# How Do I Deal With School And My Social Life??



## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

It has always been an issue every since I found out about my case of IBS but it has really complicated matters at school and with my friends.







i have been finding it hard to conserntrate in lessons and be around my mates without having to run to the loo or feel a very uncomfortable churning in my stomach. This whole thing has seriously effected me and my life. I never really had self confidence to begin with but now I have IBS it has distroied the little self respect that I had left. I feel the whole world is against me and a boy asked me out but I had to say no because I knew he would understand if I ever told him about my situation. Does anyone agree with me or feel the same please reply it feels good to be able to talk about my problm with so many other people who understand and can relate.


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## 20349 (Jul 4, 2005)

hi R to the S. hope you are having a good day.i totally know how you feel, although i am not at school any more, i found it hard around people. have you told your mates? i didnt tell mine straight away, but when i did i felt like a weight had been lifted. i dont know if all of them know the whole truth of what is wrong with me, but the ones that do i can talk about it with them. to begin with i wouldnt tell them why i didnt want to go out, but i just thought why shouldnt i?! its not my fault ive got this!ive learnt that you have just got to take it one day at a time, because everyday is different! hope i have helped in someway, if not sorry for rambling!take care xXx


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## Carlyn (Jan 15, 2005)

hii know exactly how you feel, when i was in college i felt really comfortable and always felt like everyone was looking at me which made me worried which made my stomach worst i found sitting closest to the door help abit as i didnt have to make such a fuss about leaving the class as i didnt need to ask people to move.when i was told i had IBS it took me a while before i told my mates about it cos i felt embarassed but when i finially did tell them it was a big weight of my shoulders and they didnt seem to mind they were completely fine with it and never moan if i didnt come out with them they really helped me cos i didnt have the worry of what they might think, we have a laugh and joke about my IBS not in a nasty way but it makes me feel comfortable as they know what it is so it really doesnt bother them. i dont really have much of a social life cos ive lost my confidence in going out cos i was always having D while i was out a where i live the public toilets are disgusting and normally dont have toilet roll and even if you have D you really dont wanna use them and the shops wont let you use there toilets either cos you aint staff they make up any excuse so it got to the point i dont go out unless its to my mates house who know about my IBS which is a huge change for me seeing as before my IBS i was always out with friends most nights and a few times we had a good laugh going on road trips which are now def out of the question.you have just got to learn to accept it and try your best to get use to it, it doesnt bother me as much now about going out as i'm still always chatting to my mates .if you never wanna chat to someone about it feel free to add me to msn or email me - missangel237###hotmail.com


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## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

Thanks you guys its nice to have a bit of good advice. I just wish I had the cofidence like you guys to tell my mates but I am scared the will take it the wrong way and leave me, but then again they aren't true mates if they do. I have told one of my closest mates who is very understanding and I told two of my other mates but they dont really understand the seriousness of it the just went eww or oh ok.I guess I should explain how it effects me for them to understand. I still don't know what I will do about school and going out but I surpose I will find a way to cope in time. Thanks again







XxX


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## 20349 (Jul 4, 2005)

hey! i think if you are finding it hard to tell your friends the affects of your ibs like i had been and without going into too much detail (because its embarrassing, and i was really worried they would think it was disgusting!) i told them that i have stomach problems which causes me to feel ill and theres certain things that i cant eat because they make me feel worse.thats how i went about it and from then on feel pretty comfortable about it. if i ever dont feel well when im out i just say i have a stomach ache and my friends are really good and give me space. i wouldnt of been able to do it without this website and the advice that people gave! with regards to school, have you got a teacher or head of year that you get on well with? find it easy to talk to? talk to them about it, they will help you, during my time in upper school teachers helped me a lot and no matter what anyone says there are some good ones out there! tell them and im sure that you can come to some arrangement about your classes, like if you dont feel well and need to go to the toilet etc. take care xXx


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## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

There was one teacher I did have a good relationship with one teacher but he doesnt teach me anymore so I cant really talk to him. My form tutor wont really understand and well I hardly every see my head of year so there is no hope with my teachers.


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## 20349 (Jul 4, 2005)

hey. you say there is a teacher that you did get on with but doesnt teach you any more, i would still go and talk to him. if you feel comfortable talking to him then go for it. he can help you in some way, talk to the other teachers for you, or go with you when you talk to other teachers, im sure he will help in whatever way he can







would you be up for that? if you are and you dont see him much as he doesnt teach you then just pop and see him and arrange a convenient time to talk to him, like in a break or lunchtime, or before/after school. take care xXx


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## 16429 (Aug 9, 2005)

Hey R to the S,I can totally relate to how you feel, I'm in school too and have found it really difficult the past few months. Its like whenever I'm actually in class all I can think of is the pain in my stomach. I also find sitting down doesn't help, the whole being stuck in the classroom and sitting still really bothers me. Is that weird? It might just be a stress thing, you know not being able to move around when I want. I just wondered if anyone else felt that way to? Hey about that guy if he had enough guts to ask you out he obviously liked you, so you never know maybe he would understand. Anyway, probably none of my business, whatever makes you comfortable.







