# IBS is slowly destroying me (WALL OF TEXT)



## Reppel_IBS (Sep 3, 2012)

Hello everyone, I've been researching IBS on my own for months and finally found this forum. I figured I should share how my life currently looks.First, I'd like to introduce myself.My name is Simon, and I am living in Sweden. 20 years old and graduated.I'm currently working in an office, taking phonecalls/mails from customers and also taking them face to face, but currently home because of my problems.My stomach problems started about 1½ years ago, where I had Ileus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ileus) at three different occasions.It didnt bother me the first or second time, but the third really destroyed me. Finishing the last year of my school was so hard, I was constantly in fear of getting cramps and eventually having to go to hostpital again. As I knew the problem started with not being able to take a dump I had to reassure that I could ###### several times a day,which eventually led up to my IBS which I got diagnosed about a week and half ago. (I did "know", or expect it for a good 6 months but I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own. I think I can handle everything alone.My first case of Ileus I waited for 16 hours before I went for the doctor.) I've never been a stressed person in my life, I've taken one day at a time, and seeing the positive in everything - Until I took my last job which was in the telemarketing business. I had a boss which would force us to work through lunch, and even working with no pay after worktime if we didnt hit the budget. But as naive as I was I continued that job for a good 4 months, until my stomach and my health in general just went down and hid under the floor. I got bad fever/colds atleast 4 times during the last month of working there. I eventually just said I couldnt keep working and quit. Althought the job itself was horrible, I atleast got something positive out from this experience. I met my first girlfriend which Im still together with and like very much. But from the time I met her, to today my case have gotten so much worse. Simple tasks is hard for me, I can't really sit on a train, as keep thinking "The train might run into some problems causing it to stop, what will I do if I have to run to the toilet?". These problems were really light in the beginning, and I continued to force myself to use them in order to get to my GF, but also my job. But as of this day, trains in particular is my archenemy. The thought of having to sit on one causes me to stress up, the thought of having to go anywhere outside the town where I live is a stressful thought. The amount of time thinking "What if theres no toilet?" "What if the toilets is occupied when I have an attack?", general "what ifs" is insane. I can't do things I could do before, and it's slowly breaking me down. I'm a strong person, and I've battled all my previous challenges like a champion. Losing my 30 kgs of overweight? Motivation. Ileus? Trip to the hostpital, back in less then 2 days. Depressed people around me? Cheer those $$$$$$ers up. Hard time socialicing at younger age? Stop being a little dick and talk to ladies. I FINALLY became a succesful person in my mind, I was proud over myself. Good looks, girlfriend, family, alot of friends, doing fun things, hitting the gym to look better, and feel better physically. But it feels like Im "there" for everybody, but no one will be the shoulders to lean on for me.I really want to believe that this will all be alright eventually, because I, like every other person on this planet is living one life, not two. But I can't help but thinking "I'm 20 years old, my friends is out partying, traveling, just doing things a 20 years old guys should do, while Im f#cking sitting at home playing games at my computer because that cause no stress. I can't even be the man I wish to be for my girlfriend, I want to bring her on dates, go picknicks, just do silly/romantic stuff with her. But no, in the back of my mind the thoughts of bathrooms and "what if I have to go to the toilet" "what if, what if what if"is nagging. I feel like I'm letting everyone down inclueding myself. The road to my future which I've thought about suddenly had a $$$$$$ing plane crash right in the road making me unable to fullfil the dreams I've got. How am I supposed to be an actor (Which is a dream of mine) if I'll have to drive out in middle of a forest to shoot a scene? Only this year, I've had about 10-12 doctor checkups. It feels like these $$$$$$ers can't even see the seriousness in my problem.I did about 3 blood tests, and 3 stool tests to check for crohns, lactose intolerance etc but all went out fine, so I was finally diagnosed.Then my doctor proceed to hand me a bottle of anxiety relieving pills, and tells me to continue and forcing myself to my job, and to be able to go through a normal day.These pills, makes me sleepy, and doesnt relieve the anxiety of sitting on a train (I keep using the train as an example because that's the place I've had my worst panics attacks).Called an open psyciatrist place and met up with them, they said they MIGHT help me, but it can take up to months for them to do so.It feels like no one is helping me the only time I've really needed it in my life. I've really tried, and I've made so many changes. As of today, everything causes me to stress, and that's the mainproblem of my IBS.I would think that my "IBS" in particular aint that bad itself, but having IBS connected with the amount of stress I've got in my body is like a $$$$$$ing bad circle.Specific food doesnt seem to make my stomach worse, or I just havent noticed in a while. I've avoided greasy food (which I also happen to like), drink soda, etc. Things I _LOVE_ is gone now.But guess what, that's not the problem now, another one have occured. And once this problem is gone, another one will probably surface.*So many questions, that people just can't answere for me, and while I've dealt with alot of problems on my own this feels like the first one that will make me accept my defeat.*Over and out.


