# Terrified to date all because of IBS.



## wewereinfinite

Hi everyone, I just made made an account a few minutes ago and I just needed to get this off my chest. I just recently turned 20 years old and I've had IBS-PI for about 4 years now. Before I had IBS I was only 15/16, and at the time I didn't really have any interest in dating. Now that I'm 20, I want to pursue it, but I have no idea how to get over my anxiety that comes from my IBS; it's the most embarrassing thing I've ever dealt with (so far). I'm on medication for my anxiety and I've noticed a difference, but I don't want to up the mg in my prescription because I don't want to feel like I'm dependent on medication. I just have no idea how I can even meet someone with almost constant anxiety and constantly feeling like I have to go to the bathroom. Saying I have IBS is not exactly the first thing I'd want to tell a guy, either.







I just feel like there aren't a lot of people (or at least people my age) that understand. So, with all of that being said, does anyone have advice for me?


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## Getting Me Down!

Right now I don't really have any advice, as such, but you are not on your own with this one sister! 

Im 17, 18 this year, from England, and i also have really bad anxiety and 'constant feeling of needing to go' which has put me off dating too :-/ its horrible isn't it? I'd say i have about 3-4 good ibs days in a week, but 7 bad anxiety days! ... So theres no way a boyfriend would put up with me always wanting to be indoors near the toilet, or worrying about dates and having to put them off.... Drives me insane!

Im currently taking amitriptyline which is a tricylic antidepressant meant to slow down gut motility and help anxiety, but it hasnt done anything for my anxiety... however i have an appointment for 'poiesis' which is to talk to someone about anxiety issues so they can teach me some techniques and help me learn how to cope in these types of situations... that isnt until april 16th so I will just have to see how that goes... maybe you could ask your doctor if theres anything similar you could try in the US, im quite sick of trying different meds to be honest (this is my 7th different med) which is why im going down this route, to see if it's any better! X


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## wewereinfinite

Getting Me Down! said:


> Right now I don't really have any advice, as such, but you are not on your own with this one sister!
> 
> Im 17, 18 this year, from England, and i also have really bad anxiety and 'constant feeling of needing to go' which has put me off dating too :-/ its horrible isn't it? I'd say i have about 3-4 good ibs days in a week, but 7 bad anxiety days! ... So theres no way a boyfriend would put up with me always wanting to be indoors near the toilet, or worrying about dates and having to put them off.... Drives me insane!
> 
> Im currently taking amitriptyline which is a tricylic antidepressant meant to slow down gut motility and help anxiety, but it hasnt done anything for my anxiety... however i have an appointment for 'poiesis' which is to talk to someone about anxiety issues so they can teach me some techniques and help me learn how to cope in these types of situations... that isnt until april 16th so I will just have to see how that goes... maybe you could ask your doctor if theres anything similar you could try in the US, im quite sick of trying different meds to be honest (this is my 7th different med) which is why im going down this route, to see if it's any better! X


I do have a therapist, but maybe instead of venting to her, I can talk to her about techniques to calm myself down. Sorry this reply took so long, by the way. I'm glad someone responded. It's nice to have someone to relate to for once in my life. I hope things work out for you!


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## rellybelly17

So, I am sitting next to my boyfriend of 3 years and just asked him if he was bothered by my IBS. You know what he said? "guys don't care about that s*&^" and then he laughed at his pun  Ya see? you are stressing out for no reason! Boys think farts are funny, and I am willing to bet that you are a pretty cool girl who has a lot more to her than IBS. Just go out there and try! You don't have to explain right away, I had to because of my dietary needs, but I have never had a guy shun me because of it. Don't let your IBS run your life, you are waaaaaaaaay too young for that!


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## Shaylu

Have you looked at your diet to ease the symptoms? FODMAPS has worked for quite a lot of people. Give it a go.


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## johndamanager

I had the same problem. I don't want to sound unfair, but I think you're on the good side of this. Guys do think farts/poop is funny, and I think, as a guy, I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend had such an issue. Then again, I'm biased, as I suffer from it myself.

