# Feel depressed and can't take this anymore



## Namd

I'm 17 and I've had ibs for around 2 years now and I can't deal with it to the point where I'm considering dropping out of college or just killing myself because I don't want to do this anymore. Every day at college and since this started during secondary school I've had to deal with having constant bad gas and cramps and people sniffing and complaining about said gas and saying some other pretty nasty stuff I don't want to repeat which only made me feel more anxious and made the gas and pain worse. I try explaining to my family that this is making me feel depressed but they don't understand so I feel so alone and the thought of living the rest of my life like this is unbearable. I can't make friends and no one wants to marry or hire someone who smells like shit all the time so what's the point in keeping on living? I told the doctor that this made me feel anxious and not want to go to college anymore but he said there's nothing he can do about that. I feel like crying everyday I'm in college and I can't even concentrate in lesson because I'm trying so hard to hold in my farts. I feel like I'm being ostracised by the students at college and even if someone does talk to me I can't help but think about the things they've probably been saying about me so I pretty much can't trust anyone anymore because they're all vicious, mean and two-faced. It probably seems like I shouldn't be depressed based on what I've written but I am really sensitive and I care a lot about people's opinions. I used to always feel depressed when I was younger and that was before all this started so imagine how I feel now. I believe that there's no point in living if you can't have an enjoyable life. I don't want to suffer for the rest of my potential life so I'd rather just die now. No one in the world understands how I feel or cares enough to try and help me, instead they all choose to complain about me missing college, tell me I'm being stupid and I'm crazy and yell at me and tell me to drink 'holy tea' because obviously that's the issue and that the reason I'm like this is because I don't listen to fucking stupid advice coming from people who believe in witches and goblins. 
I guess no one will reply even if they read it but I just want someone to know how I feel. If you have any advice then that'd be great but if you don't that's fine too but anyway thanks for reading


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## marleyma

I understand how you feel. And i too think the same - why live this way if its do miserable? I cant imagine being in college with this (im 27 now.. ibs started around 19). I have a hard time being anywhere with a large group. I know the feeling well of having to hold the gas.. its horrible! How could we possibly attempt to get anything accomplished when were so worried about what our unpredictable bodies will pull next. I dont really have any advice as i actually dont like when people tell me to do this and stop doing that. All i can say is you are not alone and there are people out there (male and female) Who understand what its like. My only advice is.. do what works for you. Dont push yourself so far out of your comfort zone your miserable. It only makes things worse. Im here if you need someone!


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## maitland

hi namd....sorry to hear about your situation but many people including myself have had similar burdens.....so are away from home at college.....are you under more stress than usual or some other big changes in your life.....you don't mention what your diet is like but i remember that one day i cold eat and drink whatever and then this ibs-d kicked in out of nowhere and everything changed......in my case multiple medical tests revealed nothing abnormal and so you are on your own to figure out what you need to do to cope and get some normalcy back to your fickle digestive system....i could go through along list of trial and error but we can get to that later if you wish...anyway hang in there.....things tend to balance out after a time.....i hope i can be of some help to you....maitland


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## elle85

Hey I'm sorry you feel that way. I've been there. I actually spotted eating almost entirely in college and eventually dropped out because I was always feeling sick.
I saw a therapist who suggested I do courses via correspondence and got a doctor's note for dropping school so they wouldn't count my courses as failed, instead just incomplete.
I did some courses online and eventually took a course to be a medical transcriptionist where I got a job and worked from home. 
This ended up not being the best for me but that is just because my social anxiety turned into full out agoraphobia, which could have been avoided if I had just went out for walks or bought my own groceries.
After that I ended up getting a job working with dogs in a salon and they don't care at all what you smell like!
There's hope out there. Don't give up.


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## Namd

My diet is mainly chicken, rice and fruit. I rarely eat dairy because I think I'm lactose intolerant(poop turns into yellow diarrhea after consumption). And I also tend to stay away from things with grains, wheat etc.. Because it just makes my bowel movements mushy/watery. I don't eat huge amounts of vegetables and I rarely eat them anyway unless I can avoid them because they give me diarrhea and horrible, painful gas. I also don't eat sweets because I feel like the sugar makes me bloated and gassy. I only really eat all these things if I don't have to go to college for a few days but sometimes I just can't help myself and eat them even though I know I'll regret it.
Sometimes nothing happens but sometimes it leads to the worst flare ups of my life. 
I'm not sure if this is relevant but I don't eat lunch and I wake up really early to eat so I can poop on time to leave for college and try and prevent feeling like I need to poop during the day.


