# "You just need to relax."



## decemberm00n (Nov 23, 2004)

If I had a dime for everytime I heard "You just need to learn how to relax," I would be rich.Heard it from my family, my boyfriend, and my friends - even my boss once. Heard it all my life.I truly wish IBS was that easily cured.Lately my boyfriend and I have been arguing.He insists that IBS is at least 80% mental and that If I didn't make myself nervous and be so sensitive it would'nt be so bad.When I try to explain it's not just a mental disorder he refuses to listen and tells me not to believe everything I read online.His mom has IBS and I think since she has her's under control he thinks mine should be easy to control too.Does anyone else go through this too? Having to defend that you aren't just some mental case who makes themselves sick?Sometimes IBS makes me so depressed I just wanna climb in bed and stay there for a long long long time.


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## rosipederson (Dec 28, 2004)

i am so there it's not funny. i wouldn't wish my ibs on anyone, but i sometimes do wish that some of these people could live just one day in my shoes. don't you think that if "relaxing" was all it took to make me feel better i wouldn't have languished with IBS for over thirteen years? i mean, these people would never tell a diabetic or epilleptic to "just relax", or blame their symptoms on a mental inability to deal with stress. usually how i deal with it is if someone is questioning whether or not i'm "really sick" (which happens constantly) i just explain to them that their attitude is demeaning and insulting, that i deserve their respect, and if they are unwilling to give it to me, then they don't need to be around me. it took me years to get to this point, but it feels really good to stand up and say, "just because you can't automatically tell that i'm sick and really have no idea what i'm going through does not give you the right to disregard my feelings". i would advise that you not just blow up the next time someone does something like this (trust me, been there). you have to make sure that they realize that what they are saying is truly bothering you, then if they refuse to stop, cut 'em loose honey!


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## lbcgeek21 (Dec 28, 2004)

God I know what you're saying! As if that even helps anything. "You're just stressed, just relax!" OH OK! NOW THAT YOU TELL ME TO RELAX, YOU HAVE CURED ALL OF MY PROBLEMS! BECAUSE IF SOMEONE TELLS ME TO RELAX THAT MAKES ME RELAX, THANKS! sorry. My point is, even if they're right, you can't just MAKE yourself relax.


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## rocksinger84 (Jan 26, 2005)

My boyfriend says the exact same thing. "It must be in your mind and you could control it if you wanted to" Why would we actually want to be sick? Sometimes he almost has me convinced that it is in my mind. And sometimes, yes I do make myself so neervous that it throws my stomach into a tizy, like when I sang in front of 3 thousand people a couple weeks ago. But I think, or I hope everyone goes thru that. You are not alone. KariJo


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

hehe i think we have all been there though ibs isnt mental for all of us some people are badly triggered by stress and anxiety, even by just arguing... its just one of those things.chipmunk- ibs can be trigger by anxiety whereas diabetics are diet and drugs.... WE CAN BE TRIGGERED BY STRESS, its one of those whether you like it or not things...you can make yourself relax, its a hard thing to do but what we live with is far from easy. you just have to find something that makes you xcompletely at ease, unfortunately we ahve to still take meds and watch what we eat but sometimes the little things make a big difference







try finding it, afterall you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.some people find music, reading, exercise.. its not easy yoo do but worth a shot!


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## Kaylis9d9 (Mar 15, 2004)

You are not with the right boyfriend...


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## andrel07 (Dec 3, 2002)

Hi All, My Nan says the same thing to me.... She goes on about me being all worked up with stuff in my life and says that if I just relaxed it would make me better. To make matters worse she tells me not to tell people when I have a tummy ache as people will get fed up with me going on about it. I'm sure she is only trying to help but to me that doesn't help and stresses me out even more!!!







Leanne


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

just remember true friends rarely get annoyed with us, everyone has problems and we all need someone too talk too but being calmed eases ibs... as said stress hormones can reck havoc our already sensitive systems... never say never, going in with a negative attitude is being like being defeated before the battle starts


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## Serenity84 (Nov 29, 2004)

well my dad says it in my head but it is not!! Yoga is gud 4 relaxing, I do yoga, read & cook 2 relax (here it comes the big but!! ) but i have watch wot i eat and don't help me if peeps stress ### me then in turn I get stressed - that's wot some peeps 4get!!