The best advice I can give you is this: if you meet a guy and he can't handle you telling him "I have to go to the bathroom, now." he's not worth your time. I haven't had tons of girlfriends or anything, but I've had a few good ones that I dated for a while (read, more than 6 months) who were perfectly ok with my condition. If someone can't spend time with you because you have to make a stop at the toilet more often than others, there is no reason to worry about what they think. I've found it's best to be open about it. Not on the first date or something, "Hi, my name's Kelly and I take dumps a lot!" isn't exactly attractive, but make your first few dates something non-food related, and if the guy seems like someone worth your time, sit him down and explain your situation.

I usually did it like this.

"So, I've enjoyed our last few dates. I'm really enjoying getting to know you, but there's something you need to know about me. I'm Batman. No, haha, really though. Look, I have a condition called IBS. Basically, it means that I have to go to the bathroom more than most people, sometimes really suddenly, and I can have episodes where I come close to losing control over myself. This is a really big part of who I am, and even thought it might sound really funny, and it kind of is, it's really debilitating, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I know this might be a bit much to deal with, but if I am going to be a part of your life, it's only fair that I let you know about this early on. If you have any questions about it, let me know, and I'll be happy to answer them. You seem like a really kind, understanding person, and I'm telling you this because I want you in my life."

If someone can't handle that, they probably aren't ready for a real relationship anyways. Best of luck! IBS can be really lame when it comes to dating, but there are really good people out there who can more than tolerate your condition. My girlfriend now uses it as an excuse to not do things with people she doesn't like, and even checks about bathrooms when we plan to go someplace new. You'll find Mr. Right


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## wewereinfinite

rellybelly17 said:


> So, I am sitting next to my boyfriend of 3 years and just asked him if he was bothered by my IBS. You know what he said? "guys don't care about that s*&^" and then he laughed at his pun
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ya see? you are stressing out for no reason! Boys think farts are funny, and I am willing to bet that you are a pretty cool girl who has a lot more to her than IBS. Just go out there and try! You don't have to explain right away, I had to because of my dietary needs, but I have never had a guy shun me because of it. Don't let your IBS run your life, you are waaaaaaaaay too young for that!


This made me feel a million times better!







I hope one day I can find a great guy like yours! Thank you so much!


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## wewereinfinite

johndamanager said:


> I had the same problem. I don't want to sound unfair, but I think you're on the good side of this. Guys do think farts/poop is funny, and I think, as a guy, I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend had such an issue. Then again, I'm biased, as I suffer from it myself.
> 
> The best advice I can give you is this: if you meet a guy and he can't handle you telling him "I have to go to the bathroom, now." he's not worth your time. I haven't had tons of girlfriends or anything, but I've had a few good ones that I dated for a while (read, more than 6 months) who were perfectly ok with my condition. If someone can't spend time with you because you have to make a stop at the toilet more often than others, there is no reason to worry about what they think. I've found it's best to be open about it. Not on the first date or something, "Hi, my name's Kelly and I take dumps a lot!" isn't exactly attractive, but make your first few dates something non-food related, and if the guy seems like someone worth your time, sit him down and explain your situation.
> 
> I usually did it like this.
> 
> "So, I've enjoyed our last few dates. I'm really enjoying getting to know you, but there's something you need to know about me. I'm Batman. No, haha, really though. Look, I have a condition called IBS. Basically, it means that I have to go to the bathroom more than most people, sometimes really suddenly, and I can have episodes where I come close to losing control over myself. This is a really big part of who I am, and even thought it might sound really funny, and it kind of is, it's really debilitating, and it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. I know this might be a bit much to deal with, but if I am going to be a part of your life, it's only fair that I let you know about this early on. If you have any questions about it, let me know, and I'll be happy to answer them. You seem like a really kind, understanding person, and I'm telling you this because I want you in my life."
> 
> If someone can't handle that, they probably aren't ready for a real relationship anyways. Best of luck! IBS can be really lame when it comes to dating, but there are really good people out there who can more than tolerate your condition. My girlfriend now uses it as an excuse to not do things with people she doesn't like, and even checks about bathrooms when we plan to go someplace new. You'll find Mr. Right


It was so nice hearing a guy's opinion on this. Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means more than you know!


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## wewereinfinite

Shaylu said:


> Have you looked at your diet to ease the symptoms? FODMAPS has worked for quite a lot of people. Give it a go.


I haven't heard of it, but I just checked it out and I'm definitely going to try it out. Thanks!


