# need advice for life



## stefdoe (Nov 1, 2003)

I need advice from people that are optimists and successfully cope with chronic illness. I want to hear from someone that knows the frustrations of having poor health. Iï¿½ve suffered from depression for a long time. It always gets worse when a stressful event comes up, then all the negativity seeps into every aspect of my thinking (Iï¿½m going through one of those times).I know I say the wrong things to myself. I feel like a loser because I am not a productive person. I feel weak because I have trouble coping with the everyday hassles of life. I feel overwhelmed enough trying to deal with my illnesses and related issues (doctors visits, insurance company, allergy shots, etc). Iï¿½m kind of angry I have to spend time on these issues, which doesnï¿½t help. My health problems promote isolation. I know it makes the depression worse yet I feel like such a disgusting person. I have chronic gas and bad breath. Iï¿½m 35 have no children, no job, and no real purpose in life. I do have a very good husband, but often I donï¿½t even want to be around him. I feel like a grouchy old person who doesnï¿½t feel well and wants to be alone.I know there are people out there with alot more problems than myself yet manage to be happy. I want to know how to see the bright side of things despite having crappy health.What do you tell yourself to feel more positive? I need to know what the thought process of a survivor is.


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## poet (Nov 17, 2003)

I make myself write a bit of poetry every day. Some times it helps, sometimes it doesn't.tom


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## nmwinter (May 31, 2001)

for me, I always know there are good things to be thankful for, even when everything seems to be lousy. I pray all the time - not the formal kind of prayer, but more a running dialog with God. and everytime something good happens, no matter how small, I thank him for it. Now I know od isn't necessarily responsible for everything (let's not debate that here!) but the process of giving thanks helps me a lot. I've even been taught that blessing mundane or bad things can be helpful.in some ways, it's similar to what tom said - get the feelings out. then there's always the Dale Carnegie thought - "Act enthusiatic and you'll be enthusiastic" which means basically if you start out acting that way - even if it's just an act - then soon you become that way. maybe its the same thing with positive feelings?


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Stefdoe, are you seeing a professional for this?There are a lot of things a person can do and you don't have to live this way.


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## poet (Nov 17, 2003)

right, a little BT can do wonders for negative thinking.tom


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

This something to think about.These five premises form the foundation for understanding mind/body health. http://www.mindbodymed.com/EducationCenter/five.html


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## stefdoe (Nov 1, 2003)