Ciao


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

FYIChildhood bellyaches can be gut-wrenching Agony but no answers: Youngsters sometimes endure months of unsuccessful tests, bouncing from doctor to doctorSee BELLYACHES, D2Bellyaches often defy easy cures By Laurie Tarkan The New York Times Color illustration by Earl F. Lam III When 12-year-old Hannah Scott began middle school last year, she was so nervous that her stomach was not just in knots, it was in serious pain. ''It would start in the morning when I'd leave the house,'' said Hannah, a wisp of a girl with light brown freckles and long sandy hair. ''And when I got to school, it was really, really bad. I'd go to the nurse every other day, and be sent home.'' When the bellyaches persisted for months, Hannah's parents took her to a pediatric gastroenterologist, who ordered tests, including X-rays, a colonoscopy and an endoscopy, to rule out serious problems. After nothing showed up, the ailment was diagnosed as irritable bowel syndrome, a gastrointestinal disorder with no organic cause and no proven treatment in children. But the doctor said there was nothing to do about it; eventually, it got so bad that her parents pulled her out of school. An estimated 10 percent to 20 percent of all school-age children suffer severe recurrent abdominal pain. But many children and adolescents go for 13 to 18 months before being treated, and some are never treated at all. In some cases, untreated pain is so debilitating that they miss school, dance classes, sports activities and social events. They are at risk of falling behind academically, physically, socially and developmentally. Experts say that organic causes like ulcers, inflammation or intestinal blockages are to blame in only a small minority of children, 5 percent to 10 percent. A majority suffer instead from what are called functional gastrointestinal disorders. The most common are functional abdominal pain, in which pain is the only symptom; irritable bowel syndrome, which brings on pain along with diarrhea or constipation; and functional dyspepsia, which typically shows up as pain with nausea or a feeling of fullness. Often, children who have recurrent abdominal pain are put through a battery of invasive tests. They are placed on restrictive diets and given large doses of acid-suppressing medications or anti-diarrhea drugs, which may offer some relief for the symptoms, but often do nothing for pain. Some children are told that their illness is ''all in their head,'' or that they are faking it. ''There are a lot of misconceptions that make the life of these children more difficult,'' said Carlo Di Lorenzo, chief of pediatric gastroenterology at Children's Hospital of Columbus, Ohio. ''They bounce from doctor to doctor, get more and more tests, until things get better or they find a specialist who knows how to treat them,'' Di Lorenzo said. In fact, there are clear criteria for diagnosing disorders that cause recurrent abdominal pain, and for most children, the diagnosis can be made without invasive tests. Brain and gut: New approaches to treating pain are already being used in adults, including cognitive behavioral therapy; alternative treatments like relaxation techniques and massage therapy; and antidepressants. But they have not been widely adopted for children, in part because only a handful of small studies support such use. In recent years, however, experts have begun to understand more about the connections between the brain and the gut, a relationship that is reflected in popular expressions like ''a gut-wrenching experience'' or ''having butterflies in your stomach.'' The gastrointestinal tract is awash in nerve cells and neurotransmitters. About 95 percent of the body's neurotransmitter serotonin is in the intestinal tract. Stress, nervousness, fear and other emotions often play out their own drama in the gut. In children with abdominal pain, the intestinal tract becomes hypersensitive to stimuli, with the slightest bit of gas, for instance, sending a flood of pain signals to the brain. The problem appears to be a mismatch in signaling between the brain and the gut, said Lonnie Zeltzer, director of the Pediatric Pain Program at the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California, Los Angeles. ''If you have ongoing pain, you can develop abnormal pain pathways, so that the volume of pain signaling --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Advertisement -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is being turned up and up,'' Zeltzer said. What causes the hypersensitivity is not completely understood, but experts believe that it is often set off by a stomach virus or an infection. ''It's not uncommon that a family will get viral gastroenteritis, the whole family gets better except the child,'' said Zeltzer, author of Conquering Your Child's Chronic Pain: A Pediatrician's Guide for Reclaiming a Normal Childhood. ''The pain system is turned on and stays on.'' Experts do not know why some children and adolescents develop this problem and others do not. One clue may be that children with abdominal pain tend to be unusually worried and anxious. As an understanding of the brain-gut connection grows, however, some centers have begun to use techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation training, massage therapy and other alternative approaches as a first line of treatment. The effectiveness of these therapies is still debated, and the number of studies examining their effectiveness in children is very small, experts say. In one study published in the August issue of The Journal of Pediatric Gastroenterology and Nutrition, 18 children ages 8 through 17 who had pain for about a year were taught guided imagery and progressive relaxation. In four to seven sessions, 89 percent of the children reported a reduction in pain, to an average of two episodes a week, from six, said Nader N. Youssef, a pediatric gastroenterologist at the Goryeb Children's Hospital in Morristown, N.J. and the lead author of the study. The children had fewer missed school days, and their quality-of-life scores rose significantly. Tests can be stressful: Another novel approach is the use of antidepressants for the pain. An analysis of large studies of adults with functional abdominal pain found evidence for the effectiveness of low doses of tricyclic antidepressants, though the drugs have not been studied in children for such complaints. Tricyclics, an older class of antidepressants, have also been associated with rare cases of unexplained sudden death, and some doctors require an electrocardiogram before prescribing them to children. For those parents trying to help children cope with recurrent bellyaches, experts say it is important to understand that there does not have to be an organic reason for the pain, Zeltzer said. She advised parents to avoid unnecessary tests, because the tests themselves are stressful. She and other experts recommend that parents help children learn relaxation techniques like breathing methods, progressive muscle relaxation or visualization to use when they are feeling stressed. The techniques are explained on many Web sites. Children with recurrent stomach pain, experts say, should be kept in school and should stay involved in activities, if possible. These distractions help take the focus off the pain. Good sleep habits and exercise also help reduce pain. In Hannah's case, her mother took her to a pain management center in Kansas City, Mo., where she learned cognitive behavioral strategies to help change her reactions to stress and relaxation exercises to reduce the stress and pain. By late March, Hannah was back in school. ''I think I stopped thinking about it and worrying about it,'' she said. http://www.sltrib.com/healthscience/ci_254...CRB1ECUUCBQSFEY


