# Colonoscopy Excruciatingly Painful



## vgtjd

Good morning to everyone reading here. I registered to this site this morning after reading several entries last night and this morning. I googled ''post traumatic stress from painful colonoscopy" and began to read many stories on this site that fit my experience completely.Yesterday I underwent a colonoscopy procedure and upon returning home, began to recall much of what happened. I knew when I left the hospital with my husband that what I had gone through was painful but I was still somewhat sedated and calm and had not become fully aware.Throughout the day I kept recalling certain aspects of the procedure and at first it was mostly a blur. I felt emotionally distraught and I couldn't understand why. I would remember that I was screaming and moaning and crying and I coudn't stop thinking about it. Finally, at 1:30 a.m., when I tried to go to bed and couldn't stop crying, I got up and began googling. I felt like something was wrong with me, a sort of depression - and I needed to learn why. Upon reading from this site, I realized that I was not 'losing it', and that what I endured was something very traumatic and my reaction was completely normal.Before you undergo this procedure, you are told by everyone with whom you speak that it is a breeze; that the worst part of the entire thing is the preparation; that you will sleep through it all and won't remember a thing. I have done a bit of research on this (I read everything online last night and this morning that I could find), and I believe that for perhaps 2/3 of patients having a colonoscopy, fortunately for them (or maybe not) the drug "versed" that is administered, actually works. It did not work for me. And as far as the other drug supposedly used for pain (fentanyl) - apparently it doesn't work either (considering what I remember). The best analogy I can give you for the relief these drugs provide, is that it is like when you're in labor and they give you demerol - you are completely asleep between contractions but when that contraction hits, you are fully awake and you feel every bit of it.When I first began to recall the bits and pieces of my ordeal, I too felt violated and traumatized and I think the first thing you tend to do is to want to blame someone for what happened to you. I too immediately thought that I must have been under the hands of a cruel and uncaring doctor. However, when I forced myself to remember details, I remembered that was not the case. I was initially more concerned that I would have a male doctor and would suffer the embarrassment many fear. The doctor who came to speak with me was female and I was relieved for the most part. The nurses in the pre-screening area where you wait were so caring and thoughtful that you are immediately reassured and no longer fearful, although somewhat nervous. God bless them for being able to do this, knowing what each patient is about to endure. When you are finally in the procedure room, certain events begin to make you realize something isn't right. And then they administer the drugs and you're immediately a little high, you think everything is going to be ok now. Then the procedure begins. I don't recall every single minute (thank God?) but I do know that it was painful most of the time - excruciatingly so. I remember screaming and I remember the doctor was not cruel, I got the impression she truly felt bad about having to cause this kind of pain. Yes, they do continuously tell you that it's almost over. I guess that's why you probably let them continue - that and the fact that you're so high you can't do much about it anyway. From all that I can remember, I think the doctor and the nurse who did my procedure, not only couldn't wait for it to be over themselves, but that they really did not enjoy causing this type of pain. When you are able to consciously recall yourself screaming - yes, screaming, it causes you to feel emotionally traumatized. Finding this site, and reading from the various postings of people who endured the same thing and remembered, makes you feel like your reaction to this ordeal was normal. That's somewhat reassuring. I am full of empathy for those of you who recall having doctors who were cruel. The realization that mine was not was very comforting for me. I believe that it would not matter which doctor performed this, the pain would be the same. Having an empathetic doctor who is still not detached, does, however, make all the difference in the world. It makes me very angry and I feel deceived, that you are not told the truth about what will actually occur when you have a colonoscopy. I understand that if you actually knew this, most people would just not have the procedure at all. I also understand that the drugs they give you (versed specifically) are necessary if they ever want you to go through this again. Personally, I will never put myself through this hell EVER again. No amount of amnesia drug will ever convince me otherwise. Unfortunately, my mother had rectal cancer and my brother has had a polyp and is screened regularly. They did indeed find 8 polyps, 7 of which were successfully removed, 1 tiny one kept disappearing, during my test. I know this means I will need to have this repeated. In Canada, because this is covered through our health care system, I don't think a choice is given with regard to 'general anaesthesia'. I am not sure how this will play out when I am told I have to return. I can tell you that I will fight to be completely put under (propofol isn't going to do it).One last thing before I finish. When I think about the procedure and what the patient endures, and this happens whether you can remember it or not, I wonder how a doctor can do this without being emotionally traumatized him/herself. If they do not become detached, I can't imagine that it would not somehow affect them. And the nurses - how do they go in there and do this day after day? For me, personally, my own empathy for these individuals will have a direct effect on my own ability to overcome this entire ordeal. God help any of you unlucky enough to have a doctor and/or nurse who has become detached for their own emotional survival.For all of you who were able to read this in its entirety, thank you. It has been very cathartic and I hope the first step of my emotional recovery.


