# frustrating boyfriend/ibs/infection problems



## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

I'm sure some of you will understand what I'm talking about, and I really just need to vent. My boyfriend has not been understanding at ALL this week. On top of my IBS acting up, I got a bladder infection and had to take antibiotics that made my IBS even worse, and he gave me this whole speech last night about how it's so hard for him when I'm sick with an infection because he feels like we're "just friends" because we can't really do anything and how he is just so upset that I'm sick again because it means we can't do as much. I mean, usually he's pretty understanding, not that I give him a lot of details about my IBS, but this is ridiculous. I get infections often-- maybe every 3 months or so-- because of the IBS and it sort of puts any love life situations on hold for a few days, but come on! I can't believe how unsympathetic he's being and that he's turning it around so I feel like I should feel bad for HIM. He makes it sound like this is all affecting him-- except I'M the one on the antibiotics with all the pain that accompanies an infection, along with the IBS. It just seems like he's being so immature and he acts like it's this big inconvenience that I'm creating for him







. Ugh. I don't know if anyone has ever had a similar situation but it's definitely VERY frustrating. I really just needed to vent. Thanks for listening, guys!!!!


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## Shadowz (Feb 26, 2003)

I cant believe how unsensivite he is about all this , you are the one feeling pain and is sick , but he is trying to make u feel like he is the one suffering , that is so nasty of him ...I know its hard for people to understand how we feel , and i wish they could try and have it just for one day , im sure they would soon change their mind ...I do hope u feel better soon and dont feel guilty about being sick


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## Kestrel (Dec 19, 2002)

Actually my bf and I kinda had a fight about the very same thing yesterday. I thought he was being totally insensitive but he explained that he didn't mean to be. He said its just frustrating for him to see me in pain and sick all the time because he can't help. He doesn't want me to be sick and he wants to make me feel better or make suggestions and he realizes that he really can't help me at all and he feels helpless. I understand his point 'cause if he was sick I'd want to help him too.







I know that it seems like he's being a jerk but maybe we have to have patience w/ people who don't have IBS, just like they have patience w/ us (most of the time!







).Believe me, I know that it sucks to be sick but it also sucks to be the one who cares about the sick person. Have patience my friend!Hugz,Kestrel


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

god, small world huh?I too am going through the whole kidney and bladder infection nightmare *ugh*I've started a second course of antibiotics this evening and they're tonnes stronger than the last so i'm dreading them ripping my guts to shreds!i hope your boyfriend has been more supportive since you posted *hug*I guess it's so hard for all people involved with us, as well as ourselves as we're constantly less than 100 % well *huff* I hope you feel better soon xxxx


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## Vicky Foster (Sep 15, 2002)

p.s. i forgot to add, taking loads of pro biotics may help counteract the bad effects of the anti biotics ( ? )I'm taking a multi vitamin with pro biotics every day as well as drinking atleast two 'actimel' or 'yakult' pro biotic yoghurt things.I sooo don't want to have the trots for the next week *meep*


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

Thanks, you guys! You are so supportive







. I guess it is just so hard to also see it from his point of view, but I certainly should try to do that as well-- I guess it's not fair to him if I don't. Thanks for all the responses, I feel so much better knowing I'm not going through it all by myself!!! I hope everyone has a wonderful day.







Erin


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## sickofthis (Apr 14, 2003)