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## betsy126 (Feb 7, 2005)

i know exactly how jes feels. there are bad moments, but then you could be like anyone else. i felt like through school if i were to mention what i had, that they wouldnt understand and explaining it would be terrifying cause its nasty. i dont know anyone else who has been in my situation, so seeing this is really weird.


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## Loopy (Feb 20, 2005)

I wouldn't get too stressed with your boyfriend, before I had this I would have had problems really understanding it. Saying that my dad had a mild form of ibs and is all better now, apart from the odd thing once or twice a year, so he tells me how easy it is to deal with. Aaaaaaa!! Everyones ibs is different. I know mine is much worse than his, but a lot better than a girl I know. I know I need to relax, but when one bit of stress fades, life throws something else at you! And the number one cause of my stress = ibs!


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## KayWill (Feb 15, 2005)

Have you given your boyfriend the pamphlet they have on this site...link anyone? I don't know if it will help, but it might. Course if his mom has IBS he probably knows quite a bit about it. I hate when my friends tell me I just need to relax. Which makes you relax, right? Because we've never thought of relaxing, so it's just a magic cure







One of my closest friends just told me last week that maybe if I rode in the front seat of the car more often I wouldn't feel so stressed abotu IBS in traffic becasue it was probably just car sickness anyway. Very helpful!None of us have ever thought through any options, right? I know I haven't tried everything I can think of to keep myself from having an attack or anything. As for betsy, I know how you feel because I've only been posting here for a week, but I still can't believe all these people have the same situation I have


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## Jesse3487 (Mar 1, 2005)

I understand completely how jes feels my mum is always telling me how it is stress related and i mean if it was that easy then all of us would be cured and wouldnt have to go through this day in and day out. Its not like we want this or want to talk about it cause i still dont feel comfortable talking about what goes on with my body. Besides this guy should be happy that you are so open about what is going on.


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## Loopy (Feb 20, 2005)

It's so annoying, what do people expect you to say? ''Oh relax, I never thought of that! Now I'm ok, thank you!'' I wish that I could relax so much, because I know I would be better too! So frustrating. Someone teling me to relax stresses me more!


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## lxdreamerxl (Mar 8, 2005)

Story of my life.I hate being at school, because all the teachers and students, even my "friends", think I'm just making it all up, it's all in my head..they make me feel bad about myself when I'm there for missing so much or for running out of class when I start to get really sick, and when I am home - I make myself feel miserable thinking about what's being said while I'm not there or what I'm going to hear whenever I return. I'M NOT CRAZY, MY PROBLEMS ARE REAL, YOU'RE CONSTANT MAKING FUN AND NOT BELIEVING ME ONLY AGGRIVATES MY PROBLEMS AND ADDS STRESS...Ugh, I wish people just understood in fighting you on whats wrong, they just make you worse, stress you out... I don't know what makes me more mad. The fact that I have IBS and it messes with my life so much, or that people have to be so dense about it that they make IBS twice as hard on me as it needs to be.


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## rarr (Nov 2, 2003)

oh I so know what you all mean! Have you ever had someone tell you "you should learn how to breathe so that you can relax" I know breathing helps w/ relaxation...but learning how to breathe better is not going to make IBS go away. I understand that those telling us to relax are just trying to help or just frustrated with us...but I wish they would understand that our frustration is enough..we don't need theirs.


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