# my story (you don't have to read, i just want to let it out)



## californiadreaming (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi to anyone who's reading this. Just to warn you that this is very long as I feel like I have to tell you the whole story.

I am 17 years old, I go to school and I am doing fine with my studies. I am just glad that I managed to stay in school despite my IBS problems which started about when I was 15. I'll start at the beginning. I have, I believed, always had a slight problem with my stomach, it didn't help that I ate LOADS of apples every day which probably wasn't that great. When I was 14 I became a vegetarian which felt good and when I was 15ish I went on a low to no fat diet. Not because I was fat or anything, but because I had heard about saturated fat being bad for you and all that. so I ate loads of veggies, beans, everything and all dairy food had to be no-fat. I didn't mention that before that low-fat diet I went on a low sugar diet (because I was terrified sugar would rot my teeth) and ate loads of carbs to compensate my energy levels for the lack of sugar. (stupid! I wish I had never done it!). This was all before I had any IBS problems kicking in. I felt kinda sad because at my 15th birthday I didn't even have a birthday cake, I made a weird savoury cheesecake, horrible, I know. Despite the low sugar diet, I felt fine and had really nice clear, glowing skin. I look back at pictures I hated at the time and now really like them, even though I thought my skin was terrible.

I did start to get IBS problems whilst I was eating mainly low fat vegetarian food, as well as sudden severe acne on my cheeks, which I still bare the scars of now. I looked so ill, pale and tired. I would wake up with awful twisting feelings in my stomach at night and when I woke up. I was also only 7 stone at 5'4 which is underweight. I often had diarrhoea or constipation and stomach cramps after almost every meal. I had IBS and was still obsessed with 'healthy food' and everything was non fat still. I even went through a stage where I solidly only ate tuna salads for about 1 month as it was the only thing that didn't give me a reaction. (I did that after Paleo diet)

I decided to go on the Paleo diet which I must admit, helped a lot. I introduced meat back into my diet and was fine with it so I ate it. The Paleo diet cuts out carbs really so it was mainly meat and veg that I ate and i tried to avoid sugar too (don't know why , some health reason probably). But eventually, my energy levels got very very low. I ate everything to excess and measured out portions of everything, I missed just eating 'normal' food.

Nowadays, i eat what i want and enjoy my food and rarely have reactions (except potatoes, dunno why). I am trying not to worry so much about food but its so hard when you have been on and off diets for such a while. I don't feel very happy either as I can't look at myself in the mirror as I still have horrible acne on my skin and look and feel so tired. My skin is kinda yellowy, and never glowing and clear, I look like a zombie with huge bags under my eyes. I can't sleep. I am such a worrier and obsess over everything. I do look very ill. I feel like I will always have health problems: I haven't had a period in 7 months (I've been to the doctor and he didn't know either) and I'm still worried and anxious all the times and my chest hurts sometimes. I just want my life to be how it used to be when I had nice skin and was attractive and ate what I wanted and never even thought about it. I look at pictures when I was younger, happy and pretty and can't stop crying. I don't even feel beautiful. I feel like I've lost everything.

I'm happy then sad and can't stop my constant mood swings. I stress over everything and am anxious. I love to bake but feel like I can't even do that without stressing about that or what I am going to eat. The good news is I went to a IBS specialist (cost lots of money) and got tested with a Urine Organic Acids Profile and it turns out I have a candida yeast overgrowth (probably cause of all those apples). I have no idea how to get rid of it though and I don't want to really go on any kind of diet ever again as all it did was caused me to obsess over food and it ruined my relationship with food, which I loved so much. Maybe I need counselling or something.

Sometimes I don't know whether my stress and all my other problems are cos of my Candida or they're just me. And I have this vision that every problem I have will go and I will look well again once my Candida is gone.

I'm not going to blame myself. I really want to feel as healthy as possible and look and feel well again as I am going to University soon and I can't afford to feel exhausted or IBS problems to come back.

I'm sorry about all this. I should really just stop feeling sorry for myself and look on the bright side but that's easier said then done. It doesn't help that I (irrelevant) haven't seen my Dad since I was 3 and he lives in another country. I had a lot of problems with that and stress a few years ago. My Dad has a similar obsessive, worrying nature like me and suffers from depression too.

Luckily I have friends and family who are there for me, but when I don't want to bother them, I just thought I would write how horrible I am feeling now on here. I hope this is just a phase and I can look back at this and maybe even laugh  I would regard what I had as an eating disorder which does not mix well with IBS.

I want to say this because this makes me feel better. But you don't have to read this if you don't want to. Any support would be great.

Wishing you health and happiness,

Kate x


----------



## refuse to live this way (Apr 25, 2012)

Kate: I hope you have started feeling better about yourself by now, if not, maybe you should consider counseling. Try to find things to do that you like and might make you feel better about yourself. Stop worrying and obsessing over things you may not be able to do anything about, and do things that might help your situation. You are much too young to be feeling terrible about yourself. You have a long life ahead of you and should try to enjoy as much of it as possible. Hopefully once you start University things will get back on track for you. Spend time with friends doing fun things instead of worrying about everything. Life has much to offer you, enjoy it while you can.


----------

