# A sensitive question, advice needed please



## TorpedoButt (Apr 4, 1999)

Hi all,I need to know if any of you or your significant other (man) has ever had a problem with his sex drive. This has been going on for about 1 1/2 years now and It's really bothering my hubby (and me too, but that's beside the point). We are very open in talking with each other, and we are positive the problem is a drive issue. Whether it's physical or mental we're not totally sure, but the stress level has been very high for a while (outside issues), but that's starting to get better. This is not a "viagra" type issue, it's a "I have to feel like it and I don't" type thing. Has anyone ever had experience with testosterone replacements? He is 45 and in average health. He's finally got insurance, so a dr's visit is in the future too.Any advice is welcome and appreciated.Love ya,Torpy


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## pasttime (Jul 26, 2001)

Yes I have checked into the sex drive issue. Although my husband doesnt think he has an issue. Anyway there is such a thing as male menopause, it is called andropause. Has to do with hormones ect, just as a females does. I am sure if you do a search tons of info will come up. You are fortunate in the fact that your husband is also admitting there is an issue. I hope this helps in some way, it really is an interesting read. I also posted on the board about it at the time, so you may even get some info if you search the board.


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Howdy neighbor! Watch the weather forecast, you may get some snow over your way tonight...







Yes, Torpy, as a matter of fact, my husband and I have had the same talk recently. I'm not sure if you saw my question on this board, but I was getting ready to pack my bags when he finally opened up to me. He was taking his frustrations out on me, and I didn't feel I deserved it. After our conversations, he went to see our doctor. The doctor told him he didn't want to give him testosterone replacement because it increased a risk for prostate cancer. We talked it over, and I asked him to please not risk this. He is 53. He had been edgy and accusing me of having someone else, when all along he was just being insecure because of the change pasttime described to you. Now that he knows I'll take him for better or worse, and would never seek another partner, he has been fun to be around again. It really does a number on a man when his manhood isn't what it use to be. He told me joking it is like "wanting it, but felt like he had already had it" LOL







I agree you are lucky he will talk about it. That is the first step and a major step at that! Good luck, and PM me if you need to.


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## Ks-Sunshine (Aug 23, 1999)

We have had that problem in our marriage for the last 20 years!!! He worked shift work and his schedule changed every 7 days. We thought that might have some bearing. Finances were a big stressful issue. Then I never did things to please him. If I didn't make the soup the same way I didn't love him, etc etc etc. He would get angry and pour for days or weeks. I think finally his mental state just did himin sexually. We went the testosterone route to start. It helped a bit. Then we did Yohimbe tablets. They worked for a while. He would quit taking stuff once it was working and then it wouldn't work. Finally he had it in his mind that if only he had a penile implant that would take care of the problem. It didn't. He then didn't feel like it, had no urge,etc tec.I certainly wouldn't do the implant without some psych counseling of some sort. I think actually from our experience that counseling would have been the better way to go. He wasn't open to that. Testosterone can also cause agressiveness besides the pros. cancer risk.He went the Viagra route also. It was expensive. That caused him money attitude problems. It also didn't give him the urge. That has to be present before any of the remedies I mentioned will work. I found out that his dad and his brother also have an impotency problem. Don't know if it is a genetic thing or just coincidence. I searched for support for wives but didn't find it. I found stuff for men. I think they are forgetting we are in this problem for the long haul too. Now we are in the "I don't care, I don't have anything to live for" phase. More mental issues. HOpe my rambling comments help a bit. It helps to know you aren't alone in this problem at least.


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## jenEbean (Apr 5, 1999)

Hey Torp,Have him go to the doc and have his testosterone level checked. If it is low, he can safely replace it with patches or injections. Talk to a doc about this. We have the opposite problem at our house, hubby is gung-ho, I have absolutely 0 sex drive. Very frustrating for him.


