# dating with IBS-D



## psiloveu (Mar 4, 2010)

I feel like my dating life has been put on hold, because every time I think about going on a date a I get nervous about my stomach being upset and being embarrassed or not being able to go out at all. It seems lately like it's been really hard for me to go out and it's really depressing. I miss being able to just go out and be a normal 20 yr old. What are some tips, how do you all deal with your stomach and dating?


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## jazz bass (Mar 27, 2010)

well, if she can't deal with it, she's not worth it. I haven't been on a date in a while, but that's because I got dumped hard in september, and just haven't really had the want to go on a date. but my ex was understanding. She prob. thought something was up, but I never really talked about it. Just said I had some stomach problems and would excuse myself as needed. She had her own problems, so, I guess it kind of worked out, both of us being messed up. My advice is don't let it control your life. I still try and go out and have fun. I just accept the fact I'll prob. have to take a #### several times during the night, and all my good friends are fine with it. Maybe start with short dates. Just go get coffee, keep it short and sweet. Then if things work out, she'll understand and you can have fun.


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## SunNsnow (Mar 22, 2010)

I feel your concerns but...disagree with it. Why?I wish I would go back to a time where my only concern is potentialdiarrhea. I have two perianal abscesses, a fistula,two fissures that are bleeding. The abscessescause pus and/or mucus drainage 24 hours a day,7 days a week. The odor smells like rotten fish.The fistula is wrapped around my anus so itcauses pain. The fissures are bleeding andmay get infected because the pus drainagefrom the abscess (ironically an infected fissureis probably what caused my abscess.)I have to soak the area multiple times a day.Oh, on top of all this, I am told I may have Crohn'sso I need to get done a ton of diagnostic tests.And on top of this, I do have occasional diarrhea(possibly from all the anxiety of all this ####.)I've turned down numerous dates in the last 90days and at least one booty call with a superhot honey.So my suggestion to you is do not take life for grantedand don't let potential diarhea mess with your life.It's not like you're going to #### while getting it on.LOL


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## geetargal (Apr 4, 2010)

yeah, if they aren't understanding about it, they aren't worth the time. But I dated my boyfriend for close to a year until i had to confess what was up. When I told him, he was so supportive about it and still is. Always stands and waits on me when I have to go to the restroom and never complains or asks questions when I'm out somewhere and need to go. It's really important to find the right person that'll understand your problem.


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## IrvinPlank (Mar 29, 2010)

Avoid spicy foods, heavy foods, or rich desserts until your stomach feels completely better.Drinking black coffee tends to aid the digestive process.Avoid drinking dairy products.It is a good idea to drink milk which is also an acid, though a weak acid.


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## betabite (May 9, 2010)

Hey there!







You should try taking two Imodium about 30 min be for your date, and if you feel discomfort when you are on your date then take one more. It has worked for me in the past, but I know it is not enough if you get a serious "attack". And it always gets worse when we are nervous, so try relaxing be for the date.And like jazz bass said keep it short. Go to your favorite coffee house that has a bathroom you're comfortable with, not those booths that make us uncomfortable.And people are much more understanding than we think. I'm honest with anyone that askes and no one has thought less of me, because after all it's not my fault.Good luck to you sweetie!


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## MK18 (Feb 15, 2010)

I felt the exact same way! I'm 18 and was soooo embarassed to go out with my boyfriend out of fear of a flare up. I thought he'd be so grossed out - because IBS is pretty unsexy. After we had been dating for 2 months, I decided to tell him. I'm soo glad I did, he has been so supportive, understanding, and great about it. Now, I can tell him I don't want to go somewhere because my stomach hurts and he won't beg or anything he understands and tries to help. We've been dating for a year now, and I have had flare ups while with him (once he had to stop 3 times on a road trip because i had a bad flare up). I'm glad I told him because he was great bout it and it'd be hard to keep the secret. So don't worry be honest !


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## MEF (May 29, 2010)

I'm really nervous about dating too. I recently turned 18 and haven't had a boyfriend yet and was also recently diagnosed with IBS & now I feel like I never will have a boyfriend. I am usually fine during the day/night but i'm really worried about my mornings. I feel like I can't even go to my best friend's house since she doesn't have her own restroom (& I wouldn't want to use the one her family uses). I just really want to get my morning discomfort figured out.


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## pferdlieben (Jul 31, 2010)

I always had a problem with dating because I feared the IBS flareups. I thought I'd never meet a guy who'd understand. So my senior year of high school while I was feeling ill in Orchestra one day and really upset, my orchestra director(who is very young, college grad and recently married) pulled me aside to tell me this. His wife has IBS. The first date they ever had in college, he comes over to pick her up and she runs to the bathroom. Instead of leaving , he pulled up a chair to the door and talked to her the whole time she was on the toilet. Many dates were like this. I am now in college and I had a serious relationship with an ex boyfriend who understood although he did have Crohns. He too would sit outside the bathroom stall on nights we were supposed to be going out. There are men who understand out there. We just have to look for them.


