# Depressed and Exhausted



## GurgleGal (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi, I'm new to this forum but I decided that this would be a good place to search for answers and support. I've been suffering from stomach issues since I was 14 years old but only over the last year have they gotten unbearable. Ever since I can remember I've had anxiety problems, when I was 8 I was diagnosed with an anxiety/panic disorder and depression. After about 3 years of therapy and medication, I learned to deal and cope with my nerves







I started to focus on extra curricular activities and my studies as I was entering High school and had my mind set upon one day going to University and studying to be a Psychologist. I started taking singing lessons, and playing soccer- my marks went from straight C+'S to Straight A's. Most of High school went by without any problems and then my stomach issues began. One day I was sitting in class when I started to have intensive abdominal pain followed by nausea and dizziness. I decided to go home but as the day continued on, it became more and more painful. No matter what type of pain killer I took I was offered no relief. The pain was so horrible that I was constantly throwing up. I eventually got so sick that my parents rushed me to Emergency due to them thinking that perhaps my appendix was causing trouble. After blood tests, and urine tests/stool tests (all negative for infections and parasites). I was taken for X-rays and Ultra Sounds. They showed that my bowels were all distended and extremely inflamed. I was sent for Laproscopic surger to make sure I didn't have a bowel obstruction or twisted ovary. They found nothing obstructed. I stayed in the hospital for a week recovering and they pumped my stomach. Eventually I got better. I had no problems after that until last year.My family went to Portugal and during our visit- I became very sick. With a low fever and constant abdominal pain- diarrhea and throwing up. It was horrible! They took me to a clinic and I was given Imodium and buscopan then sent home. I eventually began to feel better 4 or 5 days later. But my stomach never felt perfect. I found myself having many more bowel moments some weeks, and many less other weeks. Over time my stools became more and more odd. And I found myself getting extremely sick after every meal I ate. Constant stomach gurgling and painful gas that never seemed to end. Intense abdominal pains. My family doctor sent me for parasite and infection tests. (All negative.) Then she diagnosed me with Post-Infectious IBS. She had little sympathy and handed me a pamphlet. I had no idea what IBS was and my parents knew even less. We started cutting things out of my diet and tried digestive enzymes but that offered little help. Since nobody in our family has any stomach issues, I don't have much support and my friends + boyfriend don't really know how to handle it either. Towards the end of the school year (GRADE 11- Age 17) my symptoms have become nearly unbearable. I would leave in the middle of class due to massive clouds of naseau and diarrhea. People could hear my stomach constantly gurgling. I missed about 20 days of school and 90 classes. My A average, dropped to a B and I nearly failed math. I managed to survive exams with the help of Imodium but later it became to painful to take. Towards the Beginning of July, I was hospitalized again. They referred me to a GI. But By now my life has slowly deteriorated. I quit singing due to the fact that I cannot travel for competitions, I quit soccer- due to the fact that I cannot be on the field without a washroom, I've quit theater because, I was having IBS attacks on stage (I was the lead of our schools senior theater company), I have lost nearly 10 pounds in the last 3 months from the inability to eat, I feel weak and exhausted all the time, my whole summer has passed me by because I don't feel well enough to go out. My best friend tries to be understanding but she has found new people that can party and have fun. My boyfriend (who I absolutely adore) is trying to be understanding and sweet as well, staying in to watch movies, and keeping an eye on what I eat- but we have fought a lot lately and I feel so guilty for always cancelling, or cramping on his lifestyle or just being in a bad mood. I even ruined his birthday, as I had a massive gastro attack and went to the ER in horrible pain. He was terrified and bawling his eyes out that whole day, he ended up cancelling all his plans (very sensitive guy w/ huge heart).I've given up a lot of hope. Because even after seeing two GI's , an adolescent specialist, my family doctor, an endocrinologist and a therapist, I have little to no answers. My life is out of control and falling apart all around me. I feel extremely depressed. I feel like there is no point. I'm going to lose my scholarships to University, my friends, and my boyfriend because of just this one thing. It's hard to leave the house and with all this depression even hard to get out of bed. All my dreams are falling apart and I know that all this may sound a bit dramatic but it's how I'm feeling.Any support or advice will be helpful at this point.Sorry if that was really long.Thank you


