# Issues with friends and college life



## 20843 (Mar 23, 2007)

Hello Everyone,I am new to this site and have found it very helpful in making me feel better about my IBS. I was diagnosed w/ IBS a few months ago and it has been an ongoing battle to figure out what was wrong for about the last 2-3 years (i just turned 21). My mom has IBS so it was nice to talk to someone who has been through it but it seems like anyone my age doesn't understand. For awhile I could get away with it by saying I had food poisoning, or the flu etc. but I finally had to tell all of my close friends what was going on. None of them take it seriously, when I tell them I do not want to go out because I may be having attacks that day they get angry and just say things like "what a surprise" or "its always something". I feel like IBS is ruining my social life, I get so jealous of my friends who can go out to bars and parties every night with out the worries of finding a safe/private bathroom. It is especially bothering me lately since I just turned 21, in order to go out for my birthday I had to basically starve myself the day before I wouldn't have to worry about an attack. Also, I've lost like 30 pounds in the last year do to the fact that I am terrified to eat anything that may make me sick. Everyone thinks I am anorexic and they do not understand that it is because of my IBS (even when I tell them). Also, it is starting to really affect my attendance at college and I become terrified to go to my classes (some are 4 hours long because I am a fine art major) and the whole time I am freaking out rather then paying attention. IBS seems to be taking over my life and I know my number one trigger is stress but I can't stop stressing over it, it is like an ongoing cycle. So I guess my question to everyone is, are my friends just all mean, insensitive people, or is this normal for people not to understand? I thankfully have a boyfriend who understands but I think it too is bothering him because he sees me becoming depressed over this entire situation. It would just be nice to talk to some people who are my age who can relate! Thanks for listening; I know I had a lot to get out!


----------



## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

[ummm, I came back to edit this to say excuse the novel I've written here. I do this just about every time someone comes on here with a question similar to yours. I write and write and write and don't stop and I always say the same thing! So...sorry it's so long. It's just what I do







]I get comments like that from my friends, too. They're getting better about it, but I know it bothers them when I can't go out. Not everyone takes it seriously, but it's better than having an attack and crapping in their car. And I tell them that sometimes!Do you take any medicine or anything? Before I got medication, I was terrified to even go to the grocery store. Now I take calcium (check out the D section for more info on that), probiotics, low-dose antidepressents, and antispasmodics. I still also take pepto bismal or imodium most days. Now I can basically do whatever I want, although there are still bad days. Most of my friends understand that the chances of my being able to go out with them vastly improve with the more notice they give me. A friend invited me out to dinner last night last minute, and there was no way I was going to be able to go. I told her to call me in the afternoon next time, because then I'll be able to take pepto or imodium if I haven't already and probably be okay to go out later. I also carry peppermint altoids with me and suck on them constantly. They're good for calming muscles. It's kind of a ritual, I start every class with them. I start many days with peppermint tea (which I'm drinking right now)Not all my friends know my problem, and most think that I just throw up a lot. I know that's not glamorous, but when talking to the people I'm not super close to, talking about D is embarassing. So then when they invite me to lunch when we're on campus or something, I'll say that I don't have my medicine with me and will probably throw up all over them because I can't eat without it. I know that's gross too, but I just make a big joke about it. Most people think I just throw up all the time. And that's okay with me.As for your classes, maybe talk to your teachers? I talked to all of my professors at the beginning of the semester. I told them that I had a chronic digestive condition, that I could get a doctor's note if they need it, and that I will have to leave class more than the average student for bathroom breaks. I wanted to tell them all so that a)I could get clearence to leave, and







