# 18 years of GAD



## 16631 (Apr 21, 2005)

Hello all, I'm new, but not new to Anxiety! I've had severe anxiety since about age 14 (I'm 32 now) and I was diagnosed with IBS when I was 17, though I think I had it long before that. I always seemed to have problems with my intestines, from the time I was about 4 years old. When my dad died suddenly when I was 16, that became the peak of my anxiety and I checked myself into a hospital at 17. They put me in with the suicidal/anorexic/acting out kids and boy, what a lousy experience that was because all I was was scared! Those kids made me even more scared. I was put on lots of different meds -- Haldol/Cogentin, Klonopin, Xanax, Elavil -- all sorts of anti depressants (which always made me feel "weird" and Xanax was the only one that helped me). I've been on Atarax, Librax, Protonix (for GERD), and more I can't even remember. I have Pepcid now for GERD and my doctor gave me samples of Lexapro and Zoloft and told me to try one or the other. My other doc had been trying to get me to take Paxil for the past few years. I am a hypochondriac with OCD, IBS, GERD and GAD. Ugh! MY OCD is mainly obsessive thoughts about my health with a small amount of counting. Whatever I feel emotionally will come out as a physical symptom and I tell myself I have a rare and fatal disease. Last month it was scleroderma (where my skin actually started feeling tight and uncomfortable until I forgot I was "supposed" to be worried about it -- then it went away) and this week it's mad cow disease (and a symptom of that is anxiety. I just can't win! HA! It's so perverse, isn't it?). A couple of months ago I had a big rabies phobia (despite not being bitten by any animals!). A while back, it was a big tetanus phobia (from any tiny cut). It goes on and on and on for years. I've had zillions of tests (a hundred EKG's, an EEG, a brain scan, a CAT scan, a holter monitor for chest pain, blood tests, flexible sigmoidocsopy, barium x ray of stomach, pulmonary breathing tests, echocardiogram and so on. I even went to urologist because I was having frequency/urgency issues with no signs of bladder infection and he looked in my bladder, told me I have small bladder capacity and gave me Detrol LA which didn't do anything. Eventually the frequency/pain/urgency disappeared on its own and seems to be somewhat connected to my hormones -- I'm female so PMS does exacerbate things!) Nothing is ever wrong with me (aside from IBS and GERD and GAD!). I have been to the ER with chest pains oodles of times and that was coming from my bowels. As soon as my gastroenterologist emphatically informed me of this, I was able to let go and the chest pain thatI'd been having for 3 weeks straight, instantly STOPPED. If I let something go -- it stops! But the thing is letting go is desperately difficult. Right now I'm dealing with muscle spasms in my arms and legs for some reason and some free floating fear that comes up now and then and nausea that lasts for hours (no vomiting, ever). I have been OK, functional until this week where I started getting this feeling of fear (panic of a sort). I got myself into a frenzy on one day and finally talked myself down. If I concentrate on the symptoms, they get worse. If I get absorbed in something else, they disappear. It's a battle for each second of each day because my mind wants so much to dwell on the negative. Do any of you deal with this sort of thing? I have not been on medications for about 8 or 9 years but Ihave still had chronic insomnia (I found outthat if I go to bed at 11 and allow myself to stop thinking about everything that needs doing, I can be asleep at 11:30 each night. Trouble is getting myself into bed so "early" and I work til 11).I don't want to take any meds. I might think about taking Xanax again just to take the edge off. I used to take it just before bed and it always helped me sleep. I'm very herky jerky and sometimes I just instantly wake up in a panic. I have nightmares on occasion as well. I've had hypnopompic hallucinations for about 6 or so years now, and I think it's because I'm such a nervous sleeper! I used to have full blown panic attacks just while trying to get to sleep, (in fact my very first one happened at this time) so I have a hard time relaxing enough to sleep. I wake in the night and see things, shapes, objects, then I go back to sleep. The next day all is well! Weird, eh? Here's a site on that sorta stuff: (http://www.geocities.com/hairybobby2000/dreamhyp.html)Any other hypochondriacs out there who manifest symptoms of their feared illnesses? I also manifest symptoms when I subconsciously need "a break". I get overwhelmed and burned out (I work 2 jobs) and have not had a proper getaway vacation in years. There's more, but this is turning into a novel!







