# Thinking about new approach



## aaltimas1 (Aug 15, 2010)

Hi Fellow IBC-C folks around the world I wanted to post on something I am contemplating on trying a new idea as a means to help me deal with my IBS-C, for the past 12 years I have been trying everything suggested and that I can think of to try, I won't go into a lot of detail other then the fact that I have tried lots of stuff. I experience very intense pain and gas almost daily I achieve blissful states of pain and gas along with constipation. My support and family are exhausted as well as I am. It is funny how my mind always thinks that I can figure out why I have to experience such pain, it dosent help me to try to figure it out while its happing it just gets me more worked up. Anyways for me my IBS really started to kick my ass after a 8 years of sexual trauma, I have had therapy galore for this but I am now starting to think that this emotional pain is stuck in my guts. Recently my Mother suggested that I go to Peru and take a  Ayahuasca retreat, ( it a herb that supposed to help you reprocess trauma guys the pain from IBS has burned away a big chunk of who I am not, but I have to find who I am if I am going to be able to keep walking the journey. I recently went on a silent retreat and I found myself crying and calling out to God why have you forsaken me, ( Religious upbringing yes) when I got out of the retreat I received a clear sign that I have not let go of this emotional baggage. To be honest I would never want to leave my safe bubble that I have for myself but I have to try something new I have run out of ideas, I want to find some spiritual and emotional healing!! I am hoping that this will allow me to exerpiance some physical healing (relief) because I am stuck my friends, my own mind seems to be some how is programmed to carry out self flagellation and abuse. I am scared, I have been afraid all my life, of pain?? Man it funny what I fear I manifest? Anyways please disregard this if it doesn't make any sense to you I just need a out let friends every once in awhile good luck and god bless.Andrew


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## pukka (Nov 28, 2004)

I have also suspectded a link between sexual abuse and IBS (many articles on this subject). A spiritual journay is definetly a good idea. I think my IBS has something to do with physical trauma. I had an accident when i was 11 (I was run over by a car) and was in the hospital for a month and in a body cast for a year. I think my body holds on to that physical trauma in some way and contributes to the IBS. Good luck on your journey.


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## aaltimas1 (Aug 15, 2010)

Yea thanks man I have run out of ideas, I have been running trying like hell to avoid pain but to no relief! I have to some how face the pain and go thru it instead of running, it didnt work and all my ideas and alternative medications, therapies and everything I have done has not helped me to face the pain. I thank you for your post it is funny how the body can hold onto trauma and it is very hard to let go of a pattern of thinking, that one has about ones self. I have a lot less judgement about people and things now because God knows how I have tried to change, I want with all my heart now to be free, I don t care about if it means that I still have pain I just want to be free of any ###### physical and emotional and spiritual. I have to be honest I am scared but I am willing to go to any length now, I am ready not sure what will happen but I know I will learn something and I plan on letting go.


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## KCleary (Aug 25, 2012)

Hi Andrew,I find what you wrote fascinating.Apart from healing the gut and gut flora, I feel the biggest missing link that goes unnoticed with people suffering from constipation is the emotional and spiritual aspect. Now when people read 'spiritual' they think of some kind of _woo woo_ type of thing... so if you're one of them, please don't. The spiritual side of lives and just mean things like contributing, feeling connected to other people and the world as a whole, contemplation, meaning, and purpose.I would highly recommend you read a book called 'When the Body Says No', by Gabor Mate.It is directly speaking about the forces of stress and how it manifests into health challenges. He speaks directly about IBS in that book too. Coincidently I wrote a blog post about constipation and emotion yesterday which can be find here: The Emotional Life of Constipation.Another intesting connection between yourself and Dr Gabor Mate is that he supports the use of Ayahuasca in healing people with deep emotional issues. He mainly connects this use of ayahuasca in treatment for drug addicts who have deep emotional problems (see his other book 'In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts'.). He has been able to use ayahuasca in his own retreats or healing workshops. Ayahuasca is able to create a deep experience of feeling connected and unified with the world... something many people have never felt before, especially if they grew up in a disfunctional family, or no real family at all.And you want to know ANOTHER interesting conenction between yourself and Dr Gabor Mate?... he is from Canada! These retreats take place in Canada under professional supervision.So it might be something you wanna look into.Let me know how you get on.Best in health to you,Kris Cleary