Thanks for the replies. I guess I need to remind myself of the good things in my life more to change my attitude. I probably should start a journal and write them down. I just wish I could control my thinking of negative thoughts. Maybe thinking positively is a matter of habit. If I keep trying to think positive thoughts perhaps theyï¿½ll replace all my negative thoughts. Eric I'm not currently seeing a psychologist. Over the years I've seen about five different psychologists. I usually stop going because it seems pointless. I guess it helped sometimes to make me think more logically, but I really donï¿½t like going. I just feel like itï¿½s one more doctor appointment to go to. The last psychologist I went to was pretty good, but he ended up retiring. I am taking 50mg of Zoloft a day that was prescribed to me by my primary care physician. Iï¿½ve also been on anti-depressant at various times. Seems like I always quit when I feel kind of normal, then eventually some stressful event comes up and I start all over again. Iï¿½m probably not taking it enough of it, because I started it about a month and half ago and I am still feeling bad. I donï¿½t feel as bad as I did a month ago. Before I was crying every day, didnï¿½t feel hungry, losing weight (real bad shape). I still cry sometimes, but not everyday. I wonder about how to view life not as a hassle. Ever since I got sick, it seems like I view errands/things to do as a hassle. I guess it might be fatigue from having a chronic illness. Also, I think the medicine I take makes me feel tired/dehydrated. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.  Thanks.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Stedfoe, I think that you should still go the professional route, these things take time and clinical depression is treatable. I know its hard to find the right Dr Sometimes, but it is still a good idea. Going it alone when not thinking clearly might not be the best approach.Have you heard of or done CBT?Being depressed keeps us from thinking clearly as you mentioned.You should also talk to a doctor about meds if the one your on is not working to well, antidepressants are trial and error until you find a helpful one.A combination of the right med and a good mental helth professional have the highest success rates.Once you start feeling better your moods improve.I also recommend checking this guy out for some reading and perhaps some book or tapes he does. Just things you can do at home while you sort things out with a professional.He is very good. http://www.drwaynedyer.com/ an article. http://www.drwaynedyer.com/articles/index.cfm also attitude is a big player in this and your well being.Here is an example of CBT for IBS, but they would use it for other reasons as well.Barbara Bradley Bolen, Ph.D.bbolen###optonline.netSeptember 5, 2002COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY FOR IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROMEThere is an old saying that if you give a child a fish, you feed that child for a day, but if you teach a child to fish, they are fed for a lifetime. In accordance with this old proverb, Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy that strives to actively teach people skills and strategies that they can use to help themselves feel better. A considerable amount of research indicates that CBT is effective in helping to reduce the symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome.Many people wonder how psychotherapy can help IBS if IBS is a physical disorder. One of the major triggers that can set off or exacerbate IBS is stress. In addition, IBS is a very stressful disorder to live with. CBT provides an individual with tools for combating stress, reducing the anxiety response and thus calming the GI system.The cognitive therapy part of CBT helps individuals to identify, challenge and replace unhealthy thought patterns. When we are thinking clearly, we are able to deal with the world in a calm, rational manner. However, our thinking often gets distorted, due to our personalities, our past history, our emotional state or lack of information. When thinking gets distorted it can lead to excessive emotional reactions. For an individual with IBS, these thought distortions may lead to an anxiety response that can trigger symptoms. For example, if a person with IBS thinks ï¿½My stomach is rumbling. Uh, oh! I know I am going to be sick. What is I canï¿½t make it to the bathroom? This is terrible!ï¿½, that person is going to experience anxiety and perhaps set off the very symptoms they are afraid of. If instead, the person thinks, ï¿½Just because my stomach is making some noise does not necessarily mean I am going to have symptoms. I will just focus on what I am doing and see what happensï¿½, that person will remain calm and be less likely to stimulate their digestive system.The behavioral aspect of CBT involves skill training. Relaxation techniques, including deep breathing skills and progressive muscle relaxation, help the individual to reduce the physiological symptoms of anxiety. An anxiety reaction can be likened to a home security alarm. Relaxation techniques send the message to the body that there is no emergency and that the alarm can be shut off. CBT for IBS may also include skill training in assertion and anger management, as research has shown that IBS patients often have difficulty in these areas.IBS can wreak havoc on a personï¿½s quality of life. CBT helps IBS sufferers to regain a sense of control over their life. With the skills gained in CBT, one no longer needs to be a passive victim of this disruptive disorder, but can now actively use strategies which are effective in reducing the frequency, intensity and duration of IBS symptoms. Barbara Bradley Bolen, Ph.D.bbolen###optonline.netAuthor of:Breaking the Bonds of Irritable Bowel SyndromeNew Harbinger Publications (2000)This is also some help with living with a chronic condition. http://ibs.med.ucla.edu/Articles/PatientAr...eSp97Living.htm also meditation, relaxation and perhaps HT all can help as well as excersise and to make sure you are eating and on a proper diet.Its important to take action however and systematically work on issues, especially with help, which is hard when you have no energy or motivation. But that comes back in time as you start to feel better and your moods lift.When the things you are doing are not working its time to change the methods.Hope this helps.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

acouple things also that are important and you can use them as a kind of mantra.worrying does not change the outcome of things.andpositive thoughts and emotions create positive chemical and electrical changes in the body and negative thoughts and emotions create negative changes in the body.alsoFYI""To summarize:Thoughts and even subtle emotions influence the activity and balance of the autonomic nervous system (ANS).The ANS interacts with our digestive, cardiovascular,immune and hormonal systems and is therefore ideally suited to translate mind states into organ functions/dysfunctions Negative reactions create disorder and imbalance in the ANS. Positive feelings such as appreciation and a state of relaxation create increased order and balance in the ANS, resulting in increased hormonal and immune system balance and more efficient brain function. "ibs.med.ucla.edu/Articles...m02ANS.htm also read the thread fear of fear itself.


