# boyfriend fed up



## Jenkins (Feb 15, 2002)

A little vent here and of course any advice welcomed.I started in with the anxiety disorder about a year after my boyfriend and I got together. It has been three years now. He listens to me and believes what I tell him about my disorder and how I am feeling. BUT-- He says I am boring, I make him feel old since I never want to go out and do anything. He is in a band who plays gigs at 11pm at night so I never go and see the band because I am trying to get myself on a sleep schedule yet he still complains that I do not come out to see his band. I get very anxious and panicky if I try to go out to bars, movies, dinners etc. He never once has looked into my problems himself. He is sitting there waiting for me to get better and says he cannot marry me because of all this. I don't know what to do since we are moving in together next week and everything is finalized no getting out of it now. I think we should break up since I think the stress of him is making it impossible to make any positive strides. He gets mad if I don't work on fixing it but there is only so much you can do with no health insurance and a tight budget. All the hypnotherapy tapes are outrageous and beyond my price range. What am I supposed to do?? I am going to buy some more books I saw recommended on here but beyond that what is a person to do?? Do you think someone can love you and act like my Boyfriend? He doesn't want to break up he wants me to be like before and if I am never going to be like before he does want to break up. I am fed up myself.Jenkins


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## Guest (Aug 14, 2003)

Jenkins,We all experience this in one form or another. Many if not all of us remember the pre-IBS days in which we were far more carefree and able to do many things without a second thought.Unfortunately this is a physical issue that requires changes in behavior and how we live our lives. If your boyfriend is unwilling to be supportive of health issues, that is his problem and not yours.


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## Stillnaked (Jan 19, 2003)

Jenkins, What happens if you marry this man and have kids? You would need a lot more support then, and if he can't handle it now it would just be worse. I think you know what you need to do and are just scared. You say that everything is all set and you can't back out? How is it that you can't? I think you need to rethink all this. Hope you figure it out.Laurie


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## Jenkins (Feb 15, 2002)

I cannot back out since the lease has been signed. Sure we could say not moving in but then we lose all the money we put down and are still responsible for the 13 month lease. He and I get along well enough to live together but be broken up, sounds stupid I know but it is true. I would never marry him with things like this believe me I am no dummy. I guess I was just hurt to realize him wanting me to get better was so his life was better not necessarily mine. He is a good guy with some definite selfish issues. I can't blame him sometimes since it must get tiring to be with someone like me. Thanks for the advice.Jenkins


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## Guest (Aug 14, 2003)

> quote: I can't blame him sometimes since it must get tiring to be with someone like me.


You don't have to shoulder all of the blame and responsibility yourself.


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## faith13 (Jul 29, 2002)

jenkins panic disorder can be overcome. i developed panic disorder three years ago, and im only 23. i started going out with my boyfriend in 1994, and six years after this i became another person. at one point my boyfriend didnt know what else to do, so he bought me this book " The anxiety cure: an eight step program for getting well" the authors are: Robert L. DuPont, Elizabeth DuPont Spencer, and Caroline M. DuPont. another good book is "overcoming panic disorder: a woman's guide" by Lorna Weinstock and Eleanor gilman. Jenkins, overcoming panic disorder is possible. believe me, my panic attacks were a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worse. after reading these books, my panic attacks decresed and eventually disappeared. i started to read them in the summer of 2000 and my last panic attack happened on december of 2001. about two weeks ago they came back, but very mildly about 1 or 2 intensity, and it was only about 3 to 4 times, compared to daily before. trust yourself, follow the techniques that you will find in these books, and you will notice some improvemenet. if these books dont help you, try to get professioanl help. these books worked for me, and they usually work for most people at some level even if its not at such a high percentage like me. as far as your boyfriend, tell him to read these books with you, so he can learn about what you are going through, and how to help you. both of you need to be very patient, and trust each other. you have to believe in yourself, and he has to support you. my boyfriend of 7 years married me last year, and he went through panic disorder with me. sometimes there were days when he felt that he couldn' deal with it anymore, but he loved me and he always found the strength to help me and have patience. you have to explain to your boyfriend that panic disorder may go away or it may be part of you for the rest of your life. he has to understand this concept, and love all of you as you are. he needs to become educated about this disorder even if he is not involved 100%. remember that even if panic disorder doesn't go away it is completely manageable. at some point you will be able to function normally with proper treatment, and even it if doesn't go away it wont be a problem because you will know how to deal with it. you should see it as a chronic condition, maybe like diabetes you know. you have to check you sugar, and exercise and eat 6 meals a day. well with panic disorder you have to embrace it when the panic comes, understand that it is not going to make go crazy or stop breathing or whatever symptom you have is not going to hurt. that's why you if you havent been to the doctor, you have to make sure that your symptoms are not due to a medical condition. after you have the ok from your doctor, then you can trust your mind and yourself, and start the road to recovery. sorry if i gave more info than you needed, but believe i know panic disorder, and I just want to help anybody that needs support. if you have any questions feel free to ask me anything. god bless you. you will be ok!!!!


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