# Creating Relationships



## Ohsusanna12 (Apr 15, 2015)

Hello all,

I was just recently diagnosed with IBS but have been dealing with the symptoms for just over two years now. For my entire life I have always had problems eating but at the end of my first semester of college I started to have high amounts of anxiety around finals times and the amount of stress that I was feeling put me into a different level. I went home for break and would go days without eating because everything that I would eat would cause high amounts of stomach pain or I just would get dizzy and not be able to keep anything down. I was already a small person weighing about 115 but those few weeks of being home dropped me down to around 100 and unhealthy. After several tests the doctors at the time just decided that stress was the cause and after being put on several medications I was able to go back to a relatively normal diet for my spring semester and I gained back some of my weight. For the next year or so I had to be very careful of what I would eat and how I would deal with my symptoms. Well this current semester the sypotoms came back with even higher amounts of pain and hardships and after many more tests I was finally diagnosed with IBS.

My biggest problem right now is keeping relationships strong with those around me. I have a boyfriend who is really very nice and understands what is going on but I know that he gets very frustrated with the amount of times I have canceled plans after getting sick and needing to stay home. Friend don't fully understand why I can't go out every night and be around them but I just can't handle it. I'm tired of always having to text someone that I'm sick and I'm tired of having people constantly ask me how I feel. I used to be so full of life and someone that was always wanting to go out and have adventures with friends but I just can't anymore. College is a hard enough time to stay up with classe but being limited to what my body will allow me to do adds an entirely new level of frustration that I'm having a very hard time dealing with. How do you guys find close people to have in your life that understand the limitations that IBS put on you?

Thanks!


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## AlanZ (Mar 7, 2015)

How open are you about your issues? One thing that I harp on in my posts is being honest and up front about it with the people around you. I don't think there is a person in my life that I haven't fully explained my difficulties to. Over the years there have been people that accepted it and others who couldn't. As painful as it can be, when someone couldn't accept my limitations I slowly cut them out of my life. This condition is stressful enough as it is, I most certainly don't need more frustration dealing with social pressures. If you don't explain things to them though, you are not giving them the chance to be understanding with you.

As far as maintaining those relationships, since they are all aware of my problem we plan things very carefully. If we go out to eat (scary) we go during off hours when the restaurant will have few people and I have little competition for the bathroom. They are all willing to come to a place close to where I live so I don't have to worry about a car ride. If worse comes to worst I'll use the ladies room and my girlfriend will stand guard at the door to avoid an overly awkward situation.

There are ways to deal with it, but you have to have people who both understand the situation and are willing to work with you on it. They're out there. If the people around you aren't willing to deal with it, as nice as they may be, they may not be right for you.


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## Sarahjane1985 (Jun 4, 2015)

I've been there, I have to agree with alanz. I have unfortunately had to cut back on my nights out and time spent with people who either didn't understand or made me feel like I was an invalid.

Its hard at times especially when you see everyone out having fun and have to say no.

I was very independent and outgoing before I was diagnosed and if there is anything positive to take from the entire situation at least now I know who my true friends are.

I think the only way to deal is to be honest with people and understand that with time things will work out. Your boyfriend sounds lovely, I too am blessed in that department. If he seems like he sometimes gets frustrated that is OK, as long as he supports you. He is human after all and must understand even if he doesn't always show it.


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## Helena Holder (Jul 3, 2015)

Hi there, new to this forum but this one struck a chord with me. I'm a YA and suffer from IBS-A but am coping well atm with lowered stress levels. My experience with boyfriends and IBS is that you just have to be honest and remind them that you're still human, because if they admire and love you for who you are, they will accept it, and if they don't then well screw them they don't deserve a fab brave person like you! Also, like you I sometimes cancel outings with friends just because my stomach is cramping a bit, but lately with this new tablet, I am more able to cope and it's easier for me to have regular BMs etc. So I think as other posters here have mentioned, if you can be upfront with your friends about it, or make plans around it, then youll feel loads better about it, rather than feeling annoyed/low when you gotta tell them that you can't go ou tbedcause you're sick. Btw could you invite the friends/ boyfriend over and then perhaps chill there, watching movies, or listening to music or something when you're feeling bad? because then you're near a toilet (one of my main worries is going out and not being near one...) and then can do whatever you need to do to make you feel better whilst having company. Another idea - have you spoken to your doctor/family doctor about any tablets taht could help you not to feel so sick? Or have you tried cutting out any foods that seem to make you feel crappy? THen this might help you with the feelings of being ill and perhaps would allow you more freedom. Also, I have had CBT for anxiety which i'm now more able to deal with so this affected me loads, and going out would make me so anxious because of my stomach so I really understand where you're coming from. Let us know how you get on, and good luck!! X


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