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## ClaireGuest17 (Aug 7, 2011)

Hey,I know how you feel when it comes to feeling depressed, hopeless and anxious, I have had IBS since I was 5 and I don't cope very well, I have no friends, never had a boyfriend and my Dad is the most unsupportive person going. I love singing and song writing but I gave it up because of how depressing my songs were and because when your depressed you don't feel like singing plus like you I couldn't get to any competitions because of how unwell I was but I've starting singing again and writing songs, music makes me feel happy and it help me express my emotions, although I'd love to be able to be on X Factor (which is what I'm hoping to do next year if I can get well enough) but if that doesn't happen then I'll be upset but IBS shouldn't stop me doing what makes me happy so even if nobody hears me sing if it makes me happy and takes my mind off of my IBS then I'll continue to do it, so please don't give up on singing, football or theatre just try to work towards what you want and your IBS will just have to put up with it, concentrate on staying relaxed and active, even if it's just a five minute walk with your boyfriend or friends then at least you're getting out and it'll make a change from the four walls of your house, I never go out either and seeing the same four walls gets tiring and can become a prison because when it does come to coming out you feel anxious and you just want to go home. Little and often is the way forward with your life and your diet, I know it can be hard eating but even if it's a slice of bread then that's better in the long run than nothing, I find it really hard to eat myself so I can't give you advice on something that I haven't mastered myself sorry but like I said, little snacks and often should help. If you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to message me


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## diane_arbus (Aug 12, 2011)

I felt compelled to answer your cry for help, GurgleGal. Sorry for the lenght. I have never written here before, so you also get some of my story since it is not written any where on this forum before.First: I am so sorry you are going through this. But you are NOT alone.Second: Find your self a Cognitive behavioral therapist, they use a psychotherapeutic approach: a talking therapy.What you are doing now, isolating your self - I know, it seems to be the best thing. But the only reason you are making these «rules» and decisions is because you are a very intelligent, smart, beautiful person, it is common that intelligent people do this, brick by brick making their/your own personal prison. Like I did. There is so much life and joy in you to shut down or stop doing everything you love.I am a 33 year old woman. I live in Oslo, Norway - so if you think I phrase a sentence in a strange way, it is because English is my second language. Otherwise I would gladly give you my out-of-this-world-therapist's number. He is amazing. I am suffering from IBS-A, in September this year it is my 10th year anniversary.Everybody told me «try to live with it», but to me, being told that, was like someone telling a woman to keep living with an abusive husband.The funny thing is that Cognitive behavioral therapy has really helped me. I have learned to live with IBS.If it is alright with you I would like to tell you my story, and what I did to get to where I am today.IBS started in September 2001. I was at my first year of Graphic design school in Oslo, Norway, I had only been to school for a couple of months.I was top three of my class, me – a girl that had never been good at school stuff before!But Graphic design was a new world, a world were I understood the rhythm of things and all my quirks and perfection rush fit like a glove.In all this design and great grades glory I started to feel dizzy, maybe because I needed to empty my bowel 14-20 times a day. Every bite I took of any food would go straight through me. But I didn’t understand my body and the story she was telling me. After a year and several kilos - I started at 49 kilos, and at this point I was only 45 kilos, my height is 5’5 inch, and moving home to my wonderful mother - my mother had found a clinic where they help you eliminate foods (so you don’t need to do the whole prossess by your self). They help people that are intolerant to find out what to eat and what not to eat. I do not know where to find places like these in other countryes, so use the Internett, ask around etc. Because I didn’t have more kilos to loose, this was a life saver. We found out that I reacted to wheat, milk, onions, leek, tomatoes, beer, even if I never have drunk it, white wine, sugar, second hand smoking - I don't smoke, coffee - I have never tasted coffee, some fruits (apples and oranges), grapes, aspartam, fizzy drinks. The list hasn't changed much after 10 years.I cried and was upset, what was I suppose to eat now?But my mother helped, since I lived at home, we did the grocery shopping together, she made dinners for three, so that I could