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## california123 (Jun 8, 2003)

Hi Stefdoe,You don't have to feel like this--the right medication at the right dosage can truly change your life. I know, because my mother suffered from chrnoic depression for most of her life and it affected our whole family. Finally, at the age of 78 she had a psychiatric breakdown and got admitted to the hospital. There, she got put on the right dosage of the right antidepressants and it truly changed her life and the rest of the family's! Don't wait for the years to slip by while you feel yourself lying in a black hole--that's what my mother called it. Talk to your husband and have him help you get to a psychiatrist and get on the right medication in the right dosage. If you can afford therapy that will also help you to turn around the negative thought patterns and habits caused by the depression. If you had appedicitis, you'd go to the hospital rather than let it burst, right? Well, what you're going through is just as urgently in need of medical attention--this is not something you can just snap out of. So, please get help. I promise you things can and will get better. Take care.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Stedfoe, how are you feeling?


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## stefdoe (Nov 1, 2003)

Honestly, I think I just must be a wack job. I don't have follow-through when it comes to dealing properly with this depression stuff.I went to the library last week to look for wayne dyer's books. They didn't have any checked in at the time. I think I probably should read his books, but knowing me it will take me forever to actually do it. My sister-in-law sent me a modern day bible to help me and I still haven't read it. I checked out a book on dealing with life transitions and I have yet to finish that book. This past week I quit taking the zoloft. I could go into a long explanation of why but it's not really a good enough reason. It has to do with the driving and the drowsiness issue. I don't consider myself a completely undisciplined person but maybe I really am. My husband told me I've been really grouchy lately and I admitted it might be because I slacked on taking my medicine. Later he made a comment on how he didn't realize that he married such a mean person. It's like I just have all this hate, anger, and frustration pent-up at times. I don't completely understand why I feel this way. I just know when I feel this way it is just best that I am alone. As I said, I think I'm just a wack job because Iï¿½m not putting in enough effort to deal with the depression issue. I know I need some type of professional help. My husband and I are in the process of relocating to the other side of Florida (he took a new job). Until we sell our house, I'm going back and forth between the two cities. Once I settle into the new city, I will look for help.Also, I am reading the postings between you and allinknots. I think it might help me. I can tell you are pretty good with helping people. Thanks.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Stedfoe, sorry I had some computer issues.Your not a whack and it can be very hard to deal with depression, especially when your depressed and which can effectively keep a person from thinking more clearly.I posted above, Dr Dyer is doing a tv show on PBS, just fyi if you can catch it and perhaps tape it.







Also, as an options I find relaxing is to get audio books and listen instead, which is also in his voice. I am listening to an excellent one now, The wisdom of the ages.







There not to expensive really ten bucks.There was compliations, for twenty, with four books.I have to say, it maynot be a good idea to be alone when depressed because we tend to self internalize and it is pretty well known that help and support can help depression. I really think it would be good to find some help. It becomes a rut and a spiral downward, but its important to know that they can treat it and you can feel better, with help.CBT, may actually be an excellent thing to look into, which can help a person face any fears and change the negative thought processes, some of this has to do with attitude and that can be boosted for sure and I am glad you will be looking into it when you settled down again.I hope your doing okay and thanks for the comments.


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Stedfoe, here is an online free book I recommend you can read on the net, or its an older book and can be picked up cheap. It is really a good book and well worth reading.Life 101 http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/life1/lf1toc.htm


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