# I want to be loved...



## chicka86 (Jun 6, 2016)

Hi I hope this is the right place to share it...

I'm almost 30 years old. due to my bowels issues I never was in any relationship and I so want to be in love and be loved but I'm afraid, afraid of being laugh at, during the years I never had a steady job people always made fun of me that made me fall into deep depression. I want to be loved I have so much feelings to give. I wish I could have a normal life.


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## lithium (Oct 9, 2015)

I'm 30 years old too and yes it massively sucks not to be able to do what normal people can.


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## Patrick ibs c (Mar 5, 2016)

ive had same problem too chicka


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## Savannah88 (May 23, 2016)

The best bet for me was to just go on dating websites (I met my partner online) and not mention it until it needs mentioned. No one should be ashamed of a bodily function and if people shame you for it, they aren't worth your time. I ALWAYS start out looking for friends though, first and foremost.


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## Patrick ibs c (Mar 5, 2016)

chicka86 said:


> Hi I hope this is the right place to share it...
> 
> I'm almost 30 years old. due to my bowels issues I never was in any relationship and I so want to be in love and be loved but I'm afraid, afraid of being laugh at, during the years I never had a steady job people always made fun of me that made me fall into deep depression. I want to be loved I have so much feelings to give. I wish I could have a normal life.


try the dating site

ibsingles.com


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## Shawna-one (Jan 30, 2011)

I used to watch a show on TV. The title was Diagnosis Unknown". A very good medical mystery show which I thoroughly enjoyed and learned an awful lot. On one show this lady in her forties had eaten out with friends, and walked back to her rooms which were about a block away. She suddenly had cramps and diarrhea. She had never been bothered with it before. The next time she went out to eat one of the males in the party walked her home and they went a little out of the way to look at at a river or lake nearby. (she was visiting Paris). This time the cramps and diarrhea hit her, and she messed all over herself. The guy married her. He said he knew what had happened even though it was nighttime, but he continued to date this woman, and they were married. My husband knew about my condition before we were married and I had a severe attack on my first wedded night. As one other person said, and I agree..if these people do not understand you have a disease that is uncurable and almost untreatable they are not worth your time of day or anyone elses. I wanted to tell you about the lady in Paris particulary, because I think the guy was terrific. Most of what I've learned over the years about IBS I've learned from acquaintances, who when I mention, IBS they say "Oh I have that too". I met one lady at work who has my identical symptoms and she is the one who recommended the heating pad for the severe cramps I get before I have diarrhea. Don't give up and tell those people who "make fun" of you where to stick it- and I don't mean their ear.


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## chicka86 (Jun 6, 2016)

I'm a female btw. Thanks for your replies


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## Moreaux (Jul 2, 2016)

Omg - your post makes me so sad. I am so sorry you have had to live this way. I am hugely embarrassed by my IBS issues, but it never once crossed my mind that I would be made fun of for it. Whenever it has been necessary, I have told people. please do t isolate yourself because of this, people will understand, I promise. As for the people that have made fun of you for it, they are not worth your time. It sounds like they have mental health issues. I could not image adults behaving this way. Do not let IBS lower your self confidence - it is an illness you cannot control, it is not a moral failing or a character defect. When you feel well, go out and meet people. You will eventually find love, and when you do that person will understand and accept that you have this condition, and it will not be used as a source of entertainment or ridicule.

Hugs! You deserve so much better!


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## Patrick ibs c (Mar 5, 2016)

yep ignore them


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## Alida Wagner (Jul 22, 2016)

I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this. But please know that you are perfect and special just the way you are. It sounds silly but maybe try some affirmations. It feels weird at first, but if you keep doing it you'll find something will start to change. Maybe something like "I'm worthy of love and I love myself and the perfect person is waiting for me to find them". You have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you back. Your illness does not define you as a person.


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## helldell (Aug 31, 2016)

There is nothing to panic. Diseases are common to man. If someone truly loves you, then these all doesn't matter. I don't think IBS is a serious disease. It cannot be called a disease, rather it is a condition. You will definitely get a true partner who loves you deeply. All the best.


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## Poopiex (Oct 17, 2016)

I'm a little late, but you shouldn't be embarrassed over what we and so many other people have. I had a really really really bad episode on my FIRST ever Valentine's Day with my husband. We were only dating for a few months when disaster struck. Actually, it was sooo bad we were about an hour away from home stuck in traffic and I ended up pooping in his car and left a trail from the car to the bathroom when we finally got home. LOL!! Talk about most embarrassing day ever for me. If you're with a good person who is truly interested in you and really loves you, there's nothing to worry about. Guess who cleaned up the mess while I was dying in the bathroom lol? He did! And the worst part is that it happened to me again the next Valentine's Day again! Not as bad though I had time to get to the bathroom this time lol!