God bless you all, I know intimately of the pains and fears you talk about here, as well as the agony of IBS. My doc gave me something called Pamine for when I have terrible cramping and it works wonders







You might wanna find out about it.


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## lxdreamerxl (Mar 8, 2005)

Probably a dumb question because it sounds like you have already tried everything, but do you think maybe some form of therapy sessions would help with your hypochondrisis and GAD and such? You've probably already looked into it...And something you might be interested in trying is Mike's hypnotherapy tapes...(go to the hypnotherapy section of this board, they have all the info) because I'm doing that right now it's starting to help and I've only heard good things that people have to say about it. It calms anxieties a lot and helps with insomnia (I can state that as a fact, it's helped me relax during sitatuions I'd normally be suffering panic attacks from and I haven't fallen asleep so easily in...I don't know how long.) And, obviously, it's also a way to try to help with the symptoms of IBS.And glad to hear you found something that works well for you with some of the cramping pains of IBS.


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## kazzy3 (Apr 11, 2003)

Hi Pollux. You are definately not alone. I have almost the exact same things going on. I worry constantly about my health, I have a lot of anxiety and sometimes worry that I am losing my mind. I worry constantly about my family and their health as well, especially my kids. I have always been a chronic worrier. Everytime I get an ache or pain in my stomach and chest,even though logically I know it is only IBS or gas.(I was diagnosed with ibs 2 years ago) I've had some therapy, but it got to expensive and I'm trying things on my own. I take Xanax when things get really rough. I wasn't always this bad, I just wonder if it might be peri-menopause , I'm 40 and I heard that anxiety can increase during this time. Some days are worse then others I can be sitting and absolutly believe that I am losing it, sometimes using logic such as "That is very unlikely", works. Sometimes doing something to distract myself such as excercising, reading, music etc can help as well. All I can say is hang in there, you are not alone. Feel free to send me a message if you ever need to vent. Take care.


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## 17309 (May 7, 2005)

Hi Pollux,I also get muscle cramps in my legs when I am especially nervous -- it's nice to know I'm not alone. It sounds like you've tried many ways to manage your anxiety, but I was wondering if you have tried yoga? It's an age-old solution that I recommend giving a shot. Also, just any kind of working out helps me. It's hard to be anxious when you're exausted from a 40-minute run.And if your therapists haven't given you these yet, I recommend doing the Anxiety & Phobia Workbook (helps you think about the causes of your worries) and reading Worry, by Edward Hallowell.


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## miranda (Apr 16, 2004)

hi pollux,i know how you feel and to a certain extent i feel the same as you.i'm constantly worried about my health, and any single ache, or pain, or weird 'feeling' can ruin my day entirely. i'm obsessed with my bowel and bowel habits (imagine having to explain that one to a therapist). i think about my bowel and bowel movements virtually every waking minute, if i have a bad episode i get very depressed and anxious at the same time. a 'non perfect' poo will set off a horrendous chain of events, leading to more and more bad bowel movements.i've tried calcium (didn't help), fiber (didn't help), paxil (couldn't handle the side effects), hypnotherapy (did help), modulon (does help), immodium (works well, but can lead to constipation and a blow out).this week i have my first appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist. i am extremely nervous about going and thus my gut has been freaking out each day. the goal is to break my obsessive thought pattern b/c i am slowly going insane.you might want to think about behavioral therapy, it's often directed at ppl with GAD and OCD.miranda


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## 18910 (Apr 11, 2005)

Read the book from Panic to Power, it changed my life. I have been able to control panic attacks without medication.


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