take the leftovers to school the next day – I was now at a prestige graphic design school, they only submit 30 people each year.Even eliminating certain foods I was still gassy, passing gas 50 times a day - yes, I made graphs for each day. And I needed to empty my bowel between three to six times a day. Fewer times than before, but I still thought it was too much. And the feeling of: I still need to empty my bowel, even after the 6th time, never seem to end.During this first and second year of my IBS I had x-ray of my inside, then colonskopy, and then the one were they put a tube down your throath. They took blood-, urine- and stool tests. They found nothing wrong. I was told that I had IBS and to keep exercising. I love exercising, I use dvds at home and have different weights. I can recommend 10 minute solution, the pilates dvds are the ones I like the best. And it also helps me get rid off sweat, since I sweat a lot because of my IBS, I always have to wear black tops. Always. Luckily I look très chic!It is also good to take probiotics.The reason I exercise at home, is because I pass gas while I exercise, but at home (in my living room) it is only me. When I lived with my wonderful mother from 2002 to 2008, and sometimes she would yell: somebody's at the door, since she thought that my fart was the door bell! Haha!At the time I didn’t think that was funny. I didn’t laugh at my IBS untill this year, after seeing my Cognitive behavioral therapist for over two years. In 2004 I met the guy I am still dating. In 2005 I finished my graphic design education. I would go out on dates or with friends, but I would not eat, just have a drink, vodka with apple juice, or a juice, and count the hours till I could lose this bozo, also known as my date or friend, so that I could go home and pass gas and eat something! To this day I still use this approach, and, yes, sometimes I feel that other people are bozo's standing in the way of the toilette. I learned that I could eat supper, and empty my bowel before my guests arrive, or before the film starts at the cinema. I use babywipes after using the toilette, so that I feel fresh.I make no plans before 20 pm, always after 20 pm. And I just eat a piece of fruit and drink water the hours I am out with friends. The days I am with my boyfriend, three-four times a week, I don't eat after 20 pm, only fruit and drink water. Yes, I am hungry, but I don't have a gas in my stomach. We only spend the night together two nights a week.It wasn’t until last year that I told my boyfriend, of so many years, just how awful my life was some days. I think he had an idea, but I needed to tell him. I didn’t have the tools to tell him before. I still can’t empty my bowel with him in the next room. But I have started to try it when I have friends over at my place, and I need to use the toilette, sounds strange, but ...This is about what I need.This disease (IBS) messes with your head: it is like it is telling you to: «stop being with your friends, your are not worthy of love, you are filthy and nobody likes you». But don't listen to it!I asked my therapist: why don’t I get worse when something awful happens to me? Like when my boyfriend and I broke up for six months in 2009. My therapist answered: because you are busy dealing with life. And your focus is on that, not you bowel/IBS.So: When you start eliminating foods, and eat foods that you can handle, the gassy stomach will get better, and then you will slowly not need to empty your bowel all the time, and then you get to have you head and thoughts to your self, and then you will slowly get better.My advice is: Do not stop doing the things you want to do. Even if you can only master doing it for fifteen minutes. Do it! Call a friend. Start slow. Do not let the IBS win.What I used, and still do, is to go to the movies. A loud bang-bang-smash-movie like Transformers, in the cinema with loud noises I would sit there holding my boyfriends hand and pass LOUD gas when ever I needed to. The film noises muffeled my noises. I also like places with LOUD music!I am lucky, since I empty my bowel so many times a day, and I eat things that don't give me extra gas, my farts don't smell.I still have difficulties pasing gas infront of my boyfriend. Or even if he is in the other room.But I have started to use an advice from my therapist: when I am at the toilette, and need to pass gas, I pull one of my bum cheeks apart from the other and when I pass gas, only air sound comes out. This really helped me. For my gas gets traped if I don't pass it the very moment it appeares. The choises you are doing now are beeing dictated by your disease (IBS). It is your disease (IBS) who is doing the talking right now. This is why you need someone on the outside, like a therapist, to help you get better so that you'll get your sanity back. I know what I am talking about: I was so frustrated and tired of being sick, my lowest point was standing in the kitchen with a knife, screaming you cu*t to my stomach and wanting to cut out my stomach.The sanity part will help you to: getting up every morning and doing something with another human being, and by doing that it is