# How do you make your parents realize just how bad it is?



## 18355

I've had IBS-D for seven years now, and it's gotten much worse in the past three years. The only reason I haven't been kicked out of school due to the number of days I've missed is I manage to keep excellent grades. I'm even on an altered schedule where I go home early every day, and I've still missed 20-25+ days already this year (and many of the days I went, I sat in the middle of classes in agony). I only told my mom the truth about my symptoms (that I wasn't 'just sick to my stomach') those three years ago when it started getting really bad, and I only told her the entire truth about how horrible it is late last year when my older sister started presenting the same symptoms. My sister's problem turned out not to be IBS and it was treatable.I have debilitating pain at least twice a week, usually more, and I have to be within a 30-second run of a bathroom at all times. Mind you, this is WITH the amount of pain management I've developed just out of experience. Unless something the gastro specialist gives me turns out to be some sort of miracle treatment, I'm never going to have a normal life. I know I can't get a normal job- I can't know if I'm going to be in so much pain Tuesday that I can't work, or if in the middle of a shift on Thursday I drop the huge stack of whatever I'm holding as I double over in pain.Unfortunately, my mom refuses to see the severity of the problem. It's obvious that she cares and is concerned about me, but she's completely content to ignore me entirely when I try to talk about it. Any morning that I wake up and have bad pain (read as: 70% of school mornings; the pain goes away or dulls enough to be managable by 8AM about 30% of the time, sometimes less), I'm not concerned because "Oh man, not again..." I'm concerned because if I tell my mom, I'm going to get one of the following responses:"You've GOT to go to school...!""You just have to tough it out.""You're strong enough to make it today- it's just a short day!" (my school has block scheduling, so every other day, I go home at 11AM. The other days, I go home at 1PM. School is out for everyone else at 2)."--insert stressed out, dissapointed sigh here--""--insert about forty minutes of silence here, followed by:-- Well, I guess I'm calling the school and saying you're not coming..."For the rest of the day, she hardly speaks to me. If I miss two days in a row or more from IBS and not, say, a flu, I'm treated like a ghost.Let alone the fact that she doesn't understand 'I need to go home.' We have a large family, and large family means large, frequent family gatherings. There are occasions where I have a pretty good idea about an hour before hand if I'm going to get sick. I'll tell my mom, "It's getting bad; I need to go home," she usually mills about for another half an hour or MORE. She gets annoyed with me when I interrupt her conversations forty-five minutes after I told her I was getting sick and needed to leave.Recently, the fact I really need to get a job has been prodding at me. My dad died of leukemia last year, and most of the household money came from him. Once school is out and my mom doesn't have to pick me up early every day, she'll be able to get a job, but I know it would be a huge help if I had one, too. Because of the condition, I need a set up where I can work at home. I don't know where to even START looking, as 99% of the 'WORK AT HOME AND MAKE $$$$!!' things on the internet are scams. I've tried to bring it up with my mom no fewer than fifteen times in the past three months, and she's either totally ignored me or said "I don't want to talk about that right now" every single time. If I can't get a job, I could at LEAST appply for social security disability. I've mentioned that, too- you should see the look on her face.How do I get my mom to understand that I can't just tough it out, that she needs to accept that I have a pretty much disabiling condition, and that just because we're seeing a gastro specialist doesn't mean he's going to be able to fix the problem? She keeps expecting him to be a miracle worker that fixes everything when in fact, IBS this severe can't often be helped a whole lot. I don't know how to make her realize just how bad it is.


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## Guest

hug,how old are you? cant u go doctor on your own, ask the doctor if he could speak to your parents.Mine didnt realise how bad i was until i got took into hospital for tests.


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## 13787

I'm 26 and my parents dont understand my situation at all either. I know your situation and I too cant work outside of home so I decided to be a stay at home mom. My mom doesnt understand why I dont go out with the kids more and why I stay in my house most of the time.What I can help you with (wish I could help you out more) Is a good website where I picked up a work at home job. It is totally legit but I think you have to be 18 to work for most of the companies.I'll PM you the website. It has been a god send since I can pick the hours I work. I usually work 9pm-midnight on the one line I work at. The only thing is, is you need a 2nd phone line with no options on it. Its not telemarking or outbound calling, its all inbound for big companies. I used to work activating peoples Cricket cell phones. Its so easy.I hope you get better and check out the site I sent you. If anyone else wants the site, just pm me, I dont want to seem like a spammer


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## sazzy

I know exactly how you feel when your mum does that dissapointed sigh when you say you can't go. My mum does it also and it makes me feel like dirt, i just want to scream at her. I'm lucky as my IBS isn't extremely severe so long as i eat healthily but there's still days where i feel bad, which i usually say i feel ill instead of saying it's my IBS, because if i say it's IBS she just says oh well see if you can make it up until lunch time, which i'm pretty aware i will not and so have to refuse to go which makes her cross. See it from you mum's side though she needs to go to work to get money same as mine and she's probably stressed so isn't showing all the care you need.You need to ask her for a chat on a quiet day, not 5 minutes before going to school. Tell her how you really are not doing this on purpose and that you don't mean to. Are you old enough to stay home alone? As this would mean your mum would be able to work or maybe ask a neighbour to check up on you on bad days or for her to give you a ring every couple of hours to check that you are ok.Stay strong and keep everything out in the open with your mum, i hope things get better for you!


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## 18355

Thanks, guys, for your advice. I sat down and talked with her this morning and I think I got through to her, at least a little.


