# My marriage is breaking



## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

I have had a very unhappy and traumatic childhood, so when I got married, I thought of it as a new lease on life. But within a few years of marriage I was hospitalized for acute stomach pain and diarrhea that caused me to lose consciousness. I had this same event repeated every one month. I thought it was something that I was eating. I stopped eating, I was afraid to go out. I had panic attacks and heart palpitations and had to see a psychiatrist. Later a series of tests and meeting a lot of doctors, ee found that I have IBS-D. I read a lot about it online, but I could not reconcile to the fact that my severe symptoms were due to something not life threatening. My husband, who till then was supportive of me, felt that this is something that I have caused due to my past stressful life. But I know that I did not cause this, this was not in my control. Why would I destroy my own life. Later, he started saying that why don't I just die or get better. I know these are not thoughts that I should have, but I have no family, I am weak emotionally and physically. I am scared to live alone, I am scared to start over. Last month, I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and now cannot have children. I can see in my husband's eyes that I am a burden, sickness that won't go away. I have lost all self respect and will to live. The anxiety meds don't work when I am so miserable. I don't want to kill myself, I want to cease existing, there is no hope. Help me friends, I have no friends.


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## rajiv_gupta (Jul 16, 2014)

i empathize with your condition. I hope you will get well, try to consult a different psychiatrist may with new line of medication might help you. i am also going thru similar experience, confined to home, can't go out because i never know when i would get next bout of diarrhea.


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## Leo41 (Dec 13, 2010)

Wow Jill... I feel for you. One's spouse should NEVER say why don't you just die. That is just crazy, and I do hope it was nothing more than a very over the line moment of stress for him. You do not deserve that.

This is very hard on the spouse. All that can be seen is our suffering.. nothing visible, outwardly you "look" fine. I have a great one, and even then sometimes she is frustrated too, tired of me complaining, and less than supportive.

Don't know what to tell you, but I do feel for you.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thanks for responding Rajiv and Leo. I am trying to be strong but this illness sometimes feels like a never ending maze. And the bad thing is, when my husband says these things, I feel that he is right. I am of no use to him, to society, not even myself.


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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

oh, Jill, your posts almost made me cry--please please don't believe the cruel, heartless and abusive things your husband has said to you. none of the horrible things he has said to you are true. you did NOT bring this upon yourself..it is not your fault. he is the one with the problems--he has no compassion, no heart, and no understanding whatsoever.

you are not useless. not at all. your life has meaning and if it doesn't seem that way now, it will once you start to work your way through all this. please don't for a minute believe those awful things he said. you are a person suffering with functional bowel problems and other health problems as well. you have way too much on your plate. and you are a very strong person--especially to have gone through so much already-- and even though it may not seem this way to you now, you are coping and you will get through this, minute by minute, day by day.

i do hope you have a good psychologist or therapist to talk to about all this and to help support you. you don't have to go through it alone. this is help out there, i do hope you can find someone to talk to. your could ask one of your doctors for a referral to a therapist or contact a womens' crisis center for a referral. they would know of many good people you could talk to. a crisis center is a wonderful resource.

and we're here for you too...


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thank you Annie. It means a lot to me. I will get help, I don't feel so alone now. God bless you kind stranger!


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## annie7 (Aug 16, 2002)

God Bless you as well, Jill. i will keep you in my prayers. you can do this! and we're with you! <3


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## Betty Wilson (Apr 4, 2013)

I just want to send you a hug and tell you I am so sorry for what you are going through. Maybe you could call and talk with your dr or his nurse and explain that you really DO want to speak with a therapist... I feel this is really crucial that you do this... Please do this. I would consider keeping this to myself, too... and not tell your husband... at least, if you do, don't make it sound like you are tryingto please HIM... this is something you MUST do for yourself... and you can do it, Jill~~!!


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thank you so much for your kind words Betty. I promise I will get help. I will try my best to be happy again


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## shelivin (Aug 8, 2013)

oh i feel for you so much i too am suffering every day with ibsd i too feel usless and ridden with guilt that i ruin my husband and sons life due to being affraid to leave the house, panic attacks, bad anxiety. ive just pulled myself through a nervous brakedown its took 2yrs and im still not 100% my husband is suportive but i see in his face the frustration when we supost to go out and i cant. no social situations with family,friends nothing! im in the uk and we dont get any suport from doctors your lucky if they bother to listen and there is no chance of seeing theropist or any mental heath team. your left to deal with it. i just wish the medical profetion would recognise the disabilitating affect it has on all of us that suffer. i long to have a normal life to have a job, go out and be with family/friends. to attend one of my sons meetings. i belive the ibsd caused my mental health to get worse. its awful you feel so alone but you are not this forum is full of people going through the same and understand. please take care!


