# sharing a bed



## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

I have no friends in my city, with the exception of my boyfriend and his friends. I see him once or twice a week after work for a couple of hours. I used to spend the weekends or several days at his place, but now even spending the night there makes me feel panicky. He lives in a house with other students, one of whom I really dislike. I hate using their bathroom and dread having an attack of d in the night. If I do stay the night I lie in bed feeling bloated and crampy and unable to sleep much, but in the morning I feel v.relieved and happy cos I made it through the night. Also, if I know I'm staying the night, I'm anxious all day. I prefer to go there on a Sat morning and leave around 11pm, but then I feel I've cut the weekend short and wake up lonely on Sunday. I've been doing this the last few weeks as my IBS has been bad, but I'm worried soon I will b stuck in a pattern and will have closed another door in my life.Is sleeping in the same bed as someone really necessary to have an intimate relationship/maintain intimacy? I read somewhere that it is, because it causes subconscious bonding.


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## millyimp (Jul 30, 2006)

for what it is worth, and is only my own opinion.. if you want true intimacy with someone then yes I feel it is necessary to share a bed with that someone ..I too have IBS and I know how it places limitations on you .. but if that person really does care about you ..and who you are he should be able and willing to accept that part of you as well as every other part of you .. in other words take you as a whole person IBS included .I am not saying your B/F is not doing that and I do fully understand how anxious etc sleeping under those arrangments will make you feel.. maybe you and he could sleep at your home instead is that a possiblity ?take care Milly


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## Nick65 (May 29, 2006)

Have you told him these fears? He might just turn round and say "OK let's do it another way or I didn't realise"


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## 13647 (May 30, 2006)

I don't think its absolutely necessary to maintain an "intimate" relationship. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, than just tell him, he should understand!Andrea


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

He does realise I'm nervous, but I don't think he can really understand 'irrational' anxiety. He's good about it when I go home to sleep but I sense he feels disappointed, even when I explain it's the bathroom that's the problem not him!I don't like him to sleep at my place as I'd have nowhere to escape to if I had an attack in the night. I found something to help with the sleeping though- oxazepam taken an hour before going to bed. Instead of waking up all night and worrying about cramps I can sleep right through.


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## 13387 (Aug 7, 2006)

Sleeping in the same bed is mainly just a tradition. My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed for most of the 4 years we've been married. Even before my ibs I have had insomnia on and off. Plus my husband works swing shift and doesn't go to bed till 5am. As far as intimacy goes we're fine. The whole idea worried me at first too though and I did some research. Most sleep specialists don't recommend sleeping in the same bed. And its actually becomming more and more common for couples to sleep in separate beds. Your health is important and not sleeping isn't good for you. There are lots of other ways to maintain intimacy in a relationship.


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## Tiss (Aug 22, 2000)

I would probably feel alot closer to my husband if I didn't have to lie in the bed next to him every night listening to him snore! Seriously, I don't think that sleeping in the same bed every night is necessary for intimacy but it is something that a couple would need to be in agreement upon otherwise there's gonna be trouble. I would sleep in the guest room every night if I thought it wouldn't bother my husband. It took me quite awhile to get used to sharing the bed and bathroom with my husband. We've been married 8 1/2 years and I still don't like 'going' with anyone in the house! Talk about neurotic!


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