# My Son Needs Help



## Dave-G (Feb 2, 2002)

Hi all







I don't know where to begin, that is, if I am in the right place!My youngest son is 15 and due to leave school this summer. Not that he is at school - he has not left the house for 9 months now. His school work is delivered and collected and they have even made special arrangements for him to do his GCSE's at home.To explain...he is 5ft 6" and 17 stone in weight and 2 years ago could take the verbal abuse no longer and has not been in full-time education for that long! (He will not even answer the front door now because of his fears), But he is very bright and is still doing very well in most of his subjects.My wife, unfortunately has taken the brunt of the hassle from school and the social workers and my son's depression.What is really bothering me, is that I know he will pass his exams, but he cannot go onto further education, because he cannot leave the house







Anyone any suggestions?Kind regards,Dave.


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## JackieGian (Mar 23, 2002)

Is he in therapy? He doesn't leave the house at ALL?


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Dave, we know each other and i suspect you know what i think already, but he needs to seek some form of therapy. Univeristy is sone of the best, most expensive and life changing experiences in your life. I would highly recommend it!There are always open uni degrees you can do from home but not as good.Call me?


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

you really need to get him some help ...And dont think that he will never use his education , this will most likely pass if he gets some help ...my brother was just like that , didnt leave the house for months and months , had therapy first at home and when he got a bit better at their practice , it took time but in the end he got over it and has been fine since then ..I hope he gets better soon


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## Dave-G (Feb 2, 2002)

Thankyou all for your help and support, but he will not listen to any of the family and yes we have tried everything from encouragement, rewards and as a last measure, taking away his privedges.He is so clever at manipulating people...he knows the bare minimum that he has to do without his mum or dad going to prison - he does the bare minimum and if we don't like it, he tells us to F*** O***. My wife is distraught with worry, my eldest lad, 20, has now given up for fear of bashing his brains in, I have (apart from wanting to kick 3 bells out of him - but have never hit a child and never will) tried to get him to see a special doctor at home - but he just refuses.If we threaten to take food away from him - he blackmails my wife by saying he will commit suicide.As I say, he is very, very intelligent young man who knows he could earn a living off the internet with his 3-D animated modelling skills and does just enough work to keep the school off his back. He will NOT leave the house.He knows I will not do anything to upset my wife who has had serious menopause problems for 3 years and is only just beginning to enjoy life again after her nervous breakdown over 2 years ago - she has told me she cannot handle any more trouble and that is what he plays on.If I had my way, I would send him to a special clinic to give his system the good short, sharp shock that I know is required. But poor old wifey will not agree to it.Trouble is he admitted only today that he did not need any dinner because he had been 'comfort eating' all day while I was at work.I can see no way out of it, I went to see our family doctor last week and he told me that unless both myself and my wife agree, we cannot force him to go to a clinic.In these days of 'child abuse' always being in the news, it has made it impossible for parents with difficult children to create any form of discipline. When I was my son's age, I too was terrified of going to school and was bullied every day - but I suffered that rather than the wrath of my Father and his leather belt! (He never had to use it, the threat was enough). But I survived and am grateful for my Father being so strict. Shame the world has gone this way about discipline - I agree, there is a lot of unnecessary child abuse out there but HEY!What about the child that really needs discipline and will not accept any help whatsover?As I write, he has just raided the freezer for a large portion of KFC and when I said that is Friday night's meal - he to me to 'swivel'







How much more am I expected to take???? I am currently unemployed, cannot afford his eating habits and very shortly will not be able to pay the bills.Kind regards, Dave, totally at a loss and will probably cry myself to sleep with my wife in an hours time.BYE  Dave.


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## JackieGian (Mar 23, 2002)

I'm sorry Dave, but you are doing your son and the rest of your family a huge disservice by not getting him the help he needs, regardless of what your wife says. This child needs help!


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

you and your wife should really have a long talk about this , course in the end it will break your relationship down , I know you are saying that she has had bad problems for 3 years and is only just starting to enjoy life again ( but is she really enjoying life the way things are with your son ) Be careful that your wife dont get a breakdown over this , you have got to stand together and fight this , and it sounds like your son needs help big time..He is 15 years old and even if he has mental problems he is old enough to know that his behavious is not acceptable ..For your own sake aswell as your wifes get him some help so you can all start living again ...I really wish you all the best Dave


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

Dave how is your son doing ????


