# THEY DON'T KNOW BUT THEY THINK THEY DO...



## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

Okay, hands up the number of you who are given random advice by condescending 'elders' who know something about IBS but don't suffer from it.It is getting on my nerves the number of people who think they're being helpful, but have no idea what they're talking about *argh*







A lady i work for once a week gave me a half hour lecture about why i must be ill. She meant well, but i could've hit her over the head, especially when she said, "you look the picture of health" although i'd spent all morning before work having D and felt awful all day. (I'm slim and she's about triple the weight she should be, so i'm thinking her opinion of healthy may be a little warped.)Then my Aunty, who's a nurse gave me another 'well-meant' lecture. Why can't people accept that it is a REAL illness and not in our heads?!!! Yup, stress doesn't help, but when we're relaxed and calm we still suffer.Can you tell i'm irritated?







hehe!


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## bad girl (Aug 19, 2003)

I'm with you sista! I don't have to stand in one place for long to find an expert.My boss told me that I obviously suffered from anxiety. If I learned to handle that, then my stomach problems would just go away! I "just need to relax" and I'll feel fine. If I quit letting my family bother me, then the symptoms would vanish. I don't think so. Naturally, she's the expert on health in general because she older than me and my boss. I just thanked her for her opinion and concern.How clueless can people be? I just want to tell them to shut up!


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## betagirl (Oct 12, 2002)

I really feel for you guys with IBS. Sometimes I think you have it harder than people with IBD, because at least we have an identifiable cause to our problems. It's got to be frustrating to have docs scratch their heads, then have people try to figure you out on top of it who have no clue. I've had people, including non-GI docs, say to me "why don't you just take prednisone, it'll fix your problem." Yeah ok, but will give me a stroke in the process from the high BP steroids give me. I won't touch the stuff with a 50 ft. pole. I've had people tell me that I should control it only with diet, and not to take medication. They've bought me books on the topic







While there are some helpful pointers in these books to help control the symptoms, they get argumentative when I say I have to take some medication also.Most people don't even know what the heck Crohn's is, so it's always fun to explain what it's like. I'm sure it grosses some people out. Peeps with IBS-D can probably relate a little there







What about the comments "ooo look how thin you are! I wish I had your figure" Do you REALLY want my diet and weight loss plan? Or after you lose a bit too much weight "man you're so skinny. why don't you eat more?" Sure, so it can go right through me







Anyway, you get the idea and have been there I'm sure. I have to say most people in my life have been absolutely wonderful, but you do get those "special" people who make life more entertaining.Ok rant over.


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## andrel07 (Dec 3, 2002)

Sparkle*I know exactly how you feel......The other thing that drives me mad is when you finally admit to someone that you have IBS and then they say "I think I have a bit of that too" As if what you suffer is something that is mild and we can live normally with it. Aghhhhh! That drives me mad!!!!







Leanne


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## angylroses (Feb 27, 2003)

Adding "know-it-alls" underneith "refridgerators" and "vending machines" on my list of what I will destroy when I take over the world. *insert evil laugh here*







Everytime I wear something that accents my figure, my roommate goes on a "oh, I'm so fat.. I'm so depressed.." rant. She wouldn't be fat if she stopped eatting out and exercised. So when I tell her she's not fat, she goes, "Oh - that's easy for you to say. You're skinny!" Like I should be punished for having IBS and being skinny.Seriously.. non-IBS people can have some serious issues sometimes!


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## asian_girl (Aug 22, 2003)

i hate it when i try to explain my ibs to people and they say "its all in your head." man, that pisses me off. i feel like slapping them. noone hardly ever understands the pain we go through. when i say "my stomach hurts," someone else will say "i had that last week. i feel great. dont worry, youll feel better soon." what the hell? its like, i dont even want to try to explain it coz in the end, ill end up upset.


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

Leanne, tell me about it! Even my boyfriend, who i adore said to me the other day, "i think i might have a bit of IBS because of all the snacking i do at work" (he works in a kitchen so doesn't eat properly) and then he added "...but i'm not sure". I said, believe me buddy, you'd know if you had it!It's almost more frustrating when someone you love underestimates how serious the condition is and how painful. I'd expected a little more from him just because he's seen me when i've been in agony, and crying my eyes out becuase i get so fed up with it...but i guess it just boils down to 'if you can't see it then it can't be that bad'. If only they knew...


