# When did you know your husband cheated?



## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Sorry, but this is not a health issue, but then again it could be, a woman's mental health issue







I had one that did. He deceased in 1996, but I've thought about it, and couldn't help but wonder why. He said it was an ego thing, it wasn't me, but I would have never dreamed he would get interested in another woman, because he didn't have a good sex drive when I met him. In fact, I felt we were doing fine. He was very nice looking. We had a four year old son, and one still in diapers. He was a supervisor over a whole department of women, also. Anyway, I knew when I was told. Not before..


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## Tlyon (Feb 20, 2001)

I had one that did too Rowe. I was young, about 24. He was in the Navy, and his mail was forwarded to my home in Va. I opened it, because you could tell by the handwriting that it wasn't offical, well, that and the little hearts drawn all over the envelope. LOL! I suppose that it was bound to happen, we were hardly ever together. I guess that was when I knew, but there were things that I should have been clued into before. He didn't want me to move to Charleston, said he wouldn't be there that long (8-9 months is pretty long) and once I went for a visit, there was a girl there that was extremly unfriendly. Anyway, I am glad that it turned out the way it did. Turns out, he would have been a handful, and I would have spent my life miserable.


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Hi Tlyon..thanks for sharing, dear. I know you have felt the pain I have, and I'm sorry. I wish I could not think about it, but sometimes it does pop in my mind..a self-esteem issue I would guess. But, anyway it is in the past, and we should let it be that way.


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## selenae25 (Apr 4, 2004)

I just found out my husband was and is cheating a month ago. He asked for a divorce suddenly and sited money issues. A week later I got a cell phone bill with hundreds of calls to a woman. My husband is in the Navy and had to be away from us for the last year and during that time met this woman and practicaly lived with her. I had no idea until I got that bill. He has totally abandoned us and they only reason I have any monetary support from him is because I went to his command and told on him. We have a four year old and two year old. It has been really awful and I have not worked since having my kids. At least I will see some justice in that the navy punishes it's service members for adultry and non support of family.


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## Tlyon (Feb 20, 2001)

I am sorry Selena. You are right about the Navy. They will make sure that pays child support. It will be tough for awhile, but I promise that you will be fine. I am so glad that I got rid of my X. He left me with tons of debt. I worked my butt off getting rid of it, and it took me years to get my credit straightened out. He was no longer in the Navy when all that happened. For some stupid reason, I let his little affair go, he was discharged, and stuck around for about a year. Until I found out that he was still seeing the girl that was writing him the letters. I know it hurts badly, but hang in there, and play smart!


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## LaurieJ (Sep 3, 2002)

I found out a year after having a major health crises by hearing him talk on the phone 10:00 or later at night. I pay the bills so when the next bill came, I looked at the late night numbers, recognized it was to either his work number or an unrecognized home number and I confronted him about it. I got the "we are just friends, she is new in town" routine until one day he decided to go to a movie with her, by himself, without asking me to go with them. I finally wised up...told him that he had to figure out what he wanted, her or me, and that until he figured it out, I would be out of his life.A day or so later, he figured it out (blamed me because I was always sick) but decided that a safe home, with all the comforts of it, was better than an a "friendship" that had nowhere to go. So, we moved on.....but the suspicions are always there to some degree or other. Especially when it comes time to pay the phone bills (but my revenge? I turn all the ringers off on the phone so he doesn't know when it rings!). And of course, he still works with her........and she has to be a really nice person too, so it is not difficult to like her myself.Laurie


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

SelenaJean and Laurie..I'm so sad to hear you have felt this pain..







Why can men blame women on their straying? What if the shoes were on the other feet, and they were sick. Then they find themselves hearing, "because you are sick." Makes me sick to even think about it. I do not cheat on my husband, and not bragging, but I've had a lot of times I could have. It is against my beliefs, and I don't want to deal with guilt afterwards either.


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## LaurieJ (Sep 3, 2002)

Well, in my case, to be fair, I have to accept part of the blame. I was very nasty to those around me during the first year of my illness. I was frustrated with my doctors and all that had happened: the whole pity me, look at what those SOBs did to me, etc. Then my sister passed away (a few months before my husband strayed) and I didn't handle that well either. I blamed myself for not being there for her in the final few months of her decline because of my own illness (which isn't terminal). He insisted on taking our annual vacation even though it was only two or three weeks after her funeral and I wasn't very much in a holiday spirit....so it all added up in his being around a person that he really didn't want to be around. Afterall, the other woman "made him laugh", she is "fun to be around".Of course, there are other issues and two sides to the story, so I hate to put the whole blame on him. Although I do agree with you about the idea of cheating never entering my mind either, because of my beliefs and all. I would rather live apart for a few months or years than live a double life.Laurie


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Laurie, I admire your honesty.


