# Giving Up



## Can't_Wait_Won't_Wait (Oct 7, 2007)

Its official. i'm givingup. 6 months ago i was starting a new college course in forensic science, and was for the first time in my life getting straight A's, i was 18, had a great boyfriend great friends, and was halfway through applying to be a special constable (a volunteer policewoman).Yesterday i failed my police physical fitness test, and despite a hatred of anything energetic, i knew i could pass it, and only one things stood in my way. IBS. and as usual.... IBS won. i ahd to stop running and failed. 6 months of interveiws, test, medicals, references and about 40 forms filled out and IBS stopped me running. to be a special constable was all i wanted. I havent seen my friends for months, missed an apparently amazing new years eve party, and my best friends birthday party, all because i was constantly going to the toilet. Last thursday my course leader called me into her office. despite being previously sympathetic (allowiung me to arrive late/leave early, leave the room without asking, go home if i felt ill etc) she gave me a rollocking, said ide taken liberties. all because about one month ago ide gone home early from a lesson to go to the toilet. and as all you sufferer's know, once the pains start, you need the toilet, after going to the toilet your'e fine! which is exactly what happened to me. she said ide used up all my sympathies and wouldnt be getting anymore. she doesnt believe im ill!! despite the fact that ive got a doctor's letter, had several specialist appointments, and have a colonoscopy coming up. she says she understands, but how can she?! she doesnt go to the toilet 15 times a day, every day! she can eat what she wants, if i have a bite of a banana i spend the next week on the toilet. i try so hard to get to school, to go out, to be NORMAL. it just doesnt work. meds dont work, herbals dont work, immodium doesnt work. im at the end of my tether. i need help, i need a cure. IF SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A WAY FOR A WOMAN TO PRODUCE SPERM, WHY CAN THEY NOT FIND A CURE FOR SOMETHING THAT PLAGUES AND RUINS THE LIVES OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. WHY DO WOMEN NEED TO MAKE SPERM ANYWAY? they don't!! yet we have to suffer everyday by not leaving the house and having our lives ruined.i can't take it anymore, ive tried to 'live with it' as so many doctors say, but why should i have to live with it?? why should i not be able to go to college, go to work, join the police, get into uni? why should i not be able to go out on a friday on the drink with my friends? why do i have to be the designated driver who HAS to have their car incase they need the toilet and has to drive to tesco's. why is my life governed by how my times i go to the toilet a day?im sick of it, i've never considered suicide an option, kind of always thought it an easy way out (no offense intended to anyone who knows someone who has committed suicide) but now, well now it seems like the only option. theres no cure, there are no meds, theres no hope. i can't be normal, ill never be normal, iv given up, iuno, i just constantly feel depressed, i find it hard to even get out of bed in the morning. im only 18, yet i already feel my life is over. im sorry for rabbitting on, but i didnt know who else to talk to, no-one understands except for you lot. anyone any advice?Louise x


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## calibraa (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi!First of all I,m not going to write that life is beatiful and is given by God and you should live as longer as possible! IBS is not given by God!!! You have written all the things that i have allways wanted to ask! Why aren't scientists interested at IBS? Because it's not cancer? Because you wont die from it! For the last five years i wish q was dead. What life is this? Lost everything except my pride, nobody knows what I,m going through. And I will keep NOT saying to anybody! At the moment I'm doing everithing I wanted - I,m bodybuilding, taking steroids, driving with 150 MPH with my car or my bike, everithyng at the cost of a bag of pills every day. Imodium, Elavil, Calcium, Probiotics, Enzymes.... So instead of telling you that this way of thinking is stupid, I'm going to ask scientists: IF EVERYONE OF US COMMITS SUICIDE WILL YOU BE INTERESTED IN OUR STUPID PROBLEM??? Pffffff we have no chances ... cancer is way more exciting....


