# New to Forum...



## cowboy (Jun 5, 2007)

Hi,I have been dealing with Fibro symptoms since May of 1999 when I was in a serious car crash. 6 months ago I was officially diagnosed with Fibro. My Dr said I couldn't have fibro as I am male and only females have it. 10 drs later and alot of money for tests and different treatments I was finally diagnosed. When I was first diagnosed I was tols that I was in the mild stage. That has all changed in the last few weeks when my muscles decided to turn on me. At first it was only in my left side with an occasional entire body. Now it is my entire body with pain above 8 and I can barely walk most days. My hands hurt the worse right now, but at night my body really affects me. My Dr told last friday that I am at the moderate stage of fibro...What ever that means...My guess is it means it is getting worse. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with type 2 dibetes. Though I had no symptoms of dibetes. My life has been a wreck and I am always in pain. My Drs will not give me pain pills. They tell me to take over the counter, but these no longer help. I may as well be taking candy. I have attempeted and failed suicide twice in 2000 and 2001. After 5 years of counciling I was declared a survivor, but never cured. My job suffers from this disease. My body suffers from this disease and I never know a day without pain. My Dr says if I keep progressing thee way I am that I will be sever by the time I am 55. I turn 52 this year. I know my job would like to get rid of me. I am always tired. I never sleep well due to pain. I used to sleep on my back, but now I have to sleep on my side. Some days even breathing hurts. I feel like a zombie most days. I know that I miss my mind the most. It seems as this disease progresses that I lose bits and pieces of my memory. I really struggle some days to remember who I am and where I am going. I didn't mean for this post to get to be a downer...I just ment to introduce myself. Anyhow I am Cowboy...Yes I am a real cowboy. Horses, cows,and farm. This fibro stuff really hampers everything I do. I work full time to pay the bills and then come home to work the farm. Some years it pays for it's self and others it doesnt quite pay for it's self. Hence I have to work full time to take care of the family and my medical bills. I do have a question. I have been looking into magnesium and malic acid for fibro. Anyone tried this remidy yet? If so what were your results? I have looked into this and talked with my current Dr and he hasn't heard of it. I only know what I have read on the web so far. I have read the studies that are listed and I have some of the journals as well discussing this as a possible remidy. But I have yet to talk with anyone who has fibro and has tried it.Well thanks for listening to a frustrated man. I am not yet ready to hang up my spurs and be a cripple. I have to find a way to keep active. I hate sitting and I really hate not being able to take care of my ranch and the work that has to be done. Most of all I hate being in pain and being tired all the time.God Bless you all


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Hi Cowboy!	Welcome to the family!I can see so much of my own story reflected in your words! I'm sure lots of other patients here can too. At last, you have found "your people"! You are not alone!!The story too, of spending years searching for a diagnosis, seeing doctor after doctor, and having a battery of tests done is a common one too - unfortunately. Eventually, hopefully, more health professionals will be better versed in Fibromyalgia and ME, but for now, we're stuck with what we have (unfortunately)!I was wondering what kind of doctors you are currently seeing? I was just wondering if you have ever seen a Pain Specialist. It sounds to me like it might be a good idea for you to visit a Pain Management Clinic - unless you already do have a pain doctor. At any rate, those doctors are educated more in the field of managing chronic pain, and they have lots of tricks to help manage chronic pain. Some treatments are pharmacologically based, but they also have a lot of other treatment options to help chronic pain. It sounds like you may need to get a little more help than what your doctor now is providing for you. Here is a link to a page on WebMD about pain management; maybe it will help you a little!http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/default.htmThere's even a special section on Fibromyalgia pain!http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htmI am curious as to the doctor you are seeing now also, since your doctor referred to "stages" of Fibromyalgia. It strikes me as odd, as there are no "stages" in Fibromyalgia Syndrome. It isn't like cancer. With Fibromyalgia, you have it, or you don't. Some people are more seriously disabled and limited than others, but there are not any classified stages of the illness at this time. It is not considered a "progressive" illness, however, it is cyclical, and the symptoms are prone to wax and wane. It is an illness that goes into flare-ups, when symptoms will be especially bad, and new ones may even pop up, and then, once the flare-up is over, the symptoms tend to settle back into their "normal" zone, whatever normal is for each patient.That being said, over exertion, or a period of extra stress (physical or otherwise) can certainly trigger a flare-up. And, of course, the longer you over exert, or the longer the period of extra stress is - the longer the flare-up will last, maybe not even going away if you don't stop over exerting, or can't stop the extra stress. That could make one really long, really extended flare-up that may never end.I just wonder that if you could find a doctor who perhaps knows more about Fibromyalgia, you might receive better treatment, and might be able to control your symptoms a little bit more, and reduce your pain a little bit more. But, obviously, it could be that you are at your full capacity now, and you're just going to be one of those seriously limited patients. (An icky thought, to be sure!)Well, I apologize for going on so! I am not a Fibromyalgia patient myself, but an ME (CFS) patient, so I don't have any first-hand experience with using magnesium and malic-acid, but I did find a few articles on a couple of sites that I know are good websites. I thought I'd share the articles with you! (I found 3 of them.)http://www.immunesupport.com/library/showarticle.cfm/id/171http://www.immunesupport.com/healthwatch/spr93/93spr005.cfmhttp://www.fibromyalgiasupport.com/library...fm/ID/3113/T/FMThere is also a website now (and it's growing, and getting better and better) that is designed specifically for men with Fibromyalgia. In addition to our forum here, you might find some good support and information (and other men with Fibro) there!http://www.menwithfibro.com/At any rate, welcome to the family, Cowboy! I understand completely your reluctance to just give in and be disabled. But, on the flip side, living within your limitations doesn't always mean giving in or giving up. I have been disabled for approximately 8 years with ME, and during that time have learned to manage my illness in a way that allows me to be much more active than I was 8 years ago, without triggering an extreme flare-up. I am happier now than I think I ever have been, and that's odd, because I'm more limited now than I ever have been. I just wanted you to know that. Being disabled isn't a death sentence (nor is just being limited). I have gained a greater appreciation for life and the little joys than I ever could have imagined.I guess I just wanted to tell you that, no matter what happens - no matter if you start to feel LOADS better, and no matter if you just stay the same - it will be ok, and you will be ok. You will find a way to adjust, and to live WELL! And you'll be a better person for it. I'm glad you found us here!


