# It happened again



## Coggie (Dec 28, 2000)

I'm only 36. That's what I keep telling myself. That, and the fact that it's not my fault.After a horrible night of restless sleep interspersed with the kind of snoring that struggles to exhale now and then (assuming it's pregnancy-related), just now, after my second meal, the second after, I feel an urge for a wet one, and before I have a chance to do anything about it, some wet stool seeps out, out of my control.Most of you have problems holding it in, but most of you can usually make it if the bathroom's a few feet away or even a few miles away, with some concentrated effort.Not me. Not with this kind of wet stool.I have varying degrees of BMs that can either cause an accident or an anxiety attack about one. Very rarely am I able to hold it in enough to say I can wait until the next rest stop.Whenever I have any kind of accident, I feel so horrible, so worthless, so incompetent, like this is solely under my control. Worse, like my life as an able-bodied adult is over and I might as well prepare to die.My body has betrayed me in so many ways since the IBS has worsened following an anal fistula surgery in the late 90s.I couldn't even make it a few feet to the damned bathroom at home. At home!A weakened sphincter, cut into from that anal surgery, coupled with my usual IBS flare-up and maybe a touch of the pregnancy...and you have me in a nutshell.If I could just have a few more minutes, much less seconds, just to make it to the nearest toilet, it wouldn't be so bad.Times like these I wonder if I'll ever be able to go out and about like normal people.


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## Guest (Dec 23, 2001)

Coggie - I also have a weakened sphincter due to an injury giving birth (if I were you I would explore the possibility of a Caesarian rather than risk further injury) but have found several methods that helped with the incontinence. First I was able to control the D by a combination of Caltrate and Ezekekiel (high fiber) bread. Then, I started doing Kegel exercises which strenghtened the sphincter. Mike's tapes helped with the anxiety. With all these methods, my life became much more normal, though I still worry when I'm someplace that I don't know where bathrooms are. If you can control the D (Questran and Immodium have helped many people on the board) the incontinence should become much less of a problem. Good luck with this.


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## trots (Oct 26, 2001)

Coggie, That really stinks! (no pun intended) At least you were at home though. Things should look up after the baby comes. At least then you can take meds if they help you. My thoughts are with you. Trots


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## Jeanne D (Nov 14, 2001)

Coggie,My heart really goes out to you. Although I can hold it , even when the urge is pretty strong, I can only imagine your frustration. It is not your fault, you aren't doing anything wrong, it just can't be helped. I am sure you have tried everything under the sun to help with the D. I would think the drs. would offer you something , at least some advice on how to help with such severe D... but maybe they already have. I have heard that hormones can have an effect on this problem also, so maybe after the baby is born , and your hormones get back to normal , your intestines will calm down. I sure wish I had the answer for you. Hang in there.. you sound like a lovely and wonderful person, and I know you will be a great mom. Merry Christmas to you .. Take care ,Jeanne


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## LUCIA (Nov 1, 2000)

Coogie, I am sorry to see you are having IBS-D that you can't control. I have had IBS-D for many years. I always made it on time to the loo or it would just come out just as I reached the door. But today was a really new strange experience for me. I went shopping and rushed to the loo and made it on time. Later on I was walking around ready to go home when all of a sudden some watery feces just came out of me. I felt some wetness and ran to the store loo and I had only stained my underwear. I had a small bm. I went home and took a shower and washed myself real good. I realize now that from now on I plan to wear a "Depend" where ever I go. I also need to take an immodium everyday. It will be better for me to be stopped up than to have it just come out of me. I hope someday soon a new drug comes out that can help all of us with this dreadful medical problem. This is a physical problem and not psychological. If it was a psycho problem immodium and other meds wouldn't work for us. Immodium does work for me. I am saving the few Lotronex for special occasions. See you.


