# "Emotional Person"



## can.diem (Jan 3, 2017)

...Is anyone else a very emotional person who has been labeled as having GAD and Major Depressive Disorder?

By asking that question, I mean, are there any people out there who are very emotional but have been misunderstood, and therefore diagnosed as having those conditions? Honestly, I can count on one hand how many times I've had a panic attack in my life, and it's hardly ever. My POV says I do not have anxiety, and I don't have depression. My problem is that I'm a highly sensitive person. Unfortunately, being overly sensitive can plague some people, no matter how many times they're told to "let it go" or "go to a happy place". My emotions are delicate -- I'm delicate -- but I'm not anxious, I'm not constantly panicking, and although I feel feelings of heartache on a regular basis, I do not feel depressed. Very rarely have I ever felt depressed, and the times that I have ever felt that feeling, it involved dealing with abusive people who were controlling, domineering, and physically threatening or secretly dangerous. ...Luckily, I've escape those types of people, but the pain that I am in is a pain that I actually understand, and it is not depression.

In fact, I often feel like screaming or pulling my hair out when a doctor will mention "my anxiety" or "my depression". I do not feel anxious or depressed. Period.

My heartache...

starts with my upbringing. It can't be avoided that I grew up in an abusive environment. Now that I've moved, I am happier. I've actually been so happy that I've had occasional difficulty sleeping from being so happy. That's not normal for me. Anyway, being able to get close to and bond with other people has always been a challenge for me. For as long as I could remember, there was some aspect of my trauma that somehow "became" who I was. It's like being viewed as being a walking shadow. The pain that I've endured has created a bridge between me and other people. It's a huge gap. I'm annoyed by people telling me that it's "low self-esteem", but I'm not going to say that it isn't. Maybe I don't deserve high self-esteem? I don't think I do. I don't think I deserve to love or even like myself. Not one bit.

I also punish myself quite harshly. I deal with self-hatred and I'm convinced I'm unlovable. Also







I'm convinced I'm not entirely real? Long story, scary store, but a true story. Not sure if it's wise to post it. There is a legitimate reason why I feel that way. Guaranteed.

My heartache is my inability to get close to people and give and receive love. It's not depression and it's certainly not anxiety. When I view other people giving and receiving love and affection, I instantly feel devastated and self-destructive. *That* is what hurts me. It hurts so bad that I don't value my own life. I tolerate it, but I find no value in my life at all. Life isn't so great without love. Having IBS makes it harder because I can't enjoy a nice meal once in a while. No love, no enjoying food; very few physical comforts. What I'm left with is a lot of heartache.

Other than this, most times, I can be a considerably peaceful person. And when I'm in a good state of mind, I'm better at being "present" than most people I personally know.

Hope I'm not alone in this situation.







Why can't I find anyone else who is in my shoes? What a shame.

(Upon rereading that title, it sort of made me laugh. Also, the phrase "let it go" is making me laugh recently. It all sounds so ridiculous. It used to make me mad when people would say that to me during times of distress.... Odd.)


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