# New here, seeking advice.



## Suzzybakker (Aug 31, 2013)

I don't have IBS, things have been more or less smooth up until recently and its to the point that I can't take anymore pain. To be completely honest I've had a new boyfriend, things have been great and we've been spending all our time together. Im really shy about bathroom things so I've been holding it for days or all week. Last week I developed quite a bad impaction and aside from being really painful it took several days to clear. But as soon as I had it under control we were back together again. So another whole week went by and I had another one. Now ive cleared it but I'm left in horrible pain. I try to breath through it but passing the smallest, softest stool leaves me in immense pain. Ive been left breathless, stuck doubled over and drooling because the pain is such that it paralyzes. Yet somehow I bruised my leg because I had clutched it. I'm stuck terrifyed of going poo and the less I do the worse it gets. my anus is a wreck (sorry for the brutal honesty) at the front there is a super painful mountain feeling skin, at the back there is a dip that is also really painful and in the left side it feels like a big long scratch with every movement. I'm so embarrassed and I cant talk to anyone about it. I'm early 20's, no health insurance and more medical bills than I can take already so a doctor is just about impossible or at least last resort. I really appriciate any help, I know this topic may not quite belong here and I'm sorry for that I'm just really desperate!


----------



## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

Can you either find a way to have alone time every day so you can not hold your stool for a week at a time (which isn't good for you and it will be painful when it passes and you can rip a tear in the anus if the stool is too hard) or find a way to work on reducing your embarrassment about pooping if there is anyone around?

Everyone poops, he knows you have to poop sometime and if he's a good guy he will put up with you being alone for an hour or two every day or help find a way that you don't feel embarrassed to use the bathroom when you are together. He can't want you to make yourself sick and cause yourself damage just to be with him.

I know it isn't easy to work on this anxiety/fear but it may be helpful in the long run to do that if you ever want a marriage and family and all that. You aren't alone with bathroom issues, even Dr. Oz has done a segment on it, more about shy bladder than bowels, but it is often the same kind of process.

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/overcome-your-fear-public-restrooms


----------



## Suzzybakker (Aug 31, 2013)

Thanks for your reply, I'm trying to figure out the best way to go about it.. The anxiety involved is debilitating but I understand the health concerns and I know I must make changes. He unknowingly makes this harder by joking about how "girls don't poop". While he means it as harmless joking it makes me feel like I shouldn't be doing it. 
I believe I may be torn, and/or a hemorrhoid? Do you have any advice on quick healing or things that help with that kind of pain? I had another bm and it took me about an hour and a half to recoup and stop shaking from the pain. Still hurts really bad =/


----------



## Faulty (Aug 31, 2013)

Have you tried buying a stool softener? Or perhaps something more natural like prune juice?

Also, our bodies can like routine, so like Kathleen said, setting yourself that undisturbed hour aside every day to have a bowel movement can help, you can get 'used' to when you have a bm.

In addition, if you constantly ignore your body's natural urge to have a bm then eventually your body will stop responding to this impulse and that's where problems can occur, so it's about getting to know your body and listening to it's natural needs.

Also, generic things like plenty of hydration, exercise, fibre, correct body position for bm can all aid in this.

Here in the UK we have a cream called Anusol which is applied directly to the effected area and is used for haemorrhoids and fissures, it's over the counter too. See if you can find something similar? And try not to be embarrassed about buying it, trust me when I say then chemist/ shop assistant will not be fussed or question your purchase at all, you'd be surprised how many people buy these kind of things.

If he's worth keeping around, he'll accept the natural fact the you have bm too.

I hope it gets better for you.


----------



## StacyP (Jul 18, 2013)

I used to have an anxiety/fear about people knowing about my bowel habits in the bathroom at work, but about 2 days ago I had to take mag citrate, and that left me with diarrhea all day. I guess after using laxatives and all that, I no longer really care what people think. Sometimes you just slowly need to desensitize yourself to it, or don't worry about it. Holding it in is going to just give you agony worse, so the best thing to do is go when you need to, and not worry. If your worried, you could use the bathroom when others are sleeping so you get that moment of privacy, or use the bathroom away from home. All your choice  Dont hold it though, it will make things worse, and you dont want to end up in the hospital for it.


----------



## Suzzybakker (Aug 31, 2013)

Thank you guys so much for your help! I've worked out a morning routine where I have him take my dog for a long walk so I have embarrassment free alone time. Unfortunately I ended up having to go see a doctor and found out I have anal herpes (hsv-1) and I have hemorrhoids to go along with it. Things have finally started going back to normal and the pain levels have gone down quite a lot. That bout officially was the worst pain I've ever been through. Finding out that its going to be a recurring thing for my whole life is a major bummer. 2 impactions, hemorrhoids, and herpes is a recipe for hell.


----------

