# confidence



## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

I was just wondering if anybody had any good ideas on how to build confidence? I really want to be a teacher but at the minute things are going so bad I don't think I'll ever be able to do it, I know it's the million dollar question but maybe someone will have an idea.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

i have similar problems...







...i turn red sooo easily, even when talking with people i know well...i just hate being uncomfortable and unconfident...my brother-in-law told me once that i should take a theater class (he was a theater major)--that it would probably help make me more comfortable in front of people...but i never took him seriously, but maybe something like that would work...i've also thought of going to this thing my uni has at its psych services centre--a group therapy type thing where you work on your public speaking skills...i dunno...


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Hey Minimum,I think drama might kill me...but if it didn't, it might just make me stronger!! Yep, I get red too and forget what I'm going say...and decide it's not worth saying anyway...v. healthy, I know.I've thought about the group thing too, like an assertiveness course or something? Thing is, I think it's the way of life I don't like, you know how some people really enjoy being centre of attention and aren't sensitive to anyone else's feelings...I find them obnoxious and I suppose I just don't want to be like that. Still--there's a happy medium somewhere, I'm sure.Was invited to a party tonight and didn't go coz I couldn't be bothered (a) risking an ibs attack--which is inevitable and (







talking to a group--







--of strangers. Is that just a wee bit crazy? I told my friend I had a cold and it was obvious she didn't buy it. Same friend is a teacher and has offered me work experience but I'm too scared...What are you studying? I'm doing Eng Lit and have been avoiding uni for ages, it'll be worse when I go back now, but hey! Have no idea what I'm gonna do next, how 'bout you? Research is looking good...Thanx for your ideas...if you know of any drugs that build confidence that would prob be easier(apart from cocaine---got enough probs these days







)katie


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

katie







i've thought of trying hypnotherapy before--to ease the anxiety, etc...but i think it would be awfully expensive, and i'm a poor student.







i'm almost done my BA in sociology, but i have no idea what i'm going to do next year...some other program--just not sure which one yet.have you ever thought of taking distance courses? i was having such a hard time making it to lectures and then sitting through them that this semester, i took 4 of my 5 courses through distance (from athabasca university in alberta--that's pretty much all they do--distance ed...lots of course choice too). i'm not going to be able to hide like this forever, but going to one actual class this semester has been much easier than going to 5! i think the stress was getting to me and this is a good way to give my tummy a break. seriously, if you're having trouble with regular university--consider distance...athabasca accepts students from anywhere and you don't have to do much to be accepted (very easy to get in)...yeah, when my brother-in-law suggested a drama class, i just laughed at him--i could never imagine doing such a thing!and you're right, there's definitely a happy medium when it comes to being confident and getting attention. but, from the way you sound, i don't think you have to worry about being the obnoxious type!so your friend didn't buy the story about having a cold? does she know about your ibs?i don't really have a social life anymore...i had a really close friend for a while and she knew i had stomach problems, but she wasn't very supportive about it all--i think she never believed that it could be that bad because on the outside, i looked normal...what i do now is go out to do school work at like coffee shops and such, so that i'm not totally isolating myself, but since i'm alone--i can decide to leave whenever i want, like when my stomach starts acting up! hehe.


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Hi minimum,You're absolutely right--all the good treatments are way too expensive for us students, you'd need to have a really well paid job to afford any of them...and in my case, i'd need one of those 'good treatments' in order to get a job...catch 22







Distance sounds good, although i'm kind of doing that anyway-- unofficially. I got a few letters from the doc that cover my absence, but as you prob know it doesn't stop the tutors from expecting you to be there, i have to constantly explain the same thing over and over...unless the person you're telling has this condition people just don't understand. I'll check that place out anyway, thanx. Glad it's working out for you anyway, there's nothing worse than suffering ibs and anxiety in uni...i just hate it, if it's cut out a bit of stress from your life it's well worth it!Sociology's a good one to do, there's plenty of great jobs you can do with that. Are you thinking about a career in social work eventually? Beats being the centre of attention from 9 to 3, which is my only option at the mo! I made a few enquiries about getting into social work here--i thought maybe i could do a ma or something after i've finished my current degree but i'd have to do another ba...no way!







