# friendships



## Jessica Espinoza (Oct 27, 2002)

I am in my early twenty's and tired of being lonely due to diarrhea. I'd rather be alone than go out with a group of other young folks that want to hang out because ibs has scared me enough. It is usually that I am in large crowds that it occurs. It is just too humiliating and depressing to do it. Besides, it is usually eating places and I am not sure I want to go. Other times I don't want to go because I don't know if a bathroom is available. They probably would understand if I told them my problem, but I am too embarrassed to express it so openly what can I do? I do not want to continue being lonlely, nor do I want stay glued to my home where there is a bathroom. Help!


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## hitznrunz (Dec 19, 2002)

hey there, Ive had ibs-d for about a year now and i too was and still am hampered by this devilish thingy. Seriously, I stayed at home every single day and night staring at this computer and listen to depressing music.i would sometimes listen to the same song for hrs straight. I was always like oh my god, what are people gonna think of me when i need to use the bathroom or what are they gonna think when my stomach is making noises. I did a couiple of things to help myself.1)I begged my specialist for some medicine. I recieved umm...some long name. But what it does is it stops all fluids etc from going to the colon which ultimately stops the D.2) I told all my friends that i had a stomach disease but didnt give details...to some i did.3) i told my bosses and they seem to understand.4) RELAX...stress is a huge trigger.5) Thought about others who have worse diseases or illness. Think about people who died on 911 or think about the people fighting in iraq right now. 6) think positive7) most importantly....EAT HEALTHY(figure out what foods u can and cannot eat) that was the biggest for me.It's extremely hard and sometimes i even have a hard time convincing myself of these things. But if u stay positive and just enjoy life(cant say that i do fully)everything willl fall into place and ull be a better person for it. Everyone has flaws. There are some that are more noticeable then others. For all you know your friend might have an obsession with ...i dont know...chewing off his finger nails and then saving them for later. Be yourself . YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!!


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Hi there,IBS can put a lot of strain on your friendships that is for certain. I am forever breaking plans or being late to things because of it. I won't go out for meals and the cinema scares me because its like 2 hours sitting and if you move to go to the toilet you annoy everyone.There are certain things you can do to help yourself though. 
Tell your friends about your IBS. I find that if you explain the problem they will be much more understanding than you think. You don't even have to go into detail. It will also take a huge weight off you.
Take an imodium or something similar before you go out to be on the safe side. There is nothing wrong with this and it won't hurt you in the long run. Take some with you if it will make yuo feel more comfortable. I do this all the time.
Avoid meal time outings, don't go out at lunchtime, or at dinner time. Eat before you go out so if you are going for a meal then you can just have the soup or something light. If you do go out for dinner make sure yuo are not starving hungry, because other wise you might be tempted to over eat. Have something small before you leave so your tummy is not empty.
Get yourself ready with plenty of time. There will be time for toilet trips this way. I know this doesn't work all the time though.The best advice i could give you is to tell your friends. If they know then they will be more understansing than you just cancelling all the time.
 Spliffy


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## KatieCC (Aug 27, 2002)

I have UC, and now a j-pouch, so my *d* was never caused by stress but I sure do have alot of it at inappropriate times







My friends are cool with it. I guess it is easier to talk about UC than IBS and people probably understand UC better... if you don't feel comfortable saying you have IBS right away, just tell them you ate something that didn't agree with you, or you are kinda sick, and that you need to be near a bathroom. Or tell them you have to pee alot- I can't tell you how many times I've used that excuse! I don't like telling people I don't know very well about my UC (not to mention they probably don't wanna know!) so I'll say I drank a huge soda earlier, or that I have a weak bladder, and I'm one of those people who has to pee every 5 minutes. But anyway my friends never had a problem with me spending so much time in the bathroom, they never thought I was weird or anything. Even when we're driving somewhere and I'm yelling for someone to pull over at a gas station so I can go to the bathroom







I've never had a problem not finding a bathroom, where on earth could you even go that doesn't have one? I honestly can't even think of anywhere! The only time I've passed on spending time with my friends b/c of a bathroom issue is when they wanted to go on a road trip or something. There was ONCE that we got stuck in bad traffic (I had an ostomy at the time) and I had eaten alot and was wearing kinda tight jeans and I was seriously afraid my ostomy bag was gonna spring a leak because it was so full and there was no more room for it in my pants... but it turned out ok, we got to a bthroom in time. Other than a situation like being stuck in traffic, there aren't too many places that you wouldn't be able to get to a bathroom.You could try inviting your friends over your house... (I do that one alot too







) if you don't wanna leave the house, invite some friends over to watch a movie or just hang out. And have a good attitude about it, just because you have to go to the bathroom more than the average person doesn't mean you can't get out and have fun.







Kate


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## cofaym (Dec 16, 2002)

Hi there. I'm 22 and fresh out of college so I know exactly what you're feeling. I'm actually going to a psychiatrist and a psychologist to try and get myself up to being with people again. It's a hard thing to do, and people can tell you to think positive and plan ahead, but I'm sure you already try to do things like that - just like I do. But when it comes right down to it your body knows that you're going into the unknown and stresses itself out even if you don't FEEL stressed. It takes time. All I can recomend is that you do confide with your close friends exactly what's going on and why you're scared to go out. They may not completely understand, but I'm sure they'll help you get through it. Maybe you can go out with them on "test trips" where you know it's okay to leave when you need to or if you start feeling bad they will get you right out of there without you having to say a word. If I learn anything helpful from my psychologist I'll be sure to pass it along, but for now I just wanted to say that you are not alone. My computer is also my best friend. But I do not want to continue living in the cyber-relm and am trying very hard to escape into the real world again.


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## NZChick (Nov 19, 2001)

Hi. I feel really low tonight. I've managed to overcome the diarrhea thing but now the noises coming from my intestines are driving me nuts! All my friends have boyfriends and I really wanna get out and meet some new people 'cos I'm lonely. Nothing stops the noise caused by gas moving through my system. I just don't know what to do...I'm scared to go out as people will think I'm rude making all those "gassy" noises.


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## Angela43 (Feb 3, 2003)

Cofaym,I am also going to school for psychology! I'm currently in the masters program. Good luck!


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

I wish that IBS wasn't such a taboo and that we needn't feel ashamed or embarassed about a condition we didn't ask for







I think the loneliness and anxiety is often more crippling than the stomach pains and recurrent D or alternating c and d.I get really nervous and worked up before going out sometimes, but have found that taking immodium/ codeine tablets/ kaolin and morphine liquid *what a cocktail* will help me to cope and know that a (further) attack is less likely.Strangley, the cinema is one of my biggest worries too, but i force myself to go cos i feel like i've achieved something afterwards...just get the end of aisle seat where possible so you can escape unnoticed!I'm considering having some sort of anxiety management counselling to ease the worry then d then further worry cycle.I'm still doing the hypnotherapy as well, and although i'm not noticing much change yet, it definitely helps me sleep and relax for a tleast 30 mins a day


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## Peony (Aug 27, 2002)

paxil was my ibs relief.. it really takes the edge off, and i am able to go out and do things without all that anxiety... i know where you're coming from, and I feel for you because I deal with it a lot too. It's just all about being comfortable, and doing things that make you feel good.Good luck. I wish there was more I could say, but until I overcome my IBS/social issues, I don't feel qualified to give you any advice.


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