# having ibs and living with someone



## pffft (Feb 21, 2005)

i wasn't sure which forum to post this, but since i'm a woman and feel there are social pressures that apply to us ladies that dont apply to men, i thought perhaps this is the best place.i have ibs-d with enough gas on a daily basis to make it very difficult for me to socialize. thankfully, i have privacy at work where i can let gas fly, but evenings are a different issue. in the evenings i either have classes, or meetings, which involve plenty of people, so i have to hold the gas in (thankfully most of my d is controlled by loperamide) and then i end up bloated, nauseous, cramped and miserable. by the time i get home, i have to lay face-down for a while to persuade the gas out. sounds like fun, right? i may be getting a roommate in the near future - a male roommate. i cant let gas pass in front of anyone - not even my own mother or best friend. its not an option. i especially cant have gas in front of a guy. and what if i meet someone and want to get married someday? what then? i have all kinds of gas - loud, quiet, smelly, no smell. its not like i can hide it. i'm NOT going to wear charcoal undies, either!i've tried anti-gas products and the results i get are inconsistent at best. tried different food plans and same thing. my question to the ladies is, for those of you who live with a significant other/roommates/etc. - how do you deal with your ibs symptoms in front of these people? i feel like i'm going to live an isolated existence thanks to this problem, and i'd love to hear people's stories on how they've worked around this.thanks!!!


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## Babe (Jul 7, 2004)

I think one of the best things my father ever taught me was that gas was a natural thing and not to be ashamed of it in the privacy of your own family!You were probably taught as a small child that it wasn't polite, right? Now as an adult you are going to have to retrain yourself to let fly--in private or around your close friends or partner--if it is really uncomfortable. Truthfully, one of the times I've found that it is impossible for me to hold it is during intercourse. Has this ever happened to you?If not, I'll bet the first time it does and your partner laughs, you will be much more comfortable around him. Believe me, *gas is NOT very high up on most men's list of things not to do*!


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## Pat.. (May 27, 1999)

LOL ### babe.. I run the taps !!!!


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## pffft (Feb 21, 2005)

i think thats great, and i certainly wish i could learn to be comfortable like that, but i dont see that happening.


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## Flutterbye (Feb 24, 2005)

I dont worry about it too much, My husband will occasionally mark my efforts out of ten!In social situations I walk away, pretend im doing something else and thats that.I think it all depends on your upbringing as has already been said..My father taught me "wherever you may be, let your wind go free.." ( he was a man not ashamed of bodily functions..)


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## KayWill (Feb 15, 2005)

I can tell you that living with people and having ibs can be stressful, but you just sort of have to deal with it because you don't have a choice. I'm 24 and married one year, and telling my husband was really hard, but turned out to be kind of a nonevent. In college we lived with some of our friends (mostly male) and to tell you the truth they could have cared less. I don't think men mind much, and as long as you are just straightforward with your roommate and seem confident about it you should be okay. If you act like it's okay with you and you just wanted him to know, he won't know you're embarassed and will take it well, I'm sure. Easier said than done, believe me, but it pays off in the long run to tell your significant other because chances are they'll have to find out anyway. Good Luck!


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## lyonskitten (May 15, 2003)

Hi! I was raised to believe that a young lady was never to pass gas in public by my mother. My father on the other hand was very proud and amused by his own passing of gas and shared it with anyone who would listen, lol! My husband is very much like my father, thank God, and is quite amused by passing gas himself. As a matter of fact, his nickname at work is chief great wind in the pants, lol. So Passing gas in front of him is so natural. I never feel embarrassed in front of him. The only thing he ever says to me after a particular noisy one is, "good one baby!" I guess my point is, that in a relationships, you should be as comfortable with that person, as you are with yourself. If you're not, it's probably not the right relationship for you anyway. I hope this helps and remember to air(err)is human!


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## yellowstar (May 10, 2004)

Hi Pfft (good name, by the way).I've been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now, and my IBS started shortly after we started seeing each other. My friends always used to laugh at me becuase they would pass gas (one way or the other) in public and I never would- I found it so auful for me to do it but was not disgusted when they did- funny huh? Anyway, as most other IBSers, I get really bad gas too, mostly everyday. I used to feel really uncomfortable in front of my boyfriend, and would just hold it in and feel the concequences for hours later.Of course, eventually that was just not going to be acceptable. To start with, yes I did run out of the room everytime, and sometimes still do. But on the whole, things just take their natural course. My partner did say something nasty and give me disgusting looks once when we were in public and I did a huge burp, and that hurt. But since then, whenever a similar situation presents its self, as soon as I have noisily passed the gas, I blame it on him! 'Mike!' I shout at the same time as looking horrified. People around look at him (6ft 4, 225lbs), then look at me (5ft 4, 120lbs), who do you think they think did it?!? Oddly enough, he stopped being mean after that! If we're at home and this happens, then I look at him and if he looks disgusted, just follow the same procedure. He understands now that I cannot help it, and knows that if I hold it in I'll be in intense pain and tossing and turning all night and he won't get any sleep- that's not good for him, so he isn't mean to me.I'm in the fortunate position that my boyfriend had already decided he loved me before all this started. But remember that anxiety is strongly linked to IBS. The sooner you get comfortable with your gas situation, the better things might be. If I might offer some advice, whatever it is that you do, try to make sure you're not getting to anxious about it.Good luck.Yellowstar


