# To poop or not to poop



## only21 (Sep 11, 2012)

Hello everyone! I am a 21 year-old female. I figured out that I was either born with IBS or got it when my father beat up my mom and my grandma before he left for good, while I listened though a thin door. I was three at the time. I was scared. Now that I look back at the memories that I have from my childhood, I can remember that happy times were spoiled by an occasional D here and there. I got D when I cried really hard when my cousin broke my favorite dish when I was 7 or 8. His mom (my mom's sister) laughed at me. I got D when I got scared. I got D too often for comfort. This April, after another episode of loose stools, I started looking online and diagnosed myself with IBS using WebMD. I then scheduled a visit to a gastroenterologist. I wrote down everything that's been going on since last fall-loose stools connected to emotions, mucus in stools, all of the different (and abnormal) colors. He just kind of nodded, and after 5 or 10 minutes dismissed me. Since about last October I've been taking Imodium weekly. I can't stop. Once I see that my stools start to soften up too much, or I go every 15-30 minutes, I take 2 Imodium. I have also been taking Fibercon since June, and since then, even though my stools have not gotten liquid, they were still really soft. Until today. I still cannot figure out what caused this episode, maybe it was that I woke up crying on Sunday from a dream and it took me a while to stop crying and then I had breakfast 2 hours later. But either way, I went from soft-ish stools to liquid ones in about an hour. So I took 2 Imodium and fine so far. No warning - no rolling stomach or anything, just boom-it happened. An episode still did happen earlier today even though I took Hyoscyamine (generic for Levsin) after breakfast and then two hours later 2 Fibercon. I have been on Levsin just a little while, my dr. gave it to me two months ago, but because it costs $130 for 120 pills, it took me a while to actually get it filled. Sometimes it helps, sometimes, like today, it doesn't. I also have some pain, though not every day, but very often. My poop is usually solid and brown, but it's been greenish, yellow, orangish, and dark brown. Nobody but you, me, and my dr. knows that I have IBS. Not my mom, not my friends. There's no point in trying to explain what it's like to have to go poop 3-6 times a day, even if my poop is solid. Mucus is a whole other story. I am a gas- and mucus-producting factory. I have gas 24/7/365. Out of both ends. I also have heartburn, so usually it hurts to hiccup. In fact, as I am typing this, I am belching. I need someone to tell me what it's like to live with IBS. Someone else who's young. All I think all day long it poop-how it was, how it will be, I obsess over its color-was that as light as I think it was or was that just the light shining into the bowl?-texture, etc. I analyze and overanalyze everything. Was that fart different from other ones? Does it mean that I will get loose again? I am also really superstitious. If something I did/ate was followed by an episode of D, I will not do it again, maybe not ever, but at least not in the near future. i know that eating fruits on an empty stomach causes IT, so I don't eat fruits on an empty stomach. In fact, it practically never eat fruits. I do eat vegetables, I just tend to avoid corn and tomatoes for the most part. I don't like fast food, so I never eat it. i don't drink or smoke either. I have never been kissed nor have I ever had a boyfriend. What I thought was love when I was 17, came out to be indigestion. I do, er, service myself. So I am not a prude, just I don't know. No guy has ever expressed any interest in me, so I never had a boyfriend. I am also overweight, not obese though. How do I lose weight with IBS? What do I eat? Lately, I don't like food because if I eat, I will poop. I wish I was like that sloth and only pooped once a week. Or better yet, I wish IBS would leave me alone. Ha. I am already alone. My friends are all too busy living their lives, and all I ever think about is poop. I am so tired of being sick and tired! I have like no energy at all. I just don't want to do anything at all. IBS has affected my job too. The only place I can work at, and have been working at for the past 3 years is an adult foster care home, basically it's a house that has a lot of bedrooms, and thankfully, a bathroom. I can't work as a cashier, or do anything that requires me being in one place at all times. I still earn a crappy $7.50 an hour that I started with, and though I have applied to many places and got interviews, I have not gotten an offer from anybody. Maybe it's because I never smile. Because I have nothing to smile about. As I try to be happy and stay positive, my IBS ruins everything. I would rather be constipated at all times and be full of sh*t than be a pooping machine. I can deal with pain, I already have plenty of it. My neck hurts, my left shoulder hurts, my back hurts, my stomach hurts, and my feet hurt. I hurt all over. How do I deal with all of this? A minute does not go by without me thinking about IBS. Also, does anybody know a dr. in Michigan who has good credentials? Help me, please.


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