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## KellyPa78 (Oct 24, 2016)

Hi,
I really found it surprising and uplifting to see a recent wave of people showing off their colostomy bags on social media. Like facebook and instantgram. They were young, fit and most of all... confident and happy. It made me reconsider my lot and reconsider whenever I get down. I really don't have it bad compared to them. But even if you have it bad, it gives you confidence that there are other people not embarassed by it and embracing it 
I wish you happiness


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## dailybetterme (Oct 28, 2016)

Forget about it, I really isn't that big a deal. I've never thought of it as deal breaker. I wanted to share my story an hopefully give you hope. I was with someone 21 years and never thought of my IBS as an issue. He was handsome, successful and an alcoholic in recovery until year 20 when he relapsed, cheated with my girlfriend, I left and they are now married. I dated again, no thought to my IBS, then friends called and their boss (God is good) wanted to go kayaking. AWESOME man, we've been together since, now 7 years. I have always been sensitive about bathroom issues so I have a rule that when one of us has to go the TV goes on...I don't want to hear him in the bathroom (he's fine) and vice versa...I guess it's given me space (privacy). He knows my belly hurts and has found a restroom for me on many a drive and the same thing has happened to him, just rarely...we're all human.. We've planned a romantic, champagne pm so I at very little FODMAP food for dinner. He knows when I say my belly hurts-no romance. I was happy when I heard Kelly Rippa and guest say "He knows if I don't just have a salad forget about it". Don't limit yourself. Go for it, be open. I heard someone say days ago Im successful because you cant embarrass me...I am who I am and if you don't like me...oh well cuz I do.


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## marleyma (Aug 13, 2014)

I like that saying and I think it's true.. it all starts with loving ourselves and knowing our worth. Being confident can change so much.
Dealing with all this has definitely been a mind [email protected] I question what is right and wrong in relationships then think of "well if i wasn't sick would I feel differently". I sometimes don't know if I'm hoping/seeking for too much empathy or understanding when we all know if you don't have it it's so hard to understand. I often feel like im looking for something that may just be unattainable..


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## Savannah88 (May 23, 2016)

First of all, if anyone wants to chat or vent feel free to message me. The thing is-Don't mention it on dating sites, its not really a big deal. If someone truly loves you, they will understand. Yes, people do suck unfortunately when it comes to being judgemental, however do not give up or lose hope. I met someone last year on a dating website, I made ZERO mention of IBS until the relationship got serious, and it didn't matter to them. While the world isn't always fair, if you put the effort in I guarantee you won't be lonely.


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## MaroonGirl (Jun 9, 2016)

Yes, IBS is a debilitating issue, more so for some than for others. I know for me it has been my worst enemy. People at work or my previous dates couldn't tell I was in pain. I feel you OP, you want someone to love you for who you are. It is hard with the current datng "norms" in the west to find someone who is looking for a deep connection and will love you despite your "illness". But let me tell you, if someone walks away in the time of need or just because you have a health issue, TO HELL WITH THEM. I repeat, to hell with them!!! What kind of a human being would do such a thing? Think about it. If you really care about someone, would you leave them to feel like crap because they have IBS? I know the answer- NO.

If they want to leave, you should show them just where the door is.

I have been through this. But there are good guys out there and you have to take a leap of faith, if you are feeling better, go out and meet people. Keep trying until you find someone who loves you. If it doesn't happen, so be it. But never ever for a second think that the problem is with you. The problem is with the selfish, self-centered society that we will live in where majority of the human race have minimal or no compassion.

Most young people have not been through what you and I have been through. Being a straight female, I have seen my share of selfish staright young "boys". I won't call them "men". When someone has been through things in life, it makes them more empathetic. Well, I think so anyway.

Do not give up and do NOT doubt your worth.


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## Patrick ibs c (Mar 5, 2016)

MaroonGirl said:


> Yes, IBS is a debilitating issue, more so for some than for others. I know for me it has been my worst enemy. People at work or my previous dates couldn't tell I was in pain. I feel you OP, you want someone to love you for who you are. It is hard with the current datng "norms" in the west to find someone who is looking for a deep connection and will love you despite your "illness". But let me tell you, if someone walks away in the time of need or just because you have a health issue, TO HELL WITH THEM. I repeat, to hell with them!!! What kind of a human being would do such a thing? Think about it. If you really care about someone, would you leave them to feel like crap because they have IBS? I know the answer- NO.
> 
> If they want to leave, you should show them just where the door is.
> 
> ...