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## Coggie (Dec 28, 2000)

I took awhile before replying to my thread because frankly, I felt so completely isolated in my rare form of IBS-D that I felt ashamed and even more helpless about the situation.What always helps me is knowing I wasn't alone, that at least someone else shares my symptoms.To read that most of you can hold it in until you rush to the nearest toilet, exacerbated my isolation. I know it wasn't meant that way; it's just how I took it.I need, almost like medicine, to know I am not some freak who can't control her butthole. Knowing that quite often, when these sudden attacks happen, that I can't...hurts deeply, makes me question why I'm alive and sends me spiraling into a near-incapacitating urge to withdraw until I die.I don't always get these sudden attacks, but lately, I have, every other day or every two days. I had one yesterday. It had been almost three hours since my second meal. I thought I was over the hurdle, finished watching some movie when all of a sudden, BAM! No warning, nothing.I always told myself ... as long as I felt an urge, I could live with this. An urge meant my body was still viable somehow. But these attacks when there's nothing but the sudden gush of diarrhea or wet stools (it's always a gush, I never merely stain), it sets me back mentally and emotionally for weeks. I start envisioning all the things I can't do anymore, how I'll be a burden to everybody, my husband, my soon-to-be-born child, how the hell am I supposed to survive.I appreciate most of all, though, your kindness on these boards. That's a given, thank God, most people who know about this, are kind.I just wish there were more people like me in this world, maybe then a cure would be found quicker.Sigh. At least no day is boring, eh.


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## Guest (Dec 28, 2001)

Coogie,My heart went out to you when I read your recent postings. I just joined the group tonight, but I've dealt with IBS for many years. My problem mirrors yours - I don't make it to the pot about 1/2 the time. I get the sensation, IMMEDIATELY head towards the pot, but many times the watery stool is just pouring out, no matter how I strain to keep this from happening. I've had countless accidents, some mortifying, some I was able to clean up enough to get out of the situation and get home without anyone knowing.I found, when I worked and had enormous amounts of work-related stress, that the problem was so much worse than it is now, as I am retired and can control when and where I travel. I almost always had D after lunch, no matter what the meal was. AND, I know I made it worse on myself by being so anxiety-ridden about the probability of having D after lunch, that even before lunch my adrenaline was starting to surge.I just wanted to reassure you, I've had many conversations with many women over the years (I'm almost 55) and have been repeatedly told that others share our problem. Don't despair! You are NOT alone. Not only that, there are things you can do to manage your personal situation more effectively. One, keep a diary of your daily experiences for a week or two (times each day when you eat, experience stress or anger, exercise, or other possible stressors that could cause an episode). Then take a look at the diary for any patterns. Second, use clothing protection every day. Third, carry the following in your car (or better yet, in a totebag you can carry all the time): change of underwear, backup outerwear, change of hosiery if it could get stained or ruined by an accident, wet-wipes (a box of them, not those little individual wrapped ones) OR paper towels and a bottle of water, ziplock bags for storing stained clothing, a larger opaque bag for putting the filled ziplock bags into, a supply of Imodium, and anything else you think would help during an episode. Last, do whatever you can to get stress lowered in your life. I have found it to be the most frequent cause of my own episodes. I also have a problem with food preservatives and MSG, but no all IBS sufferers do.These are all just my own personal recommendations, based on many years of suffering from this horrible problem. Feel free to use whatever you want from my list, or none or all - do whatever is right for you. Hope this helps.Warm regards.


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## FranBKNY (Dec 5, 2001)

Coggie -- you are not alone. I am 38 & like you all of sudden w/out notice everything just pours out of me. Catnut had a lot of great suggestions. I have found that being prepared for an accident gives me peace of mind whenever I leave my home. Like Catnut I always carry change of underwear, immodium and ziplock bags. I always wear something that could prevent complete leakage. And above all I always scope out where the bathroom is whenever I go anywhere. I also try not to eat outside of my home. The most important thing is don't get too down on yourself. Yes, this can make your life difficult, but you will learn to work around it. Good luckFran C.