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thank you Shelivin. IBS is causing so much misery to all of us. There is so much potential outside to experience and enjoy life, and we cannot, because we cannot leave the confines of the house. And I feel that I have lost my life, Sometimes I feel that I'm not living but just existing.


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## an0chick2 (Jan 27, 2015)

I am so sorry that anyone, let alone your husband, would say something like why don't you just die. That's extremely horrible and insensitive. My ibs is honestly not that bad. (If I even truly have ibs) .. but bc of dealing with a lot of stress my body finally couldn't deal and I was having up to 3 panic attacks a day and all day anxiety. I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. .. I couldn't sleep... I didn't want to eat. Well you get the point. I started seeing a therapist and I started seeking remedies online. I was depressed and hoping anything would help. I started taking a b complex and vitamin c...along with a multivitamin and spraying some magnesium oil on my arms and legs. I am doing better. I'm not back to my self but I know that these things take time. Currently, I haven't had a panic attack in a month aND well I still get anxiety. My point in telling you this is that sometimes it's hard to see the light when we're in a dark place. I still feel depressed at times but Ive been pushing myself. I know that eventually I will no longer have to push myself bc it will get easier. Things will get better! 
Maybe talk to your gastro if your ibs is too bad. Check your vitamins (that can cause depression and apathy). I know it's hard but try try to push yourself. It'll probably help to see a therapist too. Try to make a list at the end of the day of things you accomplished. .it can even be small things like a 10 minute walk...or anything positive. That way you can stay a little motivated. Talk to your husband. ..maybe both of you can go to counseling. Honestly it's not healthy for you to hear these things from him. If you can think about how maybe you were in the past know that you CAN be that positive person again. 
I wish you nothing but the best.


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## an0chick2 (Jan 27, 2015)

Ooo one more thing. .idk if you've tried this but Google magnesium and anxiety. Or even epsom salt baths and anxiety. Maybe it'll work..maybe it won't but at least you can try it and it might just be a simple fix! And try to eat more nutricious foods. And about your condition. ..know this.... doctors tell patients all the time that they can't have kids and I've read stories of women who supposedly couldn't have kids who end up giving birth to perfectly healthy babies! Try to better your mental and physical health and then who knows what will happen! Stay positive please.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

an0chick2 Thank you so much. Your words make me feel so hopeful. God bless you kind stranger.


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## vanessa6801 (Apr 12, 2014)

If your husband sees you that way then he is the one at fault. I dont know if you took marriage vows but your spouse is supposed to be there for you 'in sickness and in health.' Its not as if any of this is YOUR fault.

All the best.


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## vanessa6801 (Apr 12, 2014)

an0chick2 said:


> Ooo one more thing. .idk if you've tried this but Google magnesium and anxiety. Or even epsom salt baths and anxiety. Maybe it'll work..maybe it won't but at least you can try it and it might just be a simple fix! And try to eat more nutricious foods. And about your condition. ..know this.... doctors tell patients all the time that they can't have kids and I've read stories of women who supposedly couldn't have kids who end up giving birth to perfectly healthy babies! Try to better your mental and physical health and then who knows what will happen! Stay positive please.


Ive been taking magnesium for the past few months and its worked wonders for my mental and physical heatlh. thanks for sharing this tip.


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## Betty Wilson (Apr 4, 2013)

Vanessa, may I ask what kind of Magnesium you use? I always thought it was prone to give you diarrhea...so have been hesitant to use it... (thanks!)


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## AnitaG (Sep 8, 2014)