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## tlyle421

Hi, i can relate to your story. My first colonoscopy i had i was totally knocked out like when you have surgery. Didn't know anything had happened and was fine. My gastro dr retired shortly after that. I was refered to another one who decided he wanted to do his own colonoscopy. This is when my horror story began!!!!! They put some med thru but I was still totally awake, not even groggy. I fought the dr the entire time and nurses were trying to hold me down. It was awful in recovery I told the dr that I would NEVER see him again. 2 years went by that i didn't go to a gastro. I have Crohn's Disease and it has gotten worse so i asked my family dr to refer me to a new gastro dr but not the "devil dr" that had done my last colonoscopy. I went to new dr yesterday and to my surprise the new dr works in the same office with the devil dr!!!!!!!! The new dr was rude and had the papers from the devil dr from 2 yrs earlier. i explained how awful the colonoscopy was and that I was fully awake. He started arguing with me that I was sedated with BENADRYL!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is that gonna sedate you enough to go thru colonoscopy!!! I told him how I was completely awake!!!! The new dr basicly didn't want to hear anything I had to say and even walked out of the room as I was trying to ask him why I bloated so bad after eating. He just ignored me, left room and shut door!!! I called my family dr this morning and explained I didn't like the new dr at all and my aunt recommended a gastro dr she went to that was great and will completely sedate you so i am having my dr to refer me to him!!! some drs are heartless and don't really care about patient, its all about money. i am sorry you had to go thru such a horrible thing, i have been there!!!!!


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## BQ

Perhaps for anyone who doesn't respond well to Versed or who has no access to sedation at all, the pill camera might be an option to explore. Of course they wouldn't be able to take biopsies that way though.But IMHO it would be essential for those of you who have had bad reactions to Versed to make sure that is known by any & all Doctors (and nursing staff) before any future procedures.All the bestBQ


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## laurenk78

I had my first colonoscopy about 6 weeks ago. It all started with a positive occult fecal blood test that was part of my physical. A retest confirmed the finding, and my internist recommended a
colonoscopy. Of course, I was very anxious that I might have colon cancer, though I wasn't having any other symptoms and am only in my mid-thirties.

It's only now that I am coming to grips with what occurred during my procedure. Over time, my recall of events has grown, and it isn't hard to put some other piecestogether. I wanted to share my story, get some perspective from others, and then perhaps begin some groundswell of support for action against what I believe is abusive treatment.

My preparation story is like everyone else's. Gut-wrenching Moviprep, followed by hours ofexpulsion. My time was made more difficult since I am a divorced mother of two children, who were not accustomed to such a distracted mom. The morning of my procedure, the solution was still working its wonders when I got to the endoscopy center. I was led to a curtained room, asked to remove my clothes, and given an IV in my righthand. Overall, I was nervous but comfortable.

The anesthesiologist visited with me and took a medical history. He bolstered my confidence, but not until the last moment did I understand that a nurse practitioner, not the anesthesiologist, would be attending to me during the procedure. After my boyfriend was told the procedure would about 30 minutes, I was given drugs through the IV and wheeled to theprocedure room. There, I was introduced to the doctor and other nurses in the room. The last thing I remember was being asked to turn on my left side and pull my knees up toward my chest.

When I awoke, I was back in the curtained room and my boyfriend was there waiting for me. Ifelt exhausted and numb. I really didn'tremember the things that happened to me, and wasn't really aware of mysurroundings for quite some time. Mylimited speech was slurred. I was toldthat my examination was fine, but apparently kept asking over and over. Eventually, the drugs wore off completely, I dressed and went to lunch before returning home. It was a good result, and that's whatmattered, right?

