# Sex drive and stress??



## 19069 (Aug 30, 2005)

It was two months ago that my GI problems started, and I think my stress over it is affecting my sex drive! ;-( How do others deal with this?It is hard to feel romantic when I'm in the my home away from home (the bathroom) all the time. Also, though I want to keep my hubby informed on my health problems (within reason), talk of my medical tests and medications is not always conducive to romance.To tell the truth, I am okay right now not having sex as often, because I feel stressed and not very confident or sexy about the recent changes in my body. However, my hubby always wants more lovemaking, so I feel like he's being neglected (and so does he).*sigh* I am thinking of doing something nice for myself to make myself feel prettier and better about myself. I think the hard part is I have been to the doctor's and all sorts of unglamourous things done to me, and sex is the LAST thing on my mind.Also- I just started on twice a day Rowasa, so how's that for un-romantic!


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## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

hmm yes i can understand that...but the on the flipside the hormones released by having sex can be very good for you!







I get migraines and some very bad headaches and I find that if I get it early enough having sex can stave them off - go figure!perhaps instead on focusing on the end product you should try and encourage each other to do more romantic things like a massage, or take a nice bath together sipping wine, or a lovely meal followed by a big cuddle on the sofa or in bed. and if your having a bad day and simple dont feel upto it sorry but its tough luck for hubby - would he be performing for you if he felt unwell? I think there is a tendency in society when it comes to sex to try and keep up with what your friends etc are doing, or what is expected of you. there are no hard and fast rules... only do what your comfortable with dont do it just to please him, there has to be something in it for you as well otherwise you will end up feeling unromantic and resentful. personally i would agree some ground rules with him to do some more romantic things but without the pressure of the end result necessarily being sex....you can have alot of fun without actual penetration. but i think what is at the core of this is the need to talk about it with him and reassure him that he is no less unattractive or sexy just because your having a bad time (the male ego is fragile y'know!)


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

OK here goes.... i had IBS D upto 20tmies a day... didnt feel sexy just tired and ill... took some control formely known and works me immodium... my IBS is fairly calm these days upto 6times a day which is a greta reduction for me. Onto the sex thing... its a good relief if you have D, it moves the blood away from colon thus can help ease D. Also if you got sore tummy or whatever there is always a position to do and not be in pain. Sex does make me feel alot better with my IBS, it can also be a gentle exercise one you can improve pelvic floor muscles with by squeezing your muscles (sure you know what mean) if you still dont want sex get a book on tantric massage or give your partner some loviong by mutual masturbation, may get you in the mood for more







shared shower: washing each other always a good thing.lots of intimate stuff to do without sex but you should try sex when you feel ready again it may help your ibs ease pain =) if it dont work or is uncomfortable al lyou have to do is stop =)


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

Sigh, I haven't had a sex drive for such a long time it's not funny (and I'm only just 27! My DH is NOT impressed!) however the advice above is very good. If I'm not in the mood at all nothing is stopping me from helping DH enjoy himself and I find that sometimes even though I wasn't in the mood that I end up that way in the end!Stress does kill libido, as does depression and I've recently discovered that anti deps make it go away altogether!But seriously, take some of the advice above, make things nice and romantic, just spend some time together, tell your DH in advance that you just want to spend some time and not to put too much expectation on the out come, enjoy yourselves and you never know what might happen


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## 14670 (Sep 3, 2005)

thankfully I don't have a BF right now. Since I have been sick (end of july) I haven't had any desire to do anything, and the only medication I'm on is anti-nausea medication.


