# I'm so sad



## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

I'm trying not to get to overwhelmed,but my anxiety has taken over my life.My boyfriend is upset that I can't go out with him a lot.He understands my panic disorder,but he is very frustrated.I don't know what to do.I love him very much.He called me from a bar he went to tonight afterwork,and I said,I didn't feel like going,and I don't even know what my real feelings are anymore.I just immediatly,think it's not a good iadea.It like I have this little voice inside my head that says ,'don't leave home,it's not safe'I miss having fun.I'm crying right now,I haven't gotten this out in a while.I'm tired of being anxious,I just want to be how I used to be ,free and fun and ready to do anything.It's ruining my life,and my friendships,and my relationship with my bf,and I feel so lonely .Another thing,I don't know if any of you feel this way,but I feel so guilty,because whenever there is something really important going on in my life,I make sure I'm there,and I deal with it,and I put in the effart,but when it comes to my friends,I can never guarantee that I will be there.I FEEL LIKE THE MOST SELF CENTERED PERSON !!!Why is it that I don't put in all the effort ,when It's my boyfriend,or my friends,why do I only do it for myself?I don't know what I'm doing .I just needed to vent I guess.







I really do want to get better.


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## zayaka26 (Jul 5, 2001)

If you are sure your problem is anxiety related, find a good therapist or psychiatrist. There is help available. I used to be like you and now I go out worry free.


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## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

Thanks,I am seeing a therapist actually,she helps me with the panicattacks and the anxiety,but It seems like it's taking so long to get rid of all this..it's been going on for 2 years now I think.


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## Bebesfan (Jul 15, 2003)

Hi Your panic attacks sound like the ones I use to have. I know what you are going through. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. Anxiety can be a powerful feeling. It use to scare me to death, cuz I could feel it coming on. It does get better I assure you. For me, I had to literally sit myself down and do some deep breathing and get in touch with the feelings that were making me anxious. It takes alot of hard hard work. I used all the techniques my therapist taught me and I read a book on panic disorders and it taught me just why we get anxious. It calmed my fears, cuz I thought I was going to loose my mind or jump out of my skin. I might even loose control But I found out that I won't go mad or loose control. I was anxious cuz something was frightening me. Something deep rooted that was an issue for me. Once I got in touch with feelings I got better. When I feel a flare up, I say to myself, "Okay, now you know that you are more powerful than the panic. It doesn't control you, you control it. What has happened today to make you anxious? What has been some of your thoughts? You get an idea what fear it is when you feel it getting alittle stronger. This stuff takes practice and perseverance. I hope you do hang in there. It's not easy I know. Lori


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## AZMom (Oct 13, 1999)

This should get you started on some of the hypnotherapy posts. There is lots to read. I've been looking for some of the other posts and will try to find them and post them for you.AZ http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/ultimatebb.php...c;f=32;t=000267 AZ


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## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

wow,thanks both of youand Lori,it's interesting what you said about the fear.I don't know really what the fear is,but I remember it all started to get bad when I was house sitting for the first time downtown,for a friend.She was gone for 2 weeks,and I had to go to her house everyday and feed her cat,and I'd stay there for a couple hours a day,alone.There was nothing to do there,and it terrified me because I felt really really alone for the first time in my life.I'm 22 and I can't imagine living alone or away from my mom.Well,right now I can't even hold a job,so I don't even think about it.Maybe that was my fear,being alone.I don't know.What was your fear if you don't mind me asking?I've found that visualization helps me a lot.Just visualizing that the next 10 minutes are going to be ok,gets me through it,and it takes the subconcious fears out of the way.


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## Linda C (Aug 29, 2001)

Hi Stargirl. I recently ordered an audio program for anxiety/panic attacks/depression. It's expensive but is very thorough and apparently very successful. I haven't been using it for too long so I don't know how much it will help me personally, but even in the short time I've been using it, it has helped. After reading your post and learning a lot about the program, it sounds like you'd be a perfect candidate. You can find info about the program at this website: http://stresscenter.com/home_ie.htm. Feel free to email me if you want more info. Good luck...Linda


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2003)

You've received lots of good advice here. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and it's taken a while to overcome it, but it is possible. Initially however, I had to take medication until I was able to think my way through anxiety-provoking events. It's great that you are already doing CBT. You might ask your doctor about an anti-anxiety medication to help you get over some of the initial rough spots.Evie


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## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

hi again,thanks guys.It's been a while since I've felt as bad as I did when I first posted this.I'm actually on Librax,which I'm sure some of you know is part librium and part gut relaxant.it's doing the job,but I still struggle a lot.I realized somthing about myself,and that is that I am a very sensitive person.everytime I get a pain,I get worried..and I feel like a baby,.I don't want people to think I'm a flake or I have to be babysited!!I want to get on with my life.When I realized this,that I was used to crying out for attention,I stopped doing it immediatly,and my anxiety has gone down a lot.yesterday,I had a great day,therapy,then shopping and then out to a concert.I was anxious on and off the whole day,but I did those things.I was ok.







then today,all of a sudden while my bf was over,I went to get perogies out of the fridge and just lost it,I said I can't do this,I was all panicky..it's horrible.I realize that this all takes sometime.and we have our good days and our bad.it's just a stressful frustrating long road...ERRRthankyou all for your help though.


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## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

I just started taking Celexa,I feel weird.I know I'm supposed to have some side effects,I was expecting that,but my whole body feels weird,like numb or something,I feel a little dizzy,I hope as the night goes on,that it doesn't get worse.It's 8:30pm right now.Technically,Celexa comes in 20mg pills and 40mg pills.But because I've been so sensitive to medication,I've been put on 5mg.The pharmacist cut them in four.At 5mg,I'm feeling weird...is this normal,I just need some support here,so I don't feel all alone.I'm kinda scared.yesterday,I couldn't sleep because I was so nervous about taking new meds.I was actually supposed to take them last night but I couldn't do it.So,I'm here now,and just did.oh boy,can anyone tell me how long these side effects last??anyone else on celexa?


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

Stargirl,I have been where you are, but you've got to stop focusing on how you feel every minute. The celexa really can't be doing anything to you so quickly, but your mind can sure make it seem like it. Try to keep busy or at least have something going on so you can't spend all your energy thinking about what you are feeling. You are just fine physically and you have to stop thinking there is something seriously wrong--because there is not. If your anxiety is overwhelming you, get on anti-anxiety meds for a while for so you calm down and get back some control while the other meds take effect. TAke care, I truly know how you feel.


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## stargirl (Jul 28, 2002)

thanks cali,I know you are right,I've been keeping busy and trying not to think about it,I've been feeling a lot better.It never used to occur to me that It would all be in my head.thanks so much for your support.


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