# 31 and I have no social life



## rdabbs81 (Jun 17, 2013)

Hi everyone! I have been dealing with ibs for a few years now and it has gotten the best of me. I never go out anymore with friends in fear that I will have an accident. I use to enjoy going to the movies, going out to eat, going to pool parties and road trips but have not been able to do all of that. I can't even remember the last time I have been on a date. I am only 31 and feel as though my life is over. How does everyone else deal with having a social life? I am tired of staying home every weekend!


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## psychgirl823 (Jun 3, 2013)

I definitely understand how you feel. I am also 31 and for the last 7 months I have done nothing, but stay at home. I feel awful and depressed all the time. I wish I had some advice for you, but I have not figured out how to have a life yet and some days I feel like giving up altogether. Just know your not alone.


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## rdabbs81 (Jun 17, 2013)

Thank you for the reply! Hope we both find something to make this easier for the both of us!


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## psychgirl823 (Jun 3, 2013)

Just curious how do you treat your IBS? Do you have any food triggers?


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## cosmo_chick87 (Apr 26, 2013)

I have not been able to do anything is couple of months either but this weekend me, my kids, and my family went to panama city Fl. and had an amazing time. I did not have any problems the entire time which was very surprising. The only thing that I took was Imodium and I not once had D. I don't know how I managed that but it was great. If you are not taking anything for your D I think that you should think about starting something. If you are and are still having problems maybe you need to change what you are doing! I hope that you figure something out. Being by yourself is not a good thing!!!


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## IBSQuestions (Jun 18, 2013)

Hey,

I think we all have this problem and it can be really very crippling. I know the feeling - panicking going places, and then always on the lookout for places with bathrooms (oh yay - there's a Mcdonalds just down there! Safety!). I don't think there is a very easy answer. There's lomotil / imodium for short term use but even that has its problems. Dealing with the anxiety and depression is obviously the first step - but hard, when basic trips to the psychologist are difficult! (Been there, done that!).

Exercise helps, generally...but what I found most useful of all is studying. Sounds stupid, I know, but when you think of it - studying can be done from home. You feel mentally engaged and you are achieving something, which is very psychologically rewarding. Plus, many universities do things via distance education too, which is great. This is the single best thing that makes me feel "normal" - I feel like I'm achieving something. So perhaps a hobby or something you can do from home is worth looking into.

Of course, getting out and about it important too. I have a job close to home and my partner often forces me to go out too (I take medicine and avoid eating in this situation...but hey).

Anyway.... just wanted to let you know you are definitely not alone and although it's hard to keep positive at times... just remember that there's bad days and good days and you can still do things, no matter how trapped you may feel.


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## JuliannaCol (Jan 1, 2013)

I have been dealing with the same issue during the last few years. But it has been worst since December last year. My whole life consists in coming and going to work, and the ocasional visit to the ER due to unbearable abdominal pain. But the weekends are the worst. It's like my body knew I'm able to stay home and doesn't make the effort to "give me a chance" to go out! So, my social life is pretty much non-existent. I have a full time relationship wth my remote control and I am head over heels my TV. We are going steady I think, probably our best dates are when I get to catch Sex and the city re-runs on E!. 

This is something I never could have imagined to have such a great effect in my life, specially because, people really think they understand. But, guess what? they really don't. I think even my parents don't get how bad I feel some days. My problem is not just the diarreah to come in the most unappropriate moments. Is the excruciating pain that always keeps me company. I'm 28 and have no social life aside from facebook. I'm as frustrated and depressed as one could be...

Last weekend, I decided to take the matter into my hands and came up with an accidental solution. I guess I was so stressed that I got myself a horrible migraine. -sometimes when I'm on my period i get a couple of those- . So I had some tramadol drops - in the US is called Ultram or Ultracet - and my stomach pain dissapeared along with my migraine. Not only I could get rid of the uncomfortable pain, but it worked magic with the loose stools. No more diarreah for the rest of the weekend. I'm pretty sure it is not something I should be recommending since I haven't discussed it with my doctor yet, but I've got an appointment on the 24 and will tell him all about it. This is an analgesic to treat muscle and other types of pain, not exactly related to IBS, but I'm quite content. I've managed to catch a movie without going to the bathroom in the middle of it, and had my first restaurant date -with my baby sis- in a couple of months.

I'm trying not to lose faith, and I swear, I want to throw myself from the window sometimes because of the desperation. But it seems like we are not alone, right? There is a lot of people suffering from this all over the world. I felt "glad" that I got to read testimonies from people, specially young girls, that are going through this.

