# I am overwhelemed



## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

I´m starting college the next week and I feel so lost and overwhelmed. I´m scared that I won´t find any good friends, that everything will be too difficult and I´m afraid of huge crowds of students. I think so far I´ve always been lucky to be surrounded by sweet and caring friends but ...it suddenly seems like all of them have their lives and are busy going out with boyfriends, travelling and enjoying life in general. I have no boyfriend, have huge problems with travelling because of my painful stomach and don´t feel like I´m enjoying life at all. I just feel so different from the other people at my age. It seems to me like all of my friens suddenly grew up and are independent and in serious relationships while I´m stuck at some point and can´t move on. I´m afraid that I´m not gonna fit into that big college- party world. I hate parties because I have to sleep a lot ( otherwise my stomach will be acting up the next day), I can´t drink alcohol and I need a quiet environment ( otherwise I will be stressed and that will impact my stomach). All my life seems to be concentrated around my stomach. And I feel like an old lady. I´m afraid that my stomach pains will be too bad. Unfortunately my classes start twice a week at 7.30 am - and there is no way I can change it ( our system in general doesn´t allow students to create their own schedules). I´m afraid that I´ll be lonely and sad







I´m sorry for such a depressing post. I needed to get it off my chest. Anyway,thanks a lot for listening


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

{{{{{{{ HUGS Evu }}}}}}}Aww... I didn't realize it's been this bad for you... I'm so, so sorry about what you're going through...Getting up early and taking a class at 7:30 sounds so hard... When I took a Stats class which began at 8:00 once, it was just so so early and i missed some classes because I just couldn't handle it. How are professors in that university in terms of supporting students with special needs? Would it be useful if you talk to them at the beginning of the semester? I mean, not the details, but just that you have a chronic stomach illness and you're in pain a lot (and mornings are especially hard for you), and then ask them for some understanding and help? Like when you have to miss a class, you could be excused instead of having points taken off; or when you miss class, you could always have a way to find them either in their offices or via email to make up for missed content? I remember once you talked about universities over there do not have a student service or counselling. That must be really hard... Is it possible to find a sympathetic teacher or a staff member or the dean of the department for some support?I know exactly how you feel about other people moving on and feeling left behind -- I do too -- for one thing it took me one more year to graduate and almost all my friends have graduated and moved on. And then when I did graduate I found that all of my friends have found permanent jobs and settiled down. And nobody seems to have time for me who's lagging behind... and oh, tell me about feeling like an old lady while others go out and play -- totally feel you -- my whole life has seemed to be revolving around whether my body can take it even before I got IBS (and me too got pushed around by some kids)! Luckily, college students are more mature than high school kids.And from personal experience, (I know it's hard, but) it's still not a hopeless situation -- your old friends do like you and still want to be with you even though they may in reality not have that much time to spend together with you. I'm sure of that -- mine were, too. And being in your own (new) situations, you will be able to find new friends just like you did before -- when people get older, they may be harder to open up, but they do. Sure college studetns party too much, but you will find some nerds (like me) who do not always want to go to parties just because they like quietude. And a great person like you WILL find friends who appreciate you.You know, when I first started college, I was so sure that nobody would love me (who would love someone who gets sick a lot) and I won't ever find a b/f. But, hehehe, here I am already married and my hubby's my college love. So, if I can, anyone can. And YOU certainly can, not only find friendship, but also find love To start may not be easy, I know... Once I got this great advice from my ex-student who came back to visit the college I was teaching in part time as a grad student -- she said -- even in tough situations and lonely classes where everybody's too reserved to talk to anyone else, it is always helpful to find at least one person that you could talk to. And not to mention that making friends with this one person may bring you more friends, it's also really practical, 'cause you could both help each other take notes etc in case one of you is sick. And this one person will help you feel more comfortable about this whole class. I thought that her advice was the best that I've ever heard. So, if you could, you might want to give that a try as a start. And you never know, maybe this can open more doors for you.Another tip that this student gave me was to try to get the instructor on your side ('cause for her, English isn't her first language and she had some pretty serious language problems at the time). But after talking to the instructor after the first class session, her instructor understood that she was a serious hardworking student who just needed some extra help and understanding. So the intructor was totally on her side and very helpful, and she aced the class. If that's possible at your university, maybe you could give it a try, too?I'm thankful that you vented and got this out of your chest (and please do vent whenever)... And hope that some of my ramblings may be of a little bit of help... {{{ BIG supportive HUGS }}} from across the ocean...Cherrie


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## Guest (Sep 20, 2007)

Oh Evu - god bless you. Obviously, I've never met you in person but can I just say - you are one of the most genuine and caring people on this board and its my priviledge (if I could spell it even better) to know you albeit through the internet. These are qualities that will stand you in much better stead in the long-run than being the life and soul of a party.I can appreciate how daunting college life must seem - but don't you often find, its the things we dread the most that actually often turn out to be the most rewarding. You are going to have to find a pattern of life that works for you - I'm sorry, but can't remember - are you going into halls of residence or do you have a room in a house??? Whatever, remember - small though it might be - that is YOUR space. Make it as homely as you can, surround yourself with familiar things, music, posters whatever. I was shuntled off to boarding school at the age of 11 - so very quicly learnt to personalise my "space" whatever size (often tiny) to make it mine - and somehow that does help.You might also want to have a word with a student body/councillor - obviously I don't know how things work where you are - but there must be a sympathetic "bod" you can talk to.Keep in touch here - Cherrie, Bobbie and all your other mates - me included are always here as a sounding board and obviously we want to know how you are getting on.You hang in there luv - its always the waiting thats the worst.Sue xxxxx


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## jms1963 (Feb 23, 2007)




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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

Hey girls, Thanks a lot for your support. So far I haven´t resolved my living situation - at the beginning I´m staying in an apartment that is quite close to the college, but it´s only temporary. After a few weeks I´ll have to find something else probably. I´m a little sad that I´m not gonna live in the dorms - but I saw the dorm room that I had been assigned by the university -and there is no way I could stay there. I don´t want to bother you with the details, it was just horrible.The positive thing is that I only have 10 compulsory lessons in a week. That´s a great advantage in comparison with high school, so once i feel sick I´ll just skip the classes and noone will care







Cherrie - I appreciate your "rambling"







and I´m thankful for your long post. Thanks for so many great ideas.Sue- for me it´s also a big priviledge to know you







Thanks for offering me a shoulder to lean on, it means a lot.I´m leaving on Sunday, I´ll keep you posted on how I´m doing. (((hugs))))


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