going to help you. Even if it is just inviting someone over for supper, yes, perhaps you will spend much of the supper time in the toilette the first times, but after a while it gets better.What I still do is: if I eat supper with my boyfriend, we agree to not spend the night at his or mine place, so that I know while I am eating, if I get gassy I know I can get up and leave after dinner and go home to my safe, lovely apartment. And we ALWAYS eat at a restaurant (and order something I can eat), so that there are many other people making noises, and you don't know if the rumbling noise is from me or the lady at the next table, or if it is the aircondition.Maybe start with a movie night at your place?And talk about your IBS. Talking is going to do wonders.You have to make choises. You probably don't have much energy at the moment, and your disease (IBS) loves that, it knows that no energy means more time to dwell on your IBS.What I did, and still do is: I would ask my self: do I want to work or make dinner/eat?Answer: I want to eat.So I didn't work. I didn't and couldn't work for years, from 2004-2007 (from 2001-2004 I went to design school, and didn't work) I lived at home with my mother and lived very simple and had no money, and I did get a little better. From 2007 I could get back to work, not in Graphic design, but in an easy part time job. I still only work part time. I forgot to mention that I in 2004 started my own small graphic design business. I still don't go out of my way to get clients or assignement, I have four regular clients, and I make about 8000 dollars a year on my design. I do it mostly for me, so that I never forget my craft. And I usually save the money from the assignements for my pension. I still live very simple, I only use money on groceries and I only buy clothes when I need to. I rent a cheap (but lovely and big enough for me and my office) apartment in a posh area in down town Oslo.And one day it'll be my time to shine, and I can live of being a designer. But in the mean time: I am focusing on getting better and staying that way. This means that I miss out on a lot: all my friends own their own house or apartment, and don't have student loans. And they have a great pension.But I try to look at what I have, and not what I don't have.Now I can work, make supper and do one other activity that day. For example yesterday I went to work, for three hours (my work day is just that), made supper and then I exercised. I know how frustrated you feel. And you would do anything. If someone said: go to the moon and back, this will cure you, you would put your moon shoes on and start walking!You will get better.I know you want someone to wave a magic wand over you, and make you more than better, but none of us can do that. I am still not 100 %, maybe only 85 %, but I am getting there. I have put on weight, I weigh 52 kilos today. I only pass gas nine to 12 times a day. I empty my bowel three to four times a day. I eat fish six times a week, and chicken once a week. And lots of vegetables. Too much meat gives me diarrhoea. I cook all my meals. I always have to bring something to eat, like a piece of fruit, glutenfree bread, if I get hungry when I am out walking, or just going into town to buy something. Since I can't just buy something at the corner shop. I think of it as a test drive before I have kids. When you have kids: you always need to bring something to eat, since they get hungry at the stranges hours! Never give up. Stay strong. Write me if you need to.Hugs from Oslo


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## diane_arbus (Aug 12, 2011)

diane_arbus said:


> I felt compelled to answer your cry for help, GurgleGal. Sorry for the lenght. I have never written here before, so you also get some of my story since it is not written any where on this forum before.First: I am so sorry you are going through this. But you are NOT alone.Second: Find your self a Cognitive behavioral therapist, they use a psychotherapeutic approach: a talking therapy.What you are doing now, isolating your self - I know, it seems to be the best thing. But the only reason you are making these «rules» and decisions is because you are a very intelligent, smart, beautiful person, it is common that intelligent people do this, brick by brick making their/your own personal prison. Like I did. There is so much life and joy in you to shut down or stop doing everything you love.I am a 33 year old woman. I live in Oslo, Norway - so if you think I phrase a sentence in a strange way, it is because English is my second language. Otherwise I would gladly give you my out-of-this-world-therapist's number. He is amazing. I am suffering from IBS-A, in September this year it is my 10th year anniversary.Everybody told me «try to live with it», but to me, being told that, was like someone telling a woman to keep living with an abusive husband.The funny thing is that Cognitive behavioral therapy has really helped me. I have learned to live with IBS.If it is alright with you I would like to tell you my story, and what I did to get to where I am today.IBS started in September 2001. I was at my first year of Graphic