# You Want to Understand Depression



## Guest (Nov 25, 2008)

Listen to this.......Outstanding and do I ever relate



Sue


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Wow, Sue, this series of videos has really provided a good insight into this illness and THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing!


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## Guest (Nov 26, 2008)

You are quite welcome my darling - Stephen Fry is a phenomenum and an inspiration to all of us with mental "wrinkles" - this series was a talking point the length and breadth of the UK - he has put mental illness on the map at long last. Thank you for taking the time and trouble to watch Cherrie - I think even if you don't have depression - its a tremendous insight into it. I'm not a manic depressive but there is so much of what he says that rings true - Carrie Fisher was wonderful - this "catch up, catch up" mania - yes, I have this sometimes, mad schemes "let all go and buy a cottage in Estonia" - yes, can totally relate, the crushing lack of self-confidence, his description of, at his lowest - the "trek" from say the sitting room to the 'fridge - yes, been there, got the t-shirt and he describes it all with such searing honesty and humour - suddenly its OK to admit to having a mental illness!!!!!Sue


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## Sian (Nov 23, 2008)

Round of applause for that I think. Yes, I suffer from IBS, but I have been mentally ' off kilter ; since age ten, and although no-one ever mocked it, virtually every-one dismissed it. It is not being slightly ' down ' - it's walking into the bathroom and looking at the bottle of thick toilet bleach and wondering if you should drink it ( even though you know it will kill you agonizingly ) and planning to lay out black bin liners before you take an overdose so that urine and feces will not run onto the couch when you die.


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## Guest (Nov 27, 2008)

Oh Sian - been there my darling - how I am still here - though I'm not right religious - I am just SO blessed that I survived my botched attempt in March 2006 - frankly, its a miracle - 2 whole bottles of paracetomol, a whole packet of my anti-depressant medication, a bottle of whiskey, all my son's migraine tablets (WHY????), a packet of St. John's Wort - I think all that saved me was that it was such a deadly cocktail - I vomited it up - so it couldn't have stayed in my system.God bless Stephen Fry - we've got to deal with this with a certain amount of humour I'm thinking. I love my boss - he'll say stuff like "any more of that nonsense Sue (if I've said summat particularly daft) - and we'll have you back in the nuthouse making ceramic tiles". What I CANNOT deal with is the sort of stunned silence when you tell people you have chronic depression - suddenly you've sprouted another head - mind you, I have a friend who "came out" about 5 years' ago - and I think he was met with a similar sort of reaction - why in god's name????We are all different, we all have our "wrinkles" - thank god - we don't want to be a nation of plastic stepford wife types surely???Sue


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## Sian (Nov 23, 2008)

_ 2 whole bottles of paracetomol, a whole packet of my anti-depressant medication, a bottle of whiskey, all my son's migraine tablets (WHY????), a packet of St. John's Wort - I think all that saved me was that it was such a deadly cocktail - I vomited it up - so it couldn't have stayed in my system._Oh good lord. HUGS. I was talking to some-one about it not long ago, and I said depression was a complete lack of hope. Usually, even when we're very down we can usually * hope * for something to get better, look forward to something. In depression there is nothing, no glimmer, so of course we end up feeling the only way out of that bottomless well is dying. _I think he was met with a similar sort of reaction - why in god's name????_ I have no idea, perhaps because we mostly look normal. I make an attempt to look normal most of the time. I suffer social phobia unless I'm in a familiar * safe * place with one or two people, but when I went for an interview at the Job Center, the woman ( on anti-depressants herself ) said, ' You don't seem panicky or shy. ' And inside I could * hear * myself talking to her, but my heart-rate was rocketing, I felt as if I was divorced from my body and was going to pass out. When I got out of the room I had to run into an alley and my IBS came on with a vengeance. I was bluffing. People see the exterior and mostly we make an effort to appear controlled mainly because in this society it's not done to hang your more intense emotions out in public, especially not ones which show our apparent ' weakness ' . People associate depression with breakdowns and are not quite sure what you will do, I think. If you look and act normally, they think you are attention-whoring. _we don't want to be a nation of plastic stepford wife types surely???_Now _that_ was a seriously disturbing film.







_we've got to deal with this with a certain amount of humour I'm thinking._That's true, and I frequently do. One of my doctors told me writing was very good for depression, and I said, ' I know! How could I write darkfic, torture and death and angst if I was happy? '


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## Guest (Nov 27, 2008)

What typified my depression was the absence of any type of pleasure - so simple things - like petting the dog, walks in the country, my children's voices, cuddling up to my little one (god she was only 6) - there was NO pleasure - just a horrible emptiness. I think the very, very worst aspect of my depression was the absence of "Sue" - if that doesn't sound too fanciful. There didn't appear to be any personality - just a husk which I suppose looked and sounded abit like me - though my friend Sue said "but where are all your "Sueisms".Depression at its worst is really a living hell and absolutely nothing to do with sadness or nothing to do with "snapping out of it" - (snapping out of WHAT)????I am so sorry that you have had feelings like that Sian - do you still get these - do you take anything that can help here.See I do fervently believe that my illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain - I do appear to be in remission (I only consider it that, and thank whoever for every single day that I am well) and for now, my anti-depressant medication seems to address this - I know I am very lucky.I was horrified to see a woman who I became very close to in the unit at our local supermarket, her husband recognised me - she had NO idea who I was nor very much of an idea who SHE was. I suppose in the psychiatric unit, we all seemed "sane" (in the Kingdom of the Blind and all that) - out in the "real" world, I realised how sick she was.No picnic really is it Sian - that woman at JCP should have known that!!!Sue xxx


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## Guest (Nov 28, 2008)

Oh cor blimey - re-reading this - sounds a mite melodramatic.What I would say to anyone even dipping their toe into the pit of despair - there is always hope. I have been well for nearly 3 years' now albeit on medication - its just a question of persistence and working closely with a proactive, clued up doctor. My GP is fab, lets me drive my treatment - so really I'm a lucky girl.Sue


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## Sian (Nov 23, 2008)

I know exactly what you mean, lack of pleasure in anything, and things I knew I used to find pleasure in. I take St John's Wort now. I actually find that quite good. Not a ' happy pill ', but a definite improvement to wangst and woe all the time! I was on anti-depressants for three years, for one year they made a slight difference, ( actually they made me quite aggressive, I used to argue with people and I'm usually as quiet as a mouse!







after that and the highest dose, which did not help ( and side effects ) I came off. The withdrawal was so bad I decided never to take anything again. For some people they work and very well, since my problems all began after a year of abuse, and gradually became panic/depression and phobias, I think it's something I need to address in a different way. I seem to vaguely remember being pretty happy, if solitary before I was ten. d;-) I am very glad it is under control for you now and that you have a great doctor. It's absolutely fantastic when that happens.


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## Guest (Nov 28, 2008)

I'm interested in your experiences with St John's Sian and glad they work well. My doctor did try me on these at one point but I was at the suicidally depressed end of the spectrum and far too ill I think.I am very lucky - but I never take my mental health for granted - just enjoy the time I have NOW. One thing about my bout in 2005/06 - by heck I do live for the moment much more now. Lets face it - our time here is so very short - you've got to grab life by the scruff haven't you. I have done all sorts of things I'd never have done before - the craziest was probably doing the Go Ape high ropes course in Buxton - scared the bejaysus out of me - and I had to have an individual sesh with lovely Steve (who probably thought I was a right saddo) - but whizzing down that zip wire - fantastic!!!!!And you have to exploit the talents you have - like you with your creative writing Sian. I do hope that all works out for you.,Sue xxx


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