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## selenae25 (Apr 4, 2004)

I do not take any blame for what my husband has done. I had no problem remaining faithful to him during our year apart. When I got his cell phone bill and saw all the calls to that strange number I called her. She had no idea that he was married or had two small kids. She did not break it off with him though and he has totally abandoned my kids and I. He even stole our kids savings to pay for his own divorce attorney. I have never been so angry in my life as what I feel now. I think this has to be the ultimate betrayal.


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Yeah, I know you must feel bad now, Selena..but hang in there and you will see him so unhappy one day. One pays in this lifetime, and sometimes it is a very hard fall. I'm not encouraging bitterness, but forgiveness. If you can find forgiveness, and it is hard, you will find peace.


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## selenae25 (Apr 4, 2004)

Maybe when he stops stealing the money that puts food in his kids mouths and a roof over our kids heads I'll be able to forgive him.


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## magicjenjen (Sep 23, 2003)

Selena,I hope you can forgive. I never have been able to. My last BF went sleazing around with a mutual friend of ours and I had to find out by finding condom wrappers in his bathroom trash can. (sometimes I am thankful for my leaky sinuses and looking for kleenex) I am just glad that I am rid of that unpleasant and expensive pet. Got rid of him and bought a house...huh...I could do it by myself!Jen


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## twinkle (Aug 19, 2004)

gee i am really sorry you have all had or are having to deal with this. It has happened to me but it was a relationship i wasn't too bothered about and a short one at that.If it happened now though i would be devastated. My boyfriends ex is still his friend and even though i know there is nothing going on i get jealous that she had him first.Love to you all.XXX Lindsay


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## Dux (Nov 14, 2004)

I don't know if this counts or not.I had a High School sweetheart, but the relationship ended when we went to different colleges. Then we met again, and it got very intense, definitely in love. We moved in together,bought ahouse etc.,, then he said he wanted to start a family, right about the time I got a terrific promotion at work which would require me to travel quite a bit for almost a year, so I put him off. I really took him for granted. Well, about eight months into my new job, I'm home for a week, and he was really uncomfortable and tense, didn't want sex, so then he tells me.He met another woman at the gym, and he wanted to break up with me to be with her.That was four years ago.He married her, and they have a little boy. I just had my thirty ninth birthday.I date, but no one is like him. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever have a family. My biological clock is ticking real loud. My Mother is constantly reminding me that I am a damn fool for letting him get away.As if I needed the reminder.


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## selenae25 (Apr 4, 2004)

That sucks Topaz, I would diffinately think that counts too. You even owned a house with him. Have you thought about having a baby on your own maybe or saving some eggs for later. I'm no where near dating again but when I do it will be someone not at all like my husband LOL.


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## Elariel (Jan 1, 1999)

a damn fool for letting him get away?? um.. you didnt 'let' him get away, he decided to leave. stuff happens. imho it just shows that he was not the one. and how horrible for your mother to keep reminding you of something that upsets you!


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## Dux (Nov 14, 2004)

Thank you Elariel,it's nice of you to say that.I do think however that if I had been a little more sensitive to his needs instead of solely on my own, we might have worked it out.All ancient history now, and the challenge is to find someone else whom I'll be able to love and respect (better) than I did my ex.It's so hard, It seems like all the good guys are spoken for, and every jerk from here to El Paso seeks me out!LOL. My GF's say I'm too picky. I guess it won't be so bad to be left on the shelf, as long as I get taken down and well and truly "dusted" once in a while.


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## twinkle (Aug 19, 2004)

Topaz XXDusted! LOL giggle giggleBe picky honey. Never lower your standards. You seem really nice and from the posts i have read very intelligent also. You will find someone great and until you do enjoy the spring cleaning







XXX Lindsay


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## dlt647 (Jul 30, 2003)

My ex-husband told me he was in love with a woman from work a week before our 16th anniversary. I tried (he pretended to try) marriage counseling but once that happens, the trust is gone. Now, I am remarried to a wonderful person and about to celebrate our 1st anniversary. My son (now 14) went to live with his father and my daughter (age 16) hasn't seen him in almost two years as she and his gf don't get along. Her father has made little attempt to see her, instead blamimg me for turning her against them. She is planning on seeing him in a few weeks when she attends her aunt's wedding, so hopefully things will get better. My daughter told me yesterday she was glad he cheated because she likes me much better now. My son, on the other hand, seems to be struggling. I have been speaking with my ex about this and hopefully we can move past all the problems we had and work towards helping him. It was difficult dealing with my ex at first because I had so much hate and resentfulness, but time has helped all that and I am now truly happier than ever.


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