# Still Feeling Hopeless, Just Venting



## Kenny & White Tiger (Feb 2, 2014)

This is going to be overly emotional, just wanting to say so beforehand as I know that can be a bit displeasing in these posts as some might just want a straightforward topic. Just wanted to say something, as well this may end up being a bit lengthy.

I've made a few posts on here and elsewhere, and I've always had stomach issues my entire life&#8230;I never used to think much of them, as they always passed, were always short lived and could usually be resolved by just not eating. It wasn't until 2012, 4 or so years ago things just got progressively worse to the point where 'good' or 'normal days are so far away, they're seemingly a daydream that never even were a part of my life. Where even 'accepting' that this is just how it is&#8230;is't comforting me, isn't making it any easier to deal with the constant pain that barely ever abates, the five bathroom trips in the morning, barely passing anything, and even when I do the dreaded spot (right quadrant) is always hurting, cramping, bubbling, nauseated, bloated, sickly&#8230;etc&#8230;

Barely started and already I feel I'm being overly dramatic.

I was diagnosed with Sibo a year ago, have tried various treatments&#8230;nothings been touching it really. I honestly don't even know for certain if I still have it, or if it's candida, leaky guy, dysbosis, parasites&#8230;I don't know, and after having tried a lot of things and getting little to no relief I'm put off from trying anything right now.

For this past week, I've been taking the antibiotic Flagyl, shortly after a second colonoscopy, which once again didn't show anything other than hemorrhoids and a redundant colon. I had to push for this as, my doctor wanted me to try linzess (again) and, after stating that I'd had a bad time on it last year, and expressing my desire to try and address the bacteria issue, they became very curt and dismissive with a 'we're done with you' sort of attitude and sent me on my way with no return visit&#8230;and naturally I don't plan on making one.

I didn't really have high expectations for this medication, I wasn't prepared for it to intensify the cramping and bloating and pressure I was already experiencing however, which has caused me so much anxiety and stress over the inability to ever get comfortable I've spent nearly every day breaking down at least three times a day&#8230;God, the cramping&#8230;maybe once or twice a month this wretched sensation of sharp toothed animals boring into the area around my bellybutton would rear its ugly head, now it's virtually all the time. I've barely eaten anything the last few months, nothing I do seems to matter, not eating the pain's always there&#8230;even when the colonoscopy prep cleared me out, there was no relief! No break! I used to at least get one day off from this nightmare but now it's never ceasing torture!

What's worse, the brain fog is so terrible I can barely concentrate on anything, getting up in the morning is the hardest thing in the world, waking up with this pain still present. My bodys been aching horribly, stiff neck and joints&#8230;I have psoriatic arthritis ontop of this and take remicade infusions, but that's not even offering fulltime relief in that department.

I limit gluten intake, though I've been tested for celiac and crohns and come up negative, Dairy is years away from having since touched my tongue, I try to eat healthy but things still don't get digested properly. I'm scared and afraid to eat anything as I always pay for it no matter what it is.

I've tried most things to remedy this&#8230;nothing's really helped, betain just gave me gastritis, which I didn't really need on top of all this!

I'm sorry for being so distraught, this medicine just has me feeling so much worse..i'm done with it tomorrow, from there I'm not sure where to go though.

I'm mostly venting here, I know most people here are in the same boat, not looking for answers so much as an outlet.

It's just so hard&#8230;impossible, to function like this, I work at home, so the one blessing I have, other than a supportive partner is being home when I need to go, being able to take breaks to try and calm myself&#8230;or just outright breaking down whenever I just can't take it anymore, these are luxuries I'm fully aware of, but all the same they're small comforts when every bit of joy in your life has seemingly been overshadowed by something so awful. I've looked into sphincter of oddi, as that was suggested to me, but the behavior patterns of my pain don't really reflect that. I almost got tested, but read about pancreatitis being a possible side affect and&#8230;I was like, no, thank you but no I don't need that. I'm somewhat sure it's not that anyways, which is the only thing I'm at least partially sure of.

Again, I'm mostly venting here, I've spent nearly all day crying over this today, I never had much hope for the flagyl to give me any relief, but all the same&#8230;it still would've been nice to at least have gotten toe experience some. So I don't know, I hate the thought of going on this way, I can't see it ever getting better for me the way things have been progressively going downhill. I hate my life, I hate my body, but I know to do anything drastic would be selfish and hurt people I care about far more than I'm hurting right now, however terrible it is. It's just so hard, I hate getting up in the morning, hate getting out of bed, I don't have any ambition, get so intensely anxious and depressed, I can't remember the last time I was able to sit or lay down and be comfortable&#8230;is that even a thing?

I just don't know, this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life, with this getting worse and worse, because that's all it's done these past few years, I just don't know how to stop it.

That's all I really have to say, again I'm sorry to be such an emotional basket case, I really don't know where else to open up.


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## Lin Indiana (Jun 30, 2015)

Kenny,

I guess I should not be on here complaining because I don't have anything near as bad as you've described. My problem is limited to running to the restroom constantly with about a 3 second warning! I am so fortunate that I don't have any pain with my IBS. The mental stress with that is bad enough, without having to deal with chronic pain also. So sorry you or anyone has to suffer with any of this.

Have you been to any hospitals such as Mayo Clinic or John Hopkins? I know they have excellent research facilities and I have personally been to John Hopkins. However, I do understand the attitude of doctors and how they just sluff you off after awhile when they can't seem to find anything that works. It gets to be very depressing and hopeless to the point you just don't want to go out or can't go out! I wish I had some magic suggestions or cures to offer you. I hope you don't give up hope and continue to research other doctors. You are very lucky to have a partner that supports and understands what you are suffering thru. Please take care and keep us posted.


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## Daenerys14 (Jul 1, 2015)

I've only just joined and this is my first post I've read.

My heart goes out to you Kenny, sometimes we just need to vent it all out and get it off our chest. Often when we vent to friends and family it sometimes doesn't feel like it helps because they don't fully understand. How can they? It's one of those things you can only understand unless you've been through it.

Currently I am going through various testing for certain things so yet to confirm or rule out various things causing my issues.

I know it's easier said than done, hang in there Kenny, sometimes people have to keep digging to find answer. Sorry I don't really have any answers for you but thought would pass on some moral support.

Sending hugs your way. x

Out of curiosity, have you been tested fro Chrones Disease/Ulcerative Colitis? If not, maybe worth a try. I'm guess you have from the sounds of the tests you've had. Just thought I'd put the thought out there.

I hope your symptoms ease soon so you can start enjoying life more.


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## Jeanne Davis (Apr 1, 2013)

Hey, Kenny! I'm glad you vented in your post. I think it's important to let those feelings out, to give them air, even if there doesn't seem to be any solution ready to hand. I know how dark days can seem when food feels like your enemy. And the disinterest of the medical community -- not to mention, in my case, friends and even some family members -- does NOT help. I do not pretend to have any answers for you, but I have found some relief from mindfulness techniques. These might sound like Hallmark cards and not helpful, but here are some of them: Try to live in the moment and not think about the future. Try to observe your physical symptoms and not judge them. Practice deep-breathing and use it when you're feeling panicky or in pain. Since the docs have done tests that came up negative, you can probably use this one too: It hurts, but it isn't harming me. Now, I can imagine that you are not feeling very helped by this; also, these little techniques are easier said than done. But maybe they'll let a little light into your days???


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