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## 14480 (Sep 3, 2006)

Welcome! This is a quiet place, but the people that are a part of this group and very caring and give good support, especially M&M!!!I have Fibro. Was diagnosed this year, but have probably had it since early high school. I'm only 20, so I am in the minority too.. Kind of goes to show that it can happen to anyone no matter what gender, age, physical ability, health issues, and so on. M&M just posted a myth busters info sheet that talked about the men having it more and more. You sound like such a brave person to have gone through all that you have and still have such a determined spirit. It must be amazing to be a cowboy. I love farms, and it's my ultimate goal in life to settle on farm property, but it's unlikely it'll be a working farm because I just can't handle the physical part of it. The fact that you can and have for so many years just shows your spirit. Regardless of suicide attempts. You are here for a reason, and there are things worth living for. As M&M said, it's just about finding a doctor and lifestyle that can support your health. The pain managment clinics sound like a really good idea. You know, there's about nothing worse then to have a doctor (or several!!) who straight out tell you there's nothing wrong. That is the sick part of how this illness as well as CF and ME are treated. I feel like there are a lot of good treatments out there that help manage the pain other than medicines. I don't know much about the things you mentioned, but I do think that eating healthy and taking lots of nutrients and vitamins is vital for people like us. I also think that alternative treatments like massage, reiki, acupuncture and do a lot for many. I just wish you the best. I'm glad you found this place.


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## 20749 (Apr 22, 2007)

cowboy said:


> My Dr said I couldn't have fibro as I am male and only females have it.


Well, gosh, isn't that nice to know? Since you're a man, you're not really having all this pain! (*heavy sarcasm*). BTW, you are not the only man I know who's hardup with fibro. I know two men who had to take medical retirements because of it. This is especially troublesome, since it's almost impossible to get disability with fibromyalgia.


> 2 years ago I was diagnosed with type 2 dibetes. Though I had no symptoms of dibetes. My life has been a wreck and I am always in pain. My Drs will not give me pain pills. They tell me to take over the counter, but these no longer help. I may as well be taking candy. I have attempeted and failed suicide twice in 2000 and 2001. After 5 years of counciling I was declared a survivor, but never cured.


I have been down that low as well. You REALLY need to see a pain specialist. GP's and rheumatologists often have no clue what to do for fibro. You may get pain meds, an antidepressant with muscle relaxant characteristics (like Elavil) and some Brewer's Yeast for extra B vitamins. Any or all of these things could really help you a lot.