The mere thought of going through another 3 years at uni gives me cramps! I could check out the distance thing though.I hope your studying's going well...and you got that essay done, i've got 3 to do in the next 3 weeks...but i'm not going to think about that now!







I'm sorry your friend wasn't supportive, people just don't realise how these things can happen to the best of us or that one day they might need a bit of help from someone. It's her loss. As for me, well, thanx to ibs and the problems that stem from that or cause it, i haven't developed a friendship with any of the other students, when i go in i'm so stressed with all this that i'm just happy when the lecture/seminar's over so i can run out the door!It's pretty depressing, at the minute i'm just counting the days...I've become friendly with one of the lecturers but sometimes that puts more pressure on me to go in when i don't feel up to it or (more frequently) feel extra bad when i don't.I've a couple of friends outside uni but they're all doing their own thing. The one who invited me to the party knows but doesn't understand. I haven't told any one else about it apart from my family--and they don't get it either. My bf is good about it...but i don't like going on about it all the same, he's confident (in a nice way!) and successful so it's pretty difficult for him to figure me out. It's a tough situation all things considered and it's definitely nice the way we can come on here and chat to people who DO understand!The whole confidence thing is something i really do need to tackle though,i'm not keen on groups of people...I love coffee...but it's a nightmare for my d,it's good that you've found somewhere comfortable to go. I just study at home...2 bathrooms here, lolIt's a pity you live so far off...they should create a state for ibs sufferers then we could have our own uni's and stuff!Hope it helps that someone understands even if it's on the net, it sure helps me.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

LOL...what could we call this ibs state??


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## Trav (Mar 11, 2004)

Hi people, glad to see I'm not suffering alone in the world, I have similar issues but my IBS isn't that debilitating at the moment, I have had it for several years though. Confidence seems to be a big issue, I myself am a DJ and find it extremly fustrating to be in pain when I have to play in front of a big group of people, I think it only my love of music that even lets me struggle through, I tend to tell myself that I dont have pain whist I'm asleep and at that time my body is completely relaxed!! I think the main problem with this disorder is the fact that some mental triggers compound the physical problem. I'm studing too and the costs for treatment can be so high, especailly since my student payment are just enough to get by. I have never spoken to any strangers about my IBS but I think that having confidence in everyday life is all we really want. The fustration and anger it causes in me can't be doing me or my friends any good, sometimes I just want my life back in my own hands( and not my intesinal tract). Thanx to the wise people who set up this webpage, I just found it today and having the facts about this condition is a godsend. Keep Keeping onTrav.


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Yeah, you're right...wouldn't sound too good in a brochure would it?! lol Instead of lamp posts there'd be loo's dotted up the streets and in cinemas, uni's etc the chairs could have a Bond-style button next to them that encases the person in their own little loo...or maybe we could get over it together (strength in numbers!) and become like the yahoo's outa gulliver's travels!!Then again, even an ibs utopia would probably end up a nightmare...all ibsers are equal...but some are more equal than others...2 crï¿½ps good...4 cr###ps bad....oh I don't know there's no hope for the human race!!


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Trav,Glad you found the site, I only found it recently myself...and I totally agree it's wonderful to know that you're not the only one in the world with this.That's great that you're still DJing, I think it's important to keep doing the things we enjoy if we can.Hope uni's going ok for you too, that's my BIG prob at the mo...I'm on a roll of missing lectures at the minute...It is a very difficult thing to talk about with people, even if you tell them they tend to think it's like a cold and it'll clear up soon, it's definitely the chronic part they can't get their heads round. I hope you find something that works for you soon, good to meet you.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

katie: LOL!you're hilarious!