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## IBD/IBS Author (May 24, 2007)

Can't Wait Won't Wait & Calibraa -First, I'm not a Young Adult, at least not chronologically - but started with my IBS and IBD issues when I was around 15. First, I know what you're feeling - first hand, truly. Been there, done that. I've had all your symptoms, all your frustrations, have been dumped from jobs, had to completely change career paths, tried most remedies, felt isolated and depressed, been angry at the fact that I can't live like a 'normal' person, thought of ending it all, and . . . . . . finally realized that I wanted to live even with the 20-30 BMs I was having per day, even with the pain, even with the people who just didn't get it. It was life, it was my life, and I wasn't willing to just shove it all into a ball and chuck it. I wanted to fight, to regain control of my life, not to let IBS and IBD win and continue to take over who I was and what I wanted to be. And so I started - slowly and hesitantly - to find things that would help me gain some control over my body and its failing health. It took years, and lots of work on my part, and lots of trying one thing, realizing it wasn't working, trying another and so on and so on until I finally found those things - meds, foods, stress-reducing techniques, exercises, realiziation that there is a mind/body connection, sessions with a psychologist, etc - that worked for me and helps me each day to live life, even with IBD and IBS. It's nearly twelve years later and while I'm not 'cured' I live a very good, very active life despite having both IBS and IBD (Ulcerative colitis, to be exact). Life is precious, and while I KNOW how frustrated, depressed, and defeated you feel right now I'm here to tell you that if you can just harness the energy that you're putting into feeling angry, frustrated, and defeated and use it to help yourself look for other alternatives in time you will gain control over your health and your life again. The journey to better health, even with IBS, is different for all of us but I truly believe that the first step in living a better life with any sort of illness is to believe that you can have control over it rather than it controlling you. I used to have abdominal pains so severe that I couldn't stand up straight sometimes, I would have to walk bent over, lay curled in a fetal position, etc. The first thing I learned was some rhythmic breathing - breathing in when the pain is at its worst and blowing the breath out forcefully along with the pain. It took a while to learn the technique and a little longer to perfect it, but over time I found that the breathing exercises helped alleviate the pain more quickly and without any Rx drugs, and today I very rarely have abdominal pain at all. Just a first suggestion of where to possibly start.But, please, hang in there, know this community is here for you, and know that you can have control over your health and your life. Cheers,Elizabeth


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hi there.There was a time when I felt the same way as you. I struggled at uni to make lectures, I had rubbish summer jobs as i couldn't have a full time job. It sucked, and I thought i'd never get aqnything i wanted.April 2007 I started working full time, nights, late shifts, early shifts- you name it, i did it. Last september 07 I started my nursing course. I'm doing ok- I had to fight to get where I am.Nothing is easy, but everyone finds ways of coping eventally. Don't give up hope!


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi Louise and CalibraaI am so so sorry you're both going through such tough times -- I totally feel you. Been there, too... Just a couple years ago, during the last couple years of my grad school, I fell from a straight A student and a much loved instructor whose prof.s believed that I would achieve very high to someone who failed the first attempt to pass my thesis. IBS is such a frustrating illness. However, like Elizabeth and Nikki said, there still _is _hope and with more effort life _can _become better. With so much help from the kind hearted people on this site I finished my defense last May. And I've also encountered so many people here on this site who have been there but eventually reached their goals. Honestly, with IBS nothing is easy and it does require much more effort, but it IS achievable.I've also seen people change majors and myself am actually trying to change my life plans as well -- it's frustrating to have to make adjustments because of IBS, but you know, when one door closes there sure will be another choice (it may not be obvious or easy at first, but it will be there). Louise, from what you've written I have a strong impression that you are a brilliant mind of a student -- while majoring in forensic science or becoming a constable may be difficult because of IBS and while at this moment anything else may seem unappealing to you, I'm sure whatever subject that you study or major you are put in, you WILL be excellent. I know I must be sounding ridiculous at the moment, but you know, there are so many careers to choose and so many subjects to study and you don't have to stick to just one. And every single day of your education WILL be part of your assets and nothing will be wasted, even IF you have to study something else. While I do understand how disheartening things are for now, trust me, you WILL reach the end of the tunnel. That said -- and that's just saying that we all do have more than one career choices laying before us -- I'm also thinking that things may not have to come to that... Does your college/university have a disability service or a counseling service? Is it possible for you to get a dr's note/letter that formally addresses the relevant personnel about your health issues and the accommendations that they should make for you? *Such a letter plus the help of one of these services will make a huge difference -- uni prof.s are obligated to accommendate a student's medical issues brought up to them through the official channel no matter whether they understand what the student is going through or not*. Do give this a try and you may be amazed how much this could help.Please please don't give up. We're all here rooting for you whenever you need us.Cherrie