> My job suffers from this disease. My body suffers from this disease and I never know a day without pain....Yes I am a real cowboy. Horses, cows,and farm. This fibro stuff really hampers everything I do. I work full time to pay the bills and then come home to work the farm. Some years it pays for it's self and others it doesnt quite pay for it's self. Hence I have to work full time to take care of the family and my medical bills.


Well, I can't imagine how you do it. I had to get rid of my horses, because my legs were just too sore to ride them. A nice little squeeze of the knees for guidance, and I'd be sweating bullets. I admire that you are not willing to admit defeat, and I recognize how hard it will be to give all this up. I now run a boarding stable --- since I can't ride, I can still work horses in a round pen and groom them --- I hire the local kids to shovel poo. Maybe this is something you could do and still keep you hand in?Nobody here is going to diss what's going on with you. We all know how serious this can be. Nothing wears you down like being in constant pain. It can ruin your life, and we all know it. Angie in Texas, US


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Well said, everyone. And welcome Cowboy.I have had Fibro for over 20 years. I have tried the Magnesium/Malic Acid approach. I was told about it through my local chiropractor. She told me she had quite a few people taking it who had fibro and they were getting amazing results. So, I gave it a good long try........6 months. Unfortunately, I couldn't see any difference whatsoever and it was causing looser bm's for me besides. My colon/rectal doc told me to stop it. I've tried many different things and nothing seems to make any difference for me, so I gave up. I was tired of being doped up on meds that weren't working anyway. But.......just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't help you. Give it a try. Everyone responds differently to different things.Good luck. Keep us posted.


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## cowboy (Jun 5, 2007)

Hi M&M,Right now I am seeing a rhemologist. He has experiance with Fibro. He gave me a stage as I work for the Federal government and they required a stage or imparement rating. I know that many get upset with me having a Farm/Ranch, but it is the way I relax and try to drain the stress off for the day. Yes I pay for the hard work I have to do, but for me it is worth it. As for Pain Docs...Well I have seen them and quit going to them. Biorythem is nice, but it was too stressful for me. It didn't work after 6 months so I took their machine back and told them I want real results and not tthis stuff. I haven't been back since. I do not take pain pills as I have a doctor who thinks I have sleep apnea and put it in my records that treating sleep apnea would take care of everything I am suffering. I have another Dr who has diagnosed me with Fibro, Chronic fatigue syndrome, arthritis, some bulging disks in my neck and lower back, and depression. This letter was sent to my employer, The Federal Government, and has caused a whirlwind effect I may not survive. I am on about 12 different drugs and I am tired of them. There is nothing I can do with the pain but live with it. Without some of the depression meds I take I would be at a 9 constantly. As it is my pain stays around 6 or 7 on a daily basis. I get up at 3:30 in the morning and go to bed around 9 pm on week days. On paydays and weekends I may get to bed around 11 or 12. I don't get up till 8 or 9 am though. Getting up is the hardest thing I do all day and it wipes me out. The second hardest thing I do is to try to stay awake all day. Some days I make it, but most days I don't. I may crash for 10 minutes or an hour, never any longer. At lunch I usually take a nap. Flare ups are the worst for me. I get to be at a 10 plus for a few days to a month. Lifting heavy things usually triggers one of these. Right now I am fencing off about an acre of tall grass. It has taken me almost a month to do this. I work about an hour a night to get the fence posts up. After that I am wiped out. I am the only male in my household, so I have to do all the heavy lifting. I spent a week putting hardwood flooring down. I know that I will pay for the hard work, but if I don't do it no one else will. So I "Cowboy up" and get the things I have to done. No matter how long it takes. For me I do what I have to and I know what the price is I have to pay. Right now I am willing to pay the price, though I know that I won't be able to pay it forever. I keep telling myself that this is life and I have to play the cards I am given. I can't give into this thing cause if I do I will just quit on life. I have to do what ever I can while I can and hope that later I won't have to work quite as hard and enjoy the hard work I had to put in the early part of my life. I know it won't be easy and I know it will be rough on me. I just have to believe that it will be worth the pain and hardship I have to go through now. It would cost me way too much to have someone do the work for me and It would not relieve my stress and anger right now. I have been a hard worker and a busy man all my life. I can't see stopping now when my goals are in sight. I know that people say I am brave or that I am stupid or sometimes both...But in reality it is how I deal with the hand life has given me. Right now I am more angry than anything. I don't have time to deal with this disease right now. I have plans and goals in my life that must be met. For me they mean more to me and my family than anything else. I have a lot invested in this and I do not want to see it wasted because I gave up. So I will claw my way to get this done. In a couple of years I may be able to slow down. Yes the dr's have told me to start slowing down now. They told me to sell the ranch, the cows, everything. Find a nice condo to live in. I just can't do that. I would lose more than I have recouped at this point. I would also lose my self respect and my freedom. I would be trapped in something that just is not me. Well thanks for letting this old cowboy rant and rave...I need to be heading to bed. I have to take a pump to be checked out tommorrow, put in 30 T posts, plant 8 railroad ties and start stringing barb wire. And I may just check on my bees to see how they are doing. If I am lucky I will get the gate up and get ready to bring in a bull to breed my cows for this year. Reality, I will probably be lucky to get the 30 T posts in...But that will be a good accomplishment for tommorrow. Then I will have to go to a part time job for about 4 hours. All in a days work...Be well everone. Cowboy


