# telling friends



## linnie (Jan 7, 2002)

hey,a general question for everybody...do any of you guys tell your friends about IBS and your situation? personally, i haven't told any of my friends, and i pretty much hide it so i don't think any of them have any idea. it helps that in my dorm i have a single room and can have my privacy. but i was thinking about trying to explain it to some people, at least some close friends. it's something you're kinda scared to do, but once you do it, it's probably more liberating in the long run. coming out of the closet...about your bowels. what fun.well, i was just wondering. cause sometimes IBS overwhelms me, and i feel like i can't even finish university with it. plus it's just like, what's wrong with me?!?? but other times, such as when i hear about someone in my family who's gotten sick with something much more serious (e.g. cancer), it makes me feel like my problems are so trivial, and why am i putting forth so much effort to hide them from my friends??


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## Krista (Jul 25, 2000)

All my friends know about my stomach, I complain enough. I don't go into all the details of it, I just mention the bad stomach pains. It's hard though, because they couldn't possibly understand. My best friend's boyfriend actually has it too, which is weird, but it's good to have someone to talk to who understands. I just think that it always helps to talk about your situation, your friends should know what goes on in your life. My friends are very supportive and understanding-as much as possible. My boyfriend knows everyhting about it. He actually was with me when I passed out in the street, flat on my face, because of such severe pains. So he's very protective of me since then and very concerned about my stomach.I'm 20, and I've had IBS for about 3 years. I go to a community college right now, so I still live at home, but I am VERY nervous about living in a dorm next year when i transfer, with this ibs. How do you deal with it? The idea of sharing a bathroom with so many people and not having privacy when I have my problems, is what worries me the most. I really think you should tell your friends about it. I tell so many people, just that I have stomach problems that was started because of stress. Even people in my classes at school that I talk to I tell. You never know who has the same problems. Just last week a girl in one of my classes recommended acidophilus to me, and another woman who overheard agreed that it's good for stomach problems. So I went and bought some yesterday. You just never know what help other people could offer you once you tell them your problems. I'm sure your friends will be supportive. Good luck with everything.


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## Blackcat (Sep 1, 2001)

Pretty much anyone I hang around knows I have some sort of stomuch prob. Its hard not to notice when im making sure everything i eat doesnt have a lot of fat etc. People always ask if im on a diet! Plus I always carry food around with me or pepermint tea, eveyone always asks. I like being open, people have always understood and are very accomodating to my situation. And if they arn't they dont deserve to talk to me!!!!







Amanda


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## trishwish (Jan 20, 2002)

Hi Linnie!My name is Patricia and I am from california. I am 19 years old and have been stuggling with ibs c since I was 12. It wasn't till recently that I found out that it was ibs. I know its hard to tell your friends. I once told a guy who I thought was my best friend and after that he totally dissed me and pretty much didn't know how to act around me. It is nerve racking I know. A lot of my friends ask "Patricia why are you always feeling sick." Or they say God you are always sick! I wish I could tell them but after hearing the previous reaction of that one guy I told I felt scared to tell others afterwards. I think it really does depend on the person you tell. Some people understand. Others can be jerks and will not want to understand. In my case its clear that who I thought was my friend wasn't. If you have a friend who you are close to and you can confide in than I suggest talking about it. The only person I thought I couldn't hide it to anymore is my boyfriend. I am constantly having pains and I just figured he is bound to find out some time but I rather just let him know. And believe it or not he was completly understanding. And now I have less stress around him because he knows why I get sick. Telling guys sometimes especially the ones you like can be a hard thing!Like many of you guys on this board I have the same fears. Fears of a quiet classroom, fear of going out and having to leave because of an upset stomach, fear of being able to finish college. I am currently taking only one class and was very much upset at first because of was sick with my stomach. I am not at the point of a regular sophmore in college (in finishing my classes). But eventually I will get there even if it takes me a long time. Tommorrow actually I am going to get interviewed by this one citys police department. I am going to feel nervous I know but I can't always be hidding behind my illness. It is so complicated sometimes but I want to be out there working and helping people. We may have a set back sometimes but at some point we have to go out there and try to do the best we can even though we might have ibs. I know its a constant worry for all of us, but set a goal and try to go for it! We can't always have this stomach disorder minupulate our lives. Just a thought! Well just know this you are not alone in this!trishwish


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## fiona26 (Dec 12, 2001)

Hey guys, I was reading all your posts about friendship and it really got me thinking.I`ve had IBS for just over a year now and I haven`t told my friends at all not even my best friend who I`m really close to and have known for years.The weird thing is that I think the reason Im not telling anyone isn`t because I don`t think they`d understand but because it would be almost like admitting defeat, strange as that may sound. Im quite an optimistic person and when I first found out that I`d got ibs, even though I was told it was for life I didn`t really think about it I just kinda thought that I`d grow out of it or find a herb or something that would take away the symptons.However now its been more than a year and even though my symtons aren`t as bad as some people on the board they have been getting worse and just recently Im starting to come to terms with the fact that this thing is for life and its really quite depressing.Im hoping to do a really hard course at uni next year and so Ill have to be 100 percent fit and the thought of falling behind because of this bloody illness just really bugs the hell out of me basically.Still Ive found just taking one day at a time makes things much easier to deal with and this board is great coz everyone `s in the same position.Plus as I think someone said on another post there must be people out there with all sorts problems which are much worse than having ibs- ok so maybe i tend to rush off to the toilet all the time but at least apart from that I can still lead an active fufilling life. Anyway, i just thought id share my thoughts with ya`all.