You are not alone.. I am pretty sure this site has saved my life. When I get depressed about having to live around my bowels I log in here and feel comforted. See, the medical profession does not know why we have what we have and in my opinion, they don't care. Its just diarrhea, go take something, who's next!? Yet it rules our lives and we are on our own to try to 'fix' it, or control it, or live with it. We have all been through the tests, taken what pills are on the doctors list, and then turned loose on our own. We all do the same thing, go to the drug store and buy everything on the shelf, we cut back food.( I have lost 60 lbs), we cause what I call formed diarrhea...we manage it, we wear protection when we leave the house just in case, we know where every bathroom is from here to there. We all get discouraged and wonder if this life is worth it. What upsets me most is the medical profession not doing anything to try to fix it. Oh, they will put us through all the money making tests, poo, pee, ultrasound, blood, MRI...and then just shrug.. I, for one, have found that the antibiotic Cephalexin 250mg capsule 3x a day stops mind dead in its tracks for as long as I take it. Then it comes back when I stop the pills. I 'manage' it with calcium carbonate and Immodium and gasx ..and by eating no fat, no gluten, no dairy, no coffe, no junk food of any kind, very little sugar.. light meals.. No smoking, no drinking of any kind, distilled water.. and taking the over the counter stuff I mentioned. But if there is a flare up or I cant stand it any more I take the Cephalexin for relief.. this tells me there is an infection somewhere. we have upped the dose to 2000 mg a day! for 10 days..same results as 750mg a day.. tried several different antibiotics, anti virus, anti bacteria..you name it.. only the Cephalexin works and no one knows why. So... hang in there, explain it to your husband.. and experiment till you find something that even sort of works..like we all do..


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## vanessa6801 (Apr 12, 2014)

Betty Wilson said:


> Vanessa, may I ask what kind of Magnesium you use? I always thought it was prone to give you diarrhea...so have been hesitant to use it... (thanks!)


Hi betty, i currently use topical magnesium oil. You basically absorb this stuff through your skin. There is some controversy over whether magnesium can in fact be absorbed effectively through the skin but I can testify that it works. The brand that I buy is ancient minerals. In terms of the oral supplements, I have tried magnesium citrate, magnesium orotate and magnesium chloride. Magnesium citrate has a decent absorption rate and is cheap but it does tend to cause diarrhea. For me the diarrhea wasnt actualky that bad. Magnesium orotate is expensive and you have to take several at a time to get a sufficient dose but it is one of the most effective forms of magnesium out there.... and didnt cause diarrhea for me. Lastly the liquid magnesium chloride was worst for me in terms of diarrhea. Magnesium is an alkaline mineral so I really wouldnt even opt for taking oral magnesium supplements in the long term because eating too much alkaline stuff is not good for gut health in the long term, kind of like the way it is with taking antacids in the long term. Hope this helps


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## an0chick2 (Jan 27, 2015)

I use the spray too. Just curious. .. how much do you spray? I'm asking because I think I sprayed a little too much and it's dehydrated me since I've been going to the bathroom to urination a lot and I have a very dry mouth and palpitations with leg cramps. I don't drink dairy so I don't know if it lowered my calcium or potassium but I'm feeling miserable. I'm now eating yogurt, I've eaten a banana and I'm about to go out to get some Gatorade.


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thank you Vanessa, Betty and Anita for responding. I will definitely try the magnesium spray. And I agree Anita, my doctor too seems to lose patience when I get panicky and go back multiple times when there is a flare-up. When it's really bad D, I get so dehydrated that I have to get hospitalised and when the RD sees my chart and that I have IBS, they don't take me so seriously. And I feel bad because I deserve just as much care as any patient in distress


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## vanessa6801 (Apr 12, 2014)

an0chick2 said:


> I use the spray too. Just curious. .. how much do you spray? I'm asking because I think I sprayed a little too much and it's dehydrated me since I've been going to the bathroom to urination a lot and I have a very dry mouth and palpitations with leg cramps. I don't drink dairy so I don't know if it lowered my calcium or potassium but I'm feeling miserable. I'm now eating yogurt, I've eaten a banana and I'm about to go out to get some Gatorade.


If you are getting those side effects from the spray then perhaps you should stop applying it. I usually feel sleepy and tired right after i apply the spray, but i always feel clearheaded and invigorated the day after. I take anywhere from between 2 to 18 sprays. 15 sprays is my staple dose.


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## acureisoutthere (Jun 28, 2014)

Hi Jill,

The root cause of your problems are because of an unnatural state of bacteria in your intestinal tract. Basically, the bad bacteria are crowding out the good, helpful bacteria, and are causing your problems. It's not your fault, it's not anybody's fault, it just happens. The important thing is you can fix this.

Please start learning about the Human Microbiome.

Please see my post, "I recently fixed my IBS-D" for more info.

I too suffered. I tried so many things but nothing seemed to help, until the day I did my FMT.

Now, I am fine. It is indescribable Jill. It worked. If you can change a diaper, you can do an FMT

Just make sure you do it properly so you protect the helpful bacteria you are trying to transplant.