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

I totally feel your pain... it's really just bad timing, but the consequences that causes it does make it a huger problem than it really is.It's sad to say, but I too have dropped out of college (and I was going for Nursing too - a long awaited dream) due to IBS. Not that I regret my decision since I was 18 hours from home, but it sucks that my life could've been different. College is hard, and depending on the course, it can be very stressful and make IBS worse. I was amazed at the marks I was getting in Nursing considering the huge amount of work I was struggling to deal with. But then one day I went to write an exam and I don't even know how it came about, but I pulled my instructor aside and told her I couldn't stay because of the IBS. She was nice enough to offer me to go to the Disability office and book an appointment to write it on my own time; just one of those rooms you write your test in, and if you have to leave to go to the bathroom (in my case), someone is there to guard your test and belongings. However, it was hard to do that. I flew through it not even caring if I agreed with the answers I wrote.. and ended up with a disappointing 67% on it. However, we know how that goes... I was falling behind (lets face it, if you miss just one lecture of an important class, which for me was Anatomy & Physiology, you're doomed!). Hate to say it, but it's true. I decided to drop out and come home and deal with the illness. IBS seems like such a paralyzing thing, but you got to work your life out the way it suits you. You've obviously got something good behind you, so why not explore similar options? I'm sure you can transfer credits. It does sound like your instructor is being a twat though... which does not help. I've gotten the bad lecture from a teacher before and it is intimidating because it's almost like they're saying "drop out, because I'm just going to fail you anyways". Just ignore that. But I would get some counselling on both your feelings, and your career direction.Don't give up, just try to find an easier way to be!


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## Can't_Wait_Won't_Wait (Oct 7, 2007)

To everyone who has replied,Thank you very much, you have all been helpful, and i won't give up, but you all know how it feels to go through a bad speel, or get something destroyed by IBS that you wanted more than anything, and just give up hope of ever finding something that can make you feel better.Cherrie, if my doctor was to write a letter to my college stating that it would be more beneficial to stay at home for some of my longer lessons (some of my lessons are 5/6 hours long, with a 30 minute break) would my school have to accomodate that? or are they just entitled to accomodate things like going home early etc.. ?????thank you again everyone for all your advice, you have cheered me up no end.Louise x


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## Ashers86 (Dec 31, 2007)

I can't believe I didn't mention this...You should ask your doctor what he/she can do about contacting the school for arrangements. Every school everywhere HAS to (just like workplaces) accommodate anyone with any type of disability. Just like how I was able to write the test on my own time by myself.You have every right to be accommodated as a student. I suggest you speak with a campus counsellor or talk to someone in Admissions about how to go about this. There are many things they can do for you.Thats something legal you can push on them. So give it a try!


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## Cody C. (Nov 6, 2007)

I might be a little bit late in replying, but you can do it!! I'm in the same situation in school as you are, having trouble sitting through all my lectures and tests, but you can do it! lolIt's definitely a hard thing to overcome, and I've come to some pretty harsh words with one of my professors because she didn't understand it. It's definitely hard, but we're here for you for support when you need it!- Cody


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## Brian0003 (Nov 5, 2006)

I hate to be a downer but stuff like this happens all the time in everyones life....For me I wanted to pursue a career in Computer Science/Information technology but couldn't handle staying at school in the labs all day with other people around me so I changed my major.Next I worked very hard(Studying 50-60 hours a week) to get into the best ranked University in the State and I had to drop out after only going their one semester. The last 2 months I had diarrhea every single day besides 3 days. Thats around 55-60 days nearly straight.This doesn't happen to people with IBS; things like these things happen to everybody.Are you currently attending College? IBS seemed to be worst the 2nd-3rd years of College for me.


