# My friend won't take care of her IBS



## amy22 (Mar 6, 2001)

I'm at my friend's house this week. I have IBS-C, she has IBS-D. We can talk about our bowels pretty openly. Well she knows she has to have IBS because she has D after every meal and feels the cramping warning signals before, feels better after, all that stuff. Some things aggravate it more, but she won't avoid them because she says she "gets sick" anyway, so why not eat the food she likes? She says, "It's the same thing if I eat normal food, just a little worse". Well her family eats out a lot and she eats a lot of greasy food, and she drinks coffee. Just today we were at a restaurant and she had coffee. A few minutes after we ate I said, "You know, coffee will make your IBS worse..." She said, "Really? Shoot." But didn't seem to care. About 5-10 min. later she said she was "going to the bathroom" and looked like she was in pain. I was in a store so I followed her 10 min. later or so. She was still there. She said she felt awful but she's not going to give up any foods because she's used to the diarrhea after every meal. She hates being sick all the time but won't do anything about it! Agh! Please help me find something to say to her. I hate seeing her sick and unhappy and in pain.-Amy


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## lisa01 (Sep 24, 2001)

Hi Amy,How wonderful for you to have a friend who has IBS! I would love to find someone who could empathize, although my family is very sympathetic, it's not the same I'm sure being able to talk to someone who understands because they feel exactly what you do and have gone through those terrible tests & preps. Uggh..Anyway, about your friend. That's kind of what I'm like. I was diagnosed recently. I think I've had IBS for about 10 years, but only recently did it get bad enough that I went to the doctor as I had D for about 2 weeks straight and cramping all the time. It didn't seem to follow any food. It's now been since June of this year that I've had D. Some days are worse than others, but I can not predict the food triggers. It happens even when I don't eat. I love food. Especially McDonald's. I am living with the pain since I can't avoid it, not knowing what causes it and I eat what I want. And sometimes I don't eat because I just get so tired of it all. At least it slows down when I don't eat.You can't make your friend go to the doctor, it's completely up to her. If she wants to live her life and enjoy the things she always has (food wise) let her. (JMHO) You can't force her to stop drinking coffee (I still do, even though I know I'm going to pay for it, but I LIKE IT Dammit!) Unless she's one of the complainers who won't do anything to fix it, than I don't see what the problem is. I know you don't like seeing her in pain, but if she's okay with it, let her come around to using Imodium or something if she wants to.... maybe this is her way of coping with this. (ie well, I have to live with this pain & D, I'm going to make it worth it, and eat what I want!) No meds worked for me other than Imodium and I can finish at box of 18 w/in three days easily. That's another reason I still eat things that are "bad". JMHO, Amy... it's all up to her. She knows there's help out there but it's up to her to ask for it.


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

There is a ratio between how bad this bothers me and how much I like things and won't give them up.Everyone has a different place where the "teeter totter" flips. and they are willing to change to fix things.She may have tried many of the control the IBS things and found they didn't make it go away enough to be worth it.I had pain EVERY meal, It really didn't matter what I ate so I did the I'll eat what I want and what I need to be healthy and painful cramps be damned. I was gonna hurt no matter what, and the difference between extremely severe obnoxious pain and not quite extremely severe obnoxious pain wasn't worth hassling over what I ate.For some people the act of eating will always bring on symptoms because the body over-reacts to the normal signals that go on after the stomach fills. When it is every meal people either tend to stop eating entirely or say to heck with eat and eat as they please.K.------------------ kmottus###aol.comï¿½When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fallï¿½Think of it, ALWAYS. ï¿½Mahatma GandhiMy story and what worked for me in greatly easing my IBS: http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/Forum17/HTML/000015.html


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## georgeb (Jun 5, 2000)

sorry to say this, but screw her. If she's not willing to grasp reality and do something about it, then she needs to grow up a bit, quit being embarassed and take action to better her life. In my opinion of course....


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## Michael Mahoney (Oct 11, 2001)

Hi All,I think she will find her own way.No use worrying about her. You have your life to live. She knows where you are if / when she needs your support. For now, use your energy for you, but it was nice to read you care so much







Best RegardsMike------------------Authorized Expert for IBS Association - Ask the Specialist forum.Author of the IBS Audio Program 100www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## amy22 (Mar 6, 2001)

Hi,Thank you all for your replies. She knows she can be better if she'll eat healthier food, I think it's mostly just a matter of being embarassed to say, "I can't eat that" or even "I shouldn't eat that" or to even give up her favorite eating habits in front of her friends. Some of her friends know what she's going through... not many. She's embarassed and afraid of imposing if she even asks her parents to fix her a different meal. You see, they eat out quite a bit and it's hard to order ANYTHING on the menu anyway.Another thing... she was bulemic in the past for quite a while and at first when the IBS started she thought it was just her body naturally getting rid of food because she was so used to throwing it up. Her logic was, "It's not coming out of me one way, so my body gets rid of it another way. It's just used to it now." Do you think there's any truth to this at all or any hint to why her IBS was triggered? Please let me know.-Amy


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## amy22 (Mar 6, 2001)

P.S. - While I was visiting, my friend's parents were extremely supportive of my IBS. Emily just told them I had "stomach problems" and we leave it at that. Her mom asked me before she cooked meals if they would be okay on my tummy. Most meals agree with me well, so she made meals according to plan, but still it was very sweet of her to ask. If she would have made just tomato soup or a few various other things, I would have been in pain.So I know her parents would be supportive if she wanted to change her diet at all, she just won't talk to them about it. I don't even think they know what all she goes through. She just goes up to her own bathroom after eating and they don't really ask questions. (That's how she was able to be bulemic for some time...)I know I can't run her life, her bowels, etc. but I just don't like to see her in pain. After particularly bad meals, she holds her stomach, looks at me in a semi-panic and dread, and says, "I'll be right back..." I hate seeing her like that. She always says, "I hate being sick all the time!" but I can't help her.-Amy


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2001)

Sorry about your friend, but you could almost be talking about me! I LOVE my coffee and yes I know its not good for you, for a lot of reasons. But its the only vice I pretty much have left. As for the food, well, I pretty much eat what I want also. There is no rhyme or reason as to what sets it off or what doesn't. For example, I can eat ice cream at one time and never have to run to the bathroom, then at another time, I can eat it and have to run to the bathroom five times in 30 minutes. So.....you just don't know. My mentality is like your friend's and I am sure there are a lot of us out there who are like that.


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