Maybe. Here's whatreally happened. When I was wheeled into the nearby procedure room, my boyfriend was not allowed to stay in the emptycurtained room; he inexplicably had to return to the reception area. When he asked the nurse why he had to move, the nurse would only say that, "Well, when the patients have theprocedure, they are sometimes, well......ya know." He didn't question the "ya know," and went to the reception area. But after 35 minutes, he became anxious and walked back to the curtained room. I wasn't there, but he thought he could hear my panicked voice coming from the procedure room. The nurse immediately rushed over to him and told him the colonoscopy was still in progress. He was immediately asked to leave and he did so reluctantly.

Unlike I remember it, my boyfriend was brought to the room after I was already there. He said I looked stunned, and that it appeared I had been crying -- basically, my eyesand nose were red and watery. The nurse anesthetist was there (again, I don't remember anyone there but my boyfriend), and told him that I was quite groggy because I had "a littledifficulty" with the procedure and required more drugs. He was assured I would come out of it soon. He told me I had trouble talkingcoherently, and that he couldn't understand what I was saying. The nurse told both of us thatthe procedure "was fine - nothing was wrong," but I don't remember it, and asked about twice later.

As time passed, my memory of what happened after the procedure became clearer. I remembered asking questions, slurring my speech, and passing gas. It all seemed somewhat humorous in the context of such a good outcome. But as my memory of the recovery returned, so did some memories of the procedure. I now remember waking up and being in great pain. I remember screaming for them to stop, to take it out. I remember being told it was almost over, but screaming that it hurt too much. I am guessing at that point I got more drugs, because I don't recall the end of the procedure -- just waking up in the curtained room.

The reason my boyfriend thought I had been crying is because I was! I should not have woken up in such pain. Either the procedure took longer because I resisted until I was given more drugs, or it merely went on longer than expected and was not given sufficient drugs in the first place.

It is nothing short of inhumane to allow someone to suffer such pain, and then to use various drugs that erase their memory as if the painnever really occurred. I have given birth to two children, so I am no stranger to pain. For me to have cried or screamed means that it was excruciating. Doctors should NOT be allowed to administer drugs that merely erase the memory of pain. I must admit I am a bit of a feminist and a huge supporter of human rights. If we used these drugs for the interrogation of terrorists -- basically torturing them and then erasing the pain from their memories -- it would be banned worldwide. A colonoscopy itself requires the surrender of some human dignity; being in pain during the procedure and later erasing it from memory is simply inhumane.

I would like to hear what others in this and other forums think. In my opinion, if anesthesia that affects the memory is used in any medical procedure, a partner or loved one should be allowed to be present during that procedure. If my boyfriend had been present during my colonoscopy, I have no doubt that the application of pain medication would have been properly supervised and applied. Right now, no one else is allowed in the procedure room, even though there is little or no risk to do so. This should be changed!


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## urbanfresh

laurenk78 said:


> I had my first colonoscopy about 6 weeks ago. It all started with a positive occult fecal blood test that was part of my physical. A retest confirmed the finding, and my internist recommended a
> colonoscopy. Of course, I was very anxious that I might have colon cancer, though I wasn't having any other symptoms and am only in my mid-thirties.
> 
> It's only now that I am coming to grips with what occurred during my procedure. Over time, my recall of events has grown, and it isn't hard to put some other piecestogether. I wanted to share my story, get some perspective from others, and then perhaps begin some groundswell of support for action against what I believe is abusive treatment.
> 
> My preparation story is like everyone else's. Gut-wrenching Moviprep, followed by hours ofexpulsion. My time was made more difficult since I am a divorced mother of two children, who were not accustomed to such a distracted mom. The morning of my procedure, the solution was still working its wonders when I got to the endoscopy center. I was led to a curtained room, asked to remove my clothes, and given an IV in my righthand. Overall, I was nervous but comfortable.
> 
> The anesthesiologist visited with me and took a medical history. He bolstered my confidence, but not until the last moment did I understand that a nurse practitioner, not the anesthesiologist, would be attending to me during the procedure. After my boyfriend was told the procedure would about 30 minutes, I was given drugs through the IV and wheeled to theprocedure room. There, I was introduced to the doctor and other nurses in the room. The last thing I remember was being asked to turn on my left side and pull my knees up toward my chest.
> 
> When I awoke, I was back in the curtained room and my boyfriend was there waiting for me. Ifelt exhausted and numb. I really didn'tremember the things that happened to me, and wasn't really aware of mysurroundings for quite some time. Mylimited speech was slurred. I was toldthat my examination was fine, but apparently kept asking over and over. Eventually, the drugs wore off completely, I dressed and went to lunch before returning home. It was a good result, and that's whatmattered, right?
> 
> Maybe. Here's whatreally happened. When I was wheeled into the nearby procedure room, my boyfriend was not allowed to stay in the emptycurtained room; he inexplicably had to return to the reception area. When he asked the nurse why he had to move, the nurse would only say that, "Well, when the patients have theprocedure, they are sometimes, well......ya know." He didn't question the "ya know," and went to the reception area. But after 35 minutes, he became anxious and walked back to the curtained room. I wasn't there, but he thought he could hear my panicked voice coming from the procedure room. The nurse immediately rushed over to him and told him the colonoscopy was still in progress. He was immediately asked to leave and he did so reluctantly.
> 
> Unlike I remember it, my boyfriend was brought to the room after I was already there. He said I looked stunned, and that it appeared I had been crying -- basically, my eyesand nose were red and watery. The nurse anesthetist was there (again, I don't remember anyone there but my boyfriend), and told him that I was quite groggy because I had "a littledifficulty" with the procedure and required more drugs. He was assured I would come out of it soon. He told me I had trouble talkingcoherently, and that he couldn't understand what I was saying. The nurse told both of us thatthe procedure "was fine - nothing was wrong," but I don't remember it, and asked about twice later.
> 
> As time passed, my memory of what happened after the procedure became clearer. I remembered asking questions, slurring my speech, and passing gas. It all seemed somewhat humorous in the context of such a good outcome. But as my memory of the recovery returned, so did some memories of the procedure. I now remember waking up and being in great pain. I remember screaming for them to stop, to take it out. I remember being told it was almost over, but screaming that it hurt too much. I am guessing at that point I got more drugs, because I don't recall the end of the procedure -- just waking up in the curtained room.
> 
> The reason my boyfriend thought I had been crying is because I was! I should not have woken up in such pain. Either the procedure took longer because I resisted until I was given more drugs, or it merely went on longer than expected and was not given sufficient drugs in the first place.
> 
> It is nothing short of inhumane to allow someone to suffer such pain, and then to use various drugs that erase their memory as if the painnever really occurred. I have given birth to two children, so I am no stranger to pain. For me to have cried or screamed means that it was excruciating. Doctors should NOT be allowed to administer drugs that merely erase the memory of pain. I must admit I am a bit of a feminist and a huge supporter of human rights. If we used these drugs for the interrogation of terrorists -- basically torturing them and then erasing the pain from their memories -- it would be banned worldwide. A colonoscopy itself requires the surrender of some human dignity; being in pain during the procedure and later erasing it from memory is simply inhumane.
> 
> I would like to hear what others in this and other forums think. In my opinion, if anesthesia that affects the memory is used in any medical procedure, a partner or loved one should be allowed to be present during that procedure. If my boyfriend had been present during my colonoscopy, I have no doubt that the application of pain medication would have been properly supervised and applied. Right now, no one else is allowed in the procedure room, even though there is little or no risk to do so. This should be changed!


I totally agree, I don't usually like to describe my colonoscopy experience on this site at the risk that it will scare people. What I would say is that everyone responds to conscious sedation differently. Unfortunately, I was one of the patients who was very resilient to the drugs.

I too remember crying and screaming 'help, please stop' over and over until the pain was so unbearable that I was unable to shout or scream. I remember the nurse in the room came over and held my hand which I was squeezing so tightly.

There is a chance that I may need an endoscopy at one point and if this is the case, then I will be telling them that they will simply need to put me out. I am not even safe under conscious sedation - I had this for a lumber puncture many years ago, ended up laughing and rolling around and ruining the sample as the needle hit a nerve and the sample was full of blood. The specialist said he had never seen such a poor sample of spinal fluid.


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## TVgirl

I was given versed and fentanyl. Drugs barely worked. I remember being in there for 15 minutes. I remember the scope and it hurting horribly. I began to wriggle so they gave me more versed and more fentanyl. I remember procedure but when i also feel foggy about it. Versed shouldnt be used.


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