# Good thoughts/prayers needed - anxiety about a friend's funeral



## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

I could use any prayers and good thoughts you care to send my way. A friend and co-worker recently died, it was very sudden and unexpected. She was also the sister of another good friend and co-worker. We were lucky to be included in their family events and it is very odd to think of her not being at these anymore. This whole thing has left everyone who knew her stunned. It has a very unreal quality about it. Thankfully, I will not be attending alone. My parents and husband will also be there. The rosary is on Thursday and the funeral mass is on Friday. I've been anxious since I heard the news yesterday. I'm planning to go to the rosary, but I'm not sure about the mass yet because it is being held in the morning and I do not do well in the mornings. My gut is already upset due to some new medication and this is just aggravating it more. Part of my anxiety, besides my IBS, is that I will be seeing people I haven't seen since I quit my job 2 years ago. People I would like to see, but it still makes me nervous. I know this isn't about me, and I know I am going for the family. I also know that there are people here that will understand the irrational reaction I am having both physically and mentally. I'm glad we have someplace to come for comfort and support at a time like this.


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Madchen, My sincerest condolences about the loss of your friend. You have my best wishes and thoughts. I have been in the same situation a year ago when my friend passed away. I went to the wake at night but not the funeral the next morning. But since then, I have been to morning things. Just make sure the day before you don't eat anything that may cause problems. Then take either a calcium, kaopectate, OR immodium ...chose ONE form, not two or all three). Get up a little earlier and after getting yourself ready, go lay down again and just veg out. That's what I do...breathe and relax, and I bet you will be just fine.Again, I am so sorry. Sending thoughts your way...take care ~------------------~Marilyn~Helping Mike to help others~ www.ibsaudioprogram.com and www.healthyaudio.com


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## BQ (May 22, 2000)

MC, Condolences on your loss. I'm glad you are considering going & glad to know there will be people there that you can surround yourself with who understand. I'll be thinking of you & praying for you & the family. BQ


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## AZmom1 (Dec 6, 1999)

Sorry to hear about your loss. Give yourself a break by not dwelling on it...should I stay or should I go. If you feel up to it, go. If not, don't. Personally, I always find I do well at these sorts of things, as if my body allows me to do what I have to do. Perhaps you can get there early, stake out a safe seat, and scope out the facilities. This always makes it easier to cope. AZ


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

I'm sure glad to have you guys to talk to...thanks for all the good advice. And thanks for helping me give myself permission to do what is best for me. I am such a fretter about "doing the right thing". This whole thing didn't really hit me until after I had typed up this post. I was letting the dog out and found myself suddenly tearing up. I still can't believe what has happened. I'll let you know how I do at the services.Note to Marilyn - I had to smile at your advice not to take 2 or 3 of the recommended remedies. It struck me as funny because, my mom had an attack of D due to some food recently and took the dosage recommended on the box (2 immodium tablets). She had a bad case of the opposite problem soon afterwards. When she told me what she had done, my response was "you did what?" She is very sensitive to meds and usually takes the lowest possible dosage, so I don't know what she was thinking at the time. I usually only take up to half tablet myself. As they say, too much of a good thing...


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Madchen, my condolences are your recent loss.Hope your doing okay and let us know.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## Guest (Sep 6, 2001)

MC,Thoughts with you and for those also working through their loss,Best RegardsMike


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Madchen, How'd it go? Sending thoughts your way right now that you are OK. (HUG)(re the meds, yep, personal experience--best teacher!)Take care... ------------------~Marilyn~Helping Mike to help others~ www.ibsaudioprogram.com and www.healthyaudio.com


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Dear Madchen,I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.I went through a similar thing myself last fall. My neighbor passed away from lung cancer about 2 weeks after I started experiencing panic attacks. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the funeral service.. and I didn't even know what to expect as I had never been to a funeral before.Somehow I made it through though. Try to remember the saying, "It's never as bad as you think it's going to be". That usually helps me pull through events that make me nervous. I get nervous too about running into people that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm not sure why exactly.. I just get nervous talking to them. I suppose it all comes down to being afraid of making a fool out of myself