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## Itsmillertime409 (Oct 11, 2014)

Are there any other situations in which you loose concoisuness? Do you feel really nauseous, break into a sweat, feel like someone beat you in the head with a brick, get a little shakey and feel a rush of hotness come over your body? Because your situation sounds awfully familiar to mine.

Your IBS may be triggering vasovagal syncope, which is a very common type of faint. However, if you seem to faint alot, it may mean that there is a deeper, underlying autonomic issue. Especially with your heart palpitations and "panicked attacks". I have Vasovagal Syncope and POTS, and for the longest time, I was told my panic attacks and faints were simply anxiety. However, once I was given a tilt test, they found my heart actually pauses for a few seconds. All the cold sweats, body tingling, palpitations and diziness that mimic a panic attack were actually signs of an autonomic condition.

I also have resigned myself to wearing diapers. It's not flattering, but it makes my condition much more manageable. Upset stomachs cause me to pass out very, very quickly, so i've found it much easier to just go in a diaper than try and rush to find a toilet. I've gotten used to it, and just accept it as a part of gaining back independence. Others here ha e said their anxiety is alot less if they're wearing a diaper, because they know theyre protected.


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## LuvTheLoo (Apr 4, 2015)

Jill83

Hang in there kido. But do see someone or call and reach out where you are. Don't take your life. There are others that care and will extend their hand to help you. Take care. i wish only the best for you. Hugs

Vince


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Acureisoutthere, that article looks very interesting. I will try anything to make this misery better. Itsmillertime409, I think I should get checked for my fainting and weakness, I hope it's nothing serious Thanks Vince for the support, I know I have no right to take my life that God has given me.


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## Lin Indiana (Jun 30, 2015)

Jill,

My heart goes out to you because no one should live in such a state of despair and isolation. Reading your post was like reading my own story. I have had IBS for over 30 years. I have been to over 5 specialist, including John Hopkins Hospital. I have tried every medication on the market. My weight got down to 79 pounds at one time, but I still managed to work 8-12 hours a day. The worst part was the attitude of my husband also. His attitude was not only heartless but cruel because he did not want to deal with my problem and let me know what a burden I had become to him. I truly believe half of my IBS problem was how he was acting toward me. Needless to say, I finally divorced him and concentrated on getting myself better. I am now 66 years old, weigh 120 pounds and I still have my IBS but feel like I somewhat have it under control. I don't by any means suggest you take my drastic path, but I do hope you start thinking about yourself and taking care of you and your peace of mind and what you have to do for your own comfort with this dreaded condition.

I was told by John Hopkins Hospital that there is no cure, you just learn how to live with IBS. I watch what I eat and drink because I know what triggers my IBS. I take one Loperamide cap (prescription Imodium) @ day along with 1/4 pill Amitriptyin 10mg. every night. This combination has been very successful for me. I never eat full meals when I go out to eat, (so I am able to get home) and finish my meal once I get home. (or just get carry-out). I stay away from beef, milk products, some alcohol drinks and definitely greasy foods. But most of all I try to stay away from stress.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you stay in touch because no one should suffer thru this disease alone!!


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## billcna (Jul 10, 2004)

First thing you need is a new husband....maybe he stepped out during the part where they say for better or for worse?


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## Jill83 (May 31, 2015)

Thanks Lin Indiana and billcna for your support. I agree, stress and guilt are some things that are worsening my condition.


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## lmnlover (May 21, 2013)

I feel your pain! And I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else. I myself am not married but had a boyfriend, who still lives with me right now. Because of this illness my life has pretty much stopped as he keeps on living his. We had a very social life which he keeps up, the toll of me not being able to do anything pretty much ruined our relationship to where we are just roomates right now. I know he wants out completely but then I will be alone with no way to support myself. I have tried to go on job interviews and ended up being so ill because of the nervousness that I wasnt even able to leave the house for an interview. I have no idea how I am going to earn a living and I have never been on my own before.


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## Jill_H (Jul 28, 2015)

Imnlover,

I feel your pain. Currently I'm married and my husband is very understanding but there isn't a relationship there anymore. It's just roomates. Honestly I think I only married him because he accepted my ibs. I feel like a selfish person for saying that but it's what I believe. I work from home, on a homestead, and am terrified that if we split I'll have to no where to go. My anxiety is what had me quitting my last job and being homebound. Starting over is scary. Sometimes I think I could do it, go get a job, but then I remember the bad days at my old job. I just want to be normal. I know it's the anxiety that gets to me and seems like most other people on here as well. I wasn't an anxious person before ibs but I sure as hell am now. Don't have any advice for you but just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.


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