# new boyfriend



## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

i just met this great guy and i've had boyfriends before but never spent this much time with someone so it was easy to hide my ibs sometimes it hits me when i don't even eat but as soon as i eat i get really bad pain and D so i just only eat infront of my parents and one of my friends it's hard to tell people you have D all the time they think it's gross i just stopped eating a day and a half before i go places doesnt always work but does help some well anyways now my boyfriend is sleeping over almost every night so i cant eat the whole day and deftinitely not when hes around so lately it's like im barely eating i eat maybe 5 crackers a day he knows i get sick after i eat but i told him i throw up b/c i'm scared to tell him about the D and it freaks me out to use the bathroom with people around or even in the house unless its my friend or my parents i know thats stupid...it's starting to wear on me because he eats and i see the food im hungry and the time before he comes over i'm hungry too i'm scared to tell him and him think i'm odd i don't know what to do


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## slammjamminlammy (Sep 10, 2001)

eat! If he is as cool as he seems, he'll understand. If he can't deal, well, a relationship wouldn't have worked anyway, huh? I think a lot of times we underestimate the rest of the world's ability to be cool about stuff. Besides, not eating is just going to make you sick and unattractive, anyway, and where would that get you?Be healthy, and have a fabulous relationship (and tell us all about it!!)S


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Just tell him! YOU'LL feel a lot better. I told my boyfriend after about 3 months and it was a HUGE weight off my mind! He even looked it all up on the internet because he didn't know what it was.


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## tylersmommi (Dec 3, 2001)

trying to deal, i am just like you...except now i dont know what to do...me and my fiancee just broke up...and its not like i go places a lot to meet anyone...and i also cant use the bathroom when people are here and my brother has his friends over a lot...now i am thinking i will never have a bf again because they dont want someone who is sick all the time...they want healthy people...i am preparing myself mentally to be a single mother the rest of my life (i am only 22)


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## Guest (Dec 21, 2001)

ibs and its symptoms really hirt.dont loose the heart friend ,. slamjam said eat !!and other one said say him !yes they are the best options , if he does not understand you and leaves you or starts keeping away , he is just a waste of you precious feelings and time both! DONT DESIRE THOSE WHO DONT RESPECT YOU AS YOU ARE !dare to say it slowly and steadily , convince him for the non-ideality of all , even his , so dont stretch yourself more and break the dilema -- best of luck , i hope you discover a true friend out him !!a friend like one you expect him to be !!!!( all boys are not bad and some reallly do understand others , i know , because i am a boy !!!!)


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## Shanteli (Dec 14, 2001)

Ok girl, ya gotta eat...it just isn't healthy and think about it, if this relationship lasts a long time, do you really think you can keep this from him for that long? Trust me...one of these days you'll have a freak D attack and will have to make the "I'm sick" or "I'm on my period" type of excuse to get out of it...but you can only do that so often. And as everyone else said....if he is really a good and understanding guy, he won't have a problem with it...you probably heard that a ton of times but the fear of actually losing this guy is there too. The thing you gotta understand is that this advice is probably the most direct and important of 'em all. Seriously...if he is gonna break up w/ you or start acting weird cuz you tell him of your D problem, is he really worth it in the long run? Think about what will happen after the innitial honeymoon stage ends and when you and him are just "living" like doing laundry together or going grocery shopping together...he would just be a natural part of your life then....and he would have to come into contact with your IBS...it is just a given. So just tell him and get over this hump....just think if it turns out bad do you want it to end now or do you want it to end later when you are WAY more attached? But that won't happen cuz I'm sure he's a good and understanding guy. Most of us are...but my gender does have a lot of pricks too...so good luck


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## slammjamminlammy (Sep 10, 2001)

another thought - your ibs is probably a bigger deal for you than it is for him. You have to think about it all the time, since it is happening to you, so it probably seems as though everyone thinks about it as much as you do. But they don't. they go home and think about other things. to him, it would just be one part of you, not something he thought about all the time.Just something else to think aboutS


