# Can you tell me I'll be OK even if I never get better?



## alltopsyturvy (Oct 1, 2014)

Hi there,

I'm a 27-year-old woman and was diagnosed with IBS in 2012. For the last year or so, my symptoms have got gradually worse, and I had to quit my job in April. Since then I've been freaking out about what ifs - what if I never get better, what if I can never work again, what if I can't make rent, what if this is something more serious.. It's driving me crazy, and I thought I'd seek emotional support here as my friends and family don't deliver in that respect. They keep saying hang in there, you're strong, you'll get through this while all I have is the reality of having suffered from this for years and things just getting worse and having nothing I try help, at least not on the long run.

Could someone here please tell me that I'll be ok even if I never get better? Maybe someone who hasn't found appropriate help and has accepted things the way they are and found a way to deal with it and still lead a fulfilling life. I feel it'd really help me to hear this from someone who can accept reality and move on from there. Then I could hopefully follow suit and look for answers from a place of peace.

Thanks for reading!


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## Shade711 (Oct 4, 2013)

Hey there topsyturvy,

I know how you feel. I went 5 years without work(ok, well I worked some short term jobs that I was let go from due to poor performance). I was so worried, that I'd find myself in tears at night wishing it was cancer instead because at least I'd know it'd end soon, one way or another. I once went to the hospital because I couldn't stop thinking that I wanted to die, so as not to be a burden to everyone around me. They released me because I wasn't technically suicidal. They gave me a prescription for a $200 antidepressant that I had no means to pay for.

The stress is a living hell I wouldn't wish on anyone. But for what it's worth, after 5 years of hell, I am now working full time at a high level position. I just got married, and I'm beginning to pay off the debts I've acquired during those years. I'm 90% better, only occasionally taking a few hours off work when I need to.

The first thing you should know is the relentless thought that you're stuck this way the rest of your life is a lie. Not just wrong, not just implausible, but a downright lie. It's only purpose is to rob you of hope. You are going to get better, you're going to try new treatments, and your life is going to get much better, even if it takes time, and even though you can't see how.

The 2nd thing you should know, comes from my favorite Bible verse, but you don't have to be religious to appreciate the advice:
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."(Matt 6:34)

When we worry so much about the future, we are taking months/years of worry and compressing them into a single day. Nobody can handle stress like that. But even more than that, many of the things I worried about never came to pass - meaning my worst fears were for nothing.

If it is not something you can work on today, then you should forget about it and move on. Not only could it not happen, but even if it did, what good did worrying about the future do for you? It's only going to hurt you. Only worry about today, and let the rest go.


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## alltopsyturvy (Oct 1, 2014)

Hi Shade,

Thank you for your reply!

I'm so sorry to hear that you used to suffer so much because of IBS, but I'm also glad to hear you're doing so much better now







Your story gives me hope!

I guess just being in the middle of it all kind of makes you go crazy.. I should be able to provide for myself, but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to manage it.

I also find it impossible to hold on to the belief that I'll ever make a full recovery. This has been going on for so long, since my early teens. My stomach going haywire seems hard-wired into me!

I just want to believe I can still live a good life even if I can't shed all my symptoms. And I'm actually still highly motivated to seek answers - at the moment, I'm trying out a diet based on the teachings of Chinese medicine.. and I'm about to try acupuncture.. I've also been seeing a therapist for the past four and a half years (on an unrelated issue, initially, but we've since dealt with my stomach problems as well) and she's helping me come to terms with the shame I feel regarding my symptoms.

It's just the hoping for a miracle cure and all-or-nothing thinking I need to let go of! And trust that things will be OK no matter what happens..


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## Kathleen M. (Nov 16, 1999)

I did a CBT course designed for IBS and one of the thought patterns that seemed to make the symptoms worse was that whole "what if I am this bad for the rest of my life".

When I did start having some good moments holding on to those and when the bad came thinking "this too shall pass" really helped calm the symptoms down.

Kind of like I was telling them to last forever or telling them to settle down. I was in such severe pain I really couldn't see how it could ever get better, but it did get a lot better so it can happen.

Even if you can't make a full recovery I think you can find how to manage the symptoms or reduce them so they are easier to manage. It isn't easy but I always look at those people who have diseases much more disabling than mine yet still manage to lead full and productive lives (we have one woman at work who has almost no limbs and if she can make it in the world, and is doing work that makes a difference for others, surely I can find a way. So I look to them as inspiration that it is possible even when things look dire to find that path.


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## alltopsyturvy (Oct 1, 2014)

Hey Kathleen!

Thank you so much for the practical advice  I'll start trying to think 'this too shall pass' whenever I'm not doing well. I like the sound of that - accepting reality as it is but not losing hope. Just thinking that now is already calming me down!

I'm also glad to hear you're doing much better with IBS, too!


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