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## pukka (Nov 28, 2004)

I was officially diagnosed with IBS C at 35 ( although I have been suffering since I was 18). I never let IBS C get in the way of my life. I found love, married, became a mom, finished my masters degree, worked in a high pressure industry, traveled the world and am still working at 51. Don't get me wrong I have had some really bad days where I did not go to work, but overall I have managed. You can too!!!! Take you medication and just live your life. I don't worry if I have to go to the bathroom a lot. Your too young to not share your love with the world!!!! If you need to take anti depressants take them. Zoloft is great for IBS. If you have trouble having an orgasm on Zoloft then stop taking it 2 days before the event (takes planing but it can be done). Darling, its not a death sentence!! Go get your love on!!!!


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## AlisonfromSickofIBS (Dec 21, 2016)

Hi Chicka,

I would say two things;

The first is that there a huge number of people out there who have something about themselves that they find unlovable. They may have IBS, they may have something else, they may be divorced, sterile, have a wart on their nose, a hairy body, find themselves too fat, too thin, or not tall, pretty, rich, successful enough.

So although you may feel you are alone, in reality you are one of millions out there, all worried about how others will see them. And you will be able to understand them so much better as a result. By the time you get to 30, I think you are in a much better position to find love, real lasting love. Everyone has got over the rose-tinted perfect love story. Real life is less glamorous - but it is real - not some cardboard cut-out.

So be confident that you are loveable, and that what you feel is your shortcoming could be very reassuring for someone else.

The first night I spent with my partner I woke up to find I had a major accident on the bedsheets. I said I would clean it up later as I was late for work. When I got back the sheets had been laundered and changed. We have been married for 20 years. (And we had better continue. No-one else would marry us!)

So go for it! I hope this brings you luck, love and happiness in 2017,

Alison

PS: I had IBS for over 25 years and I have beaten it. You may find some stuff on my Sick of IBS blog useful.


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## Thomme (May 7, 2019)

Maybe the reason we all wound up together here on this online community is because we all share your sentiment Chicka! I too want to be loved, really really badly! And sadly, I am going through a break-up and having my first bad IBS flare since the turmoil between my boyfriend and I began. And guess what? IT SUCKS. My coping threshold, which normally is moderately bad anyway when it comes to gut symptoms, is now AWFUL and all I want to do is scream. Where is the man who I thought loved me? And, YES, amidst the pain and isolation Chicka I feel completely unlovable.

Here's the silver lining. Right now, I am struggling to love myself. The pain in my bowels is making it way too hard to be compassionate toward my inner spirit. But my inner spirit is still there. And it is able to love from afar. So, I am offering it to this online community. For every time you have hated your body and found yourself unlovable because your symptoms are clouding your judgement, hear this: there is an inner spirit within you that is bigger than your pain and shame. And there are inner spirits trapped in bodies struggling with IBS across the planet that want you to love yourself anyway. Or the very least, acknowledge that you are in every single way as lovable as the next person. You are lovable. More so, you are loved. Fight for it. Don't believe the lies your symptoms trick you into believing. Acknowledge your symptoms, but ride them out. You are bigger than they are.

I'm riding right alongside you.


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## snailee (Nov 7, 2019)

*sighs* It sucks not to be able to mingle because of a health condition.


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## flankking (Mar 19, 2020)

Alida Wagner said:


> I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this. But please know that you are perfect and special just the way you are. It sounds silly but maybe try some affirmations. It feels weird at first, but if you keep doing it you'll find something will start to change. Maybe something like "I'm worthy of love and I love myself and the perfect person is waiting for me to find them". You have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you back. Your illness does not define you as a person.


 I love what you said, it's perfect! I agree that you should love yourself before expecting someone to love you back. Somebody will accept you for who you are and there is no need for pretensions


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## Positiveside (Apr 19, 2017)

Indeed. It is more than enough to love ourselves healthily and happily. Remember, "a healthy body equals a healthy mind."


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## sarahavery (Jan 14, 2021)

Positiveside said:


> Indeed. It is more than enough to love ourselves healthily and happily. Remember, "a healthy body equals a healthy mind."


I totally agree. So true


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## Positiveside (Apr 19, 2017)

Everyone deserves to be loved, but we should love our self first. People will love us because of who we are and not because of some disorder


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