# A Way to Meet Women Who Have the Same Problems as Me



## Stilicho

Hi all,I am wondering if there is some sort of online dating service that specializes in helping people with chronic illnesses, such as IBS, meet up. What I have learned is that healthy people simply cannot understand how it is to live with a chronic illness; they may sympathize, but they cannot truly understand.No healthy woman could possibly want to put up with the kind of life I have to live; the limitations it has placed on me, the restrictions I must follow. I am not judging them. If I were in their position, I wouldn't want to put up with it either.But I would like to still meet someone, and perhaps some day have a family. I am unable to socialize in the traditional sense. The usual modes of meeting a partner are closed to me. Does anyone know of a way to meet up with single woman who have IBS and similar problems?Thank you.


----------



## Kelthink

I'm sure there was one IBS dating website, I forget the name, but the prices were pretty ludicrous considering the pool of choice you had. I'm just wondering if it'd be worth being very blatant in a personals ad or something (whilst highlighting postives about your character, obviously).


----------



## SneakerPimp

I'm just blatant with my replies. And I end up getting a few replies from people who have it too.


----------



## RedSoxGirl

Make a forum on this site for young single people with IBS. Maybe that might work so you can find someone single and your age. I have the same problem and I'm 24 its a hard thing to live with. Never had a problem before but now lots of people just don't understand. Only difference I'm looking for single men!


----------



## MrBumwe

i agree makes things really difficult,,, on top of not wanting to grab a drink or meal at a restaurant etc, for obviuos reasons, being in a constant @#$% mood doesn't help, makes it hard to


----------



## KarlT

As you can see I'm another newbie. I dont like to admit it but, it is having an effect on me meeting people and I'm 23 and single. I Tend to stick to the places I know and feel comfortable going. But if I met someone who would understand it would make things a whole lot easier. So thank you "redsoxgirl"







it's nice to know it's not just guys out there in the same situation.


----------



## claire_louise

I know exactly how you all feel. I recently broke up with my partner of seven years because he just couldn't cope with my illness. I don't blame him, but we'd been together since we were 16 and it's incredibly difficult to lose someone you love due to circumstances beyond your control. I can't see how anyone would able to put up with me unless they had similar problems themselves!


----------



## mumble

Sorry to hear that Claire.I also just had a break up... and I know it's partly because of my IBS and problems associated with it. More than anything it's frustrating.


----------



## ThewallsRclosingIn

RedSoxGirl said:


> Make a forum on this site for young single people with IBS. Maybe that might work so you can find someone single and your age. I have the same problem and I'm 24 its a hard thing to live with. Never had a problem before but now lots of people just don't understand. Only difference I'm looking for single men!


I'm a 24 yr old single guy, I have thought about whether or not I would prefer to meet someone with Ibs also. It would just be nice not to have to explain myself or my situation. Im sure two people with IBS would be a better support system, both would understand each other.


----------



## degrassi

I totally agree. I'm 26 and would love to find a guy that understands. Its hard having to explain something to someone who has no clue about having a chronic illness.


----------



## Waray

A forum for dating shouldn't be limited to young people. I'm older and have the same problem. Who would ever want to date a woman who can't keep her food in for more than minutes after she's eaten it and spends the greater part of her day in the bathroom? Who would want to date a woman who cannot sit through a movie without losing the days meals and not knowing it until the pottie break? We all need companionship regardless of age. It's lonely and few people understand it. I'll see what I can do to get something going for us - no promises but I think I can do it. If this site will support me by allowing me to post it I think I can make it work.


----------



## Waray

Okay, let's say I can get a dating site going for us, would you want it limited to IBS or open to anyone with a serious disease? We suffer from something that is extremely embarrassing. Do we want to open up to others with diseases that don't have that same effect on them? Opinions will be important on this issue so respond if you have an opinion.


----------



## Kelthink

Might be worth starting a group on facebook, see how far you can take it.I'm too lazy to do that sort of thing, of course


----------



## MrBumwe

general illness or health issues maybe more effective in getting people involved, coz yeah like said it would be a concern for most people who like to keep the specifics of there ibs private


----------



## degrassi

Leaving it open to general illness would probably get more people involoved. Some of the issues related to dating are similar whether you suffer from IBS or other chronic diseases.