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Hi everyone..I was curious about the title to this thread, because I've suffered twice in my life from low self-esteem and confidence. My first time was while I was in high school. I had IBS, and the cramps would hit in the classroom. If I didn't have to "go" right then, my tummy would growl loud enough to make people laugh. I was also very underweight, and being a female it made me very uncomfortable. When I reached my senior year, I began to come out of my shell somewhat. But, I still had problems with confidence. Just getting out into the real world and working helped that a lot.The second time was after sixteen years of an abusive marriage, which ended when my husband committed suicide. It left me totally stripped of self-esteem, confidence, or the ability to be happy again. In other words, I was depressed. I was depressed in high school, too. I didn't know until after my husband deceased that I had this problem. I tried to struggle on my on for six months until I no longer had strength in me to work, or go even go out to the store. I made an appointment with a state funded clinic (no insurance from lack of working) and it was the first step to a new life for me. I was put on an antidepressant, and in three months I felt like a different person. More energy, confidence, and it even helped with the IBS. I hope I never have to be off of my medication. Have any of you ever considered the fact you may be depressed and need med? Let me know if I can help.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

heya rowe







yup, i was diagnosed depressed 5 years ago...after some fiddling around, we found an anti-depressant that works for me, which i've been on for about 3 years...but alas, the self-esteem and confidence are still lacking in me.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

Have you seen the movie The Passion of the Christ? You have to see it. in 1998 I met Jesus and he has now changed my self esteem. Six years ago, I use to be called cherry because I was always red in the face, I stuterred so badly that people coould not understand me and I could not get out of the house due to ibs-d...Now things have changed! Today I hardly ever turn hottly red, I can speak confidently becasue I can express myself and Ibs is only problem when I am socializing. That is all thanks to jesus. Rest assured that I answered your million dollar qestion. Can I get you to make a commitment? Watch channel 40. Especialy at 5:30 in the morning on weekdays and 3;30 pm on sundays. It directs specically to emotional healing on those specific times. I do not want to be alone on this great miracle. Will you please join me? I can't promise you you will never feel insecure again, but you will change, even better than me if you accept Jesus today and repent of your sins. It's worth it because psychology is too expensive and not as effective as this free gift of kindenesss I'm offering today...Don't neglect, tomorrow may be too late. You can even order material that will help you devlop confidence. You are hearing from someone who thought would never change. Jespinoza52002###yahoo.com keep in touch with me


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

i don't believe in God or Jesus...sorry dude.


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Rowe







I'm so glad things are going better for you now, you've been through a lot. Unfortunately I'm a bit scared to try ad's again...had a nasty experience on prozac







just sticking to stress-avoidance at the mo (alias life-dodgin', o well!








Take care of yourself


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Jcervantes,Thanks but I'm not into that either.Happy it's worked for you though.All the best.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

That is really sad because you are missing out on a wonderful future with a loving God.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

god may love you, but he doesn't love me!


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

Kattie Sorry dude, but you have been lied to by some looser. John 3:16 say's " For God loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Do you see what I mean? He does love you more than you can imagine.







I do not think I am so special that I am loved more than anybody else because everyone is equally loved since he says he loved the world. It does not exclude anyone at all. The only problem is that not everyone knows how special they are and what that means. I do because a friend introduced me to it six years ago and it was the greatest thing she could have done for me in the thirteen years of our friendship.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

katie and minimum The message I just sent to katie was actually for minimum, but it can be applied to anyone who will recieve it. Sorry minimun, my brain got unwired for a small momento. Glad it's back.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

jcervantes: you misunderstand...i said 'god doesn't love me' because i don't want him to...not interesting--it's that simple!


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## soundie (Jan 29, 2004)

I have found hypnotherapy helpful. I have only recently begun anxiety symptoms after 10yrs of IBS-D and C and have found it a big blow to my confidence. The hypnotherapy really does work but only if you find a hypnotherapist who understands the whole IBS connection.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

minimumYou do not have to want it or be into it for him to love you. It just is. It's like energy; it can not be created nor destoyed. The only difference is that you are not taking advantage of it. Where do you get your confidence from?