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## Namd

elle85 said:


> Hey I'm sorry you feel that way. I've been there. I actually spotted eating almost entirely in college and eventually dropped out because I was always feeling sick.
> I saw a therapist who suggested I do courses via correspondence and got a doctor's note for dropping school so they wouldn't count my courses as failed, instead just incomplete.


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## Namd

elle85 said:


> Hey I'm sorry you feel that way. I've been there. I actually spotted eating almost entirely in college and eventually dropped out because I was always feeling sick.
> I saw a therapist who suggested I do courses via correspondence and got a doctor's note for dropping school so they wouldn't count my courses as failed, instead just incomplete.


I went to the doctors but they said they don't write doctors notes for college and the only way is if the college asks to see my medical records which I honestly don't really want


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## origin46

This is tough, but you're much too young to give up on life. I think you'll find as you read through the threads that there are many people who live with this and just hope that things will get better. And somehow they usually do as you learn what types of things help your IBS and what makes it worse. Definitely you want to find ways to get a handle on your anxiety/depression and there are routes with medication to do this and other methods also. Try to find another doctor if your current one will not prescribe something to give you relief at least. I was already in the military when my IBS began and the military had no tolerance for an illness like IBS that can't be found with tests, so I had to find a balance between getting work done and trying to keep my condition under control. This was not easy, just as the years following were not easy, but we know that many people in this world have difficult times and while there is life there should be hope. Things will improve for you over time, part of the process is accepting what life throws your way and making something good from it. Keep your chin up and realize you're so not alone. Take care and good luck.


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## R.R

I have just joint this forum, and want to let you know that the reason I have joint is similar to your story: IBS makes me depressed and anxious, and my anxiety makes my IBS worse.

Reading your story, my heart really goes out to you because I know how difficult it is to manage these symptoms when they are so socially awkward! I am saddened to know that you are surrounded by so many nasty people that want to exploit what is already a living hell for you. I am 25 now, and haven't figured out how to manage my IBS yet, so for me, any situation where a toilet is not immediately available makes me SO anxious. What sort of life is that? Trains, car rides, walks...it is turning me into a person that I don't want to have to be.

I don't have any advice - I am new to this myself - but I DO want to send you a big cyber hug and lots of kind wishes. In it together.


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## Butch

I sympathize. I had terrible problems with gas in my 20s and it was very difficult because it was always at work and it wouldn't go away until i went to the bathroom. I was very constipated then. I felt like people thought I stank - I have no idea if they did but just the thought of it made me want to run home.

Some practical advice for you to try to improve - Consider getting activated charcoal pills at the drugstore to reduce gas, and find some digestive enzymes to take with each meal. If you are having odd colored diarrhea, or unusually smelly, or stools that float, it sometimes means you aren't producing enough enzymes. I am taking enzymes and I am better than I was two months ago. It's not perfect, but my life is more manageable.

Avoid fruit for now. Most fruits cause gas, especially if your GI system is already upset. Avoid anything raw, including veggies, and focus on eating just a few vegetables that are well-cooked. preferably in olive oil For me cooked carrots and zucchini are the easiest, but peel them first. Eat good protein - chicken is great as is white fish - avoid anything like ham or bacon and even beef if you're having trouble. Hopefully all of this will minimize bloating and gas, and help calm things down. If you improve you can start adding back a food here and there and see if it makes your symptoms worse.

Start writing down what you eat and track your symptoms. It will help you start to figure out what foods might be contributing, and if any supplements or meds you're trying are helping. If you start taking supplements you can also see if those start working. It's a drag to do it but it really is hard to remember if you don't write it down especially when you're stressed out. I've been keeping a food diary for 5 weeks now.

There are more things you can try, but I wanted to give you a couple of ideas that may give you some immediate relief (I hope) because it sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment, understandably.

I am very sorry you are going through this at such a young age. I hope you stay active on this online forum and consider seeking out support through your school or community. Some schools have a counseling center and I can tell you from personal experience (my parents went through an insanely nasty divorce when I was in college) that it is incredibly helpful to have someone who is just there to help you.

I am happy to talk to you more if you think it will help. In the meantime I will keep my fingers crossed that things improve, and you start feeling better.


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## Butch

Also - for some people rice helps with diarrhea but for others it doesn't. You may want to stop the rice for a while and see if it changes things for you.

