# grad school and social life



## heatherless (Feb 27, 2005)

Hi, I'm new to the board but have been reading the postings for a while. I hope it's O.K. that I'm posting here even though I've started grad school. My IBS has been a little better since I found something that I really want to do with my life. So far I've been able go to school part time, which is still better than anything I could have done last year. The feeling of isolation hasn't changed much, though. It seems like all 20 somethings expect their friends to have problems that are no greater than redecorating their apartments. It's really hard to communicate with them when I'm nervous about a medical test or I'm happy that I made it through class without anyone overhearing my stomach. Normally I'm really positive about my physical problems, but it's frustrating to have so few friends who will tolerate me when I do need to vent.


----------



## KayWill (Feb 15, 2005)

heatherless,I'm a 20 something two with very few people to vent to. Luckily I'm married and my husband's a help, but I understand about the social life. Unfortunately I can't offer you any advice becasue I don't really think much helps except just toughing it out and telling your friends. I am getting read to start grad school in the fall and am nervous too about new friends. I am pretty new to this board too, but I have found that it's really helpful for the venting that you're talking about. The people here are really, really supportive, not to mention understanding since we all have the same kinds of problems. IBS has been really isolating for me as well, and undergrad was really hard, dorms, etc. My friends seemed like they were all really prissy and I was always worried to tell them stuff so I just opted out of a lot of things. It was tough, and I just went to one of their weddigns and realized they haven't changed. I think IBS kind of has a way of making you a little more aware of some of the shallow problems of some friends. Do you agree? And, as a side, what is it that you found that you really want to do with your life, if you don't mind me asking?


----------



## heatherless (Feb 27, 2005)

Hi KayWill. Thanks for responding. I should have started posting here ages ago. I agree that some of my friends' problems seem pretty shallow. We have a perspective on things that most people our age don't. I'm hoping to work in an archive someday--Washington, D.C. would be nice. Goes nicely with the history major. Good luck in grad school!


----------



## m_m_forth (Oct 21, 2003)

I too am in grad school and feel isolated. My husband is very helpful but at school I feel out of place. I don't do as much work as the others in my lab and feel like a sickie. It really sucks. And yes, I really don't relate to the others. Of course it doesn't help that I am in a male dominant and alcohol loving field. I am not either.


----------



## Loopy (Feb 20, 2005)

That's odd, when I was at high school and since I've joined uni I've found that I start to talk to people and it turns out more people than you realise have it, or something similar. If they can't handle it it's their problem, I just don't think they should then expect you to be supportive when they whine about something like decorating or boyfriends.


----------



## KayWill (Feb 15, 2005)

Loopy, did you grow up in england as it says you are from there? I think (and this is just my experience, so no offense anyone) that sometimes people in the US are creepy about and attach a stigma to a lot of things that are more well-recieved elsewhere. A lot of people here, at least where I grew up, seem to think that anything they dont' consider "normal" is gross and shouldnt' even be talked about. Do you find it that way in Europe?


----------



## Loopy (Feb 20, 2005)

Yeh I'm in England, I don't know maybe it's because I went to an all girls school, and lots of my friends at uni are female, so we're not worried about what men will think. Obviously it's not the first thing you say to people! But from getting talking especially around A levels (big exams at 18) I realised that more people my age had it than I first thought. Then when I joined uni in September my friend had recently returned from Thailand where she got salmonella and now is left with ibs, so thats how I found out about her. Maybe your right and in England people are less funny about it.


----------

