# The Vicious Cycle... and my first post



## Tatonka (Dec 27, 2002)

this is actually cut and pasted from the other main board.. but i felt like i related to alot of you in here.. so i thought i would share.. i dont know if you guys and gals hop to the main board alot or just post in here mainly.. anyways.. Hi gang.. i have just spent an hour or so reading hundreds of posts.. i must say, i am very happy about finding this board. Other than my wife (who is not an IBS sufferer, just very understanding), i really dont discuss my issues with anyone.I refer to my IBS as the vicious cycle. it is a horrible thing really. and this cycle is just that.. you worry about going to the bathroom, then it happens.I have had a pretty sever case of IBS-D since about 6th grade. I remember the first time i worried about it was in 6th grade, when my math teacher told me on the first day, that there would be no bathroom breaks during class... /gulp /beads of sweat formare those not the god-awful worst words you can hear as an IBS sufferer? My mother wrote a note to my teacher and i was then "allowed" to use the rest room, but now everyone in the class wants to know why i can leave all the time.. yeah.. that made things better../ughi really think back to those years of grade school and wonder how i made it. i really dont know.. i can remember so many ugly situations.. i didnt got to my prom or any homecomings because going out to eat is pure torture most of the time.i graduated in 1993 from highschool in dallas and moved to virginia to go to college. college wasnt quite as bad.. but i almost exclusively took LARGE classes to make sure i could sit in the back and sneak out. and no matter what, at some point, you have to take small classes.. more torture. is everyone watching me leave? do they know how long i was gone? oh my god, what if i have to leave the room more than once?? /gulp/beads of sweat formi graduated. didnt go to the graduation though. my highschool gradutation was bad enough. (and my SAT tests were a whole nother nightmare story that i will share with you some other time!)my normal routine, if i know i will be in a "no way i can afford to go to the bathroom" type situation is to starve myself completely and force myself to go to the bathroom.. hello hemroids. so then i can look forward to people looking at me while my stomach is sounding off like a grizzy chasing a meal. i have to make sure i wear a sweatshirt or fleece or a jacket or something to "muffle" the stomach groans.. now that i am 28, and married, i feel like my life has settled down some, and yet the vicious cycle is always there.anyone ever notice that with IBS-D.. if you have a completely safe, "use it as many times as needed without being judged" bathroom, namely your home bathroom, then you dont have to go that much... but then someone says "OK, lets go!", your stomach says "ummm, excuse me, but did you just think i was going to let you be spontaneous? Your not going anywhere quite yet!"my family (parents and wife) have become quite accustomed to sitting around, waiting for me, when we should have been out the door 10 minutes ago.... my wife wants to take a trip to Europe to celebrate her graduation from grad school. is it possible to be worried about something over a year in advance? anyone have a map of the bathrooms in europe? /gulpanyone else have these thoughts during the day?- oh god, i have an hour long meeting at work next thursday... remember to hit the bathroom at least an hour in advance.- oh god, some work friends just asked me to go to lunch.. i dont have enough time to run to the bathroom.. i will just stay here and give them another lame excuse.oh yeah.. that reminds me.. do you guys just FREAK OUT when someone else drives the car?? being a passenger could actually induce a panic attack for me, sometimes even with my wife, who is completely understanding.on our honeymoon, we didnt do alot of things, like bus tours, ect.. no way.. not for me.. anyway, back to daily thoughts.. - oh god. do the people in the cubes around me notice how long i am gone to the bathroom? did my manager come by and think i took a lunch at 10am?- oh god. my friends are going down town tonight. can i pull it off? whats the bathroom like there. oh no, people will be everywhere.. * side note, i saw alot of people hate using public restrooms.. i dont mind.. as long as there arent a bunch of people there.. most of the time, i am just happy to know that there is a bathroom within "oh my god, please dont let me #### my pants" distance.well, i am sorry for typing for so long. i hope some of you got a little laugh out of my words.. i try to have a sense of humor about IBS-D, but it truely is a horrible and dehabilitating thing.. i think of all the things i could have taken part in, that i passed on.. all the things i could do, that i know i wont.i told my wife we could take that trip across the country.... as soon as we by an RV with a potty =)glad i found the board. i wish you all the best.


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## Tatonka (Dec 27, 2002)

sorry about the double post.. dont know how that happened.


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