I send you all my best and im keeping my fingers crossed for all of us!


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## rdabbs81 (Jun 17, 2013)

Thank you so much for the responses!! Makes me feel a lil better knowing I am not alone!


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## Josem (Feb 4, 2011)

Hi, one of the makeshift sii added is that, sometimes the feeling that we will not be able to do absolutely nothing but stay at home, well, that may be true but for all time. Your IBS limited ocsaiones let your social life, work and emotional, you have to know and be aware of it, like any chronic disease will sometimes be disabling. Now, you have to ask yourself to be taken emdicación, dieting excluding one you alimetnos Hayq ue damage and psychological make an effort not to give. It is not that suddenly go travel, concerts or camping empeiza for little walks close to your house, go gained confidence, analyzing your symptoms, learn breathing exercises to relieve abdominal pain, singing and reading aloud help, I have gone through many phases with my IBS, good times, and terribkes Malso, now is a good time for me, but just six months ahce not leave the house, it's frustrating but you have to go looking for small solutions to each problem. NOT okay to stay home one day, two or three if your health is bad, people with colds, flu or minor aches does, but believe me, you can leave the house, walk, take the air, relax and make small things that satisfy you. Thats te better way to live with IBS and that will be the best way to confront your IBS psychologically.


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## NitaCat (Jun 20, 2013)

Just found this site today as I am home from work (not feeling well). Part of the problem is the IBS symptoms I have had on and off for

almost a year now. I am 60 so I figure a lot of it is age and also all the drama that goes on at an unstable work place and my family. I also drink three light beers every night and wonder if the yeast may have a lot to do with my daily problem and yet, nervewise, this little practice has helped keep me sane.

I understand the lack of a social life because of it. Lately, my problem is the time in the morning. I can use the bathroom at least 4 times before I head off to work. Sometimes the gas is real bad at work but other times not so much. I work out and also walk so using the bathroom all the time can be quite hampering. I also feel tender in the rectum and sometimes there are drops of blood because I clean myself so much (ugh, seems like your are never fully clean). I am taking a pro-biotic but the instructions say that sometimes the symptoms get worse before clearing up and I don't look forward to that. I also feel kind of sick, like this morning. I get a slight headache and feel chilled, almost like I have a virus. Do others feel like this, too? I hate this.


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## ericlahey (Jun 12, 2013)

Hey NitaCat - if you haven't already, invest in Johnsons baby wipes. I used to use all-purpose wet toilet wipes and found the baby wipes are much better at making me feel clean with much less iritation. Yeah your feeling the same as many IBS sufferers, your bowels are just in a constant state of shock. The fevers and chills can happen at the worse of times. I've been there before on the toilet straining so hard that I had white lights appear in the corner of my eyes and almost fainting. I now try to avoid getting that bad of course!

The social life parts of IBS are a real drain to everyone. I'm the same, sometimes I just can't go out anywhere and when I was working sometimes couldn't get into work as I was having too many problems that morning. I think I even had an accident on the way to work once, how degrading. Leaving the house then seems to be the last thing you want to do.

rdabbs81 - read through all the advice on these forums and try something new every month or so, there will be something that can help you, whether its a new diet or medication. I went for years using Immodium to get about when I was really bad and even though now I don't use them I know they are useful if I need something for those social occasions. Good Luck!


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## Dgurl13 (Nov 23, 2008)

I am 27 years old and have has ibs my entire life. My mother tells stories of me messing my pants beyond the toilet training years. How I deal with urgency and having a life, I use protection and I hate this word but a diaper. Since March, I have been having a terrible time with urgency. I don't feel safe unless I wear a diaper right now. I know my tummy will calm down at some point and this isn't forever. Knowing that I do get a day or so a week that I am not living in the bathroom is what gives me hope. So I crapped my pants a bunch of times eh it happens. It happens to people who don't have ibs especially when they eat something that doesn't agree with them or have a stomach virus/flu. My partner has crapped her pants twice since we are together for 4 years, she does not have ibs at all. I am grateful for her support and understanding. I am not going to lie and say it isn't embarrasing or life altering. Just last week, I am in the self check out at the grocery store and know there is no way I am going to get through my order and get out the door or to the restroom less than 50 feet away without leaking a little. Well, I was so wrong I loaded my pants right there while checking out and I was so embarrased. I sort of just stood there in disbelief that this is happening right now as I bag my groceries. I did think about bolting to the bathrooms right in front of me but I knew I just needed to get out of there as soon as possible. I am pretty certain the person checking out next to me knew I either farted badly or knew what happened to me. I had been good for two weeks till this day. I finished up with the groceries and wasn't sure what to do go and sit in the car and have a chance having a second wave or go and clean up as much as possible and change. I did the later and went and cleaned up as much as possible and was I glad I made that choice bc the second wave wasn't even two minutes later. If I had been standing in the stall it would have been an awful mess. I am glad I had the sense to sit down while trying to change. With this situation I had barely any warning at all except some gas and then once it all started this bout horrible cramps. I had already had an accident before I had my warning this time. I always carring with me a change of clothes, a few diapers, wipes baby wipes I flush them if its an industrial toilet they can handle about 3, butt paste for the rash if I have one, lots of zip locks to get ride of the diaper or underwear. I have another emergency kit in my car as well.