so they knew I meant no disrespect by leaving all the time. I told them there is a chance I may be late to class sometimes or have to leave a class suddenly. Before they even ask, I tell them that I'll always sit close to the door in order to cause the least disturbance. Most of them have been fine with it, and have even given me clearence to leave class during exams if I need to. I have a little makeup case that I carry with me every day with preparation H wipes (even if I don't have hemmys, I have to say that they're good for some everyday IBS cleanup issues), extra imodium and pepto, and extra underwear. I also keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in there since most people think it's my "throwing up" emergency kit (I know I'm taking this throwing up charade too far, but now it's kind of hard to stop. I'm aware I'm being ridiculous) The first few weeks are nerve wracking, just because you're not used to the schedule and the classes. The first couple weeks of this semester, I seriously probably didn't hear half of what my professors said. I was too busy doing deep yoga breaths to calm myself down. But now I'm fine, and just knowing that my professors understand has made me a lot less anxious and had to go a lot less (and yes, I told them the throwing up story, too). Knowing that I have permission to leave makes the whole situation less anxious, and in turn makes me have to go even less. The other day, I had an exam in my English class. It was a bad day and normally I would have just not gone to class that day, but since it was an exam I had to. I stopped by the professors office earlier in the day during her office hours and said basically "you know how at the beginning of the semester I said I get sick and leave a lot? Today is a horrible day, and normally I just wouldn't come to class but since we have an exam I wanted to talk to you about leaving in the middle of the exam." She was cool with it, and actually said that she was surprised because I didn't leave class nearly as much as I had led her to believe. And that exam went fine. I felt like #### the whole time, but just knowing I could leave if I needed to helped me last all the way through it.Do whatever you need to to feel comfortable! I have a jacket with me every day, and most days, unless I feel really good, it's a jacket that covers my butt. I've never had an accident yet where I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough, but I've had a couple close calls and it makes me feel more secure. I never wear light colored pants and always wear a skirt when I can (I don't know why that makes me feel more comfortable!). I never sleep over at anyone's house except my BFs, and even then I'll only do it if some of his roommates are gone for the weekend! He keeps his cabinets stocked with peppermint tea for me, and the other day he even bought some coffee he found at the store that is supposed to be gentler on your digestive system. He was really excited to show me what he got for me, and he said he feels a lot better now that he drinks it, too! I insist on driving alone to many places. I know all those things can sound ridiculous, but I think it's always worth it because they make me feel more at ease.Someone on here said something once that is so true, I always repeat it to myself when I'm having an attack in a public restroom: In most cases, you're anonymous in the bathroom stall. No one knows who you are, so really you shouldn't be embarassed. I know it's hard to remember, and hard to believe when you're living through it, but it does help.


----------



## 20843 (Mar 23, 2007)

Thank you very much for your input, it helped a lot, and it was not too long- I needed that!


----------



## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Hey Colleen and Lynnie! I can totally relate to what both of you say.I'm 22 and a student, have survived 3 years of uni with IBS and severe anxiety. A month ago it had totally taken over my life. I was afraid to leave my flat, didn't want to see anyone, was relying heavily on benzos (and before that, alcohol), to get to seminars or go shopping. It IS a vicious circle but it can be broken. I'm steadily re-claiming areas of my life that the IBS and anxiety had taken over. It's a battle but I never want to end up so trapped and lonely again. For me, the anxiety is worse than the IBS. I've had IBS since I was a child and I used to take it in my stride pretty well, but when I came to uni either it got worse or stress made me see it differently. I get so worried about having an attack that it tends to cause one. I have to remind myself that a single cramp does not mean I'll get explosive D. In seminars (3 hours long







) the temptation is to keep taking painkillers and lorazepam but in the past I've taken so much this way that I'd get home and pass out for the afternoon. Scary. Colleen, tell your boyfriend exactly HOW he can help, it will make him feel useful and not shut-out. I told my boyfriend after we'd been together 2 years (I'm well-practiced at hiding IBS!) When I told him we were drunk at a party and in the middle of having a row because I wouldn't eat the food. He was furious I hadn't told him earlier. He was also v.understanding about the IBS, and he knows how embarassed I am so he doesn't mention it unless I do. We have a lot of quiet nights in. If I'm in pain he cuddles me, makes me chamomile tea and offers me weed! Unfortunately he doesn't understand why I often don't feel comfortable sleeping with him, though I've explained that having D in his non-private bathroom with his housemates nearby is very embarassing!







