# Void, Emptiness, Insanity, and Pains in my Brain



## 16879 (Dec 12, 2006)

So for the past week or so, I've been meditating every night for about 30 minutes or so, occaisionally in the morning or at other times of the day as well. Anyways, last night, as I was meditating, I was overcome with this terrible feeling. It's not so much that it was terrible (I was just frightened of it), but it was like my body and mind became very heavy and it felt very much like one of those dreams that you get when you're sick with a cold or the flu. I also had this very powerful sensation that my body didn't exist, nor could I even feel my body (when I moved my fingers, they felt fine, but upon resting once again, I lost sensation and awareness of them). I tried to hold on to this feeling for as long as I could without losing it, but I eventually decided I couldn't take it anymore and got up and ended my meditation session. However, the feeling stayed with me until I finally got to sleep. Earlier today, the feeling came back. The feeling was of insanity and anxiety. I literally felt my mind slipping away, which made me scared as HELL. Luckily, I was able to get my mind off of this feeling and thought for the rest of the day, but it still sort of bugs me as to what it was. Whenever the feeling and anxiety arose, the left side of my brain felt like someone was poking it. (I must say, I'm starting to get the feeling once again as I write this). Earlier last week, I had been meditating and really trying to open myself up, and while I was writing an email to my therapist, I just broke down and started crying. I haven't cried in years. I figured that all this work I've been doing on myself is releasing some parts of me that I've tried to supress and hide for so long, and so I feel very painful when they float up in and out of my conscious-state. I'm trying to understand the feeling I've been writing about as something that I've tried to supress for so long, but now it's coming out and it hurts so much. It's like I was taking off my entire suit of armor, but I just wasn't mentally prepared for that.I'm wondering if anybody else has either gotten this sort of feeling (of complete void of being and of mind and a heavy feeling of both at the same time) or had instances where they opened up and felt a lot of pain for doing so because they were exposing the soft parts of their mind.Thanks for taking the time to read this. Your responses mean a lot to me, since this feeling of aloneness is accentuated by the fact that I don't know anyone else who has experienced this before.


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## 14225 (Aug 15, 2006)

May I suggest (and I'm sure people will argue against this heartily!) that meditating may not be such a good idea, at least for you if you're having this kind of experience? Maybe try other ways to relax where you're not letting the mind go completely? Maybe pray if you're a believer, or read an entertaining, but relaxing book. I personally enjoy classical music...


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

Meditation can bring up all sorts of emotions or odd physical sensations. So this might be something that wouldn't be unexpected, but I don't know enough about meditation to know.I would bring this up with the therapist just to see what they say and/or check with someone who teaches meditation in your area.


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## Tiss (Aug 22, 2000)

Meditatin may be really helpful and it is wise that you have a therapist. When I first started Mike Mahoney's relaxation (hypnosis tapes) for IBS many years ago I had what I would call a strange reaction. When I first started listening and learning to relax (deep relaxation like meditation) I always felt a deep heaviness in my heart and often would start crying. I did not understand it. I e-mailed Mike M. and asked him about it and he said this is not unusual when the mind and body are not used to being relaxed and the brain may perceive it is in a vulnerable state. Now I use hypnosis tapes every single night and sleep better than ever. I had to weather those first few months and I also had a good therapist, which I think is important to process those feelings.


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Once I read in some book that this can happen to you at some level of meditation when youÂ´ve already been practicing it for a while. It was explained there like this: when you open yourself up you let the piece and good come into you but together with it also bad powers can come ( sorry if it sounds weird I donÂ´t remember it exactly ).Of course it sounded weird to me since I am a person who had never been interested in stuff like that. So I asked one guy about it because I knew he had been practicing meditations and he was educated in this field. And he didnÂ´t laugh about it ( I thougt he might would). He told me seriously that it could really happen and that then it is important to find someone who is educated in this field and who really understands it to help you overcome these feelings. I donÂ´t know if itÂ´s true or not I really donÂ´t understand it too much. I am just telling what I heard and what I read and hope it might be helpful.


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## 16879 (Dec 12, 2006)

Thank you all for your responses. I've been talking it over with some of my friends as well and their replies point in the direction of what I, and those who replied, were thinking: it's just something that I've suppressed and that I've got to overcome.Still, it's scary and partially what makes me even more frightened is I don't know if all this negativity rising into my conscious-state (in order to release it, of course) will set off my IBS. Again, thank you to those who responded.


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## 15976 (Nov 22, 2006)

I sometimes panic when I have thoughts that make me feel like I'm going crazy. About 12 years ago I was in a panic/anxiety group and the therapist said something that has stuck with me to this day. He said "If you are worried you are going crazy, good...that means you are still sane. Crazy people don't worry about whether they are crazy".Having said that, I do find therapy and treatment to be very helpful.


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