# Contract with my Colon...funny...kinda...



## 17916 (Aug 31, 2006)

So, I'm slated to have my first colonoscopy next week. As many of you know, I'm scared to death. I'm convinced they are going to find something and my life will be over. Desperate times call for desperate measures. To that end, I've come up with something I like to call the "Contract with my Colon" (thanks to Newt Gingrich for the title idea.)It goes a little something like this:If next week I come out of my Colonoscopy ok with no mention of a certain life-altering disease, I promise to do the following to thank my colon:1)Everyday I will thank my Colon for not letting me down.2)I will make a serious effort to eat more fiber3) I will cut back on the amount of processed foods I eat.4)I will bathe my colon in red wine twice-three times a week.5) I will go to the gym and remove some of the spare tire that sits on top of my colon.6)I will *use* stool softeners and not just tough it out.7)I will not be embarressed by anything my colon does in public, in fact I will rejoice in it.8)I will take my colon out for long walks.9) I will buy my colon anything it wants at the grocery store (as long as it is good for it)and10) When I speak of my colon, I will speak of her with pride and dignity and pleasure. I will not put her down and make excuses for her. I will embrace her colonocity!Hope this made you laugh! I'll do anything to keep my mind off of what's going to take place next Wednesday.


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## 18614 (Feb 24, 2007)

thats so cute it made me smile


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## 19596 (Jan 3, 2007)

ibs may aswell be a life threatening disease as there is no cure for it yetleast with some of the others there can be a cure sometimesand a heart attack would prob be over and done with a bit quickeri certainly aint rejoicing with mine as it was worse after my colonoscopy as still is i just call it all the names under the sun and even have started swearing at it u never know might make it do somethinganyway you did make me laff wish we could all be like you


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## jms1963 (Feb 23, 2007)

Music Fan -Yes ! Your colon is your friend ...Humor helps & sometimes attitude is everything. Wish you luck next week


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## 20820 (Aug 7, 2005)

Ahh, I loved that







That was so sweet. You made it sound like a little pet.The bits that made me smile a lot were:I will bathe my colon in red wine twice-three times a week.I will take my colon out for long walks.I will buy my colon anything it wants at the grocery store (as long as it is good for it)Well done for having a sense of humour and good luck with the colonoscopy. It won't be as bad as you are imagining.


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## Jannybitt (Oct 13, 2006)

Way to go Music Fan!! You made me grin!!







I'm getting mine done next Friday, and was at the grocery store today trying to determine which flavors I would like to mix best with my lovely prep. Should I drink it out of a wine glass?







And how many popsicles will I fill up on the day before, since there can be no food to eat. Oh, and don't forget the jello! Yippee!!! No Reds, No Purples. If you're thinking of doing Gatorade, make sure you read the ingredients. I wanted to do an orange one, not their normal orange, and it had red dye in it! Sheesh! I'm assuming when they say no red or purple, they also meed the red no. 5, etc. that's put in it? Is that correct? Does any colon expert know out there? We'll compare notes when it's all over. Hope your's goes very well and I hope mine does too!


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## 17916 (Aug 31, 2006)

Thanks for all the responses. I think this is the only way I will be able to get through this is with a sense of humour.I'm going to start another thread on eating dos and don'ts for pre-colonoscopy prep. Hopefully we will get a lot of suggestions on what to eat and what not to eat.


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