# Kes



## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

kes, are you doing okay. Please let me know. We are here and want to help.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## KES (Mar 4, 1999)

Thank you for asking...and for our talk. Iï¿½m not doing well.This Saturday is the memorial service for one of my daughterï¿½s softball coaches, who is one of the too-many missing from the WTC. John Ryan was 45, and the father of three. He was a stock trader on the 85th floor of the South Tower. He called his daughter, my daughterï¿½s friend, on her cell phone after the plane had hit. He told her there was a lot of smoke. He said, ï¿½Iï¿½m not coming home.ï¿½I can barely type that.(My local newspaper has estimated that ï¿½54 people from this area either have been confirmed dead or listed as missing as a result of last weekï¿½s terrorist attacks.ï¿½ Ironically, Johnï¿½s next-door neighbor, a 24-year-old man who graduated from my kidsï¿½ HS, is also missing. There are about 14 children in our school system who lost a parent; Iï¿½ve heard of one child who lost both.)My husband commuted into the city via the PATH train under the WTC. He was due to be there, at the exact time, on Thursday to meet some people from his company that had also been laid off.It could just as easily been him.My husband lost two co-workers, two women who were in the building for a trade show. One is the mother of three.This is my hometown. I think I told you I was born and raised about a mile from the WTC. Iï¿½m taking this very personally, as I know so many of us are. Iï¿½m not sleeping, and I jump at the slightest sound. I hear an airplane, and I run to the window. Today I saw two military helicopters flying together overhead, probably on their way to the Air Force Base in Lakehurst.Iï¿½m also hearing those reports about more terrorism feared. From the Miami Herald:


> quote:Investigators say they are concerned about the possibility that attacks were planned for this weekend, particularly Saturday. "Yes, we have heard something about Sept. 22, but nothing specific," one source close to the investigation said. "We have information that leads us to believe that there could be more attacks very soon. The same murky sources that indicated something might be coming in the weeks before the attacks have indicated something may be happening this weekend. It is our hope that we can stop it."


I want to corral my children and cling to them. As you know, my son is at college, and I want him home. (He could see the smoke from his 6th floor river dorm.) What if they target schools? What about trains now? He takes the train home. I know my reactions and fears are not healthy. I heard someone discussing a form of PTSD once removed. I think Iï¿½m getting there.I donï¿½t know how Iï¿½m going to manage this memorial service. I took part in the National Day of Mourning by attending my church at noon last Friday and could barely keep it together. How can I do it at this service? (Need I add my IBS is a mess?)So sad. So very sad. So close to home.P.S. I've decided to stop posting at The Meeting Place, so I thank you for providing this place for me (and others, of course).[This message has been edited by KES (edited 09-20-2001).]


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Kes....words fail me... ((((HUGS))) Hang in there, hon. Prayers and best wishes coming your way, and for the families too... ~ Marilyn


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

Oh dear.Sorry to hear you are having such a terribly rough time.I have a suggestion if you are open to it. Can you get a notebook and spend some time every day (every hour if you need it







) writing in it. You can even just write on paper and toss it when you are done, but many people find a journal more comforting.Sometimes this sort of work helps our brains sort things out and allows us to express emotions that need to be expressed for us to heal in a way that does help us heal.Take care of yourself, and know that what you are going through is a fairly natural reaction to this sort of increased stress, you may never be the same, but you will eventually heal.K.------------------ï¿½When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fallï¿½Think of it, ALWAYS. ï¿½Mahatma GandhiMy story and what worked for me in greatly easing my IBS: http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/Forum17/HTML/000015.html I do not work for anyone who sells any IBS related products.


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

(((KES))) I know hon, I know. Please give your daughter hugs from us all. Thanks for his name & be sure to know his family & as well as your own will be in my thoughts & prayers. I think K's suggestion is a good one about writing things down. But, for myself, I'm not sure I could even do that yet. I don't know KES. This whole event is off the charts. There is no book, no instructions...... This is unimaginable and yet it is reality. Know I'm with ya in spirit. BQ


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## Lefty (May 18, 1999)

I Think about you every day. Hugs, positive thoughts and hope for a bright spot in your life very soon, my friend.------------------Shared joy is joy doubled....shared sorrow is sorrow halved.


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## GailSusan (Dec 23, 2000)

Oh, KES, this is so traumatic for you. I'm so sorry. Let's hope this area of the BB will be a safe haven for you. {{{hugs}}}


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## Missycat (Apr 3, 1999)

KES I went into a sort of seclusion after my sister died two weeks ago, and just started posting again recently. I am so sorry for the loss of those close to you, and I fully understand your fears. They are justified. Early this week, I had to fly from Michigan to Chicago, to LA, then home, and all I could think of doing was to pray almost the entire time. I had monumental fears about a plane full of fuel leaving Chicago, so close to the Sears Tower. It's expected that we are on edge and we are grieving. Please realize that and try to give yourself a little slack. Take care, my friend.(If it's any consolation, I also run to the window when I hear a plane that sounds "too low." I'm sure we aren't the only ones.)------------------Fear can hold you prisoner.......hope can set you free.*Missycat* >^.^<







[This message has been edited by Missycat (edited 09-20-2001).]


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Kes - I'm not sure what else to say but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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## Guest (Sep 21, 2001)

Hi All,No words can describe the emotions felt, we can however support those affeced directly and indirectly with our prayers, thoughts and just being there to let them vent.I often see sadness and grief in my work, but I also see strenght of the human spirit, and a drive to get through the most dreadful of events and circumstances, and be sure of this, as dreadful as events are, that inner strenght is there, in us all to get through.Kes be gentle on yourself, don't deny the pain and the upset and fear, acknowledge them, for after them comes the strength.Mike x


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Kes, I am glad you posted here.