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## Misst06 (Nov 15, 2001)

OH BOY AM I FEELING YOUR PAIN! now i know it is no where as serious as you probably are because i'm just about 14 but theres a guy that i've been spending a lot of time with, flirting, hanging out, all that good stuff and i'm afraid that if he asks me out i'll never be able to do anything with him becuase i always get sick. Like you said it's embarrassing enough to have D but then to have to try and explain it to a boyfriend is even harder! so i want you to know i feel your pain, but you have to eat, you could actually be making it worse if you don't! First start out by eating small portions frequently throughout the day. French bread w/ honey or jam is always a safe thing. If your worried about getting sick while your with him you could always try taking a immodium or even half of one, once in awhile it's ok to cheat! i do it once in awhile for important events. works wonders! I hope you feel lots better! (((hugs))) claire


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## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

TO MISSI IVE HAD THIS FOR THE LAST 6 YRS IVE LEARNED HOW TO MANAGE SO FAR AND I DO NOT HAVE A SAFE FOOD AND SMALL AMTS DO NOT WORK FOR ME IF IM GOING TO BE SICK ILL BE SICK BY THE 3RD BITE I CANT TELL WHEN ILL BE SICK IT JUST HAPPENS


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## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

TO TYLERSMOMMI I MOVED OUT OF MY PARENTS B/C OF THE FACT THAT SO MANY PPL WERE ALWAYS AROUND AND ESPECIALLY MY BROTHERS FRIENDS AND WELL IT JUST MADE BEING SICK A HARDER TASK NOW I LIVE ALONE AND PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO TO GET OVER MY FEAR OF PPL BEING AROUND IF I NEED TO GO TO THE RESTROOM AND THE CONSTANT FEAR IS THERE WHEN MY BOYFRIEND IS THERE ESPECIALLY B/C IT SEEMS WHEN I WALK INTO MY BATHROOM TO PEE...HE COMES BY THE DOOR AND TALKS TO ME AND I KEEP THINKING WHAT IF I GET SICK ONE DAY HES JUST GOING TO COME BY THE DOOR???? THE WHOLE THING IS I DONT KNOW HOW TO COME OUT AND TELL HIM WHAT I HAVE YOU KNOW? IT'S KINDA A GROSS THING TO PEOPLE WHO DONT LIVE WITH IT AND PEOPLE CAN MAKE FUN OF IT


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## Tamgirl21 (Sep 2, 2001)

To Tylersmommi.......







Please don't think that you will never have a bf again b/c of this stupid IBS ####! Trust me Kim, everyone has problems, no one is perfect and just b/c you have IBS does not mean someone is going to leave you (and if they do, they were not worth you to begin with) Its hard enough meeting a decent guy (







) but they are out there and you will find someone again who loves you, IBS and all. Just look at my boyfriend, he knows I'm scared to use a public bathroom, he deals with the fact sometimes I can't get out of the house b/c I'm in the bathroom, it doesn't bother him. I think to alot of guys, having bowel problems is not a big deal. See with us girls we were always taught to be lady like and not talk about it, but guys talk openly about farting and #2 all the time...I mean yea weird but its like cool to them...lol







and to Trying To Deal, I feel so bad that you are not eating b/c you are afraid to use the bathroom when your boyfriend's around...you sound so much like me with my last boyfriend, he thought I was anorexic and I looked it to b/c I never ate. You gotta let this guy know what your story is, if he freaks out, its his loss, don't jeopradize your health for some guy or for the embarassement, trust me I know what I'm talking about, not eating is so bad for you, have you been to the doctor?? There are some med's you can take to help with the D, there are other options out there besides not eating!!! Good luck! Tammy


