# Need help with stress.



## LouiseCL (May 30, 2002)

Do any of you know of any thing I can do to help with stress? I am having alot here lately. I leaving my husband. I lost my job because of fibro. I have 2 daughters who are having babies. They want me to do every thing for them. I'm only one person. But dummy me does it any way. I forget what I need. I hate that. Sorry I didn't mean to dumb this all on you all. Just wanted to see if you had any advise for me. Thank you so very much. Luv, Louise xoxox


----------



## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Louise, I sympathize with you. The demands made on mothers and wives (and women in general) are unending. One suggestion I would make is learn how to say no. I know this is one of the hardest things to do, but noone else has to live in your body. If you find you're often too proud, too stubborn, or just don't have the heart to say no, study the following rules to help yourself get comfortable with that all-important two letter word.#1 - Know yourselfBe honest with yourself about your limitations - only then can you effectively explain them to other people. Realize that you can't be all things to all people.#2 - Explain your answer.When fibromyalgia forces you to say no, explain why. This helps educate family, friends and coworkers about your condition and helps them understand your limitations.#3 - Speak gently.When you're in pain "no" doesn't always come out in the nicest way. Try to get your message across without bitterness or rancor.#4 - Be honest with children.Tell children in simple terms what you can and can't do and why. Then allow them their feelings of disappointment.#5 - Cherish the Yeses.When you finally learn to say no, it can be liberating. It allows you the energy to thoroughly enjoy each time you are able to say, "Yes!"~From "Learning to Say No" by Janice Hayes, Arthritis Today, May/June 1996One thing I have learned is that when you say yes when you shouldn't, the people you are saying yes to do not understand how hard it is to help them, they don't understand the sacrifices you are making of yourself and your health to be there helping them. That's why I say noone else lives in your body - if you bottom out, you're the one that suffers. They don't understand how much it hurts. You are worth it! I hope this helps at least a little, hang in there, I hope it eases up for you soon.~Mrs. Mason  (Here I'll help you practice. Read this outloud - no no no no no no no no no no!!!)


----------



## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Louise, the advice MrsM gave you is excellent. I couldn't have said it better. Learning to say "no" was one of the most difficult things for me to to do, but it has gotten easier. "You could say something like I wish I could help, but I can't with the way I'm feeling. This is the polite way and if they still don't get it no, no, no, (yeah Mrs M I like this one). You don't need the added stress on top of everything else. Are you able to collect disability with the help of your doctor? Dump anytime.


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

you could try the HT tapes or writing?tom


----------



## trbell (Nov 1, 2000)

you might also look into this: http://www.SelfCareConnection.com tom


----------



## LouiseCL (May 30, 2002)

Thank you all so much. I hope each and every one of you are haveing a great day. Luv, Louise xoxox


----------



## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Louise,I couldn't have said it any better than those that have already answered your post.Hang in there.Karen


----------



## Guest (Jun 3, 2002)

Mrs. Mason gave you great advice, as did the others who responded to your post. Just as she said... learn the definition of NO. It has to do with learning to respect yourself on a new level. I live with two grown, adult, males slobs... and I don't intend to spend the rest of my life cleaning up their stuff.You're a person too.... and you need strokes as much as anyone else. It certainly would not be unreasonable for you to ask your children to support you in this, your time of need.Regarding your marital issues.... you may want to work at developing a network of friends on whom you can rely when you need help. Take one day at a time.... one issue at a time. And when it all seems so overwhelming...... try to find some time to get away from everything for just a little while and be good to yourself... even if it's just to take a bubblebath....  Warm fuzzies and hugs to you, Evie


----------



## Guest (Jun 3, 2002)

P.S. Tom... that is an excellent link that you posted... one we all should read. Thanx


----------