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## calibraa (Feb 23, 2008)

Hello, everybody!I,ve noticed a litlle improvement in the mude of this topic and it is not so pesimistic as it was in the begining. From what I read I may conclude that my IBS is much better than others. In fact I,m just being stubborn! I don't want to live a life that is not the one I wanted. I love bodybuilding (although 60% of it is eating), love girls, love my sports car and my fast bike. During the last 5 IBS years I managed to do many things I wanted. Half an year ago I graduated the British University of Portsmouth, which is huge thing, considering the fact that I,m born and live in Bulgaria. At the moment I,m the youngest finance manager in the country







Yes, I lost my greatest love, because going all night from one disco to another was her major concern and You all know why I can't do that! However she didn't know! I did not tell her anything. Well after 2 years without a single attack, after we split up the nightmare came back. Yess, a lot of it is in our brain... So, thinking much about the problem makes it worse. Everybody here lost something important in his life because of this stupid "disability", but has to remember the good days and not the bad. Who knows, maybe one day there will be a cure for us, but until than I won't loose even 1 second to live not the way I wanted. Good luck everyone!


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi LouiseI'm a ssuming you're in the US? From my understanding of university policies (I've taught in a college as a graduate instructor for quite a few years), yes like Asher said, the college/uni HAS TO accommodate the special needs of a student that's communicated by a dr through the official channel. Do give it a try -- a letter from the dr with recommended accommodations and a person/letter/form from a disability/counseling service will speak volumes for you -- and the first step is to get these letters. And you know, the dr can ask permission on your behalf to leave the classroom any time to go to the bathroom, so you don't have to wait until the break. Officially communicated medical needs also speaks for the seriousness of your condition and so the prof.s won't be thinking that you're just lazy or taking too much liberty or anything like that.Be sending you tons of good thoughts and best of luck in this process!Cherrie


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## Jkristina (Feb 27, 2008)

i did not get a chance to read all these but WOW. First off, all of us have no idea how bad it gets. I think that if i could just cut it out everything will be better. I remember how great it felt to actually feel like a size 2 instead of just being one.. For the past month my bloating has been so bad i cant even stand up straight. I live on the couch with a heating pad. I call my parents at 3 in the morning becasue i have no idea what to do. I am a workout junkie but that has changed to. Obviously doctors are jerks. If it doesnt kill you they dont care. I hate doctors for that reason. I hate when they told me it was all in my head or it is all stress. this will end up killing people because sucide seems like the only option. If doctors cant help then we have too. Scerw the damn doctors. The person that will find the cure is in this forum. All docs want to do is tell you to eat fiber and send you home. They dont care how you feel but everyone here does. we can all compare stories and say that mine is worse than yours...blah...blah...blah... But maybe that is the problem. Maybe all this negative talk is just making things worse. First off, that sux about your course leader. I am sorry that she is this way (i think you said it's a girl). But...on the other hand, there is a reason for this. You are better off in a place that will understand what you are going through. I work at a place that all of u have heard of. It's huge. My old manager told me that I had to take vacation hours because i was in the bathroom all the time. I told her to shove it. I got promoted because my attitude showed strentgh. Point is, sometimes you have to do things that shock others. You have to be true to yourself. If you are sick dont let someone tell you otherwise. Only you know how you feel. No one else can know that. Get a note from your GI doc and give to your teacher. If she/he does not comply then go to her boss. You have a right to be heard and taken seriously. These teachers should not be in that field if they have 0 compasion. If you had another problem I promise you...they would work with you. The same should be for IBS. You have to fight for u cus no one else will. Also, all this talk about what sux is not going to make you any better. I know i am sounding harsh but sometimes it needs to be done this way. Think about what you WANT to feel like and not what you DONT want to feel.