M&M said:


> Hi Cowboy!	Welcome to the family!I can see so much of my own story reflected in your words! I'm sure lots of other patients here can too. At last, you have found "your people"! You are not alone!!The story too, of spending years searching for a diagnosis, seeing doctor after doctor, and having a battery of tests done is a common one too - unfortunately. Eventually, hopefully, more health professionals will be better versed in Fibromyalgia and ME, but for now, we're stuck with what we have (unfortunately)!I was wondering what kind of doctors you are currently seeing? I was just wondering if you have ever seen a Pain Specialist. It sounds to me like it might be a good idea for you to visit a Pain Management Clinic - unless you already do have a pain doctor. At any rate, those doctors are educated more in the field of managing chronic pain, and they have lots of tricks to help manage chronic pain. Some treatments are pharmacologically based, but they also have a lot of other treatment options to help chronic pain. It sounds like you may need to get a little more help than what your doctor now is providing for you. Here is a link to a page on WebMD about pain management; maybe it will help you a little!http://www.webmd.com/pain-management/default.htmThere's even a special section on Fibromyalgia pain!http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/default.htmI am curious as to the doctor you are seeing now also, since your doctor referred to "stages" of Fibromyalgia. It strikes me as odd, as there are no "stages" in Fibromyalgia Syndrome. It isn't like cancer. With Fibromyalgia, you have it, or you don't. Some people are more seriously disabled and limited than others, but there are not any classified stages of the illness at this time. It is not considered a "progressive" illness, however, it is cyclical, and the symptoms are prone to wax and wane. It is an illness that goes into flare-ups, when symptoms will be especially bad, and new ones may even pop up, and then, once the flare-up is over, the symptoms tend to settle back into their "normal" zone, whatever normal is for each patient.That being said, over exertion, or a period of extra stress (physical or otherwise) can certainly trigger a flare-up. And, of course, the longer you over exert, or the longer the period of extra stress is - the longer the flare-up will last, maybe not even going away if you don't stop over exerting, or can't stop the extra stress. That could make one really long, really extended flare-up that may never end.I just wonder that if you could find a doctor who perhaps knows more about Fibromyalgia, you might receive better treatment, and might be able to control your symptoms a little bit more, and reduce your pain a little bit more. But, obviously, it could be that you are at your full capacity now, and you're just going to be one of those seriously limited patients. (An icky thought, to be sure!)Well, I apologize for going on so! I am not a Fibromyalgia patient myself, but an ME (CFS) patient, so I don't have any first-hand experience with using magnesium and malic-acid, but I did find a few articles on a couple of sites that I know are good websites. I thought I'd share the articles with you! (I found 3 of them.)http://www.immunesupport.com/library/showarticle.cfm/id/171http://www.immunesupport.com/healthwatch/spr93/93spr005.cfmhttp://www.fibromyalgiasupport.com/library...fm/ID/3113/T/FMThere is also a website now (and it's growing, and getting better and better) that is designed specifically for men with Fibromyalgia. In addition to our forum here, you might find some good support and information (and other men with Fibro) there!http://www.menwithfibro.com/At any rate, welcome to the family, Cowboy! I understand completely your reluctance to just give in and be disabled. But, on the flip side, living within your limitations doesn't always mean giving in or giving up. I have been disabled for approximately 8 years with ME, and during that time have learned to manage my illness in a way that allows me to be much more active than I was 8 years ago, without triggering an extreme flare-up. I am happier now than I think I ever have been, and that's odd, because I'm more limited now than I ever have been. I just wanted you to know that. Being disabled isn't a death sentence (nor is just being limited). I have gained a greater appreciation for life and the little joys than I ever could have imagined.I guess I just wanted to tell you that, no matter what happens - no matter if you start to feel LOADS better, and no matter if you just stay the same - it will be ok, and you will be ok. You will find a way to adjust, and to live WELL! And you'll be a better person for it. I'm glad you found us here!