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

bah, i'm tired of arguing about god...i don't believe in him and could care less if he 'loves' or 'believes' in me. and that's that.


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

JcervantesI know that you're only trying to help...but religion really is a personal thing. There are many confident people who are agnostic or atheist and likewise many religious people that have little confidence. Although I'm not a religious person myself I respect those who are. There are many positive aspects to it and I realise that it is a source of joy for some. I accept their views but I refuse to believe that there is one "path" so to speak. I feel it is unhealthy to look upon ourselves as sinners...true we should try and lead ethical lives but for humanities sake. I feel that all religions of the world have things to offer, I have read a lot by the Dalai Lama too. I don't want to enter into a full scale debate with you about this because I feel my views may offend you. Like I said before I am happy that your faith has made you feel better and I suppose it's natural enough that you want to share this with others but perhaps there are many paths to human contentment just as there are many mansions....i wish you all the best.


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## Guest (Mar 24, 2004)

Katie,I agree with you. Contentment is found within your heart and your head. You can do it in any number of ways, religion does not have to be a part of it.Sometimes it is just a matter of setting goals and then watching yourself achieve them. It is like building with blocks. Slowly but surely you create something special that you can look at with pride.


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## sadone (Dec 17, 2003)

jack...i agree...goal setting is really what gets me through the day...i feel confident when i succeed--the success does not have to be huge though. it all helps. success does not have to mean perfection either...often just getting through something rough without too many 'cuts and bruises' can be a success.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

KatiePeople can find contenment and sucess wherever they want to. As for me I couldn't ask for another source because I coudn't be happier. But all people can look for it where they want.I pray you find yours and wish you the best in your teaching career . I belive you will succeed everyday because kids look up to their teachers and learn a lot from them. I'm a product of 16 years of education and am thankful for all of my teachers . I think kids will see you this same way.But I think positive self talk is a good way to boost your self esteem. Focus on your strenghs and be proud of your sucesses. It works for me. Never put your self down when you fail, just learn from it and never compare yourself to anyone. Just focus on your own progress and you will feel good about yourself. Good Luck and I wish you the best.


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## fun (Feb 21, 2004)

Jackbenimble, Hi, yep, I think setting goals is a good idea, I'll have to work on that...pretty good at setting them...not so hot at achieving them, oh well







Jcervantes,Thanks...positive self talk is definitely a way to boost one's self esteem, I will try and do some more of that, it's difficult to keep it up sometimes though







Not comparing ourselves to other people is very wise advice...and also very difficult to master in a world that forces us to compete with everyone, but you're absolutely right comparing ourselves to others will surely breed unhappiness, unless of course we concentrate on those individuals worse off than ourselves and be grateful for what we have...but not so many of us do that!







Thank you & good luck to you too.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

Kattie,Maybe it will be easier for you to reach your goals if you make them more manageable. For example, if you want to become a teacher, you can first start volunteering, then start substituting and eventually start teaching. Just break your goal in smaller sizes so that you feel accomplished and better about yourself.I must agree that positive self talk and not comparing yourself to others is hard. Yet it's harder for my emotions to just passively accept negative thoughts because those put me down. So while they are both hard, it's harder to accept negative ideas. It even gets easier to challenge these negative thoughts with practice.


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## MNBVCXZ (Apr 13, 2004)

I have a problem with my confidence as well, but what helped me a little is this: when I am lying in bed, just before I'll go to sleep I'll make up 10 things I did well that day and can be proud of, no matter how small they are. I don't think of the things that didn't go well. Charish all small things that went well and you have plenty of time to improve the rest! But all sounds familiar, the getting red in front of groups, sometimes even feeling uncomfortable with people you know. But it will slowly get better!


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