----------



## astronomer

Here is my opinion.If there is an IBS dating service out there, of course I agree that you should try it out because it is incredibly hard to meet people. You are right in believing that a "healthy" person may not completely understand what you are going through. However, if your partner doesn't understand and can't deal with your condition, they are definitely NOT the one for you!I happen to be very lucky (I don't know what I ever did right to deserve this) but I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost 2 years who completely sympathizes with my condition. He doesn't suffer from the same issues that I have, but if he loves me he must understand what I go through. Two people have to build and live in a relationship together.I have to admit though, it was hard to establish some trust and I had some issues with that for a very long time. My boyfriend absolutely vowed to take care of me and get me to a restroom whenever I needed it, and when I say "whenever," I mean it! Having IBS for so long, I always felt that I could only ever rely on myself. But it is true, to this day he has never failed me. He even goes out of his way to cook me healthy meals and benefits from it as well. So there ya go.


----------



## claire_louise

astronomer said:


> I happen to be very lucky (I don't know what I ever did right to deserve this) but I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost 2 years who completely sympathizes with my condition. He doesn't suffer from the same issues that I have, but if he loves me he must understand what I go through. Two people have to build and live in a relationship together.


I'm really glad you've managed to find someone who's so fantastic about your illness. The problem for me, however, was that I was with my boyfriend for four years _before_ my symptoms began, and when they did it completely changed our relationship. We couldn't have a normal relationship because 9 days out of 10 I can barely leave the house. I also believe that having a chronic illness changes you as a person and my partner just couldn't deal with it. So if I was to meet someone now it would have to be someone who truly understands what I'm going through, and the only people who can really do that are those in the same or a similar position.So I say, let's go for it!


----------



## melissa1985

Everyone I have ever dated has broken up with me because of my IBS. I have a 6 month old little girl and her father has never met her just because he says he couldn't deal with me (IBS and everything else, he just didn't want to grow up) and said that he wants no involvement with her. I'd like to meet and possibly have a relationship with a guy that has similar problems as me. That would be nice not having to explain myself in my embarrassing situations... It's hard being 25 and a single mother who can't find anyone that wants to deal with me! I always feel on the outside and never feel in or needed.


----------



## zeppelin

ahh







i feel so sorry when i hear this stuff because for years i was in the exact same position and it can be desperately lonely at times. it's a horrible, frustrating, embarrassing, painful and often relentless illness but we can't let it consume our lives. i've been a long time reader of this board and my heart goes out to you all. hope you all find happiness with someone who deserves to be with you for *you*, not just because of shared illness. i wish you all the best in finding them


----------



## zeppelin

p.s. IBS can really kick the cr*p out of your confidence. i had a ton of bad relationships prior to my current one because i didn't value myself as highly as i should have. become your own best friend first, seriously. yeah you've IBS and you feel awful a lot/most of the time and your life may be curtailed in certain areas, but that doesn't make you any less worthy of respect and love. the second you stop seeing yourself as less than other (healthier) people you'll feel a stronger about moving forward with or without a partner.


----------



## transatlanticist

Recently found this article about a dating site catered to folks suffering from chronic illness: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35247848/ns/he...alth/?gt1=43001.


----------



## rockingirl

Kelthink said:


> Might be worth starting a group on facebook, see how far you can take it.I'm too lazy to do that sort of thing, of course


I don't know if facebook would be the best forum. I think a lot of us try to keep quite about this. Or at least I do!Good to know I'm not the only one with this problem (well not good, it would be good if none of us had to worry about this). I'm a 24 year old female. I always seem to get asked out by guys who are big partiers and are always going out. I know right away that we'll be incompatible and I always turn them down. I think maybe if I could find a guy who was more of a homebody it might work. So far no luck though. In my three years of having this I've pretty much removed myself from the dating scene.


