# My mind



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I just feel like IBS is on my mind all the time and its really getting to me at the moment. Its in my head all the time. I'm beginning to feel like i can't do anything anymore. I had been so much better over the summer and now it just seems to be getting worse (IBS that is).I feel really bad that i am dumping on everyone again. Its just all a bit much for me. The pattern my IBS has keeps changing. How am i supposed to get on with my life if the rules keep changing. I have noticed that every 3 months or so the pattern will change. Im very frustrated.I did tell my bloke about my IBS. When i was all staring into space earlier he wanted to know what was wrong and we had a long conversation on the phone about it justnow. Just as we were about to hang up i said to him that i did know partly what was wrong and ended up launching into how the IBS is on my mi nd ALL the time no matter how good or bad it is and how my mum doesn't listen when i tell her what is wrong and stuff. He didn't realise it was that big a deal to me and felt bad that he had to go (he has to work in the morning and its 12.45am). He is going to call me tomorrow and we will talk about it.I just don't know what to do im at my wits end. And no Eric i have not found a therapist and probably won't do either. Yes i know- im an idiot-but what you do huh?Spliffy


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## Guest (Oct 24, 2002)

Hi Nikki.... I'm back... this is Evie.... how are you? Haven't spoken with you since the last time you IM'd me. I like the new name.Don't get mad at me now.... it's just that it sounds as if your "happiness" depends on your interactions with others more than it should. Granted the IBS is a pain in the butt (literally)..... but if you wear it on your sleeve when you're with people that you don't want to put off.... they're going to be put off. It's fine if they know it exists. It just doesn't need to be the focal point of your life. You have the ability to get around it if you will tap into some resources that are available to you... such CBT.It helps when we learn to be strong for ourselves. That is something that doesn't always come easily. It took me almost 50 years to figure that one out.Eric is right to point you in the direction of a therapist. And you know how I feel about that. At the moment, without my therapist and my medication, I would be having "grave" difficulty facing my life.You can come here and vent whenever you need or want to and there will always be some support here for you to get you through some of the tough times. However... if you want to make progress with your health challenges, you might try being a bit more open and willing to move ahead and engage in some treatments that could actually very positively affect your life.In psychological arenas, there is something referred to as "excited misery". It propelled for most of my adult life. I'd hate to see for the same empty pastime fill yours.When I was in the throes of depression, I couldn't be around for you. But you know that I care about you and will always wish you the best.Are you in the band again this year?Warmly, Evie


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Sweetie,Yeah, IBS sometimes does that, changes patterns. Most likely a combo of all the stuff you are dealing with, and also the mind armies thingy.I am proud of you for telling your bloke about the IBS. If he is a keeper, he will be there for you. Sometimes that IS what your friends are for! Support and understanding. Therapists are good too, but I know it is difficult over there to get one that is tuned in to where you need them to be.PM me if you need to, I am busy, but always there for you. I am sorry your mum still is having difficulty grasping how you feel, but what I have learned is that you can't have any other expectation for her that her response to you will change, you have to just know that she is going to always relate to it that way, even though that is tough to take. I know this from personal experience. If at some time she does become understanding, then hurray, but for now, stick with the mates that support you.You are in need of having people around you now who love you and understand you. One day, the tide will turn, and just as they are there for you, you are there for them as well. Hang in there honey bunny...thoughts are with you. Be gentle with yourself, and know that others care... Love, M xx


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

OK, i don't just go out with a group of people for example and say, oh hey! By the way i have IBS. I won't complain about it or even tell anyone what is wrong if im upset about it and with my freinds. NOrmally if i tell them it is in passing and its just so they know its nothing personal when i cancel last minute. I can honestly say that when i am out with my friends its not the focal point byu far. lol. Its normally very rarely discussed with them.I only told the person i didn't want to "put off" because he wanted to know what was wrong. He kept asking because he was worried and is a very caring person.I just don't want to find a therapist, or im scared to. Whatever- either way im not going to do it. I know htings will improve again with time but its just getting right on my nerves that the rules keep changing! What was ok for me 2 months ago isn ot ok for today, and the fact its so unpredictable right now is really quite a downer.I know i will deal with it. It will take some time. Thanks Marilyn for being so cool (yet again). Does your email work or should i just PM you?SPliffy


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Yeah, just PM me... my son is going to revamp our whole computer soon because everything is nutsy with our email. He says "Hi"... you take care, and catch ya over on the PM. Btw, he just recorded a concert, was really cool. Later, M xx


