# aww man, i never thought i was this bad.



## sazzy (Nov 27, 2006)

This week has just been a nightmare. My IBS has been on an all time up, I'm worrying because i have to go to the hospital next monday about a nut allergy and i don't know what they're going to say or do to me, I just had a massive argument with my best friend and last night I had to make the horrible decision of having my pet cat put down. I cried myself to sleep last night and had a headache. I dreamt about her in the night and I feel so guilty because i walked out when they were putting her down, she was confused about what was happening and was stressed and I decided i sefishly couldn't be there for her. I woke up this morning feeling ok and then i remembered that she'd been put down and out came the water works again. My mum let me stay home from school today and i've been on my own crying. Then suddenly i did something really drastic. I cut my wrist. I feel so stupid that i did such a thing and it really hurt. I really didn't think i was this bad until i did something this stupid. I'm now scared that i'm going to get worse. I'm vowing to never do it again but i never thought i'd get so desperate to start in the first place.I'm so mixed up and i just can't get away from all of my problems. My mum is unaware of how i feel but i don't want to drag her in. I finnaly shared my problems with my best mate but now i've fallen out with her i've got no one.What do i do?


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Sazzy... I am SO SO sorry to read your post







... Hugs....I truly feel your pain... and I totally totally understand how you feel about your cat -- I had a cat once and I was at school when he died. I felt so guilty because I scolded him the day before he died -- I was in high school and young and didn't realize that he was that sick... and afterwards I kept "seeing" him everywhere in the house... I can totally relate to what you're going through -- but I'm sure your cat knew that you loved her and that you made that decision because you had no choice... She'll be in cat heaven and I'm sure she understands your pain now and why you couldn't bear watching her go...If your cutting is only this one time and now you have vowed to never do it again, I'm pretty sure that you won't anymore -- it sounds like just a one time passionate reaction to pain... But then, I don't know much about this -- if you have a good dr. you probably want to talk about it with him/her... But I totally totally can relate -- sometimes we just really don't realize how bad something's been for us... My heart goes out to you... I don't know how to help you except for giving you a big hug... and hope you feel a little better soon...


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Dear Sazzy I am so sorry ... I can exactly imagine your feelings. Life is sometimes very sad, sometimes very difficult and painful ( yes,for IBS sufferers very often)especially when we miss someone we love.But I am sure there are beautiful times waiting for you. Keep your head up, Sazzy . Despite of all the pain there is always something nice and someone willing to listen and help you. For example here on this board







I wish you all the best


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## 20215 (Dec 6, 2006)

sazzy, i dont know how close you are to your mother but please talk to someone. I am by no means a therapist but what I am is a mom of a 16 year old daughter that went through some cutting issues. Through her therapy we learned that when people cut themselves its to release the pain that they are feeling on the inside. That is why I want to tell you to talk to someone whether it be a friend,a teacher,a relative anyone talk about how you feel and whats making you feel so much pain. You will help yourself with the cutting if you do this. You could even keep talking to us on this board. you need someway to get your feelings out in the open and heard by someone.My thoughts and prayers are with you and remember things will get better with time.


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## sazzy (Nov 27, 2006)

well my mum is aware i have IBS but just sees it as a waste of space, she doesn't realise how horrible it is. I've tried speaking to her about it before but to no avail.On a brighter note though me and my best friend are back to buddies and i'm starting to get over the death of my cat so i'm more up and in control now.Thanks for the support, it really helped!


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Sorry you went through such a horrible experience. My cat was put down. It was years ago, he was 12 and he'd been having kidney problems. My dad just took him away in a cardboard box and didn't bring him back!







It was devastating, esp as we kept finding his hairs floating around everywhere. As for cutting your wrist- that's quite a common reaction to stress. I used to slash the tops of my thighs and upper arm with a knife when I was a teenager. It helped me get out my emotions and feel in control, and watching the process of healing was very comforting. That said, it's a bad and potentially dangerous habit. Not only do you risk slicing an artery and bleeding to death, you are left with ugly, embarassing scars. Try to find a less harmful way to take your grief out.


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## 21840 (Jan 29, 2007)

I'm so sorry that you lost your cat. I know what it feels like to have to get you pet put to sleep. It sucks! As for the cutting I've been there too. I was very bad with it for years and at times it is still hard not to do it. Please talk to someone about it and don't make it a habbit. It does only make things worse because your stressed out in the first place and that's why you do it but having to hide it from everyone is alot of stress put on your shoulders too. If you need anyone to talk to about this we are all here for you.


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## Jannybitt (Oct 13, 2006)

Sazzy;Do you have a good relationship with your mum? If you do, share this with her or a close adult if you ever cut again. The best thing you could do for yourself is bring someone in that really cares about you. I'm a mom to a daughter that did just the same thing you did, but once became twice and then continuous for her, and she got so depressed that she had a suicide plan set up, and by the Grace of God and her counselor, it was found out by her counselor on the day she was going to do it. She ended up in the hospital. It took 2 hospital stays and some work getting medications that would work well for her, but 3 years later, Sazzy, she's an almost 16 year old, for the most part, happy person. Getting her driver's license soon, has friends, has fights with her friends, makes up with them, usual school drama, etc.Cutting is very serious. Please take it that way!! Don't blow it off as it was just a natural reaction to your cat dying. Cutting is not natural. Cutting is a very bad way to deal with stress, pain, sadness, anger,and could easily become the way you deal with these emotions, and can get out of control just so easily.If you ever need anyone to talk to, like L~ASH said, we are here for you. Please REMEMBER, there is nothing "natural" about cutting.{{{{Hugs}}}} to you!


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