# I started to hate myself again!



## Ali Alyas (May 24, 2013)

I'm just writing what i'm feeling right now, so here is my story:

Recently I was using ''Wechat'' app, and shaking my phone and looking for ppl nearby, while I was shaking my phone yesterday I found a girl; I said hey she hi'd back after a min she voice called me and we started to talk about our lives, I told her I like her voice she said I like your face and she likes me....

Anyways today I greet her, asked if I can see her she said no can't she has to go with her female friends.

''Let me explain to u smth, I live in a religious city in south of Iraq its called Karbala, and meeting a stranger girl is not smth usual; actually its a big taboo and ppl would judge others for doing that''.

Today while we were chatting I asked her again if I can see her she just stopped texting me, after hours ''now'' she texted me that yes I can see her and meet her at a supermarket but she is with her friends, she asked me to go out with her although she is a girl, lives in a religious city, her family don't know about that, and she is about to do a big taboo.... what a brave girl!

and what was my answer? I said, well I have work now and I will meet her when I finish, I don't have anything; actually I'm really bored from sitting and not moving but I just refused to meet a beautiful girl, now i REALLY blame myself and keep calling myself coward coward, but on the other hand what will happen when I meet her and her friends, how they will react, what if they laugh at me, what if she said: u smell funny, how I would accept living my stupid life anymore, I really don't know what to do then, I really don't know what to do now! the only thing I know is I freaking hate myself.

I cant improve my sucked situation now cuz she said OK come see me, but I don't have time to clean myself to empty my bowels or do enema, I know I am not in my best.

I really feel like if I'm dying now and wondering whats the point of my life, why the f#$k this happened to me, why I cant find the solution for my problem, I really blame myself for having leaky gas just like ppl do now,

why my life is not fun and painful, I fckn' can't even suicide becuz my life really wasn't a good run and the worst thing is that I am the only person I know dealing with lg, and I am the only person with lg in my city or even in my country...

I'm starting to think that I don't deserve to live anymore, my bad influence is more than the good influence.

If I have a choice to live a normal happy life just for one week I will chose that over living the rest of my life like this.


----------



## alexolx123 (Dec 6, 2014)

hey man...I know how it is..I had D most of the time and it impacts your confidence too.

Probably even if I say go you wont go so I wont say that..well tell her you had to meet some friends and you meet her another day when she's alone too.

girls come and go.. nevermind this for today







keep chatting with her if she wants to...nowadays people tend to have a more online relationship than anything else so its nothing that she will strange

If I were you, you should start going out alone..with no dates arranged or nothing..just going out..seeing some cloths by yourself..that way you can always leave home when you want and you start feeling confortable about going out.. what do you think?


----------



## Ali Alyas (May 24, 2013)

Hey alexolx, thanx for ur reply... I'll take ur advise in account

I feel better now after explaining what I been through, still wanna know and learn from ur experience if u dated before and what u have done!

I think its like I am from another race and culture if I wanna date someone or even make a friendship... I fckn' hate that becuz I have a high self esteem becuz of the music I listen to which is a good thing, but don't like the idea to convince or even beg ppl just to accept me the way I am.

thanks again Alex and good luck


----------



## alexolx123 (Dec 6, 2014)

hi man Im sorry this got lost!

I have a girlfriend for about 3 years now, she is very good looking and a great person, sometimes is really hard because I have to tell her "no I cant go out today sorry" or other things, and unfortantly I have to tell her this a lot of times but we do other things together instead

maybe we dont go out like I used to do before every weekend... drinking alcohol or to clubs or to Mc Donalds because I would be like crap after it







, but there are other things that can be done as a couple..

and bro, everybody got their problems, if you are willing to listen to them, they will listen to your problems too, it doesnt mean every girl you talk with will fall in love with you but it doesnt happen with non IBS guys either!

as I told you..just start chatting with girls online..most doesnt even think they will ever meet you..its like this these days with internet


----------