I live my life and don't look back and ponder on what could have been done diffrently or feel badly for myself. If you look back at some of my old post you will find me feeling bad for myself or asking tons of questions about what to do about urgency. I thought I could find an answer without protection or diapers but that is not my reality right now. Feel free to message me and we can support one another. I got out and drink as much as my friends and live my life as freely as possible. Like I said I do have my bad days and stay home running to the toilet feeling badly for myself and that is totally okay as well. Sometimes IBS literallys sucks ass.


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## dufusmatt (Jun 18, 2013)

You are definitely not alone, I'm sure most of us struggle with this.

My advice is to be extremely open about your health with one of your friends, tell them absolutely everything including all of your fears. It's an extremely difficult thing to do but just being able to unload on someone is such a relief, and maybe in time you can try doing things with that person outside of your home to try and regain a bit of courage. Your brain has tuned into your current routine and the only way to break out of it is to do things you find difficult and probably don't want to do. Having a friend by your side just makes it much easier, especially if they are looking out for you and understanding your fears.

All I can say is good luck, and hopefully you'll do a better job than I'm doing!


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## IvyWinter (Jun 1, 2013)

I agree that openness is key. It makes the worry of not feeling well a lot less. I have had bad bouts lately but I'm a very social person and don't want it to keep me from doing things. I still go out regularly every weekend and do things during the week; dinners, concerts, baseball games, bars, etc.

How do I deal?

First, I tell myself, F-it. I'm NOT going to let myself be stopped from doing something fun on the chance I might not feel well. That attitude changes everything.

I bring an extra pair of underwear and leave it in my bag. It's like a safety blanket. I've never had a major accident (just minor streaks sometimes, because i have an issue where even wiping til there's nothing on the TP doesn't always clean me right) but you know what, if i do, i've got something to change into.

I always have tums, imodium and gas-x on me at all times.

And my close friends, my boyfriend, my family, all know about my issue and support me. So, if i suddenly don't feel well, no one is judging me for running to the bathroom a lot, or having to bail early. There's no hurt feelings they know exactly why i have to go. My boyfriend also never pushes me further than I can handle. Even if he's friends nag him to stay out til 2 am, but im not feeling well by midnight, he gives them a curt "no, we're tired and im going home" and that's that.

What I DO find though, is sometimes i get tummy aches and feelings like i have to go from anxiety about going out. and once i go out, and am with people, and im distracted... 2 hours later i realize... omg I feel just fine! A lot of my IBS is psychological manifesting as physical, so distraction is a HUGE help and what better distraction than fun with friends?

I get the fear and at times, it does keep me home watching movies instead, but i'd say only 30% of the time. You just have to tell yourself NO! I'm not gonna let this hold me back!! It's hard, but i strongly believe that positive mental attitude can do wonders.


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## psychgirl823 (Jun 3, 2013)

I agree with you that positive mental attitude and distraction can do wonders for IBS. I just find it very hard to do. I do like the idea of keeping an extra pair of clothes with me and I might try that the next time I go out. Its at least nice to know that people understand you on here as they don't always in the real world or at least in my case.


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## Bet Sobon (Jul 2, 2013)

I've suffered with this for almost 40 years. I missed out on a lot. You have to find the root cause of your IBS, Gluten, Fodmaps, whatever it is, and fix it. It can be done. I finally found out my triggers and how to stop them. Yes, you will have a limited diet and you will have to take supplements. But it's better than being sick all the time.

Now I just tell people i'm on the Paleo diet. That' seems trendy and acceptable people don't view me as being sick and I don't obsess about it anymore. Anxiety can make it worse. I did start taking Zoloft about a year and a half ago, and it also helps a lot.

Make some positive changes and things can get better.


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