For bloating, the enzymes should help as should finding things you can eat that won't be hard for your body to digest right now. There's another supplement called Betaine HCL with Pepsin you could try in addition to the enzymes. It helps your stomach start the digestion process off right.

For me when I stopped eating foods that aggravated my gut, my bloating disappeared. Also the enzymes and Betaine helped I think.

Anyway, I can point you to more info if you're interested. As I said, I will be thinking positive thoughts for you!


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## Kristi12

Hi Namd-

Don't give up! I'm 23 and have been dealing with this since I was 13. I always had the same fears as you in school. I got through high school, college and now I'm halfway done with grad school!

If you have the flexibility to make your college schedule, try to take classes when you don't get gas. I did that for a while.

My family has only just begun to understand this issue and I'm going on 10.5 years with it! My mother always understood but no one really knew what it was. I've been in the hospital a bunch of times for it and finally to a good GI a couple of years ago. My cousin would always call me a hypochondriac and believe I was making up the pain until I passed out from the pain while she was over my house. Same with my grandmother. She's lived with me my entire life and only this July did she began to grasp it because I had two of my worst episodes in her house!

It's a rough road but it'll get better. Go to a GI and have some tests done. I'm not officially lactose intolerant but I act like it because dairy makes me very sensitive. Also, stay away from the fruits. I used to LOVE cantaloupe but I had a severe attack a few months ago from it and I'm afraid to eat it now.

Keep your head up and if you need someone to talk to just message me!  We're all in this together. We know how you feel.


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## Namd

Thank you all so much for replying. I'll try your suggestions and hopefully my symptoms will improve


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## yendi26

Namd Hi Im new here and I understand completely what your going through. My ibs started around the time I was in middle school and know I am 20 and starting my third year in college. Because of my ibs I am so far behind in school that i feel like i am never going to graduate. I have gotten so many panic attacks in class that I have to walk out in the middle of class, it makes it even worse that my stomach makes really loud noises and people start to think that I am weird. I live with fear and anxiety I don't know what to do anymore, I been thinking about just getting my degree online because the pain is becoming to much for me. It sucks to see people around me having a normal life and not understanding what I am going through. My social life has gone down the drain and its even worse that i am shy and anti-social. I also feel like no one is ever going to accept me or love me for this. i fear that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. It sucks to see the people around you dating and being happy, when i cant do the things there doing. My mom asks me all the time why I never smile and why I always look so upset and I told her, i don't really have a reason to smile. I as well am not happy with my life. I wake up everyday just hoping this will all end and im scared of falling into a deep depression. We cannot let out ibs take over our life, we need to try and fight this because it is not going to get any easier. i hope everything goes well with you and i wish you the best of luck. Don't ever think that way about ending your life because you are so young and have a whole life ahead of you just please think positive thoughts and hopefully things will get better for us.


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## Amy2411

Please don't give up, you're not alone at all and as you can see there are so many of us who feel like this - I think that should make us all feel a little bit better even if it doesn't help with the symptoms! I have suffered from IBS for years now, I have constant, horrendous nausea every single day which sometimes gets so bad I can't move from bed. The first thing I do when I go anywhere is to work out where the nearest toilet is and the quickest way I can get to it if I need to. I also suffer from anxiety and probably depression (although I refuse to go to the Dr as I don't want this on my medical records!). If its any help to you at all I so believe that a strong will to carry on and not let this disease ruin your life is the most important thing to feel better. And I honestly know how difficult that is. I've finished school, got a Medical Science degree and a Masters and now I have an interview for Medicine next week - all because I refuse to give in to this, I refuse to let it run my life for me. Yes, there are days where I can't do what I want or go where I want, but I try to make the most of the good days. I also think there is a massive psychological side to IBS because of the physical symptoms. The symptoms are real but we work ourselves up so much with anxiety and stress that it makes everything a thousand times worse - I think 95% of us would admit that we are our own worst enemies! I live for the day that they finally realise that we actually have something wrong with us, when its not a disorder of exclusion and when they can say actually yes, your life is significantly worse with IBS so here's a pill to make it all better! Fingers crossed hey! In the meantime, please please don't do anything drastic, your life is so precious and you can do so much with it! Don't let IBS get the better of you! Take care of yourself, keep fighting and ignore the people out there who don't understand, everything comes back around and karma will bite them on the backside one day! We're all here for you, you're never alone.


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