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Hey Cowboy!Good to hear from you again! I had been thinking about you, and wondering how you were doing!Have you ever been treated for your Sleep Apnea? That really is the first place you should start. There was a study done a number of years ago. A group of healthy adults were deprived of sleep for several months. At the end of the study, all of the sleep deprived adults had all the symptoms of Fibromyalgia. The good news is that at the end of the study, they went back to good sleeping habits, and their symptoms started to disappear.While sleep apnea may not have caused your Fibromyalgia symptoms, getting better sleep, and treating your sleep apnea could really, really help your symptoms. The best thing to do would be pursue treatment for your sleep apnea. While I don't really think it would "cure everything" you have, it would no doubt help a lot of your symptoms to lesson a bit.All of these illness, Fibro, ME/CFS, and the like, are usually all marked by sleep disturbances. So trying to treat the sleep disturbances is a really great place to start treatment for all your other symptoms! Getting good sleep would lesson the muscle pain - as during the deep sleep stages muscle damage from the day is repaired. Getting good sleep also helps with mood, need for naps during the day and general tiredness, and helps with cognitive dysfunction ("brain fog").There is a great book out that a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders told me to use. It's called "No More Sleepless Nights". There is a short review of the book here:http://www.sleephomepages.org/books/nomoresleepless.htmlYou can find the book on eBay and on Amazon.com - or you could look for it at your library. I love this book, it first explains why sleep is so important, and then it helps you become your own "sleep therapist", and figure out why you're not sleeping well now, and how to sleep better.It certainly couldn't hurt to check the book out, and try out some of the suggestions. And it sure wouldn't hurt to get treated for sleep apnea! I'm sure you already know this, but untreated sleep apnea can can cause high blood pressure and other cardiovascular disease, memory problems, weight gain, impotency, and headaches. So, even if you don't care to treat your sleep apnea for yourself, you might think how much your family loves and needs you to be with them as long as you can. There are several treatment options that exist for sleep apnea.Please keep us posted on how you're doing!


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## cowboy (Jun 5, 2007)

Hi M&M,I have gone for a sleep study and they said I had a mild form of sleep apnea. However, I am very clausterphobic and they say that they will not be able to treat me. I can't wear a mask or anything around my head. Dr says I am out of luck. Says no way to treat clausterphobic patients. As to how I am doing, I have had a real bad flairup that has me barely walking. So, I am taking it easy and getting places I have to go to slowly. Yes I am still going to work. Wife Drives. Though she is not happy about it. I do as little as I can on the farm. Grouchy as ever right now. But I will survive. Well I am going to bed early tonight. Wife is mad at me and I do not feel like talking much. Seems she is always mad at me lately...Oh well.Take care..Cowboy


M&M said:


> Hey Cowboy!Good to hear from you again! I had been thinking about you, and wondering how you were doing!Have you ever been treated for your Sleep Apnea? That really is the first place you should start. There was a study done a number of years ago. A group of healthy adults were deprived of sleep for several months. At the end of the study, all of the sleep deprived adults had all the symptoms of Fibromyalgia. The good news is that at the end of the study, they went back to good sleeping habits, and their symptoms started to disappear.While sleep apnea may not have caused your Fibromyalgia symptoms, getting better sleep, and treating your sleep apnea could really, really help your symptoms. The best thing to do would be pursue treatment for your sleep apnea. While I don't really think it would "cure everything" you have, it would no doubt help a lot of your symptoms to lesson a bit.All of these illness, Fibro, ME/CFS, and the like, are usually all marked by sleep disturbances. So trying to treat the sleep disturbances is a really great place to start treatment for all your other symptoms! Getting good sleep would lesson the muscle pain - as during the deep sleep stages muscle damage from the day is repaired. Getting good sleep also helps with mood, need for naps during the day and general tiredness, and helps with cognitive dysfunction ("brain fog").There is a great book out that a neurologist specializing in sleep disorders told me to use. It's called "No More Sleepless Nights". There is a short review of the book here:http://www.sleephomepages.org/books/nomoresleepless.htmlYou can find the book on eBay and on Amazon.com - or you could look for it at your library. I love this book, it first explains why sleep is so important, and then it helps you become your own "sleep therapist", and figure out why you're not sleeping well now, and how to sleep better.It certainly couldn't hurt to check the book out, and try out some of the suggestions. And it sure wouldn't hurt to get treated for sleep apnea! I'm sure you already know this, but untreated sleep apnea can can cause high blood pressure and other cardiovascular disease, memory problems, weight gain, impotency, and headaches. So, even if you don't care to treat your sleep apnea for yourself, you might think how much your family loves and needs you to be with them as long as you can. There are several treatment options that exist for sleep apnea.Please keep us posted on how you're doing!