Colleen, it's great that you have your mum to talk to. My mum also has IBS but hers is mild and c-type so she doesn't understand the agony. She also treats it like something shameful and not to be spoken about, which I guess is where I got my paranoia from!I told my two closest friends. I didn't say 'I've got IBS' I just told them I keep getting attacks of D and stomach cramps, that the doctor doesn't know why. They are both nurses so understood. 'IBS' seems to imply to some people that its all in the mind or you are a hypochondriac- I know I'd never be able to convince my dad it is real so I intend never to tell him. When I had to go away on a uni trip for a week, with shared bathrooms, I resorted to a week-long water-only fast. It was terrible starving, I had no energy and lost half my bodyweight, had to tell my group I had flu and stayed in bed most of the time! That is how paranoid I am about having IBS when other people are around.The 'IBS survival kit' is a great thing to carry around- create your own and carry it everywhere, you'll feel a lot safer. Mine has evolved over the years but now contains: Immodium, Diphenoxylate, Codeine, Lorazepam, Oxazepam, Buscopan (hyocine), lactaze tablets, spare knickers, wet wipes, Nivea pump deoderant spray, tissues. The toothbrush prop is funny, but I totally understand. I keep my tampax and sanitary towels in my IBS kit so if anyone looked in it they'd assume spare knickers etc were just for that.







Recently I've been trying to break the cycle of not going out. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and progress is slow. I've done a lot of hard things, like recovering from OCD, living with a tyrannical dad for 18 years, rock-climbing (and getting stuck half-way up a mountain with no ropes and in the dark







), weaning myself of benzos... but this really is the hardest. I try to leave my flat every other day, sleep at my boyfriend's house at least once a fortnight and practice walking in the street without freaking out. Sometimes even calling a friend makes me panic and get cramps.One thing that's really lifted my mood is St.John's Wort (herbal antidepressant). I was quite skeptical when I tried it but I've been taking it for a week now and feel much happier and more positive. I'm sleeping better and wake up buzzing with energy at 7am! I'm also taking Gingseng, and the warm weather seems to make me feel better too. Good luck and let us know how you get on.


----------



## 14448 (Jun 14, 2006)

Oh, another thing to add- I don't think your friends are necessarily 'mean, insensitive people'... if you've been giving them other excuses they probably think IBS is just another one, rather than the real reason. My boyfriend says before I told him it was IBS, he thought I was making excuses to get away from him, as I was always saying I had a headache/migraine/fever/felt sick/felt tired rather than say I'd been on the toilet all day!Maybe you could print out some good info on IBS and show it to your friends?


----------



## 20782 (Mar 21, 2007)

I'm also a university student (1st year) and although I haven't been diagnosed with IBS yet, they've ruled out a lot of other things. I know exactly what you mean about the friends thing. My two best friends sat me down when my digestive problems started and pretty much accused me of having an eating disorder. The main thing to remember is that if they're true friends they're just concerned. I think that the best thing to do is to show them that you really are trying to eat and that you want to, you just can't. IBS is not a pyschological disease and you can't control it, so your friends need to understand that. I think the main thing is communication, because then your close friends can help quell those nasty rumours that people might start if they've noticed your lack of appetite/weight loss


----------



## 14636 (Sep 13, 2006)

going to class can be torture! once i ate a banana before class, huge mistake! i had to sit there for three hours all dizzy and exausted from the d*i get worried becuase in class people tell me I looks sick and i have no color in my cheeks, i look awful


----------



## 16963 (Dec 5, 2006)

> quote:Originally posted by naomie:i get worried becuase in class people tell me I looks sick and i have no color in my cheeks, i look awful


I get that all the time. I just look on the bright side: so many people think IBS is all in my head, if I look like #### then maybe they'll be more understanding when I rush out to the bathroom!


