# Question about "secondary gains"



## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

I am reading a stress management book that brings up an interesting concept. It discusses "secondary gains", that is, the illness you have fills some psychological need and you may not really want to get well. These are unconscious motivations for sickness. The main five listed are 1) permission to be excused from a troublesome situation 2) attention, care and nurturing 3) opportunity to deal with a problem on your own terms 4) not having to meet your own or other's high expectations 5) using illness to avoid dealing with failure or even success.Since these things are occuring in the subconscious, will the tapes take care of them, too? I can see where my body would want to hold onto something that gives me sympathy and extra attention and caring, so I think I am dealing with these secondary gains. Any insight?


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Oh Lauralee, this is a good topic. I do think I have a tendency to this sometimes, though I don't WANT to feel sick on a conscious level. With so many demands put upon a person, this may be the only way someone can cope without taking a beating. I think the IBS program would address this, but also the new Towards Inner Peace seems to address this more directly, in terms of overall human potential.I am going to ask Mike to look at this topic and hopefully he can give us his wisdom on this!!!Excellent question!!!


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

lauralee, I know I have used IBS to get out of situations. I also understand what your saying here. lets wait for Mike's responce. It worked for me thats all I can say.


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## Michael Mahoney (Oct 11, 2001)

Hi All,Lauralee, Secondary gains are common presentations in my work, and very often develop subconsciously.I read sometime ago that te "executive Ulcer" is now almost unheard of - why? Becuase stress is now more accepted in society.For year those with demanding and not so demanding jobs, would not admit to stress becuase it was not socially acceptable and would be seen as a weakness. the ulcer become the secondary gain - couldn't face the constant stress so wen toff with an ulcer - the ulcer provided an avoidance method.Very often people will present with Migraine for example, but the underlying issue is a social phobia - the Migraine gets them out of facing the real fear of social phobia.Secondary gains are common to many of us, to varying degrees.The IBS Program will help through its progressive approach, but Towards Inner Peace would be more in line to deal with this type of thing.Good question







Best RegardsMike


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## Lauralee (Jan 4, 2002)

So I don't need to worry about or work on the secondary gains for now? I am on Day 70 of the IBS Program. I already have the Towards Inner Peace Program because I had planned on continuing uninterrupted from one to the other until I read on another thread that you should wait several months between. I am concerned because the more I think about it, the more I see I have a strong history of not feeling well in one way or another when I need extra attention or just want to get out of doing something. Of course, I am doing none of it on purpose, it just seems to work out that way. I am anxious to get past the secondary gains and deal with the deeper issues that cause them to come up. Since it will be at least 4 more months before I can start the Inner Peace Program, is there something I can do or should do in the meantime to address these gains?Just to let you know, this past week has been incredible for me. After a rather nasty episode several weeks ago that lasted almost 2 weeks I am finally back on an even keel and actually feeling GOOD! I have you, Mike, to thank for that. I hope I can look forward to improvement from here on out! It will be a whole new life for me to actually feel good for a change. Now, if I could just convince myself I don't need those secondary gains.....Laura


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Laura, I will let Mike address those questions again, but remember your the one in charge and the mind armies are losers.







Stay positive you will prevail.Good your feeling better and the more you acknowledge that the more it sticks.


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## Michael Mahoney (Oct 11, 2001)

Hi All,Lauralee,Email me on day 95 and lets have a 'natter'.Good to hear this week is good







email me direct on timelineservices###cs.comBest RegardsMike


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