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## jamiethorntonlewis (May 22, 2002)

This is partly what I aim to write about when I finally finish my dissertation.


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## andrel07 (Dec 3, 2002)

Sparkle,My other half tries to be supportive, and he does well most of the time, and as I'm IBS-c he is actually impressed at how long I don't go for.







But when I'm really ill, he ends up getting annoyed, not at me but that there is nothing he can do to help me. Which in a way is really sweet







People just don't seem to understand the pain we go through......







Leanne


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

Yeah, it's like they need to feel like they can help *bless* but sometimes you just want to be left to rot on your own.







Oh well, it's good to be loved even if they don't understand x


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## Ice (Nov 18, 2002)

Yeah rotting on your own is sometimes the best thing! My sister pretends she understands but after a big row the other night she obviously doesn't - we had to cancel a holiday due to my grand parents getting seriously ill. But I'm the fall-guy (girl hehe) allegedly it would have been a rubbish holiday because I spend so much time in the bathroom. Lets just say I took great delight when she ate a dodgy burger....ahem Anyway anyone else think that some loved ones bear grudges against you because of IBS??? Maybe i'm paranoid! oooh another thing - anyone get annoyed when you struggle out and put your problems aside only to get it shoved back in your face - when people say you shouldn't have bothered if your "that" ill?


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

This definitely always gets to me...and especially what asian girl said about people responding. You tell them that your stomach is bothering you and they tell you that it's probably the flu, not to worry. Even people who KNOW I have IBS say stuff like that. I just want to be like, "You know what? It's not the flu, so please stop telling me that." It's like they refuse to acknowledge IBS as anything serious. My parents, who know how much time I spend in the bathroom and how sick I am after an attack, still sometimes say that I worry too much. As if that's the cause of my problems!


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## bad girl (Aug 19, 2003)

How many times have I heard "it's a thing going around"? Too many







People I work with tell me that all the time. Because their kid was puking two days ago, they assure me I will be just fine tomorrow. If only it were that simple!


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

ooh, i've started off a serious rant! Fantastic!!! <evil laugh>xxx


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## Ice (Nov 18, 2002)

hehe go Sparkle! Opened a can of worms methinks...Keyboard has now replaced the customary punch bag!


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## kiryakitty (Aug 16, 2003)

Not to repeat anybody, but UGH!I try not to divulge all the details, since no one wants to hear it anyway, and I just say stomach ache. You dont' know how many times I've heard "Have a soda!", or "Have you tried eating something?"I finaly told my best friend the real reason behind my constant "stomach aches" and why I'm always late, and she STILL gets mad at me when I take a long time in the bathroom! On top of that she has an eating disorder and is constantly jelious of my wieght loss. It's so disgusting.I takes all my effort not to just hole myself up in room (with a toilet) all day, and just hide from the world.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Grr! I get this all the time god dammit! Normally from my mum of all people, and a close friend of mine seems to think its mainly in my head.Rant rant rant, ###### ###### ######.


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## lnxchx1 (Aug 29, 2003)

Hi allThe best one i've had was one night i was eating out with a group of friends and took an attack; i was in the resturant bathroom for about 30 minutes and when i came back one of the girls said "oh you'l be fine, just have a few drinks and it will go away" (







) I dont think drinking alcohol helps any( unfortunately ?







) luckily i went home right away...do people think we actually _enjoy_ not being able to eat "normal" foods?best wisheslnxchx


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## betagirl (Oct 12, 2002)

Wouldn't it be nice if beer cured all this


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## Gtpchic31 (Jun 9, 2003)

i love my boyfriend to death and he is so great with my gut issues and takes great care of me when i have an attack but some times he drives me nuts.







when i have an attack i get horrid abdominal apin anf just wanna lay down in a ball in bed. he thinks walking around outside helps.I will say it helps when its a mild attack. Another thing is these stupid people who think its all in you head. it makes me wanna scream!!!