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## aaltimas1 (Aug 15, 2010)

Thank you Kris it has been an amazing 12 years of journey to heal myself I remember very clearly stating to my sister that I was going to heal no matter what I have to do, I was a very confused boy, I felt because of listening to tony Robbins for hours everyday that I was cable of doing anything. Since early childhood i was indoctrination with a religious idea that I could not process or understand, unstable family life, addiction in family, I exerpianced sexual trauma for a period of eight years and was using alcohol and drugs for about 6 years during this time and bang one day on a job I had hated and felt I sucked at I got my first massive pain in my guts. I was trying so hard to become a successful man and to prove to my father that I was not worthless ( lots of anger toward father as a child Overbearing mother God Bless I love them both) anyways this is when IBS-C really came into my life. I have been consumed by it and it this process I have literally been destroyed, my dreams crushed and my ego reduced big time. I have been homeless, I have experienced being a vagabond spent time in the pych ward many times, I have spent time being a monk, I have spent fortunes of dollars on alternative healers, I seen medicine men, I gone to sweat lodges, traveled to different countries, I have gone on many silent retreats, I have worked the 12 step programs with every thing I have, I have seen hypnotherapists, pycnotherpists doctors, specialist I have spent hours in health food stores, I have read hundreds of books on health food, I developed and obsession with heath food, I have been on every type of diet from raw meat to raw vegan. I hate to admit this but I have really become insane, I have IBS-C with out a doubt with chronic pain ( TO THE EXTREME) and gas but for the past 12 years I have also had this insane urge to eat foods that irritate my system to the max, I admit guys that I have been a big part of my problem, I would binge on butter, oil, cream, sugar etc etc. I always thought that I could stop but I can not seem to stop and I know that if I don't get to the root of my problem soon I will die. It doesn't make any sense to anybody, but some where deep down inside me is pain that I have been to afraid to face. I know that I am not the average IBS-C person, all I know is that I will continue to strive to find some peace within myself I am ready to try something new, and I know after working the 12 steps I have made right with all the people I have ever hurt or harmed in anyway I know that on my quest that I already succeeded I know in my heart that I have done my best and I have not given up, that is success! I gave up one time many years ago playing football I was too small and could never seem to catch the stupid football after two years on the scout team I got so pissed off that I slammed that football down and threw my helmet off and walked off that field. I regret that with all my heart, it was never about making it to the team just like it really not about some magical state of health that I have created in my head, it doesn't matter if I ever regain perfect health but it is too me about facing my fear now, what the hell have I been so afraid for so long. Anyways long post these posts help me, I looked into Doc Gabor Mates and his retreats it looks like he has run into trouble with Canadian Medical system, the ones I am looking at in Peru are more intense, I feel I am ready to exerpiance this I am 33 years old and I need something to change. I will keep you guys posted but I am going to keep going I am not going to give up like I did in the foot ball, I am going to experience healing on some level. Thanks all keep on going. There is healing for all of us on some level. And thanks again Kris best of health to you and I will look into some of the things you suggested.


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## KCleary (Aug 25, 2012)

Power to you my friend!It's sounds like you've been through a lot, there have been times where you've pulled back from fear and uncertainty, but there have been many times you have stepped into the uncertainty of the unknown so make sure you remember these moments. And to be fair to you, there are probably times you havn't chickened out and have faced some demons that you have forgotten about completely.You are much stronger than you may feel at times.One of the common themes that I see in people with constipation, or digestive issues, is that they are too occupied with other peoples concerns rather than their own. Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting the best for everyone, but when it is at the expense of your own wellbeing, to the point where that personal wellbeing is rejected and shut down, then it's a BIG problem.Learning to love, appreciate and unconditionally accept ourselves is key to psychological healing, which then feeds on to the physical body.You may find this prsentation of interest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MuZMSZ1_8o4#!I respect your courage, honesty and willingness to go beyond your current reality into something much brighter, bigger and broader.Feel free to contact me at any time via my blog.Best in health to you,Kris Cleary


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## aaltimas1 (Aug 15, 2010)