----------



## 20165 (Apr 17, 2007)

Hi!I used to have the same problem with my friends, but I just told them the truth and now they understand! However I have a different problem with some of my friends, mine is that sometimes I have an attack when I have more than one exam in a day or very close to each other and donâ€™t make it to class and then they start acting all weird and rude towards me that I "skipped" the exam and stuff like that!However most of my friends understand and donâ€™t make me feel bad about missing the exam or a class and are usually willing to help out!Iâ€™m a 3rd year Uni student and I only discovered this year that you can register with the disability office, and they provide letters for professors informing them about your condition. I had one professor who wanted a Doctors note on top of the Disability letter when I missed an exam and my counsellor at the office was very quick to help and clear up the problem! So you might want to look into that!Yeah and I had that problem to with people thinking it was all in my head and I think that sometimes us freaking out about it and when we eat certain foods we think about it more... and I don't know sometimes I find it that it makes it worse!Just try to think positive, try telling yourself you'll be okay and your true friends will always understand!=)


----------



## ThewallsRclosingIn (Feb 9, 2007)

Colleen,I can understand where your fears are coming from. A year ago due to my ibs i stopped attending college and now take my classes online. Although in the last year my ibs has improved greatly i have deceided to just not return to school. I rather finish online. But when my ibs first began i didnt know what to do. I didnt know what ibs was, i thought i was having a stomach virus and i thought it would pass after a week. I remember the first time i told my gf about me having abdominal noises happening in class and how embrassing it was, and she just laughed and said who cares, everyone gets gassy and im sure it will go away. Well a year and half later, no one is laughing about it anymore. My ibs has made me lose some friends, almost a relationship, issues with family. but at the same time relationships have grown stronger. I lost some good friends in college who left either because i couldnt go out and they got fed up, or me leaving school, we all kind of just drifted apart. But i made new friends and explained my situation and now am closer with them than i ever were with any other people because they are just so understanding and trusting. My ibs today is almost into remission, i have a Bm 1-2 a day and dont have really any pains anymore. I havent had D in 3 months







It is a work in progress and i am being patient because the end result seems to be satisfying. My gf of 3 1/2 years has been by my side pre-ibs and after-ibs. I trust her alot as she is with me because of me. She has known me before this condtion strictened me and after it did. We were on the rocks for months and actually split for a month because not going out, not working, and never feeling well was just taking a toll on our lives together. After i found out i had UC through an MRI and got meds i started feeling better. After i changed my diet, no dairy, i felt better. I noticed that i wasnt having pains anymore, i was going less often, and i was having solid bms. I started working full time again, making good money, i am in school, my gf and i go out all time now, and i am basically making up for lost time. 2 days ago we went to our first concert together in over 2 yrs and i made it through it with no problems. My gf, family and friends are all proud of the way i have come around and am overcoming ibs. The friends i have now i appreciate so much because they never judged me. They understood if i didnt feel well, all i had to say was i had to go and the knew what i meant. What u have to remember is there is a bathroom everywhere, and everyone poops. I am not ashamed anymore, i live a very normal life, i go out all the time, i am very socialable and it is possible. I do not consider my self ibs free, but living with ibs.Im sorry to hear such misfortune, i truely understand, there were times i got so frustrated over disappointed everyone around me, i didnt think life was worth it if you couldnt live and experience it. But i made a change for myself and i now do have that social life again. It did take time, a lot of time but it can happen. good luck


----------



## dreday (May 4, 2007)

oh god that was nice. i hope i get there someday. i thinkt his is the lowest in every part of my life that i have ever been. it sucksbecause its all about waiting. waiting to see if new things work. new treatments work. and it takes motnhs. and your life just keeps passing...but good for you. i wonder, has anyone just woken up one day and their ibs was gone?


----------