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## Jenni33

Reading everyones opinions on this topic really helps! I'm 23 and have been dealing with ibs for years without help or relief! About 3 weeks ago I went to a nutritionist and had to completely change my diet and quit drinking! I'm finding it really depressing going out with friends and not being able to drink while also being hesitant to date because I can't go to most restaurants or party like everyone my age does and its embarrassing to talk about! I've become more open about it because before I was way more embarrassed but it's still hard to go out and have to be sober while all my friends are drinking or not be able to go eat because I'm on a very restricted diet! Reading about other people who go thru it and being able to talk about it to people who understand really helps cuz all my friends have no idea how it feels! I appreciate the positivity guys! I'm glad I found this site!


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## K30

Oh my goodness. Your story sounds identical to mine -- almost! I just signed up here too, and this is my first post. I've suffered with IBS constantly since the age of 15 (except for the last 1 1/2 year, I was almost 100% better! I understand everything you're going through, even the extreme anxiety because I was there & also had meds for it.

Anyways, had my B & I not been together before I "came down" with IBS, I would've been the same (still was) and wouldn't have been able to date at all, but we got together within the very same year that I got sick. I had such severe anxiety because of what was going on with the IBS! SOOO embarrassed. & I was the kind of girl who wouldn't even go to the bathroom to urinate with a boyfriend in the same house -- literally. So this was a huge problem. Even scarier because neither of us knew what was wrong with me and why I was so sick & my entire health deteriorating. I didn't find out it was IBS until a few years ago & was very embarrassed to tell him, but he was at all my doctors visits with me, there day after day with me sick and back *& forth to the bathroom, so I finally HAD to get to a point where I didn't care. I was so sick and in so much pain that I stopped caring. I also have endometriosis, so he knew about that too. Since he was basically holding my hand through the entire ordeal, I wasn't that bothered by him knowing because as close as we are, I wasn't able to hide it. We've been together almost 7 years & he's dealt with it better than I have.

I wish I could give you advice on how to go about dating with IBS, but I only know of my one situation here & I was suffering after we'd gotten together. I honestly will say you must, must must just be honest. You don't have to say over dinner "um, so I have IBS..." You can just tell them you suffer with random stomach issues. That is how I label it to other people who don't already know -- "stomach issues." I encourage the honesty (to some extent, as I don't think you should feel obligated to disclose the actual condition right away unless YOU want to) because it'll help with your anxiety, which is making your IBS worse. I am dealing with a "flare up" for only the 2nd-3rd time in a year right now, which is why I came here.

I used to flip when he was around and I'd have to use the bathroom, especially when I'd spend 5 freaking hours running from my bed to the bathroom. There was no way of hiding that. But for a new-boyfriend/girlfriend, you could simply tell them you can't see them if you're sick that day & just say "stomach issues." If you're with them and a flare-up happens, you could just again, ask them to be understanding and let you get home. I'd start out somewhere in the beginning letting them know that you have a condition that flares up randomly and you might not always be as available as they are. It would be much easier than having a sudden flare up in the middle of a date & having to deal with IT and the anxiety of telling them about it. If they press, just say "you don't need details" or tell them you're uncomfortable going into details about the condition, but that it's not life-threatening -- incase they worry. I once had a friend who pressed me about why I was sick all the time & I didn't want to give them details & they ended up thinking I had a life-threatening illness, so I had to clear that up.

I understand your anxiety & I am soooo terribly sorry you're having to go through this. As I type this in pain right now, I almost want to cry for you! I get emotional when I have these painful, horrible stupid flare-ups, but it breaks my heart to hear someone else who's having to go through life like this.

I'm 23 now -- just turned 23. This year is the first year since I was 15 that I've been able to live my life. I had surgery 1 1/2 year ago (for endometriosis) and I was still suffering almost daily with IBS so my dr. prescribed all kinds of meds & they weren't even putting a dent in the pain. They turned me into a lifeless, sleeping zombie! So I quit them because I found a natural route, which had me totally healed up until now. I don't know what happened to put me back here! It's so unnerving to think I'm back after being a totally brand new, normal girl again. I haven't been on antiobiotics, so that isn't it. I've been eating fine. I take lots of good herbs & stuff, so I'm on the verge of tears. Worked so hard & HOW did I get back here in this pain? Ookay, sorry I'm getting off topic.