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## KerryW (Mar 20, 2000)

Hi Pfft.I haven't been on this forum for a couple of years now, and I was having a read, and your post got to me. I have gas all the time, and I tell my family and friends that I have IBS and that I do fart a lot. My husband was shocked when I first told him when we first starting seeing each other 9 years ago, but after I explained IBS to him, he was OK about it, in fact sometimes we even have farting competitions! Even my 8 month old daughters farts so well! You just have to be honest and up front about it, and laugh it off. It's natural to 'break wind'.You'll be fine, I just know it!


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## 19226 (May 11, 2005)

As Whoopi Goldberg said "There's more room out than in" I say let it fly and don't worry about it. It's more beneficial to let it out.


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## PrairieAngel (Aug 29, 2002)

I think the point everyone is trying to make is...the shocking reality is that EVERYONE farts whether they have IBS or not. Alot of people would rather not admit it but farting is a fact with human digestive systems. Granted there are certain situations that letting it rip may not be real appropriate. I know it can be difficult but learning to laugh at this perfectly natural human function seems the preferable reaction. This is just my opinion but life is way to short to worry about farts. A really great book (written for kids) is called "The Gas We Pass". It teaches kids it is normal. Even animals do it! Anyone from a farm can attest to that!


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## 17309 (May 7, 2005)

Although it's true that everyone burps and farts and we should get over it, that's easier said than done. I have 2 roommates, one male and one female, and I just got IBS this year. I was mortified to have any symptoms in front of a guy at the beginning that trying to hold everything in definitely made me feel worse. What I have discovered is that boys think burping is awesome, and even respect girls for it (although that might not be the case if the boys are more mature than the 22-year-olds I hang out with). As for farting -- I usually have a scented candle lit so no one can tell







I suggest telling your roommate up front that you have IBS, and then taking the rest at a pace you feel comfortable with.


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

i live with my boyfriend, it was arkward at first but neither of us do anything now lol he knows if the bathroom door is locked that im ill and dont want disturbing even though in bad attacks he comes knocking on the door to check







its a natural thing dont worry about it just a storm in a tea cup candles yeah or light a mitch easiet way to rid the room of methane


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## 21286 (May 7, 2005)

My husband is attracted to ladies with class. He told me when we first met that I was a classy woman. He said he liked the way I was nice to everybody, the way I dressed for work, the way I dressed for a night on the town, the way I always had a nice perfume on (ha, little did he know it was to cover up smoke and gas smell) anyway you get the picture.So of course I wouldn't see him when I was having horrible IBS problems. I would end up being in the bathroom all night...ah no thanks. You know how that is when you first meet a guy. You try to be on your best behavior, especially if you really really liked him.After a few short weeks of dating, we were in bed making love (yeah, I didn't make him wait too long) and then my stomach started to girgle and then it happened. The most embarrasing long winded son of a gun fart. LOUD, SMELLY and toxic. It happened when you know...down south. He was like "oh my god that is so disgusting did you do that on purpose?" I was so horrified. I got up as quickly as I could and more farts came out. He then started laughing calling me the Fart Queen. I was in shock. I hid out in the bathroom for at least 45 minutes. I took a hot shower and while shower was running I took a big poo. The poo stunk so bad that when I finally did come out of my bathroom I could smell it. So this was just not going very well. Our first love making session turned out to be a complete nightmare.But guess what? He married me. I knew he loved me for me toxic and all. I told him about my IBS and anxiety. He didn't care. He told me that he knew he loved me on our first date.The guy before him, was also a great guy and he'd stay up with me all night and massaged my back while all the gas came out. In the early years he even went to the ER with me when they told me I had gasritis. We didn't get married because we wanted seperate things in life but he is still my closest guy friend besides my own husband.So, there are guys out there that love you farts and all.Just don't end up like me. I was married on the evening of July 25, 2003. An absolute elegant dream wedding on a private golf course. I am not the same woman my husband married. Since the birth of our son in January 2004, I've been a manic, depressive, anxiety'ed out, IBS person and not very "positive" or nice.Chris


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## Cartoon Creature (Jul 12, 2002)

Hey







Odly enough for me it was my mother who thought farts were the funniest thing ever and my father who wasnt so keen on them. To this day he is the only person i will not ever fart infront of. I do find that in the first couple of weeks in a relationship or new room mate I try my hardest to hold it in, but it gets so painful that I just think bugger it......I tell them that I have IBS and part of that means i get alot of gas in my tummy, if I dont get rid of it it hurts. I havent had a single person be mean to me about it yet!!!!I havent had any boyfriends who find it as funny as I do just yet, but im dure he's out there lol hehe.A small story for u just for laughs......Four years ago my mother, cousin, brother and I were all in the car on the way home from dinner (we all have IBS). And i did a REALLY loud fart in the car(it wasnt a stinker)..... that of course we all found very funny. Unbeknown to the rest of us my mother had done a silent violent fart in the car at the same time. The cheeky women blamed the smell on ME







lol, and also child locked the windows so we couldnt get air hehe. I have tones of stories like these, it just healthy for u to know that farts are ok dont be ashamed of them. And if someone is mean or nasty to u about it then they arent a person worth knowing!!!