design school in Oslo, Norway, I had only been to school for a couple of months.I was top three of my class, me - a girl that had never been good at school stuff before!But Graphic design was a new world, a world were I understood the rhythm of things and all my quirks and perfection rush fit like a glove.In all this design and great grades glory I started to feel dizzy, maybe because I needed to empty my bowel 14-20 times a day. Every bite I took of any food would go straight through me. But I didn't understand my body and the story she was telling me. After a year and several kilos - I started at 49 kilos, and at this point I was only 45 kilos, my height is 5'5 inch, and moving home to my wonderful mother - my mother had found a clinic where they help you eliminate foods (so you don't need to do the whole prossess by your self). They help people that are intolerant to find out what to eat and what not to eat. I do not know where to find places like these in other countryes, so use the Internett, ask around etc. Because I didn't have more kilos to loose, this was a life saver. We found out that I reacted to wheat, milk, onions, leek, tomatoes, beer, even if I never have drunk it, white wine, sugar, second hand smoking - I don't smoke, coffee - I have never tasted coffee, some fruits (apples and oranges), grapes, aspartam, fizzy drinks. The list hasn't changed much after 10 years.I cried and was upset, what was I suppose to eat now?But my mother helped, since I lived at home, we did the grocery shopping together, she made dinners for three, so that I could take the leftovers to school the next day - I was now at a prestige graphic design school, they only submit 30 people each year.Even eliminating certain foods I was still gassy, passing gas 50 times a day - yes, I made graphs for each day. And I needed to empty my bowel between three to six times a day. Fewer times than before, but I still thought it was too much. And the feeling of: I still need to empty my bowel, even after the 6th time, never seem to end.During this first and second year of my IBS I had x-ray of my inside, then colonskopy, and then the one were they put a tube down your throath. They took blood-, urine- and stool tests. They found nothing wrong. I was told that I had IBS and to keep exercising. I love exercising, I use dvds at home and have different weights. I can recommend 10 minute solution, the pilates dvds are the ones I like the best. And it also helps me get rid off sweat, since I sweat a lot because of my IBS, I always have to wear black tops. Always. Luckily I look très chic!It is also good to take probiotics.The reason I exercise at home, is because I pass gas while I exercise, but at home (in my living room) it is only me. When I lived with my wonderful mother from 2002 to 2008, and sometimes she would yell: somebody's at the door, since she thought that my fart was the door bell! Haha!At the time I didn't think that was funny. I didn't laugh at my IBS untill this year, after seeing my Cognitive behavioral therapist for over two years. In 2004 I met the guy I am still dating. In 2005 I finished my graphic design education. I would go out on dates or with friends, but I would not eat, just have a drink, vodka with apple juice, or a juice, and count the hours till I could lose this bozo, also known as my date or friend, so that I could go home and pass gas and eat something! To this day I still use this approach, and, yes, sometimes I feel that other people are bozo's standing in the way of the toilette. I learned that I could eat supper, and empty my bowel before my guests arrive, or before the film starts at the cinema. I use babywipes after using the toilette, so that I feel fresh.I make no plans before 20 pm, always after 20 pm. And I just eat a piece of fruit and drink water the hours I am out with friends. The days I am with my boyfriend, three-four times a week, I don't eat after 20 pm, only fruit and drink water. Yes, I am hungry, but I don't have a gas in my stomach. We only spend the night together two nights a week.It wasn't until last year that I told my boyfriend, of so many years, just how awful my life was some days. I think he had an idea, but I needed to tell him. I didn't have the tools to tell him before. I still can't empty my bowel with him in the next room. But I have started to try it when I have friends over at my place, and I need to use the toilette, sounds strange, but ...This is about what I need.This disease (IBS) messes with your head: it is like it is telling you to: «stop being with your friends, your are not worthy of love, you are filthy and nobody likes you». But don't listen to it!I asked my therapist: why don't I get worse when something awful happens to me? Like when my boyfriend and I broke up for six months in 2009. My therapist answered: because you are busy dealing with life. And your focus is on that, not you bowel/IBS.So: When you start eliminating foods, and eat foods that you can handle, the gassy stomach will get better, and then you will slowly not need to empty your bowel all the time, and then you get to have you head and thoughts to your self, and then you will