Anyways. My partner and I are still together, even after all these stupid issues. He hasn't one time complained or even shown signs of frustration over my problem. I can't tell you how many times we've been out having a nice night together only for it to hit me & ruin both our nights. I'd have to go straight home. Not to mention how many horrible romantic nights ruined. It got to where sex was impossible. It sent me into a horrible flare-up every time. Not sure why. He never complained. He never rolled his eyes or got angry. We would stop & he would rub my stomach until I could fall asleep or something. He's even gone out to get me meds or these days when having a flare-up, he chops up a piece of my aloe plant and prepares it for me. That stuff is what helped me get over the IBS. I can eat a piece and feel relief in less than an hour whereas every single flare up before aloe would always last a total of 5 hours before lettng up. Strange about it being 5 hours every single time!

So do know that there are people out there who won't be put off by IBS. You just need to watch who you choose, but when you think about it, you probably wouldn't want to be with someone who'd be annoyed by a sickness of yours, right? You'd want a person who stays by your side & helps you through. So keep a look out for the real lovin' kind of people. I'm tellin' you, they're out there.

As for getting over the anxiety, gosh how I wish I could tell you how to do that. Mine went away when I began taking the aloe vera & after my problems and pain went away. I did have bad anxiety and stress yesterday due to a bad storm coming in, so that's partly my problem now. If you know anything that helps your stress and anxiety, I highly recommend taking advantage of it as much as possible. Do things that relax you even if you don't feel all that stressed. I've learned one thing about myself & IBS and that's even when I don't think I'm stressed, I'm stresssed.

Or heck, you could even try dating someone who also has IBS! They'd be sure to understand. I feel you though. Up until this past year I never could go very far & when we'd go to restaurants together or with our family, I'd have to sit there and not eat because every single time, I'd get sick. That was so miserable and especially because he & my family would spend their night feeling so sorry for me & that made me even sadder to think I made their time rough. So you aren't alone. I wish I'd have known about this forum when I was suffering big time back then and didn't know anything about other people dealing with it. And I don't want to go recommending anything, especially to someone I don't know about, but like I said, aloe put me back together again. That and a lot of praying. Have you ever tried aloe? I've also read in my herbal remedy bible that garlic is amazing for IBS & can kill cadidiasis and all sorts of things like parasites. I eat garlic cloves as much as possible and have been taking small bits of cloves here and there for a few weeks now & unfortunately, I'm not getting anywhere like I was with aloe. I don't know if I'm not getting enough garlic or what. I've also used coconut oil and it's good & it'll definitely help you have a lot less flare-ups, but I experienced herxheimers (die-off) when I accidentally took too much at once after 2 weeks of eating it & that whole ordeal completely turned me off. I couldn't stand the smell of the stuff now because of how sick I got that time.  But if you can get some, I do recommend trying that. It's healthy for everybody & definitely effective for us kinds. 

I know you weren't asking for remedies, but heck, I'm sure it couldn't hurt, so I had to throw it in there. That reminds me, I've been taking seabuckthorn oil all week (in the powder extract form and oil) and it should be pretty helpful too, but I wonder if that's not part of why I'm having such a big flare-up right now! I might've taken too much, but I've been experiencing slight stomach issues the past few weeks on and off, which had me thinking it felt slightly like the old IBS coming back & now here I am in pretty icky shape tonight. So I don't know where I went wrong. However, I did have a small flare up of IBS hit me after being over it a while back when my dentist had me on antibiotics for months and months & it caused the IBS to come back. Antibiotics are one of the main problems with us. They're a big cause of IBS. So that's another reason I love aloe & garlic because they're natural antibiotics.

Okay, so if you're dating, I would say you should be careful to eat lightly and know your triggers (so you can avoid them during a big day) and do whatever you have to the night before/right before, etc. to keep calm and try to keep the anxiety off. I know that's hard! Sometimes impossible. I've tried the whole meditating thing and everything and my mind is too wander-y to do it. You could try though. Also really deep breaths do help me if I keep deep-breathing long enough. Another thing. My pain tends to be worse in the left side, probably intestinal pain & I read once that if you squeeze the area between your thumb and index finger -- that hunk of tender skin -- that it relieves pain in the intenstines or something. Anyways, I've used that quite a bit with some relief. Not always, but some.