Is there any way you could just go to the rosary and skip the mass? At least that way you're present to extend your sympathies.Whatever you decide don't feel down on yourself.. just like AZ said. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.Take care ((((hugs))))------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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## BR (Apr 12, 2001)

Hi Madchen,It stinks that we have to worry about ourselves so much that we often have to decide whether or not to do the things we want or need to do. I just want to offer support no matter what you end up doing. (((((((BIG HUGS)))))))


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## Maedchen (Jun 3, 2000)

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. It was good to think about them throughout the day. I even told my mom that she could consider your thoughts and prayers cover her too. My mom said that she thought she was having such a hard time with this loss because she was about the age of my friend's daughter when she (my mom) lost her mother.I actually did okay yesterday. Did I mention I also had a haircut appointment to go to as well? I normally have anxiety about going, I even had tried to reschedule it, but I'm sort of glad that I did not since it gave me something to do that day. I had more or less decided to go to the rosary and not go to the mass but had not really said it out loud until another friend had called to see if I was going and if I wanted to ride with her. Telling her I wasn't going to the mass seemed to take a load off my mind and the day got easier from there. There were a few touch and go times, like when we were picking out sympathy cards - tears more than anxiety - and the stress of getting ready to go (make sure everyone has had dinner, will my husband get home on time, etc.) I think part of the problem of not wanting to go besides not feeling well, was not wanting to validate what had happened. Like her brother-in-law said to me, he keeps waiting for her to sit up and say "gotcha!". The rosary was nice, if you can say that about such an event, but it was very surreal. I said to my husband later that it was like watching a movie of someone's funeral, like it really wasn't happening. I decided later that even if I felt better I did not want to go through that again. I was writing out the sympathy cards and my mind just could not grasp the concept of what I was doing. It just goes to show the impact she made on the lives of everyone she knew that we just can't imagine her not being around.Thank you all again. I'm so happy to have a place to come to be able to express my anxieties and to get support. I'm blessed to have my family and friends, but being able to share with others who know the physical/emotional aspect is especially comforting.Sorry to get so sentimental on you


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## eric (Jul 8, 1999)

Madchen, I thought that was a really nice post about an unfortunate event. They are never easy.I am glad to hear you did okay and go easy on yourself. We here if you need us.------------------Moderator of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Anxiety and Hypnotherapy forum.I work with Mike building his websites. www.ibsaudioprogram and www.healthyaudio.com I also work with Mike in IBS clinical trials using Mikes tapes at an IBS research facility.My own website on IBS is www.ibshealth.com Please visit for accurate information on IBS.


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## cookies4marilyn (Jun 30, 2000)

Hi Madchen...well, thank goodness you cot thru it OK...sometimes it will be hard after the funeral and all the commotion subsides...things will remind you of your friend, or you hear a phrase from a song, whatever...and suddenly you mist up. That is how it is/was with my. But please know, you still have our good thoughts behind you and your mom too, of course. Take care, now. ~ Marilyn


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## shyra22f (May 9, 2000)

Hi Madchen







I'm glad to hear you got through everything okay... and good for you for going to the hairdressers (you and I have the same feelings about that one). I can relate exactly to what you're saying about losing someone like that. When I did the sympathy flowers and card for my neighbor's widow I just could not believe it was real. Not at all. I was choking back tears trying to come up with the right words to say which is very difficult when you can't even believe yourself that your loved one has passed on. But as you know, with time it will get easier. We still celebrate my neighbors life. Last Monday my Mom threw a brunch for a bunch of neighbors because it would've been their 54th wedding anniversary that day. I believe he was there watching over us and that's a comforting thought.So be proud of yourself and no need to apologize for getting 'sentimental'. I'm also forever grateful for this group of people too. It certainly makes a big difference to know you have people pulling for you through good and bad.Take Care------------------"I'm not a failure if I don't make it - I'm a success because I tried"-unknown


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