# Asking For Help Is Not The End Of The World



## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

*Asking For Help Is Not The End Of The World*_©M&M 2007_​Several months ago, my dog came and frantically woke me up in the middle of the night. Now my dog is a tough dog, a real "doggy" dog. Things don't bother him, he's quite independent and strong, and he's a brave guard dog; that kind of dog. But he was frantic, and it scared me. I got up with him, and found that he had injured his tail during the night, and had a pretty nasty sore on it. It hurt, he couldn't fix it, he needed my help, and he knew it. I have reflected on this beautiful lesson almost daily since it happened. He knew this was something beyond his abilities to take care of, but he knew he could count on me. He wasn't embarrassed that he had made his injury worse by licking, he didn't try to hide it, and he wasn't worried I'd be mad that he woke me up. He needed help, and he asked for it. He asked immediately for exactly what he needed - and he got it.Of course, I tended to the wound, and got him back to sleep, and smiled to myself the whole while. I was thinking how wise and innocent he was. How wise to know your own limitations, and how innocent to ask for what you lack, or what you need, without fear or hesitation.I'm severely limited by ME. I know a lot of you are also severely limited by your illness. And yet, I hesitate to ask for help. I try to "fake it" as much as I can when I'm around healthy people. I know other patients who do the same thing; maybe you're even one of them. Why do we do this? Should we do it?I think there are lots of reasons. We don't want people to feel sorry for us, we don't want to appear as different as we are, we want to stay independent, we fear being a burden, or maybe we are hesitant to admit our own limitations to ourselves.Then I remember my dog. I didn't look down on him for waking me, and asking for my help. I didn't think of him as "less" than what he is, and I didn't think he was foolish either. When he woke me, my first feeling was love for him, not pity. I felt his pain, but only inasmuch as I wanted to help him. I smiled, and felt love because of his confidence in me. And I smiled because I saw him as being so very brave in that moment, not even flinching as I treated his wound.Do we feel guilty, or inept, because we can't fly? Of course we don't, for we haven't any wings! So why feel guilty, or inept, because we can't bend down to pick up a pot from a low cupboard, or because we can't clean up the dinner dishes so they remain piled in the sink? Do we feel inept, or less than human, when we can't reach the top shelf? No. No we do not.Not feeling guilty about our limitations is the first step to being able to ask for help when we need it. Granted, sometimes, we can find a tricky way around our limitations, while at other times we can't. We can, for example, slide a heavy pot across the counter to the stove, if we can't lift it ourselves. We cannot, however, find a tricky way to drive ourselves to the store when we've got severe vertigo, or falling blood pressure.Not feeling guilty about the things we can't do is the first step, and realizing it is ok to ask for help is the second step. Remember back to the last time a friend or family member (or pet) asked you for your help. How did it make you feel? Didn't it make you feel good? Wasn't it nice to know you could do something concrete to show this person you loved them? Wasn't it wonderful to know that they knew they could count on you in their moment of need?The next time you need to ask for help, remember those feelings YOU felt personally. When you ask for help, you are making your loved one feel the very same way. You are making them feel needed, and important.I rarely talk about my disabilities when I'm around my friends and family. If you're the same way, you already know the reasons why. I want to enjoy my time with these people, and forget I'm disabled for a little while. I don't want to be the downer of the group, and I certainly don't want to be seen as a complainer.But recently, I was asked to make a brief statement at a meeting about my disabilities, and how I've coped. A friend came up to me afterwards and actually told me, word for word, I wish you'd talk more about your limitations - it encouraged me to hear your words of faith and wisdom. I was shocked, but I felt really good. And it made me stop and think that maybe knowing what I deal with really could be encouraging to someone else. I had never thought of that even being a possibility before, but when he said that, it made perfect sense to me. That was food for thought.Hearing that also made me think that asking for help could really have a positive effect on others. If we have a chance to give people a peek into our lives, difficulties, limitations and struggles, we might have a chance to impart a little pearl of wisdom, or a little boost to them. Remember that too, the next time you hesitate to ask for help. Other people have no idea what we deal with, and giving them an idea might really open their minds and hearts to something new. That would be a real gift to the recipient! Of course, we want to temper our asking for help, and not become a burden, but it takes an awful lot to become a burden to someone. And showing appreciation for the help lent to you will go a LONG way in avoiding being burdensome. Something as simple as telling them, "Thank you. I couldn't have done this without you," goes a long a way. Sending a thank you card, or a brief note, thanking your loved one, is a small gesture that means a lot.So let's all remember this beautifully simple lesson I relearned from my dog. Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of. Asking for help can make someone feel so special, and so needed. And showing sincere appreciation will keep you from becoming a burden when you do need help. Asking for help is something we'll all have to do eventually, and there's no need to feel beaten when that moment comes for us!


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