----------



## fedup123

claire_louise said:


> I'm really glad you've managed to find someone who's so fantastic about your illness. The problem for me, however, was that I was with my boyfriend for four years _before_ my symptoms began, and when they did it completely changed our relationship. We couldn't have a normal relationship because 9 days out of 10 I can barely leave the house. I also believe that having a chronic illness changes you as a person and my partner just couldn't deal with it. So if I was to meet someone now it would have to be someone who truly understands what I'm going through, and the only people who can really do that are those in the same or a similar position.So I say, let's go for it!


the same happened to me I went from being fun and exciting and wanting to go out and do new things all the time to becoming a social recluse and just wanting to stay in bed slobbing around in my tracksuits all day because my stomach hurt so much


----------



## puzzel

im a 21 year old female and i agree that it would be amazing to meet a guy with ibs who would be able to understand me and respect me for who i am. im just worried about one thing. this might sound ridiculous, but is ibs genetic? i wouldnt want any future children i might have to start with such a low chance at a healthy life.


----------



## Guest

It should be open to anyone,that way there would be a higher joining rate and it would get more circulation and then have the potential to bring in people who like a person for who they are and not what's going on with them.


----------



## SimplifyMyLife81

Hello Everyone. I am a 28 year old female and have been suffering with IBS for as long as I can remember. I have been reading many of your posts and it's so sad to read. I have a similar problem. I stayed in a very unhealthy relationship for 5 years because I was afraid to start over with someone new. I am terrified of going on dates with guys or sleeping over their houses because I may have to go to the bathroom!! It is mortifying to me and it prevents me from really putting myself out there. Sometimes I get pains in my stomach and have to get to the bathroom immediately.... What do you say to a guy you just met when that happens? I'm sure the majority of guys would be so turned off if you had diarrhea on the first date. Usually I don't even want them to pick me up for fear that I'm gonna need a bathroom on the way! It's awful. I find myself worrying if I will have to go to the bathroom before I go anywhere and usually the worrying leads to stomachaches. I would eat Immodium like candy before dates. My doctor just put me on Librax, but I am afraid to start it because I don't want to feel funny from it. I decided to "fire" this GI doc because she wanted to send me for a colonoscopy and I was too scared to get one!! I have never been tested for celiac or lactose intolerance and can't really pinpoint the cause of my IBS besides stress and anxiety. Sometimes I actually get jealous of my friends when they say they went on dates or to parties without the worry of stomach problems!! My problem has never been that I am not a social person. I am very outgoing and love to go out and have a good time, it's just that my condition prevents me from being the fun and outgoing person I really am. Not to mention, I have anxiety on top of it all!! Aren't I lucky!So all in all, I guess these are my questions:What do you do if you have to go to the bathroom when you first start dating a guy?From all the guys out there, would you be turned off if on your first date your date got diarrhea?Has anyone tried Librax? If so, what can I expect and can I drink with it?I appreciate any feedback anyone has.


----------



## jimsanderson3

thanks for the information.


----------



## stinnie

hello having a dating site i think for ibs sufferes would be a fantastic idea, and would really boost peoples confidence in knowing they can date and not allow this horrible condition dictate their life. Being ibs related only would narrow down the amount of people who join, but for ibs suffers who are self concious about talking about their issues would not feel they would need to explain themselves as we are all in the same boat, and as time goes on you can dicuss with potential partners you meet on there your own experiences etc... and form a friendship/relationship. Having the site open to other with illness i fell would also be beneficial as it would be nice to connect with other who could be in need of support and friendship. Maybe when setting up the site you could have a statement listing all the conditions that people suffer with, and anyone who joins can look up the condition BEFORE making contact with another member to avoid those embarrasing questions regarding our conditions we all hate answering. then its up to yourselves wether you persue making contact knowing the condition they have.????? am i way off just how i have felt in the past meeting and trying to date.


----------



## jazz bass

omg I think it would be a great idea. Nothing more embarrassing than finally finding a girl who would actually want to go out with me, and then having to run to the bathroom in the middle of dinner, and then once at the theatre or wherever we go, once again later, etc. Totally sucks. I've just been diagnosed, so who knows if any treatments will help, but still, yeah... totally sucks.


----------



## claire_louise

Just thought I'd bump this up to see if anyone is still interested in sorting something out? I'm getting sick of having no life because my IBS is so debilitating and would really love to meet people in the same situation.


----------