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## Coggie (Dec 28, 2000)

I don't think you guys know just how often I think of you, each individual you, even if I don't have a face to go with the words.Every time I'm out and about, shopping because I have to, driving to some important or fun destination, being driven, at home, suddenly hit with an urge and running, every time in between, I think of each and every one of you, with your various ailments, conditions, symptoms, feelings, outlooks, lives.I often feel I live through other people. It's perhaps why I write (and edit) for a living. And it's not so bad.I am most comforted when lying back, listening to people just talk. I think I shall die that way.Last night, I was in the restroom for the 2nd time (went three times total there) at a restaurant in Sammamish, WA, trying to pee, but ending up crapping... and listening to a lively conversation between a mother and her daughter, and their friend. About the wedding, the dinner, Bolivian women and their popping out newborns so easily, stuff like that. They laughed, gasped and did what people do when they interact, and they made me smile.They also gave me company that they never knew and never will, in the midst of my ever-present awareness that I am somehow different because of the IBS-D and the previous sphincter-weakening surgeries. Big comfort. Bigger than you will ever know.Apparently, this sudden urge out of nowhere is habitual since the third trimester of my pregnancy. Perhaps, this will remain my health dilemma after the birth. I don't know.Each time it happens, it's daunting, scary, a heart jolt, and a race to see if I make it or not. I never know.But I do know I can count on people out there who suffer in silence or in shared, to remind me that it's not so bad that it's debilitatingly the end.I think about you all as my shield.


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## MALI (Jul 8, 2001)

hi all, i get so angry when i read your posts. when i read over and over again about the pain and humiliation we suffer on a daily basis. many of us could be diarrhea free if we where able to get Lotronex. E mail, call and write the FDA and GlaxoSmithKline. we got to get Lotronex back! best of luck to all. my thoughts are with you. MALI


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## Guest (Dec 30, 2001)

I never thought it could be as bad as it is for you. I have ibs-d but am able to make it to the bathroom no matter how much I sweat. There have been only 2 times that I didn't make it and I left a trail behind me on our off white carpet that to this day is a nice reminder of that day. I wonder if the pressure from the baby has anything to do with your worsening symptoms. I am also preg now and was not incontinent with urine before preg. But now i laugh, sneeze, cry, or vomit and I pee all over the place. I think preg has a way of loosening everything up down there and unfortunately isn't favorable for you and the poo.


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## Anna2 (Jul 12, 2000)

Hi Coggie! I kind of know what your going through in a way. I'm pregnant, have about a week to go until my C-Section. I've been Ibs-D for about 7 years. It totally disappeared during my pregnancy with my first child, and with this one until the 3rd trimester. Its to a point now, that when I have to go, I need a bathroom now. I can't even hold it in for a few seconds. I talked to my doctor about it, and he thinks its because of the pressure from the baby. We'll see, hopefully things get better for both of us after our babies are born. Good Luck with everything, and just think positive, your going to have a new baby soon!!


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## Tummy Trouble TB (Nov 10, 2001)

Coggie,Maybe this won't help you at all, but I thought I would mention it. I saw a nutritionist for my IBS, and I was having terrible diarrhea at the time. She told me she once had the same condition and lived off of bananas and rice for the longest time. She said it helped to "stop her up."Perhaps if you ate very binding foods, it could get you through the rest of your pregnancy, and then you could use a combination of foods and medication once the baby is born.I realize it must be very hard since you already have a weakened sphincter, but if you could get yourself to a state where your stools are formed, you may not have such a problem.I hope you get better after the baby is born. Don't lose hope - new medications are always being introduced. I found that my D went away with the help of some anti-spasmodics and the loss of my very stressful job. There's hope for you.


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## Sheilat (Jan 19, 2002)

Coogie,I am new to this but I just read all the postings. I am a mirror image of your problem, without the weakend muscle. I wake up in the middle of the night to find I have messed myself. Many days and nights I live in the bathroom. I go on average of 10 times a day. I go several times in the am before leaving my house, and then every time I eat or even take a drink of anything, I go to the bathroom. I come home after work so hungry and thirsty it is unbelievable. Then I eat and drink and live in the bathroom until bedtime. I too, have many humiliating accidents. My children are embarrassed, and so am I. I have such a strong urge to go, especially when I leave my house that I usually don't make it to where I am going without having to stop. I get anxious, go into a panic attack, and fall apart. It scares my children, and it scares me. I really feel for you because I know what it is like. I quit work because it was so bad, but now I have had to go back because we are so bad off financially now. I pray that I can get some relief somewhere.


