# Admitting Your Limitations vs "Giving Up"



## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

*Admitting Your Limitations vs. Giving Up*_© M&M 2007_​When talk of living within our limitations comes up, I've known people who get very adamant about not "giving up" and not "giving in" to their disability. So, I thought it was important to explain what I mean when I talk about living within our personal limitations, and I want to explain too why that is the complete opposite of giving up and giving in.I don't know if it's a phenomenon among recently disabled people, or if it's something even "old-timers" deal with. I've met some folks who get very angry when I even suggest that they should perhaps listen to what their body is telling them and s-l-o-w down for a minute. When you're disabled, there are things you can't do. That's the definition of being disabled. Granted, we need to admit that some people are SEVERELY disabled by their disease or illness, and others who are MILDLY disabled. But the bottom line is that we all have limitations. You know, even though I've totally forgotten what it is like to be normal and healthy, I was recently reminded that even healthy people have limitations! Sometimes, I remember the "good old days" through rose-colored glasses. It's been so long since I was healthy, I feel like healthy people can just do whatever they want, without question. But I was reminded that isn't true. Even healthy people get worn out, run down, and have to take a breather. So really, admitting that we have limitations is a part of life for every single person currently alive - healthy or disabled. I had forgotten that.Some people have the tendency to deny their limitations. I think this may be most common among patients who have recently had a big change, patients who have recently become disabled; or patients who are currently in a dramatic flare up of their symptoms. I think that's true because change is hard for all of us, especially drastic life changes, like recently becoming disabled, or recently entering a particularly difficult flare up. Many people (healthy and disabled people alike) like to pretend they don't have any limitations; that they can do everything for everyone at any moment. Then, after a little while, they become exhausted and run down, and get sick. Once they recover, they're back to their "pedal to the medal" lifestyle. It's what I call a "crash and burn" cycle; a perpetual circle that is totally predictable, completely unsustainable long-term, and totally self-destructive. It's driving with the pedal to the medal for so long that your engine seizes up and needs a complete overhaul. Or at least that's how I describe it.For those of us with severe disabilities, that crash and burn cycle does permanent damage. We can exacerbate our symptoms, and actually get sicker and more disabled. Those exacerbations can last anywhere from a few months to a few years, or can actually be permanent. We can permanently worsen our illnesses by pretending we're fine still, by pretending we can still do everything we used to do. We're fooling ourselves if we think that, and we're harming ourselves if we live that way.Then, there is another group of people. There is another group of people who recognize that they can only do so much, and right before they reach that limit, they stop. (Obviously, the limits vary greatly.) These folks have learned the dance. They've learned energy conservation tips, and they've learned that some things are just beyond what they can do. But, because they live within the limits of their abilities, they feel better physically, and don't have to "crash and burn". These people can often go months, or even years, without entering a major flare up of symptoms, just by staying well within their physical limitations. When you feel better physically by saying "no" to certain activities, you feel better mentally and emotionally. You feel more in control, because you are making decisions that directly affect your physical state. It's easier to stay upbeat and positive, because you aren't completely spent and exhausted. And you have a better long-term prognosis, because you're allowing your body to heal (or you're at least preventing further damage to it). Let's face it - when you're bed ridden, it's much more likely you'll suffer from situational depression than if you're able to walk out to the mailbox to pick up the mail each day and enjoy a bit of sunshine and bird song. (I'm not referring to clinical depression, when your situation has nothing to do with it. I'm just referring to situational depression, which is getting down because you're in a very rough patch.)So I ask you - Is it giving up when you make decisions that allow you to feel better physically, mentally and emotionally? Is it giving up when you say "no" to something so you can say "yes" to feeling a bit better?Or is it giving up when you push your body past its breaking point? Is it giving up to condemn yourself to feeling angry and bitter just because you've spent every last ounce of your stamina doing something you no longer can, and have no emotional energy left to keep your spirits up?I guess some people could see living within your physical limitations like living inside a cage at the Zoo. But I see living within your physical limitations more like putting on a wet suit and scuba gear. You know you can't breathe underwater, so you don't try. You use the scuba gear so you can enjoy being underwater for a little while. You know your air tank will eventually empty out, and you know that at that time, you'll return to the surface. It's a given you can't stay under there forever, even though you might want to. But, if you return to the surface, you'll be able to put on another air tank tomorrow, and go back down.If you stubbornly refuse to return to the surface when you're out of air, there will be no tomorrow. You will have given up all your tomorrows, for one brief today.


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## Cherrie (Sep 1, 2006)

Oh, M&M, THANK YOU for writing this!You've said something that I've been feeling like saying, but couldn't find the right words. Thank you!


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

Aw, thanks! That makes me feel really good. I wrote this several months ago to put on my website. Then I realized I hadn't posted it here. Now I am glad I did post it here, thank you!


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## Guest (Dec 13, 2007)

Can I say - I have never visited this part of the BB - not having FMS or CFS but it was the title of the thread that intrigued me - what a very perseptive and well-thought out piece of writing - blimey - alot of what you said rang true with me M&M. I'm a chronic depressive and yes, I'm guilty of pushing sometimes and suffer a black dog day as a result. I've just ranted on about my "weight issue" but I realise in the great scheme of things - its such a small price to pay for the good health I enjoy most of the time.Well done you for articulating what I'm sure many of us realise to be the truth!!!Sue


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