You sound like you have come a long ways on your healing journey I when I get time I will check out your blog thank you for the encouragement and keep it up. Yea I watch and read a lot of movies about heros and there deeds when I was young and I have never lived up to this ideal of facing the unkown and the pain with courage and endurance. What I can say is that I have tried to keep getting up every time I fail or fall and with each failed attemp I have gained a little more courage, each day facing living with chonic pain and constipation has stripped me just a little of my fears, and yes I have faced a lot of dark realities about how I am and who i thought I was supposed to me. I related movies that captivated my mind where the hero is beaning beaten and he is able to stand up and face his fear and with courage and fortitude I hope that I can find this warrior within me soon as I need to face my pain. As far as looking after other people since a very young age I have felt compelled to help other people, it has only been recently that this has been removed from me, I cant function at a level to be of service to other people in a big way in which I wanted to be. I have to heal something. Another impactful memory of me was watching Mel Gibson in Brave Heart when he is being torn to pieces and he yells out with all his heart freedom, I can understand now in a deeper way what he meant, and this pain that I carry with in me is doing the same thing for me it terrying me apart, and if I can follow my plan which is meditation, medicine plants, face my inner pain I too will be freed. Anyways I will watch your clip when I get a chance it looks interesting I started to watch a little bit already and thanks again for replying to my posts. Andrew


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## pinkado (Oct 29, 2012)

reading this, suddenly, something clicked, i had forgotten we carry our pain, fears and past in our belly, i too suffered yrs of abuse and found when i eventually got free the IBS flared and, well, hasn't gone away, i go for weeks without a bowel movement, can't put on weight, tired, and down right fed up, unfortunately, i don't have the option of getting away from things, but, lately, i have been trying just 40 mins of time out and meditation, its helping a bit, but, its early days i am trying to get on with my life,
IBS stole my life, and, because of it, i lost my child and now cannot have children, its hard for me to even see a future for myself, 
i really hope you find a way to get the freedom from pain that you deserve, i wish you all the best in your efforts, keep us posted on how you get on


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## aaltimas1 (Aug 15, 2010)

I have to have a plan or I am going to fall and not get up, the pain is so intense some days like today that it hard to find meaning and purpose in life. I have made it a goal to face this pain, what ever it turns out to be and reprocess it and in that I hope to find freedom at some level in myself. I am very confused don't get me wrong in my efforts to heal I have sent many a pleas and cries out to the universe and it always responses with many messages for example the mediation technique that I have been practicing for the pass 8 years may not be helping me in calming my mind. Recently a friend talked about her meditation teachers guidance on the subject was that one must obtain a certain level of mind power to practice the form of meditation that I have been doing. This really threw me for a loop because I have been faithful in meditating every day for the pass eight years, and still feeling quite insane at times, I feel blessed that I have time but I have to use it wisely now. There are so many healing techniques as well it can literally drive a person insane to try to contemplate all that is available, but I really believe that we need to have some plan of action to keep us going. I know that if I dont face this pain soon that it will consume me, I have to face it and I want to face it, everyday its a battle in my head it always trying to figure out why ??? Why??? and for some reason it always goes to food. It took along time for me to connect the sexual abuse to IBS-C because I just for what ever reason don t want to let it go?? I not saying that this whole problem is made up in my head, but it doesn't seem to care what I want it seems to have an agenda of its own which is to force me to stop running, and running for me has been always been focusing on food, so much that I have created another problem, which is a fear of eating, I associate food with pain and constpation. Anyways friends I had a real hell of day crying out to the universe, I surrender my life as I know it, I just hope that all this suffering has some purpose? I was pushed out of my comfort zone today I asked a total stranger to pray with me, and he did we prayed and talked and it helped both of us. As for going to Peru I am looking at three different retreats, not sure which one yet but I am going, and I will keep you all posted, that's my plan anyways the courage will come. Thanks all and Pinkado I relate I dont have children but I always wanted to have kids and a wife but that out of question right now for sure, and it okay, I always looked to my brother who is the picture of success, great job, white picket fence, two kids, happy marriage life, and healthy as a horse, I am unemployed, live in a boarding house, no kids, never really had a relationship, struggle daily with my health but you know what I am a success because I am doing my best and society can judge me if they want but I know that I am doing my best. Thanks all.


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