# My worst fear realized: My baby has it too



## Coggie (Dec 28, 2000)

I have a lot of new mom fears, but the number one had always been: I don't want him to be like me, health-wise, i.e., no butt problems. Which was why I was determined to breastfeed, unlike what happened when I was a baby. I'd heard breastfeeding gave babies a head start with stronger guts, better chances of withstanding IBS symptoms.But after only almost three weeks, my firstborn and only son developed a peri-rectal abscess, located on the side of his right butt crack. They drained it, prescribed sitz baths etc., and in the follow-up, the pediatric surgeon told me that if the abscess doesn't go away in two weeks and gets worse, my poor little guy has to undergo a fistula surgery...the same thing I went through a few years ago which rendered me almost completely chronically incontinent.I was told by the two surgeons who first saw my son in the emergency room and who drained the abscess, that incontinence was rare to unheard of in such fistula surgeries and that my doctor probably did it wrong, or that it was set too deep. But that a baby heals faster and better than an adult, and that if it caused incontinence, they would tell me right off.Still, chances are this abscess won't go away, it's still there and my husband says it's gotten a little redder.







True, it's only been one week since the drainage and the pediatric surgeon last Thursday told me in two weeks' time from then on, but reading up again on how they have to cut into the sphincter to get rid of the tunnel aka the fistula... it just dredges up all kinds of sickening worry and guilt, that I rubbed too hard or worse, that I grabbed something I shouldn't have while cleaning his anus.And he must be in pain, too, no wonder he sometimes squirms and grunts uncomfortably while breastfeeding, especially tonight.I had this stupid, odd thought run through my head early on after the baby was born, while diapering him...what if I was causing him to get a hemorrhoid by rubbing on his anus too forcefully, what if I was sticking my finger inside and pulling on flesh without realizing it?If I have done anything to cause this repeat in my son, I will never forgive myself.


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## kyestar (Nov 26, 2001)

Coggie,I don't know a lot about this type of thing, but I can say with a great deal of certainity that this is not your fault. It sounds like you have done everything that you can for your little baby, you should be proud of yourself, not beating yourself up over this. These things happen, and you are not to blame. I really hope things improve for you and your little one. Sending my best wishes your way,Kyestar


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## norbert46 (Feb 20, 2001)

Coggie, there is nothing wrong with the way you've cared for your baby. You've done nothing wrong and need to get rid of the needless guilt trip! I do wonder why they can't do something with antibiotics and drainage but I also had fistula surgery at the age of 50yrs old and I have no problems and am not incontinent. I don't think you need to worry about the baby being incontinent because they don't damage the anal muscle and the flesh all grows back.(faster in a young person). Calm down, everything will be fine! Best wishes, Norb


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## Coggie (Dec 28, 2000)

If the muscle grows back and there's no incontinence, why did it happen to me?I had a run-of-the-mill surgery to treat an anal fistula and the next day, I tried a few sips of chicken noodle soup and out gushed fishy-smelling pure liquid brownish-yellow diarrhea. Lots of it. I haven't been able to hold in my stools since, either only a few seconds or not at all. And not just the diarrhea.It could be a combo of my gall bladder removal years before catching up with me and my IBS finally kicking in with the anal fistula surgery, or the surgeon did me wrong. He's retired now so who the hell knows.Now, I feel gypped.


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## norbert46 (Feb 20, 2001)

Coggie, I'm not a medical expert but feel sure the baby will be okay. You must remember a significant difference between you and us(me and him)! You are a female who is made very different down there from us and you've had children which can make things worse. Go see a good MD about your problem and it can probably be fixed for you too! The next thing I greatly suggest is for you to get relief for your IBS and anxiety by getting Mikes tapeprogram and I like to listen thru headphones at bedtime. I no longer have IBS/D problems and don't ever expect fistula problems again. Come over to the CognitiveBT/AH BB and ask questions and read. Mike,Eric and Marilyn will help and answer any questions. Best wishes, Norb


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