But I was better & I'm trying to know that I can get better again.


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## IndianRopeTrick

rellybelly17 said:


> So, I am sitting next to my boyfriend of 3 years and just asked him if he was bothered by my IBS. You know what he said? "guys don't care about that s*&^" and then he laughed at his pun
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ya see? you are stressing out for no reason! Boys think farts are funny, and I am willing to bet that you are a pretty cool girl who has a lot more to her than IBS. Just go out there and try! You don't have to explain right away, I had to because of my dietary needs, but I have never had a guy shun me because of it. Don't let your IBS run your life, you are waaaaaaaaay too young for that!


I say this all the time. Its WAAAY easier for a girl with IBS to get a date than a guy with IBS. There is no rocket science to this. Observe carefully. Generally, men make

the first move. Again, its like national geographic. The males have to create a big impression. The women just watch, judge and pick the best. This is quite common.

To the OP - Unless you have serious issues like fecal body odor and such, or "extremely crippling problems", you have good chances in dating because you are a girl.

And @rellybelly17 - I think you could be considered "good looking" by most guys standards. So, that is a huge plus, besides the fact that you are a girl. See it from the guys side. Perhaps, you will come to my conclusion. Guys are expected to have much higher standards - be fit (not necessarily six pack), ideally be good

looking, be funny, be confident and smart, make a "lot of" money, be nice, be caring and protective (not over). Did I fail to pick up something from the checklist ?

For girls - be nice or maybe not so nice, be loyal or may be not, be funny or not and maybe have some common sense. But, must live up to "high expectations" by the 3-4 th date itself. (Not my standards though, but a lot of guys mentioned this directly or indirectly to me)

My observations. I am pretty confident that this is the usual case. There may be some cases where this does not apply and is incorrect. But, I won't be surprised if there are few such cases.


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## chlorophyll

Shaylu said:


> Have you looked at your diet to ease the symptoms? FODMAPS has worked for quite a lot of people. Give it a go.


Has it worked for you, though?

FODMAP seems to be all the rage, but I can't say I've read anything that has me sit back and go "wow, I really need to go on FODMAP since it has clearly helped so many people". It sounds like a fad that just restricts your food types to a bland variety of cardboard or something along those lines. It just seems to me to be another "try taking probiotics" / "try drinking less milk" / "try standing on your head" etc etc etc. It seems like it's just another thing to "try" which is just a distraction as one desperately attempts to convince themselves that they are feeling better when really they aren't.

I just wonder how effective all of this FODMAPS business really is and have no direct experience with it myself, and I've just been dismissing it since people don't seem to sound convinced when they mention it. I know what definitively works for me, and I know I can eat plenty of things I otherwise would avoid like the plague with little to no repercussions. I haven't noticed the same level of conviction from others about what they do, such as FODMAPS.

It just makes me wonder if you are mentioning it for the sake of mentioning it, or if you have had conclusive results yourself? I don't fancy the thought of digging through the masses of IBS mysticism on the net, so I figure I'd just ask about it outright here and get a better, more direct answer, since you brought it up.


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## IndianRopeTrick

chlorophyll said:


> I just wonder how effective all of this FODMAPS business really is and have no direct experience with it myself, and I've just been dismissing it since people don't seem to sound convinced when they mention it.


Try before you buy...and give reviews.


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## tummyrumbles

The FODMAP diet made a lot of difference to me, but I only follow the advice on eliminating most high FODMAPS from my diet (still finding it really hard giving up bread). There's a lot of bad advice on the FODMAP diet as well. Like a lot of diets, they specialise in one area only, which is complex sugars and take the simplistic approach that says if it's not high FODMAP then it's OK. Their list of non-gluten flours cause me either constipation or diarrhea. The FODMAP diet doesn't look at other IBS aspects like starch sensitivity for instance, which I have. My diet is a blend of low FODMAP, Palio, low-starch, soluble fibre with as little sugar and fats as I can manage. It's best not to take any diet as gospel. A lot of people rave about the FODMAP diet because it finally explained things that were confusing to most of us. I knew I had an intolerance to milk, raisins, asparagus, baked beans etc but didn't know why. When I looked into the FODMAP diet I noticed it listed all the foods I was intolerant to, as well as a lot of others that I wasn't sure about. So it saves me from making a lot of mistakes. The best way to keep a track of things is a diary, which I keep on the computer now as it's easy to do a search on suspect foods. I'm still learning, after all this time, but my symptoms are much better than 10 years ago when I first joined this forum. I think just about all of us suffer from constipation, in some form or other. If we all evacuated everything in 5 minutes we wouldn't be here. My on-going problem is the long delay between BMs, which never seems to change but the gas issues are a lot better.


