# Need Help Getting Through 3 Things....



## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

This is something I meant to bring up with my CB therapist but forgot and unfortunately I don't see her for another month now.There's 3 things I REALLY need to get done and soon. I need to get my hair cut (it's been nearly a year and it's getting ridiculously long), I need to go to the dentist (it's been over two years), and I need to have my annual physical (was due last month).I'm having a hard time going through with any of these. The thought of being stuck in a dentist chair, or hairdressers chair, or in the doctor's office really freaks me out.Can anyone offer me any suggestions on positive self talk that will help me get through this? If need be I will take Ativan but I've been trying really hard to stay off that because I'm tired of questioning if I actually made it through because of the medication or because I did it on my own.In my mind these are all situations where I would feel trapped and unable to get out of. I know this is not positive thinking but that IS all I can think about in regards to these three things. I don't think I can rate them from easiest to hardest either.. none of them are appealing to me but they have to be done and the sooner the better.So if anyone can offer any advice on what has helped them get through things like this I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## AZmom1 (Dec 6, 1999)

Shyra,I don't know why you can't take the Ativan. You're very hard on yourself, not allowing yourself the medication in the most stressful of situations. Like all of your improvement only counts if you don't take the medication. You have improved, you have a way to go. Take the med if you want to and don't give it a second thought. Next time, after more CBT, may not want or need to.To come up with positive self-talk, it would help to know what you are negative about. Are you afraid of having a panic attack in those situations? Are you still afraid of the panicky feelings? I think you do know what to say to yourself. Things like, "It's just panic, I know it can't hurt me, and it lasts only a short time." "Of course I'm feeling a bit panicky, this is a difficult thing for me, but I've done it before, and I can do it again." Write down your negative thoughts, it may be easier to counter them once you see them in black and white.Do you do relaxation techniques? It would be good to practice relaxation in all sorts of situations, sitting in the hairdressers chair, Drs. office, etc. This is why I like hypnosis so much. I can get myself into a relaxed state within a minute or so, using hypnotic techniques. AZ


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## Guest (Jun 24, 2001)

Hi,When I'm in a situation like that, I always say to myself: The toilet is just around the corner and whatever the doctor, dentist or hairdresser is doing at the moment, it's no problem for him/her to stop doing that and letting me go to the toilet. And it REALLY IS NO PROBLEM. Don't worry about that.Best regards,Peter...(C&D type)


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

I almost always have to get up and go to the bathroom (usually for the overactive bladder rather than the bowels) whenever I go to the dentist and have quite often had to go when at the doctors office as well.You wouldn't be the only one to ever need to use the bathroom during an appointment, when it has happened to me they seem to see it as something that is quite routine and no big deal.K.------------------I have no financial, academic, or any other stake in any commercial product mentioned by me.My story and what worked for me in greatly easing my IBS: http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/Forum17/HTML/000015.html


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## Mikala1 (Jun 22, 2001)

I know how you feel. I too suffer from the "What if I need to go and I'm trapped?" syndrome. Take any steps that will make you feel in control. Sometimes I'll make sure to plan my meal a couple of hours in advance to ensure I won't need to use the bathroom. Exercising is also a great stress reliever for me. It really works right before I have to do something I'm anxious about. However, if medication will allow you to function, that's OK too. And remember: There are bathrooms in all of those places. Take care. I just joined the group and reading everyone's advice has already done wonders for me. Good luck!Mikala


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Thanks for the advice everyone. It's not going to the bathroom that I'm worried about. It's the fear of fear and not being able to get out. Everything else I do has an "exit". I'm beginning to feel quite comfortable now in situations becaue I can remind myself that if I have to leave or take a breather, I can. But I can't just walk out having half my hair cut, or a drill in my mouth. That's what I'm scared of







Just being "trapped". I know anticipating the worst isn't a great help, but I'm dreading going through with it nonetheless.AZ- I think I will do what you suggested by writing down the negative thoughts and counter them. That should help.I still haven't brought myself to pick up the phone to make these appointments yet. But I'll work on it.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