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## bluesclues (Dec 30, 2001)

I hold it all in when I am visiting, until I go to a public washroom like a restaurant and then I let it all come out. It is embarassing. I don't like for other people to smell me or hear me. I guess I am just too worried of how other people see me.


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## 15567 (Apr 6, 2005)

I think it's probably every man's dream to live with a woman who openly farts as it is the perfect excuse for them to do the same







I'm 25 and married almost a year- my husband is totally supportive about my ibs probs and I'm positive that most decent blokes would be.


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## 17079 (May 18, 2005)

I used to be so shy about farting or pooping in public.... I'd hold it in until I could get home in the privacy of my own bathroom.....Until eventually I realized that I'm better than that. There is nobody out there that is so important to me that I'm going to hold in my farts and my D and have my stomach feel like it's going to crack open at any second. And most importantly, I've realized there's nobody out there that wants me to be in pain like that. And you should know too that if anyone knew you were in pain they'd say "What's your problem!? Just let it out! Don't be ridiculous!"So, I fart all the time







Even though I get some very dirty looks from my boyfriend (who I've lived with since January) sometimes


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## 22675 (Jun 15, 2005)

There used to be a time when I couldn't even use a public restroom. But since the IBS I could care less where it is as long as there is a toilet.As far as living with someone, my fiance has been extremely supportive. When we first started dating I didn't really have IBS, but shortly after we moved in together it started (IBS-D). While that has made it a little easier it was still very hard in the beginning, because I felt dirty. But when your sick, your sick and there is anything you can do about it.I have found that just being open about the whole thing has made it a much better situation. Now he tells me that I share too much (HaHa...Sometimes I feel like I no longer have any shame).So I say, be open, be free, let er rip.P.S. The worse part about living with someone and having IBS is having only one bathroom. Cause when you have to go, you have to go.


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## 14601 (Jun 24, 2005)

pffft, its people like you that make me so happy ive joined this site! i am EXACTLY like you, however this past year ive fallen for a guy, luckily my IBS wasnt in its worse beggining phases when i got with him, so i could have a few free days where i was "normal". Prior to our relationship the only person i knew was my family and my best mate, who i luckily dicovered has a mum with this condition.anyways eventually i took the step of telling him, one nite i just sat their crying and crying thinking id lose him, and at 17 live a life of lonliness where no one would EVER love me, cos i felt disgusting. Anyways i wrote the text about a million times, and eventually just sent it. and now im so glad i did, were not as open about it as i would like yet, but im gettin there, this will sound so stupid to some people, but i cant stand the thought of him knowing i poo lol, i mean now weve ot to the stage where ill tell him if my stomaches bad, but i wont let him around yet when im ill.this site has really helped me to realise im not the only one, and so what if i spend a lil extra time in the loo, it doesnt mean im any less attractive in general, or any less of a lady. Im really rambling on here lol, but all im tryin 2 say, is dont think about it too much, i mean im not 100% comfotable with myself yet, so i need to progress further with it, but youll be ill for a fraction of the time your together, i mean would you have a problem with him if he had IBS? absolutely not! so he wont have a problem with you!remember were all ladies, and even the Queen poos!


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

I know this is dragging up an old thread, but I can really relate to the things said!I was brought up by parents who believed bodily functions to be humiliating, tabboo, and only to be done in total privacy. I remember being shouted at by my dad when I was 3, because I'd accidently (and obliviously) passed gas in front of a visitor. He told me how angry and embarassed he was and I remember feeling so ashamed (that is so WRONG for a 3-yr-old child to feel!)







Now, to pass gass or have d in the company of my boyfriend/friends/colleagues would be one of the worst things that could happen to me. Even in my flat, alone, I sometimes blush in case my neighbours heard me, and when I have d I run the bath taps. If I stay over night somewhere or have friends to stay, I eat minimum amount of food, and always worry I'll have an attack of cramps/d/gas. I love food but I only stray from my 'safe' diet when I know I don't have to go anywhere.I really wish I could stop feeling this paranoid but it seems to be ingrained in me! I really want to have a family and lots of children, so I think my only solution is to find a rich husband who has a big house with lots of bathrooms!


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## 15267 (Feb 19, 2006)

I have lived with my boyfriend for 4 years now, as for farting, he wasn't the first to do it front of me, it was the other way around, my father always says "Better out than in", or "The doctor said let it out!", does anyone happen to know how to not have "really smelly" gas? This is the only kind I dread, I can deal with the others


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