# depression and stuff



## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Ok, here I am feeling pretty down over the last few weeks. I think I´ve already mentioned how I´ve struggled in college since the beginning ... I never liked the course and stuff but I´m in my third semester and it would be such a waste of my time and my parent´s money and what else if I dropped out ... so all I basically do is that I struggle through every single day. The thing is, the things have gotten even worse this semester... I´ve started failing exams and basically everything seems SUCH an effort. I can´t concentrate at all, I´ve got so many things to do right now, and my self confidence is very low. Every single exam I have to take stresses me out to the point where I´m unable to study or concentrate at all. I just read the sentences over and over again and I´m unable to remeber them ( and I´m not even a dyslectic ). Yesterday I broke down and spent two hours crying over a book which I was supposed to learn for an exam which I´ve got tomorrow ( and I´m pretty sure I´m gonna fail, since obviously I didn´t manage to learn anything). My dad thinks I´m just being lazy and tells me to finally grow up and stick it through the course. Which seems so easy to do, but for me it´s something I can´t even imagine could ever happen. And my dad tries to persuade me that´s all in my head, that I should just change my attitude and everything will be ok.I don´t think I´m a chronic depressive person, but I think what I have is a reactive depression, I´m someone who can´t handle stressful situations. It´s gotten to the point where I think I´m not gonna make it, that I´m never gonna graduate due to some stupid depression that sets in everytime I´m under pressure and makes me unable to function. I think these are the symptoms I´m experiencing :- exhaustion and generally feeling down-everything seems like such an effort, even the smallest tasks like putting on make up or buying a nice dress for myself - I don´t do that anymore cause for me it´s not worth it -basically no enegry -in the morning I don´t even want to get up cause the day that´s in front of me and all the activites I have to do seem to me too difficult to handle - I´m unable to relax and have fun like I used to - cause all I can usually think about are the stupid exams-sleep problemsI think this is not the way a young person is supposed to feel - even if my parents tell me that everyone´s in college and if everyone can handle it so can I - I think there are some chemical reactions going wrong in my head or whatever ... and i can´t change it, I just can´t change the way I feel no matter how hard I try... and if it continues this way I´m gonna fail all of my exams this semester, of that I´m pretty sure. It seems to me that there´s something wrong with me in every "area" of my life - I´m gassy and in pain all the time, I´ve got constipation problems, I´m depressed and I´m failing my exams and on top of that some other problems that I don´t want to mention here ... one guy asked me out , but I don´t think I could even go cause I´m such a mess, I´m wondering whether I´ll ever be able to find someone who would accept me the way I am ...Oh, I´m so sorry for such a long post ... I think all I want to hear is that it´s not all my fault, cause I genuinely believe that I´m not a lazy person, I´ve always worked incredibly hard in school, it´s only now that I can´t make anything work...


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

{{{{{{{Evu}}}}}}}HUGS... I'm so sorry you're feeling like this... And it is NOT your fault. You are NOT a lazy person, not at all. It is NOT your fault.I'm so sorry school has been so hard. The exams and the courses seem to be so stressful and difficult... HUGS...From what you described, even though I do know that you're not a chronic depressive person, like you have been feeling, you're depressed because of the circumstances around you and the tremendous difficulty that you're now facing. From my personal experience, the symptoms that you have listed here do indicate that you're depressed and this depression is beyond the scope of "just go change your out look and everything will be sunny and happy again". And I feel that you need to see a dr. and see if they can give you anything to treat it and/or schedule a few therapy sessions with you.Does your university have a hospital or a clinic that you can go to? Or counseling service? Or maybe you could see your family dr. and get referred to a therapist? I understand that it is all the pressure and stress from the courses and exams that have made you feel this way -- while the courses and exams are what they are, treating the depression will reduce the anxiety and the sadness and restore some (if not all) of the energy that you need to complete these courses and perform up to your usual standard in the exams. And with good treatments you'll be able to enjoy college life such as dating again...I've been where you are when I was struggling with my thesis... so I can totally relate... Just wanna say that depression is real and is NOT something that one can will away. And depression is NOT your fault. And if you can, maybe also get a dr.'s note for both your professors and your parents so that they can understand the struggle that you are in and become more understanding and supportive of you?{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} and also, please do know that we're all here for you...Cherrie