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## Ks-Sunshine (Aug 23, 1999)

jen, there is a medication to help female libido now. I forget what it is called.I would check the side effects of testosterone carefully. Even cross reference with a pharmacist about it. They know more about medications than docs do for the most part. After all that is their focus. When we were told it would not be good to take after Walrus had his blood clot, we quit. I had been giving him the shots


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## Babe (Jul 7, 2004)

My husband started losing his verility in his mid 50s and an endoconologist checked him and found his testosterone levels were just about gone. He has been completely impotent for the last 10-12 years.They had a special serium made up (from his blood as I recall) and he was given 3 shots at $300-$350 each. He claimed they did very little and he refused to pay for any more. He is hairless on his arms, legs, privates, and body. But he still has some beard and hair on his head.It doesn't bother HIM at all because, after all it's not his fault. He is now in his mid 70s (I'm 65) and very disabled. I have wondered if some of his physical problems have been caused by his lack of testosterone.My problem: Do I tell his sons about this? His sons by his first marriage are now 51 and 53 years old and our son is 28. He will NEVER discuss something like this with them!


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## TorpedoButt (Apr 4, 1999)

Good morning,You are all very kind to respond and share these most intimate and personal thoughts with me. I'm thinking hoppefully the doc can at least check his hormone levels, and if the testosterone is low, maybe a little increase would help. Pasttime, ok, I'm stupid.....where's your post?Dearest Rowe, I think of you often and truly hope you and your husband can find common ground.Sunny, when you talk about the implant, it makes me think that somehow he has some kind of "small" complex.....is that maybe the case? Have you ever tried to convince him otherwise? Afterall, it's what you do with it that matters







.................walrus???!!!





















Jen, yes, we're going.







Figures, all my past relationships that I've had, when the guy was all over me every 10 minnutes, I never felt a thing. Now all I have to do is think about HIM and I'm ready















Babe, yes, I would tell them about it, possibly they would be able to avoid some of his problems by getting checked early.Love ya all lots!!!-Torpy


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## Rowe2 (Sep 26, 2002)

Hi Torpy..did you get snow? We did last night, and soon as the sun was up..POOF..gone..


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## Ks-Sunshine (Aug 23, 1999)

The implant was done because he thought that would solve the problem of getting an erection. It turns out the problem was not that at all but just his lack of desire period. We didn't have any problems with the size issue at all. I've tried all sorts of things to convince him. The big problem is he lets his emotions get in the way of things. Being a grudge keeper and pouter does not help. I finally realized that even though we have that expensive implant in place, it isn't going to make any difference. I have found my own interests and keep busy all the time. The last time he had the "urge" he sprung it on me after no interest for two years. Our oldest daughter and husband came just before things started getting interesting. I knew she was coming out here but thought it was later in the day. He got mad at me for not telling him and that has been the end of it. I doubt that I would have responded very well. I don't fake things either. After two years, it is terribly difficult to tumble into the bed and get on with things. I don't respond that way. He has always been one to just think this stuff can be turned on in a blink of an eye. The nickname Walrus is from an old family joke. I"ve used it here since I became a member. Thought you had seen it by now. LOL


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## jools41 (Jan 8, 2004)

my partner has secondary progressive MS i have ibs-d our sex life has not really suffered. when i was with my husband he adopted what i can only call "the ferry position" >>> roll on and roll off.lol







size is NOT important at all its what you do with it







basically i dont see my partners disability as his brilliant personality outweighs that. good luck torpy, hang on in there!


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## Ks-Sunshine (Aug 23, 1999)

Something I forgot to mention about the implant --It takes away the ability to get an erection naturally. There is no reversal. Once it is in, that is the way he HAS to go.


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## theotherangel (Mar 7, 2005)

My ex husband went through this. His problem was with blood pressure. Once he started meds, he was much better. Has he had this checked?


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## Elariel (Jan 1, 1999)

i'd say talk to your doctor first before your rule out testosterone therapy. there are different kinds, and the risks of course will depend on your husband, age, other factors etc.. my husband was tested and found to have low testosterone, and was prescribed the gel. it seemed to help a little (if he had stayed on it







)


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## 14114 (Jun 17, 2005)

My husband is 49 and I'm 41. Just from reading your post we think it's a mental thing for your hubby, from our point of veiw. We both have issues from our past but we have let them go and are living for the day, not dwelling or worrying about things that we have no control over. So........cook a nice dinner, light some candles, draw a bubble bath and GET BUSY!!!! If your husband wants to talk email my husband at alf40219###yahoo.com or if you would like to email me, you can at ravyn142003###yahoo.com. You know, on a more personal, private level.


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