# finding your limitations



## squrts (Aug 14, 2000)

hi,i dont"work"(yeah right!)im on ssi.my in laws have been having many family gatherings,sometimes i say no,but how can you say no to a funeral,moms birthday,mothersday,and on and on?not to mention my side of the family.its just awful!im exausted,i hurt and im depressed.such is life i guess.how do you find your limits?


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## Feisty (Aug 14, 2000)

Hi Squrts!I haven't found mine yet, either. You're right---there is always something going on. Most of the time I just cringe---hubbie wants to do this and that and something else, and I just want to stay home and curl up with a book or watch t.v. I never know from day to day how I will feel. How in the heck can a person plan anything that way?! Oh, but we are EXPECTED regardless, right?! There isn't anyone in my family or hubbie's that understands any of what I go through everyday---either that or they don't want to understand. Probably they don't want to know or understand. Hubbie doesn't either. He acts like it is a crime if I say I'm not feeling very good or I have ANOTHER migraine.


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## M&M (Jan 20, 2002)

just thought i'd chime in and say for me this is probably one of the hardest things for me to do also. find the balance. there are moments when i feel like if i don't get out of this house i will explode. but those are the times when i can barely get out of bed. so i get incredibly angry and then bawl like a baby and think i cannot keep this up. after i cry myself out, i usually feel better, plus my husband asks "i don't know what to do, how can i help?" so that helps a lot. it is just hard to be in the "prime of life" (i'm 23) and have some days when i cannot get out of bed. i feel your pain!  sadly, i have no answers, just thought i'd say you are not alone by any means!!!~mrs. mason


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## Guest (Apr 16, 2002)

Hi All







If I know ahead of time of an event I want to go to, I "prepare". I keep a very low key for a few days beforehand. That doesn't mean I might not have a crash afterward, but while I'm doing whatever, I can feel better. Finding those boundaries is very difficult, and they MOVE all the time







so that makes things harder. I guess I'm trying to say getting very in tune to yourself helps and those dreadful "P" words, PATIENCE & PACING are absolutely fundamental to a more "even" existance. On those days when I'm borderline but know staying low will be better for me, I stay in my PJ's!! It is a great reminder for me and family that it is a "rest day". Hope this is a little helpful Squrts. DeeDee


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## LoriAnn (Jan 31, 2002)

Finding your limits is really tough, because from day to day they can change. So many countless times we have planned things only to have to cancell at the last minute.I am fortunate to have a very understanding husband, there is no pressure on me ever to do something if I think I can't.My biggest problem was always the IBS, it stopped me at the door more than pain ever did. I became a hermit because I couldn't deal with the attacks outside my home, and the idea of an attack in a public washroom made me cringe, worse, an attack on the road with no bathroom. Now I don't have ibs attacks, but after 20 years of being afraid to leave the house, its hard to change. The fear is almost an instinct now, rather than a necessity. But I did learn to be spontanious, if I woke up and it seemed like a good day I would say "lets go" and off to the beach, or some day trip we would go. But, by the end of the day I would be miserable, because I couldn't eat or drink anything until I got home. I don't think I want to find my limits, it deminishes hope. I will always drive myself, push harder and push myself too far, otherwise its just giving up, I can't do that. I am planning a camping trip in July, tent camping, sleeping on the ground. I'm going, unless I am at deaths door (or its raining)I'll get a site near the bathrooms, take lots of tylonol and I am going to enjoy myself, roast marshmellows, cook over an open fire and try to have one week where I can be like a normal person.(minus the hot dog and hamburger buns). Lori


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## weener (Aug 15, 2000)

Squrts, limitations has got to be one of the biggest hurdles that I had to deal with. I still struggle with them, but more so with what I can do on a daily basis. When I'm feeling okay, I tend to do more physical stuff (which I pay for in the end). Like Lori Ann said it it can change from day to day. I've had to cancel out on different occasions which was very hard to do at first. Especially, the guilt that I felt. But eventually I got over that guilt. I know when I'm in bed most of the day and I can barely make it to the bathroom, I not ready to go out. I usually can manage to go to family functions with the help of tylenol and I'll nap in the car during the drive there. My hubby is also very good, he understands when I'm going through a rough period. I also tend not to stay too long, just make it a short visit and then leave. Sometimes I do feel a bit better (I don't know if it's just getting out of the house). Everyone is different and you know your body best. Most of my friends and family know how my fm affects me, so all I have to say is I'm going through a rough time with my fm and I will have to pass this time. I st got into a argument with my cousin last week at my grandma's funeral. He made some smart remark about me not working and belittling the fm. He compared my fm to his bit of back pain. Well, I guess it was something that I should have cleared up a long time ago, because he's made remarks for awhile now. So I turned around and told him that I would trade my fm anyday for his little bit of back pain. That shut him up. But for the Grace of God go I.


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## dhove (Apr 1, 2002)

My limits are vastly increased since I have been taking Immunolin 3 times a day at 1g each time.I have much more energy, less constipation, no D. no explosions coming out my butt. Really, try it.It is available on the net at swansonvitamins.comor at GNC.


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## joey (Sep 7, 2000)

Denny, I don't know if I'll ever know what my limitations are. I just finished working all that overtime and took 3 days off. The 1st day I pushed myself too hard and paid for it the next. I was in sooo... much pain yesterday. In bed most of the evening. Thank God I feel better today. I just have to make myself not do so much in one day. It is so hard. Today I did only a little at a time, resting in between.I used to go to all the family get togethers and parties but it seems like every weekend something was going on. Just this past year I started missing some. It was hard but I decided if didn't feel good I need to stay home and rest.joey


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## Mio (Dec 19, 1999)

I think this is something that take time to find out...When I got FMS it was hard to adjust. It felt that I had a new body and I didnï¿½t know how much stress it could take. One thing that I had to learn was to say NO. I couldnï¿½t be the same person as I use to be, being there for everyone. That was really difficult and sometimes I felt guilty (I still do sometimes) but it was important to do that for me. Finding your limits itï¿½s a hard thing to do and you have to take time to figure out what you wanï¿½t and how much strength you have. /Mio


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## Susan Purry (Nov 6, 2001)

For me, finding my limitations is a matter of 1) *Experience.* After 12 years of CFS/ME (periods of relapse and remission) I'm learning what my limitations are. 2)* Listening to the signs my mind and body are sending out to me: * I have learnt to differentiate between the fatigue I can push myself through, and the exhaustion that will put me into a relapse if I don't stop and rest (see my thread on 'taking a break for a few days'! lol). I have learnt to give in to the urge to just lie in bed and snooze for half an hour whenever necessary during the day (5 times today, sometimes it's not even every day). Putting this into practice is a matter of *Loving & valuing myself so much that my needs often come first.* This may sound selfish, but to a chronically ill and incapacitated person, it's a matter of self-preservation and survival. This often means saying 'no' to family, friends and things people expect me to do but which are beyond my limitations, and if I do them, will put my into a relapse (for example having more than 1 thing to do per week, refusing to travel 60 mile round trip to hospital). Just my personal experience, I know we're all different. Good thread squrts.


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