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## mamamia (Jan 21, 2000)

Dear Coggie and other friends:I haven't been on this board in many, many months I'm sorry to say. Why? I'd been feeling very good. Well since this past summer I've been back on the pot again!! Same as you Coggie, can't make it to the bathroom in my own house. Messed myself at least six times last weekend. Here's the kicker. I went to a new gastro guy on Friday because I've been having terrible pains like I ate hot rocks, after every meal and during the nite.He thinks I have an ULCER now!! (along with the IBS) Do you know why I might have an ulcer?? From worrying about IBS-D!! I know that's why.It's on your mind every minute of the day, right?Will I, won't I? My husband cannot believe that I can't get a handle on this or the doctors can't really help. He claims IBS controls my life.NO KIDDING, REALLY? Duh!! Anyway I go for an endoscope on Wednesday. Coggie, I will think of you the next time I'm at Walmart and hovering near the auto parts department because that's where the ladies room is!much love and light, mamamia-PS I also agree that the pregnancy is making things much harder on your due to the pressure. I'm certain you will find much relief after your delivery.


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## scaredy_cat (Nov 3, 2001)

Hi CoggieJudging by your posts, you're a talented writer and a sensitive and caring person - don't let society's stigma about sh*t make you feel like less of a person







I take preventative Immodium otherwise I wouldn't have a life - I'm no stranger to the 10-second warning anal twinge


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## Lubner (Feb 20, 2001)

I can empathize with what you are going through. I have had my share of very embarrasing situations, stopping along the country road to squat and even an accident in the middle of Disneyworld!! The only thing that helps me is Lotronex. I do sometimes take Immodium, but the rebound effect a few days later is almost not worth it. I totally agree with the suggestion to always be prepared to clean up and change clothes. Rally behind the LAG to get Lotronex returned. It could change your life!


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## admflo (Dec 1, 2001)

Would you be willing to try the ginger root caps?It works almost to the point of constipating, no gas pain or bloating and now I don't even have to take it so much. It's given to pregnant women for morning sickness anyway. Two in the am and two at night. See my post under, wanting someone for an experiment. Several ibs d 's are trying it now and I am going to report back to some docs I know.Please try.


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## Sally Jane (Jan 14, 2001)

This is my no.1 nightmare. I had my first experience with total fecal incontinence years ago. I had not been to a specialist yet but had bouts of IBS for 15 or more years and had tried Donnatal and Librax. This happened out of town when my mother was very sick and I had eaten a meal with foods I found out later I couldn't eat. From this episode I began to have small panic attacks. I didn't know what they were and they would come on me in any place I felt confined like church or meetings.I would start to a store and turn around and go home. I left church and meetings too many times to mention. I quit eating all day if I had to go out. Finally my family said enough. You are seeing a gastroenterologist. After some years of therapy and learning about foods, taking meds for anxiety I still occasionally have this. I never know ahead of time that what I am eating will cause it so if I eat out I am careful to eat only the foods I am sure of. Luckily this has only happened once away from home. But when it does happen I can't make it across the room to the bathroom in time. There is no way I can control it. I don't even think a pad would be sufficient but I do wear one sometimes when I am going out. Also, it is the hardest to clean up. The liquid is very dark looking and includes much mucus. Why do we do this? Still my worst nightmare. (A small dosage of Xanax does help to relieve the anxiety.)


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## HereIam (Mar 1, 2001)

Coggie--So very sorry to hear of your pain, discomfort, etc. I hope today is a better day for you. If it helps to know you aren't in the boat alone, I, too, had a fistula repair that left me pretty much unable to "hold it." About two weeks after the birth of my first child, a whopping 9 pound boy, I all of a sudden found that I could pass gas through my V****a. That was weird. Doctors being what they are, they just had to repair this new passageway in my body. Now, I wish they'd left the darn thing alone--so what if I could fart through the wrong hole--who cares? Anyway, it did leave me unable to "hold it," and that along with the D is a deadly combination. When I have D and have to "go right now," it really is RIGHT NOW. Unless I have the D under control, I'm unable to leave the house because I will definitely make a mess. I understand what you are talking about and I sympathize. And, I recommend always carrying a clean change of clothes. It's insurance and helps. Best to you.


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