# Lots of misery! Is this happening to anyone else?



## HELP4IBS (Sep 14, 2004)

I have sooo many things going haywire. I have had anxiety since I was a child. I can live with that since I have - unfortunatly- become use to it, the migraines are bad, but the IBS-D is, well making me agoraphobic. It started 10 years ago when I was pregnant. Life has never been the same. I have to go out alone, and in my own car. I need to know where the restroom is. I never go out to dinner because it always happens when I do. My husband has a boat. He goes to Lake Havasu alot. Takes the kids and goes without me. I cannot go because the heat, lack of available restrooms, and the 4 hour drive through the desert. I was once stuck in a port- a- potty at Lake Mead with a group of people in 120 degree heat. I could not get out for an hour. It was awful and embarrasing. Not as bad as loosing it on the boat before we found a restroom. I did jump in the water but the cramps were too bad. This summer we took an rv up to Canada to see family. It was the only way I could go , with my restoom with me. The toilet clogged 3 times(not from me but from a defect in design) so we were in the middle of nowhere without a restroom and all the kids(4) too. I actually did okay, but I'll never do that again. As you can imagine, my husband and friends have had it with me. I mean, why even bother to ask me anywhere. Im not even comfortable at anyones house. I have had awful times in other peoples bathrooms. The explaining, the smell, its too humiliating! It is just not worth it. The funny thing is ,though, that I can go anywhere alone. I know I can hide in a bush if need be. I'm not putting anyone out. But to have someone with me... no thank you.I would never put them through what my kids have had to go through... waiting for me outide or inside a restroom for hours while I run in and out, just to race home and never get to see or do the activity. I eat well,limited sugar, no meat except fish or chicken, no soda, whole grain bread, and soy milk or small amounts of dairy only when I'm home. I take Imodium only if I know that the situation will be questionable. It works maybe half the time. DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE? Because I am the only one I know whose life has been altered to this extent. If I have a good week without IBS-D symptoms, I'll get a migraine or fibromyalgia, or TMJ, OR SOMETHING ELSE WEIRD.I have very few "good" days. I do get everything I need to do done though, and I push myself to do it. I don't want sympathy. I am a real go getter. I am becoming very depressed though.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Hello Help4IBS.I have moved a copy of your post to the Managing Anxiety ForumAnd to the Diarrhea Forum in hopes that you will get more replies to your question.Your topic is still open here, in the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Forum as well.


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## jeanne2 (Jul 19, 2004)

Help-Yes, yes, yes....this happens to a lot of us on here...all to different extents of course.Seems you are going through a REALLY bad time right now. I am 57...had 4 kids, now have 6 grandkids, managed to work full time most of my life...BUT-I still avoid things a great deal..and most comfortable by myself, etc etc all the things you wrote about.I don't know how old you are....but keep trying different things. We too travelled by motor home, and I hope when I retire, that's what we will do too. I had no problems, in fact just knowing the potty was there, made me calmer.We also had a full sized van that I put a porta potti in...had a curtain installed on the ceiling of the van. I only used it a few times in the 7 or 8 years we had it.WE have a boat too...it has a little cabin with a porta potti....Maybe you just need to ask your family to adjust better to you right now. In other situations it's harder...but with your own family, hopefully they will adjust just as if you were wheelchair bound or something.I know it seems such a pain to have to revolve everything around "your" particular shall we say, digestive habits...lol. But that's where you are at.Little by little, I found I could do more and more...but I'll tell you too, I would have a colostomy in a minute if any doctors would agree...which I haven't found one that will...just to be truly free of this ####...pardon the pun.Unlike you, and many who post here however, I have managed to do the social stuff OK. Parties and all. I have to say I use alcohol as a crutch, and it does calm me and doesn't make me have diarrhea at all..that's not especially good, but it works for me and others here.But car trips with others....? rare, rare times, and when I do I don't eat anything for hours before.Meds? I have tried them all, and currently take tranxene for anxiety (I too have been an anxious person since I was a kid), and I use imodium almost daily.I flew by plane for the first time in March...just a 2 hour flight, small plane with bathroom of course. My fear is not of flying, it's being made to stay in a seatbelt when I have to use the bathroom. All of you on here understand that.S0, please read up on here. There are things you can try to make things better. This IBS D thing builds and builds on itself as a vicious circle.The more times things happen, the more anxious you get, and the more that transfers to your gut.If you can break the cycle at any place-even every so often, you will build more confidence to try things.Keep us posted.Jeanne


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## valtaya (Jan 3, 2003)

I know exactly what you mean. Its almost like I could have written that post myself. Im perfectly fine when im home, or out alone, but if I go out with anyone else, go to someone elses house, or sometimes if people come to my house I seem to panick and the symptoms are really bad. Im ment to be going on holiday soon and i am dreading it.. im already having the *you will come out wont you?* questions.. i really wish i could.. I have been forcing myself to go out.. further and further to try and get used to it.. no easy task. I always feel like im gettin somewhere and then have an attack and it really is disheartening.. but I wont give up.. none of us should.. its out lifes..


