# I just want to live



## Girl (Jun 19, 2006)

Today I again realize how disabled I am du the IBS. It bring me so much shame, and this shame is killing my soul about 8 years.I CAN'T go outside,I can't work,I have no friends,I have no life,I don't know if I have what to live for?Why I need to suffer so much?I think about it, and the tears just falling down over my face. I have a family that can support, but all my life I will sit in my home and won't do nothing? I am sorry but this is not living, I wish I wasn't alive, I am so sad.


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## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Shalom Girl,Sorry you're feeling so bad. I totally relate to 4 of your points but I DO have a life and something to live for and so do you. Don't give up hope because you don't know when things will change.I'm stuck in my flat at the moment (IBS and anxiety), I feel trapped and unhappy but I'm more scared of the outside world and having IBS attacks in public. I struggle to my uni seminars with the help of a lot of benzos and codeine, more than I'm supposed to take. I can't tell my family about my IBS and although they support me now, they won't once I finish uni, so I either have to get a job or find a rich husband. I don't think I can go out to work, I've done it before but ended up nearly having a breakdown as my anxiety just spiralled.I have a boyfriend but don't often see him now as I'm embarassed about my IBS. I have no friends at uni, just 2 old friends from school who I see once a month or so. I'm a long way from my family and prefer it like this, though often I go days without speaking to anyone and get v.lonely.I've had IBS all my life (I'm 22) but it got worse the last year. I used to love being active- meeting up with friends, going horseriding, hiking, climbing, to seaside, travelling, sailing, staying at my boyfriend's house, going to sleepover parties, eating out...but I don't think of these things as being gone forever, only temporarily gone. I may be trapped inside now but I try and keep busy. I read, write, watch films, work for my MA, breed my pet gerbils, cook, grow plants, and if I manage to see my boyfriend twice a week and my family three times a year that's good. This time will pass. One day I hope to have my IBS and anxiety under control, be married, have children and lead an active life again. I've made a start by getting referred to a GI doc and psychiatrist and having a colonoscopy booked.You can live again if you're determined.


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## Girl (Jun 19, 2006)

Hey friend,You know, I think that today it was a break point for me, but I guess that now I can only go Up from this break point. I had to take out the feelings from me by posting and I just think that if my mother or my sister could understand what the IBS doing to me, I could at least have someone that understand me, but they don't.I have a question, what you do about the anxiety? Maybe it's stupid but I can't let myself to take any pill against it, cuz if I will, I will feel like I've failed, I going through this since the age of 12, and if I was strong until now, I can't do it to myself and I am sorry if I hurt anyone with these lines, this is just the way I am. I believe that only in 6 months I will be able to go consistency to the GI and there, who knows maybe things will get more better, right now since that I am on service, I can't.I am not sitting at home and do nothing, I am also drawing, this is my main joy, but also here, I can do it only alone, it's the same for you? I have really hope that after the surgery I will do in my head, a thing that make hard on me, and make me sometimes lose control of the IBS, maybe I will be able also to go and learn art outside, but I still will have to handle the IBS.I had the chance to have a boyfriend BEFORE the IBS, but thanks to IBS, I lost also this.I am glad that you handle the IBS and anxiety, and have a boyfriend and family to support you.I wish that we all get better and be strong soon,Thanks so much for this encouragementTake care,Girl.


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## evulienka (Jan 12, 2007)

heya girls !nice to see some young people here. I also spend the most of the time at home now. Glad to see that IÂ´m not alone. If you want to talk sometimes just let me know and we can talk together


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## Guest (Mar 19, 2007)

Girl - you may not need to go on anti-depressants - but even if you do - why have you failed - at t'end of the day depression is just an illness - I'm on anti-depressants - probably long-term, maybe for life - I'm overweight but apart from that - have never felt better - I work part-time, run around after 3 lively kids, walk my doggie, and am now a half-way decent wife and mum - a year ago (just over now) I was sitting in a car, in the middle of nowhere - swallowing down pills with a bottle of brandy - life DOES get better promise you - but by asking for help - you are not admitting defeat - quite the contrary I'd say.Your symptoms do sound severe - are you seeing a GI specialist or something - sounds like you should be - somebody has got to take this seriously but as to feeling desperate - you really do NOT have to - Sukie and I have both been fairly far down the ladder of gloom and doom (fair to say Suks??) - you will get better than this - I promise.Sue xxx


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## masterplan (Aug 6, 2006)

I was in the same place a few months ago. I'm still nowhere near normal in terms of my bowel habits and I'm still depressed, but I'm out of immediate danger.I take Imodium every day and it helps. But, as I say, I'm nowhere near normal. I guess it's easier for me because I have a girlfriend who I love and I'm determined to get a result in my degree. I've just got used to the fact that I'm not going to get any better until some kind of new drug becomes available and that my life is on hold until then. It's a pretty ****ty way of living life but I have to hope it's only temporary.It seems silly to kill myself over something that could just disappear tomorrow, or when a new drug comes out.


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## Guest (Mar 20, 2007)

Glad to hear things are a bit brighter for you too Masterplan.Good one.Sue


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## 15597 (Mar 6, 2007)

Boy oh boy can I relate. My anxiety regarding this has been very high and I have had to take time off from work. I don't know when I will go back, but I am sure that finances will prevail but I don't know what will happen. I am emotionally exhausted and stunned at the lack of basic IBS knowledge that these medical profesionals. I don't like that feeling when I go to the doc for help.I also know that despite all this, maybe things will get better. If I didn't have my husband I would be one lost soul. Keep the faith, there is lots of help here.


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## 21185 (Dec 31, 2006)

HiI don't have IBS, but do have depression.Anyways, my girlfriend has IBS and lived with it for many years, her married survived, she is successful and takes an anxiety reducing anti-depressant and she says she feels great now.Don't give up hope. It will get better.


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