times worse when I'm dating someone!But, my guy friend's response to the situation was very blase. He didn't try to eat differently or avoid the situation, he just dealt with it (though, conveniently for him, he never had to in my presence...so I don't know how he would've delt with it then). I feel like society in general has this very unrealistic expectation for females as far as the bathroom is concerned. As Angst mentioned jokingly, girls are even supposed to fart! Haha. We just don't DO that.







So, of course it's ridiculously hard for me - a girl who hates to be in the situation to begin with - to deal with it in front of a guy. Sigh. I hope I'm not doomed to be alone for life.Anyone else feel that quite often potential bf/gf's that you explain the situation to just don't seem to GET IT? It drives me nuts.


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## 21563 (Nov 27, 2005)

I have never even thought about my IBS when I have been dating but having said that I am only 18 so I would not be even be thinking much about moving in with a partner or even having one spend the night frequently. I think if you really are going into a serious relationship it is best to tell your partner about your condition and hope they will understand.


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## 15939 (Aug 21, 2005)

I am the same way!!! i need my 'routine' to go in the AM. Many times i have bad cramping and am gassy though I am IBS-Constipation girl. I think it is very difficult to understand how we all feel unless they have it. Every day is a struggle. i think being a girl with bathroom situations is very hard...very disturbing. It is so embarassing. Most guys I know have no issues being 'loud' in the bathroom...when 99% of girls I know are not comfortable at all.


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## 21555 (Dec 28, 2005)

I agree with everything you said princessalliann, I am exactly the same way. and I think i would be way to embarrassed to mention this to a guy, I would just rely on immodium and stick to public places, where i can use public restrooms, so I don't have to worry about being noisy in his.


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## 16428 (Jan 3, 2006)

Im a guy and dont feel it has effcted me in a big way?! Depends on your personality alot, And how well you can cover things up







Try to be positive angst!!


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## 18569 (Jan 2, 2006)

I've had IBS for four years and been with my boy for one year, and I was pretty much up front about my problems when we started going out. I guess I got lucky because he's very understanding about it. We are currently sharing a one-bedroom place where the bathroom is attached to the bedroom. If I get sick, I simply tell him I need to be alone and he goes out in the living room and I shut the bedroom door so I can have the bathroom privacy I need. He thinks it's a little extreme, maybe, but he's very nice about it.







IBS hasn't really affected our relationship one way or the other... when we go out to eat we'll usually chose a place that has something I can eat, but if we were to, for example, go out with a group of friends for pizza or something, I would simply eat something safe beforehand and just go to enjoy the company.







I think if someone cares about you and likes you enough, they won't stop wanting to be with you because of something you can't control. If they can't handle that, they're not worth going with!


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## 20897 (Jan 5, 2006)

To answer some of the curiosity about how it is for guys: I think we have a tough time of it because what can we do on a date? If we go to the movies, soda and popcorn = death (for me a least). But if I don't offer to buy, then I look like a cheapskate. And what about dinner? Going out for dinner with a girl is probably for me the most anxiety-producing moment of any date. I have to worry about what to order and how it's prepared and even then it's a gamble as to whether I'm going to be okay afterwards. Inevitably I have to explain what all the fuss is about. And it just plain sucks having to "confess" on every first date about having IBS, especially since you have no idea how the girl is going to take it. I've been lucky in that no girl has come straight out and said, "You freak!" They've all been pretty understanding (at least to my face) and a couple even knew other people who had IBS. Being "loud" in the bathroom isn't as much of a problem since a lot of guys kind of take pride in that aspect







If it's just the two of you it's usually fine, but if you're at her parents' house for the first time.... I've got tons of great horror stories about dates/social meetings gone wrong thanks to IBS. I think the worst one ever is when my friend invited me up to a dinner party to celebrate the birth of her nephew. Usually I drive myself everywhere I go (for an easy getaway in case of an attack), but the party was being held at a place up in the Hollywood Hills. There was no parking up there, so all the party guests had to carpool up. Everything was fine until after dinner when I felt the first symptoms of an attack coming on. To my horror, when I entered the bathroom I realized there was no lock on the door and that the door was about 10 feet from the toilet so I couldn't even hold the door shut with my foot.I knew I had to get out of there before the attack hit full swing, but there were a bunch of people I had just met for the first time that night and I didn't want to disclose my IBS to all of them. So, thinking I was clever, I pretended that I was coming down with cold and began fake coughing and sneezing. My plan backfired, however, as everyone began trying to get the newborn nephew as far from me as possible. I kept getting dirty looks from people who thought I was going to get the baby sick and there was plenty of muttering. I finally convinced someone to give me a ride back to town (no one had wanted to leave since it was in the middle of the party). To make matters even worse I found out that several people had actually caught colds after that dinner party and of course blamed me--and I wasn't even really sick! Truly, that was a depressing night.







So yeah, we guys have it tough too.


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## 21105 (Jan 15, 2006)

Girls go #2?You should tell him. If you tell him and hes not compassionate or understanding maybe its better your not with him and maybe if you tell him he will understand and everything we be less stressful for you.


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## 21973 (Jun 28, 2005)

Dating people is difficult! first you have to get to know them, and "after all the "fakeness" goes away, you'll eventually start being real" (like in the Real World)I told my bf after a year. All he said was "oh thats why you always go to the bathroo." I always use the excuse that i have to ****, or i have to powder my nose, or I have my period but im not wearing a pad. Hehe, i had to think of something fast. Im very blunt too, so its easy for me to say those things.


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## Sarah Bear (Jan 25, 2006)

I agree with the majority of you that dating is MUCH more difficult with I.B.S. Obviously, none of us should stay with someone who is not compassionate or at least mildly understanding about the situation. However, my question is "How in the hell do you get out to meet someone if you are ALWAYS ILL, and permanently stuck to a toilet!!!"SEVERELY FRUSTRATED


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## Cartoon Creature (Jul 12, 2002)

I agree with everyone too, I think its really hard for guys and girls to date with IBS. Maybe the ultimate solution would be to meet someone who has IBS too lol. If only!!Poo Pea


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## SpAsMaN* (May 11, 2002)

Sweet Poopea if you were my neighbord.


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