At the dentist you can set up a signal that means get the stuff out of my mouth so I can go to the bathroom. I've had them stop doing stuff so I can have a moment to take a break and breath and then go back. I've never had a dentist force me to stay in the chair if I needed to go to the bathroom. Or not be willing to take a break. I had casts when I was a kid and sometimes high pitch whiney noices get to me (I was a baby so they had to change the casts every couple of weeks with the saw, and I still hate that noise) and I need the dentist to stop and let me unclench for a second before going on. Most of the places that I get my hair cut have a bathroom there for people to use. You don't have to leave, just ask to be excused to used the bathroom.Every doctors office has a bathroom too. After all they want bathroom type samples so they have to have a toilet for the patients to use for that.The bathrooms in all these places have always been quite clean and if you are worried about smell keep a small perfume spray in your pocket and freshen up the place before you leave.K.------------------I have no financial, academic, or any other stake in any commercial product mentioned by me.My story and what worked for me in greatly easing my IBS: http://www.ibsgroup.org/ubb/Forum17/HTML/000015.html [This message has been edited by kmottus (edited 06-25-2001).]


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Hi Shyra,I can relate to your post, so here are a few thoughts. In the first place, your doctor should know about your condition, so you don't have to worry about telling them about it. If I feel nervous about going to the doctor's office, I tell myself "Well, what better place to have an attack than at the doctor's? They'll at least know how to help me." Should work for a dentist's office too. How many so called "normal" folks have the fear of dentists? (a little humor about the situation helps a lot) As far as the hairdresser, I figure that they must have seen a lot of things happen with all the different people they see. How often does a mother with a small child have to interrupt her haircut to take the child to the restroom? If I do need to use the restroom, before or during an appointment, I make sure to tell the nurse or receptionist that I am going. That way I don't worry about them looking for me in a place I am not. My doctor is always running late, so I don't worry too much about being late to meet him.I had to laugh when I read that it has been over a year since you had your haircut. I went through the same thing last year. Kept telling myself that I was growing it out, but the truth was I was afraid to get it cut. I had the picture of the style I liked, but did not want to commit to the actual cut. I was also unhappy with my old stylist but was didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I just avoided the whole situation. It took the combined attack of my mom and a visiting aunt to get me into the hairdresser. And let me tell you, it was a disaster!







I had gone to a place in the mall, and oh my, I was in tears! It all turned out happily in the end, I called someone I had seen a long time ago and she could see me the next day. That day, she got sick (they get sick too you know







)and I had to see another stylist. I had to get my hair fixed, so I agreed and this woman was wonderful. I was so happy with the new cut that I am still seeing her. Moral of the story: Get your self there and get a haircut, it will make you feel bettter!Seriously, take your medicine, like AZMom said it is there to help you. My doctor has me on propanolol, a beta blocker, to help with the attacks. I take it and know I will be okay during the appointment. I also take along a bottle of water, for the dry mouth, and some apple slices to help calm my stomach. I also chew gum shamelessly, for some reason this helps my nerves. I like to have my mom along with me, but I have had to go by myself about half the time. If I feel myself start to, you know "start", I take deep breaths and continue whatever I'm doing. If I'm talking, I continue to babble on. If I'm listening, I start to ask more questions, just to keep me there in the seat and soon the feeling passes. I also have given myself the permission to admit my weakness and, if I absolutely have to, tell the person that I do not feel well, can we stop for a while or continue another time. The idea of leaving with half a haircut usually keeps me from doing this, but at least I know I can. And you know what? About half way throught the appointment I realize I forgot to be anxious, and after it is all done, I feel empowered that I accomplished something. I usually am able to go and run a few errands afterwards. That is, if I like the way she styles my hair...if not, forget it, it's home to fix it the way I like it.







Oh yes, I also take a quarter of an Immodium chewable tablet before I leave and carry the rest of the tablet with me. That way I know if I do get ill, I have something with me that will work quickly.Take your meds, scope out the bathrooms, and try to remember that most people are understanding. You could always try sympathy and tell them you're pregnant - Ha!


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Madchen!!