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## 19069 (Aug 30, 2005)

Thanks you guys. I think it is the constant worry that kills it for me. Since my colonospcy is over (and I was worried about that) I feel 100% better mentally. Still having multiple trips to the bathroom, but started on new meds that seem to help (rowasa twice/day and colazol three times/day).My hubby was so sweet to me this past week, when I was very stressed about getting a colonoscopy. He sat with me at the hospital before and after the scope, which made me feel relaxed. I am taking the advice and going to just be with him and not always pressure for the big outcome. He likes to cuddle anyway, so he will be happy with that. I also wanted to share a funny "girl" thing, maybe you women can relate...Before my scope, on prep night I locked myself into the bedroom and watched videos, lit some scented candles, and gave myself a manicure before the prep kicked in.I don't usually wear nail polish, though. On the day of my scope, I put on makeup (I usually do when I go out) including a pretty lipstick, and took extra time fixing my hair . My husband was saying I was nuts for doing my nails and putting on lipstick. He said, "Nobody cares how you look- you're getting scoped." I explained to him, it made ME feel good. I felt like the TLC I gave myself made me feel better and not so yucky. Maybe it's a woman thing. LOL. He didn't get it at all. I know my mom and I have discussed how we both take extra time "looking good" especially when getting unfortunate but necessary exams like pap smear,etc. Ha ha.Thanks again for the feedback, my sisters. ;-)


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

He he. I didn't do it for my scope. I think I felt too crummy to bother plus I was in there at 6am so I didn't really have time or energy to do it, but you are right about the pap smear thing. I shave EVERYWHERE! DH always wants to know why but I don't know why, just don't want the doc to see a hairy me


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## 21918 (May 16, 2005)

When I went for the consultation with a surgeon before my rectal surgery, I dressed up in hose and heels and my nicest outfit. I didn't want him to think of me as just "The a**hole in room 3."Of course when we were finished with the consultation, I knew who the real a**hole was and changed doctors.Sorry, I'm sure this belongs on another thread, but it seemed relevant to the last couple of posts.


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## Clair (Sep 16, 2000)

Well in my opinion there's got to be something slightly odd about wanting to have a career sticking objects up other people's bottoms...so I doubt when they are doing they are thinking 'oh isn't this lady nicely dressed'







When my gastro surprised an examination of my sigmoid colon on me on a day I had diarhhea, he was always going to come off worse pumping all that air up there. but he was pretty matter of fact changed his coat etc after i had got him and acted like it happened all the time!







how glamourous that job must be!


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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

i know what you mean though =) i mean knowing you look good helps give you confidence which in turn may too reduce anxiety helping reduce D, i nver goto to uni or out without being made up even if im ill and its just a bit of mascara, makes me feel like im not a total waste


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## 16272 (Sep 2, 2005)

hi, i know how its feels, i get really bad wind and get very bloated, i sometimes look pregnant, i don't have alot of self confidence anyway, so farting all the time makes me feel ugly and stupid, my other half says he doesn't mind but i know he does. i hate making love with him as i hate my bloated belly and my disgusting smelly bum. I've tried loads to make me feel sexier, like nice underwear and stuff but i still hate myself.Let me know please if u find anything that helps, as i don't want to lose my fiance.thanks


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## 16783 (Sep 27, 2005)

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## kateandtink (Sep 1, 2004)

hi kelly have you tried acidihilus (spelt wrong cant ever spell it) its a probiotic... it cures my grans wind all the time =)


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## Screamer (Aug 16, 2005)

(acidopholous) helps some but it can initially make things a little worse. Unfortunately other than steering clear of gas causing foods, taking gas x or charcoal there is not much you can do about gas. There are some yoga poses that help to get rid of it but you still have to "let" it out (if you go to .. and click on the yoga for IBS link it will show you some specific poses for gas). Oh and you could try fennel tea, it helps with gas and bloating and peppermint capsules (as long as you don't have GERD) help with tummy pain, wind, bloating, gas and also make your gas smell "minty fresh"







Good luck Kelly, I'm sure your fiance' isn't going to leave you because you have a bit of gas. I know how you feel though. I've been with my DH for 8 years (married 4 1/2) and I have yet to fluff in front of him. I am just too embarrassed and when I have gas and need to fluff a lot the last thing on my mind is making happy in the bedroom


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