# IBS and OCD rituals



## monty (Jul 6, 2009)

I've had IBS-D for soooo long. I can remember when I was 5, we would line up outside of school every morning before classes started. I would get anxious because the teachers always gave me such a hard time about having to go to the bathroom...but I always DID have to go! I'm 28 now, and while I know so much about my IBS, my trigger foods, situations that will cause me to flare up --- I have to say after all of that knowledge, I'm still left angry, frustrated, and feeling trapped. I've tried all medications, so many treatments. I've spent thousands of dollars on finding a solution to this problem, only to be told that there isn't one. I need to keep a strict diet, keep a close watch on what I eat, when I eat, HOW I eat.A good day is not a day that I break out of my boundaries and do something exciting, new, unknown. A good day for me is a day that doesn't push my boundaries. A day where the routine doesn't get shaken up, nobody asks me to break out of my bubble. I have the most patient husband, but even his patience gets tested by my problems. Our honeymoon was seriously hindered by my IBS. I'm in the middle of a horrible flare up, and I feel so defeated recently. I have developed ways of dealing with my disease, but when I try to explain them to someone on the "outside", they end up sounding like OCD rituals. Does anyone else do this?* I get up in the morning, and don't swallow anything until I get to work. No vitamins, don't swallow water after I brush my teeth - nothing! Can't start my belly until I get to work. I bring my breakfast with me and eat it during the last 5 minutes of my drive.* I keep TP and tupperware in the back of my car, as well as a big blanket...just in case.* I know EVERY accessible bathroom along my route. I've chosen the route to work with the most accessible bathrooms. I know that cities are the worst because there's nowhere to park to run in for a bathroom, and everything is so close together/congested that I can't stop to use the tupperware if I have to. Rural areas are better because I CAN stop and its not as likely that people are going to see me pull over. The burbs are the best because there are usually many public restrooms (fast food restaurants are the best), AND places to park. * I have a GPS specifically so that I can re-route if I hit traffic. If I hit traffic, I need to stay in the right lane. Can't be trapped in the center or left lanes.* If I have to go somewhere with friends, I take a separate car. Yeah, try going out with friends and telling them you need to take your own car, and they can't come along. It doesn't look good. They don't understand.* I can't just go to a dinner party and enjoy myself. If people want to be kind and cook a dinner for myself, they need to avoid a ridiculous amount of food. * If I am in a restaurant or any other public place, I have to know where the bathroom is. I have to know how many toilets are available (single or multiple person bathrooms) and where there is a backup bathroom in another store close by if there is only a single. This also applies to friend's homes. * I NEVER ... NEVER take public transportation. I feel like crying if anyone even suggests it.* I get nervous when too many people come over to my own home, because of the bathroom to people ratio.I've gotten to the point where I hate vacations, I hate "fun", "spontaneous" . I am an old woman at 28, and fear that my future is going to be full of the same. I have no hope of change. I've hit the ceiling, as far as controlling this disease. I'm living with it, but its a big giant monkey on my shoulders...and it never. lets. up. People say that the important thing is not giving in, to not let that anxiety win. But to fight every single day, on and off all day - a constant battle that hasn't let up in 23 years for me - it is exhausting, and the best I can hope for is to maintain. To exist and get through the day. It leaves little energy left for anything else.


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## Ms Megan (Jul 15, 2009)

I know your pain, reading your post made my eyes tear up. Thats exactly how I feel, I don't think mine is as bad, I have IBS-C usually...Have you tried any anxiety pills? My doctor perscribed me Alprazolam i think its the same an xanax, in a .25mg dosage. When I'm having a really bad day i get all worked up and worried and this really helps. I know they say its very addictive but i keep them with me and only take one when i really need it, since getting stressed makes it that much worse, and i haven't had a problem with finding them addictive.


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## Journo24 (Aug 3, 2009)