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## chlorophyll

tummyrumbles said:


> but my symptoms are much better than 10 years ago when I first joined this forum.


Thx for the info. But this is just the type of thing I seem to hear about it all, so you've further confirmed my suspicions. It sounds like you are still fairly miserable, and can't eat plenty of stuff you otherwise would like to. I know my IBS-D triggers tends to be all of the stuff I actually really enjoy eating, but the thing is I mostly put the concerns out of mind these days and just eat whatever instead of being miserable and eating a "brown rice and no life" diet because I can put a big stop to my symptoms for days at a time and just eat "like a normal person" without my stomach dragging me to the bathroom for hours on end. Except for chilli's. I think chilli's are my kryptonite. I can certainly live with that.


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## tummyrumbles

I'm a lot happier now than before I came onto this forum, when I had the most horrible leaky gas. It was humiliating. I get a bit down sometimes because of the time I spend in the loo but it's a small price to pay. I agree it's depressing not being able to eat what you want but the only thing I really craved since post-fodmap was bread, and I'm eating that now. Evacuation this morning was a speedy 45 minutes so things are improving there. But no, I'm never going to be IBS-free. I'll always have to be careful with what I do as I have an irritable bowel and probably will always have one. But I can work and socialise symptom-free and if I keep eating bread I haven't really given up much. I get away with some high fodmaps, A2 milk, corn, yoghurt and ice-cream. I still eat (a few) chocolates if I really crave them so it's not like I'm deprived. I wish I could eat baked beans as I like them but maybe I'll try later. I think the really troublesome high FODMAPs are the veges: asparagus, whole peas (in the pod), anything stringy and the pulses. The foods I have given up are mainly the white flour constipating things like puddings, pastries, biscuits, white bread & pasta, crackers and high starch snacks like twisties. These caused constipation, incomplete evacuation and the worse possible gas. Giving these up is nothing.


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## chlorophyll

tummyrumbles said:


> I'm a lot happier now than before I came onto this forum, when I had the most horrible leaky gas. It was humiliating. I get a bit down sometimes because of the time I spend in the loo but it's a small price to pay. I agree it's depressing not being able to eat what you want but the only thing I really craved since post-fodmap was bread, and I'm eating that now. Evacuation this morning was a speedy 45 minutes so things are improving there. But no, I'm never going to be IBS-free. I'll always have to be careful with what I do as I have an irritable bowel and probably will always have one. But I can work and socialise symptom-free and if I keep eating bread I haven't really given up much. I get away with some high fodmaps, A2 milk, corn, yoghurt and ice-cream. I still eat (a few) chocolates if I really crave them so it's not like I'm deprived. I wish I could eat baked beans as I like them but maybe I'll try later. I think the really troublesome high FODMAPs are the veges: asparagus, whole peas (in the pod), anything stringy and the pulses. The foods I have given up are mainly the white flour constipating things like puddings, pastries, biscuits, white bread & pasta, crackers and high starch snacks like twisties. These caused constipation, incomplete evacuation and the worse possible gas. Giving these up is nothing.


All of the things that make you go slow are what make me go too fast, except for the veges. I have issues with the flavor packets in 2min noodles, and the sauce in things like tinned baked beans and spaghetti. Maybe your bean problem isn't the beans but the sauce. Of course, this is all for when I'm not keeping my IBS in check and am being lazy and subject to attacks.


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## Ashley D Costa

so were you able to find a guy who could understand your symtoms?







.. and if you had been taking any medication how helpfull was it...


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## PajamaKitty

So I can't really relate to dating with IBS, because my IBS began after I started a relationship but maybe my story will make you believe in love with IBS...

