# All Consuming?



## Guest (Jul 29, 1999)

Something happened today that made me think to ask all of you a question. Do you think of your fibromyalgia everday quite a bit. Is it on your mind alot? Negative or Positive? I am a very positive person and try my best to keep upbeat about my health situation but I do tend to dwell on fibro a bit. I think, "oh, i need to be careful doing this" or "Gee, i hope i sleep better tonite", etc. What brought this to mind is that I talked to one of my brothers today and updated him on my situation, about my hips, diverticulitis, heart murmer and bone spur. He had a horrible biking accident a couple of years ago (fractured neck, most frightening) and I thought I could at least tell him about it. He asked if I was exercising and I told him that I was walking everyday and had been doing some weight lifting and he suggested that I do situps or pushups to continue moving the muscles and he just really thought that that would put an end to my fibromyalgia pain and maybe I wouldn't dwell on it so much and think of brighter thoughts! Now understand, he said all this real nicely so as not to hurt my feelings but I still could have hit him over the phone! This is the first time I have ever really talked to him about this just becuase I don't want to get the reaction that I did get! I am not a complainer and never have been. I try my best to be positive but as you all know, it can be difficult all the time, right? I thought he would understand with all the miserable pain he went through with his accident. I love my brother but I just never guessed I would get his reaction. What are your thoughts?


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## moldie (Sep 25, 1999)

Lynne, I think the male species in general, with their tough-guy personas; find talking about any inadequaces as an affront to their manhood. This would be admitting that he was perhaps weaker than another guy or heaven forbid, a member of the female species, and as guys are more competitive and dependent upon their physical strength to defend their turf (a primal thing perhaps), naturally they would view devulging such information as deminishing. Perhaps he also loves you and can't bear to see his sis bogged down by this and he doesn't know how to "fix it." Also, unless one is feeling the discomfort you are, they can never really grasp it. Since you probably look good on the outside, he might think that he is more deserving of sympathy. Face it, a lot of men feeling the pain some of us women go through with periods and childbirth,etc., would be writhing in the fetal position somewhere, unable to do as much as push the button on a remote. They are also the last to go see a doctor. Is it because they are too macho, they can't bear to find out that something might be wrong with them, or they are afraid of some painful exam? I think a lot of people tend to say things like this because they are afraid to feed you the sympathy that might make you dwell on it even more. They don't realize that what we want is someone to listen and affirm our feelings and not expect them to "fix it." Maybe they think we're doing it for attention. Fibromyalgia has not gotten good reviews as a "serious" illness in the past, just like CFS. Even some doctors today associate it with anxiety-depression and even perhaps bordering on neurosis.Like you, I never considered myself much of a complainer and was a hard worker; more concerned about "the other guy", than myself. I've had members of my family and some friends elude to this as well. I think I talk about it not to get the sympathy from others, but to educate them, and perhaps find out if they know of others who are experiencing this as well. I believe it's on our minds so much, because with each new development, we wonder if it will be all down hill from here. Perhaps that is a negative way to think. I guess we just learn to shut our mouths around those who don't want to hear about it, or are just incapabable of being supportive to us at this point. That's why having this board is nice. You can safely vent here LS!







I will send you a copy of my positive thoughts to you, if you send me a copy of yours, and then we'll both have twice as many!!!







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