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Hi Cowboy!Sorry to hear you've been in a flare-up lately. I know what that is like! I've been thinking about you and your wife, and I hope you don't mind if I share a few thoughts I had on the matter - because that's an issue that affects me personally too, and really, all of us.I was thinking about how our illnesses affect our entire family, and all our friends. As hard as it is for US to deal with our limitations and changing symptoms, it's just as hard for our loved ones to deal with, and comprehend. Of course, we can't force anyone to understand, but one thing we can do is control our reactions, and set the stage for a healthy, meaningful relationship. We can only control our own behavior, but the good thing is that we can change our behavior at any time.It's important for us, as the ill person, to be positive and communicative with our partner or family or friend. That's a tall order, because most of us hate talking about our illness. But we have to talk about it with the people who are closest to us, or the illness will turn into an insurmountable wall. Sometimes, our attitude about our own illness and limitations can be the most powerful tool to help us keep our close relationships healthy.I don't know if you're much of a reader, but there is a WONDERFUL book written by 2 psychologists that talks all about this subject. It is the New Edition of "Sick And Tired Of Feeling Sick And Tired - Living With Invisible Chronic Illness". The authors are Paul J. Donoghue, Ph.D. and Mary E. Siegel, Ph.D.It's not about any so-called "magic cures". It's about how to live better, be happier, and have healthier relationships while living with a chronic illness. This book is so insightful. I got it and read it when I was first diagnosed with ME, and felt like it was written just for me! Chronic illnesses make every relationship harder and more sensitive, and this book discusses the topic in a warm, helpful, and positive way!The authors follow the stories of many different patients, and share with us the insights of each of these patients. They talk about real people, who all have invisible chronic illnesses, and share how the advice in the book helped those patients live happier, richer lives. It is a HUGE source of help and comfort, not only to patinets, but also to caregivers and family members. I think it would help you and your wife as much as it has helped me with relationships in my life. Here is a link to Amazon.com, the book is not expensive, but even if it were, it would be well worth the price. This book is invaluable!!http://www.amazon.com/Sick-Tired-Feeling-I...c/dp/0393320650I thought I would share a few of my favorite excerpts from just the introduction:"Illness brings out the best in families or highlights the worst. It forces profound growth or it splits marriages and families...The person with ICI (invisible chronic illness) will grow in self-knowledge and maturity, even in wisdom, or will grow embittered by illness- as will the spouse or closest family members...Many couples and families, however, are split apart by ICI. The ill person pulls away from family and friends, led by hurt or guilt into lonely isolation. Or he becomes bitter, critical, or negative and succeeds in driving away those whom he needs most. Spouse and family members, impatient at the chronic nature of the illness, frustrated and angry by needs not met, separate blatantly or subtly from the ill person...But true acceptance never means "giving up"...We encourage our readers...to stretch themselves to the limits of their physical and mental potential...we encourage them never to stop growing. Beyond personal limits, however, lies powerlessness and self-defeat. Therefore, we must continually seek to know our limits, including those imposed by chronic illness. Thus, accepting being ill with ICI means knowing yourself, knowing when to rest and when to work, when to play and when to watch, when to exert energy and when to conserve it. Acceptance means admitting the truth of being sick or tired and then deciding what action is most beneficial. It means having the courage to admit at times that you can't do it, whatever the _it_ is, and the courage to say no. Denial of the truth, denial of limits leads to self-destructive actions as well as alienation from oneself and an inauthentic way of being. Acceptance...is not a destination that can be reached once and forever. It is an ongoing, ever challenging process. It demands enormous patience and courage. We think of the many beautiful individuals we have met who have learned to be creative and adaptable, focusing not on what they don't have but utilizing most effectively what they _do_ have....They don't deny their illness; they haven't given up or given in. They accept what life has given them and try to live fully with dignity and peace.The ill themselves frequently attribute their illness to their own inadequacies. They believe their illness is due to a lack of moral strength or proper attitude...These false attributions stem from and foster guilt and unworthiness...The search for meaning, therefore, must begin with a recognition that suffering is not some human aberration visited only on those individuals who are less than the rest of us...the truth is that suffering is a part of life."


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