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## Aeeda (Nov 27, 2001)

Candygirl,I think it's a good thing you're beginning to come to terms with it. To me optimism is not the ability to cloud reality, but the ability to see the good even if the bad predominates. When you can come face to face with your problem and come out of it saying, "Life is beautiful," you know you're an optimist. But, of course, this doesn't happen over-night. And it's OK to cry, complain and bang your head against the wall. After a while, though, you'll get tired of that.I've had this thing for about a year too, but I stopped hoping for it to go away pretty soon and started to work on my coping techniques. I felt as though God were trying to break me like a horse. I started analyzing my pain, physical and psychological. It occured to me thst the worst part about pain is fear of future pain. I also noticed that there is an element of pride in my natural response to pain. I felt that I had been unfairly wronged and I wasn't about to silently take it. But after a while I got sick and tired of the rebellion against myself, and I realized that the best way to deal with pain is to accept it. Paradoxically, the only way to get power over it is to surrender to it. I can't say that I don't throw tantrums anymore, but I try to go by this philosophy.


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## Lomaal (Apr 30, 2002)

omg hearing all these posts is like someone is going in my head and writing down my thoughts and questions! I was diagnosed with IBS when I was 12 (I am 16 now) and I haven't told anyone. Not even my best friend of 11 years, who I am soooo close to. Or my boyfriend of a year who knows everything else about me. Its so hard because no one understands. Most of my friends think I'm faking being sick, or playing hookie. Everyone always asks me "why are you always sick?!" or says "you never leave your house.. whats wrong with you?" Its soo frustrating! I don't even believe in IBS so I don't choose to tell anyone that I have that. Everyone knows that I have stomach problems, but not that I have "IBS". I don't think people would get so incredibly sick, to where they can't even leave their houses without it being a big deal, for no reason. thats why i think calling it IBS is bull****. I have tried EVERYTHING to make it go away.. nothing has helped.. it got to the point where I was taking up to 20 immodium pills a day, and nothing changed. I just got back from the hospital a few hours ago.. my mom made me go because i was crying so hard because of the pain in my stomach.. they ran tests and found nothing except blood in my urine, which means now they think i have developed kidney stones. I know I am hard headed about the whole IBS diagnoses thing, but I don't want to believe that there is no cure to what I am experiencing. I wish more people diagnosed with IBS wouldn't stop at that.. No one should have to be miserable and scared to leave the house for any extended period of time. Anyway, I hope to hear back from others who don't really believe that IBS is the answer to our problems. Hope everyones feeling OK. -Lindsey


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## Kitty19HasIBS (Jan 8, 2002)

One friend knows about this but likes to make jokes about it and go eww and think oh well she just goes to the bathroom a lot but heaven forbid she gets a tiny stomach bug, and my boyfriend sort of does. He's not quite sure how I get sick because I don't eat around him much, have been ok the few times I have, and if I am sick I cancel or ask him to go home. I know sooner or later I have to be sick around him. I'm just not sure what he will think. I think it will be embarassing. I don't tell other people because they really don't understand. They think oh so you go to the bathroom more than other people so what why do you let it affect you. I wish they would understand, but it's not likely so I just don't tell.


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## Aeeda (Nov 27, 2001)

Hey, Kitty:You know, if you explain it to them they probably will understand. My BF knows all about it in detail and is very supportive. My cousin, who I'm pretty close to and two of my friends also know. They are all very understanding. But of course these are people I am close to. The real break-through for me was when I was working on a group project for school and I was at a classmate's house. I didn't have any major episodes, but I went to the bathroom pretty frequently because of gas. He said, "That pizza didn't go well with you, did it?" And said, "Actually I have a chronic digestive problem." He said, "Awww." It was a perfect response. No unnecessary questions, just sympathy.


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## Nikki (Jul 11, 2000)

Linnie,i did at first have a problem with telling my friends about it, but now i tell loads of them. Its too much to have it as this big secret and it feels like a weight has been lifted when you finally tell them. BF-now this was a tough one. He was the frist person i ever told about having IBS. Other than my paretns that is. He wa so supportive. He didn't know what is was, so he went home and looked it up properly before calling me back and telling me not to worry. He loved me the way i am.Now he always checks to see i am ok although we are not going out any longer. I miss him sometimes.Yes, IBS is overwhelming, but somehow you WILL find a way. You always do. SOmetimes i wonder how i have manahed to make it through school, college and then into my first year at university. I amaze myself somtimes. Somehow we ALWAYS find a way.Hope this helps.Spliff


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## Marmite (May 17, 2002)

I just out-and-out told everyone in my email address book as I was diagnosed whilst travelling alone in South America, but the thing is less than 2% of people really understand IBS so I think a lot of my friends and family think I got a tummy bug and will be better soon, they all seem surprised when I say Iï¿½m still feeling off!We need to educate!!!


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## giggles05 (Feb 1, 2002)

Hey guys I just got home from a friends house and I"m feeling so depressed over thiswhole sickness thing. We were all playing cards and all my friends were eating pizza and candy and I wasn't eating any of it b/c i was feeling really sick like i was going to throw up. My main problem is constipation, but today I ate some things I prolly shouldn't have and felt nauesau after that. WEll I had my bf take me home b/c i was sick aNd just feeling depressed. All my friends know I have stomach problems they are all caring and especially my boyfriend. But I hate complaining about it b/c I don' want them to think I am a baby or I'm just making it up, b/c sometimes i feel like they prolly all think that. anyways i just feel like crying i hate this so much. i hope we all get bettr!


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