# have left the land of the living



## sandepiper60 (Mar 22, 2014)

Hi, I am new to this forum (or any kind of forum). My symptoms are driving me to such a state of isolation and despair that I just need to cry out to someone, even an invisible audience!

If you imagine a body being hogtied and tortured by some perpetrator who slowly chops away at various pieces, one by one, over time--this is an apt picture for what I have been experiencing for more than a year now.

Mouth chopped away--I find it hard to want to eat anymore because a few hours later, I will more than likely feel sick. I have lost 25 pounds. I used to love food!

Feet chopped away--I used to be an avid danced and my boyfriend/dance partner and I spent many hours taking lessons and going out to dances. Now I go to dances, even feeling fine at the beginning, and get sick while I am there. It ruins the whole thing, and now I feel traumatized about going. It was at one time my escape from all this. Now this 'sickness' has invaded even this area of my life.

Heart chopped out--I used to have a wonderful social life. Lots of laughter, fun, eating, dancing, sharing life with friends. Now I am afraid to go out. When I do, more often that not I get sick. I have come to associate going out with sickness. It is affecting my relationships with everybody; I am just not the happy, vibrant person I used to be. I see their hurt and concern (especially my elderly parents), and it makes the pain all the worse.

Brain chopped out - I can't focus as I used to. I used to be a dynamo on my job. Now I am barely getting a day's worth done. I have trouble sitting down to read or watch a movie, once favorite past times. I am too restless and anxious. All I can think about is how sick I am or how sick I may be the next second--because the 'attacks' tend to come on out of no where.

This is just the gist. I don't travel, I have trouble with sleep, I, in short, have no desire to live anymore. I am in a perpetual stay of feeling sick or waiting to be sick 'at any time now' because that is how it happens. I am not responding to what 'could' happen but what does happen, day after day, for over a year now. My doctor and GI specialist couldn't find anything wrong. My therapist said we had gone as far as we could go right now. I feel doomed to feel sick the rest of my days: dizzy, light-headed, woozy, nauseated, repetitive belching, stomach lining discomfort. The only relief I feel is when I take my Ativan. It calms me right down and I feel great. Sometimes I take too many, up to 6 or 7 one time. And I am doing it more and more.

Thanks for listening.


----------



## Sgali (Aug 27, 2013)

Hang in there Sandepiper, there are things you can do to ease or eliminate your symptoms but it will be up to you to find them. Read my post above titled 'How I cured my IBS'. If you have questions , please feel free to ask.


----------



## lone_paladin (Sep 29, 2011)

Hey sande, hang in there. It's hard for all of us, but we're here for you.


----------



## franciss (Apr 4, 2013)

.


----------



## franciss (Apr 4, 2013)

.


----------