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## PrettySickly (Jul 14, 2011)

Dating is the most difficult part of IBS for me. I get asked out all the time and turn them down. In the rare chance I accept, I find it difficult to take it any deeper. With my most recent boyfriend, I took medicines before we hung out and only slept over at his house once in 7 months. I told him about it but I still didn't feel truly comfortable even though he was accepting and sweet when I told him. I feel like a failure as a gf due to my sickness. I've spent my whole life being proper and sweet and girly and diarrhea is just the opposite of! However I do a lot better in early dating when I can drive myself and choose a restaurant with a large restroom.


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## secludedsquirrel (Aug 12, 2011)

Hi,I'm just new to this forum but I've had IBS for 8 year. I'm lucky that I now have a fiance who is totally understanding about my IBS but I dated people before i met my fiance and even kept my IBS secret from my fiance for the first year we dated so I totally understand what your saying and 'coming clean' to someone about your IBS on a first date never seemed ideal to me either.This may not be the best way to deal with IBS but when I would first date someone I didn't feel I could confide in them about my condition so I would do several things.
I would alwyas take lomotil (immodium) preventatively at least an hour before the date
I would always make sure the date was in a location I felt comfortable (eg. a coffee house I knew well and I knew had good toilets or even invite the other person to my flat so I could make them dinner and watch a DVD etc.)
If I was concerned I might have a flare up I would drink a lot of fluid in front of my date (eg. in the coffee house drink two large juices) so I had a 'valid' non-embarrassing reason why I might need to go to the toilet more than 'normal'. I would say something jokey like "oh, I can't believe I drank so much juice now I need the loo AGAIN!".
I would say I got claustrophobic so that if I was in situation like in the cinema on a date it gave me an excuse to sit on an edge seat or near a door then use the drinking fluid trick again.
I would say I got car sick so I ahd an excuse not to travel with them in a car where I know I get 'stressed' and my IBS always flares up. I know it sounds silly but I found it less embarrassing to pretend I was claustrophobic and car sick rather than having IBS-D.
Like I said, these tips aren't ideal and the best option is to find someone you can confide in but I totally understand being embarrassed by it on a first date so I hope my hints work for you.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

WOW, all similar coping mechanisms for what I have- although recently I've just gone with the 'not going on dates' option! My IBS has been so awful, that even with my blind optimism of 'everything will be fine', i've had to have a step back.


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## cw_2009 (Apr 10, 2005)

its hard enough dating in general let alone having silly ibs.


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## Kirballsorts (Sep 5, 2010)

i would love to find who i can confide in about my IBS, i mean i havent even told my best friends, if ive just been really sick, and someone asks, i actually find it less embarrassing to say i was throwing up. i know i should tell my best friends, i mean im really close to them, and i dont like lying, but its so embarrassing im supposed to be going to rome with one of my friends in october, so i know i have to do it soon... i mean ive been friends with her for 7 years. sorry, way off topic again looolbut yeah i do find dating hard, im 18 as well, and i always make sure i have diocalm (used it for years) on me, and i wont even go out with someone if i think from just chatting that they wouldnt be undertanding.... im so weird loool


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## outdoors geek (Nov 23, 2008)

Well at first I thought IBS had ruined any chance I had to dating. Then I realized my being ugly was a bigger problem haha. On a more helpful note, when my IBS is really bad, I tend to have 'in' dates. Like where the other person comes over and we hang out at my place. That helps because I don't have to worry about getting sick in the car on the way to somewhere, and if I have to go to the bathroom, I can go as often as I need to. So they can come over and we can watch a movie, or play video games, board games, or I'll make a romantic dinner so we don't have to deal with the 'drive to restaurant and try not to get sick on the way there, get in restaurant, play menu roulette (pick item on menu that is least likely to kill you later), try not to get sick on the way home after eating' game. I also take the 'if they can't deal with me sick with IBS, they aren't going to be able to deal if we were together and something worse happened to me, so we might as well get it over with now. If you do go out, go to a place you are comfortable/familiar with (and obviously has washrooms). That way, you won't be as nervous and can get to a bathroom faster. And if he/she want's to take you to a fancy restaurant, please please please look at the menu beforehand to make sure there is something you can actually eat! Try to relax. Remember you are in control and can go to the bathroom whenever you need to. And if you have to go to the bathroom 16 times during a date (been there, done that) then that's what you are going to do. You don't need to give the person a copy of your medical file, just tell them you have to go to the bathroom often. I guess if all else fails you could always try to find someone to date who also has IBS. I've basically said to hell with it, I'm going to go out. And sometimes I get sick (and when I do, I don't immediately run home, I'll stay there if possible) but sometimes I don't and it's those moments that are great. Good luck!


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