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## sazzy

Heya, glad you had a chat with her.I was thinking about it today, because my mum asked if i'd actually taken an immodium before i went to school today. She's been aware i take them daily but before now she's been in a constant try to take me off them. I've tried being really open with her recently telling her everything i'm trying out and the days where i'm not feeling up to scratch and it seems now she knows the daily struggle i have with my demonic stomach she's happier to help, even though she's still made it clear she wants me to go to school as often as possible ,which actually is pretty much daily and i have friends who have more days off than me, she's happy to get me different things to see if they help me. So maybe don't tell her that you're going to be open just do it, tell her days you're feeling rough even not on school days and if you find something you feel may help ask her about it, you may find she'll be happier to help you my mum was anyway!


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## AllStrZ

I have a similar story also. I'm a senior right now, and I've been on home instructions for the past 2 years. I graduate in June, but decided I will not attend college due to this condition. They understood that, but the other day they were leaning towards me finding a job soon. I told them, I barely can make it to a friends house 3 blocks away, how do you expect me to have a job. Errr.


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## 18398

you could trying to get soemone or a doctor to try and talk to your parents about it.


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## 19490

> quote:"You've GOT to go to school...!""You just have to tough it out.""You're strong enough to make it today- it's just a short day!" "--insert stressed out, dissapointed sigh here--""--insert about forty minutes of silence here, followed by:-- Well, I guess I'm calling the school and saying you're not coming..."For the rest of the day, she hardly speaks to me. If I miss two days in a row or more from IBS and not, say, a flu, I'm treated like a ghost.


I know exactly how you feel for the longest time my mom felt the same exact way and same exact reaction. Im 15 and a soffomore and last year until about May I was fine!This school year has just been a roller coaster for me! Ive been in school for three weeks total and homeschooled the rest! My mom read a book written by a woman who is a Gastrointerologist but has suffered with it since she was about 9. The doctor said she was dramatic and so did her parents! My mom read this book then came and hugged me after to tell me she was so sorry for not believing me and for being so hard! Let me know if you want the title of the book


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## Dandaman

good question. my mom still doesnt understand, when i would miss school she would freak out on me. she would just tell me to suck it up lol


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## CalifCarl

Dandaman said:


> good question. my mom still doesnt understand, when i would miss school she would freak out on me. she would just tell me to suck it up lol


Hello to all here, I'm a dad with three daughters the oldest being 26 and the youngest being 15. I've battled IBS for some twenty years now. I'm know my daughters have had some simptoms, but not all out IBS-D. The 15 year old has had the most of the three.Still I think managable, but my suggestion would be to get your parents (mom or dad) to come to this site and just read what other people are going through. That should be enough for them to realize what's going on and how complex it really is. As a IBS sufferer you will find out that everyone of us is different and the treatments or methods to get along affect us all differently. And mostly Doctors try some options and when that doesn't work you most likely will be on your own or looking for another doctor. At least in this day and age IBS is becoming more known for what it is and more and more treatments of sorts are turning up. For me lotronex was the trick to living again, but being a male and having to pay full price is not an option. My latest try is the Dannon Activia, it been a month now and I'm having good results. Sorry for jumping into your teen site, just trying to help.


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## Crying Claire

Hi My Name is Claire i am 13i have had this problem since i was 6 (its been hell) i am in year 8 now i have only done 4 weeks out of the hole year. Doctors dont know for sure if it is IBS but i think it is and then again i think it isnt (this is really confusing) and i just dont know what to do my mum understands but half the time my dad doesnt he says "i dont belive it's there all the time" " i dont care if you have the pain just go to school otherwise you will be backclassed" IT'S BEEN A NIGHTMARE!!!.I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to deal this thisIhope to hear from you soon Clairexx


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## Cherrie

Hi everyone, There's a thread over here: http://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=88412, which discusses the same issue and there's some good advice given by Jannybitt and SueV and Patient. Hope it's of some help to you all.CherrieP.S., here's another thread about this issue: http://www.ibsgroup.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=88621


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## karen3480

I'm 27 my family doesn't understand either. I get mad and tell them I'm going to give them a secret dose of laxitives so they see how I feel all the time. That usually shuts them up for a bit. Or I torment them when they have a stomach virus and say that's how I feel all the time.


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## Severely Suffering Snapett

hAH good idea karen3480. I would just be nice to be understood for once. One of my old friends had a dad who was also an IBS sufferer but we don't really talk anymore. My new friends don't really understand either but my parents...well my mum is the worst. My dad doesn't know...I don't like discussing it much. He will just think weird but my mum wont stand for it when ever im on the loo or get attacks. Like me she thinks its anxiety which sets it off most of the time but I can't control that much. She used to think I was a hypocondiact but the doctors proved her wrong. She hates weakness and when I am suffering she just dismisses it.


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## searching4answers

omg this is EXACTLY what i'm talking about. Exactly the conversation i have with my mom once every week. IBS sucks and it's teeth clenching to have to go to school with this and totally embarrassing. Now i'm worried people will catch on and start to notice how often i'm going into the bathroom. She has no idea.


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## LookToTheWesternSky

My parents hate it when I miss school- but they are becoming more understanding of it all. They've only known about it for about 5 months, and when I first told them, they kept telling me "It's ok, the doctors will be able to sort it all out." But ofcourse I'd researched IBS to no end, and knew there was no cure- only things to make it bearable.I wish they were a little more understanding- I think Im going to sit down with them and talk it frank- that I will try to go to school as much as possible- but there will be times that I just can't. It's amazing how much easier it is when you think they understand and dont feel guilty all the time. After all, this isnt our fault. Stay strong!


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