# Venting and Confused. What to do?



## Vamplady (May 10, 2003)

Hey All IBSers!Just stopping by to vent and hopefully get some advise. I was diagnosed 9 years ago with Generlaized Anxiety Disorder with Depression after I had gallbladder surgery which caused the lovely diarrhea for years. Then I had a colonoscopy to tell me I was clean and the diarrhea was from having the gallbladder out.Since then I have seen numerous Psych docs and therapists. I take Questran for the diarrhea which works for the most part.Then in Nov. 2005 I lost my mom at the age of 61. Too young and I have been dealing with the grief since then but I have come to terms about it. I don't cry everyday like I used to.I was working at that time and the stress was getting to me. The diarrhea was bad. I had a shrink then that panicked my mom died and kept trying new meds ever three months. Needless to say she put me on Paxil and I about lost it. I went into a manic type episode. My husband said "enough is enough" that I quit my job and stayed home to get off of everything.I weaned off and did real good till about the one year anniversary of mom's death in Oct. 2006. Since then I tried another shrink who I felt was very unprofessional and assumed I was boarder line bi polar. Well needless to say I came out of his office with 3 prescriptions. Not what I wanted. My regular GP says all of my woes is anxiety and she put me on a low dose of Doxepin. Now I have gained at least 10lbs. on it. I have been only taking 2.5mg. to 5mg. every other night to sleep. I am upset about the weight because this one of the reasons my mom died. She was almost 500lbs. I AM NOT GOING THERE!!!!!!My husband feels I am constantly misdiagnosed. Doesn't want me to take meds because he feels they mess more with my emotions and make me weird. My family all states I am better off of them. Inside I am a wreck. I have tried numerous antidepressants but I end up quitting them due to side effects or reactions or the manic panic they create. I am just to sensitive. I have been going to therapy but soon will have to quit because the sessions my insurance allows me are running out. I am also afraid to take these meds because I had to reapply for Life Ins. this year and I was put at a higher rate because of a label of clinical depression. My Ins. guy told me if I get off of these meds he can tell them and my rates will drop. This makes me feel very bad having a label of metal problems when all of my stress and problems were from my mom, her death, my family growing up and my bad self image. This is not fair.What does a person do at this point? I am so confused and frustrated and I don't know where to turn anymore. Any advise would be great! If not I guess I got some things off my chest.Thanks!


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## Jannybitt (Oct 13, 2006)

Hi Vamplady;I am sorry you are in such a tough situation right now, and I just wanted you to know that you're not alone, that we're here for you.I can offer some suggestions, and just remember, take what you like and leave the rest behind. Each person is different, their psyche is different and their situations are different. But alot of the feelings are the same. The anxiety, stress, fear, guilt, anger, fatigue, feeling poorly, wanting to cry for know reason, feeling alone in a room full of people. Does any of this ring a bell?







I know you were saying that you have been on alot of different antidepressants, and one thing I picked up on was what you said about how you felt when you went on Paxil, and the one psychiatrist thinking you might be borderline bi-polar. A bell went off in my head, because my daughter is bi-polar and when we were trying to figure out what was going on with her and the medications and all, every SSRI antidepressant made her nuts. She was agitated, couldn't sleep, angry, manic, suicidal. That is a classic sign of bi-polar. People with bi-polar do not tolerate SSRI antidepressants. As soon as she went on Wellbutrin XL and a mood stabilizer, Seroquel, along with her therapy, it clicked and she started on the path to stability and quality in her life. She has been on the medication for over 3 years now, with a little tweak in dose here and there, but we've never had to change it. I remember when they first put her on Zoloft, we were in a restaurant, and she ran out of there because she felt like the noise inside the restaurant was all inside her head, like the volume was increased tenfold. It was horrible.The one thing that is important here, is to start feeling better, and you have to decide where you're going to start. Oh, the other thing was, then my daughter's meds got to the right levels, her weight leveled right out. She had gained 10 lbs. and then lost it after about a three month period. Ok, you have to reapply for life insurance, and that could bring your rates higher; however, which is important, the here and now, or maybe somewhere down the line where the insurance will come in handy. I think you feeling well should be your most important goal right now. You could also try a licensed professional counselor and not a psychiarist. Get the psychiatrist or the primary dr. to prescribe the meds, but the counselor can be a life saver. It was for us. A lot of them will take you on an income sliding scale, and will set up payment arrangements.I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I can't even imagine what you're going through. There will always be something that will make you think of her and it will hurt, a smell, a song, a flower she liked, but as more times passes, it will get easier.As I said, Vamp, these are just suggestions from a person thats been there. I hope you feel better soon. If you ever need me, feel free to pm me. Hugs!


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## 18438 (Dec 14, 2006)

Jan hit it right on the nose!The fact that you talked about manic episodes with SSRIs, bipolar runs in my family, so you should definantly keep in mind that it is a possibility! Even if you tend more toward depression, look up bipolar and the different characteristics and degrees of it.Honestly, you need to do what you feel will be best for yourself. Dont listen to other people, you know what you feel inside and if you think medication may help, then try it. Unfortunantly with psychotropic medication you may have to take a few different kinds/mixes until you find one that works for you. I have actually heard really good things about wellbutrin/celexa combo as well as wellbutrin/seroquel combo. Talk to your psych doc, be really open. And hell, if you need meds to stabalize you, then so what?! Not everyone is so-called "normal" do what you have to do to feel good. Try looking around at www.crazymeds.org it is probably the best site ever on psychiatrics drugs and illness.And as with Jan, if you need anything feel free to PM me, even if I cant help you out I can hook you up with someone who can!


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## Vamplady (May 10, 2003)

Thanks so much for the replies. I have been told by two therapists they feel I am NOT bipolar!!Its just that most of the SSRI's killed my sex drive, I got bad diarrhea, or the anxiety got worse thus making me in a manic panic state. My so called shrink at the time she tried the Paxil since I had tried most others saw what it did to me and she wanted me to continue as well as try putting me in a hospital for some rest. I am not crazy. At the time I was grieving. I told her "NO" to her meds and got the hell away from her. None of the three shrinks I had seen said "bipolar". This guy laid back in his chair. Didn't ask many questions. Sat there and just wrote out three meds scripts after I told him I was not there for meds but another opinion on what to do. Then to have a reaction to his med and him not call back or respond for help in 48hrs. is just very unprofessional in my opinion.Oh well I will just have to figure things out. My family likes me off of no meds which makes me stay away. Just what little bit I take is making me fat. Guess I will have to speak to my GP again. I don't believe in medicine cocktails to survive. I suppose if it was a major major illness then maybe I would feel different. The insurance thing has me real pissed off but I guess I have insurance. Its always games with them. Insurance is a crime in my eyes anyway.I am sorry now I bothered posting. Just needed to vent yesterday. Now embarrassed and going.


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## 18438 (Dec 14, 2006)

Dont be embarassed, we all get depressed sometimes and it's hard to deal with!If you are chronically depressed, and have been diagnosed with clinical depression then you very well may need some sort of drugs to get you stabalized, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Ignore how other people like you, thats just ####. If you feel bad all of the time you deserve to find something that helps!I back up what Jan said aswell about councelling, Psych docs prescribe drugs, it's basically their job, see a psychologist or counsellor, they are the ones who will be able to teach you ways to cope with the depression and anxiety.Good luck, once again, dont feel embarassed, vent all you want, thats what we are here for!


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