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## Kcb8 (Sep 4, 2012)

I can't really offer you any help, except to say that I'm feeling EXACTLY the same way. I've had IBS for two years now (took a year of that to get diagnosed after sooo many tests), and it only seems to be getting worse. I can't find any pattern in it - no particular foods seem to make it worse, it's just all the time, every day. I've just finished university (which was a struggle, but bearable), but I'm too ill now to even think about finding a job. But it's the anxiety that's the worst thing. Even little things like walking down the road to the shops or sitting in the cinema seem impossible. I went to a new doctor the other day, desperate for help, and all she had to say was 'well it sounds like you've tried everything already, I can't help you'. It feels like suddenly, after growing up picturing the life that you'll have, every door has been closed on you and you no longer have a future, while all your friends are moving ahead in their lives without any idea of how lucky they are. So yeah, I'm sorry that I'm not really offering you any advice, but I hope it helps even a little bit just to say that you're not alone and I'm sure there are plenty of other people feeling the same way too. Best of luck, try to stay positive - I don't really know what else we can do!


Reppel_IBS said:


> Hello everyone, I've been researching IBS on my own for months and finally found this forum. I figured I should share how my life currently looks.First, I'd like to introduce myself.My name is Simon, and I am living in Sweden. 20 years old and graduated.I'm currently working in an office, taking phonecalls/mails from customers and also taking them face to face, but currently home because of my problems.My stomach problems started about 1½ years ago, where I had Ileus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ileus) at three different occasions.It didnt bother me the first or second time, but the third really destroyed me. Finishing the last year of my school was so hard, I was constantly in fear of getting cramps and eventually having to go to hostpital again. As I knew the problem started with not being able to take a dump I had to reassure that I could ###### several times a day,which eventually led up to my IBS which I got diagnosed about a week and half ago. (I did "know", or expect it for a good 6 months but I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own. I think I can handle everything alone.My first case of Ileus I waited for 16 hours before I went for the doctor.) I've never been a stressed person in my life, I've taken one day at a time, and seeing the positive in everything - Until I took my last job which was in the telemarketing business. I had a boss which would force us to work through lunch, and even working with no pay after worktime if we didnt hit the budget. But as naive as I was I continued that job for a good 4 months, until my stomach and my health in general just went down and hid under the floor. I got bad fever/colds atleast 4 times during the last month of working there. I eventually just said I couldnt keep working and quit. Althought the job itself was horrible, I atleast got something positive out from this experience. I met my first girlfriend which Im still together with and like very much. But from the time I met her, to today my case have gotten so much worse. Simple tasks is hard for me, I can't really sit on a train, as keep thinking "The train might run into some problems causing it to stop, what will I do if I have to run to the toilet?". These problems were really light in the beginning, and I continued to force myself to use them in order to get to my GF, but also my job. But as of this day, trains in particular is my archenemy. The thought of having to sit on one causes me to stress up, the thought of having to go anywhere outside the town where I live is a stressful thought. The amount of time thinking "What if theres no toilet?" "What if the toilets is occupied when I have an attack?", general "what ifs" is insane. I can't do things I could do before, and it's slowly breaking me down. I'm a strong person, and I've battled all my previous challenges like a champion. Losing my 30 kgs of overweight? Motivation. Ileus? Trip to the hostpital, back in less then 2 days. Depressed people around me? Cheer those $$$$$$ers up. Hard time socialicing at younger age? Stop being a little dick and talk to ladies. I FINALLY became a succesful person in my mind, I was proud over myself. Good looks, girlfriend, family, alot of friends, doing fun things, hitting the gym to look better, and feel better physically. But it feels like Im "there" for everybody, but no one will be the shoulders to lean on for me.I really want to believe that this will all be alright eventually, because I, like every other person on this planet is living one life, not two. But I can't help but thinking "I'm 20 years old, my friends is out partying, traveling, just doing things a 20 years old guys should do, while Im f#cking sitting at home playing games at my computer because that cause no stress. I can't even be the man I wish to be for my girlfriend, I want to bring her on dates, go picknicks, just do silly/romantic stuff with her. But no, in the back of my mind the thoughts of bathrooms and "what if I have to go to the toilet" "what if, what if what if"is nagging. I feel like I'm letting everyone down inclueding myself. The road to my future which I've thought about suddenly had a $$$$$$ing plane crash right in the road making me unable to fullfil the dreams I've got. How am I supposed to be an actor (Which is a dream of mine) if I'll have to drive out in middle of a forest to shoot a scene? Only this year, I've had about 10-12 doctor checkups. It feels like these $$$$$$ers can't even see the seriousness in my problem.I did about 3 blood tests, and 3 stool tests to check for crohns, lactose intolerance etc but all went out fine, so I was finally diagnosed.Then my doctor proceed to hand me a bottle of anxiety relieving pills, and tells me to continue and forcing myself to my job, and to be able to go through a normal day.These pills, makes me sleepy, and doesnt relieve the anxiety of sitting on a train (I keep using the train as an example because that's the place I've had my worst panics attacks).Called an open psyciatrist place and met up with them, they said they MIGHT help me, but it can take up to months for them to do so.It feels like no one is helping me the only time I've really needed it in my life. I've really tried, and I've made so many changes. As of today, everything causes me to stress, and that's the mainproblem of my IBS.I would think that my "IBS" in particular aint that bad itself, but having IBS connected with the amount of stress I've got in my body is like a $$$$$$ing bad circle.Specific food doesnt seem to make my stomach worse, or I just havent noticed in a while. I've avoided greasy food (which I also happen to like), drink soda, etc. Things I _LOVE_ is gone now.But guess what, that's not the problem now, another one have occured. And once this problem is gone, another one will probably surface.*So many questions, that people just can't answere for me, and while I've dealt with alot of problems on my own this feels like the first one that will make me accept my defeat.*Over and out.


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