Hi there. This is my first time on the message board, and my first post. I know how you feel Erin, I have always had problems with boyfriends not understanding exactly what is wrong with me. To tell the truth, I am so embarressed about my IBS that I have never actually came out and told my current boyfriend about it, but he just knows that I take pills everyday and get 'sick' frequently (which is what I tell him to keep it simple and vague). I was just going through the same thing with an infection and couldn't do much or fool around with my boyfriend for a few days. He never gets upset with me, but I can tell he is frustrated when he says he wants to go out and do something and I always seem hesitant.....I can't help it, because I am now living in a new area, I don't know the place very well, and I never have any idea where a bathroom is so I am too scared to do anything! He is usually pretty understanding, but sometimes I feel like it is just easier to be on my own and not have to worry about someone else when dealing with all this. My other problem is that I live in a residence in a VERY VERY small bedroom with an en suite bathroom, but the walls are so thin, you can hear EVERYTHING between the bathroom and the bedroom, it is horrible! He always invites himeslf to spend the night, and I am too shy and embarressed to say no, so he comes over and I freak out the entire night wondering if I will have to get up to go to the washroom.....in 2 days we are going on a 10 hour road trip...I think I am going to die! Anyways, enough about that rant. I can't really help with the boyfriend situation, but I found a way to ward off infections like that. I used to get UTI's every couple of months, and my doctor said it was from bacteria being pushed up into my urethra during sex, so I should ALWAYS pee RIGHT AFTER I am finished sex or any sexual activity. It sounds funny, but it works. I haven't had a UTI in a year! Good luck.


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## erin5983 (Mar 25, 2003)

sickofthis,I know how you feel. Same with my current boyfriend. He knows I take pills every day, some days more than others, and that I'm always sick (me: "My stomach hurts..." and no more information than that...). I know it's got to be frustrating for the guys because we can't mess around but at the same time I want to be really selfish and be like, "Can't you see that I am in more pain than you!??!?!" Very difficult. And the thing with the bathroom...I know how you feel about that too. I share a bathroom with my roommates and someone is always knocking on the door asking if whoever is in there is almost done and I always feel like I'm in a hurry because I'm making someone wait...and whenever my boyfriend stays over, I try to be as quiet as possible, but that's really hard (one unfortunate incident was me having an attack in the middle of the night and not being able to think about him there, possibly awake, wondering what I was doing, so I had to wake him up and tell him I was really sick and that he had to go home...luckily he never asked questions...) As for the road trip... on long trips, I've found ways to create rest stops on the road without (hopefully) being too obvious. I'll mention how it would be nice to stop for a snack, then run into the bathroom while I'm there, then, when I'm ready to come out, complain how all the bathrooms were dirty so I had to wait for a clean one, lol... It takes much planning. IBS can make you a very sneaky person. I've heard that about UTIs, too, and I am REALLY going to follow that peeing rule exactly from now on. Sometimes I'd wait a few minutes before going because something just feels wrong about getting up and dashing to the bathroom just leaving my boyfriend lying there, but he has been pretty understanding about it so far. Things have definitely gotten better since I got over the UTI, we've had a lot of talks and he's been much more understanding. That helps take away some stress. I'm glad you're posting-- I've found this board to be a nice way to talk about things I can't talk about on a regular basis to all my friends. Thanks for your reply, I like feeling like I'm not so alone in this


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## Luke1 (Apr 20, 2003)

Hey why not get a boyfriend with IBD. Seems like it would solve a lot of problems. I have always envisioned a girlfriend with a condition like mine. It would be fantastic i think. There are so many lifestyle changes that I want to do, I think that having someone that close and having the same condition would be excellent! Think about it girls, It seems as though these guys are not that special, esp, if you feel the need to "sneek" things around. My last Girlfriend has been with me through some of my realy extreme times. I broke down in front of her and she was like a rock. Understanding and wanting to help me through it. I love her for that, and you guys should think about the benifits of not having that added stress comming from somebody that you supposedly love. Ask yourself this question, is the marginal benifit of having a boyfriend of girlfriend, for you guys, really offset the added pain? prob not.


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## Yzingerr (Jul 5, 2002)

Im not posting to brag, but my girlfriend is the best person in my life, and she understands my IBS and NEVER lets my problem bring her down! She is VERY understanding and supportive of my problem, and does everything in her power to help me cope with this problem and still lead a normal life. When we go out, she is very understanding when we are running behind schedule because I am spending a year in the bathroom, and on those days where we have big plans and i have to cancel them because of my DAMN ibs, she pampers me and understadns my pain. We have been toghether for three years now, and I know I will spend the rest of my life with her! Hopefully you all can find someone as understanding as my Danielle. Good luck with your IBS, and good luck with your boyfriend.. I hope he can be more understanding of your problem! All the best. IBS


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