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## radar079 (Aug 11, 2003)

I can totally relate to the issue of people who have "heard" about IBS and then telling me to reduce stress in my life. Even my mom, who I love is like, well if you would exercise more, it wouldnt be so bad. They just dont understand! They act like they do, but they dont. How can they, when I dont even understand it. I know that a few of the trigger foods for me are soda and coffee and beans. Plus eating in general makes my stomach swell. Last night I ate a hamburger and when it settled in my tummy, I looked like I was going into labor. Its those times that I feel like no matter what I eat, I will bloat. Oh well, maybe it get better!


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## cshaw (May 24, 2003)

I get that "It's all in your head" "You r such a fussy eater - alwayz have 2 e different and awkward" and "Why do u turn it into such a big thing - everyone gets problems with their tum from time 2 time - it's just part of life" This really pisses me off, sometimes i just want 2 scream or cry!!!!!!!!!! Ok thats my rant done.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Two things for explaining IBS to others who don't understand especially family and close friends."All to often, we forget that IBS not only affects the sufferer, it can have a detrimental effect on the lives of those around the sufferer. Holidays and days out might often be cancelled or restricted. It is not easy having IBS, it is not easy supporting an IBS sufferer either. This short recording is easy to understand explaining the symptoms, common fears, and the explorative tests that IBS sufferers have to go through to be diagnosed as having IBS. For those around the sufferer, it will provide insight into this most troublesome condition. For the IBS sufferer it can be a good source of explaining IBS when you have tried or you are tired of explaining it to others. With gentle soothing background music this recording adds to seeing both sides of the IBS equation. Recorded by Michael Mahoney, known by many sufferers for his gentle, patient approach and for his support in helping IBS sufferers and partners too. "You can listen to part of this here. These things can be very helpful for sure in helping to explain IBS to those who don't have it and how much it can effect a persons life. http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/companion.wma http://www.ibsaudioprogram.com/new_audio_titles.htm Molly's brochure.IBS explained for people who don't have IBS Written by "Molly" a member of the IBS Self Help Group Bulletin Board. http://www.ibsgroup.org/main/aboutibs.html


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## marvin3784 (Nov 17, 2002)

This is exactally why my grandmother doesn't know about my IBS. As far as most of the family is concerned it is just the "Rowlett stomach."


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## mjnooner (Sep 16, 2003)

Hi all! Its so comforting to know that other people are being peed-off my the "normals" - and its not just me! Besides all the people who think they know whats wrong with me...the thing that gets me the most is that they almost seem to know more than my doctors! Personally, I think that "Maybe" should definately NOT be a part of a doctors vocabulary! "MAYBE you should give this a try" "MAYBE it will go away" "MAYBE its just stress or anxiety"......I'd just like to tell him to take his maybes and then tell him just where to go and how to get there!!!







lol! Of course, all the concern and general worrying is very appreciated!


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## hells_angels_y2k (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi everybody. I was diagnosed with IBS last week and the first thing my dad said was 'your eating to much of this, doing that wrong and you should stop this at once. I read on the net I know'. I was like 'now hang on a minute, i already KNOW what im doing thankyou!' and then he had a go at me for interupting him. Then, the next morning i went into the room where my mum and dad were and they said 'were changing your diet'. I was sooo pissed off, like 'excuse me!? WE are changing YOUR diet?!' what about my opinion on the issue huh! It pisses me off that just cos they are older and 'wiser' than me they think they know whats good for my IBS, when they have never had it themselves and ive had it for ages.... and it is damned painful!


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## Yuli (Jan 19, 2003)

I was getting ready to cry when I read this thread. I'm IBS C and luckily my boyfriend is IBS D. so it's cute and sad at the same time...he totally understands which is wonderful, but aside from him and a few coworkers (my boss has been AMAZING) I can't get anyone, from my parents to my doctor, to understand. My mom HAS the same condition but barely admits it and my dad is convinced i'm a hypochndriac. my doctor recognized my condition but giggled in embarrassment and said she'd never met anybody my age with this problem and that i should keep taking laxatives regularly.As long as we're ranting, figured I'd add it all on now (;Arrrrrrgh!!y


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## shelly_3319 (Oct 16, 2003)

Has anyone had any experience with stupid doctors? i saw this one guy, he was a surgen. As soon as i walked in the door he started asking me stupid questions like, what i do in my spare time, and why wasn't i in school (cause i was sick as a dog and terrified i was dying of bowel cancer) He then proceded to tell me the way it looked to him, was that i was putting it all on to get out of school and it was all in my head. He was so ###!#$ arrogant, i was almost in tears. He then examined me and gave me a rectal exmination (not very nice at the best of times) but he was so rough, i could not sit down afterwards, he really hurt me. And to top it all off before i left he told me if i have any more problems i should go back to my GP, in other words, don't come back! I was so angry at him, people like that shouldn't be doctors!!! They can't judge people like that!