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Awww Cherrie, thank you soo much for your sweat words, you always know what to say to make me feel better . And thank you for your understanding ... my dad is not a bad guy, it´s just that he´s such a relaxed and level-headed person, he never worries about anything, so it must be hard for him to imagine how I feel right now. And I know you´re right, it´s gotten to the point where I´m not able to handle it on my own, I can´t keep going this way, feeling this way cause I can´t function like a normal person anymore. (((((((HUGS))))))))


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

evulienka,I think I know what it is - it's your complete lack of interest that's causing this.You're only doing so badly and feeling down because you're forcing yourself to go through this.... It's completely understandable..Perhaps you should talk to a school counselor about what to do? Maybe someone can help lead you in the right direction and maybe see if anything you've taken can help in your new decisions, or maybe exempt you from a semester if it is related...I wish you the best of luck. Do what's right in your heart.{{{HUGS}}}


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## Benjamin09 (Jan 20, 2009)

Sounds like a classical, clinical case of a major depressive episode. Not all depressed individuals are chronic. Indeed there are many subtypes of depression.You are certainly not alone. Many thousands of adolescents each day suffer from similar complaints, especially during the tumultuous years of college. You may wish to consider a couple things:1) Take a year off and relax. Think about your life, start a diary, find a few hobbies you love, eat well, meditate, and exercise.This step back can be extremely important. It allows you to assess where you are at and where you truely wish to go. I myself took two years off school due to anxiety disorder. When I came back (at age 26!), I was ready to get into grad school. I had found a passion and knew what I wanted to do. Besides that, I had time to quit smoking and get in better shape.2) Do not, I repeat, do not beat yourself up. It is okay to feel like ####. It is okay to not want to study. It is okay to sit around and cry. You have to accept that this is where you are at right now and that is the way it is. If guys are unwilling or unable to be with you at this point- f*&^ them. You need to take care of yourself.


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

Oh Evu darling - WHO are you doing this course for - you, or your parents???? You seemed to have struggled on for so long and its clearly making you ill. You say you don't think you are depressed - in my book, not having any energy, not wanting to have any fun, dreading things, exhaustion - dress it up how you like - you are not well and this course is making you miserable.I suppose there are a couple of things you can do - I don't know whether you've had a decent chat with the pastoral care folk at college - they might be able to help - if you are determined to finish Uni or could you consider a bit of time out - would it be the end of the world if you had to resit this year IF you are determined to get your degree.In the great scheme of things - your health and happiness is FAR, FAR more important than finishing higher education - you can always get a degree at any time you like - I did. You need to "regroup", get your priorities sorted out fast, before you become really unwell and have a frank, honest to god conversation with your parents. I've got a kid not much younger than you darl and I'd be HORRIFIED if I thought he was battling on like this, trying to please everyone and spiralling into misery.Hope thats not too blunt - but you are far more important than any bloody course Evu.Sue xxxx


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

Evu - I'm bumping this up again - how are you doing darl?Sue xxxx


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## baz22p (Dec 1, 2008)

Hi Evu,I have read your thread and I'm extremely sorry you are feeling like this. I don't know what to say, or what advice to give, but I just wanted to send you all my sympathy and empathy for the way you are feeling. I'm sending to you all my best wishes - I hope you find relief soon.


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Hey all, thanks for all your answers ... I realize you´re right, I´m not doing well and I seem to have all the symptoms of depression. The truth is, I´m way too busy right now to even think about things, I´ve got too many exams in front of me during the next two weeks, so I guess I´m gonna put all my energy and try to finish at least this semester - it´s only two weeks till the end, after all.For me dropping out of college isn´t an option, I mean, I´ve already taken a year off between high school and college, and even if I dropped out or took another year off - all I could basically do would be maybe cleaning the streets or working at McDonnalds or that kind of a job because here if you don´t have a college degree that´s all you can do, and I don´t really think that would be motivating for me, either *sigh*.I´ll let you know how I´m doing. (((HUGS))) to all of you


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## Guest (Jan 22, 2009)

Well you are going to have to have a really good think Evu. The working world - with or without a degree can be a pretty tough place too. Just don't make yourself ill with the stress - try and take each day at a time.Sue xx


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