# At the end of my anxious rope



## 20215 (Dec 6, 2006)

Ive posted a few times on the other boards but I figure this one is more suited to me. I have extremely high anxiety back in 2003 I had a breakdown..it was hard to believe cause eveyone looked at me as if I was this strong person. Back in July I watched mybest friend die from Ovarian cancer she was 34. I broke down again started thinking I had it or some other kind of deathly illness i ran repeatedly to the doctor every ache scared me and still does. For instance my leg hurt today and I got on this kick that I had a DVT researched it and i had all the symptoms i worked myself up so badly i had to leave work. I have IBS and lately its been getting alot worse I constantly worry about it thinking I have some kind of cancer or horrible disease. Let me stress that i am not suicidal but sometimes i think i dont want to continue living like this. The pain I feel is real but the anxiety i feel is driving me crazy. I try to not think about it or distract myself but i once again find myself on google diagnosing myself.I used to be a strong person Everyone thought i was made of steel I made it through a bad childhood a bad marriage but no one knew how much i hated myself and the fear that I feel all the time like its consuming me. WIll it ever go away I know that anxiety and IBS go hand in had my doctor told me that he said if we can get my anxiety under control than we can at least manage my IBS better. I cant stop obsessing about my health i even check my blood pressure everyday. I miss my best friend so much she was one of the few that knew "the real me" and she helped me so much but there was nothing i culd do to help her. She died in front of me and it haunts me to this day I still hear her taking her last breath and i couldnt stop it.I just want to be normal no more anxiety i dont want to obsess over my health or how bad my stomach hurts or when im going to go to the bathroom. I hate google and webmd every symptom you put in pops up with something horrible. I take Xanax as needed but i dont want to have to take medicine just to get through life. Im tired of crying and im tired of being in pain its like my body is betraying me....Sorry so long thanks for letting me vent.


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Hi there. Wow, you have had a tough time







I would see a doctor if I was you. Tell them what's going on in your head and about the anxiety. I have a tendancy to want to self diagnose too so I stay away from googling stuff! Only makes me more of a wreck! As for being on medication, I was put on an antidepressant a month ago. Yes, there are some side effects that aren't fantastic but none bad enough for me to want to go back to the emotional wreck I was in the months leading up to me going on it. Antideps can help with both depression and with anxiety. I was so sick from IBS all the time I got too frightened to even go to the local shop for 5 minutes, as a result my IBS got worse, then my anxiety got worse, IBS got worse etc etc. I'm not saying that we all need to be on antideps, my IBS hasn't really improved much but my anxiety and general outlook on life has and that makes me feel at least a little bit better.Hang in there, feel free to vent here any time you need to and please, go and see your GP.


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## 18134 (Dec 11, 2006)

Hello, this is my first time posting to this site or any other for that matter. I can't believe that I woke up and read your post. Last night I was thinking of posting and your letter could I have been mine (except for the death of your friend). I have been suffering the same way for years and I am completely tired of it also. I am also taking medication. Last night my IBS was so bad that it sent me into a severe panic. I have done just about all I can to to combat it. I feel so helpless. One perons tells me to eat this or that another says "no way" try this. I sympathize with you and hop you are feeling better soon.


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## Vamplady (May 10, 2003)

Dana,Have you sought Grief Counceling? I just ask because my mother died a year ago November and this has been the worst year of my life so far. I have had rebouts of depression/anxiety/ibs-d.Check your local area for Hospice Grief counceling or maybe a private councelor could help. I never in my wildest dreams would have realized what all grief can and does to one's body. Its getting better and the bad days are lessening. I just wanted you to know that grief can do these things to you. I would definitly speak with my doctor about all symptoms and have them checked out, but you may want to concider counceling to help with your loss. Vamplady


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## 21185 (Dec 31, 2006)

I have to agree with Vamplady:Grief counseling can be helpful especially with all the loss you have been through. It doesn't even have to be long term. Good luck.


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