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

I have just got a recording back of one of my concerts. I recorded it all crappy on my mini disk and then had my friend clean it up and put it on CD. If i can i will copy it and send you one.I'll like to hear your sons concert! Tell Him i say hi! x


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## Guest (Oct 25, 2002)

Sorry Nikki... I didn't word that post very well. I guess maybe because when I look back at my life in retrospect, I see the things that I could have done that might have saved me from the hell I went through... and I want for you to be able to avoid that kind of hell.I didn't mean to offend you. If you would prefer that I not respond to you here, I won't.Evie


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Sent ya another PM, but yeah, that would be cool. My son does mastering with ADAT, then transfers to mini-disc or CD. Recently he mastered a video DVD documentary of his trip to Amsterdam, etc. for when the community concert he's in performed over there. It is a hoot. We are having the entire band over here to view it! 2 1/2 hours out of 6 hours of footage; he even did promo trailers for it. It actually is hysterical and a bit racy in spots, but it was the adults; my son was the youngest performer on the trip! He edited in audio and visual effects, what a riot.You know, he and I were talking about this, and when he is into his music, that is the best therapy of all! I bet that is the same for you. For him, he doesn't care if it isn't the in music, or others like it or not, because it is the creative process that is the therapy. And he is into odd time signatures (thank you Dave Brubeck and Frank Zappa) and has come up with some wild stuff. He even arranged a trumpet and sax duet, while he overlayed tracks of keyboard, percussion, and guitar... it is bizarre but really cool! I bet you like to do the same, creating and improvising!All the kids land here because I can stand and actually like their music. But I get demoted to percussion now (if they let me join in, which is not always)because I can't read the keyboard stuff fast enough. Boo hoo... but hey, I play a mean tamborine!!! LOL The problem is, everyone fights over a microphone, because they all want a spot to play... lots of fun! OK, I guess I got off track, oh well, I know you are into it, and my son enjoyed talking to you and hopes your band stuff is going good for ya... take care. xx


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Cool, i like Frank Zappa! lol.I just get lost in my music sometimes. Im not very good at improvising and composing, although i would like to very much.Music is good therapy for sure.


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## Susan Purry (Nov 6, 2001)

Nikki, I don't know if you'd find this a helpful suggestion or not, or just something to think about...?When I have things on my mind, and can't get them out of my head I sit down and literally empty my head of ANY thoughts. It was hard to start with, but it gets easier. It seems impossible if you've never done it and just hear someone describing it, but it isn't. It's a way of just getting a few moments of peace from a topic being constantly on your mind. You could use meditation, of varying types, but the one that deals most constructively with emptying thoughts from your head is Transcendential Meditation. Or, instead of meditation, you could just practice not thinking of anything. The first step is being aware of your thought, and letting it go. Then some new thoughts will come in, then you let them go. After a while you'll get rid of all the thoughts and get some peace for a while until you rememer that you left your dinnner on the stove or you're late for a lecture







Anyway, those are my suggestions. I use TM, and the just sitting quietly letting my thoughts go, and find it works well for me. I've been doing it for 8 years. Do you remember in Harry Potter (I forget which book), Albus Dumbledore empties memories out of his head and puts them into this sort of bowl thing, which Harry looks through? That's what TM does for me (except with thoughts, not memories).


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## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

Hi Nikki  Sorry to hear your IBS is being evil again







it really is a little bugger!







IBS does seem to have a habit of changing the rules every now and again, so I really emphathise with how frustrated you must be feeling.One thing I learnt when my IBS was at its worse, was that its a vicious cycle...your IBS plays up, so understandably it plays on your mind and then because you are feeling miffed about it...guess what it plays up more. How is a girl to win eh?







In essence the best way is to break the cycle, but I know that is easier said than done - and I guess this is how the hypnotherapy works by changing your attitudes towards your IBS to help your body break that cycle. It is usually when your past caring what your bowel does anymore that it starts to behave - which is typical







The fact that you have a changing in your symptoms from D to C, shows at some level the hypnotherapy is working...so hang in there!My last note is just to say that I'm sorry I haven't been there for you more these last months, but I am struggling to come to terms with my M.E. which doesn't always make me the most supportive of friends, but I do care and I'm sending {{{hugs}}} your way.Take care hon,Clair


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Spliff, hope your feeling better and Susan and everyone







, but Susans TM to clear your mind to neutral is a big help for sure and actually part of HT and meditation and these kinds of treatments and hence anger or miffed







don't go straight to upsetting your bowels which is something negative and even sometimes positive thoughts and emotions can do.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Susan, by the way good to see ya.







Why don't you say more about TM on the forum here? What you saying here is majorally a part of all this.


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