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## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

my bodys not responding to any of the medicines the drs cant control it and the only options they give me are too severe say taking things out of me which i think im ok enough to keep my parents i was on one med that worked but i became addicted and it put me to sleep and my drs will no longer give it to me i met an MD who did hollistic medicine and accupuncture it helps a lot but im not 100% better i used to be so sick id have D all day daily and in bed almost failed my sr yr but now i can get out of bed and do things its just this d that occurs and it always does when i eat and i just think maybe i can hide it till he loves me then tell him? i met a guy once with chrones we got very very close falling in love and then he admited he had a bag which i didnt know b/c he looked so young and normal i guess i didnt realize young ppl got that sick and it was cool b/c he understood totally but he left me b/c he couldnt date ppl b/c he had a fear of people seeing his bag or being around him sick and i asked him to stay but he wouldnt he coudlnt get over it and he stayed single since but moved away last i heard he had bad kidney cancer i dont know what happened i just know him going through it made it so easy for me i didnt have to explain or make excuses


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## *Luna* (Nov 19, 2001)

First off, you gotta eat! Like others said, you can't keep up not eating forever. A lot of people get D after eating when they haven't eaten in a while...shock to the system, or the system overreacting to having food in it, period, rather than the type of food they eat. I, and many others, find we do much better when we eat several small meals throughout the day. I also am more likely to have problems if I eat too fast, which I tend to do if I'm starving because I haven't eaten in ages.Tell your bf you don't like to talk to people when you're in the bathroom, and you'd prefer he stay put. I don't usually like to talk to people while I'm in the bathroom, and a lot of people don't. You don't have to get into your IBS at the time, just tell him not to get up when you go to the bathroom.My IBS-D has made me much more comfortable pooping in a public restroom than many people are, because I'm just happy I have a bathroom to use!! Although I do get embarassed about having a stinky or loud BM at someone's house, especially if it's right off the room where everyone is. But I'm getting better about that. Perhaps some counselling would help you to go to the bathroom when you need to, regardless of where you are? I really think that not going when you need to can lead to more bowel problems.Many people on the board have has success with "Mike's Tapes"...check out the CBT/hypnotherapy forum for more info. They're nice because it's not medicine, but retraining your mind.


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## babydoll (Nov 14, 2001)

just a little trick I use when Im at someone else's house and Im afraid they will hear me in the bathroom : turn the faucet on and let it run. It will cover up some of the sound and let you have an attack in peace. Then i carry a little mini air freshener in my purse and spray a little in the bathroom when I'm done. If they hear the water running for a bit just tell them you like having really clean hands LOL!


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## babydoll (Nov 14, 2001)

by the way, my boyfriend of 3 years knows about my IBS and is totally cool with it. He figures we are all only human and he is just more worried because of how sick I get sometimes that he doesn't care if it's a little gross. He'll lay down with me and rub my tummy and helps me feel better. If he really likes you then he'll probably just try to help you out. I hope my story helps you out, its also a plus when you are in the car and gotta go all of a sudden and your man can drive as fast as he can if he knows, than have to sit there in agony. TELL HIM!!!


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## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

bf called last night got into convo about why i don't eat..i told him b/c i was sick and he asked why and i told him to not worry about it and he told me to tell him in person and i told him no we didn't need to discuss it and he said he's stayed through some pretty horrible fights what could be so bad that i'm afraid to tell him? then he bust out and says well if it's something that goes on when you eat it has to be stomach related and then asked "what do you use the bathroom a lot or something"" and i just couldnt say well yeah i wanted to but couldn't and now he expects for us to discuss this on friday i just have hard time coming out and telling him that after i eat no matter what meds i take i am sick and sometimes im sick when i don't eat and that i could get really sick again like i used to be i wish someone could give me a comfortable way or saying it??????????


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## lindsay* (Jul 23, 2000)

i posted this on yr other thread.. i think it might help to have him read molly's brochure.. http://www.ibsgroup.org/main/brochure.html


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## TryingToDeal (Dec 21, 2001)

ok bf came over last night i gave him the "molly brochure" he read it said he felt bad for me but he knows i dont want him to and said he understood which im glad he knows now i just am scared about getting sick for the first time around him knowing about it and actually seeing it is two diff things


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