# I can't go on any longer - my husband with IBS



## pharm_girlie (Jun 6, 2004)

I've been to this site several times over the past 4 or 5 years and have just registered. My husband has IBS which started about 5 years ago. We believe it was brought out from a very stressful period in our lives. We're in our late twenties and have only been married for two years, and his IBS controls our lives. The relationship we have now is completely different from the one we had when we first started dating. We used to go out all of the time and now we don't go out at all. It is so hard watching him go through this - and standing by when I can do nothing to help him. He's been on every medication out there & we've spent $100s of dollars on hypnosis - which helped only minimally. It is just so unfair and so hard to cope at times. I have depression which can be very hard to manage along with my husband's IBS. Sometimes I feel like there is no hope...


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

Has he tried Xanax? If his D is anxiety related the Xanax will stop it within a couple of days. Then you can decide how you want to treat it long term, but at least you'll have an answer. It worked for me! Take care.


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## Tiss (Aug 22, 2000)

Has he seen a psychiatrist? I think that a life that is this isolated calls for some drastic measures. Please keep us posted. We've all been there and it is NO FUN but hopefully you all will find a way to cope with this. My IBS has restricted my husband's life too but my IBS is pretty well under control most of the time. It takes alot of trial and error to figure what works and what doesn't. What has he tried as far as medications or diet changes?


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## Twocups424 (Mar 26, 2002)

Does he have IBS C or D??????


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## Tiss (Aug 22, 2000)

Yes, I also wanted to know that but forgot to ask.


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

Even if there was no IBS, your relationship would be a different one from when you were dating. But it can be hard to be in mourning for something you feel you have lost for any reason.Most married couples do not go out the same way they did when they were dating, that is sort of the nature of the beast, so I do wonder if some of your stress about this is the difference between your expectations and reality (because it would be different now even if there were no IBS, it might be a different different, but it would not be the same as when you started dating)Sometimes it is harder, yet sometimes easier if the change is from something other than just your personalities (like an illness).Along with him continuing to try to get help for the IBS, I think the two of you may need to get counseling on the relationship. Illness can drive people apart, but it can also bring people closer together and strengthen the bond. But that depends on what you do with the hand you are dealt. If there is unresolved "it changed" stress in your relationship that can be a stress that keeps the IBS going worse than it might, so this may help both the relationship, and the IBS.He can learn to have a life that is not controlled by the IBS, but that is a coping skill set that most people who have not had to go through a major illness just have. So that may be another area to do some work on. I've met people with all sorts of illnesses, some are controlled by it, and some (often in worse shape) find a way to create a full life, etc in spite of it.I hope you both find what you need to get past this rough spot.K.


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## LD1 (Jan 20, 2004)

If he is afraid to go out b/c of his IBS he may have social anxiety disorder. I had IBS for two years and it caused my s.a.d. But of course, everyone is different. I've been to counselors, pyschologist and finally a psychiatrist who helped me so much. While xanax helped short-term, paxil now helps me day to day. I am almost 80 percent better. It's not cured my IBS-D, but I can now work on that with a clear and un-anxiety filled head. I've learned in the past few months that the best thing you can do is not settle with your current condition. Keep looking for new docs or meds that can help. I got used to living in a state that I absolutely did not have to accept. I didn't start to improve until I decided that I was not going to settle for anything less than at least 90-95 percent better. I know i'll never be 100 percent, but I will live a normal life again.Keep hope and encourage your husband to keep trying.


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## LK38 (Jun 27, 2004)

Myadvice to you is to be totally supportive of your husband or get out. My husband does not understand why i withdraw during periods of IBS. He treats me nastily and gets short temepred with the kids. This make everything 1000% worse. He actually feels sorry for himself. Not that I want a pity party--but sometimes I just want to know he is there for me.Your husband does not want to do this. He feels he has no choice. So how about putting your arms around him. Tell him you love him and do things together where he feels safe. Rent movies, play games and TALK. Your depression will be helped as well. If not I recommend Zoloft


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