# My thoughts



## Dandaman (Jun 1, 2007)

Hey, It's funny seeing all these posts about people who feel how I feel. The past few years I've thought I was the only one feeling like this. I thought wow this isn't normal, why can't I just be like everyone else? I believe though if you think about it, these things could have been avoided. It never used to be an issue for me up until high school. When I got into high school my friends started forming their own little groups and I felt disconnected. I also had a lot going on at home, parents were divorced since I was very young but also remarried seperate people shortly after. To sum it all up my mother cheated on my step father and they split up and the guy moved in. There were many feelings that I felt from that, and I held it all in. To this day I still do, I think that is really what caused it. I know I've probably had IBS for a long time, but the anxiety and everything developed and triggers it. I believe if I was more happy and I actually went out and socialized like I used to when I was younger I think I would be okay. My IBS never really got bad until senior year, I am now 19, graduated in '06. But it did affect me mostly throughout high school when it would come down to actually going out to an unfamiliar place or anywhere I wasn't really comfortable. I'm interested to see what you all think, is there something that could have helped you avoid the way you feel now? Or is it something that just would be there no matter what?


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## Guest (Sep 27, 2007)

I dunno - its probably a mixture of both - I'm sure the difficult situation you faced at home didn't help but who knows - you may have suffered anyway. I think there's no doubt in my mind that stress plays a large factor in the severity of your symptoms but then again - its abit chicken and egg isn't it - if you are feeling crock, you are probably more likely to get stressed about it. Whatever, its how you cope from now on in isn't it. Have you got a sympathetic doctor or other professional that you can talk to - you shouldn't be battling with this alone. You mention that you have "graduated" - sorry, being a thick Brit does this mean from University or High School or what? What are you doing now?Have a search about on the forums and see if anything there helps with the symptoms - I'm not much help there as mercifully my IBS is very mild but I have battled with depression so I've ever sympathy for feelings of anxiety and isolation too.A very warm welcome to the boards from cold, soggy Manchester (UK)Sue


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi,I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It was a lot for a young person to handle alone. Being constantly under stress in depressing situations and having nobody to talk to about one's stress/feelings (and one's physical discomforts) can lead to anxiety and depression issues for many people. Although anxiety/depression doesn't cause IBS, it certainly is a big trigger for a lot of us. Please don't beat yourself up thinking about "what could have helped you avoid the way you feel now" -- from what you have described in your post, I feel that you handled everything to the best of your ability at the time. Nothing that happened was your fault, including your anxiety/depression, including your IBS. And IBS is a real physical disorder and is not in your head (nor is your anxiety/depression, as this is caused by a chemical imbalance of the brain) -- your anxiety/depression may trigger it or make it worse, but you certainly did NOT cause it to happen by feeling depressed/anxious. You would have avoided these if you could and you did the best that you can to survive and to have a reasonable life in that situation.I can totally relate though 'cause I've been through some pretty rough patches, too, and totally understand what it means and feels like to bottle everything up and hold everything in -- esp. when my dad passed away a few years back (long story short, I witnessed all his physical and emotional pains and his tortured final moments and spent the next couple years living in nightmares and daytime visions revisiting those moments of unspeakable suffering. I kept wondering and regretting what I could have done to make things better for him... On the outside I functioned as usual and never talked about my feelings to anyone, but on the inside I was falling apart). So... I totally feel what you feel... But for us people who've had traumatic experiences, it is ver very important to learn to eventually let out the feelings that we've bottled up for so long.I feel that it may be really helpful if you could think about the present and look into the future at this point in your life -- no one can change what already happened, but one always lives in the present and can always look forward to the future, a happier and healthier future, a future with anxiety and IBS under control. ((Edit: I mean, we do need to let out past feelings associated with certain events and be analytic about these feelings _in order to_ be able to live well in the present and expect the future to be better -- we can't dwell on the past, we only let out and examine the past in ways that is helpful to our present and future)). I would strongly recommand that while you seek treatment for your IBS, you also begin seeking emotional help by talking to someone (and I'm thankful that you've already initiated this process by posting this and talking to us here) and see a professional, a psychologist, if you can -- it helps _immensely_. I mean, if you wish you could always talk to us here and we're all so very willing to be here for you, to listen, and to offer thoughts (and please do so anytime if you'd like to), but we're not professionals and there would be things that we don't know what to do about... So, please think about it -- I myself have found talking to someone, gaining more knowledge about anxiety/depression and about IBS, keeping a diary/blog, and connecting with other people around me (family, friends, etc.) have helped a lot. Many of these are ways to let out how you feel and after doing this it feels like a heavy weight has been gradually lifted off. It's a process and it does take time and there maybe setbacks, but eventually one _can_ reach the sunny side of life, inside and out! Cherrie


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## Dandaman (Jun 1, 2007)

Hey thanks for the replies. When I said I graduated yeah I did mean high school. But my senior year my IBS pretty much like disabled me from doing anything, the only thing that really sucks about it is even if I mention it to my parents they have no idea how hard it is to deal with. I feel ashamed because I haven't done anything with my life so far, I haven't really had a job and I don't really go out with friends often. But I am taking a step foward, my dad offered for me to move into his place. He lives in the city and thinks it would be easier there since I don't own a car to be able to get places and get to work, plus in my mind its just a fresh new start. I hope there I will be able to be more happy and maybe that may settle my IBS down a little bit.


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## Guest (Sep 27, 2007)

Hey don't be hard on yourself - there's heaps of time to do things - you be kind to yourself - have a good think about what you want to do. Your dad's offer sounds a great one - so all the very best with that.Please stay in touch won't you?Sue


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## Dandaman (Jun 1, 2007)

Thank you for your concern! I just think I've felt sorry for myself too much or something like that. So it's time to just get my life together. All I really want in life is to be happy, I don't really care about anything else. Currently I feel like I let everyone down since I have so much potential, my family always tells me how smart I am, and I've always had a natural ability for sports. I always always above average when I would play. Someone my age shouldn't have as many regrets as I do. I just wish things could have been different, but now it's time to realize they're just not and time to go do something about it and make life as good as I can.


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