# Interfering Sexual Thoughts



## patindaytona (Sep 23, 2014)

Try to be short here...I'm 58 and i've had this since i was about 18. I experience guilt all the time. I have fears of having sexual thoughts on my mind when i'm around anyone. When i watch T.V. i even am in a mesmerized state of watching news anchors for example working their way "around" sexual innuendos, or perhaps even coming "too close" for comfort of saying something sexually discomforting. Homosexuallity, masturbation, ANYTHING.

I am pretty sure all these things are something everyone experiences, but for me it's overwhelming and disturbing and i take it all way way too personal and i DO personalize it. I've had panic attacks where i've pretty much self persecuted myself and made myself go off the edge into a deep sense of shame in front of others. Many times. I've gave others the impression i did this or that , or was homosexual, when i'm not and ended up pretty much abandoning my own self with this shame breakdown stuff. It's problably somehting very very few have gone thru. I've never found anyone who had what i have. When it started, my mind was just flooded with sexual thoughts and my entire being was in deep shame and lasted a good 12 years, and to this day it's still here, but now i have more depression into the picture the last 20 years or so. Hope someone understands any of this.

Patrick


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