I agree with Mike. Its gonna take time to heal, but heal we must and as BQ said there are no instructions to this so we all need to be supportive and help each other through this.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## KES (Mar 4, 1999)

Thank you everyone so much for responding as you have.K, itï¿½s funny you should mention writing in a journal. Actually, I am a writer and editor, so you would think this would be a no-brainer for me. But itï¿½s actually the opposite. I canï¿½t explain it. Iï¿½ve considered chronicling my thoughts and feelings of what has transpired, but itï¿½s too much a part of me to put onto paper. I often recommend writing to others as a form of self-therapy, but right now, ironically, it is not an avenue I can travel. (It doesnï¿½t make any sense to me either.)Missy: I know you are going through a tremendously difficult time apart from the terrorist attacks, and I know it must be so overwhelming. The things that are hard in my own personal life have already beaten me down, so I donï¿½t think Iï¿½m coming from as strong and steady a position to deal with such an unsteadying thing. I know others feel the same. I wonder too that you might feel somewhat like, hey, how can I be expected to deal with this. I just lost my sister, and I need support. Now everyone needs support. So where does that leave you? I donï¿½t know if this is some of what you are going through, but Iï¿½m just trying to put myself in your shoes and think Iï¿½d feel that way somewhat. Please remember that whatever you are feeling, itï¿½s OK. We know you are trying to cope with Patï¿½s death, and she has not been forgotten in our prayers and hearts.BQ: Are you in NJ? You sound like you are close to the situation as well. I think we are going through some very similar stuff (except Iï¿½m tall and blonde and gorgeous--ok, now Iï¿½m really losing my mind). I will post more on your thread.Marilyn, Lefty, Gail, Madchen, Mike, and Shawn: Thanks too for your good thoughts and wishes. "United we stand."Been reading my local papers and learning more details. So many in my neighborhood lost forever. Youï¿½ve all by now learned of Todd Beamer, one of those on Flight 93 who so bravely fought back. His wife was acknowledged at the Presidentï¿½s address. Well, I didnï¿½t know him personally, but he is from the next town over, Cranbury; this is the town we share our Little League with. Todd was active in a church in my town literally just down the road from me (my daughter had been a member of that church's youth group a couple of years ago). I wish I had known him. Again, so close to home.There are so many others. Although a native New Yorker, I live in Central New Jersey, in a town with a major train station thatï¿½s the hub of connection for so many working families into the city. Furthermore, as my husband searches for a job, the odds are that it will have to be in NYC, and he will have to take the PATH train into the city again, although the station he used to take is no longer there (thereï¿½s another stop in midtown that heï¿½ll be routed too). Heï¿½ll probably start going to interview in NYC next week. Worried? You bet.Sleep is elusive. Iï¿½m up ï¿½till all hours of the morning. When sleep overtakes my body, my mind betrays me over and over again with vivid dreams of the disaster. Iï¿½ve had the worst dreams. When I was an undergraduate, I took an independent study on dreamwork with a psychoanalyst. Since then, Iï¿½ve been able to recall my dreams, which in my case is not a blessing. (Letï¿½s just say, Stephen King could get material from me.)Iï¿½m really getting worked up over this memorial service. As I wrote on BQ's thread, I'm so blessed that I didn't lose my husband, but it could just as easily been him. That's hard to process. Iï¿½m at the point now where a feather could knock me over, so Iï¿½m trying to avoid feathers. This service will be a boulder.Thank you all for listening. Although Iï¿½m not writing as K suggests and as I normally would right now, having this BB as a place to sort things out helps.P.S. OMG: Just spoke with my daughter. Todd Beamer wasn't in the next town over: he was in our town. There's a part of Plainsboro that has a Cranbury mailing address. He lived in the development across the road from mine! My daughter has friends who knew him well. This town is reeling....[This message has been edited by KES (edited 09-21-2001).]


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## GailSusan (Dec 23, 2000)

Oh, I'm so sorry, KES. Please continue to share your thoughts with us. Maybe you can't write in a journal, right now, but we can listen and support you. {{{{hugs}}}}


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## Persistance (Jul 11, 1999)

Yes, KES, it IS a comfort here, isn't it? This must be a terrible thing to have to go through this so close to you, on top of all the personal "stuff" you are dealing with. Everybody else had such wise words. Mike especially, in that it takes time to heal. Funny, as a writer, I've been trying to write some memoirs for quite some time, and just simply cannot put words on paper. You will find your own way of healing, I hope.


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## norbert46 (Feb 20, 2001)

Kes, I've been away from my home/computer for about two weeks and just returned yesterday. After bringing myself up to date on the latest happenings I find that you and your family are not faring well. Let me say that I care and will remember you in my prayers. Seems like your family has endured way too much recently. I am glad to hear that none of your family members perished in the WTC incident and am sorrowed about the loss of your friends. I hope that the job concerns will be solved and the financial problems as well. Good luck and God bless your family, Norb


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Kes, how are you doing?------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## Sherlock (May 14, 1999)

KES, are you out there? If you aren't up to writing an e-mail, just let me know you're hanging in there, okay? I think of you often during the day, and I am worried about you.I had decided to avoid the BB in general, but if I can find you here, I'm willing to bother the rest of them to do it. Sending you Big Canadian Bear *HUGS*


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Kes, are you out there reading the bb?------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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