slowly get better.My advice is: Do not stop doing the things you want to do. Even if you can only master doing it for fifteen minutes. Do it! Call a friend. Start slow. Do not let the IBS win.What I used, and still do, is to go to the movies. A loud bang-bang-smash-movie like Transformers, in the cinema with loud noises I would sit there holding my boyfriends hand and pass LOUD gas when ever I needed to. The film noises muffeled my noises. I also like places with LOUD music!I am lucky, since I empty my bowel so many times a day, and I eat things that don't give me extra gas, my farts don't smell.I still have difficulties pasing gas infront of my boyfriend. Or even if he is in the other room.But I have started to use an advice from my therapist: when I am at the toilette, and need to pass gas, I pull one of my bum cheeks apart from the other and when I pass gas, only air sound comes out. This really helped me. For my gas gets traped if I don't pass it the very moment it appeares. The choises you are doing now are beeing dictated by your disease (IBS). It is your disease (IBS) who is doing the talking right now. This is why you need someone on the outside, like a therapist, to help you get better so that you'll get your sanity back. I know what I am talking about: I was so frustrated and tired of being sick, my lowest point was standing in the kitchen with a knife, screaming you cu*t to my stomach and wanting to cut out my stomach.The sanity part will help you to: getting up every morning and doing something with another human being, and by doing that it is going to help you. Even if it is just inviting someone over for supper, yes, perhaps you will spend much of the supper time in the toilette the first times, but after a while it gets better.What I still do is: if I eat supper with my boyfriend, we agree to not spend the night at his or mine place, so that I know while I am eating, if I get gassy I know I can get up and leave after dinner and go home to my safe, lovely apartment. And we ALWAYS eat at a restaurant (and order something I can eat), so that there are many other people making noises, and you don't know if the rumbling noise is from me or the lady at the next table, or if it is the aircondition.Maybe start with a movie night at your place?And talk about your IBS. Talking is going to do wonders.You have to make choises. You probably don't have much energy at the moment, and your disease (IBS) loves that, it knows that no energy means more time to dwell on your IBS.What I did, and still do is: I would ask my self: do I want to work or make dinner/eat?Answer: I want to eat.So I didn't work. I didn't and couldn't work for years, from 2004-2007 (from 2001-2004 I went to design school, and didn't work) I lived at home with my mother and lived very simple and had no money, and I did get a little better. From 2007 I could get back to work, not in Graphic design, but in an easy part time job. I still only work part time. I forgot to mention that I in 2004 started my own small graphic design business. I still don't go out of my way to get clients or assignement, I have four regular clients, and I make about 8000 dollars a year on my design. I do it mostly for me, so that I never forget my craft. And I usually save the money from the assignements for my pension. I still live very simple, I only use money on groceries and I only buy clothes when I need to. I rent a cheap (but lovely and big enough for me and my office) apartment in a posh area in down town Oslo.And one day it'll be my time to shine, and I can live of being a designer. But in the mean time: I am focusing on getting better and staying that way. This means that I miss out on a lot: all my friends own their own house or apartment, and don't have student loans. And they have a great pension.But I try to look at what I have, and not what I don't have.Now I can work, make supper and do one other activity that day. For example yesterday I went to work, for three hours (my work day is just that), made supper and then I exercised. I know how frustrated you feel. And you would do anything. If someone said: go to the moon and back, this will cure you, you would put your moon shoes on and start walking!You will get better.I know you want someone to wave a magic wand over you, and make you more than better, but none of us can do that. I am still not 100 %, maybe only 85 %, but I am getting there. I have put on weight, I weigh 52 kilos today. I only pass gas nine to 12 times a day. I empty my bowel three to four times a day. I eat fish six times a week, and chicken once a week. And lots of vegetables. Too much meat gives me diarrhoea. I cook all my meals. I always have to bring something to eat, like a piece of fruit, glutenfree bread, if I get hungry when I am out walking, or just going into town to buy something. Since I can't just buy something at the corner shop. I think of it as a test drive before I have kids. When you have kids: you always need to bring something to eat, since they get hungry at the stranges hours! Never give up. Stay strong. Write me if you need to.Hugs from Oslo


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