# IBS and Suicide



## CatherineH (Jan 10, 2012)

Hi guys,

I havent been on the forum in a while and specifically returned now because of some issues I had been having lately. I've had IBS for a long time but, because it started in early adolescence and I had always been a bit of a recluse, I didnt notice how much of my life it would come to affect (work, relationships, generall well being). I have had to gradually cut down my hours at work because of IBS pain (and now no longer work), I no longer see my friends because it was getting to the point where I would cancel last minute due to an 'upset stomach' or had to leave soon after seeing them. The depression and anxiety I have struggled with over the last 12 years has become so intense and with the IBS added onto it I am beginning to think suicide is my only option. I dont really have any family, except my partner who would be much better off in the long run finding someone else. I have been in and out of therapy for 12 years, on various medications and nothing has helped. I just wanted to say this here because if anyone understands how difficult life with IBS is its all of you. Please don't reply to this message saying suicide is selfish and all of the people I would hurt. I just want to know how other people feel.

I havent really edited this message so I'm sorry if it seems like a stream of consciousness mess.


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## daneekaj (Mar 18, 2014)

Don't apologize, my dear. A lot of us have been where you're at, and don't ever feel guilty for feeling.

A year ago I was seriously considering suicide. I have IBS-C ever since I was 11 years old and it's been 8 long hard years. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, all of the above. I understand how difficult life is with IBS. I really, really do. It freaking sucks. But I want to give you some hope because there is always hope, even when it doesn't seem like it.

After undergoing 3 years of diagnostic studies, I finally got diagnosed with IBS. After that, I slowly started learning how to live with IBS. It's hard and I have completely fallen apart several times. I also have grown up with an abusive father, so I have emotional difficulties from that that are usually stimulated by my IBS pain. I struggle with feeling guilty for being alive, undeserving of life, and just plain worthless. And the worst part is when I felt completely and utterly alone.

But we are not alone, and suicide was not my only option and isn't yours. There is hope. I went through a long stage of cutting up my wrists and arms whenever I felt the need to punish myself for my "bad" emotional behavior or for leaning or needing someone else "too much". But things slowly changed. I fell apart one day and went to my doctor and told him everything. I suggest you do something similar. Pretend your dr. is your best friend for one visit and tell him EVERYTHING. Tell him you're considering suicide, that you feel hopeless, that none of your meds are working, that you're frustrated enough to scream, that you have no one to lean on.... etc etc. Rant. It really helps. I promise you, you will surprise him, but he will have all the resources in the world.

It's hard work. You have to fight for a good life. You can't just wallow. You have to get on the phone and make an appointment. I started going to a psychiatrist once a week EVERY week and it really helps. I also see a counselor at my Christian church who helps me with some of my emotional issues and thinking about what is true, and ONLY what is true. I also have been back in the rush of dr appointments to find meds that might help, why I have headaches and dizziness, and to search out everything we don't know.

And it has been helping. Life is looking up for me!! I found a wonderful boyfriend recently and his patience and understanding is phenomenal. Also, the more I open up to my family the more they open up to relating with me. There is always someone to help, you just have to go find them.

I promise you there is hope. My hope mostly comes from my desire to glorify Christ my Savior in all I do. That is my purpose in life. I have a purpose in life and I am here for a reason. So are you. So are you, my dear, and don't ever ever forget it.

Fight for life. Because I promise you, one day you'll look back and realize that it was worth it.


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## viraj09 (Jun 19, 2014)

@ CatherineH

just follow 5 things...

1. don't give in to false sensation of bowel movement coming on after a while of visiting to toilet, you will start emptying bowels the right way just by ignoring and training your senses

2. don't change your daily routine radically to suit your problem, just manage it as much with your daily chores and stuff, slowly you will get your mind to listen to your time table

3. do not worry about an attack after you binge on junk food and booze, your brain will make it happen for sure, if you think that way!

4. do not take artificial fiber of any kind, just eat a damn apple and be on your way

5. drink a glass of warm water with a lemon squeezed into it when you wake up

the first 3 steps which I listed has a lot to do with training your mind for positive thinking.........It is a gradual process and has enormous benefits. By training the mind, I do not mean to say that calm down your mind despite all the problems. It simply means, do not let a little wind of worry blow up into a big storm in your head!

There is a meditation technique known as "pranayam" (means dimension of life) which involves breathing and sound. please check it up on youtube. It is a series of 5-6 type of breathing and sound exercises.

continue to take any medication, probiotics, supplements or any other anti spasmodics you want to.....but the battle against IBS needs to be won inside your mind......

and please don't die.....not because you need to live for others and all that crap, but because you should give yourself another chance at happiness. Its all about you and nobody else, you are not selfish in any way.


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## Freud (Mar 22, 2012)

viraj09 said:


> But the battle against IBS needs to be won inside your mind.


You won't cure IBS with you mind. The idea of IBS as a psychosomatic disease is a remnant from an old simplified view of gut dieases, before science knew any better. What you can do is learn to cope, but that won't change your acctual symptoms, just your attitude towards them, which is great if you manage to pull that off. But that's maybe all you're saying? I just felt it was a little misleading to say that the battle against IBS must be won inside your mind since IBS is not a disease of the mind but the body.

