# need advice



## clpin (Jan 23, 2005)

Can anyone out there please tell me how to deal with people who just don't understand the impact ibs has on our ability to function normally? It is not exactly a topic people want to discuss in depth. I feel sick with one symtom or another every single day. I am frequently unable to keep plans. I am scared to death to go to restaurants. And it is so hard to watch people be able to enjoy food. I went on a date and played with my food and pretended to eat. Can't exactly tell somone on a first date about your ibs!!! Only thing worse is having an attack with your date there--talk about first impression!! I am afraid to miss too much work. My boss doesn't understand ibs. I feel like I live in constant fear with every bite I take-everyday. When I get an attack I am weak for days from electrolyte loss and have to stay in bed. I can't eat anyhing for several days following. It is like having a stomach virus. And people just don't understand. And my friends and family and coworkers are just plain sick of me talking about it. I feel very alone. Any advice on how to talk to people? Also anyone else experience the symtoms I described?


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## Tonya Kay (Aug 2, 2004)

Clpin,You are not alone. All of us who have experienced IBS know what it feels like to feel rotten. I understand completely, it seems so hard to date, I have had problems for 6 and 1/2 yrs, still don't have a diagnosis but think that IBS is a large part of my problem. When I met my fiance 4 1/2 yrs ago I had an attack on our second date, I asked if he could please leave so that I could deal with it on my own. He was awesome he stayed with me and even rubbed my belly after (sounds corny) I know but it helped and it still does. If it is the right person they will want to understand and want to be there. We have lived together for over 2 yrs and just last month got engaged but you have to know that I still had doubts of why he hadn't asked me to marry him yet, I mean we were practically married already. You have to understand and so do they (family, friend, or date) that this isn't something you asked for, it is something that you have and they will accept it. And even when they do understand you will always have it no matter what it is something you think and plan around, went and bought a wedding dress today that doesn't fit tightly around me in anyway for reasons you and I both understand. I hope that this helped. YOU are never alone. There is always someone to talk too. I hope that I helped.


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## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

My advice is to tell them enough about it to get a picture, then just forget about talking about it. Otherwise people will just think you want pitty, not love and friendship and eventually they will get tired of it. It is just human nature. If they don't understand than it is really not your problem anyway. The truth is everyone feels alone at one time or another. Only those in your shoes will understand. That's us. But I do recommend giving the brochure about explaining ibs to people without ibs, written by a member from this site. Good Luck. And remember only cry to us because we are the only people who can understand you since we know what it's like


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