Your story was very well written.. it describes IBS perfectly. My IBS is not as bad as that, it only began about 6 months ago, but since then has been a pain in my ass - literally and metaphorically speaking! It stopping me doing lots of fun things. People don't get it, friends, family the lot. No one gets it until they have it. I even lived with a girl who had it when I didn't have it and I didn't get it then - I just felt sorry for her that was all.. I still remember thinking if that were me I would find a cure or something - but its easier said then done! I know that now!You're not mad. I have the rituals too. Until I recently finished university last month I had a good few of them. On the day of an exam the night before I couldn't eat after 6pm.. i couldn't eat spicy food it had to be really plain, but no bread or anything that would bloat me.. no alcohol of course, or caffeine. On the day I couldn't eat anything when I woke up - I would just take a lomotil or a buscopan an hour exactly before the exam or class (one i couldnt avoid missing) started. Before I left the house I had to make sure my bowels were completely empty - from the nerves I would usually go two or three times anyway. Then I would buy two cereal bars on the way in from a shop. I would have to go to the bathroom in the university once or twice before I went into the classroom, hall, lecture theatre or meeting room... I could eat one cereal bar before going in if i was really hungry - if not, could eat it as soon as my stomach started rumbling loudly from the hunger (the hunger noises can be as loud and embarrassing as the IBS noises when they want to be, but a nutrigrain bar seems to do the trick without irritating my stomach) Then I would be on edge most of the time in the room. If we got a break in the class I would have to go to the bathroom to make sure my bowels were empty.. if you know what i mean! Afterwards I would feel so proud of myself having made it through, and i got to hang out with my friends then which was sort of my prize if you get me.. cos im a very sociable person.. I used to hate the days I couldn't face the rituals because I was too tired to be anxious for hours on end in class or where my ibs was so ridiculous i really couldnt go.. my friends would be disappointed i couldnt go and so would I.. it turned people i didn't know very well against me. Only my true friends knew and understood, but even then their patience was tested from time to time...Perhaps like the girl above said, anxiety tablets - my doctor gave me diazepam for an exam.. i never took it in the end, but i know my IBS is based around anxiety.. I tried antidepressants for a month and they seemed to help but also made me pretty numb and completely lose my appetite. That or acupunture and hypnosis... im going to try both soon. I'm sure you have had it long enough to have tried most things so i wont patronise you - but i was reading earlier about how it might be a parasite in your belly, maybe try getting tested for that. I'm sure you've tried the allergy tests etc so.. Good luck! I hope you find something!


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## _Glo_ (Aug 5, 2009)

Reading your messege was as if I would have written it. I AM GOING THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING AS YOU. And I also have a very understanding, sweet, supportive man by my side, and honestly, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd ever be able to leave my house.I too have those OCD-like rituals. Before, I wouldn't eat for TWO days if I knew I had to go somewhere. Nowadays I rarely do this to that extent, but I may not eat anything until about 9pm that night because I'm scared that I'll get sick and have to use the public bathroom, or even someone elses bathroom. Before I go to bed, I drink about 3-5 cups of metamucil so that I have a 'complete' bowel movement in the morning. And I say 'complete' because it never seems to really be complete. I take Immodium with me everywhere I go, and I have taken upwards of 10 Immodium's in one day for fear of having a terrible flare up. I am also very careful about what I eat. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of the things that I do. And it's an everyday thing. Every, single, day. This weekend, I'm supposed to be going to a wedding abut 2 hours away from where I live, and I can't even enjoy my time right now because I just anticipate the trip and fear it. Before I developed IBS, I would have gone anywhere, done anything, and never once had to worry about finding a bathroom in time. Now, it's all I think about. I'll even watch a travel show on TV and I wonder how on earth other people can go and see the world so easily! When it's the hardest thing for me in the world.And the saddest thing, as I told my therapist a while back ago, is that I never really enjoy anything until it's over. And until I can deem it a success, one that has passed. I can't live like this anymore. And today I made a vow to overcome IBS or at least put it on the backburner and reclaim my life. I have tried anxiety pills, psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, etc. And while I did get better for a few years, my IBS has come back and it's never been worse. But I refuse to let it ruin my life as it has been doing.Sorry for the sporadic e-mail. I started answering the question and then turned it into my own rant. But I will let everyone know how it goes!


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## LittleOne89 (Aug 7, 2009)

I hate to be a copy cat but like the other posters said, I was reading your post and thinking 'oh my gosh, that's soooooo me!' lol except I never really thought about it as OCD. I always just called it anxiety, or stress triggers. But now that I think about it, I do have little 'rituals' I have to do, otherwise I'll get a little attack or something. In the morning, if I'm working, I have specific times I eat, and what I eat. If I change the food, I'll typically get stressed, worrying that the change in diet will upset my stomach, then turns out that worrying about my stomach hurting, would make my stomach hurt! lol People tell me to just relax, calm down, don't think about it, but it's hard since sometimes the subconscious worrying will start up an attack. I would literally have to go back and think 'what could I possibly be worrying about? Ohhhh this or that...blah blah blah'It's a little embarrassing, trying to explain this sort of thing to people that don't have IBS or something similar, because I'm sure saying that unless I do this this and this, then my stomach will hurt. Or if I do this instead of that, my stomach will hurt, that probably sounds crazy to some people. But after reading this post, I'm done doubting myself. I've figured out years ago that stress is a trigger of mine besides my food triggers, and now I know that I'm not driving myself crazy, thinking everyone else only has food trigger, and not situational triggers lol So definitely a big thank you for making this post. And the fact that a few of you have said you've gone to university and either finished or at least tried it, I'm really inspired to try going back to school. After I graduated high school, I moved in with my boyfriend and the lack of school (school was always a stresser for me for some reason), and lack of major stresses, or changes have made it so that my IBS attacks are few and far between. But I think with a good ritual down, and maybe a little anxiety-management, I might be able to handle going to college. I hope you do well and your symptoms don't bother you too much, and I know that it's a real pain to do all those rituals and worry about those things you listed, but it's better than more attacks, right?







Just think of it that way I guess. If it helps, DO IT! Good luck


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