To CatherineH I'd like to say that we're here for you if you want to talk or vent. I have been through the exact same thing you're describing and I know many more with IBS has. It's an awful disease and the consequences on every day life and your mental state can be devestating. I hope you're still with us and will be for a long time ahead. Why I'm protesting against the idea of IBS as a disease you can win over with your mind is because that exact statement has put me through a lot of pain myself. It was only when I started looking at my disease as an actual disease that I could let go of all the guilt I felt for being sick. Before I felt it was my fault when everyone said it was all in my head and that I was sick since my attitude was wrong, and that I was stressed or whatever. IBS is a real somatic disease, and depression and anxiety is a very common side effect. It can however help to go speak to someone. And if you can, try to find other people with IBS in your area. Support from somone who knows what you're dealing with is very important. For me, the main thing that has made me feel better is knowledge. Read up on IBS. What theories are there? What can be done? Dietary changes etc. We all have little different approaches to IBS, what it is, what causes it. Find what works for you. If you want you're welcome to write me at any time. Hope you take care, it's not shameful to feel like giving up, not selfish, it's a natural response when things gets though, but we need to hang in, get stronger and help eachother.


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## GrumbleGuts (May 3, 2014)

CatherineH,

I realize this is an older post, but I just had to say that I'm pretty much in your shoes. I've struggled with IBS for about 14 years, when doctors just basically told me to lead a healthy lifestyle for most of that time, which doesn't exactly fit the bill. Sadly, I can say that I too have had my share of suicidal tendencies because of all of this. Just the pain alone is enough sometimes. I just hope after all the searching, all the tips and tricks and diets and what not out there that we can all find what works for us. Cure or not. I hope you can hang in there and find your way.


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## SoCal_Lady91 (Feb 11, 2014)

The only thing that scares me about suicide is that ibs will follow u to ur grave. Like after your dead and ur just a spirit youll still get stomach pains. Thats the only reason im living now.


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## CatherineH (Jan 10, 2012)

Thank you to everyone who replied to this post. I'm sorry I didn't write this earlier but I was actually frightened by the response my post would have gotten and I couldn't have been more wrong.

I can't say I feel much better than when I originally started this topic (I've been a bit of a recluse) but just to know that people actually cared enough to reply makes me feel better.


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## BrittG (Jul 16, 2014)

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that you are certainly not alone. I have dealt with mental health issues my entire life, and have felt that there was no way out many times. As you've experienced, with the recent introduction of IBS into all of it, I feel overwhelmed at times. When I can't go out and see people because I am in such pain or because I would prefer to be near my own bathroom, it can be so frustrating and embarassing to tell everyone over and over again that I am still not feeling well. And, although they mean well, when I am constantly asked how I am feeling as a gauge as to whether or not I can see anyone, I am just so sick and tired of telling people that no, I'm still feeling awful. I feel like I have to go through all of the different ways I'm trying to control the IBS because they are interested in how I am doing but also because I want to prove that I am not just making it up but not sound like I'm complaining either. It's emotionally exhausting.

IBS changes your whole life and can make it feel pointless, make you feel useless and like a burden. I think that people that say "suicide is selfish" as a deterrent mean well, but don't understand where someone that says they are considering it is coming from. The feeling that you're taking away from the lives of the people you love rather than adding to it is the problem. The seemingly endless pain and frustration and embarassment of IBS and the feeling that you're draining the patience and love of those around you is tough. I understand and feel those things too. But, I hold out for the good days, the days when I either have felt okay, even if it's just a little better than usual, and the days that I hope to have in the future when I feel well. I'm also holding onto the hope that I can find something that will work for me, and I also believe that we learn and grow from really hard situations, even if that is just in compassion for other people in pain, especially mental pain which is so misunderstood. This is molding who you will become, and refining who you are and how you deal with people, this might be a crappy way of having that happen but you can learn from anything if you put your mind to it.

I know it can feel impossible to try and find the positive side to a bad situation when you are feeling depressed, I try to do that on days when I am feeling better mentally, write it down or make it a mantra to tell yourself on the bad days and see if that helps. Sometimes it's those darn negative thoughts, no matter how inaccurate, that can get you down when they keep resurfacing in your mind.

I wish you the best, always remember that you're not alone!

-Britt


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## Corydalis Aurea (Dec 14, 2014)

catherineH, hi, reaching out with a cry of help is never anything to apologize for. Your being able to do that here, gives others who are feeling that same way a voice too.

You mention being a bit of a recluse, I think we can relate to that, some of us are or wish we could be! I am glad you have a partner, but please don't say they are better off without you, they saw something in you that made them happy and fall in love at some point, you got all that good in you still, it's just this IBS has got you down, it is a big, deep, dark hole to be in for sure. But give yourself permission to take time away from the things that are stressing you out, even IBS, if there is anything you love to do, paint, sing, go for walks, what ever it is, do that, make time for it, let the things you love in life give you a little peace and comfort, something to give you the strength and motivation you need to fight this bad ass. IBS is wicked, it feels like it can beat us for sure, it feels to big and too strong on some days it brakes us and kicks us when we're down, that is a fact. But just remember you have all of us standing around here, we can give you a hand to get back on your feet, and we are down, you can be the one to give us a hand.

Talk about what ever you need to talk about to feel better, you will be heard!

Best wishes to you.


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