# support from husband



## gaeda (Oct 22, 2003)

Hi, Wondering if anyone has found ways to let partner and family help without them feeling overwhelmed......When I am in a flare, my husband is very helpful, but gets sad because he sees our life together may become limited by my bad days......I really think I can still do all that we like to do (travel, go for drives, walks, out to eat, concerts) but he fears I will get worse & we'll be limited. I am caught between hiding my symptoms, and therefor not getting the support he is happy to give, and acting lame when I feel lame and thus freaking him out. Any ideas?


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## moldie (Sep 25, 1999)

Hi gaeda,Boy, that is a tough one. I'm afraid I don't have a good answer to this one, because I have been struggling with it myself. I have been very hesitant to go through with a trip to Boston and New York that I have planned with family this summer because I don't know whether or not I will make through for nine days. The thought of it scares me. My biggest problem that most recently came to the forefront is that when I am active (i.e. working even part-time), I am unable to take the time out to take care of myself properly, so as a result I can't go to the bathroom without extreme measures. I have become high maintenance in this area on a daily basis now. I have to take my fiber and stool softener twice a day, drink plenty of fluids, exercise, have relaxtion time, take at least a tablespoon of oil per day, and balance my Calcium and Magnesium with my very sensitive diet.All of this is becoming a royal pain on top of all my other pain and the fatigue that is getting to me big time now. There is no way I want to be stuck doing enemas or feeling the effects of laxitives on the road, plane, bus, plane, ferry boat, (all of which we will be taking) much less, be stuck in some hotel somewhere. At any rate, I went and purchased the plane tickets and made the plans because I hold out hope that things might change for the better.Also, my husband always wanted to retire down south somewhere, and since I am unable to work fulltime, this may not happen now. I feel bad that I am the one holding this dream back for him, but I don't know what I can do about it. Just knowing that if it weren't for him, I'd probably be out on the street makes me feel very sad and helpless. But, I know I have to get through it, and know that others have to get through every day too. It really isn't fair that you or I have to apologize for something we have very little control over. I just live on the kindness of my husband to stick it through with me, and give back as much kindness to him, (and others to take my mind off it). I guess I'm just trying to affirm that I still am valuable, if only as a volunteer for a couple of hours somewhere, and by doing the things I still can around the house. Sometimes you just have to prioritize what needs to be done, and what can wait until later. Hang in there gaeda, and I will try to too!


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Well, I'm no expert. I've been sick only about 3 years, so I certainly am not the MOST experienced when it comes to dealing with this stuff. What I have found is that no matter what, it always goes better with my family and friends when I'm 100% honest about what's going on with me. Especially with Mr. Mason. No matter how bad it is, no matter how ugly, no matter how hard to deal with, it's always best for me (us) when all the facts are out on the table. I know what a delicate balancing act it is though! (((hugs))) Hope this helps!


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