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## calibraa (Feb 23, 2008)

Jkristina, you are 100% right! Thinking of this all the time only makes thing worse. A man's real life is usually a reflection of his attitude. I'm always trying to stay positive and think of this as much as possible. I try to think why is my car broken and stay all the day under it, instead of staying all day in the WC. I prefer to think what shoud I eat and drink to gain some muscles instead of thinking what food will make my IBS worse. Yes, of course I'm restricting my menu, but the theory of trigger foods is at least 70% wrong... If I have an awfull attack, I take two Imodium, wait until it kicks and jump in my car to just drive outside the city and listen to music as laud as Ican (which is actually very loud, considering the fact that my hole trunk is full of loudpeakers and amplifiers). When I was living with my last girlfrend I had been so in love that I forgot about IBS completely for 2 years! However my current girlfriend gives me cramps all the time







))))) Just try to stay positive no matter how hard it is. F..k the doctors, they know nothing about nothing and can only prescribe blood preassure medications to older ones and horrible antibiotics for every cold.IMPORTANT!!!When I first went to psychiatrist he prescribed me Amitriptyline (Elavil) under daily supervision. However he told me so: I,m giving you 70% chance of success with this drug. However from your success the drug takes part only equal to 30% just to cover any phisiological factors, the other 70% from your sucess depends only on you. You must find a way not to think about this. Don't count the visits to the WC. Find a hobby, job...something that will keep your mind away from this." And so it was. Long time without attacks and my life came back. However some emotional events distored my 70% and even higher doses of the drug don't help me any more. I this case I'm not sure is it actually right to be in this forum...


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## 23208 (Jan 22, 2006)

First off let me say I am not a traditional college student. I just recieved my Bachelor's last December at 37. My IBS started while I was in the middle of my studies. Until then I was almost a straight A student (stupid math requirement







). My plans were to go on to grad school and get my Master's and Ph.D so I could eventually teach. But I don't think I'm going to be doing that. I never went to Disability services for help but I went to a small private college and knew most of my professors fairly well. I was able to schedule exams to be taken at different times if I had to and I could leave to use the bathroom when needed. My grades did drop from mostly A's to A-'s and B's but I still graduated with a B GPA overall. Now, I just have to decide what to do with my life. I found a fairly respectible grad school that offers an online Master's but I discussed it with my department chair and she told me that it would be okay if I was just going to for personal reasons but that it would be hard to get a traditional college to accept it. I'm still debating it with myself. My advice would be to talk to your professors. Especially, if there's one you know you are going to have a lot of classes with. I did that and she was very understanding of any problems I had. I know some people feel embarassed discussing their bowel habits but for me it was no big deal. My mother had Crohn's Disease and I was raised discussing it. If that doesn't work then get a note from your Dr. and get disability services involved. I would actually advise both these because Disability Services will cover professor's you don't have more than once. Also, talk to your Dr. He may be able to give you something that can help. Please just don't give up. It is possible.Shannon


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## Miss.Tinkerbell (Mar 10, 2008)

Hi Louise I know how your feeling I just want everything to be "normal" again I’m 15 and have had IBS-A for a year. It’s just getting worse and worse and worse. I’m missing loads of school and my mum is getting really mad at me. It’s really bad in the mornings and gets worse. I spend most of my mornings on the loo until it stops me going to school. My mum shouts at me when I’m late which makes me need the loo more she doesn’t understand it. I’m trying my best to control it but none of tablets work. I kept a food diary and my doctor couldn’t see anything that could set it off. I don’t go out with my friends anymore because every time a plan something i have to cancel it. My exams are coming up and I know I won’t be able to sit in an exam hall for 2 hours. I’ve just given up please help?


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