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Look Dave, YOu and i have spoken about your son at length before. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing else you can do right now. Can't you override your wifes wishes? If i was doing what your son is, then it would be as a way of getting attention, which i think might be what he wants. Your just giving in and letting him have it. Don't let him blackmail you into things! You are the parent, don't let him control you. It doesn't matter if your wife doesn't like it, do what you think is right Dave.Why did your son stop going to school? Was he being bullied there? If he was, then the school should have offered some sort of support. Is he doing his coursework at all? Please get him some help Dave, don't let it go on any longer than it has to.Your friend, Spliffy


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## Engine23 (Nov 19, 2002)

I would commit him to an institution that can help. He sounds like he needs full time counseling and probably some drug therapies. I assume he has been tested for the regular mental disorders such as bi-polar. Also your local child protective service organization has resources to help children with unruly children....Best of luck!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Dave, i have spoken to a friend of mine today who is a counsellor, who says:Who's life are Mum and Dad trying to live. The lad needs help, he is a bully and needs to be dealt with. If he carries on he will eat himself to death.Mum and Dad have done all they can, so they need to be strong and call in the professionals. If they don't they will slowly watch their child destroy himself and the family. The lad needs to know who is the boss, and if he doesn't change his ways, then the professionals will come and take charge.Also if mum and dad are not prepared to do this for thier son, then they will be accused of being guilty of neglegence of there child. Also if they do not do something about the situation, then to stop posting and looking for sympathey and support. If they are not doing what is needed then they have no claim for sympathy. Get the situation sorted, for the familys sake.Good luck Dave.


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## Kestrel (Dec 19, 2002)

I'd hate to be harsh here but I think it needs to be said...your son is a spoiled brat and its time that everyone, especially his mother, stopped kissing his butt and force him to get a hold of himself. I know that IBS is a challenge but whatever he's doing is WAY over the top and really disrespectful to everyone else in his family. I think that everyone else is right when they say that you have to deal w/ this now before it ruins family relationships. This kid needs a swift kick up the *cough*. My parents would have killed me by now if I tried pulling that stuff. I don't know how old he is, but one thing you can say is that when he's of age he's got to move out. Not the nicest thing to do but it will force him to take more responsibility. I have a cousin w/ behavioural problems and that's what his parents are doing w/ him. It actually has made him more respectful and focused. Also if he's using suicide as a threat you can actually get him commited for that. I know here if someone is talking about killing themselves you can forcibly have them placed in a hospital. Look into other options. I don't believe that there is nothing you can do...you just have to be more forceful and stick to your decisions.Kestrel


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Daves son does not have IBS. Well, he didn't last time i spoke to him.


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## Dave-G (Feb 2, 2002)

Thankyou again for all your replies and concerns.Life is now picking up for the lad and everyone now knows where they stand and all is relaxed, he is now working hard at his school work and getting out of the house....I have asked Nikki to DELETE this topic from the boardKind regards,Dave.


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## sammy14429 (Mar 11, 2003)

Hi.Im 16 years of age ( a similar age to your son) and I had a lot of time off school through my GCSES dur to chronic abdominal pain. I would also not leave the house for days due to confidence lacking and depressed. I went to counselling.. although sayin i went is wrong because she did a home visit.I started to talk and the more I talked the more I got things out of my system and the better I felt. I found gettin into some kind of routine also helped balance my self out and forcing my self to do things. I dont know whether what Im sayin could help but I just thought that because Im of similar age i could tell you what helped me. The bullies are worthless who are obviously lacking something in life to feel the need to bully people. Hope everything works out ok







Samm x


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## Dave-G (Feb 2, 2002)

Thanks a lot Samm, you obviously know the problems, it was nice of you to share that with us. My son has had a counseller come in regularly for the last 2 weeks and he is now more focussed and much happier than I have seen him for a long time.I only asked that this post be removed, because I was told I had posted it in the wrong place.Kind regards,Dave


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