# Hi I'm new.. Help.. Advice please?



## rhian0310 (Oct 18, 2013)

Hi I'm new to this site. (sorry for such a long post just want to make sure I covered everything!)

I got told I have IBS around a year ago after three years of tests for different things.

I have been working in the same job for three and a half years in a small office. Everyone knows I have problems with my stomach - not details but they are aware that I see a specialist and have to be very careful about what I eat as lots of food make me unwell.

The works Christmas party has recently been booked and we were handed a menu to choose from which only had 2 starter options, 3 main meal and 2 desserts. Basically from the menu the only thing I could eat was one of the starters. When I spoke to my manager to say I'm not able to eat any of the food she was very shocked asking typical questions ("can't you just eat this/that) I explained that if I did it would make me ill. I asked if she would be able to ask if the restaurant would do anything else for me which she later came back and said they wouldn't.

By this point she started getting quite funny with me saying things like "Why can't you just eat this?" "what do you want me to do". When I suggested that I wouldn't go she was funny again telling me my boss would be really annoyed if I didn't go.

I got upset at this point - I also suffer with anxiety and take medication for this which she is also aware of. When I got upset she kept telling me I was being really silly.

In the end, she said she would speak to my boss and see if they could change the venue. She later come back and told me its tough luck, that's where we're going, they can't work it all around me and if I don't want to go then don't go!"

I feel quite offended by what has happened after working here for so long and do feel like I have been excluded. I don't really expect them to have to plan everything around me but knowing I can't eat certain foods and bearing in mind there are only 5 of us working here, you'd think they could consider everyone and check with everyone first - as they have done every other year since I have been here!

I feel quite uncomfortable at work at the moment given what's happened and I know that the day of the Christmas meal (last day of work) everyone will be leaving early for it and I will be left on my own. I also feel like everyone thinks I am just being extremely awkward and that there is nothing wrong!

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?


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## Shade711 (Oct 4, 2013)

I haven't experienced a situation quite like that but a lot of similar ones. When I was in college and starting to miss a lot of classes people claimed I was lazy and didn't care and questioned my character - anything but the fact that I was ill and distraught with it.

Growing up my father knew I had an illness, but didn't believe it was as bad as it was and though I couldn't hold a job he constantly made me feel guilty for not working. It was really hurtful and made me feel even more alone because it made me think everyone didn't believe how bad I could be hurting and that they thought I was faking it or exaggerating how bad it was when I wasn't.

There's a lot of things that people don't understand about IBS and how extreme the symptoms can get. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people I had cancer or similar, because people seem to comprehend the pain of that situation unlike IBS. And though IBS doesn't kill you, it can make you beyond miserable and people should be cheering you on for making your diet work instead of downplaying how important it is.

So yeah, a lot of us understand the frustration. There's really only two options that I can think of. You can explain to your boss how serious it is, or you can find another job where people can understand. Otherwise you'll just need to thicken your skin and deal with what you have now.


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## mimibear (Oct 24, 2013)

I had always loved Christmas parties. I usually just fressed (snacked on appetizers). If I was unable to eat the food, I just ate something I COULD have before I went to that I wouldn't be tempted to eat that which would make me ill. When the plate comes just ignore it, or offer some of your food to someone else who might like it as I found portions are usually pretty small. You don't need to apologize for anything. Would they be offended if you were diabetic and they were only having cake, and candy. It is hard to explain stomach problems, much less anxiety problems to anyone.

My advice would be if you think you if, sans the food issue, you would enjoy this party, go and have a good time. If you think you would spend the whole time feeling anxious and nauseaous then stay home, have a cup of tea, read a good book or watch some TV. Many people never take the time to under another's illnesses. I just ignore those kind of folks.

I wish you well and please PM me if you want to talk.


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## rhian0310 (Oct 18, 2013)

Thank you both for your replies. 
I decided after getting quite frustrated and upset at work (they made me feel so small like I was being really awkward) that I'm not gonna go. Its straight from work after a 9-5 shift so will be quite hungry by then. I also have to take my medication half an hour before a meal (which is always a pain) and it isn't clear what time we would be eating.

It's after work on the very last day and everyone will be coming in dressed up ready to go out afterwards so that will be a little bit awkward, but since deciding I won't be going, apart from feeling awkward, I feel a lot less anxious about it.


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## dlinda (Oct 30, 2013)

Wow, I can't believe people could be so insensitive! When I was working nobody really knew I had IBS, just that I seemed to be in the bathroom a lot. I somehow made it through Xmas, though. I tried to eat just a little bit of everything and cut back on drinking. Even now, very few people know I have IBS and they don't seem to know what it is. Instead of explaining it to them, which I tried to do (one person didn't seem to understand: he said if you have to go to the bathroom you go!) Yeh, great, but every 20 minutes or so. Now when I tell people I have a problem I tell them to look it up on the Internet. I feel sometimes they;ll get a better explanation than I can give. After all very few people want to hear about my bowel problems.


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