# Very Delicate Problem



## Kim Insko (Oct 31, 2001)

Hello, I am sorry if this post is on the wrong BB or if it is unacceptable to be on a BB at all. I apologize if that is the case.Here goes...I'm 34 and have ibs-d. I have been single for several years now and definately have not had any intimate relations since before diagnosis. Recently, I have started going out with someone. He is someone I went to high school with, but never really talked to then. A few months ago, we found each other on a graduation website and started contact. Our relationship is moving forward and I know that sometime soon, well, you know what happens. We will be getting intimate. (I'm trying to be as tactful as possible) I am SOOOOO nervous about it that I don't know if I can go through with it. In the heat of the moment of smooching I feel fine, but then when I think about anything further, I just get worried. How does a person with ibs-d deal with that??!! I find that when I am too relaxed and haven't had a bm that day yet, it just happens. And it ain't pretty. I don't know what to do. He is a wonderful man and we are very close, he knows I am sick, and understands, but I cannot get into details, it would just be too gross.I am hoping that by posting, someone may have had the same situation and possible words of wisdom.My friends try to support me, but they just don't know. So, thank you very much.Kimba


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## Bewitched (Jul 24, 2002)

I don't have a frequent sex life due to that very issue.I usually stay away more due to the pain of IBS.I have found one thing that helps me feel more comfortable if i feel that i may be accident prone.I do a warm water fleet,just warm tap water in a fleet bottle.It cleans out the end of my colon so i won't have to go anytime soon.Make sure the water is done emptying from your colon though so you won't have to run back and forth to the bathroom.You definately are not alone!I used to take Imodium and that helped me for years,but now that i get to constipated to use Imodium,i really don't have a good fall back.It's tough when your friends don't understand.I hope you can get some comfort here.-Wendi-


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## Kim Insko (Oct 31, 2001)

Thanks Wendi. I am also very concerned with the pain and discomfort. I find that I can mostly keep that undercontrol. The bloating definately does not make a person feel sexy by any means though. I don't think there would be a problem with accidents, but this all changes everyday, so I press on!!Thanks again!kimba


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## Auroraheart (Aug 8, 2000)

I am 30 and just started dating a great guy too. I am also IBS D.Does this new guy know about your IBS? I have already told my guy about my IBS. Actually even today I e-mailed him Molly's brochure...and he still wants to date me and go out tomorrow.







I find that my IBS D is at its best when I am relaxed, happy and stress free. And I am right now; with him anyways. And making out/sex I figure one day he'll fart during sex or something...and all the other natural body noises. I am so into the moment that I forget about my IBS and then all is okay.







I make sure I shower or bathe before he comes over so I feel cleaner....and don't worry about any missing spots "down there". Good luck to you!


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## *Luna* (Nov 19, 2001)

If you do want to read more about this issue and discuss your own with less worry of saying something inappropriate, check out the adult forum. There is a link at the bottom of this post in my signature.That's all for now. I just wanted to point you there in case it might help you! You're definitely not the only one dealing with this concern.


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## JenS (Dec 18, 2000)

Lots of wine beforehand







In all seriousness, I too have those worries when I am with someone new. Have you talked about your problems at all? Also, keep the lights off!


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## Kim Insko (Oct 31, 2001)

Funny you should mention the lights, Jen, because that did come up, but for other reasons. We have talked about it, but just a little bit. Also, I just found out that his sister suffers from ibs as well, but I don't know details.You never know, maybe I'm just jumping the gun, fingers crossed!!!kimba


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## Fay (Jan 11, 2001)

Hi Kimba,For what it's worth, I've had IBS-D (with extreme urgency and out of the blue) longer than I've been with my husband and we're celebrating us being together for 25 years at the end of this month. In all that time I've had many,many accidents, but never while we were being intimate. Hope that helps,Fay


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

Kimba, When it comes to romance and great relationships, it's the ones that survive the good, the bad and the ugly that prove to be the most successful and satisfying.If the man can not handle the reality of your body then it is good to know early on so the attachment does not get too deep.However, if he can handle the truths of the organic you, then slowly one step at a time, life will work out in a good way.Mr.Kamie and I are newly weds of one year.At 7 months into the marriage Mr. Kamie was at my side with a horrendous hysterectomy and the susequent bowel impaction that required emergency surgery.Now that's testing the fabric of love to the extreme.One day shortly before we were married and I was sick, we had decided to go out for dinner at the beach.So we set off for a great evening and poof there goes my stomach.Nope, not IBS D.....but the ever unattractive pukey monster.It was hours.Me and the empty big gulp.Me and the side of the road.Me making it to the Jiffy mart store.Me and the plastic grocery bag.Well, you get the idea right?So finaly when all was done, then I needed to eat so we went to I-Hop because miraculously the chewable Bonine had finally kicked in and as we sat in I Hop, Mr. Kamie started laughing.So I asked him about his private joke and he said in a very jolly way......it's a good thing I love you......And then I asked him, so, like, if this was our first date would you aske me out again?To which he replied....Well not right away.I'd probably have gotten freaked out but then I'd think about you and who you are and then I'd feel bad because I freaked out and then I'd have to call to see how you were doing and then we'd get to talking and then I'd want to come over and visit and then I would want to eat and so we'd probably go out agaiin but I'd have more containers in the car.So the moral to the story is this...if it's meant to be it will be and there's no amount of stinkey poo that will drive the love away.Kamie


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## ThisBearBites (Aug 28, 2002)

Never had an accident "during", but sometimes I leave pretty quick when we're done! And he has to accept all of what you "are" to be worthy of your affection. Every morning, my sweet hubby rolls me over, thoroughly cleans out the hole in my gut (an incision popped open 3 weeks ago) using a saline solution and hydrogen peroxide, wipes it dry and then re-bandages with a bit a neosporin for good measure. He then kisses me







passionately







and leaves for work. That's love.


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## Trixyinaz (Oct 28, 2002)

I asked this almost very same question in the adults section.I sometimes have accididents while being intimate with my hubby. Even after 3 years, I still get butterflies in my stomach when we make out 'cuz you know it's going to lead into "you know what". I also get the butterflies b/c I am so worried that I am going to have an accident even tho I've already had a BM prior. Hubby is GREAT tho and totally understands


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

Hey, when the men are in love, they are in love and there's no telling what they will do or endure all for the sake of romance.Funny creatures those men and their romantic notions.Kamie


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## JenS (Dec 18, 2000)

Let me add, I never had a problem during sex either. It as after (usually morning after) I would get some cramping and bowel pain. Not sure why this would happen.


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## kamie (Sep 14, 2002)

Jen, Cramping and bowel pain after sex, either a few hours or the next day is a warning sign of a possible Uterine problem.You might want to see a gynecologist with after sex cramping.mine got to the point(after years) that I needed surgery.Preventative gynecological medicine is worth the trouble.Kamie


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