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## Baby1155 (Oct 1, 2003)

My boyfriend is a sweetheart but hes originally from El Salvador and there medicine there is really old fashioned! He thinks that because I'm sick all the time I should eat more! He gets mad at me when I sit at dinner and can't eat. He tells me that since I think about being sick before dinner thats why I am sick... apparently I'm supposed to suprise my stomach and eat before I think about it! (I actually thought that was cute... but I can tell you "suprising my stomach" wont cure my IBS!) Oh, he also tells me that coffee will make me feel better. Ya, pretty sure that kind of medicine will put me in the bathroom all day!More seriously tho, its really hard when family and friends don't get it. They do think its all in your head and that you HAVE to be doing something to cause it. They just don't get it... grrrr...


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## Guest (Nov 12, 2003)

I know how you feel, when I first started having problems the doctors told me it was all in my head and I was furious. I mean I am not maschostic I don't want to make myself sick, who would? Then my mother who thinks she is helping really doesn't. especially when I would be stuck on the toilet before school and she would be yelling at me that she was going to leave me home if I didn't get a move on. Thanks mom add more pressure. I would be crying for her not to leave me and upset that I was still so sick I could barely move. Those were the worst mornings.


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## lisa_webby (Jun 10, 2002)

hey you all,I don't come around here much anymore, but when I saw this thread I had to post... YES, in college those "normal" people used to annoy me so much with their amazement at how I would consistently turn down pizza, ice cream, soda, and alcohol!! Of course I WANTED it!!!!!!!! But all those things triggered the pain, gas, bloating, and (la creme de la creme) fecal incontinence (thought I'd rather be dead). My university was really high-stress, and having to plan everything around IBS (e.g. picking classes based on bathrooms) stressed me out even more. And I was so p*ssed at the string of useless doctors contradicting each other and not listening to what I was telling them. I thought it was a complete crock when they (and my parents) told me it might be stress-related or was "all in my head."But after graduation, I experienced a virtual miracle: my IBS went into remission. Seriously! Exactly one day after I received my diploma, it was as if I had lost a huge, HUGE burden. I felt SO much better physically, and my IBS practically disappeared! I've had a few flare-ups, but NOTHING like it was before. I'm convinced... for me, it had A LOT to do with stress. I'm a grad student now, but don't let anyone fool you - grad school's a cakewalk compared to undergrad. So if your well-meaning friends/docs/relatives are telling you it's stress, try try try to listen politely! They just might be able to help, at least a little. Of course stress isn't easy to control, especially in the life of a student (heck, it's practically our job to be stressed!), but I sincerely hope that graduation will bring you as much relief as it did me!!Anyway, I'm definitely not saying that this is the case for everyone... just suggesting that reducing stress might be worth a try! Maybe stress is only one of many, many, many things that can "cause" IBS.sailaway


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## iambalthazar (Mar 14, 2003)

Hey, I'm doing a paper about IBS, and my point is that it IS NOT all in your head. Can anybody help me in finding sources or anything that say IBS is all in your head? Hahaha, everything I find are supportive and great, which I need, but I have to present the opposite view.


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## PandoraNS (Nov 9, 2003)

Ah! I know what everyone is talking about. All the people in my life have been exclaiming over my weight loss and wish they could lose weight. And I remind them how much I'd rather be fatter and free to eat and live normally! I contastly anm praying not to have to use a bathroom when I go out of my dorm room etc. My dad also thinks he knows everything. He tried to self diagnose me and keeps making me worse. He thinks he knows jack and he doesn't! Meanwhile I have to tell my boyfriend my stomach hurts so he doesn't see me fleeing to the bathroom. It's enough to make a girl go crazy. I don't know how people function who have it worse than me, or Crohn's or something.


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