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

Hello to both of you,All of your physical problems, including the D, could be caused by your anxiety. I had a three month headache followed by ear ringing and jaw pain, then panic attacks and daily D that lasted six months. Diet changes and GI meds made no difference but once I took a Xanax--true anti-anxiety med--the physical problems stopped. Now I have my life back and with the help of my psychiatrist and medication (Xanax plus Effexor) I have learned how to reduce stress, face anxiety and learn to calm myself down. You do not need to continue to suffer...try one appointment with a psychiatrist and see if you can get meds that will truly stop the source of your physical problems----stress, anxiety, depression. It worked for me.


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## Sara Mudie (Apr 16, 2004)

Help4IBS and Valtaya (hello again). Help4IBS, you sound exactly like me, although I have a partner only and no kids and getting to the age when it's not likely I'll have any now. Your post described precisely how I feel about being around people - even my own family. I took some comfort from the fact that it is not only me that pulls away and can only truly relax when alone.Why are we so hung up on this? I've tried to work it out and think it can't just be embarrassment but personaly dignity comes into it a great deal. We all like to think we can maintain control and people don't understand when I say I just wish I could be 'normal'. I don't want anything exceptional in my life, I just want the simple things and to live at peace with myself. But I wish I could be there more for my partner and loved ones and the vicious cycle of striving to push myself then feeling guilty and inadequate for not doing enough pushes me down again. I guess this isn't helping a great deal but I wanted you to know that I do have good days when I manage to achieve things and I bet you do too. It's easy to say but try to focus on those times and congratulate yourself. If you are a good person, you can at least by happy in your own company. I know the ability to relax by being alone is countered by also being 'lonely' at times and it's hard to get a good balance. So, I guess one of the things I'm striving for (there's a long list) is the ability to care less about what others think about me. Some of us are just not programmed to take this approach to life and it takes some will power to do it. And in the meantime, take care of ourselves in the best way we know how.I have read a lot of California123's posts about the virtues of Xanax - you may find this route helpful. I don't want to go there at this point but respect people's freedom to choose and am very happy for anything that helps at least one IBS sufferer cope better. Valtaya, are you a member of the IBS Network in the UK? Go to www.ibsnetwork.org.uk and read about it. There is a whole support network in there which you may like and it's all run from Sheffield Hospital with a specific IBS helpline run by nurses. Take a look - they are desperate for membership and do a fantastic quarterly newsletter with lots of good stuff in it.Best wishes to you all and one day at a time - may today be a 'good' one.


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## valtaya (Jan 3, 2003)

Hey Sussexgirl  Thank you for the link.. Im going to have a look now.. Funny its in Sheffield.. thats the place I went to the other week to try and get over my fear of leaving the house.. Half hour on a train and I was shaking like a leaf.. but I did it and was sooo glad that I did..


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## HELP4IBS (Sep 14, 2004)

CALIFORNIA123, How does one find a Psychiatrist or whatever. My insurance ( kaiser)HAS THEM, BUT WHAT iF i WANT TO CHOOSE MY OWN. I LIVE IN SO.CAL. About 50 miles from L.A.. Anyone know of a good one?


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## Jurena (Jan 15, 2004)

HELP4IBS,I live in Ohio so I wouldn't be much help with California. I also have Kaiser. I went to the psychiatrist about 8 years ago and then stopped. My son was going for depression just recently. If you don't like your doctor, you can request another. I don't know how your plan works, but it would probably be a lot cheaper if you can find one at kaiser you like.


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

Hello Hlep,Do you have some psychiatrist you want to go to and is not covered by Kaiser? If not, I would suggest just going to one that is covered and have a talk a bout your physical problems and what do they think might help. Ask about whether meds would be good and if so what. Rather than focusing on whether it is the one you want, just get to a psychiatrist. For me that was the most important step. From there everhting worked out. Take care.


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