I pretty much understand anything you say. Ive gotten to the point that I avoid some things too. Having IBS certainly does make you not wanna go out when you don't feel like it. Its good to talk to people who understand and relate to it all.







lauren.


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## 21382 (Aug 13, 2005)

My freshman year of high school was awful because I was at a very high pressure magnet school where none of the staff were very understanding. I transferred to a regular high school, and by luck got assigned to an amazing counselor who pretty much saved me from becoming a hermit. She got me a special pass that allowed me to leave class whenever i needed to for my IBS, emailed all my teachers explaining my condition and asking them to assign me to sit near the door, and even got me special testing accomodations where I'd be allowed to leave and use the bathroom. All my teachers were really understanding, and I found that once I was comfortable and knew I was able to leave if I needed to and such, I ended up not really having to. I would def talk to your counselor and teachers, they'll be more understanding than you think. As for my friends, I couldn't really hide it from them since I stopped coming to school in the mornings for about a month, so i just told them I had an "digestive disorder" that made me sick a lot to spare them the embarrasing details. I'm glad I told them though, they were beginning to think I was pregnant and was missing mornings because I had morning sickness hahaha. I think they were so relieved I wasnt they could care less about the IBS.


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## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

Ive finnally told my friends(well close ones) and they were great about it. But i still havent told th school. I have started an important year it is quite stressful but i think i will survive. As for the boy well he has move on and so have I.


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## 20349 (Jul 4, 2005)

glad to hear it is all going well for you, good luck with the new school year xXx


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## 21499 (Sep 21, 2005)

newbie here, just found out about site and ibs this week...im ecstatic about seeing this site...you wouldnt believe how much so...my doctor suspected i have ibs when i saw him this week...i told him i get severe stomach cramps in school situations or important work situations with people around...i always thought it was stress-related...doctors thought i might have a social anxiety/panic disorder...i saw two psychiatrists...nothing helped...looking back every time i had a test, it was a miracle if i even made it thru without causing a big scene (so i thought), cuz of my stomach grumbling or me having to go to the washroom on numerous occasions...in lectures, screw paying attention to the material at hand, it was a battle to survive...i would fear going to school the nite before...suffice to say, i didnt too well at school...5 yrs later....stomach has been good as i no longer had to worry about school (although i still i have one yr left, but i got a real good job without graduating)...but i have some huge work conference...what an utter embarrassment...i sat with my colleagues and went to the wshroom like 6-8 times during an 8 hr day...my stomach roared as bigwigs gave speeches...my immediate colleagues joked about how my drinking was ctahing up...i went along with it, but know it was not drinking, as i didnt even drink on some of the nights before...it was the return of my misery...i survived, i guessfast forward this week...another conference and this is a huge conference for my career...without 100% focus, my job could be on line...the nite before i was worried, i knew the battle was coming...i tried preparing myself thinking i can control it with my mind...thinking its just nerves, replaying cognitive behaviour techniques that my psychiatrist made me do...it didnt help...went to wshroom 6x....i had made up my mind, enough is enough...screw this job if thats what it means and im going to tell my boss i have an anxiety problem and likely wont be able to attend this conference....see all along i was told i had anxiety issues so i believed it...but i decided to go to doctor that nite and see what he can do...told him my history and where the pains specifically were, lower left side...he prescirbed moldovan or something like that.....it has worked for me!!!!!!!!......i totally understand the lack of conifdence/self-respect/esteem issues...ive got my mojo back...it may not work for all, but talk to ur doctors....im here to talk if anyone needs to sometime...this ibs thing literally crippled my education....but i feel good now...


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## 20349 (Jul 4, 2005)

hey paul welcome to the forum







glad you have found something to help you







take care xXx


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## 22144 (Aug 6, 2005)

R to the S: I found that when I told my friends, and overwhelming majority of them were ok with it. Some said they were, some said "it's all in your head." Some friends stayed around and some didn't.Try not to fear telling them.The best advice I was given by a psychologist is to have a few dates and THEN tell the person you're dating about it. It makes it easier if it's done sooner, but definately not something you want to share on the first date.