My current boyfriend, of nearly five years, and I started dating in college... less than a year into dating is when I started getting stick. It started off my abdominal pain which lead them to discover several large peptic ulcers. I thought after that everything was cured.... but it only got worse. Enter the true stages of IBS.

I was extremely sick for over two years. I lost around 30 lbs to IBS-D. I was beyond depressed. I had to drop out of my college classes. I spent my days in bed. I almost never went out with my friends anymore. I cried daily... I was angry and depressed and terrible to be around. I was in and out of the hospital.

It was horrible and embarrassing. Here I was, 20 years old, just started dating this guy, and now I was stuck in the bathroom in pain 80% of the time we spent together. We would try to go out with friends and inevitably we would have to leave because I would feel too sick. The rest of the time we stayed in bed and I layed next to him crying. Many times he had to bring me to the hospital at midnight and stayed up for 5-8 hours as they ran test.

I remember telling him multiple times, once as he sat exhausted by my hospital bed, that he could bow out. It was okay. He didn't sign up for this, he just thought "hey, i like this girl, let's date." I told him there was no shame in bowing out gracefully and I wouldnt hold it against him. Each time he said no.

He has been with me through this whole journey, which is nice. He has been there for the ups and downs and through the good and bad. Through all the shit doctors who didn't give a shit about me, and the ones who did everything to try and help. Because of this, he has a better understanding of what its like for me and has a better understanding of the difficulties of living with IBS... but at the end of the day I don't think that's why he has stayed and why he has been the most amazing and understanding partner during this tough time.... it's simply because *he is the right guy.*

Sure. There is that worry that your IBS might scary away a potential partner before they can get to know the real you, but if he is the kind of guy that scares away THAT easily, then fuck em. There is NO way he is the right guy. If it bothers him that much, it would never work out between you two anyways. You are NOT your disease, but it IS part of your life. The right person will realize that it must be difficult to go through something like this, and even if it makes them a little uncomfortable at first, they will keep at it and try to help you and eventually they wont feel weird about it anymore. One day you guys will have detailed discussion about your bowel movements trying to figure out what to do to make it better... yupe. That's where we are at.

There are a lot of fears with IBS and love... You worry you will be too boring, since you cant do everything other ppl your age do... that they will find it disgusting... that they will get irritated that you are constantly sick.... they wont be able to understand and think you are over-reacting... they will get sick of you being sick... These are all valid fears.... but not if you find the right person. Because the right person shouldn't think any of these things. The right person continues to show up because they like YOU, and your IBS is just something that, hopefully, they can help you through. Remind yourself of this. That the right person wont care about your IBS.

So when you are dating, be honest about your IBS. I mean you don't have to sit down at the first date and say "HEY! POOPING IS HARD FOR ME!" before the waiter has even brought the wine list, but don't try to hide it. If you start to feel that this could go somewhere, be honest and let them know you have a digestive disorder and it can sometimes interfere with your life.

And with that being said, I have now asked my boyfriend to give you some words on being the partner of an IBS patient...

"Well this was kinda thrust upon me out of nowhere but I'll do my best. The simple fact of the matter is I have the easy job in all of this. I've seen how bad it sucks but in the end there's nothing I can really do to help. My only job is to listen, comfort, and build self-esteem. Being a shoulder to cry on is the easiest thing in the world. During the beginning of Sammy's symptoms, all the late night hospital runs and such, leaving never crossed my mind. Not getting sleep sucked but I was far more concerned for her well being than anything else.

I'm sure it's true that there will be those out there who won't be able to handle the IBS life, but screw them, they don't matter. The main thing that I want to preach is honesty to your partner. You don't have to force them into the world, but don't hide it. I always knew when something was wrong and knowing that she was hiding something was the main issue we had to work through. It took a long time and a lot of effort to get to where we are today but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I hope that was any kind of inspirational or helpful. I wish you luck and I'm sure you will find someone out there for you and your IBS life"


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## Shaylu

Chlorophyll, I have been on FODMAPS for over a year and it has drastically reduced my symptoms. I wouldn't recommend trying it if I hadn't tried it or if I hadn't experienced its benefits.

The only way someone will get over their personal symptoms is to "try" the many options that are out there.

There is evidence that taking probiotics helps the digestive system so that is why probiotics are recommended.

If you don't try anything than you will carry on living with your symptoms...quite possibly unnecessarily.


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