# I'm having a flare up



## 20358 (Nov 14, 2005)

I'm pretty sure it's stress anyway. Either way, I need a shoulder. I have been doing so well with the pain and D since my surgery. But my oldest son - who is bipolar - was just released from residential treatment after 2.5 years. He has been so very difficult to raise. Anyone who knows the disease knows what I'm talking about. He has put me through so much stress for 21 years. (I've had 2 nervous breakdowns that required hospitalization) I've been very anxious since his coming home. But ever since, I've gotten horrible pains after eating and not long after that, the D hits. Very painful - like a burning pain. It's been almost 4 months since I've felt this way. I've been eating only safety foods the past 2 days and I have to tell you, I'M HUNGRY! I really want to avoid Immodium. I hate the aftermath of that stuff. (though sometimes it's worth it.) I'm really happy he's home, but he's chosen not to resume his medication. I"m worried for him. I'm worried for me and my mental health. I'm worried about subjecting his siblings to it all, all over again. Since he went away, an incredible calm has come over this house. He has his own place now, but I don't see how he's going to make it. The only job he could find so far is at a fast food joint. That won't pay the bills. At least he's trying and I give him credit for that, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to go back into therapy and it took me 3 years of therapy to get back to who I am today and I'm so afriad I'm going to lose it again. I plan on joining a Bipolar support group for family members, that's in my area. Maybe that'll help and I won't need therapy again. It was a very hard and painful road to recovery and I want to stay moving forward. On top of all that I'm having issues with my stepson and my husband. I know stepfamilies are very challenging to maintain, but I have to be honest - and God forgive me but, - I dont' like my stepson and I don't know what to do. We don't get along at all. He hates me and he is always telling my children he wishes I never moved in and he hopes I go away. He's almost 13, so it's not like he's 6 and doesn't know any better and is just saying things. At this age he knows what he's feeling and he's voicing his opinion. It hurts my children when he says that. I've tried talking to my husband about it, but he gets so defensive. I've tried all the Christian ways I know to find a reason to like him and I can't! I can't believe I feel this way. How do I try and get through the day dealing with a child who does not like me? Grrrr.... it's so frustrating. I get so afraid sometimes of who I am becoming. I have never disliked a child before. I am usually really good at paying no mind to people who don't like me. But this time it hurts, only because I have tried my best to be friends with him. I'm at a loss. Well thanks for the shoulders everyone. I'm sure I'll work through it all, but it's causing my flare ups and If I don't get the problem under control soon, I may be too far gone to reduce some of the flare ups. Oh my gosh, that 's worrying me too. AAAHHHHHHH!


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Aww... {{{ Lori }}}...I'm so sorry I don't know how to solve your problems... Just want to give you a big supportive hug...{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}Cherrie


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## Guest (Sep 12, 2007)

Lori - for a kick off - give yourself a bloody good pat on the back for getting in there and having a go - god alive - teenagers are hard enough when they are your own flesh and blood - you should hear some of the conversations between me and my daughter who is 14 - and calling them conversations - is really being very charitable!!!!! So this lad is your partner's son - have I got this right? OK - so you are going to have to do some frank talking with him (your partner) and say you feel in a very difficult position - he's going to have to mediate abit isn't he. When things are abit more on an even keel - how about some you and he (stepson) time - just the 2 of you doing summat that he really enjoys - but the air needs to be cleared first right enough?As to your son - thats a toughie - I'm not bipolar but have had major depressive episodes - and although I'm not thrilled at being on medication for life - I think, like me, he's going to have to bite the bullet and stay on his medication - certainly until there's been some water under the bridge and he's a little more stable - in a proper job etc.This is all very tough on you - you cannot do this all alone Lori - its not fair on your health and if you collapse - well then where will the family be? I know - my husband had to be virtually a single parent for the best part of 6 months whilst I battled with depression both in hospital and before that - coping very badly at home.I hope some of this helps - big hugs to you in the meantime.Sue xxxxx


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Lori, I too don't have any advice but to have gotten to where you are today you deserve a medal! Big ((hugs)) to you and I hope all goes well with your eldest son. I also hope that somehow you can sort things out with your stepson enough that you can co exist without so much strain and stress.


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## 14048 (Mar 1, 2007)

Lori, just hang in there. Let's hope your oldest son returns to taking his medication so that he can function. A job in fast food is a start. You have managed to get yourself to a good place and don't let your stepson drag you down. It is not really you but he would feel the same way about whomever his Dad married. I had the same thing with a step daughter and yes, I did not and still do not like her and it has been eighteen years since I married her dad. She tried to disrupt our lives in every way and break up our marriage, but we survived. You will, too. If you need to return to therapy, do so for your own peace of mind. As for your husband, they seem to be oblivious to what their children are doing. To them, it is no big deal. Men just don't seem to take things personally like we do. You can get through this. There is no reason why you have to like this boy. You are in command, not a thirteen year old boy. I hope it all works out for you. Maybe an anxiety med will help calm down your stomach again. Don't hesitate to take any med that you need. You will never be his pal, so just treat him like the other kids. No matter what he says or does, the other kids will figure him out. Keep us posted as to how you are doing.GadJett


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