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## 21315 (Apr 1, 2005)

hi telling your friends isnt that bad you always think of the worst case senorio in things like this but usally its fine most of my friends have accepted it and i totally understand what you mean about the boys thing ive been asked out and had to turn him down because i was worried about telling him etc but angst is right about the wait untill youve had a few dates then say about your IBS if hes a gooden he should understand


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## 16448 (Oct 14, 2005)

I've actually had a similar but sort of different experience. I realized early on that I HAD to tell my friends what was up with me, because I'd constantly be canceling on plans or saying that I'd have to leave early - some of my friends thought that I didn't want to hang out anymore because I had to leave a few times in a row. I explained my IBS to them as well as I could, without being overly graphic, and whereas some of my friends understood, others either thought I was over-exaggerating, lying, or was deathly ill and needed to be rushed to the doctor right away. Needless to say, really, I'm not quite friends with the latter group anymore.I tend to tell people early on in my relationship with them about my stomach problems. I typically leave it at that to begin with, and then as I know someone better, I'll explain it a bit more. I have to say that a lot of people haven't understood. The people I live with don't understand (that makes it hard; I'd move out, but I have a year lease). A lot of people DON'T simply because they haven't heard of it. Yet, it's not really OUR problem if the people we tell don't get it - I still think it's better that I've told them; that way they don't think I'm just ditching them for no good reason.On a side note, my doctor prescribed me a low dose of elavil. I've been taking it for a week and my symptoms have gotten worse! Has anyone else been told to take this? Does anyone know if it gets better taking this?


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## 16674 (Oct 10, 2005)

Hello R to the S !I feel the same way than you do. I've never told anyone about my problem for years. There are 2 people who know about my secret : my ex - best friend (who wasn't understanding) and my English + German teacher. No one else knows. Sometimes it's very difficult to keep it cuz I would like to talk to smby (understanding).I wonder if there's still people who won't make fun of IBS sufferers. I'm afraid of school, going out,... getting closer to people because one day I'll have to tell it to them. (Sorry for mistakes but I'm not a native speaker)EMI


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## 22288 (Aug 5, 2005)

Thanks guys for all of your help. I am trying to get on with my life and have told most of my friends and they are cool about it but the school doesnt know. I take some tablets which sort of help but my worries still aren't over. I have found out that cheese isnt a good thing for my stomach and not eating cheese has helped a lot with coping at school.


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## 21555 (Dec 28, 2005)

crisaly I had the same problem i wouldn't come to school in the morning and always looked nauseous so everyone thought i was pregnant!! Lol, when they realized my stomach did not expand they dropped it, i didn't tell the truth because i was too embarrassed, and there was a time they weren't sure because i wear baggy heavy clothes sometimes to muffle the noises in my stomach, but when they saw me changing for gym class, they knew i was not pregnant.Oh and r to the S cheese kills me as well. I miss cheese and chocolate See's chocolate was sooo good. Mmmm...


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## 21973 (Jun 28, 2005)

school and social life? hmmm...well, in high school, i did have a sociallife...i was such a party animal! i would hella drink and crash at different houses...it was the best times of my life! now, in college, ive done all that and i wish i could go back to living that life again, but ibs has stopped me completely. so nowadays, i dont even know what a socialife is.


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## 18548 (Apr 10, 2005)

i guess in a way i was lucky - friend with colitis made things a fair bit easier! all my close friends were fine with it, i told them really early on. some didn't know what it was but were like ok whatever, others didnt know and asked (with me the pain is the worst but i generally found honesty is the best policy!) and others knew and helped. Some not close friends did get offeneded when i didn't join in with the convo, they didn't understand that just my being there was taking all my energy, but in general my friends were rather i was there but quite and propped up in the corner and meaning we might have to go home early. When i went to uni, anyone who asked i just commented that i had a stomach problem. when i started getting my close friends then i told them a bit more about it - they generally asked as well.As for school TELL YOUR TEACHERS. I'm guessing from what you said that you're in 6th form? When i first started getting major problems i was in 5th year - i'm Scottish so that is our BIG year! my teachers realised there was someting wrong but didn't realise how major it was. The history dept found out when i had to leave the exam, and also my guidance teacher then as well. When i went back to school for 6th year my teachers were all asking what was going on, it was a bit hard to miss by then. My guidance teacher let the teachers know as well so it was official and everyone was really lenient. they let me off lightly in class, gave me extensions whenever i needed, moved NABs for me (don't ask just don't go there! stupid scottish system. suffice to say they are totally pointless tests which have to be passed) and all sorts. It was totally worth it. I just had to drop out of uni cus of my health. I'm a registered disabled student there and at the start just had special exam conditions put into place. Later on they also covered me for tutorial prep and essay extensions. I really wish now that i'd had that put into place earlier, it would have made my life much easier. it didn't help that one of my tutors was evil and awkward but some you win some you lose! get the help on offer. it's worth it, and so long as you put in your best effort you deserve it. and to do that you have to be prepared to tell people. you don't have to go into details, just tell them you have a stomach problem, they will generally be more than willing to help.sorry bout the long ramble, hope it was some help!good luck, keep your chin up


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