Long time no see! I thought you were gone for good







But it's great to see you here again. How are you doing? Wow, it's been a long time!Thanks for your great advice. Yes, that's a good excuse isn't it? "I'm just growing it out". My hair comes about 3/4 of the way down my back... just past my waist







I pretty much wear it up all the time these days! lol. I suppose I could call my hairdresser and let her know what's going on. I mean, she's probably wondering what happened to me. She's been cutting my hair for the last 10 years so I think I would feel comfortable enough phoning her in advance just to let her know what's going on me... I think that would make me feel better about the situation.And yes, you're right, a lot of people are nervous about going to the dentist. Perhaps a goal date might be a good thing in this situation? Give myself until the middle of August to get it all done? I think that might be a good idea.. but I won't beat myself up if I don't get it done by then.------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Hi Shyra,Yep, I'm still around







I haven't been "on" the board because I've been limiting my time on the computer. I have problems with my shoulder and wrists due to CTDs and tendonitis. Too much time on the computer really aggravates them. I try to check in here every few weeks or so. My IBS is doing better (yea for Mike's tapes!), still having problems with the depression and anxiety, but it is significantly reduced since the time I first found this board. I've gone on a few more road trips with my family. Still haven't made on a plane yet, haven't had to do so. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.Anyway, you had a good idea about telling your hairdresser how you feel. If you have been seeing her that long, you should have a good relationship with her. She probably is wondering how you are doing. When I was having my nails done regularly (acrylic nails), I told my stylist about my anxiety and IBS. We talked about everything else under the sun, so I figured I could tell her this too. It also helped that she had studied to be a nurse, so she understood some of the medical issues. (Just a side note - I finally decided that I was tired of going to get my nails done every 2 weeks and it wasn't just anxiety about going to the appointment. I broke a couple nails, caught a cold and missed an appointment, and wound up chipping off the remaining product. I was so pleased at how well my nails looked, so much better than before I started having the acrylic on them. If you can believe that, they were healthier than before the fake nails. I told my stylist of my decision and she understood, letting me know I could come back at anytime. I miss talking with her, but I don't miss the price.)I would suggest going ahead and setting up the appointments. I find that it usually takes a few weeks, sometimes up to a month, to get in to see my doctor or dentist for routine work. My hairdresser too sometimes, if I don't make the next appointment right away. That way you have taken the first step, set a date, and can work toward that goal. Let us know what you decide to do.


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Dear Madchen,Glad to hear you're doing well







Sorry to hear about your shoulder and wrists though! Ouch!







I know what you mean about the acrylic nails, I had them done once and just didn't like them. I'm not used to long nails for one thing and secondly, the times that I CAN grow out my nails.. I like. They look more natural and I know I did it on my own







Well here's the update; I was feeling rather ambitious today so I called and made an appointment with the dentist. I told the receptionist to make a note that I have anxiety and panic and asked if it would okay if I took Ativan before hand and she said yes. I also booked it for 7am so I'll already be sleepy and groggy anyway, that's scheduled for the 15th of this month.And then this afternoon I made a hair appointment for tomorrow. I'm going to see my Mom's hairdresser. My Mom said she's a very nice lady and VERY easy going. Plus, my Mom is going to come with me, if I'm feeling good she can leave but I just need that extra support.On a lighter note; I've been feeling SOOOO good lately. I used to dread shopping, the line ups, cashregisters.. ugh!! But I went shopping for the entire day on Saturday. When I told my boyfriend that I've been feeling much better lately he said he could tell







I asked him what he has noticed and he said that I'm way more outgoing and I'll talk to anyone (for example, I was having a guy help me pick out rollar blades and instead of being shy or nervous I was just myself and chit chatting with him). So this is GOOD. Just the way things have been going for the last couple of weeks I'm pretty confident that the dentist and hairdresser should go okay.So that's my update. I'll write back and let you know how it went







------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Shyra,Good for you







I'm glad to hear that you made the appointments. Though I have to question your sanity at a 7am (!!!) appointment. I've never been a morning person myself. It is nice to hear that your mom can go with you to the hairdresser. I know I feel better when I have my mom along. And it is helpful to have an additional person there to make sure you get a good haircut - we both have short hair and she is good at spotting those little missed hairs.I'm glad to hear you are still with your boyfriend. I meant to ask about him. Have you been to visit his mom lately? I'm glad to hear that the shopping trip was fun for you. It is amazing how those the good days add up without you really realizing it. I'm sure that all will go well at your appointments too.I was impressed by your post on the message board (the one by HipJan). Like I said there, it is encouraging to see someone recognize the positive aspects of this experience.


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Hi Madchen







Well, bright and early here! *yawn* 6:20am. I never used to be a morning person at all until I started that new job about 2.5 weeks ago. I have to get up at 5:30 for my 7am shift.. however they're so laid back there that if I'm late it doesn't matter because it's me that loses wages. I actually have today off because of the American holiday (nearly all our clients are based in the United States) but I had to drive my boyfriend to work this morning and he starts at 6:10. Happy 4th of July to you!







