# Anxiety or Disease



## 17524 (Oct 4, 2005)

That is the question. In a way they are so entertwined its hard to tell the difference.My complete horrible story is next, feel free to read, or skip it.I have always been a worrier, no doubt since birth. But, i mangaged to survive and with little self esteem i did manage to build my own business for about 17 years.I have a great wife and wonderful daughter. My daughters birth was the happiest day of my life.Everyone that knows me, knows how crazy i am about my daughter.Over a year ago, i had some back problems, not unusual for me and my profession. Then came symptoms like ulcerative colitis. I had the scope before and was not looking forward to it again. In fact i put it off and tried changes of diet. I went to almost vegen at one point.The bm problem improved somewhat, but i didnt feel right. A doctor prescribed pentasa without scoping me, so for a brief moment i was happy.Because i was so ill i couldnt go on vacation with my family. I told them to go to Disney without me. Meanwhile i did my job, struggling with the big d, cramps, nausea, etc. I drove my ladies to the airport, as they went up the final ramp to the plane i looked at my daughter, she looked at me, there was this incredible sadness, and then my heart pounded like a sledgehammer, i gasped for breath. My first real panic attack. I thought i was having a heart attack, but realized it happened with that look from my daughter.Anyway, they went, i stayed, the came back.I took the Pentasa and my bms increased and go worse. After about 4 days, i got a pain in my left shoulder blade, and shooting pains down my arms and legs. i discontinued the Pentasa, but the neuropathy remained to this day. I am normally terrified of doctors , hospitals, medical testing, but went for the scopes. I had the upper g.i. and colonoscopy. I went in after the gruesome cleansing, my arms and legs were burning, my heart pounded, i was very ill to say the least. My bowel symptoms included mucous, blood. i was shocked when it was over, and the doctor announced, he saw nothing. Next came x rays of the spine, small bowel series,ultrasound of gall bladder, extensive blood work, all negative. Meanwhile i felt terribly sick and had burning in all my limbs. I was so ill i realized i could not do the physical part of my job.I tried other pills, accupuncture,active release technique, vitamin/minerals, avoided glute, etc.The started very bad depression. Dreamt my daughter saw me in my coffin. Took days to get over that one. Went to psychiatrist and started Pamelor and xanax. Meanwhile my lower body symptoms turned to steady burning feet 24/7. Muscle twitches, burning, tremors, and of course nausea and bowel problems. Not d, one bm a day, but soft and pale.Very messy. Felt sicker after bm.So thats about it. i have some bowel digestive disorder, chronic soft stools, nausea especially in the solar plexus area.And of course pains in the arms, joints, burning feet and so on.I have just about lost my business. I am not able to enjoy a minute of a day. Even sleeping makes me feel terrible.My friends wont talk to me, too depressing, and most of the time, i am alone. I fear i am losing the love of my wife and daughter and to some extent ruining their lives as well.Sorry to be so long. So the question is, can all of this be possible from panic?Do i have a terrible disease. Or both.How do we really ever know? This has taken everything i hold dear from me. My religous faith has been shaken as well. I went from being one of the happiest people i know, to a terrified basket case.Thanks for peeking.


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Yep, it's a long hard road and I totally feel for you. I am by nature outgoing but since my IBS got so bad I have pretty much become a hermit. I do go to the local shops and stuff but I can rarely bring myself to engage in social contact with friends. I feel for my children who miss out on so much that my mum used to do with me and I feel is an important part of growing up. I hate that I can not always be there for them. I also feel badly for my husband and I have to confess it is always in the back of my mind that he may just be better off with a wife who is not sick all the time and who can do things with him and with the children as a family without panicking about it. I don't suffer from panic attacks but I am an extreemly anxious person and if I have nothing to worry about I will find something to the point where I will worry and stress over the most ridiculous things. This has also put a strain on my marriage at times. You are not all alone. I am here and so are many others on the boards who are also living this life of aloneness. It is completely alienating and very depressing to be unable to have "real" friends who you can go out with, have a drink with, see a movie with. Cyber friends are great but they are so far away that the odd's of meeting are slim.Sorry I'm turning this into a post about myself. I'll get to the point which is that you are not all alone. We are here for you and understand just how you are feeling.I don't know if there is something more than IBS wrong with you. I too don't always fit all the symptoms and have others that aren't classed as IBS but all my tests came back clear so I just have to hope that the doctors and specialists have not missed something in their diagnosis. Hang in there and please feel free to vent any time


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