# Advice Please- Boyfriend.



## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hiya,I am going out with a policeman, or at least thought i was until last night. It has been about 2 months now. Last night we had a heart to heart about the "relationship". He told me, that he really likes me and wants to spend time with me, but doesn't want to say he is going out with me because he knows that because f his job he can't be there as much as he would like. He also said that when he gets free time (not v often) he wants to do what HE wants to do and that he won't always want to come see me. But might want to go on the lash with the boys, or spend time on his own.I totally appreciate a guys need for time to hislef. He says the main reason for not "commiting" to a relationship is because of his job. He said he just doesn't want to be going out with someone at the moment. But that we are seeing each other. To me that means he wants to see other people, but inisits that this is not the case. I asked him a again and he said he doesn't want to see other people only me. SO i am very confused.This morning i went round to his flat when he was getting ready for work and told him that he must remember that this can't just be about what he wants, but what i want as well. Bascially he wants a relationship without having to be answerable to anyone of he has to break a date or something. If i am not actually his "girlfriend" then he won't have to do that. He hates confrontation. I suggested to him that he bascially wants to have his cake and eat it, and it can't be like that. I also told him that we should try and find a happy medium, a comprimise. I need something out of this too. I believe this is a typcvial guy reaction. He wants a girlfriend, but without the hassle of getting earache when he had to break a date or he is tired or wants to get pissed with his mates.He says he doesn't want to spend ALL his free time with me- and i don't expect that at all. I know that he has a life outside of me! But what he doesn't realise is that the different parts of his life could nclude me also- we don't have to be seperate all the time do we?Arghh- nightmare. I don't want to lose him. I told him this last night. He says he wants to be with me and spend time with me. My best mates boyfriend says he is doing exacty what he did at first, just testing the water in a way. I dunno. I feel weird.Spliffy.


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

bastard.either he is going out with you or not.all this 'let's just "see each other"' nonsense is just total ####.Afterall, i have a boyfriend who i adore, but we also have separate friends and do our own thing as well as spend time together.I feel bad for you cos you're being messed around, and you deserve better.I know how much heart ache this has been causing you, so i can only hope you get sick of him, or he stops being an arse.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

What a situation. Why must men be so difficult!!!??? Of course he needs to have time with his friends, but there definitely IS a happy medium. You are not being demanding by asking if he could spend some of his free time with his friends and some with you, or somehow include you. He sounds like he's scared of commitment. After 2 months! You were right to tell him that your relationship cannot just be about him-- GOOD FOR YOU!!! If he can't understand that, you should definitely find someone who can. It just sounds like he's scared of committing in some way, despite the fact that he said he only wanted to be with you (which is a compliment, of course). What you need to do is talk to him and find a way to get things so that it makes both of you happy, not just him. If he is unable to make that sort of compromise, maybe he just isn't the right person for you. The right person is definitely out there somewhere. I hope you guys are able to sort everything out. I'm sorry it's such a hard time for you.







Just know that you really are not demanding a lot by asking him to split his free time every now and then.Feel better!!!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

This is just so ****. I just want to be with him and it hurts so much. I am crying now.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Crying over a guy...so frustrating!!! I hope you're able to talk things over with him. My mom used to say that maybe this is the worst and now things can only get better from here. I hope this is the case for you and things start to get better.







Best of luck with him. I'm sorry you have to go through this!!!


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## Taylor Wilkens (Mar 26, 2003)

Nikki please talk to me. I'am the one whos the stupid snob.


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## Yzingerr (Jul 5, 2002)

Coming from my point of view (me being a male), I dislike the fact that i have to always call my GF everyday and talk to her on the phone when i am out with my friends. I dont like it when i want to go out with my buds to somewhere i love to go, and then find out i have prior arrangements with my GF. But there is a happy medium. We both decided when we have time for one another, and we both allow time for eachother to hang out with friends. Your "man sounds" like he justs wants a booty call. If all you want is sex, id stay, but if you want a deeper relationship, i wouldnt wait around! IBS


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## Brenden (May 11, 2003)

Obviously hard to make a judgement without knowing the both of you but it seems as though he is making preparations to play up on you. Because if you caught him out he could always say that "I told you I don't want a relationship" or maybe he just doesn't want to answer to you if he decides to go out on the **** . What difference does it make that he's a policeman??sounds like a **** poor excuse


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## Engine23 (Nov 19, 2002)

Nikki,I would suggest giving your bloak some room to decide what he wants. It sounds like he is in transition from moving deeper into the relationship but he is tenative to change his current life style or he is trying to bow out of the relationship. Problem is you wont know which way he is leaning for a while but pressure to be more of "an item" will not help.Someone mentioned the booty call earlier and this is certainaly a possibility and none of us your current level of intimacy but I would suggest protecting yourself to this possibilty.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Oh my! This thread gave me a shock! Its ancient. LOL. I had forgotton all about this! Thanks for your advice. Unfortunately that ship has now sailed. We live and learn.Nikki


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## DrDevil (May 31, 2003)

I'd dump him, i'm a bloke and unfortunately been through 4 girls in the past year, all because they werent right. First was obsessive, she'd come and throw stones at my windows at 4am because i hadnt replied to a text (i live 15miles away), second was a little wierd, third she only wanted to spend about one night a month with me, and now im on the lovely fourth, happy medium, she lets me have my time with friends, to my self, but still really wants to see me which is nice. Last night though she met my ex who im excellent friends with, nothing more, and she freaked a bit because we appeared so close, so ive said to het basically: I work on trust, I trust you 100%, if you ever break that you go, in return I expect you to trust me 100%, if you cant then you go.Sounds harsh but I wont have people not trust me, not if they are my other half. I think she's okay with it and says its her just being paranoid, I get paranoid about her spending one-2-one time with other blokes, but i'd never ever say anything to her or do anything to let her know i felt like that, i guess she's just a little different.anyway, if you're not happy, move on is what it comes down to


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