Things are going very well with my boyfriend and I, thank you for asking







It's been over a year and a half now.. and so much has happened in that year and a half!! When I'm going through the tough times I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been so supportive, he's even come to my counselling with me to talk me through the wait in the waiting room. We haven't been out to visit his Mom since last summer, but it's funny that you ask because she's actually coming here tomorrow. She'll be staying at my house and her and her youngest son will be leaving on the 17th. It'll be so nice to see her again considering it's been almost a year since we were out there!







I really liked HipJan's post. She posed some very interesting questions. Sometimes it really is hard to see the good in things when you're feeling so low. Last October was probably the worst time of my life, at that time I couldn't see anything positive about my experience but as time when on I was able to see the good that came out of it. I figure there's no point in dwelling on the bad stuff because that doesn't get you to far. I have too much going for me to just sit back and allow my problems to consume me. Are you going to any celebrations today? I think last year you went to watch the fireworks? The Calgary Stampede starts this week which means we'll be having fireworks every night for almost two weeks. I love watching them







Anyways, I've rammbled on enough. I'm looking forward to having 'new' hair by the end of the day, honestly, it's stupid how long I've left it, lol.Hope you have a nice relaxing day! I'll let you know how my appointment went







------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## AZmom1 (Dec 6, 1999)

Shyra,WOW! You are doing so great, and I'm sure you are an inspiration to others. I'm glad to hear you made the appointment, and will take the ativan if you feel the need. If you do, don't be too hard on yourself. You've made great progress, and sometimes may need a little support with the med. Nothing wrong with that.







We will be having a barbeque and watching fireworks tonight on our balcony, as they are being put on at a park a couple of blocks from here. Looking forward to a nice relaxing day. AZ


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

I got a double bonus;1)The appointment went SO well. I took 1mg of ativan and my Mom came along. I was a bit nervous while I was waiting but once I got in the chair I was fine. I chit chatted with the woman who was cutting my hair. My Mom even left to go to the bank and I was fine







2)This is the best hair cut I've ever had!







She did it exactly the way I told her to and I really like it. I just didn't let myself think about 'it' during the day. I stayed busy and when the time came to go I just reassured myself that all I'm doing is going for a haircut, no big deal. The second the "what if's" started going through my head I would just dismiss them and think of something else. Madchen, like you suggested, talking to the hairdresser really helped, thank you. And I did go run errands after! lol.So I'm thinking for next time I could go on my own and take ativan again if I really need to.Thank you AZ







To say the least, your continued support keeps me motivated! Sounds like you're having a nice evening!







1 down, 2 to go, I'll let you know how the dentist goes on the 15th. Thanks guys, it means so much







------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Good for you Shyra! Isn't amazing how a good haircut can improve our moods? The next appointment should be easier, you'll be motivated to keep your hair looking nice. On the 4th we did go see fireworks again. We're lucky enough to live within walking distance to the golf course where they are displayed. This year's display seemed to be shorter than the ones in the past. My mom thought it was because they shot off a bunch together at the beginning instead of spacing them out like they normally do. Either way, it was a nice display.Keep us informed on how the other appointments go -- have you made the doctor's appointment yet?


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Shyra, your are doing great.







keep it going "ain't no stopping us now, were on the move"You know it can help some if you play a song that you like in your head to help and upbeat one preferably.Glad your haircut went well and that it came out well is a bonus for sure.







------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forumI work with Mike and the IBS Audio Program. www.ibshealth.com www.ibsaudioprogram.com


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

Shyra!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!I've gotten up from the dentist's chair, the hairdresser's chair & even interrupted a Doc to go to the bathroom!! I had told both my dentist & my hairdresser that I have IBS. Hey if the Doc don't get it, there ain't no hope!!!!







I never felt the least bit bad or embarrassed. They all knew, so????When ya gotta go..........just go.







BQ


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2001)

I feel panicky when going to the dentist too and find creative visualization really helps. I also try to talk to myself ahead of time saying "you can do this" over and over again like a mantra, emphasizing different words each time. I also find it helps knowing about how long I have to "last" - for example, I will be in this chair for 45 minutes or whatever. Then I compare that length of time with a similiar whatever - ie the ride to work lasts about 1/2 hour. I do that okay most days so this is just a drive and a half. I too have booked appointments early in the morning when I know I am still kind of drowsy.


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